1
00:00:01,234 --> 00:00:02,223
JEN: We need to
go over the schedule
2
00:00:02,302 --> 00:00:03,963
leading up to the primary.
Let's talk shop.
3
00:00:04,037 --> 00:00:06,904
Ooh, shop talk. One of my
five favorite types of talk,
4
00:00:06,973 --> 00:00:09,066
along with pillow,
girl, real, and TED.
5
00:00:09,142 --> 00:00:10,632
Why are you wearing a poncho?
6
00:00:10,710 --> 00:00:12,905
Oh, because every surface area
7
00:00:12,979 --> 00:00:14,071
in your house is sticky.
8
00:00:14,147 --> 00:00:17,446
Last time I was here, I found
a melted crayon on my blazer.
9
00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:20,543
Okay. I have a photo op
with Gryzzl tomorrow.
10
00:00:20,620 --> 00:00:22,611
Between now and then we have
a ton of stuff scheduled.
11
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:25,453
Looks like we're gonna have
to skip the pie baking event
12
00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:27,356
and the ceremonial squash toss.
13
00:00:27,427 --> 00:00:29,292
Oh, really? We
have to skip that?
14
00:00:29,362 --> 00:00:31,887
I love watching those
squashes fly through the air.
15
00:00:31,965 --> 00:00:33,432
I kind of like
the way they land.
16
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:34,933
Me, too.
(CHUCKLES)
17
00:00:35,001 --> 00:00:38,402
Okay, excuse me, but I have
to get back to a city,
18
00:00:38,471 --> 00:00:39,665
where things happen.
19
00:00:39,739 --> 00:00:42,765
Okay. This campaign is
about to start in earnest.
20
00:00:42,842 --> 00:00:44,707
Things are about
to get real intense.
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00:00:44,778 --> 00:00:45,904
Leslie, you ready?
22
00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:47,037
Me, Leslie?
Yeah.
23
00:00:47,113 --> 00:00:49,047
Well, I was an actual
candidate, so I think
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00:00:49,115 --> 00:00:51,015
I can handle being
a candidate's wife.
25
00:00:51,084 --> 00:00:52,642
I know all the issues
inside and out.
26
00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:54,152
Mmm, see, that's the problem.
27
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:56,586
Being the wife-of
is a minefield.
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00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:57,879
If you were
just a ding-dong,
29
00:00:57,957 --> 00:00:59,481
I would just slap
a flag pin on you,
30
00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:01,288
and pour some Valium
down your throat,
31
00:01:01,361 --> 00:01:04,023
and just shove you behind
the podium way upstage.
32
00:01:04,097 --> 00:01:06,725
It's the smarties
that freak people out.
33
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:08,427
I think you're
underestimating the voters.
34
00:01:08,535 --> 00:01:10,469
(LAUGHING)
35
00:01:10,537 --> 00:01:12,835
I don't think that is possible.
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00:01:14,541 --> 00:01:16,236
LESLIE: Stephen, be careful.
(GASPS)
37
00:01:19,012 --> 00:01:20,070
Poncho!
38
00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:36,500
Ripped By mstoll
39
00:01:40,667 --> 00:01:42,965
APRIL: I know you normally
hate foundations,
40
00:01:43,036 --> 00:01:45,436
but this one I think
you'll actually like.
41
00:01:45,505 --> 00:01:47,803
We take people that don't
know what they wanna do
42
00:01:47,874 --> 00:01:50,741
and then put them to work doing
cool stuff all over the world.
43
00:01:50,810 --> 00:01:52,243
And I start in a couple months.
44
00:01:52,312 --> 00:01:53,939
Well, I had hoped you'd choose
45
00:01:54,013 --> 00:01:55,412
a more dignified trade
46
00:01:55,482 --> 00:01:57,712
like masonry or logging.
47
00:01:57,784 --> 00:01:59,775
But you are out of
local government,
48
00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:01,787
and that's a step in
the right direction.
49
00:02:01,855 --> 00:02:04,255
It's definitely
the job I wanted.
50
00:02:06,059 --> 00:02:09,551
But it means that we have
to move to Washington.
51
00:02:10,396 --> 00:02:11,488
Well.
52
00:02:12,499 --> 00:02:14,023
Then bully for you.
53
00:02:14,667 --> 00:02:16,692
If you intend to move,
I suppose you should return
54
00:02:16,769 --> 00:02:19,294
the spare key to my house.
55
00:02:19,372 --> 00:02:21,101
The one I gave you years ago
56
00:02:21,174 --> 00:02:23,404
when you were my assistant,
for emergencies.
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00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:25,199
Okay.
58
00:02:25,678 --> 00:02:27,009
Good talk.
59
00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:34,581
This neighborhood has been
mostly abandoned for years.
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00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:37,384
But now, thanks to
the new Gryzzl headquarters,
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00:02:37,457 --> 00:02:39,425
this district will
soon transform
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00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:42,290
into a hub of innovation
for decades to come.
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00:02:42,362 --> 00:02:45,160
Mister Wyatt. Your campaign
released a schedule.
64
00:02:45,231 --> 00:02:47,631
And it looks like your wife
is skipping the Pie Mary.
65
00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:48,890
Care to explain?
66
00:02:48,968 --> 00:02:51,562
The Pie Mary is a Southern
Indiana tradition,
67
00:02:51,638 --> 00:02:53,697
where Congressional
candidates' wives
68
00:02:53,773 --> 00:02:55,764
face off in a
pie-baking contest.
69
00:02:55,875 --> 00:02:59,333
The last contest's winner was June
Hartwell's buttermilk meringue.
70
00:02:59,412 --> 00:03:02,438
Last contest's loser
was all women.
