1
00:00:02,602 --> 00:00:06,038
ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s, America
had one clear enemy, the Russians.
2
00:00:06,106 --> 00:00:07,733
It was the age of the Cold War.
3
00:00:07,807 --> 00:00:11,174
Capitalism vs. Communism.
Reagan vs. Gorbachev.
4
00:00:11,244 --> 00:00:14,509
Rocky vs. That roided-out monster
who killed Apollo Creed.
5
00:00:14,581 --> 00:00:17,209
But the only war I knew
was the one with my brother,
6
00:00:17,283 --> 00:00:20,684
and like any superpowers, most of our
fights were about border disputes.
7
00:00:20,787 --> 00:00:22,220
Dude! You're in my space.
8
00:00:22,288 --> 00:00:23,687
You're in my space!
9
00:00:24,824 --> 00:00:27,486
Stop it. Stop fighting.
Don't you...
10
00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:29,027
ADULT ADAM:
Like any warring factions,
11
00:00:29,095 --> 00:00:31,495
we didn't understand each other
and had nothing in common.
12
00:00:31,564 --> 00:00:34,158
Barry roller-skated to Wham!
To impress the ladies
13
00:00:34,234 --> 00:00:38,034
while I roller-skated to Starlight
Express to impress the theatergoers.
14
00:00:38,104 --> 00:00:41,733
I barely survived gym class, while
Barry thrived as an athlete.
15
00:00:43,576 --> 00:00:45,510
My dream was to be
the next Steven Spielberg.
16
00:00:46,079 --> 00:00:48,411
Barry's dream was to be
the next Charles Barkley.
17
00:00:48,481 --> 00:00:49,573
Swish, baby!
18
00:00:50,116 --> 00:00:54,177
ADULT ADAM: I collected Garbage Pail Kids
while Barry loved his baseball cards.
19
00:00:54,254 --> 00:00:57,451
Dude, check it out. I just got
Hairy Mary and Oozy Suzy.
20
00:00:57,524 --> 00:01:00,687
Oh, really? I got
Nerdy Adam and Punchy Barry.
21
00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:03,228
ADULT ADAM: My most prized
possession was my Castle Grayskull,
22
00:01:03,296 --> 00:01:05,491
and Barry's was
this enormous shoe.
23
00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:07,362
Behold, my lady.
24
00:01:07,434 --> 00:01:10,665
The actual high-top of
basketball's greatest badass,
25
00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:12,329
Sir Charles Barkley.
26
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:16,469
Cool. Let me see... No! Your
hand contains damaging oils.
27
00:01:17,043 --> 00:01:19,807
You can admire it quietly.
At a distance.
28
00:01:19,879 --> 00:01:21,676
How did you even get this thing?
29
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:25,184
Dave Sirota hooked me up.
His dad's a team doctor.
30
00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:28,049
All I got to do is his math
homework for the rest of year.
31
00:01:28,121 --> 00:01:30,521
That is a horrible deal for him.
Yeah, it is.
32
00:01:30,590 --> 00:01:34,219
Sorry to be this dude, but
it's just a shoe. Who cares?
33
00:01:34,294 --> 00:01:39,493
"Who cares?" This is Charles Barkley.
The Round Mound of Rebound.
34
00:01:39,566 --> 00:01:41,534
The greatest Sixer of our time.
35
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:43,569
Yeah, basketball's not my sport.
36
00:01:43,636 --> 00:01:45,001
Well, sports aren't your sport.
37
00:01:45,071 --> 00:01:46,936
Even my shoe thinks
you're a nerd.
38
00:01:47,207 --> 00:01:49,232
Huh? What was that?
39
00:01:49,309 --> 00:01:51,607
"Punch your brother in the nards"?
ADAM: Idiot.
40
00:01:51,678 --> 00:01:53,077
Your shoe sounds a lot like you.
41
00:01:53,546 --> 00:01:54,911
Hey! Knock it off.
42
00:01:54,981 --> 00:01:57,211
What did we discuss?
Which Barry do I like?
43
00:01:57,283 --> 00:01:58,272
Sweet Barry.
44
00:01:58,351 --> 00:01:59,784
Which Barry do I hate?
45
00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:01,343
Yelly, Punchy Barry.
46
00:02:02,222 --> 00:02:05,953
ADULT ADAM: Yep, Barry and I forever
lived in a tense and bitter Cold War.
47
00:02:06,025 --> 00:02:09,392
We were always on guard, never
knowing when the other would strike.
48
00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:11,362
And this year,
I decided to mount
49
00:02:11,431 --> 00:02:13,262
an epic attack on
April Fools' Day.
50
00:02:13,333 --> 00:02:17,030
My target was the one thing
he told me never to touch
51
00:02:17,103 --> 00:02:18,434
with my human oils.
52
00:02:18,505 --> 00:02:19,699
Where's my Barkley shoe?
53
00:02:19,772 --> 00:02:22,536
Relax. I spilled some water on
it, so I threw it in the dryer.
54
00:02:22,609 --> 00:02:24,543
I told you not to
touch that thing!
55
00:02:26,679 --> 00:02:28,738
BARRY: No!
56
00:02:31,451 --> 00:02:34,386
Gone. Gone forever.
