1 00:00:02,268 --> 00:00:05,603 ♪ Thank you for being a friend 2 00:00:05,605 --> 00:00:09,207 ♪ Traveled down the road and back again 3 00:00:09,209 --> 00:00:12,044 ♪ Your heart is true 4 00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:16,948 ♪ You're a pal and a confidante 5 00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:20,184 ♪ And if you threw a party 6 00:00:20,186 --> 00:00:23,822 ♪ Invited everyone you knew 7 00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:28,860 ♪ You would see the biggest gift would be from me 8 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:31,797 ♪ And the card attached would say 9 00:00:31,799 --> 00:00:38,035 ♪ "Thank you for being a friend" ♪ 10 00:01:23,949 --> 00:01:25,851 Well, I'm off. 11 00:01:25,853 --> 00:01:28,286 That would be my diagnosis. 12 00:01:29,655 --> 00:01:31,656 No, I mean I'm going out. 13 00:01:31,658 --> 00:01:35,160 Ma, put down the binoculars. No, I need them. 14 00:01:35,162 --> 00:01:38,997 I lost my glasses, and I'm not supposed to drive without them. 15 00:01:38,999 --> 00:01:40,965 Let's analyze this for a moment. 16 00:01:40,967 --> 00:01:44,369 You're now what, about 200 years old? 17 00:01:44,371 --> 00:01:47,172 About. 18 00:01:47,174 --> 00:01:50,976 You have no license. You're not allowed to drive. 19 00:01:50,978 --> 00:01:52,843 Curses! 20 00:01:54,313 --> 00:01:56,114 Dorothy, good, I'm glad you're here. 21 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:58,750 I want you to help me go through these papers. 22 00:01:58,752 --> 00:02:01,253 They're to authenticate my family tree. Oh. 23 00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:03,321 Tomorrow I have to present it out loud 24 00:02:03,323 --> 00:02:05,724 at the "Daughters of the Old South" initiation banquet. 25 00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:08,560 You're not really gonna go through with this, are you? 26 00:02:08,562 --> 00:02:09,995 Well, indeed I am. 27 00:02:09,997 --> 00:02:13,064 This club is a link to the proudest of all heritages. 28 00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:15,066 I remember, growin' up in Atlanta, 29 00:02:15,068 --> 00:02:17,802 how us girls used to pretend to be Confederate belles, 30 00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:19,838 and we'd receive gentleman callers. 31 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:21,806 Got to be like a competition. 32 00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:26,077 In fact, I once received seven callers in one evening. 33 00:02:26,079 --> 00:02:27,945 I'm just thinking out loud, 34 00:02:27,947 --> 00:02:33,818 but isn't Atlanta where the Center for Disease Control is? 35 00:02:35,754 --> 00:02:38,256 Coincidence. 36 00:02:38,258 --> 00:02:39,958 Hey, these are all right. 37 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:44,162 When I look through them backwards, you actually look demure. 38 00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:47,865 Ma, get new glasses, all right? (doorbell rings) 39 00:02:47,867 --> 00:02:51,469 Why must you always make such a big deal out of everything? 40 00:02:51,471 --> 00:02:54,306 Who's making a big deal out of it? I'm not making a big deal out of it. 41 00:02:54,308 --> 00:02:56,140 Hi! Hi, Barbara. 42 00:02:56,142 --> 00:02:59,110 We got a call at the police station about lost glasses. 43 00:02:59,112 --> 00:03:01,646 You got my message. How many men you got on this? 44 00:03:01,648 --> 00:03:03,014 Well, none really. 45 00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:06,318 I did check, and nobody reported any lost glasses. 46 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:09,120 Not lost. Stolen. I want cops on this. 47 00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:12,590 Big, burly, steroid-crazed cops. Oh. 48 00:03:14,393 --> 00:03:15,960 Sophia. 49 00:03:15,962 --> 00:03:20,431 Oh, fine, get one for Blanche, too. 50 00:03:20,433 --> 00:03:22,567 Throw it on my tab. 51 00:03:24,570 --> 00:03:26,470 As long as I'm here, I should tell you 52 00:03:26,472 --> 00:03:29,341 there's been complaints from the neighbors about the noise at night. 53 00:03:29,343 --> 00:03:32,510 Which neighbors? Well, me. 54 00:03:32,512 --> 00:03:36,047 Which noise? Well, you. 55 00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:39,384 Well, get earmuffs. I pay my taxes. 