('C'MON' B Y 78 S AAB PLAYS)
(MUSIC MUTES)
Hey. Hey.
How was the flight? Oh, it was OK.
Good. OK. Come on, then.
Oh...
So, how was Geneva?
Oh, it was pretty cold. Had some snow, though. That was good.
Well, it looked good on the mountains.
Hey... No, I'm right.
(PLANE ROARS OVERHEAD)
(Sighs)
So you weren't tempted to stay
and do your last year of school there?
Uh, no, not really. It's too cold.
You seem to spend your whole life
putting on and taking off coats.
Madge and Bob are gonna miss you, you know.
Especially Madge.
Bit different from your mum and dad's place?
Oh, just a bit.
You sure you don't want a hand?
(Scoffs good-naturedly) Shut up!
Come on.
Your room's next door to Naomi's.
And all your stuff's
here where Madge left it.
And your special study chair, of course.
What's Naomi like?
Naomi?
Uh, her boyfriend's a bit of a dick but you'll like her.
Well, you should,
'cause people with taste like Naomi.
(CAR HORN HONKS)
Sorry, Dan, I've got to go to band practice.
That's OK.
Hey, Dan, I'm really glad you're gonna be living with us this year.
Yeah. Me too.
('NICE TO BE HERE' B Y SHANE NICHOLSON PLAYS)
(DOG BARKS OUTSIDE)
Hey, boy.
(Whines)
(Squeals) Oh!
Oh, my God! I'm so sorry! Are you OK?
No, I'm fine. I'm fine. (Laughs) Are you OK?
Yes! Ha.
Um, you must be Jacq's nephew.
Yes. I'm Naomi.
Hi, I'm Dan. (Both chuckle)
Do you want some coffee?
Uh, yeah, yeah. That'd be great. (Laughs awkwardly)
So, are they very alike - Jacq and your mum?
Oh, well, Mum's 21 years older than Jacq, so...
Oh, right.
Where is she, by the way? Uh, band practice.
They're rehearsing for the party, I suppose.
What party?
Didn't Jacq tell you? No.
Oh, we're having a party here on Saturday
to celebrate going back to uni.
Oh! Cool. Ha.
Yum! (Laughs awkwardly)
(CHIMES TINKLE)
I should probably go and unpack.
(Sucks in breath)
Do you want a hand? Uh, no.
No. No, I'm fine.
And, uh, thank you for the coffee.
Oop.
(Chuckles) No worries.
(Naomi speaks outside) Hi.
(DOOR OPENS)
(DOOR CLOSES)
(FAINT BANGING, CREAKING, MOANING AND PANTING)
(MOANS INTENSIFY)
MAN: Oh! Oh.
(Man sighs) Oh. Ohh.
('PAINT IT GRE Y' B Y GEORGE B YRNE PLAYS)
(Girls chatter)
Banger! Hey, Friction.
How's it going, man? How was your trip?
It was good, yeah. Cold.
Oh, by the way, here's your stuff. Ah, thanks.
It's looking pretty bad. Oh, they say that every year.
Pick a page, any page.
(BELL RINGS)
Told you. (Laughs)
What's it like living with your aunty?
Oh, it's OK. Is she strict?
Oh, Jacq's 22, she's at uni and she plays bass in a band.
They might be about to call themselves 'Gazoonga Attack'.
And you're staying with her?
Yeah. I'm sharing a house with her.
Her and another uni student, Naomi.
Well... Naomi? What's Naomi like?
Yeah, Naomi's nice.
"Naomi's nice"? I can't believe you're being so calm about this.
She had sex with her boyfriend while I was unpacking my socks.
In your room, with you right there?
No, in her room.
But it's less than a metre from my sock drawer.
Dude, I can't believe the year you're gonna have.
So, in the end it took just three days for Romeo and Juliet
to meet, fall in love, get married and then commit suicide.
Pretty fast movers, wouldn't you say?
So, what do you think that Shakespeare was trying to do
by compressing time like this?
Any ideas?
Anyone?
Mr Bancroft?
Hmm?
Um, uh, sorry. Um...
(BELL RINGS)
Wait!
Gentlemen, for your assignment this week,
I want you to pick a moment from the play
and discuss the theme that it encapsulates.
It can be a scene, some text, a moment in the staging,
whatever you like.
2,000 words by Monday, please.
I know you're jet-lagged, Mr World Traveller,
but do try and stay awake for your next class, please.
Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.
(CROWD ROARS)
(CROWD CLAPS RHYTHMICALLY) Daniel Bancroft.
Final ball for Australia.
Oh, howzat?!
(Hoarsely) Thank you. Thank you!
Thank you!
Congratulations. (Laughs self-consciously)
Thanks.
It was on the last ball and everything.
How was school? It was good.
How was work?
Boner.
Um...
(Dog snarls) Sorry?
Boner! Arggh!
Give me the ball. Give me the ball!
Give me the ball. There, take it.
Come on, you want to play? You want it? You want it?
You want it? OK. (Laughs)
(Boner barks)
His, uh... His name's Boner?
Yeah, that's what it says on his tag.
I don't know where he lives. Somewhere around here.
(Whines) Come on.
(Barks)
Your turn. Whoa.
Hey!
(Barks)
Hey.
(Barks)
Wow.
I've always been pretty good at throwing, actually.
(Boner barks and yelps)
Come on, Boner.
You big, dumb Boner.
Come on. Hello.
