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Subtitle sync and corrections
by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
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Hello, Oscar.
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Felix, I hate that I'm used to this.
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Observe.
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After weeks of practice,
I have successfully mastered
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the salamba sirsasana.
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By rooting my power deep into the earth,
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I become an immovable tower of strength.
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Aah!
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Oh!
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And gracefully transitioning into plow.
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Thank you, Felix. That was a highlight
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to an otherwise crappy day.
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- What happened?
- I'm crossing 71st Street
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and some moron in a hot dog suit
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shoves a flier in my face.
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Oh, yes, I know him.
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He's a very persistent wiener.
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Anyway, I finally take it
and throw it in the trash,
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but because nobody picks up
the garbage in this stupid city,
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it just falls off the top
of this trash mountain
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and lands in the street.
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I get a ticket for littering,
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and the hot dog goes free.
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Well, the hot dog
could never go to jail.
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He'd be eaten alive.
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Really?
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Nothing? You're in that bad of a mood?
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I'm just so sick of New York.
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You know what I'm gonna do?
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I'm gonna move into
a cabin in the woods.
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Yes, and marry a sexy survivalist
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and smoke your own jerky.
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You say that every few months.
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I mean it this time.
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I'm through with this city.
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You know what you need
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is an uplifting urban experience,
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and I have just the thing.
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If you say "paddle boating" again,
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so help me God...
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No, no, of course not.
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Not when the swans are breeding.
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Right.
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No, my yoga instructor,
Dante, has asked me
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to fill in for him at his next class.
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I didn't know you were
good enough to teach.
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Oh, yes, he said, and I quote,
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"If you know so much about yoga,
why don't you teach the class?"
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And then he called me "smart guy."
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I like this Dante.
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Yes, that's the problem; everyone does.
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He can't be a good teacher
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because he's too busy
being Mr. Popularity.
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Well, you're not gonna
have that problem.
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So, what do you say?
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Well, let me think it
over for a second. No.
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Oscar, your loss.
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I really, really wish you would
expose yourself to new things.
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Whoa!
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You are exposing me to enough right now!
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Oscar, with a little bit of
practice, you could do this.
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Felix, if I could do that,
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I'd never leave the apartment.
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So, ever since I retired from baseball,
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I've been getting offers to
do endorsements and stuff,
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and since you do such
great work for Oscar,
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I was hoping you could represent me.
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Oh, I thought it might
be something like that.
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Great. This Norwegian company wants me
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to endorse a new sports supplement.
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It's called, uh,
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Fjelltrakter.
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It's supposed to...
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(in bad announcer voice):
...enhance your performance
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and give you that extra burst of energy.
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- Okay, we're gonna get you
an acting coach. - Right.
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But if this stuff makes
me look like you,
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I'll take some right now.
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Well, it's medicine, Teddy.
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It's not magic.
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Hey, I only take crap
like that from clients.
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So sign here and initial there.
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Magic, that's hilarious.
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Okay, I have a double cheeseburger.
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Uh-huh.
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- A chicken sandwich.
- Uh-huh.
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And a loaded baked potato.
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And none of that is what we ordered.
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Again?
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(groans) Sorry.
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What can I get for you?
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Oh, great.
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You're all at the bar...
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bright and early.
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I will be teaching a
yoga class tomorrow,
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and I would love it if
you could all make it.
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If it isn't too much of a stretch.
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(chuckles)
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Yeah, yoga's not really my thing.
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Guys, yoga changed my life.
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You might be surprised to
know this, but when I was
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going through my divorce,
I was a bit of a wreck.
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- You're kidding.
- You? Come on!
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- Yes, yes.
- No.
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Thanks to yoga, it helped me
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face my demons and emerge
a calmer, stronger man
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ready to let go of my marriage
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and move on with the
next chapter of my life.
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Really? You're moving on?
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00:04:08,585 --> 00:04:10,118
Like, dating and all that?
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I mean, you never actually said dating,
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but I think that we all just assumed.
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I mean, you're a human
with needs and desires.
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Yes to yoga.
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Great, Emily's in.
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Murph, what do you say?
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I guess I could.
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I did a little yoga...
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teacher once.
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Got Murph. Teddy?
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Well, my wife wants me to stay home
123
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and watch The Notebook tomorrow,
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so I'd say yes to an hour of
being punched in the face.
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I really look forward to teaching you,
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but fair warning,
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I plan on doing lots of
hands-on adjustments.
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Ooh, (chuckles) no problem.
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Just grab me and go for it.
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It's been a long time since I was...
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adjusted.
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Run, Oscar, move your skinny ass.
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(panting)
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I got to quit smoking.
