1
00:00:33,768 --> 00:00:36,535
( music playing )
2
00:00:48,516 --> 00:00:50,482
( vocalizing )
3
00:00:54,321 --> 00:00:55,821
( car horn honks )
4
00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:25,517
Thanks.
5
00:01:25,519 --> 00:01:27,586
That's good for business.
6
00:01:29,490 --> 00:01:31,156
Thank you.
7
00:01:31,158 --> 00:01:35,360
♪ Mr. Sandman,
bring me a dream ♪
8
00:01:35,362 --> 00:01:38,230
♪ Make him the cutest
that I've ever seen... ♪
9
00:01:38,232 --> 00:01:39,832
Excuse me!
10
00:01:39,834 --> 00:01:43,368
♪ Give him two lips
like roses in clover ♪
11
00:01:43,370 --> 00:01:46,839
♪ Then tell him that
his lonely nights are over ♪
12
00:01:46,841 --> 00:01:51,143
♪ Sandman, I'm so alone ♪
13
00:01:51,145 --> 00:01:55,280
♪ Don't have nobody
to call my own ♪
14
00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:58,417
♪ Please turn on
your magic beam ♪
15
00:01:58,419 --> 00:02:02,721
♪ Mr. Sandman,
bring me a dream... ♪
16
00:02:05,192 --> 00:02:07,126
That's a hell
of a move, darling.
17
00:02:07,128 --> 00:02:09,261
- I never get tired of it.
- Thanks, Mom.
18
00:02:09,263 --> 00:02:11,396
- Maybe take your hair down.
- Why?
19
00:02:11,398 --> 00:02:13,298
Scott came
to see us yesterday.
20
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:15,267
What does that have
to do with my hair?
21
00:02:15,269 --> 00:02:16,502
Did he come and get
his belt sander?
22
00:02:16,504 --> 00:02:20,305
No. He came
to get our blessings.
23
00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:21,840
What?
24
00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:23,408
( police siren )
25
00:02:25,146 --> 00:02:29,281
♪ Mister Sandman,
bring us a dream ♪
26
00:02:29,283 --> 00:02:32,784
♪ Give him a pair of eyes
with a come hither gleam ♪
27
00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:36,488
♪ Give him a lonely heart
like Pagliacci... ♪
28
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:37,890
Wow.
29
00:02:37,892 --> 00:02:41,393
♪ And lots of wavy hair
like Liberace ♪
30
00:02:41,395 --> 00:02:44,763
♪ Mister Sandman,
someone to hold... ♪
31
00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:46,598
Hi, Scott.
32
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:49,601
♪ Would be so peachy
before we're too old ♪
33
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:52,738
♪ So please turn on
your magic beam ♪
34
00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:56,875
♪ Mister Sandman,
bring us a dream ♪
35
00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:58,844
♪ Please turn on
your magic beam... ♪
36
00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:02,214
He is so awesome.
What a dreamboat.
37
00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:03,815
You get everything.
38
00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:06,385
Nobody gets everything, Brenda.
You hang in there.
39
00:03:15,930 --> 00:03:18,230
Vintage Cruising Night
looks great.
40
00:03:18,232 --> 00:03:20,265
Yeah, it does.
41
00:03:20,267 --> 00:03:23,835
You notice
anything different?
42
00:03:23,837 --> 00:03:28,407
Maybe how you're feeling today
or how I'm feeling today?
43
00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:31,543
Nah, I got the...
got the...
44
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,245
Oh, you got the new
Bluetooth Oakleys.
45
00:03:33,247 --> 00:03:34,613
- Oh, that's exciting.
- It is exciting.
46
00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:36,415
But guess who had
to pay for them? Me.
47
00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:38,617
- Can you believe that?
- Oh, that's so not right.
48
00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:40,219
Well, it's the principle.
49
00:03:40,221 --> 00:03:42,387
We shouldn't have
to pay to do our jobs.
50
00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:45,290
80% of police authority comes
from controlling eye contact
51
00:03:45,292 --> 00:03:47,492
like I'm doing here
right here with you. See?
52
00:03:47,494 --> 00:03:48,660
- Mm-hmm.
- Anyway...
53
00:03:48,662 --> 00:03:49,828
I want to talk
about tonight.
54
00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:50,996
Okay.
55
00:03:50,998 --> 00:03:52,731
I'm taking you
to a special dinner.
56
00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:54,533
Got your shift covered.
Don't worry about it.
57
00:03:54,535 --> 00:03:56,335
- I already talked to Bobby.
- Right now?
58
00:03:56,337 --> 00:03:57,869
Right now.
59
00:03:57,871 --> 00:03:59,238
Where we going?
60
00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:00,973
Only the best restaurant
in town.
61
00:04:00,975 --> 00:04:05,510
- Woman: No way.
- Scott: Yeah,
The Fancy Gondola.
62
00:04:05,512 --> 00:04:09,281
- Woman: So cool.
- Scott: Mm-hmm.
It's right there.
63
00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:12,284
All these people,
most of them are like lawyers,
64
00:04:12,286 --> 00:04:14,486
and professionals,
and judges, and stuff.
65
00:04:14,488 --> 00:04:16,321
- Wow.
- Alice...
66
00:04:17,891 --> 00:04:20,359
This was voted
best alfredo in Smith County
67
00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:21,627
three years in a row.
68
00:04:26,333 --> 00:04:28,834
We've been dating for,
what, eight months now?
69
00:04:28,836 --> 00:04:30,469
Uh-huh.
70
00:04:30,471 --> 00:04:32,804
And I will never forget
the first day you skated
71
00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:35,841
up to my motorcycle.
72
00:04:35,843 --> 00:04:37,776
And our eyes met.
73
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:40,445
( nail gun shooting )
74
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:42,881
Excuse me, do you know
how long it's going to be?
75
00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:45,317
Man:
Yeah, about 25 minutes tops.
76
00:04:45,319 --> 00:04:46,551
I don't mind
if you eat while I work.
77
00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:48,387
Let's just move
to another table.
78
00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:49,788
No, no, we're not moving.
They don't have anything else.
79
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,390
This is the best table.
It's the Gondola table.
80
00:04:51,392 --> 00:04:52,858
- It's the Gondola table.
- It's romantic.
81
00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:54,793
- It's very romantic.
- Took me two weeks to get it.
82
00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,728
Or I would have been
doing this two weeks ago.
83
00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:57,996
( nail gun shooting )
84
00:04:57,998 --> 00:05:00,632
( sighs )
85
00:05:01,769 --> 00:05:04,703
Alice, I love you
for who you are.
86
00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:06,538
For richer or poorer.
87
00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:08,073
In sickness and in health.
88
00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:10,976
You are my precious
honeycomb cluster.
89
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:14,012
Excuse me, sir.
Is there an issue?
90
00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:15,814
The ambiance
is a little nail gunning.
91
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:16,948
Right.
92
00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:18,383
I planned this
with your restaurant.
93
00:05:18,385 --> 00:05:19,751
I don't know why
this is all happening.
94
00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:21,386
Who's the genius who decided
to do construction
95
00:05:21,388 --> 00:05:23,021
during all of this?
This is outrageous.
96
00:05:23,023 --> 00:05:24,656
I can't believe this.
This is...
97
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:26,825
My whole marriage proposal
is ruined.
98
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:30,329
No it's not, Scotty.
Go, go.
99
00:05:30,331 --> 00:05:31,563
All right,
we're very sorry, sir.
100
00:05:31,565 --> 00:05:34,045
Just bear with us
another minute.
101
00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:38,403
Oh, it's too tight.
102
00:05:38,405 --> 00:05:39,571
I mean,
it's perfect.
103
00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:41,106
I mean,
my finger's too big.
104
00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:44,943
The honeycomb cluster
does have large knuckles.
105
00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:47,346
Yes, yes,
I will marry you.
106
00:05:47,348 --> 00:05:49,881
From the bottom
of my heart,
107
00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:52,384
it would be
my honor to be...
108
00:05:52,386 --> 00:05:53,585
- ( nail gun shoots )
- Ow!
109
00:05:53,587 --> 00:05:54,986
( siren wailing )
110
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,860
It's imbedded deep
in the forward part
111
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,995
of the left front lobe.
112
00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:05,997
Two inches below the scalp.
113
00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:08,533
We have to be extremely careful.
114
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:10,502
She could be
brain damaged for life.
115
00:06:20,748 --> 00:06:25,117
Wait! She has no insurance.
Shut it down.
116
00:06:25,119 --> 00:06:27,919
Thank you, Arlene.
You're an angel.
117
00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:30,455
Oh, I'm starving.
Where'd those hamburgers go?
118
00:06:30,457 --> 00:06:32,791
Scott:
You have to operate.
This is an emergency.
119
00:06:32,793 --> 00:06:34,860
Emergency.
That's a very interesting word.
120
00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:37,129
A gunshot wound
or the belly is bleeding,
121
00:06:37,131 --> 00:06:40,031
that's an emergency.
This girl's not bleeding.
122
00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:41,633
She can get up
and walk right out of here.
123
00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:45,404
Might be an emergency
in a week or a month,
124
00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:47,406
but not today.
125
00:06:47,408 --> 00:06:51,843
I am sick and tired of uninsured
25-year-olds coming in here
126
00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:55,914
and expecting
our services for free.
127
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:59,851
Plus, we're liable,
which means we could
end up paying you.
128
00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:02,454
Woman: Why don't you just
file a lawsuit against
The Fancy Gondola?
129
00:07:02,456 --> 00:07:05,090
Man:
With the courts and all,
it would take years to collect.
130
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:07,125
Wait.
131
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:08,960
How much could
this cost anyway?
132
00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:11,530
How could it be $150,000
to pull a nail out?
133
00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:13,465
It's brain surgery.
134
00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:16,067
It's stuck in the sesamoid bone
that's behind the nose.
135
00:07:16,069 --> 00:07:17,903
It's deep. It's not good.
136
00:07:17,905 --> 00:07:19,938
Maybe we could get married
and then I can be
137
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,106
on Scott's plan.
138
00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:22,741
( laughs )
Okay, then the nail would be
139
00:07:22,743 --> 00:07:26,077
a preexisting condition
and the insurer won't pay.
140
00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:28,513
Well, what if we just
leave it in there?
141
00:07:28,515 --> 00:07:31,016
You know, I think I feel like
I've seen this on the internet.
142
00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:33,051
You know, some rocker dude
has nails in his head
143
00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:35,153
and he's fine.
I could be fine.
144
00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:37,055
It depends on
where it is.
145
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:39,791
And yours is in
a super unlucky place.
146
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,526
Okay, how unlucky
are we talking, Doc?
147
00:07:41,528 --> 00:07:43,662
I deal with odds
on a daily basis, okay?
148
00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:44,830
That's my job.
What are the odds
149
00:07:44,832 --> 00:07:47,065
of Alice being
completely messed up?
150
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:49,468
She could lose
mouth motor control,
151
00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:50,836
have slurred speech.
152
00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:54,639
Have a lifetime
of heavy drooling.
153
00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:56,741
Not a fun wife.
154
00:07:56,743 --> 00:08:01,646
Well, our love is stronger
than that, right, Scotty?
155
00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:03,615
Scotty?
156
00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:09,338
Scotty?
157
00:08:09,339 --> 00:08:11,490
Let's just see what
the doctors have to say.
158
00:08:11,492 --> 00:08:14,826
Another option, if the nail
shifts within the lobe,
159
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:19,164
then she's likely to lose
all kinds of inhibitions.
160
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:20,665
Oh, that's
really good, right?
161
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:22,033
Yeah,
that could be good.
162
00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:25,504
Frankly, that's kind of
a pain in the ass.
163
00:08:25,506 --> 00:08:28,173
- Might be good for sex.
- ( laughing )
164
00:08:34,581 --> 00:08:37,148
Well, maybe I can
finally have an orgasm.
165
00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:40,852
Okay, honey.
So, private.
166
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:43,555
I already told you
that 50 to 60% of women
167
00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:45,590
don't have orgasms
from intercourse.
168
00:08:45,592 --> 00:08:47,592
What about you starting
gentle like I asked?
169
00:08:47,594 --> 00:08:49,861
And then taking it at the ankle
that I really like?
170
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:51,229
( whistles )
171
00:08:51,231 --> 00:08:52,931
Anyway, so.
172
00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:56,001
The nail in this lobe
could actually
173
00:08:56,003 --> 00:09:00,105
cause her fits of panic,
unpredictable moments
174
00:09:00,107 --> 00:09:01,907
of wrath, rage, anger.
175
00:09:01,909 --> 00:09:03,708
Ah, yeah, I read
that same article.
176
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:06,678
And she could start speaking
fragments of a foreign language
177
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:08,847
that maybe she was
exposed to as a child.
178
00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:11,016
It's crazy, but it happens.
I've seen it once before.
179
00:09:11,018 --> 00:09:13,251
Oh, my God.
Remember Portuguese Jimena,
180
00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:14,619
my babysitter?
181
00:09:14,621 --> 00:09:17,155
I wanted her to be
in the bridesmaid.
182
00:09:17,157 --> 00:09:20,759
Yeah, yeah, Jimena,
183
00:09:20,761 --> 00:09:22,260
yeah, the babysitter.
184
00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:23,628
What are you doing?
185
00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:26,197
Needs to be resized, right?
186
00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:28,800
Well, are we still engaged?
187
00:09:28,802 --> 00:09:30,168
- Let's just...
- We are, right?
188
00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:32,070
Let's focus on fixing
your head right now.
189
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:35,040
And take it
from there, okay?
190
00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:37,282
This will give you
good luck for now.
191
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:40,812
Did you just exchange
her engagement ring
192
00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:42,981
for a chicken foot?
193
00:09:42,983 --> 00:09:44,749
Okay, first of all,
it's a hawk talon.
194
00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:45,917
It's very meaningful
to me.
195
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:48,353
Alice knows that.
196
00:09:48,355 --> 00:09:52,257
It's brought me great luck
over the years 90% of the time.
197
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:55,026
How's my baby?
198
00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:59,764
- Oh, Mom. Dad.
- Oh, baby, aw.
199
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:02,601
( crying )
Will you please
pay for my surgery?
200
00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:04,369
Well, sure we will.
201
00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:06,237
Hawk talon's
working already.
202
00:10:06,239 --> 00:10:10,075
- How much is it?
- Doctor: 150,000.
203
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:14,245
150,000?
204
00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:16,815
We don't have
that kind of money.
205
00:10:16,817 --> 00:10:18,850
I thought I was
on your health plan.
206
00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:20,085
Oh, no, baby.
207
00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:21,686
That stopped when
you were 22, remember?
208
00:10:21,688 --> 00:10:25,323
We gave you the choice
to have basic healthcare
209
00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:29,694
or a credit card that Daddy
would pay up to 500 a year.
210
00:10:29,696 --> 00:10:32,030
I remember. At the time,
I thought the credit card
211
00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:34,299
sounded more fun,
but now I think insurance
212
00:10:34,301 --> 00:10:37,335
- sounds like more fun.
- Doctor: That's the
way it goes.
213
00:10:37,337 --> 00:10:40,905
Bob, we could take out
a second mortgage on the house
to pay for this.
214
00:10:40,907 --> 00:10:42,674
- Yes.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
215
00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:46,244
No, no, no.
We already have a second
mortgage on the house.
216
00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:50,415
Oh. Well, didn't somebody
get engaged today?
217
00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:53,084
- That's on hold.
- What?
218
00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:54,986
- Yeah.
- Oh, no. Oh, no, no.
219
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,321
- You are still engaged.
- We're going to fix that.
220
00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:58,023
We're going to fix that
lickety-split.
221
00:10:58,025 --> 00:10:59,691
- That's right.
- We're going to fix it, mm-hmm.
222
00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:02,060
You're engaged.
We'll have a fundraiser.
223
00:11:02,062 --> 00:11:04,262
( music playing )
224
00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:06,798
( crowd murmuring )
225
00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:13,204
You look good.
226
00:11:16,777 --> 00:11:19,177
- Hi, Alice. -
- Scott: Welcome. Read
about the brain surgery.
227
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,879
Hi, read about
the brain surgery?
228
00:11:20,881 --> 00:11:22,113
How are you?
Read about the brain surgery?
229
00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:23,748
Here you go.
Don't lose that.
230
00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:25,116
- Hey you.
- Hey, Brenda, how are ya?
231
00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:27,719
- You look good.
- So do you.
232
00:11:27,721 --> 00:11:29,441
Read about the brain surgery?
There's yours.
233
00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:34,759
Oh, that spongy feeling
is hard to resist.
234
00:11:34,761 --> 00:11:36,394
That's your brain,
you know.
235
00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:39,197
Yeah, that's my brain.
So please stop pushing on it.
236
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,199
I am a doctor,
remember?
237
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:42,434
An animal doctor.
238
00:11:42,436 --> 00:11:43,868
Cows can't tell you
when it hurts.
239
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:46,104
They can tell me.
240
00:11:46,106 --> 00:11:48,740
Alice, some other people
with uninsured injuries
have shown up.
241
00:11:48,742 --> 00:11:51,042
What? Why can't they get
their own fundraisers?
242
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,877
No, I think they're here
to support you.
243
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:56,147
- It's like a solidarity thing.
- You remember Reverend Norm?
244
00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:57,849
Hi.
245
00:11:57,851 --> 00:11:59,184
Sorry I haven't been to church
in, like, seven years.
246
00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:00,719
I've been pretty busy.
247
00:12:00,721 --> 00:12:02,353
Well, maybe this crisis
will bring you back to God.
248
00:12:02,355 --> 00:12:05,356
As it brought Keyshawn.
My own crisis has
driven me away.
249
00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:07,192
I'm on a little sabbatical
at the moment.
250
00:12:07,194 --> 00:12:08,359
They put him
on indefinite leave
251
00:12:08,361 --> 00:12:09,728
because of his
medical situation.
252
00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:10,895
It was a sabbatical.
253
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:12,764
They forced him
to take a break.
254
00:12:12,766 --> 00:12:13,932
Norm:
Okay, that's not important.
255
00:12:13,934 --> 00:12:15,366
Oh, it's important.
256
00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:18,903
He prayed to God to save
his 40-year-old marriage.
257
00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:21,306
And God answered
with Viagra and Cialis.
258
00:12:21,308 --> 00:12:22,874
And that didn't work.
259
00:12:22,876 --> 00:12:25,410
Then he answered with
an experimental super pill.
260
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:28,813
- Norm: I signed a waiver.
- Keyshawn: You see this?
261
00:12:28,815 --> 00:12:30,949
- Norm: No one wants
to hear this.
- Wow.
262
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:36,254
- Okay, super.
Let's go, Scott.
- Okay.
263
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:39,023
Did you see the size of that
preacher's basket. Whoa.
264
00:12:39,025 --> 00:12:40,992
Hi, everyone.
I just want to thank
265
00:12:40,994 --> 00:12:42,827
you all for coming.
You're all under arrest.
266
00:12:42,829 --> 00:12:44,429
( all laugh )
267
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:46,531
Just kidding. I just wanted
to say that it's time
268
00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:48,366
to make a request
for donations.
269
00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:50,869
- So I wanted to say that...
- ( microphone feedback)
270
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:53,404
Sorry. Sorry.
Alice, the speakers
aren't wired right.
271
00:12:53,406 --> 00:12:55,006
Fix something, please.
272
00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:56,941
Okay, I've prepared
some remarks.
273
00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:59,077
Please don't leave.
Why is everyone leaving?
274
00:12:59,079 --> 00:13:01,546
6.33, 6.34.
275
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:04,082
Some stupid change
from Cousin Al.
276
00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:07,018
- Does the bank even cash
a check for a dollar?
- That's from Jim.
277
00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:08,253
People said they
woulda gave more
278
00:13:08,255 --> 00:13:10,155
if it was another organ
like a kidney.
279
00:13:10,157 --> 00:13:12,423
What's she supposed to do?
Stick a nail in her liver?
280
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:14,893
I specifically asked
for the speakers to be wired...
281
00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:16,361
- I tried.
- Keyshawn: It's not cool
when you can't get
282
00:13:16,363 --> 00:13:18,429
financial backing
from white people.
283
00:13:18,431 --> 00:13:20,431
We'll just have to get the funds
the old-fashioned way.
284
00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:23,067
- Work and save.
- I can't. I got fired.
285
00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:25,036
( yelling in Portuguese )
286
00:13:27,574 --> 00:13:29,207
( thuds )
287
00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:31,109
That's bad for business.
288
00:13:31,111 --> 00:13:33,978
Nobody gets everything,
remember, Alice?
289
00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:35,914
Hang in there.
290
00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:38,383
There's gotta be
something we can do.
291
00:13:38,385 --> 00:13:41,586
News flash, I've been a large
animal vet for 23 years.
292
00:13:41,588 --> 00:13:44,455
I've seen pitchforks and
backhoes imbedded in cow heads.
293
00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:46,291
I think I can handle this.
294
00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:48,960
- ( clangs )
- ( Alice groans )
295
00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:51,429
I do not approve.
You do not have my
consent, Alice.
296
00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:53,431
This nail is coming
between you and me
297
00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:55,066
and everything, Scotty.
It's got to go.
298
00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:56,835
If something goes wrong,
don't blame me.
299
00:13:56,837 --> 00:14:00,505
Hey, I don't want talk like that
in my operating theater.
300
00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:02,240
- Scott: Not my fault.
- Anesthesia.
301
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:04,375
Scott:
Pass the anesthesia.
302
00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:07,478
It's how the cowboys
did it.
303
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:09,480
Hey, why are you
drinking that?
304
00:14:09,482 --> 00:14:11,049
Scott:
Yeah. Why is
the doctor drinking?
305
00:14:11,051 --> 00:14:13,551
- Steadies the hands.
