1
00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:20,850
I'm gonna go get a shovel
because theater is dead.
2
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,386
Shh.
3
00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:33,395
- Hi, Star-Burns.
- Oh! Todd.
4
00:00:33,566 --> 00:00:36,399
You know you don't have to creep
around to be weird, right?
5
00:00:36,569 --> 00:00:37,729
You're weird at picnics.
6
00:00:37,904 --> 00:00:40,031
Did you hear about the paintball game?
7
00:00:40,206 --> 00:00:42,731
I heard there was no paintball.
I heard it's banned.
8
00:00:42,909 --> 00:00:45,002
Well, you can't believe
everything you hear.
9
00:00:45,178 --> 00:00:47,237
Okay, you just asked
if I heard something...
10
00:00:47,414 --> 00:00:49,905
...and now you're invalidating
the whole...
11
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:39,827
Do you know why I beat you, Todd?
12
00:01:39,999 --> 00:01:43,765
Seriously? You don't?
Because I don't either, that was insane.
13
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,336
I'm 50 here.
14
00:01:45,505 --> 00:01:48,941
I think I could win this year.
I think I could go all the way.
15
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:52,670
Actually, you'll be settling for silver.
16
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:12,000
Ripped By mstoll
17
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:31,242
Names. You give me names
or you're expelled, that simple.
18
00:02:31,417 --> 00:02:34,545
I told you, I don't know nothing
about no secret paintball games.
19
00:02:34,721 --> 00:02:37,053
This is from huffing paint, I swear.
20
00:02:37,223 --> 00:02:38,815
Escort Alex Osbourne off campus.
21
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:43,361
Hey, hey, hold your horse panties.
You didn't tell me you knew my name.
22
00:02:43,530 --> 00:02:46,829
Look, I was about to take Todd out
and then we both got shot.
23
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:51,232
The guy was invisible, a ghost.
Uses silver paint.
24
00:02:51,404 --> 00:02:53,998
- A ghost. So no name?
- I'd call him Silver Ghost...
25
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:58,008
...but it's probably already taken by
an indie comic book or a terrible tequila.
26
00:02:58,178 --> 00:02:59,941
Bye forever, Star-Burns.
27
00:03:00,113 --> 00:03:02,081
No, no. No, no, no.
28
00:03:02,248 --> 00:03:04,478
- Frankie.
- I respect that you are my boss...
29
00:03:04,651 --> 00:03:07,814
...so either fire me or let me handle this,
and go to your office.
30
00:03:09,822 --> 00:03:12,450
I wanna give your paintball friends
a message, Jeff.
31
00:03:12,625 --> 00:03:15,219
- Good morning.
- This era is over.
32
00:03:15,395 --> 00:03:17,727
It was fun while it lasted,
but now Mommy's home.
33
00:03:17,897 --> 00:03:20,695
Everybody with a gun
will be expelled or fired.
34
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:23,859
Don't worry, my boys and I will
get this cleaned up in no time.
35
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:26,528
Thank you. Jeff do you know
Deputy Custodian Lapari?
36
00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:28,037
We haven't had the pleasure.
37
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:31,871
Mr. Winger's caused me nothing but pain
over the years with his paintballing.
38
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:34,878
- I'm sorry. I quit that, that's behind me.
- Sure it is.
39
00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:38,775
Handling turds has rubbed off on him.
40
00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:42,683
Lapari is gonna be honored this week
at the Gala for a Cleaner Greendale.
41
00:03:42,855 --> 00:03:45,016
- I'd like you to introduce him.
- Why would I?
42
00:03:45,191 --> 00:03:47,056
You're the de facto leader of Greendale.
43
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:50,492
If you gave a speech coming out
against paintball, it might end it.
44
00:03:50,663 --> 00:03:52,563
No, no, just because I'm not playing...
45
00:03:52,732 --> 00:03:55,633
...doesn't mean I'm the weenie
that tells people not to.
46
00:03:55,802 --> 00:03:59,260
Please?
If not for Greendale then for me?
47
00:04:02,775 --> 00:04:05,005
I'll think about it.
48
00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:09,875
- I was a different guy back then.
- Never mind.
49
00:04:10,049 --> 00:04:11,277
Well, Frankie's upset.
50
00:04:11,451 --> 00:04:13,544
Did she break up with someone?
Which gender?
51
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:17,019
- I don't care, but everybody else does.
- She's upset about paintball.
52
00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:20,785
- Paint? Ball?
- Occasionally our campus erupts...
53
00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:23,861
...into a postmodern homage
to action-adventure mythology...
54
00:04:24,030 --> 00:04:26,498
...mischaracterized by the ignorant
as parody.
55
00:04:26,666 --> 00:04:29,567
Apparently,
now that Frankie's declared it illegal...