71
00:03:02,949 --> 00:03:06,646
Leslie would be the first candidate's
wife not to enter the Pie Mary.
72
00:03:06,719 --> 00:03:09,313
What kind of a statement
are you making by skipping it?
73
00:03:09,389 --> 00:03:11,323
We're... I'm not making
any kind of statement.
74
00:03:11,391 --> 00:03:13,325
We're just focusing
on bigger issues,
75
00:03:13,393 --> 00:03:17,955
like Ben's $150 million
revitalization project.
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00:03:18,064 --> 00:03:19,964
Pardon me. I need to get through.
Pardon me. Excuse me.
77
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:21,091
Mike Patterson here.
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00:03:21,167 --> 00:03:22,532
Leslie, you made it pretty clear
79
00:03:22,602 --> 00:03:24,399
that you don't think
homemaking is important.
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00:03:24,470 --> 00:03:26,097
Do you ever cook
for your children?
81
00:03:26,172 --> 00:03:28,572
And who's even watching
your children right now
82
00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:30,575
while you're out
God only knows where?
83
00:03:30,643 --> 00:03:32,873
What are you talking about? I'm
standing right here in front of you.
84
00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:34,777
Okay, take it easy.
Let's not get emotional.
85
00:03:34,847 --> 00:03:36,007
Okay, we have to run.
86
00:03:36,082 --> 00:03:38,050
We'll see you all at
my economic address.
87
00:03:38,117 --> 00:03:39,209
Thanks for coming, everybody.
88
00:03:39,285 --> 00:03:41,082
What other traditions
are you against, Leslie?
89
00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:42,815
Baseball? Hugging
your children?
90
00:03:43,122 --> 00:03:44,521
How much did that haircut cost?
91
00:03:44,591 --> 00:03:47,025
None of your business.
And thank you for noticing.
92
00:03:47,694 --> 00:03:49,252
My desk was right here.
93
00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:50,796
Sitting right on top of it
this whole time.
94
00:03:50,863 --> 00:03:52,797
How much money is it?
It's not money.
95
00:03:52,865 --> 00:03:54,264
I told you. It's Ron's key.
96
00:03:54,334 --> 00:03:55,665
I hid it in here years ago.
97
00:03:56,603 --> 00:03:58,332
Hey!
Yeah. No. No key.
98
00:03:58,404 --> 00:04:01,464
Just a note and a movie
ticket stub and four teeth.
99
00:04:01,541 --> 00:04:03,372
"If you are looking for
Ron's key, I moved it,
100
00:04:03,443 --> 00:04:06,310
"and you'll never find it.
Cordially, April."
101
00:04:06,379 --> 00:04:07,368
Where'd you put it then?
102
00:04:07,447 --> 00:04:09,312
I don't know.
It was eight years ago.
103
00:04:09,382 --> 00:04:11,475
Oh, God. A key
to Ron's house
104
00:04:11,551 --> 00:04:13,348
is lost in a
government building.
105
00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:15,114
It's his worst nightmare.
Listen, babe.
106
00:04:15,188 --> 00:04:18,487
All we gotta do
is train Champion
107
00:04:18,558 --> 00:04:20,048
to sniff out Ron's key.
108
00:04:20,126 --> 00:04:21,354
Okay. All we need is Ron's key
109
00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:23,122
to give him a scent.
110
00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:24,220
So give me the key
111
00:04:24,297 --> 00:04:25,992
and I'll get you that key.
(SOBBING)
112
00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:30,394
(NARRATOR READING)
113
00:04:30,470 --> 00:04:33,633
Welcome back to the program.
My guest is June Hartwell,
114
00:04:33,706 --> 00:04:35,970
wife of incumbent
Congressman Paul Hartwell.
115
00:04:36,042 --> 00:04:37,134
Now, June, we all know
116
00:04:37,210 --> 00:04:39,075
what Ben Wyatt's wife
is really saying.
117
00:04:39,145 --> 00:04:40,908
By skipping the Pie
Mary, she's saying,
118
00:04:40,980 --> 00:04:43,574
"Women who love their
families are stupid."
119
00:04:43,650 --> 00:04:45,481
Mike, we all make
certain choices.
120
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:48,383
Ms. Knope chose to
try to have it all.
121
00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:50,354
I chose to put my family first.
122
00:04:50,423 --> 00:04:52,186
Oh, I'm just speculating
here, but do you think that
123
00:04:52,258 --> 00:04:53,589
Leslie Knope's actions indicate
124
00:04:53,660 --> 00:04:55,491
that she actually
hates her family?
125
00:04:56,596 --> 00:04:59,929
Well, it only took three
hours for Jen to be right.
126
00:04:59,999 --> 00:05:01,466
I'm officially a distraction.
127
00:05:01,534 --> 00:05:02,728
I'm gonna enter that Pie Mary.
128
00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:04,599
This is just nonsense,
it'll blow over.
129
00:05:04,671 --> 00:05:07,367
And the Pie Mary is
ridiculous and antiquated.
130
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:08,737
But the more they
talk about this,
131
00:05:08,808 --> 00:05:10,969
the less they're gonna talk
about your economic plan.
132
00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:12,671
Besides, I'm good
at making pies,
133
00:05:12,745 --> 00:05:15,509
so I'll win and
then I can promote
134
00:05:15,581 --> 00:05:18,379
my self-published women's
rights barbecue cookbook
135
00:05:18,451 --> 00:05:19,918
The Feminine Mesquite.
136
00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:21,481
Everything's fine.
137
00:05:21,921 --> 00:05:24,481
I had it in a safe place,
and then I moved it
138
00:05:24,557 --> 00:05:27,549
to protect it, and I
don't remember where.