- Keyshawn: I like her.
306
00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:15,887
Maybe she could
do us next, Rev.
307
00:14:15,889 --> 00:14:17,355
Norm: Let's see how
this goes first.
308
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:18,990
Google doesn't
show much similarity
309
00:14:18,992 --> 00:14:21,392
between a cow brain
and a human brain.
310
00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:23,928
Google's not
always right, you know.
Neither is Wikipedia.
311
00:14:23,930 --> 00:14:25,296
I think kids just
make up stuff there.
312
00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:27,365
- Reverend, please.
- Prayer.
313
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,534
Norm:
Bless this crazy, scary
ramshackle operation.
314
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:31,870
Guide Rita's hands.
Protect Alice, Amen.
315
00:14:31,872 --> 00:14:35,006
Okay, here's what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna take these tweezers
316
00:14:35,008 --> 00:14:38,443
and I'm gonna go in about
three-and-a-half to four
centimeters.
317
00:14:38,445 --> 00:14:40,144
And I'm gonna find
that nail.
318
00:14:40,146 --> 00:14:41,512
Ugh.
319
00:14:44,885 --> 00:14:47,118
- ( groans )
- I have to...
320
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,887
I got to get down
in there pretty...
321
00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:50,889
Oh.
322
00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:53,291
What? I can't even see
the nail exactly.
323
00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:54,993
- Oh.
- God, I hope I'm not just
324
00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:57,061
- making the hole bigger.
- Then stop!
325
00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:59,063
Wait, wait!
326
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,431
We're hitting nail.
327
00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:01,666
Okay, okay.
328
00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:03,501
( groans )
329
00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:05,370
You can do this.
330
00:15:05,372 --> 00:15:07,972
- Good.
- Ooh. Whoa.
331
00:15:07,974 --> 00:15:09,307
I got it, got it, got it.
332
00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:10,575
- ( scrapes )
- Oh, I lost the grip.
333
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:13,544
- Aw, come on.
- Rita: I lost it.
334
00:15:13,546 --> 00:15:14,946
It's like
a watermelon seed.
335
00:15:14,948 --> 00:15:16,381
You know, slip...
Ooh.
336
00:15:16,383 --> 00:15:18,216
Damn, Alice!
337
00:15:18,218 --> 00:15:21,119
Keyshawn:
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
338
00:15:21,121 --> 00:15:23,354
- ( grunts )
- Ew.
339
00:15:23,356 --> 00:15:25,390
( screams )
340
00:15:25,392 --> 00:15:27,926
Son of a bitch!
I hate all you people!
341
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:32,397
Alice!
Wha...
342
00:15:32,398 --> 00:15:33,197
Scott:
Jesus, it's like the exorcist.
343
00:15:33,199 --> 00:15:35,266
Damn it, Rita,
you hit the angry brain part.
344
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:36,534
You disturbed
the nail, Rita!
345
00:15:36,536 --> 00:15:38,102
I did the best I could
with what I had!
346
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:39,637
I'm just scared.
I'm really scared.
347
00:15:39,639 --> 00:15:41,439
- Where's my brain?
- What happened to her face?
348
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:43,975
- What happened to my face?
- It's just soot, baby.
349
00:15:43,977 --> 00:15:45,710
Now, everybody back up
and give her some room.
350
00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:48,546
It's what we do
with a mad cow.
351
00:15:48,548 --> 00:15:50,949
All right, you got to treat this
like an unpredictable gunman.
352
00:15:50,951 --> 00:15:53,251
Engage and contain.
You all stay back.
353
00:15:53,253 --> 00:15:54,385
Alice?
354
00:15:56,389 --> 00:15:57,689
Just two people
talkin' here, right?
355
00:15:57,691 --> 00:15:59,324
No one needs
to get hurt today.
356
00:15:59,326 --> 00:16:00,725
- Scott, I'm so nervous.
- I'm going to help.
357
00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:03,127
Give me the poker.
358
00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:04,529
- And do exactly as I say.
- ( clangs )
359
00:16:04,531 --> 00:16:07,265
I want you to breath in
and breath out.
360
00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:08,599
You work
for the government.
361
00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:10,201
Can you have
the government fix my head?
362
00:16:10,203 --> 00:16:12,003
That's an insane thought.
Block it out.
363
00:16:12,005 --> 00:16:14,639
"Oh, the government has to pay
for my Bluetooth Oakleys,
364
00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:17,041
and my photon tasers,
but to pay for Alice's surgery,
365
00:16:17,043 --> 00:16:19,310
that's insane because
we had to sit at the dangerous
Gondola table."
366
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:22,180
That table is very romantic
99% of the time.
367
00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:24,449
- It's the nail talking, Scott.
- She loved the Gondola table.
368
00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:26,284
I just don't think
she really appreciates
369
00:16:26,286 --> 00:16:29,354
all of the time and energy that
I spent planning that proposal.
370
00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:32,390
You know, it was about us.
And now it's about her.
You know, "I'm hurt.
371
00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:34,492
- I need the attention."
- She doesn't want
this attention.
372
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:37,028
You think I want this attention?
I can't control this.
373
00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:38,663
- Mom: Look, she
can't control it.
- Did you resize my ring?
374
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:41,065
Why don't you resize
it for this finger?
375
00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:42,734
Okay,
that's unacceptable.
376
00:16:42,736 --> 00:16:45,103
I'm sorry. I don't know
what's happening to me.
377
00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:47,472
All right, that's it.
378
00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:49,741
We need some space.
379
00:16:49,743 --> 00:16:51,109
- Oh.
- Oh.
380
00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:52,744
He broke it off.
That's cold.
381
00:16:52,746 --> 00:16:55,046
( speaking Portuguese )
382
00:16:55,048 --> 00:16:57,148
I do not know
what that meant.
383
00:16:57,150 --> 00:16:59,183
I think she's asking
in Portuguese
384
00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:01,152
if you're breaking up
with her.
385
00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:03,721
Are you, Scott,
breaking up with me?
386
00:17:03,723 --> 00:17:05,590
Are you ending
our engagement?
387
00:17:05,592 --> 00:17:09,560
I don't want to, but right now
the odds are looking 65-35
388
00:17:09,562 --> 00:17:12,063
that you, Alice,
are turning into an angry,
389
00:17:12,065 --> 00:17:13,731
panicky Portuguese mess.
390
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:15,666
( crying )
391
00:17:15,668 --> 00:17:18,369
Maybe there's
an 80 to 70% chance of us
392
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:19,604
getting back together
if you get fixed.
393
00:17:19,606 --> 00:17:21,439
But that depends
on how long it takes.
394
00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:24,108
You left the door open a crack.
But that never works out.
395
00:17:24,110 --> 00:17:26,778
- It's a mirage.
- You just broke up with me.
396
00:17:26,780 --> 00:17:28,780
Yes. It has to be this way.
I'm sorry. It's necessary.
397
00:17:28,782 --> 00:17:30,448
Rita:
That's mean.
398
00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:32,517
What happened to nobody
getting hurt today?
399
00:17:32,519 --> 00:17:34,719
Things don't always
go as planned.
400
00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:37,588
- Scott, Scott.
- Mom: No, Scott, don't go.
No, please.
401
00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:39,757
- I'm sorry.
- Won't you please stay, Scott?
402
00:17:39,759 --> 00:17:41,626
- Come on, Scott.
- Mom: No, Scott.
403
00:17:41,628 --> 00:17:44,295
- Keyshawn: Don't do it, man!
- Just let it out.
404
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:46,297
- Keyshawn: Scotty!
- Yeah.
405
00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:49,500
You can stay here with us
for a little while.
406
00:17:58,278 --> 00:18:00,378
( knocking on door )
407
00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:03,548
- Hi.
- Hello, Reverend, Keyshawn.
408
00:18:03,550 --> 00:18:07,385
- How's our girl doing?
- Well, there's a weensy
tad of depression
409
00:18:07,387 --> 00:18:10,354
kicking in since the breakup,
but she'll perk right up
410
00:18:10,356 --> 00:18:12,690
when she sees you two.
Would you like to come in?
411
00:18:12,692 --> 00:18:14,292
Well, thank you.
412
00:18:14,294 --> 00:18:16,734
Mom:
Honey.
Look who's here.
413
00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:21,732
- Alice, what's up?
- Hi, Alice.
414
00:18:21,734 --> 00:18:24,735
- Yikes.
- Maybe she should
go outside and get some air.
415
00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:26,637
- Get out of the house.
- No, no.
416
00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:29,240
That really didn't work so well
with the anger thing.
417
00:18:29,242 --> 00:18:31,409
♪ You couldn't touch me
with a 10-foot pole ♪
418
00:18:31,411 --> 00:18:33,144
♪ 'Cause we always
on the rhyme ♪
419
00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:36,180
♪ Never on a pimp stroll,
been called nuts... ♪
420
00:18:36,182 --> 00:18:38,149
Angry rappers helped me
to cope with my messed up
421
00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:40,218
medical situation, too.
422
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:43,788
What exactly is your messed up
medical situation, Keyshawn?
423
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:45,590
We never got a chance
to hear that.
424
00:18:45,592 --> 00:18:48,192
Believe me, you do not want
to hear about it.
425
00:18:48,194 --> 00:18:49,894
We want to hear
all about it.
426
00:18:49,896 --> 00:18:52,363
Misery loves company,
right, honey?
427
00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:53,598
Yes, please.
428
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,367
Thank you.
My name is Keyshawn McWilliams.
429
00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:59,804
I couldn't get the attention
of this very fine la-de-da-de.
430
00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:03,708
So I decided to get into the
Pro Am Weightlifting circuit.
431
00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:05,910
I worked my way
to the semi-finals
432
00:19:05,912 --> 00:19:08,146
where I was about to break
the dead lift record
433
00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:09,814
to clean jerk 250.
434
00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:12,817
And then you couldn't
and you hurt your back.
435
00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:14,652
Well,
I clean jerked 250.
436
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:16,821
And I learned a new word
called "prolapse",
437
00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:18,789
which applies to the anus.
438
00:19:18,791 --> 00:19:20,558
- Okay, that's enough.
- ( screaming on TV )
439
00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:23,194
I really don't want
to get Alice riled up.
440
00:19:23,196 --> 00:19:24,495
You never know what's
gonna set her off
441
00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:26,364
with this thing in her head.
442
00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:28,733
What you watching?
443
00:19:28,735 --> 00:19:30,902
( grunting on TV )
444
00:19:32,272 --> 00:19:33,871
- Bob?
- ( screams on TV )
445
00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:35,940
Find something
soothing for Alice.
446
00:19:39,212 --> 00:19:40,745
Bob?
447
00:19:40,747 --> 00:19:44,282
And I'm glad to be out here
helping the people.
448
00:19:44,284 --> 00:19:47,685
I like people.
I love gettin' out
of the law office.
449
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:50,354
And, you know,
going local,
450
00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:53,891
hearin' the people,
smellin' the people.
451
00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:55,459
Government.
452
00:19:55,461 --> 00:19:57,361
If anyone has a problem
from our district
453
00:19:57,363 --> 00:20:00,264
that can be fixed
by a law, I'm your man.
454
00:20:00,266 --> 00:20:03,367
You're invited to come visit me
any time in Washington.
455
00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:05,369
That's me. I'm invited.
I got to go talk to that guy.
456
00:20:05,371 --> 00:20:07,371
That idiot
can't help you, Alice.
457
00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:09,440
It's that idiot's job
to help me, Mom.
458
00:20:09,442 --> 00:20:11,342
He just said so and he's
not such a big idiot.
459
00:20:11,344 --> 00:20:13,844
He was kind and thoughtful.
I could tell.
460
00:20:13,846 --> 00:20:16,981
♪ Let's turn a problem
into an idea ♪
461
00:20:16,983 --> 00:20:18,416
I could get fixed.
462
00:20:18,418 --> 00:20:19,884
I could come home,
marry Scott.
463
00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:21,752
And then everything
would be good again.
464
00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:24,255
Well, it's the first time
I've seen her enthusiastic
465
00:20:24,257 --> 00:20:25,690
in nearly three weeks.
466
00:20:25,692 --> 00:20:28,426
No. No, Bob.
She's not going to Washington.
467
00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:29,894
Oh, I can't
take this anymore.
468
00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:31,429
I have to get out of here,
I have to fix my head.
469
00:20:31,431 --> 00:20:32,663
I've got to meet that guy.
470
00:20:32,665 --> 00:20:33,898
- What guy?
- Scott.
471
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:35,466
Mom:
You see, Alice?
472
00:20:35,468 --> 00:20:37,468
Now you don't need
to go to Washington.
473
00:20:37,470 --> 00:20:39,337
Did you really
come back for me, Scott?
474
00:20:39,339 --> 00:20:41,639
Honestly, I came
to get my belt sander.
475
00:20:41,641 --> 00:20:43,274
And to see
if you got fixed.
476
00:20:43,276 --> 00:20:45,509
But I guess
that didn't happen.
477
00:20:45,511 --> 00:20:46,677
What's with this
Washington business?
478
00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:48,246
That doesn't sound good.
479
00:20:48,248 --> 00:20:49,814
It's where I'm going
to get help.
480
00:20:49,816 --> 00:20:51,816
That's your crazy brain
turning on itself, Alice.
481
00:20:51,818 --> 00:20:54,619
You can't fix a crazy brain
with crazy thinkin'.
482
00:20:54,621 --> 00:20:56,520
That's broken
talking to broken.
483
00:20:56,522 --> 00:20:59,790
It's not broken
talkin' to broken.
It's a good idea.
484
00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:01,892
Or an idea.
It's the only one we've got.
485
00:21:01,894 --> 00:21:04,328
It's not a good one.
486
00:21:04,330 --> 00:21:07,698
Maybe this is
a calling of some kind.
487
00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:10,301
Travel with Keyshawn
would be like...
488
00:21:10,303 --> 00:21:14,505
Jesus spending his days
with prostitutes and lepers.
489
00:21:14,507 --> 00:21:15,973
Thank you.
490
00:21:15,975 --> 00:21:18,676
No, no, Reverend.
You can't encourage this.
491
00:21:18,678 --> 00:21:21,812
Listen, there is a 105%
chance that Washington
492
00:21:21,814 --> 00:21:25,349
is a terrible idea.
Bob, belt sander?
493
00:21:25,351 --> 00:21:27,718
Okay, but I may need to borrow
it back if I have to build
494
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:29,687
those wheelchair ramps
for Alice.
495
00:21:31,291 --> 00:21:33,758
( speaking Portuguese )
496
00:21:38,431 --> 00:21:40,398
I still totally want
to talk if you get fixed.
497
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:41,799
( door slams )
498
00:22:45,932 --> 00:22:47,665
I'm sorry.
Tours are over for today.
499
00:22:47,667 --> 00:22:49,367
Oh, we're not here for a tour.
We're here to see
500
00:22:49,369 --> 00:22:51,001
- Mr. Howard Birdwell.
- Okay, Miss, I'm going to have
501
00:22:51,003 --> 00:22:52,636
- to ask you to step back beh...
- Oh, don't worry. Just this.
502
00:22:52,638 --> 00:22:54,839
- Gun!
- ( nail gun shoots )
503
00:22:54,841 --> 00:22:55,906
( woman screams )
504
00:22:55,908 --> 00:22:58,642
It's not loaded.
505
00:22:58,644 --> 00:23:01,445
Oh, my God, I'm shot!
506
00:23:03,116 --> 00:23:05,015
You're all right,
you're all right.
507
00:23:05,017 --> 00:23:08,753
All right.
All right, I'm not shot.
508
00:23:08,755 --> 00:23:12,423
- But I am traumatized, though.
- Man: Bring her over here.
509
00:23:12,425 --> 00:23:13,758
- Sorry. I'm sorry.
- Woman: I'm so done.
510
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:15,860
- I can't work no more.
- What is this?
511
00:23:15,862 --> 00:23:18,028
I brought it to show
Howard Birdwell what
happened to me.
512
00:23:18,030 --> 00:23:19,897
Yeah, it wouldn't have fired
if she hadn't grabbed it.
513
00:23:19,899 --> 00:23:21,632
Well, what was
I supposed do to?
514
00:23:21,634 --> 00:23:24,568
Yeah.
She's a security guard.
515
00:23:24,570 --> 00:23:26,604
And a super fine one.
516
00:23:26,606 --> 00:23:28,506
Wow, what is your name?
517
00:23:28,508 --> 00:23:30,641
Rakeesha.
Everybody call me Ra-Ra.
518
00:23:30,643 --> 00:23:33,878
My name is Keyshawn.
My people call me Ki-Ki.
519
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:37,181
- Baby, your trauma
is turning me on.
- Oh, Jesus.
520
00:23:37,183 --> 00:23:40,751
Let me apologize for
my insensitive white friends.
521
00:23:40,753 --> 00:23:43,954
And take you to Benihana's
and smooth your trauma
with a sake bomb.
522
00:23:43,956 --> 00:23:46,590
What? You guys
are going right now?
523
00:23:46,592 --> 00:23:48,793
- We just got here.
- In the black community,
524
00:23:48,795 --> 00:23:50,928
that's how quick
it happens.
525
00:23:50,930 --> 00:23:53,564
- What about our mission?
- And our dream?
526
00:23:53,566 --> 00:23:54,932
- Yeah.
- What about binding
527
00:23:54,934 --> 00:23:56,801
- the nation's wounds?
- Yeah.
528
00:23:56,803 --> 00:23:59,637
- What happened to that?
- ( whispers ) Good luck.
529
00:23:59,639 --> 00:24:01,505
Okay, well, I guess
it's just you and me.
530
00:24:01,507 --> 00:24:03,174
Let's go. All right.
531
00:24:18,591 --> 00:24:21,592
- You ready?
- Yeah.
532
00:24:29,035 --> 00:24:31,469
Hi, welcome.
Information's over there.
533
00:24:31,471 --> 00:24:33,504
And signups for appointments
take two to three weeks.
534
00:24:33,506 --> 00:24:35,506
Oh, my God, is that him?
535
00:24:35,508 --> 00:24:39,477
Aide: Yes, but he's very busy
on important legislation.
536
00:24:39,479 --> 00:24:41,245
I'm starting to think
sex is overrated, you know.
537
00:24:41,247 --> 00:24:43,514
I mean, half the time
the connection is so-so.
538
00:24:43,516 --> 00:24:45,716
And then you're involved
and then blah, blah, you know?
539
00:24:45,718 --> 00:24:49,086
I mean, come on, I'd rather
be playing golf, Mom.
540
00:24:49,088 --> 00:24:51,088
Yes, I know I have
a natural charisma,
541
00:24:51,090 --> 00:24:52,957
but I can't get anything
done around here.
542
00:24:52,959 --> 00:24:54,792
It's like... it's like
543
00:24:54,794 --> 00:24:56,827
I just can't even get
colored glues for my kids.
544
00:24:56,829 --> 00:24:58,996
It's killing me.
I ran on that.
545
00:24:58,998 --> 00:25:01,065
Hey, we can't just
walk in like this.
546
00:25:01,067 --> 00:25:02,833
But he's right there.
547
00:25:02,835 --> 00:25:04,735
Oh, my God,
Representative Hendrickson.
548
00:25:04,737 --> 00:25:06,570
- What an honor.
- Is he in? She's in a hurry.
549
00:25:06,572 --> 00:25:08,706
Aide #2:
Sir, the House Whip is here!
550
00:25:08,708 --> 00:25:11,068
You have to change for
the prayer lunch.
551
00:25:12,945 --> 00:25:14,745
- Howard?
- What?
552
00:25:14,747 --> 00:25:16,080
You're in the hot seat,
mister.
553
00:25:16,082 --> 00:25:17,815
What? I voted yes
on triple razor wires.
554
00:25:17,817 --> 00:25:19,717
I'm not talking about
the stupid immigration bill.
555
00:25:19,719 --> 00:25:22,186
- My moon base is in trouble.
- There was opposition ads.
556
00:25:22,188 --> 00:25:24,922
- What about the opposition ads?
- It was very effective
opposition ads.
557
00:25:24,924 --> 00:25:26,857
- Effective how?
- They want to spend
the money on schools and parks
558
00:25:26,859 --> 00:25:28,893
and whatever and not
a military base on the moon.
559
00:25:28,895 --> 00:25:30,928
We're going to get
that same school, park,
560
00:25:30,930 --> 00:25:33,964
whatever people
to say my moon base
will massage their needs.
561
00:25:33,966 --> 00:25:36,267
I didn't know
a moon base could do that.
562
00:25:36,269 --> 00:25:39,303
It protects us, right?
Keeps us safe and
non-blown up.
563
00:25:39,305 --> 00:25:41,171
Is that Pam Henry,
the lady astronaut?
564
00:25:41,173 --> 00:25:43,674
Yes, it is.
565
00:25:43,676 --> 00:25:44,842
Oh, my God.
566
00:25:44,844 --> 00:25:46,544
Seriously,
you have to go now.
567
00:25:46,546 --> 00:25:48,746
- Oh, I was invited.
- The House Whip is here.
568
00:25:48,748 --> 00:25:51,048
Please, can you
come back tomorrow?
569
00:25:51,050 --> 00:25:54,919
- Tomorrow?
- Why are you still here?
570
00:25:54,921 --> 00:25:56,987
'Cause we have that
meeting event this week.
571
00:25:56,989 --> 00:25:59,089
And I need you to get
someone with a good cause
572
00:25:59,091 --> 00:26:04,295
who's manageable, controllable,
573
00:26:04,297 --> 00:26:06,630
who will come
and endorse our moon base.
574
00:26:06,632 --> 00:26:08,098
This week?
575
00:26:08,100 --> 00:26:09,967
Didn't the school kids
just come visit you?
