1 00:00:01,378 --> 00:00:04,747 "Last Man Standing" is recorded in front of a live studio audience. 2 00:00:04,782 --> 00:00:08,418 Nothing like a cozy nightcap by the fire, huh? 3 00:00:08,452 --> 00:00:11,087 What happened to actual nightcaps? 4 00:00:11,121 --> 00:00:13,623 People just don't dress for bed anymore. 5 00:00:13,657 --> 00:00:15,058 Well... 6 00:00:15,092 --> 00:00:17,827 Well, you do your part by wearing socks. 7 00:00:17,861 --> 00:00:20,763 Or once, you tried that thing with the, uh, with the bow tie. 8 00:00:20,798 --> 00:00:23,232 Oh, that was my homage to the chippendale dancers. 9 00:00:23,267 --> 00:00:24,567 Ah. 10 00:00:24,601 --> 00:00:27,069 Well, chippendale dancers wear it on their neck. 11 00:00:30,207 --> 00:00:31,407 Ooh. Oh. 12 00:00:32,576 --> 00:00:34,210 You coming down with something? 13 00:00:34,244 --> 00:00:35,311 Mnh-mnh. 14 00:00:35,345 --> 00:00:37,213 Can I get you anything, like a... motel room? 15 00:00:37,247 --> 00:00:38,481 No. 16 00:00:38,515 --> 00:00:39,782 It's allergies. That's all. 17 00:00:39,816 --> 00:00:40,750 - Yeah? - Yeah. 18 00:00:40,784 --> 00:00:43,887 You know, I want to tell you about this teaching seminar I went to today... 19 00:00:43,921 --> 00:00:47,490 "the secret of a successful blended classroom." 20 00:00:49,326 --> 00:00:50,793 Honey, honey. 21 00:00:50,827 --> 00:00:53,095 Hey, you know what? Maybe you're allergic to boring conversation. 22 00:00:53,130 --> 00:00:54,297 No, it's something in the yard. 23 00:00:54,331 --> 00:00:55,364 Where you going? 24 00:00:55,399 --> 00:00:56,766 I'm gonna go inside, honey. 25 00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:57,767 Oh, come on. 26 00:00:57,801 --> 00:00:59,602 Honey, I'll tell you the story later. 27 00:01:01,371 --> 00:01:02,371 Don't tax yourself. 28 00:01:02,406 --> 00:01:05,274 You might have to drive to a motel. 29 00:01:05,308 --> 00:01:06,876 Yo, yo, yo. 30 00:01:06,910 --> 00:01:09,478 Ho. Hey, Garfield. There's no lasagna up here. 31 00:01:09,513 --> 00:01:12,047 Go, go, go. Go. 32 00:01:15,852 --> 00:01:16,952 Boo! Oh! 33 00:01:16,987 --> 00:01:18,487 Oh, God. 34 00:01:18,522 --> 00:01:19,889 Honey, why did you do that? 35 00:01:19,923 --> 00:01:22,324 Oh, I was trying to scare you so you'd stop. 36 00:01:22,359 --> 00:01:23,492 That's hiccups. 37 00:01:23,527 --> 00:01:25,194 No, those were definitely sneezes. 38 00:01:25,228 --> 00:01:29,331 Hey, hon, I think I figured out why you're doing all this sneezing, 39 00:01:29,366 --> 00:01:31,600 who left the surprises in Boyd's sandbox, 40 00:01:31,635 --> 00:01:34,203 and why we have orange hair all over the lawn furniture. 41 00:01:34,237 --> 00:01:36,038 Oh, my God. We have clowns? 42 00:01:36,072 --> 00:01:37,940 No, we have a cat. 43 00:01:37,974 --> 00:01:40,342 I sprayed for clowns. 44 00:01:40,377 --> 00:01:43,345 Well, that makes sense. I'm extremely allergic to cats. 45 00:01:43,380 --> 00:01:47,583 Well, just say the word, and I'll send Fluffy packing with my airsoft rifle. 46 00:01:47,617 --> 00:01:49,985 Uh, no one is shooting at a cat. 47 00:01:50,020 --> 00:01:52,087 You know the rules. We don't shoot animals that have collars. 48 00:01:52,122 --> 00:01:55,324 That's how Yogi Bear has lasted so long. 49 00:01:55,358 --> 00:01:57,793 Well, suit yourself, but it worked with the Swanson kid 50 00:01:57,827 --> 00:01:59,762 when he kept pooping in our sandbox. 51 00:01:59,796 --> 00:02:04,032 You know, I'm pretty sure I've seen Carol Larabee feeding a big orange cat. 52 00:02:04,067 --> 00:02:06,401 - You want to go ask Chuck? - Why don't you go ask Chuck? 53 00:02:06,436 --> 00:02:09,004 No. I don't want to strain things with the neighbors. 54 00:02:09,038 --> 00:02:10,506 I know. That's more my thing. 55 00:02:10,540 --> 00:02:11,840 I'll call him in the morning. 56 00:02:11,875 --> 00:02:13,583 Oh, you know what... I want to tell you about 57 00:02:13,614 --> 00:02:15,110 that instructional seminar I attended... 58 00:02:15,145 --> 00:02:16,278 I'll call him right now. 59 00:02:17,380 --> 00:02:20,349 Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen. www.addic7ed.com 60 00:02:29,125 --> 00:02:30,792 Hey, Baxter. 61 00:02:30,827 --> 00:02:32,027 Hey, Chuck, man. 62 00:02:32,061 --> 00:02:35,097 I hate to bother you while you're watching "Arsenio." 63 00:02:36,799 --> 00:02:39,199 "Arsenio's" off the air, but I am watching an all-black show. 64 00:02:39,202 --> 00:02:41,003 It's called "sports." 