139
00:05:27,627 --> 00:05:28,651
I see.
140
00:05:28,728 --> 00:05:30,127
ANDY: Don't be mad, Ron.
141
00:05:30,196 --> 00:05:32,391
She hid it too good,
142
00:05:32,932 --> 00:05:34,627
and she left a string of clues.
143
00:05:34,701 --> 00:05:36,532
It's an impossible puzzle.
144
00:05:36,769 --> 00:05:38,828
And I love puzzles.
145
00:05:38,905 --> 00:05:40,202
A minimal, unhelpful note...
146
00:05:40,373 --> 00:05:41,840
These appear to be human teeth.
147
00:05:41,908 --> 00:05:44,308
And what is this?
Twilight: New Moon?
148
00:05:44,577 --> 00:05:46,909
It's a movie, but
I've never seen it.
149
00:05:46,979 --> 00:05:49,948
It's, like, about lame werewolves
and vampires and stuff.
150
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:51,779
Donna likes those things.
151
00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:54,081
Dollars to donuts
this points us her way.
152
00:05:54,387 --> 00:05:57,254
Finally, a scavenger
hunt worthy of my time.
153
00:05:57,323 --> 00:05:58,381
Onward!
154
00:05:59,325 --> 00:06:02,761
Okay, snacks given, kids
tucked in, books read,
155
00:06:02,829 --> 00:06:05,059
three simultaneous
meltdowns for no reason,
156
00:06:05,131 --> 00:06:09,659
kids tucked back in, one of them
briefly got outside somehow,
157
00:06:09,736 --> 00:06:11,761
kids back in bed, they're
all napping. Good.
158
00:06:11,838 --> 00:06:14,432
I got everything you
need for pie domination.
159
00:06:14,507 --> 00:06:16,566
I even got an extra
whipped cream can,
160
00:06:16,642 --> 00:06:19,805
one for baking, one for
directly into mouth.
161
00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:21,574
(SIGHS) You know me so well.
162
00:06:22,248 --> 00:06:23,476
(DOORBELL RINGS)
163
00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:25,510
That might be one of the kids.
164
00:06:25,685 --> 00:06:26,674
Hi, Leslie.
165
00:06:26,753 --> 00:06:29,722
Elise Yarktin, from the Indiana
Organization of Women.
166
00:06:29,789 --> 00:06:30,915
Oh, my goodness, Elise.
167
00:06:30,990 --> 00:06:32,651
Please, come in.
(GASPS)
168
00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:34,522
Wait. Are you
here to give me
169
00:06:34,594 --> 00:06:35,754
the Woman of the Year award?
170
00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:38,189
I have a speech prepared.
Would you like to see it?
171
00:06:38,264 --> 00:06:39,561
Right now?
No.
172
00:06:39,632 --> 00:06:41,224
Leslie, we were
thrilled to find out
173
00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:43,359
you were boycotting
that ridiculous Pie Mary.
174
00:06:43,436 --> 00:06:46,132
But we just got word
you've decided to enter?
175
00:06:46,205 --> 00:06:48,298
Yeah, well, I agree
that it's dumb.
176
00:06:48,374 --> 00:06:50,467
But this is not about
me, it's about Ben,
177
00:06:50,543 --> 00:06:53,137
and he will do more for
women than Hartwell.
178
00:06:53,212 --> 00:06:54,907
So, you know, lose a
battle, win the war.
179
00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:56,539
That kind of thing.
It's the way to go.
180
00:06:56,616 --> 00:06:59,414
Look. The Pie Mary is
retrogressive and misogynistic,
181
00:06:59,485 --> 00:07:01,612
and if you participate,
we will have no choice
182
00:07:01,687 --> 00:07:03,917
but to protest you and
Ben at the event.
183
00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:05,886
Hope you like pies...
184
00:07:06,058 --> 00:07:07,320
In your face.
185
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:09,986
Metaphorically.
We'll be civil.
186
00:07:10,062 --> 00:07:12,292
Elise. There is no
bigger defender
187
00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:14,094
of gender equality
than Leslie Knope.
188
00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:18,501
And my husband, Ben, is a progressive
champion of women's rights.
189
00:07:18,571 --> 00:07:20,004
BEN: Babe, the oven's ready.
190
00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:21,903
Chop-chop,
time to get bakin'.
191
00:07:21,974 --> 00:07:23,669
Daddy want pie.
192
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:25,638
Hi, Ben Wyatt.
193
00:07:29,015 --> 00:07:31,483
We have a wonderfully
small number of clues.
194
00:07:31,551 --> 00:07:32,882
One is this ticket.
195
00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:35,785
Did you see this movie
about vampires and such?
196
00:07:35,855 --> 00:07:38,415
New Moon? Yeah,
I saw it with April.
197
00:07:38,858 --> 00:07:40,519
She was so hopped
up on painkillers
198
00:07:40,593 --> 00:07:41,719
from getting her
wisdom teeth out,
199
00:07:41,794 --> 00:07:43,352
I convinced her
to see it with me.
200
00:07:43,429 --> 00:07:45,329
The teeth.
They're yours.
201
00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:46,888
You were super out of it.
202
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:48,729
You kept yelling
"Team Voldemort!"
203
00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:50,393
At the screen and
we were kicked out.
204
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:51,801
I was furious.
205
00:07:52,271 --> 00:07:55,399
You only get to see the second Twilight
film for the seventh time once.
206
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,739
Do you remember
anything about a key?
207
00:07:57,810 --> 00:08:00,540
Or April doing anything
unusual that day?