135
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You don't smoke.
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Then I'm really out of shape.
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00:04:58,868 --> 00:05:01,837
Now, remember, to get out
of your littering ticket,
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you have to walk into that
courtroom with respect.
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Keep a positive attitude.
140
00:05:05,608 --> 00:05:08,610
Stupid court, stupid cop, stupid city.
141
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Just a little ray of
sunshine, aren't you?
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Oh, step aside, stale urine.
143
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We have a winner in the
subway smell contest.
144
00:05:16,686 --> 00:05:17,886
Oh, is it bothering you?
145
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I'm so sorry.
146
00:05:19,922 --> 00:05:21,089
(saxophone playing)
147
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Oh, fantastic.
148
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Dinner and a show.
149
00:05:24,193 --> 00:05:27,162
Could you do that in a
different car, please?
150
00:05:27,163 --> 00:05:29,298
Who made you king of the subway?
151
00:05:29,299 --> 00:05:32,434
You just spit vindaloo
all over my shirt.
152
00:05:32,435 --> 00:05:35,871
Okay, some of that was already there.
153
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Can't I just get from
point "A" to point "B"
154
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without the music, the spitting
155
00:05:40,343 --> 00:05:41,843
and the making out?
156
00:05:41,844 --> 00:05:45,280
Do you not see the ad for
teenage pregnancy up there?
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Oscar, calm down.
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I'm not gonna calm down
until I'm off this train
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and away from all these idiots.
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(brakes squeal)
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Son of a...
162
00:05:55,525 --> 00:05:58,759
(playing louder)
163
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How long are we talking
here, half an hour?
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Well, the flier said 90 minutes.
165
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With a nap in the middle?
166
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Is that what that mat is for?
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I'm gonna need some of
those endurance pills.
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How many should I take?
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Let's see, uh,
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between fjorten and, uh, keveld.
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So, you just did your hair and makeup.
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No heels?
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Shut up.
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I just came from a thing.
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Was it a meeting with your john?
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Have you guys seen Felix?
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Class should be starting.
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It's not like him to be...
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FELIX: Join me, fellow travelers,
180
00:06:40,869 --> 00:06:42,870
as we embark
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00:06:42,871 --> 00:06:45,639
on a voyage of self-discovery.
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Please welcome your spiritual captain...
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...Felix Unger.
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(whooping)
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00:06:56,551 --> 00:06:58,686
Where's Dante?
186
00:06:58,687 --> 00:07:02,123
Okay, Dante is at his cousin's
commitment ceremony in Paramus.
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So I have the privilege
of teaching you today.
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00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,130
Okay.
189
00:07:09,131 --> 00:07:11,465
A couple of good spots
have opened up, uh...
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00:07:11,466 --> 00:07:13,234
Now,
191
00:07:13,235 --> 00:07:14,902
as some of you may know, I recently went
192
00:07:14,903 --> 00:07:16,270
through a pretty painful divorce,
193
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but it was yoga that got me through it.
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It got me out of my spiral,
195
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let me release my anger
196
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and become the totally centered man
197
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you see before you today.
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Will Dante be back next week?
199
00:07:27,649 --> 00:07:29,884
It's my belief that you
haven't really practiced yoga
200
00:07:29,885 --> 00:07:33,287
unless you've had a cathartic
emotional breakthrough.
201
00:07:33,288 --> 00:07:35,156
So hold on to your chakras,
202
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'cause it's about to get
namaste-y up in here.
203
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We will dive in with a pose that tests
204
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both your physical and
your emotional strength,
205
00:07:44,399 --> 00:07:45,900
yoganidrasana,
206
00:07:45,901 --> 00:07:48,702
aka the human pretzel.
207
00:07:48,703 --> 00:07:51,505
That's not how Dante starts the class.
208
00:07:51,506 --> 00:07:53,807
Okay, Steve, as we've established,
209
00:07:53,808 --> 00:07:56,075
Dante isn't here today.
210
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,481
Joke's on him.
211
00:08:00,482 --> 00:08:02,248
I have the parking validations.
212
00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:06,787
DRIVER (over P.A.):
Sorry for the inconvenience.
213
00:08:06,788 --> 00:08:08,022
We are...
214
00:08:08,023 --> 00:08:09,223
(static)
215
00:08:09,224 --> 00:08:10,624
...electrical fire...
216
00:08:10,625 --> 00:08:11,792
(static)
217
00:08:11,793 --> 00:08:13,594
...up to 30 to...
218
00:08:13,595 --> 00:08:14,762
(static)
219
00:08:14,763 --> 00:08:16,096
...patience.
