Oh, good.
I was hoping I couldn't put anything on the table.
You need the table to put your floor samples on?
Just put them on the floor.
Felix, leave her alone. She's got a lot of work to do.
She's in charge of putting together
her company's charity walkathon.
Walking for money.
In my village, you'd walk 12 miles for a stick.
I think we all know where you kept it.
Excuse me. I have an announcement.
Ooh, stand back, everybody.
The handsome mayor has something to say.
I have chosen who I want to be my confirmation sponsor.
Oh, is it me? It's probably me.
Because you love me, right? No pressure.
Dad, again, it can't be a parent.
Are you sure? There's a new pope.
A lot of changes.
It's Cristela.
Aah! Yes!
[Laughs]
Now I have the table and your kid.
[Laughs evilly]
Congratulations, Cristela.
I look forward to be working with you.
Oh, thank you, sir.
It's fine. I'll be in the garage.
There's a table there, and it's all mine.
It's a workbench. Everybody knows that.
Cris, are you sure you can do this?
You already have a lot going on.
Plus, you're only kind of a catholic.
What are you talking about? I go to church.
When it's not football season.
Do you even know what you have to do?
Uh, I know enough to look it up on the Internet.
Relax.
I-I know I'm not as Gung Ho as you, ama,
but I take my faith seriously.
Uh-huh.
We both know better, don't we?
- Sync and corrected by TheDelta - - www.addic7ed.com -
You know what, Henry?
Three generations of Gonzalez men
have worn that suit to their confirmation ceremony.
And now it's your turn to stand up
in front of all our friends and family
in this hideous suit.
Henry, stop moving.
You're like a raccoon in a burlap sack,
which is how your uncle Artemio came to this country.
Hey.
That's right.
With a raccoon inside a burlap sack.
Stop.
- But this suit is so itchy. - Ay!
How does Ellen Degeneres do it?
Oh, Cris, will you be able to make it to the pancake breakfast
before we head on out to the church?
No, I can't. The walkathon is in the morning.
Well, you are his sponsor.
It would be nice
if you could make it to Henry's breakfast, too.
Hey, don't make me feel guilty.
You think I like missing pancakes?
Yes, don't make her feel guilty, Daniela.
That's what happens when a sponsor doesn't care about God.
Hey, I got this.
Huh?
After the walkathon, I'll go to church.
That's what I do, you know?
I work hard, I pray hard.
Everything in my life is hard.
Come and get your packets for Saturday's walkathon.
And, please, no running.
Get it?
No.
Any chance you could walk me through it?
Remember, this is to raise money for the less fortunate,
which, in Mr. Culpepper's case, is everybody.
Every mile puts food on their tables,
places roofs over their heads, and pools in their backyards.
Yes.
You do see a lot of poor people
holding "will work for pool" signs.
How are we doing?
Making a better tomorrow for everybody?
Uh, looks like it.
You know, I never pegged you as someone
that would give back to the community.
I hear you.
People call me a monster
because I represent the powerful and the wealthy,
and often at the expense of poor people.
"Monster" is such a strong word.
Let's go with "greedy bad guy."
Mm, I think I prefer the term "wealth undistributor." Yeah.
It's... you see, that's why this fundraiser is so important,
'cause I've got to show that I really care
about the little people.
You know, a good way to start
is to not call them "little people."
Check it out.
New pair of sneakers, some protein packs.
I got a real shot at winning this thing.
Josh, it's a walkathon, not a race.
Well, when it comes to walking, you don't want to step to me.
Did I just talk trash?
Well, it sounded like garbage.
[Chuckles]
It's just that, ever since I was 2 years old,
I've been an excellent walker.
Yeah, we all have.
Trent: What the hell?!
Maddie, get in here now!
Ohh.
Looks like somebody's getting a raise!
A friend in the media sent me this.
Hey, betches!
Bored at work?
Well, always remember to have
the proper topcoat/hardener, hmm?
Hey!
Ms. Gloria all-brown,
when you wake up from your siesta,
I'm gonna need that brief.
How sick is that?!
[Giggles]
Wow.
You come across pretty bad.
Care to explain this?
Well, I didn't know you were there.
[Gasps] Oh, now I understand the comments.
Of course my nails aren't racist.
I have seen too many good men's lives
ruined by a careless remark.
I am not gonna have my legacy tarnished by one hilarious quip.
Okay, I'm sorry, daddy. How can I fix this?
No, no, no, no. You have done enough.
Now I've got to figure out a way
to get my one off-white employee to prove I'm not racist.
I-is it even okay to say "off-white"?
I mean, I don't even know anymore.
Cris, good news.
You're gonna be my co-chair for the walkathon.
I want you up there on the podium
for the press conference, okay?
Just wear something that says "my boss isn't a racist," okay?
