1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,020 Pushing Daisies Season 2 Episode 7 Robbing Hood 2 00:00:06,130 --> 00:00:12,310 At this very moment at the Longborough School for boys, when it came to the currency of popularity 3 00:00:12,410 --> 00:00:15,110 young Ned was poor but not the poorest. 4 00:00:15,120 --> 00:00:21,090 Eugene Mulchandani's thick accent and unfortunate family history of disproportionate jaw structure 5 00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:26,780 made him both extremely difficult to understand and an easy mark for bullies. 6 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:31,060 Young Ned knew that playing with Eugene meant losing his marbles, 7 00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:34,010 but he considered the sacrificed aggies, steelies, 8 00:00:34,030 --> 00:00:36,140 and shooters an act of charity. 9 00:00:36,180 --> 00:00:40,140 For, aside from ned, Eugene had only two other companions -- 10 00:00:40,170 --> 00:00:45,160 Bilbo, his lethargic indian python, and Ackbar, a bunny. 11 00:01:03,660 --> 00:01:09,180 Eugene was devastated when he lerned that, upon attempting to eat Ackbar the bunny, 12 00:01:09,210 --> 00:01:12,970 Bilbo the snake choked, killing them both. 13 00:01:13,010 --> 00:01:15,690 Under the guise of burying Eugene's pets, 14 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:21,650 young Ned resolved to perform another act of charity for his language-mangling friend. 15 00:01:21,660 --> 00:01:28,290 He knew that giving Eugene his friends back would require two innocent creatures to die... 16 00:01:32,790 --> 00:01:39,260 And a lie about how he found them both barely breathing when he went to bury them. 17 00:01:39,270 --> 00:01:42,100 But as long as the benefits outweighed the costs, 18 00:01:42,110 --> 00:01:46,920 he also believed an act of charity outweighed the consequences. 19 00:01:49,370 --> 00:01:54,430 20 years, 16 weeks, 4 days and 9 hours later, 20 00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:58,010 the boy had grown into the pie maker, 21 00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:02,280 and the pie maker was, at this very moment... 22 00:02:02,290 --> 00:02:04,500 troubled. 23 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:05,860 You're stress-baking. 24 00:02:05,870 --> 00:02:06,980 I don't know what you're talking about. 25 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:08,660 I'm talking about you've been up since before the sun, 26 00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:12,630 and there's a traffic jam of pies waiting to exit into the oven. 27 00:02:12,650 --> 00:02:13,820 You're worried about something. 28 00:02:13,850 --> 00:02:16,560 "Worried" would imply an urge toward action. 29 00:02:16,580 --> 00:02:18,370 "Troubled" seems more apt. 30 00:02:18,390 --> 00:02:20,060 About a certain man named Dwight 31 00:02:20,070 --> 00:02:23,060 who came asking questions about your dad and is now dating my aunt Vivian? 32 00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:24,720 Oh, you're stress-baking. 33 00:02:24,730 --> 00:02:27,270 If he's dating your aunt, he's going to see a picture of you, 34 00:02:27,290 --> 00:02:28,960 and if he doesn't have retrograde amnesia, 35 00:02:28,980 --> 00:02:31,720 he's going to recognize you, if he hasn't already. 36 00:02:31,740 --> 00:02:33,120 Why is he dating your aunt? 37 00:02:33,130 --> 00:02:35,860 Not to suggest that she's not datable and perfectly lovely, 38 00:02:35,890 --> 00:02:37,620 but it does seem more than a little coincidental. 39 00:02:37,650 --> 00:02:41,040 Does your aunt Vivian's nice-smelling new boy toy have something to do with why you faked your death? 40 00:02:41,050 --> 00:02:41,900 No. 41 00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:43,600 Because maybe he's been after you all along. 42 00:02:43,610 --> 00:02:45,410 Maybe he works for the IRS. 43 00:02:45,420 --> 00:02:47,920 If anyone can figure out whether you're dead, it's a tax man. 44 00:02:47,940 --> 00:02:51,950 Or maybe he thinks you really are dead, and he's one of those paranormal investigators. 45 00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:54,780 Maybe he's the old priest, and the young priest is coming. 46 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:58,670 That would be a waste of religion because she's not... Dead. 47 00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:01,050 I find myself urged to action. 48 00:03:01,070 --> 00:03:02,160 Yeah. Me too. 49 00:03:02,170 --> 00:03:03,690 Public records, criminal records -- 50 00:03:03,700 --> 00:03:07,940 we've got to find out who Dwight is and if he's after more than just your aunt's companionship. 51 00:03:07,950 --> 00:03:10,250 Mm, counter intelligence via pie delivery -- 52 00:03:10,270 --> 00:03:12,900 like gossiping with a purpose. 53 00:03:12,910 --> 00:03:15,630 My speciality. 54 00:03:16,950 --> 00:03:17,760 It's pie time! 55 00:03:17,790 --> 00:03:21,950 Olive! What a surprise! And with a pie. 56 00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:24,480 The second sweetest treat of my day. 57 00:03:24,490 --> 00:03:26,380 Something sweeter than a Pie Hole pie? 58 00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:30,590 The first was a surprise visit from a certain gentleman caller. 59 00:03:30,640 --> 00:03:33,330 Oh, the lovely lady of the Hole. 60 00:03:33,350 --> 00:03:35,270 And with a special delivery to heel. 61 00:03:35,300 --> 00:03:36,740 Oh, no need to stand on my account. 62 00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:38,160 I'm just here doing my duty. 63 00:03:38,180 --> 00:03:40,160 No other reason I can speak of. 64 00:03:40,180 --> 00:03:43,020 Uh, and what type of duty are you in again? 65 00:03:43,030 --> 00:03:44,600 Clergy? Tax services? 66 00:03:44,610 --> 00:03:48,100 Dwight collects and appraises antiques, 67 00:03:48,130 --> 00:03:52,270 which I learned right after he told me he's dating my sister. 68 00:03:52,290 --> 00:03:55,220 Lily is naturally suspicious of new liaisons, 69 00:03:55,230 --> 00:03:58,280 but I felt compelled to come clean about our relationship. 70 00:03:58,290 --> 00:04:01,730 Sneaking around is for politicians in bathroom stalls. 71 00:04:01,740 --> 00:04:06,870 Not for a brisk and bucolic autumn-cum-winter afternoon on the park. 72 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:09,200 Ladies. 73 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,280 Bye. 74 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:17,710 Seems nice. 75 00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:20,530 I don't trust him further than I can spit. 76 00:04:20,550 --> 00:04:23,130 And I can spit. 77 00:04:24,090 --> 00:04:28,590 God... look at the way he drapes himself all over her. 78 00:04:29,660 --> 00:04:32,760 Makes me want to stick a fork in my eye. 79 00:04:32,770 --> 00:04:33,890 I need a drink. 80 00:04:33,900 --> 00:04:34,840 You're holding one. 81 00:04:34,860 --> 00:04:37,760 I need a stronger one. And a fork. 82 00:04:37,770 --> 00:04:42,550 While Olive pondered one sister blinded by love and the other by distrust, 83 00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:47,370 Emerson Cod pondered the exorbitant amount of cash he'd just been given. 84 00:04:47,380 --> 00:04:52,790 I demand justice for the decedent, and I will not rest, settle, or adjourn... 85 00:04:52,820 --> 00:04:53,770 Until I have it! 86 00:04:53,780 --> 00:04:56,690 Mind demanding it in your inside voice? 87 00:04:56,700 --> 00:04:57,620 I'm sorry. 88 00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:59,870 Years of litigation have made me a loud talker. 89 00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:04,040 What makes a dead man's lawyer so willing to shell out his own green over a client's death? 90 00:05:04,060 --> 00:05:05,650 I have a special practice. 91 00:05:05,660 --> 00:05:09,200 Gustav was my one client, and that client is now dead. 92 00:05:09,220 --> 00:05:10,560 So why you still hanging on? 93 00:05:10,570 --> 00:05:12,870 Looking for a few stray cash capillaries? 