57
00:02:34,454 --> 00:02:38,754
Fly away, little size 16. I'm a
better person for having known you.
58
00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:42,488
Well, who knew that high heat for an
hour would do that to rubber? Hmm.
59
00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:45,387
I feel anger!
60
00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:48,322
(LAUGHING)
61
00:02:48,500 --> 00:02:53,500
Ripped By mstoll
62
00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:55,505
April Fools'! Oh, balls!
63
00:02:56,609 --> 00:02:59,942
Dude, it was an April Fools' joke.
Here's the real shoe, idiot.
64
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:03,744
(CHUCKLING) Oh, man.
That... Yeah.
65
00:03:03,816 --> 00:03:05,181
It's April already.
66
00:03:06,152 --> 00:03:07,346
You got me good.
67
00:03:07,420 --> 00:03:10,912
Wait. You destroyed
Castle Grayskull.
68
00:03:10,990 --> 00:03:12,252
You owe me 100 bucks!
69
00:03:12,325 --> 00:03:14,156
Yeah, not gonna happen.
70
00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:17,890
You should know I'm unstable and
would react poorly. This is on you.
71
00:03:17,964 --> 00:03:22,333
By the Power of Grayskull,
this will not stand.
72
00:03:23,570 --> 00:03:25,367
Thought I lost you, buddy.
73
00:03:26,573 --> 00:03:28,040
♪ I'm twisted up inside
74
00:03:28,107 --> 00:03:31,372
♪ But nonetheless
I feel the need to say
75
00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:35,447
♪ I don't know the future
76
00:03:35,515 --> 00:03:38,643
♪ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪
77
00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:41,751
ADULT ADAM: It was April 1,
1980-something,
78
00:03:41,821 --> 00:03:45,188
and my sister was spending time
in her true home, the mall.
79
00:03:45,258 --> 00:03:46,282
Okay,
what do you want to hit next?
80
00:03:46,359 --> 00:03:47,986
Benetton or Sam Goody?
81
00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:51,058
Holy crap!
82
00:03:51,130 --> 00:03:53,826
ADULT ADAM: Every teenage girl has
a defining moment in her life.
83
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:55,697
For my sister, it was the chance
84
00:03:55,768 --> 00:03:58,202
to see her rock idol
jam by the food court.
85
00:03:58,404 --> 00:04:02,033
Tiffany is coming to our mall?
86
00:04:02,108 --> 00:04:05,134
Sweet God,
my life now has meaning.
87
00:04:05,211 --> 00:04:07,543
ADULT ADAM: Yep, back before
Taylor Swift and Katy Perry,
88
00:04:07,614 --> 00:04:10,674
teen pop superstars
would visit your tiny town
89
00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:12,980
and play a free concert
in your local mall.
90
00:04:13,052 --> 00:04:15,282
And the biggest star
of them all was Tiffany.
91
00:04:15,355 --> 00:04:16,583
No last name needed.
92
00:04:16,656 --> 00:04:18,453
♪ I think we're alone now ♪
93
00:04:19,826 --> 00:04:21,487
Don't you see what this means?
94
00:04:21,828 --> 00:04:25,025
I can give Tiffany my demo
tape, and she can discover me.
95
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,062
Oh. Just one problem.
96
00:04:27,133 --> 00:04:28,225
You don't have a demo tape,
97
00:04:28,301 --> 00:04:30,132
and your cheap-ass dad
will never pay for one.
98
00:04:30,203 --> 00:04:32,171
Then there's only one play.
99
00:04:32,238 --> 00:04:35,503
What if I told you I could
save you $20,000 today?
100
00:04:35,575 --> 00:04:38,339
For the first time in your life,
you'd have my full attention.
101
00:04:38,411 --> 00:04:41,005
Well, that's the price of a
college education these days.
102
00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:42,638
And for a mere $200,
103
00:04:42,715 --> 00:04:46,207
I can record a music demo tape
and hand it off to Tiffany,
104
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:49,153
thereby skipping college
and achieving my life dream
105
00:04:49,222 --> 00:04:51,588
of becoming a teen
singing sensation.
106
00:04:51,658 --> 00:04:53,285
Dreams? Who said "dreams"?
107
00:04:53,359 --> 00:04:55,759
Mama's here. I support you.
Don't!
108
00:04:55,828 --> 00:04:58,626
She wants to sing
instead of going to college.
109
00:04:58,698 --> 00:04:59,722
It's a nightmare.
110
00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:01,198
I'm not a total idiot.
111
00:05:01,267 --> 00:05:04,293
I've worked out a surefire plan
that will get me to the top.
112
00:05:04,370 --> 00:05:08,704
Listen to our snuggle monkey.
She has a plan. It's surefire.
113
00:05:08,775 --> 00:05:10,003
What's the plan?
114
00:05:10,076 --> 00:05:11,509
I take my awesome
demo tape to the mall
115
00:05:11,577 --> 00:05:13,010
and hand it to Tiffany.
116
00:05:13,079 --> 00:05:16,139
The minute she hears
my soulful voice, boom!
117
00:05:16,215 --> 00:05:17,580
It happens.
What happens?
118
00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:19,914
I open for her in
malls across the country.
