1
00:01:18,847 --> 00:01:22,317
Well, isn't this splendid
and absolutely tufty?

2
00:01:22,407 --> 00:01:26,446
New Year's Eve, 1999.
A new century and a new millennium.

3
00:01:26,527 --> 00:01:29,200
Let's drink a great big slurpy toast

4
00:01:29,287 --> 00:01:30,959
to peace and understanding
around the globe.

5
00:01:31,047 --> 00:01:32,082
- Bravo!
- Cheers!

6
00:01:32,167 --> 00:01:34,078
After all, if history
teaches us anything,

7
00:01:34,167 --> 00:01:36,158
it is that, in the words of St Burt,

8
00:01:36,247 --> 00:01:39,603
"What the world needs now is love,
sweet love."

9
00:01:39,687 --> 00:01:41,962
- Hear, hear.
- What total codswallop.

10
00:01:42,047 --> 00:01:44,959
If history has taught us anything,
it is that the story of man

11
00:01:45,047 --> 00:01:47,925
is one long round of death and torture.

12
00:01:48,007 --> 00:01:51,966
And burning people as witches
just because they've got a wart.

13
00:01:52,047 --> 00:01:54,038
I'm sorry about the food, by the way.

14
00:01:54,127 --> 00:01:58,279
Unfortunately, my cook got invited
to an orgy at Delia Smith's house.

15
00:01:58,367 --> 00:02:02,963
And so our chef for this evening is
the man who cleans out the septic tank.

16
00:02:03,447 --> 00:02:04,766
Baldrick!

17
00:02:09,487 --> 00:02:11,842
- My lord.
- God save us.

18
00:02:12,527 --> 00:02:15,087
I trust you're all enjoying your food?

19
00:02:15,167 --> 00:02:18,000
No, we're not, actually, Baldrick.
What is this we're eating?

20
00:02:18,087 --> 00:02:20,237
It tastes as if someone
with a bad chest cold

21
00:02:20,327 --> 00:02:23,637
has taken two spoonfuls of Benylin
to loosen the phlegm

22
00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:26,036
and then coughed all over an avocado.

23
00:02:26,127 --> 00:02:28,482
(COUGHS) Well, funny you should
say that, sir, because...

24
00:02:28,567 --> 00:02:32,355
Yes, all right, Baldrick, yes.
Thank you. You may go now.

25
00:02:32,447 --> 00:02:36,076
I believe you've got
some other duties to attend to.

26
00:02:36,167 --> 00:02:40,240
Oh, yes. Excuse me, please, everybody.

27
00:02:44,647 --> 00:02:45,841
(DOOR CLOSES)

28
00:02:45,927 --> 00:02:47,804
Now, where were we?

29
00:02:47,887 --> 00:02:50,242
We were bally well toasting the future.

30
00:02:50,327 --> 00:02:53,683
Yes, and I suppose it might also be
a perfect time to look to the past.

31
00:02:53,767 --> 00:02:56,327
ELIZABETH: How on earth
can one look at the past?

32
00:02:56,407 --> 00:02:59,479
You can't see something
that's already happened.

33
00:02:59,567 --> 00:03:02,206
- Unless you're on the lavatory.
- (EXCLAIMS) Good point, Bishop.

34
00:03:02,287 --> 00:03:04,960
Yes, or unless one's got a time machine.

35
00:03:05,047 --> 00:03:06,765
(ALL LAUGHING)

36
00:03:06,847 --> 00:03:08,565
(SCOFFING) How likely is that?

37
00:03:08,647 --> 00:03:12,720
Well, very likely, actually, Darling.
Because I've just built one.

38
00:03:13,047 --> 00:03:17,359
Stuff and stonsence!
I've heard some rubbish in my time,

39
00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:19,324
every time I open my mouth,
as a matter of fact,

40
00:03:19,407 --> 00:03:20,726
but a time machine?

41
00:03:20,807 --> 00:03:23,321
(STUTTERING) It's just cobblers.

42
00:03:23,407 --> 00:03:25,477
I can assure you, it is not.

43
00:03:25,567 --> 00:03:29,003
This is an original sketchbook
by Leonardo da Vinci.

44
00:03:29,087 --> 00:03:32,477
And in the last year, I myself
have built a time machine

45
00:03:32,567 --> 00:03:34,762
to his exact specifications.

46
00:03:35,407 --> 00:03:38,126
Ladies and gentlemen,
the greatest breakthrough in travel

47
00:03:38,207 --> 00:03:40,926
since Mr Rodney Tricycle
thought to himself,

48
00:03:41,007 --> 00:03:42,486
"I'm bored with walking.

49
00:03:42,567 --> 00:03:45,479
"I think I'll invent a machine
with three wheels and a bell

50
00:03:45,567 --> 00:03:47,364
"and name it after myself."

51
00:03:47,447 --> 00:03:50,007
Behold the time machine.

52
00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:56,759
Well, glaze my nipples and call me Rita.

53
00:03:56,847 --> 00:04:00,044
It can't be real, Blackadder,
it's a practical joke, surely.

54
00:04:00,127 --> 00:04:02,687
Certainly not. When was the last time
I played a practical joke?

55
00:04:02,767 --> 00:04:05,406
Well, there was the time you said
you were dying of kidney failure.

56
00:04:05,487 --> 00:04:07,717
And I donated one of my kidneys
to save your life,

57
00:04:07,807 --> 00:04:12,005
and then you said it was an April fool
and we had to throw my kidney away.

58
00:04:12,087 --> 00:04:13,520
(LAUGHING)

59
00:04:13,607 --> 00:04:17,156
Well, yes, there has been
the odd hilarious practical joke.

60
00:04:17,247 --> 00:04:20,956
But not this time.
This is a working time machine.

61
00:04:21,367 --> 00:04:24,120
And to prove it, I suggest a wager.

62
00:04:24,207 --> 00:04:25,242
Oh.

63
00:04:25,327 --> 00:04:30,845
I will bet you each ã10,000
that I can travel through time

64
00:04:31,407 --> 00:04:34,638
and bring back any items
of historical interest

65
00:04:34,727 --> 00:04:36,957
which you choose to nominate.

66
00:04:37,847 --> 00:04:39,644
- Darling?
- Well, yes, all right.

67
00:04:39,727 --> 00:04:43,800
Yes, if you can travel through time,
I'll... I'll pay up.

68
00:04:43,887 --> 00:04:48,642
So long as you bring back with you
a genuine Roman centurion's helmet.

69
00:04:48,727 --> 00:04:49,842
(EXCLAIMING IN AGREEMENT)

70
00:04:49,927 --> 00:04:53,203
Very well, a Roman centurion's helmet.