94 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:15,420 Gustav was -- he was more than a client. 95 00:05:15,430 --> 00:05:20,310 He was a -- he was a cantankerous bombast with a violent temper 96 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:23,110 and a lust for power and wealth. 97 00:05:23,130 --> 00:05:27,050 In lawyer speak, I was in love with him. 98 00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:29,320 You talk to the police about your friend? 99 00:05:29,340 --> 00:05:31,410 The police station is run by a bunch of monkeys. 100 00:05:31,420 --> 00:05:33,960 You want the best, you pay the premium. 101 00:05:33,970 --> 00:05:35,340 Why ain't the family paying the premium? 102 00:05:35,350 --> 00:05:38,680 His wife was his family, and she was the biggest leech of all. 103 00:05:38,700 --> 00:05:39,950 Always after his will. 104 00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:42,140 So you figure she got to the will through murder. 105 00:05:42,150 --> 00:05:44,120 Well, I never trusted her. 106 00:05:44,130 --> 00:05:49,240 I tried my best, as a lover -- I mean, as a lawyer and a friend -- to protect Gustav. 107 00:05:49,250 --> 00:05:53,260 She ruined his life. She's gonna ruin his legacy. 108 00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:55,910 I smell a big ol' "but" heading my direction. 109 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:58,250 Gustav was robbed the night he died. 110 00:05:58,260 --> 00:06:00,490 I mean, it happens when you have a fortune like his. 111 00:06:00,500 --> 00:06:01,940 What kind of fortune we talkin' about? 112 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:05,240 The kind built upon your tight balls. 113 00:06:06,300 --> 00:06:10,790 The facts were these -- Gustav Hofer had lived the american dream. 114 00:06:10,810 --> 00:06:15,550 His mechanized yarn-baller not only gave a generation of frustrated grandmothers 115 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:17,400 the means to make unwanted gifts, 116 00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:22,660 at the age of 19, it was the first of countless inventions that made Gustav Hofer 117 00:06:22,670 --> 00:06:24,800 his first of countless millions. 118 00:06:24,820 --> 00:06:31,290 Before Gustav Hofer could make one penny more, someone arranged for his permanent retirement. 119 00:06:37,170 --> 00:06:42,380 And the lawyer who was in love with him found his retired remains. 120 00:06:45,940 --> 00:06:47,650 He doesn't look like the richest man in town. 121 00:06:47,670 --> 00:06:49,110 They say he had the Midas touch. 122 00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:51,180 Do you ever stop to think you're a little bit like king Midas? 123 00:06:51,190 --> 00:06:55,030 Except substitute "life" for "gold", and, obviously, you don't have donkey ears. 124 00:06:55,050 --> 00:06:57,470 Midas was a miser, like scrooge but hungrier. 125 00:06:57,490 --> 00:06:58,770 I'm a philanthropist. 126 00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:01,200 Just touch the sucker. 127 00:07:04,630 --> 00:07:05,730 Hello, mr. Hofer. 128 00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:08,210 We'd like to ask you a few questions, but we've only have a minute. 129 00:07:08,220 --> 00:07:09,700 I presume I'm dead. 130 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:12,030 Let's get down to business. First, the matter of my will. 131 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:13,840 - It's in your lawyer's - Not that will. 132 00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:15,160 I have a new will. 133 00:07:15,180 --> 00:07:18,550 - And you're gonna track it down for me, roger? - Roger. 134 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:20,590 I like you, kid, but you talk too much. 135 00:07:20,610 --> 00:07:24,680 The will is in my trophy room. Go to the biggest trophy -- center of the wall. 136 00:07:24,690 --> 00:07:26,750 Turn it clockwise. Say it back to me. 137 00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:28,200 Who killed you? 138 00:07:28,210 --> 00:07:29,800 Who are you? Who's he? 139 00:07:29,810 --> 00:07:31,890 Do you know who I am, Elmer? 140 00:07:31,900 --> 00:07:34,260 You about to be the first man ever to be murdered twice. 141 00:07:34,270 --> 00:07:35,130 You want justice? 142 00:07:35,140 --> 00:07:39,810 I don't want my hard-earned money going where it doesn't belong. 143 00:07:39,830 --> 00:07:43,870 Your generation has never understood the value of a dollar. 144 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:46,410 Trophy room, biggest trophy, turn clockwise. 145 00:07:46,430 --> 00:07:48,220 Smartest one of the bunch. 146 00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:51,310 I like your moxie, sassafras. 147 00:07:51,330 --> 00:07:57,190 Find my will and make sure that no-good, gold-digging wife of mine 148 00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:59,950 doesn't get one damn dime. Got it? 149 00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:01,340 Who killed you? 150 00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:03,860 The bellman did it. 151 00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:13,080 The private investigator, the pie maker, 152 00:08:13,100 --> 00:08:17,610 and Chuck arrived at Gustav Hofer's mansion to question his recent widow 153 00:08:17,630 --> 00:08:21,970 and longtime porter regarding the inventor's death. 154 00:08:22,790 --> 00:08:26,600 All right, me and dead girl are gonna go chat up the bellman. 155 00:08:26,630 --> 00:08:29,230 You go find that trophy room and get a hold of that will. 156 00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:30,500 I can do that. 157 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:33,020 That said, what's your take on Dwight dating Vivian? 158 00:08:33,030 --> 00:08:35,180 How long before he looks at a picture of Chuck and says, 159 00:08:35,190 --> 00:08:37,180 "Hey, there's that girl from the Pie Hole"? 160 00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:40,500 Come on. When I see an out-of-context picture of a nice-looking young girl, I don't say, 161 00:08:40,510 --> 00:08:46,180 "Ooh, there's that nice-looking young girl who served me cappuccino in that one restaurant". 162 00:08:46,190 --> 00:08:49,570 Oh, my gosh! This wallpaper -- it's vintage Osborne & Little. 163 00:08:49,580 --> 00:08:52,090 You could buy a small island for what this must be worth. 164 00:08:52,100 --> 00:08:55,250 Cool. I never even noticed. Isn't that weird? 165 00:08:55,260 --> 00:08:57,560 I'm like the worst widow ever. 166 00:08:57,580 --> 00:08:59,550 Elise. You must be the PIs. 167 00:08:59,560 --> 00:09:01,870 Yes, thank you so much for agreeing to help us. 168 00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:03,650 Is there a restroom? 169 00:09:03,680 --> 00:09:05,310 Down the hall, second left. 170 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:07,760 We're very sorry for your loss. You must be devastated. 171 00:09:07,770 --> 00:09:10,710 Crushed. Please, pop a squat. 172 00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:11,690 Thank you. 173 00:09:11,700 --> 00:09:15,680 James-Andrew -- that's the bellman you wanted to see -- is on his way. 174 00:09:15,690 --> 00:09:19,050 I told him to bring some of those awesome champagne-juice drinks he makes. 175 00:09:19,070 --> 00:09:20,470 Mimosas? 176 00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:21,790 James-Andrew! 177 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:24,220 They want mimosas instead! 178 00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:27,180 James-Andrew! 179 00:09:28,340 --> 00:09:30,840 I'm sure he heard me. 180 00:09:30,850 --> 00:09:33,760 Well, this is a very, um, nice... 181 00:09:33,770 --> 00:09:35,650 Castle that you have, mrs. Hofer. 182 00:09:35,660 --> 00:09:39,620 Thanks. It's a wreck right now, getting it all set up for the wake. 183 00:09:39,630 --> 00:09:41,810 You should totally come. 184 00:09:41,830 --> 00:09:46,400 Everybody who's anybody is gonna be here celebrating Gustav's death. 