1
00:00:01,768 --> 00:00:05,103
♪ Thank you for being a friend
2
00:00:05,105 --> 00:00:08,707
♪ Traveled down the road
and back again
3
00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:11,543
♪ Your heart is true
4
00:00:11,545 --> 00:00:16,448
♪ You're a pal and a confidante
5
00:00:16,450 --> 00:00:19,551
♪ And if you threw a party
6
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♪ Invited everyone you knew
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♪ You would see the biggest
gift would be from me
8
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♪ And the card attached
would say
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00:00:31,298 --> 00:00:37,702
♪ "Thank you
for being a friend" ♪
10
00:01:05,832 --> 00:01:10,068
Hi, Rose. How's it going?
Hi, Blanche.
11
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,471
God, I hate morning people.
12
00:01:13,873 --> 00:01:16,040
Ever since
I've been a candy striper,
13
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I've been giving
all my patients
14
00:01:18,044 --> 00:01:20,244
the traditional
St. Olaf fun pack.
15
00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:25,817
Each one has a pack of gum,
a bar of soap and sock puppets.
16
00:01:27,153 --> 00:01:28,986
I like to pretend
one of 'em's you
17
00:01:28,988 --> 00:01:31,055
and one of 'em's Dorothy.
18
00:01:31,057 --> 00:01:34,759
(imitates Blanche)
Hi, Dorothy. How you feel?
19
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:37,261
(imitating Dorothy)
Oh, woe is me.
20
00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:39,697
I can't get a date.
21
00:01:39,699 --> 00:01:43,902
Nobody asks me out.
Woe is me. Woe -
22
00:01:46,104 --> 00:01:48,840
Bad puppet.
23
00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:50,741
Dorothy, how's Sophia doing?
24
00:01:50,743 --> 00:01:53,611
Oh, she's resting.
But a hernia is painful.
25
00:01:53,613 --> 00:01:55,680
Well, honey,
put your mind at ease.
26
00:01:55,682 --> 00:01:59,084
The operation today
is just a minor procedure.
27
00:01:59,086 --> 00:02:02,387
And by the way, you have
nothing to be guilty about.
28
00:02:02,389 --> 00:02:04,990
What?
I don't feel guilty.
29
00:02:04,992 --> 00:02:06,324
Oh, Dorothy, good God.
30
00:02:06,326 --> 00:02:08,326
You were cleaning out
the garage
31
00:02:08,328 --> 00:02:10,862
and you asked Sophia
to move a sofa?
32
00:02:12,765 --> 00:02:14,399
Don't start with me.
33
00:02:14,401 --> 00:02:15,933
She is 84 years old,
34
00:02:15,935 --> 00:02:18,537
and you're asking her
to do the work of two men?
35
00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:21,740
It was wicker, all right?
36
00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:23,675
And the La-Z-Boy?
37
00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:26,311
Leave her alone.
I'm sure she feels bad enough.
38
00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:29,347
Thank you, Rose. Honey,
do we have any orange juice?
39
00:02:29,349 --> 00:02:31,516
Sure. Would you like me
to pour you a glass
40
00:02:31,518 --> 00:02:35,520
or have Sophia come in and
bring you the refrigerator?
41
00:02:38,557 --> 00:02:39,991
Enough.
42
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:42,560
Pussycat, I moved that
safe to the attic
43
00:02:42,562 --> 00:02:44,762
like you asked me to.
44
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Can I have food now?
45
00:02:50,637 --> 00:02:52,803
Ma, you know
I'm not giving you food,
46
00:02:52,805 --> 00:02:56,708
because you're not supposed to eat or
drink anything the day of an operation.
47
00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:59,044
I'm not going to any hospital.
48
00:02:59,046 --> 00:03:01,012
Sophia, I'm working
on the admitting desk.
49
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,948
Does that make it less scary?
50
00:03:02,950 --> 00:03:07,319
Oh, sure. In that case
I'll get a boob job, too.
51
00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:11,656
I'm not going. People die there.
They go in, they don't come out.
52
00:03:11,658 --> 00:03:14,459
Ma, that is not true.
I'm still not going.
53
00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:17,662
Sophia, you have to go.
You can't just ignore your hernia.
54
00:03:17,664 --> 00:03:20,365
Blanche is right.
Right now it's very minor.
