1
00:00:19,061 --> 00:00:20,799
Jeff, you haven't even looked
at the new course catalog.

2
00:00:20,924 --> 00:00:22,073
I'm like a kid in a candy store.

3
00:00:22,198 --> 00:00:24,658
Well, the candy has lost its
appeal now that I work at the store.

4
00:00:24,783 --> 00:00:27,402
You might say becoming a
teacher here gave me diabetes.

5
00:00:27,713 --> 00:00:29,068
I was just saying that.

6
00:00:29,193 --> 00:00:31,031
Are you always thirsty and fatigued

7
00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:33,113
and you have blurry vision and
and your cuts heal slower?

8
00:00:33,238 --> 00:00:35,077
Those are actual diabetes symptoms.

9
00:00:35,463 --> 00:00:37,118
That's what the doctor said.

10
00:00:37,243 --> 00:00:39,831
- So, is he treating it?
- I asked him the same thing.

11
00:00:40,149 --> 00:00:41,189
What did he say?

12
00:00:41,314 --> 00:00:44,200
He said, make an appointment through
his office during business hours.

13
00:00:44,325 --> 00:00:45,969
This is his home,
his children sleep here.

14
00:00:46,094 --> 00:00:47,186
You know doctors.

15
00:00:47,755 --> 00:00:49,144
Oh, my gosh, you guys.

16
00:00:49,269 --> 00:00:52,186
There's a class
called Basic Grifting.

17
00:00:52,311 --> 00:00:55,138
Should we all learn how
to be grifters together?

18
00:00:55,304 --> 00:00:57,499
- Wait, what do grifters do again?
- I got this.

19
00:00:57,847 --> 00:00:59,518
- I'll tell you for five bucks.
- No.

20
00:01:00,177 --> 00:01:01,693
- You better sign me up.
- Me too.

21
00:01:01,818 --> 00:01:04,367
I've always wanted to learn more
about grifting ever since I saw 1990's,

22
00:01:04,492 --> 00:01:07,066
The Grifters, featuring John Cusack,
Anjelica Huston, and almost no grifting.

23
00:01:07,191 --> 00:01:09,987
You guys, don't take a grifting class.
You're going to get grifted.

24
00:01:10,426 --> 00:01:13,389
Even more so than by that oceanography
class, only none of you

25
00:01:13,514 --> 00:01:15,978
will even get a goldfish, then
you're gonna come crying back to me.

26
00:01:16,103 --> 00:01:17,178
Why you?

27
00:01:17,303 --> 00:01:18,328
Lets face it,

28
00:01:18,453 --> 00:01:20,998
I'm the closest thing that Greendale
has to an experienced grifter.

29
00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:26,128
gets jealous of something dumb.

30
00:01:26,294 --> 00:01:27,909
Jeff's jealous of a grifter.

31
00:01:28,538 --> 00:01:30,455
Because he wishes
he was still a grifter.

32
00:01:32,466 --> 00:01:34,261
That's something even I could
mock, and I live in an RV.

33
00:01:34,559 --> 00:01:36,972
I'm judging you, and my dinner
table folds down from a wall.

34
00:01:37,269 --> 00:01:40,333
I say we all take the grifting class
together, have a great time,

35
00:01:40,458 --> 00:01:41,941
and rub it in Jeff's face!

36
00:01:42,066 --> 00:01:44,271
Who's in, and can you cover me?
I'll pay you back.

37
00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:46,739
- I'll get it from your parents.
- I'll pay you back.

38
00:01:46,864 --> 00:01:48,608
At which point
I'll pay back your parents.

39
00:01:48,950 --> 00:01:50,450
Which will be never.

40
00:01:51,309 --> 00:01:53,655
I'll get a high five
from your parents.

41
00:01:54,375 --> 00:01:57,284
Each student should bring a briefcase.
I don't have a briefcase.

42
00:01:57,450 --> 00:01:58,946
We're gonna grift with briefcases?

43
00:01:59,071 --> 00:02:00,871
Basic my ass, that's advanced.

44
00:02:01,037 --> 00:02:03,035
- I have a few extra briefcases.
- Shocker.

45
00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:05,542
Are they regulation?
We {*each }need a regulation grifting briefcase.

46
00:02:05,708 --> 00:02:08,170
- It's a grift.
- What's a regulation briefcase?

47
00:02:08,605 --> 00:02:11,465
I don't know.
But they're provided for only $150.

48
00:02:11,631 --> 00:02:12,924
You're being grifted.

49
00:02:13,090 --> 00:02:15,423
Shut up, Jeff.
You're such a negative person.

50
00:02:15,548 --> 00:02:18,083
What do you contribute to
this group besides negativity?

51
00:02:18,208 --> 00:02:20,974
Guys, watch this, can I borrow $150?

52
00:02:21,140 --> 00:02:22,100
- No.
- See!

53
00:02:22,266 --> 00:02:25,634
Now who's gonna come with me
and show this guy what's up?

54
00:02:25,759 --> 00:02:27,807
- I'll pay you back.
- I'll get it from your parents.

55
00:02:27,932 --> 00:02:30,525
Tell them I spit on their wealth
and thank you.

56
00:02:57,885 --> 00:03:00,140
Resync for WEB-DL by Kyros
www.addic7ed.com

57
00:03:11,135 --> 00:03:12,025
Good morning.

58
00:03:13,154 --> 00:03:17,948
My name is Professor Roger DeSalvo,
for the time being.

59
00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:22,746
For I use many a pseudonym, such
as Jeff Goulash, Philip Switch,

60
00:03:22,871 --> 00:03:24,216
or Baz Ravish.

61
00:03:24,341 --> 00:03:28,475
For I am a grifter and
this is Grifting 101.

62
00:03:36,298 --> 00:03:38,343
Now which one of you thinks
I did that on purpose?

63
00:03:40,063 --> 00:03:42,563
Exactly,
you think you've seen me fail.

64
00:03:43,180 --> 00:03:45,248
You think you've spotted a weakness.

