1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:06,620
<font color=#00FFFF>-=http://sfile.ydy.com=-
proudly presents</font>

2
00:00:06,630 --> 00:00:12,810
At this very moment at thelongborough school for boys,
when it came to the currency of popularity

3
00:00:12,910 --> 00:00:15,610
young ned was poor but not the poorest.

4
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Eugene mulchandani's thick accent and unfortunate
family history of disproportionate jaw structure

5
00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:27,280
made him both extremely difficult to
understand and an easy mark for bullies.

6
00:00:27,300 --> 00:00:31,560
Young ned knew that playing with
eugene meant losing his marbles,

7
00:00:31,580 --> 00:00:34,510
but he considered the
sacrificed aggies, steelies,

8
00:00:34,530 --> 00:00:36,640
and shooters an act of charity.

9
00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:40,640
For, aside from ned, eugene
had only two other companions --

10
00:00:40,670 --> 00:00:45,660
bilbo, his lethargic indian
python, and ackbar, a bunny.

11
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Eugene was devastated when he lerned that,
upon attempting to eat ackbar the bunny,

12
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bilbo the snake choked,
killing them both.

13
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Under the guise of
burying eugene's pets,

14
00:01:16,220 --> 00:01:22,150
young ned resolved to perform another act
of charity for his language-mangling friend.

15
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He knew that giving eugene his friends back
would require two innocent creatures to die...

16
00:01:33,290 --> 00:01:39,760
And a lie about how he found them both
barely breathing when he went to bury them.

17
00:01:39,770 --> 00:01:42,600
But as long as the benefits
outweighed the costs,

18
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he also believed an act of charity
outweighed the consequences.

19
00:01:49,870 --> 00:01:54,930
20 years, 16 weeks, 4
days, and 9 hours later,

20
00:01:54,940 --> 00:01:58,510
the boy had grown into the pie maker,

21
00:01:58,540 --> 00:02:02,780
and the pie maker was,
at this very moment...

22
00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:05,000
troubled.

23
00:02:05,020 --> 00:02:06,360
You're stress-baking.

24
00:02:06,370 --> 00:02:07,480
I don't know what you're talking about.

25
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I'm talking about you've
been up since before the sun,

26
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and there's a traffic jam of pies
waiting to exit into the oven.

27
00:02:13,150 --> 00:02:14,320
You're worried about something.

28
00:02:14,350 --> 00:02:17,060
"Worried" would imply
an urge toward action.

29
00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:18,870
"Troubled" seems more apt.

30
00:02:18,890 --> 00:02:23,560
About a certain man named dwight who came asking
questions about your dad and is now dating my aunt vivian?

31
00:02:23,580 --> 00:02:25,220
Oh, you're stress-baking.

32
00:02:25,230 --> 00:02:27,770
If he's dating your aunt, he's
going to see a picture of you,

33
00:02:27,790 --> 00:02:29,460
and if he doesn't have
retrograde amnesia,

34
00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:32,220
he's going to recognize
you, if he hasn't already.

35
00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:33,620
Why is he dating your aunt?

36
00:02:33,630 --> 00:02:36,360
Not to suggest that she's not
datable and perfectly lovely,

37
00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:38,120
but it does seem more
than a little coincidental.

38
00:02:38,150 --> 00:02:41,540
Does your aunt vivian's nice-smelling new boy toy
have something to do with why you faked your death?

39
00:02:41,550 --> 00:02:42,400
No.

40
00:02:42,420 --> 00:02:44,100
Because maybe he's been
after you all along.

41
00:02:44,110 --> 00:02:45,910
Maybe he works for the irs.

42
00:02:45,920 --> 00:02:48,420
If anyone can figure out whether
you're dead, it's a tax man.

43
00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:52,450
Or maybe he thinks you really are dead, and
he's one of those paranormal investigators.

44
00:02:52,460 --> 00:02:55,280
Maybe he's the old priest, and
the young priest is coming.

45
00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:59,170
That would be a waste of religion
because she's not... Dead.

46
00:02:59,470 --> 00:03:01,550
I find myself urged to action.

47
00:03:01,570 --> 00:03:02,660
Yeah. Me too.

48
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Public records,
criminal records --

49
00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:08,440
we'v got to find out who dwight is and if he's
after more than just your aunt's companionship.

50
00:03:08,450 --> 00:03:10,750
Mm, counterintelligence
via pie delivery --

51
00:03:10,770 --> 00:03:13,400
like gossiping with a purpose.

52
00:03:13,410 --> 00:03:16,130
My speciality.

53
00:03:17,450 --> 00:03:18,260
It's pie time!

54
00:03:18,290 --> 00:03:22,450
Olive! What a surprise!
And with a pie...

55
00:03:22,460 --> 00:03:24,980
the second sweetest treat of my day.

56
00:03:24,990 --> 00:03:26,880
Something sweeter than a pie hole pie?

57
00:03:26,900 --> 00:03:31,090
The first was a surprise visit
from a certain gentleman caller.

58
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Oh, the lovely lady of the hole.

59
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And with a special delivery to heel.

60
00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:37,240
Oh, no need to stand on my account.

61
00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:38,660
I'm just here doing my duty.

62
00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:40,660
No other reason I can speak of.

63
00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:43,520
Uh, and what type of
duty are you in again?

64
00:03:43,530 --> 00:03:45,100
Clergy? Tax services?

65
00:03:45,110 --> 00:03:48,600
Dwight collects and appraises antiques,

66
00:03:48,630 --> 00:03:52,770
which I learned right after he
told me he's dating my sister.

67
00:03:52,790 --> 00:03:55,720
Lily is naturally
suspicious of new liaisons,

68
00:03:55,730 --> 00:03:58,780
but I felt compelled to come
clean about our relationship.

69
00:03:58,790 --> 00:04:02,230
Sneaking around is for
politicians in bathroom stalls.

70
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Not for a brisk and bucolic
autumn-cum-winter afternoon on the park.

71
00:04:07,380 --> 00:04:09,700
Ladies.

72
00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:14,780
Bye

73
00:04:16,100 --> 00:04:18,210
Seems nice.

74
00:04:18,220 --> 00:04:21,030
I don't trust him
further than I can spit.

75
00:04:21,050 --> 00:04:23,630
And I can spit.

76
00:04:24,590 --> 00:04:29,090
God... look at the way he
drapes himself all over her.

77
00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:33,260
Makes me want to stick a fork in my eye.

78
00:04:33,270 --> 00:04:34,390
I need a drink.

79
00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:35,340
You're holding one.

80
00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:38,260
I need a stronger one. And a fork.

81
00:04:38,270 --> 00:04:43,050
While olive pondered one sister blinded
by love and the other by distrust,

82
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emerson cod pondered the exorbitant
amount of cash he'd just been given.

83
00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:53,290
I demand justice for the decedent, and
I will not rest, settle, or adjourn...

84
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Until I have it!

85
00:04:54,280 --> 00:04:57,190
Mind demanding it in your inside voice?

86
00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:58,120
I'm sorry.

87
00:04:58,130 --> 00:05:00,370
Years of litigation have
made me a loud talker.

88
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:04,540
What makes a dead man's lawyer so willing to
shell out his own green over a client's death?

89
00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:06,150
I have a special practice.

90
00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:09,700
Gustav was my one client,
and that client is now dead.

91
00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:11,060
So why you still hanging on?

92
00:05:11,070 --> 00:05:13,370
Looking for a few
stray cash capillaries?

93
00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:15,920
Gustav was -- he was
more than a client.

94
00:05:15,930 --> 00:05:20,810
He was a -- he was a cantankerous
bombast with a violent temper

95
00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:23,610
and a lust for power and wealth.

96
00:05:23,630 --> 00:05:27,550
In lawyer speak, I was in love with him.

97
00:05:27,940 --> 00:05:29,820
You talk to the police
about your friend?

98
00:05:29,840 --> 00:05:31,910
The police station is
run by a bunch of monkeys.

99
00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:34,460
You want the best, you pay the premium.

100
00:05:34,470 --> 00:05:35,840
Why ain't the family paying the premium?