71
00:04:54,167 --> 00:04:56,123
ELIZABETH: No, no, no,
it's much too easy.

72
00:04:56,207 --> 00:04:58,960
What about the actual Wellingtons

73
00:04:59,047 --> 00:05:04,201
actually worn by Wellington on the day
he won the Battle of Waterloo?

74
00:05:04,287 --> 00:05:06,562
Lady Elizabeth would like
the actual Wellingtons

75
00:05:06,647 --> 00:05:08,444
worn by the Duke of Wellington

76
00:05:08,527 --> 00:05:11,599
on the day he won
the Battle of Waterloo.

77
00:05:12,207 --> 00:05:14,084
- Anyone else?
- GEORGE: Oh, yes.

78
00:05:14,167 --> 00:05:16,362
Ah, yes, I've got one.
I want you to get...

79
00:05:16,447 --> 00:05:18,278
I'd like to see you
get your hands on these.

80
00:05:18,367 --> 00:05:22,997
...an ancient, reeking, stinking pair
of 200-year-old underpants.

81
00:05:23,927 --> 00:05:27,078
18th-century botty-huggers,
that's the ticket.

82
00:05:31,167 --> 00:05:33,078
Very well, I shall be on my way.

83
00:05:33,167 --> 00:05:35,727
This will, of course,
take no time at all, in your time.

84
00:05:35,807 --> 00:05:38,844
I shall merely step in,
there will be a momentary shuddering,

85
00:05:38,927 --> 00:05:40,645
then I will emerge triumphant.

86
00:05:43,607 --> 00:05:45,438
Farewell, dear friends.

87
00:05:46,207 --> 00:05:47,686
(CREAKING)

88
00:05:47,767 --> 00:05:49,086
(THUDDING)

89
00:05:49,167 --> 00:05:51,123
Well done, Balders,
this is very impressive.

90
00:05:51,207 --> 00:05:52,799
I'm sorry that I didn't have time
to build it myself.

91
00:05:52,887 --> 00:05:54,002
(WHISPERING) Don't worry, my lord,

92
00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:57,079
I've followed Mr da Vinci's
instructions to the letter.

93
00:05:57,167 --> 00:06:00,079
- Even though you can't actually read?
- That's right, my lord.

94
00:06:00,167 --> 00:06:02,920
But I have done a lot of
Airfix models in my time.

95
00:06:03,007 --> 00:06:06,317
Right. So we've got a centurion's
helmet. Very good.

96
00:06:06,407 --> 00:06:08,796
And the boots. Excellent.

97
00:06:09,567 --> 00:06:10,761
The underpants.
Where are the underpants?

98
00:06:10,847 --> 00:06:12,758
Oh! Here you are, my lord.

99
00:06:12,847 --> 00:06:17,477
They're my very best pair,
and coincidentally, also my very worst.

100
00:06:17,567 --> 00:06:19,717
So they are, in fact,
your only pair of underpants.

101
00:06:19,807 --> 00:06:21,399
That's right, my lord.

102
00:06:21,487 --> 00:06:23,205
(EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST)

103
00:06:23,287 --> 00:06:26,723
Just stick them in the bag. Oh, God!

104
00:06:28,047 --> 00:06:30,515
(SPLUTTERING) Strewth!

105
00:06:31,287 --> 00:06:33,357
Right. Let's just get
all this stuff going, shall we?

106
00:06:33,447 --> 00:06:36,041
Right, my lord. Ah, yes.

107
00:06:36,607 --> 00:06:39,360
Right, right. Just shake it about a bit.

108
00:06:40,167 --> 00:06:43,603
Make it look real.
The best New Year's Eve prank ever.

109
00:06:44,607 --> 00:06:45,881
Yes.

110
00:06:46,327 --> 00:06:48,477
(FLUSHING)

111
00:06:50,447 --> 00:06:53,962
You hide there. ã30,000, here I come.

112
00:06:56,287 --> 00:06:58,005
(THUNDER CRASHING)

113
00:06:59,767 --> 00:07:03,077
Right. Interesting.

114
00:07:03,167 --> 00:07:05,920
- What's happening, my lord?
- Well...

115
00:07:07,887 --> 00:07:10,037
For God's sake, do something, Baldrick.

116
00:07:10,127 --> 00:07:12,004
(SCREAMING)

117
00:07:13,007 --> 00:07:15,123
Something useful.
Come on, get something.

118
00:07:15,207 --> 00:07:17,767
Just throw... Shoo! Go on! Go away!

119
00:07:17,847 --> 00:07:19,724
(GRUNTING)

120
00:07:19,807 --> 00:07:20,922
(ROARING)

121
00:07:21,007 --> 00:07:22,235
Sod off!

122
00:07:24,007 --> 00:07:25,884
(YELLING)

123
00:07:29,847 --> 00:07:32,645
One more thing. The underpants.
Try the underpants.

124
00:07:32,727 --> 00:07:34,319
Just there.

125
00:07:34,767 --> 00:07:37,235
Oh! Bloody brontosaurus!

126
00:07:37,327 --> 00:07:39,841
- Him, not me!
- What?

127
00:07:43,087 --> 00:07:45,362
Sniff my skids!

128
00:07:45,927 --> 00:07:47,963
(SNIFFING)

129
00:07:48,247 --> 00:07:49,600
(ROARING)

130
00:07:56,847 --> 00:07:58,246
Fascinating.

131
00:07:58,327 --> 00:08:01,364
One of history's great mysteries solved.

132
00:08:01,447 --> 00:08:05,520
The dinosaurs were, in fact,
wiped out by your pants.

133
00:08:07,727 --> 00:08:10,195
Well, Balders, this is a turn-up
for the books.

134
00:08:10,287 --> 00:08:12,357
You have built a working time machine,

135
00:08:12,447 --> 00:08:16,281
and are, therefore, rather surprisingly,
the greatest genius who has ever lived.

136
00:08:16,367 --> 00:08:18,164
Thank you very much, my lord.

137
00:08:18,247 --> 00:08:20,556
- Right. Let's get out of here, shall we?
- No problem, my lord.

138
00:08:20,647 --> 00:08:21,875
(CRANKING)

139
00:08:27,087 --> 00:08:28,725
Can you set the date
so we can get home?

140
00:08:28,807 --> 00:08:33,039
Yes. I just turn that there,
pull that there, reset that there,

141
00:08:33,127 --> 00:08:36,358
pull this lever like that
and the date should come up.

142
00:08:36,447 --> 00:08:37,562
(WHIRRING)

143
00:08:37,647 --> 00:08:39,478
But unfortunately, it doesn't,

144
00:08:39,567 --> 00:08:42,127
'cause I was gonna write the numbers on
in felt-tip pen

145
00:08:42,207 --> 00:08:45,165
- but I never got round to it.
- Right.