55
00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:23,834
But honey, left untreated,
it could be very serious.
56
00:03:23,836 --> 00:03:27,339
Honey, a trip to the hospital
is the best thing for you.
57
00:03:27,341 --> 00:03:28,773
You think I'm stupid?
58
00:03:28,775 --> 00:03:32,410
This scam has "Shady Pines"
written all over it.
59
00:03:32,412 --> 00:03:34,179
Ma, be serious.
60
00:03:34,181 --> 00:03:37,949
We're all adults here.
I see the way you've been eyeing my bedroom.
61
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:41,553
"Wouldn't a wet bar go great
where the old lady is?"
62
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,087
Ma, that's ridiculous.
63
00:03:43,089 --> 00:03:46,424
Why would I take you to Shady
Pines when you have a hernia?
64
00:03:46,426 --> 00:03:49,327
You took me there
after I had a stroke.
65
00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:52,130
I'm not getting anywhere.
Blanche, you talk to her.
66
00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:54,332
A wet bar.
Blanche!
67
00:03:55,668 --> 00:03:57,768
Look, Ma, I love you,
68
00:03:57,770 --> 00:04:00,305
and I know what's best for you.
69
00:04:00,307 --> 00:04:03,741
And besides, I don't want to feel
pangs of guilt for the next 20 years
70
00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:05,676
every time you say "Ow"
71
00:04:05,678 --> 00:04:08,613
just because I once asked you
to move a sofa.
72
00:04:08,615 --> 00:04:10,482
I guess I have no choice.
73
00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:14,119
I'm in agony. Did you hear that?
Agony, Dorothy.
74
00:04:14,121 --> 00:04:17,622
Sophia, don't worry.
You made the right decision.
75
00:04:17,624 --> 00:04:21,559
I was gonna give you this when you got
to the hospital, but I'm too excited.
76
00:04:21,561 --> 00:04:24,796
Here's your
St. Olaf fun pack.
77
00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:26,965
Thanks.
All right, I'm going.
78
00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:30,568
Here, Dorothy,
you throw this out.
79
00:04:30,570 --> 00:04:33,037
I'll push the car
around the front.
80
00:04:37,209 --> 00:04:39,177
All right. Let's see.
81
00:04:39,179 --> 00:04:42,546
Who's next?
Uh, number 43?
82
00:04:44,916 --> 00:04:47,986
Thank you. OK, let's just
fill out these forms.
83
00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:50,322
Your name?
Brother Martin.
84
00:04:50,324 --> 00:04:54,125
Occupation?
I'm a monk.
85
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,728
Oh, good. I almost
wrote down "Trekkie."
86
00:04:59,164 --> 00:05:02,233
What brings you to the
hospital, Brother Martin?
87
00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:04,168
Well, I don't enjoy
talking about it,
88
00:05:04,170 --> 00:05:07,005
but I hurt my knee
dancing in my room.
89
00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:11,276
Excuse me, but do I know you?
You look awfully familiar.
90
00:05:11,278 --> 00:05:15,613
I get that a lot. People say
I look like Wilma Flintstone.
91
00:05:17,316 --> 00:05:21,252
Not when she was on the air.
More the way she looks today.
92
00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:23,187
No, no, no.
I-I can see that, too.
93
00:05:23,189 --> 00:05:26,724
But you remind me of someone
I used to know a long time ago.
94
00:05:26,726 --> 00:05:29,127
I was cloistered
in a small monastery
95
00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:31,963
in St. Olaf, Minnesota.
96
00:05:31,965 --> 00:05:34,999
Where every spring
the ducks return?
97
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:37,669
If we remember
to throw out the corn. You -
98
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:39,269
You know it?
99
00:05:39,271 --> 00:05:42,840
I know it very well.
I was born and raised in St. Olaf.
100
00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:46,511
Well, this is extraordinary.
101
00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:49,481
Did you know
an Ingrid Kerclavaner?
102
00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:52,384
You knew Ingrid?
103
00:05:52,386 --> 00:05:53,918
She must have been 19.
104
00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:55,920
She worked in the kitchen
in the monastery.
105
00:05:55,922 --> 00:05:58,589
Talked, talked, talked, talked.
That's all she ever did.
106
00:05:58,591 --> 00:06:02,327
We were a silent order,
so that was very refreshing.
