1 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:20,450 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:23,750 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:23,790 --> 00:00:27,320 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:30,330 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:33,830 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:33,860 --> 00:00:37,130 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:37,170 --> 00:00:38,700 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:38,740 --> 00:00:40,070 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:40,100 --> 00:00:40,610 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:50,620 --> 00:00:52,480 Okay, I call. What do you got? 11 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:55,080 Boom. Full house, jokers over instruction cards. 12 00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:57,150 I do not enjoy playing with you. 13 00:00:57,190 --> 00:00:58,990 Everything's so silly. 14 00:00:59,020 --> 00:01:01,020 You guys, you'll never guess what. 15 00:01:01,060 --> 00:01:02,990 Randy Jackson was just a big sea turtle 16 00:01:03,030 --> 00:01:04,660 in human clothes, we heard. 17 00:01:04,700 --> 00:01:06,960 No, we all just booked a vacation together 18 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,370 to a private resort in the Bahamas. 19 00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:10,970 Well, that's a lot of my money, 20 00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:12,600 but I used to have sex with you, 21 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:13,940 so that's the trade-off. 22 00:01:13,970 --> 00:01:16,040 Look, it's not as expensive as it sounds. 23 00:01:16,070 --> 00:01:18,810 We found a great group rate on a discount Web site. 24 00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:20,610 Wow, the Bahamas. 25 00:01:20,650 --> 00:01:23,850 I can't wait to get down there and dip my fingers in the water. 26 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:25,950 Yeah, it'll be awesome to nail a hotel masseuse 27 00:01:25,980 --> 00:01:28,180 and then watch Nanny McPhee in the room. 28 00:01:28,220 --> 00:01:29,420 So, when do we leave? 29 00:01:29,750 --> 00:01:31,650 Oh. Sorry, Glenn. 30 00:01:31,690 --> 00:01:33,620 The deal was for couples only. 31 00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:35,560 I... I'm afraid you can't come. 32 00:01:35,590 --> 00:01:37,790 All right, fine. Since you'll all be gone, 33 00:01:37,830 --> 00:01:40,500 I'll just walk around my yard naked, pee anywhere I want. 34 00:01:40,530 --> 00:01:41,660 I don't care. 35 00:01:47,470 --> 00:01:48,770 I think it's great that Peter and Lois 36 00:01:48,810 --> 00:01:50,140 are getting away together. 37 00:01:50,170 --> 00:01:52,640 Yeah, I think Dad's actually kind of excited about it. 38 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:55,310 Yes, very. He even bought some sort of language tapes, 39 00:01:55,350 --> 00:01:57,710 although I don't think he's using them properly. 40 00:01:57,750 --> 00:01:59,720 MAN: I would like to hear the specials. 41 00:01:59,750 --> 00:02:01,750 (speaks French) 42 00:02:01,790 --> 00:02:04,120 I would like to hear the specials. 43 00:02:04,150 --> 00:02:07,390 Where is the Eiffel Tower? (speaks French) 44 00:02:07,420 --> 00:02:09,290 I would rather hear the specials. 45 00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:10,630 (doorbell rings) 46 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:13,330 I'm sorry I'm late. 47 00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:16,030 I shoved an employee at Wendy's and they called the cops. 48 00:02:16,070 --> 00:02:18,830 You got to warn somebody before you hand him a square burger. 49 00:02:18,870 --> 00:02:21,540 Thanks again for watching the kids while we're gone, Daddy. 50 00:02:21,570 --> 00:02:23,050 Yeah, but how come Babs couldn't come? 51 00:02:23,070 --> 00:02:25,940 Oh, she wanted to be here, but she got hired to be the stuffy 52 00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:29,810 old woman who slowly comes around to it in a rap video. 53 00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:33,620 I'm so glad the times are not changing. 54 00:02:33,650 --> 00:02:36,650 ♪ You a bitch and a ho and a ho and a bitch ♪ 55 00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:40,320 My garden party has been ruined. 