146
00:08:46,247 --> 00:08:50,001
So the date we're heading for is
two watermelons and a bunch of cherries.

147
00:08:50,087 --> 00:08:51,156
That's right, my lord.

148
00:08:52,007 --> 00:08:54,760
BLACKADDER: In other words,
we can't get home.

149
00:08:54,847 --> 00:08:57,680
BALDRICK: Not as such.
BLACKADDER: Excellent.

150
00:09:00,287 --> 00:09:04,565
Rather a spectacular return to form
after the genius moment, Baldrick.

151
00:09:05,487 --> 00:09:08,923
Still, I think someone with common sense
ought to be able to resolve this.

152
00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:11,726
All we've got to do is put these
controls back to where they were

153
00:09:11,807 --> 00:09:13,525
when we first set off.

154
00:09:13,607 --> 00:09:16,121
I think that was about there.

155
00:09:16,207 --> 00:09:19,995
And these were here and here.

156
00:09:20,087 --> 00:09:23,523
There. And that should get us home.

157
00:09:23,607 --> 00:09:24,801
(DINGING)

158
00:09:25,407 --> 00:09:27,762
Excellent. You threw away
our winning items, Baldrick,

159
00:09:27,847 --> 00:09:29,075
but at least we're home.

160
00:09:33,047 --> 00:09:37,563
Typical. They must have got bored
and gone back for pudding. Oh, dear.

161
00:09:37,647 --> 00:09:38,966
(HUMMING)

162
00:09:39,647 --> 00:09:42,445
Right. Now, you're not
going to believe...

163
00:09:44,887 --> 00:09:46,684
Ah! Lord Blackadder.

164
00:09:49,327 --> 00:09:50,476
Uh...

165
00:09:52,167 --> 00:09:54,522
Elizabeth I?

166
00:09:55,007 --> 00:09:57,805
You're wearing very weird clothes.

167
00:09:58,327 --> 00:10:01,478
And you're looking
rather old and ugly, actually.

168
00:10:01,567 --> 00:10:03,956
- Is that right?
- Of course it's right. I'm always right.

169
00:10:04,047 --> 00:10:06,038
Of course it's right.

170
00:10:06,127 --> 00:10:07,446
- Melchy?
- Ma'am.

171
00:10:07,527 --> 00:10:09,643
Edmund is being very cheeky.

172
00:10:09,727 --> 00:10:13,163
Shall I laugh at him
or chop his ugly head off?

173
00:10:13,247 --> 00:10:15,283
Well, one hates to be harsh, ma'am,
but I do think

174
00:10:15,367 --> 00:10:17,483
a bit of choppy-choppy
is the only apt reaction.

175
00:10:17,567 --> 00:10:20,127
Very well. Kill him!

176
00:10:20,687 --> 00:10:21,756
(GRUNTING)

177
00:10:21,847 --> 00:10:25,556
Unless, of course, Eddie,
you've got a present for me?

178
00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:29,885
- Oh. A present?
- Mmm.

179
00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:32,317
Uh, yes, certainly, Your Majesty.

180
00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:35,519
A present. Erm...

181
00:10:37,807 --> 00:10:41,641
- Quickly. Getting bored now.
- Ah, yes. Now...

182
00:10:43,087 --> 00:10:46,318
- Now, these may not look much.
- They don't.

183
00:10:46,727 --> 00:10:49,525
No, but, erm, well...

184
00:10:49,887 --> 00:10:53,800
Well, let's say... Let's say...
Let's say that there was a place

185
00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:56,401
where you could buy
absolutely everything.

186
00:10:56,487 --> 00:11:00,321
(LAUGHING) We already have those,
Blackadder, and they're called markets.

187
00:11:00,407 --> 00:11:04,161
Right. Right.
Well, imagine that, but times 10.

188
00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:06,442
As it were, a supermarket.

189
00:11:07,287 --> 00:11:12,486
Now, if you gave someone at
one of these supermarkets this,

190
00:11:13,767 --> 00:11:17,646
he would give you some bonus points.

191
00:11:18,767 --> 00:11:24,239
Which would mean that once a month
you could buy a tin of baked beans

192
00:11:24,607 --> 00:11:26,438
at half the normal price.

193
00:11:27,047 --> 00:11:28,400
Kill him.

194
00:11:28,487 --> 00:11:31,001
No. No! There must be... Oh!

195
00:11:31,327 --> 00:11:35,036
Oh! What are they?

196
00:11:35,127 --> 00:11:37,561
Oh, they're just sort of sweets.

197
00:11:37,647 --> 00:11:39,126
Minty things.

198
00:11:39,687 --> 00:11:43,316
- I want one.
- Yes, Your Majesty.

199
00:11:45,007 --> 00:11:47,475
Oh, it's got a hole in it.

200
00:11:47,567 --> 00:11:49,125
- No, they're meant to be like that.
- Oh.

201
00:11:49,207 --> 00:11:51,163
That's how they're made.

202
00:11:53,207 --> 00:11:56,244
(SPLUTTERING)

203
00:11:56,327 --> 00:11:57,885
(BREATHING RAPIDLY)

204
00:12:00,007 --> 00:12:03,044
Oh! Blacky, you are so naughty.

205
00:12:04,727 --> 00:12:08,402
It's the tastiest thing
in the history of the world.

206
00:12:08,487 --> 00:12:11,240
Try one, Melchy. What do you think?

207
00:12:11,327 --> 00:12:14,637
(CHUCKLING) Yes, indeed, ma'am.
They're most pleasant.

208
00:12:14,727 --> 00:12:17,287
This is incredible,
'cause, do you know, Smelchy,

209
00:12:17,367 --> 00:12:19,437
the way you usually smell so bad,

210
00:12:19,527 --> 00:12:21,119
it's like you've eaten a whole stoat
for your breakfast?

211
00:12:21,207 --> 00:12:24,643
Well, I am aware I have a less than
orthodox mouthal odour, ma'am, yes.

212
00:12:24,727 --> 00:12:27,480
Yes, well, you don't smell
like that any more.

213
00:12:27,567 --> 00:12:31,321
You smell absolutely yummy now,
and not at all like a turd.

214
00:12:31,407 --> 00:12:33,398
Oh, what a pity.

215
00:12:33,487 --> 00:12:37,480
Well done, Blacky. Here, take this.

216
00:12:37,967 --> 00:12:39,878
You sexy flirt.

217
00:12:41,247 --> 00:12:42,726
Thank you, ma'am.