185 00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:47,710 You mean "life". 186 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:50,170 Sure, whatever. 187 00:09:55,260 --> 00:09:57,960 Oh, no. 188 00:10:10,460 --> 00:10:13,890 Turn the largest trophy clockwise. 189 00:10:13,900 --> 00:10:15,600 Cheers. 190 00:10:15,610 --> 00:10:18,340 Mm, cheers. Oh, that is the best champagne-juice drink I've ever had. 191 00:10:18,350 --> 00:10:20,010 I know, right? 192 00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:21,960 Mrs. Hofer said you wanted to see me. 193 00:10:21,970 --> 00:10:24,170 I assume it's not just for my mimosa. 194 00:10:24,180 --> 00:10:25,870 How does one become a bellman, anyway? 195 00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:28,340 Bellmen wear monkey suits and work in hotel lobbies. 196 00:10:28,370 --> 00:10:29,690 I am a porter. 197 00:10:29,710 --> 00:10:33,890 Well, what exactly were you porting the night your boss had a close encounter with his light fixture? 198 00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:36,190 I was at a key party. At least 15 people can vouch. 199 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:39,600 James-Andrew is definitely not the killing type. 200 00:10:39,610 --> 00:10:42,150 Well, mrs. Hofer, excuse me for being blunt, 201 00:10:42,170 --> 00:10:44,860 but you did stand to gain the most from your late husband's death. 202 00:10:44,870 --> 00:10:46,360 Oh, my god. 203 00:10:46,370 --> 00:10:48,770 You think I totally did it! 204 00:10:48,780 --> 00:10:53,520 Well, FYI, I was at a charity ball the night of the murder. 205 00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:58,150 Y'all sure got a big-ass dog. 206 00:11:05,030 --> 00:11:08,210 "Orbis pro vox." 207 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:11,020 And the safe was empty. No will. 208 00:11:11,030 --> 00:11:13,140 Nothing but a cryptic latin phrase. 209 00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:16,400 Poor Gustav. All he cared about was getting that will into the right hands. 210 00:11:16,410 --> 00:11:18,790 If we find the killer, we'll find that will. 211 00:11:18,810 --> 00:11:22,290 Problem is our case just went from a slam dunk to a badunkadunk. 212 00:11:22,300 --> 00:11:24,750 Is "badunkadunk" bad? 213 00:11:24,770 --> 00:11:28,220 Badunkadunk means "big" as in what our simple, little murder just became. 214 00:11:28,230 --> 00:11:29,910 Whatever happened to "the bellman did it"? 215 00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:32,940 Oh, he's hiding something, but 15 people vouching for him at a key party... 216 00:11:32,950 --> 00:11:34,410 Well, that's an airtight alibi. 217 00:11:34,420 --> 00:11:36,030 Now, what is a key party anyway? 218 00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:38,280 Oh, I love that you don't know that. 219 00:11:38,290 --> 00:11:40,010 It's a kind of raffle. 220 00:11:40,020 --> 00:11:42,560 Of the porno variety. 221 00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:46,540 Back to the case. 222 00:11:46,550 --> 00:11:49,680 So, how does a safe with some cryptic latin phrase scrawled inside change anything? 223 00:11:49,690 --> 00:11:54,390 You know, you need to peel back that pie crust you working under an turn on the news sometime. 224 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:57,220 Rich people are getting robbed left and right by some happy hooligan 225 00:11:57,240 --> 00:11:59,510 who leaves the same latin calling card at every scene. 226 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:01,590 So that's why it's a badunkadunk. 227 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:03,840 I got to go see a buddy at the police station. 228 00:12:03,870 --> 00:12:08,430 Great. Gives us more time to start work on our research project on Dwight. 229 00:12:13,750 --> 00:12:18,440 It seems like the mysterious Dwight didn't exist before checking into the come-and-sleep motel. 230 00:12:18,470 --> 00:12:21,300 Who knows? Maybe he's not such a bad guy. He's very charming. 231 00:12:21,310 --> 00:12:22,960 What do Lily and Vivian think about him? 232 00:12:22,980 --> 00:12:26,640 What you'd expect. Lily hates him, but Vivian's completely ga. 233 00:12:26,650 --> 00:12:29,570 Good news is you're not even on his radar. 234 00:12:29,580 --> 00:12:32,750 How about another cup of coffee, please? 235 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:36,610 So, we know Dwight's got a strange preoccupation with your father's pocket watch. 236 00:12:36,620 --> 00:12:38,530 Maybe we give it to him, and he goes away. 237 00:12:38,550 --> 00:12:41,310 Or... We could wake my dad and ask him. 238 00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:41,920 Chuck-- 239 00:12:41,930 --> 00:12:45,650 I'm just saying that it would be a shortcut to finding out who Dwight is and what he wants. 240 00:12:45,660 --> 00:12:47,930 You just have to touch him and ask him. 241 00:12:47,940 --> 00:12:53,390 But that was an act of charity the pie maker was not willing to commit. 242 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,820 I'm sorry. It's just -- 243 00:12:55,830 --> 00:12:57,330 I know you want to say goodbye to your father, 244 00:12:57,350 --> 00:13:01,020 and I know a lifetime of goodbyes can't be condensed into a single minute. 245 00:13:01,050 --> 00:13:03,210 Even if they could... 246 00:13:03,220 --> 00:13:06,840 you'd have to watch him die all over again. 247 00:13:07,300 --> 00:13:10,720 I love you too much to make you suffer like that. 248 00:13:11,180 --> 00:13:14,010 Do you understand? 249 00:13:14,020 --> 00:13:17,150 Well, I got us a good nugget. 250 00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:23,400 The police say that our serial robber always makes a donation to charity the day after he robs someone. 251 00:13:24,890 --> 00:13:26,200 Am interupting something? 252 00:13:26,210 --> 00:13:27,930 - No. - Yep. 253 00:13:27,940 --> 00:13:31,460 Maybe Gustav Hofer was being robbed by a latter-day Robin Hood. 254 00:13:31,490 --> 00:13:32,610 Killed by him. 255 00:13:32,620 --> 00:13:37,380 Call it whatever you want, but I know where we can find a bellman with a charity streak. 256 00:13:48,170 --> 00:13:49,960 It's a new day, friends! 257 00:13:49,980 --> 00:13:53,400 Another opportunity to help the needy. 258 00:13:53,420 --> 00:13:58,120 So, ring those bells, collect spare change, and remember -- 259 00:13:58,130 --> 00:13:59,540 Ring for right! 260 00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:01,510 Ring for right! 261 00:14:01,530 --> 00:14:04,270 Ring for right. Orbis pro vox. 262 00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:06,780 Which means "your ass is busted" in PI lingo. 263 00:14:06,790 --> 00:14:09,700 Welcome to the Bellmen's Charity headquarters. 264 00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:11,760 Are you here to make a donation? Volunteer? 265 00:14:11,770 --> 00:14:15,160 One of your bell-ringers rang for wrong to the tune of robbery-homicide. 266 00:14:15,190 --> 00:14:17,220 That's outrageous. And impossible. 267 00:14:17,230 --> 00:14:22,930 We screen our bellmen regularly to make sure that all who ring in these hallowed halls follow our motto -- 268 00:14:22,940 --> 00:14:23,990 Ring for right. 269 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,510 Which just happens to be written at crime scenes all over the city. 270 00:14:26,530 --> 00:14:27,900 In a dead language, but still. 271 00:14:27,910 --> 00:14:32,110 Friends, I assure you my bellmen have nothing to hide. 272 00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:34,760 I fling my doors open to your investigation. 273 00:14:34,790 --> 00:14:38,480 And if there's anything else that I personally can do, please, don't hesitate -- 274 00:14:38,500 --> 00:14:40,730 - to ring? - Absolutely. 275 00:14:40,740 --> 00:14:45,080 Oh, yeah? Well, somewhere a starving street child is chewing off his own fingers 276 00:14:45,090 --> 00:14:48,290 because you're too cheap to give 50 bucks! 