65 00:02:42,438 --> 00:02:44,072 What can I do for you? 66 00:02:44,107 --> 00:02:46,808 Listen, I got a little trouble with orange cat hair 67 00:02:46,843 --> 00:02:48,276 all over my outdoor furniture. 68 00:02:48,311 --> 00:02:49,711 You know anything about this? 69 00:02:49,746 --> 00:02:51,413 Yeah... if you don't have a lint roller, 70 00:02:51,447 --> 00:02:54,816 wrap some tape around your hand sticky-side-out. 71 00:02:54,851 --> 00:02:57,319 All right, thanks. I'll just shoot the cat. Good night. 72 00:02:57,353 --> 00:02:58,487 Hang on, hang on, hang on. 73 00:02:58,521 --> 00:03:00,555 It sounds like you're talking about Tigger. 74 00:03:00,590 --> 00:03:02,624 - When did you get a cat? - We didn't. 75 00:03:02,658 --> 00:03:04,659 He used to belong to the Pettigrews down the street, 76 00:03:04,694 --> 00:03:06,334 but they left him behind when they moved. 77 00:03:06,362 --> 00:03:07,362 Pettigrew moved? 78 00:03:07,396 --> 00:03:08,330 Uh-huh. 79 00:03:08,364 --> 00:03:10,098 He's got my rake! 80 00:03:10,132 --> 00:03:13,034 Not anymore. I bought it at his yard sale. 81 00:03:15,037 --> 00:03:18,773 Carol felt sorry for Tigger getting abandoned, so we started feeding him. 82 00:03:18,808 --> 00:03:20,275 Well, then, it's your cat. 83 00:03:20,309 --> 00:03:21,977 You feed it. You own it. 84 00:03:22,011 --> 00:03:24,245 Oh, in that case, I bought you lunch last week, 85 00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:26,047 and I got a lot of yard work to do. 86 00:03:27,450 --> 00:03:30,018 I'll even let you use my good rake. 87 00:03:30,052 --> 00:03:31,886 Why don't you keep that thing indoors? 88 00:03:31,921 --> 00:03:33,855 It's starting to bother my wife's allergies. 89 00:03:33,889 --> 00:03:34,989 Oh, I can't do that. 90 00:03:35,024 --> 00:03:37,025 I got this huge German Shepherd, and... 91 00:03:37,059 --> 00:03:40,094 and she's terrified of cats. 92 00:03:41,330 --> 00:03:43,498 Shh, shh, shh, shh. 93 00:03:43,532 --> 00:03:46,668 Besides, you know, the whole neighborhood feeds Tigger. 94 00:03:46,702 --> 00:03:48,603 He... he's a neighborhood cat. 95 00:03:48,637 --> 00:03:51,806 Yeah, the whole neighborhood's become that cat's litter box. 96 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:53,875 Look, this is just one more example 97 00:03:53,909 --> 00:03:56,311 of you people not accepting responsibility. 98 00:03:56,345 --> 00:03:59,180 And what people are those, Baxter? 99 00:03:59,214 --> 00:04:00,848 You gonna make me say it? 100 00:04:00,883 --> 00:04:01,949 Yes. 101 00:04:01,984 --> 00:04:03,518 Cat people! 102 00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:12,493 How about some lunch, Mikey? 103 00:04:12,528 --> 00:04:13,594 All right. 104 00:04:13,629 --> 00:04:15,029 All right, how about the Indian place? 105 00:04:15,097 --> 00:04:17,965 Or we could save time and just order diarrhea. 106 00:04:19,001 --> 00:04:21,302 You have something on your shoe. 107 00:04:21,336 --> 00:04:23,604 Oh, damn it! 108 00:04:23,639 --> 00:04:26,707 I stepped on a glob of gum. 109 00:04:26,742 --> 00:04:28,075 Oh, man. Look at that. 110 00:04:28,110 --> 00:04:32,180 And it's the... it's the coupon for the Indian place. 111 00:04:35,117 --> 00:04:37,351 Adios, tikka masala, right? 112 00:04:37,386 --> 00:04:40,721 I mean, come on, now. What's wrong with people, Mike? 113 00:04:40,756 --> 00:04:42,723 People just spit out their gum willy-nilly 114 00:04:42,758 --> 00:04:45,159 and expect someone else to clean up their mess? 115 00:04:45,193 --> 00:04:46,227 You know what that is? 116 00:04:46,261 --> 00:04:49,030 I'll go with wintergreen. 117 00:04:49,064 --> 00:04:52,033 It's people not accepting responsibility for what they do. 118 00:04:52,067 --> 00:04:54,435 It's what my vlog is about. Watch this. 119 00:04:54,469 --> 00:04:56,904 Hey, Mike Baxter here with a word on cats. 120 00:04:59,508 --> 00:05:01,809 That's the wrong one. That's about cats, Mike. 121 00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:02,943 Just watch the rest of it. Here. 122 00:05:02,978 --> 00:05:07,214 Listen, those of you who have cats, learn a little responsibility. 123 00:05:07,249 --> 00:05:09,316 Start with spaying or neutering them. 124 00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:11,819 Or, better yet, have a veterinarian do that. 125 00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:14,221 And keep the little predator in the house. 126 00:05:14,256 --> 00:05:17,625 If you let them wander around outside, we all got a cat. 127 00:05:17,659 --> 00:05:21,595 If you don't take care of your own stuff, then society has to do it. 128 00:05:21,630 --> 00:05:22,870 "Hey, I'm done with this couch. 