65
00:03:45,373 --> 00:03:49,074
Let me tell you something, with a flick
of a wrist, I could show you a fool

66
00:03:49,199 --> 00:03:50,250
one minute,

67
00:03:52,428 --> 00:03:53,378
or longer.

68
00:03:53,503 --> 00:03:55,337
I see you've got your briefcases.
Excellent.

69
00:03:55,462 --> 00:03:56,570
Hold them aloft.

70
00:03:58,904 --> 00:04:00,240
Pass them to each other.

71
00:04:03,681 --> 00:04:05,131
Now pass them back.

72
00:04:07,503 --> 00:04:08,665
Do it at speed.

73
00:04:08,831 --> 00:04:09,624
Quicker!

74
00:04:10,153 --> 00:04:11,543
Pass them like hell.

75
00:04:12,823 --> 00:04:14,504
Pass them like your sister's dying,

76
00:04:15,757 --> 00:04:18,207
and continue
that for about 40 minutes.

77
00:04:21,227 --> 00:04:22,846
Wait, 40 minutes?

78
00:04:23,184 --> 00:04:25,098
- What's your name, my love?
- Annie Edison.

79
00:04:25,264 --> 00:04:26,472
That sounds like a real name,

80
00:04:26,597 --> 00:04:30,103
not the name of a grifter
and therefore, not a teacher.

81
00:04:31,562 --> 00:04:33,648
- What?
- My name is Slick Pockets Tucker.

82
00:04:33,814 --> 00:04:34,983
- No, it's not.
- That's correct.

83
00:04:35,149 --> 00:04:36,530
I was just wondering
what the next lesson will be.

84
00:04:36,655 --> 00:04:39,696
The next lesson will be
passing two briefcases.

85
00:04:39,862 --> 00:04:42,157
You need to master the art
of passing one,

86
00:04:42,323 --> 00:04:44,451
and then you can purchase
another briefcase.

87
00:04:45,063 --> 00:04:46,604
- What?
- You talk too much.

88
00:04:46,729 --> 00:04:47,704
Keep passing.

89
00:04:54,219 --> 00:04:55,754
It's a very funny book.

90
00:05:04,099 --> 00:05:05,263
Oh no, grifters.

91
00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:09,394
I better watch my french
fries unless, counterfeit?

92
00:05:09,812 --> 00:05:12,028
- Where'd you learn to do that?
- We didn't learn anything.

93
00:05:12,153 --> 00:05:13,596
- That class is...
- A rip off?

94
00:05:13,721 --> 00:05:15,607
Hm, what's another word for that?

95
00:05:15,773 --> 00:05:17,734
All he did was throw his hat
and make us pass briefcases.

96
00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:19,340
And, he kept trying to sell us stuff.

97
00:05:19,465 --> 00:05:21,395
Briefcase swapping talcum for
grifters palm,

98
00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:23,208
briefcase hinge oil
for silence switcheroos,

99
00:05:23,333 --> 00:05:25,075
and something
called extra believable socks.

100
00:05:25,241 --> 00:05:28,061
Those are actually half off,
I kind of feel like I grifted him.

101
00:05:28,186 --> 00:05:33,102
So in a sense, what happened is
you took a class about grifting.

102
00:05:33,610 --> 00:05:36,753
Aaaaaannnnnd...

103
00:05:37,509 --> 00:05:40,840
Jeff, you really need us to say it?
You were...

104
00:05:41,991 --> 00:05:43,507
Yeah I need you to say it.

105
00:05:43,894 --> 00:05:45,387
Let me just get settled.

106
00:05:48,599 --> 00:05:49,391
Okay go.

107
00:05:50,505 --> 00:05:51,746
You were right.

108
00:05:55,307 --> 00:05:57,030
Well, you live and you learn, guys.

109
00:05:57,155 --> 00:05:58,483
Well, you live anyway.

110
00:05:58,649 --> 00:06:00,110
So now, will you please help us?

111
00:06:00,276 --> 00:06:01,278
Help you?

112
00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:03,571
- We want revenge.
- We wanna grift him back.

113
00:06:03,737 --> 00:06:06,157
You wanna grift a grifter?
That's as dumb as taking his class.

114
00:06:06,323 --> 00:06:07,617
- Just cut your losses.
- But, Jeff.

115
00:06:07,783 --> 00:06:10,526
I begged you not to go down this
path, and you made fun of me.

116
00:06:10,651 --> 00:06:13,623
- You pointed in my face and laughed.
- We're sorry we hurt your feelings.

117
00:06:13,789 --> 00:06:15,400
My feelings are fine.

118
00:06:15,525 --> 00:06:18,379
I'm just very lazy, and you
gave me an excuse to do nothing.

119
00:06:18,504 --> 00:06:19,671
I'm not just gonna throw that away.

120
00:06:19,837 --> 00:06:22,382
You don't want to take this guy down?
He's even lazier than you.

121
00:06:22,548 --> 00:06:25,180
Doesn't your species
consider that a challenge?

122
00:06:25,305 --> 00:06:27,667
Shouldn't you be on some kind of reverse
pissing contest

123
00:06:27,792 --> 00:06:29,386
to determine who's laziest?

124
00:06:29,511 --> 00:06:31,929
Wait, is that where you
suck it back up in your?

125
00:06:32,876 --> 00:06:34,894
I'm sorry, I've only ever
done it the other way.

126
00:06:35,266 --> 00:06:36,604
You mean peeing?

127
00:06:36,770 --> 00:06:38,420
No, I mean in the back.

128
00:06:41,104 --> 00:06:42,747
He hasn't done anything to me.

129
00:06:42,872 --> 00:06:44,609
In fact,
he sounds like a pretty good guy.

130
00:06:44,734 --> 00:06:45,864
I bet we'd get along.

131
00:06:48,991 --> 00:06:49,992
Good show.

132
00:06:50,679 --> 00:06:51,536
Good show.

133
00:06:52,912 --> 00:06:53,913
What show?

134
00:06:54,659 --> 00:06:55,909
I haven't seen that show.