Come on. Come here.
Boner!
Oh, sorry. I thought Jason must have arrived.
Very funny.
Hey, Dan, the landlord's coming round later
to fix the leak in the washing machine
so if you've got any dirty laundry, come in and do it now.
Alright. Boner.
Boner. Boner. Boner! Boner!
(CAR BACKFIRES)
(TYRES SCREECH)
(ENGINE CLATTERS AND CUTS OUT)
(THUMPING AND CLATTERING)
(Man strains)
(DOOR SQUEAKS)
Hi.
Where's Jacq?
Oh, she's inside.
Oh.
Do you want me to get her?
(Earnestly) No, no. Don't bother.
You ever changed a washer before?
(Chuckles) Uh, no.
Nup.
Mmm.
Well, come on, then.
(WASHING MACHINE PULSES)
Do you like films?
Yeah, sure.
Documentaries?
Um, yeah. Yeah.
Do you like wetlands?
What kind of wetlands?
Dugong habitats. It's my thing at the moment.
I'll show you one of my films if you like.
Yeah, great.
Pass us that wrench.
There you go.
I've owned this house for about 10 years, would you believe?
I've had some pretty good tenants on the whole,
but none better than your girlfriend, Jacqueline.
Whoo-hoo!
Oh... (Laughs) No, no, no. She's... she's not my girlfriend.
She's not? No, no. She's my aunt.
Your aunt? Yeah.
Oh! (Giggles)
Oh, right! Right.
(Laughs goofily) Well, well, that's good that you're here.
It's good they've got a man about the house.
Oh, thanks, Phil.
Anything else need doing?
Nup. I don't think so.
That tree could do with a bit of pruning.
Uh... it looks alright to me, Phil.
(TOOLS CLATTER)
You can hold the ladder steady for me, Dan.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS FAINTLY ON CAR STEREO)
(HORN BEEPS)
(Mumbles) See you later, boys.
What's her band like, then?
DAN: I haven't heard them.
They're gonna play at the party, though.
You're having a party? Here?
That's this Saturday, yeah?
Uh, yeah. Yeah.
I might be free that night.
What, 7:30, 8:00? Something like that?
Uh, yeah. Whenever, really. I mean, it's pretty relaxed.
8:30, then? Yeah.
Mmm.
I think I might have got a bit too close to the detail.
Pretty close to the tree too.
(BELL RINGS)
(Laughs) Chris!
I'm trying to do some work.
Oh, yeah, right.
I need to know more about this Naomi chick.
Uh, what? Hey, we're sharing a house.
She's got a boyfriend anyway.
Oh, yeah, what if she didn't have a boyfriend?
Well, we'd still be sharing the house.
And even if I could get rid of both of those things
then nothing would happen.
But you've thought about it. No, Chris.
I haven't thought about it.
What if she made the first move?
I don't think you get out anywhere NEAR enough!
Look, I'm quite happy with how things are, thank you very much.
Yeah, right, man.
(Chuckles)
(MAGPIES WARBLE)
Do you reckon it's gonna die?
Maybe.
Who would have guessed it?
All that pent-up violence
in that funny little documentary-maker's body.
I think he was a bit embarrassed about it.
Well, maybe it'll keep him away for a while.
Maybe.
Let's walk to the bank and do the dirty little rent thing.
Yeah, sure.
Um, by the way, Jacq, uh, Phil's probably OK for the party.
What do you mean he's OK for the party?
We don't need his permission to have a party.
Oh, no, no, I meant that he's probably free that night.
Oh, no. No, you didn't.
I'm sorry. (Sighs)
Well, you're the one who's gonna have to talk to him.
I don't know how you got Mum and Dad up to 150 bucks.
Don't think there weren't negotiations.
Think your Dad thought I was trying to scam him, actually.
Really? Yeah.
I would have taken you for 140, 135, even.
(Laughs) Kidding.
Beer money.
What are you gonna write about?
The fish-tank scene.
There's no fish-tank scene in 'Romeo and Juliet', is there?
Yeah. It's a big moment.
Haven't you seen it? No, I mean in the play.
There's no fish-tank scene in the play.
Well, no. Maybe not.
I thought it was a good choice.
You know, subtle.
Yeah, so subtle it took 400 years to appear.
Does your teacher know that you've chosen that particular scene?
No. He said we could choose anything we liked.
Well, I'm sure you'll be fine, then.
Thanks.
That's what Mum would have said.
What do you mean by that?
Well, Mum's voice.
You've been using it ever since I told you my essay topic.
Well, bugger you, then, mate. Do the bloody fish-tank scene.
That's more like it.
(Girl laughs)
(Boy laughs)
(Both laugh)
DAN: Pardon? That's what Madge told me.
(Naomi and Chris continue laughing)
She was deadly serious. She told me in confidence.
Hi, guys.
G'day, Banger! J ACQ: 'Banger'?
(Quietly) It's 'Banger' as in 'Bancroft'.
What are you doing here, Friction?
I, um... just came to borrow that book off you.
J ACQ: Friction?
'Friction' as in...
(Laughs disgustedly)
Pulling his...
Don't worry about it.
Uh, I'm gonna put these in the fridge. Anyone want one?
No, thank you. I've gotta get to work.
Oh, I'm gonna be such a sweatball
by the time I get there.
It was lovely to meet you. Yeah, me too. I mean, you too.
(Laughs)
I'll see you later. 'Bye.