56
00:04:29,736 --> 00:04:32,603
...it's gone underground
and is still happening as we speak.
57
00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:33,796
Maybe for freshmen.
58
00:04:33,973 --> 00:04:36,100
But we've kind of done it to death, right?
59
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:39,677
Done it, nailed it.
I won a few times, no?
60
00:04:39,846 --> 00:04:43,213
- Who keeps track of that? Lame.
- I'm thinking mostly about Frankie.
61
00:04:43,383 --> 00:04:45,681
She's our friend
and cares about this school.
62
00:04:45,852 --> 00:04:49,879
I think it'd break her heart if she caught
any of us undermining her goals.
63
00:04:50,056 --> 00:04:51,114
Yeah, agreed.
64
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,156
Reasonable agreement.
You're both right.
65
00:04:53,326 --> 00:04:55,521
Meeting adjourned I guess.
This is good.
66
00:04:55,695 --> 00:04:58,391
I'm glad we all agree not to do this.
67
00:04:58,564 --> 00:05:01,431
It's gonna make it a lot easier
for me to beat you.
68
00:05:02,335 --> 00:05:03,563
What the hell?
69
00:05:04,671 --> 00:05:06,070
They killed me.
70
00:05:06,973 --> 00:05:09,168
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Don't do anything stupid.
71
00:05:09,342 --> 00:05:11,401
- Do something stupid.
- I thought we weren't playing.
72
00:05:11,577 --> 00:05:12,942
- Is this an alliance?
- Is it?
73
00:05:13,112 --> 00:05:14,807
- What's paintball?
- Cut the crap.
74
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:16,846
- Stop that. What are you doing?
- Uhn!
75
00:05:17,016 --> 00:05:18,074
Go back to class.
76
00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:21,015
- Winger's playing paintball.
- No, he's not.
77
00:05:21,187 --> 00:05:23,348
Think about it or don't,
but don't do it.
78
00:05:32,532 --> 00:05:35,023
- Uhn! Uhn!
- Grow up.
79
00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:41,170
- What are you doing? I'm not playing.
- For a guy who's not playing...
80
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:44,174
...you're shooting a bunch of mothers.
- That was instinct.
81
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:47,006
I can't help being a bad-ass.
But I am not playing.
82
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,740
- Okay, so let's make this painless.
- Take it easy.
83
00:05:49,916 --> 00:05:52,749
- Leave her alone.
- Knock it off, Frankie is coming.
84
00:05:52,919 --> 00:05:55,615
What is important to you people?
85
00:05:57,390 --> 00:06:00,359
Jeff Winger shot me.
86
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,425
Do I use echolocation to navigate?
87
00:06:04,597 --> 00:06:06,360
Why'd you ask that?
You're not a bat.
88
00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:07,794
Hello.
89
00:06:07,967 --> 00:06:09,298
- Hi, Frankie.
- Frankie.
90
00:06:09,469 --> 00:06:13,735
Jeff, a student just passed by me
and said you shot him, with paint.
91
00:06:14,774 --> 00:06:16,708
Uh... Okay.
92
00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:20,004
So you are definitely
not playing paintball.
93
00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:22,741
- No.
- Frankie, I've been cool up until now...
94
00:06:22,915 --> 00:06:26,373
...but I gotta tell you, I'm starting
to get offended by your suspicion.
95
00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:27,576
Well...
96
00:06:27,754 --> 00:06:30,120
Well is a hole in the ground
when you're thirsty.
97
00:06:30,289 --> 00:06:32,587
I'm telling you,
I ain't playing no paintball.
98
00:06:32,759 --> 00:06:35,353
- Bam!
- Okay.
99
00:06:35,528 --> 00:06:36,756
Take it easy, guys.
100
00:06:36,929 --> 00:06:40,262
And for what it's worth, thank you
for teaching me the cool new way...
101
00:06:40,433 --> 00:06:43,368
...to respond to people saying
the word "well." Ha-ha.
102
00:06:43,536 --> 00:06:45,401
- All right, guys.
- Bye, Franks.
103
00:06:45,571 --> 00:06:46,936
- Bye, Frankie.
- Take it easy.
104
00:06:47,106 --> 00:06:48,573
- Bye.
- See you.
105
00:06:50,376 --> 00:06:53,004
- Will you stop doing that?
- Don't hate the player.
106
00:06:53,179 --> 00:06:57,639
Colloquialisms aside, Annie's right.
The thing to hate this year is the game.
107
00:06:57,817 --> 00:06:59,250
Can I show you all something?
108
00:07:01,454 --> 00:07:04,890
This game is being run anonymously
through a server, but who set it up?
109
00:07:05,057 --> 00:07:07,753
They haven't left a clue, which is
a big clue, because if they're this good...
110
00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:10,020
- Why are they here?
- Whoever's running it...