135
00:06:56,034 --> 00:06:57,334
All right.
All the best.

136
00:06:58,644 --> 00:06:59,769
And, you are?

137
00:07:00,074 --> 00:07:02,399
I was the guy
with a full bottle of scotch

138
00:07:02,524 --> 00:07:04,560
and a high tolerance for foreigners.

139
00:07:05,910 --> 00:07:06,961
How robust.

140
00:07:07,086 --> 00:07:09,070
I'd imagine that you're Jeff Winger.

141
00:07:09,195 --> 00:07:11,644
Turns out we're going
to be office buddies.

142
00:07:11,769 --> 00:07:14,351
Hello there, sir.
My name is Roger DeSalvo.

143
00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:15,977
Or is it?

144
00:07:16,143 --> 00:07:17,629
You see, I happen to be in the...

145
00:07:17,754 --> 00:07:19,606
Grifting 101.
Yes, I've heard about you.

146
00:07:19,772 --> 00:07:21,107
That would be your desk.

147
00:07:21,804 --> 00:07:23,276
If you need a mnemonic device,

148
00:07:23,442 --> 00:07:25,904
it's the one without someone
else's stuff all over it.

149
00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:28,426
Well played, very well played.

150
00:07:28,862 --> 00:07:29,962
I gotta say.

151
00:07:32,273 --> 00:07:33,536
I admire your style.

152
00:07:33,702 --> 00:07:35,997
Grifting people by selling
them grifting lessons?

153
00:07:36,163 --> 00:07:38,083
It's genius, but I called it.

154
00:07:38,249 --> 00:07:39,918
I never said my class was a grift.

155
00:07:40,084 --> 00:07:41,753
I don't worry about me,
I'm one of you.

156
00:07:41,993 --> 00:07:43,093
Was, anyway.

157
00:07:43,218 --> 00:07:44,005
Do tell.

158
00:07:44,171 --> 00:07:48,153
Well, I worked at one of the top law
firms in the city as a lawyer,

159
00:07:48,278 --> 00:07:49,528
but guess what?

160
00:07:49,882 --> 00:07:51,247
I'm not a lawyer.

161
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,473
I think you're talking about lying.

162
00:07:54,303 --> 00:07:56,017
Grifting happens to be an art form.

163
00:07:56,183 --> 00:07:57,538
The art of lying.

164
00:07:57,663 --> 00:07:59,201
Let's not get high-handed.

165
00:07:59,326 --> 00:08:00,480
Grifting is lying.

166
00:08:00,646 --> 00:08:03,103
Okay.
So, like a string is a sweater?

167
00:08:03,228 --> 00:08:04,715
Like, paint is the Sistine Chapel?

168
00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:07,044
Sure, grifting includes lying,

169
00:08:07,169 --> 00:08:08,863
but only a liar
would call grifting lying.

170
00:08:09,029 --> 00:08:11,866
And, only a delusional
hobo would glorify stealing.

171
00:08:12,032 --> 00:08:13,993
Really? Did you say something
that wasn't true there?

172
00:08:14,118 --> 00:08:16,694
- Maybe we should phone the museum.
- I was on your side.

173
00:08:16,819 --> 00:08:17,747
You're an ass.

174
00:08:17,913 --> 00:08:20,227
Well, you're a craftless,
artless thug.

175
00:08:20,352 --> 00:08:21,709
And, I'm God's paintbrush.

176
00:08:21,875 --> 00:08:25,130
No, I am God, which pretty
much makes me better than you.

177
00:08:29,174 --> 00:08:30,175
You know what?

178
00:08:31,188 --> 00:08:32,834
Let's agree to disagree.

179
00:08:34,837 --> 00:08:35,890
It's not important.

180
00:08:36,056 --> 00:08:38,560
So, you can lie.
Yeah, you liar.

181
00:08:38,903 --> 00:08:39,904
Yeah.

182
00:08:43,981 --> 00:08:46,205
I wanna speak to you,
you son of a bitch.

183
00:08:46,330 --> 00:08:47,331
What?

184
00:08:48,494 --> 00:08:49,544
I love you.

185
00:08:52,689 --> 00:08:53,690
I do too.

186
00:08:55,945 --> 00:08:56,744
Good.

187
00:09:00,717 --> 00:09:02,936
Why are you guys still doing that?

188
00:09:03,883 --> 00:09:07,644
Well, it was homework, and
we're getting better, right?

189
00:09:07,769 --> 00:09:10,508
Or, the friction has gradually melted
the handle to fit into our palms.

190
00:09:10,674 --> 00:09:13,303
There's nothing to get better at.
The class is a grift.

191
00:09:13,469 --> 00:09:15,603
The next person who says
grift is gonna grift!

192
00:09:15,728 --> 00:09:17,728
My god,
now it's replacing other words.

193
00:09:17,853 --> 00:09:19,184
All right, I'm in.

194
00:09:20,634 --> 00:09:21,769
Let's grift the son of a bitch.

195
00:09:26,565 --> 00:09:28,735
Why are you cheering?
He could be saying anything.

196
00:09:29,345 --> 00:09:31,237
Grift! Grift! Grift!

197
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,647
Good work,
I can't remember your name.

198
00:09:58,222 --> 00:10:00,642
Likewise, no idea what your name is.
Great job.

199
00:10:00,808 --> 00:10:01,759
All right.

200
00:10:01,884 --> 00:10:05,697
I say you're pretty close to
swapping the briefcases

201
00:10:05,822 --> 00:10:09,079
loaded with actual fake money
such as this.

202
00:10:09,204 --> 00:10:11,229
This isn't real money,
it's just cut up newspaper.

203
00:10:11,354 --> 00:10:14,039
But it weighs the same,
costs five dollars a piece.

204
00:10:14,164 --> 00:10:15,823
You'll be using ten.

205
00:10:16,524 --> 00:10:18,618
Telegram for Elroy Patashnik.

206
00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:20,179
I'm Patashnik.