107
00:06:02,329 --> 00:06:03,828
I suppose it was.
108
00:06:03,830 --> 00:06:06,765
Shortly after that,
Ingrid died in childbirth.
109
00:06:06,767 --> 00:06:08,533
You know the story?
110
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:09,834
Oh, yes.
111
00:06:09,836 --> 00:06:13,138
Late one night a basket was
left at the local orphanage
112
00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:16,040
containing
hickory smoked cheese,
113
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:18,843
spicy beefsticks, a baby
114
00:06:18,845 --> 00:06:22,680
and some kind of crackers
that didn't go with anything.
115
00:06:24,116 --> 00:06:26,584
Eventually,
the Lindstroms took the baby.
116
00:06:26,586 --> 00:06:30,254
And the beefsticks,
'cause that was the deal.
117
00:06:30,256 --> 00:06:32,757
They named the baby Rose.
118
00:06:32,759 --> 00:06:34,893
Did you know her -
Rose Lindstrom?
119
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:37,662
Know her?
You're looking at her.
120
00:06:37,664 --> 00:06:42,700
The Lord certainly works
in mysterious ways.
121
00:06:42,702 --> 00:06:45,370
What do you know
about your father?
122
00:06:45,372 --> 00:06:49,507
There was a rumor that he was a
clown with Ringling Brothers,
123
00:06:49,509 --> 00:06:51,509
but I never believed it.
124
00:06:51,511 --> 00:06:54,546
Just seemed too much
to hope for.
125
00:06:55,948 --> 00:06:57,482
Did you know him, too?
126
00:06:57,484 --> 00:06:59,317
I've asked and I've asked.
127
00:06:59,319 --> 00:07:02,287
I've never found anybody
who could tell me about him.
128
00:07:02,289 --> 00:07:05,022
Rose, I don't quite know
how to put this,
129
00:07:05,024 --> 00:07:09,193
but I'm your father.
130
00:07:11,263 --> 00:07:13,030
My father?
131
00:07:18,537 --> 00:07:21,205
I can't believe it.
This really is the hospital.
132
00:07:21,207 --> 00:07:22,774
Ma, you have a hernia.
133
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:26,511
Where'd you think I was taking you
- Trampoline Village?
134
00:07:26,513 --> 00:07:29,580
I told you, I thought you were
taking me to Shady Pines.
135
00:07:29,582 --> 00:07:32,583
I was beginning to look forward
to the chicken à la king.
136
00:07:32,585 --> 00:07:35,320
You really think
I was trying to deceive you?
137
00:07:35,322 --> 00:07:37,454
Well, I was,
but I don't anymore.
138
00:07:37,456 --> 00:07:40,291
Now I think
you're trying to kill me.
139
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:42,126
Ma, I know you're frightened,
140
00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:44,962
but do you think I would be
pushing for this operation
141
00:07:44,964 --> 00:07:47,098
if I believed
there was any risk?
142
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:50,001
I don't know,
my little beneficiary.
143
00:07:54,306 --> 00:07:57,041
Oh, God.
144
00:07:57,043 --> 00:07:58,409
What's wrong, Blanche?
145
00:07:58,411 --> 00:08:00,844
Oh, there's a very handsome
doctor coming this way.
146
00:08:00,846 --> 00:08:03,381
Dorothy, listen,
if he walks by,
147
00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:05,683
just pretend
we're having a conversation
148
00:08:05,685 --> 00:08:08,352
and casually mention
my unparalleled ability
149
00:08:08,354 --> 00:08:11,122
to satisfy a man.
150
00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:14,825
What, you don't think
he's read the men's room wall?
151
00:08:18,230 --> 00:08:20,164
Apparently not.
152
00:08:21,533 --> 00:08:24,402
Wonder where Rose is?
She said she'd be here.
153
00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:27,338
Oh, Rose,
we've been waiting for you.
154
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:30,308
Ro-Ro-Rose?
155
00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:32,877
Oh, I'm sorry.
I-I was distracted.
156
00:08:32,879 --> 00:08:34,679
You're not going to believe it.
157
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:38,383
I just met my father,
my natural father.
158
00:08:38,385 --> 00:08:39,517
He's alive?
159
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:40,518
He's in Miami?
160
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,487
He's an earthling?
161
00:08:44,757 --> 00:08:48,159
He just walked in.