101
00:05:35,850 --> 00:05:39,180
His wife was his family, and
she was the biggest leech of all.

102
00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:40,450
Always after his will.

103
00:05:40,460 --> 00:05:42,640
So you figure she got to
the will through murder.

104
00:05:42,650 --> 00:05:44,620
Well, I never trusted her.

105
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I tried my best, as a lover -- I mean, as
a lawyer and a friend -- to protect gustav.

106
00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:53,760
She ruined his life. She's
gonna ruin his legacy.

107
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I smell a big ol' "but"
heading my direction.

108
00:05:56,420 --> 00:05:58,750
Gustav was robbed the night he died.

109
00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:00,990
I mean, it happens when
you have a fortune like his.

110
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:02,440
What kind of fortune we talkin' about?

111
00:06:02,460 --> 00:06:05,740
The kind built upon your tight balls.

112
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The facts were these -- gustavofer
had lived the american dream.

113
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His mechanized yarn-baller not only gave a generation of
frustrated grandmothers the means to make unwanted gifts,

114
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at the age of 19, it was the first of
countless inventions that made gustav hofer

115
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his first of countless millions.

116
00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:31,790
Before gustav hofer could make one penny more,
someone arranged for his permanent retirement.

117
00:06:37,670 --> 00:06:42,880
And the lawyer who was in love
with him found his retired remains.

118
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,150
He doesn't look like
the richest man in town.

119
00:06:48,170 --> 00:06:49,610
They say he had the midas touch.

120
00:06:49,620 --> 00:06:51,680
Do you ever stop to think you're
a little bit like king midas?

121
00:06:51,690 --> 00:06:55,530
Except substitute "life" for "gold," and,
obviously, you don't have donkey ears.

122
00:06:55,550 --> 00:06:57,970
Midas was a miser, like
scrooge but hungrier.

123
00:06:57,990 --> 00:06:59,270
I'm a philanthropist.

124
00:06:59,300 --> 00:07:01,700
Just touch the sucker.

125
00:07:05,130 --> 00:07:06,230
Hello, mr. Hofer.

126
00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:08,710
We'd like to ask you a few questions,
but we've only have a minute.

127
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:10,200
I presume I'm dead.

128
00:07:10,220 --> 00:07:12,530
Let's get down to business.
First, the matter of my will.

129
00:07:12,540 --> 00:07:14,340
- It's in your lawyer's
- not that will.

130
00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:15,660
I have a new will.

131
00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:19,050
- And you're gonna track it down for me, roger?
- Roger.

132
00:07:19,060 --> 00:07:21,090
I like you, kid, but you talk too much.

133
00:07:21,110 --> 00:07:25,180
The will is in my trophy room. Go to
the ggest trophy -- center of the wall.

134
00:07:25,190 --> 00:07:27,250
Turn it clockwise. Say it back to me.

135
00:07:27,260 --> 00:07:28,700
Who killed you?

136
00:07:28,710 --> 00:07:30,300
Who are you? Who's he?

137
00:07:30,310 --> 00:07:32,390
Do you know who I am, elmer?

138
00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:34,760
You about to be the first
man ever to be murdered twice.

139
00:07:34,770 --> 00:07:35,630
You want justice?

140
00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:40,310
I don't want my hard-earned money
going where it doesn't belong.

141
00:07:40,330 --> 00:07:44,370
Your generation has never
understood the value of a dollar.

142
00:07:44,380 --> 00:07:46,910
Trophy room, biggest
trophy, turn clockwise.

143
00:07:46,930 --> 00:07:48,720
Smartest one of the bunch.

144
00:07:48,740 --> 00:07:51,810
I like your moxie, sassafras.

145
00:07:51,830 --> 00:07:57,690
Find my will and make sure that
no-good, gold-digging wife of mine

146
00:07:57,700 --> 00:08:00,450
doesn't get one damn dime. Got it?

147
00:08:00,460 --> 00:08:01,840
Who killed you?

148
00:08:01,850 --> 00:08:04,360
The bellman did it.

149
00:08:04,380 --> 00:08:09,170
<font color=#00FFFF>-=http://sfile.ydy.com=-
sync:ßÇÈâÈâ</font>

150
00:08:09,180 --> 00:08:11,170
<font color=#00FFFF>Pushing Daisies
Season02 Episode07 Robbing Hood</font>

151
00:08:11,180 --> 00:08:13,580
The private investigator, the pie maker,

152
00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:18,110
and chuck arrived at gustav hofer's
mansion to question his recent widow

153
00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:22,470
and longtime porter regarding
the inventor's death.

154
00:08:23,290 --> 00:08:27,100
All right, me and dead girl are
gonna go chat up the bellman.

155
00:08:27,130 --> 00:08:29,730
You go find that trophy room
and get a hold of that will.

156
00:08:29,740 --> 00:08:31,000
I can do that.

157
00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:33,520
That said, what's your take
on dwight dating vivian?

158
00:08:33,530 --> 00:08:35,680
How long before he looks at
a picture of chuck and says,

159
00:08:35,690 --> 00:08:37,680
"hey, there's that
girl from the pie hole"?

160
00:08:37,700 --> 00:08:41,000
Come on. When I see an out-of-context picture
of a nice-looking young girl, I don't say,

161
00:08:41,010 --> 00:08:46,680
"ooh, there's that nice-looking young girl who
served me cappuccino in that one restaurant."

162
00:08:46,690 --> 00:08:50,070
Oh, my gosh! This wallpaper --
it's vintage osborne & little.

163
00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:52,590
You could buy a small island
for what this must be worth.

164
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:55,750
Cool. I never even
noticed. Isn't that weird?

165
00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:58,060
I'm like the worst widow ever.

166
00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:00,050
Elise. You must be the P.I.S.

167
00:09:00,060 --> 00:09:02,370
Yes, thank you so much
for agreeing to help us.

168
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,150
Is there a restroom?

169
00:09:04,180 --> 00:09:05,810
Down the hall, second left.

170
00:09:05,820 --> 00:09:08,260
We're very sorry for your
loss. You must be devastated.

171
00:09:08,270 --> 00:09:11,210
Crushed. Please, pop a squat.

172
00:09:11,550 --> 00:09:12,190
Thank you.

173
00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:16,180
James-andrew -- that's the bellman
you wanted to see -- is on his way.

174
00:09:16,190 --> 00:09:19,550
I told him to bring some of those
awesome champagne-juice drinks he makes.

175
00:09:19,570 --> 00:09:20,970
Mimosas?

176
00:09:20,980 --> 00:09:22,290
James-andrew!

177
00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:24,720
They want mimosas instead!

178
00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:27,680
James-andrew!

179
00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:31,340
I'm sure he heard me.

180
00:09:31,350 --> 00:09:34,260
Well, this is a very, um, nice...

181
00:09:34,270 --> 00:09:36,150
castle that you have, mrs. Hofer.

182
00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:40,120
Thanks. It's a wreck right now,
getting it all set up for the wake.

183
00:09:40,130 --> 00:09:42,310
You should totally come.

184
00:09:42,330 --> 00:09:46,900
Everybody who's anybody is gonna
be here celebrating gustav's death.

185
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,210
You mean "life."

186
00:09:48,220 --> 00:09:50,670
Sure, whatever.

187
00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:58,460
Oh, no.

188
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:14,390
turn the largest trophy clockwise.

189
00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:16,100
Cheers.

190
00:10:16,110 --> 00:10:18,840
Mm, cheers. Oh, that is the best
champagne-juice drink I've ever had.

191
00:10:18,850 --> 00:10:20,510
I know, right?

192
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,460
Mrs. Hofer said you wanted to see me.

193
00:10:22,470 --> 00:10:24,670
I assume it's not just for my mimosa.

194
00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:26,370
how does one become a bellman, anyway?

195
00:10:26,380 --> 00:10:28,840
Bellmen wear monkey suits
and work in hotel lobbies.

196
00:10:28,870 --> 00:10:30,190
I am a porter.

197
00:10:30,210 --> 00:10:34,390
Well, what exactly were you porting the night your
boss had a close encounter with his light fixture?