(Whispers) A 'sweatball'.
'Sweatball'! How do you live here?
What are you doing here?
She's practically inviting you to think of her sweating!
'Sweatball'.
Oh, imagine that woman sweating.
My God, she's fine! Shut up, Burns.
(Chuckles) And the dog's called 'Boner'.
Which is totally understandable, living in this neighbourhood.
(Loudly) Shut up!
Hey, don't stop talking on my account.
Oh, we were just discussing our English essay.
Oh, your mum would be so proud of you, Dan.
She just called, actually. Wanted to check up on you,
make sure you're, you know, doing your homework, eating your greens.
Don't worry. I didn't tell her about the party.
Um. I'm just gonna walk Chris here to the ferry.
See you, Jacq!
Hey, man, are you having a party? Jacq and Naomi are.
And I can come, can't I?
I don't know. It's their thing, really.
Oh, come on. You live there. You can invite me.
I already got in trouble for inviting the landlord.
Oh, yeah, but I mean, it's just...
Look, Chris, alright, you can come, but you've got to play it cool, OK?
When wasn't I being cool?
Well, just ease up on the whole Naomi thing.
Nothing's gonna happen there.
She's got a boyfriend and they're... you know, they're pretty permanent.
So you don't think you've got a chance?
I wasn't talking about me, I was talking about you.
Well, don't worry, mate. I'm not gonna stand in your way, alright?
What are you talking about?
Come on. I saw the way you were looking at her.
(KOOKABURRAS LAUGH)
(Naomi shouts outside) Where were you last Friday?
Where were you?
Answer me!
You think that's gonna solve it all?
This is supposed to be on.
(DOOR SLAMS)
(Naomi sobs)
(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)
('DESIGNED TO FADE' B Y SHANE NICHOLSON PLAYS)
Morning. Morning.
(Sighs)
Is everything alright?
Did you hear the fight last night? Yeah.
Yeah, she'll be fine.
Apparently last weekend,
Jason decided to rekindle an old flame at a party
in front of hundreds of witnesses.
Between you and me, I still don't get it.
I mean, why would he do something that's only gonna mess things up?
I don't know.
And why are there so many blokes out there like him?
(Scoffs) There are plenty of guys who aren't like that.
Yeah? Yeah!
I mean, I wouldn't do it.
I wouldn't treat Naomi like that... if I was going out with her.
Yeah, well, that's love for you, isn't it?
That's not what I meant. Just don't be in such a hurry, Dan.
What do you mean? I'm not in a hurry.
Just try and be slightly less psychotic, OK? That would be good.
What are you talking about?
L-I'm not...
No, Jacq, I'm concentrating on school this year.
(Sarcastically) Oh, yeah, of course you are.
God, you can be such a boy sometimes.
(Sighs heavily)
Look, I'm sorry, Dan, I'm tired and I'm grumpy
and I'm just about to get my period, alright?
Yeah.
Hey, you guys, why don't we go for a picnic?
A picnic? Yeah!
We could go down by the uni lakes, just the three of us.
Well, Dan's got to go to school. I've only got sport this morning.
And then a study period.
You could write me a note.
(Sullenly) Fine.
As long as you don't tell your mother.
(Naomi sighs)
('KIDS DON'T SELL THEIR HOPES SO FAST' B Y SHANE NICHOLSON PLAYS)
(AEROPLANE ENGINE ROARS)
('KIDS DON'T SELL THEIR HOPES SO FAST' CONTINUES)
We should do this more often.
Yeah.
Uni on Monday.
Yeah, we've got the party first.
Yeah, that'll be good.
I hope Jason doesn't come.
He won't. And if he does, leave him to me.
Have you noticed how all the trees have their names on?
I wouldn't even know their regular names
and there are people that come out here and go,
"Oh, that's a..." whatever.
How could you remember all of that?
Maybe you have to forget a lot of useful stuff to make room for it.
Well, I think it's impressive.
Like people who know the names of birds and stuff.
And maybe the people that know the scientific names of birds and trees
don't think much of people doing honours in English
or something to do with the Government.
Maybe they don't see that as exactly changing the world.
And so what about you, Dan?
Have you changed the world lately?
Uh, nope. Not really.
What do you think of the names on the trees, Dan?
I... I like it.
You know, I like it a lot.
Yeah, me too.
(GOOSE HONKS)
(Boy chuckles)
Hey, it's party this Saturday night, mate.
You ready? Yeah, just about.
Oh, this is gonna be so cool. A uni party.
And you know what that means, don't you?
What? Uni girls.
(Absent-mindedly) Yes.
We're gonna need to have a plan, or at least a better identity.
I mean, we mention school once and we're dead.
What are you talking about?
Well, we're gonna need to pretend we're from uni.
I'm thinking Queensland University of Technology - law.
Chris, I've never been there.
I don't even know what the place looks like.
It doesn't matter.
It's all about style.
It's all about being LIKE a uni student, not actually being one.
Oh, ooh! You know what else?
Let's make it second-year law.
Chris, the uni women I know go for something a lot more subtle.
Things like knowing the names of, uh, trees or birds.
And... what kind of girl are you after?
Look, we've got to maximise our chances, alright?
Second year law, QUT, Gardens Point campus.
It's in the city, so the parking sucks.
That's all you need to know.
Trust me, man.