208
00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:03,806
She did make us stop by the
shoeshine stand before we left
209
00:08:03,883 --> 00:08:06,351
because she wanted to drop
something off for Andy.
210
00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:08,011
She had a real bad crush on him.
211
00:08:08,087 --> 00:08:09,111
Oh! (CHUCKLING)
212
00:08:09,188 --> 00:08:11,884
Babe. You had
a crush on me.
213
00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:13,220
That's embarrassing.
214
00:08:13,459 --> 00:08:15,359
We're married.
Still.
215
00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:17,055
To the shoeshine stand!
216
00:08:18,030 --> 00:08:19,725
ANDY: Ooh! Chase me.
APRIL: Stop.
217
00:08:23,769 --> 00:08:24,861
Garry? What the hell
are you doing?
218
00:08:24,937 --> 00:08:25,995
Oh, gosh.
219
00:08:26,072 --> 00:08:28,939
Well, I dropped my wedding
ring down this grate,
220
00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:30,532
and then I was
trying to get it out
221
00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:32,771
and I dropped my keys down
there too, (CHUCKLES)
222
00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:34,073
So I can't leave.
223
00:08:34,146 --> 00:08:36,137
Damn, this takes me back.
224
00:08:36,215 --> 00:08:37,409
Mind if I stay and watch?
225
00:08:37,483 --> 00:08:39,849
Not at all. I
appreciate the company.
226
00:08:40,219 --> 00:08:41,880
LESLIE: The IOW
does not mess around.
227
00:08:41,954 --> 00:08:43,148
Which normally is
why I love them,
228
00:08:43,222 --> 00:08:44,621
but now I'm on the other side.
229
00:08:44,891 --> 00:08:47,758
Oh, my God, Ben, I gave them
$100 in their annual pledge.
230
00:08:47,827 --> 00:08:50,455
Do you know how many anti-me
signs that could buy?
231
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:53,055
You just don't do the
pie contest, obviously.
232
00:08:53,132 --> 00:08:54,793
Then we're just
back where we started.
233
00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:56,164
Then it just seems
like I'm saying
234
00:08:56,235 --> 00:08:57,862
I'm better than the
women who bake.
235
00:08:57,937 --> 00:08:59,734
What should we do?
Should we get a divorce?
236
00:08:59,805 --> 00:09:01,636
Well, how about this?
237
00:09:01,707 --> 00:09:03,641
What if I register
for the contest?
238
00:09:03,709 --> 00:09:06,644
I bake the pie.
I act as my own wife.
239
00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:07,906
Oh, that could work.
240
00:09:07,980 --> 00:09:09,880
We sidestep the controversy,
241
00:09:09,949 --> 00:09:11,246
we refocus the campaign
242
00:09:11,317 --> 00:09:12,944
onto the actual candidate.
243
00:09:13,019 --> 00:09:15,783
And then we flip the antiquated
tradition right on its head.
244
00:09:15,855 --> 00:09:16,844
Exactly.
245
00:09:16,923 --> 00:09:19,619
But more importantly,
we change the idea
246
00:09:19,692 --> 00:09:21,990
of what a pie is.
247
00:09:22,862 --> 00:09:24,454
I feel like that's not
more important,
248
00:09:24,530 --> 00:09:27,021
but I like the energy that
we have, so let's hear it.
249
00:09:27,099 --> 00:09:31,866
Okay, picture this... Crust on the bottom.
Filling. Crust on top.
250
00:09:31,938 --> 00:09:33,098
What am I describing?
251
00:09:33,172 --> 00:09:34,696
A pie.
No.
252
00:09:34,774 --> 00:09:37,743
But you're in the
right "zone." Oh.
253
00:09:37,810 --> 00:09:39,437
Calzone!
Sure!
254
00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:42,003
Pies are just
sweet calzones, honey.
255
00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:44,208
And I'm good at making calzones.
256
00:09:44,283 --> 00:09:45,409
You're amazing.
257
00:09:45,484 --> 00:09:46,508
I can win this thing.
258
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,019
Of course you can, baby.
259
00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:49,554
Get in there and start baking.
260
00:09:49,622 --> 00:09:54,787
♪ Talking 'bout the highway
to the calzone zone ♪
261
00:09:56,128 --> 00:09:58,790
I'm having some serious déjà vu.
262
00:09:58,864 --> 00:10:01,958
How many times have you
lost your wedding ring?
263
00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:04,429
Too many times to count.
264
00:10:04,503 --> 00:10:06,437
And it causes real
trouble with Gayle.
265
00:10:06,505 --> 00:10:07,870
And any time I lose my ring,
266
00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:09,669
she turns into
a real grumpy goose.
267
00:10:10,176 --> 00:10:11,541
Is that so?
Oh, yeah.
268
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,340
She'll say, you know,
"Garry, you'd lose your head
269
00:10:13,412 --> 00:10:15,175
"if it wasn't
screwed on tight."
270
00:10:15,247 --> 00:10:18,910
And then she makes me go for the
fresh oranges for the morning OJ.
271
00:10:18,985 --> 00:10:21,783
And she says,
"Hey, Mr. Forgetful."
272
00:10:22,888 --> 00:10:24,617
I mean, those words...
273
00:10:24,690 --> 00:10:26,385
They rattle
around here for hours.
274
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,892
That's why I've gotta
be extra careful
275
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:29,359
with this replacement ring,
276
00:10:29,428 --> 00:10:31,589
because if I lost...
277
00:10:35,935 --> 00:10:38,233
I'm gonna order us some dinner.
(PHONE BEEPS)
278
00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:41,064
(GASPS)
279
00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:42,971
The shoeshine stand is gone.