129 00:05:22,898 --> 00:05:25,966 "I'll just leave it here on the street corner. Somebody will use it." 130 00:05:26,001 --> 00:05:28,469 You know who? Cats. 131 00:05:28,503 --> 00:05:30,537 It's still about cats, Mikey. 132 00:05:30,572 --> 00:05:31,605 Keep watching. 133 00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:34,041 What's worse than abandoning a sofa? 134 00:05:34,075 --> 00:05:35,876 Abandoning a human being. 135 00:05:35,910 --> 00:05:39,213 We actually have a law in this state that if you have a baby, 136 00:05:39,247 --> 00:05:43,584 you get three days to decide if it's a keeper. 137 00:05:43,618 --> 00:05:46,086 That's right... there's a lemon law for babies. 138 00:05:46,121 --> 00:05:49,123 If you decide it cries too much or clashes with the drapes, 139 00:05:49,157 --> 00:05:51,825 you can just drop it off at your local fire station. 140 00:05:51,860 --> 00:05:55,629 So you, me, and everybody but their parents ends up taking care of them. 141 00:05:55,663 --> 00:05:58,765 Now, sure, there have been a few abandoned babies who have turned out okay. 142 00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:02,002 I'm thinking about superman and Moses. 143 00:06:02,036 --> 00:06:03,904 But with this kind of safety net, 144 00:06:03,938 --> 00:06:06,573 you're practically begging folks to be irresponsible. 145 00:06:06,608 --> 00:06:09,276 You know, it shouldn't be easier to dispose of a child 146 00:06:09,310 --> 00:06:11,345 than to dispose of used motor oil. 147 00:06:11,379 --> 00:06:15,249 Plus, you're distracting firemen from their more important duties... 148 00:06:15,283 --> 00:06:17,084 posing shirtless for calendars. 149 00:06:17,118 --> 00:06:22,689 And listen, folks, a beefcake photo shoot is no place to raise a baby. 150 00:06:22,724 --> 00:06:24,625 What'd you think? 151 00:06:24,659 --> 00:06:28,495 It's another bull's-eye, Mikey. 152 00:06:28,529 --> 00:06:32,165 Once you get past all that cat crap. 153 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:33,600 People just need to step up 154 00:06:33,634 --> 00:06:36,336 and take responsibility for their own messes, that's all. 155 00:06:36,371 --> 00:06:37,971 I know. You... Ed, Ed. 156 00:06:38,005 --> 00:06:40,173 - Yes. What? - You gonna pick this up? 157 00:06:40,208 --> 00:06:42,168 Somebody else will take care of that. Don't worry. 158 00:06:45,580 --> 00:06:48,548 I'm gonna miss you so, so much, Kyle. 159 00:06:48,583 --> 00:06:51,451 And I'm gonna miss you so, so, so much, Mandy. 160 00:06:51,486 --> 00:06:55,021 I'm gonna miss you so, so, so, so, so... 161 00:06:55,056 --> 00:06:56,256 Stop!! 162 00:06:57,558 --> 00:07:01,495 This always ends with confusion and counting on fingers. 163 00:07:01,529 --> 00:07:03,964 Have a wonderful time in Vegas, Kyle. 164 00:07:03,998 --> 00:07:05,465 All right, thanks. 165 00:07:05,499 --> 00:07:06,600 Okay, I better get going. 166 00:07:06,634 --> 00:07:08,201 I don't have an assigned seat on the plane, 167 00:07:08,236 --> 00:07:09,869 and I want to make sure I get a middle one. 168 00:07:09,904 --> 00:07:10,737 Okay. 169 00:07:10,771 --> 00:07:12,872 Hey, have an awesome time, okay? 170 00:07:12,907 --> 00:07:15,242 And, um, remember what we agreed to. 171 00:07:15,276 --> 00:07:16,242 - Ii will. - Okay. 172 00:07:16,277 --> 00:07:18,011 Bye, Eve. Bye, Mrs. B. 173 00:07:18,045 --> 00:07:19,012 Bye, Kyle. 174 00:07:19,046 --> 00:07:24,351 Mandy, honey, uh, just out of curiosity, what did you and Kyle agree to? 175 00:07:24,418 --> 00:07:25,719 Um, no bigs. 176 00:07:25,753 --> 00:07:27,587 We're just taking the weekend off from being a couple. 177 00:07:27,621 --> 00:07:29,522 A couple of idiots? 'Cause it's about time. 178 00:07:29,557 --> 00:07:31,491 Ha ha ho! 179 00:07:31,525 --> 00:07:34,761 You're giving your boyfriend a free pass at a bachelor party in Vegas? 180 00:07:34,795 --> 00:07:35,962 I don't know. 181 00:07:35,996 --> 00:07:37,464 I just really wanted him to be able to cut loose 182 00:07:37,498 --> 00:07:38,765 without feeling guilty, you know? 183 00:07:38,799 --> 00:07:39,766 Isn't that great? 184 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:41,234 Well, sounds great for him. 185 00:07:41,268 --> 00:07:43,269 We even came up with this cute slogan about it. 186 00:07:43,304 --> 00:07:46,372 It's like, "whatever happens in Vegas stays a secret." 