(Giggles)
(Naomi sings nearby)
# From another point of view
# They'll be just the same
# It seems so many other ways
# Aaaaayyyyy
♪ If it's wrong to love you... ♪
(Chuckles) If you can't have love in your life,
you might as well have home-grown basil.
That's what I say.
♪ Maybe I'm just a fool... ♪
(Naomi continues singing)
She's been threatening to plant basil ever since we moved in.
It's all because of an ex that used to make pesto.
Naomi reckons it's what made her fall in love with him.
(Digital voice sings) # Nutso Ned, Nutso Ned
♪ It's way easy. ♪
(PRINTER WHIRRS)
Hey, Dan, I'm gonna go to the shops and get stuff for the party.
Do you want to come? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Sure.
OK.
(PRINTER STOPS)
(Naomi talks indistinctly)
(CAR DOOR SLAMS)
('48 SHADES' B Y BEAU YOUNG PLAYS)
(Beau Young sings) # That it's you... #
(SONG BECOMES LOUDER)
# You move from white through to blue
# And it's true
# There's more than 48 shades
# To you
# Blonde hair flecked by sun
# Flower dress which you wear
# Drives me wild
# Drives me crazy
# And all I see is what I see
# And it's you
# All I see is what I see
# And it's you
# Dreams in my vision
# I see you
# Dreams in my vision
# I see you
# And it's true
# There's more then 48 shades
# To you
# At ease within yourself
♪ Relax, keep calm... ♪
Hey, I was thinking, maybe I should get some sandwiches.
We could go for a little picnic.
Great. I'll meet you back here in 15 minutes.
OK.
# So easy to define
# Complex within my mind
# To let you know
♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa... ♪
You got any basil?
Uh, no, sorry, mate. We're all out.
Right.
(Ducks quack)
# All I see is what I see
# And it's you
# Dreams and my visions
♪ I see you... ♪
NAOMl: How about we sit under this Ficus virens?
(Laughs) Sure.
# You could be mine
# How I wish
# You could be mine
# How I wish
♪ You could be mine. ♪
(Sighs)
(Chuckles)
Isn't that the, um...
...the Anas gibberifrons?
The what?
Oh, the Anas gibberifrons.
You know the names of ducks?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Just a few of them, I suppose.
Does it have a regular name as well?
Uh, the Anas gibberifrons?
Yeah. Uh, yep.
That would be the...
(Clicks tongue)
...grey teal.
Really?
Isn't that interesting? Yep.
No, I mean, isn't that interesting,
seeing it's actually not grey at all?
Oh. (Laughs)
Well, it's a relative thing, I suppose.
Relative to what?
Well, brown is such a bird colour
that you'll be calling every duck the 'brown teal',
if you were honest.
And, well, I mean,
that wouldn't really help, would it?
That's a good point. Mmm.
How would you keep track of all those shades of brown?
How many could there be?
Well, um...
...48.
Approximately 48.
48?
Wow.
That's a lot of shades of brown. Oh, yeah. (Laughs)
What are they?
The 48 shades.
Oh... the names?
Yeah.
Whew.
(Laughs) Well, I actually can't name them all
off the top of my head.
It's...
Really?
Yeah, I can't. (Laughs)
Oh. Oh, well.
That's a shame.
(CAR APPROACHES)
(ENGINE STOPS)
(DOORS OPEN)
(Grunts)
(Grunts) You right with that? Yeah.
Um, I'll be up in a sec.
Jacq? Where's Naomi?
She's in her room, Dan.
Hey, we've got a blender, haven't we?
Yes. Excellent.
What are you doing?
I'm making pesto for the party tonight.
Ohh! Pretty fancy!
Oh, well, that's me, isn't it?
Have you got a recipe?
I thought I'd use the one I usually use.
It's, uh, it's way easy.
You're not trying to make up
for inviting Chris Burns and Phil, are you?
Just kidding. (Laughs)
Ooh, that was quick.
Mmm. Here.
Mmm.
Oh, looks good.
Some speckly black things in there. Is that pepper?
Mm-hm.
Mmm. Mmm.
It's crunchy.
Mmm. The biscuit?
Mmm, no, no. The pesto.
It's kind of... it's kind of like a...
...a grinding kind of crunchy.
Did you, um... did you wash it first?
Uh, you don't need to wash it, do you? It's fresh from the garden.
Um...
...I can't think of an easy way to tell you this.
I think your...
...your pesto contains actual soil.
Hey, guys? I just went to water my basil and someone's nicked it.
Oh, it was Boner. I saw him out there before, sniffing around.
I didn't know dogs ate basil.
Oh, well, he's got very sophisticated tastes, our Boner does.
Really? Mmm.
Well, I guess you learn something new every day.
(Exhales)
Thank you. Mmm.
That's what family's for. Now come on, your turn to help me.
('YOUR EAS Y PART' B Y ART OF FIGHTING PLAYS)
(Grunts)
Who have you got coming tonight, Naomi?
Just some people from uni, I suppose. Why?
Oh, just wondering.
Better start getting ready.
(BIRD WINGS FLAP)
Hey, Dan?
Look up there.
Just above you. What is it?
Let me have a look.
(Birds coo)
Ahh, yes. Yes.
Yes, it's one of those.
What?
Uh, well, I can't be totally sure of it
but it looks like...
...the striated thornbill.
Striated thornbill. Mmm.
It's easily confused with the brown thornbill.
Fancy name?
Uh, fancy name is...
...the Acanthiza lineata.