280
00:10:43,042 --> 00:10:45,670
Or maybe it was never here.
281
00:10:45,745 --> 00:10:47,713
RON: They must have moved
it during the remodel.
282
00:10:47,780 --> 00:10:49,748
It's probably in
basement storage.
283
00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:51,373
To the basement!
284
00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:56,579
HARRIS: Tighter.
You sure, dude?
285
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,521
Yeah, dude.
Tighter. I can do it.
286
00:10:58,591 --> 00:10:59,785
Do what, exactly?
287
00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:01,451
Nothing. We're not
doing anything.
288
00:11:01,527 --> 00:11:03,722
And we definitely
do not live down here now.
289
00:11:03,796 --> 00:11:06,230
Guys, where's the old shoeshine
stand from upstairs?
290
00:11:06,298 --> 00:11:07,697
We don't know
anything about that.
291
00:11:07,767 --> 00:11:08,756
RON: Boys, think.
292
00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:12,167
We are on a quest and we are not
leaving until we get an answer.
293
00:11:12,438 --> 00:11:14,065
Well, we're on our own quest,
294
00:11:14,140 --> 00:11:16,131
which is to squeeze
this just tight enough
295
00:11:16,208 --> 00:11:18,176
to make my eyes
bulge out a little bit,
296
00:11:18,244 --> 00:11:19,768
but not so tight that I die.
297
00:11:19,845 --> 00:11:22,405
I've been there. That's
a real tightrope walk.
298
00:11:22,581 --> 00:11:23,639
Oh!
299
00:11:23,716 --> 00:11:26,412
Hey! Last week
this real scary ghost
300
00:11:26,485 --> 00:11:28,146
came down here looking for it.
301
00:11:28,220 --> 00:11:31,212
It had black hair, but you
could see through his skin.
302
00:11:31,557 --> 00:11:33,252
It didn't like me,
but that's just 'cause
303
00:11:33,325 --> 00:11:35,156
I got a soul of a Ghostbuster.
304
00:11:35,227 --> 00:11:37,024
Yeah, it said
something about how
305
00:11:37,096 --> 00:11:38,859
it was worried Brett
was gonna mug it.
306
00:11:38,931 --> 00:11:42,196
Okay. So we're looking
for a racist ghost
307
00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:44,361
with black hair
who likes shoeshines.
308
00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:45,870
I think I have the answer.
309
00:11:45,938 --> 00:11:47,667
The chase continues!
310
00:11:48,174 --> 00:11:49,163
(BOTH LAUGHING)
311
00:11:49,241 --> 00:11:51,368
Okay, wait. At the
time that you told us
312
00:11:51,444 --> 00:11:52,468
you were mugged in the park,
313
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,172
what were you reaching
for in the river?
314
00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:56,143
A burrito. (CHUCKLING)
That's right.
315
00:11:56,215 --> 00:11:59,150
You fell in the river
reaching for a burrito.
316
00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:01,379
Yes, ma'am. That was not
one of my finer moments.
317
00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:02,512
(LAUGHS)
318
00:12:02,588 --> 00:12:04,579
Ooh. It's getting late.
We need to bounce.
319
00:12:04,657 --> 00:12:06,318
I can give you a ride.
Oh, thank you, Donna.
320
00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:07,791
Probably gonna get an earful
321
00:12:07,860 --> 00:12:09,452
when I get home tonight.
322
00:12:09,528 --> 00:12:10,995
Gayle might even
call me the B-word.
323
00:12:12,531 --> 00:12:13,623
"Bozo."
324
00:12:13,699 --> 00:12:14,825
Wow.
325
00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:17,095
We are very different people.
326
00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:20,132
Did you hear back from Elise?
327
00:12:20,206 --> 00:12:21,264
Oh, yeah.
We're good.
328
00:12:21,340 --> 00:12:23,069
The IOW is not gonna protest us.
329
00:12:23,142 --> 00:12:24,734
How's your pie?
330
00:12:24,810 --> 00:12:27,108
I don't know.
I didn't make a pie.
331
00:12:27,179 --> 00:12:29,704
(CHUCKLES) Okay. How is
your dessert calzone?
332
00:12:29,782 --> 00:12:31,113
It's ready.
333
00:12:31,183 --> 00:12:33,447
The question is, are they?
334
00:12:33,519 --> 00:12:35,646
All right, our next
contestant (APPLAUSE)
335
00:12:35,721 --> 00:12:38,349
Is candidate Ben
Wyatt's wife, Leslie.
336
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:39,721
Let's see what
Mrs. Wyatt
337
00:12:39,792 --> 00:12:41,259
has baked up for us, shall we?
338
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:43,186
It's actually
Ms. Knope.
339
00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:45,526
And actually, right now it's Mr.
Wyatt.
340
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,031
Leslie has her own busy life
341
00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:49,294
and I happen to be
an excellent pie maker,
342
00:12:49,368 --> 00:12:51,563
so we figured we'd
switch it up a bit.
343
00:12:51,637 --> 00:12:53,468
Now, pack your suitcases,
344
00:12:53,539 --> 00:12:56,975
because we're going
to a little town
345
00:12:57,042 --> 00:12:58,942
(MIMICKING ITALIAN ACCENT)
Called Napoli...
346
00:12:59,011 --> 00:13:00,410
In Italy.
(CROWD CHANTING)
347
00:13:00,479 --> 00:13:03,573
(ALL) Free Ben Wyatt! Free Ben Wyatt!
Free Ben Wyatt!
348
00:13:03,649 --> 00:13:05,640
Excuse me, free me from what?
349
00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:07,879
From the tyranny of women.
350
00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:09,147
We are the Male Men.