207
00:10:20,304 --> 00:10:21,504
Telegram, sir.

208
00:10:23,714 --> 00:10:24,561
Oh, my God.

209
00:10:24,686 --> 00:10:26,793
My Aunt Baba died on
vacation while in Africa.

210
00:10:28,252 --> 00:10:29,754
But she left me a million dollars,

211
00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:32,340
but the African government
wants to seize the funds.

212
00:10:32,506 --> 00:10:33,383
Class dismissed.

213
00:10:36,260 --> 00:10:37,095
Not you.

214
00:10:42,704 --> 00:10:44,686
- Are you out of your mind?
- What?

215
00:10:44,852 --> 00:10:46,299
The African telegram.

216
00:10:46,424 --> 00:10:47,849
The Jim Belushi of grifts?

217
00:10:47,974 --> 00:10:51,025
- Are you trying to grift me?
- I'll cut you in for fourteen grand.

218
00:10:51,191 --> 00:10:52,192
Get out.

219
00:10:53,541 --> 00:10:54,529
Out.

220
00:10:57,836 --> 00:10:58,783
One more thing.

221
00:11:00,515 --> 00:11:01,765
Nice try twice.

222
00:11:02,371 --> 00:11:03,204
Twice?

223
00:11:03,370 --> 00:11:06,374
The fake grift within the grift,
or the double bean, if you like.

224
00:11:06,540 --> 00:11:10,490
I'm gonna mention a name and however
you react, I'll know the truth.

225
00:11:12,834 --> 00:11:15,216
Jeff Winger, that's the one!

226
00:11:15,382 --> 00:11:17,114
- Who's Jeff Winger?
- What with the, who?

227
00:11:17,239 --> 00:11:18,177
That's the one.

228
00:11:18,434 --> 00:11:19,679
Out you go.

229
00:11:19,845 --> 00:11:20,763
Say hi to him.

230
00:11:23,254 --> 00:11:24,954
By the way, Jeff Winger,

231
00:11:26,805 --> 00:11:28,273
nice try thrice.

232
00:11:32,431 --> 00:11:34,402
Hey, how was grifting class?

233
00:11:34,881 --> 00:11:37,734
Did you teach some advanced grifting
techniques only you could understand?

234
00:11:37,859 --> 00:11:39,049
The Brown Betty?

235
00:11:39,174 --> 00:11:41,409
The Texas oil baby?
The reverse Jim Gaffigan?

236
00:11:41,575 --> 00:11:44,339
Well, I wouldn't teach
the African telegram.

237
00:11:44,464 --> 00:11:45,989
Since I'm not a hack.

238
00:11:46,114 --> 00:11:47,863
And also, since the Internet.

239
00:11:48,384 --> 00:11:49,324
Okay.

240
00:11:49,449 --> 00:11:50,627
You got me.
Game over.

241
00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:53,379
- Let's end this competition.
- Cheers to that.

242
00:12:02,131 --> 00:12:02,972
Sir, you...

243
00:12:03,419 --> 00:12:04,891
That guy left his lottery
ticket on the table.

244
00:12:05,134 --> 00:12:06,517
That was the telegram man.

245
00:12:06,683 --> 00:12:08,296
No, it wasn't.
I mean what telegram?

246
00:12:08,421 --> 00:12:09,228
Exactly.

247
00:12:09,394 --> 00:12:10,439
What telegram?

248
00:12:10,564 --> 00:12:12,857
Because the Internet, you know?

249
00:12:13,023 --> 00:12:16,110
That place that you obviously went
to to type in the word grifting.

250
00:12:17,175 --> 00:12:19,489
I'm gonna grift you.
I'm gonna grift your ass.

251
00:12:19,974 --> 00:12:21,824
Or is that the grift?

252
00:12:21,990 --> 00:12:24,035
None of it is a grift!
It's all nonsense!

253
00:12:24,454 --> 00:12:27,961
Okay, how many times have I told
you people

254
00:12:28,086 --> 00:12:29,999
the faculty lounge is not a bar?

255
00:12:30,304 --> 00:12:32,083
All right, pack it up people.

256
00:12:32,626 --> 00:12:35,338
Come on, you don't have to go teach
a class but you can't stay here.

257
00:12:35,669 --> 00:12:36,756
Look, truce.

258
00:12:37,115 --> 00:12:37,924
Okay?

259
00:12:38,454 --> 00:12:40,854
Promise no more grifting and promise,

260
00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:44,102
if this is worth a million,
we'll split it.

261
00:12:44,625 --> 00:12:47,392
- You're an idiot.
- Or maybe I'm a genius.

262
00:12:47,674 --> 00:12:49,727
No, I can answer that.
You're definitely an idiot.

263
00:12:49,893 --> 00:12:51,979
Can an idiot walk backwards
like this and not hit anything?

264
00:12:52,145 --> 00:12:52,939
Maybe.

265
00:12:53,622 --> 00:12:55,817
Or, maybe not.

266
00:12:57,993 --> 00:12:58,994
What?

267
00:13:07,165 --> 00:13:08,750
What are you doing here?

268
00:13:09,125 --> 00:13:10,873
This guy is a grifter.

269
00:13:11,039 --> 00:13:12,432
Professor of grifting.

270
00:13:12,557 --> 00:13:15,258
He charges $400,
you get two brief cases

271
00:13:15,383 --> 00:13:18,063
and your ex boyfriend
becomes an obsessive...

272
00:13:18,794 --> 00:13:20,550
I didn't know you
and Winger were lovers.

273
00:13:21,717 --> 00:13:23,886
If he wanted my respect, he
should have opened with that.

274
00:13:24,052 --> 00:13:25,539
Are you trying to be disarming?

275
00:13:25,664 --> 00:13:27,974
Are you grifting me out of my arms?

276
00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:30,263
I did nothing to that man.
He called himself a grifter.

277
00:13:30,388 --> 00:13:31,559
I just simply corrected him.

278
00:13:31,684 --> 00:13:34,063
Yeah, because the truth is so
important to the both of you.

