1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,000
Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen
www.addic7ed.com

2
00:00:03,342 --> 00:00:05,309
All right, people, this is it.

3
00:00:05,344 --> 00:00:09,880
In 72 hours, I get to watch my
eldest daughter get married

4
00:00:09,915 --> 00:00:14,652
on a private island known only to tax
evaders, yacht captains, and sea turtles.

5
00:00:14,687 --> 00:00:15,919
I'm so excited.

6
00:00:15,955 --> 00:00:18,088
Thank you so much for the plus one.

7
00:00:18,124 --> 00:00:19,657
You got a plus one?

8
00:00:19,692 --> 00:00:22,626
Did everyone get a plus
one? Because I did not.

9
00:00:22,662 --> 00:00:24,762
Well, I-in fairness, you
are chronically single,

10
00:00:24,797 --> 00:00:27,031
and I just figured you
wouldn't have anyone to bring,

11
00:00:27,066 --> 00:00:28,799
and I didn't want to embarrass you.

12
00:00:30,136 --> 00:00:33,170
Thank you, sir. This is
much less embarrassing.

13
00:00:33,205 --> 00:00:38,142
This time tomorrow, I'll be in a tropical
paradise surrounded by the ones I love.

14
00:00:38,177 --> 00:00:40,944
It's going to be, well, perfect.

15
00:00:40,980 --> 00:00:42,079
(Inhales sharply)

16
00:00:42,114 --> 00:00:44,248
Ooh. Who's there?

17
00:00:44,283 --> 00:00:46,984
- Brody.
- Brody who?

18
00:00:47,019 --> 00:00:50,054
Brody who...

19
00:00:50,089 --> 00:00:53,123
Got caught in a joke
he didn't mean to start.

20
00:00:53,159 --> 00:00:54,892
I'm not following this at all.

21
00:00:54,927 --> 00:00:58,028
Well, I knocked for good luck because
you said it was gonna be perfect.

22
00:00:58,064 --> 00:01:00,698
I don't believe in luck.
I-I make my own luck.

23
00:01:00,733 --> 00:01:03,967
- But that sign says "lucky."
- Yes.

24
00:01:04,003 --> 00:01:05,069
And I made that sign.

25
00:01:06,338 --> 00:01:09,273
Mr. Mansfield, look,
your island's on the news.

26
00:01:09,308 --> 00:01:10,674
Is that a volcano?

27
00:01:10,710 --> 00:01:11,709
Oh, yeah. Yeah.

28
00:01:11,744 --> 00:01:14,745
They've been making noise about
that volcano erupting for years.

29
00:01:14,780 --> 00:01:16,980
They'll be talking about
it for another thousand.

30
00:01:17,016 --> 00:01:18,415
(Explosion) Oh.

31
00:01:21,353 --> 00:01:25,189
And there she blows!

32
00:01:25,224 --> 00:01:29,226
See? That's why I always knock wood.

33
00:01:29,261 --> 00:01:30,861
Yes, I see your point.

34
00:01:30,896 --> 00:01:33,831
Because that's just exactly
how tectonic plates work.

35
00:01:33,866 --> 00:01:36,233
A man knocks on a table in San Francisco,

36
00:01:36,268 --> 00:01:38,902
and the vibrations calm a distant volcano.

37
00:01:38,938 --> 00:01:41,905
Hell, if only the ancient
romans had had that science,

38
00:01:41,941 --> 00:01:44,041
I'd be having the wedding in Pompeii.

39
00:01:44,076 --> 00:01:48,912
Change this goddamn sign.

40
00:01:55,254 --> 00:01:57,221
Thank you. It's here, you guys!

41
00:01:57,256 --> 00:01:59,990
The most expensive thing
I've ever gotten in the mail.

42
00:02:00,025 --> 00:02:01,792
I even got insurance for it.

43
00:02:01,827 --> 00:02:03,694
Now even mail needs insurance?

44
00:02:03,729 --> 00:02:06,196
Ha ha. Thanks, Obama.

45
00:02:06,232 --> 00:02:08,465
It's Brody's birthday present.

46
00:02:08,501 --> 00:02:11,201
I've never gotten him
a real present before,

47
00:02:11,237 --> 00:02:13,937
and now I finally did, and it's perfect!

48
00:02:13,973 --> 00:02:17,274
Is it inside the pen?

49
00:02:17,309 --> 00:02:18,976
No.

50
00:02:19,011 --> 00:02:20,177
It is the pen.

51
00:02:20,212 --> 00:02:22,079
This is a Duxbury phase one pen,

52
00:02:22,114 --> 00:02:25,115
and I'm not even gonna
tell you how much it cost.

53
00:02:25,151 --> 00:02:27,084
$300.

54
00:02:27,119 --> 00:02:30,254
Does it write in dragon's blood?

55
00:02:30,289 --> 00:02:33,123
No.

56
00:02:33,159 --> 00:02:35,993
I mean, maybe. I don't know.

57
00:02:36,028 --> 00:02:38,862
Well, who buys pens anymore?

58
00:02:38,898 --> 00:02:40,798
Pens are free down here, okay?

59
00:02:40,833 --> 00:02:42,032
Just like the laptops.

60
00:02:42,067 --> 00:02:44,067
You can take as many as you like.