111
00:07:10,196 --> 00:07:13,996
...is offering a cash prize to the winner,
more evidence they don't go here.
112
00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:16,533
And they seem to have
their own man in the game.
113
00:07:16,702 --> 00:07:20,069
You've heard about a mysterious player
using silver paintballs.
114
00:07:20,239 --> 00:07:21,900
Well, look at these IP addresses.
115
00:07:22,074 --> 00:07:25,237
If that means what I think it means,
we're dealing with gibberish.
116
00:07:25,411 --> 00:07:27,902
- Those are mine.
- That's a student or teacher...
117
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:30,548
...opening an encrypted tunnel
to an off-campus site.
118
00:07:30,716 --> 00:07:31,842
I do that all the time.
119
00:07:32,018 --> 00:07:34,680
- I save it all for Saturday night.
- Right, no big deal.
120
00:07:34,854 --> 00:07:37,448
Unless you always do it immediately
before a player...
121
00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:40,592
...is taken out with silver paintballs
by an unknown shooter.
122
00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:43,957
And unless the IP address
that you're connecting to is this one.
123
00:07:45,364 --> 00:07:47,628
- Of course.
- Who's the silver-paintballs guy?
124
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,461
Spy, assassin, mercenary...
125
00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:52,627
...a bad person walking among us
laughing, laughing quietly...
126
00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:55,296
...then pretending he was looking
at something funny.
127
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,340
I suppose you all should be in trouble.
128
00:07:59,178 --> 00:08:00,668
But desperate deans...
129
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:02,941
But...
130
00:08:03,950 --> 00:08:05,383
But desperate...
131
00:08:08,688 --> 00:08:10,019
But des...
132
00:08:12,758 --> 00:08:15,226
But desperate deans calls
for dean-sperate measures.
133
00:08:15,394 --> 00:08:18,625
From here on out, you work for me.
134
00:08:20,533 --> 00:08:22,694
Everything you're saying
just proves my point.
135
00:08:22,869 --> 00:08:25,360
That the only way to lose this game
is to play it.
136
00:08:25,538 --> 00:08:27,699
I say we do the honest thing
and tell Frankie.
137
00:08:27,874 --> 00:08:30,240
The school's playing and losing.
Frankie included.
138
00:08:30,409 --> 00:08:33,810
If we play to win, we not only
take City College's money...
139
00:08:33,980 --> 00:08:37,279
...we can expose Silver Ballz
and City College and save Greendale.
140
00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:40,248
- Which is basically saving Frankie.
- So we lay low...
141
00:08:40,419 --> 00:08:42,546
...and try to find out
who Silver Ballz is.
142
00:08:42,722 --> 00:08:45,088
To be clear,
we did not vote on that name.
143
00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:47,488
Here's a name you don't have to vote on.
144
00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:49,992
You just became the Secret Dean Force.
145
00:08:50,162 --> 00:08:51,652
The Dean Boys. Task Force Dean.
146
00:08:51,831 --> 00:08:54,595
His Dean's Secret People.
I know the word "Dean" is in it.
147
00:08:55,034 --> 00:08:58,265
Because when the politicians fail
and the peace talks fall apart...
148
00:08:58,437 --> 00:09:01,065
...when it seems like all is lost...
149
00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:03,902
...and nobody really needs
the dean anymore...
150
00:09:04,076 --> 00:09:08,206
...because Frankie's here,
that's when you go in.
151
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:13,114
The last bastion of a bygone era
when people respected me.
152
00:09:17,356 --> 00:09:20,450
Dean Force. One.
153
00:09:23,262 --> 00:09:25,787
If you're gonna hang around,
we could use some water.
154
00:09:25,965 --> 00:09:27,262
On it.
155
00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:35,370
"Club Club."
The last club I thought I'd ever join.
156
00:09:35,541 --> 00:09:38,169
Your target is a small-time
paintball munitions dealer.
157
00:09:38,344 --> 00:09:42,804
All we know is he's a white male over 30,
and his street name is Fun Dad.
158
00:09:42,982 --> 00:09:45,177
All right, is everybody
in this club ready...
159
00:09:45,351 --> 00:09:47,512
...to party the way they do in clubs?
160
00:09:50,456 --> 00:09:53,323
Connor, stop horsing around with Billy,
and party.
161
00:09:53,492 --> 00:09:55,619
The DJ might be the guy
from MeowMeowBeenz.
162
00:09:55,795 --> 00:09:58,787
We need clean intelligence, Abed.
No references, no callbacks.
163
00:09:58,965 --> 00:10:01,331
Excuse me, good sir,
if I could have the mic.
164
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:06,665
Attention shoppers, there's a sale
on partying in my pants aisle...
165
00:10:06,839 --> 00:10:08,534
...everything in my pants must go.