576
00:26:09,969 --> 00:26:13,137
Yeah, they were surprisingly
hard on me for eight-year-olds
577
00:26:13,139 --> 00:26:14,805
and I wouldn't really
want to have them back.
578
00:26:14,807 --> 00:26:17,708
You got to get someone, Howard.
The moon is my church.
579
00:26:17,710 --> 00:26:20,077
- I know it is.
- It's a really special place.
580
00:26:20,079 --> 00:26:24,815
- This country deserves to have
a military base there.
- ( door knocking )
581
00:26:24,817 --> 00:26:26,750
Hey.
582
00:26:26,752 --> 00:26:27,985
- Bill.
- I have very good news.
583
00:26:27,987 --> 00:26:29,820
Girl Squaws
making us a cookie.
584
00:26:29,822 --> 00:26:31,622
- What?
- Yes.
585
00:26:31,624 --> 00:26:33,757
- No way.
- Yes.
586
00:26:33,759 --> 00:26:35,159
- A Girl Squaw cookie?
- Yes.
587
00:26:35,161 --> 00:26:36,927
- For the moon base.
- Yes!
588
00:26:36,929 --> 00:26:38,862
You have any idea
how important that is?
589
00:26:38,864 --> 00:26:40,731
It's like getting
national landmark status.
590
00:26:40,733 --> 00:26:41,865
I know, I know.
591
00:26:41,867 --> 00:26:43,601
How the hell
did you do that?
592
00:26:43,603 --> 00:26:45,936
Because I told them
we would get Shakira
593
00:26:45,938 --> 00:26:49,840
- for the National Jamboree.
- That's what I'm talking about.
594
00:26:49,842 --> 00:26:51,041
- I got to work.
- Yeah.
595
00:26:51,043 --> 00:26:53,677
- Go get 'em.
- Way to go!
596
00:26:53,679 --> 00:26:56,981
- Burning up the track.
- Aide #2: Burn, baby, burn.
597
00:26:56,983 --> 00:26:59,617
Shakira.
598
00:26:59,619 --> 00:27:01,051
( laughs )
How did he get Shakira?
599
00:27:01,053 --> 00:27:03,220
Well, maybe he did,
maybe he didn't.
600
00:27:03,222 --> 00:27:06,056
The important thing is that
he got the Girl Squaws on board.
601
00:27:06,058 --> 00:27:07,658
- In a huge way.
- ( knocking on door )
602
00:27:07,660 --> 00:27:10,794
Oh, look at that.
I bet he got the Boy Cubs, too.
603
00:27:10,796 --> 00:27:12,997
- What?
- C'mon, you gotta change
for the prayer lunch.
604
00:27:12,999 --> 00:27:15,866
This always excites people
because it's been
605
00:27:15,868 --> 00:27:19,970
to outer space
three times on her body.
606
00:27:19,972 --> 00:27:23,340
Could you shut the door and
give me some privacy, please?
607
00:27:23,342 --> 00:27:25,209
You got to step up,
Howard.
608
00:27:25,211 --> 00:27:28,078
There are 100 guys
I could groom to replace you.
609
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:30,247
So get someone
to the media event.
610
00:27:33,119 --> 00:27:34,818
Zip me.
611
00:27:34,820 --> 00:27:36,420
I get it, okay?
She's a total ball-breaker.
612
00:27:36,422 --> 00:27:38,922
It's very short notice.
And, frankly, not the best idea
613
00:27:38,924 --> 00:27:40,791
to recruit people who aren't
prepared or rehearsed
614
00:27:40,793 --> 00:27:42,359
- to go on camera.
- What about the prayer lunch?
615
00:27:42,361 --> 00:27:44,828
- I'm right behind you.
- Now.
616
00:27:44,830 --> 00:27:46,764
I did eight years in NASA
tech support for her, okay?
617
00:27:46,766 --> 00:27:48,666
Another 15 years here,
okay?
618
00:27:48,668 --> 00:27:50,734
She's brilliant unless
she goes off on her own.
619
00:27:50,736 --> 00:27:52,269
Then it's a big mess.
620
00:27:52,271 --> 00:27:54,171
Nightmare.
That's what I'm talking about.
621
00:27:54,173 --> 00:27:55,439
What are you doing?
622
00:27:55,441 --> 00:27:57,074
So you better
do what I'm saying, okay?
623
00:27:57,076 --> 00:27:59,343
We're not going
to repeat it again.
624
00:27:59,345 --> 00:28:02,446
- ( sighs )
- ( door closes )
625
00:28:02,448 --> 00:28:06,150
All this way
and he won't even see us.
626
00:28:06,152 --> 00:28:08,986
Okay, do you know what?
This is what we're gonna do.
627
00:28:08,988 --> 00:28:10,187
We're going to go
in one of those offices
628
00:28:10,189 --> 00:28:11,722
and we are gonna
introduce ourselves
629
00:28:11,724 --> 00:28:14,758
to another one
of those guys.
630
00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:18,228
- My dick is killing me.
- Oh, geez.
631
00:28:18,230 --> 00:28:21,165
I'm sorry to say it like
that, I've been around
Keyshawn too much.
632
00:28:21,167 --> 00:28:24,034
- Is it bad?
- It's really hard to walk.
633
00:28:24,036 --> 00:28:25,469
It's really chafing.
634
00:28:25,471 --> 00:28:26,970
Okay, you need
to go to the motel.
635
00:28:26,972 --> 00:28:28,138
No, I want to
be here for you.
636
00:28:28,140 --> 00:28:30,074
No, no, go to the motel,
I insist.
637
00:28:30,076 --> 00:28:32,976
Take a bath.
There's got to
be an ice machine.
638
00:28:32,978 --> 00:28:34,912
That would be nice.
639
00:28:34,914 --> 00:28:36,280
- Go.
- You gonna be okay?
640
00:28:36,282 --> 00:28:37,448
- Yeah.
- I expect a full report.
641
00:28:37,450 --> 00:28:39,950
Okay.
642
00:28:39,952 --> 00:28:41,118
Feel better.
643
00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:58,168
We're having a meeting
in here, sorry.
644
00:28:59,238 --> 00:29:00,904
( grunts )
645
00:29:04,443 --> 00:29:10,180
Piece of shit democracy.
I smash your face.
646
00:29:23,462 --> 00:29:25,963
Mr. Birdwell?
I'm from your district.
647
00:29:25,965 --> 00:29:27,231
- Yes?
- I saw you on TV.
648
00:29:27,233 --> 00:29:28,465
- You were great.
- Oh, thank you.
649
00:29:28,467 --> 00:29:29,967
And you were real.
I came to see you today.
650
00:29:29,969 --> 00:29:31,335
But they wouldn't
let me see you.
651
00:29:31,337 --> 00:29:33,804
Oh, well, it's been
a very hectic day.
652
00:29:33,806 --> 00:29:36,406
You have very soft
hand skin.
653
00:29:36,408 --> 00:29:38,308
Oh, thank you.
I roller skate a lot.
654
00:29:38,310 --> 00:29:41,211
Don't know what that
has to do with my hands.
655
00:29:41,213 --> 00:29:44,481
Sometimes the wind can make
your skin smooth or rough.
656
00:29:44,483 --> 00:29:46,550
I don't know.
657
00:29:46,552 --> 00:29:49,186
Anyway,
what brings you to D.C.?
658
00:29:49,188 --> 00:29:51,288
I came to see you because
I want to help people that have
659
00:29:51,290 --> 00:29:54,458
weird conditions that
they can't afford to fix.
660
00:29:54,460 --> 00:29:56,026
I guess that's healthcare.
661
00:29:56,028 --> 00:29:59,997
Oh, dear.
That's not very manageable.
662
00:29:59,999 --> 00:30:01,365
In fact, that's
kind of a bummer issue.
663
00:30:01,367 --> 00:30:02,566
- I'm sorry...
- Bummer issue?
664
00:30:02,568 --> 00:30:04,434
It takes a really long time.
Really.
665
00:30:04,436 --> 00:30:06,303
I mean, good luck with that
because I'm just a freshman
666
00:30:06,305 --> 00:30:08,438
doing freshman things, so...
667
00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:11,475
Why do you invite
people down here then?
Why do you say you can help?
668
00:30:11,477 --> 00:30:14,511
Well, you don't
think I want to help?
I want to help people.
669
00:30:14,513 --> 00:30:17,047
It's just it has to be the
right thing at the right time.
670
00:30:17,049 --> 00:30:18,916
I mean, it's not
very practical, okay?
671
00:30:18,918 --> 00:30:20,350
Look, I'm just trying to,
I'm sorry.
672
00:30:20,352 --> 00:30:21,952
Practical?
673
00:30:21,954 --> 00:30:23,120
I'm under a lot of pressure
right now, okay?
674
00:30:23,122 --> 00:30:24,822
Do you see these offices?
675
00:30:24,824 --> 00:30:26,890
Every single one of em has
a different person above me
676
00:30:26,892 --> 00:30:29,493
who tells me what to do.
They tell me what time it is,
677
00:30:29,495 --> 00:30:32,162
what day it is and when
they tell me to "jump, Howard,"
678
00:30:32,164 --> 00:30:35,032
I say how high,
Mr. or Mrs...
679
00:30:35,034 --> 00:30:36,366
- ( thuds )
- Wow.
680
00:30:36,368 --> 00:30:38,569
...or exactly.
Wow, yes. See?
681
00:30:38,571 --> 00:30:41,405
That's what I'm talking about.
Now you're hearing me.
682
00:30:41,407 --> 00:30:43,207
It's hard working
for the people.
683
00:30:43,209 --> 00:30:46,243
It's hard working, even getting
colored glues for the kids,
684
00:30:46,245 --> 00:30:48,879
for the kids' people,
okay?
685
00:30:48,881 --> 00:30:50,547
So I don't understand, you know,
I'm trying to be...
686
00:30:50,549 --> 00:30:52,549
( indistinct distorted
conversation )
687
00:31:00,159 --> 00:31:02,125
Oh, mm-hmm.
688
00:31:06,498 --> 00:31:08,532
That was weird.
Didn't mean to do that at all.
689
00:31:08,534 --> 00:31:10,267
- I don't know what's happening.
- No, it's understandable.
690
00:31:10,269 --> 00:31:12,102
There's the whole political
rock star mystique.
691
00:31:12,104 --> 00:31:14,238
That was really inappropriate.
I shouldn't...
692
00:31:14,240 --> 00:31:15,639
No,
it's inappropriate here.
693
00:31:15,641 --> 00:31:18,475
But it's not inappropriate
right in here.
694
00:31:18,477 --> 00:31:21,378
Nothing wrong with what you did.
Nothing wrong with what you did.
695
00:31:21,380 --> 00:31:24,248
- ♪ At last... ♪
- ( screams )
696
00:31:24,250 --> 00:31:28,619
( moaning )
697
00:31:28,621 --> 00:31:32,222
- ♪ My love has
come along... ♪
- ( moaning )
698
00:31:32,224 --> 00:31:34,291
- Watch out for the...
- There.
699
00:31:34,293 --> 00:31:37,594
- Sorry. Oh, yes.
- Alice: Oh, daddy.
700
00:31:37,596 --> 00:31:39,563
♪ My lonely days
are over ♪
701
00:31:39,565 --> 00:31:41,431
- Oh! Ah! You okay?
- Do you have any...
702
00:31:41,433 --> 00:31:44,101
- Yeah, wait, my hands are...
- Let me have it.
703
00:31:44,103 --> 00:31:46,336
- Oh, God, wait.
- ( moaning)
704
00:31:46,338 --> 00:31:48,939
♪ And life is like a song... ♪
705
00:31:48,941 --> 00:31:50,741
- Howard: Oh, yeah.
- ( moaning )
706
00:31:56,315 --> 00:31:58,448
♪ At last. ♪
707
00:31:58,450 --> 00:32:00,350
Ooh.
708
00:32:00,352 --> 00:32:04,221
Orgasms do exist.
Yay.
709
00:32:04,223 --> 00:32:06,924
I've had some really,
really good sex,
710
00:32:06,926 --> 00:32:10,294
but that was something
completely new.
711
00:32:10,296 --> 00:32:14,231
Oh, my God, I'm a dirty
little nail slut.
712
00:32:14,233 --> 00:32:17,034
What's a nail slut?
713
00:32:17,036 --> 00:32:19,269
I have a three-inch nail
in here.
714
00:32:19,271 --> 00:32:21,171
And it sometimes
makes me do crazy things.
715
00:32:21,173 --> 00:32:24,608
And now it made me
get slutty, damn it.
716
00:32:24,610 --> 00:32:26,977
There's a nail in your head
717
00:32:26,979 --> 00:32:29,479
and it's neurologically
making you a whore?
718
00:32:29,481 --> 00:32:32,950
Yeah.
What's your excuse?
719
00:32:32,952 --> 00:32:35,585
Well, what's to excuse?
I think we just a case
720
00:32:35,587 --> 00:32:38,388
of great timing
and good luck.
721
00:32:38,390 --> 00:32:40,657
Well, I never would have
normally done something
722
00:32:40,659 --> 00:32:42,492
like this except for this.
723
00:32:42,494 --> 00:32:44,094
I mean, it can't all
be the nail, you know.
724
00:32:44,096 --> 00:32:46,630
I've been told
that I have charisma.
725
00:32:46,632 --> 00:32:48,665
Yes, you do.
726
00:32:48,667 --> 00:32:50,300
But it was the nail,
okay?
727
00:32:50,302 --> 00:32:52,736
Well, I'm gonna
have to disagree.
728
00:32:52,738 --> 00:32:55,005
And now I'm gonna
have to leave.
729
00:32:55,007 --> 00:32:57,174
What?
730
00:32:57,176 --> 00:32:58,442
Wait, wait, wait!
731
00:32:58,444 --> 00:33:00,143
What about
problem, problem, problem?
732
00:33:00,145 --> 00:33:02,245
Problem right here, going
to turn my problem into an idea.
733
00:33:02,247 --> 00:33:05,582
What about that, mister?
734
00:33:05,584 --> 00:33:08,051
What happened to that?
735
00:33:08,053 --> 00:33:12,990
You're appealing.
736
00:33:12,992 --> 00:33:16,326
Look, before, I thought that
you were some sort of, you know,
737
00:33:16,328 --> 00:33:20,597
not manageable policy problem,
but now you're like...
738
00:33:20,599 --> 00:33:23,233
a girl with a nail
in her head,
739
00:33:23,235 --> 00:33:24,468
and that's...
740
00:33:24,470 --> 00:33:28,372
very interesting
and very human.
741
00:33:28,374 --> 00:33:31,341
Have you ever been to a military
media moon base event before?
742
00:33:31,343 --> 00:33:34,177
I don't think so, no.
743
00:33:34,179 --> 00:33:38,782
Well, I'm inviting you
to one where you can
help us, okay?
744
00:33:38,784 --> 00:33:41,318
Well, wait a minute,
I thought I was the one
that needed help.
745
00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:43,220
Well, no, honey,
in this town,
746
00:33:43,222 --> 00:33:45,222
you gotta give something
to get something.
747
00:33:45,224 --> 00:33:47,124
Didn't we just have sex?
748
00:33:47,126 --> 00:33:49,693
I mean, you got
to politically give something
749
00:33:49,695 --> 00:33:51,628
- to politically get something.
- Right.
750
00:33:51,630 --> 00:33:53,263
You help me
promote the moon base
751
00:33:53,265 --> 00:33:56,666
and I'll get you
your healthcare bill.
752
00:33:56,668 --> 00:33:58,502
But I don't know anything
about a moon base.
753
00:33:58,504 --> 00:34:03,407
All you need to know
is that it keeps us safe
and non-blown up.
754
00:34:03,409 --> 00:34:05,542
And it's on the moon.
755
00:34:05,544 --> 00:34:08,245
Norm:
A military moon base?
What's a moon base do?
756
00:34:08,247 --> 00:34:11,214
All you need to know
is that it keeps us safe
and non-blown up.
757
00:34:11,216 --> 00:34:12,549
And it's on the moon.
758
00:34:12,551 --> 00:34:14,584
And if we get behind that,
then he's going
759
00:34:14,586 --> 00:34:17,487
- to help us with our thing.
- Ah, that's how it works.
760
00:34:17,489 --> 00:34:20,757
One hand washes the other.
You know, it's amazing.
761
00:34:20,759 --> 00:34:23,160
What?
What's amazing, Norm?
762
00:34:23,162 --> 00:34:27,697
It's just so unbelievable
to me that one brief
763
00:34:27,699 --> 00:34:30,133
hallway conversation,
you agreed on all that.
764
00:34:30,135 --> 00:34:32,669
I mean, just a little talk
is just so unheard of
765
00:34:32,671 --> 00:34:36,373
- in Washington for people to...
- Well, that's what happened.
That's all that happened.
766
00:34:36,375 --> 00:34:37,841
I'm not lying
and I'm not a liar.
767
00:34:37,843 --> 00:34:39,676
I'm not calling you a liar.
768
00:34:39,678 --> 00:34:41,445
Well, good, 'cause I'm not.
769
00:34:41,447 --> 00:34:43,713
Gee, did you
do something different?
770
00:34:43,715 --> 00:34:45,449
You look really
sexy or something.
771
00:34:45,451 --> 00:34:47,150
Did you do something
with your hair?
772
00:34:47,152 --> 00:34:48,418
I don't have any hair.
773
00:34:48,420 --> 00:34:52,089
Yeah, okay.
Keyshawn.
774
00:34:52,091 --> 00:34:54,391
- Norm: Where have you been?
- Chilling with Rakeesha.
775
00:34:54,393 --> 00:34:57,828
Ah-ha. So she's
into playas after all.
776
00:34:57,830 --> 00:34:59,296
I ran the youth
outreach program.
777
00:34:59,298 --> 00:35:01,131
I know all about
the jiggy and the freaking
778
00:35:01,133 --> 00:35:02,732
- and what the kids are into.
- It don't matter.
779
00:35:02,734 --> 00:35:04,634
'Cause she's strong
and she's deep.
780
00:35:04,636 --> 00:35:07,604
And she loves to do beautiful
watercolors like this.
781
00:35:07,606 --> 00:35:10,774
Bam.
How you like me now?
782
00:35:10,776 --> 00:35:14,411
Oh, wow. Is that your head
on a wolf's body crying?
783
00:35:14,413 --> 00:35:16,546
She sees me as
the leader of the pack
784
00:35:16,548 --> 00:35:19,282
helping all the injured,
poor, weak wolves.
785
00:35:19,284 --> 00:35:21,585
Norm:
I like what she did
with the shading there.
786
00:35:21,587 --> 00:35:23,487
So she's sympathetic
to your health problems, huh?
787
00:35:23,489 --> 00:35:24,888
No, I ain't
tell her about it.
788
00:35:24,890 --> 00:35:27,157
Why does she think
you're here, Keyshawn?
789
00:35:27,159 --> 00:35:30,127
To selflessly support
all you sad, injured people
790
00:35:30,129 --> 00:35:31,361
and your problems.
791
00:35:31,363 --> 00:35:33,230
This is why she loves me.
792
00:35:33,232 --> 00:35:36,166
And this is why I need y'all
to cosign on my story.
793
00:35:36,168 --> 00:35:37,734
'Cause I'm in love.
794
00:35:37,736 --> 00:35:39,302
I thought you didn't
believe in love.
795
00:35:39,304 --> 00:35:41,571
I'm just starting
to learn how to trust again.
796
00:35:41,573 --> 00:35:44,274
Don't crush the little
hatchling of my heart.
797
00:35:44,276 --> 00:35:46,810
Back up my lie.
798
00:35:46,812 --> 00:35:49,279
Love takes honesty,
Keyshawn.
799
00:35:49,281 --> 00:35:52,749
- Rakeesha expects me to lead.
- ( wolf howls )
800
00:35:52,751 --> 00:35:54,351
You see the other
little wolves?
801
00:35:54,353 --> 00:35:55,619
They're hurt
and they're injured.
802
00:35:55,621 --> 00:35:58,922
Who's leading? Me.
I cry for you.
803
00:35:58,924 --> 00:36:01,758
I cry for you.
804
00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:03,827
( music playing )
805
00:36:05,764 --> 00:36:07,831
( indistinct chattering )
806
00:36:07,833 --> 00:36:09,466
Norm:
Slow down, kids!
807
00:36:09,468 --> 00:36:11,234
Congresswoman,
a word, please?
808
00:36:11,236 --> 00:36:12,369
( crowd chattering )
809
00:36:14,706 --> 00:36:17,574
- Howard: Alice!
- Norm: Look, it's Howard.
810
00:36:17,576 --> 00:36:18,742
Hi!
811
00:36:18,744 --> 00:36:21,611
Hi!
812
00:36:21,613 --> 00:36:23,847
- Isn't this exciting?
- This is amazing, fantastic.
813
00:36:23,849 --> 00:36:25,815
This is Reverend Norm.
814
00:36:25,817 --> 00:36:27,184
- Pleasure.
- Hi.
815
00:36:27,186 --> 00:36:28,518
And this is Keyshawn
and Rakeesha.
816
00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:31,655
Hi. Kanye, Shaniqua.
Nice to meet you.
817
00:36:31,657 --> 00:36:33,557
So I hope you're prepared
to talk on TV.
818
00:36:33,559 --> 00:36:35,225
Well, I didn't
prepare anything.
819
00:36:35,227 --> 00:36:36,693
I didn't know I was supposed
to prepare something.
820
00:36:36,695 --> 00:36:39,296
Why'd he call me Kanye?
My name is Keyshawn.
821
00:36:39,298 --> 00:36:40,697
Speak as someone
who has an injury
822
00:36:40,699 --> 00:36:42,899
and who needs protection
823
00:36:42,901 --> 00:36:45,468
and is asking for it
from the moon base.