He's a monk.
162
00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:51,396
Must be
a pretty reformed order.
163
00:08:51,398 --> 00:08:53,565
Come on.
Let's get you signed in.
164
00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:56,935
Are you sure you're up to this?
Maybe you'd rather talk.
165
00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:59,938
Oh, I'm OK.
I can do this job without thinking.
166
00:08:59,940 --> 00:09:02,273
OK. Name?
167
00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:05,243
Zulu,
Queen of the Dwarf People.
168
00:09:06,612 --> 00:09:10,582
Uh, Rose, I don't think
you are up to this.
169
00:09:10,584 --> 00:09:11,849
Now, where were we?
170
00:09:11,851 --> 00:09:14,184
Name.
Rose Nylund.
171
00:09:15,554 --> 00:09:17,388
No, no, no. I'm fine.
172
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:20,658
Oh, here, Sophia, just sign this.
I'll fill it in later.
173
00:09:20,660 --> 00:09:22,660
It's a standard consent form,
174
00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:25,163
releasing the hospital
of responsibility.
175
00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:28,766
Like if you're missing
any jewelry or they kill you.
176
00:09:30,402 --> 00:09:32,736
I'm not gettin'
out of here alive.
177
00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:34,472
Ma, will you calm down?
178
00:09:34,474 --> 00:09:37,107
You are in the finest hospital
in Florida.
179
00:09:37,109 --> 00:09:39,177
Nothing is going to go wrong.
180
00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:42,747
OK, Mrs. Petrillo, let's see if
we can get you patched up, huh?
181
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:44,949
Here you go.
Thank you, Rose.
182
00:09:44,951 --> 00:09:47,986
Why is a woman your age
moving furniture?
183
00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:50,154
For food.
184
00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:55,693
Right this way.
185
00:09:55,695 --> 00:09:57,895
You make me sick.
186
00:10:04,036 --> 00:10:06,037
Oh, I am just so relieved
187
00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:08,406
that Ma came through
that operation OK.
188
00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:10,541
Yeah, she's a tough old woman.
189
00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:13,811
Takes a lot more than someone
like you to kill her.
190
00:10:16,682 --> 00:10:19,951
Hi, Rose. You going back
to the hospital?
191
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:23,187
Yes. I promised a friend
I'd fill in for her tonight.
192
00:10:23,189 --> 00:10:26,257
But it's the last place
in the world I want to be.
193
00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:29,527
Well, why, honey?
Because of my father.
194
00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:35,066
How would you feel if you found out
your father was a celibate monk?
195
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:38,336
It's not so unusual.
196
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:42,206
Look, Rose, we don't necessarily
get the parents we want.
197
00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:44,274
We get the ones we're dealt.
198
00:10:44,276 --> 00:10:47,511
When I was a little kid, I got
angry with my mother and father,
199
00:10:47,513 --> 00:10:50,214
and I imagined
that I had different parents.
200
00:10:50,216 --> 00:10:52,082
Who? Who?
Well, it's really silly.
201
00:10:52,084 --> 00:10:53,618
Come on. Who?
Tell us.
202
00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:57,621
Well, my dad was Errol Flynn
203
00:10:57,623 --> 00:11:01,859
and my mother
was Amelia Earhart.
204
00:11:01,861 --> 00:11:05,263
I wanted Dad all to myself.
205
00:11:10,302 --> 00:11:12,670
You know who
my fantasy parents were?
206
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:15,806
Who, Blanche,
Masters and Johnson?
207
00:11:18,476 --> 00:11:21,278
Not my fantasy neighbors.
208
00:11:22,581 --> 00:11:25,416
No, my fantasy mother
was the Queen of England,
209
00:11:25,418 --> 00:11:28,319
and then she died
and I became queen.
210
00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:31,088
And all the men were very happy
211
00:11:31,090 --> 00:11:33,825
for all the obvious reasons.
212
00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:36,761
And I looked cute on the money.
213
00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:41,532
'Course, all the women
were unhappy, but screw 'em.
214
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,534
I was queen.
215
00:11:47,139 --> 00:11:49,673
I never worried about
who my fantasy parents were.
216
00:11:49,675 --> 00:11:53,077
I only worried about
who my real parents were.
217
00:11:53,079 --> 00:11:56,080
Imagine, a monk
who'd taken a vow of silence.
