1
00:00:05,433 --> 00:00:07,621
Abed, what are you doing?

2
00:00:07,746 --> 00:00:08,846
Freelancing.

3
00:00:10,246 --> 00:00:12,310
You're not a spy for the city,
are you?

4
00:00:12,435 --> 00:00:14,480
They've been sending
footage of my classroom

5
00:00:14,605 --> 00:00:17,469
and pronounced me no worse
than the teachers that work hard.

6
00:00:17,594 --> 00:00:19,989
I can't tell you who I'm working for.
It's a surprise.

7
00:00:21,469 --> 00:00:23,157
- Don't get in the way.
- You know the rules.

8
00:00:23,282 --> 00:00:25,768
The sooner you ignore me,
the sooner I stop being a factor.

9
00:00:25,893 --> 00:00:26,930
All right, people.

10
00:00:27,055 --> 00:00:28,155
Yesterday...

11
00:00:28,581 --> 00:00:32,477
I wrote the word law on the board.

12
00:00:33,486 --> 00:00:37,120
This time, don't erase it, and maybe
tomorrow we'll get even further.

13
00:00:37,455 --> 00:00:41,416
Now, I'm told Garrett has prepared
a presentation for extra credit.

14
00:00:41,582 --> 00:00:43,742
By the way, everyone in class gets
the credit because I'm not sure

15
00:00:43,867 --> 00:00:45,013
how much I should encourage this.

16
00:00:45,138 --> 00:00:47,120
- Go ahead, Garrett.
- Thank you.

17
00:00:50,591 --> 00:00:53,041
My presentation is
about marriage law.

18
00:00:54,691 --> 00:00:56,682
This is me, Garrett.

19
00:00:56,848 --> 00:00:58,248
I'm in your class.

20
00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:01,103
This is Stacy.

21
00:01:01,453 --> 00:01:03,271
She is in our class as well.

22
00:01:05,356 --> 00:01:07,192
This is what I want.

23
00:01:08,169 --> 00:01:09,611
Oh, Garrett.

24
00:01:10,505 --> 00:01:11,655
Stacy...

25
00:01:12,182 --> 00:01:13,573
will you marry me?

26
00:01:19,409 --> 00:01:21,957
Yes, yes, Garrett, yes, I will!

27
00:01:27,302 --> 00:01:28,880
Garrett and I have been seeing
each other

28
00:01:29,046 --> 00:01:31,249
for 16 months, two weeks,
and four days.

29
00:01:31,374 --> 00:01:33,721
We met at the school
store, Pencils and Such.

30
00:01:33,846 --> 00:01:35,353
He said he was there for the such.

31
00:01:35,478 --> 00:01:37,796
I remember I was sweating a lot,
and breathing heavy,

32
00:01:37,921 --> 00:01:40,494
and my heart felt like it was
going to burst in my chest.

33
00:01:40,619 --> 00:01:43,353
But the day I met Stacy, most of
those symptoms actually declined.

34
00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:46,659
Are you quite done?

35
00:01:46,784 --> 00:01:48,959
Yeah.
Garrett wanted the proposal recorded.

36
00:01:49,084 --> 00:01:50,392
He thought his family
might wanna see proof.

37
00:01:50,517 --> 00:01:53,747
- So now what are you shooting?
- You had a strange look on your face.

38
00:01:53,872 --> 00:01:55,536
You're noticing faces now?

39
00:01:56,075 --> 00:01:58,906
Aren't you still smelling
hair to tell Frankie from Annie?

40
00:01:59,031 --> 00:02:00,388
Well, it's official.

41
00:02:00,513 --> 00:02:01,747
I'm getting laid.

42
00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:31,943
Resync for WEB-DL by Kyros
www.addic7ed.com

43
00:02:33,048 --> 00:02:34,529
What are you doing?

44
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:38,246
Stop.

45
00:02:38,830 --> 00:02:40,054
Hey, stop.

46
00:02:40,801 --> 00:02:44,744
If you don't put that silly thing away,
I swear, I'm gonna stop loving you.

47
00:02:45,915 --> 00:02:47,174
Oh, that's it.

48
00:02:52,205 --> 00:02:53,455
Happy birthday.

49
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,876
What are you two doing?

50
00:02:56,001 --> 00:02:57,871
We're doing Annie's
missing lover footage.

51
00:02:57,996 --> 00:03:01,346
You know in movies where the hero's
wife or girlfriend is dead or missing,

52
00:03:01,471 --> 00:03:04,446
and so he sits in the dark
and he watches her in a home movie,

53
00:03:04,571 --> 00:03:05,698
- or...
- Or a hologram.

54
00:03:05,823 --> 00:03:08,418
Or a hologram over and over,
and she's always beautiful

55
00:03:08,543 --> 00:03:10,690
and full of love,
almost to the point of being stupid.

56
00:03:10,856 --> 00:03:13,235
We're making footage like that for me
in case I get kidnapped or murdered.

57
00:03:13,401 --> 00:03:15,572
Oh, super healthy, guys.
The health department called.

58
00:03:15,697 --> 00:03:17,499
They don't want anything back.

59
00:03:18,908 --> 00:03:20,397
Britta, don't look at the camera.