119
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,351
That's when I get a record deal
120
00:05:21,421 --> 00:05:23,286
and meet Simon Le Bon
from Duran Duran
121
00:05:23,356 --> 00:05:24,880
at Calvin Klein's lake house.
122
00:05:24,957 --> 00:05:27,050
Here's a plan... College!
123
00:05:27,126 --> 00:05:29,356
BEVERLY: Oh, you're such
a grumpy pants.
124
00:05:29,429 --> 00:05:31,920
Just you wait.
Her plan will work.
125
00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:33,556
Yes! I love you, mom.
126
00:05:37,770 --> 00:05:40,170
The (BLEEP), Murray?
Why didn't you stop me?
127
00:05:40,239 --> 00:05:42,230
Stop you?
You were chewing my head off!
128
00:05:42,308 --> 00:05:45,436
My baby wants to sing?
That's not a job.
129
00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:46,978
But you just told her it was!
130
00:05:47,046 --> 00:05:49,105
You got to go up there and tell
her she's got to go to college.
131
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,649
Why? You just told her
she didn't!
132
00:05:50,717 --> 00:05:53,652
Because I'm the dream pusher,
and you're the dream smusher.
133
00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:54,778
That's how this works.
134
00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:57,379
This is a thing?
I'm the smusher?
135
00:05:57,457 --> 00:06:00,551
Yes. I push, you smush. That's
the natural order of things.
136
00:06:00,626 --> 00:06:03,595
I didn't sign up for this!
You smush for once!
137
00:06:03,663 --> 00:06:06,564
You know, it's exhausting always
having to be the bad guy!
138
00:06:06,632 --> 00:06:09,226
Well, it can't be me! I'm
the loving, supportive one!
139
00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:11,998
You're the grumbling, grouchy
one I always hide behind.
140
00:06:12,071 --> 00:06:14,130
Now go!
Smush, smush, smush.
141
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:15,765
(GROANS)
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
142
00:06:16,175 --> 00:06:17,506
Hello?
143
00:06:17,577 --> 00:06:19,067
ADAM: Have you
checked on the cards?
144
00:06:19,145 --> 00:06:20,578
What?
145
00:06:20,646 --> 00:06:24,138
Have you checked on the cards?
146
00:06:25,284 --> 00:06:26,410
No.
147
00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:28,647
No!
Yes.
148
00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:30,916
You drew all over my cards!
149
00:06:30,990 --> 00:06:34,221
Tell me this is a joke.
Say "April Fools'." Say it!
150
00:06:34,293 --> 00:06:38,252
No joke. One Castle Grayskull
for your baseball cards.
151
00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:41,494
Your toy's 100 bucks!
This is a million dollars!
152
00:06:41,567 --> 00:06:43,125
They're $1 a packet.
153
00:06:43,202 --> 00:06:46,103
Everyone knows they triple
in value every day.
154
00:06:46,172 --> 00:06:47,571
This was my nest egg.
155
00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:49,733
Well, I guess you're gonna have
to work for your money now.
156
00:06:49,809 --> 00:06:54,974
Never. Mark my words, you've
waged a war you cannot win.
157
00:06:55,047 --> 00:06:58,539
I'm coming for you, brother.
And I'm coming hard.
158
00:06:58,618 --> 00:07:03,055
Bring your best, bro, 'cause
nothing scares Adam Goldberg.
159
00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:05,985
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.
He's gonna come at me.
160
00:07:06,058 --> 00:07:08,720
I told him to bring his best.
Why would I suggest that?
161
00:07:08,795 --> 00:07:11,457
Just apologize for what
you did to Cal Ripken.
162
00:07:11,531 --> 00:07:13,499
We're long past apologies now.
163
00:07:13,566 --> 00:07:15,932
This is all-out war,
and I'm gonna win.
164
00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:17,970
Kiddo, I fought in a real war.
165
00:07:18,037 --> 00:07:20,232
Trust me, there is no winner.
166
00:07:20,907 --> 00:07:21,965
ADULT ADAM: Pops was right.
167
00:07:22,041 --> 00:07:25,499
While I protected my toys, I
forgot about one crucial item.
168
00:07:25,578 --> 00:07:26,875
My video camera.
169
00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:29,414
No! What have you done?
170
00:07:29,482 --> 00:07:31,848
Okay, Barry,
you've gone too far.
171
00:07:31,918 --> 00:07:33,886
You mess with my stuff,
I mess with yours.
172
00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:37,650
This wasn't just stuff!
This camera meant everything!
173
00:07:37,723 --> 00:07:39,315
It's like my best friend.
174
00:07:39,392 --> 00:07:42,486
Oh, relax. All I did
was take it apart.
175
00:07:42,562 --> 00:07:43,790
Here's the manual.
176
00:07:43,863 --> 00:07:45,694
Just... Just put it
back together.
177
00:07:47,867 --> 00:07:50,165
This is in Chinese!
178
00:07:50,236 --> 00:07:53,205
Remember, you smush, I push.
179
00:07:53,272 --> 00:07:55,297
Fair warning, she's gonna
get extremely upset,
180
00:07:55,374 --> 00:07:57,239
and she will throw
something at you.
181
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:59,870
I apologize in advance 'cause
I'm gonna let it happen.
182
00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:03,380
Peanut, we need to talk.