277 00:14:48,300 --> 00:14:51,050 Telemarketers. I hate these guys. 278 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,200 I'm Emerson Cod, private investigator. 279 00:14:53,210 --> 00:14:54,420 These are my associates. 280 00:14:54,430 --> 00:14:57,060 Mind if we have a gander at your phone list? 281 00:14:57,070 --> 00:14:57,830 What phone list? 282 00:14:57,840 --> 00:14:59,770 The one you just slid into that folder. 283 00:14:59,780 --> 00:15:00,550 What folder? 284 00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:04,190 There's a comfort in knowing that telemarketers are just as horrible in real life. 285 00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,190 Shift change! 286 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:08,790 - He was very suspect-ish. - Very. 287 00:15:09,230 --> 00:15:14,440 Yeah, well, any of these phone numbers match the one at Gustav's mansion, 288 00:15:14,450 --> 00:15:17,320 he's gonna be very jailbird-ish. 289 00:15:17,340 --> 00:15:21,550 After unearthing the grave of Charlotte Charles in search of a pocket watch 290 00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:27,400 and finding neither girl nor watch, former jailbird Dwight Dixon used his masculine wiles 291 00:15:27,420 --> 00:15:32,800 to determine if Vivian knew the watch's final final resting place. 292 00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:36,060 The clarinet is a lovely instrument. 293 00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:37,580 I always wanted to be a flautist, 294 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:42,130 but unusually tight tendons in my pinkie finger made hitting d-sharp impossible. 295 00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:44,050 Well, they look just fine to me. 296 00:15:44,070 --> 00:15:46,930 Perfect for holding. 297 00:15:46,940 --> 00:15:51,160 I'm not the kind of woman who slips notes into random men's coat pockets, 298 00:15:51,170 --> 00:15:52,710 but something about you... 299 00:15:52,740 --> 00:15:54,020 and what might that have been? 300 00:15:54,030 --> 00:15:59,820 The charm you force to cover the brutish shell around your damaged heart. 301 00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:02,240 I like layers. 302 00:16:02,260 --> 00:16:07,430 Dwight felt his cold heart warm ever so much. 303 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:13,300 Lily was under the impression that you're only looking to recover some personal property, 304 00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:17,600 then disappear like a puddle of gasoline in the sunshine. 305 00:16:17,620 --> 00:16:21,960 I was saddened to hear that Charles' watch was buried with your dear late niece. 306 00:16:21,990 --> 00:16:24,910 But what a fine gesture that was. 307 00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:27,620 I imagine the service was magnificent. 308 00:16:27,630 --> 00:16:29,270 It was. 309 00:16:29,300 --> 00:16:34,230 So, others, beside yourself, were able to see poor Charlotte at peace with the watch, 310 00:16:34,260 --> 00:16:37,680 before her dear soul was committed to the ground? 311 00:16:37,710 --> 00:16:42,180 Mary Suddbury leaned in and peeled back Charlotte's eyelids. 312 00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:48,360 Said there was a vigorous black market in stolen corneas, but I thought it was in poor taste. 313 00:16:49,910 --> 00:16:51,620 Charlotte... 314 00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:55,770 I encouraged her to take the pleasure cruise that ended so unpleasantly. 315 00:16:55,780 --> 00:17:02,010 I was tired of being a shut-in, but I couldn't bring myself to leave, 316 00:17:02,020 --> 00:17:08,380 and so I decided to leave vicariously and pushed Charlotte out the door. 317 00:17:08,390 --> 00:17:11,220 Poor Charlotte. 318 00:17:11,230 --> 00:17:16,010 Now, now. You've gone and set those pretty peepers a weeping. 319 00:17:16,020 --> 00:17:21,380 In his search for a brass pocket watch, Dwight Dixon found a heart of gold. 320 00:17:21,390 --> 00:17:27,270 I've carried this with me since the funeral as a reminder 321 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:32,470 to stop living vicariously and start living living. 322 00:17:32,700 --> 00:17:34,960 You've probably seen her face before. 323 00:17:34,980 --> 00:17:38,480 She was all over the news after she died. 324 00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:44,560 Oh, I have definitely seen her face before. 325 00:17:53,790 --> 00:17:57,130 Do you know if Gustav ever donated to an organization called The Bellmen? 326 00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:58,380 "The Bellmen"? 327 00:17:58,410 --> 00:18:02,530 Every house that's been robbed was called by a bellmen telemarketer named Tam Fong. 328 00:18:02,550 --> 00:18:04,590 So Elise didn't do it? 329 00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:08,270 This Tam Fong killed Gustav? 330 00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:09,600 Well, where is he? 331 00:18:09,630 --> 00:18:12,670 I'm gonna find that malfeas-ass and slam him down -- 332 00:18:12,690 --> 00:18:13,630 Inside voice. 333 00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:15,260 I'm not talking about the gavel of justice. 334 00:18:15,270 --> 00:18:16,020 Outside voice. 335 00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:21,070 I'm talking about southern-style, back-alley score settling doled out by me and a couple of homeless -- 336 00:18:21,090 --> 00:18:22,750 Conversational patio voice? 337 00:18:22,770 --> 00:18:27,810 Before you get to doling out blind justice, the smoking gun don't always point to the bad guy. 338 00:18:27,820 --> 00:18:30,390 So Tam Fong isn't the guilty party? 339 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:33,220 Yes. No. Maybe. 340 00:18:33,230 --> 00:18:35,890 All we know is, maybe he had a hand in marking the mark. 341 00:18:35,900 --> 00:18:39,410 The good news is, we have reason to believe that Gustav completed a second will. 342 00:18:39,420 --> 00:18:40,320 A second will? 343 00:18:40,330 --> 00:18:43,580 Hopefully, that tarnished trophy wife of his is excluded. 344 00:18:43,590 --> 00:18:45,550 Wait, wait -- I'm his lawyer. 345 00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:48,560 If there were a second will, I would have drafted it, drawn it up, 346 00:18:48,580 --> 00:18:51,570 and drawn a tidy 20% commission for my troubles. 347 00:18:51,580 --> 00:18:53,460 So how would you know differently? 348 00:18:53,470 --> 00:18:56,500 Let's just say that our procedures would be inadmissible in court. 349 00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:58,780 Either way, the will was taken during the robbery. 350 00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:00,850 Well, you people really mix the good with the bad. 351 00:19:00,870 --> 00:19:04,530 The world would be a better place if everybody dabbed calamine on welts of bad news. 352 00:19:04,540 --> 00:19:07,820 Gustav Hofer deserved better than the wife he had, 353 00:19:07,830 --> 00:19:12,380 and the wife he had didn't deserve the money he earned. 354 00:19:12,390 --> 00:19:15,770 You find that second will, I'll double your fee. 355 00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:18,530 - Oh, we'll find that will. - We'll find that will. 356 00:19:19,540 --> 00:19:22,610 We know Tam's calling the houses to be robbed even if he's not robbing them. 357 00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:24,810 What if we put our names on the do-call list? 358 00:19:24,820 --> 00:19:29,400 No burglar worth his burgles would take the bait if they saw your tiny-ass apartments. 359 00:19:29,420 --> 00:19:31,680 We could use my aunts' house. 360 00:19:32,450 --> 00:19:34,350 Is there a sting! I want to sting. Can I sting? 361 00:19:34,360 --> 00:19:35,680 That's a very bad idea. 362 00:19:35,690 --> 00:19:40,320 It's a good idea. Made doubly-good, because while you're figuring out who brought the lights down on Gustav, 363 00:19:40,330 --> 00:19:42,830 I'll be shining my own light on the true identity of Dwight. 