198
00:10:34,420 --> 00:10:36,690
I was at a key party. At
least 15 people can vouch.

199
00:10:36,700 --> 00:10:40,100
James-andrew is definitely
not the killing type.

200
00:10:40,110 --> 00:10:42,650
Well, mrs. Hofer, excuse
me for being blunt,

201
00:10:42,670 --> 00:10:45,360
but you did stand to gain the most
from your late husband's death.

202
00:10:45,370 --> 00:10:46,860
Oh, my god.

203
00:10:46,870 --> 00:10:49,270
You think I totally did it!

204
00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:54,020
Well, FYI, I was at a charity
ball the night of the murder.

205
00:10:55,500 --> 00:10:58,650
Y'all sure got a big-ass dog.

206
00:11:05,530 --> 00:11:08,710
"Orbis pro vox."

207
00:11:09,820 --> 00:11:11,520
And the safe was empty. No will.

208
00:11:11,530 --> 00:11:13,640
Nothing but a cryptic latin phrase.

209
00:11:13,660 --> 00:11:16,900
Poor gustaV. All he cared about was
getting that will into the right hands.

210
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:19,290
If we find the killer,
we'll find that will.

211
00:11:19,310 --> 00:11:22,790
Problem is our case just went
from a slam dunk to a badunkadunk.

212
00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:25,250
Is "badunkadunk" bad?

213
00:11:25,270 --> 00:11:28,720
Badunkadunk means "big" as in what
our simple, little murder just became.

214
00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:30,410
Whatever happened to
"the bellman did it"?

215
00:11:30,420 --> 00:11:33,440
Oh, he's hiding something, but 15
people vouching for him at a key party

216
00:11:33,450 --> 00:11:34,910
Well, that's an airtight alibi.

217
00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:36,530
Now, what is a key party anyway?

218
00:11:36,540 --> 00:11:38,780
Oh, I love that you don't know that.

219
00:11:38,790 --> 00:11:40,510
It's a kind of raffle.

220
00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:43,060
Of the porno variety.

221
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,040
Back to the case.

222
00:11:47,050 --> 00:11:50,180
So, how does a safe with some cryptic latin
phrase scrawled inside change anything?

223
00:11:50,190 --> 00:11:54,890
You know, you need to peel back that pie crust
you working under an turn on the news sometime.

224
00:11:54,900 --> 00:11:57,720
Rich people are getting robbed left
and right by some happy hooligan

225
00:11:57,740 --> 00:12:00,010
who leaves the same latin
calling card at every scene.

226
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:02,090
So that's why it's a badunkadunk.

227
00:12:02,100 --> 00:12:04,340
I got to go see a buddy
at the police station.

228
00:12:04,370 --> 00:12:08,930
Great. Gives us more time to start
work on our research project on dwight.

229
00:12:14,250 --> 00:12:18,940
It seems like the mysterious dwight didn't exist
before checking into the come-and-sleep motel.

230
00:12:18,970 --> 00:12:21,800
Who knows? Maybe he's not such
a bad guy. He's very charming.

231
00:12:21,810 --> 00:12:23,460
What do lily and vivian think about him?

232
00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:27,140
What you'd expect. Lily hates
him, but vivian's completely ga.

233
00:12:27,150 --> 00:12:30,070
Good news is you're
not even on his radar.

234
00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:33,250
How about another cup of coffee, please?

235
00:12:33,460 --> 00:12:37,110
So, we know dwight's got a strange
preoccupation with your father's pocket watch.

236
00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:39,030
Maybe we give it to
him, and he goes away.

237
00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:41,810
Or... We could wake my dad and ask him.

238
00:12:41,820 --> 00:12:42,420
Chuck
--

239
00:12:42,430 --> 00:12:46,150
I'm just saying that it would be a shortcut to
figuring out who dwight is and what he wants.

240
00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:48,430
You just have to touch him and ask him.

241
00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:53,890
But that was an act of charity the
pie maker was not willing to commit.

242
00:12:53,900 --> 00:12:56,320
I'm sorry. It's just --

243
00:12:56,330 --> 00:12:57,830
I know you want to say
goodbye to your father,

244
00:12:57,850 --> 00:13:01,520
and I know a lifetime of goodbyes
can't be condensed into a single minute.

245
00:13:01,550 --> 00:13:03,710
Even if they could...

246
00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:07,340
you'd have to watch
him die all over again.

247
00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:11,220
I love you too much to
make you suffer like that.

248
00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:14,510
You understand?

249
00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:17,650
Well, I got us a good nugget.

250
00:13:17,660 --> 00:13:23,900
The police say that our serial robber always makes
a donation to charity the day after he robs someone.

251
00:13:25,390 --> 00:13:26,700
Am interupting something?

252
00:13:26,710 --> 00:13:28,430
- no
- yep

253
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:31,960
Maybe Gustav Hofer was being 
robbed by a latter-day robin hood

254
00:13:31,990 --> 00:13:33,110
killed be him

255
00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:37,880
Call it whatever you want, but I know where
we can find a bellman with a charity streak.

256
00:13:48,670 --> 00:13:50,460
It's a new day, friends!

257
00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:53,900
Another opportunity to help the needy.

258
00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:58,620
So, ring those bells, collect
spare change, and remember --

259
00:13:58,630 --> 00:14:00,040
ring for right!

260
00:14:00,060 --> 00:14:02,010
Ring for right!

261
00:14:02,030 --> 00:14:04,770
Ring for right. Orbis pro vox.

262
00:14:04,780 --> 00:14:07,280
Which means "your ass
is busted" in P.I.Lingo.

263
00:14:07,290 --> 00:14:10,200
Welcome to the bellmen's
charity headquarters.

264
00:14:10,220 --> 00:14:12,260
Are you here to make
a donation? Volunteer?

265
00:14:12,270 --> 00:14:15,660
One of your bell-ringers rang for
wrong to the tune of robbery-homicide.

266
00:14:15,690 --> 00:14:17,720
That's outrageous. And impossible.

267
00:14:17,730 --> 00:14:23,430
We screen our bellmen regularly to make sure that all
who ring in these hallowed halls follow our motto --

268
00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:24,490
ring for right.

269
00:14:24,500 --> 00:14:27,010
Which just happens to be written
at crime scenes all over the city.

270
00:14:27,030 --> 00:14:28,400
In a dead language, but still.

271
00:14:28,410 --> 00:14:32,610
Iends, I assure you my
bellmen have nothing to hide.

272
00:14:32,620 --> 00:14:35,260
I fling my doors open
to your investigation.

273
00:14:35,290 --> 00:14:38,980
And if there's anything else that I
personally can do, please, don't hesitate --

274
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,230
- to ring?
- Absolutely.

275
00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:45,580
Oh, yeah? Well, somewhere a starving
street child is chewing off his own fingers

276
00:14:45,590 --> 00:14:48,790
because you're too
cheap to give 50 bucks!

277
00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:51,550
Telemarketers. I hate these guys.

278
00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:53,700
I'm emerson cod, private investigator.

279
00:14:53,710 --> 00:14:54,920
These are my associates.

280
00:14:54,930 --> 00:14:57,560
Mind if we have a gander
at your phone list?

281
00:14:57,570 --> 00:14:58,330
What phone list?

282
00:14:58,340 --> 00:15:00,270
The one you just slid into that folder.

283
00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:01,050
What folder?

284
00:15:01,060 --> 00:15:04,690
There's a mfort in knowing that telemarketers
are just as horrible in real life.

285
00:15:04,700 --> 00:15:06,690
Shift change!

286
00:15:06,700 --> 00:15:09,290
- He was very
suspect-ish. - Very.

287
00:15:09,730 --> 00:15:14,940
Yeah, well, any of these phone numbers
match the one at gustav's mansion,

288
00:15:14,950 --> 00:15:17,820
he's gonna be very jailbird-ish.

289
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:22,050
After unearthing the grave of charlotte
charles in search of a pocket watch

290
00:15:22,060 --> 00:15:27,900
and finding neither girl nor watch, former
jailbird dwight dixon used his masculine wiles

291
00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:33,300
to determine if vivian knew of the
watch's final final resting place.

