1
00:00:17,500 --> 00:00:20,180
Ugh! Can you believe this guy?
2
00:00:20,210 --> 00:00:22,950
Pete is over an hour
late for our brunch date.
3
00:00:22,980 --> 00:00:25,920
- Pete? Who's Pete?
- Oh, it's this dude who goes to my gym.
4
00:00:25,950 --> 00:00:27,720
Thought Jess could use a
man with a little muscle
5
00:00:27,750 --> 00:00:29,250
for a change, so I set 'em up.
6
00:00:29,290 --> 00:00:31,020
Not gonna marry him, but I'm having fun.
7
00:00:31,060 --> 00:00:33,020
(chuckles) Knock, knock. Who's there?
8
00:00:33,060 --> 00:00:34,960
Orange. Hang on a second, Orange.
9
00:00:34,990 --> 00:00:37,460
I'm gonna send a sext to Pete, which I did.
10
00:00:37,500 --> 00:00:39,300
My first one ever. Want
to see? It's super hot.
11
00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:41,060
I don't want to, uh...
12
00:00:41,100 --> 00:00:42,460
Okay, that's just a picture of you
13
00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:44,270
in a bra over a T-shirt
14
00:00:44,300 --> 00:00:46,400
Holding a sign that says "Property of Pete."
15
00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:48,170
- Not a sext.
- I'm wearing a bra!
16
00:00:48,210 --> 00:00:50,110
- No, that's like a glorified selfie.
- You can see the bra.
17
00:00:50,140 --> 00:00:51,810
- Nope.
- (scoffs) I bet he saw this,
18
00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:52,980
and he was like,
19
00:00:53,010 --> 00:00:55,950
(in low voice): "Oh, delicious."
20
00:00:55,980 --> 00:00:57,110
You want him to say that?
21
00:00:57,150 --> 00:00:58,450
I have to agree,
22
00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:00,050
(phone blipping) because the true nature
23
00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:03,350
of eroticism is what is not shown.
24
00:01:03,390 --> 00:01:05,790
COACH: I never get sexts.
25
00:01:08,260 --> 00:01:10,290
What are you taking?
26
00:01:10,330 --> 00:01:11,430
Just some, uh... motion sickness pill.
27
00:01:11,460 --> 00:01:13,930
It's a mild sedative.
28
00:01:13,970 --> 00:01:15,800
My mom just landed.
29
00:01:15,830 --> 00:01:17,000
That's unrelated.
30
00:01:17,030 --> 00:01:18,270
Oh, my God, your mom's here?!
31
00:01:18,300 --> 00:01:19,840
I'm so excited to meet her.
32
00:01:19,870 --> 00:01:21,700
You probably won't; she's busy.
33
00:01:21,740 --> 00:01:23,910
But maybe, hopefully, I doubt it.
34
00:01:23,940 --> 00:01:25,010
I can't believe I've never met her.
35
00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:26,740
You know, we get together and we laugh and...
36
00:01:26,780 --> 00:01:28,310
(sighs) she tells me all the ways that
37
00:01:28,350 --> 00:01:30,380
I could be better at
things, and then I do them,
38
00:01:30,410 --> 00:01:31,710
but not right.
39
00:01:31,750 --> 00:01:33,380
Oh, it's fun.
40
00:01:33,420 --> 00:01:35,150
We have, we have fun.
41
00:01:35,190 --> 00:01:36,820
You know, I wish I had fun with my partner.
42
00:01:36,850 --> 00:01:38,420
Wow, every time I ask Aly to hang out,
43
00:01:38,460 --> 00:01:40,120
- she's always like, "Nah."
- NICK: Hey, Schmidty, vamos.
44
00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:43,060
I want to show you a surprise
investment opportunity.
45
00:01:43,090 --> 00:01:45,230
Surprise, Nick? I'm telling you right now,
46
00:01:45,260 --> 00:01:47,430
if it is a boat, I'm gonna be so psyched!
47
00:01:47,470 --> 00:01:49,370
I literally jut got new boat shoes.
48
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,400
JESS: (sputters) Standing
here like a damn jabroni.
49
00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:54,140
He hasn't even answered any of my texts.
50
00:01:54,170 --> 00:01:55,740
- He hasn't?
- You don't think he's...
51
00:01:55,770 --> 00:01:58,840
(gasping) He is blowing you off!
52
00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:01,310
- He best not be!
- Hell no!
53
00:02:01,350 --> 00:02:03,780
- You guys are getting riled up, huh?
- We are gonna march right over there,
54
00:02:03,810 --> 00:02:05,480
and we all right gonna
find out what's happening!
55
00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:06,450
Let's go.
56
00:02:09,950 --> 00:02:11,390
(door closes) (groans)
57
00:02:11,420 --> 00:02:14,460
Turns out that Pete had a very good excuse
58
00:02:14,490 --> 00:02:16,490
for not showing up.
59
00:02:20,500 --> 00:02:23,670
He died.
60
00:02:23,700 --> 00:02:25,330
- What?
- WINSTON: ♪ Just got out of the shower ♪
61
00:02:26,500 --> 00:02:28,700
♪ Guess who cleaned everything? ♪
62
00:02:28,740 --> 00:02:30,710
♪ Guess who got in deep? ♪
63
00:02:30,740 --> 00:02:33,480
What?
64
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:42,620
A motorcycle accident? I
didn't even know Pete rode one.
65
00:02:42,650 --> 00:02:46,020
He didn't. Apparently, he was
thinking about getting one,
66
00:02:46,060 --> 00:02:49,730
and he slipped and fell
on the showroom floor.
67
00:02:51,060 --> 00:02:52,430
Buffed floors...
68
00:02:52,460 --> 00:02:54,430
beautiful, but at what cost?
69
00:02:54,470 --> 00:02:57,230
The first guy I sext dies.
70
00:02:57,270 --> 00:02:58,770
I should go to the memorial, right?
71
00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:00,240
Jess, don't make this
about yourself, all right?