218
00:12:42,807 --> 00:12:48,040
Now, go forth and bring back
lots more minty things

219
00:12:48,807 --> 00:12:51,002
in the next five minutes,

220
00:12:51,087 --> 00:12:54,762
or I'll come after you
and crush your skull like an egg.

221
00:12:56,247 --> 00:12:58,283
Certainly, Your Majesty.
I'll be right back.

222
00:12:58,367 --> 00:13:00,642
Thank you very much. Thank you.

223
00:13:04,047 --> 00:13:05,366
(GRUNTING)

224
00:13:06,047 --> 00:13:09,323
Oh, I'm... I'm so sorry. I am sorry.

225
00:13:11,567 --> 00:13:15,037
- Wait a minute. You're not...
- Will Shakespeare, yes.

226
00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:17,846
No, don't say it, I know. You hated
Two Gentlemen of Verona.

227
00:13:17,927 --> 00:13:19,360
This one's much better.

228
00:13:19,447 --> 00:13:21,517
Well, bugger my giddy aunt!

229
00:13:22,967 --> 00:13:26,277
You couldn't just sign something for me,
could you?

230
00:13:26,527 --> 00:13:28,085
Well, certainly.

231
00:13:29,487 --> 00:13:31,045
Sorry, it's just a biro.

232
00:13:36,327 --> 00:13:39,205
- Thank you. Oh, and just one more thing.
- Yes.

233
00:13:41,047 --> 00:13:45,120
That is for every schoolboy and
schoolgirl for the next 400 years.

234
00:13:46,447 --> 00:13:49,883
Have you any idea how much suffering
you are going to cause?

235
00:13:49,967 --> 00:13:52,276
Hours spent at school desks

236
00:13:52,367 --> 00:13:55,757
trying to find one joke in
A Midsummer Night's Dream?

237
00:13:56,807 --> 00:14:00,561
Years wearing stupid tights
in school plays

238
00:14:00,647 --> 00:14:02,877
and saying things like,
"What ho, my lord?"

239
00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:07,006
And, "Oh, look, here comes Othello,
talking total crap as usual."

240
00:14:07,687 --> 00:14:09,405
- Oh, and...
- Ow!

241
00:14:09,487 --> 00:14:14,356
That is for Ken Branagh's endless uncut
four-hour version of Hamlet.

242
00:14:16,767 --> 00:14:18,519
Who's Ken Branagh?

243
00:14:18,607 --> 00:14:22,646
I'll tell him you said that.
And I think he'll be very hurt.

244
00:14:28,127 --> 00:14:30,516
- Right. Let's get out of here, Balders.
- Certainly, my lord.

245
00:14:30,607 --> 00:14:32,518
By the way, if we're lucky enough
to get out of this alive...

246
00:14:32,607 --> 00:14:34,563
- Yes, my lord?
- ...remind me to kill you, will you?

247
00:14:34,647 --> 00:14:35,762
All right, my lord.

248
00:14:35,847 --> 00:14:38,407
Now, it was down here
when we were at the dinosaurs.

249
00:14:38,487 --> 00:14:41,957
It's in the middle now.
So why don't we try it here?

250
00:14:42,607 --> 00:14:43,960
(CRANKING)

251
00:14:44,047 --> 00:14:45,958
BLACKADDER: That should do the trick.

252
00:14:48,607 --> 00:14:51,440
Yes, I suspect that's
a little too far forward.

253
00:14:52,967 --> 00:14:54,036
(ZAPPING)

254
00:14:54,167 --> 00:14:55,885
Back, back, back!

255
00:14:59,207 --> 00:15:00,322
(WHIRRING)

256
00:15:00,407 --> 00:15:02,523
Oh, God, where are we now?

257
00:15:03,647 --> 00:15:07,083
Oh, dear. You think it's safe?

258
00:15:07,167 --> 00:15:08,566
I don't know.

259
00:15:08,647 --> 00:15:13,038
Does this look like a dangerous place
to you, Baldrick? This empty wood?

260
00:15:19,367 --> 00:15:23,042
Well, well, what have we here,
my tough band of freedom fighters

261
00:15:23,127 --> 00:15:25,357
who have good muscle tone
and aren't gay?

262
00:15:25,447 --> 00:15:26,880
Oh, God.

263
00:15:26,967 --> 00:15:28,241
(EXCLAIMS)

264
00:15:31,847 --> 00:15:33,280
(EXCLAIMS)

265
00:15:33,367 --> 00:15:35,085
(LAUGHING)

266
00:15:36,407 --> 00:15:38,716
Look, lads,
we've captured Lord Blackadder.

267
00:15:38,807 --> 00:15:40,638
(ALL CHEERING)

268
00:15:40,727 --> 00:15:43,287
Wait a minute. Are you Robin Hood?

269
00:15:43,367 --> 00:15:44,846
(LAUGHING)

270
00:15:44,927 --> 00:15:46,679
Am I Robin Hood?

271
00:15:46,767 --> 00:15:48,439
Is Will Scarlet a poof in tights?

272
00:15:50,447 --> 00:15:54,235
Is Friar Tuck a fat tub of lard
with a ridiculous haircut?

273
00:15:55,687 --> 00:15:59,760
Is Maid Marian a hot little honey with
thighs like two halves of a nutcracker?

274
00:15:59,847 --> 00:16:01,166
- Yes, I am.
- Woof!

275
00:16:01,247 --> 00:16:02,475
Woof!

276
00:16:03,807 --> 00:16:05,638
(MEN CHEERING)

277
00:16:05,727 --> 00:16:07,445
- Woof!
- MEN: Woof!

278
00:16:07,527 --> 00:16:09,882
Oh, yes, it's nice to meet you at last.

279
00:16:09,967 --> 00:16:12,879
Because there's one question
I've always wanted to ask you.

280
00:16:12,967 --> 00:16:16,880
Fire away. One final question before
I impale you with my magnificent weapon.

281
00:16:16,967 --> 00:16:18,116
And I'm not talking about my enormous...

282
00:16:18,207 --> 00:16:19,435
Yes, yes, yes, I know you're not.

283
00:16:19,527 --> 00:16:22,121
- Oh right, sorry.
- What puzzles me is this.

284
00:16:22,207 --> 00:16:25,085
- You rob from the rich...
- MEN: Yes!

285
00:16:25,167 --> 00:16:26,885
- That's right, yeah.
- And then,

286
00:16:26,967 --> 00:16:30,846
when you rob the rich,
you give it all to the poor.

287
00:16:30,927 --> 00:16:34,044
- MEN: Yes!
- I love giving it to the poor.

288
00:16:34,127 --> 00:16:35,799
- Woof!
- ALL: Woof!

289
00:16:35,887 --> 00:16:38,606
Now, that's the bit I don't understand.

