Professional beach volleyball
We'll get to the bottom of the complex and cryptic signals
that are the key to understanding this game.
Also, baseball signals... Why nobody cares.
And do you catch yourself
walking with your hands behind your back?
If so, you'll want to hear
why Dr. Hans Dorfman says you are slowly dying.
All that and more tonight on "Newspapers."
Newsreaders - 02x13 The FMK Killer
Newsreaders - 02x13 Behind the scenes
If you're an American who has friends,
then chances are, you've played Fu... marry, kill.
It's the game where you choose
which of three people to have sex with,
which one to marry, and which one to murder.
In recent years, the game took a dark turn
when a serial killer began
modeling his murders on the game,
and he became known as the Fu... Marry Killer.
Of all the correspondents I could choose to cover the story,
I'd have sex with Xandra, I'd marry Amir,
and I'd send narge Hemingway
to get the first television interview
with the Fu... Marry Killer.
"It was just a game."
That was the only statement made by Carob Landis,
the notorious Fu... Marry Killer,
before being sentenced to death just days ago.
FBI special Agents Kelly Spears, Mary Agosti, and Famke Carbonale
led the task force that caught Landis.
None of us had ever seen anything like it.
In fact, nobody in the agency had.
- Landis, the killer, he would... - Or...
As we call it, "the Perp."
Oh, my gosh. I said "the killer."
It doesn't matter. Just tell the story.
Okay, well, anyway,
Landis, the Perp, he would kidnap four victims...
We call it a 2-0-7.
Yes.
Thank you again, Agent Agosti.
Um, yes, he would kidnap four victims...
And then that victim...
Mary's got it from here, I guess.
Then he would force one of the victims
to "play the game."
Sorry.
You got a little spit on my face when you said "play."
Oh. Go on.
It looks used, but it's not.
I'm... I'm... I'm fine, thank you.
I can... I can straighten it for you.
- Thank you so much. - Sure.
That person would then have to choose
which one of the other victims she would have intercourse with,
which one she'd marry,
and then he'd make her kill the third herself.
The Perp was actually a licensed minister at an online church,
so he would perform a legal wedding ceremony.
I'm sorry.
Do you have a trash can I could put this in?
She can put it back in her sleeve. She always does that.
Oh, great. Thank you. I can take that.
Mm-hmm.
With Landis behind bars,
the nightmare was finally over.
But will it ever truly be over
for the people Landis terrorized?
Marilyn Roman and her co-workers Chad, Derek, and Tom
were victims of the FMK killer.
This is the first time
Marilyn has spoken publicly about the ordeal.
Go, "Newsreaders"!
So, tell me about your ordeal.
Um, well, I was forced to kill a man with a nail gun.
Yikes.
Let's get to the other two.
Who did you have sex with?
Oh, um, Derek. Obviously.
He is superhot.
But not husband material.
Oh, no, not at all.
He drives a motorcycle
and has a tattoo that says "follow me."
Ooh, yeah. Hot, but I get it.
Now, how about Tom?
Tom and I have been happily married ever since.
And we have two beautiful children.
One is really beautiful.
That one's Derek's, right?
Oh, yeah. Obvi.
Hey!
Ohh! Ow! Hey, you!
He's a hitter.
Marilyn's husband, Tom Roman.
That's Jeremy, our oldest.
He's got the devil in him, that one.
And Derek. He has Derek in him.
He's Derek's son.
The guy Marilyn F'ed.
Great lay, solid genes, not dad material.
"Newsreaders" was granted
the first-ever interview with Landis.
We are so killing it right now!
Do you have any regrets?
I regret not accomplishing everything I wanted to.
There was still some interesting work to be done.
"Interesting work"?
I never got to make anyone play with triplets, for instance.
That would be interesting.
Right?
Yeah.
I have a hard one for you.
Zooey Deschanel, Scarlett Johansson,
and Lisa Bonet... Lisa Bonet in her prime,
like "angel heart" Lisa Bonet.
"F" Lisa, marry Scarjo, kill Zooey.
Whoa, yeah. That's totally right.
Yeah, hello. I'm a serial killer, okay?
We're really kind of smart. This is, like, our whole deal.
How are you feeling right now?
Well, again, serial killer,
so feelings are kind of foreign to me,
but I have to say that if I were to get out of here,
someone might have to choose
between three certain FBI special Agents.
Me?
What?
No, not you. I'm sorry.
I see how it could've been interpreted that way.
I thought you meant me.
No, no.
Sorry.
Every psycho wants revenge.
Let him try and play that game with me.
'Cause I will step on his heart
after I rip it out of his chest with these.
You have perfect feet.
I know.