183
00:08:03,449 --> 00:08:05,076
What do you want?
184
00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:07,711
I just want you to know
185
00:08:09,288 --> 00:08:11,813
that I support
your singing 100%.
186
00:08:11,891 --> 00:08:12,983
What?
Really?
187
00:08:13,059 --> 00:08:14,083
Really.
What?
188
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,754
Forget about college.
Gamble your life
189
00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:19,457
in the dangerous and shady
world of rock 'n' roll.
190
00:08:19,532 --> 00:08:21,159
For real?
So real.
191
00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:22,531
Unless you mom's
got something to add.
192
00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:24,661
Oh. Not at this moment.
193
00:08:25,838 --> 00:08:29,934
I'm just letting the news wash
over me 'cause it's so positive.
194
00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:31,670
Dad, I give you my word
195
00:08:31,744 --> 00:08:33,473
when Riki Gold
sweeps the Grammys,
196
00:08:33,546 --> 00:08:35,207
you will be
the first person I thank.
197
00:08:35,281 --> 00:08:36,509
Riki Gold?
198
00:08:36,582 --> 00:08:38,049
Yeah, it's my stage name.
199
00:08:38,117 --> 00:08:40,381
'Cause Goldberg is, you know.
200
00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:43,348
You can be whoever
you damn well please
201
00:08:43,422 --> 00:08:47,085
because Daddy believes
in you and your plan.
202
00:08:47,159 --> 00:08:48,626
Ooh, thanks, Dad.
203
00:08:48,694 --> 00:08:49,991
ADULT ADAM: With that,
my dad became the pusher...
204
00:08:50,062 --> 00:08:51,086
I'm so excited!
...forcing my mom
205
00:08:51,163 --> 00:08:52,425
to become the smusher.
Thank you.
206
00:08:52,498 --> 00:08:53,863
It's a bad plan.
207
00:08:53,933 --> 00:08:55,992
What?
You know I love you,
208
00:08:56,068 --> 00:08:58,764
but you are gonna go to
college and get a good job
209
00:08:58,838 --> 00:09:00,999
so I don't have to stay up
late at night worrying.
210
00:09:01,073 --> 00:09:03,439
So, basically, you're a sham.
211
00:09:03,509 --> 00:09:06,444
Every time that you said you
believed in me, it was a lie?
212
00:09:06,512 --> 00:09:09,640
Of course not.
It's still me.
213
00:09:09,715 --> 00:09:11,842
It's your Mama, snuggle monkey.
214
00:09:11,918 --> 00:09:14,478
Lies! I am not
your snuggle monkey.
215
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,078
You don't mean that.
216
00:09:16,155 --> 00:09:17,952
Oh, I mean it.
217
00:09:18,024 --> 00:09:20,788
And you can never call me
snuggly or squishy
218
00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:23,556
or boopie or
schmoopie ever again!
219
00:09:23,629 --> 00:09:27,429
Do not take schmoopie away from me.
Don't you dare!
220
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:28,933
It's just, I...
221
00:09:29,936 --> 00:09:31,563
I don't want you to fail.
222
00:09:31,637 --> 00:09:34,071
Well, that makes me
want to succeed even more!
223
00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:36,734
I will sing for quarters
on the subway!
224
00:09:36,809 --> 00:09:38,367
I will sleep on lumpy couches
225
00:09:38,444 --> 00:09:40,537
owned by creepy disk jockeys.
226
00:09:40,613 --> 00:09:45,016
Sure, when times get tough, I may
have to go cry in a bank vestibule!
227
00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:46,346
But then, in the end,
228
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:49,081
I will be bigger than
Tiffany and Debbie Gibson.
229
00:09:49,155 --> 00:09:51,680
But not Madonna,
because I'm realistic.
230
00:09:54,293 --> 00:09:55,282
(SIGHS)
231
00:09:58,297 --> 00:10:00,629
ADULT ADAM: Since neither of my
parents wanted to be the smusher,
232
00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:02,531
they turned to
Erica's teacher for help.
233
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:05,002
Thank you so much for meeting
with us on a Saturday.
234
00:10:05,071 --> 00:10:07,301
Honestly, we really
do appreciate it.
235
00:10:07,373 --> 00:10:08,897
Anything for Erica.
236
00:10:08,975 --> 00:10:10,772
In all of my years of teaching,
237
00:10:10,843 --> 00:10:13,869
I have never had a student
so passionate and talented.
238
00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:16,779
Oh, that is so nice to hear.
239
00:10:16,849 --> 00:10:19,943
And I'm gonna need you to shut your
mouth and never say that again.
240
00:10:20,252 --> 00:10:21,719
What? I...
241
00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:23,277
Let me chime in here.
242
00:10:23,689 --> 00:10:27,056
Actively destroy her dreams.
Thank you so much.
243
00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:28,855
Yeah, I'm not gonna
agree to that.
244
00:10:28,928 --> 00:10:32,295
I'm her teacher. It is my job to
inspire her, not to hold her back.
245
00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:34,026
Let me pipe in here, Mur.
246
00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:37,831
We would appreciate it if you
would shame her into quitting
247
00:10:37,903 --> 00:10:42,169
using, say, scare tactics
or negative reinforcement.
248
00:10:42,241 --> 00:10:44,675
I don't want to tell you how
to do your job. You get it.