824
00:36:45,470 --> 00:36:48,305
Actually, how exactly
is the moon base
gonna help us?
825
00:36:48,307 --> 00:36:51,908
We have to stay
protected and...
826
00:36:51,910 --> 00:36:54,844
- Safe and un-blown up.
- Yes. Okay, great.
827
00:36:54,846 --> 00:36:57,581
Yes, but more specifically,
how exactly will the moon base
828
00:36:57,583 --> 00:36:59,950
- help us right now?
- Norm: Yeah, good question.
829
00:36:59,952 --> 00:37:02,719
Well, we'll talk to
the leaders about gluing
830
00:37:02,721 --> 00:37:05,288
on a little tiny healthcare,
emergency healthcare law,
831
00:37:05,290 --> 00:37:07,791
onto the big,
huge moon base bill, okay?
832
00:37:07,793 --> 00:37:10,360
Kinda like a little satellite
that nobody notices
833
00:37:10,362 --> 00:37:12,262
that's orbiting around
the big moon.
834
00:37:12,264 --> 00:37:14,598
- Now, that's how it's done.
- Slim shady, I like it.
835
00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:16,900
Yes. What is that, a song
or beef jerky or whatever?
836
00:37:16,902 --> 00:37:18,935
Who wants to meet
Pam Henry Hendrickson?
837
00:37:18,937 --> 00:37:20,937
- Oh, I do, I do, I do.
- The lady astronaut
House Whip.
838
00:37:20,939 --> 00:37:22,572
Let's go.
839
00:37:22,574 --> 00:37:24,941
Why does he call me Kanye?
My name is Keyshawn.
840
00:37:24,943 --> 00:37:26,810
- Congresswoman!
- Howard.
841
00:37:26,812 --> 00:37:28,612
Told you I'd pull through.
This is Alice Eckle.
842
00:37:28,614 --> 00:37:30,380
Pam Henry Hendrickson.
Nice to meet you.
843
00:37:30,382 --> 00:37:31,648
Hi. Do you think
you'd have time,
844
00:37:31,650 --> 00:37:33,516
you could maybe
sign my card later?
845
00:37:33,518 --> 00:37:35,518
I've seen all your launches
ever since I was in sixth grade.
846
00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:37,854
Oh, that's so nice.
847
00:37:37,856 --> 00:37:41,691
Actually, that's the same age
that Grand Sacajawea
Marsha Weber is.
848
00:37:41,693 --> 00:37:43,960
- Grand Saca what?
- Jawea. Sixth grade.
849
00:37:43,962 --> 00:37:45,962
Hi, are you
a congressman, too?
850
00:37:45,964 --> 00:37:48,365
No. I'm an ex-waitress
with a nail in my head
851
00:37:48,367 --> 00:37:49,866
that might get fixed
by the little law
852
00:37:49,868 --> 00:37:51,835
that's going to tack on
to the moon base bill.
853
00:37:51,837 --> 00:37:54,938
- We're getting Shakira.
Awesome, right?
- Yeah, totally.
854
00:37:54,940 --> 00:37:57,274
Marsha:
Yeah, we're not supposed
to talk about that stuff.
855
00:37:57,276 --> 00:37:58,742
Just keep the focus
on the moon base tonight.
Right, Mr. Harshtone?
856
00:37:58,744 --> 00:38:00,810
That's right, Marsha.
Very good.
857
00:38:00,812 --> 00:38:04,281
Actually, Alice happens
to be giving a speech,
too, Congressman.
858
00:38:04,283 --> 00:38:06,916
Oh, that's good, Howard,
but she's giving one right now.
859
00:38:06,918 --> 00:38:08,652
Here we go, Marsha.
860
00:38:08,654 --> 00:38:10,820
Grand Sacajawea Marsha Weber,
are you here to put
861
00:38:10,822 --> 00:38:12,289
a military base on the moon?
862
00:38:12,291 --> 00:38:14,057
We totally
want a hiking camp
863
00:38:14,059 --> 00:38:15,625
while they just
patrol the skies.
864
00:38:15,627 --> 00:38:17,861
- Moon base rocks. Booyah.
- ( cheering )
865
00:38:21,433 --> 00:38:23,833
Nope, this way.
866
00:38:23,835 --> 00:38:25,435
Camera's right there,
all right?
867
00:38:25,437 --> 00:38:27,404
And the moon base
is right behind you, okay?
868
00:38:27,406 --> 00:38:29,673
So talk about all this stuff
that we talked about before
869
00:38:29,675 --> 00:38:31,441
and not the stuff we talked
about after that, okay?
870
00:38:31,443 --> 00:38:33,443
- Okay.
- Look at me, I'm nervous.
871
00:38:33,445 --> 00:38:36,446
- Ready? Look at you.
You look great.
- I do?
872
00:38:36,448 --> 00:38:38,348
- You're beautiful.
- Thank you.
873
00:38:38,350 --> 00:38:40,750
- I believe in you.
- You do?
874
00:38:40,752 --> 00:38:42,852
Yeah.
875
00:38:46,792 --> 00:38:50,327
I have a nail in my head
so I need a moon base.
876
00:38:50,329 --> 00:38:53,029
Why? Well, I can't
afford surgery.
877
00:38:53,031 --> 00:38:56,399
So my congressman,
who looks like a dude
from Crest White Strips,
878
00:38:56,401 --> 00:38:59,669
but is really just
a real person who's
just really trying hard
879
00:38:59,671 --> 00:39:03,106
to get colored glue
and paint for the children
in his district,
880
00:39:03,108 --> 00:39:05,709
and he's really gonna help them
and he's really gonna
help me.
881
00:39:05,711 --> 00:39:06,976
And he's really
going to help everybody
882
00:39:06,978 --> 00:39:08,912
with the military moon base.
883
00:39:08,914 --> 00:39:10,547
How?
884
00:39:10,549 --> 00:39:14,084
Well, number one,
it protects us.
885
00:39:14,086 --> 00:39:15,852
It makes the moon,
like, one of our states.
886
00:39:15,854 --> 00:39:17,654
Keeping us safe
and non-blown up
887
00:39:17,656 --> 00:39:20,023
So we can figure out better
restaurant and hospital service
888
00:39:20,025 --> 00:39:22,058
and colored glue for all.
889
00:39:22,060 --> 00:39:24,594
That's how it works, America.
First things first.
890
00:39:24,596 --> 00:39:26,496
Rock on, moon base.
891
00:39:26,498 --> 00:39:28,765
( applause )
892
00:39:28,767 --> 00:39:30,567
I hope I did as good as you.
893
00:39:30,569 --> 00:39:32,469
- Trust me, you did.
- Oh, thanks.
894
00:39:36,375 --> 00:39:38,508
You did awesome.
The crowd loved you.
895
00:39:38,510 --> 00:39:39,609
- I loved you.
- Yeah?
896
00:39:39,611 --> 00:39:40,910
Give it up
right up here.
897
00:39:40,912 --> 00:39:42,545
- Awesome.
- Thank you.
898
00:39:42,547 --> 00:39:45,782
Oh, no, control the nail.
Control the nail.
899
00:39:45,784 --> 00:39:48,017
- Alice, well done.
- Thank you.
900
00:39:48,019 --> 00:39:49,719
We should celebrate.
901
00:39:49,721 --> 00:39:51,621
Yeah, let's get some
liquor and start looting.
902
00:39:51,623 --> 00:39:54,124
No, I'm just joking.
That's a racist stereotype.
903
00:39:54,126 --> 00:39:55,558
But, seriously,
let's get some 40s.
904
00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:57,994
- Okay.
- Okay.
905
00:39:57,996 --> 00:39:59,462
( cheering )
906
00:39:59,464 --> 00:40:02,766
Let's get naughty
with the 40.
907
00:40:02,768 --> 00:40:05,101
You know what they say, right?
You have to keep on digging.
908
00:40:05,103 --> 00:40:07,971
And that's exactly
what we did, the cool kids.
909
00:40:07,973 --> 00:40:10,673
Yeah, and look who went
on national television
910
00:40:10,675 --> 00:40:13,410
without having
a panic attack.
911
00:40:13,412 --> 00:40:16,012
Guys, we got a big poll bounce
on funding this moon base.
912
00:40:16,014 --> 00:40:17,480
Congrats, Howard.
913
00:40:17,482 --> 00:40:18,848
House Speaker wants
credit for this.
914
00:40:18,850 --> 00:40:20,583
Bring nail girl
to Speaker office
915
00:40:20,585 --> 00:40:22,519
for photo visit in a.m.
916
00:40:22,521 --> 00:40:24,421
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- My goodness.
917
00:40:24,423 --> 00:40:25,922
- Heavy duty.
- This is, like...
918
00:40:25,924 --> 00:40:27,857
- Yes, tomorrow.
- Heavy duty, girl.
919
00:40:27,859 --> 00:40:30,727
- This is crazy.
- Keyshawn: Heavy duty.
920
00:40:30,729 --> 00:40:32,629
Well, we'll go together.
We'll all go.
921
00:40:32,631 --> 00:40:33,797
- Exciting.
- Alice: This is it.
922
00:40:33,799 --> 00:40:35,198
This is what
we came here for.
923
00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:36,800
♪ My, my, my
boogie shoes... ♪
924
00:40:36,802 --> 00:40:38,935
- It's a party.
- It's a party.
925
00:40:38,937 --> 00:40:40,170
It's a party.
926
00:40:43,909 --> 00:40:45,842
♪ Oh yeah ♪
927
00:40:48,780 --> 00:40:50,847
♪ Boogie down, boogie down... ♪
928
00:40:53,652 --> 00:40:55,718
Ow. Oh.
929
00:40:57,589 --> 00:41:01,458
♪ I want to put on
my, my, my boogie shoes ♪
930
00:41:01,460 --> 00:41:04,494
- Do the bump.
- Oh no.
931
00:41:04,496 --> 00:41:05,776
Keyshawn don't do the bump.
932
00:41:07,632 --> 00:41:09,899
Yeah,
let's go to Benihana's!
933
00:41:09,901 --> 00:41:11,568
Benihana!
934
00:41:11,570 --> 00:41:13,036
I want to go to Benihana's!
935
00:41:13,038 --> 00:41:14,938
We're going to stay here!
936
00:41:14,940 --> 00:41:16,639
Keyshawn: You sure?
It's going to be magical.
937
00:41:16,641 --> 00:41:18,007
( grunting )
938
00:41:18,009 --> 00:41:22,545
Ooh, yeah.
939
00:41:22,547 --> 00:41:24,147
We can do great things.
940
00:41:24,149 --> 00:41:25,882
- Yes.
- In politics.
941
00:41:25,884 --> 00:41:27,884
- Okay.
- ( thuds )
942
00:41:27,886 --> 00:41:29,686
Oh, my God,
are you okay?
943
00:41:29,688 --> 00:41:31,521
( laughs )
944
00:41:31,523 --> 00:41:34,624
I mean, I don't know you.
I don't really know you.
945
00:41:34,626 --> 00:41:35,925
You know, I don't know
all the details of you.
946
00:41:35,927 --> 00:41:37,727
You're just...
you're guarded.
947
00:41:37,729 --> 00:41:40,763
Yeah, I'm guarded, yeah,
you know, I mean,
948
00:41:40,765 --> 00:41:42,899
it's hard to let everything
that's inside out, you know?
949
00:41:42,901 --> 00:41:44,234
You got to stay protected
in this town.
950
00:41:44,236 --> 00:41:46,035
You got to keep
your cards close.
951
00:41:46,037 --> 00:41:48,238
I can't let down all the
important people who picked me.
952
00:41:48,240 --> 00:41:50,573
I can't let myself fail.
953
00:41:50,575 --> 00:41:53,042
What is that?
954
00:41:53,044 --> 00:41:55,745
That's what I went
to law school for.
955
00:41:55,747 --> 00:41:57,814
I wanted to be
a forest ranger.
956
00:41:57,816 --> 00:42:00,617
That was my
secret dream.
957
00:42:00,619 --> 00:42:03,653
But nobody understood.
It just seemed so wrong.
958
00:42:03,655 --> 00:42:08,291
- Wow. Wow, this is so cool.
- Not cool.
959
00:42:08,293 --> 00:42:11,661
This is really good that you're
letting it all out like this.
960
00:42:11,663 --> 00:42:15,265
I just got through
this broken engagement.
961
00:42:15,267 --> 00:42:21,070
And I just lost it all.
Now I'm damaged goods.
962
00:42:21,072 --> 00:42:24,040
- I'm like this broken girl.
- No, you are not.
963
00:42:24,042 --> 00:42:25,775
And I don't know
if I'm ever going to find
964
00:42:25,777 --> 00:42:27,610
- that happy life again.
- Yes, you will.
965
00:42:27,612 --> 00:42:28,978
- I don't know.
- Don't you wish you could
966
00:42:28,980 --> 00:42:31,548
- take a time machine back?
- Yes.
967
00:42:31,550 --> 00:42:34,617
Sixth grade might have been
the best year of my life.
968
00:42:34,619 --> 00:42:36,853
- Amazing campouts.
- Skating.
969
00:42:36,855 --> 00:42:38,788
- Man, I loved the woods.
- Yeah.
970
00:42:38,790 --> 00:42:41,991
And the woods loved me.
God, it feels so good to cry.
971
00:42:41,993 --> 00:42:44,093
- It's good to cry.
- It's good to cry.
972
00:42:44,095 --> 00:42:48,865
I never cry. You know,
it's like a fantastic
number two.
973
00:42:48,867 --> 00:42:51,701
We're better than
a time machine.
974
00:42:51,703 --> 00:42:56,306
Because, together,
we can make things
good again.
975
00:42:56,308 --> 00:42:59,042
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
976
00:42:59,044 --> 00:43:00,209
Yeah.
977
00:43:02,614 --> 00:43:04,314
You know, I was
praying for something
978
00:43:04,316 --> 00:43:07,850
or someone to come along.
979
00:43:07,852 --> 00:43:11,321
Make me be different
and be better and to
start taking chances
980
00:43:11,323 --> 00:43:14,123
and start being more real.
981
00:43:14,125 --> 00:43:19,128
And have courage, you know,
like a forest ranger would.
982
00:43:19,130 --> 00:43:22,899
And I think that's you.
983
00:43:22,901 --> 00:43:24,834
That's us.
984
00:43:26,838 --> 00:43:31,774
I've never met a guy who
thinks about things like this.
985
00:43:31,776 --> 00:43:35,812
Maybe I could be happier
than I was before.
986
00:43:40,819 --> 00:43:43,186
I just want you to know that
this is me really liking you,
987
00:43:43,188 --> 00:43:45,955
not the nail, and that I think
that the involuntary sex thing
988
00:43:45,957 --> 00:43:47,757
turned off when my head
hit that light.
989
00:43:47,759 --> 00:43:50,193
And now the voluntary
sex thing is on.
990
00:43:50,195 --> 00:43:54,030
I'm also volunteering.
991
00:43:54,032 --> 00:43:55,798
Also, don't you think we should
get to know each other
992
00:43:55,800 --> 00:43:57,734
a little bit better, more than
just the ranger stuff?
993
00:43:57,736 --> 00:43:59,068
- Okay. Well, like what?
- I don't know.
994
00:43:59,070 --> 00:44:00,770
Like, what are
your parents like?
995
00:44:00,772 --> 00:44:02,805
What are
your parents like?
996
00:44:02,807 --> 00:44:04,707
Well, my dad's a plumber.
My mom's a secretary.
997
00:44:04,709 --> 00:44:05,942
And I love them.
998
00:44:05,944 --> 00:44:07,377
My parents
are both tax attorneys.
999
00:44:07,379 --> 00:44:11,214
And I love them both.
And I hate taxes. What else?
1000
00:44:11,216 --> 00:44:13,016
Did you have
a pet growing up?
1001
00:44:13,018 --> 00:44:15,385
A little dog named Coconut.
What about you?
1002
00:44:15,387 --> 00:44:17,887
Black dog
named Bojangles.
1003
00:44:17,889 --> 00:44:19,889
- Okay, good.
- Good.
1004
00:44:24,095 --> 00:44:25,228
( moaning )
1005
00:44:26,798 --> 00:44:29,365
- Morning, Sunshine.
- I feel great.
1006
00:44:29,367 --> 00:44:31,367
Me, too.
1007
00:44:31,369 --> 00:44:33,169
I can't wait to meet
the Speaker of the House
1008
00:44:33,171 --> 00:44:35,238
and start drafting
that bill today.
1009
00:44:35,240 --> 00:44:37,707
I can't believe
it's really happening.
1010
00:44:40,245 --> 00:44:43,112
Marsha:
Here it is, the new Girl Squaw
moonbase cookie.
1011
00:44:43,114 --> 00:44:45,214
Man:
Well, my wife and two kids
are my pride and joy,
1012
00:44:45,216 --> 00:44:47,016
but I love my job.
1013
00:44:47,018 --> 00:44:49,185
Many heads of state have
come through this office
1014
00:44:49,187 --> 00:44:51,421
and now the Grand Sacajew...
1015
00:44:51,423 --> 00:44:52,755
Woman: Wea.
1016
00:44:52,757 --> 00:44:54,824
Man:
Wea of the Girl things.
1017
00:44:54,826 --> 00:44:57,694
- Woman: Squaws.
- Man: Squaws, Girl Squaws.
1018
00:44:57,696 --> 00:45:02,365
I can't get enough
of these chunky gunks, Marsha.
1019
00:45:02,367 --> 00:45:04,200
Hey, what's in these?
1020
00:45:04,202 --> 00:45:06,135
Real macadamia nuts,
pecan bits,
1021
00:45:06,137 --> 00:45:08,037
walnut shards
and chocolate chunks.
1022
00:45:08,039 --> 00:45:09,806
Which all represent
multiple warheads.
1023
00:45:09,808 --> 00:45:11,774
It's going to be
my moon base now.
1024
00:45:11,776 --> 00:45:13,976
Your moon base?
1025
00:45:13,978 --> 00:45:15,478
That's going to be
a catastrophe, sir,
1026
00:45:15,480 --> 00:45:17,246
now that I've got
momentum on it,
1027
00:45:17,248 --> 00:45:19,215
you're saying
it's your idea?
1028
00:45:19,217 --> 00:45:21,417
That's life in the big city,
Pam Henry.
1029
00:45:21,419 --> 00:45:25,321
- Mr. Speaker, may I introduce
Miss Eckle from my district?
- Hi.
1030
00:45:25,323 --> 00:45:28,191
- Thank you for your help.
- Thank you, sir.
1031
00:45:28,193 --> 00:45:32,895
You spoke to the people
last night and my moon base
is gonna pass now.
1032
00:45:32,897 --> 00:45:36,466
Now I long dreamed
of this amazing galactic outpost
1033
00:45:36,468 --> 00:45:39,102
protecting us all.
1034
00:45:39,104 --> 00:45:41,838
After it was my dream.
( chuckles )
1035
00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:45,408
I guess everyone's dreams.
Let's take the picture.
1036
00:45:45,410 --> 00:45:47,076
Can my friends be in it?
1037
00:45:47,078 --> 00:45:48,745
Sure, of course.
1038
00:45:48,747 --> 00:45:50,847
Pam:
Oh, you mean these friends.
1039
00:45:50,849 --> 00:45:52,749
Howard. All right.
1040
00:45:52,751 --> 00:45:54,884
Mr. Speaker, I'm working
as a prophet
1041
00:45:54,886 --> 00:45:57,420
for all uninsured people
as depicted
1042
00:45:57,422 --> 00:46:01,924
in this original watercolor
made by my beautiful woman.
1043
00:46:01,926 --> 00:46:03,159
Is that supposed to be me?
1044
00:46:03,161 --> 00:46:05,361
That's the black you,
baby girl.
1045
00:46:05,363 --> 00:46:07,230
- Awesome.
- Let's take the picture.
1046
00:46:10,769 --> 00:46:12,068
( cheering )
1047
00:46:13,772 --> 00:46:16,038
Why you sitting sidesaddle?
1048
00:46:16,040 --> 00:46:18,040
Oh, it's good to sit.
1049
00:46:18,042 --> 00:46:20,910
I'm sorry, guys,
we just don't have
that kind of time right now.
1050
00:46:20,912 --> 00:46:22,378
I think they're a little
confused about the event.
1051
00:46:22,380 --> 00:46:23,813
- No, they're fine.
- Oh, yeah.
1052
00:46:23,815 --> 00:46:25,548
Oh, you guys
must be confused.
1053
00:46:25,550 --> 00:46:27,416
No, I thought we were
just going to attach
1054
00:46:27,418 --> 00:46:30,319
our little emergency care bill
onto the big moon base thing,
1055
00:46:30,321 --> 00:46:34,357
you know, little satellites
just orbiting the big moon
1056
00:46:34,359 --> 00:46:36,526
because of my TV thing
last night.
1057
00:46:36,528 --> 00:46:38,060
I mean, that's what
we talked about.
1058
00:46:38,062 --> 00:46:39,929
- That wasn't confusing.
- No, it wasn't.
1059
00:46:39,931 --> 00:46:41,931
I don't think Howard
meant that literally,
1060
00:46:41,933 --> 00:46:44,167
- did you, Howard?
- Well, how else
would he mean it?
1061
00:46:44,169 --> 00:46:46,402
- Keyshawn: Like a lie?
- Norm: Lying doesn't
square with God.
1062
00:46:46,404 --> 00:46:49,305
So true, you know,
that's life in Washington.
1063
00:46:49,307 --> 00:46:53,276
Look, I got a big appointment
at the White House.
1064
00:46:53,278 --> 00:46:56,078
And, I, um...
1065
00:46:56,080 --> 00:46:59,182
I'd love to sit
and discuss this all with you.
1066
00:46:59,184 --> 00:47:01,250
Pam:
I'd very much
like to come with you.