166
00:10:08,708 --> 00:10:11,336
Well, not everything, that doesn't...
You know what I...
167
00:10:11,510 --> 00:10:13,637
- Koogler.
- Aladdin.
168
00:10:13,813 --> 00:10:15,440
I thought your name was Fun Dad.
169
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:18,482
- No...
- That was easy. I need ammunition.
170
00:10:18,651 --> 00:10:20,482
- Are you a narc?
- Why would I answer honestly?
171
00:10:20,653 --> 00:10:23,315
Good point.
That's how most people answer, so...
172
00:10:23,489 --> 00:10:25,719
It's a bad question.
We just get so many narcs.
173
00:10:25,891 --> 00:10:29,691
Don't forget there's a sign-up sheet
on the back wall for "Club Club" Club.
174
00:10:29,862 --> 00:10:32,854
Listen, I'm so glad, Omar,
that you're interested in paintball.
175
00:10:33,032 --> 00:10:34,932
I have to tell you,
no shooting in here.
176
00:10:35,101 --> 00:10:37,865
The first rule of Club Club
is that we are not a fight club.
177
00:10:38,037 --> 00:10:40,301
The second rule is that
if you're a hot lady...
178
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:42,373
...you have to have sex with me.
179
00:10:42,541 --> 00:10:45,339
Then there's a bunch of rules
that they've been adding...
180
00:10:45,511 --> 00:10:48,503
...because of the lawsuits
based on that second rule...
181
00:10:48,681 --> 00:10:51,673
...which I'm not allowed to call a rule,
that was my screw-up.
182
00:10:51,851 --> 00:10:54,843
Let me show you what I got here.
These are Blue Travelers.
183
00:10:55,021 --> 00:10:59,185
I think I've got
some Sarcastic Mellow Yellows in here.
184
00:10:59,358 --> 00:11:01,849
Those are great.
And these are Green Meanies.
185
00:11:02,028 --> 00:11:05,589
They explode on contact
and they mark your target with paint.
186
00:11:05,765 --> 00:11:07,323
That's every paintball.
187
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:10,230
You know your stuff.
Why don't I give you a pro discount?
188
00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:15,136
I'm thinking something more exotic.
Something in silver?
189
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:18,303
Yeah.
190
00:11:18,477 --> 00:11:20,502
Okay, great, I think that's a great idea.
191
00:11:26,952 --> 00:11:30,183
If you wanna stay in the game, talk.
192
00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:33,382
Okay, look,
if you're a narc, you can't play...
193
00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:38,587
...and if you're playing,
I do accept sex for ammo.
194
00:11:38,764 --> 00:11:40,732
Or beer, right? But not bitcoin.
195
00:11:40,900 --> 00:11:44,199
I mean, I believe in it.
I think I feel like I need it to stabilize.
196
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:47,806
Who is Silver Man?
197
00:11:47,973 --> 00:11:50,100
My accountant?
Well, how do you know David?
198
00:11:50,276 --> 00:11:52,369
You know what I mean.
Who buys silver ammo?
199
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:56,572
I can't. Look, if I tell you that,
I'm pretendsies dead.
200
00:12:07,426 --> 00:12:09,792
- Koogler?
- They got him.
201
00:12:09,962 --> 00:12:11,395
That's good.
202
00:12:11,864 --> 00:12:13,855
Then he won't be needing this.
203
00:12:15,701 --> 00:12:19,660
Koogler's thumb drive is actually
a hardware encryption key.
204
00:12:19,839 --> 00:12:21,363
Can it be unencrypted?
205
00:12:21,774 --> 00:12:24,004
No, you use it to decrypt
something encrypted.
206
00:12:24,176 --> 00:12:25,700
A key with a lock on it.
207
00:12:25,878 --> 00:12:28,540
I'll give our enemy this, they're clever.
208
00:12:29,215 --> 00:12:30,739
Why did they pair us together?
209
00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:35,012
Look, a message chain
between Koogler and Silver Ballz.
210
00:12:35,187 --> 00:12:37,246
Now, he's ordering a huge
batch of ammo...
211
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:39,914
...and stressing that he needs it
before the gala.
212
00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:41,821
- City College is...
- Oh...
213
00:12:42,528 --> 00:12:45,622
City College is going
to crash Frankie's gala.
214
00:12:45,798 --> 00:12:49,256
And here's where Silver Ballz
decides on silver balls.
215
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:53,462
"Which color will look coolest
against a navy-blue jumpsuit?"
216
00:12:53,639 --> 00:12:57,302
Who wears a jumpsuit
to a black-tie gala?
217
00:12:57,977 --> 00:13:00,104
The guest of honor.
218
00:13:01,180 --> 00:13:05,480
Is your Internet not working?
It's one photo. It's taking an hour.