56 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:44,330 But I'm beginning to tap my foot. 57 00:02:46,460 --> 00:02:49,360 All right, I know most of you haven't traveled with me, 58 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:51,430 but get ready to see a lot of airport elevators 59 00:02:51,470 --> 00:02:53,270 you didn't know existed. 60 00:02:53,300 --> 00:02:55,500 Hey, guys. Say, Lois, I-I know you said this trip 61 00:02:55,540 --> 00:02:57,310 was couples only, but great news. 62 00:02:57,340 --> 00:02:58,710 We're now a couple. 63 00:02:58,740 --> 00:03:00,510 Oh. Who's this? 64 00:03:00,540 --> 00:03:02,580 This is Kimmie. I met her in a pop-up window 65 00:03:02,610 --> 00:03:04,480 on the Internet. She was in my area. 66 00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:06,050 Hi. Peter Griffin, all but separated. 67 00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:07,320 Oh, right on. 68 00:03:07,350 --> 00:03:09,790 All right, well, I suppose I could look into 69 00:03:09,820 --> 00:03:11,450 adding you two to the reservation. 70 00:03:11,490 --> 00:03:13,560 Yeah, you guys should definitely come. 71 00:03:13,590 --> 00:03:15,060 Yeah, this is gonna be awesome. 72 00:03:15,090 --> 00:03:16,160 Relax, Peter. 73 00:03:16,190 --> 00:03:17,830 Geez, I haven't seen you this excited 74 00:03:17,860 --> 00:03:20,630 since you got that letter sent by carrier owl. 75 00:03:20,660 --> 00:03:23,630 Oh, my God. Is this my acceptance to Hogwarts? 76 00:03:23,670 --> 00:03:25,630 No, it's a letter asking you 77 00:03:25,670 --> 00:03:27,540 to stop throwing rocks at my nest. 78 00:03:27,570 --> 00:03:30,240 You hit one of my kids, and now he can't fly right. 79 00:03:30,270 --> 00:03:32,870 Well, fine, then I'll just throw rocks at the hornets. 80 00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:36,610 He told me to do it. 81 00:03:42,750 --> 00:03:44,950 And thus began the Thousand Year War 82 00:03:44,990 --> 00:03:47,160 between the avians and the insects. 83 00:03:47,190 --> 00:03:49,990 It was a brutal war, it was a bitter war. 84 00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:53,500 And most importantly, it was a visually spectacular war. 85 00:03:53,530 --> 00:03:56,200 Attack! (all shouting) 86 00:03:56,230 --> 00:03:58,900 Charge! (all shouting) 87 00:04:00,700 --> 00:04:03,570 Sorry, I'm being told this would be very expensive 88 00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:06,010 to animate, so instead, here's some stock footage 89 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:08,210 of an old plane trying to take off. 90 00:04:11,580 --> 00:04:14,380 They didn't have enough wings. 91 00:04:21,190 --> 00:04:24,030 ♪ ♪ 92 00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:33,970 Oh, my God, this place is gorgeous. 93 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:37,170 Yeah, I can't wait to puke up a club sandwich in the pool. 94 00:04:37,210 --> 00:04:39,940 Hello, couples. My name is Noel, 95 00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:42,340 and welcome to Pleasant Surroundings. 96 00:04:45,820 --> 00:04:49,050 Something about black people wearing all-white clothes-- 97 00:04:49,090 --> 00:04:51,350 it's very peaceful. 98 00:04:51,390 --> 00:04:54,520 We have a special beach barbecue planned for you tonight, 99 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:57,760 but in the meantime, please enjoy all our amenities. 100 00:04:57,790 --> 00:05:00,960 We will. Come on, girls, let's go wear big floppy sun hats 101 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:03,300 in the pool and then be mad when they get wet. 102 00:05:03,330 --> 00:05:05,170 Yeah, I'm gonna hit the pool soon, myself. 103 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:08,200 Got to let the lifeguard know he better keep an eye on me. 104 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:15,610 I'm here a whole week, pal. 105 00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:23,550 Hey, Brian, check it out-- HotOrNot.com. 106 00:05:23,590 --> 00:05:25,890 BRIAN: Ten. STEWIE: One. 107 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:27,390 Ten. One. 108 00:05:27,420 --> 00:05:28,920 Five. Five. 109 00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:30,590 Hey, I just made black coffee 110 00:05:30,630 --> 00:05:33,800 in an old tin pan. Who wants some? 111 00:05:33,830 --> 00:05:35,630 No one? What's wrong with you people? 112 00:05:35,670 --> 00:05:38,270 Dick Fosbury won an Olympics on this. 113 00:05:38,300 --> 00:05:39,700 Well, say, this is pretty neat. 114 00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:42,770 I brought you kids an old seed packet I found in my garage. 