220
00:08:16,097 --> 00:08:17,164
We're working to...
221
00:08:17,165 --> 00:08:19,633
(feedback squeals)
222
00:08:19,634 --> 00:08:22,269
Well, that clears that up.
223
00:08:22,270 --> 00:08:24,638
Looks like you're gonna
miss your court date.
224
00:08:24,639 --> 00:08:26,674
So I'm gonna have to pay the fine?
225
00:08:26,675 --> 00:08:28,542
This is a $200 train ride.
226
00:08:28,543 --> 00:08:30,077
Thanks, New York.
227
00:08:30,078 --> 00:08:31,412
Stop complaining.
228
00:08:31,413 --> 00:08:33,781
New York is the greatest
city in the world.
229
00:08:33,782 --> 00:08:35,916
No, it's rude, obnoxious and dirty.
230
00:08:35,917 --> 00:08:38,285
And I know that also describes me,
231
00:08:38,286 --> 00:08:40,654
but it doesn't mean I
want to hang out with it.
232
00:08:40,655 --> 00:08:42,790
You take this place for granted.
233
00:08:42,791 --> 00:08:44,391
Me, growing up in Ohio,
234
00:08:44,392 --> 00:08:46,760
I used to see New York in
movies and on television.
235
00:08:46,761 --> 00:08:48,462
It looked so exciting.
236
00:08:48,463 --> 00:08:50,798
I remember the first time
I saw that Billy Joel video.
237
00:08:50,799 --> 00:08:52,633
Now I'm living that video.
238
00:08:52,634 --> 00:08:54,668
I'm the Uptown Girl.
239
00:08:54,669 --> 00:08:56,604
You can't afford to live uptown.
240
00:08:56,605 --> 00:08:58,872
'Cause I got a cheap-ass boss.
241
00:08:58,873 --> 00:09:01,141
But it's still the greatest
city in the world.
242
00:09:01,142 --> 00:09:02,443
Come on, people, back me up.
243
00:09:02,444 --> 00:09:03,911
(groaning)
244
00:09:03,912 --> 00:09:06,647
I pay two grand a month
for my apartment,
245
00:09:06,648 --> 00:09:09,683
and I got a bathtub in my kitchen.
246
00:09:09,684 --> 00:09:12,052
Mr. Trump's got his own bathtub.
247
00:09:12,053 --> 00:09:13,586
Must be nice.
248
00:09:14,488 --> 00:09:18,559
Does that ever end?
249
00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:19,860
I got mugged in the park yesterday.
250
00:09:19,861 --> 00:09:21,061
Why were you at the park?
251
00:09:21,062 --> 00:09:22,363
Were you with that whore Donna?
252
00:09:22,364 --> 00:09:23,998
- Mind your business.
- Mind my business?
253
00:09:23,999 --> 00:09:25,633
Okay, okay, come on, you guys.
254
00:09:25,634 --> 00:09:27,434
You're forgetting about
all the great things
255
00:09:27,435 --> 00:09:29,203
that could only happen in New York.
256
00:09:29,204 --> 00:09:31,005
DRIVER: ...will now last at least...
257
00:09:31,006 --> 00:09:32,406
(static)
258
00:09:32,407 --> 00:09:33,907
...please don't panic...
259
00:09:33,908 --> 00:09:35,743
...giant snake...
260
00:09:35,744 --> 00:09:37,878
(static)
261
00:09:37,879 --> 00:09:39,113
See?
262
00:09:39,114 --> 00:09:41,514
That would never happen in Ohio.
263
00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:45,519
And starting out in downward dog,
264
00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:47,655
checking to make sure that
your weight is balanced,
265
00:09:47,656 --> 00:09:49,356
your hands are shaped
like little turtles
266
00:09:49,357 --> 00:09:51,158
and your toes are laughing.
267
00:09:51,159 --> 00:09:55,328
So, turtle hands, laughing
toes and lower chaturanga.
268
00:09:56,230 --> 00:09:59,033
What the hell are turtle hands?
269
00:09:59,034 --> 00:10:01,268
This is harder than I thought.
270
00:10:01,269 --> 00:10:03,570
It might help if you
take off your shirt.
271
00:10:03,571 --> 00:10:05,872
Yeah.
272
00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:09,742
Oh, yeah, that's helping.
273
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:13,746
Ingrid, roll your tongue back up.
274
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:17,918
And now we will rise
up into warrior two.
275
00:10:17,919 --> 00:10:19,353
So press your weight forward,
276
00:10:19,354 --> 00:10:21,422
your spine is breathing,
soften your eyes
277
00:10:21,423 --> 00:10:25,225
and give your kidneys
permission to dance.