292
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:36,560
The clarinet is a lovely instrument.

293
00:15:36,580 --> 00:15:38,080
I always wanted to be a flautist,

294
00:15:38,100 --> 00:15:42,630
but unusually tight tendons in my pinkie
finger made hitting d-sharp impossible.

295
00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:44,550
Well, they look just fine to me.

296
00:15:44,570 --> 00:15:47,430
Perfect for holding.

297
00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:51,660
I'm not the kind of woman who slips
notes into random men's coat pockets,

298
00:15:51,670 --> 00:15:53,210
but something about you...

299
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:54,520
and what might that have been?

300
00:15:54,530 --> 00:16:00,320
The charm you force to cover the
brutish shell around your damaged heart.

301
00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:02,740
I like layers.

302
00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:07,930
Dwight felt his cold
heart warm ever so much.

303
00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:13,800
Lily was under the impression that you're
only looking to recover some personal property,

304
00:16:13,820 --> 00:16:18,100
then disappear like a puddle
of gasoline in the sunshine.

305
00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:22,460
I was saddened to hear that charles'
watch was buried with your dear late niece.

306
00:16:22,490 --> 00:16:25,410
But what a fine gesture that was.

307
00:16:25,420 --> 00:16:28,120
I imagine the service was magnificent.

308
00:16:28,130 --> 00:16:29,770
It was.

309
00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:34,730
So, others, beside yourself, were able to
see poor charlotte at peace with the watch,

310
00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:38,180
before her dear soul was
committed to the ground?

311
00:16:38,210 --> 00:16:42,680
Mary suddbury leaned in and
peeled back charlotte's eyelids.

312
00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:48,860
Said there was a vigorous black market in stolen
corneas, but I thought it was in poor taste.

313
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:52,120
Charlotte...

314
00:16:52,140 --> 00:16:56,270
I encouraged her to take the pleasure
cruise that ended so unpleasantly.

315
00:16:56,280 --> 00:17:02,510
I was tired of being a shut-in, but
I couldn't bring myself to leave,

316
00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:08,880
and so I decided to leave vicariously
and pushed charlotte out the door.

317
00:17:08,890 --> 00:17:11,720
Poor charlotte.

318
00:17:11,730 --> 00:17:16,510
Now, now. You've gone and set
those pretty peepers a weeping.

319
00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:21,880
In his search for a brass pocket watch,
dwight dixon found a heart of gold.

320
00:17:21,890 --> 00:17:27,770
I've carried this with me
since the funeral as a reminder

321
00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:32,970
to stop living vicariously
and start living living.

322
00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:35,460
You've probably seen her face before.

323
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:38,980
She was all over the
news after she died.

324
00:17:39,700 --> 00:17:45,060
Oh, I have definitely
seen her face before.

325
00:17:54,290 --> 00:17:57,630
Do u know if gustav ever donated to
an organization called the bellmen?

326
00:17:57,660 --> 00:17:58,880
"The bellmen"?

327
00:17:58,910 --> 00:18:03,030
Every house that's been robbed was called
by a bellmen telemarketer named tam fong.

328
00:18:03,050 --> 00:18:05,090
So elise didn't do it?

329
00:18:05,100 --> 00:18:08,770
This tam fong killed gustav?

330
00:18:08,780 --> 00:18:10,100
Well, where is he?

331
00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:13,170
I'm gonna find that
malfeas-ass and slam him down --

332
00:18:13,190 --> 00:18:14,130
inside voice.

333
00:18:14,140 --> 00:18:15,760
I'm not talking about
the gavel of justice.

334
00:18:15,770 --> 00:18:16,520
Outside voice.

335
00:18:16,540 --> 00:18:21,570
I'm talking about southern-style, back-alley score
settling doled out by me and a couple of homeless --

336
00:18:21,590 --> 00:18:23,250
conversational patio voice?

337
00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:28,310
Before you get to doling out blind justice, the
smoking gun don't always point to the bad guy.

338
00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:30,890
So tam fong isn't the guilty party?

339
00:18:30,900 --> 00:18:33,720
YeS. No. Maybe.

340
00:18:33,730 --> 00:18:36,390
All we know is, maybe he had
a hand in marking the mark.

341
00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:39,910
The good news is, we have reason to
believe that gustav completed a second will.

342
00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:40,820
A second will?

343
00:18:40,830 --> 00:18:44,080
Hopefully, that tarnished
trophy wife of his is excluded.

344
00:18:44,090 --> 00:18:46,050
Wait, wait --
I'm his lawyer.

345
00:18:46,060 --> 00:18:49,060
If there were a second will, I
would have drafted it, drawn it up,

346
00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:52,070
and drawn a tidy 20%
commission for my troubles.

347
00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:53,960
So how would you know differently?

348
00:18:53,970 --> 00:18:57,000
Let's just say that our procedures
would be inadmissible in court.

349
00:18:57,020 --> 00:18:59,280
Either way, the will was
taken during the robbery.

350
00:18:59,300 --> 00:19:01,350
Well, you people really
mix the good with the bad.

351
00:19:01,370 --> 00:19:05,030
The world would be a better place if
everybody dabbed calamine on welts of bad news.

352
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:08,320
Gustav hofer deserved
better than the wife he had,

353
00:19:08,330 --> 00:19:12,880
and the wife he had didn't
deserve the money he earned.

354
00:19:12,890 --> 00:19:16,270
You find that second
will, I'll double your fee

355
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,030
- oh, we'll find that will.
- We'll find that will.

356
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:23,110
We know tam's calling the houses to
robbed even if he's not robbing them.

357
00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:25,310
What if we put our names
on the do-call list?

358
00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:29,900
No burglar worth his burgles would take the
bait if they saw your tiny-ass apartments.

359
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:32,180
We could use my aunts' house.

360
00:19:32,950 --> 00:19:34,850
Is there a sting! I want
to sting. Can I sting?

361
00:19:34,860 --> 00:19:36,180
That's a very bad idea.

362
00:19:36,190 --> 00:19:40,820
It's a good idea made doubly-good because while you're
figuring out who brought the lights down on gustav,

363
00:19:40,830 --> 00:19:43,330
I'll be shining my own light
on the true identity of dwight.

364
00:19:43,340 --> 00:19:47,450
I have an old cigar box with my dad's
letters that's hidden in my bedroom.

365
00:19:47,460 --> 00:19:51,200
Now, if dad did know dwight, there
will be something about him inside.

366
00:19:51,230 --> 00:19:58,730
The pie maker considered the wooden box in her old room 
a better alternative to the wooden box that contained her father

367
00:19:58,730 --> 00:20:01,840
so a sting was set.

368
00:20:07,010 --> 00:20:09,700
Mr. Fong, I am so sorry to interrupt.

369
00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:12,270
I'm tessa carville,wife
of clarence carville, who,

370
00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:14,700
I'm sure you are aware,
owns carville steel.

371
00:20:14,710 --> 00:20:17,330
I believe someone from
here called me yesterday?

372
00:20:17,350 --> 00:20:20,090
Ah, mrs. Carville, of course!

373
00:20:20,100 --> 00:20:21,650
Please, take a seat.

374
00:20:21,670 --> 00:20:24,720
I won't be staying long,
just long enough to explain

375
00:20:24,730 --> 00:20:30,240
why I hate phone solicitations almost as
much as I hate beggars and panhandlers.

376
00:20:30,260 --> 00:20:34,070
I believe I have the right to a net worth
greater than most developing countries

377
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:39,610
without being hounded by sponging ne'er-do-wells
and sanctimonious bleeding hearts like yourself.

378
00:20:39,620 --> 00:20:44,210
So unless you stop calling, I will take
a tiny fraction of my immense wealth,

379
00:20:44,230 --> 00:20:48,650
buy this building, knock it down, and
turn it into a glue factory so big,

380
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:51,320
the whole city will be smelling horse.

381
00:20:51,330 --> 00:20:55,830
If you please leave your number, I'll
see to it that nobody calls you again.