115 00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:44,970 I know what you got your fingers crossed for, 116 00:05:45,010 --> 00:05:46,840 and yes, they're persimmons. 117 00:05:48,550 --> 00:05:50,680 All right, that's it. 118 00:05:50,710 --> 00:05:53,380 Damn it, I tried two things that all kids love: 119 00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:54,650 coffee and old seed packets. 120 00:05:54,690 --> 00:05:56,550 And all any of you can do is stare 121 00:05:56,590 --> 00:05:58,920 at those Game Boy machines! I'm sick of it! 122 00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:02,120 In fact, for the rest of the week, no more screens. 123 00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:04,790 I'm locking those things up. Wait, you what? 124 00:06:04,830 --> 00:06:06,390 Oh, come on, what the hell? Aw... 125 00:06:06,430 --> 00:06:08,060 Aw, but what...?! That's right, 126 00:06:08,100 --> 00:06:10,540 I'm gonna show you kids how to have fun the old-fashioned way, 127 00:06:10,570 --> 00:06:12,200 like I did when I was a kid. 128 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:14,000 But I can't live without my laptop. 129 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,940 How else am I supposed to get my degree 130 00:06:15,970 --> 00:06:17,670 from the University of Phoenix? 131 00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:19,110 Credit card information. 132 00:06:19,140 --> 00:06:20,480 And submit. 133 00:06:20,510 --> 00:06:22,840 And I'm a lawyer. 134 00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:25,610 We find the defendant guilty of murder. 135 00:06:25,650 --> 00:06:27,480 Sorry. 136 00:06:32,660 --> 00:06:34,620 Oh, hey, you guys. 137 00:06:34,660 --> 00:06:36,390 Uh, Quagmire, I don't think you can go to dinner 138 00:06:36,430 --> 00:06:37,430 in your swimsuit. 139 00:06:37,460 --> 00:06:38,860 And what the hell happened to you? 140 00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:40,800 Oh, Kimmie and I fell asleep on the beach. 141 00:06:40,830 --> 00:06:42,960 Yeah, I think you better change. 142 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:45,000 Okay, we'll be down in a minute. 143 00:06:46,670 --> 00:06:47,900 Welcome, everyone. 144 00:06:47,940 --> 00:06:49,340 I hope you enjoyed your afternoon, 145 00:06:49,370 --> 00:06:51,470 but now it's time to get to work. 146 00:06:51,510 --> 00:06:53,510 On the rippin' and the tearin'? 147 00:06:53,540 --> 00:06:57,180 Even better. We're going to work on your relationships. 148 00:06:57,210 --> 00:06:59,250 After all, this isn't just a vacation, 149 00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:01,320 it's a couples counseling retreat. 150 00:07:01,350 --> 00:07:02,850 Oh, what the hell?! 151 00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:04,350 Sorry, Peter. 152 00:07:04,390 --> 00:07:06,720 We had to trick you guys or you wouldn't have come. 153 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,120 No. You can't make me. 154 00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:10,860 I'll get hit with a coconut so I lose my memory of this. 155 00:07:11,930 --> 00:07:14,630 Aah! I remember everything! 156 00:07:14,670 --> 00:07:17,200 I was abused by my dad! 157 00:07:23,410 --> 00:07:25,270 Lois, I can't believe you tricked us 158 00:07:25,310 --> 00:07:27,340 into coming on a couples counseling retreat. 159 00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:29,210 I do not like being lied to. 160 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:31,610 Me neither. I mean, wives conspiring 161 00:07:31,650 --> 00:07:33,410 against their husbands. What's next, huh? 162 00:07:33,450 --> 00:07:36,050 Freakin' Cheney back in the White House? 163 00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:38,820 (exclaims) Hmm, that didn't link up. 164 00:07:38,850 --> 00:07:40,650 Trust me, you won't regret this. 165 00:07:40,690 --> 00:07:44,320 I'll see you all in the morning for our first session. 166 00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:46,060 Sheesh, couples counseling? 167 00:07:46,090 --> 00:07:49,060 This is the worst thing that's ever happened to anyone. 168 00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:52,830 Wives, huh? He gets it. 169 00:07:57,410 --> 00:07:58,910 Hey there, buckaroos! 