278
00:10:25,226 --> 00:10:27,061
F-Felix, am I doing this right?
279
00:10:27,062 --> 00:10:28,595
Uh, yeah.
280
00:10:28,596 --> 00:10:29,897
Uh, not bad, just, um,
281
00:10:29,898 --> 00:10:31,598
activate that quad there
282
00:10:31,599 --> 00:10:33,233
and square your hips like so.
283
00:10:33,234 --> 00:10:34,702
Ah, yeah, that's it.
284
00:10:34,703 --> 00:10:37,069
(chuckles) I mean, is that it?
285
00:10:39,173 --> 00:10:40,908
Hey, I love your accent.
286
00:10:40,909 --> 00:10:42,343
Where's that from? Like, Wisconsin?
287
00:10:42,344 --> 00:10:44,278
More like Norway.
288
00:10:44,279 --> 00:10:45,979
Ah! Really?
289
00:10:45,980 --> 00:10:48,015
I'm about to become the spokesman
290
00:10:48,016 --> 00:10:50,417
for something called Fjelltrakter.
291
00:10:50,418 --> 00:10:53,053
Fjelltrakter.
292
00:10:53,054 --> 00:10:54,388
Yeah, yeah.
293
00:10:54,389 --> 00:10:57,558
Do you experience a
problem with the penis?
294
00:10:57,559 --> 00:10:58,792
What?
295
00:10:58,793 --> 00:11:00,594
No. No, why?
296
00:11:00,595 --> 00:11:02,596
Fjelltrakter means "mountain maker."
297
00:11:02,597 --> 00:11:05,932
It, uh, gives the
struggling man an erection.
298
00:11:07,668 --> 00:11:08,836
Are you kidding me?
299
00:11:08,837 --> 00:11:11,471
No, she is not.
300
00:11:12,473 --> 00:11:14,775
Murph, Teddy... focus, please.
301
00:11:14,776 --> 00:11:16,944
Now, everyone, we will rise up
302
00:11:16,945 --> 00:11:21,348
and let's stretch out
our hips for eagle.
303
00:11:21,349 --> 00:11:23,784
Oh, hell, no.
304
00:11:23,785 --> 00:11:28,222
Okay, and we'll cross our
right leg over our left,
305
00:11:28,223 --> 00:11:29,990
bring your arms up
together and press them.
306
00:11:29,991 --> 00:11:31,525
Press them together nice and tight.
307
00:11:31,526 --> 00:11:32,793
Very, very good.
308
00:11:32,794 --> 00:11:34,528
And... ah.
309
00:11:34,529 --> 00:11:35,996
Everyone, attention here on Emily.
310
00:11:35,997 --> 00:11:37,264
Because this
311
00:11:37,265 --> 00:11:38,999
is a perfect example
312
00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:40,801
of what not to do.
313
00:11:40,802 --> 00:11:42,002
Your spine is straight,
314
00:11:42,003 --> 00:11:43,270
your chin is tucked,
315
00:11:43,271 --> 00:11:45,038
and keep those buttocks even.
316
00:11:45,039 --> 00:11:46,373
Feels like they are.
317
00:11:46,374 --> 00:11:48,008
Hmm...
318
00:11:48,009 --> 00:11:51,779
How many people think
Emily's buttocks are even?
319
00:11:51,780 --> 00:11:53,147
Right one's definitely higher.
320
00:11:53,148 --> 00:11:56,350
Thanks, Murph.
321
00:11:56,351 --> 00:11:59,787
That's not how Dante corrects people.
322
00:11:59,788 --> 00:12:01,155
Okay, I wouldn't know, Steve,
323
00:12:01,156 --> 00:12:02,956
because he's never had to correct me.
324
00:12:02,957 --> 00:12:05,025
Um, Teddy, do you need
some help getting up there?
325
00:12:05,026 --> 00:12:05,993
No, I'm good.
326
00:12:05,994 --> 00:12:06,994
You sure?
327
00:12:06,995 --> 00:12:08,794
Don't touch me!
328
00:12:09,530 --> 00:12:11,432
So if voodoo isn't real,
329
00:12:11,433 --> 00:12:13,933
then why'd I kill all
those chickens, huh?
330
00:12:18,739 --> 00:12:20,874
What did you ask him?
331
00:12:20,875 --> 00:12:23,644
I didn't ask him anything.
332
00:12:23,645 --> 00:12:25,846
What is with these people?
333
00:12:25,847 --> 00:12:27,514
I'm telling you, it's New York.
334
00:12:27,515 --> 00:12:29,149
It's a melting pot of people
335
00:12:29,150 --> 00:12:31,585
who are too crazy to live anywhere else.