290
00:16:39,367 --> 00:16:42,040
You men risk your lives in combat.

291
00:16:42,127 --> 00:16:43,321
MEN: Yes!

292
00:16:43,407 --> 00:16:46,524
You risk certain death if you're caught.

293
00:16:46,607 --> 00:16:47,676
MEN: Yes.

294
00:16:47,767 --> 00:16:51,806
You live here in this forest
in total squalor.

295
00:16:51,887 --> 00:16:54,526
I mean, I'd hate to think what the
toilet facilities are like round here.

296
00:16:54,607 --> 00:16:55,642
(MURMURING)

297
00:16:55,727 --> 00:16:57,160
MAN: Not very nice, actually.

298
00:16:57,247 --> 00:17:00,398
And yet you still give
every single penny

299
00:17:00,487 --> 00:17:03,365
to these so-called poor,

300
00:17:03,927 --> 00:17:06,999
who just sit on their backsides all day?

301
00:17:07,087 --> 00:17:09,601
- All right, shut up, now.
- Laughing at you, saying,

302
00:17:09,687 --> 00:17:11,166
"Oh, no need to go to work today.

303
00:17:11,247 --> 00:17:12,839
"Robin Hood and his merry men
will be along in a minute

304
00:17:12,927 --> 00:17:15,760
with a big pile of cash."
- I said shut up!

305
00:17:16,287 --> 00:17:17,481
I'm surprised they don't call you

306
00:17:17,567 --> 00:17:21,196
Robin Hood and his bunch
of complete lunatics.

307
00:17:22,007 --> 00:17:26,319
Right! That is it. Shoot him, boys!
I'm great and he's not.

308
00:17:26,407 --> 00:17:29,205
Robin Hood and his band of merry morons.

309
00:17:29,927 --> 00:17:32,487
Ready! Aim!

310
00:17:35,367 --> 00:17:36,482
Fire!

311
00:17:38,167 --> 00:17:39,486
(GRUNTING)

312
00:17:40,487 --> 00:17:41,681
(GASPS)

313
00:17:43,887 --> 00:17:46,481
Can I say that I think you've
made the right decision?

314
00:17:46,567 --> 00:17:48,364
So do I, gorgeous.

315
00:17:49,247 --> 00:17:50,839
Ding dong!

316
00:17:55,527 --> 00:17:58,280
Well, Maid Marian was pretty friendly.

317
00:17:58,367 --> 00:18:01,404
So was Will Scarlet. Really nice guy.

318
00:18:03,327 --> 00:18:05,795
So, the sooner we get home, the better.

319
00:18:05,887 --> 00:18:08,447
We've started to affect history
and that's dangerous.

320
00:18:08,527 --> 00:18:11,644
We've already wiped out the dinosaurs
and killed Robin Hood.

321
00:18:11,727 --> 00:18:13,957
God only knows
what's going to happen next time.

322
00:18:18,087 --> 00:18:19,679
(CANONS FIRING)

323
00:18:24,567 --> 00:18:28,242
(IN FRENCH ACCENT) My Lord Emperor,
I, the Duc de Darling, bring news.

324
00:18:28,327 --> 00:18:30,602
The English have reached Waterloo.

325
00:18:30,687 --> 00:18:33,520
- Good. Prepare to attack.
- Very well.

326
00:18:33,607 --> 00:18:36,360
But first, I would like to ask,

327
00:18:36,447 --> 00:18:38,961
why do we want to invade Britain
in the first place?

328
00:18:39,047 --> 00:18:41,959
I mean, their wine is made
of the pee-pee of cows

329
00:18:42,047 --> 00:18:44,481
and their women all have big beards.

330
00:18:44,567 --> 00:18:48,401
We invade, Darling, because
the British think they're so tough.

331
00:18:48,487 --> 00:18:49,920
They think we French are sissies.

332
00:18:50,007 --> 00:18:53,158
They call us weeds and woopsies
and big girls' blouses.

333
00:18:53,247 --> 00:18:56,444
With respect, my emperor,
we are woopsies.

334
00:18:56,527 --> 00:19:00,566
We invented the tapestry,
the soufflé and the sweet liqueur.

335
00:19:00,647 --> 00:19:03,525
We will be slaughtered
the minute we mince up the hill.

336
00:19:03,607 --> 00:19:04,960
Do not despair.

337
00:19:05,047 --> 00:19:07,880
It is my firm belief
that God hates the British.

338
00:19:07,967 --> 00:19:12,404
He will intervene miraculously
and send us a glorious victory

339
00:19:12,487 --> 00:19:14,205
on this field of Waterloo.

340
00:19:14,287 --> 00:19:15,686
Oh, bravo!

341
00:19:17,007 --> 00:19:20,317
- A lovely uniform today, by the way.
- Oh, thank you. I think it works.

342
00:19:21,247 --> 00:19:23,636
(EXPLOSION)
- ALL: Ooh!

343
00:19:29,207 --> 00:19:30,720
Your Grace, the French
are approaching.

344
00:19:30,807 --> 00:19:33,367
Excellent. I have a superb
plan which cannot fail

345
00:19:33,447 --> 00:19:36,280
but result in the complete
destruction of the French army.

346
00:19:36,367 --> 00:19:38,039
Oh, splendid.
Well, tell me at once, Your Grace,

347
00:19:38,127 --> 00:19:39,480
and I'll spread the
news to the troops.

348
00:19:39,567 --> 00:19:41,956
Very well, the plan is...
God, I'm brilliant.

349
00:19:42,047 --> 00:19:43,799
You know, I surprise myself
sometimes, I really do.

350
00:19:43,887 --> 00:19:45,957
- Yeah.
- The plan is

351
00:19:46,047 --> 00:19:49,164
to allow the French to come
within 100 yards of us and then,

352
00:19:49,247 --> 00:19:51,715
and this is the completely
original and brilliant part...

353
00:19:51,807 --> 00:19:53,240
- Yes?
- Then...

354
00:19:55,247 --> 00:19:56,600
Your Grace!

355
00:19:59,327 --> 00:20:02,080
- The Duke of Wellington is dead.
- Whoops!

356
00:20:03,047 --> 00:20:06,835
Alas! Alas! Without the plan,
the day is lost.

357
00:20:08,567 --> 00:20:09,886
Pardon me.

358
00:20:12,127 --> 00:20:13,765
Thanks very much.

359
00:20:14,327 --> 00:20:17,125
May as well
try and win that cash anyway.

360
00:20:19,167 --> 00:20:22,079
Why don't we try pressing this button?

361
00:20:22,447 --> 00:20:23,721
(SQUEAKING)

362
00:20:24,887 --> 00:20:27,162
Well, fingers crossed.