56 00:03:42,188 --> 00:03:46,358 Ah, Rose, another date with Karl tonight, huh? 57 00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:48,360 You must really like this guy. 58 00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:51,696 I do. Karl is sweet, and he's supportive. 59 00:03:51,698 --> 00:03:54,366 He understands that I still have feelings for Miles. 60 00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:57,535 Rose, Miles is in the Witness Relocation Program. 61 00:03:57,537 --> 00:04:00,572 You're not supposed to be telling people about him. 62 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:05,744 I didn't tell him Miles ratted on a gangster named The Cheeseman. 63 00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:08,580 He just knows there's somebody I can't see anymore. 64 00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:10,582 Oh, Karl is quite a guy. 65 00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:14,185 Lately I've been dreaming about him at night, not Miles. 66 00:04:14,187 --> 00:04:18,890 Although I do have one dream that both Karl and Miles are in. 67 00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:20,725 Ohh. 68 00:04:25,097 --> 00:04:26,698 And? 69 00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:27,865 OK. 70 00:04:27,867 --> 00:04:30,301 And Captain Kangaroo. 71 00:04:36,642 --> 00:04:38,710 Oh, and look here, Dorothy. 72 00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:41,546 This is my grandmother Marcelle Daboval. 73 00:04:41,548 --> 00:04:44,916 Pure Southern, through and through. Oh, Blanche, I'm sorry. 74 00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:47,419 I just don't like the idea of this club. 75 00:04:47,421 --> 00:04:50,322 It seems so discriminatory. 76 00:04:50,324 --> 00:04:54,092 There is nothing wrong with being proud of what you are. 77 00:04:54,094 --> 00:04:56,293 This club celebrates those individuals 78 00:04:56,295 --> 00:04:57,795 who can prove they come 79 00:04:57,797 --> 00:05:00,832 from 100% Southern Confederate stock. 80 00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:04,569 And if you can't, then fiddle-di-doo to you. 81 00:05:04,571 --> 00:05:08,172 Do you have any idea how much that hurts? 82 00:05:18,984 --> 00:05:22,187 Ladies and gentlemen, Roy Orbison. 83 00:05:27,693 --> 00:05:30,595 Ma, where did you get those glasses? 84 00:05:30,597 --> 00:05:33,932 They're an old pair of Pop's, but at least they've got prescription lenses. 85 00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:36,000 You can't possibly see through them. 86 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:38,002 Take them off before you hurt yourself. 87 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:40,838 No, they're great. I see just fine. 88 00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:43,107 Who's the black guy? 89 00:05:47,078 --> 00:05:49,747 I'm about done with this side of the family tree. 90 00:05:49,749 --> 00:05:52,417 I think you have the papers there from the Roquet marriage. 91 00:05:52,419 --> 00:05:56,321 Yeah, wait a minute. Oh, yeah, here. Mm-hmm. 92 00:05:56,323 --> 00:06:00,625 Walker Roquet married Rosalyn Roquet, 1861. 93 00:06:00,627 --> 00:06:04,896 Rosalyn was fro- Uh-oh. What? 94 00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:07,131 I hate telling you this, Blanche... 95 00:06:07,133 --> 00:06:08,633 No, that's not true. 96 00:06:08,635 --> 00:06:11,803 I look forward to telling you this, Blanche. 97 00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:13,971 The woman your great-grandfather married 98 00:06:13,973 --> 00:06:18,876 was born, well, outside of Georgia. 99 00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:21,579 How far outside of Georgia? 100 00:06:21,581 --> 00:06:24,215 Buffalo. 101 00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:29,654 You're a Yankee, Blanche. Well, no, this can't be. 102 00:06:29,656 --> 00:06:31,989 A Yankee Doodle. 103 00:06:31,991 --> 00:06:34,292 There must be some mistake. 104 00:06:34,294 --> 00:06:37,629 You are that Yankee Doodle gal. 105 00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:39,663 Let me see the certificate. 106 00:06:39,665 --> 00:06:43,968 I want to see with my own eyes that my great-grandmother was... that thing you said. 107 00:06:43,970 --> 00:06:45,503 A Yankee. Right. 108 00:06:45,505 --> 00:06:48,539 A Yankee Doodle. Oh, stop it. 109 00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:51,709 Oh, my God. 110 00:06:51,711 --> 00:06:55,480 Oh, did I mention her last name was Feldman? 