61
00:02:44,103 --> 00:02:46,036
They gonna keep bringing more.

62
00:02:47,239 --> 00:02:50,207
That's why I got Mansfield's daughter
three of them for her wedding.

63
00:02:50,242 --> 00:02:52,342
(Scoffs) How did you even get invited?

64
00:02:52,378 --> 00:02:54,411
Look, if you don't want
me to come to the party,

65
00:02:54,446 --> 00:02:57,347
don't put me in charge
of the invitations, okay?

66
00:02:57,383 --> 00:02:58,949
Lindsay just texted me.

67
00:02:58,984 --> 00:03:01,451
Mansfield's island just sank. (Chuckles)

68
00:03:01,487 --> 00:03:04,454
Thanks, Obama.

69
00:03:08,894 --> 00:03:10,127
Ah, Ms. Harris.

70
00:03:10,162 --> 00:03:11,829
Do you know any good travel agents?

71
00:03:11,864 --> 00:03:14,131
Uh, let me just get in my time machine

72
00:03:14,166 --> 00:03:18,368
and set it to "when travel
agents were a thing."

73
00:03:18,404 --> 00:03:20,904
That's very funny, Ms. Harris.

74
00:03:20,940 --> 00:03:25,576
Uh, let me set your rewards to
"you are my new travel agent."

75
00:03:26,545 --> 00:03:31,048
My wife always does our travel
planning, but she is stuck in a plane

76
00:03:31,083 --> 00:03:34,284
circling over the world's
largest bowl of turtle soup.

77
00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:37,120
What do you need?

78
00:03:37,156 --> 00:03:40,357
400 rooms, world-class
entertainment, and food.

79
00:03:40,392 --> 00:03:43,460
The perfect place for
a last-minute wedding.

80
00:03:43,495 --> 00:03:45,963
Did somebody say Vegas?

81
00:03:48,300 --> 00:03:53,103
No, Mr. Wen, but I do appreciate
you using my daughter's wedding

82
00:03:53,138 --> 00:03:55,272
as a chance for you to
live out your fantasy

83
00:03:55,307 --> 00:03:58,208
of hooking up with a
tipsy midwestern divorcee

84
00:03:58,244 --> 00:04:03,013
by the pai gow table who
"never does this kind of thing."

85
00:04:03,048 --> 00:04:04,514
Pai gow. Thank you, sir.

86
00:04:04,550 --> 00:04:07,084
This whole time I've been trolling keno.

87
00:04:10,155 --> 00:04:14,424
Okay, so, I know it's not your actual
birthday, but I got you a present.

88
00:04:14,460 --> 00:04:15,559
Oh.

89
00:04:15,594 --> 00:04:18,095
What would you want more than
anything in the whole world?

90
00:04:18,130 --> 00:04:20,297
- Uh... Heather.
- Your ex-girlfriend?

91
00:04:20,332 --> 00:04:22,933
I mean, she's cute, but
I'm... I'm not into that.

92
00:04:22,968 --> 00:04:25,168
No, no, no. Look!

93
00:04:25,204 --> 00:04:27,104
I'm back, everybody! Ha ha!

94
00:04:27,139 --> 00:04:28,939
There they are!

95
00:04:28,974 --> 00:04:31,375
Hey, Heather. I thought
you were gone forever.

96
00:04:33,312 --> 00:04:35,379
Shouldn't you be running
the Hong Kong office?

97
00:04:35,414 --> 00:04:37,214
You know, doing the job I turned down?

98
00:04:37,249 --> 00:04:39,249
Oh, that was nine months ago. I'm done.

99
00:04:39,285 --> 00:04:40,484
And you know what's funny?

100
00:04:40,519 --> 00:04:44,454
If you had taken that job, you would have
gotten a promotion and be back by now.

101
00:04:44,490 --> 00:04:45,656
(Laughs)

102
00:04:45,691 --> 00:04:47,090
That is funny. That's so funny.

103
00:04:47,126 --> 00:04:48,492
(Giggles)

104
00:04:48,527 --> 00:04:51,028
Oh, it was the best nine months of my life.

105
00:04:51,063 --> 00:04:53,163
I doubled our first-year projections.

106
00:04:53,198 --> 00:04:55,999
And now it sounds like I'm
bragging, which I'm not.

107
00:04:56,035 --> 00:04:57,567
I'm just trying to be honest

108
00:04:57,603 --> 00:05:00,537
about how hard I crushed it
because I crushed it hard!

109
00:05:00,572 --> 00:05:02,472
Yeah, well, uh, Brody's been crushing it

110
00:05:02,508 --> 00:05:04,441
pretty darn hard here, too. Right, hon?

111
00:05:04,476 --> 00:05:05,943
Oh, yeah, yeah. So hard.

112
00:05:05,978 --> 00:05:07,411
I mean, I got my desk back.

113
00:05:07,446 --> 00:05:10,013
And, uh... Uh... put this in a frame.

114
00:05:10,049 --> 00:05:11,481
Oh. So... um...

115
00:05:11,517 --> 00:05:13,350
Oh! I'm on the partnership track.

116
00:05:13,385 --> 00:05:16,386
I made partner when I took
over the Hong Kong office.

117
00:05:16,422 --> 00:05:18,322
Because I crushed it so hard.