363
00:20:27,247 --> 00:20:28,441
(THUDDING)

364
00:20:30,687 --> 00:20:34,680
- What can you see, Balders?
- People in very short skirts, my lord.

365
00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:38,555
Ah, excellent, the 1960s.
At last we're getting close.

366
00:20:39,207 --> 00:20:42,882
I might stay a while, actually,
for a bit of hippie free love.

367
00:20:42,967 --> 00:20:45,765
Not that free love would make a lot
of difference to you, would it, Balders?

368
00:20:45,847 --> 00:20:48,042
I mean, what would a sheep do
with money?

369
00:20:48,127 --> 00:20:51,039
Not girls in skirts, my lord, men.

370
00:20:51,127 --> 00:20:53,595
Ah! Spandau Ballet, 1983.

371
00:20:53,687 --> 00:20:55,518
I think not, my lord.

372
00:20:56,327 --> 00:20:57,476
What?

373
00:21:00,007 --> 00:21:04,398
Romans! We're still centuries out.
Come on, let's go.

374
00:21:05,407 --> 00:21:09,400
Although I might just steal myself
a Roman helmet while we're here.

375
00:21:09,487 --> 00:21:10,761
That's interesting.

376
00:21:10,847 --> 00:21:13,725
The machine seems to be
seeking out our DNA across time.

377
00:21:13,807 --> 00:21:16,480
- Just brilliant.
- What, O centurion?

378
00:21:16,567 --> 00:21:19,127
We're facing a horde of ginger maniacs

379
00:21:19,207 --> 00:21:22,483
with wild goats nesting
in their huge orange beards,

380
00:21:22,567 --> 00:21:25,127
or to put it another way, the Scots,

381
00:21:25,207 --> 00:21:28,358
and how does our inspired leader Hadrian
intend to keep out

382
00:21:28,447 --> 00:21:30,802
this vast army of lunatics?

383
00:21:30,887 --> 00:21:33,355
By building a three-foot-high wall.

384
00:21:34,127 --> 00:21:36,004
A terrifying obstacle.

385
00:21:36,087 --> 00:21:38,885
About as frightening as a little rabbit
with the word "boo"

386
00:21:38,967 --> 00:21:41,037
- painted on its nose.
- Ooh!

387
00:21:41,687 --> 00:21:43,996
Oh, come now, centurion,
I won't have that.

388
00:21:44,087 --> 00:21:46,760
This wall is a terrific
defence mechanism.

389
00:21:46,847 --> 00:21:49,281
Why, surely you're not suggesting
that a rabble of Scots

390
00:21:49,367 --> 00:21:51,278
could get the better of Roman soldiers?

391
00:21:51,367 --> 00:21:53,597
(SPEAKING LATIN)

392
00:21:56,087 --> 00:21:58,237
- Welcome, General.
- Splendid.

393
00:21:59,687 --> 00:22:03,566
Ah, good to see you practising
your English, Georgius.

394
00:22:03,927 --> 00:22:06,441
(SPEAKING LATIN)

395
00:22:21,767 --> 00:22:24,440
- Did you hear that, Balders?
- I certainly did, O centurion.

396
00:22:24,527 --> 00:22:26,006
Back to Rome at last.

397
00:22:26,367 --> 00:22:27,595
(EXCLAIMS)

398
00:22:28,087 --> 00:22:29,759
Say, this is interesting.

399
00:22:29,847 --> 00:22:33,635
There appears to be a large
orange hedge moving towards us.

400
00:22:34,567 --> 00:22:37,127
That's not a hedge, Consul.
That's the Scots.

401
00:22:38,207 --> 00:22:40,482
(YELLING)

402
00:22:42,007 --> 00:22:43,076
Ah.

403
00:22:43,447 --> 00:22:44,641
(SPEAKING LATIN)

404
00:22:45,207 --> 00:22:47,516
- Should we run, my lord?
- Yes.

405
00:22:48,247 --> 00:22:49,999
(YELLING)

406
00:22:50,367 --> 00:22:52,403
Perhaps we could negotiate.

407
00:22:52,487 --> 00:22:56,560
Last one there gets hacked to pieces by
Rod Stewart's great-great-grandfather.

408
00:23:05,207 --> 00:23:08,358
- Let's get home, Baldrick.
- But we don't know where home is.

409
00:23:08,447 --> 00:23:12,804
We're doomed to float
through time for all time!

410
00:23:12,887 --> 00:23:16,357
Oh, woe is me!

411
00:23:16,447 --> 00:23:19,245
Shut up, Baldrick, shut up.
There is one final thing to push

412
00:23:19,327 --> 00:23:22,160
which may be our salvation.

413
00:23:22,247 --> 00:23:23,521
Or not.

414
00:23:23,607 --> 00:23:28,078
- Because it is, in fact, a lollipop.
- Raspberry-flavoured, my lord.

415
00:23:28,527 --> 00:23:30,165
Oh, God.

416
00:23:30,247 --> 00:23:35,526
I'm gonna spend the rest of my life
in a small wooden room with two toilets

417
00:23:35,607 --> 00:23:38,167
and the stupidest man in the world.

418
00:23:38,247 --> 00:23:40,602
Right, my lord. Do not despair,

419
00:23:41,047 --> 00:23:44,437
for I have a cunning plan.

420
00:23:46,807 --> 00:23:48,843
Can I say I'm not optimistic, Baldrick?

421
00:23:48,927 --> 00:23:51,236
To be quite frank, my lord,
neither am I.

422
00:23:51,327 --> 00:23:54,000
My family have never been
very good at plans.

423
00:23:54,087 --> 00:23:56,317
So, with suitably low expectations,

424
00:23:56,407 --> 00:23:58,443
what is your cunning plan
to get us home?

425
00:23:58,527 --> 00:24:01,280
Well, my lord, you know how
when people drown,

426
00:24:01,367 --> 00:24:03,801
their whole life flashes
in front of them?

427
00:24:03,887 --> 00:24:05,286
Yes?

428
00:24:05,367 --> 00:24:08,564
Well, if you stuck your head
in a bucket of water

429
00:24:08,647 --> 00:24:10,524
and didn't bring it out again,

430
00:24:10,607 --> 00:24:13,121
then your whole life
would flash in front of you,

431
00:24:13,207 --> 00:24:17,166
and you'd see where all the knobs
and levers were when we first set off.

432
00:24:17,247 --> 00:24:20,159
And then, if you pulled
your head out again

433
00:24:20,247 --> 00:24:23,683
just before you died,
you could guide us home.

434
00:24:25,207 --> 00:24:27,004
- Baldrick...
- My lord?

435
00:24:28,167 --> 00:24:29,486
Good plan.

436
00:24:29,727 --> 00:24:32,924
With perhaps just one
tiny modification.