218
00:11:56,082 --> 00:11:58,082
I mean, they made love,
219
00:11:58,084 --> 00:12:00,852
and he never even called her
the next day.
220
00:12:00,854 --> 00:12:03,353
Oh, Rose,
I know you're disappointed.
221
00:12:03,355 --> 00:12:06,390
But honey, confront your father.
Tell him how you feel.
222
00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:09,060
At least you'll have
some kind of relationship.
223
00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:11,295
Right now you have nothing.
224
00:12:11,297 --> 00:12:13,264
I'm luckier than you
'cause I had a father,
225
00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:15,266
a wonderful father
whom I loved dearly.
226
00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:18,636
But right now you have an opportunity
I would give anything for -
227
00:12:18,638 --> 00:12:21,139
just to have ten minutes more
with Big Daddy.
228
00:12:21,141 --> 00:12:25,143
Oh, to hear that sweet
old husky voice once more...
229
00:12:25,145 --> 00:12:29,647
"They're admittin' who
to my country club?"
230
00:12:29,649 --> 00:12:33,217
Aw, there's a difference,
Blanche.
231
00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:36,020
That bigot was there for you.
232
00:12:37,155 --> 00:12:39,489
(phone ringing)
233
00:12:42,894 --> 00:12:47,297
Hello?
Yes, this is her daughter.
234
00:12:47,299 --> 00:12:50,300
No, she's not here.
I-I left her with you.
235
00:12:50,302 --> 00:12:53,070
I was told that she'd be
in recovery till -
236
00:12:53,072 --> 00:12:55,373
Never mind!
I'm on my way!
237
00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:57,908
What's the matter?
They've lost my mother!
238
00:13:08,453 --> 00:13:13,357
Dorothy. Wait up. Will you wait a minute?
You just walk so fast.
239
00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:17,094
I am in a hurry.
It's not sexy.
240
00:13:17,096 --> 00:13:19,129
Well, it's not.
241
00:13:19,131 --> 00:13:20,297
(ringing bell)
242
00:13:20,299 --> 00:13:22,600
A woman should take
little delicate steps
243
00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:25,069
as if to say, "Yes,
I may be slower than you,
244
00:13:25,071 --> 00:13:27,371
but maybe I'm worth
waitin' for."
245
00:13:27,373 --> 00:13:30,207
It is the middle of the night.
My mother is missing.
246
00:13:30,209 --> 00:13:33,210
I am scared to death
and I'm trying to find a doctor.
247
00:13:33,212 --> 00:13:35,045
You'll have to excuse me
248
00:13:35,047 --> 00:13:39,217
if I don't have the rolling gait
of a nymphomaniac.
249
00:13:39,219 --> 00:13:42,753
Well, now, look, Dorothy, I'm scared, too.
I'm terrified.
250
00:13:42,755 --> 00:13:45,122
Sophia's practically
my mother, too.
251
00:13:45,124 --> 00:13:48,326
If we don't find her, I don't
know how I'm gonna respond.
252
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:52,230
But I'd like to think I'm
not gonna be any less sexy.
253
00:13:52,232 --> 00:13:55,566
You're just a great big pile
of estrogen, aren't you?
254
00:13:57,402 --> 00:13:59,469
Oh, where is Dr. Warren?
This is insane.
255
00:13:59,471 --> 00:14:02,139
Where do doctors go
in the middle of the night?
256
00:14:02,141 --> 00:14:05,076
Their call rooms are
up on the 12th floor,
257
00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:09,279
but... you have to take
the back stairs to get to 'em.
258
00:14:11,282 --> 00:14:15,285
Unless you have that special
key for the main elevator.
259
00:14:17,089 --> 00:14:19,623
I'm guessin'.
260
00:14:27,232 --> 00:14:29,066
Where am I?
261
00:14:29,068 --> 00:14:32,369
I must be dead.
262
00:14:32,371 --> 00:14:35,072
Is this heaven?
263
00:14:37,843 --> 00:14:39,844
Sal?
Is that you, Sal?
264
00:14:39,846 --> 00:14:41,913
Sorry, ma'am.
Who's Sal?
265
00:14:41,915 --> 00:14:46,116
My husband. He's been waiting
for me up here for a long time.
266
00:14:46,118 --> 00:14:49,720
Boy, you're pretty young.