249
00:10:44,744 --> 00:10:45,768
I really don't get it.
250
00:10:45,845 --> 00:10:47,403
Let me sound off here, Bev.
251
00:10:47,847 --> 00:10:51,647
What my wife is trying to say, and
I think we can all agree on this,
252
00:10:51,717 --> 00:10:54,379
a career in music, it's absurd.
253
00:10:54,453 --> 00:10:57,081
(SCOFFS) I don't agree.
254
00:10:57,156 --> 00:10:58,589
Let me finish this off, Mur.
255
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:01,218
See, millions of girls
want to be stars,
256
00:11:01,293 --> 00:11:03,193
but they end up
becoming waitresses
257
00:11:03,262 --> 00:11:05,059
or dog walkers
or music teachers.
258
00:11:05,131 --> 00:11:08,623
And that is no life anyone would
wish for their little girl.
259
00:11:08,701 --> 00:11:09,759
No offense.
260
00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:12,594
Literally couldn't
be more offended.
261
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:13,900
Let me take the wheel here, Bev.
262
00:11:13,973 --> 00:11:15,838
You know what? Don't take wheel.
Okay? (LAUGHS)
263
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:18,644
Beverly, I cannot believe this.
264
00:11:18,711 --> 00:11:20,906
I... Even though
you give me hives
265
00:11:20,980 --> 00:11:24,848
and I am stalked in my dreams
by a blond monster,
266
00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:26,384
I have always respected the way
267
00:11:26,452 --> 00:11:28,249
that you support your kids
no matter what.
268
00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:30,550
Look. It's just...
269
00:11:30,623 --> 00:11:33,922
What she wants to do,
it's such a long shot.
270
00:11:33,993 --> 00:11:35,551
It is if you're
not there for her.
271
00:11:35,628 --> 00:11:37,926
Do you think that
Tiffany or Debbie Gibson
272
00:11:37,997 --> 00:11:39,692
would have made it
without their mothers?
273
00:11:39,765 --> 00:11:40,789
No.
274
00:11:40,866 --> 00:11:42,299
They not only
support their daughters,
275
00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:43,767
they manage their whole careers.
276
00:11:43,836 --> 00:11:45,269
What's that, now?
277
00:11:45,337 --> 00:11:48,500
ADULT ADAM: My mom realized that
she could hijack Erica's career
278
00:11:48,574 --> 00:11:50,906
and be both a mom and a manager.
279
00:11:50,976 --> 00:11:52,273
Momager.
280
00:11:52,344 --> 00:11:54,369
While my mom was plotting
Erica's rise to stardom,
281
00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:56,677
I was planning
Barry's fall from grace.
282
00:11:56,749 --> 00:12:00,276
I'd win the Cold War by taking
away the one thing he loved most.
283
00:12:00,352 --> 00:12:01,944
His hot lady friend.
284
00:12:02,021 --> 00:12:04,080
Hi, um, Lainey.
285
00:12:04,156 --> 00:12:06,954
Look, I know I showed my bra
to Dave Kim for five bucks,
286
00:12:07,026 --> 00:12:08,050
but it's not, like, a thing.
287
00:12:08,127 --> 00:12:11,221
No. I'm afraid I'm the
bearer of bad news.
288
00:12:11,297 --> 00:12:14,824
Barry asked me to come here and
terminate your relationship.
289
00:12:15,668 --> 00:12:17,397
Yeah, that's just
not realistic, dude.
290
00:12:17,470 --> 00:12:18,596
Damn it.
291
00:12:18,671 --> 00:12:19,968
What's going on with you two?
292
00:12:20,039 --> 00:12:21,267
He broke my video camera.
293
00:12:21,340 --> 00:12:24,673
Why would he do that? I told
him I liked Sweet Barry.
294
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:30,273
Turns out, there is no Sweet
Barry, only Yelly, Punchy Barry.
295
00:12:30,983 --> 00:12:34,578
I don't want to say that you could do
better, but we're all thinking it.
296
00:12:34,687 --> 00:12:35,676
Hmm.
297
00:12:36,021 --> 00:12:37,454
You are so dead!
298
00:12:37,523 --> 00:12:39,457
Am I? 'Cause I've
never felt more alive.
299
00:12:39,525 --> 00:12:41,857
Lainey said she had to
think about our future.
300
00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:44,657
I can't have her thinking! What
if she sees me for what I am?
301
00:12:44,730 --> 00:12:45,992
Well, maybe you should
have thought of that
302
00:12:46,065 --> 00:12:47,498
before you were who you are.
303
00:12:47,566 --> 00:12:49,659
I feel anger!
304
00:12:54,173 --> 00:12:55,435
What the hell?
305
00:12:55,508 --> 00:12:57,999
Where's all your nerd stuff
for me to stomp on?
306
00:12:58,077 --> 00:12:59,476
Put it all in storage.
307
00:12:59,545 --> 00:13:02,412
Now I live in a room
without joy and happiness.
308
00:13:02,848 --> 00:13:04,975
In your face.
309
00:13:06,252 --> 00:13:07,480
I can't believe it.
310
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:10,251
You actually beat me.
311
00:13:12,992 --> 00:13:15,358
April Fools'.