219
00:13:05,651 --> 00:13:09,451
You have keystrokes programmed to...?
Eesh. That's dorky.
220
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,590
Looks like we'll be renting formal wear.
221
00:13:11,757 --> 00:13:13,725
I'll measure Jeffrey.
222
00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:20,454
Mr. Winger. You clean up nice.
223
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,624
Oh, come on. I'm always good-Iooking.
224
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,497
This seems ambitious.
225
00:13:25,004 --> 00:13:29,532
Well, the monorail is more symbolic
of our potential than it is potential.
226
00:13:29,708 --> 00:13:32,404
And none of our buildings
will ever be shaped like this.
227
00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:35,206
But with a little work,
this is how we could feel.
228
00:13:35,848 --> 00:13:37,076
You should be proud.
229
00:13:37,249 --> 00:13:40,776
Thank you, Jeff, for supporting this.
230
00:13:42,054 --> 00:13:43,351
Why is that in your ear?
231
00:13:43,956 --> 00:13:47,050
Oh, I'm raising awareness
of Armenian American stereotypes.
232
00:13:47,226 --> 00:13:49,217
Bale to Belfry, let's check in.
233
00:13:49,395 --> 00:13:54,196
Should stereotypes have
their awareness raised?
234
00:13:54,366 --> 00:13:57,995
Oh, good Lord,
I'm questioning you again. Why?
235
00:13:58,170 --> 00:14:01,105
Follow your bliss, sir. You've earned it.
236
00:14:01,273 --> 00:14:05,369
Keaton to Belfry. I need us all to make
sure we are very, very careful here.
237
00:14:05,544 --> 00:14:09,480
Why don't you set a good example
by keeping your mind on the mission?
238
00:14:09,648 --> 00:14:11,013
And your eyes on the prize.
239
00:14:12,818 --> 00:14:15,116
Prize is secure, Keaton out.
240
00:14:15,287 --> 00:14:17,847
West to Belfry, entrances secure.
241
00:14:18,023 --> 00:14:19,718
Keaton to Kilmer, status?
242
00:14:19,892 --> 00:14:20,950
Kilmer to Belfry.
243
00:14:21,126 --> 00:14:24,323
I'm currently examining a spoon,
only I'm not really examining it.
244
00:14:24,496 --> 00:14:28,626
I'm using it as cover while watching
a somewhat suspicious waiter.
245
00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:30,496
Voice of Deidrich Bader to Belfry.
246
00:14:30,669 --> 00:14:33,968
I've checked the custodial wing for the
third time. Can I join the mission now?
247
00:14:34,139 --> 00:14:36,699
Negative, continue to check
the custodial wing...
248
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,777
...and then check the perimeter
of the inside of your office.
249
00:14:39,945 --> 00:14:41,412
Okay.
250
00:14:43,349 --> 00:14:46,045
And for the record,
I feel very vulnerable without a gun.
251
00:14:47,519 --> 00:14:50,784
Ugh. Is that the only song
that plays in this thing?
252
00:14:51,757 --> 00:14:55,158
Hey there, dean. New custodian.
253
00:14:56,228 --> 00:14:58,196
- Dean.
- Dean.
254
00:14:58,364 --> 00:15:00,594
- Dean.
- Dean.
255
00:15:12,311 --> 00:15:15,075
Clooney to Belfry,
I've got a bogey with a gun.
256
00:15:15,447 --> 00:15:16,641
Excuse me?
257
00:15:16,815 --> 00:15:19,283
I wasn't talking to you.
I was ordering dinner.
258
00:15:19,451 --> 00:15:22,716
Yes, hello,
can I get a bogey with a gun...
259
00:15:22,888 --> 00:15:27,188
...no pickles and three orders of gun.
260
00:15:28,060 --> 00:15:32,087
Damn it. Clooney slopped the bogey
and now he's headed for the kitchen.
261
00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:36,465
- Should we go?
- We don't know it's our man.
262
00:15:36,635 --> 00:15:40,401
Kilmer, Clooney, do nothing unless
you can do it quietly and calmly.
263
00:15:42,007 --> 00:15:44,168
- What the hell?
- Nothing.
264
00:15:44,343 --> 00:15:46,641
- Are you ready?
- Yes.
265
00:15:48,514 --> 00:15:50,072
- Clooney to Kilmer.
- What?
266
00:15:50,249 --> 00:15:52,342
- Should I come in now?
- No.
267
00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:55,112
No, you can't ever come in, ever.
You're sloppy.
268
00:15:56,355 --> 00:15:59,483
- Excuse me, can have a word with you?
- About what?
269
00:16:01,460 --> 00:16:06,056
Well, there's been some reports
about a paintball game on campus.
270
00:16:06,231 --> 00:16:08,756
Oh, you better believe
the kitchen boys are playing.