118
00:05:18,357 --> 00:05:19,957
Ah.

119
00:05:19,992 --> 00:05:23,126
Man, this just keeps getting funnier.

120
00:05:23,162 --> 00:05:25,329
Of course, work isn't everything.

121
00:05:25,364 --> 00:05:27,531
I mean, look at you two! Engaged.

122
00:05:27,566 --> 00:05:28,665
Well, technically...

123
00:05:28,701 --> 00:05:30,067
- Never.
- No.

124
00:05:30,102 --> 00:05:31,268
Living together?

125
00:05:31,303 --> 00:05:32,669
Pretty much. I mean, like...

126
00:05:32,705 --> 00:05:35,072
- Like roommates.
- Not... more like roommates.

127
00:05:35,107 --> 00:05:37,574
Oh. Ha ha. Sounds like
you've got it all figured out.

128
00:05:37,609 --> 00:05:40,310
Well, I got you a little
something for your birthday.

129
00:05:40,346 --> 00:05:42,479
And don't get excited. It's really nothing.

130
00:05:42,514 --> 00:05:45,215
A Duxbury phase two pen?

131
00:05:45,250 --> 00:05:47,150
I've always wanted one of these.

132
00:05:47,186 --> 00:05:50,587
Apparently, it makes the old phase one
pen look like a stick of garbage.

133
00:05:50,622 --> 00:05:52,589
Oh.

134
00:05:52,624 --> 00:05:54,124
I'm gonna go get settled.

135
00:05:54,159 --> 00:05:56,159
It was really great seeing you two.

136
00:05:56,195 --> 00:05:57,594
Hey, welcome back, Heather.

137
00:06:06,469 --> 00:06:07,635
Hey, Heather.

138
00:06:07,670 --> 00:06:08,869
Oh, hey, Kyle.

139
00:06:08,905 --> 00:06:09,870
Uh, Threepeat.

140
00:06:11,073 --> 00:06:13,807
The last time you were here,
we got into this dynamic

141
00:06:13,843 --> 00:06:16,777
where you kind of made me my
assistant, and it wasn't great for me.

142
00:06:16,812 --> 00:06:18,512
And now you're sitting at my desk.

143
00:06:18,548 --> 00:06:20,481
(Gasps) Oh, my God. I am so sorry.

144
00:06:20,516 --> 00:06:22,082
(Chuckles) You must hate me.

145
00:06:22,118 --> 00:06:23,217
Nah. It's bygones.

146
00:06:23,252 --> 00:06:24,218
(Phone rings)

147
00:06:24,253 --> 00:06:25,486
Oh, could you get that?

148
00:06:25,521 --> 00:06:27,087
Sure. Hello?

149
00:06:27,123 --> 00:06:28,556
It's Ms. Chen for you?

150
00:06:28,591 --> 00:06:29,823
Ugh, take a message.

151
00:06:29,859 --> 00:06:31,559
Miss Doyle is unavailable.

152
00:06:31,594 --> 00:06:33,894
Actually, I have her calendar right here.

153
00:06:33,930 --> 00:06:35,763
The 7th is going to be tight.

154
00:06:35,798 --> 00:06:37,798
Let's do dinner on the 8th. Great.

155
00:06:37,833 --> 00:06:39,667
You know, my mom's birthday's coming up.

156
00:06:39,702 --> 00:06:41,035
Can you get her something nice?

157
00:06:41,070 --> 00:06:41,835
She loves pink.

158
00:06:41,871 --> 00:06:42,836
I remember.

159
00:06:42,872 --> 00:06:44,104
(Chuckles)

160
00:06:44,140 --> 00:06:47,241
It's happening again. (Sniffles)

161
00:06:47,276 --> 00:06:50,547
So, I have to ask you something, and
I know it won't be easy to answer.

162
00:06:50,578 --> 00:06:50,978
Yes.

163
00:06:51,013 --> 00:06:53,581
If you had gone to Hong
Kong instead of Heather,

164
00:06:53,616 --> 00:06:55,282
you would be a partner right now.

165
00:06:55,318 --> 00:06:58,852
But there's no use looking behind at
the terrible choices you've made.

166
00:06:58,888 --> 00:07:00,854
Better to look forward at the consequences

167
00:07:00,890 --> 00:07:02,656
of the terrible choices you've made.

168
00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:05,826
Don't give it a second thought.

169
00:07:05,861 --> 00:07:08,729
I have something much more
important in mind for you.

170
00:07:08,764 --> 00:07:11,966
I need someone I trust to hang
on to some wedding essentials.

171
00:07:12,001 --> 00:07:15,970
There is, of course, the
...the marriage license,

172
00:07:16,005 --> 00:07:21,075
a hard drive with a tear-jerking photo
montage of my daughter growing up...

173
00:07:21,110 --> 00:07:24,578
There's a photo in there of her
in her first Halloween costume.

174
00:07:24,614 --> 00:07:26,747
She was a little
(Voice breaking) sunflower.

175
00:07:26,782 --> 00:07:28,015
(Sobs)

176
00:07:28,050 --> 00:07:30,618
I swore I wasn't gonna cry.

177
00:07:30,653 --> 00:07:31,952
And now she's getting married.