336
00:12:31,586 --> 00:12:36,190
Come on, somebody's got to
have some love for this town.
337
00:12:36,191 --> 00:12:37,691
What about you,
338
00:12:37,692 --> 00:12:40,194
kindly gentleman? Tell us your story.
339
00:12:40,195 --> 00:12:42,429
Well, I was born and
raised in the Bronx.
340
00:12:42,430 --> 00:12:44,531
Spent 40 years on Wall Street
341
00:12:44,532 --> 00:12:46,233
to support my passion.
342
00:12:46,234 --> 00:12:47,568
Which was...?
343
00:12:47,569 --> 00:12:49,702
Flashing.
344
00:12:51,772 --> 00:12:53,073
I... I-I'm sorry?
345
00:12:53,074 --> 00:12:55,175
I was a flasher.
346
00:12:55,176 --> 00:12:57,110
Doesn't anybody remember
flashing anymore?
347
00:12:57,111 --> 00:12:58,678
What's wrong with you people?
348
00:13:00,047 --> 00:13:01,448
Everybody's so busy
349
00:13:01,449 --> 00:13:03,784
looking down at their fancy iTelephones,
350
00:13:03,785 --> 00:13:05,719
swiping and-and typing,
351
00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:07,387
they don't even notice
352
00:13:07,388 --> 00:13:08,856
an old man who's willing
353
00:13:08,857 --> 00:13:11,657
to expose his private parts to you!
354
00:13:17,364 --> 00:13:21,134
I hate this town.
355
00:13:21,135 --> 00:13:22,903
This is hard.
356
00:13:22,904 --> 00:13:24,137
Can we take a break?
357
00:13:24,138 --> 00:13:25,839
Good idea.
358
00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:28,742
Maybe turn off the lights and
everybody close their eyes?
359
00:13:28,743 --> 00:13:30,210
Come on, that is quitter talk.
360
00:13:30,211 --> 00:13:31,744
What is this, Pilates?
361
00:13:34,081 --> 00:13:35,649
People, when things get tough,
362
00:13:35,650 --> 00:13:37,050
this is when we dig down deep
363
00:13:37,051 --> 00:13:39,386
and find our hidden
reserves of strength.
364
00:13:39,387 --> 00:13:44,324
Okay, wow, looks like
Tonya is done digging.
365
00:13:44,325 --> 00:13:46,093
Somebody's already found enlightenment.
366
00:13:46,094 --> 00:13:48,295
And doesn't want her parking validated.
367
00:13:48,296 --> 00:13:50,797
Now, then, let's rise up into tree.
368
00:13:50,798 --> 00:13:52,466
And...
369
00:13:52,467 --> 00:13:54,033
Where's Murph?
370
00:13:54,835 --> 00:13:57,069
I think he's invading Norway.
371
00:13:57,804 --> 00:13:59,139
Why is everybody leaving?
372
00:13:59,140 --> 00:14:01,174
Well, maybe you could try
373
00:14:01,175 --> 00:14:03,143
to make the class a little more fun.
374
00:14:03,144 --> 00:14:04,745
Than it already is.
375
00:14:04,746 --> 00:14:06,947
'Cause it's so fun.
376
00:14:06,948 --> 00:14:08,615
Hey, you know what, everybody?
377
00:14:08,616 --> 00:14:10,684
It's time to try an original
pose that I invented,
378
00:14:10,685 --> 00:14:12,986
something I like to call
the "Double Felix."
379
00:14:12,987 --> 00:14:14,187
(students groan)
380
00:14:14,188 --> 00:14:16,557
Dante doesn't make up poses.
381
00:14:16,558 --> 00:14:19,092
Well, I'm not Dante, Steve,
and I can do whatever I want.
382
00:14:19,093 --> 00:14:21,161
Okay, Emily, front and center, please.
383
00:14:21,162 --> 00:14:23,597
Oh. Okay.
384
00:14:23,598 --> 00:14:25,632
And we start in prasarita,
385
00:14:25,633 --> 00:14:26,833
your legs spread wide
386
00:14:26,834 --> 00:14:30,037
and your fingers splayed...
387
00:14:30,038 --> 00:14:31,939
Sorry, sorry.
388
00:14:31,940 --> 00:14:33,273
Had to take a call.
389
00:14:33,274 --> 00:14:35,141
I'm guessing it was a booty call?
390
00:14:36,610 --> 00:14:40,247
And now we will gracefully
press on through,
391
00:14:40,248 --> 00:14:43,350
rising up into headstand
like a giant bonsai tree.