170 00:07:58,940 --> 00:08:00,610 Who's ready for some old-timey fun? 171 00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:02,980 I thought we could go down to the old swimmin' hole 172 00:08:03,010 --> 00:08:04,240 and swim in a hole. 173 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:06,080 Ugh. That sounds lame. 174 00:08:06,110 --> 00:08:07,150 Who-whose hole is it? 175 00:08:07,180 --> 00:08:08,750 I'm potentially in. 176 00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:11,150 Grandpa, can I just have my video games back? 177 00:08:11,190 --> 00:08:12,820 I want to play Call of Duty. 178 00:08:12,850 --> 00:08:15,790 Oh, I've got the original Call of Duty right here. 179 00:08:15,820 --> 00:08:18,590 It's called jacks. 180 00:08:18,630 --> 00:08:20,090 Got one! 181 00:08:20,130 --> 00:08:22,560 Will I get two? Come get in on this. 182 00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:25,100 Wait, this-this game is cleaning up toys? 183 00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:27,100 Carter, read the room. They're not into it. 184 00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:28,370 All right, fair enough. 185 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:29,470 I just don't want you kids sitting 186 00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:31,540 around here glued to your screens. 187 00:08:31,570 --> 00:08:34,610 So let's get the blood pumping with my Jack LaLanne record. 188 00:08:36,910 --> 00:08:38,610 (jaunty, light intro plays) 189 00:08:38,650 --> 00:08:40,080 Bend to the left. 190 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:41,880 Bend to the right. 191 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:43,480 Get the big spring. 192 00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:45,320 Stretch the big spring. 193 00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:47,150 Stop to smoke. 194 00:08:47,190 --> 00:08:48,820 Get a big towel. 195 00:08:48,860 --> 00:08:50,490 Put it behind your neck. 196 00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,290 Tuck it in your shirt. 197 00:08:52,330 --> 00:08:54,090 Looks like boobs. 198 00:08:54,130 --> 00:08:55,830 Put on a wig. 199 00:08:55,860 --> 00:08:57,730 Dance with a man. 200 00:08:57,770 --> 00:08:59,330 Don't tell your wife. 201 00:08:59,370 --> 00:09:01,530 Take it to your grave. 202 00:09:01,570 --> 00:09:02,800 (music stops) 203 00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:04,070 Okay, good workout. 204 00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:06,470 I got to go call somebody and hang up. 205 00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:13,380 All right, our first counseling exercise will be 206 00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:16,520 speaking to each other with "I feel" statements. 207 00:09:16,550 --> 00:09:18,150 Lois, please begin. 208 00:09:18,190 --> 00:09:21,550 (sighs) I feel unappreciated, 209 00:09:21,590 --> 00:09:23,720 like you don't want to spend time with me. 210 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:27,490 Okay. I feel a numbness radiating down my left arm. 211 00:09:27,530 --> 00:09:30,830 I feel like you should help out more around the house. 212 00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:33,200 I feel like salty and sweet. 213 00:09:33,230 --> 00:09:35,470 You got white chocolate French fries? 214 00:09:35,500 --> 00:09:37,470 I feel like my cervix hurts. 215 00:09:37,510 --> 00:09:39,670 I feel pride. 216 00:09:41,740 --> 00:09:43,340 Okay, for our next exercise, 217 00:09:43,380 --> 00:09:45,510 let's play The Oldlywed Game. 218 00:09:45,550 --> 00:09:48,550 (chuckles) Relax, it's just a questionnaire. 219 00:09:48,580 --> 00:09:49,980 (laughs) 220 00:09:50,020 --> 00:09:51,020 Really? 221 00:09:51,020 --> 00:09:53,550 Whatever, I like likin' things. 222 00:09:53,590 --> 00:09:55,690 Peter, when is Lois's birthday? 223 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,660 Uh, let's see, when is Hitler's birthday? 224 00:09:57,690 --> 00:09:59,160 April 20. 225 00:09:59,190 --> 00:10:01,860 Wow. Okay, Noel. Yikes. 226 00:10:01,900 --> 00:10:03,960 Joe, what is Bonnie's favorite food? 227 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:05,400 Well, she must like ground glass, 228 00:10:05,430 --> 00:10:07,570 because I keep finding it in my food. 229 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:09,240 Cleveland... Pass. 230 00:10:09,270 --> 00:10:11,700 Quagmire, what color are Kimmie's eyes? 231 00:10:11,740 --> 00:10:13,770 Shaved. Sor-sorry, what-what is it? 232 00:10:13,810 --> 00:10:15,170 What's the question? 233 00:10:20,180 --> 00:10:22,820 Okay, last night I did some personality assessments 234 00:10:22,850 --> 00:10:25,050 based on yesterday's session, and what I found 235 00:10:25,090 --> 00:10:26,550 was none of you couples 236 00:10:26,590 --> 00:10:28,920 are compatible with each other at all. 237 00:10:32,390 --> 00:10:34,230 No, no, no, that's not a good thing. 