1067
00:47:01,252 --> 00:47:03,052
How can you go to the
White House and not bring me?
1068
00:47:03,054 --> 00:47:04,453
This is my idea.
1069
00:47:04,455 --> 00:47:07,557
It's just between
me and the president.
1070
00:47:07,559 --> 00:47:10,026
What if we really
did get Shakira?
1071
00:47:10,028 --> 00:47:11,594
What?
1072
00:47:11,596 --> 00:47:14,964
- Pam: What?
- Speaker: What's Shakira?
1073
00:47:14,966 --> 00:47:16,432
What if we really did
do Alice's law?
1074
00:47:16,434 --> 00:47:19,569
- Alice's law? Uh-huh.
- Alice's law?
1075
00:47:19,571 --> 00:47:21,604
Something small,
something specific.
1076
00:47:21,606 --> 00:47:24,440
Nothing that's big.
Nothing that would cause
a big debate.
1077
00:47:24,442 --> 00:47:28,077
Just in addition
to military moon base
satellite defense project.
1078
00:47:28,079 --> 00:47:30,446
Marsha:
What does he mean,
really get Shakira?
1079
00:47:30,448 --> 00:47:32,248
( coughing )
Who's Shakira?
1080
00:47:32,250 --> 00:47:33,950
Those are
interesting ideas.
1081
00:47:33,952 --> 00:47:35,284
However, we don't
have time right now.
1082
00:47:35,286 --> 00:47:37,420
She hates when anyone else
gets an idea.
1083
00:47:37,422 --> 00:47:39,088
- Mm-hmm.
- Pam: That's not true.
1084
00:47:39,090 --> 00:47:40,623
I love when other people
have ideas.
1085
00:47:40,625 --> 00:47:42,558
I adore the process,
which in reality
1086
00:47:42,560 --> 00:47:44,961
takes time
and compromise.
1087
00:47:44,963 --> 00:47:46,963
Like a great relationship,
it never works.
1088
00:47:46,965 --> 00:47:48,865
Not us, baby.
We gonna survive.
1089
00:47:48,867 --> 00:47:51,200
So very sorry, guys.
Another time for sure soon.
1090
00:47:51,202 --> 00:47:53,336
- What's happening?
- They're not gonna
help us, Marsha
1091
00:47:53,338 --> 00:47:55,071
and you're not going
to get Shakira either.
1092
00:47:55,073 --> 00:47:57,173
- Is that true?
- Howard: That's not true.
1093
00:47:57,175 --> 00:47:59,141
- No Shakira?
- Harshtone: Oh,
there will be a Shakira.
1094
00:47:59,143 --> 00:48:00,977
Of course,
there will be Shakira.
1095
00:48:00,979 --> 00:48:03,479
Or Shakira-related
merchandise.
1096
00:48:03,481 --> 00:48:05,882
If I don't see
some proof right now,
1097
00:48:05,884 --> 00:48:08,117
I'm calling a press conference
saying how Congress
1098
00:48:08,119 --> 00:48:10,953
boned the Girl Squaws
and I'll fuck shit up.
1099
00:48:10,955 --> 00:48:13,489
Why don't we just
calm down, Marsha?
1100
00:48:13,491 --> 00:48:15,391
Get off me, Judas.
1101
00:48:15,393 --> 00:48:17,026
Sound the Squaw alarm.
1102
00:48:17,028 --> 00:48:18,494
No, no, don't sound
the Squaw alarm.
1103
00:48:18,496 --> 00:48:20,596
- ( horn blowing )
- ( girls yelling )
1104
00:48:20,598 --> 00:48:22,331
Mr. Speaker, breathe.
1105
00:48:22,333 --> 00:48:25,234
- ( gagging )
- Breathe. Mr. Speaker, breath.
1106
00:48:25,236 --> 00:48:27,103
I know the Heimlich.
Watch out.
1107
00:48:27,105 --> 00:48:28,271
Oh, my...
( thuds )
1108
00:48:28,273 --> 00:48:31,607
( grunting )
1109
00:48:31,609 --> 00:48:33,910
Ah!
1110
00:48:33,912 --> 00:48:36,312
Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Speaker,
we'll do it your way!
1111
00:48:36,314 --> 00:48:38,414
- You're caving?
- Mr. Speaker is choking!
1112
00:48:38,416 --> 00:48:41,117
- Get help!
- EMT's on the way!
1113
00:48:41,119 --> 00:48:42,652
Howard:
This man is choking
on your issue.
1114
00:48:42,654 --> 00:48:44,553
( crash )
1115
00:48:44,555 --> 00:48:46,522
We have to clear the airway.
1116
00:48:49,027 --> 00:48:51,961
( grunting )
1117
00:48:51,963 --> 00:48:53,362
Marsha:
Do something.
1118
00:48:53,364 --> 00:48:55,431
He doesn't want it.
He doesn't want it.
1119
00:48:55,433 --> 00:48:59,135
Oh, my God, he's dying.
He's dying.
1120
00:48:59,137 --> 00:49:02,405
- Howard, rip open his shirt.
- Okay.
1121
00:49:04,976 --> 00:49:07,410
Clear!
1122
00:49:07,412 --> 00:49:09,145
- Here, let me try.
- No, I got it.
1123
00:49:09,147 --> 00:49:10,479
- No, wait, he's my boss.
- I'm doing it.
1124
00:49:10,481 --> 00:49:11,948
Plus I've always
wanted to do this.
1125
00:49:11,950 --> 00:49:13,716
- Okay. God.
- ( electricity shocks )
1126
00:49:13,718 --> 00:49:15,518
- Let me try it!
- Alice: You're doing it...
1127
00:49:15,520 --> 00:49:18,955
- Howard: Wait!
- Alice: Let him help you!
1128
00:49:18,957 --> 00:49:21,290
He was my boss
before he was your boss.
1129
00:49:21,292 --> 00:49:22,959
It's broken.
It's broken.
1130
00:49:22,961 --> 00:49:24,527
I'll save him.
It's not broken.
1131
00:49:24,529 --> 00:49:26,662
- You're not
doing it right.
- Ah!
1132
00:49:26,664 --> 00:49:30,433
Stay with us, Mr. Speaker.
You're my mentor.
1133
00:49:30,435 --> 00:49:32,134
We're not gonna lose him!
1134
00:49:32,136 --> 00:49:34,370
( bell tolling )
1135
00:49:37,075 --> 00:49:39,241
( indistinct chatter )
1136
00:49:40,478 --> 00:49:42,545
( sniffling )
1137
00:50:01,332 --> 00:50:02,565
Wow.
1138
00:50:06,304 --> 00:50:09,338
What's going on?
Why are you watching this?
1139
00:50:09,340 --> 00:50:11,374
- Alice is on TV.
- What?
1140
00:50:11,376 --> 00:50:12,708
We were going
to watch "Terminator."
1141
00:50:12,710 --> 00:50:14,243
- Brenda, can you move?
- I made popcorn.
1142
00:50:14,245 --> 00:50:15,644
- I know.
- I slept over.
1143
00:50:15,646 --> 00:50:19,148
Brenda, I told you that
there's a 55-45% chance
1144
00:50:19,150 --> 00:50:21,484
that I couldn't get over Alice.
Now that's going to 70-30.
1145
00:50:21,486 --> 00:50:24,253
- She's amazing.
- Amazing?
1146
00:50:24,255 --> 00:50:29,125
- She has a damaged head.
- Okay. 65-35.
1147
00:50:29,127 --> 00:50:31,394
But I might still be
in love with her.
1148
00:50:31,396 --> 00:50:34,330
Your numbers
are garbage to me.
1149
00:50:34,332 --> 00:50:36,432
Scott:
Call me, though,
because I don't know
1150
00:50:36,434 --> 00:50:39,114
- how this is
gonna turn out.
- ( door shuts )
1151
00:50:40,638 --> 00:50:42,638
Pam:
This man that I hoped...
1152
00:50:42,640 --> 00:50:46,142
I hope and pray to him.
1153
00:50:46,144 --> 00:50:48,778
I just wanted to let you know
how horrible I feel about what
happened
1154
00:50:48,780 --> 00:50:50,713
and if that defibrillator
hadn't broken,
1155
00:50:50,715 --> 00:50:53,249
- it would have...
- It wasn't the defibrillator.
1156
00:50:53,251 --> 00:50:56,052
He choked to death.
1157
00:50:56,054 --> 00:51:00,689
But I asked God for help
fulfilling big shoes of...
1158
00:51:00,691 --> 00:51:04,460
What is she doing
here with her weird
band of confederates?
1159
00:51:04,462 --> 00:51:08,230
Oh, I'm sure she just
feels bad about yesterday.
1160
00:51:08,232 --> 00:51:11,100
- She's just...
- Yeah, go manage it.
1161
00:51:11,102 --> 00:51:13,302
Okay, I got it managed.
Take it off your mind.
1162
00:51:13,304 --> 00:51:15,144
- I've got it.
- Thank you. Good.
1163
00:51:16,407 --> 00:51:21,410
Buck McCoy was a cold...
He was my mentor.
1164
00:51:21,412 --> 00:51:25,347
Are you still being weird?
Because if you can't stop
1165
00:51:25,349 --> 00:51:27,750
being weird,
get away from me.
1166
00:51:27,752 --> 00:51:30,086
Why? Feeling guilty
for some reason?
1167
00:51:30,088 --> 00:51:32,154
What are you talking about?
Why should I feel guilty?
1168
00:51:32,156 --> 00:51:34,223
I saw you unplug the wire.
1169
00:51:34,225 --> 00:51:36,859
That is
an outrageous accusation.
1170
00:51:36,861 --> 00:51:39,695
- Did anyone else see?
- No, just me.
1171
00:51:39,697 --> 00:51:42,598
I'm the only one
who's in on the murder.
1172
00:51:42,600 --> 00:51:44,500
Fate gave us a break,
for God's sake.
1173
00:51:44,502 --> 00:51:46,635
Don't get all crumbly
on me.
1174
00:51:46,637 --> 00:51:48,571
I need to practice
my eulogy, Edwin.
1175
00:51:48,573 --> 00:51:51,340
This is my moment.
You need to support me.
1176
00:51:52,443 --> 00:51:55,211
( organ music playing )
1177
00:51:55,213 --> 00:51:56,812
He was my mentor.
1178
00:51:59,617 --> 00:52:03,185
Hi, can you guys
move over?
1179
00:52:05,256 --> 00:52:06,388
Thanks.
1180
00:52:08,659 --> 00:52:11,127
- What?
- Get away from me.
1181
00:52:11,129 --> 00:52:12,661
I cannot believe
I trusted you.
1182
00:52:12,663 --> 00:52:14,663
You were supposed
to take care of me.
1183
00:52:14,665 --> 00:52:16,632
So I sort of lied
a little bit, okay?
1184
00:52:16,634 --> 00:52:18,868
And I didn't understand
what I was doing.
1185
00:52:18,870 --> 00:52:22,171
And, you know, I got caught up
in the system, yes.
1186
00:52:22,173 --> 00:52:24,140
But I got inspired
by you.
1187
00:52:24,142 --> 00:52:25,774
And now I might lose my job.
1188
00:52:25,776 --> 00:52:30,846
So what?
( speaking Portuguese )
1189
00:52:30,848 --> 00:52:32,581
Was that something
about the nail?
1190
00:52:32,583 --> 00:52:34,850
- Yes. God.
- Let me get that removed, okay?
1191
00:52:34,852 --> 00:52:36,418
We have great
healthcare in Congress
1192
00:52:36,420 --> 00:52:38,587
and I could give you
my surgery voucher.
1193
00:52:38,589 --> 00:52:40,422
Is that like
a Shakira voucher
1194
00:52:40,424 --> 00:52:41,657
or is it a real voucher?
1195
00:52:41,659 --> 00:52:43,559
That's a real voucher.
1196
00:52:43,561 --> 00:52:45,161
Well,
what about my friends?
1197
00:52:45,163 --> 00:52:46,829
Yeah, we'll take
some of that, amigo.
1198
00:52:46,831 --> 00:52:49,465
What? Do I look like I'm made
out of vouchers over here?
1199
00:52:49,467 --> 00:52:52,835
I have one
major surgery voucher,
and I'm offering it to you.
1200
00:52:52,837 --> 00:52:55,804
I can't get this thing out
until everyone can get
help, okay?
1201
00:52:55,806 --> 00:52:57,206
I'm thinking bigger.
1202
00:52:57,208 --> 00:52:58,908
( sighs )
1203
00:52:58,910 --> 00:53:01,577
That's awesome, Alice,
but you're never going to get
1204
00:53:01,579 --> 00:53:02,811
that bill passed
until you're dead.
1205
00:53:02,813 --> 00:53:04,547
Either from that
thing in your head
1206
00:53:04,549 --> 00:53:07,249
or from your old age, okay?
And I care about you a lot.
1207
00:53:07,251 --> 00:53:09,618
And I don't want
to see you die, okay?
1208
00:53:09,620 --> 00:53:13,222
There's got to be some way
or else my country
totally sucks.
1209
00:53:13,224 --> 00:53:15,324
( yells )
It's imposs...
1210
00:53:15,326 --> 00:53:18,694
It's impossible unless
something extremely dramatic
happens very soon.
1211
00:53:18,696 --> 00:53:20,296
And the Speaker of the House
just choked to death.
1212
00:53:20,298 --> 00:53:22,765
So I think we're out
of drama right now.
1213
00:53:22,767 --> 00:53:24,366
( sighs )
1214
00:53:27,672 --> 00:53:30,339
Watch this.
1215
00:53:30,341 --> 00:53:31,674
What are you doing?
1216
00:53:31,676 --> 00:53:33,509
Wait, no. Stop.
Stop. Stop it.
1217
00:53:33,511 --> 00:53:38,480
- This man was a great hero.
- No, wait, stop, stop.
1218
00:53:41,352 --> 00:53:42,484
What?
1219
00:53:43,921 --> 00:53:47,790
What an American hero
this man was! Come on!
1220
00:53:47,792 --> 00:53:48,991
Oh, God.
1221
00:53:56,801 --> 00:54:00,869
- Come on, people!
- Thank you.
1222
00:54:06,844 --> 00:54:09,645
Thank you.
Thank you, bless you.
1223
00:54:09,647 --> 00:54:12,881
I know, I know
he was a great man.
1224
00:54:12,883 --> 00:54:15,384
I know him and I loved him, too,
and he changed my life.
1225
00:54:15,386 --> 00:54:18,420
- Thank you.
- Hugging the widow.
1226
00:54:18,422 --> 00:54:20,823
No. The widow hugs me.
1227
00:54:20,825 --> 00:54:24,860
And I'm going to tell the truth
about you right now.
1228
00:54:27,965 --> 00:54:29,798
I just want
to give you a hug.
1229
00:54:29,800 --> 00:54:31,934
No. She's going to tell
the truth about Buck now.
1230
00:54:31,936 --> 00:54:33,502
She's not going to tell
the truth about Buck.
1231
00:54:33,504 --> 00:54:34,937
She doesn't even know Buck.
1232
00:54:34,939 --> 00:54:36,438
You don't know anything
about Buck either.
1233
00:54:36,440 --> 00:54:39,308
You just wanted his job
and now you have it.
1234
00:54:39,310 --> 00:54:40,442
Now, sit.
1235
00:54:52,623 --> 00:54:54,623
What a sad, sad
occasion it is that has
1236
00:54:54,625 --> 00:54:57,726
brought us together today.
1237
00:54:57,728 --> 00:55:00,763
And you're probably
wondering who I am.
1238
00:55:00,765 --> 00:55:03,699
Well, I'm nobody.
I'm just a regular citizen
1239
00:55:03,701 --> 00:55:08,771
that Congressman McCoy
took the time to see...
1240
00:55:08,773 --> 00:55:11,440
on the last day
of his life.
1241
00:55:11,442 --> 00:55:15,444
Because he was
a generous
1242
00:55:15,446 --> 00:55:17,579
and caring man.
1243
00:55:19,884 --> 00:55:22,484
I was there.
1244
00:55:22,486 --> 00:55:25,688
I was there when he died...
1245
00:55:25,690 --> 00:55:28,557
trying to Heimlich
the cookie chunks
1246
00:55:28,559 --> 00:55:31,760
from the Speaker's throat,
but we just couldn't Heimlich
1247
00:55:31,762 --> 00:55:33,362
enough and I blame myself.
1248
00:55:33,364 --> 00:55:35,397
Don't blame yourself.
1249
00:55:35,399 --> 00:55:37,900
I do. No, I do.
I blame myself.
1250
00:55:41,038 --> 00:55:44,039
I'm a woman with a nail
in my head that I cannot afford
1251
00:55:44,041 --> 00:55:46,742
to fix, which might hemorrhage
and kill me at any time.
1252
00:55:46,744 --> 00:55:49,411
( crowd murmuring )
1253
00:55:51,115 --> 00:55:55,551
But he was a man
who I have learned
1254
00:55:55,553 --> 00:56:00,422
happily crushed every piece
of health legislation
1255
00:56:00,424 --> 00:56:03,926
that he could get his hands
on during his 31-year career.
1256
00:56:03,928 --> 00:56:09,865
But do you know what
his last dying words were?
1257
00:56:09,867 --> 00:56:11,900
I do.
1258
00:56:11,902 --> 00:56:14,536
Because he said them to me.
1259
00:56:14,538 --> 00:56:16,705
He said...
1260
00:56:16,707 --> 00:56:18,674
he said, "Alice...
1261
00:56:18,676 --> 00:56:22,111
Alice, if a congressman
1262
00:56:22,113 --> 00:56:24,113
had a nail in his head,
1263
00:56:24,115 --> 00:56:27,516
Congress would pay
to have it removed."
1264
00:56:27,518 --> 00:56:29,451
That's what he said.
1265
00:56:29,453 --> 00:56:32,921
Congress would pay
to have it removed.
1266
00:56:32,923 --> 00:56:35,724
Why can't you
and all Americans be shown
1267
00:56:35,726 --> 00:56:38,427
that same human decency?
Why?
1268
00:56:38,429 --> 00:56:40,496
Why can't we?
1269
00:56:40,498 --> 00:56:43,499
This is not fair." he said.
And he said,
1270
00:56:43,501 --> 00:56:45,868
"Let's just
forget about the moon base.
1271
00:56:45,870 --> 00:56:49,171
Forget about it. We have
plenty of defense already.
1272
00:56:49,173 --> 00:56:52,141
And let's pass the emergency
healthcare law instead."
1273
00:56:52,143 --> 00:56:53,809
( crying )
1274
00:56:53,811 --> 00:56:57,813
- He reversed his position.
- ( crowd gasping )
1275
00:56:57,815 --> 00:56:59,581
It's true.
1276
00:56:59,583 --> 00:57:02,151
I knew
he always had it in him.
1277
00:57:02,153 --> 00:57:04,853
My husband was
a big-hearted man.
1278
00:57:04,855 --> 00:57:07,990
Yes, he was.
Yes, he was.
1279
00:57:07,992 --> 00:57:10,492
Let's do this.
1280
00:57:10,494 --> 00:57:13,462
This was
his dying wish.
1281
00:57:13,464 --> 00:57:17,666
Let's do it for Buck McCoy.
1282
00:57:17,668 --> 00:57:19,868
Yes!
1283
00:57:21,038 --> 00:57:23,439
( cheering )
1284
00:57:49,500 --> 00:57:50,666
Tell us about your injury.
1285
00:57:50,668 --> 00:57:52,000
What else did Buck say
before he died?
1286
00:57:52,002 --> 00:57:53,569
Were you attacked
with a nail gun?
1287
00:57:53,571 --> 00:57:55,771
- Where's Howard?
- There he is!
1288
00:57:55,773 --> 00:57:58,574
There he is!
1289
00:57:58,576 --> 00:58:00,809
Pam:
Howard!
1290
00:58:00,811 --> 00:58:02,778
Did he embrace legalizing
medical marijuana?
1291
00:58:02,780 --> 00:58:04,012
And what about stem cells?
1292
00:58:04,014 --> 00:58:07,783
I don't know.
I don't know.
1293
00:58:07,785 --> 00:58:10,219
Maybe yes
on the medical marijuana.
1294
00:58:28,138 --> 00:58:30,772
How was that for dramatic?
1295
00:58:30,774 --> 00:58:35,611
You were amazing.
That was like political karate.
1296
00:58:35,613 --> 00:58:38,614
I mean, you hijacked the legacy
of a major political career
1297
00:58:38,616 --> 00:58:42,751
and then you just transformed
the chi over to our cause.
1298
00:58:42,753 --> 00:58:44,786
- I know, right?
- You're inspiring.
1299
00:58:44,788 --> 00:58:47,823
You are a fantastic liar,
and for all the right reasons.
1300
00:58:47,825 --> 00:58:51,059
Oh, honey, you taught me
how to lie to get what I want
because you did it to me.
1301
00:58:51,061 --> 00:58:52,761
- But you're the better liar.
- It's you.
1302
00:58:52,763 --> 00:58:54,296
You're the best liar.
You're the better liar.
1303
00:58:54,298 --> 00:58:56,598
- No, no.
- You are the better liar.
1304
00:58:56,600 --> 00:58:59,801
You're a better liar.
Like, top tier liar.
1305
00:59:01,805 --> 00:59:03,906
Are you still mad at me?
1306
00:59:03,908 --> 00:59:07,309
No. I can see you
were stuck in a situation
that wasn't really you.
1307
00:59:07,311 --> 00:59:10,212
I definitely think
we inspire each other.
1308
00:59:10,214 --> 00:59:11,880
And I think
I'm in love with you.
1309
00:59:13,851 --> 00:59:15,551
I think I'm in love
with you, too.
1310
00:59:15,553 --> 00:59:17,052
- ( door opens )
- Alice.