271
00:16:08,934 --> 00:16:11,368
And this year,
we got a new winning strategy.
272
00:16:11,870 --> 00:16:13,633
Let the idiots come to you.
273
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:15,899
Oh, really? Ha-ha-ha.
274
00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:19,803
Oh, Britta, you can come in now.
275
00:16:38,864 --> 00:16:39,922
- Aah!
- Uhn!
276
00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:45,629
I'm sorry.
277
00:16:57,282 --> 00:17:00,251
I stand before you,
one of Greendale's biggest perpetrators...
278
00:17:00,419 --> 00:17:02,512
...of paint-related mayhem...
279
00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:06,784
...and I am happy to say that those days
are fully behind our school.
280
00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:10,486
Looking back on those dark days,
it's clear that the only heroes...
281
00:17:10,662 --> 00:17:12,755
...were the janitors
and the custodians...
282
00:17:12,931 --> 00:17:15,024
- ... left to clean up our messes.
- My rolls.
283
00:17:24,576 --> 00:17:25,668
Stop.
284
00:17:33,018 --> 00:17:36,146
So it is with great shame
and poetic irony...
285
00:17:36,321 --> 00:17:39,779
...that I present
the Custodial Innovation Award...
286
00:17:39,958 --> 00:17:42,017
...to Vice Custodian Lapari.
287
00:17:45,464 --> 00:17:47,796
- What are you doing in there?
- Jeff, focus.
288
00:17:47,966 --> 00:17:48,990
- You all right?
- Yes.
289
00:17:49,168 --> 00:17:50,635
It wasn't our guy.
290
00:17:50,803 --> 00:17:53,863
The assassin is not
in the kitchen, he's still at large.
291
00:17:54,039 --> 00:17:58,738
And now let's all enact what I hope
will become a yearly tradition...
292
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:01,607
...the popping of the balloons.
- What?
293
00:18:08,687 --> 00:18:10,120
Stay calm. Check your zones.
294
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:15,287
- Who's that?
- Where?
295
00:18:15,461 --> 00:18:17,486
- Where?
- I don't see anything.
296
00:18:17,663 --> 00:18:19,631
There.
297
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:45,150
I'm sorry.
298
00:18:55,501 --> 00:18:56,798
It's the custodians.
299
00:18:56,969 --> 00:19:00,871
Greendale's custodial staff is running
the underground paintball tournament.
300
00:19:01,039 --> 00:19:04,008
Probably with City College money.
301
00:19:04,176 --> 00:19:06,974
The people that clean Greendale
don't want a cleaner Greendale.
302
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:11,014
They want Greendale to be afraid
of itself and reliant on them.
303
00:19:13,018 --> 00:19:17,614
Oh, what an exciting story. We've got
a real-life M. Night "Shyamala-yan" here.
304
00:19:17,789 --> 00:19:18,847
It's "Shyamalan."
305
00:19:19,024 --> 00:19:23,620
Unfortunately, as with his stories,
I don't anticipate yours holding up.
306
00:19:23,795 --> 00:19:25,990
- Easy target.
- Who's heckling me?
307
00:19:26,798 --> 00:19:28,527
Oh, of course, it's the Indian guy.
308
00:19:28,700 --> 00:19:30,793
- I'm Arabic.
- Gah.
309
00:19:31,203 --> 00:19:33,603
Okay, let's go with that.
310
00:19:33,772 --> 00:19:37,401
Anyway, you know what goes great
with crazy stories? Evidence.
311
00:19:37,576 --> 00:19:39,806
You're the evidence.
Come back to our side...
312
00:19:39,978 --> 00:19:42,674
...and tell the truth
so City College can be exposed.
313
00:19:42,848 --> 00:19:45,214
Or I could leave
and get a job at City College...
314
00:19:45,384 --> 00:19:49,684
...where their payphones aren't only
herpe-free, they're actually removed.
315
00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:53,552
You think City College will take you
if you lose their paintball prize money?
316
00:19:53,725 --> 00:19:55,920
I don't know how many men
you have left...
317
00:19:56,094 --> 00:19:59,689
...but if you're leaving this room,
it needs to be a small army.
318
00:20:04,770 --> 00:20:07,238
Okay, I agree.
319
00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:18,741
No!
320
00:20:20,619 --> 00:20:21,677
Look out!
321
00:20:35,634 --> 00:20:38,194
- Oh.
- Uhn!
322
00:20:47,012 --> 00:20:50,038
- No!
- No!
323
00:20:57,723 --> 00:20:58,985
Damn it.
324
00:21:01,026 --> 00:21:03,460
- We're the last ones left?
- Cover me.
325
00:21:03,629 --> 00:21:05,756
Dreams do come true.
326
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:13,500
Okay, we got him.
He went into a supply closet.