351
00:13:09,221 --> 00:13:10,882
We are a men's rights
activist group,
352
00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:12,583
and we are fed up.
353
00:13:12,658 --> 00:13:14,285
I'm sorry. What's
happening now?
354
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:16,521
Behind every successful woman
355
00:13:16,595 --> 00:13:19,758
is a man she has oppressed.
356
00:13:19,832 --> 00:13:22,767
First Leslie Knope poaches
her husband's campaign
357
00:13:22,835 --> 00:13:24,462
by making it all about her.
358
00:13:24,537 --> 00:13:26,698
Now she's forcing
him to bake pies
359
00:13:26,772 --> 00:13:28,262
and enter a contest for her?
360
00:13:28,541 --> 00:13:30,771
Excuse me! I'm not forcing
him to do anything!
361
00:13:30,843 --> 00:13:32,140
He loves to cook.
362
00:13:32,211 --> 00:13:35,044
Yeah. He has five
personalized aprons.
363
00:13:35,114 --> 00:13:37,048
Oh. So I guess he
was asking for it
364
00:13:37,116 --> 00:13:38,708
because of the way
he was dressed?
365
00:13:38,784 --> 00:13:41,150
We are sick and tired
366
00:13:41,220 --> 00:13:43,620
of this feminized society.
367
00:13:43,689 --> 00:13:46,556
Men have had a very
rough go of it, for...
368
00:13:46,625 --> 00:13:47,922
Just recently.
369
00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:49,824
And it ends now.
370
00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:52,394
Male and proud!
371
00:13:52,464 --> 00:13:55,456
(CHANTING) Male and proud!
Male and proud!
372
00:13:57,102 --> 00:13:59,366
Leslie Knope exemplifies
373
00:13:59,438 --> 00:14:01,599
the feminist attack
on our values.
374
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,073
She could learn
a little something
375
00:14:03,142 --> 00:14:04,871
about traditional
family structure
376
00:14:04,944 --> 00:14:06,775
from me and
my husband, Marshall.
377
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:08,814
Um. Fierce alert.
Eat 'em up, honey.
378
00:14:08,881 --> 00:14:12,908
The idea that feminism is an
attack on family values is absurd.
379
00:14:12,985 --> 00:14:15,283
Ooh. So you're defending
Leslie Knope?
380
00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:17,015
No. Absolutely not.
381
00:14:17,089 --> 00:14:18,420
Frankly, I don't think
she's done enough
382
00:14:18,490 --> 00:14:21,323
to distance herself
from this misogynistic lunacy.
383
00:14:21,393 --> 00:14:23,918
Let's turn now to Sasha Dunkirk.
384
00:14:23,996 --> 00:14:27,295
She is head of the group
Women Against Feminism.
385
00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:29,630
What a surprise.
386
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:32,796
The woman is only
talking to other women.
387
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,499
Can we have one conversation
388
00:14:34,573 --> 00:14:37,508
about feminism where men
get to be in charge?
389
00:14:37,576 --> 00:14:39,476
I actually agree with him.
390
00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:41,103
I don't need your pity.
391
00:14:41,180 --> 00:14:44,206
Joan, Leslie Knope
and I are united
392
00:14:44,283 --> 00:14:46,342
Oh. In our disgust of
this week's events.
393
00:14:46,685 --> 00:14:48,482
Leslie, if you're watching,
394
00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:50,181
I, Brandi Maxxxx,
395
00:14:50,256 --> 00:14:54,317
star of 69 Jump Street
and Fifty Shaved Old Gays,
396
00:14:54,393 --> 00:14:55,417
have your back.
397
00:14:55,794 --> 00:14:58,763
Oof. You really stepped
in it this time, Knope.
398
00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:01,959
Why isn't the other candidate's
wife being scrutinized like this?
399
00:15:02,101 --> 00:15:05,559
Because June Hartwell is a
lukewarm bowl of nothing.
400
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:08,104
She started an awareness campaign
called "Bring a Sweater."
401
00:15:08,173 --> 00:15:09,902
She calls it
"goose bump prevention."
402
00:15:10,009 --> 00:15:11,442
Come on, you guys,
you know the drill.
403
00:15:11,543 --> 00:15:13,135
Just ignore the
fact that you're right,
404
00:15:13,212 --> 00:15:14,645
put on your blandest outfit...
405
00:15:14,713 --> 00:15:18,114
So that one, hopefully,
and then just go out there
406
00:15:18,183 --> 00:15:19,775
and publicly
apologize. Done.
407
00:15:19,852 --> 00:15:21,786
What? Apologize for what?
408
00:15:21,854 --> 00:15:23,845
Doesn't matter.
Just say you're sorry.
409
00:15:24,390 --> 00:15:25,687
It's like taking
a shot of tequila.
410
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:27,385
You just gotta force it down,
411
00:15:27,459 --> 00:15:29,723
suddenly the world feels
so much more pleasant.
412
00:15:29,795 --> 00:15:32,161
I do three shots every time
I have to enter this house.
413
00:15:33,532 --> 00:15:34,521
(SIGHS)
414
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:35,828
(DOORBELL RINGS)
415
00:15:35,901 --> 00:15:37,892
Donna. What are you
doing here so early?
416
00:15:37,970 --> 00:15:39,494
I come bearing gifts.
417
00:15:39,571 --> 00:15:41,061
First off, I got a
dude in maintenance
418
00:15:41,140 --> 00:15:42,573
to open up that
grate this morning.
419
00:15:42,908 --> 00:15:46,776
So here's your rings,
keys, credit cards,
420
00:15:46,845 --> 00:15:48,437
and I found some heart
medicine I assume is yours?