187 00:07:49,610 --> 00:07:51,077 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 188 00:07:51,112 --> 00:07:53,246 Relax, mom. This is Kyle in Vegas. 189 00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:54,781 The only thing that's gonna happen 190 00:07:54,815 --> 00:07:58,084 is we'll get a panicked call every half-hour that there's a volcano erupting. 191 00:08:00,387 --> 00:08:02,655 I'll get that. 192 00:08:03,691 --> 00:08:04,891 Hey, Chuck. What's going on? 193 00:08:04,925 --> 00:08:06,593 Hey, Baxter. 194 00:08:06,627 --> 00:08:08,928 I'm here on security-company business. 195 00:08:08,963 --> 00:08:13,032 Well, that's perfect, 'cause I want to report an unwanted visitor. 196 00:08:14,168 --> 00:08:16,169 Tigger has gone missing. 197 00:08:16,203 --> 00:08:17,236 Oh! 198 00:08:17,271 --> 00:08:18,838 Well, have you checked his known associates? 199 00:08:18,872 --> 00:08:20,952 How about that weird little bear that wears no pants? 200 00:08:21,976 --> 00:08:24,744 Do you two have any idea where the cat might be? 201 00:08:24,778 --> 00:08:25,945 No, no. 202 00:08:25,980 --> 00:08:28,020 But what was in that weird stew we just had? 203 00:08:29,283 --> 00:08:31,884 No, I-I haven't seen Tigger in a while. 204 00:08:31,919 --> 00:08:33,586 Oh, yeah? 205 00:08:33,620 --> 00:08:36,889 Well, um, according to your neighbors across the street, 206 00:08:36,924 --> 00:08:42,462 uh, he was in your yard on Wednesday, and there was an, uh... altercation. 207 00:08:42,496 --> 00:08:44,630 Altercation? What... what altercation? 208 00:08:44,665 --> 00:08:46,666 I think you should check with that weird Swanson kid. 209 00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:49,435 You know, the one that pulls doll parts around in his wagon? 210 00:08:49,470 --> 00:08:51,904 There's video. Oh. 211 00:08:51,939 --> 00:08:56,409 This is the last time Tigger pettigrew was seen alive. 212 00:09:01,949 --> 00:09:03,649 I believe that's you, Vanessa. 213 00:09:03,684 --> 00:09:06,385 Yeah, I was... I was just shooing him. 214 00:09:13,694 --> 00:09:17,096 Squirting a kitty in February. 215 00:09:17,130 --> 00:09:18,231 Not cool. 216 00:09:19,399 --> 00:09:21,367 You may want to lawyer up. 217 00:09:21,401 --> 00:09:23,402 Look, I would never, ever hurt an animal. 218 00:09:23,437 --> 00:09:27,273 It... it was a warm evening, and water is a humane training technique. 219 00:09:27,307 --> 00:09:30,910 Yep. That's what they said at Guantanamo, huh? 220 00:09:30,944 --> 00:09:33,679 But besides the cat thing, where did you get the video of this? 221 00:09:33,714 --> 00:09:35,848 Yeah, yeah. Somebody was actually filming me? 222 00:09:35,882 --> 00:09:39,285 It's from one of the surveillance cameras I installed over at the Shirazis'. 223 00:09:39,319 --> 00:09:40,486 The Shirazis? 224 00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:42,488 We're being monitored by middle easterners? 225 00:09:42,522 --> 00:09:44,290 Shouldn't it be the other way around? 226 00:09:44,324 --> 00:09:49,528 The Shirazis are from Milwaukee, so technically, they're midwesterners. 227 00:09:49,563 --> 00:09:52,999 And their security package includes multiple cameras, 228 00:09:53,033 --> 00:09:55,234 one of which happens to capture your front lawn. 229 00:09:55,302 --> 00:09:58,804 Maybe I should rethink that loose robe I wear when I pick up the newspaper. 230 00:09:58,839 --> 00:10:01,807 Why? Then we'd have to pay the paper boy. 231 00:10:01,842 --> 00:10:04,243 A lot of your neighbors have security cameras now, 232 00:10:04,277 --> 00:10:07,680 so I get a pretty clear overview of what's happening on our street. 233 00:10:07,714 --> 00:10:09,014 So you're snooping on all of us? 234 00:10:09,049 --> 00:10:11,717 So you're not just a brother. You're big brother. 235 00:10:11,751 --> 00:10:13,486 Oh, I don't like any of this. 236 00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:15,254 Who... who else has seen this footage? 237 00:10:15,288 --> 00:10:16,422 A lot of folks. 238 00:10:16,456 --> 00:10:18,724 The whole neighborhood is worried about Tigger. 239 00:10:18,758 --> 00:10:21,193 Well, maybe the whole neighborhood should take him inside. 240 00:10:21,228 --> 00:10:23,729 I want you to take that camera down. 241 00:10:23,763 --> 00:10:26,732 No, no. It's the Shirazis' right to protect their home. 242 00:10:26,766 --> 00:10:30,169 Legally, you have no expectation of privacy in your front yard. 243 00:10:30,203 --> 00:10:33,339 How would you feel if everywhere you went, people were watching you? 244 00:10:33,373 --> 00:10:36,609 I'm a black man in suburbia. People are always watching me. 245 00:10:42,071 --> 00:10:44,539 I like that cat. He's like the neighborhood greeter. 