111 00:07:00,919 --> 00:07:03,921 Aw, no. Oh, no, no, no. 112 00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:06,658 No, it can't be. I can't be Jewish. 113 00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:08,626 I'll be damned. 114 00:07:08,628 --> 00:07:10,961 The black guy is prejudiced. 115 00:07:16,768 --> 00:07:19,470 This information will have no bearing on my getting into 116 00:07:19,472 --> 00:07:21,972 the "Daughters of the Old South. " I'll just lie. 117 00:07:21,974 --> 00:07:23,975 Oh, Blanche, this is ridiculous. 118 00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:27,078 Why should you have to lie? You're only one-eighth Yankee. 119 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:30,748 That's right. I'm seven-eighths' Southern. That's more than enough. 120 00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:33,784 And if they don't let you in, instead of saying "fiddle-di-doo," 121 00:07:33,786 --> 00:07:35,786 well, you can always switch to... 122 00:07:35,788 --> 00:07:38,789 ♪ Deedle didle deedle dum 123 00:07:47,399 --> 00:07:49,534 Thanks for a lovely evening, Karl. 124 00:07:49,536 --> 00:07:51,268 Rose, I've got an idea. 125 00:07:51,270 --> 00:07:53,705 What do you say we go away for the weekend? 126 00:07:53,707 --> 00:07:56,541 Karl, I'm not sure I'm ready to. 127 00:07:56,543 --> 00:07:58,376 It's because of this Miles guy, right? 128 00:07:58,378 --> 00:08:02,479 I don't want to push you, but I just wish I knew what I was up against. 129 00:08:02,481 --> 00:08:05,016 I mean, who is this guy? What did he do? 130 00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:06,517 Where is he now? 131 00:08:06,519 --> 00:08:08,853 I wish I could tell you, 132 00:08:08,855 --> 00:08:11,889 but I really don't know anything about him anymore. 133 00:08:11,891 --> 00:08:15,894 When I knew him, he was a professor at a college. That's hard to believe. 134 00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:20,164 It's one of the few places they have professors. 135 00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:23,234 No. Yeah. No, I know that. 136 00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:27,005 I meant... I can't believe he left someone like you. 137 00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:30,341 He left someone else like me? 138 00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:33,645 No. I mean you. 139 00:08:33,647 --> 00:08:35,579 That he left you. 140 00:08:35,581 --> 00:08:37,581 Oh. 141 00:08:37,583 --> 00:08:40,385 OK. 142 00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:42,554 I should be more clear. 143 00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:45,690 That'd be great. 144 00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:47,959 Listen, check with me later about the weekend. 145 00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:50,928 I just want to be sure I'm ready, and that it's right. 146 00:08:50,930 --> 00:08:54,198 I'll give you a ring. I can't accept jewelry. 147 00:08:56,468 --> 00:09:00,204 I mean, I'll call you soon. 148 00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:05,510 I mean, I'll call you, Rose, soon... 149 00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:07,345 and the phone will ring. 150 00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:19,257 Oh, he really understands me. 151 00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:32,170 Rose. Rose, it's me. 152 00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:34,205 Mi- Miles? 153 00:09:34,207 --> 00:09:37,542 I beg your pardon. 154 00:09:37,544 --> 00:09:40,578 I'm sure Blanche will be out any minute. 155 00:09:43,515 --> 00:09:46,918 No, Rose, Rose, it's me. 156 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,052 Miles? 157 00:09:48,054 --> 00:09:50,555 I've come back, Rose. I had to see you. 158 00:09:50,557 --> 00:09:53,191 But you've changed. 159 00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:55,493 Well, I'm Amish, Rose. 160 00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:58,830 That's my new identity in the Witness Protection Program. 161 00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:01,766 See, I'm an Amish man. I live on an Amish farm. 162 00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:05,235 I carry wood, I dig holes and I milk things. 163 00:10:05,237 --> 00:10:09,439 And to be frank... it sucks. 