364 00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:46,950 I have an old cigar box with my dad's letters that's hidden in my bedroom. 365 00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:50,700 Now, if dad did know Dwight, there will be something about him inside. 366 00:19:50,730 --> 00:19:54,030 The pie maker considered the wooden box in her old room 367 00:19:54,030 --> 00:19:58,230 a better alternative to the wooden box that contained her father. 368 00:19:58,230 --> 00:20:01,340 So a sting was set. 369 00:20:06,510 --> 00:20:09,200 Mr. Fong, I am so sorry to interrupt. 370 00:20:09,220 --> 00:20:11,770 I'm Tessa Carville, wife of Clarence Carville, who, 371 00:20:11,780 --> 00:20:14,200 I'm sure you are aware, owns Carville Steel. 372 00:20:14,210 --> 00:20:16,830 I believe someone from here called me yesterday? 373 00:20:16,850 --> 00:20:19,590 Ah, mrs. Carville, of course! 374 00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:21,150 Please, take a seat. 375 00:20:21,170 --> 00:20:24,220 I won't be staying long, just long enough to explain 376 00:20:24,230 --> 00:20:29,740 why I hate phone solicitations, almost as much as I hate beggars and panhandlers. 377 00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:33,570 I believe I have the right to a net worth greater than most developing countries 378 00:20:33,580 --> 00:20:39,110 without being hounded by sponging ne'er-do-wells and sanctimonious bleeding hearts like yourself. 379 00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:43,710 So unless you stop calling, I will take a tiny fraction of my immense wealth, 380 00:20:43,730 --> 00:20:48,150 buy this building, knock it down, and turn it into a glue factory so big, 381 00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:50,820 the whole city will be smelling horse. 382 00:20:50,830 --> 00:20:55,330 If you please leave your number, I'll see to it that nobody calls you again. 383 00:20:55,340 --> 00:20:56,250 Psych. 384 00:20:56,260 --> 00:20:59,010 - Did you say, "psych"? - No. 385 00:20:59,020 --> 00:21:03,850 Good, because I'm getting on a hovercraft bound for Saint-Tropez early this evening, 386 00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:07,990 and I expect it to be dealt with before I return tomorrow. 387 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,530 Here is my card. 388 00:21:15,830 --> 00:21:20,360 The trap was set, so the pie maker and Chuck returned to her childhood bedroom -- 389 00:21:20,380 --> 00:21:24,250 not to catch a thief, but to uncover Dwight Dixon's true intentions. 390 00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,720 They turned my old room into a cheese locker! 391 00:21:26,730 --> 00:21:31,260 Can you smell the flowery overtones of stilton wafting through the air? 392 00:21:31,270 --> 00:21:34,620 It's nice that they filled this room with something you all loved so much. 393 00:21:36,050 --> 00:21:39,970 Oh, it's amazing how a familiar smell can wrap you in its arms 394 00:21:39,980 --> 00:21:45,270 and coddle away any ugly memories between now and the last time you smelled it. 395 00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:49,490 Oh, thank you for letting me come. 396 00:21:49,500 --> 00:21:50,650 I'm glad you came. 397 00:21:50,660 --> 00:21:53,380 Oh, and don't worry about getting caught. 398 00:21:53,390 --> 00:21:57,270 I'll hear anybody coming before they even get to the bottom of the stairs. 399 00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:00,770 Listen. 400 00:22:00,780 --> 00:22:03,670 The other end's hooked up to the victrola in the living room. 401 00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:06,070 I used it to eavesdrop on my aunts when I was a teenager. 402 00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:09,310 - That's very crafty. - Yeah. 403 00:22:14,710 --> 00:22:20,360 Alone in a room that was once hers, Chuck felt, for a moment, like a little girl again. 404 00:22:20,390 --> 00:22:22,550 Thinking of the mementos in the box, 405 00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:26,750 among them the birthday present she was never able to give her father, 406 00:22:26,780 --> 00:22:30,070 Chuck thanked her 8-year-old self. 407 00:22:30,360 --> 00:22:33,160 Thank you, 8-year-old self. 408 00:22:33,170 --> 00:22:35,110 You must be out of your damn minds! 409 00:22:35,120 --> 00:22:38,420 There is no way in tinker bell's tiny butt cheeks 410 00:22:38,430 --> 00:22:42,670 that you are gonna roll out the welcome mat on my front porch for a bunch of thieves! 411 00:22:42,700 --> 00:22:47,400 - We know it's an imposition -- - An imposition is ordering clams at a kosher deli. 412 00:22:47,410 --> 00:22:50,430 Robbers nowadays are multi-hyphenate hoodlums. 413 00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:52,160 They don't just rob. Oh, no. 414 00:22:52,170 --> 00:22:54,850 They strip you naked, lather you in lard, 415 00:22:54,860 --> 00:22:57,750 and slide you into the walls and leave you there. 416 00:22:57,760 --> 00:22:59,470 Then they rob you. 417 00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:00,670 When you put it like that. 418 00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:04,420 Why don't I just get a shovel and start digging my shallow grave now? 419 00:23:04,430 --> 00:23:08,020 I find a dash of danger titillating. 420 00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:09,390 You've certainly made that clear. 421 00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:15,370 I assume that's a passive-aggressive insult directed at my daring sashays into romance. 422 00:23:15,380 --> 00:23:16,530 I choose to ignore it. 423 00:23:16,540 --> 00:23:19,410 You've ignored every other danger sign on the road to abject heartbreak. 424 00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:23,090 I find that interjecting at precisely the right moment often defuses conflict. 425 00:23:23,110 --> 00:23:23,900 Wouldn't you agree? 426 00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:25,860 Lily Charles, you're jealous. 427 00:23:25,870 --> 00:23:28,180 It simply slays you that a man as tender 428 00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:32,280 and as viscerally masculine as Dwight chose me over you. 429 00:23:32,290 --> 00:23:33,890 Missed it by that much. 430 00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:38,180 I am not jealous. I'm -- I'm worried about you. 431 00:23:38,930 --> 00:23:41,220 Damn it, I love you. 432 00:23:41,230 --> 00:23:46,920 I don't want to see this fetish you have for raffish men hurt you the way it has in the past. 433 00:23:46,930 --> 00:23:49,930 - On the topic of Dwight -- - Keep out of this! 434 00:23:50,570 --> 00:23:56,220 Uh, is my patch on the wrong eye, or did it suddenly get very dark in here? 435 00:23:56,230 --> 00:23:58,030 Is it dark? I -- I didn't even notice. 436 00:23:58,040 --> 00:24:01,860 They say that extreme photosensitivity is a sign of rabies. 437 00:24:01,870 --> 00:24:05,030 Or a hangover, or a delicate optical nerve condition -- 438 00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:07,610 Yeah, or a bunch of part-time PIs 439 00:24:07,620 --> 00:24:11,900 trying to hoodwink a hoodlum by pretending my house is vacant. 440 00:24:11,910 --> 00:24:13,690 Wait a minute! 441 00:24:13,700 --> 00:24:15,440 We're being robbed tonight! 442 00:24:15,460 --> 00:24:17,790 Ooh, I just got a shiver. 443 00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:20,340 While the bickering downstairs continued, 444 00:24:20,360 --> 00:24:24,240 Chuck decided she had heard all the fighting she cared to 445 00:24:24,250 --> 00:24:28,740 and turned her attention instead to her father's dusty belongings. 446 00:24:28,750 --> 00:24:33,380 Seeing Dwight engaged in male bonding with her father and the pie maker's father, 447 00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:38,020 Chuck still found no indication of Dwight Dixon's true intentions. 