178
00:07:31,988 --> 00:07:34,688
(Normal voice) Well, you son of a bitch,
you didn't have to bring that up!

179
00:07:34,724 --> 00:07:37,958
And of course, the ring.

180
00:07:37,994 --> 00:07:39,727
Oh.

181
00:07:39,762 --> 00:07:41,323
I was expecting a little more blinding.

182
00:07:41,330 --> 00:07:46,133
Now, Ms. Harris has booked
us into a resort in the Alps.

183
00:07:46,168 --> 00:07:48,669
She's switched all our airline flights.

184
00:07:48,704 --> 00:07:50,904
There's nothing that can stop us now.

185
00:07:50,940 --> 00:07:53,974
Sir, there's been an
avalanche at the resort.

186
00:07:54,010 --> 00:07:55,142
I asked about the lodge.

187
00:07:55,177 --> 00:07:58,245
My German isn't great, but I
believe the expression they used

188
00:07:58,281 --> 00:07:59,913
was "eaten by the mountain."

189
00:07:59,949 --> 00:08:02,883
Damn it. All right, new destination.

190
00:08:02,918 --> 00:08:05,953
N-no more islands, no more mountains.

191
00:08:05,988 --> 00:08:08,922
I need something that's hot, flat, and dry.

192
00:08:08,958 --> 00:08:11,125
Vegas!

193
00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:12,693
No.

194
00:08:12,728 --> 00:08:14,662
Okay.

195
00:08:14,697 --> 00:08:16,697
Hey, beardmuffin.

196
00:08:18,134 --> 00:08:20,234
So, change of plans. No more Alps.

197
00:08:20,269 --> 00:08:25,072
Apparently, Mansfield is taking us to a
private game reserve in South Africa.

198
00:08:25,107 --> 00:08:26,640
Yeah, of course he is.

199
00:08:26,676 --> 00:08:29,109
Rich white people hunting us for sport.

200
00:08:29,145 --> 00:08:30,244
(Scoffs)

201
00:08:30,279 --> 00:08:31,578
Yeah, that's how my cousin died.

202
00:08:31,614 --> 00:08:32,913
- Really?
- Well, drug overdose.

203
00:08:32,948 --> 00:08:34,615
But that's what he thought was happening.

204
00:08:35,785 --> 00:08:37,751
Hey, everybody!

205
00:08:37,787 --> 00:08:41,088
This is so silly, but my I.D.
Badge says "employee"

206
00:08:41,123 --> 00:08:44,058
when really it should say
"partner," like yours does.

207
00:08:44,093 --> 00:08:49,363
Hey, if you don't want me to have a title,
don't put me in charge of the ID's!

208
00:08:49,398 --> 00:08:51,265
So, whatcha doing?

209
00:08:51,300 --> 00:08:53,334
I'm looking for a
birthday present for Brody.

210
00:08:53,369 --> 00:08:54,968
I had this really amazing idea,

211
00:08:55,004 --> 00:08:57,171
and then a thoughtless
person casually ruined it.

212
00:08:57,206 --> 00:08:58,739
(Gasps) Oh, that's a bitch.

213
00:08:58,774 --> 00:09:01,542
Yeah, I thought so too.

214
00:09:01,577 --> 00:09:04,278
Well, if it helps any, he really
liked that pen I got him.

215
00:09:04,313 --> 00:09:06,213
Oh, that helps less than you'd think.

216
00:09:06,248 --> 00:09:08,682
Oh! You should check out his MySpace page.

217
00:09:08,718 --> 00:09:12,086
Back when I knew him, he used to
post lists of things he wanted.

218
00:09:12,121 --> 00:09:13,887
Brody still has a MySpace page?

219
00:09:13,923 --> 00:09:15,656
Yeah, you can't delete that.

220
00:09:15,691 --> 00:09:18,192
All your youthful mistakes frozen forever.

221
00:09:18,227 --> 00:09:20,928
It's like the tramp stamp of the Internet.

222
00:09:20,963 --> 00:09:24,598
Oh, my God. That's Brody?

223
00:09:24,633 --> 00:09:26,967
(Laughing) Why is he
wearing a Russian hat?

224
00:09:27,002 --> 00:09:29,303
- That's his hair.
- Oh!

225
00:09:29,338 --> 00:09:30,804
Oh, here we go.

226
00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:33,073
"30 things I want to do before I'm 30.

227
00:09:33,109 --> 00:09:36,744
"Partner at major financial
firm, own a beach house..."

228
00:09:36,779 --> 00:09:37,611
"Get married."

229
00:09:37,646 --> 00:09:38,712
Thank you. Saw that.

230
00:09:38,748 --> 00:09:40,147
Mm-hmm.

231
00:09:40,182 --> 00:09:42,649
- "Get in the ring with a UFC fighter"?
- Mm-hmm.

232
00:09:42,685 --> 00:09:44,685
"Swim with dolphins." (Chuckling) Aww.

233
00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:46,854
Are these still things
you really want to do?

234
00:09:46,889 --> 00:09:49,156
Well, I no longer want
to date Lindsay Lohan.

235
00:09:49,191 --> 00:09:51,024
(Laughs)

236
00:09:51,060 --> 00:09:53,660
Wow. I haven't done a single thing on here.