246 00:10:44,574 --> 00:10:45,774 Always makes me feel welcome. 247 00:10:45,808 --> 00:10:48,043 Well, Vanessa killed it. 248 00:10:48,978 --> 00:10:51,146 Look, this whole Tigger thing is a nightmare. 249 00:10:51,180 --> 00:10:53,114 The whole street is giving me dirty looks... 250 00:10:53,149 --> 00:10:56,351 except for Bob Ashby, who's giving me filthy looks, 251 00:10:56,385 --> 00:10:59,421 you know, 'cause of the whole loose-bathrobe thing. 252 00:10:59,455 --> 00:11:02,324 Well, welcome to our surveillance culture. 253 00:11:02,358 --> 00:11:05,327 We have to assume we're being recorded 24/7. 254 00:11:05,361 --> 00:11:07,095 Oh, hello, NSA. 255 00:11:07,129 --> 00:11:09,731 Nope, not making a bomb here. Just some mu shu. 256 00:11:09,765 --> 00:11:13,568 You just said "shu" and "bomb" in the same sentence. 257 00:11:13,602 --> 00:11:17,305 Prepare to be cavity-searched for the rest of your life at the airport. 258 00:11:17,339 --> 00:11:20,608 For the record, he's not actually part of our family. 259 00:11:20,643 --> 00:11:21,810 It's not just cameras. 260 00:11:21,844 --> 00:11:25,113 They're listening to our phone calls and reading our e-mails. 261 00:11:25,147 --> 00:11:28,216 2015 is now "1984." 262 00:11:28,250 --> 00:11:30,752 I'd rather it was 1984. Reagan would still be president. 263 00:11:30,786 --> 00:11:33,955 I could get my parachute pants on and say, "U can't touch this." 264 00:11:33,989 --> 00:11:36,791 If you haven't done anything wrong, you don't have anything to worry about. 265 00:11:36,825 --> 00:11:40,328 Unless you have skeletons in your closet... Cat or otherwise. 266 00:11:41,764 --> 00:11:44,232 Oh. It's Carol Larabee. Excuse me. 267 00:11:44,300 --> 00:11:45,733 You know, the way I see it, 268 00:11:45,768 --> 00:11:48,136 Uncle Sam can flip through my e-mails all he wants 269 00:11:48,170 --> 00:11:52,907 if it helps him blow those isis bastards to smoldering bits of terrorist goo. 270 00:11:52,941 --> 00:11:54,309 Who's hungry? 271 00:11:54,343 --> 00:11:57,045 Even if we hurt them, they still hurt us 272 00:11:57,079 --> 00:11:59,947 'cause they make us compromise our freedom. 273 00:11:59,982 --> 00:12:01,683 Ben Franklin said it best. 274 00:12:01,717 --> 00:12:05,186 "Those who sacrifice liberty for security deserve neither." 275 00:12:05,220 --> 00:12:07,255 Or was that aretha Franklin? 276 00:12:08,891 --> 00:12:10,992 Who's on the $100 bill? 277 00:12:11,026 --> 00:12:12,994 It's not just the government snooping around. 278 00:12:13,028 --> 00:12:14,662 Google takes pictures of our houses. 279 00:12:14,696 --> 00:12:16,964 They keep track of what we eat at the grocery store. 280 00:12:16,999 --> 00:12:18,766 I am sick and tired of the judgy looks 281 00:12:18,801 --> 00:12:21,936 when the haagen-dazs coupons come flying out of the register. 282 00:12:21,970 --> 00:12:26,140 It is ice-cream coupon after ice-cream coupon after ice-cream coupon. 283 00:12:26,174 --> 00:12:28,943 Sounds like Ryan's the judgy one. 284 00:12:28,977 --> 00:12:30,778 It's your generation that brought this on. 285 00:12:30,812 --> 00:12:34,315 You gave up your privacy to get overnight delivery and 15% off. 286 00:12:34,349 --> 00:12:37,051 What's the alternative? Go off the grid? 287 00:12:37,085 --> 00:12:37,918 Yeah. 288 00:12:37,953 --> 00:12:39,220 We'd live up in the mountains 289 00:12:39,254 --> 00:12:42,023 in a house made out of old tires and ice-cream cartons. 290 00:12:42,057 --> 00:12:44,692 The ice cream was for Boyd's birthday party! 291 00:12:44,726 --> 00:12:47,795 Great... now Carol Larabee canceled coffee with me tomorrow. 292 00:12:47,829 --> 00:12:50,498 She says she's sick, but I know it's because of that damn cat. 293 00:12:50,532 --> 00:12:51,799 Or... or she's sick. 294 00:12:51,833 --> 00:12:53,534 I wish. 295 00:12:53,568 --> 00:12:55,536 I tell you, if this whole thing doesn't blow over, 296 00:12:55,570 --> 00:12:57,538 I'm just gonna move away, start a whole new life. 297 00:12:57,572 --> 00:13:00,174 You could just stand in the driveway with your thumb out in that bathrobe. 298 00:13:00,208 --> 00:13:02,776 I'm sure Bob ashby would take you anywhere you wanted to go. 299 00:13:02,811 --> 00:13:04,345 Oh! Oh, there he is! 300 00:13:04,379 --> 00:13:06,180 There he is! He's alive! 301 00:13:06,214 --> 00:13:08,048 It's Tigger! Look, look, look, look! 302 00:13:08,083 --> 00:13:09,083 Where? Where? 