448 00:24:38,030 --> 00:24:44,170 The secret behind those intentions remained buried with her father in the grave next to her grave, 449 00:24:44,190 --> 00:24:48,370 a grave she may soon be returning to. 450 00:24:53,510 --> 00:24:55,500 Fear not, madam. 451 00:24:57,390 --> 00:24:58,660 I mean you no harm. 452 00:24:58,670 --> 00:25:00,700 Spectacular throw, by the way. 453 00:25:00,710 --> 00:25:03,290 To be fair, I should tell you that I have a gun in my pocket. 454 00:25:03,300 --> 00:25:05,130 To be fair, I don't really believe you. 455 00:25:05,150 --> 00:25:09,020 To be even more fair, all I have to do is scream, and a whole cadre of big strong men 456 00:25:09,030 --> 00:25:11,840 and sweet middle-aged ladies with shotguns will come running. 457 00:25:11,860 --> 00:25:13,980 Fair enough. And yet, you haven't. 458 00:25:13,990 --> 00:25:19,190 Perhaps because you believe that society has a moral obligation to protect the least fortunate of its ranks. 459 00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:20,570 And where society fails... 460 00:25:20,580 --> 00:25:21,770 You pick up the slack. 461 00:25:21,780 --> 00:25:24,230 Which sounds incredibly noble until you kill someone. 462 00:25:24,250 --> 00:25:27,550 I am no killer, merely a soldier of fortune -- 463 00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:29,880 Other people's fortunes, for the underprivileged. 464 00:25:29,890 --> 00:25:31,480 Gustav would say otherwise. 465 00:25:31,490 --> 00:25:35,280 Well, he would if he could speak, but he can't because he's dead. 466 00:25:35,290 --> 00:25:39,360 You and Tam Fong killed Gustav two days ago after you robbed him. 467 00:25:39,380 --> 00:25:43,500 First of all, Tam Fong is but another unwitting victim of my robberies. 468 00:25:43,510 --> 00:25:45,610 I swipe his phone list to choose my targets. 469 00:25:45,620 --> 00:25:48,340 - And Gustav? - I robbed him, it's true. 470 00:25:48,350 --> 00:25:51,950 Not because he was stingy and uncharitable, but because he asked me to. 471 00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:53,270 He asked you to rob him? 472 00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:57,050 He was writing a new will and needed to know whether to name his wife as beneficiary. 473 00:25:57,060 --> 00:26:00,390 I know how this must sound, but the facts were these -- 474 00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:03,510 These were the facts -- 475 00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:06,520 Gustav was in the midst of a crisis of faith. 476 00:26:06,540 --> 00:26:08,780 His decision to rewrite his will had made him question 477 00:26:08,790 --> 00:26:13,130 whether his wife really loved him and he had any true friendships at all. 478 00:26:13,140 --> 00:26:15,520 And that's when we met. 479 00:26:15,530 --> 00:26:18,530 He wanted to make a contribution, but I wouldn't let him. 480 00:26:18,540 --> 00:26:21,440 He said, "where I come from, people get paid for their services". 481 00:26:21,450 --> 00:26:25,310 But I said, "charity is an impulse, not a return for a friendly act". 482 00:26:25,330 --> 00:26:26,030 So we talked. 483 00:26:26,060 --> 00:26:28,800 He told me his problems, and I offered a solution. 484 00:26:28,810 --> 00:26:29,990 I agreed to rob him. 485 00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:31,750 He would appear to be an innocent victim. 486 00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:35,590 If his wife stayed faithfully by his side, his concerns could be laid to rest. 487 00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:39,080 I'd return half his fortune and keep the other half for charity. 488 00:26:39,090 --> 00:26:43,280 But Gustav's wife intervened, and I had to get out. 489 00:26:45,370 --> 00:26:47,960 I read in the paper the next day what happened to Gustav. 490 00:26:47,970 --> 00:26:50,590 Even if you didn't kill him, you're still a criminal. 491 00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:52,960 My duty is to the downtrodden, the meek, 492 00:26:52,970 --> 00:26:56,010 those unable to reach their own bootstraps, let alone pull them. 493 00:26:56,020 --> 00:27:00,290 I take only what people can afford to lose, and that certainly doesn't include their lives. 494 00:27:00,300 --> 00:27:01,980 Do you like puppies? 495 00:27:01,990 --> 00:27:03,040 Yeah. 496 00:27:03,050 --> 00:27:05,750 The papen county animal shelter is about to be shut down tomorrow, 497 00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:08,250 unless I get them the money to pay their mortgage. 498 00:27:08,270 --> 00:27:12,120 With nowhere to house these animals, the dogcatchers are calling it "the big sleep". 499 00:27:12,130 --> 00:27:13,430 You can save them? 500 00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:15,090 Only if the help outweighs the hurt. 501 00:27:15,100 --> 00:27:17,900 The act of charity always makes sense. 502 00:27:17,910 --> 00:27:20,510 You let him go? What if he's a cold-blooded murderer? 503 00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:21,420 Shut it. Kitchen. 504 00:27:21,430 --> 00:27:23,530 It was an act of charity. There were puppies involved. 505 00:27:23,540 --> 00:27:26,720 And besides, my grueneberg ganglia wasn't activated. 506 00:27:26,730 --> 00:27:28,060 That sounds personal. 507 00:27:28,070 --> 00:27:31,520 Sounds like one of them feminine conversations you need to have with your lady friends. 508 00:27:31,530 --> 00:27:34,930 There's a bundle of nerves at the tip of your nose that detect aggressive pheromones. 509 00:27:34,940 --> 00:27:36,740 As in, you can sniff out danger? 510 00:27:36,750 --> 00:27:39,240 And the only thing I could smell was a swashbuckling do-gooder 511 00:27:39,250 --> 00:27:41,060 who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. 512 00:27:41,070 --> 00:27:42,680 Smells like puppy crap to me. 513 00:27:42,690 --> 00:27:44,930 You shouldn't have let him go. It was a mistake. 514 00:27:44,940 --> 00:27:46,030 You're really angry at me. 515 00:27:46,050 --> 00:27:48,840 I'm out of counter space, so I'm stress-baking in my head. 516 00:27:48,860 --> 00:27:50,230 It feels like you're stress-baking me. 517 00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:51,940 I'm channeling fear into anger. 518 00:27:51,950 --> 00:27:53,330 Anger leads to hate. 519 00:27:53,340 --> 00:27:55,940 And hate leads to stress-baking the people you love. 520 00:27:55,950 --> 00:27:58,840 Which is bad, but better than stress-releasing, which is what you did for the bellman. 521 00:27:58,850 --> 00:28:00,020 Well, maybe rob was telling the truth. 522 00:28:00,030 --> 00:28:03,430 Maybe it was Gustav's musket-toting wife that dropped the chandelier on his head. 523 00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:06,260 You did say that the bellman/porter was hiding something. 524 00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:10,570 He may have had an alibi, but he may also know who killed Gustav. 525 00:28:17,610 --> 00:28:20,250 Stakeouts are only fun when there are binoculars for everybody. 526 00:28:20,260 --> 00:28:22,780 Stakeouts are only fun if you got a good football game to listen to 527 00:28:22,790 --> 00:28:25,440 and the stake you're outing is next to a hot-dog stand. 528 00:28:25,450 --> 00:28:28,900 They seem like a good time to have weighty conversations. 529 00:28:28,910 --> 00:28:29,820 No, it don't. 530 00:28:29,830 --> 00:28:33,890 If Dwight figures out that I'm not dead, it may be the best thing that ever happened to me. 531 00:28:33,910 --> 00:28:36,960 You talking a lot like a dead girl who wants to go back in the ground. 532 00:28:36,970 --> 00:28:38,090 What's the worst that could happen? 533 00:28:38,100 --> 00:28:42,810 Pie maker becomes a sideshow in the circus of fun, and I earn my wages peddling tickets. 534 00:28:42,820 --> 00:28:46,210 This is a cavalier conversation about a deep, dark, touchy subject for me. 535 00:28:46,230 --> 00:28:47,740 How deep, dark, and touchy is it? 536 00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:51,460 Ever since I was little, I'd have this dream that somebody found out what I could do. 537 00:28:51,470 --> 00:28:53,930 It starts off with lots of ice cream and balloons, 538 00:28:53,940 --> 00:28:58,810 and ends in a small white room where little bits are cut out of me until there's nothing left to cut. 539 00:28:58,840 --> 00:28:59,950 That's awful. 