72
00:03:00,270 --> 00:03:01,540
You went on two dates with the guy.
73
00:03:01,570 --> 00:03:03,740
I was one of the last people to text him.
74
00:03:03,770 --> 00:03:05,370
- On Earth.
- CECE: Look, you didn't even
75
00:03:05,410 --> 00:03:07,140
have sex with him, okay? You're fine.
76
00:03:07,180 --> 00:03:09,010
So if I'd slept with him, I'd go.
77
00:03:09,050 --> 00:03:10,680
- Or if you'd gone skiing together.
- Mm-hmm, yeah.
78
00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:12,580
- What are these rules?
- COACH: Just don't go.
79
00:03:12,620 --> 00:03:13,950
'Cause if you go, then I'm gonna feel weird
80
00:03:13,980 --> 00:03:15,150
about not going, and I ain't going.
81
00:03:15,190 --> 00:03:16,850
Yeah, just come and have a mani-pedi with me.
82
00:03:16,890 --> 00:03:19,350
I'm going; it's the right thing to do.
83
00:03:19,390 --> 00:03:21,490
Oh, so if I don't go, I'm a bad person now?
84
00:03:21,530 --> 00:03:23,530
- Cece.
- Mm-hmm.
85
00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:25,860
I'm surprised. I thought you, of all people,
86
00:03:25,900 --> 00:03:28,230
would want to accompany your best friend
87
00:03:28,270 --> 00:03:32,270
to the funeral of a guy she texted, but...
88
00:03:32,300 --> 00:03:34,570
I guess... not.
89
00:03:39,180 --> 00:03:40,880
♪ Ta-da! ♪
90
00:03:40,910 --> 00:03:42,180
What do you mean?
91
00:03:42,210 --> 00:03:44,110
What is ta-da? We drove here together
92
00:03:44,150 --> 00:03:45,280
and parked before you covered my eyes.
93
00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:47,150
What is the surprise investment, Nick?
94
00:03:47,180 --> 00:03:48,380
The bar.
95
00:03:48,420 --> 00:03:50,520
Mike's selling us ten percent.
96
00:03:50,550 --> 00:03:52,150
I really need the cash.
97
00:03:52,190 --> 00:03:54,260
I got swindled by a young gay roller skater.
98
00:03:54,290 --> 00:03:55,490
A rink twink.
99
00:03:55,530 --> 00:03:57,000
I know what a rink twink is, Mike.
100
00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,060
Hey, 20 thou
101
00:03:58,100 --> 00:04:00,160
and we are part owners, okay?
102
00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:01,900
I've done my research.
103
00:04:01,930 --> 00:04:04,400
There's a consistent revenue
and no startup costs.
104
00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:05,900
You're really serious about this, huh?
105
00:04:05,940 --> 00:04:07,500
I really want this, man.
106
00:04:07,540 --> 00:04:08,870
- Good. I want this, too.
- Good.
107
00:04:08,910 --> 00:04:10,740
Where are we gonna get 20 grand from?
108
00:04:10,780 --> 00:04:12,910
Well, we got the ten grand
we made on the Swuit.
109
00:04:12,940 --> 00:04:15,410
Maybe do we have any rich
friends we can borrow money from?
110
00:04:15,450 --> 00:04:16,810
Well, let's think about it.
There's the middle school
111
00:04:16,850 --> 00:04:19,080
vice principal, there's
the cop, the gym teacher.
112
00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:20,850
Let's not forget about the
community college student.
113
00:04:20,890 --> 00:04:23,420
- Whew, lot of options.
- Yeah.
114
00:04:23,450 --> 00:04:24,590
It's tough, it's frustrating.
115
00:04:24,620 --> 00:04:26,560
Yeah, huh... damn it.
116
00:04:26,590 --> 00:04:28,190
Schimdty just had an idea. I know that face.
117
00:04:28,230 --> 00:04:29,790
Give it to me, give it to me.
118
00:04:29,830 --> 00:04:30,730
What are you thinking, big cat?
119
00:04:30,760 --> 00:04:31,690
What are you thinking, big cat?
120
00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:32,730
I just...
121
00:04:34,970 --> 00:04:37,870
(grunts) Think, now, if we
own it, don't be kicking it.
122
00:04:37,900 --> 00:04:40,500
Just... Yeah, oh.
123
00:04:40,540 --> 00:04:41,670
Aah!
124
00:04:41,710 --> 00:04:42,940
Ouch.
125
00:04:42,970 --> 00:04:44,310
Okay.
126
00:04:44,340 --> 00:04:47,210
Hey, pal, uh, what's happening?
127
00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:49,880
My mom still owes me my bar miztvah money.
128
00:04:49,910 --> 00:04:52,310
I mean, we can ask her,
but, you know, she's...
129
00:04:52,350 --> 00:04:54,380
- Pushy, overbearing, controlling.
- So, what?
130
00:04:54,420 --> 00:04:56,250
Oh, she's a typical Jewish mom?
131
00:04:56,290 --> 00:04:57,690
It's anti-Semitic when you say it like that.
132
00:04:57,720 --> 00:04:59,090
So-so what, she likes to get involved?
133
00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:00,760
That's great, you know.
134
00:05:00,790 --> 00:05:02,690
I don't feel very comfortable
when I'm around her.
135
00:05:02,730 --> 00:05:04,690
Well, boo-hoo, she thinks you
want to have sex with her.
136
00:05:04,730 --> 00:05:06,760
Try learning about the
birds and the bees from her
137
00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:08,700
using a doughnut and a banana. By the way,
138
00:05:08,730 --> 00:05:10,800
neither one of which are used
for what you think they are.
139
00:05:10,840 --> 00:05:13,270
How could that be?
140
00:05:13,300 --> 00:05:14,500
Hey, want to grab a bite later?
141
00:05:14,540 --> 00:05:16,540
You know it, partner. (laughs)
142
00:05:17,810 --> 00:05:19,240
Hey, Aly,
143
00:05:19,280 --> 00:05:21,010
uh, want to grab a beer after work?