Cool. Yes, very.
It's definitely one of the cooler brown birds.
So tell me about it.
Uh, tell you about it?
Uh, migrates north for the winter.
Uh, it eats mainly worms.
It breeds in the spring, laying a maximum of six bluish eggs.
Uh, mates for life.
Has a batting average in the mid-30s. (Laughs)
It never misses 'The Simpsons'
and its favourite colour is, of course, brown.
Mine too.
I like this bird.
Me too.
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
What's that stuff on your face?
Mum jumped me in the car with her make-up.
Here.
Oh.
(Dubiously) Butterfly buns.
What sort of party did your mum think this was gonna be?
Hey, it could've been worse, alright?
Could've been fairy bread.
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)
Not too early, am I?
(Giggles)
('FOLDED IN HALF' B Y THE BANK HOLIDAYS PLAYS)
(GENERAL CHATTER)
GIRL 1: Ally! GIRL 2: Oh! Hi!
So...
You like films?
Yeah.
Nature ones?
J ACQ: Hey, Phil. Glad you could make it.
Yeah. Me too. Oops, sorry! (Laughs)
It's like... whoo!
Great. Dancing. (Laughs)
So when's the band gonna play?
Um, not for a bit.
Um, do you want a beer or anything?
Nah, I don't actually drink, myself.
I've got a bit of an enzyme thing
so I can't really touch alcohol.
But you'd have just the one, wouldn't you? It's a party.
No, I really shouldn't. J ACQ: For me, Phil?
You'd have just the one for me, wouldn't you?
Oh, alright, then.
Just the one, then.
CHRIS: I'II, uh, go get 'em.
I noticed that the light
out on the veranda isn't working.
I think I'll have to sort that out. Oh, no, no, that's fine.
You know, party atmosphere. Mmm.
Oh, yeah! Right!
Oops.
(Giggles nervously)
PHIL: Oh, well.
Cheers. Cheers.
Bottoms up.
Mmm.
Mmm. Ahh.
(All laugh) Whoo!
Whoo! (Laughs) Whoo.
WHOO!
(Crowd chants) Wheel of goon! Wheel of goon! Wheel of goon!
This is unbelievable, man.
The women are just amazing.
We've gotta talk to some of them.
I don't really know what to say.
I've told you already -
Queensland University of Technology, second-year law.
Here.
Look and learn.
Hey.
(Crowd cheers)
(Crowd chants) Wheel of goon! Wheel of goon! Wheel of goon!
(All laugh) GIRL: Hey.
Hey.
(Laughs)
Are you looking at me?
No. No, no, no.
I think it might have been someone else.
Oh! Sorry. Thought you were someone else.
That's OK.
You want a Chupa Chup?
No, thank you.
I'm Imogen, by the way.
Um, hi. I'm Dan.
Daniel. Dan.
Would you excuse me for a second?
(Crowd cheers)
Looks like you're moving pretty quickly out there.
Oh, no. No, no. I don't know her.
She thought I was someone else.
You haven't seen Jason, have you?
Uh, no. I thought he wasn't coming.
He's not, I hope. Oh.
Anyway, Jacq says I've got to move on. She thinks I deserve better.
Oh, you do.
Yeah, I suppose.
You deserve MUCH better, Naomi.
You deserve good... things.
Very, very good things.
Thanks, Dan.
Uh, Na-Naomi?
Yah?
Um, I have a confession to make.
Uh, uh, the basil? This afternoon?
You ate my basil? (Laughs) No. No, no, no.
I... I picked it.
Uh, I wanted to make pesto. For you.
To surprise you.
And there's something else.
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)
What are you guys doing? Hurry up! We're about to start.
Do you wanna dance?
(Laughs)
Um, yes.
(CHEERING)
(DRUMMER COUNTS IN)
Come on.
(Girl sings) # Gotta curl up in the bathroom
# Standing close, there's not enough room
# Feeling like we're in a cocoon
# Don't have long, I gotta go soon
# Wishing somehow I could take you
# Go, go, go, stay, stay, stay
# Go, go, go
# Won't you stay, stay, stay with me?
# Last time that I tried to catch you
# Taking turns to sip on liquors
# I'll flit in the light of the moon
# Feeling like we're in a cocoon
# Smoky, small Melbourne hotel room
# Motel with no window or view
# Go, go, go, stay, stay, stay
# Go, go, go
# Won't you stay, stay, stay with me?
# I'm sorry, sir
# You know, I'm sorry, mister
# If I was sober, ah-ah
# If I weren't pissed off
# I might be here
# Darlin'
# Woke up with a hole in my dress
# There's scratches up my feet and legs
# And texta marks on my chest
# I'm looking like a suspect
# Sick and somehow I cheated death
# And then he sent me a text
# Lover, lover
# Love, you're all sex
♪ Even when you're a wreck. ♪
(Crowd cheers)
PHIL: Gazoonga Attack!
Yeah! Yeah!
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)
CHRIS: Danno!
Oof... Ooh.
(Laughs) Where have you been hiding, man?
I thought you might have got lucky or something, eh? (Laughs)
Mmm. How is this, man?
How is this, eh?
Pretty good.
Pretty good?!
Come on, man. This is excellent!
And these uni people are just unreal.
Mmm.
Oh, do you want another beer?
Uh, no, no. I'm trying to pace myself.
(Scoffs) You're such a lightweight.
(Belches) Ugh.
I'm gonna dance with a girl now.