What brings a guy like you up here?
267
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,655
A lunatic.
I'm a police officer.
268
00:14:51,657 --> 00:14:53,924
I was working a political rally
at the Civic Center
269
00:14:53,926 --> 00:14:55,926
when this madman
pulls out a revolver
270
00:14:55,928 --> 00:14:58,095
and starts blasting away
from the roof.
271
00:14:58,097 --> 00:15:01,331
I took a bullet pulling a baby
carriage out of the line of fire.
272
00:15:01,333 --> 00:15:06,070
How 'bout you?
Same.
273
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:10,207
Pardon me, but what are you
doing in here all by yourself?
274
00:15:10,209 --> 00:15:12,543
Who are you?
Are you an angel?
275
00:15:12,545 --> 00:15:15,279
I'm the guy
that shaves everybody.
276
00:15:16,648 --> 00:15:19,984
Amazing. That's not even
mentioned in the Bible.
277
00:15:19,986 --> 00:15:22,153
Heaven sure isn't
what I expected.
278
00:15:22,155 --> 00:15:26,557
Heaven? Ma'am, you're on
an elevator in a hospital.
279
00:15:26,559 --> 00:15:29,260
You mean I'm alive?
Very much so.
280
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,262
Then what am I doing in here?
281
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:33,264
That's what I was asking.
282
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:36,500
Tell you what, ma'am. I'll call Patient Care.
They'll send somebody.
283
00:15:36,502 --> 00:15:37,568
(bell dings)
284
00:15:37,570 --> 00:15:39,971
This is our floor.
Good luck.
285
00:15:39,973 --> 00:15:42,039
By the way,
I'll be thinking of you.
286
00:15:42,041 --> 00:15:44,909
Guys like you make it safe for old
ladies like me to walk the streets.
287
00:15:44,911 --> 00:15:47,544
I don't get the connection,
ma'am, but thank you.
288
00:15:59,925 --> 00:16:02,492
I'm glad you stopped by
to visit me.
289
00:16:02,494 --> 00:16:05,029
This is not a visit.
It's part of my job.
290
00:16:05,031 --> 00:16:08,099
Far as I'm concerned,
you're just another patient.
291
00:16:08,101 --> 00:16:10,334
A monk with my nose.
292
00:16:12,671 --> 00:16:15,805
Rose, I realize this is a lot
to deal with all of a sudden.
293
00:16:15,807 --> 00:16:17,908
You must have
so many questions.
294
00:16:17,910 --> 00:16:19,944
Just one, actually.
295
00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:24,148
Will you be having the halibut
or the chicken Kiev?
296
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:26,583
Boy, you're really angry,
aren't you?
297
00:16:26,585 --> 00:16:29,586
"Where has this louse
been all these years?"
298
00:16:29,588 --> 00:16:32,089
But I assure you,
there's an explanation.
299
00:16:32,091 --> 00:16:34,525
Halibut.
300
00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:36,560
I'm sure there is.
301
00:16:36,562 --> 00:16:39,062
I'll bet you're
quite a smooth-talker.
302
00:16:39,064 --> 00:16:44,502
I'm sure it wasn't the uniform
that my mother fell for.
303
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:47,004
Broccoli or creamed corn?
304
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:49,639
Rose, you're terribly upset.
305
00:16:49,641 --> 00:16:52,309
Corn, please.
306
00:16:52,311 --> 00:16:55,613
I'm not upset.
I couldn't care less.
307
00:16:55,615 --> 00:16:57,982
I guess I owe you
an explanation.
308
00:16:57,984 --> 00:17:00,317
You owe me
a lot more than that.
309
00:17:00,319 --> 00:17:02,720
Why didn't you ever come
to visit me?
310
00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:05,589
I stayed away because I thought
my appearing out of nowhere
311
00:17:05,591 --> 00:17:07,525
would've been more
than you could handle.
312
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:10,895
Shouldn't it be up to me to decide
what I can and can't handle?
313
00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:12,896
No, Rose.
Not up to me, either.
314
00:17:12,898 --> 00:17:15,566
It's up to the man
who brought us together today.
315
00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:18,268
The intern in the paper shoes?
316
00:17:21,673 --> 00:17:23,774
No, Rose.
The Lord Almighty.
317
00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:27,611
All these years of wondering
and-and hurting.