382
00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:56,750
Psych.

383
00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:59,510
- Did you say, "psych"?
- No.

384
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:04,350
Good, because I'm getting on a hovercraft
bound for saint-tropez early this evening,

385
00:21:04,380 --> 00:21:08,490
and I expect it to be dealt
with before I return tomorrow.

386
00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:11,030
Here is my card.

387
00:21:16,330 --> 00:21:20,860
The trap was set, so the pie maker and
chuck returned to her childhood bedroom --

388
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:24,750
not to catch a thief, but to uncover
dwight dixon's true intentions.

389
00:21:24,780 --> 00:21:27,220
They turned my old room
into a cheese locker!

390
00:21:27,230 --> 00:21:31,760
Can you smell the flowery overtones
of stilton wafting through the air?

391
00:21:31,770 --> 00:21:35,120
It's nice that they filled this room
with something you all loved so much.

392
00:21:36,550 --> 00:21:40,470
Oh, it's amazing how a familiar
smell can wrap you in its arms

393
00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:45,770
and coddle away any ugly memories between
now and the last time you smelled it.

394
00:21:47,420 --> 00:21:49,990
Oh, thank you for letting me come.

395
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:51,150
I'm glad you came.

396
00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:53,880
Oh, and don't worry
about getting caught.

397
00:21:53,890 --> 00:21:57,770
I'll hear anybody coming before they
even get to the bottom of the stairs.

398
00:21:59,540 --> 00:22:01,270
Listen.

399
00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:04,170
The other end's hooked up to
the victrola in the living room.

400
00:22:04,180 --> 00:22:06,570
I used it to eavesdrop on my
aunts when I was a teenager.

401
00:22:06,580 --> 00:22:09,810
- That's very crafty.
- Yeah.

402
00:22:15,210 --> 00:22:20,860
Alone in a room that was once hers, chuck
felt, for a moment, like a little girl again.

403
00:22:20,890 --> 00:22:23,050
Thinking of the mementos in the box,

404
00:22:23,060 --> 00:22:27,250
among them the birthday present she
was never able to give her father,

405
00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:30,570
chuck thanked her
8-year-old self.

406
00:22:30,860 --> 00:22:33,660
Thank you,
8-year-old self.

407
00:22:33,670 --> 00:22:35,610
You must be out of your damn minds!

408
00:22:35,620 --> 00:22:38,920
There is no way in tinker
bell's tiny butt cheeks

409
00:22:38,930 --> 00:22:43,170
that you are gonna roll out the welcome mat
on my front porch for a bunch of thieves!

410
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:44,140
We know it's
an imposition --

411
00:22:44,150 --> 00:22:47,900
an imposition is ordering
clams at a kosher deli.

412
00:22:47,910 --> 00:22:50,930
Robbers nowadays are
multi-hyphenate hoodlums.

413
00:22:50,940 --> 00:22:52,660
They don't just rob. Oh, no.

414
00:22:52,670 --> 00:22:55,350
They strip you naked,
lather you in lard,

415
00:22:55,360 --> 00:22:58,250
and slide you into the
walls and leave you there.

416
00:22:58,260 --> 00:22:59,970
Then they rob you.

417
00:22:59,980 --> 00:23:01,170
When you put it like that.

418
00:23:01,180 --> 00:23:04,920
Why don't i just get a shovel and
start digging my shallow grave now?

419
00:23:04,930 --> 00:23:08,520
I find a dash of danger titillating.

420
00:23:08,540 --> 00:23:09,890
You've certainly made that clear.

421
00:23:09,900 --> 00:23:15,870
I assume that's a passive-aggressive insult
directed at my daring sashays into romance.

422
00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:17,030
I choose to ignore it.

423
00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:19,910
You've ignored every other danger
sign on the road to abject heartbreak.

424
00:23:19,940 --> 00:23:23,590
I find that interjecting at precisely
the right moment often defuses conflict.

425
00:23:23,610 --> 00:23:24,400
Wouldn't you agree?

426
00:23:24,420 --> 00:23:26,360
Lily charles, you're jealous.

427
00:23:26,370 --> 00:23:28,680
It simply slays you that a man as tender

428
00:23:28,700 --> 00:23:32,780
and as viscerally masculine
as dwight chose me over you.

429
00:23:32,790 --> 00:23:34,390
Missed it by that much.

430
00:23:34,420 --> 00:23:38,680
I am not jealous. I'm
-- I'm worried about you.

431
00:23:39,430 --> 00:23:41,720
Damn it, I love you.

432
00:23:41,730 --> 00:23:47,420
I don't want to see this fetish you have for
raffish men hurt you the way it has in the past.

433
00:23:47,430 --> 00:23:50,430
- On the topic of dwight
-- - keep out of this!

434
00:23:51,070 --> 00:23:56,720
Uh, is my patch on the wrong eye, or
did it suddenly get very dark in here?

435
00:23:56,730 --> 00:23:58,530
Is it dark? I -- I
didn't even notice.

436
00:23:58,540 --> 00:24:02,360
They say that extreme
photosensitivity is a sign of rabies

437
00:24:02,370 --> 00:24:05,530
or a hangover or a delicate
optical nerve condition --

438
00:24:05,540 --> 00:24:08,110
yeah, or a bunch of part-time P.I.S

439
00:24:08,120 --> 00:24:12,400
trying to hoodwink a hoodlum by
pretending my house is vacant.

440
00:24:12,410 --> 00:24:14,190
Wait a minute!

441
00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:15,940
We're being robbed tonight!

442
00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:18,290
Ooh, I just got a shiver.

443
00:24:18,300 --> 00:24:20,840
While the bickering
downstairs continued,

444
00:24:20,860 --> 00:24:24,740
chuck decided she had heard
all the fighting she cared to

445
00:24:24,750 --> 00:24:29,240
and turned her attention instead
to her father's dusty belongings.

446
00:24:29,250 --> 00:24:33,880
Seeing dwight engaged in male bonding
with her father and the pie maker's father,

447
00:24:33,900 --> 00:24:38,520
chuck still found no indication 
of dwight dixion's true attentions

448
00:24:38,530 --> 00:24:44,670
The secret behind those intentions remained buried
with her father in the grave next to her grave,

449
00:24:44,690 --> 00:24:48,870
a grave she may soon be returning to.

450
00:24:54,010 --> 00:24:56,000
Fear not, madam.

451
00:24:57,890 --> 00:24:59,160
I mean you no harm.

452
00:24:59,170 --> 00:25:01,200
Spectacular throw, by the way.

453
00:25:01,210 --> 00:25:03,790
To be fair, I should tell you
that I have a gun in my pocket.

454
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:05,630
To be fair, I don't really believe you.

455
00:25:05,650 --> 00:25:09,020
To be even more fair, all I have to
do is scream, and a whole cadre of big,

456
00:25:09,030 --> 00:25:12,340
strong men and sweet middle-aged
ladies with shotguns will come running.

457
00:25:12,360 --> 00:25:14,480
Fair enough. And yet, you haven'T.

458
00:25:14,490 --> 00:25:19,690
Perhaps because you believe that society has a moral
obligation to protect the least fortunate of its ranks.

459
00:25:19,700 --> 00:25:21,070
And where society fails...

460
00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:22,270
you pick up the slack.

461
00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:24,730
Which sounds incredibly
noble until you kill someone.

462
00:25:24,750 --> 00:25:28,050
I am no killer, merely
a soldier of fortune --

463
00:25:28,060 --> 00:25:30,380
other people's fortunes,
for the underprivileged.

464
00:25:30,390 --> 00:25:31,980
Gustav would say otherwise.

465
00:25:31,990 --> 00:25:35,780
Well, he would if he could speak,
but he can't because he's dead.

466
00:25:35,790 --> 00:25:39,860
You and tam fong killed gustav
two days ago after you robbed him.

467
00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:44,000
First of all, tam fong is but another
unwitting victim of my robberies.

468
00:25:44,010 --> 00:25:46,110
I swipe his phone list
to choose my targets.