279
00:13:35,950 --> 00:13:38,609
So what's it gonna cost
to make you go away?

280
00:13:45,657 --> 00:13:46,811
Well?

281
00:13:47,894 --> 00:13:49,412
- He took the bait.
- Yes.

282
00:13:50,162 --> 00:13:51,998
I thought we didn't
want him to take the bait?

283
00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:53,553
No, we're saying the same thing.

284
00:13:53,678 --> 00:13:55,334
He didn't take the bait,
we didn't want taken.

285
00:13:57,210 --> 00:13:58,129
The African Telegram?

286
00:13:58,295 --> 00:14:02,884
Yeah, which was offered as fake bait
and taken as such, ie, not taken.

287
00:14:03,344 --> 00:14:05,219
Because that made
him feel in control.

288
00:14:05,385 --> 00:14:07,878
And by avoiding all visible bait,
he placed himself

289
00:14:08,003 --> 00:14:10,308
on the invisible hook of assuming
we're planning to grift him.

290
00:14:10,474 --> 00:14:12,059
- Oh, I like it.
- Yeah.

291
00:14:12,674 --> 00:14:13,519
But we are.

292
00:14:13,685 --> 00:14:15,062
So we knows the truth.

293
00:14:15,228 --> 00:14:16,676
Isn't that like the one thing

294
00:14:16,801 --> 00:14:19,137
you're not supposed to know
when you're being grifted?

295
00:14:20,974 --> 00:14:23,919
He can know a plan all he wants.

296
00:14:24,044 --> 00:14:26,157
But the plan he knows
won't be our plan.

297
00:14:26,323 --> 00:14:27,324
Okay.

298
00:14:28,590 --> 00:14:33,569
Because our plan is
impossible to know?

299
00:14:34,136 --> 00:14:36,624
Becaaaaaaaaaaaause...

300
00:14:37,555 --> 00:14:41,214
Oh, my god, Jeff
is making this up as we go.

301
00:14:42,188 --> 00:14:44,383
Knock it off.
What do you want from me?

302
00:14:44,549 --> 00:14:46,385
We wanted you to help us do a grift.

303
00:14:46,551 --> 00:14:48,805
- I'm working on it.
- Improvisationally?

304
00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:50,264
They definitely had
the plan in The Sting.

305
00:14:50,389 --> 00:14:51,996
If anybody wants to watch it
it's important you know

306
00:14:52,121 --> 00:14:53,660
it knocks out half a calendar day.

307
00:14:54,087 --> 00:14:55,714
Look, do you guys remember
when we hugged

308
00:14:55,839 --> 00:14:57,543
and jumped up and down
in the cafeteria?

309
00:14:57,668 --> 00:14:58,499
Obviously.

310
00:14:58,624 --> 00:15:01,809
Well, having been together
virtually non-stop ever since,

311
00:15:01,934 --> 00:15:04,657
at what point do you think
I slipped off with pen and paper

312
00:15:04,782 --> 00:15:08,199
and planned an entire grift,
then withheld it from you?

313
00:15:08,365 --> 00:15:13,173
I guess at any of the several dozen
points when a normal person would say,

314
00:15:13,298 --> 00:15:15,081
by the way, I have no plan.

315
00:15:15,523 --> 00:15:17,396
In The Sting, they do
withhold stuff from each other.

316
00:15:17,521 --> 00:15:18,982
Or from the audience,
but I think for effect.

317
00:15:19,107 --> 00:15:21,812
Also, be warned, 20% of
the movie is hand drawn.

318
00:15:21,937 --> 00:15:23,631
Abed, why don't you marry The Sting?

319
00:15:23,797 --> 00:15:25,801
Okay,{* just so you know,} so if I do
and we have half Sting children,

320
00:15:25,926 --> 00:15:27,922
when they ask me how to grift, I'm
gonna tell them to watch their mother,

321
00:15:28,047 --> 00:15:29,364
not listen to you!

322
00:15:31,277 --> 00:15:32,723
Shut up, okay!

323
00:15:33,286 --> 00:15:36,519
You guys, you're, you're
always picking on me, all right?

324
00:15:37,890 --> 00:15:39,812
And you've really been
hammering me lately.

325
00:15:39,937 --> 00:15:42,766
All I had was the idea that...

326
00:15:45,758 --> 00:15:47,271
Look, I need this.

327
00:15:47,396 --> 00:15:49,532
I need to be better than this guy.

328
00:15:50,832 --> 00:15:52,132
So let me think.

329
00:15:57,777 --> 00:15:59,584
- Did you bring your laptop?
- Yes, right here.

330
00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:02,253
What do you wanna do with it?

331
00:16:04,458 --> 00:16:05,423
Watch The Sting.

332
00:16:11,046 --> 00:16:12,047
It's over.

333
00:16:13,099 --> 00:16:14,015
Whatever.

334
00:16:14,181 --> 00:16:15,391
Who got shot?

335
00:16:15,557 --> 00:16:16,786
What's going on?

336
00:16:16,911 --> 00:16:19,079
- Was Sting even in it?
- That movie was terrible.

337
00:16:19,204 --> 00:16:20,771
- You slept the whole time.
- That's worse.

338
00:16:20,937 --> 00:16:23,824
The dialogue seeped into my dreams.
My whole brain is long and quiet.

339
00:16:23,949 --> 00:16:26,027
So how did they grift him?

340
00:16:26,744 --> 00:16:29,069
Well, they basically
made a fake building

341
00:16:29,194 --> 00:16:32,158
and hired 1,000 people to
cooperate in perfect secrecy.

342
00:16:33,575 --> 00:16:34,819
Should we just do that?

343
00:16:34,944 --> 00:16:37,830
We could watch another grifter movie.
There's more activity in Matchstick Men.

344
00:16:37,996 --> 00:16:38,956
Oh, like what?

345
00:16:39,122 --> 00:16:40,894
At one point they build
a fake hospital.

346
00:16:41,374 --> 00:16:42,543
So much construction!