392
00:14:43,351 --> 00:14:46,420
Wouldn't a giant bonsai tree
just be a regular tree?
393
00:14:46,421 --> 00:14:49,222
As long as the tree is silent, Steve!
394
00:14:49,223 --> 00:14:50,891
Teddy, please, show a little bit of effort.
395
00:14:50,892 --> 00:14:52,125
- Look at Ingrid over here.
- Nope.
396
00:14:52,126 --> 00:14:54,528
Bad idea.
397
00:14:54,529 --> 00:14:56,263
Okay, now, and raising your
feet up into the heavens.
398
00:14:56,264 --> 00:14:57,531
Higher.
399
00:14:57,532 --> 00:14:58,732
Okay, no, except higher.
400
00:14:58,733 --> 00:15:00,133
Okay, higher.
401
00:15:00,134 --> 00:15:01,468
They can't go any higher.
402
00:15:01,469 --> 00:15:03,503
Not with that attitude, they can't.
403
00:15:03,504 --> 00:15:06,706
Murph, back on your own mat, please.
404
00:15:09,142 --> 00:15:11,545
And there is that
wandering buttock again.
405
00:15:11,546 --> 00:15:13,313
Hmm.
406
00:15:13,314 --> 00:15:15,015
Where is it going?
407
00:15:15,016 --> 00:15:17,150
Does it have a plane to catch?
408
00:15:17,151 --> 00:15:19,419
I'm sorry. This is really difficult.
409
00:15:19,420 --> 00:15:21,121
- Impossible.
- Yeah, it's hard. - Yeah.
410
00:15:21,122 --> 00:15:22,556
- Terrible.
- Really hard.
411
00:15:22,557 --> 00:15:24,157
I'm sorry. If you're not going to try,
412
00:15:24,158 --> 00:15:25,859
what is the point of even being here?
413
00:15:25,860 --> 00:15:28,228
Good point.
414
00:15:28,229 --> 00:15:30,097
That was sarcasm.
415
00:15:30,098 --> 00:15:31,732
And these
416
00:15:31,733 --> 00:15:33,200
are my uneven buttocks
417
00:15:33,201 --> 00:15:35,468
wandering out the door.
418
00:15:36,536 --> 00:15:39,006
Okay, okay. So nobody wants to try
419
00:15:39,007 --> 00:15:40,941
and stay and do the hard work.
420
00:15:40,942 --> 00:15:42,817
Okay, well, here's a pose
that you're all going to love.
421
00:15:42,818 --> 00:15:44,177
It's called the moving donkey.
422
00:15:44,178 --> 00:15:45,979
Oh, yeah? Well, how does
that one work, bro?
423
00:15:45,980 --> 00:15:47,913
You get your asses out of my studio!
424
00:16:05,630 --> 00:16:07,622
How long are they going
to keep us waiting?
425
00:16:07,623 --> 00:16:09,289
Why is there no air?
426
00:16:09,290 --> 00:16:11,525
And what exactly is so
fascinating about my cleavage?!
427
00:16:11,526 --> 00:16:13,894
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
428
00:16:13,895 --> 00:16:15,162
what's happening here?
429
00:16:15,163 --> 00:16:16,396
You're supposed to be the upbeat one.
430
00:16:16,397 --> 00:16:18,098
And I'm the cranky pain in the ass.
431
00:16:18,099 --> 00:16:21,235
You're upsetting the balance of nature.
432
00:16:21,236 --> 00:16:22,803
You're right about this city.
433
00:16:22,804 --> 00:16:24,204
It's crowded and dirty,
434
00:16:24,205 --> 00:16:26,106
and everybody is just
out for themselves.
435
00:16:26,107 --> 00:16:27,741
No, it's not that bad.
436
00:16:27,742 --> 00:16:28,976
The Big Apple!
437
00:16:28,977 --> 00:16:30,244
Huddled masses!
438
00:16:30,245 --> 00:16:31,979
Not Los Angeles!
439
00:16:31,980 --> 00:16:35,415
- Rat!
- (screaming)
440
00:16:35,416 --> 00:16:36,316
Oh, my God!
441
00:16:36,317 --> 00:16:38,952
It looked right at me!
442
00:16:38,953 --> 00:16:40,587
It's coming back this way!
443
00:16:40,588 --> 00:16:43,123
(screaming)
444
00:16:43,124 --> 00:16:44,558
That's it! That's it!
445
00:16:44,559 --> 00:16:46,159
I'm moving back to Cleveland.
446
00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:48,195
The apartments are bigger
and the rats are smaller.
447
00:16:48,196 --> 00:16:50,464
You're not going anywhere.