303 00:13:09,117 --> 00:13:10,985 He was... he was right there. 304 00:13:11,019 --> 00:13:12,193 I saw him. Come on, you saw him, too, right? 305 00:13:12,224 --> 00:13:12,486 No. 306 00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:13,821 He was right there. 307 00:13:13,855 --> 00:13:16,657 Girls, just tell your mom you saw the cat. 308 00:13:16,691 --> 00:13:18,859 You know what she's capable of. 309 00:13:22,731 --> 00:13:24,231 Hey, hon. 310 00:13:24,265 --> 00:13:25,366 Has the mail come yet? 311 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:28,502 I'm running a little low on bathroom literature. 312 00:13:28,536 --> 00:13:29,837 Check it for yourself. 313 00:13:29,871 --> 00:13:32,139 Whoa. 314 00:13:32,173 --> 00:13:34,208 Somebody went postal on our mailbox? 315 00:13:34,242 --> 00:13:35,609 Yeah. 316 00:13:35,643 --> 00:13:37,945 Somebody knocked it off the post last night. 317 00:13:37,979 --> 00:13:40,414 You know, honey, I think one of the neighbors is trying to send me a message. 318 00:13:40,448 --> 00:13:42,783 Send you a message over a missing cat? 319 00:13:42,817 --> 00:13:45,619 Look, the neighborhood hostility toward me is just getting worse. 320 00:13:45,653 --> 00:13:49,022 Okay, Mrs. Conroy, that old lady who wears all those weird cat sweatshirts... 321 00:13:49,057 --> 00:13:51,291 Yeah... Just brought over these brownies. 322 00:13:51,326 --> 00:13:54,027 I'm afraid to try them. Tell me if they smell weird. 323 00:13:54,062 --> 00:13:55,462 That's ridiculous. 324 00:13:55,496 --> 00:13:57,297 I'm not gonna live in fear of baked goods. It's just brownies. 325 00:13:57,332 --> 00:13:58,932 Have the girls try them. 326 00:14:01,002 --> 00:14:02,069 But not Eve. 327 00:14:03,271 --> 00:14:05,940 I just would feel better if I knew who knocked down that mailbox. 328 00:14:06,674 --> 00:14:08,308 Wait a minute. 329 00:14:08,343 --> 00:14:09,643 I got an idea. 330 00:14:09,677 --> 00:14:12,512 Unfortunately, it involves making nice with Larabee. 331 00:14:13,848 --> 00:14:15,148 Give me the brownies. 332 00:14:24,258 --> 00:14:25,725 Ah. Hello, Baxter. 333 00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:26,993 Hey, Chuck. 334 00:14:27,028 --> 00:14:30,797 Brought you a little thing for, uh... Black history month. 335 00:14:30,832 --> 00:14:32,632 Brownies. 336 00:14:32,667 --> 00:14:34,501 Very clever. 337 00:14:34,535 --> 00:14:37,604 You know, there's a fine line between offensive and clever, 338 00:14:37,638 --> 00:14:39,573 and I think I walk it pretty well. 339 00:14:39,607 --> 00:14:41,942 Not as well as you think. 340 00:14:43,344 --> 00:14:45,278 So, you still worked up about the cameras? 341 00:14:45,313 --> 00:14:47,113 No, no, no. Actually... 342 00:14:47,148 --> 00:14:48,848 I need a little favor with the cameras. 343 00:14:48,883 --> 00:14:50,517 Someone ran into my mailbox last night, 344 00:14:50,551 --> 00:14:52,619 and I'd like to see if you got any footage of it. 345 00:14:52,653 --> 00:14:53,987 Well, well, well. 346 00:14:54,021 --> 00:14:56,957 First, I'm big brother. Now I'm the belle of the ball. 347 00:14:56,991 --> 00:14:59,659 That must have been some butt-ugly ball if you... 348 00:14:59,694 --> 00:15:00,960 Can I just see the footage? 349 00:15:00,995 --> 00:15:02,362 Fine. All right. 350 00:15:02,396 --> 00:15:05,065 But just because I care about neighborhood security 351 00:15:05,099 --> 00:15:07,834 and I know the brownies are your way of apologizing. 352 00:15:07,868 --> 00:15:09,002 Yeah, you got me. 353 00:15:09,036 --> 00:15:11,171 So, where's the command center? 354 00:15:11,205 --> 00:15:12,238 Right here. 355 00:15:12,273 --> 00:15:14,007 Yeah! 356 00:15:14,041 --> 00:15:17,010 Every 8-year-old in town has a command center just like this. 357 00:15:17,044 --> 00:15:18,011 Uh-huh. 358 00:15:18,045 --> 00:15:20,313 The Shirazi feed from last night. 359 00:15:20,347 --> 00:15:22,148 - After 12:00 midnight. - Okay. 360 00:15:22,183 --> 00:15:24,350 Here we go. 361 00:15:24,385 --> 00:15:27,887 Looks like a Prius hybrid pulls up at 1:02 A.M. 362 00:15:27,922 --> 00:15:30,590 Yeah, just 'cause it saves gas, they think they're above the law, huh? 363 00:15:30,624 --> 00:15:31,524 Mm-hmm. 364 00:15:31,559 --> 00:15:33,326 But he didn't hit your mailbox. 365 00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:35,995 Ooh. Looks like Mr. Prius is hitting something. 366 00:15:37,865 --> 00:15:39,432 My daughter, Mandy. 