347
00:16:42,709 --> 00:16:44,712
Oh, God, it's so late.

348
00:16:46,590 --> 00:16:48,345
You guys are gonna bail on me,
aren't you?

349
00:16:48,470 --> 00:16:51,344
I think we have to Jeff.
We've tried everything we can.

350
00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:53,742
Maybe over the weekend
I can make a fake building,

351
00:16:53,867 --> 00:16:56,456
but all the briefcases,
and the swapping, and The Sting?

352
00:16:56,581 --> 00:16:57,937
I'm not cut out for it.

353
00:16:58,062 --> 00:17:00,259
I'm starting to think that real grifts
only really happen in the movies,

354
00:17:00,384 --> 00:17:01,979
and even in the movies
they barely make sense.

355
00:17:02,145 --> 00:17:03,164
Look, I'm old.

356
00:17:03,289 --> 00:17:05,316
The Sting is terrible.
Grifting is stupid.

357
00:17:05,482 --> 00:17:07,079
The writing's on the wall.

358
00:17:07,204 --> 00:17:09,618
- So that's it?
- There's no shame in this, Jeff.

359
00:17:09,743 --> 00:17:11,697
Oh, I don't know about that.

360
00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:14,742
Well, this is a scene to behold.

361
00:17:14,908 --> 00:17:18,270
Holed in the closet watching
The Sting like gypsies.

362
00:17:18,395 --> 00:17:19,372
Roger...

363
00:17:20,014 --> 00:17:21,249
we surrender.

364
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:22,624
You were right.

365
00:17:22,974 --> 00:17:23,918
I'm no grifter.

366
00:17:24,904 --> 00:17:26,204
No, I was wrong.

367
00:17:26,794 --> 00:17:28,601
If you remember, I called you a thug.

368
00:17:29,353 --> 00:17:30,453
Thugs fight.

369
00:17:31,407 --> 00:17:32,607
You're more...

370
00:17:34,005 --> 00:17:37,592
Nope, I can't think of a
metaphor pathetic enough

371
00:17:37,717 --> 00:17:39,141
to suit you, Jeff Winger,

372
00:17:39,307 --> 00:17:41,727
though I am reminded of
something Oscar Wilde once said

373
00:17:41,893 --> 00:17:43,844
when he compared sheep to wolves.

374
00:17:43,969 --> 00:17:44,855
Screw it.

375
00:17:49,721 --> 00:17:52,362
You hit me with a woman's hand.

376
00:17:52,487 --> 00:17:54,323
You Midwestern floozy.

377
00:17:54,489 --> 00:17:55,658
I lived in New York.

378
00:18:21,749 --> 00:18:23,853
Yeah, right, he's grifting us.

379
00:18:26,945 --> 00:18:28,899
Grift blood.
Someone taste it.

380
00:18:29,065 --> 00:18:31,027
I'm sure it's Karo Syrup
and food dye.

381
00:18:31,193 --> 00:18:33,293
I mean I would, but my diabetes.

382
00:18:43,079 --> 00:18:46,525
19, 20, 21.

383
00:18:46,650 --> 00:18:50,396
Are you counting the amount of
money or the number of stacks?

384
00:18:55,393 --> 00:18:56,618
I have to start over.

385
00:18:56,743 --> 00:18:58,429
I'll do it, move.

386
00:18:58,595 --> 00:19:03,193
But I want to go on record as
being disgusted by this transaction.

387
00:19:03,839 --> 00:19:04,643
Got it.

388
00:19:04,809 --> 00:19:05,735
Disgusted.

389
00:19:05,860 --> 00:19:08,939
I'm sorry love, but would
you rather we took this to court?

390
00:19:09,789 --> 00:19:13,360
We appreciate you keeping this
between us and I do want to remind you

391
00:19:13,609 --> 00:19:16,379
that we offer a lot of classes
and many of them are cash only.

392
00:19:16,504 --> 00:19:18,031
Me, take a class here?

393
00:19:18,156 --> 00:19:19,533
Talk about a rip-off.

394
00:19:22,221 --> 00:19:23,466
Talk about a ribbing.

395
00:19:24,562 --> 00:19:25,873
What the hell am I doing?

396
00:19:26,039 --> 00:19:30,354
You know, so far, Frankie's
disgusted and, that's it.

397
00:19:30,479 --> 00:19:32,421
Seems like a waste of a record.

398
00:19:32,829 --> 00:19:34,824
So sorry guys.
This is all my fault.

399
00:19:34,949 --> 00:19:37,659
Don't be
I'm the one who got in a pissing match.

400
00:19:38,295 --> 00:19:39,887
- With a jerk.
- You're a jerk.

401
00:19:40,053 --> 00:19:41,764
- You're a jerk.
- You're a jerk.

402
00:19:41,889 --> 00:19:43,324
You're all jerks.

403
00:19:43,449 --> 00:19:45,714
And this whole school
can suck a big one.

404
00:19:45,839 --> 00:19:47,554
And you can put that in your record.

405
00:19:48,192 --> 00:19:50,189
I'm sorry, guys,
I'm bound by my station.

406
00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:51,899
Speaking on that topic, Britta,

407
00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:54,568
this is all your fault
and you're expelled.

408
00:19:54,734 --> 00:19:56,018
- What?
- No, Dean.

409
00:19:56,143 --> 00:19:58,948
Let me handle this.
No, you can't do that.

410
00:19:59,623 --> 00:20:01,405
Britta's the heart of this group.

411
00:20:01,778 --> 00:20:04,082
She started it as a...

412
00:20:04,207 --> 00:20:06,705
as a fake biology group

413
00:20:07,152 --> 00:20:10,417
so that she could have sex with Troy.

414
00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:12,169
- No.
- That's exactly it.

415
00:20:12,335 --> 00:20:14,004
Oh, okay.
Don't let me handle it.

416
00:20:14,551 --> 00:20:17,660
You can't expel Britta,
she's been here six years.

417
00:20:17,785 --> 00:20:19,721
Three more, and she'll
have her two-year degree.