144
00:05:21,050 --> 00:05:23,110
Ooh...
145
00:05:23,150 --> 00:05:24,580
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
146
00:05:24,620 --> 00:05:27,680
(groaning)
147
00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:29,420
Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba.
148
00:05:29,450 --> 00:05:30,790
Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya.
149
00:05:30,820 --> 00:05:33,490
Ooh.
150
00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:35,520
(humming)
151
00:05:38,230 --> 00:05:40,200
(grunting)
152
00:05:40,230 --> 00:05:41,500
(clicking tongue)
153
00:05:41,530 --> 00:05:43,600
Uh, ooh.
154
00:05:43,630 --> 00:05:47,470
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
155
00:05:47,500 --> 00:05:49,670
No.
156
00:05:49,710 --> 00:05:51,770
- Oh, come on.
- Not work related,
157
00:05:51,810 --> 00:05:53,610
not interested, Bishop.
158
00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:56,110
We're professionals, not friends.
159
00:05:57,750 --> 00:05:59,850
Oh God, here we go. Showtime.
160
00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:01,720
- Mama!
- No!
161
00:06:01,750 --> 00:06:04,690
I was meeting my little boy,
not this handsome movie star.
162
00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:05,690
What are you doing with these?
163
00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:07,590
Why would you hide your hazels?
164
00:06:08,730 --> 00:06:10,390
(laughs) Hi, sweetheart.
165
00:06:10,430 --> 00:06:11,830
Oh!
166
00:06:11,860 --> 00:06:13,230
Hey, Louise, it's really good to see you.
167
00:06:13,260 --> 00:06:14,730
I bet it is; tape it down, Miller.
168
00:06:14,770 --> 00:06:17,100
- Tape it?
- Here, look at your baby brother.
169
00:06:17,130 --> 00:06:18,370
How handsome is Reggie?
170
00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:20,140
(kisses) Give him a kiss.
171
00:06:20,170 --> 00:06:22,340
Kiss your brother. Give him a kiss.
172
00:06:22,370 --> 00:06:24,240
Give him a kiss; he loves
it. Kiss him, kiss him.
173
00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:26,540
Okay, give him a scratch. He loves a scratch.
174
00:06:26,580 --> 00:06:28,180
He loves a scratch.
175
00:06:28,210 --> 00:06:30,110
Can I get an alcohol?
176
00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:37,390
So, how's Susan?
177
00:06:37,420 --> 00:06:39,860
Susan's my-my mom's work
friend who she lives with.
178
00:06:39,890 --> 00:06:41,320
Susan cuts her own firewood.
179
00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:42,760
Susan's my girlfriend.
180
00:06:42,790 --> 00:06:44,390
That's what I said, your work friend.
181
00:06:44,430 --> 00:06:46,090
She's good. We just got a new mattress.
182
00:06:46,130 --> 00:06:48,460
So work's been more comfortable.
183
00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:49,800
(chuckling)
184
00:06:49,830 --> 00:06:51,370
What?
185
00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:52,600
What-what now?
186
00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:54,300
Is it my sweater? Is it too dark?
187
00:06:54,340 --> 00:06:55,640
It might be. Here.
188
00:06:55,670 --> 00:06:57,240
You got, you got me a sweater?
189
00:06:57,270 --> 00:06:59,240
Mm-hmm. Now that's nice.
190
00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:00,710
That's nice. Try it on.
191
00:07:00,740 --> 00:07:01,810
I'm trying, I'm put-putting it on right now.
192
00:07:01,850 --> 00:07:02,910
It goes over your head.
193
00:07:02,950 --> 00:07:04,350
He's putting a sweater on a sweater?
194
00:07:04,380 --> 00:07:05,650
Get over it. Get over it.
195
00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:07,850
That's nice, very nice.
196
00:07:07,890 --> 00:07:09,550
Thank you so much. I love this so much.
197
00:07:09,590 --> 00:07:11,150
Schmidt, isn't there something
198
00:07:11,190 --> 00:07:12,450
you want to ask your mother about?
199
00:07:12,490 --> 00:07:13,590
SCHMIDT: Well,
200
00:07:13,620 --> 00:07:15,460
I did... I did want to ask you about...
201
00:07:15,490 --> 00:07:16,690
Your voice is wavering.
202
00:07:16,730 --> 00:07:18,330
Here, have some chocolate.
203
00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:19,730
- No, Mom, I'm okay. Thank you.
- Have it.
204
00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:21,100
Here, have it, have it, have it.
205
00:07:21,130 --> 00:07:22,430
- I'll just have one.
- Have it, have it.
206
00:07:22,470 --> 00:07:24,470
Have it, have it.
207
00:07:24,500 --> 00:07:26,540
There you go. I do love it. Hmm!
208
00:07:26,570 --> 00:07:28,740
So, I... What I was thinking about was...
209
00:07:28,770 --> 00:07:30,170
uh...
210
00:07:30,210 --> 00:07:32,540
my bar mitzvah money.
211
00:07:32,580 --> 00:07:34,780
Can I have it?
212
00:07:34,810 --> 00:07:37,650
Oh, my God! Of course you can! Yes.
213
00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:39,720
Oh, that was... yeah, so easy.
214
00:07:39,750 --> 00:07:41,320
As soon as you write your thank-you notes.
215
00:07:41,350 --> 00:07:42,750
You didn't forget, did you?
216
00:07:42,790 --> 00:07:43,850
He never did his thank-you cards.
217
00:07:43,890 --> 00:07:44,890
SCHMIDT: Mom, I just thought that
218
00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:46,020
you know, that was so long ago...
219
00:07:46,060 --> 00:07:47,390
- Well, you know.
- If I just gave you
220
00:07:47,420 --> 00:07:48,890
the money, what kind of lesson would that be?
221
00:07:48,930 --> 00:07:50,290
You finish your cards, you get the money.