(Clicks)
(DANCE MUSIC THUMPS)
(GENERAL CHATTER AND LAUGHTER)
IMOGEN: So are you a friend of Nigel's?
Sorry? Are you a friend of Nigel's?
Who's Nigel?
He was in this book my mother gave me.
About conversations.
For when you're having trouble with them.
Uh, it's one of the questions you can ask.
I don't think I know Nigel, actually.
Nah, neither do I.
IMOGEN: I don't know anyone.
(Jacq tuts)
If it's any consolation, I don't know anyone either.
You want a suck?
Uh, no, thank you.
What do you do at uni?
Um, law. Law.
Uh, second-year. Queensland University of Technology.
Uh, Gardens Point. Parking sucks.
It must be pretty bad. That's what that other guy told me.
Chris, I think his name was. (Laughs)
He's not a friend of yours, is he?
Ugh. I didn't like him at all.
Uh, no. No, I don't think I know him. No.
No, well, you wouldn't want to know him.
He's pretty boring.
Do you know where the toilet is here?
Uh, yeah, yeah.
It's, um, down the corridor and on the left.
OK.
PHIL: Now, the reason they're called the sea cow...
Now, I know what you're thinking!
You're thinking they look like a cow. No, that's wrong!
It's a total myth. In fact, I resent that remark.
'Cause I don't think they look anything like a cow.
Dan?
Mate, there you are.
We have to talk. It's important.
So... how are things? Good?
Uh, yeah, fine.
No, really. Fine.
And school? Everything's fine with school?
You're doing well?
Uh, yeah, yeah. Fine.
Good. (Exaggeratedly) Good.
That's good. That's good. Mmm.
(Chuckles) Mmm.
I just finished an essay about 'Romeo and Juliet' today.
Uh, we had to analyse a scene. 'Romeo and Juliet'?
Heeeey! Now, there's a play for you.
Which scene?
Uh, the one with the fish tank.
The fish-tank scene? I love that scene!
Mmm.
Hang on a minute.
There's no fish tank in 'Romeo and Juliet'.
Is there?
You and Jacq should get together on that one.
Oh, God, how I wish we could.
She's glorious, isn't she?
Who? Jacq?
She's so dynamic.
And so poised.
Those beautiful eyes she's got.
(Laughs) Those beautiful, sad eyes she's got!
(Shrieks) (Laughs nervously)
(Sighs)
GU Y: Hey, man?
The video's finished, man. Can you put the next one on, please?
Sure, yeah. I'II... I'll be in in a sec.
GU Y: Thank you.
Anyway... (Laughs politely)
(Clears throat)
Thanks, mate. Mmm.
OK.
Hmm.
Mmm. (Giggles)
(Laughs nervously)
OK.
Next up, Phil Borthwick, the legendary...
(Girls chat softly)
Uh, hi.
Um, sorry. Uh, have you guys seen Naomi?
No, sorry, Dan.
(Chris cackles wildly) DAN: Arggh!
Banger!
Thanks for that, Burns.
This is the best party ever, man!
I just met these two guys
and they told me about the best Internet porn sites.
That's really great. I met this girl as well.
I don't remember her name but she was pretty hot, man.
She's a first-year at Queensland Uni.
She, uh... she gave me one of these. (Giggles)
I tell you what, man, she was pretty keen.
I reckon I'm in there. Really? Good for you.
(Giggles) (Flatly) Hooray.
Ooh...
Oh, my God.
This is just the coolest party ever!
Yo, dude? It's your go.
(Laughs) Can you believe this, Dan?
Can you believe the time we are having?
(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)
(Laughs)
Nigel!
I wondered where you were hiding.
Yeah, I'm just doing a bit of clearing up.
(Grunts)
Oh, you want some?
Uh, no, no. No, thanks, I'm fine.
Hey, how do you like my hair?
Um... yeah, yeah, it's good, it's good.
But the colour. What about the colour?
Um... yeah, yeah, I like it.
I like it, yeah.
Uh, did you dye it? Yeah!
Uh, what colour was it before?
Brown.
I like it.
I'm glad you like it.
(Moans loudly)
Mmm.
Sorry.
No, no. No, that's fine.
(BANG!) BOTH: Ooh!
Ahh! You OK? Yeah.
I think so.
Come on.
(PEOPLE CHAT AND LAUGH)
Sorry!
(THUMPING AND MOANING)
(Laughs)
Maybe we should go outside and get some fresh air?
Or not.
Uh, this is... Shh.
(Both moan)
(Imogen squeals)
DAN: Oh! (Giggles)
(Both pant)
There's something you should know, Dan.
What?
(Vomits) Ahh!
Oh! Oh, oh! Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
(Whimpers)
(Pants and whimpers)
Dan?
(Grunts)
(Whimpers and pants)
Um, uh, no, no, no.
Uh, that's... (Vomits)
(Sobs) Ohh.
I'm so sorry! That's OK.
I feel so stupid.
Don't. Don't feel stupid.
It's fine.
My sister's out there somewhere.
She can take me home.
Phil, don't worry about it.
Seriously, we don't need any more lights.
No, no. It's the least I can do.
(All cheer)
(Phil yells distantly) Dan, no! Daniel, no!
Don't be Ionely, son, it'll be alright.
Clear vomit. Check airway.
Let me... No! Let me go!
Dan, are you alright? YES! I'M FINE!
You should be more careful in the future, Dan.