540 00:28:59,960 --> 00:29:02,670 If Dwight finds out about me, then he finds out about you, 541 00:29:02,690 --> 00:29:05,820 and you still won't wake up my dad and find out what Dwight wants. 542 00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:08,250 You're putting my emotional well-being before your fears. 543 00:29:08,260 --> 00:29:11,680 That's so courageous and romantic. 544 00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:13,920 Thank you. 545 00:29:13,930 --> 00:29:16,010 Well, looky, looky. 546 00:29:16,030 --> 00:29:18,200 It's Gustav's widow and the bellman petting. 547 00:29:18,210 --> 00:29:20,680 Hello, motive. 548 00:29:20,690 --> 00:29:22,770 Nice to see you again. 549 00:29:22,790 --> 00:29:28,280 All that remained for Emerson Cod was to confront the bellman and widow. 550 00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:34,970 Across town, all that remained of Charles Charles was a loving box of memories 551 00:29:34,980 --> 00:29:36,700 and a pocket watch. 552 00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:42,520 Although Charles Charles, the man who had set so much in motion, was long gone, 553 00:29:42,530 --> 00:29:49,350 Dwight Dixon, the man who intended to bring it all to a crashing end, was still here. 554 00:29:51,250 --> 00:29:55,110 We're closed. Excuse me. 555 00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:57,400 What I meant to say was, "we're closed." 556 00:29:57,420 --> 00:29:59,910 So you're here all by your lonesome. 557 00:29:59,940 --> 00:30:02,200 No, no. I'm not here all by my lonesome. 558 00:30:02,210 --> 00:30:05,970 Manuel, the big cholo janitor, is in the back. 559 00:30:05,980 --> 00:30:10,590 I think he used to be in one of those, uh, super-dangerous el salvadorean gangs 560 00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:15,240 who murder white older men as a warning to the police to buzz off. 561 00:30:15,250 --> 00:30:17,800 Isn't that right, Manuel? 562 00:30:18,500 --> 00:30:20,790 Oh, he's probably, you know, cleaning the toilet. 563 00:30:20,810 --> 00:30:23,290 I'd like to leave a message for your friends. 564 00:30:23,300 --> 00:30:24,650 Yeah, I'll just grab a pad. 565 00:30:24,660 --> 00:30:26,260 It's around here somewhere. 566 00:30:26,280 --> 00:30:28,030 Boy, look at all this sugar. 567 00:30:28,050 --> 00:30:32,460 Yeah, I hope you don't need an en-- 568 00:30:32,470 --> 00:30:34,330 hello? 569 00:30:34,340 --> 00:30:38,000 While Olive Snook was unable to provide the pen and paper she sought, 570 00:30:38,010 --> 00:30:43,580 she'd received the mysterious Dwight's message loud and clear. 571 00:30:47,390 --> 00:30:50,860 1 hour, 23 minutes, and 42 seconds ago, 572 00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:54,010 Olive snook made two alarming discoveries -- 573 00:30:54,020 --> 00:30:56,240 first, that in time of duress, 574 00:30:56,250 --> 00:30:59,380 the pie maker's penchant for stress-baking was matched 575 00:30:59,410 --> 00:31:03,540 only by the petite waitress's predilection for stress-binge. 576 00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:06,490 Second, that the dark stranger, Dwight Dixon, 577 00:31:06,510 --> 00:31:11,420 had discovered Chuck, AKA Charlotte Charles', true identity. 578 00:31:11,450 --> 00:31:14,330 It did little to lighten the load in Olive's heart 579 00:31:14,340 --> 00:31:18,330 as she anxiously awaited the pie maker's return. 580 00:31:19,100 --> 00:31:22,330 Having acquired the brass pocket watch he so eagerly sought, 581 00:31:22,340 --> 00:31:25,680 Dwight Dixon set his sights on Vivian's heart of gold. 582 00:31:25,690 --> 00:31:30,700 But sister Lily was not about to let that treasure go so easily. 583 00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:38,080 You can turn your fanny right around and walk away, mister. 584 00:31:38,090 --> 00:31:39,970 We're done buying what you're peddling. 585 00:31:39,990 --> 00:31:42,060 Now, Lily, that's not entirely true. 586 00:31:42,070 --> 00:31:47,980 More accurate would be, "I'm not buying what you're peddling, but Vivian will be right down". 587 00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:53,310 And how long you suppose she'll stay interested in the wares of a two-bit huckster pitching lies? 588 00:31:53,330 --> 00:31:55,270 I didn't think you were so concerned about lies. 589 00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:57,420 Shouldn't you be more worried about the truth? 590 00:31:57,450 --> 00:31:59,670 It's time to nip you in the budding romance 591 00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:02,620 before Vivian convinces herself you really are the second coming. 592 00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:07,400 I assume you're referring to my friend, your lover, Charles Charles. 593 00:32:07,410 --> 00:32:08,730 You're nothing like Charles. 594 00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:11,990 I think you'd find that Charlie and me are more similar than you'd reckon. 595 00:32:12,010 --> 00:32:17,010 Few stark differences, of course, but, uh, we had the same ambitions. 596 00:32:17,030 --> 00:32:19,560 He made bad decisions. 597 00:32:19,570 --> 00:32:21,120 You were a bad decision. 598 00:32:21,130 --> 00:32:23,060 My bad decisions landed me in prison. 599 00:32:23,070 --> 00:32:24,900 His landed him with a baby girl. 600 00:32:24,930 --> 00:32:29,630 I don't think I ever had the opportunity to express my condolences. 601 00:32:29,650 --> 00:32:34,010 You got your thumb on a big, red button you definitely don't want to push. 602 00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:37,340 Vivian said the service was beautiful. 603 00:32:37,350 --> 00:32:43,330 And what a lovely gesture to bury your daughter with her father's watch. 604 00:32:43,940 --> 00:32:49,870 You are such thoughtful women, who have loved and lost so much. 605 00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:55,850 We're gonna lose you right now, before you get one inch closer to my little sister's heart. 606 00:32:55,860 --> 00:32:59,680 Get gone and stay gone. 607 00:33:02,090 --> 00:33:06,150 Lily's encounter with Dwight had stirred the pot of her sentimental soup, 608 00:33:06,190 --> 00:33:12,120 one spoonful of which gave her a terrible case of the yearns to visit her daughter's grave. 609 00:33:12,130 --> 00:33:15,240 What in hell's kitchen... 610 00:33:17,470 --> 00:33:19,920 But when she saw the overturned dirt, 611 00:33:19,930 --> 00:33:23,980 she thought about the pocket watch and the man obsessed with its whereabouts 612 00:33:24,010 --> 00:33:30,030 and wondered whether Dwight Dixon had unearthed more than Vivian's buried emotion. 613 00:33:31,260 --> 00:33:36,730 Meanwhile, the private investigators had unearthed the buried motives of Gustav Hofer's widow. 614 00:33:36,750 --> 00:33:41,420 You bumped off Gustav so you could keep bumping uglies with the bellman while inheriting a fortune. 615 00:33:41,430 --> 00:33:43,120 I told you. Alibi. Key party. 616 00:33:43,130 --> 00:33:44,480 Your alibi never checked out. 617 00:33:44,490 --> 00:33:46,250 You never went to that charity ball. 618 00:33:46,260 --> 00:33:47,340 Why'd you do it, Elise? 619 00:33:47,370 --> 00:33:49,510 Didn't do anything... 620 00:33:49,530 --> 00:33:51,630 except James-Andrew. 621 00:33:51,650 --> 00:33:53,940 Who do you think got his key? 622 00:33:54,300 --> 00:33:56,290 I was still really wrong about what I thought that was. 623 00:33:56,300 --> 00:33:59,130 You two backing up each other's alibis means bubkes. 624 00:33:59,140 --> 00:34:01,400 You were canoodlin' and cahootin', and you were cahootin' to kill. 625 00:34:01,420 --> 00:34:04,190 We cahooted to keep quiet about our affair. 626 00:34:04,200 --> 00:34:06,970 Adulteresses totally get the shaft in estate law. 627 00:34:06,990 --> 00:34:09,670 Besides, I couldn't kill anybody with these hands. 