469
00:25:46,120 --> 00:25:48,840
- And gustav?
- I robbed him, it's true.

470
00:25:48,850 --> 00:25:52,450
Not because he was stingy and
uncharitable, but because he asked me to.

471
00:25:52,460 --> 00:25:53,770
He asked you to rob him?

472
00:25:53,780 --> 00:25:57,550
He was writing a new will and needed to
know whether to name his wife as beneficiary.

473
00:25:57,560 --> 00:26:00,890
I know how this must sound,
but the facts were these --

474
00:26:00,900 --> 00:26:04,010
These were
the facts --

475
00:26:04,540 --> 00:26:07,020
Gustav was in the midst
of a crisis of faith.

476
00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:09,280
His decision to rewrite his
will had made him question

477
00:26:09,290 --> 00:26:13,630
whether his wife really loved him and
he had any true friendships at all.

478
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:16,020
And that's when we met.

479
00:26:16,030 --> 00:26:19,030
He wanted to make a contribution,
but I wouldn't let him.

480
00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:21,940
He said, "where I come from,
people get paid for their services."

481
00:26:21,950 --> 00:26:25,810
But I said, "charity is an impulse,
not a return for a friendly act."

482
00:26:25,830 --> 00:26:26,530
So we talked.

483
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:29,300
He told me his problems,
and I offered a solution.

484
00:26:29,310 --> 00:26:30,490
I agreed to rob him.

485
00:26:30,500 --> 00:26:32,250
He would appear to
be an innocent victim.

486
00:26:32,260 --> 00:26:36,090
If his wife stayed faithfully by his
side, his concerns could be laid to rest.

487
00:26:36,100 --> 00:26:39,580
I'd return half his fortune and
keep the other half for charity.

488
00:26:39,590 --> 00:26:43,780
But gustav's wife intervened,
and I had to get out.

489
00:26:45,870 --> 00:26:48,460
I read in the paper the next
day what happened to gustav.

490
00:26:48,470 --> 00:26:51,090
Even if you didn't kill
him, you're still a criminal.

491
00:26:51,100 --> 00:26:53,460
My duty is to the downtrodden, the meek,

492
00:26:53,470 --> 00:26:56,510
those unable to reach their own
bootstraps, let alone pull them.

493
00:26:56,520 --> 00:27:00,790
I take only what people can afford to lose,
and that certainly doesn't include their lives.

494
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:02,480
Do you like puppies?

495
00:27:02,490 --> 00:27:03,540
Yeah.

496
00:27:03,550 --> 00:27:06,250
The papen county animal shelter
is about to be shut down tomorrow

497
00:27:06,260 --> 00:27:08,750
unless I get them the
money to pay their mortgage.

498
00:27:08,770 --> 00:27:12,620
With nowhere to house these animals, the
dogcatchers are calling it "the big sleep."

499
00:27:12,630 --> 00:27:13,930
You can save them?

500
00:27:13,940 --> 00:27:15,590
Only if the help outweighs the hurt.

501
00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:18,400
The act of charity always makes sense.

502
00:27:18,410 --> 00:27:21,010
You let him go? What if
he's a cold-blooded murderer?

503
00:27:21,020 --> 00:27:21,920
Shut it. Kitchen.

504
00:27:21,930 --> 00:27:24,030
It was an act of charity.
There were puppies involved.

505
00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:27,220
And besides, my grueneberg
ganglia wasn't activated.

506
00:27:27,230 --> 00:27:28,560
That sounds personal.

507
00:27:28,570 --> 00:27:32,020
Sounds like one of them feminine conversations
you need to have with your lady friends.

508
00:27:32,030 --> 00:27:35,430
There's a bundle of nerves at the tip of
your nose that detect aggressive pheromones.

509
00:27:35,440 --> 00:27:37,240
As in, you can sniff out danger?

510
00:27:37,250 --> 00:27:39,740
And the only thing I could smell
was a swashbuckling do-gooder

511
00:27:39,750 --> 00:27:41,560
who was in the wrong
place at the wrong time.

512
00:27:41,570 --> 00:27:43,180
Smells like puppy crap to me.

513
00:27:43,190 --> 00:27:45,430
You shouldn't have let
him go. It was a mistake.

514
00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:46,530
You're really angry at me.

515
00:27:46,550 --> 00:27:49,340
I'm out of counter space, so
I'm stress-baking in my head.

516
00:27:49,360 --> 00:27:50,730
It feels like you're stress-baking me.

517
00:27:50,740 --> 00:27:52,440
I'm channeling fear into anger.

518
00:27:52,450 --> 00:27:53,830
Anger leads to hate.

519
00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:56,440
And hate leads to stress-baking
the people you love.

520
00:27:56,450 --> 00:27:59,340
Which is bad, but better than stress-releasing,
which is what you did for the bellman.

521
00:27:59,350 --> 00:28:00,520
Well, maybe rob was telling the truth.

522
00:28:00,530 --> 00:28:03,930
Maybe it was gustav's musket-toting wife
that dropped the chandelier on his head.

523
00:28:03,940 --> 00:28:06,760
You did say that the
bellman/porter was hiding something.

524
00:28:06,780 --> 00:28:11,070
He may have had an alibi, but he
may also know who killed gustav.

525
00:28:18,110 --> 00:28:20,750
Stakeouts are only fun when there
are binoculars for everybody.

526
00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:23,280
Stakeouts are only fun if you got
a good football game to listen to

527
00:28:23,290 --> 00:28:25,940
and the stake you're outing
is next to a hot-dog stand.

528
00:28:25,950 --> 00:28:29,400
They seem like a good time
to have weighty conversations.

529
00:28:29,410 --> 00:28:30,320
No, it don'T.

530
00:28:30,330 --> 00:28:34,390
If dwight figures out that I'm not dead, it
may be the best thing that ever happened to me.

531
00:28:34,410 --> 00:28:37,460
You talking a lot like a dead girl
who wants to go back in the ground.

532
00:28:37,470 --> 00:28:38,590
What's the worst that could happen?

533
00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:43,310
Pie maker becomes a sideshow in the circus
of fun, and I earn my wages peddling ticketS.

534
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:46,710
This is a cavalier conversation about
a deep, dark, touchy subject for me.

535
00:28:46,730 --> 00:28:48,240
How deep, dark, and touchy is it?

536
00:28:48,260 --> 00:28:51,960
Ever since I was little, I'd have this dream
that somebody found out what I could do.

537
00:28:51,970 --> 00:28:54,430
It starts off with lots
of ice cream and balloons,

538
00:28:54,440 --> 00:28:59,310
and ends in a small white room where little bits
are cut out of me until there's nothing left to cut.

539
00:28:59,340 --> 00:29:00,450
That's awful.

540
00:29:00,460 --> 00:29:03,170
If dwight finds out about me,
then he finds out about you,

541
00:29:03,190 --> 00:29:06,320
and you still won't wake up my
dad and find out what dwight wants.

542
00:29:06,340 --> 00:29:08,750
You're putting my emotional
well-being before your fears.

543
00:29:08,760 --> 00:29:12,180
That's so courageous and romantic.

544
00:29:13,420 --> 00:29:14,420
Thank you.

545
00:29:14,430 --> 00:29:16,510
Well, looky, looky.

546
00:29:16,530 --> 00:29:18,700
It's gustav's widow
and the bellman petting.

547
00:29:18,710 --> 00:29:21,180
Hello, motive.

548
00:29:21,190 --> 00:29:23,270
Nice to see you again.

549
00:29:23,290 --> 00:29:28,780
All that remained for emerson cod
was to confront the bellman and widow.

550
00:29:29,180 --> 00:29:35,470
Across town, all that remained of
charles charles was a loving box of memories

551
00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:37,200
and a pocket watch.

552
00:29:37,220 --> 00:29:43,020
Although charles charles, the man who
had set so much in motion, was long gone,

553
00:29:43,030 --> 00:29:49,850
dwight dixon, the man who intended to bring
it all to a crashing end, was still here.

554
00:29:51,750 --> 00:29:55,610
We're closed. excuse me.