421
00:15:48,514 --> 00:15:50,778
Yeah, no. That's mine.
That's mine. Oh, my gosh.
422
00:15:50,849 --> 00:15:52,476
Also, I thought I'd bring over
423
00:15:52,551 --> 00:15:54,246
some fresh oranges
for you and Gayle.
424
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:57,621
Okay. Well, that is just
so kind, Donna. Thank you.
425
00:15:57,990 --> 00:15:59,787
You're one of a kind, Garry. Oh.
426
00:15:59,858 --> 00:16:02,486
And I just wanna thank you for
taking me down memory lane,
427
00:16:02,561 --> 00:16:03,823
ya big B-word.
428
00:16:04,029 --> 00:16:05,053
(GRUMBLES)
429
00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:06,119
"Buddy."
430
00:16:08,033 --> 00:16:10,627
MILTON: So much has
changed around here.
431
00:16:10,703 --> 00:16:12,364
I just wanted to remember
432
00:16:12,438 --> 00:16:13,871
the good old days,
433
00:16:13,939 --> 00:16:16,032
when a shoeshine was two bits,
434
00:16:16,108 --> 00:16:19,771
and there were no Mexicans
in the music business.
435
00:16:19,845 --> 00:16:21,779
If you don't mind,
Councilman Milton,
436
00:16:21,847 --> 00:16:23,872
we just need to
search this stand.
437
00:16:23,949 --> 00:16:25,678
Yes. Found it.
438
00:16:29,021 --> 00:16:30,955
"Hi Andy, I hate people,
439
00:16:31,023 --> 00:16:32,820
"but you are okay.
It's weird.
440
00:16:32,891 --> 00:16:34,324
"Woof, woof.
April."
441
00:16:34,393 --> 00:16:36,987
My God, babe, you were so into me.
That's hilarious.
442
00:16:37,062 --> 00:16:38,051
That's it.
443
00:16:38,130 --> 00:16:40,257
It's a dead end.
No more clues.
444
00:16:41,934 --> 00:16:43,697
See me in my office.
445
00:16:45,270 --> 00:16:46,464
If it makes you feel any better,
446
00:16:47,106 --> 00:16:48,698
I had a big crush on you too.
447
00:16:49,908 --> 00:16:52,001
That does make me feel a
little better. Thanks.
448
00:16:52,878 --> 00:16:54,641
Oh! Thank God.
449
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:56,472
Get off my boat!
450
00:16:56,715 --> 00:16:59,149
(APPLAUSE)
Good afternoon.
451
00:16:59,218 --> 00:17:01,345
I'm here today
to share with you all
452
00:17:01,420 --> 00:17:04,878
my vision for the economic
future of Southern Indiana.
453
00:17:04,957 --> 00:17:07,517
But first, Leslie
Knope, my wife,
454
00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:09,886
has a brief statement.
455
00:17:10,295 --> 00:17:12,286
Hello, everyone.
Thank you. Wow.
456
00:17:12,364 --> 00:17:14,525
How about this
weather we're having?
457
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:15,760
Very temperate.
458
00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:18,700
LESLIE: Okay. Recently,
I made an attempt to...
459
00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:20,295
Actually,
hang on. Stop.
460
00:17:20,839 --> 00:17:24,331
I'm sorry, this whole thing
just makes me queasy.
461
00:17:25,744 --> 00:17:28,110
I love how independent
my wife is,
462
00:17:28,180 --> 00:17:31,081
and because of that,
I will not let her speak.
463
00:17:31,750 --> 00:17:32,774
That came out wrong.
464
00:17:32,851 --> 00:17:36,548
The point is, Leslie
is a great mother,
465
00:17:36,622 --> 00:17:39,250
public servant,
all-around person,
466
00:17:39,324 --> 00:17:42,555
and I am tired of everybody
constantly telling her
467
00:17:42,628 --> 00:17:44,823
that she's making
the wrong choice.
468
00:17:46,331 --> 00:17:47,992
So you can say
whatever you want,
469
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:50,558
I couldn't care less about
the political consequences.
470
00:17:51,937 --> 00:17:52,995
Thank you, Ben.
471
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:56,101
Well. The first thing I'm
gonna do is say sorry.
472
00:17:56,442 --> 00:18:00,139
I'm sorry that the spotlight
is on me and not on Ben,
473
00:18:00,212 --> 00:18:03,147
because he is going to
make a great congressman.
474
00:18:03,215 --> 00:18:06,082
Second, the Male Men...
Where are you? Ah.
475
00:18:06,151 --> 00:18:08,176
You're ridiculous, and
men's rights is nothing.
476
00:18:08,253 --> 00:18:10,721
Third, I'm now gonna give
you permanent answers
477
00:18:10,789 --> 00:18:13,121
to all the silly questions that
you're gonna end up asking me,
478
00:18:13,192 --> 00:18:15,524
and every other woman in this
election, over the next few months.
479
00:18:15,594 --> 00:18:17,391
"Why did I change
my hairstyle?"
480
00:18:17,463 --> 00:18:19,397
Oh, I don't know. I just
thought it would look better.
481
00:18:19,465 --> 00:18:21,456
Or my kids got gum in it.
482
00:18:21,533 --> 00:18:23,330
"Are you trying
to have it all?"
483
00:18:23,402 --> 00:18:24,699
That question makes no sense.
484
00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:26,795
It's a stupid question.
Stop asking it. Don't ask it.
485
00:18:26,872 --> 00:18:28,635
"Do you miss your kids
while you're at work?"
486
00:18:28,707 --> 00:18:30,538
Yes, of course I do.
487
00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:32,304
Everybody does.