So a poncho?
Uh, your choice, not mine. Great idea.
The thing's at 2:00.
Wait... no, 2:00?
That's the same time as my nephew's confirmation.
Oh, well, that's the nice thing about ponchos.
You know, you can wear them anywhere.
Sir, um, about the press conference...
Why would there be one?
Damage control.
There's a video out there of me saying a joke to you.
What am I doing?
Washing dishing? Parking cars? The usual?
You were taking a siesta.
Oh, I remember that. That was a good one!
Yeah, I thought so, too.
So, how important is this press conference?
'Cause it's at the same time as my nephew's confirmation.
Aah, you can go to the next one.
Actually, it's a ceremony that only happens once.
It's not like a marriage. [Laughs]
Is there any way we can move the press conference?
Hey, we could have it later, at a bar, huh?
You'd like it.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, 'cause I'm always a better man when I'm drunk.
[Chuckles]
You know, I-I never realized that you were so religious.
Yeah.
I go to church twice a year, when it matters.
Birth of Jesus, death of Jesus.
And in between, the playoffs happen.
Work is my religion, and it should be yours, too.
Cristela, you're a lot like me.
And you know that you've got to make some sacrifices
to get to the top.
But this confirmation is a special moment.
Yeah, well, that's why they call it a "sacrifice."
Your family will get over it.
I mean, if you're serious about your career,
you've got to be selfish.
So, I'll be selfish...
And do this for you?
Great.
I don't think you know what the word "selfish" means.
Aww, thank you.
What is taking that boy so long?
I thought I loved mirrors.
You do.
And you should.
Mm.
Henry, for every second you make God wait,
he makes you wait a year in purgatory.
One.
Two.
Henry: Okay, I'm coming!
There he is!
Daniela: [Gasps] Qué guapo!
[Cheers and applause]
I am ready to drop the Mike on my childhood.
Bam!
Then maybe it's time to lose the superman underwear.
Cris, look.
Doesn't Henry look great in his confirmation suit?
Wow.
Is that all you can talk about?
Makes me not want to go.
Henry, go change.
I don't want you to ruin that 50-year-old suit.
Cris, what is wrong?
Look, you're not gonna like this...
But I can't go to Henry's confirmation.
And, please, don't start with me
because I already feel terrible about it.
- You should. - Ama!
What? You should feel terrible.
And if you were a real catholic,
you'd know that's what we do.
Well, I have to work.
And I've made my decision,
and that's just the way it's gonna have to be.
Don't pay attention to ama.
Having to work doesn't make you a bad catholic.
It makes you a busy catholic.
Thank you, Daniela.
I mean, let's face it, since you've been working,
we've learned not to expect as much from you
when it comes to family.
Thank you a little less.
I don't mean it like that.
The important thing is
that Henry will have his core family there.
Now I take back that "thank you."
Core family?
What am I?
You're extended family.
Like tia Socorro.
She's family, but we never see her.
Well, she's dead.
The referred to themselves as "the core family."
Ha ha ha! Huh?
I'm in the core.
I am the core.
[Chuckles] I usually throw away the core.
It just doesn't make sense, you know?
I mean, it bothered you when your dad wasn't around
because he was always at the office, I mean, right?
No.
Why not?
Well, I knew if he wasn't around,
he was making money
so I wouldn't have to work a day in my life.
[Chuckles]
You're working right now.
Am I, Cristela?
So, wait. I still don't understand why you're upset.
'Cause I'm missing stuff, and they should feel bad.
'Cause I'm part of the core.
And you should feel bad because your dad missed stuff.
Wait.
I'm trying to make you feel better,
and you're trying to make me feel worse.
No, I'm not. No.
Y... I'm just, you know,
I'm trying to help you realize how much you suffered
by having that absentee father.
Well, I-I never thought about it like that before.
Yeah, well, now that you think about it,
don't you kind of resent him?
Yeah.
Wow, I have a lot of pain I didn't know about.
I'm glad I said something.
Yeah, I mean, he was never there to share those special moments.
Well, I mean...
It would have been okay if he missed a few of them.
Oh, I don't know.
I think our relationship would have been better
if he made all of them.
I mean, what if he missed the most important one?
Good point.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, now I feel bad.
Yeah.
I guess we both have a lot of pain we didn't know about, hmm?
Hmm. Well, this was a good talk, Cristela.
[Chuckles]
No, it wasn't.
I got to go, sir.
Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What about the press conference?
I can't.
I-I can't miss that special moment.
Okay. Fine. It's your choice.
But, I got to say, if you decide to leave,
it will change my opinion of you.
Is there any chance it'll change for the better?
Great, great.
I got to face a room full of reporters,
and my minority beard just took off.
Don't worry, daddy. I mean, I'm here for you.