238 00:10:34,260 --> 00:10:36,630 But, interestingly, you have high compatibility 239 00:10:36,660 --> 00:10:38,360 with other people in this group. 240 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:40,200 Oh, my God. That is crazy. 241 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,100 More mac and cheese. Here, just keep it going. 242 00:10:42,140 --> 00:10:43,700 Keep it going... don't be afraid of the burned edges. 243 00:10:43,740 --> 00:10:44,740 Just give me the tray. 244 00:10:44,740 --> 00:10:45,840 Wait, so what happened? 245 00:10:45,870 --> 00:10:47,870 Anyway, I'd like to do an exercise. 246 00:10:47,910 --> 00:10:49,910 Just for the morning, you'll all be paired 247 00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:51,380 with your more compatible match. 248 00:10:51,410 --> 00:10:53,310 And hopefully, you'll bring some lessons back 249 00:10:53,350 --> 00:10:55,780 from that experience into your marriages. 250 00:10:55,820 --> 00:10:57,750 Okay, so the new couple pairings 251 00:10:57,790 --> 00:10:59,820 are as follows: Cleveland and Lois... 252 00:10:59,850 --> 00:11:03,690 Oh, cool! My FICO score just went up a hundred points. 253 00:11:03,730 --> 00:11:05,420 ...Quagmire and Bonnie, 254 00:11:05,460 --> 00:11:07,090 Joe and Donna, 255 00:11:07,130 --> 00:11:08,490 and Peter and Kimmie. 256 00:11:08,530 --> 00:11:11,060 Yay! I win couples counseling! 257 00:11:11,100 --> 00:11:13,630 (groans) 258 00:11:16,670 --> 00:11:18,970 Look at those hairless shins. 259 00:11:19,010 --> 00:11:20,470 They're magnificent. 260 00:11:20,510 --> 00:11:22,110 Decades of black dress socks 261 00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:24,580 have rendered them smooth and mirror-like. 262 00:11:24,610 --> 00:11:26,780 Grandpa, what are we even doing out here? 263 00:11:26,810 --> 00:11:28,750 Looking for shapes in the clouds. 264 00:11:28,780 --> 00:11:31,220 That one looks like the Thompson Throat Lozenge girl! 265 00:11:31,250 --> 00:11:33,450 See? She's got the boater on and everything! 266 00:11:33,490 --> 00:11:35,420 I'm bored. Can't we do something else? 267 00:11:35,460 --> 00:11:37,290 Well, back when I was your age, 268 00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:39,490 there was nothing better than knocking on doors 269 00:11:39,530 --> 00:11:41,930 and throwing paper bags full of flour at people. 270 00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:44,200 That's a thing? What, flour facin'? 271 00:11:44,230 --> 00:11:46,770 It's the best thing! We used it to keep Italians 272 00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:49,500 from going to the polls. 273 00:11:52,740 --> 00:11:54,440 Stay home today, Guido! 274 00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:56,180 (laughter) 275 00:11:56,210 --> 00:11:59,450 Yay! Old-fashioned things are the best! 276 00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:02,480 (intro to "The Tide Is High" playing) 277 00:12:04,150 --> 00:12:06,550 ♪ Every girl wants you ♪ 278 00:12:06,590 --> 00:12:09,090 ♪ To be her man ♪ 279 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:11,190 ♪ But I'll wait, my dear ♪ 280 00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:14,060 ♪ Till it's my turn ♪ 281 00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:16,930 ♪ I'm not the kind of girl ♪ 282 00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:21,670 ♪ Who gives up just like that ♪ 283 00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:24,270 ♪ Oh, no.. . ♪ 284 00:12:24,310 --> 00:12:26,070 ♪ The tide is high ♪ 285 00:12:26,110 --> 00:12:29,110 ♪ But I'm holding on ♪ 286 00:12:29,140 --> 00:12:31,680 ♪ I'm gonna be your ♪ 287 00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:34,210 ♪ Number one ♪ 288 00:12:34,250 --> 00:12:36,220 ♪ Number ♪ 289 00:12:36,250 --> 00:12:39,090 ♪ One ♪ 290 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:41,490 ♪ Number ♪ 291 00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:43,560 ♪ One ♪ 292 00:12:43,590 --> 00:12:45,860 (fading): ♪ Num... ♪ 293 00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:48,230 So, this is the second vacation that I've watched 294 00:12:48,260 --> 00:12:49,860 every Jurassic Park. 295 00:12:49,900 --> 00:12:52,130 Peter, you're awesome. You're so funny. 296 00:12:52,170 --> 00:12:54,170 Hey, Kimmie, I'll pay you a thousand dollars 297 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:56,270 for one whole handful of your butt. 298 00:12:56,300 --> 00:12:58,340 For two handfuls, I'll give you my car. 299 00:12:58,370 --> 00:12:59,740 All right, that's enough! 