164 00:10:11,210 --> 00:10:14,211 I've missed you, Rose. Oh, I've missed you, too, Miles. 165 00:10:14,213 --> 00:10:17,048 No, no, Rose. My name is now Samuel. 166 00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:19,951 Samuel Plankmaker. 167 00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:22,420 Isn't it dangerous for you to be here? 168 00:10:22,422 --> 00:10:24,355 You might have been followed. 169 00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:26,290 Oh, no, I took all kinds of precautions. 170 00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:29,093 I even switched buggies on the way over. 171 00:10:29,095 --> 00:10:32,030 Rose, of course, you can't tell a soul who I am. 172 00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:35,033 Oh, don't worry. Your secret is safe with me. 173 00:10:35,035 --> 00:10:38,870 I don't know what I'm gonna do. 174 00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:41,505 Boy, you find out you're a Jew with a dilemma, 175 00:10:41,507 --> 00:10:45,576 and these rabbis just come out of the woodwork. 176 00:10:48,413 --> 00:10:52,116 Rose, who is this? 177 00:10:52,118 --> 00:10:55,352 This is... This is a friend. 178 00:10:55,354 --> 00:10:59,123 His name is Samuel. Samuel Plankmaker. 179 00:10:59,125 --> 00:11:01,191 Samuel, these are my roommates. 180 00:11:01,193 --> 00:11:04,328 Girls, you know Miles. Samuel! 181 00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:07,532 Shoot! Sorry. 182 00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:10,268 Well, I'm sorry, ladies. 183 00:11:10,270 --> 00:11:13,471 It's me. I was hoping to play a trick on you. 184 00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:16,207 Silly Rabbi, tricks are for kids. 185 00:11:19,978 --> 00:11:24,682 Look, ladies, I know it's a lot to ask, but I just had to see Rose. 186 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:27,251 I can't risk leaving, at least not tonight. 187 00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:29,721 I need to stay here, if you'll let me. 188 00:11:29,723 --> 00:11:32,156 Come on, Plankmaker. I'll fix up a room for you. 189 00:11:32,158 --> 00:11:34,425 Thank you. 190 00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:37,428 I just want to go on record as saying I am against this. 191 00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:39,930 That Cheeseman character could be following Miles, 192 00:11:39,932 --> 00:11:43,834 and there's no telling what he would do to me for information. 193 00:11:43,836 --> 00:11:46,637 Blanche, you are really so self-centered. 194 00:11:46,639 --> 00:11:49,640 In the first place, no gangster is going to come here. 195 00:11:49,642 --> 00:11:53,377 And secondly, Blanche, this is important to Rose. 196 00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:57,248 Aren't you interested in Rose's happiness? 197 00:11:57,250 --> 00:12:00,584 Happiness? I'm supposed to be happy? 198 00:12:00,586 --> 00:12:03,087 Just when I was getting on with my life, 199 00:12:03,089 --> 00:12:05,089 Miles shows up, and for a visit. 200 00:12:05,091 --> 00:12:07,692 He can't even stay. 201 00:12:07,694 --> 00:12:10,561 How am I gonna move on? 202 00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:14,932 How is my heart ever supposed to heal with Miles here? 203 00:12:18,870 --> 00:12:22,940 Do you really think I'm self-centered? 204 00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:25,743 Huh? 205 00:12:36,254 --> 00:12:38,756 Come on, ya'll, hurry up. 206 00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:41,792 Excuse me, folks. I've gotta make a quick phone call. 207 00:12:41,794 --> 00:12:44,695 Rose, would you mind getting me some punch? 208 00:12:44,697 --> 00:12:47,364 He's gonna be late for the initiation ceremony. 209 00:12:47,366 --> 00:12:49,533 Oh, take it easy, Feldman. 210 00:12:52,538 --> 00:12:57,107 Hello, Billy Club? It's me - Moran. 211 00:12:57,109 --> 00:13:00,144 No, Moran The Cheeseman. 212 00:13:00,146 --> 00:13:03,680 Look, I need some fake ID to get out of the country. 213 00:13:03,682 --> 00:13:07,084 Yeah, I think my girlfriend's about to blab. 214 00:13:07,086 --> 00:13:08,786 (laughs) 215 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:11,121 Well, thank you, Evelyn and Margaret, 216 00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:13,691 for that gripping and realistic reenactment 217 00:13:13,693 --> 00:13:18,429 of the defeat of General Burnside's troops at Fredericksburg. 