You're playing the game with us, aren't you?
Mnh... mnh-mnh. No.
Yes. Yes. It's very hard not to.
I'm obviously the "F" because I'm the hottest. Yeah.
And special Agent special needs here
is just gonna have to handle that reality.
And that's why you'll be killed,
because every word out of your painted Fu... slot
inspires murder.
We've been with the case a long time.
It gets in your head.
Mm. Right.
But for the record, I'm fine with being the marry.
- Oh, would you just grow a pair? - I'm the marry.
I can drive stick shift, I like football,
I can cut hair, I can make a bran muffin... You are definitely the kill.
- No, no, no, no... I'm the marry. - Yes, you are.
- Or I'm the "F," or I'm both. - Please.
- I'm the marry. I'm the one with the dsls. - You should take my class.
And I'm the marry who you also want to "f."
Listen! No one wants to "F" you.
That's why I'm the marry,
because you still have to want to "F" the marry.
Sometimes twice a week.
I'm the marry, bitches.
The question I get asked most after,
"hey, whatever happened to Louis Lafonda?"
Has to be, "how on earth does a show like 'Newsreaders' get made?"
To answer that question,
we take you to the other side of our cameras
for the story behind the stories.
You're probably familiar with this scene.
And tonight, we'll meet a man who has never met a man, ever.
All that and more tonight on "Newsreaders."
What you might not be aware of
is how much work it takes to put together a single story
before it is ready for broadcast.
Take a look behind the scenes at our "Newsreaders" offices,
and the first thing you will notice is
it is a hive of activity.
Come on, Princess... move it, move it.
The news floor pulses with producers,
associate producers, cameramen, grips,
gaffers, and support staff.
It takes a lot of talented journalists
to make an episode of "Newsreaders,"
and it all starts before most people
have even had their coffee.
Executive producer Reg Minton runs the morning meeting.
Bruce, what do you got?
Gun lobbies, bankrolling,
a misinformation campaign.
Nobody cares about gun control anymore.
Reg is tough, but getting a story right is even tougher.
I might be going out on a limb here,
but how about we do a feature on Kate Beckinsale?
Yeah.
Video editors and producers
deliver rough cuts to the control room
throughout the day.
At 4:00 P.M., the broadcast lineup is set.
But scripts will continue to be rewritten
sometimes right up until air.
Are we cleared to say that the hospital knew the vaccines were contaminated?
Still waiting to hear back from legal, chief.
There isn't enough time.
You're gonna have to change it to "allegedly."
You know what?
This is a 10:00 A.M. conversation,
not a 5:00 P.M. one.
As air time approaches,
hair and makeup is the first stop for correspondents.
Pillows makes us camera-ready,
and revised scripts are distributed.
It's minutes to air,
and director Kelson Hobson takes over.
Who's got my rundown?
Where's my damn rundown?!
By the time you hear those familiar words...
All of that and more next week on "Newsreaders."
Cut! Whoo!
Oho!
The "Newsreaders" team
is already hard at work on the next show.
So when people ask what makes up a "Newsreaders" broadcast,
tell them it's a lot of elbow grease, dogged reporting,
and the inmates from the lake Howard maximum security prison
in Pensacola, Florida.
Tonight, skip reming has some very public thoughts
about privacy.
I could give two mouse turds
and a baby aspirin about my privacy
because skip reming's lived his life like an open book.
When I ran away from Kindergarten
and went to work for a bounty hunter named Mysterious Gus,
kidnapping my former classmates
and sending them to work in the urinal-cake factory,
I didn't keep it some kind of secret.
I wrote all about it in my autobiography,
"Hey Kid, Want To See Where They Make Urinal Cakes?"
A couple years later,
I decided to get into the high-stakes world
of stealing racehorse semen.
When people asked what I did for a living,
did I tell them to mind their own business,
that it was private?
No. I gave them a copy of my second book,
"Don't Be Afraid To Use Your Mouth."
And when I took all the money that I'd earn robbing pony juice
and reinvested it into a small business,
did I hide where I got the money from?
No.
I opened up my books, starting with the one titled,
How I Used Profits From Child Slavery
And Pilfered Horse Gravy To Buy A Urinal Cake Factory."
Join my book club, and you can get one of my books every month,
from "A Few Good Wars"
to my latest, "I Wrote That."
Next week on "Newsreaders,"
in our continuing coverage of lesbians until graduation,
Amir LaRussa catches up with the lugs
he has been following since 2011.
So, lizzy, you're graduating tomorrow.
Do you think you'll be a lesbian after the graduation?
Ooh. "S" just got real.
I'm Reagan Biscayne. Good night.
sync and correction by solfieri www.addic7ed.com