300 00:12:59,770 --> 00:13:01,170 I have had it, Peter! 301 00:13:01,210 --> 00:13:03,340 So, how are the new pairings working out? 302 00:13:03,380 --> 00:13:05,340 Are you all gaining lots of insights? 303 00:13:05,380 --> 00:13:06,780 No! I can see now 304 00:13:06,810 --> 00:13:08,980 that coming here was a huge mistake! 305 00:13:09,020 --> 00:13:10,650 You're hopeless, Peter! 306 00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:12,350 Your feet look old. 307 00:13:12,390 --> 00:13:14,320 This retreat is over! 308 00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:17,020 Fire up the boat-- we're going home! 309 00:13:19,460 --> 00:13:21,190 Mrs. Griffin, please, 310 00:13:21,230 --> 00:13:22,630 I urge you to finish the program. 311 00:13:22,660 --> 00:13:23,960 No, thank you. 312 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:25,500 I never should've come here. 313 00:13:25,530 --> 00:13:27,170 Or at least not with him. 314 00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:28,670 Is there anything I can do to change... 315 00:13:28,700 --> 00:13:30,700 (gunfire) 316 00:13:30,740 --> 00:13:32,140 (screaming) 317 00:13:35,410 --> 00:13:36,810 Oh, my God! 318 00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:38,680 We're taking this island back. 319 00:13:38,710 --> 00:13:41,610 Yeah! Kill the whites! Race war! 320 00:13:41,650 --> 00:13:42,750 (grunts 321 00:13:43,750 --> 00:13:45,820 Run! Everybody run! 322 00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:57,830 (gasps) What the hell is happening?! 323 00:13:57,870 --> 00:13:59,570 Somebody do something! 324 00:14:01,870 --> 00:14:05,440 Look! We got to get the attention of that plane! 325 00:14:15,050 --> 00:14:17,050 You got to help us! 326 00:14:22,750 --> 00:14:24,720 Man, those natives are pissed! 327 00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:26,720 This is like a full-blown revolution! 328 00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:29,460 Do you think me throwing full sodas into the garbage 329 00:14:29,490 --> 00:14:31,560 had anything to do with this? 330 00:14:33,530 --> 00:14:35,530 Quick! Into the jungle! 331 00:14:40,570 --> 00:14:42,440 What are we gonna do? 332 00:14:42,470 --> 00:14:44,440 Wait a minute-- yesterday, near the north beach, 333 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:46,440 I saw a small landing strip, giggity. 334 00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:49,380 It might be our best chance to get off, giggity, the island. 335 00:14:49,410 --> 00:14:52,050 Did you really see that, or was it just an excuse 336 00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:53,100 to say "giggity"? 337 00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:54,820 I don't know, baby-- I'm crazy with the heat. 338 00:14:54,820 --> 00:14:56,290 Take your pants off. 339 00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:58,150 Oh, my God, this is legit ridic. 340 00:14:58,190 --> 00:14:59,660 I got to post this. 341 00:14:59,690 --> 00:15:03,390 (laughs) Josh Radnor's twitter feed is so funny! 342 00:15:03,430 --> 00:15:05,060 That's impossible. 343 00:15:05,100 --> 00:15:07,060 Geez, coming here was a bad idea. 344 00:15:07,100 --> 00:15:09,900 Like when I brought museum behavior into my home. 345 00:15:09,930 --> 00:15:12,440 (footsteps echoing) 346 00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:15,500 (echoing footsteps approaching) 347 00:15:16,910 --> 00:15:20,080 Excuse me, we do ask that you don't touch anything. 348 00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:26,720 (imitating airplane engine) 349 00:15:26,750 --> 00:15:29,150 I got to say, Carter, you've done a good job. 350 00:15:29,190 --> 00:15:30,920 We'd become slaves to our electronics. 351 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,960 But you know what we're doing here? 352 00:15:32,990 --> 00:15:34,420 We're reclaiming our lives. 353 00:15:34,460 --> 00:15:36,630 You're kind of an egghead, aren't you, Brian? 354 00:15:36,660 --> 00:15:39,860 Vroom! Everyone on this plane is wearing a suit. 355 00:15:39,900 --> 00:15:41,400 Say, that reminds me. 356 00:15:41,430 --> 00:15:43,530 Everyone, time to dress for dinner. 