448
00:16:50,465 --> 00:16:52,232
All right, listen up, New Yorkers.
449
00:16:52,233 --> 00:16:53,534
That rat's gotta go!
450
00:16:53,535 --> 00:16:56,169
Cleavage Guy, give me your umbrella.
451
00:16:56,170 --> 00:16:58,939
Stinky Food Lady, give
me your stinky food.
452
00:16:58,940 --> 00:17:01,174
Inappropriate Couple,
453
00:17:01,175 --> 00:17:04,677
harness all your sexual
energy to get that door open.
454
00:17:05,746 --> 00:17:06,747
What can I do?
455
00:17:06,748 --> 00:17:07,915
You just sit there
456
00:17:07,916 --> 00:17:09,749
with your coat securely fastened.
457
00:17:11,218 --> 00:17:13,153
Ew! Ew! Ew! It's moving! Ew! Ew!
458
00:17:13,154 --> 00:17:14,755
Ew! Open the door!
459
00:17:14,756 --> 00:17:17,523
There it goes! Close the door!
460
00:17:18,959 --> 00:17:21,128
(cheering)
461
00:17:21,129 --> 00:17:23,297
And that's how we do it in New York.
462
00:17:23,298 --> 00:17:25,332
(train rumbles)
463
00:17:25,333 --> 00:17:27,267
(cheering)
464
00:17:27,268 --> 00:17:29,468
(playing "New York, New York")
465
00:17:34,975 --> 00:17:36,944
(sighs) Oh, Teddy.
466
00:17:36,945 --> 00:17:38,612
You're still here.
467
00:17:38,613 --> 00:17:40,347
I couldn't leave.
468
00:17:40,348 --> 00:17:43,016
Oh, bless you and your tender heart.
469
00:17:43,017 --> 00:17:45,619
Mm-hmm, yeah, that's it.
470
00:17:45,620 --> 00:17:47,554
You've really taken to that pose.
471
00:17:47,555 --> 00:17:48,822
I can see why.
472
00:17:48,823 --> 00:17:50,322
It's very powerful.
473
00:17:52,326 --> 00:17:54,127
I really messed this up, Teddy.
474
00:17:54,128 --> 00:17:57,297
I just wanted to share
something I love with people
475
00:17:57,298 --> 00:18:00,066
and have them do it exactly the
way I thought they should.
476
00:18:01,101 --> 00:18:03,136
Nothing's wrong with that first part.
477
00:18:03,137 --> 00:18:04,605
But as for the rest,
478
00:18:04,606 --> 00:18:06,573
I'll tell you the same thing I'd say
479
00:18:06,574 --> 00:18:08,475
to a woman who wants
to cut her hair short:
480
00:18:08,476 --> 00:18:09,910
no one wants that.
481
00:18:09,911 --> 00:18:11,812
I thought that yoga had made me
482
00:18:11,813 --> 00:18:13,413
this calm, enlightened person,
483
00:18:13,414 --> 00:18:15,449
but I'm actually the same
demanding perfectionist
484
00:18:15,450 --> 00:18:17,017
I was with my ex.
485
00:18:17,018 --> 00:18:18,452
And I drove my students away
486
00:18:18,453 --> 00:18:20,554
just like I drove Ashley away.
487
00:18:20,555 --> 00:18:22,022
I'm so...
488
00:18:22,023 --> 00:18:23,523
What's the opposite of enlightened?
489
00:18:23,524 --> 00:18:24,658
Unenlightened.
490
00:18:24,659 --> 00:18:26,159
Right.
491
00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:27,940
Doesn't have the gravitas
I was hoping for.
492
00:18:28,996 --> 00:18:30,464
Well, Felix, you can't change overnight.
493
00:18:30,465 --> 00:18:31,665
But at least you're trying.
494
00:18:31,666 --> 00:18:33,200
As a wise man once said,
495
00:18:33,201 --> 00:18:34,635
when things get toughest,
496
00:18:34,636 --> 00:18:36,036
that's when you find your strength.
497
00:18:36,037 --> 00:18:37,638
Keep digging. You'll find it.
498
00:18:37,639 --> 00:18:39,139
Well said, Teddy.
499
00:18:39,140 --> 00:18:40,707
There's no magic pill to make you grow.
500
00:18:40,708 --> 00:18:43,276
(chuckles)
501
00:18:43,277 --> 00:18:47,080
I wonder if there's a
pill to make you shrink.
502
00:18:47,081 --> 00:18:50,450
Ah, well... ah... should we go?
503
00:18:50,451 --> 00:18:52,519
Uh... Yeah, okay.
504
00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:54,187
I think I'm ready.