1311
00:59:17,054 --> 00:59:19,821
You were filled
with the divine spirit.
1312
00:59:19,823 --> 00:59:21,657
You know what?
You touched the magic.
1313
00:59:21,659 --> 00:59:22,891
And that ain't easy,
believe me.
1314
00:59:22,893 --> 00:59:24,293
I have been
on many a pulpit.
1315
00:59:24,295 --> 00:59:26,562
And I have oft...
But you soared.
1316
00:59:26,564 --> 00:59:28,030
Couldn't have
did it better myself.
1317
00:59:29,934 --> 00:59:31,733
Alice, everyone
wants to see you.
1318
00:59:31,735 --> 00:59:33,235
It's so exciting.
1319
00:59:33,237 --> 00:59:35,237
Congress guy Pam Henry
wants to see you,
1320
00:59:35,239 --> 00:59:38,173
but in a bad, scary way.
1321
00:59:38,175 --> 00:59:41,143
- That is scary.
- Why is that scary?
1322
00:59:41,145 --> 00:59:43,345
You smacked down on the most
important member of the House
1323
00:59:43,347 --> 00:59:45,814
after we killed the other most
important member of the House.
1324
00:59:45,816 --> 00:59:47,316
And Pam Henry plays rough.
1325
00:59:47,318 --> 00:59:49,217
She's a take-no-prisoners
kind of gal, okay?
1326
00:59:49,219 --> 00:59:51,653
She's going to do us
and smear us across
the floor.
1327
00:59:51,655 --> 00:59:54,590
I'm just saying,
it's not going to be
good times, Beach Boys.
1328
00:59:54,592 --> 00:59:57,025
Okay. Well, bring it
'cause we can take her.
1329
00:59:57,027 --> 00:59:58,293
- Let's go.
- Yeah...
1330
00:59:58,295 --> 01:00:01,363
Maybe... maybe we can.
1331
01:00:01,365 --> 01:00:04,299
You know, I want to say
that I love you.
1332
01:00:04,301 --> 01:00:06,368
I want to be the kind
of man who stays here
1333
01:00:06,370 --> 01:00:09,171
and fights for you
and all the sad,
1334
01:00:09,173 --> 01:00:10,872
injured people
without money.
1335
01:00:10,874 --> 01:00:12,374
You're a good man.
1336
01:00:12,376 --> 01:00:15,611
- Thanks, Norm.
- Howard, what are you doing?
1337
01:00:15,613 --> 01:00:17,646
Look, it's just kind
of a gigantic deal,
1338
01:00:17,648 --> 01:00:18,981
you know, when you go
against your party
1339
01:00:18,983 --> 01:00:20,282
and all the big bosses
who got you here.
1340
01:00:20,284 --> 01:00:21,883
So I'm just going
to need to take a minute
1341
01:00:21,885 --> 01:00:23,352
and think about this.
1342
01:00:23,354 --> 01:00:24,920
Wait, you can't
just leave.
1343
01:00:24,922 --> 01:00:27,089
You have to introduce
our bill in the new session.
1344
01:00:27,091 --> 01:00:29,758
And you've got to be
with me and stuff.
1345
01:00:29,760 --> 01:00:31,960
Howard, come on.
We're a team.
1346
01:00:31,962 --> 01:00:34,229
Listen,
I am going to be there.
1347
01:00:34,231 --> 01:00:36,632
I swear on my life.
1348
01:00:36,634 --> 01:00:37,966
Howard, Pam Henry
wants to see you,
1349
01:00:37,968 --> 01:00:39,801
and you better come
right now!
1350
01:00:39,803 --> 01:00:42,738
You tell her that I'm going
to be there, all right?
1351
01:00:42,740 --> 01:00:45,374
I swear on my life!
1352
01:00:45,376 --> 01:00:47,009
( thuds, grunts )
1353
01:00:47,011 --> 01:00:48,343
( running footsteps )
1354
01:00:50,347 --> 01:00:52,648
Behold, I would
wander far away.
1355
01:00:52,650 --> 01:00:55,283
I would remain
in the wilderness.
Psalm 55.
1356
01:00:55,285 --> 01:00:59,154
Some folks go crazier
than a shithouse rat
and let you down.
1357
01:00:59,156 --> 01:01:02,658
Aunt Veknuckle, '87.
1358
01:01:02,660 --> 01:01:04,326
He's a complicated,
beautiful man
1359
01:01:04,328 --> 01:01:06,828
and he is not going
to let me down.
1360
01:01:06,830 --> 01:01:10,899
As National Grand Sacajawea
of all Girl Squaws,
1361
01:01:10,901 --> 01:01:13,869
I apologize
for the total bummer
1362
01:01:13,871 --> 01:01:16,738
of not getting Shakira
like I said.
1363
01:01:16,740 --> 01:01:21,076
But as payback to the guys
who lied and let us down,
1364
01:01:21,078 --> 01:01:24,813
I propose that we direct
our efforts to Congress
1365
01:01:24,815 --> 01:01:26,748
to get the nail out
for Alice
1366
01:01:26,750 --> 01:01:29,317
and all Americans
in such trouble.
1367
01:01:29,319 --> 01:01:30,952
This is Alice.
1368
01:01:30,954 --> 01:01:33,055
Let's welcome her
to the Squaws.
1369
01:01:36,727 --> 01:01:38,393
Alice:
If you're on
a Girl Squaw campout
1370
01:01:38,395 --> 01:01:41,463
and an ax gets imbedded
in your femur
1371
01:01:41,465 --> 01:01:45,167
or your face is badly burned
in a s'mores accident,
1372
01:01:45,169 --> 01:01:46,868
you will be protected
by this bill
1373
01:01:46,870 --> 01:01:50,238
even if your family
is badly insured.
1374
01:01:50,240 --> 01:01:53,809
And we have a new special
edition cookie to replace
1375
01:01:53,811 --> 01:01:56,411
the discontinued
hazardous moon base cookies.
1376
01:01:56,413 --> 01:01:58,180
It's the Alice
Nail in the Head cookie.
1377
01:01:58,182 --> 01:01:59,881
Soft and non-chuckable.
1378
01:01:59,883 --> 01:02:01,950
We will use these cookies
to build support
1379
01:02:01,952 --> 01:02:03,251
for our healthcare bill.
1380
01:02:03,253 --> 01:02:07,823
All:
Here, here.
Here, here.
1381
01:02:07,825 --> 01:02:13,061
♪ Let your colors shine ♪
1382
01:02:13,063 --> 01:02:16,765
♪ Let your colors
shine ♪
1383
01:02:16,767 --> 01:02:19,735
♪ Come on, it's raining
rainbow sprinkles ♪
1384
01:02:19,737 --> 01:02:22,304
♪ It's raining
rainbow sprinkles ♪
1385
01:02:22,306 --> 01:02:25,440
♪ Let your colors shine. ♪
1386
01:02:28,212 --> 01:02:30,479
Damn it. Girl Squaws
are knocking the moon base
1387
01:02:30,481 --> 01:02:32,514
- literally off
the front pages.
- And the blogs.
1388
01:02:32,516 --> 01:02:34,783
And they're camping
in front of the Capitol,
if you can believe that.
1389
01:02:34,785 --> 01:02:37,219
Females are running nine to one
in favor of the Alice bill
1390
01:02:37,221 --> 01:02:38,887
- over the moon base.
- We got to do something.
1391
01:02:38,889 --> 01:02:40,288
Well, I did deploy
the poison oak spray.
1392
01:02:40,290 --> 01:02:42,090
We're not animals.
1393
01:02:42,092 --> 01:02:44,092
Well, we have to do something
to knock them off at the knees.
1394
01:02:44,094 --> 01:02:45,994
- It's so wrong.
- Why don't we just kill them?
1395
01:02:45,996 --> 01:02:49,264
Hey, that topic's over.
Let's focus.
1396
01:02:49,266 --> 01:02:52,467
Do they really have
a viral video out against
the moon base?
1397
01:02:52,469 --> 01:02:54,169
Yes, that is true.
1398
01:02:54,171 --> 01:02:56,338
It is very popular
and it's doing a lot
of damage.
1399
01:02:56,340 --> 01:02:57,773
Curses.
1400
01:02:57,775 --> 01:02:59,241
She's got a nail
in her head
1401
01:02:59,243 --> 01:03:01,376
and her family's got
a piece of crap HMO.
1402
01:03:01,378 --> 01:03:04,379
We have no choice
but to perform unlicensed
home surgery.
1403
01:03:04,381 --> 01:03:07,415
Scalpel, please.
Quickly, quickly.
1404
01:03:07,417 --> 01:03:10,385
( screaming )
1405
01:03:11,455 --> 01:03:13,088
She's hemorrhaging!
1406
01:03:14,958 --> 01:03:17,793
But at least
we have a moon base!
1407
01:03:17,795 --> 01:03:20,829
( music playing
over radio )
1408
01:03:20,831 --> 01:03:22,397
Pam:
Well, they can camp
on YouTube all they want.
1409
01:03:22,399 --> 01:03:25,167
I'll make sure nobody
will introduce their bill.
1410
01:03:25,169 --> 01:03:27,936
Howard's in hiding.
No way he'll help them.
1411
01:03:27,938 --> 01:03:29,437
What about the pro healthcare
guy across the aisle?
1412
01:03:29,439 --> 01:03:31,072
Oh, they're pushovers.
1413
01:03:31,074 --> 01:03:32,808
I already threatened
to cut public housing
1414
01:03:32,810 --> 01:03:34,576
and dangle
the multicultural
rainbow package
1415
01:03:34,578 --> 01:03:37,078
and they were so freaking
happy to take it,
it was pathetic.
1416
01:03:37,080 --> 01:03:38,480
Yeah, but these Squaws,
they're tough.
1417
01:03:38,482 --> 01:03:40,842
We need something
strong to stop them.
1418
01:03:42,085 --> 01:03:43,485
Hold it.
1419
01:03:45,856 --> 01:03:47,222
I've got something.
1420
01:03:54,431 --> 01:03:56,431
Pam:
There's pasta primavera
right there.
1421
01:03:56,433 --> 01:03:58,533
Harshtone:
Extra spicy.
1422
01:03:58,535 --> 01:04:00,869
Announcer:
Some people want us
to raise taxes
1423
01:04:00,871 --> 01:04:03,071
to pay
for socialist medicine.
1424
01:04:03,073 --> 01:04:06,308
Maybe these people
are bad news because
they're lesbians.
1425
01:04:06,310 --> 01:04:08,210
Marsha Weber
is the number two leader
1426
01:04:08,212 --> 01:04:10,278
of the movement
behind Alice Eckle,
1427
01:04:10,280 --> 01:04:13,615
raised in
a family lesbian cult
led by this woman.
1428
01:04:13,617 --> 01:04:16,284
Committed to spreading
lesbianism door to door
1429
01:04:16,286 --> 01:04:18,620
by other Girl Squaws
of America.
1430
01:04:18,622 --> 01:04:22,924
Marsha Weber has been
an influence for many years.
1431
01:04:22,926 --> 01:04:24,392
Stop the gay poison.
1432
01:04:24,394 --> 01:04:27,195
Tell your representatives
you are against
1433
01:04:27,197 --> 01:04:29,531
the Catastrophic Care bill.
1434
01:04:29,533 --> 01:04:31,466
- ( whistles blows )
- Man: Listen up, girls.
1435
01:04:31,468 --> 01:04:34,369
More calamine lotion
for the poison oak
has just arrived.
1436
01:04:34,371 --> 01:04:36,304
You can get some
at the first aid tent.
1437
01:04:36,306 --> 01:04:37,906
- Announcer:
...they're lesbians.
- I don't know.
1438
01:04:37,908 --> 01:04:39,341
It might be true.
How do I know?
1439
01:04:39,343 --> 01:04:41,409
Hopefully, that won't
hurt us too much.
1440
01:04:41,411 --> 01:04:43,945
I mean you be you, Marsha.
That's what I mean.
I support you.
1441
01:04:43,947 --> 01:04:45,647
Tell us about the tragedy
of your gayness.
1442
01:04:45,649 --> 01:04:48,617
- ( wailing )
- ( camera shutters clicking )
1443
01:04:48,619 --> 01:04:50,652
Don't hold my hand
anymore, Marsha.
1444
01:04:50,654 --> 01:04:53,421
Hey, come on.
Stick together, you guys.
1445
01:04:53,423 --> 01:04:55,457
I will not rest
until I hunt down
1446
01:04:55,459 --> 01:04:57,959
whoever made this deplorable ad
slamming a nine-year-old girl.
1447
01:04:57,961 --> 01:04:59,661
It was disgusting.
1448
01:04:59,663 --> 01:05:01,930
Though in no way
do I support child lesbianism.
1449
01:05:01,932 --> 01:05:04,332
Thank you.
1450
01:05:04,334 --> 01:05:07,903
- I need a new sign. I'm lost.
- We're all lost.
1451
01:05:07,905 --> 01:05:09,471
Congress is back,
but Howard's not.
1452
01:05:09,473 --> 01:05:11,473
Pam Henry either
bribed or scared anyone
1453
01:05:11,475 --> 01:05:13,541
who might
sponsor our law.
1454
01:05:13,543 --> 01:05:16,578
I keep blacking out
for a second.
1455
01:05:16,580 --> 01:05:18,380
Thanks.
1456
01:05:18,382 --> 01:05:20,448
Marsha, have your trackers
found anything on Howard?
1457
01:05:20,450 --> 01:05:22,951
They picked up his trail
through credit card
transactions,
1458
01:05:22,953 --> 01:05:24,953
- but they lost it
in Virginia.
- God!
1459
01:05:24,955 --> 01:05:27,255
( speaking Portuguese )
1460
01:05:35,332 --> 01:05:37,332
I understood
the word "Howard."
1461
01:05:37,334 --> 01:05:39,134
Alice!
1462
01:05:39,136 --> 01:05:41,703
Your super cute boyfriend's
here to see you.
1463
01:05:41,705 --> 01:05:43,571
Howard.
1464
01:05:45,709 --> 01:05:48,109
Scott.
1465
01:05:48,111 --> 01:05:49,411
What are you doing here?
1466
01:05:49,413 --> 01:05:51,146
Just bringing you
some comfort food.
1467
01:05:51,148 --> 01:05:53,515
Chili cheeseburger
with salsa fries.
1468
01:05:53,517 --> 01:05:54,716
They might be
a little cold,
1469
01:05:54,718 --> 01:05:57,986
but they still
taste like home.
1470
01:05:57,988 --> 01:05:59,387
Alice, don't you
miss home?
1471
01:05:59,389 --> 01:06:01,122
Of course I do.
1472
01:06:01,124 --> 01:06:03,058
Alice, I'm sorry,
I screwed up.
1473
01:06:03,060 --> 01:06:05,994
You know,
you're a lot of woman
for a man to handle.
1474
01:06:05,996 --> 01:06:07,963
And, honestly,
I wasn't up for it before.
1475
01:06:07,965 --> 01:06:09,597
But I am now.
I'm so proud of you.
1476
01:06:09,599 --> 01:06:11,700
I just...
I really am.
1477
01:06:11,702 --> 01:06:14,002
Come on, we can be
at Rusty's in 10 hours.
1478
01:06:14,004 --> 01:06:15,537
Scott, this is a lot
to take in right now.
1479
01:06:15,539 --> 01:06:17,038
It's freaking me out.
1480
01:06:17,040 --> 01:06:18,406
Okay, well, I don't want
to freak you out.
1481
01:06:18,408 --> 01:06:19,674
Just take your time.
I'm here for you.
1482
01:06:19,676 --> 01:06:21,609
I know it's going
to get rough.
1483
01:06:21,611 --> 01:06:24,512
Tomorrow's Harris polls
shows you dead even
with the opposition.
1484
01:06:24,514 --> 01:06:27,015
Wait a minute. What?
1485
01:06:27,017 --> 01:06:29,417
Nobody knows
tomorrow's Harris numbers
unless they're in Congress.
1486
01:06:29,419 --> 01:06:32,554
- Did somebody put you up
to this to mess with me?
- No, no way.
1487
01:06:32,556 --> 01:06:35,724
One of your little girl spies
told me about the polls
when I got here.
1488
01:06:35,726 --> 01:06:40,195
- It's a lie! He...
- Hey, you shut your mouth!
1489
01:06:40,197 --> 01:06:43,031
That's not even true.
We talked for a minute. Go.
1490
01:06:44,701 --> 01:06:47,235
All right.
Pam Henry brought me here.
1491
01:06:47,237 --> 01:06:48,737
I'm not a very good liar,
Alice.
1492
01:06:48,739 --> 01:06:50,572
But, look, they offered
to make me post commander
1493
01:06:50,574 --> 01:06:53,108
and fund the entire squadron
for photon tasers and Oakleys
1494
01:06:53,110 --> 01:06:54,476
if I could just get you
to come home.
1495
01:06:54,478 --> 01:06:56,011
And I thought,
that's not a bad thing.
1496
01:06:56,013 --> 01:06:58,580
- I want you home.
- Those rat bastards.
1497
01:06:58,582 --> 01:07:00,615
What about
my injury, Scott?
1498
01:07:00,617 --> 01:07:04,119
What about all the people here
that I'm trying to help?
1499
01:07:04,121 --> 01:07:05,687
Well...
1500
01:07:05,689 --> 01:07:09,424
Where is the guy
who will just think
bigger than just himself?
1501
01:07:09,426 --> 01:07:11,026
That's me.
I'm right here.
1502
01:07:11,028 --> 01:07:12,794
I want to be that guy,
Alice, please.
1503
01:07:12,796 --> 01:07:14,396
Give me another shot.
I can be that guy.
1504
01:07:14,398 --> 01:07:15,563
I want to give you
foot massages.
1505
01:07:15,565 --> 01:07:17,565
I want to take baths
with you.
1506
01:07:17,567 --> 01:07:19,634
I want to take your issue
to the City Council
or something.
1507
01:07:19,636 --> 01:07:21,302
I want you back,
nail and all.
1508
01:07:21,304 --> 01:07:23,271
- Please...
- I miss you.
1509
01:07:23,273 --> 01:07:25,206
- I love you more
than anything.
- Please don't.
1510
01:07:25,208 --> 01:07:28,543
- My precious
honeycomb cluster.
- God.
1511
01:07:28,545 --> 01:07:30,211
- Honeycomb cluster.
- Stop.
1512
01:07:30,213 --> 01:07:32,180
Honeycomb cluster.
Honeycomb...
1513
01:07:32,182 --> 01:07:33,815
( speaking Portuguese )
1514
01:07:33,817 --> 01:07:36,518
( groans )
1515
01:07:36,520 --> 01:07:39,554
I learned it for you.
1516
01:07:39,556 --> 01:07:42,157
I want to support you.
What do you need?
1517
01:07:42,159 --> 01:07:44,092
Keyshawn:
She needs a sponsor!
1518
01:07:44,094 --> 01:07:45,827
Guys, please,
can I have a second?
1519
01:07:45,829 --> 01:07:47,829
It's true.
I need a sponsor.
1520
01:07:47,831 --> 01:07:50,398
Oh, my God,
what are you hooked on?
Coke? Meth?
1521
01:07:50,400 --> 01:07:52,500
Not a rehab sponsor,
a sponsor for my law.
1522
01:07:52,502 --> 01:07:54,069
Nobody in Congress
will introduce it.
1523
01:07:54,071 --> 01:07:55,537
Our only hope's
disappeared.
1524
01:07:55,539 --> 01:07:57,572
Our trackers lost
his trail in Virginia.
1525
01:07:57,574 --> 01:07:58,840
Let me help.
1526
01:07:58,842 --> 01:08:00,675
What's this guy's name?
1527
01:08:00,677 --> 01:08:02,544
Howard Birdwell.
1528
01:08:02,546 --> 01:08:04,479
I can probably use
the brotherhood of troopers
1529
01:08:04,481 --> 01:08:06,481
to find
this Howard Birdwell.
1530
01:08:06,483 --> 01:08:08,349
Scotty, if you would do that,
I will be grateful to you
1531
01:08:08,351 --> 01:08:09,751
for the rest of my life.
1532
01:08:09,753 --> 01:08:13,254
The rest
of our lives together.
1533
01:08:13,256 --> 01:08:14,823
That's how
it's going to be.
1534
01:08:14,825 --> 01:08:16,591
I'm going to find
this guy, all right?
1535
01:08:16,593 --> 01:08:18,860
( screaming )
1536
01:08:18,862 --> 01:08:21,563
You should marry him
even if he does bring
Howard back.
1537
01:08:21,565 --> 01:08:23,298
- He is a dreamboat.
- Give me that hat.
1538
01:08:23,300 --> 01:08:25,433
Don't you have water rations
to deliver or something?
1539
01:08:25,435 --> 01:08:28,770
Breaker 1-9, this is
Officer Scott Beardsley,
Indiana State Trooper.
1540
01:08:28,772 --> 01:08:32,173
Calling all my brothers for a 20
on Congressman Howard Birdwell.
1541
01:08:32,175 --> 01:08:34,676
Government plates G9575.
1542
01:08:34,678 --> 01:08:38,246
Activate LoJack,
alpha bravo 6-4-9er. Over.
1543
01:08:38,248 --> 01:08:39,814
Man:
Roger, Beardsley. Over.
1544
01:08:39,816 --> 01:08:41,850
Copy that.
How you doing, ladies?
1545
01:08:41,852 --> 01:08:43,485
( girls giggling )
1546
01:09:06,643 --> 01:09:08,476
Where's Howard Birdwell?
1547
01:09:13,750 --> 01:09:17,519
( chanting )
1548
01:09:19,923 --> 01:09:22,257
( chanting continues )
1549
01:09:27,264 --> 01:09:29,197
It's best
if you wait here.