357 00:15:43,570 --> 00:15:45,470 Ooh! I want to light the candles, Pop-Pop! 358 00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:47,400 Oh, boy, I haven't had this much fun 359 00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:49,710 since I played with that Bublé wrap. 360 00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:51,810 MICHAEL BUBLE-STYLE SINGER (with each pop): ♪ I... just... ♪ 361 00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:54,010 ♪ Haven't met you yet ♪ 362 00:15:54,050 --> 00:15:55,180 Oh, cool! 363 00:15:55,210 --> 00:15:57,050 ♪ Your mom thinks of me ♪ 364 00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:58,950 ♪ When she's doing your dad ♪ 365 00:15:58,980 --> 00:16:00,180 What? 366 00:16:00,220 --> 00:16:02,820 ♪ Seriously, I drive older woman nuts ♪ 367 00:16:02,850 --> 00:16:04,550 ♪ I can make your ♪ 368 00:16:04,590 --> 00:16:06,590 ♪ Mom and aunt kiss... ♪ 369 00:16:06,620 --> 00:16:09,590 This is a very skeevy packing product. 370 00:16:12,900 --> 00:16:14,860 Oh, my God, this is bad. 371 00:16:14,900 --> 00:16:17,170 I know. If we die, what's gonna happen 372 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:18,900 to my mail? What? 373 00:16:18,940 --> 00:16:21,740 I'm just sayin', how's the post office supposed to know? 374 00:16:21,770 --> 00:16:24,270 And my DVR! It'll be full in a week! 375 00:16:24,310 --> 00:16:26,110 I record Ellen every day! 376 00:16:26,140 --> 00:16:28,310 I know I shouldn't, but whenever she dances, 377 00:16:28,350 --> 00:16:31,710 I'm like, "Go ahead, girl, it's your world!" 378 00:16:31,750 --> 00:16:33,880 I heard she gay. 379 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:36,990 Well, it seems like we're pretty talked out. 380 00:16:38,620 --> 00:16:42,560 Thanks for changing your mind about drowning me in that river. 381 00:16:45,260 --> 00:16:46,460 (phone rings) 382 00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:48,700 Hey. Did you see those pictures of me 383 00:16:48,730 --> 00:16:50,630 doing ducklips by a pool? 384 00:16:50,670 --> 00:16:52,670 I don't know, some island. 385 00:16:52,700 --> 00:16:53,700 Shh! 386 00:16:53,740 --> 00:16:55,740 (rifles cocking) 387 00:16:55,770 --> 00:16:57,940 You rebel scum! 388 00:16:57,980 --> 00:16:59,440 (chuckles) 389 00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:01,940 Ah, you're too young. You don't know. 390 00:17:07,750 --> 00:17:09,720 So, how did you guys get captured? 391 00:17:09,750 --> 00:17:11,720 Quagmire screams when he urinates. 392 00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:13,090 How about you? 393 00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:15,860 Cleveland kept stopping to scratch his back on trees. 394 00:17:15,890 --> 00:17:17,630 Lois don't do it right. 395 00:17:17,660 --> 00:17:18,890 Come here, baby. 396 00:17:18,930 --> 00:17:20,930 You need them Lee Press-Ons. 397 00:17:20,970 --> 00:17:22,830 Mmm. There it is. 398 00:17:22,870 --> 00:17:24,370 Mmm. 399 00:17:26,870 --> 00:17:27,940 Ah, Peter! 400 00:17:27,970 --> 00:17:29,770 I was so worried about you. 401 00:17:29,810 --> 00:17:32,840 Lois, when we got captured, I said, "You rebel scum," 402 00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:34,840 and Kimmie didn't get it. (laughs) 403 00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:35,950 That's funny! 404 00:17:35,980 --> 00:17:37,450 From The Star Wars! 405 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:41,050 Well, just Star Wars. But I missed you, sweetheart! 406 00:17:41,090 --> 00:17:43,120 Why are you doing this? Let us go! 407 00:17:43,150 --> 00:17:46,120 Every year we have to deal with you American tourists! 408 00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:49,360 Stuffing your slob faces, taking video you'll never watch, 409 00:17:49,390 --> 00:17:52,630 and asking if I'm the Captain Phillips guy. 410 00:17:52,660 --> 00:17:54,100 I'm not! 411 00:17:54,130 --> 00:17:56,000 Take the couples out, two by two, 412 00:17:56,030 --> 00:17:57,570 and execute them. 413 00:18:01,310 --> 00:18:02,610 Oh, my God! 414 00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:06,040 Well, at least I ain't going out with a itchy back. 415 00:18:08,110 --> 00:18:10,580 (two gunshots) 416 00:18:10,620 --> 00:18:12,080 Oh, no! This is terrible! 417 00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:15,280 Now, now, maybe they just shot Donna twice. 418 00:18:16,350 --> 00:18:17,950 Bonnie, quick, lock my wheels! 419 00:18:17,990 --> 00:18:20,320 We don't have to make it easy for them! 420 00:18:24,030 --> 00:18:28,100 JOE: Scuffin' up those floors pretty good! 421 00:18:28,130 --> 00:18:30,430 (two gunshots) 422 00:18:30,470 --> 00:18:32,640 Boy, they're really going at Donna. 423 00:18:34,510 --> 00:18:36,840 Any last words? 424 00:18:36,870 --> 00:18:38,370 Moist. 