218 00:13:18,431 --> 00:13:20,665 (applause) 219 00:13:24,703 --> 00:13:30,074 It's hard to believe you couldn't get federal funding for this. 220 00:13:30,076 --> 00:13:32,275 Mom says "hi." 221 00:13:32,277 --> 00:13:34,144 I'm sorry, what? 222 00:13:34,146 --> 00:13:36,146 Rose, what's going on with you? 223 00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:38,148 You've been acting strange lately. 224 00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:40,451 Seems like you're hiding something from me. 225 00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:44,388 Oh, honey, I can't lie to you. It's just not fair. 226 00:13:44,390 --> 00:13:47,658 I have been hiding something from you. 227 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:50,962 I can't tell you where he's been, but Miles is back. 228 00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:53,197 He's staying with me. 229 00:13:53,199 --> 00:13:54,698 I understand, Rose. 230 00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:56,700 And don't worry about your secret. 231 00:13:56,702 --> 00:14:00,304 It won't go any further than me. 232 00:14:00,306 --> 00:14:02,640 Now it's time to meet our new applicants 233 00:14:02,642 --> 00:14:04,908 and hear their lineage presentations. 234 00:14:04,910 --> 00:14:08,913 So let us begin with Mrs. Louise Blakely. 235 00:14:08,915 --> 00:14:11,782 Blanche, there is still time to back out. 236 00:14:11,784 --> 00:14:15,352 Do you really think you can go up there and betray your heritage? 237 00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:17,722 Dorothy, I belong in this club. 238 00:14:17,724 --> 00:14:21,391 Why, I'm just as Southern as the fruit of a scuppernong arbor 239 00:14:21,393 --> 00:14:24,061 growing proudly by the lazy Mississippi. 240 00:14:24,063 --> 00:14:27,364 Lawdy, Lawdy, are you full of it. 241 00:14:29,567 --> 00:14:32,770 ...who married my Great Aunt Annalou Sellers, 242 00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:35,272 cousin to Claude Livaudais, 243 00:14:35,274 --> 00:14:37,341 who begat Elizabeth Blasingame. 244 00:14:37,343 --> 00:14:40,711 Wait a minute. Did you say Claude Livaudais? 245 00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:41,946 Yes. 246 00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:43,647 My great-grandfather told stories 247 00:14:43,649 --> 00:14:45,315 of Claude Livaudais. 248 00:14:45,317 --> 00:14:49,186 He once sold horseshoes to a Union soldier. 249 00:14:49,188 --> 00:14:50,421 Yankee. 250 00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:52,590 No, no, I can explain. 251 00:14:52,592 --> 00:14:54,425 Fie. Traitor. 252 00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:56,160 Oy vey. 253 00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:03,100 Well, that was a close one. 254 00:15:03,102 --> 00:15:06,303 We now call Blanche Devereaux. 255 00:15:08,006 --> 00:15:11,208 Dorothy, I can't see a thing. What's happening now? 256 00:15:11,210 --> 00:15:15,413 The Harlem Globetrotters just took the court. 257 00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:19,082 Hello, ladies. I want to thank you for making time for me. 258 00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:22,119 But I wonder if, instead of reading my family tree, 259 00:15:22,121 --> 00:15:24,622 if I couldn't just say a few words 260 00:15:24,624 --> 00:15:27,124 about what the South means to me. 261 00:15:27,126 --> 00:15:31,262 Oh, no. We need your family tree. 262 00:15:34,699 --> 00:15:39,270 I see. OK. 263 00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:43,374 Well, I am Blanche Devereaux, 264 00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:46,777 nee Hollingsworth, of Atlanta, 265 00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,779 daughter of Curtis Hollingsworth 266 00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:50,581 and Samantha Roquet 267 00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:53,284 of Augusta and Shreveport, 268 00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:56,153 daughter of - 269 00:15:58,590 --> 00:16:02,460 I can't do it. I... 270 00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:04,295 Daughter of Feldman. 271 00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:06,330 I'm a Feldman, damn it. 272 00:16:08,166 --> 00:16:09,933 Of Buffalo. (all gasp) 273 00:16:14,773 --> 00:16:17,140 Oh, ladies, now, please, I beg of you. 274 00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:21,411 Let us put aside our ancient prejudices and change these rules. 