555
00:29:55,620 --> 00:29:57,900
What I meant to say was, "we're closed."

556
00:29:57,920 --> 00:30:00,410
So you're here all by your lonesome.

557
00:30:00,440 --> 00:30:02,700
No, no. I'm not here all by my lonesome.

558
00:30:02,710 --> 00:30:06,470
Manuel, the big cholo
janitor, is in the back.

559
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:11,090
I think he used to be in one of those,
uh, super-dangerous el salvadoran gangs

560
00:30:11,100 --> 00:30:15,740
who murder white older men as a
warning to the police to buzz off.

561
00:30:15,750 --> 00:30:18,300
Isn't that right, manuel?

562
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:21,290
Oh, he's probably, you
know, cleaning the toilet.

563
00:30:21,310 --> 00:30:23,790
I'd like to leave a
message for your friends.

564
00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:25,150
Yeah, I'll just grab a pad.

565
00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:26,760
It's around here somewhere.

566
00:30:26,780 --> 00:30:28,530
Boy, look at all this sugar.

567
00:30:28,550 --> 00:30:32,960
Yeah, I hope you
don't need an en--

568
00:30:32,970 --> 00:30:34,830
hello?

569
00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:38,500
While olive snook was unable to
provide the pen and paper she sought,

570
00:30:38,510 --> 00:30:44,080
she'd received the mysterious
dwight's message loud and clear.

571
00:30:47,890 --> 00:30:51,360
1 hour, 23 minutes, and 42 seconds ago,

572
00:30:51,380 --> 00:30:54,510
olive snook made two
alarming discoveries --

573
00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:56,740
first, that in time of duress,

574
00:30:56,750 --> 00:30:59,880
the pie maker's penchant
for stress-baking was matched

575
00:30:59,910 --> 00:31:04,040
only by the petite waitress's
predilection for stress-binge.

576
00:31:04,060 --> 00:31:06,990
Second, that the dark
stranger, dwight dixon,

577
00:31:07,010 --> 00:31:11,920
had discovered chuck,A.K.A.Charlotte
charles', true identity.

578
00:31:11,950 --> 00:31:14,830
It did little to lighten
the load in olive's heart

579
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:18,830
as she anxiously awaited
the pie maker's return.

580
00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:22,830
Having acquired the brass pocket
watch he so eagerly sought,

581
00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:26,180
dwight dixon set his sights
on vivian's heart of gold.

582
00:31:26,190 --> 00:31:31,200
But sister lily was not about to
let that treasure go so easily.

583
00:31:35,100 --> 00:31:38,580
You can turn your fanny right
around and walk away,mister.

584
00:31:38,590 --> 00:31:40,470
We're done buying what you're peddling.

585
00:31:40,490 --> 00:31:42,560
Now, lily, that's not entirely true.

586
00:31:42,570 --> 00:31:48,480
More accurate would be, "i'm not buying what
you're peddling, but vivian will be right down."

587
00:31:48,500 --> 00:31:53,810
And how long you suppose she'll stay interested
in the wares of a two-bit huckster pitching lies?

588
00:31:53,830 --> 00:31:55,770
I didn't think you were
so concerned about lies.

589
00:31:55,780 --> 00:31:57,920
Shouldn't you be more
worried about the truth?

590
00:31:57,950 --> 00:32:00,170
It's time to nip you
in the budding romance

591
00:32:00,180 --> 00:32:03,120
before vivian convinces herself
you really are the second coming.

592
00:32:03,140 --> 00:32:07,900
I assume you're referring to my
friend, your lover, charles charles.

593
00:32:07,910 --> 00:32:09,230
You're nothing like charles.

594
00:32:09,260 --> 00:32:12,490
I think you'd find that charlie and
me are more similar than you'd reckon.

595
00:32:12,510 --> 00:32:17,510
Few stark differences, of course,
but, uh, we had the same ambitions.

596
00:32:17,530 --> 00:32:20,060
He made bad decisions.

597
00:32:20,070 --> 00:32:21,620
You were a bad decision.

598
00:32:21,630 --> 00:32:23,560
My bad decisions landed me in prison.

599
00:32:23,570 --> 00:32:25,400
His landed him with a baby girl.

600
00:32:25,430 --> 00:32:30,130
I don't think I ever had the
opportunity to express my condolences.

601
00:32:30,150 --> 00:32:34,510
You got your thumb on a big, red button
you definitely don't want to push.

602
00:32:34,540 --> 00:32:37,840
Vivian said the service was beautiful.

603
00:32:37,850 --> 00:32:43,830
And what a lovely gesture to bury
your daughter with her father's watch.

604
00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:50,370
You are such thoughtful women,
who have loved and lost so much.

605
00:32:51,580 --> 00:32:56,350
We're gonna lose you right now, before you get
one inch closer to my little sister's heart.

606
00:32:56,360 --> 00:33:00,180
Get gone and stay gone.

607
00:33:02,590 --> 00:33:06,650
Lily's encounter with dwight had
stirred the pot of her sentimental soup,

608
00:33:06,690 --> 00:33:12,620
one spoonful of which gave her a terrible case
of the yearns to visit her daughter's grave.

609
00:33:12,630 --> 00:33:15,740
What in hell's kitchen...

610
00:33:17,970 --> 00:33:20,420
But when she saw the overturned dirt,

611
00:33:20,430 --> 00:33:24,480
she thought about the pocket watch and
the man obsessed with its whereabouts

612
00:33:24,510 --> 00:33:30,530
and wondered whether dwight dixon had
unearthed more than vivi's buried emotion.

613
00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:37,230
Meanwhile, the private investigators had unearthed
the buried motives of gustav hofer's widow.

614
00:33:37,250 --> 00:33:41,920
You bumped off gustav so you could keep bumping
uglies with the bellman while inheriting a fortune.

615
00:33:41,930 --> 00:33:43,620
I told you. Alibi. Key party.

616
00:33:43,630 --> 00:33:44,980
Your alibi never checked out.

617
00:33:44,990 --> 00:33:46,750
You never went to that charity ball.

618
00:33:46,760 --> 00:33:47,840
Why'd you do it, elise?

619
00:33:47,870 --> 00:33:50,010
Didn't do anything...

620
00:33:50,030 --> 00:33:52,130
except james-andrew.

621
00:33:52,150 --> 00:33:54,440
Who do you think got his key?

622
00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:56,790
I was still really wrong
about what I thought that was.

623
00:33:56,800 --> 00:33:59,630
You two backing up each
other's alibis means bubkes.

624
00:33:59,640 --> 00:34:01,900
You were canoodlin' and cahootin',
and you were cahootin' to kill.

625
00:34:01,920 --> 00:34:04,690
We cahooted to keep
quiet about our affair.

626
00:34:04,700 --> 00:34:07,470
Adulteresses totally get
the shaft in estate law.

627
00:34:07,490 --> 00:34:10,170
Besides, I couldn't kill
anybody with these hands.

628
00:34:10,190 --> 00:34:15,430
Since I grew these puppies out, my manicure
means I'm a mani-can't for manual labor.

629
00:34:15,450 --> 00:34:19,060
Yeah, but you were a mani-can when it
came to pointin' a gun at robber rob wright

630
00:34:19,070 --> 00:34:21,200
- and almost pulled the trigger.
- As if!

631
00:34:21,210 --> 00:34:24,850
I never even saw the
robber. And even if I did...

632
00:34:25,420 --> 00:34:27,500
why is everybody pointing
their gun at me?

633
00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:30,170
There is no way I could
pull the trigger on a gun.

634
00:34:30,180 --> 00:34:32,200
I'm too blinged out!

635
00:34:32,210 --> 00:34:33,920
You could have taken off the rings.

636
00:34:33,950 --> 00:34:35,700
With those nails, it'd
have taken forever.

637
00:34:35,720 --> 00:34:36,970
Rob wright would have been out of there.

638
00:34:36,980 --> 00:34:40,200
If she's telling the truth and didn't storm
in on rob wright robbi the house, then --

639
00:34:40,220 --> 00:34:43,570
our robbing hood's had us hoodwinked.