1550
01:09:34,871 --> 01:09:36,838
Hey, Howard.
1551
01:09:36,840 --> 01:09:38,840
( whispering )
1552
01:09:47,284 --> 01:09:51,419
I'm Congressman Birdwell.
Is there a problem, Officer?
1553
01:09:51,421 --> 01:09:54,656
What is this,
like a sex cult thing
or what's the deal here?
1554
01:09:54,658 --> 01:09:57,325
It's a men's
spiritual workshop.
1555
01:09:57,327 --> 01:09:58,826
How can I help you?
1556
01:10:00,564 --> 01:10:03,198
Alice needs
you to introduce
her bill tomorrow
1557
01:10:03,200 --> 01:10:05,600
- and I'm here to get you...
- No, no. I can't go.
I can't leave now.
1558
01:10:05,602 --> 01:10:07,335
What do you mean?
She... why?
1559
01:10:07,337 --> 01:10:08,803
Well, I came here
to find my core
1560
01:10:08,805 --> 01:10:10,872
and I'm only two-thirds
of the way there.
1561
01:10:10,874 --> 01:10:12,440
I have no idea
what that means,
1562
01:10:12,442 --> 01:10:14,709
but can that happen, like,
in the next half hour?
1563
01:10:14,711 --> 01:10:16,878
I am going
as fast as I can.
1564
01:10:16,880 --> 01:10:18,780
They're not handing out
cores left and right
1565
01:10:18,782 --> 01:10:20,348
like they are at
those other workshops.
1566
01:10:20,350 --> 01:10:21,716
This is the real deal.
1567
01:10:21,718 --> 01:10:22,984
And a lot depends
on what happens
1568
01:10:22,986 --> 01:10:24,352
in the Circle
of Shaman Fire.
1569
01:10:24,354 --> 01:10:25,887
The circle of what?
1570
01:10:25,889 --> 01:10:27,689
It's a special test
where...
1571
01:10:27,691 --> 01:10:28,756
( grunts )
1572
01:10:31,628 --> 01:10:33,228
Hey, let him go!
1573
01:10:34,431 --> 01:10:35,997
This is why he's here.
1574
01:10:46,443 --> 01:10:47,942
Don't mess him up.
1575
01:10:47,944 --> 01:10:50,478
Back off! I need to see
what I'm made of!
1576
01:10:56,686 --> 01:10:59,554
Get him in the legs!
Go the legs! Get up!
1577
01:10:59,556 --> 01:11:01,489
Feint to the head,
go for the body!
1578
01:11:01,491 --> 01:11:02,757
Feint to the head!
1579
01:11:07,264 --> 01:11:08,529
I can't watch you
get hurt, buddy.
1580
01:11:08,531 --> 01:11:09,597
You're needed
in Washington.
1581
01:11:09,599 --> 01:11:10,865
( grunts )
1582
01:11:10,867 --> 01:11:12,433
Let me do this!
1583
01:11:12,435 --> 01:11:13,935
It's dangerous to go
until he earns
1584
01:11:13,937 --> 01:11:16,337
the trophy of his power.
1585
01:11:17,841 --> 01:11:19,507
All right,
you know what?
1586
01:11:19,509 --> 01:11:21,409
I've never been to one
of these things before,
1587
01:11:21,411 --> 01:11:23,011
but I think you need
to just take those yourself
1588
01:11:23,013 --> 01:11:24,979
without anyone's permission,
without this antler guy
1589
01:11:24,981 --> 01:11:27,815
or any of these loin cloths.
You do it on your terms.
1590
01:11:27,817 --> 01:11:29,897
That's how you become
your own man.
1591
01:11:34,824 --> 01:11:36,858
Man:
Yeah.
1592
01:11:54,978 --> 01:11:57,345
That's right, man!
That's how it's done!
1593
01:11:57,347 --> 01:11:58,980
( grunting )
1594
01:11:58,982 --> 01:12:02,350
- Yeah! Get him!
- ( screaming )
1595
01:12:08,491 --> 01:12:10,558
This is a big setback
for all of us
1596
01:12:10,560 --> 01:12:13,061
and a huge blow
for me personally.
1597
01:12:13,063 --> 01:12:16,531
Girls:
We love you, Alice!
1598
01:12:16,533 --> 01:12:20,802
And your love definitely hasn't
let me down even if my guy did.
1599
01:12:20,804 --> 01:12:22,704
But I think we're going
to have to settle
1600
01:12:22,706 --> 01:12:25,773
for what we've accomplished
without introducing our bill.
1601
01:12:25,775 --> 01:12:28,343
( crowd groans )
1602
01:12:28,345 --> 01:12:31,346
Howard:
I am the fire warrior!
1603
01:12:32,749 --> 01:12:35,350
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
1604
01:12:35,352 --> 01:12:37,618
( cheering )
1605
01:12:40,390 --> 01:12:42,490
Howard.
Howard.
1606
01:12:42,492 --> 01:12:46,494
- ( siren wailing )
- I am the fire warrior!
1607
01:13:00,443 --> 01:13:04,512
( yelling )
1608
01:13:09,853 --> 01:13:14,122
I'm Howard Birdwell,
Congress Man!
1609
01:13:14,124 --> 01:13:16,557
( cheering, applause )
1610
01:13:23,533 --> 01:13:25,833
I have in my hand
a pair of moose balls.
1611
01:13:25,835 --> 01:13:28,703
They give me the power
to announce that I'll be
resigning from my party
1612
01:13:28,705 --> 01:13:31,906
and becoming Independent,
which will probably
destroy my career!
1613
01:13:31,908 --> 01:13:33,708
Wow.
1614
01:13:33,710 --> 01:13:34,942
Yeah!
1615
01:13:37,414 --> 01:13:41,115
Tomorrow I will introduce
on the floor of Congress
1616
01:13:41,117 --> 01:13:46,120
a bill that provides
basic emergency healthcare
1617
01:13:46,122 --> 01:13:48,556
for all people.
1618
01:13:48,558 --> 01:13:50,591
( cheering )
1619
01:13:54,931 --> 01:13:58,599
Especially this woman
who put a nail through
my heart.
1620
01:14:00,737 --> 01:14:03,604
( cheering, applause )
1621
01:14:05,909 --> 01:14:08,543
Hey, hey, hey.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
No, no!
1622
01:14:10,880 --> 01:14:13,080
- ( gasps ) Scott.
- She's my girl,
all right?
1623
01:14:13,082 --> 01:14:15,216
I got you for her bill.
That's it. No extracurricular.
1624
01:14:15,218 --> 01:14:18,052
- Scott, please.
- Hey, that's not right!
1625
01:14:18,054 --> 01:14:19,754
He's a fire warrior!
1626
01:14:19,756 --> 01:14:21,756
You're actually
with this antelope?
1627
01:14:21,758 --> 01:14:24,058
This guy that I found
running around the woods
in a diaper?
1628
01:14:24,060 --> 01:14:25,927
That's your guy?
He wouldn't have made it...
1629
01:14:25,929 --> 01:14:27,695
you wouldn't have made it
through the Ring of Fire
1630
01:14:27,697 --> 01:14:29,630
- if it wasn't for me.
- That's not true.
1631
01:14:29,632 --> 01:14:32,200
I passed three fire tests
before you even got there.
1632
01:14:32,202 --> 01:14:35,069
- I saved you, man!
- Scott! Scott.
1633
01:14:35,071 --> 01:14:37,705
He gave me
my first orgasm.
1634
01:14:37,707 --> 01:14:41,108
- What's an orgasm?
- What the heck?
1635
01:14:41,110 --> 01:14:42,477
What?
1636
01:14:44,914 --> 01:14:47,982
And her second.
1637
01:14:47,984 --> 01:14:49,984
I'm sorry I didn't tell you,
but I didn't think you were
1638
01:14:49,986 --> 01:14:51,152
going to go and get him.
1639
01:14:51,154 --> 01:14:52,820
( sighs )
1640
01:14:52,822 --> 01:14:55,089
So you used me.
1641
01:14:55,091 --> 01:14:56,958
I didn't mean to,
but I guess I learned a couple
1642
01:14:56,960 --> 01:15:00,561
of manipulative tactics here.
1643
01:15:00,563 --> 01:15:01,662
From me.
1644
01:15:03,566 --> 01:15:04,966
I'm so sorry, Scott.
1645
01:15:04,968 --> 01:15:07,001
- It's not easy.
- No, it's not easy.
1646
01:15:07,003 --> 01:15:08,769
You will always be
the man I almost married
1647
01:15:08,771 --> 01:15:10,805
before I got a nail
in my head.
1648
01:15:10,807 --> 01:15:13,808
Howard's the big-picture guy
and he's taking care of me now.
1649
01:15:13,810 --> 01:15:16,210
He's the big-picture guy?
1650
01:15:16,212 --> 01:15:18,279
I'm gonna tell you something.
He's only two-thirds of a man.
1651
01:15:18,281 --> 01:15:20,114
He knows he is.
He's not going to
be there for you.
1652
01:15:20,116 --> 01:15:21,716
You mark my words.
1653
01:15:21,718 --> 01:15:23,184
I'm going to be right here
waiting for you
1654
01:15:23,186 --> 01:15:25,520
because I'm strong like that.
Right, ladies?
1655
01:15:25,522 --> 01:15:27,889
You can't break up with Scotty.
He's too cute!
1656
01:15:27,891 --> 01:15:30,992
- No, Howard's cuter.
- Scott's cuter.
1657
01:15:30,994 --> 01:15:32,293
Unlike some people
who need to be rescued
1658
01:15:32,295 --> 01:15:34,061
like a little baby
from the Ring of Fire.
1659
01:15:34,063 --> 01:15:37,632
- Scott!
- Howard!
1660
01:15:45,174 --> 01:15:48,142
Come on, everyone!
Wake up!
1661
01:16:45,969 --> 01:16:48,069
Do your thing, girl.
1662
01:16:53,776 --> 01:16:55,710
Pretty cool, isn't it?
1663
01:16:55,712 --> 01:16:57,244
Yeah.
1664
01:16:57,246 --> 01:17:00,047
( gasps )
Howard. Oh, my God.
There she is.
1665
01:17:00,049 --> 01:17:02,683
How are we going
to get anything done
with her as Speaker?
1666
01:17:02,685 --> 01:17:05,686
Let's just see
how this goes.
1667
01:17:05,688 --> 01:17:09,123
As Majority Whip
and acting Speaker
1668
01:17:09,125 --> 01:17:11,225
of the House
of Representatives,
1669
01:17:11,227 --> 01:17:16,297
I declare this 110th Congress
be called to order.
1670
01:17:16,299 --> 01:17:19,100
( applause )
1671
01:17:22,372 --> 01:17:25,873
As this new session begins,
I want to demonstrate
1672
01:17:25,875 --> 01:17:28,309
what a fair Speaker
I intend to be
1673
01:17:28,311 --> 01:17:30,978
so that members will keep that
in mind when they vote
1674
01:17:30,980 --> 01:17:32,847
for my confirmation next week.
1675
01:17:32,849 --> 01:17:36,784
So in that spirit,
is there any new business?
1676
01:17:36,786 --> 01:17:42,790
Madam Speaker, I move to propose
a basic Catastrophic Care bill
1677
01:17:42,792 --> 01:17:44,025
for all Americans!
1678
01:17:44,027 --> 01:17:45,693
- Yeah!
- ( cheering )
1679
01:17:53,002 --> 01:17:55,336
Order!
Order, please!
1680
01:17:55,338 --> 01:17:57,338
- We have a motion
on the floor.
- ( door opens )
1681
01:17:57,340 --> 01:17:59,807
Harshtone:
Madam Speaker, please wait!
1682
01:17:59,809 --> 01:18:01,842
I hold in my hand
some important revelations
1683
01:18:01,844 --> 01:18:03,811
that I believe
will affect the new bill
1684
01:18:03,813 --> 01:18:06,881
- Mr. Birdwell introduced.
- ( crowd murmuring )
1685
01:18:06,883 --> 01:18:08,716
- What have they got?
- I have no idea.
1686
01:18:08,718 --> 01:18:10,818
- You have no idea?
- I have no idea.
1687
01:18:14,757 --> 01:18:16,023
I'm... I'm...
1688
01:18:16,025 --> 01:18:19,093
This appears to be
a signed affidavit
1689
01:18:19,095 --> 01:18:22,930
showing that Mr. Birdwell
promised another woman lobbyist
1690
01:18:22,932 --> 01:18:25,966
not just nine months ago
that he would introduce
1691
01:18:25,968 --> 01:18:29,003
a bill for her
in exchange for sexual favors.
1692
01:18:29,005 --> 01:18:31,439
( crowd murmuring )
1693
01:18:31,441 --> 01:18:34,308
This pattern
clearly continues today
1694
01:18:34,310 --> 01:18:38,446
with Mr. Birdwell's introduction
of this frivolous measure.
1695
01:18:38,448 --> 01:18:41,716
It is shocking
that anyone can purchase
1696
01:18:41,718 --> 01:18:44,251
a congressman's influence
with sex.
1697
01:18:44,253 --> 01:18:45,953
None of this is true!
1698
01:18:45,955 --> 01:18:49,090
Apparently, we have
the woman right here.
1699
01:18:54,897 --> 01:18:57,198
Man:
I never had
a lobbyist like that.
1700
01:18:57,200 --> 01:19:00,468
Woo.
She's something.
1701
01:19:00,470 --> 01:19:04,138
Madam Speaker, only members
are allowed to address Congress!
1702
01:19:04,140 --> 01:19:07,374
It's highly irregular,
but I'm going to allow it,
1703
01:19:07,376 --> 01:19:08,943
given the severity
of the charges
1704
01:19:08,945 --> 01:19:11,045
and how many tax dollars
you've wasted.
1705
01:19:11,047 --> 01:19:12,379
( groans )
1706
01:19:12,381 --> 01:19:15,316
Miss, what legislation
did you use your hot body
1707
01:19:15,318 --> 01:19:17,818
to get Mr. Birdwell
to introduce here?
1708
01:19:21,357 --> 01:19:24,792
He helped one of my clients
to develop handgun factories
1709
01:19:24,794 --> 01:19:27,928
in endangered
spotted owl preserves.
1710
01:19:27,930 --> 01:19:29,430
( crowd gasps )
1711
01:19:29,432 --> 01:19:31,465
I was told that the only way
that I could get funds
1712
01:19:31,467 --> 01:19:34,368
for my colored glues
and for good school stuff
1713
01:19:34,370 --> 01:19:38,172
was if I put it aside in some
private development deal,
1714
01:19:38,174 --> 01:19:41,408
which I now realize
was a factory for handguns.
1715
01:19:41,410 --> 01:19:44,411
It seems Mr. Birdwell's
convictions can be bought
1716
01:19:44,413 --> 01:19:47,548
fairly easily if you've
got a nice pair of legs.
1717
01:19:47,550 --> 01:19:50,084
Look, you tried
to do something good
1718
01:19:50,086 --> 01:19:51,952
and you got twisted up
in the system.
1719
01:19:51,954 --> 01:19:54,155
This is just one woman.
No big deal.
1720
01:19:54,157 --> 01:19:55,823
This isn't
the only woman lobbyist
1721
01:19:55,825 --> 01:19:57,491
Mr. Birdwell slept with.
1722
01:19:57,493 --> 01:19:59,093
( door opens )
1723
01:20:03,432 --> 01:20:04,865
Howard.
1724
01:20:10,973 --> 01:20:13,941
This second woman
got Mr. Birdwell
1725
01:20:13,943 --> 01:20:16,477
to introduce a bill on...
1726
01:20:16,479 --> 01:20:18,078
Dynamite fishing.
1727
01:20:18,080 --> 01:20:20,080
You monster!
1728
01:20:20,082 --> 01:20:22,216
It was for polluted lakes
with toxic fish.
1729
01:20:22,218 --> 01:20:24,118
And I had to get on the board
of that dynamite bill
1730
01:20:24,120 --> 01:20:26,387
if I was going to get heard
at all on my colored glues.
1731
01:20:26,389 --> 01:20:28,355
Man:
Yeah, whatever!
1732
01:20:30,493 --> 01:20:31,859
Alice.
1733
01:20:31,861 --> 01:20:33,460
Alice, you all right?
1734
01:20:33,462 --> 01:20:35,996
- Wait!
- Howard: I am no one's tool.
1735
01:20:35,998 --> 01:20:38,199
I was trying
to do something good.
1736
01:20:38,201 --> 01:20:39,967
And I had to support
these other bills
1737
01:20:39,969 --> 01:20:41,569
that I hoped
would go nowhere.
1738
01:20:41,571 --> 01:20:43,237
Pam:
And you're doing it
again today.
1739
01:20:43,239 --> 01:20:46,106
Just so you can
get yourself a piece
1740
01:20:46,108 --> 01:20:49,310
of 25-year-old
roller waitress ass.
1741
01:20:49,312 --> 01:20:51,212
( crowd murmuring,
chuckling )
1742
01:20:51,214 --> 01:20:52,613
Howard:
This is different.
1743
01:20:52,615 --> 01:20:54,315
How are we supposed
to know that?
1744
01:20:54,317 --> 01:20:55,983
You sell your influence
all over the place.
1745
01:20:55,985 --> 01:20:57,952
You stand there now
with your arm
1746
01:20:57,954 --> 01:20:59,587
around that
red-dressed hussy.
1747
01:20:59,589 --> 01:21:01,422
This sounds like
a possible censure
1748
01:21:01,424 --> 01:21:02,890
involving ethics charges.
1749
01:21:02,892 --> 01:21:04,158
I'm afraid it does.
1750
01:21:04,160 --> 01:21:05,626
Too bad!
He deserves it!
1751
01:21:05,628 --> 01:21:09,029
Scott, stop it!
1752
01:21:09,031 --> 01:21:11,131
Madam Speaker, I'd like
to say something.
1753
01:21:11,133 --> 01:21:13,033
I am sorry.
That's out of order.
1754
01:21:13,035 --> 01:21:15,569
You can't address the House.
Rules are rules.
1755
01:21:15,571 --> 01:21:17,271
You let those other
hot ladies speak!
1756
01:21:17,273 --> 01:21:18,873
- Why can't Alice?
- Right.
1757
01:21:18,875 --> 01:21:20,875
Otherwise, I can't
fix my broke ass!
1758
01:21:20,877 --> 01:21:22,509
( gasps )
1759
01:21:22,511 --> 01:21:25,613
Keyshawn:
And other peoples'
broken issues!
1760
01:21:25,615 --> 01:21:28,983
Even the most partisan battles
demand fairness!
1761
01:21:28,985 --> 01:21:32,119
And you yourself said
your conduct here today
1762
01:21:32,121 --> 01:21:35,122
will be remembered tomorrow
when we vote to confirm!
1763
01:21:35,124 --> 01:21:36,423
Crowd:
Here, here!
1764
01:21:36,425 --> 01:21:38,893
Here, here!
1765
01:21:38,895 --> 01:21:40,494
One minute.
1766
01:21:42,598 --> 01:21:46,400
You have the floor
for one minute.
1767
01:21:46,402 --> 01:21:48,035
I'm going to go.
I'm going to go.
1768
01:21:48,037 --> 01:21:50,004
Okay, okay.
Are you okay?
1769
01:21:50,006 --> 01:21:51,566
- ( speaks gibberish )
- What?
1770
01:22:00,483 --> 01:22:02,049
Sorry.
1771
01:22:05,388 --> 01:22:08,555
This bill...
1772
01:22:08,557 --> 01:22:13,360
is about more than
a single congressman
1773
01:22:13,362 --> 01:22:15,663
or his lobbyist woes.
1774
01:22:15,665 --> 01:22:18,232
Because you know what?
1775
01:22:18,234 --> 01:22:20,534
Not everyone has
really awesome healthcare
1776
01:22:20,536 --> 01:22:22,970
like you guys do here
in Washington.
1777
01:22:22,972 --> 01:22:25,439
And all it takes
is a gondola
1778
01:22:25,441 --> 01:22:28,943
or an automatic power tool.
1779
01:22:28,945 --> 01:22:31,211
And if you're uninsured
1780
01:22:31,213 --> 01:22:36,216
or if you're
even crappily insured,
1781
01:22:36,218 --> 01:22:39,453
you're screwed like me.
1782
01:22:41,657 --> 01:22:43,557
Or like him.
1783
01:22:43,559 --> 01:22:46,994
Or like him.
And is that cool?
1784
01:22:46,996 --> 01:22:50,431
( crying )
It is not cool.
1785
01:22:50,433 --> 01:22:54,001
This is America, right?
1786
01:22:54,003 --> 01:22:56,603
And we do things right here
and we help people.
1787
01:22:56,605 --> 01:22:58,672
And we take care
of people here.
1788
01:22:58,674 --> 01:23:03,277
Ow! Man, it hurts.
My face feels like
1789
01:23:03,279 --> 01:23:04,445
- it's going to fall off.
- Alice?
1790
01:23:04,447 --> 01:23:08,182
I believe in America!
1791
01:23:12,722 --> 01:23:14,455
Alice!
1792
01:23:19,562 --> 01:23:21,261
Yeah!
1793
01:23:32,708 --> 01:23:36,477
- Hey, are you okay?
- I'm a little dizzy.
1794
01:23:36,479 --> 01:23:39,747
- Okay. You were amazing.
- I was?
1795
01:23:39,749 --> 01:23:42,182
Well done!
That was just wonderful.
1796
01:23:42,184 --> 01:23:44,284
Madam Speaker,
you must call for a vote.
1797
01:23:44,286 --> 01:23:46,587
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
1798
01:23:46,589 --> 01:23:50,391
( chanting )
Vote, vote, vote!
1799
01:23:50,393 --> 01:23:52,026
Very well, we'll vote.