318
00:17:27,613 --> 00:17:30,146
But now,
by His bringing us together,
319
00:17:30,148 --> 00:17:32,316
I believe He's forgiven me.
320
00:17:32,318 --> 00:17:35,486
My mother -
did you love her?
321
00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:39,757
Yes, very, very much.
But then the abbot found out.
322
00:17:39,759 --> 00:17:43,060
Bud Abbott?
323
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:46,196
Sure'd be nice
if you got one of these right.
324
00:17:46,198 --> 00:17:48,866
No, Rose, the abbot.
325
00:17:48,868 --> 00:17:51,569
He told me I had to choose between
the church and your mother.
326
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:53,803
I chose God.
327
00:17:53,805 --> 00:17:56,907
I think I have His forgiveness.
328
00:17:56,909 --> 00:18:01,245
Now, more than anything,
I'd like your forgiveness.
329
00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:04,281
I don't know.
330
00:18:04,283 --> 00:18:07,918
Lime Jell-O with pears
or fresh lemon meringue pie?
331
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:09,019
Pie.
332
00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:11,554
We don't have any.
We never did.
333
00:18:11,556 --> 00:18:13,556
Now we're even.
334
00:18:21,465 --> 00:18:23,801
Oh, any luck?
What?
335
00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:25,302
Have you found her?
336
00:18:25,304 --> 00:18:27,837
Yes, Blanche.
About a half-hour ago.
337
00:18:27,839 --> 00:18:32,075
But now I've hidden her again,
so you can find her.
338
00:18:34,479 --> 00:18:36,747
The Dow was down again today.
339
00:18:36,749 --> 00:18:39,316
I told my broker to short
all my high-tech holdings
340
00:18:39,318 --> 00:18:41,852
and put it into triple-A bonds
and precious metals.
341
00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:44,087
Hey, you sound like doctors.
342
00:18:46,024 --> 00:18:49,527
Do you think you can find out why
I was left on this elevator?
343
00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:52,396
You were just left here?
What's your name?
344
00:18:52,398 --> 00:18:55,132
Read it yourself,
right here on the bracelet.
345
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:58,134
"Zulu, Queen
of the Dwarf People."
346
00:19:00,705 --> 00:19:02,773
Petrillo's the name.
Sophia Petrillo.
347
00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:05,209
Can you get me outta here?
348
00:19:05,211 --> 00:19:07,545
OK, OK. Who is your
insurance company?
349
00:19:07,547 --> 00:19:09,279
Lloyd's of London.
350
00:19:09,281 --> 00:19:11,749
What do I look like?
I'm on Medicare.
351
00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:18,188
We'll tell the desk.
They'll send somebody.
352
00:19:18,190 --> 00:19:19,757
(bell dings)
353
00:19:32,304 --> 00:19:33,804
(bell dings)
354
00:20:00,064 --> 00:20:03,066
Oh, you're up.
355
00:20:03,068 --> 00:20:04,434
Rose?
356
00:20:04,436 --> 00:20:06,570
While you were sleeping,
I've been thinking,
357
00:20:06,572 --> 00:20:09,240
and there's something
I really have to know.
358
00:20:09,242 --> 00:20:11,708
You said you chose God.
359
00:20:11,710 --> 00:20:15,179
How could you do that when it
meant giving up your own child?
360
00:20:15,181 --> 00:20:17,247
I never knew there was a child.
361
00:20:17,249 --> 00:20:19,783
It was only after you were
living with the Lindstroms
362
00:20:19,785 --> 00:20:21,951
that I found out
what happened to Ingrid.
363
00:20:21,953 --> 00:20:24,788
By then, I didn't want to
interfere with your new life.
364
00:20:24,790 --> 00:20:26,190
I'm sorry.
365
00:20:26,192 --> 00:20:28,191
You don't need to be sorry.
366
00:20:28,193 --> 00:20:31,829
I... In fact, I should thank you.
For what?
367
00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:35,165
For giving me life.
Oh, and it's been a great one.
368
00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:38,401
I mean, the Lindstroms
were wonderful parents.
369
00:20:38,403 --> 00:20:42,105
I had a wonderful husband,
I have beautiful children.
370
00:20:42,107 --> 00:20:44,141
And I owe it all to you.
371
00:20:44,143 --> 00:20:45,576
I have grandchildren?