237
00:09:53,696 --> 00:09:55,896
Well, then this is your birthday present.

238
00:09:55,931 --> 00:09:58,165
A depressing list of abandoned dreams?

239
00:09:58,200 --> 00:09:59,833
No, no.

240
00:09:59,869 --> 00:10:01,268
We're gonna do one of
these things on this list.

241
00:10:01,303 --> 00:10:02,870
- Anything you want.
- Okay.

242
00:10:02,905 --> 00:10:05,305
"Make partner, own a beach
house, get married..."

243
00:10:05,341 --> 00:10:07,107
Page two. Anything on page two?

244
00:10:07,143 --> 00:10:09,276
Look, I... my birthday is this weekend.

245
00:10:09,311 --> 00:10:12,813
I don't think we could do any of
these things on a game reserve.

246
00:10:12,848 --> 00:10:14,782
The game reserve is out.

247
00:10:14,817 --> 00:10:18,252
Apparently there was
an incident with a lion

248
00:10:18,287 --> 00:10:20,954
which spooked the elephants,
which angered the gibbons,

249
00:10:20,990 --> 00:10:22,289
who attacked the caterers.

250
00:10:22,324 --> 00:10:25,859
It was like some hellish Dr. Seuss story.

251
00:10:25,895 --> 00:10:30,464
Bottom line is, there is only one place
that this wedding can take place.

252
00:10:30,499 --> 00:10:33,000
Vegas!

253
00:10:33,035 --> 00:10:34,368
Damn right, Vegas.

254
00:10:46,143 --> 00:10:47,943
Jenny, we're here.

255
00:10:47,978 --> 00:10:49,111
I don't want to get out.

256
00:10:49,146 --> 00:10:52,814
It's my first time in a limo, and I
got to ride forwards and backwards

257
00:10:52,850 --> 00:10:54,616
and stick my head out the window.

258
00:10:54,652 --> 00:10:57,052
Great, I'm dating a golden retriever.

259
00:10:57,087 --> 00:10:58,153
I love caesars.

260
00:10:58,188 --> 00:11:00,722
It's like... it's like coming home.

261
00:11:00,758 --> 00:11:01,957
You've stayed here before, sir?

262
00:11:01,992 --> 00:11:04,593
No. But it reminds me of my house, with...

263
00:11:04,628 --> 00:11:07,062
Well, with fewer statues.

264
00:11:09,033 --> 00:11:10,699
So, this is it, huh?

265
00:11:10,734 --> 00:11:13,635
The birthplace of the Caesar salad.

266
00:11:13,671 --> 00:11:16,471
How am I sunburned already?

267
00:11:16,507 --> 00:11:18,206
I'm wearing SPF 200.

268
00:11:18,242 --> 00:11:24,012
Caesars Palace, the classiest
place in Las titty Vegas!

269
00:11:24,048 --> 00:11:25,981
You know, I don't think they
like it when you call it that.

270
00:11:26,016 --> 00:11:29,518
They didn't seem to
mind in Lake titty Tahoe.

271
00:11:30,788 --> 00:11:34,256
(Grunts) That's fine, I got it.

272
00:11:37,628 --> 00:11:38,760
Okay, Mr. Mansfield.

273
00:11:38,796 --> 00:11:40,629
I have you in our very best suite.

274
00:11:40,664 --> 00:11:41,663
Yes. (Bell dings)

275
00:11:41,699 --> 00:11:42,931
With the very best view.

276
00:11:42,966 --> 00:11:44,499
Yes. (Bell dings)

277
00:11:44,535 --> 00:11:46,568
And the wedding is in our
second-largest ballroom.

278
00:11:46,603 --> 00:11:49,104
Y... no!

279
00:11:49,139 --> 00:11:51,306
I got our keys.

280
00:11:51,341 --> 00:11:55,544
Now let's go upstairs and
play emperor and slave girl.

281
00:11:55,579 --> 00:11:57,913
But I get to be the
emperor this time, okay?

282
00:11:59,283 --> 00:12:02,884
Ms. Harris, someone has already
booked the very best ballroom.

283
00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:04,519
I need you to help me get it back.

284
00:12:04,555 --> 00:12:05,787
Do I have to?

285
00:12:05,823 --> 00:12:07,089
(Bell dings) Yes.

286
00:12:07,124 --> 00:12:09,791
(Bell dings) This'll be fast.

287
00:12:09,827 --> 00:12:13,762
Wait, I thought I was gonna
get to be a slave girl!

288
00:12:18,802 --> 00:12:21,236
Harvard: Oh, ding, ding, ding, ding!

289
00:12:21,271 --> 00:12:22,904
Oh, look at all the colors and the noises!

290
00:12:22,940 --> 00:12:25,140
Press your buttons, get your cheese.

291
00:12:25,175 --> 00:12:27,809
You're all a bunch of hamsters on a wheel.

292
00:12:27,845 --> 00:12:30,078
A wheel of losers!

293
00:12:30,114 --> 00:12:31,947
It's impossible to win, people.

294
00:12:31,982 --> 00:12:33,849
Winner!

295
00:12:33,884 --> 00:12:35,984
(Cheers and applause)

296
00:12:36,019 --> 00:12:37,552
Oh, Derrick, not you.