367 00:15:39,466 --> 00:15:40,900 Oh. Uh... Yeah. 368 00:15:40,935 --> 00:15:42,602 And that wasn't Kyle, was it? 369 00:15:42,636 --> 00:15:43,836 No, it wasn't. 370 00:15:43,871 --> 00:15:46,339 But we still don't know who hit your mailbox. 371 00:15:46,373 --> 00:15:49,108 Uh, isn't that Mrs. Conroy in the cat sweater? 372 00:15:49,143 --> 00:15:50,710 Yep. There she is. She's down the str... 373 00:15:50,744 --> 00:15:51,711 Whoa! 374 00:15:51,779 --> 00:15:53,446 Whoa! Oh! 375 00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:54,747 Man. 376 00:15:54,782 --> 00:15:56,416 Oooh! 377 00:15:56,450 --> 00:15:57,717 Oh! 378 00:15:57,751 --> 00:16:00,386 You may not want to eat that brownie. 379 00:16:05,308 --> 00:16:07,810 Mike, you are absolutely sure you saw them kiss? 380 00:16:07,844 --> 00:16:09,178 I mean, this isn't like the time you swore 381 00:16:09,212 --> 00:16:12,214 you saw Nancy Pelosi rifling through a dumpster, is it? 382 00:16:12,248 --> 00:16:15,450 Pelosi never denied that. 383 00:16:15,485 --> 00:16:17,052 And yes, I recognize our daughter. 384 00:16:17,086 --> 00:16:19,054 It was her in the car kissing some dude. 385 00:16:19,088 --> 00:16:20,255 This is why she was so eager 386 00:16:20,290 --> 00:16:22,257 to give Kyle the weekend off from their relationship. 387 00:16:22,292 --> 00:16:23,692 She's living it up in our driveway, 388 00:16:23,726 --> 00:16:26,828 and that poor guy is stuck at a bachelor party in Vegas. 389 00:16:30,199 --> 00:16:33,602 You know what I'm eager to do? Forget about this whole thing. 390 00:16:33,636 --> 00:16:35,203 Mandy has to be honest with Kyle. 391 00:16:35,238 --> 00:16:36,705 Honey, we need to talk to her. 392 00:16:36,739 --> 00:16:38,740 No. We need to stay out of this. 393 00:16:38,775 --> 00:16:40,742 If she is over Kyle, she needs to tell him. 394 00:16:40,777 --> 00:16:41,944 - No, she doesn't. - She... 395 00:16:41,978 --> 00:16:44,112 Maybe she's moved on to a guy with more of a future. 396 00:16:44,147 --> 00:16:45,047 What?! 397 00:16:45,081 --> 00:16:49,317 She couldn't swing a dead cat without hitting a guy with more of a future. 398 00:16:49,352 --> 00:16:52,721 We could test it out if we knew where you buried Tigger. 399 00:16:52,755 --> 00:16:53,889 Oh! You know what? 400 00:16:53,923 --> 00:16:55,857 You keep it up, and you might just join him. 401 00:16:55,892 --> 00:16:58,393 I just think there's certain things that should remain private. 402 00:17:01,998 --> 00:17:03,865 Like that. 403 00:17:05,368 --> 00:17:07,436 Hi, Kyle. Welcome back. 404 00:17:07,470 --> 00:17:10,105 I've been counting the minutes since you left, 405 00:17:10,139 --> 00:17:15,277 which has been very hard for me because it's math. 406 00:17:15,311 --> 00:17:17,279 I wish you could have come. I saw this amazing show. 407 00:17:17,313 --> 00:17:18,280 Yeah? 408 00:17:18,314 --> 00:17:20,348 The dancers only had on tiaras. 409 00:17:20,383 --> 00:17:21,683 Whoa. 410 00:17:21,717 --> 00:17:23,818 But it didn't seem wrong, 'cause they were poodles. 411 00:17:23,853 --> 00:17:25,820 Oh! 412 00:17:25,855 --> 00:17:28,623 Well, those poodles are somebody's daughters. 413 00:17:28,658 --> 00:17:32,127 You, uh, you get in any trouble in Vegas, Kyle? 414 00:17:32,161 --> 00:17:34,162 Well, my cousin and his buddies went a little wild, 415 00:17:34,196 --> 00:17:38,266 but why go to clubs when you can watch fancy dogs crush a conga line? 416 00:17:39,535 --> 00:17:43,371 Well, I didn't do anything while you were gone, except for miss you. 417 00:17:43,406 --> 00:17:47,108 Kyle, will you be a dear and get me a soda out of the fridge in the garage? 418 00:17:47,143 --> 00:17:48,543 Yeah, okay. 419 00:17:48,577 --> 00:17:52,714 Uh, for the record, a deer could never fetch a soda. 420 00:17:52,748 --> 00:17:55,417 What you need around here are some poodles. 421 00:17:57,720 --> 00:17:58,920 - Honey... - Hmm? 422 00:17:58,954 --> 00:18:02,290 I-if you're having second thoughts about Kyle, you need to be honest with him. 423 00:18:02,324 --> 00:18:04,359 What? 424 00:18:04,393 --> 00:18:07,262 Well, your dad saw you kiss that guy in the Prius. 425 00:18:09,532 --> 00:18:12,033 Oh, my God. You were looking out the window, spying on me? 426 00:18:12,067 --> 00:18:13,434 No! 427 00:18:13,469 --> 00:18:16,504 I was watching a surveillance camera at Larabee's house. 428 00:18:16,539 --> 00:18:19,607 Seriously, dad, this is so none of your business. 429 00:18:19,642 --> 00:18:20,642 Right... wasn't. 430 00:18:20,676 --> 00:18:23,978 But... cat's out of the bag now. 431 00:18:24,013 --> 00:18:24,879 Oh, God! 432 00:18:24,914 --> 00:18:26,014 It's just an expression. 