Yeah, well, nothing says "I'm multi-cultural"
like my rich, blond, nordic daughter.
Even if you weren't there for me. [Chuckles]
Well, hang on. What's that supposed to mean?
Oh, nothing.
You know, Cristela just pointed out
that you care more about your work than me.
Anyway, let's go.
No, no, no. Hold on. No, no.
No, we need to talk about this.
No, we need to go save your reputation.
We'll get to me...
Probably never.
[Sighs]
Cristela, the gift that keeps on giving.
Were you expecting more?
'Cause one guy doesn't seem like a lot.
Uh, excuse me, should we wait for your colleagues to show up?
I wouldn't.
"Rich, white texan is a racist" isn't exactly news.
Me, I love it. It's... it's my angle.
Look, Mr. reporter, my dad is not a racist.
I mean, yeah, he may say the occasional racist thing,
but that's only because he's old.
Why don't you write down that she said "distinguished"?
Sure, yeah.
Just let me... let me write that down.
J.K. We haven't used pens in years.
You know, that's just the way
people of his generation talk, you know?
It's why he says "clicker" and "dungarees."
But he's a kindhearted man who, you know, cares about people.
You know, and, as his daughter,
I know him almost as well as everybody he's ever worked with.
Come on, Maddie. You don't really believe that.
I don't know.
It's not like you were around all the time.
Well, but, I mean,
I only worked long hours to provide for you
because I love you.
Excuse me [Chuckles] could we get back to the racist thing
and then deal with you being a bad father?
No, we cannot.
Because I don't want my daughter here to think for one second
that any of this is more important than she is.
So, you... you can write whatever you want.
We're walking out of here.
Oh.
And there is $100 on the podium.
Wink, wink.
Who puts on a suit then drinks a big glass of kool-aid?
Now Henry's son can't wear it.
[Sighs] What a tragedy.
[Church bells toll]
Oh, let's go. It's about to start.
[Tolling continues]
Wait! Wait! I'm here!
[Breathing heavily]
Did I make it?
Are those bells?
Am I dead?
What are you doing here?
I am here for the family whether you like it or not.
Ha!
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about how easy it was for you guys
to let me off the hook.
You shouldn't have low expectations of me.
You should have high expectations.
I mean, who do I think I am?
I'm not dead like tia Socorro.
I'm part of the core family, and I will not be thrown away!
And I have more to say about this,
but I think I'm gonna throw up.
I'm happy you're here, Cris.
I'm not.
You seem like you're in a bad mood.
Well, how would you feel if you missed something
and no one in the family cared?
We do care.
I didn't want you to feel bad.
She should feel a little bad.
Ama.
We didn't want to tell you,
but Henry was really upset that you wouldn't hear
the confirmation name that he chose.
It's "Chris."
As in "Christopher" but also as in "Cristela."
Yeah, she gets it.
You picked a name after me?
Even though I almost didn't make it here?
Yeah.
'Cause you always look out for me.
And I know it sounds corny,
but I feel safe when you're around.
It's part of the speech I'm gonna give.
That's so sweet.
You know they don't let you make speeches, right?
When I look this good, I'm gonna talk.
You do look good.
Cover that stain.
[Laughs]
Cristela: Hey, sir.
Did you have a nice weekend?
[Sighs] What do you want, Cristela?
Well, I talked to Maddie,
and it sounds like it all turned out great.
How do you figure?
I'm out 100 bucks,
and the Fort Worth Observer called me "old."
Hey, "old" is better than racist, huh?
But you had a great conversation with Maddie,
and you cleared up all your problems.
Oh, the... the ones that we didn't know we had
until you pointed them out?
They were still there, sir.
Ah.
Again, what do you want?
Just wanted to see if you were still mad at me.
And I'm guessing...
Yes.
Okay.
Maybe I'm not like you.
I want to get to the top,
but I still want to be there for my family.
Cristela.
[Sighs]
It may have all worked out.
But my opinion of you isn't what it was.
I get it.
But I'm still walking out of here
knowing that I did the right thing.
And I'm leaving 50 cents on the desk.
Wink, wink.
Hey, betches!
[Laughs] It's me again.
Okay, so, people are always asking
how to make your lips pop.
Well, you know, porcelain skin helps,
but for the less fortunate, try gloss, hmm?
Did you hear, sir?
You've, uh, you've been named
one of Dallas' top philanthropists.
Well, hey, that's no surprise.
I, um... I've been known to donate
to people of all colors and races and ethnicities.
You're a... a true gentleman.
And... and sexual orientations.
Wow, that's amazing.
A-and... and religions, too.
Hell, I-I've blown money charity like she's a high-end escort.
What? What, women are out-of-bounds, too?
Oh, man. I give up!