437
00:24:33,327 --> 00:24:34,396
Hmm?

438
00:24:34,487 --> 00:24:35,636
Ooh!

439
00:24:40,007 --> 00:24:41,076
(GASPS)

440
00:24:41,167 --> 00:24:42,998
- How's it going?
- I'm 18 years old.

441
00:24:43,087 --> 00:24:45,965
- I've just left nursery school.
- Okey-dokey.

442
00:24:52,807 --> 00:24:55,526
I'm 25, I'm back at nursery school.

443
00:25:12,007 --> 00:25:13,998
- Got it!
- Very good.

444
00:25:14,087 --> 00:25:17,238
I wish...
I wish I'd flushed the loo first.

445
00:25:19,167 --> 00:25:20,202
Oh, yeah.

446
00:25:21,327 --> 00:25:23,682
As we approach the end, my lord,

447
00:25:23,767 --> 00:25:27,282
what do you think we've learnt
on our great journey?

448
00:25:27,367 --> 00:25:29,164
Good question, Baldrick.

449
00:25:29,247 --> 00:25:32,637
I suppose I've learnt that I must
buy you a much stronger mouthwash

450
00:25:32,727 --> 00:25:35,446
for Christmas this year.
How about you?

451
00:25:35,527 --> 00:25:36,801
Oh, I don't know.

452
00:25:36,887 --> 00:25:40,402
I suppose I've learnt that human
beings have always been the same.

453
00:25:40,487 --> 00:25:43,763
Some nice, some nasty.
Some clever, some stupid.

454
00:25:43,847 --> 00:25:47,396
There's always a Blackadder
and there's always a Baldrick.

455
00:25:47,487 --> 00:25:49,000
Yes, very profound, Baldrick.

456
00:25:49,087 --> 00:25:51,999
- Also, it occurs to me...
- Oh, God, there's not more, is there?

457
00:25:52,087 --> 00:25:54,806
...if you're in the right place
at the right time,

458
00:25:54,887 --> 00:25:57,959
then every person
has the power to go out

459
00:25:58,047 --> 00:26:00,561
and change the world for the better.

460
00:26:00,647 --> 00:26:04,640
God, you really are
as thick as clotted cream

461
00:26:04,727 --> 00:26:06,718
that's been left out by some clot

462
00:26:06,807 --> 00:26:09,844
until the clots are so clotted up
you couldn't unclot them

463
00:26:09,927 --> 00:26:13,317
with an electric declotter.
Aren't you, Baldrick?

464
00:26:14,007 --> 00:26:18,046
Real change comes from
huge socio-economic things

465
00:26:18,127 --> 00:26:19,719
that individuals have no effect on.

466
00:26:19,807 --> 00:26:22,526
Unless you're King or
Prime Minister or something.

467
00:26:22,607 --> 00:26:24,563
Well, yes, I suppose
they can make a difference.

468
00:26:24,647 --> 00:26:26,717
But for the rest of us,
all we can do in life

469
00:26:26,807 --> 00:26:29,037
is to try to make a bit of cash.

470
00:26:29,127 --> 00:26:30,640
(THUDDING)

471
00:26:30,727 --> 00:26:33,287
Which is what I intend
to do right now.

472
00:26:33,367 --> 00:26:35,164
GEORGE: Hang on.

473
00:26:35,247 --> 00:26:36,396
(ELIZABETH GASPING)

474
00:26:36,487 --> 00:26:37,556
MELCHETT: Did you see...

475
00:26:37,647 --> 00:26:39,717
Good Lord, Blackadder,
what happened there?

476
00:26:39,807 --> 00:26:42,560
Yes, everything went
sort of squiggly.

477
00:26:42,647 --> 00:26:45,320
I have, in fact,
returned from the past.

478
00:26:45,407 --> 00:26:48,240
Oh, please! Surely you don't expect
us to believe that, Blackadder?

479
00:26:48,327 --> 00:26:51,080
Clearly, that was all some sort
of cheap conjuring trick.

480
00:26:51,167 --> 00:26:53,397
On the contrary, Darling.

481
00:26:53,487 --> 00:26:54,920
(ALL EXCLAIMING)

482
00:26:55,007 --> 00:26:57,999
Well, bravo, with
big brass bells on.

483
00:26:58,527 --> 00:27:02,406
And as a little bonus, the crown
of Queen Elizabeth I of England.

484
00:27:02,487 --> 00:27:04,125
Oh, fun!

485
00:27:05,647 --> 00:27:08,639
- It fits!
- MELCHETT: Well done, Blackadder.

486
00:27:09,447 --> 00:27:12,962
But tell me, all this stuff about
changing history with time travel,

487
00:27:13,047 --> 00:27:14,958
you must have had to be
damnsome careful.

488
00:27:15,047 --> 00:27:16,878
Oh, I was. Very careful.

489
00:27:16,967 --> 00:27:18,844
So, Blackadder, tell us,
did you hang out

490
00:27:18,927 --> 00:27:21,680
with any, you know, big-time celebs?
- Well, yes, actually.

491
00:27:21,767 --> 00:27:25,362
For example, this belonged
to none other than Robin Hood.

492
00:27:26,327 --> 00:27:28,761
- Who?
- Robin Hood.

493
00:27:28,847 --> 00:27:32,123
Never heard of him. You'll have to
do better than that, Blackadder.

494
00:27:32,207 --> 00:27:34,926
Right. So you've never heard
of Robin Hood?

495
00:27:35,807 --> 00:27:37,206
ALL: No.

496
00:27:37,287 --> 00:27:42,759
Well, this is the title page for Macbeth
signed by Shakespeare himself.

497
00:27:44,487 --> 00:27:47,399
Oh, no, no, no, no, come on,
you've heard of Shakespeare.

498
00:27:47,487 --> 00:27:50,638
He is the fellow
who invented the ballpoint pen.

499
00:27:51,727 --> 00:27:54,287
Well, I might have had an effect
on one or two things.

500
00:27:54,367 --> 00:27:55,436
But nothing important.

501
00:27:55,527 --> 00:27:58,166
Well, never mind, Blackadder.
You've certainly won your bet.

502
00:27:58,247 --> 00:28:01,956
So, here's your 10,000 francs,
and jolly well deserved, too.

503
00:28:02,407 --> 00:28:04,637
What do you mean, francs?

504
00:28:04,727 --> 00:28:06,763
What do you mean,
"What do I mean, francs?"

505
00:28:06,847 --> 00:28:09,725
Well, surely you mean ã10,000.

506
00:28:09,807 --> 00:28:11,399
(ALL LAUGHING)

507
00:28:11,487 --> 00:28:14,559
Pounds? We haven't used those
for 200 years.