222
00:07:50,330 --> 00:07:51,560
That's fair, isn't it?
223
00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:53,530
You didn't finish your thank-you cards?
224
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:54,930
There's a hat in the bag, too. Try it on.
225
00:07:57,600 --> 00:07:58,770
Put it on.
226
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:00,040
That's very nice.
227
00:08:00,070 --> 00:08:01,870
Take it off, you're in a restaurant.
228
00:08:04,310 --> 00:08:06,270
Sure about this? It's not too late to bail.
229
00:08:06,310 --> 00:08:07,480
We're going.
230
00:08:07,510 --> 00:08:09,280
It's the right thing to do.
231
00:08:09,310 --> 00:08:11,510
Look, we'll be in and out
of there in five minutes.
232
00:08:11,550 --> 00:08:13,580
It'll be so packed, no one will notice.
233
00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:20,760
(whispering): The right thing to do.
234
00:08:20,790 --> 00:08:22,490
Is it?
235
00:08:25,140 --> 00:08:27,240
And uh... Pete said...
236
00:08:27,250 --> 00:08:28,880
"If you gotta puke, Duffy,
237
00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:30,450
just puke."
238
00:08:30,490 --> 00:08:31,920
Almost time to tell the story
239
00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:33,590
about your close friend Pete.
240
00:08:33,620 --> 00:08:35,220
I'm just gonna tell the truth.
241
00:08:35,260 --> 00:08:36,430
We went on a few dates. That's it.
242
00:08:36,460 --> 00:08:37,460
I'm Val,
243
00:08:37,500 --> 00:08:38,890
Pete's girlfriend.
244
00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:43,230
(sobs) I'm sorry.
245
00:08:43,270 --> 00:08:44,600
Would you mind going?
246
00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:45,970
How did you know Pete?
247
00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:50,740
(clears throat quietly)
248
00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:51,970
Um, from work.
249
00:08:52,010 --> 00:08:53,380
We worked together.
250
00:08:53,410 --> 00:08:54,610
You're a sports agent, too?
251
00:08:54,650 --> 00:08:57,280
- Wow...
- Yep.
252
00:08:57,320 --> 00:08:59,880
Okay, we got a lot of
thank-you cards to write
253
00:08:59,920 --> 00:09:01,420
and not a lot of time.
254
00:09:01,450 --> 00:09:02,990
Let's get into it. I'll start, okay?
255
00:09:03,020 --> 00:09:04,390
Let's go, here we go.
256
00:09:04,420 --> 00:09:05,590
"To whom
257
00:09:05,620 --> 00:09:07,420
"it may
258
00:09:07,460 --> 00:09:10,390
- concern..."
- To... to whom it may concern?
259
00:09:10,430 --> 00:09:12,060
- I'm on a vibe.
- Nick, these need to have personal details.
260
00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:13,600
My mom is gonna check them.
261
00:09:13,630 --> 00:09:14,830
All right, then get me the guest list.
262
00:09:14,870 --> 00:09:16,370
Where have you imagined
that I've been holding
263
00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:18,130
onto the guest list for all these years?
264
00:09:18,170 --> 00:09:19,600
Just carrying it around in my
wallet? This is impossible.
265
00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:22,270
This is gonna take some
serious detective work.
266
00:09:22,310 --> 00:09:23,610
(chuckles)
267
00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:24,970
It's a good thing I can call backup.
268
00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:29,310
- Hey.
- You said this was a work thing.
269
00:09:29,350 --> 00:09:30,510
It is a work thing.
270
00:09:30,550 --> 00:09:32,380
It's a... work-style thing.
271
00:09:32,420 --> 00:09:33,880
You see, we need your skills to solve
272
00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:35,920
a cold case.
273
00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:41,390
(hip-hop playing)
274
00:09:41,430 --> 00:09:44,090
♪ ♪
275
00:09:44,130 --> 00:09:46,560
ALY: Hey, you want your bar
mitzvah money? Tell me her name.
276
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:48,800
- I don't remember.
- I don't believe you!
277
00:09:48,830 --> 00:09:50,800
Just relax. Relax. Here, Schmidt.
278
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:53,640
Sip that.
279
00:09:53,670 --> 00:09:55,300
Want to hear the music again?
280
00:09:55,340 --> 00:09:56,740
(hip-hop music playing)
281
00:09:56,770 --> 00:09:57,940
All right, there we go.
282
00:09:57,980 --> 00:10:00,280
Uh-huh.
283
00:10:00,310 --> 00:10:01,640
Yeah, you're 13 years old,
284
00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:02,880
everybody's feeling it...
285
00:10:04,750 --> 00:10:06,620
- ♪ Motown Philly's back
again... ♪ - Enough.
286
00:10:06,650 --> 00:10:07,820
What was her name?!
287
00:10:07,850 --> 00:10:08,850
Sharon Rosenberg!
288
00:10:11,290 --> 00:10:13,290
Okay. 257 Sea Cove Drive, 11021.
289
00:10:15,890 --> 00:10:18,230
Okay. "Dear Mrs. Rosenberg...
290
00:10:18,260 --> 00:10:19,530
Thank you for the check."
291
00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:21,260
- I need a personal detail!
- Personal detail!
292
00:10:21,300 --> 00:10:22,360
She had a pool.
293
00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:24,170
"Cannonball!
294
00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:27,170
- Love, Schmidt."
- WINSTON: Cannonball!
295
00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:29,070
Okay, Schmidt. All right, Schmidt.
296
00:10:29,110 --> 00:10:30,810
- Who's this guy?
- SCHMIDT: I don't know, Winston.
297
00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:32,040
It's too far away, I can't tell.
298
00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:33,610
Uh... enhance, enhance, enhance...
299
00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:34,740
Okay, too far, too far.
300
00:10:34,780 --> 00:10:36,650
Dehance, dehance.
301
00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:38,380
- Scott Rubenstein!
- Scott Rubenstein.