312
00:13:15,427 --> 00:13:17,759
ADULT ADAM: As my brother
was preparing to take me down,
313
00:13:17,830 --> 00:13:19,923
Tiffany was preparing
to take the stage
314
00:13:20,032 --> 00:13:22,159
in front of a thousand
screaming teenage girls.
315
00:13:22,234 --> 00:13:23,258
Sorry, guys.
316
00:13:23,335 --> 00:13:26,202
Just got to squeeze right through you.
Yeah, thanks.
317
00:13:26,272 --> 00:13:29,173
Excuse me.
Hi. I'm... I'm Riki Gold.
318
00:13:29,241 --> 00:13:33,007
And I just wanted to know if you
could give this demo tape to Tiffany
319
00:13:33,112 --> 00:13:34,739
and let her know
that I recorded it
320
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:36,338
on my broken boom
box in my bathroom,
321
00:13:36,415 --> 00:13:38,007
which isn't totally soundproof.
322
00:13:38,083 --> 00:13:40,415
You can kind of hear my dad
yelling in the background.
323
00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:43,455
But in the end, my voice
totally shines through.
324
00:13:43,522 --> 00:13:44,648
Sure thing, kid.
325
00:13:44,723 --> 00:13:46,213
Oh, my God.
It actually worked.
326
00:13:47,026 --> 00:13:48,254
ADULT ADAM: It did not work.
327
00:13:48,327 --> 00:13:50,795
Every other girl in town
had a demo tape, too.
328
00:13:50,896 --> 00:13:51,920
Wow.
329
00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:53,328
That's a lot of tapes.
330
00:13:53,399 --> 00:13:55,458
But Riki Gold had a Plan B.
331
00:13:55,534 --> 00:13:57,161
Sneak up to the tour
bus and get discovered
332
00:13:57,236 --> 00:13:58,828
by singing directly
to Tiffany herself.
333
00:13:58,904 --> 00:13:59,893
It was foolproof!
334
00:14:00,973 --> 00:14:02,304
What the hell?
335
00:14:02,374 --> 00:14:04,535
Unfortunately,
every other fool in town...
336
00:14:04,610 --> 00:14:07,101
Excuse me. Sorry. Pardon me.
...had the exact same plan.
337
00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:09,340
Lainey, what are you doing here?
338
00:14:09,415 --> 00:14:10,746
Duh. I want to be famous.
339
00:14:10,816 --> 00:14:13,512
No, wanting to be
famous is my thing.
340
00:14:13,586 --> 00:14:15,816
Hi, girls.
Scooch over. Scooch.
341
00:14:15,888 --> 00:14:17,321
Oh, my God.
Why are you here?
342
00:14:17,389 --> 00:14:20,722
You parents maybe made me
question some of my life choices.
343
00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:22,283
Sort of my last gasp here.
Really need this win.
344
00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:23,350
(PLAYS NOTE)
345
00:14:23,429 --> 00:14:25,488
No, this is my plan.
346
00:14:26,799 --> 00:14:29,597
(PLAYING GUITAR)
♪ Children, behave
347
00:14:30,002 --> 00:14:32,470
BOTH: ♪ Running just
as fast as we can
348
00:14:33,339 --> 00:14:35,603
♪ Holding on to
one another's hands
349
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:38,169
♪ Trying to get away
350
00:14:38,244 --> 00:14:39,336
♪ Into the night ♪
♪ Night ♪
351
00:14:39,411 --> 00:14:40,844
Tiffany! Tiffany!
352
00:14:40,913 --> 00:14:42,210
ADULT ADAM: Erica's
dreams of stardom
353
00:14:42,281 --> 00:14:44,909
were literally driving away
before her very eyes.
354
00:14:44,984 --> 00:14:49,080
Meanwhile, Barry's dream of obliterating
me was about to become reality.
355
00:14:49,154 --> 00:14:51,554
For years, he held onto
a secret weapon,
356
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:53,888
something so powerful that
it could only be unleashed
357
00:14:53,959 --> 00:14:55,256
in a time of true war.
358
00:14:55,327 --> 00:14:57,557
And that time was now.
359
00:14:58,430 --> 00:14:59,920
Oh, no.
360
00:15:00,766 --> 00:15:02,393
Oh, yes.
361
00:15:03,936 --> 00:15:05,426
Oh, no.
362
00:15:05,504 --> 00:15:08,405
I had taken Barry's girlfriend,
and he would take my dignity
363
00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:11,375
by unleashing the most embarrassing
Sears glamour portrait
364
00:15:11,443 --> 00:15:14,207
the world had ever seen,
knee-high socks and all.
365
00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:15,907
Oh, no! (GROANS)
366
00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:18,040
Barry.
367
00:15:18,117 --> 00:15:20,551
Hey, buddy.
What brings you by?
368
00:15:20,619 --> 00:15:22,678
How? I destroyed this photo!
369
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:25,883
You mean this one?
370
00:15:26,492 --> 00:15:29,017
The one where mom dragged you
to a studio photographer
371
00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:30,755
dressed like a sad,
little dandy?
372
00:15:30,829 --> 00:15:34,287
And I will post it
all over the school.
373
00:15:34,366 --> 00:15:37,767
No! You can't! That will
completely destroy me!