297
00:12:37,588 --> 00:12:38,720
Damn right me.

298
00:12:38,756 --> 00:12:43,725
I'm up $200. And if I hit a hard eight,
I'm buying lap dances for everybody!

299
00:12:45,028 --> 00:12:48,730
From the strip club by the airport
where the girls wear sweats.

300
00:12:48,766 --> 00:12:49,798
Come on, daddy.

301
00:12:49,833 --> 00:12:52,067
Seven out! Damn!

302
00:12:52,102 --> 00:12:53,769
This table was hot until you got here.

303
00:12:53,804 --> 00:12:55,137
Good. I hate greedy people.

304
00:12:55,172 --> 00:12:57,205
There should be a way to bet against them.

305
00:12:57,241 --> 00:13:00,642
You can if you bet don't
come, but nobody does that

306
00:13:00,677 --> 00:13:01,877
'cause everybody at the
table will hate your ass.

307
00:13:01,912 --> 00:13:03,545
All right, well, then I'm in.

308
00:13:03,580 --> 00:13:05,781
Dealer, go ahead and put
me on the don't come...

309
00:13:05,816 --> 00:13:07,616
(Laughs)

310
00:13:07,651 --> 00:13:10,085
How do you say it without giggling?

311
00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:12,154
There is three large.

312
00:13:12,189 --> 00:13:14,156
$5 is the minimum bet.

313
00:13:14,191 --> 00:13:17,559
Well, then there is two more large.

314
00:13:17,594 --> 00:13:19,027
New shooter.

315
00:13:19,062 --> 00:13:20,228
So, what do I do?

316
00:13:20,264 --> 00:13:21,596
Throw the dice.

317
00:13:21,632 --> 00:13:22,631
Okay.

318
00:13:25,269 --> 00:13:27,002
Now what happens?

319
00:13:27,037 --> 00:13:28,770
Throw the dice on the table.

320
00:13:28,806 --> 00:13:30,338
Okay.

321
00:13:30,374 --> 00:13:32,274
Nyah!

322
00:13:32,309 --> 00:13:34,643
Two, craps, two!

323
00:13:34,678 --> 00:13:36,011
Pay the don't come.

324
00:13:36,046 --> 00:13:37,712
Look at that. You won.

325
00:13:37,748 --> 00:13:39,214
Winning's not important.

326
00:13:39,249 --> 00:13:41,683
The important thing is
that all these people lose.

327
00:13:41,718 --> 00:13:42,918
Hey, pal, why don't you pipe down?

328
00:13:42,953 --> 00:13:44,219
Give me his money.

329
00:13:46,657 --> 00:13:48,056
Hyah, nah!

330
00:13:48,091 --> 00:13:50,292
12, craps!

331
00:13:50,327 --> 00:13:51,960
(All booing)

332
00:13:51,995 --> 00:13:54,996
Oh, your booing only
makes me want to crap more.

333
00:13:57,267 --> 00:13:58,867
Well, that was a total bust.

334
00:13:58,902 --> 00:14:01,069
We didn't get one thing
crossed off my list.

335
00:14:01,104 --> 00:14:04,806
Yeah, I know. I thought we were gonna
have luck swimming with the dolphins,

336
00:14:04,842 --> 00:14:06,808
but those dolphins just looked too sad.

337
00:14:06,844 --> 00:14:09,644
It's almost like they don't
love living in the desert.

338
00:14:10,848 --> 00:14:12,948
You know what? Why don't
we just forget this list?

339
00:14:12,983 --> 00:14:14,683
No. It's your damn birthday,

340
00:14:14,718 --> 00:14:17,219
and I'm getting you the
perfect damn present, okay?

341
00:14:17,254 --> 00:14:19,621
So you just hang tight while I get you...

342
00:14:19,656 --> 00:14:21,823
To join a boy band?

343
00:14:21,859 --> 00:14:23,058
I was young and a tenor.

344
00:14:23,093 --> 00:14:24,613
I thought it was a career path for me.

345
00:14:28,966 --> 00:14:30,165
I'll figure something out.

346
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:32,767
Okay.

347
00:14:32,803 --> 00:14:34,002
Heather?

348
00:14:34,037 --> 00:14:36,238
- Heather!
- Hit me!

349
00:14:36,273 --> 00:14:38,039
But...

350
00:14:38,075 --> 00:14:40,008
There's no one here. What's going on?

351
00:14:40,043 --> 00:14:41,176
Oh, I must have dozed off.

352
00:14:41,211 --> 00:14:42,911
It started happening in Hong Kong.

353
00:14:42,946 --> 00:14:44,813
The hours were crazy.

354
00:14:44,848 --> 00:14:46,248
(Giggles, sobs)

355
00:14:46,283 --> 00:14:47,148
Were you just crying?

356
00:14:47,184 --> 00:14:48,717
Did that happen again?

357
00:14:48,752 --> 00:14:50,685
I don't even notice anymore.

358
00:14:50,721 --> 00:14:51,953
(Laughs)

359
00:14:51,989 --> 00:14:54,055
Oh, my God. I could've been you.

360
00:14:54,091 --> 00:14:55,824
Oh, you couldn't have handled the pressure.

361
00:14:55,859 --> 00:14:57,092
Sorry it took so long.