302
00:10:38,420 --> 00:10:39,520
My mom's CPA.
303
00:10:39,550 --> 00:10:41,780
Scott Rubenstein...
304
00:10:41,820 --> 00:10:43,550
deceased.
305
00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:46,560
Yes!
306
00:10:46,590 --> 00:10:47,690
Yes!
307
00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:49,690
Love the dead ones.
308
00:10:49,730 --> 00:10:52,190
You know, Pete wasn't just a sports agent.
309
00:10:52,230 --> 00:10:54,260
He understood sports.
310
00:10:54,300 --> 00:10:56,470
Like, he knew the rules, all of them:
311
00:10:56,500 --> 00:10:58,230
offsides,
312
00:10:58,270 --> 00:11:01,200
unnecessary bumping,
313
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:04,270
what happens if you hit a bird
with the ball you throw...
314
00:11:04,310 --> 00:11:05,940
- Excuse-excuse me.
- Can I, uh, borrow her for a second?
315
00:11:05,980 --> 00:11:07,340
- Mm-hmm.
- Thank you.
316
00:11:07,380 --> 00:11:08,480
- What's up?
- Uh...
317
00:11:08,510 --> 00:11:10,450
what the hell are you doing?
318
00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:11,850
I'm trying to save that poor girl's feelings.
319
00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:13,320
If she knew the truth, it would shatter her.
320
00:11:13,350 --> 00:11:14,880
I am going to the nail salon, okay?
321
00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:16,390
- Bye.
- Cece... - I'm out.
322
00:11:16,420 --> 00:11:17,450
Hey, wait! Guys, wait.
323
00:11:17,490 --> 00:11:19,990
No, stop... guys.
324
00:11:20,020 --> 00:11:21,860
The only sport I know is Ricky Ball,
325
00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:23,890
and I'm pretty sure my
friend Ricky made that up.
326
00:11:23,930 --> 00:11:25,830
No. Lying about who you are
is not the right thing to do.
327
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,300
- I am going.
- Coach...
328
00:11:28,330 --> 00:11:30,000
(whimpering) Is this, uh...
329
00:11:30,030 --> 00:11:31,870
is this Pete's thing? He was my agent.
330
00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:33,400
Of course he was.
331
00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:36,570
Who else would represent NFL star J.J. Watt?
332
00:11:36,610 --> 00:11:39,710
Uh, Pete was my best friend and, uh...
333
00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:42,610
God, it's good to see you.
334
00:11:42,650 --> 00:11:44,080
LOUISE: Wouldn't the couch
335
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:46,380
be better over there? All that light?
336
00:11:46,420 --> 00:11:48,520
Or do you like to live
like a radish, underground?
337
00:11:48,550 --> 00:11:52,020
So we worked really hard
on the... on the cards.
338
00:11:52,060 --> 00:11:53,990
Let's see what we got.
339
00:11:55,430 --> 00:11:56,830
Okay.
340
00:11:56,860 --> 00:11:58,430
But you know what would be better?
341
00:11:58,460 --> 00:11:59,500
Connie's into gardening.
342
00:11:59,530 --> 00:12:01,000
You should mention that.
343
00:12:01,030 --> 00:12:02,830
And if you really want your card to pop,
344
00:12:02,870 --> 00:12:04,600
you can use a nice fountain pen
345
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:06,340
on silver stationery.
346
00:12:06,370 --> 00:12:08,100
And you should sign your
full name, not just Schmidt.
347
00:12:08,140 --> 00:12:10,010
I mean, you have a lovely first name.
348
00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:11,840
Great! I'll just make all those changes, Mom!
349
00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:17,680
(door slams) Okay.
350
00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:20,380
You're not getting me into your
pants, you little jackhammer.
351
00:12:20,420 --> 00:12:22,280
Oh, I don't want you in my pants, Louise.
352
00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:23,590
- Okay.
- Okay.
353
00:12:23,620 --> 00:12:25,520
Okay.
354
00:12:28,490 --> 00:12:31,300
- So then Pete says to...
- Allen Iverson.
355
00:12:31,340 --> 00:12:33,440
- "...you want to keep sportsing on the...
- "Grizzlies.
356
00:12:33,470 --> 00:12:35,040
JESS: "...but if you want me
357
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:36,680
"to show you the money, then...
358
00:12:36,710 --> 00:12:39,250
You gotta finish your
career off with the '76ers!"
359
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:42,250
(chuckles) And it was classic Pete.
360
00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:45,120
It's so nice to remember work
as more than just a thing
361
00:12:45,150 --> 00:12:46,690
that kept Pete on the phone all the time.
362
00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:48,390
You're very welcome.
363
00:12:48,420 --> 00:12:49,960
Oh, Val, you should have Pete's phone.
364
00:12:49,990 --> 00:12:52,190
All those memories and photos...
365
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,530
It's in the garage with all his stuff.
366
00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:54,930
I'll give it to you before you go.
367
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:56,160
- VAL: Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
368
00:13:00,230 --> 00:13:03,040
Okay, we gotta find that phone
before Val sees the sext.
369
00:13:03,070 --> 00:13:04,700
Yes, it is the right thing to do.
370
00:13:04,740 --> 00:13:06,810
Like I've said all along.
I got a good thing going
371
00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:08,170
with J.J. and I'm not gonna let you ruin it.
372
00:13:08,210 --> 00:13:09,680
That's the funeral spirit.
373
00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:15,080
What are you guys doing in here?
374
00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:16,720
- What are you doing here?
- I'm looking for Pete's phone.
375
00:13:16,750 --> 00:13:18,650
So are we! Did you sext him, too?
376
00:13:18,690 --> 00:13:20,520
No. I fired Pete over text,
377
00:13:20,560 --> 00:13:22,350
so I didn't want to crush his family.
378
00:13:22,390 --> 00:13:23,890
That's why I'm at the memorial.
379
00:13:23,930 --> 00:13:25,860
Not because it was the right thing to do?