1800
01:23:52,028 --> 01:23:55,295
But remember, federally funded
care is a slippery slope
1801
01:23:55,297 --> 01:23:58,165
leading to higher taxes
and lousy service.
1802
01:23:58,167 --> 01:24:00,034
Well, we just heard them.
1803
01:24:00,036 --> 01:24:02,236
I think they're going
to do the right thing.
1804
01:24:04,774 --> 01:24:08,675
This is going
to be so dramatic here
when everyone votes.
1805
01:24:08,677 --> 01:24:10,411
Absolutely.
1806
01:24:10,413 --> 01:24:12,093
Pam:
Begin the vote.
1807
01:24:13,549 --> 01:24:16,183
- It's all electronic now.
- What?
1808
01:24:23,526 --> 01:24:25,326
Pam:
The vote is completed.
1809
01:24:25,327 --> 01:24:27,828
Healthcare loses like always.
1810
01:24:27,830 --> 01:24:29,530
( crowd groans )
1811
01:24:31,233 --> 01:24:34,735
- I don't feel so good.
- Alice? Alice!
1812
01:24:34,737 --> 01:24:38,272
- ( crowd gasps )
- Alice! Alice!
1813
01:24:38,274 --> 01:24:39,740
Alice!
1814
01:24:41,410 --> 01:24:42,776
Get a picture.
1815
01:24:45,114 --> 01:24:47,648
- Howard:
Alice, are you okay?
- I'm okay, I'm okay.
1816
01:24:47,650 --> 01:24:50,684
Oh.
1817
01:24:50,686 --> 01:24:53,787
I care about
everyone under this roof
no matter our differences.
1818
01:24:53,789 --> 01:24:55,589
- Madam Speaker...
- Look up, please.
1819
01:24:55,591 --> 01:24:58,559
- ( reporters clamoring )
- One more.
1820
01:24:58,561 --> 01:25:01,128
Madam Speaker,
one more, please.
1821
01:25:01,130 --> 01:25:03,430
Wait, wait,
where are you going?
1822
01:25:03,432 --> 01:25:05,499
Alice, we're going to get you
a glass of water, okay?
1823
01:25:05,501 --> 01:25:07,334
- Okay.
- Keyshawn: Alice!
1824
01:25:07,336 --> 01:25:09,436
- What do you need?
- I'm okay. I'm just dizzy.
1825
01:25:09,438 --> 01:25:12,172
I just need some air.
I need some air.
1826
01:25:12,174 --> 01:25:14,741
I got you.
1827
01:25:14,743 --> 01:25:16,543
Nice and easy, guys.
1828
01:25:21,150 --> 01:25:23,650
- ( crying )
- Are you okay?
1829
01:25:23,652 --> 01:25:27,154
I'm a little lightheaded,
but it's getting better.
1830
01:25:27,156 --> 01:25:30,157
Alice, I can't believe
this happened.
1831
01:25:30,159 --> 01:25:32,392
Marsha.
1832
01:25:32,394 --> 01:25:34,895
Norm:
I'm sorry, Alice.
It just wasn't meant to be.
1833
01:25:34,897 --> 01:25:38,265
I'm just right back
where I started.
1834
01:25:38,267 --> 01:25:41,568
Who knows when
we'll get fixed now.
1835
01:25:41,570 --> 01:25:43,537
You are not just a leader,
you're one of them.
1836
01:25:43,539 --> 01:25:45,339
You been lying
this whole time.
1837
01:25:45,341 --> 01:25:47,241
That's why you won't let me
near your backside,
1838
01:25:47,243 --> 01:25:51,712
because you got
a pop-out baboon ass.
1839
01:25:55,151 --> 01:25:57,651
- Tell her.
- Yes, it's true.
1840
01:25:57,653 --> 01:26:02,523
But Norm and Alice said
that you'd love me anyway.
1841
01:26:02,525 --> 01:26:05,826
All the lies are over.
True love can begin.
1842
01:26:05,828 --> 01:26:09,229
Actually...
1843
01:26:09,231 --> 01:26:10,764
that's a deal breaker.
1844
01:26:10,766 --> 01:26:14,301
I'm sorry, Keyshawn.
I can't be with you.
1845
01:26:19,408 --> 01:26:22,776
Between your breakup,
the loss of our bill,
1846
01:26:22,778 --> 01:26:25,679
I'm feeling
pretty sure we're alone
in a Godless universe.
1847
01:26:25,681 --> 01:26:28,815
I've been waiting
for a sign there's a God
and there is no sign.
1848
01:26:28,817 --> 01:26:31,685
Scott:
Let's just get
Alice home, okay?
1849
01:26:31,687 --> 01:26:34,188
Hey, now that you're famous,
it should be easy
1850
01:26:34,190 --> 01:26:36,223
to get you
some medical help.
1851
01:26:36,225 --> 01:26:39,526
But what about
Norm and Keyshawn?
1852
01:26:39,528 --> 01:26:42,763
And all those people?
I wanted to help them.
1853
01:26:42,765 --> 01:26:44,698
And where's Howard?
1854
01:26:44,700 --> 01:26:47,434
I don't think you need
to think about that right now.
1855
01:26:47,436 --> 01:26:48,836
Alice:
What do you mean?
Where is he?
1856
01:26:48,837 --> 01:26:50,804
No surprise there.
1857
01:26:53,242 --> 01:26:55,642
What?
1858
01:26:55,644 --> 01:26:57,411
Scott:
They're lizard people,
Alice.
1859
01:26:57,413 --> 01:26:59,580
They change their skins
and eat their young.
1860
01:26:59,582 --> 01:27:02,716
It's time to go home
and make a real life there.
1861
01:27:02,718 --> 01:27:05,519
- I don't know.
- It'd be fun to have a slave.
1862
01:27:05,521 --> 01:27:08,388
- If he's really sorry.
- He is, he is.
1863
01:27:08,390 --> 01:27:10,390
Wait and see.
1864
01:27:10,392 --> 01:27:11,992
It'll be an asset.
1865
01:27:11,994 --> 01:27:14,828
- Okay, let's see it.
- Thank you. You won't be sorry.
1866
01:27:14,830 --> 01:27:17,364
( pounds gavel )
Order!
1867
01:27:17,366 --> 01:27:21,001
We have an important statement
by Congressman Birdwell.
1868
01:27:21,003 --> 01:27:23,637
Howard:
Thank you, Madam Speaker.
1869
01:27:23,639 --> 01:27:26,607
First of all, I would
like to clearly state
1870
01:27:26,609 --> 01:27:30,944
what a foolhardy mistake it was
for me to leave my party.
1871
01:27:30,946 --> 01:27:35,549
The same goes for sponsoring
that Catastrophic Care bill.
1872
01:27:35,551 --> 01:27:38,285
Thank God it didn't pass.
1873
01:27:38,287 --> 01:27:40,687
I was under
the spell of a woman
which, as demonstrated
1874
01:27:40,689 --> 01:27:44,258
by Madam Speaker today,
is my weakness.
1875
01:27:44,260 --> 01:27:46,994
I stand here today
humbly begging my colleagues
1876
01:27:46,996 --> 01:27:48,929
to forgive
my temporary insanity
1877
01:27:48,931 --> 01:27:52,966
and let me back
into their strong party.
1878
01:27:52,968 --> 01:27:55,702
( applause )
1879
01:27:55,704 --> 01:27:58,505
Which is so much better
than those Independents.
1880
01:27:58,507 --> 01:28:01,408
They're so lame.
I mean, how many
of them are there?
1881
01:28:01,410 --> 01:28:03,543
- Like three?
- ( laughter )
1882
01:28:03,545 --> 01:28:04,945
That's not a party.
1883
01:28:04,947 --> 01:28:07,314
Let's get
this moon base going!
1884
01:28:07,316 --> 01:28:09,850
- Here, here!
- ( cheering )
1885
01:28:11,687 --> 01:28:14,288
How could you, Howard?
1886
01:28:24,033 --> 01:28:27,434
Furthermore, I would like
to show my loyalty
1887
01:28:27,436 --> 01:28:31,505
and honor the late Speaker McCoy
by proposing that we rename
1888
01:28:31,507 --> 01:28:36,410
the Congressional Gym
the "McCoy Memorial Gymnasium."
1889
01:28:42,851 --> 01:28:45,552
Yeah! Yes!
1890
01:28:45,554 --> 01:28:46,887
Welcome back, Howard.
1891
01:28:46,889 --> 01:28:48,021
Welcome back.
1892
01:28:55,431 --> 01:28:57,831
I just want
to get out of this town
as fast as possible.
1893
01:28:57,833 --> 01:29:00,567
If it's any consolation,
all the women who've slept
with Howard
1894
01:29:00,569 --> 01:29:01,968
said the sex was either
average or below average.
1895
01:29:01,970 --> 01:29:03,837
How's it going, hon?
You ready to go?
1896
01:29:03,839 --> 01:29:06,406
- Yeah, I'm almost packed.
- All right, let me help you.
1897
01:29:06,408 --> 01:29:08,108
Look at it this way,
you learned a lot
1898
01:29:08,110 --> 01:29:10,477
about horrible liars.
1899
01:29:10,479 --> 01:29:12,679
...gymnasium bill today
turned into mayhem
1900
01:29:12,681 --> 01:29:15,048
due to a surprise rider
that was snuck into the bill.
1901
01:29:15,050 --> 01:29:17,117
- Oh, my gosh!
- A version of
the emergency care bill...
1902
01:29:17,119 --> 01:29:18,719
- You still got it!
- ...was snuck into
1903
01:29:18,721 --> 01:29:20,120
the Congressional Gymnasium
Renovation bill
1904
01:29:20,122 --> 01:29:22,789
by notorious Congressman
Howard Birdwell.
1905
01:29:22,791 --> 01:29:24,391
- Norm: What?
- Howard?
1906
01:29:24,393 --> 01:29:26,360
Now that is a sign
I'm looking for.
1907
01:29:26,362 --> 01:29:30,030
Here to comment
is pending House Speaker
Pam Henry Hendrickson.
1908
01:29:30,032 --> 01:29:31,765
How could you
and other voting members
1909
01:29:31,767 --> 01:29:33,967
not even read the bill,
Congresswoman?
1910
01:29:33,969 --> 01:29:36,837
Of course I skim, Tom.
I can't read everything.
It's a lot of paperwork.
1911
01:29:36,839 --> 01:29:39,740
My chief of staff, Edwin,
usually carefully
1912
01:29:39,742 --> 01:29:42,476
reviews bills for me,
but this time he let me
take it in the neck.
1913
01:29:42,478 --> 01:29:46,380
So I understand the sneaky
little rider only provides
1914
01:29:46,382 --> 01:29:48,849
for emergency healthcare
for the following accidents,
1915
01:29:48,851 --> 01:29:51,451
a nail in the head,
a fallen anus...
1916
01:29:51,453 --> 01:29:55,389
- Yeah!
-... prolonged priapism,
an ax in the femur,
1917
01:29:55,391 --> 01:29:57,724
a face burn
from a s'mores
while camping.
1918
01:29:57,726 --> 01:29:59,760
Everyone else,
you're on your own
as usual.
1919
01:29:59,762 --> 01:30:01,561
Is this
a meaningless victory?
1920
01:30:01,563 --> 01:30:03,663
This small but extremely
dangerous bill
1921
01:30:03,665 --> 01:30:06,066
has opened a door
to a potential avalanche
1922
01:30:06,068 --> 01:30:08,001
of socialist
medical spending.
1923
01:30:08,003 --> 01:30:09,970
Let's not forget
child lesbianism.
1924
01:30:09,972 --> 01:30:11,571
Ooh, you witch.
1925
01:30:11,573 --> 01:30:13,106
And we did pass
the moon base bill.
1926
01:30:13,108 --> 01:30:14,674
That's what counts.
1927
01:30:14,676 --> 01:30:16,510
Thank you, Madam Speaker.
1928
01:30:16,512 --> 01:30:17,978
Now Birdwell's sneakiness
has earned him
1929
01:30:17,980 --> 01:30:19,813
the dreaded triple censure.
1930
01:30:19,815 --> 01:30:22,749
He's now expected to officially
resign from Congress
1931
01:30:22,751 --> 01:30:23,984
before he's kicked out.
1932
01:30:23,986 --> 01:30:25,619
- Wow.
- Oh, that's too bad.
1933
01:30:25,621 --> 01:30:27,587
Mr. Birdwell joins us live
via satellite.
1934
01:30:27,589 --> 01:30:30,123
Sounds like
you're in very hot water
with your leadership.
1935
01:30:30,125 --> 01:30:31,992
They got their moon base, Tom,
but they'd pretty much
1936
01:30:31,994 --> 01:30:33,627
like to kill me
and throw my body
1937
01:30:33,629 --> 01:30:35,061
into a wheat thresher,
which they pretty much
1938
01:30:35,063 --> 01:30:36,763
already done
with this triple censure.
1939
01:30:36,765 --> 01:30:38,632
Was the sneaky risk
worth it?
1940
01:30:38,634 --> 01:30:40,500
Yes! To help
all the people.
1941
01:30:40,502 --> 01:30:43,904
Alice's friends, really,
but especially Alice.
1942
01:30:43,906 --> 01:30:45,539
All right, we don't
need to watch that.
1943
01:30:45,541 --> 01:30:46,773
- I'm going
to change it.
- Scott.
1944
01:30:46,775 --> 01:30:48,942
No, no, no.
Move, move, move.
1945
01:30:48,944 --> 01:30:50,977
- This is so boring.
- Come on.
1946
01:30:50,979 --> 01:30:53,747
...really frustrating
would know that I had to seem
1947
01:30:53,749 --> 01:30:56,049
like I was betraying her
to get this done.
1948
01:30:56,051 --> 01:30:58,819
- ( overlapping chatter )
- I thought he was a traitor,
but he's not.
1949
01:30:58,821 --> 01:31:00,654
He's not anymore.
He's not a traitor.
1950
01:31:00,656 --> 01:31:04,024
All for her and her dream,
which I totally share.
1951
01:31:04,026 --> 01:31:05,859
She inspires me
in all departments
1952
01:31:05,861 --> 01:31:08,795
from making laws to making love,
which is private,
1953
01:31:08,797 --> 01:31:10,931
and now it's on TV,
so it's not private.
1954
01:31:10,933 --> 01:31:13,467
I just had to say this
because I know if she heard me
1955
01:31:13,469 --> 01:31:15,168
that she would stop
hating me.
1956
01:31:15,170 --> 01:31:20,740
So, Alice, I don't even know
if you're watching this.
1957
01:31:20,742 --> 01:31:22,542
I am. I am.
1958
01:31:22,544 --> 01:31:26,246
But everything I did,
I did for you.
1959
01:31:26,248 --> 01:31:27,581
I love you.
1960
01:31:27,583 --> 01:31:31,117
I love you, too.
I love you, too.
1961
01:31:33,155 --> 01:31:36,189
All right, well,
I realized that there was
about a 48% chance
1962
01:31:36,191 --> 01:31:39,960
of this happening,
which is why I kept
the Brenda option 70% open.
1963
01:31:39,962 --> 01:31:43,096
Is that why
you're speaking to us
from a motel parking lot?
1964
01:31:43,098 --> 01:31:45,031
Yeah.
This is Alice's motel.
1965
01:31:45,033 --> 01:31:46,933
What?
1966
01:31:50,138 --> 01:31:51,238
Howard!
1967
01:31:55,744 --> 01:31:57,611
- Hi.
- Hi.
1968
01:32:06,922 --> 01:32:09,556
Norm:
Before we get
to the ring part,
1969
01:32:09,558 --> 01:32:12,859
I want to say that
what we were looking for
was inside of us all along,
1970
01:32:12,861 --> 01:32:14,528
but that's just not true.
1971
01:32:14,530 --> 01:32:19,299
No, our journey
was so much messier than that
1972
01:32:19,301 --> 01:32:22,235
as life, it often is.
1973
01:32:22,237 --> 01:32:26,306
I'm going to have our
congressional candidate groom
1974
01:32:26,308 --> 01:32:29,943
tell you what was
really required.
1975
01:32:29,945 --> 01:32:35,015
It took a cloakroom hookup,
a mob of Girl Squaws,
1976
01:32:35,017 --> 01:32:40,220
a strange men's retreat located
by a lovesick state trooper,
1977
01:32:40,222 --> 01:32:43,256
insane quasi
legal maneuvering...
1978
01:32:43,258 --> 01:32:45,125
Well...
1979
01:32:45,127 --> 01:32:47,160
- ...and extreme,
unpredictable God...
- Yep.
1980
01:32:47,162 --> 01:32:49,195
...to get us
where we stand today.
1981
01:32:49,197 --> 01:32:51,264
Yep.
1982
01:32:51,266 --> 01:32:54,768
These are the things
we've seen
1983
01:32:54,770 --> 01:32:56,603
that make
our democracy work.
1984
01:32:56,605 --> 01:33:01,741
Yes.
My pants fit once again.
1985
01:33:01,743 --> 01:33:05,712
It is a joyous day indeed.
1986
01:33:05,714 --> 01:33:09,282
Would the bride and groom
please kiss each other good?
1987
01:33:09,284 --> 01:33:11,685
( music playing )
1988
01:33:11,687 --> 01:33:14,020
- ( applause )
- Yeah! Kanye!
1989
01:33:29,171 --> 01:33:32,639
♪ Hush, now, child ♪
1990
01:33:32,641 --> 01:33:35,875
♪ And don't cry ♪
1991
01:33:35,877 --> 01:33:39,679
♪ Your folks
might understand you ♪
1992
01:33:39,681 --> 01:33:41,114
♪ By and by... ♪
1993
01:33:41,116 --> 01:33:42,782
Woman:
Get it, girl.
1994
01:33:42,784 --> 01:33:45,819
- ♪ Just move on up... ♪
- Okay...
1995
01:33:45,821 --> 01:33:49,222
♪ Toward your destination ♪
1996
01:33:49,224 --> 01:33:51,091
♪ Though you may find ♪
1997
01:33:51,093 --> 01:33:54,794
♪ From time to time
complication... ♪
1998
01:34:02,237 --> 01:34:04,638
All right!
1999
01:34:04,640 --> 01:34:07,674
( chatter )
2000
01:34:10,145 --> 01:34:13,246
♪ Bite your lip ♪
2001
01:34:13,248 --> 01:34:16,716
♪ And take the trip ♪
2002
01:34:16,718 --> 01:34:20,120
♪ Though there may be
a wet road ahead ♪
2003
01:34:20,122 --> 01:34:22,389
♪ And you cannot slip ♪
2004
01:34:23,692 --> 01:34:27,093
♪ Just move on up ♪
2005
01:34:27,095 --> 01:34:30,764
♪ For peace you'll find ♪
2006
01:34:30,766 --> 01:34:34,100
♪ Into the steeple
of beautiful people ♪
2007
01:34:34,102 --> 01:34:36,970
♪ Where there's only
one kind... ♪
2008
01:34:36,972 --> 01:34:38,772
Hey, excuse me, everyone.
2009
01:34:38,774 --> 01:34:42,008
I have a really special toast
and an important question
2010
01:34:42,010 --> 01:34:45,078
to ask Howard.
2011
01:34:45,080 --> 01:34:47,881
Since the first day
that I met you, I knew that
you were something spec...
2012
01:34:47,883 --> 01:34:50,784
- ( cork pops )
- Ow! My eye!
2013
01:34:50,786 --> 01:34:53,453
Head's up!
2014
01:34:53,455 --> 01:34:56,089
- Ah!
- Oh, my eye!
2015
01:34:58,694 --> 01:35:00,927
♪ Move on up ♪
2016
01:35:00,929 --> 01:35:04,164
Well, I am inviting you
to a military moodiam
2017
01:35:04,166 --> 01:35:06,066
moodiam mean base
spent before.
2018
01:35:06,068 --> 01:35:08,868
♪ Remember your dream
is your only scheme ♪
2019
01:35:08,870 --> 01:35:11,337
- ♪ So keep on pushing... ♪
- No, don't.
2020
01:35:11,339 --> 01:35:14,774
She is going to rack us
all over the coals
2021
01:35:14,776 --> 01:35:17,176
and it's not going
to be a good time.
2022
01:35:19,147 --> 01:35:21,014
Excellent.
2023
01:35:21,016 --> 01:35:23,416
Howard!
All right, all right.
2024
01:35:23,418 --> 01:35:26,119
Mr. Speaker?
2025
01:35:26,121 --> 01:35:29,355
♪ Take nothing less ♪
2026
01:35:29,357 --> 01:35:33,126
♪ Than the supreme best ♪
2027
01:35:33,128 --> 01:35:36,196
♪ Do not obey
for most people say ♪
2028
01:35:36,198 --> 01:35:38,932
♪ For you can pass
the test ♪
2029
01:35:40,168 --> 01:35:43,369
♪ Just move on up ♪
2030
01:35:43,371 --> 01:35:47,073
♪ To a greater day ♪
2031
01:35:47,075 --> 01:35:50,243
♪ Just a little faith,
if you put your mind to it ♪
2032
01:35:50,245 --> 01:35:52,445
♪ You can surely do it... ♪
2033
01:35:55,050 --> 01:35:57,450
All right, come on!
2034
01:36:08,230 --> 01:36:10,463
♪ Just move on up ♪
2035
01:36:11,933 --> 01:36:13,533
♪ Move on up ♪
2036
01:36:15,070 --> 01:36:17,337
♪ We'll move on up ♪
2037
01:36:17,339 --> 01:36:20,874
♪ Oh, child,
we'll just move on up ♪
2038
01:36:22,110 --> 01:36:24,344
♪ We'll move on up ♪
2039
01:36:25,914 --> 01:36:27,547
♪ Move on up. ♪