433 00:18:26,048 --> 00:18:27,615 There's so many of them. 434 00:18:27,650 --> 00:18:28,917 Mandy. Honey, wait a minute. 435 00:18:28,951 --> 00:18:31,052 No. You know what? It's so unfair that I live here. 436 00:18:31,086 --> 00:18:33,187 My friends on campus get away with way worse stuff, 437 00:18:33,222 --> 00:18:35,156 and their parents never have to know about it. 438 00:18:35,190 --> 00:18:36,791 I want to be one of those kind of parents. 439 00:18:36,825 --> 00:18:38,186 All right. You know what, sweetie? 440 00:18:38,193 --> 00:18:39,861 It's not the worst thing in the world, okay? 441 00:18:39,895 --> 00:18:43,297 You're not married, y-you're not engaged, and it was just a kiss. 442 00:18:43,332 --> 00:18:46,467 Right? It was... was just a kiss, right? 443 00:18:46,502 --> 00:18:47,402 Here you are. 444 00:18:47,436 --> 00:18:49,137 Ah. Kyle. Uh, you know what? 445 00:18:49,171 --> 00:18:50,671 I-I actually wanted a cream soda. 446 00:18:50,706 --> 00:18:53,674 Uh, I think there's one in the fridge way, way, way in the back. 447 00:18:53,709 --> 00:18:55,376 Oh. Wish you'd told me. 448 00:18:55,411 --> 00:18:57,879 I'm not a mind reader. 449 00:18:57,913 --> 00:19:01,549 Unlike that bulldog with the crystal ball. 450 00:19:01,617 --> 00:19:03,384 Mandy, honey, what is going on? 451 00:19:03,418 --> 00:19:04,352 Nothing. 452 00:19:04,386 --> 00:19:05,353 Mandy, come on. 453 00:19:05,387 --> 00:19:06,554 Okay. 454 00:19:06,588 --> 00:19:09,624 There was this fashion exhibit at the art museum, 455 00:19:09,658 --> 00:19:11,792 and this guy in my class asked me out, 456 00:19:11,827 --> 00:19:14,629 and I-I figured that one date couldn't hurt, 457 00:19:14,663 --> 00:19:17,131 especially if Kyle was getting the same deal. 458 00:19:17,165 --> 00:19:19,400 I was just... curious. 459 00:19:19,434 --> 00:19:21,469 Curious, huh? 460 00:19:21,503 --> 00:19:23,671 You know what they say curiosity killed? 461 00:19:27,776 --> 00:19:30,778 I ended up thinking about Kyle the whole time anyway, 462 00:19:30,812 --> 00:19:32,913 even when that dude was kissing me. 463 00:19:32,948 --> 00:19:36,050 Well, you went out with a guy from the fashion class. 464 00:19:36,084 --> 00:19:38,819 He was probably thinking about Kyle, too. 465 00:19:40,122 --> 00:19:41,889 But that guy, he doesn't mean anything to me. 466 00:19:41,923 --> 00:19:43,791 I just hope that I haven't screwed everything up. 467 00:19:43,825 --> 00:19:45,826 All right, well, I think we all know what you need to do. 468 00:19:45,861 --> 00:19:47,528 - Yeah, I do. I have to tell him. - Absolutely. 469 00:19:47,562 --> 00:19:49,630 - Absolutely not. - Oh. Oh. No, I know. 470 00:19:49,664 --> 00:19:51,198 - You don't know anything. - What are you telling... no, yeah, no. 471 00:19:51,233 --> 00:19:52,466 Your idea is to pretend it never happened 472 00:19:52,501 --> 00:19:53,634 and just forget about it... is that it? 473 00:19:53,668 --> 00:19:55,135 What's the good of her telling him? 474 00:19:55,170 --> 00:19:56,904 Makes her feel better and he feels horrible. 475 00:19:56,938 --> 00:19:58,772 He's a depressed guy walking around my store. 476 00:19:58,807 --> 00:20:00,808 We have guns there. 477 00:20:00,842 --> 00:20:04,979 Dad, if I don't tell Kyle, I'm gonna feel horrible. 478 00:20:05,013 --> 00:20:07,314 Well, maybe you should. 479 00:20:08,750 --> 00:20:11,719 Hey, Mrs. B. I couldn't find a cream soda. 480 00:20:11,753 --> 00:20:12,920 Yeah, uh, don't worry. 481 00:20:12,954 --> 00:20:14,989 It's, uh, it's time for wine anyway. 482 00:20:15,023 --> 00:20:17,091 Kyle, I need to tell you something. 483 00:20:17,125 --> 00:20:18,092 Yeah, what is it? 484 00:20:20,261 --> 00:20:21,095 Um... 485 00:20:24,532 --> 00:20:25,766 I love you. 486 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,801 Don't ever go away again. 487 00:20:29,003 --> 00:20:31,171 Well, I'm not going back to Vegas anytime soon. 488 00:20:31,206 --> 00:20:32,172 Good. 489 00:20:32,207 --> 00:20:35,843 Oh, and I, uh, lost that 20 bucks you asked me to bet for you. 490 00:20:35,877 --> 00:20:37,444 Don't worry about it. The house always wins. 491 00:20:37,479 --> 00:20:39,313 Oh, no, I-I didn't lose it like that. 492 00:20:39,347 --> 00:20:41,014 I dropped it running for my life. 493 00:20:41,049 --> 00:20:42,082 What? 494 00:20:42,116 --> 00:20:44,151 Yeah, I'm going in this casino... 495 00:20:44,185 --> 00:20:45,686 A volcano erupted. 496 00:20:48,890 --> 00:20:52,993 Yeah, I grabbed a couple little kids and took off.