Heads can get stuck in buckets, you know?
Thanks. I'll remember that for next time.
Good lad. Yeah.
OK, everyone, nothing to see here.
Let's move along now. Come on.
Dan, why'd you have your head in a bucket?
Oh, there was just some vomit.
Oh.
And you wanted to come out here and do it quietly in the garden, yeah?
No, it was someone else's vomit.
You stuck your head in a bucket of someone else's vomit?
No, the vomit was in my ear.
Look, Jacq, can we please talk about this another time?
Yeah, it's fine.
As long as you're alright. Yes. I'm fine.
Alright.
Ooh, God, Dan, what would your mum say, hey? (Giggles)
(CHEERING)
God, no. Don't encourage him!
Phil, please!
(All chant) Phil! Phil! Phil! Phil! Phil!
Fly's eyes! (All scream)
Phil! Please!
Fly's eyes!
(Hoots)
Come inside, Phil.
Come inside.
I won't come inside until Jacqueline says she loves me.
(All cheer)
What?!
I said,
I won't come inside
until Jacqueline says she loves me!
What do I do now? I don't know.
Why don't you come inside, Phil?
It's OK.
I won't come inside until you say you love me.
I'm sorry, Phil.
I can't.
I don't.
(DOG BARKS)
(Phil yelps)
(LAUGHTER)
Oh, well, at least he won't be going home completely unloved.
Arggh!
(All laugh and hoot)
Well, what else was I supposed to say?
Arggh!
(Boner barks) Arggh!
(Barks) Arrgh!
('JUST A MEMORY' B Y BEAU YOUNG PLAYS)
(Boy vomits)
You alright?
Yeah. I'm fine. I'm... I'm just gonna go to sleep now, if that's alright.
What if you choke on it?
I'll be fine.
I'll lie on by left side to vomit and my right side to sleep.
Goodnight!
Yeah, 'night.
('JUST A MEMORY' CONTINUES)
(CICADAS HUM, FLIES BUZZ)
And you, you do not have a light.
They're not good for you anyway.
Mmm. I think I've heard that.
So what'd you think of the party?
Oh, it was, um...
Yeah, it was good.
Strange sometimes, but... no, good.
Oh, poor Phil.
And who was the idiot who gave him that first beer?
(Both laugh)
Do you think it'll be a problem with the house and everything?
Nah. Not as far as I'm concerned.
He never had a chance with you, did he?
Only if I was paid $11 million.
Anyway, I think we both know why he never had a chance.
Well, he's a nice guy, but...
Excuse me.
(Coughs)
Hey, um, can you get me some matches from the kitchen?
Sure.
Sit down.
There's some stuff...
...stuff that I'm just working out.
Have I done something?
No, no, no. No. This isn't about you.
Good. (Laughs nervously)
So, um, other stuff then? Yeah.
Can you tell me?
Yeah.
Yeah, OK.
You know Naomi?
Yeah.
Um... (BOTTLES CLINK)
(Clears throat) Are you right there, Chris?
Yeah.
Sorry about the bed, Dan.
Oh, don't worry. I'll just chuck it all in the washing machine.
What I don't get is how I threw up all that butterfly bun crap.
I hate them.
Oh, that was somebody else.
I'm pretty sure it was me who threw up in there, man.
Oh, you did, but so did a girl called Imogen.
I had a girl in there? Mmm.
Did I...
...you know?
Well, something made her throw up.
(Both chuckle)
So...
...did he?
No. (Both laugh)
Did?
Me? No!
Uh, well, nearly.
Till she threw up in my hair.
(Both giggle)
Uh, Jacq...
I know what you're gonna say about Naomi...
...and I'm sorry.
It must be so awkward for you.
It's just that I really like her a lot
and... and I wish that I could handle it better.
(Sighs) But I can't.
(Laughs)
What?
What?!
You haven't noticed at all, have you?
Noticed what?
How I feel about Naomi.
NAOMl: Coffee's up!
A lot of work to do out here today.
Yeah, we'll get there.
It's too hot! It shouldn't be hot on a day when you need to tidy.
(Groans)
So did anyone here get lucky last night?
(Laughs) No.
But clearly your dance card was full.
Oh, we just had a pash and then fell asleep. I'm over him!
Oh. Good for you.
What a sad little household we are.
I'm gonna start clearing up.
Uh, we'll be up in a sec.
OK.
J ACQ: I nearly told her last night.
I'm so glad I didn't.
(Chuckles weakly)
What are you gonna do?
What am I gonna do?
You mean what are WE gonna do.
Alright, what are WE gonna do?
Well, I don't know.
I reckon that we should have an arm wrestle
and then we go in and we tell her who won.
Well, loser gets Chris Burns.
Ooh. (Both laugh)
Yeah, that's mad.
Does either of us have a chance?
I don't know.
I think I might not.
And that's not easy to take.
Ha.
We've both got the same taste.
Well, we are related.
('DANIEL' B Y LIOR PLAYS)
19 out of 20. Well done, Dan.
Thanks.
So you were right, it was all there in the fish-tank scene.
Oh, there's some mail here for you, by the way.
A letter from Geneva
and, um, there's a letter for all of us from the real estate agent.
(Reads) "Dear tenants, I refer to the above property.
"From this date, this property will be managed
"by the property management division
"on behalf of the owner, Phillip John Borthwick."
Ooh.
You're missing him already, aren't you?