425 00:18:40,180 --> 00:18:42,110 (two gunshots) 426 00:18:42,150 --> 00:18:46,350 Oh, Peter, I'm so sorry I lied to get you to come here. 427 00:18:46,380 --> 00:18:48,480 I should've been honest with you. 428 00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:50,920 Please forgive me? I do, Lois. 429 00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:54,060 I know you were just trying to do something good for our marriage. 430 00:18:54,090 --> 00:18:57,430 And I'm sorry I've been such a jerk about it. 431 00:18:57,460 --> 00:18:58,760 I need you, Lois. 432 00:18:58,800 --> 00:18:59,930 I always will. 433 00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:02,600 And if I got to get shot by ooga-booga people, 434 00:19:02,630 --> 00:19:04,500 I want it to happen with you. 435 00:19:04,540 --> 00:19:06,040 Oh, Peter. 436 00:19:11,980 --> 00:19:14,340 I love you so much, Lois. 437 00:19:14,380 --> 00:19:16,010 I love you, too, Peter. 438 00:19:16,050 --> 00:19:18,010 Lois, I think you should know, 439 00:19:18,050 --> 00:19:20,750 I never cared for your most recent haircut. 440 00:19:20,790 --> 00:19:23,490 Peter, I've had the same haircut for 20 years. 441 00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:24,850 We're ready now. 442 00:19:24,890 --> 00:19:26,490 (two gunshots) 443 00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:34,330 Congratulations, Griffins-- you did it! 444 00:19:34,370 --> 00:19:36,570 You've successfully completed the program. 445 00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:37,800 What?! What?! 446 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:40,170 (whooping, cheering) 447 00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:43,040 We just found out, too! The whole thing was staged. 448 00:19:43,070 --> 00:19:45,370 Noel dying, the uprising, all of it. 449 00:19:45,410 --> 00:19:48,110 Oh-ho, that's what they meant on their Web site: 450 00:19:48,150 --> 00:19:50,950 "Staged Revolution Marital Counseling." 451 00:19:50,980 --> 00:19:52,950 It all makes sense. 452 00:19:52,980 --> 00:19:55,350 (happy shouts) 453 00:19:55,390 --> 00:19:57,190 Yes, sorry to deceive you all, 454 00:19:57,220 --> 00:19:59,390 but we find that when couples don't respond 455 00:19:59,420 --> 00:20:02,090 to traditional counseling, the stress of extreme danger 456 00:20:02,130 --> 00:20:04,830 reminds them of what matters most in their lives-- 457 00:20:04,860 --> 00:20:06,860 their love for each other. 458 00:20:06,900 --> 00:20:08,900 I feel like I should be mad, but... 459 00:20:08,930 --> 00:20:10,130 I guess you're right. 460 00:20:10,170 --> 00:20:12,230 Lois and I have never felt closer. 461 00:20:12,270 --> 00:20:14,640 And I did get to kill a guy. What?! 462 00:20:14,670 --> 00:20:16,240 Thanks for everything, Noel. 463 00:20:16,270 --> 00:20:17,510 (slurps) 464 00:20:21,310 --> 00:20:23,050 Well, kids, it's Dyngus Day. 465 00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:24,850 Here are your pussy willow branches. 466 00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:27,050 Find your sweetie and give her a tap. 467 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:30,120 Looks like I found my sweetie. 468 00:20:30,150 --> 00:20:31,350 Oh, sarsaparilla! 469 00:20:31,390 --> 00:20:33,360 I was going to take sister! 470 00:20:33,390 --> 00:20:35,460 Hey, you little rats. 471 00:20:35,490 --> 00:20:37,360 All right, Lois, let's just leave our bags here 472 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:39,730 and wonder where our clothes are for the next two days. 473 00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:41,160 How was your trip, Father? 474 00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:42,830 We've prepared a song for you. 475 00:20:42,870 --> 00:20:44,100 Nope. 476 00:20:44,140 --> 00:20:46,270 Ah, boy, it's nice to be home. 477 00:20:46,300 --> 00:20:49,170 Sure is, Lois. Now, shush. TV. 478 00:20:49,210 --> 00:20:51,010 Television? How pathetic. 479 00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:52,340 (chuckles): Yeah. 480 00:20:52,380 --> 00:20:54,980 You know where the most interesting stuff is, Dad? 481 00:20:55,010 --> 00:20:56,950 The human hat. 482 00:20:56,980 --> 00:20:58,980 TV ANNOUNCER: We now return to Police Chases... 483 00:20:59,020 --> 00:21:02,080 No, thank you-- we are a screen-free family. 484 00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:03,990 ...That End in Fire. 485 00:21:04,020 --> 00:21:06,120 (bleep) That's awesome! 486 00:21:08,260 --> 00:21:10,030 (groans) 487 00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:12,490 Nobody look at him, and maybe he'll just leave. 488 00:21:15,970 --> 00:21:17,530 Good job, people.