380
00:13:25,890 --> 00:13:27,430
No. No. I mean, we never even went skiing.
381
00:13:27,460 --> 00:13:28,760
Who makes up these rules?
382
00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:30,400
Now...
383
00:13:30,430 --> 00:13:31,730
What are you guys doing out here?
384
00:13:31,770 --> 00:13:32,870
- Um...
- Singing.
385
00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:35,670
S... What?
386
00:13:36,740 --> 00:13:38,270
We like to sing.
387
00:13:38,310 --> 00:13:39,840
Together. About...
388
00:13:39,870 --> 00:13:40,770
- Sports.
- Food.
389
00:13:40,810 --> 00:13:42,370
Sports foods.
390
00:13:42,410 --> 00:13:43,540
VAL: That's fun.
391
00:13:43,580 --> 00:13:45,440
It's...
392
00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:47,480
Would you guys...
393
00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:50,420
Would it be putting you on the
spot if I asked you to do one?
394
00:13:50,450 --> 00:13:51,250
- I think that wouldn't be appropriate.
- COACH: Actually, yes.
395
00:13:51,290 --> 00:13:52,280
I feel like it's a little...
396
00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:55,790
♪ Hot dogs ♪
397
00:13:55,820 --> 00:13:58,420
♪ Hot dogs... ♪
398
00:13:58,460 --> 00:14:02,730
♪ Everybody loves hot dogs ♪
399
00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:05,400
♪ Hot dogs ♪
♪ Dogs ♪
400
00:14:05,430 --> 00:14:08,370
♪ Everybody's favorite
treat is hot dogs ♪
401
00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:09,770
♪ Hot dogs ♪
402
00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:13,140
♪ Pretzels! ♪
403
00:14:15,410 --> 00:14:16,640
Whoa, partner!
404
00:14:16,680 --> 00:14:17,840
Wait up! (laughs)
405
00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:19,240
That work-style
406
00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:20,650
thing was pretty fun.
407
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:22,050
Let's parlay that into a beer.
408
00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:24,380
My buddy has a bar he
works at, down the street.
409
00:14:24,420 --> 00:14:26,520
It's carpeted, so...
410
00:14:26,550 --> 00:14:28,550
Bishop, what don't you get?
411
00:14:28,590 --> 00:14:30,160
No.
412
00:14:30,190 --> 00:14:32,160
(SUV door opens, shuts)
413
00:14:32,190 --> 00:14:35,060
(engine starts)
414
00:14:35,100 --> 00:14:37,360
Are you okay?
415
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:39,230
Oh, hey, man. Thanks.
416
00:14:39,270 --> 00:14:41,200
- Yeah, I don't know, man. It's just...
- (shushes)
417
00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:42,600
I'm talking to a ladybug.
418
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:44,370
Squeeze my hand!
419
00:14:44,410 --> 00:14:46,710
Just one more push! You're almost there!
420
00:14:46,740 --> 00:14:49,270
The first child is always the hardest!
421
00:14:50,380 --> 00:14:51,510
Hey, bud.
422
00:14:51,550 --> 00:14:53,710
- Hard candy?
- Is it butterscotch?
423
00:14:53,750 --> 00:14:56,480
No, 'cause we're friggin' strangers.
424
00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:58,520
(laughs): "Is it butterscotch?"
425
00:14:58,550 --> 00:15:00,490
So, you freaked out a little back there,
426
00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:02,320
didn't you?
427
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:04,760
Not to use some Popsicle psychology...
428
00:15:04,790 --> 00:15:06,260
"Popsicle psychology"?
429
00:15:06,290 --> 00:15:07,830
Yeah, it's pop psychology for short.
430
00:15:07,860 --> 00:15:09,460
'Cause, you know,
431
00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:11,260
you eat the Popsicle and you love it so much
432
00:15:11,300 --> 00:15:13,500
and then you're stuck holding the-the stick?
433
00:15:13,530 --> 00:15:15,930
You get it. you get it.
434
00:15:15,970 --> 00:15:17,400
- Not really, but...
- I think you have
435
00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:20,870
some pent-up resentment towards your mom.
436
00:15:20,910 --> 00:15:22,270
She's trying to control you!
437
00:15:22,310 --> 00:15:23,780
She treats you like a little baby
438
00:15:23,810 --> 00:15:25,610
who can't do anything for himself.
439
00:15:25,650 --> 00:15:27,250
That's why I never wrote the
cards in the first place.
440
00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:29,210
Go tell that to your mom!
441
00:15:29,250 --> 00:15:31,120
She'll understand.
442
00:15:31,150 --> 00:15:32,750
I don't understand.
443
00:15:32,790 --> 00:15:35,150
The couch looks good here though, doesn't it?
444
00:15:35,190 --> 00:15:36,720
It opens up the whole room.
445
00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:38,660
Louise, I think what your
boy is trying to say is...
446
00:15:38,690 --> 00:15:40,360
Shut it, Nick.
447
00:15:40,390 --> 00:15:42,330
Honey, why do you hang out with him?
448
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:46,300
You know Nancy Borkow?
Her son just moved to L.A.
449
00:15:46,330 --> 00:15:48,130
He wrote a movie script for the movies.
450
00:15:48,170 --> 00:15:50,200
I can connect you. You need better friends!
451
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:52,370
Enough, Mom!
452
00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:53,670
You don't get to choose my friends!
453
00:15:53,710 --> 00:15:55,140
You don't get to choose anything!
454
00:15:55,180 --> 00:15:57,580
Because this is my life!
455
00:15:57,610 --> 00:16:01,480
It's my dream and nothing's
gonna stop me now!
456
00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:03,820
It feels like that's from something.
457
00:16:03,850 --> 00:16:06,220
- It feels like, it feels like it's from a movie or something.
- ♪ My life ♪
458
00:16:06,250 --> 00:16:08,220
- Yeah, I think it's a song. It's a song.
- Like some sort of song, right?
459
00:16:08,260 --> 00:16:10,090
- It's the Perfect Stranger theme.