418
00:20:19,846 --> 00:20:21,455
Britta keeps me grounded in reality.

419
00:20:21,580 --> 00:20:24,052
You can't expel her with four
week-isodes left in the seaso-mester.

420
00:20:24,177 --> 00:20:25,997
- See, it's starting.
- It's okay, guys.

421
00:20:26,122 --> 00:20:26,934
It's okay.

422
00:20:27,492 --> 00:20:28,587
All right.

423
00:20:28,712 --> 00:20:29,705
50,000.

424
00:20:29,830 --> 00:20:33,246
Whoop, I'll just put this in here.

425
00:20:34,864 --> 00:20:36,110
- Give it to me.
- Yep.

426
00:20:36,910 --> 00:20:38,112
Don't help me, anyone.

427
00:20:39,796 --> 00:20:41,015
Turn me around.

428
00:20:48,199 --> 00:20:49,399
See you later.

429
00:21:02,539 --> 00:21:04,096
The plan was to meet later.

430
00:21:05,847 --> 00:21:08,309
So, what's it gonna
cost to make you go away?

431
00:21:08,872 --> 00:21:12,396
There's a way we could end this {*very }quickly
and make a bit of money.

432
00:21:12,562 --> 00:21:14,899
I don't like it, but keep talking.

433
00:21:15,857 --> 00:21:17,039
Yes, that was the plan.

434
00:21:17,164 --> 00:21:19,278
And, your plan was
probably to never show up.

435
00:21:19,736 --> 00:21:20,798
Clever girl.

436
00:21:20,923 --> 00:21:22,289
Don't trust anyone.

437
00:21:34,209 --> 00:21:36,253
Hang on, did you have to hit me,
for real?

438
00:21:36,419 --> 00:21:37,796
Have to?
No.

439
00:21:39,047 --> 00:21:42,801
Now that you're expelled, you
might consider a career in grifting.

440
00:21:42,967 --> 00:21:45,133
- You're quite good at it.
- I don't know.

441
00:21:45,258 --> 00:21:47,139
How does one
go through life like that?

442
00:21:48,661 --> 00:21:52,353
Well, follow me, and I'll show you.

443
00:21:52,519 --> 00:21:53,619
Oh, shut up.

444
00:21:58,683 --> 00:22:01,732
I only agreed to any of this to
get you away from Greendale

445
00:22:01,857 --> 00:22:03,206
and out of Jeff's hair.

446
00:22:03,331 --> 00:22:06,617
He's an idiot, but I hate watching
him spin out trying to beat you.

447
00:22:07,372 --> 00:22:09,703
You sentimental fool.

448
00:22:10,163 --> 00:22:12,303
Later at the motel.

449
00:22:12,997 --> 00:22:13,998
The motel.

450
00:22:16,235 --> 00:22:18,837
Some say I'm a lucky grifter.

451
00:22:19,639 --> 00:22:22,549
Some say I'm the king.

452
00:22:22,867 --> 00:22:25,999
They call me the lucky grifter.

453
00:22:27,164 --> 00:22:30,022
They call me the King of England.

454
00:22:30,497 --> 00:22:31,697
I am the king.

455
00:22:36,831 --> 00:22:37,832
No.

456
00:22:42,245 --> 00:22:43,153
What the hell?

457
00:22:43,778 --> 00:22:44,697
Oh, shut up.

458
00:22:49,604 --> 00:22:52,257
The only reason I agreed to any
of this

459
00:22:52,382 --> 00:22:55,541
was to get you away from Greendale
and out of Jeff's hair.

460
00:22:58,187 --> 00:22:59,169
What the?

461
00:23:00,249 --> 00:23:01,672
You two, come back here!

462
00:23:05,289 --> 00:23:06,135
Briefcases.

463
00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:07,761
Coming right through.

464
00:23:08,039 --> 00:23:09,555
Identical briefcases.

465
00:23:09,721 --> 00:23:11,789
What?
Why more briefcases?

466
00:23:14,185 --> 00:23:15,644
This is pointless!

467
00:23:15,810 --> 00:23:18,260
I already know
she's got my briefcase!

468
00:23:20,697 --> 00:23:22,109
Briefcase parade!

469
00:23:22,275 --> 00:23:23,819
Who the hell are you?

470
00:23:26,969 --> 00:23:28,452
You get back here.

471
00:23:28,577 --> 00:23:30,451
You get back here with my money.

472
00:23:30,817 --> 00:23:32,017
Get back here!

473
00:23:48,771 --> 00:23:50,181
Oh, Roger.

474
00:23:50,306 --> 00:23:52,102
- They stole my money.
- What?

475
00:23:52,227 --> 00:23:53,820
Those briefcases contain my money.

476
00:23:53,945 --> 00:23:55,893
They stole $50,000 from me.

477
00:23:56,059 --> 00:23:57,061
50 grand, huh?

478
00:23:58,394 --> 00:24:00,753
- You guys know what he's talking about?
- I don't think so.

479
00:24:00,878 --> 00:24:02,858
These are our briefcases.

480
00:24:03,587 --> 00:24:06,028
What is grifting class.
He sells these supplies 150 bucks.

481
00:24:06,194 --> 00:24:07,821
Really?
Okay.

482
00:24:07,987 --> 00:24:09,031
We are still rolling.

483
00:24:09,197 --> 00:24:10,725
We got pretty good at it, too.

484
00:24:10,850 --> 00:24:12,122
Check it out.

485
00:24:13,165 --> 00:24:14,328
Sorry. Sorry.

486
00:24:16,446 --> 00:24:19,708
Roger, why were you
walking around with $50,000?

487
00:24:21,146 --> 00:24:22,086
Are you mental?

488
00:24:22,252 --> 00:24:23,455
Hey, whoa pal.

489
00:24:23,580 --> 00:24:26,810
That usage may fly in
the UK, not in the States.

490
00:24:26,935 --> 00:24:30,037
I have a mentally challenged cousin.

491
00:24:30,162 --> 00:24:30,997
Sister.