362
00:14:57,127 --> 00:14:59,227
The hotel did not have rum from Barbados.

363
00:14:59,263 --> 00:15:01,796
Neither did the one next
door. But the Rio had it.

364
00:15:01,832 --> 00:15:04,833
Does it come in any other colors?

365
00:15:04,868 --> 00:15:06,735
Yeah.

366
00:15:06,770 --> 00:15:08,870
Let me just zip across the
interstate and find out.

367
00:15:11,742 --> 00:15:15,777
I understand that you have booked the
Augustus ballroom for a Bar Mitzvah.

368
00:15:15,812 --> 00:15:19,314
But you see, I've promised my daughter
the very best for her wedding.

369
00:15:19,349 --> 00:15:22,150
I don't know what you know
about little girls, but...

370
00:15:24,321 --> 00:15:27,856
I have a little sister. She's weird.

371
00:15:27,891 --> 00:15:29,224
Little girls are weird.

372
00:15:29,259 --> 00:15:31,927
But I assure you, you'll
treasure her someday.

373
00:15:31,962 --> 00:15:33,361
They grow up so very fast.

374
00:15:33,397 --> 00:15:35,463
I actually have a picture of my daughter

375
00:15:35,499 --> 00:15:40,268
dressed up for Halloween in a
(voice breaking) little sunflower...

376
00:15:40,304 --> 00:15:44,372
Tomorrow I become a man, and I want
to do it in the Augustus ballroom.

377
00:15:44,408 --> 00:15:45,907
Fair enough.

378
00:15:45,943 --> 00:15:46,908
Well, I can cut you a very big check.

379
00:15:46,944 --> 00:15:48,043
I don't need money.

380
00:15:48,078 --> 00:15:49,444
My dad's an orthodontist.

381
00:15:49,479 --> 00:15:52,213
Oh, good. Good.

382
00:15:52,249 --> 00:15:54,516
Then he can help fix your teeth!

383
00:15:54,551 --> 00:15:58,920
Sir, if I may, I have a nephew his age.

384
00:15:58,956 --> 00:16:00,789
Get it done.

385
00:16:03,060 --> 00:16:04,859
Listen you little shit...

386
00:16:05,862 --> 00:16:10,432
...this is my first real vacation, and
I will not have you ruin it for me.

387
00:16:10,467 --> 00:16:13,001
Now if I'm not locked in a dark room

388
00:16:13,036 --> 00:16:16,304
doing very weird things
with my boyfriend very soon,

389
00:16:16,340 --> 00:16:18,373
someone is going to get hurt.

390
00:16:18,408 --> 00:16:21,943
Now, what is this going to take?

391
00:16:24,414 --> 00:16:26,815
It's done.

392
00:16:26,850 --> 00:16:28,183
How much?

393
00:16:28,218 --> 00:16:30,118
50 bucks.

394
00:16:30,153 --> 00:16:33,288
Today, I am a man.

395
00:16:33,323 --> 00:16:36,091
This damn sure stays in Vegas.

396
00:16:38,061 --> 00:16:39,928
(Gasps) I did it!

397
00:16:39,963 --> 00:16:41,963
I did it. I got you
something from your list.

398
00:16:41,999 --> 00:16:43,264
Babe, it's totally fine.

399
00:16:43,300 --> 00:16:45,266
I saw what making partner did to Heather,

400
00:16:45,302 --> 00:16:47,402
and I realized none of that is important.

401
00:16:47,437 --> 00:16:50,005
I have you. Nothing else matters.

402
00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:52,207
I got you a fight with a UFC guy!

403
00:16:52,242 --> 00:16:54,275
That matters so much!

404
00:16:55,612 --> 00:16:57,078
Hey.

405
00:16:57,114 --> 00:16:58,546
I met him at the bar.

406
00:16:58,582 --> 00:17:00,248
I gave him 25 bucks and
three shots of Tequila.

407
00:17:00,283 --> 00:17:01,950
Uh, wait a second.

408
00:17:01,985 --> 00:17:05,186
You got me a drunk UFC
fighter to fight me in my room?

409
00:17:05,222 --> 00:17:06,821
Yeah! You guys have fun.

410
00:17:06,857 --> 00:17:08,890
Okay.

411
00:17:08,925 --> 00:17:10,925
So, don't hold back?

412
00:17:10,961 --> 00:17:12,160
Hold back just a little bit.

413
00:17:12,195 --> 00:17:15,063
Okay, uh, little bit more.

414
00:17:15,098 --> 00:17:15,930
Oh!

415
00:17:17,834 --> 00:17:19,267
Babe?!

416
00:17:19,302 --> 00:17:21,403
Mom!

417
00:17:27,924 --> 00:17:30,592
Huhh... Ahh!

418
00:17:30,627 --> 00:17:32,961
Seven out!

419
00:17:32,996 --> 00:17:34,762
(All booing)

420
00:17:34,798 --> 00:17:37,065
Don't hate the player, hate yourselves.

421
00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:40,435
Hey, look me in the eye when you lose.

422
00:17:40,470 --> 00:17:41,936
Sorry that took so long.

423
00:17:41,972 --> 00:17:43,137
Wait, you gamble?

424
00:17:43,173 --> 00:17:45,573
No. I just take all their money.