327
00:21:13,672 --> 00:21:17,073
I know, I guess to a custodian,
a supply closet is like a location.
328
00:21:22,981 --> 00:21:25,814
I'm relieved. I thought this was
gonna be a whole gauntlet.
329
00:21:25,984 --> 00:21:27,110
My heart was not in it.
330
00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:30,449
I mean, I shot a disabled kid.
I can't do this anymore.
331
00:21:30,622 --> 00:21:33,455
- What are you looking at?
- This isn't a closet.
332
00:21:47,005 --> 00:21:49,473
It's really nice of you guys to visit.
333
00:21:49,641 --> 00:21:51,734
Not that you ever would
have done it intentionally.
334
00:21:54,012 --> 00:21:55,775
Your steamy pipes can't stop us.
335
00:21:56,281 --> 00:22:00,115
Well, it would be a pretty bad
museum exhibit if it could.
336
00:22:00,686 --> 00:22:01,983
Give it up, Lapari.
337
00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:05,988
Hey, dean, I have a microphone,
you have a beer, God has a plan.
338
00:22:08,093 --> 00:22:09,219
I have a beer?
339
00:22:09,394 --> 00:22:12,795
It's an old stand-up line
for using on hecklers. Keep moving.
340
00:22:12,964 --> 00:22:15,125
Did you do stand-up?
341
00:22:15,300 --> 00:22:17,700
Is that how you became a custodian?
342
00:22:17,869 --> 00:22:20,929
Listen, man, I was there in the '90s...
343
00:22:21,106 --> 00:22:26,601
...I did a few open-mic nights,
saw what karaoke did.
344
00:22:27,713 --> 00:22:29,180
It wasn't cool, man.
345
00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:32,283
We're not so different,
you and I, dean.
346
00:22:32,451 --> 00:22:35,249
Don't you see we're both
in the same situation?
347
00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:37,947
Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
348
00:22:40,692 --> 00:22:44,753
Screw it. Shoot them all. One of them
is him. Shoot every single one.
349
00:22:51,870 --> 00:22:55,067
- He's not back here.
- Okay, reload.
350
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:58,732
There must be a mop jousting bridge
over sawdust canyon.
351
00:22:58,910 --> 00:23:02,107
We're both dinosaurs roaring
in vain at the mammals.
352
00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:04,077
What'd you think was gonna happen...
353
00:23:04,249 --> 00:23:06,342
...when you let Frankie Dart
into our world?
354
00:23:06,518 --> 00:23:09,681
How much more clean can she make
this school before she notices...
355
00:23:09,855 --> 00:23:12,824
...the dirtiest thing of all about it?
356
00:23:12,991 --> 00:23:14,982
You think I'm a villain, but I'm not.
357
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:19,756
I'm defending a place
where we all get to be our own heroes.
358
00:23:19,931 --> 00:23:22,024
We're all here because...
359
00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:24,930
...none of us can have nice things.
Aah!
360
00:23:25,103 --> 00:23:28,766
I thought you guys were mannequins.
What a backfire.
361
00:23:28,940 --> 00:23:31,932
Is the money real?
No matter who wins?
362
00:23:33,078 --> 00:23:35,069
Dean, what are you doing?
363
00:23:35,547 --> 00:23:37,276
What are you thinking about?
364
00:23:37,449 --> 00:23:38,780
I don't know, I don't know.
365
00:23:38,950 --> 00:23:42,078
He's right, Jeffrey.
A cleaner Greendale?
366
00:23:42,254 --> 00:23:44,882
- It's like a healthier cigarette.
- Yes, a carrot stick.
367
00:23:45,056 --> 00:23:47,524
- Frankie can make us a carrot stick.
- We're tobacco.
368
00:23:47,692 --> 00:23:50,126
No, we are not tobacco.
We're Robert Downey Jr.
369
00:23:50,295 --> 00:23:53,992
He was so high, he was crawling
into peoples' windows. Now he's Iron Man.
370
00:23:54,166 --> 00:23:57,624
We self-destruct like this because
we'd rather be heroes and villains...
371
00:23:57,803 --> 00:24:01,330
...than just kind of sucky people
that need to work at getting less sucky.
372
00:24:01,506 --> 00:24:02,700
She will forgive us.
373
00:24:03,308 --> 00:24:06,835
I know her, I like her,
and if she fires either of you, I'll quit.
374
00:24:07,012 --> 00:24:12,075
She's not the enemy, she can help us,
we just have to cool it.
375
00:24:14,553 --> 00:24:17,545
It's true, what he said.
376
00:24:17,722 --> 00:24:22,955
If you guys lower your guns,
I'm not gonna throw you a party...
377
00:24:23,128 --> 00:24:25,722
...but I'm not gonna
get anyone fired either.
378
00:24:32,771 --> 00:24:35,604
I'll see you Monday. Idiots.