372
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:48,545
Yes. And I'll bet
they'd love to know you.
373
00:20:48,547 --> 00:20:51,248
Oh, my. So would I.
374
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:52,549
(door opens)
375
00:20:52,551 --> 00:20:54,951
Rose, have you seen my mother?
376
00:20:54,953 --> 00:20:57,654
Dad, these are my roommates
Dorothy and Blanche.
377
00:20:57,656 --> 00:20:59,523
Very pleased to meet you.
Hello there.
378
00:20:59,525 --> 00:21:01,491
Rose has told me
all about you two.
379
00:21:01,493 --> 00:21:04,494
I know it's a little late for me
to start acting like a father,
380
00:21:04,496 --> 00:21:07,330
but do you think you two could
stop hitting my little girl
381
00:21:07,332 --> 00:21:10,267
with a newspaper?
382
00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:13,670
We'll try.
We'll try.
383
00:21:13,672 --> 00:21:16,840
You'll have to excuse us.
Rose, maybe you can help.
384
00:21:16,842 --> 00:21:20,377
We're searching the whole hospital.
We can't find my mother.
385
00:21:20,379 --> 00:21:22,179
Maybe she's lost.
386
00:21:23,982 --> 00:21:27,184
Attagirl, Rose.
You finally got one.
387
00:21:27,186 --> 00:21:29,853
Very nice meeting you, sir.
...bye-bye.
388
00:21:29,855 --> 00:21:31,855
Thanks, Dad.
389
00:21:41,932 --> 00:21:44,935
Dorothy, you don't have to
go through with this.
390
00:21:44,937 --> 00:21:47,937
I never thought I'd be looking
for my mother in the morgue.
391
00:21:47,939 --> 00:21:53,243
Oh, I can't believe the last words I
said to her were, "Shut up, Zulu."
392
00:21:53,245 --> 00:21:54,778
(bell dings)
393
00:21:56,714 --> 00:21:59,849
I just wish it was me
that was lost instead of Ma.
394
00:21:59,851 --> 00:22:02,519
You'd be a lot easier to find.
395
00:22:02,521 --> 00:22:04,755
Ma! Oh, Ma.
396
00:22:04,757 --> 00:22:07,724
We've been worried sick about you.
Easy. Easy! Easy.
397
00:22:07,726 --> 00:22:10,728
Not healed. Not healed!
Not healed.
398
00:22:10,730 --> 00:22:13,530
Where've you been?
What are you doin' on this elevator?
399
00:22:13,532 --> 00:22:16,433
I'm into easy listening.
How the hell should I know?
400
00:22:16,435 --> 00:22:19,870
What difference does it make?
We found you.
401
00:22:19,872 --> 00:22:21,838
Oh, what a day this has been.
402
00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:25,609
I found my father.
You found your mother.
403
00:22:25,611 --> 00:22:29,747
And I found you can't give a sponge
bath without the patient's consent.
404
00:22:31,116 --> 00:22:33,316
Ma, I'm so sorry
about everything.
405
00:22:33,318 --> 00:22:35,652
I'm sorry I asked you
to move that sofa.
406
00:22:35,654 --> 00:22:37,654
I'm sorry that you're sick.
407
00:22:37,656 --> 00:22:40,323
I swear I'll never ask you
to move furniture again.
408
00:22:40,325 --> 00:22:42,992
Oh, God, I'm just so happy
you're safe.
409
00:22:42,994 --> 00:22:45,162
Speaking of God,
I made a little promise
410
00:22:45,164 --> 00:22:47,830
that if He got me
through this operation alive,
411
00:22:47,832 --> 00:22:50,667
I would tell you the truth
about how I got this hernia.
412
00:22:50,669 --> 00:22:53,070
You mean,
not from lifting up the sofa?
413
00:22:53,072 --> 00:22:55,305
Oh, please, it's wicker.
414
00:22:57,675 --> 00:23:01,278
A few of us gals thought it would be
funny to put Gladys' VW on the lawn
415
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:03,813
while she was
having her feet sanded.
416
00:23:06,217 --> 00:23:09,819
And that's why I'm on
this gurney, Pussycat.
417
00:23:09,821 --> 00:23:13,656
Ma, it's OK.
As long as I found you.
418
00:23:13,658 --> 00:23:15,959
Rose, push "Morgue."