- Well, you know,
460
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:11,420
it doesn't matter!
461
00:16:11,460 --> 00:16:12,860
You know, we did a good
job with those cards, Mom.
462
00:16:12,890 --> 00:16:14,460
And we don't need any of your money.
463
00:16:14,500 --> 00:16:16,460
Whoa, we're all being very emotional.
464
00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:17,600
Let's just slow everything...
465
00:16:17,630 --> 00:16:19,400
I'm moving the couch back!
466
00:16:22,340 --> 00:16:23,540
Gosh!
467
00:16:25,570 --> 00:16:27,210
Did you nail that thing down?
468
00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:29,540
That's... You move that all by yourself?
469
00:16:29,580 --> 00:16:31,380
I'm an adult man, Mom.
470
00:16:31,410 --> 00:16:32,950
And Nick is my best friend
in the whole wide world.
471
00:16:32,980 --> 00:16:34,810
And we're gonna buy a
small portion of that bar
472
00:16:34,850 --> 00:16:37,350
without any of your help.
473
00:16:39,750 --> 00:16:41,290
(sighs) (door slams)
474
00:16:42,820 --> 00:16:44,620
And also, there's some
leftover chili in the fridge
475
00:16:44,660 --> 00:16:46,460
if you get hungry, and, please, make sure
476
00:16:46,490 --> 00:16:48,530
to put a plate over it before
you put it in the microwave.
477
00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:50,560
I don't want it to splatter everywhere!
478
00:16:52,870 --> 00:16:54,930
♪ And that's why they call it ♪
479
00:16:54,970 --> 00:16:57,440
♪ The out-of-peanuts ♪
480
00:16:57,470 --> 00:16:59,670
♪ Blues... ♪
481
00:16:59,710 --> 00:17:03,780
♪ Stadium taco. ♪
482
00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:10,720
Thank you guys for being a
bright spot on my sad day.
483
00:17:10,750 --> 00:17:12,480
(screams) Aah!
484
00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:13,850
- Shucks!
- Sorry!
485
00:17:13,890 --> 00:17:15,690
I thought I saw Pete's ghost!
486
00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:17,990
It was a paint can. (laughs)
487
00:17:18,030 --> 00:17:19,190
(all chuckle) Are you sure about...?
488
00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:21,830
Ugh! We gotta find this phone.
489
00:17:21,860 --> 00:17:23,330
And get the hell out of here.
490
00:17:23,360 --> 00:17:24,330
Okay, it's ringing.
491
00:17:24,370 --> 00:17:26,770
Can anybody hear it?
492
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,370
(cell phone ringing) Oh, no, no, no,
493
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:30,600
no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
494
00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:33,010
There's another box.
495
00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:35,670
What the hell...? "Property of Pete"?
496
00:17:35,710 --> 00:17:38,310
He made my sext his caller I.D.?
497
00:17:38,350 --> 00:17:40,680
This is a sext?
498
00:17:42,650 --> 00:17:44,150
JJ fired him over text!
499
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,440
After the day I had, I needed this.
500
00:17:51,470 --> 00:17:53,170
Me, too.
501
00:17:53,210 --> 00:17:54,440
What happened?
502
00:17:54,470 --> 00:17:55,770
I know you were talking to yourself.
503
00:17:55,810 --> 00:17:57,210
Now you're talking to a stranger.
504
00:17:57,240 --> 00:17:58,640
Get over it.
505
00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:01,180
Is that a crime in California? What happened?
506
00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:03,520
I got dragged to a random dude's funeral.
507
00:18:03,550 --> 00:18:05,350
Who dragged you? My friend. She always thinks
508
00:18:05,390 --> 00:18:06,690
she knows what's best.
509
00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:09,120
Who's your friend... me? (both laugh)
510
00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:11,390
No.
511
00:18:11,430 --> 00:18:14,060
I got accused of that today by my son.
512
00:18:14,090 --> 00:18:15,660
He's tired of me babying him.
513
00:18:15,700 --> 00:18:18,060
But he's my baby, so
what am I supposed to do?
514
00:18:18,100 --> 00:18:19,630
Maybe you have to let go a little.
515
00:18:19,670 --> 00:18:23,300
This is why strangers talk.
516
00:18:23,340 --> 00:18:25,000
You're a genius.
517
00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:27,240
Want to see a picture of
my son? He's handsome.
518
00:18:27,270 --> 00:18:29,440
Nah. I'm kind of in love with my ex, so...
519
00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:32,140
All right, you can't date him anyway.
520
00:18:32,180 --> 00:18:34,350
You're not Jewish, so over
my dead body and all that.
521
00:18:34,380 --> 00:18:35,880
(laughs)
522
00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:37,580
(laughs)
523
00:18:37,620 --> 00:18:39,750
Today was not a win for me.
524
00:18:39,790 --> 00:18:41,490
It's the right thing to do.
525
00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:43,590
I don't even know what that means.
526
00:18:43,620 --> 00:18:45,420
- Well, you made today about yourself.
- Mm.
527
00:18:45,460 --> 00:18:48,160
Not to use popcorn psychology,
but it's human nature.
528
00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:50,230
You know? Soon as I saw
JJ walk in, I was, like,
529
00:18:50,260 --> 00:18:51,760
"JJ Watt, be my best friend."
530
00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:52,800
(both chuckle)
531
00:18:52,830 --> 00:18:54,500
(sighs)
532
00:18:54,530 --> 00:18:56,200
I got to do something.
533
00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:57,670
Should I tell Aly off? Uh...
534
00:18:57,700 --> 00:18:59,540
put in for a new partner?
535
00:18:59,570 --> 00:19:00,670
What's the right thing to do here?
536
00:19:00,710 --> 00:19:02,770
I can say with 100% certainty
537
00:19:02,810 --> 00:19:04,380
I have no idea.
538
00:19:04,410 --> 00:19:06,510
Look at you. I'm proud of you.