379
00:24:40,245 --> 00:24:42,645
- So who wins, what do we...?
- Okay...
380
00:24:42,814 --> 00:24:46,375
...on the count of three we're gonna
shoot ourselves in the foot.
381
00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:53,487
One, two...
382
00:25:06,771 --> 00:25:09,365
I'll see you guys on Monday.
383
00:25:11,943 --> 00:25:14,173
And the pope looks at the giraffe
and says:
384
00:25:14,346 --> 00:25:18,544
"I'm in the room..."
Sorry, I can't remember the whole joke.
385
00:25:18,717 --> 00:25:21,379
It's okay. It sounds very funny
based on the last line.
386
00:25:21,553 --> 00:25:23,544
Frankie's gonna be here soon.
Get ready.
387
00:25:23,722 --> 00:25:25,747
We're not still doing this, are we?
388
00:25:25,924 --> 00:25:29,690
We promised every day for a week.
Do you want her to quit?
389
00:25:31,930 --> 00:25:36,367
- Good morning, everyone.
- Waah.
390
00:25:37,068 --> 00:25:40,333
So where did we leave off last time?
Yes, sir?
391
00:25:41,740 --> 00:25:44,641
"I like big trucks.
I saw a fire truck today."
392
00:25:44,809 --> 00:25:46,936
Interesting. Anyone care to comment?
Elroy?
393
00:25:47,112 --> 00:25:48,773
I made a stinky.
394
00:25:48,947 --> 00:25:50,608
Worth considering. Next item.
395
00:25:50,782 --> 00:25:53,546
- How do you pronounce "ba-sketty"?
- Spaghetti. What else?
396
00:25:53,718 --> 00:25:56,687
- Can we go to the zoo?
- That raises a very important point.
397
00:25:56,855 --> 00:25:58,584
We can do anything we want, if...
398
00:25:58,757 --> 00:26:01,021
And this is very important.
If we grow up.
399
00:26:01,192 --> 00:26:03,092
- All in favor?
- Waah.
400
00:26:07,065 --> 00:26:10,193
Then she starts singing
about all the places she's been.
401
00:26:10,368 --> 00:26:15,237
Which, by the way, seems to be
a total of two, one of which is old D.C.
402
00:26:15,407 --> 00:26:17,568
Old D.C.
403
00:26:17,742 --> 00:26:20,711
Okay, fine, Vicki. You're a music major,
not a history major.
404
00:26:21,379 --> 00:26:24,371
And the whole mother thing.
The two big feathers in her cap...
405
00:26:24,549 --> 00:26:26,881
...are that she hasn't let
anything change her...
406
00:26:27,052 --> 00:26:30,544
...a triumph she shares
with most animals and all dirt...
407
00:26:30,722 --> 00:26:32,485
...and the fact that her mother died.
408
00:26:32,657 --> 00:26:35,751
Which is like the one thing
all mothers do.
409
00:26:36,561 --> 00:26:40,053
I mean, was she a good mother,
did she collect stamps, did she race cars?
410
00:26:40,231 --> 00:26:42,062
We don't know.
We don't know her name.
411
00:26:42,233 --> 00:26:45,760
If you asked Vicki the color of her
mother's eyes, she would say, "Dead."
412
00:26:45,937 --> 00:26:48,337
Or maybe she'd say,
"Seven dollars a seat."
413
00:26:50,141 --> 00:26:54,976
Damn, man, I am telling you,
nobody is safe. Nobody is safe.
414
00:26:55,146 --> 00:26:56,875
Blue.
415
00:27:04,522 --> 00:27:07,116
They were a very pale shade of blue.
416
00:27:09,194 --> 00:27:12,630
I'm sorry my show didn't honor
her memory properly.
417
00:27:12,797 --> 00:27:15,265
I'll try to make it up to you.
418
00:27:15,433 --> 00:27:18,596
Actually, we both will...
419
00:27:18,770 --> 00:27:21,364
...at the premiere of our new show.
420
00:27:21,539 --> 00:27:24,269
Vicki and Garrett.
421
00:27:26,611 --> 00:27:29,102
And let's have a hand
for Vicki's mother, everybody.
422
00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:32,647
Yeah, stand up, Connie.
Vicki's mother. Vicki's mother.
423
00:27:36,221 --> 00:27:39,281
We'd rather you boo,
it means you felt something.
424
00:27:39,457 --> 00:27:40,981
That's right, you can boo.
425
00:27:41,159 --> 00:27:44,060
- Andy Kaufman loved booing.
- Mm-hm.
426
00:27:45,830 --> 00:27:49,322
Then again, we did put
a fair share of work into this.
427
00:27:49,501 --> 00:27:51,036
You don't have to be dicks.
428
00:27:55,500 --> 00:28:03,500
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