425
00:17:45,609 --> 00:17:47,008
(Chuckles)

426
00:17:47,043 --> 00:17:48,543
I've been letting it
ride on the don't come.

427
00:17:48,578 --> 00:17:50,411
(Both giggle)

428
00:17:50,447 --> 00:17:52,914
Oh. Every single time.

429
00:17:52,949 --> 00:17:54,115
All right, I'm done.

430
00:17:54,150 --> 00:17:56,050
Coloring out, 260.

431
00:17:56,086 --> 00:17:58,953
All right. I won $260.

432
00:17:58,989 --> 00:18:03,891
Harvard... you won $260,000.

433
00:18:05,595 --> 00:18:07,962
Both: Las titty Vegas!

434
00:18:07,998 --> 00:18:10,164
(Laughing)

435
00:18:15,739 --> 00:18:17,572
Stay away from us!

436
00:18:19,075 --> 00:18:21,142
To the birthday boy.

437
00:18:21,177 --> 00:18:22,644
Hear, hear.

438
00:18:22,679 --> 00:18:23,745
Thanks, guys.

439
00:18:23,780 --> 00:18:25,046
How does it look?

440
00:18:25,081 --> 00:18:26,814
It gives your face character.

441
00:18:26,850 --> 00:18:30,718
Just go ahead and stay the hell out
of the wedding photos, will you?

442
00:18:30,754 --> 00:18:33,454
This was the best birthday gift ever.

443
00:18:33,490 --> 00:18:37,525
Except for last year, because
that was the day I met you.

444
00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:40,762
Awww. Oh, this is our anniversary.

445
00:18:40,797 --> 00:18:42,764
Look, if you forgot, it's no big deal.

446
00:18:42,799 --> 00:18:44,766
I have something very special planned.

447
00:18:44,801 --> 00:18:46,134
I did not forget.

448
00:18:46,169 --> 00:18:48,102
I've got something really
special planned, too.

449
00:18:48,138 --> 00:18:49,971
It's, um... it's right upstairs.

450
00:18:50,006 --> 00:18:51,906
So I'm just gonna go special it up.

451
00:18:51,941 --> 00:18:54,008
(Laughs)

452
00:18:54,044 --> 00:18:56,477
Hey, Mr. Mansfield.

453
00:18:56,513 --> 00:18:59,480
These are my good friends
galaxy and millennium.

454
00:18:59,516 --> 00:19:03,718
I want to know, how do I go about
turning my plus one into a plus two?

455
00:19:03,753 --> 00:19:05,787
I don't recall inviting you at all.

456
00:19:05,822 --> 00:19:07,522
All right, ladies, I tried.

457
00:19:07,557 --> 00:19:09,624
Time to get your asses
back on the airport shuttle.

458
00:19:09,659 --> 00:19:11,025
Come on.

459
00:19:11,061 --> 00:19:13,594
Look at that.

460
00:19:13,630 --> 00:19:15,897
The hour has turned disgusting.

461
00:19:16,900 --> 00:19:18,800
I'm going to go ahead
and head up to my room.

462
00:19:18,835 --> 00:19:20,668
My wife and daughter come tomorrow morning.

463
00:19:20,704 --> 00:19:22,937
And I'm gonna go see
what Jenny's specialed up.

464
00:19:22,972 --> 00:19:25,540
You know, I think I really
pulled this wedding off.

465
00:19:25,575 --> 00:19:27,742
It's going to be... perfect.

466
00:19:29,979 --> 00:19:31,913
Yeah, well, if anybody needs me,

467
00:19:31,948 --> 00:19:35,883
I'll be trolling the recently divorced
talent at the pai gow tables.

468
00:19:35,919 --> 00:19:37,085
There you are!

469
00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:38,686
- Why?
- (Scoffs)

470
00:19:38,722 --> 00:19:42,990
You told me that you were gonna wake
me up at 11:00, and it is now 11:03!

471
00:19:43,026 --> 00:19:44,959
What kind of assistant are you?

472
00:19:44,994 --> 00:19:46,861
I'm not your assistant, okay?

473
00:19:46,896 --> 00:19:48,796
Why do you have to be so mean?

474
00:19:48,832 --> 00:19:51,590
I used to think that you
were this gorgeous,

475
00:19:51,621 --> 00:19:53,735
together person, but you're awful.

476
00:19:53,770 --> 00:19:55,737
So this stops now.

477
00:19:57,173 --> 00:19:58,606
(Exhales sharply)

478
00:19:58,641 --> 00:20:00,074
This stops soon.

479
00:20:00,110 --> 00:20:01,843
(Exhales sharply)

480
00:20:01,878 --> 00:20:04,746
Okay, like five more minutes, and then
we're gonna, like, ramp it down, okay?

481
00:20:04,781 --> 00:20:05,880
Come on, Kyle.

482
00:20:05,915 --> 00:20:07,148
Mm-hmm.

483
00:20:07,183 --> 00:20:08,716
Agh!

484
00:20:25,317 --> 00:20:26,517
So dumb.

485
00:20:27,718 --> 00:20:28,918
Condoms, condoms...

486
00:20:40,219 --> 00:20:41,419
Oh my God.

487
00:20:42,220 --> 00:20:44,720
He's gonna ask me to marry him.