275 00:16:21,413 --> 00:16:25,016 Oh, ladies, let my people in. 276 00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:29,019 No. Next up, we have a lady actually... 277 00:16:29,021 --> 00:16:33,357 I would like to say something else, if you don't mind. 278 00:16:33,359 --> 00:16:36,127 Please let me in. No! 279 00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:39,296 Next up - That wasn't what I was going to say. 280 00:16:39,298 --> 00:16:43,934 Yes, I am a Yankee, but hath not a Yankee eyes? 281 00:16:43,936 --> 00:16:46,236 Hath not a Yankee hands? 282 00:16:46,238 --> 00:16:48,605 If you prick us, do we not bleed? 283 00:16:48,607 --> 00:16:51,342 If you tickle us, do we not laugh? 284 00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:53,977 Sometimes all night. I've heard her. 285 00:16:57,549 --> 00:17:00,417 My point is, I am made up of many ingredients, 286 00:17:00,419 --> 00:17:02,586 but perhaps that is what gives me 287 00:17:02,588 --> 00:17:05,322 my uniquely American flavor. 288 00:17:05,324 --> 00:17:10,127 Yes, for I am an American, 289 00:17:10,129 --> 00:17:11,796 and I'm leavin'. 290 00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:15,165 I don't need your lousy club to make me feel special. 291 00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:23,874 Oh, please? (all) No! 292 00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,709 Oh, you lost the war. Get over it. 293 00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:27,377 Let's go. 294 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:31,881 Oh, honey, I hope you're not too upset 295 00:17:31,883 --> 00:17:36,554 about not fitting in with those dreadful people today. 296 00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:40,624 Those small-minded peckerwoods aren't real Southerners. 297 00:17:42,461 --> 00:17:45,262 I am a real Southerner. 298 00:17:45,264 --> 00:17:47,431 Real Southerners are compassionate people. 299 00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:51,469 They're wise and gentle, and they sit around on porch swings, 300 00:17:51,471 --> 00:17:56,039 regaling with stories of Abraham and Moses... 301 00:17:56,041 --> 00:17:59,309 and all the other people who worked on the plantation. 302 00:18:02,881 --> 00:18:05,949 Well, I sent Karl home. 303 00:18:05,951 --> 00:18:08,285 Now I just have to talk to Miles. 304 00:18:08,287 --> 00:18:12,056 Talk to Miles? You seeing somebody else, Rose? 305 00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:14,825 Ah, I can explain. No, I understand. 306 00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:16,894 Oh, Rose, of course, you're dating. 307 00:18:16,896 --> 00:18:18,896 That's why I've come to a decision. 308 00:18:18,898 --> 00:18:21,198 I'm going to Washington, talk to the Bureau. 309 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:23,167 I am leaving the Witness Protection Program. 310 00:18:23,169 --> 00:18:25,503 I just know I need to be with you. 311 00:18:25,505 --> 00:18:27,638 But the Cheeseman is looking for you. 312 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,773 Rose, don't worry. 313 00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:32,309 So, hope I'm not interrupting anything. 314 00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:35,713 Oh, my God! You! How did you find me? 315 00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:37,781 Time to say goodbye, buddy boy. 316 00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:39,849 Karl, Miles, 317 00:18:39,851 --> 00:18:42,986 as flattering as this is, I... 318 00:18:42,988 --> 00:18:45,755 I don't want you fighting over me. 319 00:18:45,757 --> 00:18:49,093 What? Karl? Is this the man you've been seeing? 320 00:18:49,095 --> 00:18:52,262 Uh-huh. But don't worry. He's just a little jealous. 321 00:18:52,264 --> 00:18:55,499 Got some bad news, Rose. It's not you he's after. 322 00:18:55,501 --> 00:18:57,634 He's using you to get to me. 323 00:18:57,636 --> 00:19:00,137 This is the Cheeseman. Oh! My - 324 00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:02,406 I'll have to figure out what to do with you. 325 00:19:02,408 --> 00:19:05,475 Wait a minute. You can't come into this house waving that gun around. 