508
00:28:14,647 --> 00:28:17,115
Not since the Emperor Napoleon
won the Battle of Waterloo.

509
00:28:17,207 --> 00:28:19,880
Which reminds me, it's time for us
to get to the television.

510
00:28:19,967 --> 00:28:21,685
Monsieur le Président
will be broadcasting

511
00:28:21,767 --> 00:28:24,565
from Versailles at any moment.
Are you coming?

512
00:28:24,647 --> 00:28:28,196
Uh, no, I might just go on
one final little trip.

513
00:28:28,287 --> 00:28:32,360
Oh, no, don't go. You haven't had a
bite of the delicious garlic pudding.

514
00:28:32,447 --> 00:28:35,325
After which I'm going to do
un petit peu de ballet.

515
00:28:37,087 --> 00:28:40,841
(SINGING LA MARSEILLAISE)

516
00:28:40,927 --> 00:28:42,599
Right, that's it.

517
00:28:44,647 --> 00:28:47,480
Come on, Balders,
we've got to save Britain.

518
00:28:51,047 --> 00:28:52,162
(THUDDING)

519
00:28:54,407 --> 00:28:56,762
I thought I'd just drop in to wish
you good luck with the battle.

520
00:28:56,847 --> 00:28:59,407
You can't lose. Hello, Darling.

521
00:29:05,047 --> 00:29:07,481
There's one question
I've always wanted to ask you.

522
00:29:07,567 --> 00:29:10,798
- Yes?
- How come you're so great?

523
00:29:10,887 --> 00:29:13,082
(CHUCKLES) Because I'm me.

524
00:29:16,367 --> 00:29:18,483
- I'm a very big fan, Bill.
- Thank you.

525
00:29:18,567 --> 00:29:21,320
Keep up the good work.
"King Lear." Very funny.

526
00:29:28,567 --> 00:29:31,639
MELCHETT: Good Lord, Blackadder!
What happened there?

527
00:29:32,607 --> 00:29:34,120
Oh, bravo!

528
00:29:34,207 --> 00:29:38,803
And here, a front page of Macbeth
signed by Shakespeare himself.

529
00:29:38,887 --> 00:29:41,117
ALL: Oh, my God!

530
00:29:41,207 --> 00:29:42,242
That's better.

531
00:29:42,327 --> 00:29:44,522
MELCHETT: Well done, Blackadder.

532
00:29:44,607 --> 00:29:48,236
But what about all this stuff about
changing history through time travel?

533
00:29:48,327 --> 00:29:50,318
You must have had to be
damnsome careful.

534
00:29:50,407 --> 00:29:53,479
Oh, I was. Very, very careful.

535
00:29:53,567 --> 00:29:55,683
Hmm. Intriguing thought,
actually, isn't it?

536
00:29:55,767 --> 00:29:58,042
You know, the smallest thing
can change history.

537
00:29:58,127 --> 00:30:00,277
Imagine if Wellington had died
before the Battle of Waterloo,

538
00:30:00,367 --> 00:30:01,436
we'd all be French.

539
00:30:01,527 --> 00:30:04,678
Or if someone hadn't invented
deodorant, we'd all be smelly.

540
00:30:04,767 --> 00:30:08,237
The tiniest thing can affect
the course of human history.

541
00:30:08,327 --> 00:30:11,683
Think what turmoil an
unscrupulous person could wreak.

542
00:30:12,127 --> 00:30:13,162
Yes.

543
00:30:13,247 --> 00:30:14,521
(CHUCKLES)

544
00:30:15,047 --> 00:30:17,959
Could you excuse me
for just five seconds?

545
00:30:18,047 --> 00:30:19,639
Yeah, absolutely.

546
00:30:20,527 --> 00:30:22,961
Why don't you just go upstairs
and watch television?

547
00:30:23,047 --> 00:30:24,878
I'll be back very, very soon.

548
00:30:24,967 --> 00:30:26,639
Ah, splendid.
But do hurry, Blackadder.

549
00:30:26,727 --> 00:30:29,082
I don't want to miss
the big shindig at midnight.

550
00:30:29,167 --> 00:30:31,237
Don't worry. I'll be back.

551
00:30:33,287 --> 00:30:36,836
Baldrick, I have a very,
very, very cunning plan.

552
00:30:37,527 --> 00:30:38,880
Is it as cunning as a fox

553
00:30:38,967 --> 00:30:42,039
what used to be Professor of Cunning
at Oxford University,

554
00:30:42,127 --> 00:30:44,960
but has moved on and is
now working for the UN

555
00:30:45,047 --> 00:30:48,596
at the High Commission
of International Cunning Planning?

556
00:30:48,687 --> 00:30:50,723
- Yes, it is.
- Hmm.

557
00:30:51,967 --> 00:30:53,446
That's cunning.

558
00:30:58,087 --> 00:30:59,281
Right. Here goes.

559
00:30:59,367 --> 00:31:01,927
FEMALE REPORTER: And now,
excitement is reaching fever pitch

560
00:31:02,007 --> 00:31:04,885
as the final guests of honour
arrive at the Dome.

561
00:31:04,967 --> 00:31:09,518
Many of the crowds have been here for
up to 36 hours waiting for this moment,

562
00:31:09,607 --> 00:31:12,804
but I'm sure they
won't be disappointed,

563
00:31:12,887 --> 00:31:15,447
as the great car sweeps into view.

564
00:31:15,527 --> 00:31:18,963
Because here, at last,
is the King himself.

565
00:31:19,047 --> 00:31:21,959
King Edmund III. Universally loved.

566
00:31:22,047 --> 00:31:25,642
98% approval rating across the country.

567
00:31:25,727 --> 00:31:29,242
With him, his gorgeous new bride,
Queen Marian of Sherwood,

568
00:31:29,327 --> 00:31:33,445
the nation's most famous beauty,
beloved by all.

569
00:31:33,527 --> 00:31:35,757
And here to greet them
is the Prime Minister.

570
00:31:35,847 --> 00:31:39,522
Unmarried, of course, but now
entering his fifth term of office.

571
00:31:39,607 --> 00:31:42,280
The relationship between
the King and his first minister

572
00:31:42,367 --> 00:31:44,323
particularly close nowadays,

573
00:31:44,407 --> 00:31:47,638
since the dissolution of
Parliament two years ago.

574
00:31:47,727 --> 00:31:50,161
And what a great partnership
these two have become,

575
00:31:50,247 --> 00:31:51,839
leading Britain magnificently

576
00:31:51,927 --> 00:31:55,124
into a prosperous and
triumphant new millennium.

577
00:32:06,767 --> 00:32:08,485
(MAN SINGING)