539
00:19:06,550 --> 00:19:08,450
- I learned from the best.
- That's awesome.
540
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,650
What a wonderful moment we're having today!
541
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:11,880
You know what? I'll figure it out myself.
542
00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:13,920
Thank you.
543
00:19:13,950 --> 00:19:15,790
This is from that sixth grader over there.
544
00:19:15,820 --> 00:19:17,690
(quietly): Hmm?
545
00:19:20,730 --> 00:19:24,130
Aly, what are you doing here?
546
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:25,660
I just wanted to explain. Look...
547
00:19:25,700 --> 00:19:28,800
I hung out a lot with my last partner.
548
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:31,070
And we got close and...
549
00:19:31,100 --> 00:19:32,370
- You shot him?
- What?
550
00:19:32,410 --> 00:19:33,510
- He died?
- No.
551
00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:34,540
Oh, my goodness... is he...?
552
00:19:34,570 --> 00:19:35,540
Did he survive?
553
00:19:35,580 --> 00:19:36,680
What are you talking about?
554
00:19:36,710 --> 00:19:38,080
How did you partner die?
555
00:19:38,110 --> 00:19:39,440
He didn't die!
556
00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:40,280
So, what's your point?
557
00:19:40,310 --> 00:19:41,710
He just fell in love with me!
558
00:19:41,750 --> 00:19:43,110
- Oh... oh! Oh!
- Yeah.
559
00:19:43,150 --> 00:19:44,480
- Ooh...
- And it messed everything up.
560
00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:46,920
And I just don't want that to happen again.
561
00:19:46,950 --> 00:19:50,120
Damn, you're conceited!
562
00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:51,690
Don't nobody want your babies.
563
00:19:51,730 --> 00:19:53,220
I know that now!
564
00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:54,490
I mean, you brought me to your loft
565
00:19:54,530 --> 00:19:56,130
and showed me a bar mitzvah video.
566
00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:57,800
- Friends?
- Cool, cool.
567
00:19:57,830 --> 00:20:00,630
Just, uh... don't go falling in love with me.
568
00:20:00,670 --> 00:20:02,800
- 'Cause I'm lovable as hell.
- Okay.
569
00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:03,840
I think I'll be okay.
570
00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:05,370
All right.
571
00:20:14,510 --> 00:20:15,850
Another!
572
00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:17,580
(whoops)
573
00:20:17,620 --> 00:20:19,420
Oh, my.
574
00:20:19,450 --> 00:20:20,850
Michael...
575
00:20:20,890 --> 00:20:22,690
we'd like to buy your share of the bar.
576
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:25,890
And although we don't have the
full $20,000 at the present...
577
00:20:25,930 --> 00:20:28,690
- You don't have the money? No.
- But we're the right guys.
578
00:20:28,730 --> 00:20:29,960
No, the right guys would have the money.
579
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:31,460
Or Kieran Culkin's mouth.
580
00:20:31,500 --> 00:20:33,330
How about Owen Wilson's nose?
581
00:20:33,370 --> 00:20:34,770
(groans)
582
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:36,200
Mom?
583
00:20:38,410 --> 00:20:39,400
Oh, my God!
584
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:40,670
Schmidt, is this your mom?
585
00:20:40,710 --> 00:20:41,910
Hi. I've heard so much about you.
586
00:20:41,940 --> 00:20:43,610
How's Long Island?
587
00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:44,680
Any cute Schmidt stories?
588
00:20:44,710 --> 00:20:46,280
I need less from you.
589
00:20:46,310 --> 00:20:47,650
Okay.
590
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:50,580
I met a Mexican woman at the nail salon...
591
00:20:50,620 --> 00:20:53,250
who made me realize...
592
00:20:53,290 --> 00:20:54,950
I need to let go.
593
00:20:54,990 --> 00:20:56,350
You're a man.
594
00:20:56,390 --> 00:20:58,720
And you deserve your bar mitzvah money.
595
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:01,030
Thanks, Mom.
596
00:21:01,060 --> 00:21:04,630
Mike, we want to buy your
ten percent of the bar.
597
00:21:04,660 --> 00:21:06,500
This bar?!
598
00:21:06,530 --> 00:21:09,030
There's a dying catfish laying
on the sidewalk out front!
599
00:21:09,070 --> 00:21:11,500
This would be a hilarious
time for me to back out...
600
00:21:11,540 --> 00:21:12,640
but okay.
601
00:21:12,670 --> 00:21:14,540
Yes! We're part owners!
602
00:21:14,570 --> 00:21:17,540
BOTH (chanting): We're part owners!
603
00:21:18,850 --> 00:21:21,550
How great is this moment?
604
00:21:21,580 --> 00:21:23,520
I just think you'd be
more of a success socially
605
00:21:23,550 --> 00:21:26,620
if you let people come to you.
606
00:21:26,650 --> 00:21:28,420
You know what's fun?
607
00:21:28,460 --> 00:21:30,790
I'm not gonna be able to sleep
until we're best friends.
608
00:21:30,820 --> 00:21:33,630
(groans)
609
00:21:33,660 --> 00:21:34,630
JESS: Nick, can you believe it?
610
00:21:34,660 --> 00:21:35,860
You're a bar owner.
611
00:21:35,900 --> 00:21:36,930
I'm so proud of you.
612
00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:38,760
None of this would've happened
613
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:43,000
- without Schmidt standing up to his mom.
- It was so scary.
614
00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:44,550
I can't believe I missed her.
615
00:21:44,550 --> 00:21:47,440
We still can use the other
90% of the bar, right?
616
00:21:47,450 --> 00:21:48,860
- Yeah
- You know, that's not how it works.
617
00:21:48,860 --> 00:21:50,460
It's just this is my favorite
section. I wanted to...
618
00:21:50,460 --> 00:21:51,490
It's a financial share.
619
00:21:51,490 --> 00:21:54,610
- To Schmidt's mom. I do want to have sex with her.
- (Shouting) Nick.