326 00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:08,545 Although it is a very nice one. 327 00:19:08,547 --> 00:19:10,747 What is this, a Colt? 328 00:19:10,749 --> 00:19:14,418 Oh, I knew all along it was a bad idea to let Miles stay here. 329 00:19:14,420 --> 00:19:17,087 I'm too young to be struck down by a madman's bullet. 330 00:19:17,089 --> 00:19:19,089 I've gotta find some way out of this. 331 00:19:19,091 --> 00:19:20,591 (doorbell rings) I'll get it. 332 00:19:20,593 --> 00:19:24,094 No one moves... and no one makes a sound. 333 00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:26,363 We all stand still until they leave. 334 00:19:28,032 --> 00:19:30,033 Don't make a move, old lady. 335 00:19:30,035 --> 00:19:32,536 Nice way to talk to your mother, Pussycat. 336 00:19:35,673 --> 00:19:38,876 Who is it? Put these on and find out. 337 00:19:38,878 --> 00:19:42,012 My glasses. Where did you find them? 338 00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:45,114 I'm afraid Dreyfuss was the culprit. He got them off the lanai. 339 00:19:45,116 --> 00:19:48,819 You should really keep that gate closed. Anybody could get in here. 340 00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:51,955 It's great. I can finally see again. 341 00:19:53,692 --> 00:19:56,059 Hey, it's the Cheeseman. 342 00:19:56,061 --> 00:19:58,629 Come on, get in here, both of ya. 343 00:19:58,631 --> 00:20:01,531 Sophia, you recognize Karl as the Cheeseman? 344 00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:06,870 You don't? The man's been on America's Most Wanted at least six times. 345 00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:10,040 The last episode was the highest rated ever. 346 00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:12,042 Ever. 347 00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:15,212 That must be a good feeling. 348 00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:18,515 Well, it's kind of an acknowledgement. 349 00:20:18,517 --> 00:20:21,418 I hate to interrupt you, but I have some bad news. 350 00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:24,254 It's all over. That's right, you're busted. 351 00:20:24,256 --> 00:20:27,491 Barbara's a cop. 352 00:20:27,493 --> 00:20:29,793 In a dress, without a gun. 353 00:20:29,795 --> 00:20:33,497 So, basically, what you have here is a crossing-guard thing. 354 00:20:36,868 --> 00:20:39,903 All right, all you gals are gonna get locked up in a closet, 355 00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:42,773 and us boys are going for a little walk. 356 00:20:42,775 --> 00:20:44,708 Wow. Were you ever activities director 357 00:20:44,710 --> 00:20:47,377 of a place called Shady Pines? 358 00:20:49,014 --> 00:20:51,915 We got a lot of old business to discuss, mi amigo. 359 00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:53,217 An awful lot. 360 00:20:53,219 --> 00:20:55,419 Isn't there anything you can do, Barbara? 361 00:20:55,421 --> 00:20:57,121 I suppose I could do this. 362 00:20:57,123 --> 00:20:59,189 All right, Cheeseman, you're under arrest. 363 00:20:59,191 --> 00:21:02,859 You told us you didn't have a gun. You lied. 364 00:21:04,929 --> 00:21:09,566 To a bad guy. It's OK to lie to a bad guy. 365 00:21:09,568 --> 00:21:11,100 You see that? 366 00:21:11,102 --> 00:21:14,838 There's so many things we, as the public, don't understand. 367 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:17,608 I'm gonna take this creep out front and read him his rights. 368 00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:20,311 Somebody call the station and tell 'em to get here, 369 00:21:20,313 --> 00:21:22,613 and I need handcuffs, right away. 370 00:21:24,382 --> 00:21:27,684 Oh. Oh, OK, you can borrow mine. 371 00:21:29,754 --> 00:21:32,022 But please be careful with them. They're a gift. 372 00:21:35,694 --> 00:21:39,196 Ma, why don't we make that phone call from the kitchen? 373 00:21:41,032 --> 00:21:42,333 Rose... 374 00:21:42,335 --> 00:21:44,501 Rose, it's over. I'm a free man. 375 00:21:44,503 --> 00:21:47,504 I can be with you now, if that's still what you want. 376 00:21:47,506 --> 00:21:50,307 Oh, that's all I've ever wanted. 377 00:21:52,110 --> 00:21:55,112 But you have to promise me never to leave me again. 378 00:21:55,114 --> 00:21:58,114 Well, sweetheart, I might have to for a little while. 379 00:21:58,116 --> 00:22:00,417 Back on my farm in Pennsylvania, 380 00:22:00,419 --> 00:22:05,089 I still have an order in for 13 windmills. 381 00:22:05,091 --> 00:22:07,324 Oh, screw 'em. What are they gonna do, phone?