505
00:18:54,188 --> 00:18:55,555
Are you done?
506
00:18:55,556 --> 00:18:57,124
We've got Cardio Strip Tease at 6:00.
507
00:18:57,125 --> 00:18:59,225
Oh, come on, man...
508
00:19:00,794 --> 00:19:03,997
Everyone, we've had quite an afternoon.
509
00:19:03,998 --> 00:19:06,066
We boarded this train as strangers,
510
00:19:06,067 --> 00:19:09,036
but we'll exit a band of brothers...
511
00:19:09,037 --> 00:19:11,405
led by a quiet hero.
512
00:19:11,406 --> 00:19:13,640
MAN: You know what?
513
00:19:13,641 --> 00:19:15,075
You are a hero.
514
00:19:15,076 --> 00:19:16,943
Because you reminded
me why I fell in love
515
00:19:16,944 --> 00:19:18,445
with this city in the first place.
516
00:19:18,446 --> 00:19:19,913
Aw.
517
00:19:19,914 --> 00:19:21,615
In fact, you've inspired me.
518
00:19:21,616 --> 00:19:23,883
New York, I'm back!
519
00:19:27,521 --> 00:19:30,256
You realize you are wearing pants.
520
00:19:31,224 --> 00:19:32,859
Damn it!
521
00:19:32,860 --> 00:19:34,127
Give me a minute!
522
00:19:34,128 --> 00:19:35,495
Let's go.
523
00:19:35,496 --> 00:19:37,097
Come on, be a sport!
524
00:19:37,098 --> 00:19:40,000
I can get them down now!
525
00:19:40,001 --> 00:19:42,835
What are you looking at?
526
00:19:51,495 --> 00:19:53,094
(knocking at door)
527
00:19:54,463 --> 00:19:56,899
- Oh, Emily.
- Hi.
528
00:19:56,900 --> 00:19:59,301
I'm so glad you're here.
529
00:19:59,302 --> 00:20:01,070
I want to apologize.
530
00:20:01,071 --> 00:20:03,672
Yes, I got your message.
531
00:20:03,673 --> 00:20:05,474
And the flowers.
532
00:20:05,475 --> 00:20:06,976
And the picture of the goat
533
00:20:06,977 --> 00:20:10,312
that you gave to that
African tribe in my name.
534
00:20:10,313 --> 00:20:11,914
Forgive me?
535
00:20:11,915 --> 00:20:14,950
(chuckles)
536
00:20:14,951 --> 00:20:18,154
So, did you buy goats
for everyone in class?
537
00:20:18,155 --> 00:20:20,355
No. Just you.
538
00:20:21,056 --> 00:20:22,291
I'm not made of goats.
539
00:20:22,292 --> 00:20:23,793
(laughs)
540
00:20:23,794 --> 00:20:25,060
Well, thank you.
541
00:20:25,061 --> 00:20:26,362
And if you ever teach again,
542
00:20:26,363 --> 00:20:28,097
I would love to come to your class.
543
00:20:28,098 --> 00:20:30,533
Well, we can finish the
class now if you'd like.
544
00:20:30,534 --> 00:20:31,834
Okay.
545
00:20:31,835 --> 00:20:33,068
Uh, fun.
546
00:20:33,069 --> 00:20:34,370
Uh, would you like
to do a partners pose?
547
00:20:34,371 --> 00:20:35,704
- Sure.
- Great.
548
00:20:35,705 --> 00:20:37,338
Uh, begin in downward dog.
549
00:20:49,018 --> 00:20:51,386
I hate that I'm used to this.
550
00:20:52,555 --> 00:20:53,956
Oscar, how was the courthouse?
551
00:20:53,957 --> 00:20:55,324
We never made it.
552
00:20:55,325 --> 00:20:57,526
Spent the afternoon stuck on the subway.
553
00:20:57,527 --> 00:20:59,795
- Oh, no!
- Actually, it turned out to be
554
00:20:59,796 --> 00:21:01,497
a classic New York adventure.
555
00:21:01,498 --> 00:21:02,731
I took a photo.
556
00:21:02,732 --> 00:21:04,033
They were the sweetest, nicest...
557
00:21:04,034 --> 00:21:05,534
Damn it!
558
00:21:05,535 --> 00:21:08,571
One of those bastards stole my phone!
559
00:21:08,572 --> 00:21:11,878
- Shall we?
- OSCAR: I hate this city!
560
00:21:11,879 --> 00:21:13,968
Every time you give this town a chance,
561
00:21:13,969 --> 00:21:15,252
it kicks you in the teeth!
562
00:21:15,271 --> 00:21:22,595
Subtitle sync and corrections
by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.