374
00:15:37,836 --> 00:15:41,203
Oh, my God. Pops was right!
No one wins a war.
375
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:45,573
Actually, somebody does win,
whoever's got the bigger nuke.
376
00:15:45,644 --> 00:15:47,703
And I've got the Adam Bomb.
377
00:15:50,249 --> 00:15:53,013
ADULT ADAM: My mom had
officially dedicated her life
378
00:15:53,085 --> 00:15:54,074
to managing
my sister's music career.
379
00:15:54,153 --> 00:15:56,383
Only problem, Erica had no idea.
380
00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:57,479
ERICA: What the...
381
00:15:57,556 --> 00:15:59,956
Why is my awful 10th
grade yearbook photo
382
00:16:00,025 --> 00:16:02,585
on T-shirts, buttons,
and bumper stickers?
383
00:16:02,661 --> 00:16:05,892
Because your momager
got you your first gig.
384
00:16:06,598 --> 00:16:10,500
You're playing the Del Ennis Bowling
Lanes at 10:00 a.m. On Tuesday!
385
00:16:10,569 --> 00:16:13,629
Who's gonna be at the Del Ennis
Lanes at 10:00 a.m. On a Tuesday?
386
00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:17,267
Well, Del will be there and Bonnie,
his wife. She rents the shoes.
387
00:16:17,343 --> 00:16:20,710
And I'll be there selling
these puffy paint T-shirts.
388
00:16:20,779 --> 00:16:22,041
Hmm? (CHUCKLES)
389
00:16:22,114 --> 00:16:23,513
If Del allows it.
390
00:16:23,582 --> 00:16:26,244
He's trying to take a cut of the merch.
I'm into it with him.
391
00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:27,751
You don't need to
know the details.
392
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:29,754
Mom, maybe, I should...
No.
393
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:33,849
You were right about me. I've
supported you your whole life.
394
00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:35,086
But when it really mattered,
395
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:37,924
when you really needed
me, I panicked.
396
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,192
Well, from now on,
we're in this together,
397
00:16:40,265 --> 00:16:44,668
all day, every day,
on the tour bus, in hotels,
398
00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:47,331
you and your biggest fan,
your Mama.
399
00:16:47,406 --> 00:16:50,034
That's why, I'm gonna momage
you straight to the top.
400
00:16:50,109 --> 00:16:53,272
I'm gonna make sure no one ever
smushes your dreams again.
401
00:16:53,345 --> 00:16:55,609
You have to smush my dreams.
MURRAY: No, no, no.
402
00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:57,706
I'm out of that game.
From now on, I'm a pusher.
403
00:16:57,783 --> 00:17:00,843
No, mom's the pusher.
We can't have two pushers.
404
00:17:00,919 --> 00:17:02,887
Then I'll actually have to
follow through on things.
405
00:17:02,955 --> 00:17:04,923
Wait, I... I thought
this is what you wanted.
406
00:17:04,990 --> 00:17:07,959
Don't give it up just 'cause your
mom bought a bunch of puffy paint.
407
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,824
It's not just mom.
408
00:17:10,262 --> 00:17:11,820
I went to that mall,
and I realized
409
00:17:11,897 --> 00:17:14,491
there's a million girls
out there just like me.
410
00:17:14,566 --> 00:17:17,364
And the truth is,
you were right.
411
00:17:17,436 --> 00:17:19,336
I just don't have a shot.
412
00:17:20,572 --> 00:17:22,733
ADULT ADAM: As Erica was
giving up on her dreams,
413
00:17:22,808 --> 00:17:25,709
Barry was about to
obliterate my reality.
414
00:17:27,946 --> 00:17:29,277
(CHEERING)
415
00:17:33,118 --> 00:17:35,348
Hey. What's going on?
416
00:17:35,421 --> 00:17:37,946
Dude, it's crazy.
The Berlin Wall just fell.
417
00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:44,524
ADULT ADAM: It was one of those moments
you remember for the rest of your life.
418
00:17:44,596 --> 00:17:48,123
A country divided, coming together
for a shining moment of peace.
419
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:50,168
And as Barry
watched it all unfold,
420
00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:54,035
he realized it was time to end
the war at home.
421
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:57,736
My camera. How did you
get the money to fix it?
422
00:17:57,810 --> 00:17:59,675
I sold my Barkley
shoe back to Dave Sirota.
423
00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:03,181
But what about the photo? You
were about to drop the Adam Bomb.
424
00:18:03,248 --> 00:18:05,512
I saw something today
that changed me.
425
00:18:05,584 --> 00:18:08,018
David Hasselhoff was on top
of the Great Wall of China
426
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:10,112
in a light-up jacket
singing about freedom.
427
00:18:10,489 --> 00:18:12,047
And it occurred to me,
if Knight Rider
428
00:18:12,124 --> 00:18:13,989
can make can make
east and west Russia
429
00:18:14,059 --> 00:18:16,857
find common ground,
maybe we can, too.
430
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:19,090
While your facts are wildly off,
431
00:18:19,164 --> 00:18:21,257
your spirit is
right on the money.