(Laughs) Poor Phil.
We all deserve better luck.
Hey, thanks for the chat yesterday.
That's OK.
I didn't know what you were gonna think.
Well, it's not really anything to do with me, really.
What do you mean it's not anything to do with you?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think we've both
fallen for the same person.
Ah. Uh, no.
Look, uh, sorry, Jacq, I didn't mean the Naomi situation.
Uh, l-I meant how you feel about, you know,
um... life... generally.
Oh, right. How... how I feel about life.
And how is that exactly?
You know what I mean.
The, um, the orientation... thing.
Oh, OK. Oh, yeah. That's really reassuring. Thank you.
You're not gonna tell Madge, are you?
Mum? (Scoffs) As if.
It's not that I don't trust you, I just...
Hey, Jacq, look, it is going no further. I promise.
And really, Mum's gonna be fine with it.
Anyway, I'm glad I told you first.
Thanks.
So am I.
It's the first time I've ever been told anything first.
NAOMl: Hi! J ACQ: Hey.
How was school?
Oh!
Um, yeah, it was fine.
Uni?
OK.
Jacq said you met a girl at the party.
Uh, yeah, yeah. Well, I met a few people, I suppose.
Seemed to be one girl Jacq was talking about.
Yeah, yep. There was one. (Laughs awkwardly)
So do you think there'll be any follow-up?
She threw up on my bed.
(Laughs)
Well, I'm sure she didn't mean to.
(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)
(DOG BARKS)
('VANORA' B Y JUSTIN HUNTER PLAYS)
(Dog barks)
Boner!
BONER!
Here, boy! Boner!
Is that my essay?
Uh, I wouldn't bother with that if I were you.
What I was trying to say about the fish tank...
(Laughs nervously)
There's a lot happening in your head, isn't there?
Sometimes.
You and your birds and your theories.
That girl at the party, she doesn't know what she's missing, does she?
J ACQ: Hey, kids!
Dan got 19 out of 20 for his English essay!
Yeah, I know. That's my boy.
Um, did you guys meet Lisa the other night?
Oh, yeah. Hi. Hi.
Do you guys want a beer?
No, thank you. I'm gonna go and read.
Uh, I've gotta do some homework, so, um... sorry.
Maybe the dog will wanna play with us.
Cool!
(WINGS FLAP)
(Coos)
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
Hello.
Hi.
Is everything OK? Yeah. Yeah.
Um...
...I just wanted to tell you something.
Why don't you come and sit down?
Yeah.
(Sighs)
Mahogany.
Sorry?
Uh, deep brown.
Dark brown, buffy, dull brown,
uh, rufous, chestnut,
dusky, golden buff, um...
...reddish brown, tawny, rusty,
bright rufous, dull rufous, rich chestnut,
fawn, grey-brown,
warm reddish buff,
brownish, wich... rich buff,
um, warm rufous, nondescript grey-brown,
neutral grey-brown, yellowish buff,
sandy brown, dingy brown,
pale brown,
um...
...khaki,
brownish grey, olive brown,
bright chestnut, pastel brown,
warm brown, dingy yellowish buff,
rich rufous, dull olive brown,
rich red brown, sooty brown,
uh, mousy grey-brown,
dusky brown, uh, dingy buff,
sandy brown, warm sandy brown, dark sooty brown,
warm golden buff
and last...
...but not least...
...good old brown.
(Sighs)
And, um...
...I have a confession to make.
I'm not that big on birds, actually.
I know.
Really?
(Chuckles)
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
Come in.
Um, it's Matt.
Oh, right. Thanks.
Um, I'll talk to you later then.
OK, 'bye, Dan.
Hi. Matt?
Yeah, it was great seeing you again too.
Saturday?
Next Saturday.
Yeah, why not?
I'll just check my diary.
(Naomi continues talking inside)
NAOMl: Oh, my God!
No, oh, my God, yeah, no.
Um, tell me if I'm way off the mark,
but did I come in at a bad time?
I don't know.
(Naomi laughs)
I used to think that I had problems,
but you two, I...
I don't understand either of you.
(Naomi giggles)
Why don't we go and have a beer?
NAOMl: Oh, my God!
(Boner barks)
Boner, oh, you're so cute! Now, sit. Sit!
Just for a second there.
A second?
You were in there for several minutes.
Anyway, I've met Matt and he's a dick.
Naomi's great, but she has no appreciation of quality.
(Laughs weakly)
Sit. Sit down. Paw.
Lisa seems nice. You haven't even spoken to her yet.
Yeah, I did, I spoke to her at the party
just before her and her girlfriend started sorting things out.
Yeah, well, they're kind of unsorted now.
Uh, Jacq, uh...
...you know the other girl at the party - Imogen?
Yeah.
Any chance you might bump into her at uni?
No, she's still at school, isn't she?
She told me she was at uni.
No, her sister's at uni. She's in my political science tutorial.
It's not exactly the kind of thing you'd lie about, is it?
No.
Well, um, if you see her sister...
Put in a quiet word? Yeah.
This isn't the year you were expecting, is it?
Nuh.
It's better than I was expecting.
What about you?
J ACQ: Uh...
...I'm not sure what to expect anymore.
('PEACE BE WITH YOU' B Y BEAU YOUNG PLAYS)
Come on. (Chuckles)
Hello, boy!
Boner!
(All chat and laugh)
('PEACE BE WITH YOU' CONTINUES)