640
00:34:45,700 --> 00:34:50,970
So the pie maker, and chuck
sought out their winking hood

641
00:34:50,980 --> 00:34:53,250
at the bellmen's headquarters.

642
00:34:54,330 --> 00:34:59,860
I'll thank you to keep your sidearm
holstered, sir, lest I be forced to lunge.

643
00:35:00,720 --> 00:35:04,220
Well, at least it ain't another gun.

644
00:35:09,930 --> 00:35:14,700
From one gentleman to another, allow me
to apologize for our current situation.

645
00:35:14,710 --> 00:35:19,250
Well, I'd be a lot more receptive to that apology
if there wasn't a knife pointed at my gullet.

646
00:35:19,260 --> 00:35:21,970
You're a lying liar and a
murderer, both of which are bad.

647
00:35:21,980 --> 00:35:23,170
One of which is worse.

648
00:35:23,180 --> 00:35:24,850
You slaughtered a senior citizen.

649
00:35:24,860 --> 00:35:27,060
That'll buy you a ringside seat in hell.

650
00:35:27,080 --> 00:35:30,400
But you might be able to get a refund
on that ticket if you put the knife down.

651
00:35:30,410 --> 00:35:33,750
Gustav was the victim
of a tragic accident.

652
00:35:33,770 --> 00:35:35,320
Born of good deeds, I might add.

653
00:35:35,340 --> 00:35:37,440
Running from the scene of
a crime was no accident.

654
00:35:37,450 --> 00:35:40,440
Did you even stop to consider the
consequences of your "good deeds"?

655
00:35:40,450 --> 00:35:43,650
Those weren't good deeds for gustav's
wife, his lawyer, or his legacy.

656
00:35:43,660 --> 00:35:47,060
Well, actually, now that you mention
it, I think I can make that right.

657
00:35:47,810 --> 00:35:49,760
Gustav's will. It was in his safe.

658
00:35:49,770 --> 00:35:52,000
Now that that's settled,

659
00:35:52,020 --> 00:35:57,060
I trust my quest to rob from the rich and
give to the poor may continue unabated.

660
00:35:57,070 --> 00:36:02,860
Oh, hell no, 'cause, see, I plan on being
real rich, and I want to see your ass in jail.

661
00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:05,640
I was afraid you might feel that way.

662
00:36:05,650 --> 00:36:09,880
So... orbis pro vox!

663
00:36:14,390 --> 00:36:17,520
'Bout time I get to do the
gun-pointing around here.

664
00:36:17,530 --> 00:36:18,930
The facts
were these --

665
00:36:18,940 --> 00:36:24,360
upon coming to the realization that his young
wife may only have married him for his money,

666
00:36:24,370 --> 00:36:28,640
gustav hofer found himself questioning
whether he should rewrite his will.

667
00:36:28,660 --> 00:36:32,210
Bellman rob wright afforded
him the perfect plan --

668
00:36:32,220 --> 00:36:35,830
fake a robbery to learn
his wife's true feelings.

669
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:38,710
But daniel hill discovered
those feelings first.

670
00:36:38,730 --> 00:36:43,450
He deserves the cre de la crme,
not some sugar-stuffed pop-tart

671
00:36:43,460 --> 00:36:46,010
with a helium voice and hooker heels.

672
00:36:46,030 --> 00:36:49,740
One word from me and
you are out of the will!

673
00:36:49,750 --> 00:36:54,780
Though his lawyer shielded gustav from his
wife's treachery in order to protect his pride,

674
00:36:54,790 --> 00:36:58,170
gustav had not only
seen her adulterous ways,

675
00:36:58,180 --> 00:37:02,870
but also the way daniel hill
defended his good name and honor.

676
00:37:02,880 --> 00:37:07,410
The billionaire resolved to
leave his estate to his esquire.

677
00:37:07,420 --> 00:37:10,940
When the bellman arrived,
gustav refused to play his role.

678
00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:14,400
Rob wright insisted gustav
keep his end of the bargain.

679
00:37:14,420 --> 00:37:18,620
Gustav insisted more emphatically
that rob leave his mansion.

680
00:37:22,310 --> 00:37:24,980
It was gustav who would be the dearly departed 

681
00:37:24,980 --> 00:37:30,740
and daniel hillwho would find the body 
he left behind and pick up the pieces.

682
00:37:32,110 --> 00:37:34,470
Gustav's revised will.

683
00:37:34,480 --> 00:37:36,310
You get the whole hofer coffer.

684
00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:40,380
Me? All I ever did was
give him my friendship.

685
00:37:40,390 --> 00:37:42,520
It's all he wanted.

686
00:37:42,530 --> 00:37:47,260
Now, let's talk about your
next charitable donation.

687
00:37:49,100 --> 00:37:52,200
While emerson cod was
able to deliver good news,

688
00:37:52,210 --> 00:37:57,880
lily charles sought to convince her sister
that the mysterious dwight was bad news.

689
00:38:02,300 --> 00:38:04,230
Holy crap

690
00:38:04,250 --> 00:38:10,360
Lily knew dwight dug up her daughter's grave,
but she needed more proof than overturned dirt.

691
00:38:11,360 --> 00:38:13,730
Lily had found the proof she sought.

692
00:38:13,750 --> 00:38:18,650
Dwight had his possession the watch
she believed was buried with chuck.

693
00:38:26,350 --> 00:38:31,260
And dwight, believing the girl who was not
dead stole back the watch he stole from her,

694
00:38:31,290 --> 00:38:35,510
set off to retrieve his
stolen, stolen property.

695
00:38:47,400 --> 00:38:50,720
The girl named chuck, who had
not been so lucky with death,

696
00:38:50,750 --> 00:38:55,940
learned that her death had come back to
haunt her in the form of dwight dixon.

697
00:38:57,500 --> 00:38:59,640
This left the pie maker no choice.

698
00:38:59,670 --> 00:39:03,100
In order to unearth
dwight dixon's agenda,

699
00:39:03,110 --> 00:39:07,310
he must first unearth chuck's father.

700
00:39:10,470 --> 00:39:13,140
I keep waiting for a euphoric
high to rush through my system,

701
00:39:13,150 --> 00:39:17,280
and instead, I feel really
nervous and uncomfortable.

702
00:39:17,300 --> 00:39:20,300
It's gonna be an awkward hello, tender
acceptance, and a rushed goodbye.

703
00:39:20,310 --> 00:39:23,410
Euphoric high barely figures
in. It's -- it's gonna be hard.

704
00:39:23,420 --> 00:39:27,060
I know. I don't think I realized that until
now, and now it's too late to turn back.

705
00:39:27,070 --> 00:39:28,440
It's not too late to turn back.

706
00:39:28,450 --> 00:39:30,080
We have other options.
We could leave town.

707
00:39:30,090 --> 00:39:31,710
Even with dwight knowing who I am,

708
00:39:31,720 --> 00:39:35,840
you're still willing to put my emotional
well-being before your deepest fears.

709
00:39:35,850 --> 00:39:38,490
If i knew the consequences, I never
would have alive-agained my mother,

710
00:39:38,500 --> 00:39:40,480
and I had her for seven hours.

711
00:39:40,490 --> 00:39:42,980
I'd rather take my chances with
dwight than make you go through this.

712
00:39:42,990 --> 00:39:44,380
When you lost your
mother,you were alone.

713
00:39:44,390 --> 00:39:48,050
I -- I
have you.

714
00:39:49,700 --> 00:39:54,630
You're the real swashbuckling
do-gooder, and I love you.

715
00:39:55,750 --> 00:39:59,400
I hope you still feel
that way when this is over.

716
00:40:00,150 --> 00:40:06,140
<font color=#00FFFF>-=http://sfile.ydy.com=-
proudly presents</font>

717
00:40:06,150 --> 00:40:12,140
<font color=#00FFFF>-=http://sfile.ydy.com=-
sync:ßÇÈâÈâ</font>

718
00:40:12,910 --> 00:40:14,710
You ready?

719
00:40:15,730 --> 00:40:18,400
Yeah I'm ready. Thanks.