628 00:34:09,690 --> 00:34:14,930 Since I grew these puppies out, my manicure means I'm a mani-can't for manual labor. 629 00:34:14,950 --> 00:34:18,560 Yeah, but you were a mani-can when it came to pointin' a gun at robber rob wright 630 00:34:18,570 --> 00:34:20,700 - and almost pulled the trigger. - As if! 631 00:34:20,710 --> 00:34:24,350 I never even saw the robber. And even if I did... 632 00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:27,000 Why is everybody pointing their gun at me? 633 00:34:27,020 --> 00:34:29,670 There is no way I could pull the trigger on a gun. 634 00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:31,700 I'm too blinged out! 635 00:34:31,710 --> 00:34:33,420 You could have taken off the rings. 636 00:34:33,450 --> 00:34:35,200 With those nails, it'd have taken forever. 637 00:34:35,220 --> 00:34:36,470 Rob wright would have been out of there. 638 00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:39,700 If she's telling the truth and didn't storm in on rob wright robbing the house, then -- 639 00:34:39,720 --> 00:34:43,070 our Robbing Hood's had us hoodwinked. 640 00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:50,470 So private investigator, the pie maker, and Chuck sought out their winking hood 641 00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:52,750 at The Bellmen's headquarters. 642 00:34:53,830 --> 00:34:59,360 I'll thank you to keep your sidearm holstered, sir, lest I be forced to lunge. 643 00:35:00,220 --> 00:35:03,720 Well, at least it ain't another gun. 644 00:35:09,430 --> 00:35:14,200 From one gentleman to another, allow me to apologize for our current situation. 645 00:35:14,210 --> 00:35:18,750 Well, I'd be a lot more receptive to that apology if there wasn't a knife pointed at my gullet. 646 00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:22,370 You're a lying liar and a murderer, both of which are bad. 647 00:35:22,380 --> 00:35:25,050 One of which is worse. You slaughtered a senior citizen. 648 00:35:25,060 --> 00:35:26,560 That'll buy you a ringside seat in hell. 649 00:35:26,580 --> 00:35:30,500 But you might be able to get a refund on that ticket if you put the knife down. 650 00:35:30,510 --> 00:35:33,250 Gustav was the victim of a tragic accident. 651 00:35:33,270 --> 00:35:35,320 Born of good deeds, I might add. 652 00:35:35,340 --> 00:35:37,440 Running from the scene of a crime was no accident. 653 00:35:37,450 --> 00:35:40,440 Did you even stop to consider the consequences of your "good deeds"? 654 00:35:40,450 --> 00:35:43,650 Those weren't good deeds for Gustav's wife, his lawyer, or his legacy. 655 00:35:43,660 --> 00:35:47,060 Well, actually, now that you mention it, I think I can make that right. 656 00:35:47,810 --> 00:35:49,760 Gustav's will. It was in his safe. 657 00:35:49,770 --> 00:35:52,000 Now that that's settled, 658 00:35:52,020 --> 00:35:57,060 I trust my quest to rob from the rich and give to the poor may continue unabated. 659 00:35:57,070 --> 00:36:02,860 Oh, hell no, 'cause, see, I plan on being real rich, and I want to see your ass in jail. 660 00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:05,640 I was afraid you might feel that way. 661 00:36:05,650 --> 00:36:09,880 So... Orbis pro vox! 662 00:36:14,390 --> 00:36:17,520 'Bout time I get to do the gun-pointing around here. 663 00:36:17,530 --> 00:36:18,930 The facts were these -- 664 00:36:18,940 --> 00:36:24,360 Upon coming to the realization that his young wife may only have married him for his money, 665 00:36:24,370 --> 00:36:28,640 Gustav Hofer found himself questioning whether he should rewrite his will. 666 00:36:28,660 --> 00:36:32,210 Bellman Rob Wright afforded him the perfect plan -- 667 00:36:32,220 --> 00:36:35,830 Fake a robbery to learn his wife's true feelings. 668 00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:38,710 But Daniel Hill discovered those feelings first. 669 00:36:38,730 --> 00:36:43,450 He deserves the creme de la creme, not some sugar-stuffed pop-tart 670 00:36:43,460 --> 00:36:46,010 with a helium voice and hooker heels. 671 00:36:46,030 --> 00:36:49,740 One word from me and you are out of the will! 672 00:36:49,750 --> 00:36:54,780 Though his lawyer shielded Gustav from his wife's treachery in order to protect his pride, 673 00:36:54,790 --> 00:36:58,170 Gustav had not only seen her adulterous ways, 674 00:36:58,180 --> 00:37:02,870 but also the way Daniel Hill defended his good name and honor. 675 00:37:02,880 --> 00:37:07,410 The billionaire resolved to leave his estate to his esquire. 676 00:37:07,420 --> 00:37:10,940 When the bellman arrived, Gustav refused to play his role. 677 00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:14,400 Rob Wright insisted Gustav keep his end of the bargain. 678 00:37:14,420 --> 00:37:18,620 Gustav insisted more emphatically that Rob leave his mansion. 679 00:37:22,310 --> 00:37:24,980 It was Gustav who would be the dearly departed 680 00:37:24,980 --> 00:37:30,740 and Daniel Hill who would find the body he left behind and pick up the pieces. 681 00:37:32,110 --> 00:37:34,470 Gustav's revised will. 682 00:37:34,480 --> 00:37:36,310 You get the whole Hofer coffer. 683 00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:40,380 Me? All I ever did was give him my friendship. 684 00:37:40,390 --> 00:37:42,520 It's all he wanted. 685 00:37:42,530 --> 00:37:47,260 Now, let's talk about your next charitable donation. 686 00:37:49,100 --> 00:37:52,200 While Emerson Cod was able to deliver good news, 687 00:37:52,210 --> 00:37:57,880 Lily Charles sought to convince her sister that the mysterious Dwight was bad news. 688 00:38:02,300 --> 00:38:04,230 Holy crap. 689 00:38:04,250 --> 00:38:10,360 Lily knew Dwight dug up her daughter's grave, but she needed more proof than overturned dirt. 690 00:38:11,360 --> 00:38:13,730 Lily had found the proof she sought. 691 00:38:13,750 --> 00:38:18,650 Dwight had in his possession the watch she believed was buried with Chuck. 692 00:38:26,350 --> 00:38:31,260 And Dwight, believing the girl who was not dead stole back the watch he stole from her, 693 00:38:31,290 --> 00:38:35,510 set off to retrieve his stolen, stolen property. 694 00:38:47,400 --> 00:38:50,720 The girl named Chuck, who had not been so lucky with death, 695 00:38:50,750 --> 00:38:55,940 learned that her death had come back to haunt her in the form of Dwight Dixon. 696 00:38:57,500 --> 00:38:59,640 This left the pie maker no choice. 697 00:38:59,670 --> 00:39:03,100 In order to unearth Dwight Dixon's agenda, 698 00:39:03,110 --> 00:39:07,310 he must first unearth Chuck's father. 699 00:39:10,470 --> 00:39:13,140 I keep waiting for a euphoric high to rush through my system, 700 00:39:13,150 --> 00:39:17,280 and instead, I feel really nervous and uncomfortable. 701 00:39:17,300 --> 00:39:20,300 It's gonna be an awkward hello, tender acceptance, and a rushed goodbye. 702 00:39:20,310 --> 00:39:23,410 Euphoric high barely figures in. It's -- it's gonna be hard. 703 00:39:23,420 --> 00:39:27,060 I know. I don't think I realized that until now, and now it's too late to turn back. 704 00:39:27,070 --> 00:39:28,440 It's not too late to turn back. 705 00:39:28,450 --> 00:39:30,080 We have other options. We could leave town. 706 00:39:30,090 --> 00:39:31,710 Even with Dwight knowing who I am, 707 00:39:31,720 --> 00:39:35,840 you're still willing to put my emotional well-being before your deepest fears. 708 00:39:35,850 --> 00:39:38,490 If I knew the consequences, I never would have alive-agained my mother, 709 00:39:38,500 --> 00:39:40,480 and I had her for seven hours. 710 00:39:40,490 --> 00:39:42,980 I'd rather take my chances with Dwight than make you go through this. 711 00:39:42,990 --> 00:39:44,380 When you lost your mother, you were alone. 712 00:39:44,390 --> 00:39:48,050 I -- I have you. 713 00:39:49,700 --> 00:39:54,630 You're the real swashbuckling do-gooder, and I love you. 714 00:39:55,750 --> 00:39:59,400 I hope you still feel that way when this is over. 715 00:40:12,910 --> 00:40:14,710 You ready? 716 00:40:15,730 --> 00:40:18,400 Yeah, I'm ready, I think.