488
00:18:32,377 --> 00:18:34,242
And then, you know,
sometimes I don't.
489
00:18:34,313 --> 00:18:36,781
Yeah. And by the way, no one's
ever asked me that question.
490
00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:38,612
No one asks me,
"Where are your kids?"
491
00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:40,117
Or, "Who's taking
care of them?"
492
00:18:40,185 --> 00:18:41,982
By the way, who is taking
care of the kids right now?
493
00:18:42,054 --> 00:18:43,681
My mom, babe. Everything's fine.
Right.
494
00:18:43,755 --> 00:18:46,724
So, maybe Leslie doesn't
fit your personal idea
495
00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:48,623
of what a candidate's
wife should be.
496
00:18:49,394 --> 00:18:51,123
So what? That's good,
497
00:18:51,196 --> 00:18:53,391
because there shouldn't
be just one idea anyway.
498
00:18:53,465 --> 00:18:55,490
That's right. If you wanna
bake a pie, that's great.
499
00:18:55,567 --> 00:18:57,501
If you wanna have a career,
that's great, too.
500
00:18:57,569 --> 00:18:59,594
Do both, or neither,
it doesn't matter.
501
00:18:59,671 --> 00:19:02,731
Just don't judge what someone
else has decided to do.
502
00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:05,242
We're all just trying to
find the right path for us.
503
00:19:05,310 --> 00:19:06,572
As individuals.
504
00:19:07,212 --> 00:19:08,702
On this Earth.
505
00:19:09,915 --> 00:19:11,007
(SIGHS)
506
00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:12,880
(BOOING)
(CHEERING)
507
00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:16,485
I'd say that's fifty-fifty
boos and cheers.
508
00:19:16,555 --> 00:19:17,579
Yeah. That seems
about right.
509
00:19:17,656 --> 00:19:20,682
Let Ben speak!
Let Ben speak!
510
00:19:20,759 --> 00:19:21,953
He just spoke.
511
00:19:22,027 --> 00:19:24,962
Oh. Sorry. I just got here.
I had a broken bike chain.
512
00:19:25,030 --> 00:19:26,224
My bad.
513
00:19:27,966 --> 00:19:31,868
So I guess we are
celebrating that
514
00:19:31,937 --> 00:19:34,235
you trusted me
and I let you down.
515
00:19:34,606 --> 00:19:35,595
Great.
516
00:19:35,674 --> 00:19:38,802
I change my house
locks every 16 days.
517
00:19:38,877 --> 00:19:40,435
That key has been useless
518
00:19:40,512 --> 00:19:43,879
since the second Tuesday
after I gave it to you.
519
00:19:43,982 --> 00:19:46,246
What matters is that I trust you
520
00:19:46,318 --> 00:19:48,377
and admire you as a person.
521
00:19:49,321 --> 00:19:52,119
I will be sorry to see
you leave this town.
522
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:53,317
For many reasons.
523
00:19:54,793 --> 00:19:56,556
Not the least of which
is that you created
524
00:19:56,628 --> 00:19:59,096
a puzzle that even
I couldn't solve.
525
00:20:00,232 --> 00:20:04,191
And boy, oh, boy,
did you love Andy.
526
00:20:04,269 --> 00:20:05,896
(CHUCKLING)
527
00:20:05,971 --> 00:20:07,598
"Woof, woof."
(CHUCKLES)
528
00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:10,471
It really is embarrassing.
529
00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:12,442
Oh, my God. I totally
know where the key is.
530
00:20:16,415 --> 00:20:18,178
(LAUGHING)
531
00:20:20,285 --> 00:20:21,479
How'd you remember?
532
00:20:22,554 --> 00:20:23,987
"Woof, woof."
533
00:20:24,856 --> 00:20:26,016
Bark.
534
00:20:26,992 --> 00:20:28,254
Why here?
535
00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:32,430
Because this tree
reminds me of you.
536
00:20:32,497 --> 00:20:34,192
It's strong.
And quiet.
537
00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:37,967
And always here
when you need it.
538
00:20:39,738 --> 00:20:41,137
Or whatever.
539
00:20:41,873 --> 00:20:44,239
RON: I have always felt a
certain kinship with April,
540
00:20:44,343 --> 00:20:46,743
and this is proof
that I was correct.
541
00:20:46,845 --> 00:20:49,177
Not the nice things
she said about me,
542
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:51,478
the fact that I buried
a large amount of gold
543
00:20:51,550 --> 00:20:53,711
under that same tree years ago.
544
00:20:55,220 --> 00:20:57,085
I have since moved it.
545
00:20:58,023 --> 00:20:59,354
Or have I?
546
00:20:59,992 --> 00:21:01,459
(KNOCKING)
547
00:21:01,526 --> 00:21:02,652
Elise?
(SIGHS)
548
00:21:03,028 --> 00:21:04,359
What did I do wrong now?
549
00:21:04,429 --> 00:21:06,829
No. Actually,
we at the IOW
550
00:21:06,898 --> 00:21:08,627
loved what you said
in your speech.
551
00:21:09,034 --> 00:21:10,501
Really?
But...
552
00:21:10,569 --> 00:21:13,333
What we loved even
more was how you, Ben,
553
00:21:13,405 --> 00:21:16,704
gave Leslie a platform in
which to speak her mind.
554
00:21:18,310 --> 00:21:19,971
Congratulations, Ben Wyatt,
555
00:21:20,045 --> 00:21:23,481
you are this year's
IOW Woman of the Year.
556
00:21:23,548 --> 00:21:25,072
Son of a bitch.
557
00:21:28,500 --> 00:21:36,500
Ripped By mstoll