432
00:18:21,333 --> 00:18:22,391
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
433
00:18:22,468 --> 00:18:24,698
Sure, I'm athletic
and enjoy awesome stuff
434
00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:26,237
while everything
you know and love
435
00:18:26,305 --> 00:18:27,670
is for losers who suck at life,
436
00:18:27,739 --> 00:18:30,936
but even though we're from
two different worlds,
437
00:18:31,009 --> 00:18:32,772
I believe we can
live in harmony.
438
00:18:34,313 --> 00:18:37,009
Wait. You gave me
back what I love.
439
00:18:38,083 --> 00:18:39,948
Time to return the favor.
440
00:18:40,018 --> 00:18:41,417
♪ I'm a bad boy
441
00:18:41,487 --> 00:18:43,114
♪ But a good guy
442
00:18:43,188 --> 00:18:44,553
♪ On the outside, I'm tough
443
00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:46,352
♪ On the inside, I cry
444
00:18:46,425 --> 00:18:48,120
♪ I'm always on the streets
445
00:18:48,193 --> 00:18:49,717
♪ Rhymin' and schemin'
446
00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:52,855
♪ But when I think of your
face I get sensitive feelings
447
00:18:52,931 --> 00:18:54,398
♪ I mouth off to the cops
448
00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:56,058
♪ And get myself in trouble
449
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:59,036
♪ But when you bail me out
We watch Splash and cuddle
450
00:18:59,104 --> 00:19:00,594
♪ See, I'm a bad boy
451
00:19:00,672 --> 00:19:02,230
♪ But a sweet guy
452
00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:03,968
♪ I get in trouble
453
00:19:04,042 --> 00:19:05,703
♪ And I don't know why
454
00:19:05,777 --> 00:19:07,244
♪ So take Big Tasty back
455
00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:08,711
♪ You know you can't resist
456
00:19:08,780 --> 00:19:12,682
♪ So on a humbler note
I really need this ♪
457
00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:17,853
That was uncomfortable.
458
00:19:17,923 --> 00:19:20,221
Point is,
he got my camera fixed.
459
00:19:20,292 --> 00:19:21,452
That's sweet.
460
00:19:21,527 --> 00:19:22,994
He really is a good brother.
461
00:19:24,263 --> 00:19:25,958
You're not so bad yourself.
462
00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:32,929
Here. For your demo.
463
00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:35,439
But we agreed you
were gonna talk to mom.
464
00:19:35,507 --> 00:19:36,701
And I will.
465
00:19:36,775 --> 00:19:38,868
But I just need you to know
466
00:19:38,944 --> 00:19:42,107
that there's nobody else
out there like you. Nobody.
467
00:19:42,714 --> 00:19:45,274
Look. I got my dream.
468
00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:47,614
I got this house,
I got the family, I got you.
469
00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:50,985
And if this is what you
really want, I say go for it.
470
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:55,058
To a parent,
that's scary as hell.
471
00:19:55,127 --> 00:19:58,927
But I can't have you live your
life thinking I held you back.
472
00:20:03,101 --> 00:20:05,126
♪ Children, behave...
Dad.
473
00:20:05,704 --> 00:20:06,728
Yeah?
474
00:20:06,805 --> 00:20:08,830
What you said,
that was really, um...
475
00:20:10,175 --> 00:20:13,167
♪ And watch how you play
476
00:20:13,712 --> 00:20:15,304
Thank you.
♪ They don't understand...
477
00:20:15,581 --> 00:20:16,980
Anything for you, peanut.
478
00:20:17,583 --> 00:20:19,073
ADULT ADAM: That's the thing
about family.
479
00:20:19,151 --> 00:20:21,585
You fight, you argue,
you wage all-out war,
480
00:20:21,653 --> 00:20:24,747
but at the end of the day,
you're always on the same side.
481
00:20:26,258 --> 00:20:29,125
'Cause in a world where everyone
tries to smush you down,
482
00:20:29,194 --> 00:20:32,425
the one thing you got is your
family to push you forward.
483
00:20:32,764 --> 00:20:34,595
♪ I think we're alone now
484
00:20:35,467 --> 00:20:38,868
♪ There doesn't seem to be
anyone around... ♪
485
00:20:38,937 --> 00:20:40,905
That's my superstar client.
486
00:20:41,273 --> 00:20:42,763
You're not gonna be the momager.
487
00:20:42,841 --> 00:20:44,240
We'll see.
488
00:20:50,182 --> 00:20:52,116
Glad that's gone forever.
489
00:21:00,592 --> 00:21:02,924
Riki Gold, Big Tasty,
490
00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:05,361
thank you for meeting me
on such short notice.
491
00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:07,193
Meeting?
We're eating breakfast.
492
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:08,733
Let me cut to the chase.
493
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:11,360
What I'm looking at
are two musical giants
494
00:21:11,436 --> 00:21:12,869
on the precipice of greatness,
495
00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:14,166
and as your momager...
496
00:21:14,239 --> 00:21:15,399
No!
No!
497
00:21:15,474 --> 00:21:18,773
...I present "The
Tasty Gold Experience."
498
00:21:18,844 --> 00:21:20,869
Even better,
I won't even take 10%.
499
00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:22,914
You can pay me in
huggies and smoochies.
500
00:21:22,981 --> 00:21:24,073
No!
No!
501
00:21:27,500 --> 00:21:35,500
Ripped By mstoll