492
00:24:31,122 --> 00:24:31,804
Pics.

493
00:24:31,970 --> 00:24:33,058
I wanna see pics.

494
00:24:33,183 --> 00:24:35,685
You know very well that this school

495
00:24:35,810 --> 00:24:39,796
paid me $50,000 in cash
for these injuries.

496
00:24:39,921 --> 00:24:41,688
Well, you seem to be
in pretty good shape.

497
00:24:41,854 --> 00:24:43,315
No, oh, my god!

498
00:24:43,481 --> 00:24:44,900
Look at the two of you!

499
00:24:45,066 --> 00:24:46,747
Yeah, he's the reason I became a cop.

500
00:24:47,376 --> 00:24:49,279
You know, a lot of bullies out there.

501
00:24:49,872 --> 00:24:52,553
There are a million
witnesses to this.

502
00:24:52,678 --> 00:24:53,534
Hey, everyone.

503
00:24:53,700 --> 00:24:56,036
Hey guys, just hanging
out in the cafeteria?

504
00:24:56,202 --> 00:24:58,557
Hi profess...
Oh, what happened to your face?

505
00:24:58,682 --> 00:24:59,748
This is ridiculous.

506
00:24:59,914 --> 00:25:02,264
She's beautiful.
You could be twins.

507
00:25:03,045 --> 00:25:06,255
So, the statement I'm hearing here
is you're a grifting professor.

508
00:25:06,548 --> 00:25:08,841
You're teaching these
people how to grift

509
00:25:09,007 --> 00:25:11,093
but you're saying they grifted you.

510
00:25:11,485 --> 00:25:13,720
No, you id...
I'm not saying that.

511
00:25:14,042 --> 00:25:15,806
They didn't grift me.

512
00:25:15,972 --> 00:25:17,264
What they do is not grifting.

513
00:25:17,389 --> 00:25:19,268
They wouldn't even understand
what the word meant.

514
00:25:19,677 --> 00:25:23,013
I think we need to take what
Roger's saying more seriously.

515
00:25:26,649 --> 00:25:31,113
Because it sounds like he was either
the victim of crass, artless thuggery.

516
00:25:31,279 --> 00:25:31,905
Correct.

517
00:25:32,071 --> 00:25:36,035
In which case, there really is
$50,000 floating around

518
00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:39,417
that he was given for
clearly fake injuries,

519
00:25:39,542 --> 00:25:42,207
and that he therefore
now owes the school.

520
00:25:42,849 --> 00:25:43,542
What?

521
00:25:43,708 --> 00:25:47,880
Or Professor DeSalvo was targeted

522
00:25:48,046 --> 00:25:50,589
by a group of people
he vastly underestimated,

523
00:25:50,714 --> 00:25:53,113
in which case the money was given

524
00:25:53,238 --> 00:25:56,805
and then taken back
and nobody owes anybody anything.

525
00:25:57,039 --> 00:26:01,153
All he would have to do is admit.

526
00:26:06,697 --> 00:26:07,774
I was grifted.

527
00:26:10,703 --> 00:26:12,571
Grift, grift, grift...

528
00:26:15,825 --> 00:26:17,826
Why are you even here?
Who called you?

529
00:26:17,992 --> 00:26:19,107
Nobody.

530
00:26:19,232 --> 00:26:21,763
I take macrame after work,
they know that.

531
00:26:22,515 --> 00:26:25,354
Sorry you got grifted, let me know
if you want to press charges

532
00:26:25,479 --> 00:26:27,419
and if you could think of
what those would be.

533
00:26:28,420 --> 00:26:30,756
Professor DeSalvo,
under the circumstances

534
00:26:30,922 --> 00:26:33,116
I'm sure you agree
it doesn't makes sense for you

535
00:26:33,241 --> 00:26:35,131
to keep teaching this subject here.

536
00:26:35,256 --> 00:26:38,305
Yeah, I mean, we kinda know
everything there is to know.

537
00:26:38,471 --> 00:26:40,366
You should probably
refund all their money

538
00:26:40,491 --> 00:26:42,569
and we should all go
get some hot dogs.

539
00:26:42,694 --> 00:26:43,519
Hot dogs.

540
00:26:43,685 --> 00:26:44,686
Hot dogs.

541
00:26:55,852 --> 00:26:57,790
We were all in it the whole time?

542
00:26:57,915 --> 00:26:59,015
You weren't.

543
00:27:00,142 --> 00:27:02,663
Because I can't be trusted.

544
00:27:12,505 --> 00:27:13,924
- Telegram for Mr Winger.
- Hey, Ridley.

545
00:27:14,049 --> 00:27:16,260
So, I returned the telegram
man outfit to the dean.

546
00:27:16,426 --> 00:27:19,221
Thank you so much.
I know how crazy this week's been.

547
00:27:19,387 --> 00:27:20,971
You really didn't have to do this.

548
00:27:21,096 --> 00:27:22,434
Are you kidding?
I owe you.

549
00:27:22,559 --> 00:27:24,223
Whatever you need.
Just say the word.

550
00:27:24,348 --> 00:27:27,688
All right. I could use your help
moving a mattress this weekend.

551
00:27:28,969 --> 00:27:29,815
Okay, cool.

552
00:27:29,981 --> 00:27:31,720
- Is that okay?
- Let me know.

553
00:27:34,178 --> 00:27:35,765
My name is Ryan Ridley.

554
00:27:36,386 --> 00:27:39,904
Three years ago my life was
saved by a stranger at my gym.

555
00:27:40,029 --> 00:27:41,994
I felt like I owed him my In life.

556
00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:44,121
Apparently he agreed.

557
00:27:44,648 --> 00:27:47,499
Now he has me do things,
and I keep hoping and praying

558
00:27:47,665 --> 00:27:50,210
that one day I'll do
enough for him to call us even.

559
00:27:51,537 --> 00:27:54,506
Until then,
I'm just a guy from his gym.

560
00:28:06,360 --> 00:28:08,739
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