60
00:03:20,833 --> 00:03:22,202
Okay, look at the camera.

61
00:03:22,368 --> 00:03:23,754
Today's Garrett's wedding.

62
00:03:23,879 --> 00:03:26,468
For those who don't know, Garrett,
he's a guy we don't really know,

63
00:03:26,593 --> 00:03:30,134
that we've known for like six years
at school, the funny-looking guy.

64
00:03:30,259 --> 00:03:31,821
Britta, mean!

65
00:03:31,946 --> 00:03:33,041
Sorry!

66
00:03:33,411 --> 00:03:36,043
The eccentric-looking guy.

67
00:03:36,168 --> 00:03:38,714
What's happening?
Everything's going wrong.

68
00:03:38,839 --> 00:03:39,634
That guy.

69
00:03:39,759 --> 00:03:41,623
Remember when we said
we were cleaning?

70
00:03:41,748 --> 00:03:44,403
Yeah. But remember
about Abed's documentary?

71
00:03:44,528 --> 00:03:46,653
The documentary is
about what we're doing.

72
00:03:46,778 --> 00:03:47,904
And we're cleaning.

73
00:03:48,029 --> 00:03:52,410
Yeah, but if we're both cleaning
then there's nobody to explain why.

74
00:03:52,535 --> 00:03:54,063
She doesn't understand filmmaking.

75
00:03:54,188 --> 00:03:56,658
I lived in New York.
What else should we talk about?

76
00:04:00,823 --> 00:04:03,981
We volunteered our apartment
as a staging area

77
00:04:04,106 --> 00:04:07,276
where our friends can get ready
and keep each other on time.

78
00:04:07,929 --> 00:04:10,303
The thing to understand
about our friends

79
00:04:10,428 --> 00:04:14,615
is that friends isn't
an adequate label.

80
00:04:14,740 --> 00:04:19,473
We're an intensely,
intimately bonded crew.

81
00:04:19,598 --> 00:04:21,928
Oh, I can't, no!

82
00:04:22,094 --> 00:04:27,017
Do you want flashy forward,
or cherry and classic?

83
00:04:27,183 --> 00:04:28,374
Do you have black?

84
00:04:28,908 --> 00:04:29,763
That's a no.

85
00:04:29,888 --> 00:04:32,463
That beleaguered sigh means,
no, I can't have black nails.

86
00:04:32,588 --> 00:04:33,695
Don't look at the camera.

87
00:04:33,820 --> 00:04:37,397
You absolutely can, and we all
will when our bodies decompose.

88
00:04:37,844 --> 00:04:39,423
Please don't Jim
the camera like that.

89
00:04:39,548 --> 00:04:40,486
Jim the camera?

90
00:04:40,611 --> 00:04:42,574
The color black hasn't had
anything to do

91
00:04:42,740 --> 00:04:44,664
with death or edginess since '89!

92
00:04:44,789 --> 00:04:45,911
I mean, absence of color.

93
00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:47,573
My accountant has black nails!

94
00:04:47,698 --> 00:04:48,618
Your what?!

95
00:04:48,743 --> 00:04:50,969
Don't jump on that, my accountant,
it's a figure of speech.

96
00:04:51,094 --> 00:04:53,944
It's a form of speech
called making things up.

97
00:04:54,919 --> 00:04:57,256
- Abed, can you get that?
- I can film you getting it.

98
00:04:58,192 --> 00:04:59,674
- It's open!
- Is it?

99
00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:01,426
I don't know, let's see.

100
00:05:03,427 --> 00:05:05,069
- Frankie.
- Hi girl.

101
00:05:05,194 --> 00:05:07,599
So, I didn't, put on my wedding clothes,
like you said.

102
00:05:07,765 --> 00:05:10,435
So we can get dressed
together and be girls together.

103
00:05:11,093 --> 00:05:12,479
This is gonna be fun.

104
00:05:14,522 --> 00:05:17,077
Annie and Britta told me to come
over and get ready with them

105
00:05:17,202 --> 00:05:18,415
for Garrett's wedding.

106
00:05:18,540 --> 00:05:19,942
I didn't say no.

107
00:05:20,067 --> 00:05:22,311
Who says no to something like that?

108
00:05:22,436 --> 00:05:26,422
A cold,
off-putting incompatible person.

109
00:05:26,547 --> 00:05:30,545
The kind of person that turns
a sleepover into a stoning.

110
00:05:31,144 --> 00:05:33,959
I had rocks, thrown at me.

111
00:05:34,395 --> 00:05:37,854
Biblical, igneous, jagged, hateful,

112
00:05:37,979 --> 00:05:40,715
pointy, ninja rocks,
and that's not gonna happen again.

113
00:05:43,982 --> 00:05:45,393
What have you been up to?

114
00:05:47,092 --> 00:05:48,556
I think you already asked that.

115
00:05:48,722 --> 00:05:50,684
- Did you answer?
- Didn't I?

116
00:05:50,989 --> 00:05:53,589
- I think I did.
- I don't think you did.

117
00:05:54,046 --> 00:05:55,864
Well, that's not like me.

118
00:05:56,567 --> 00:05:58,292
Well, maybe you're nervous.

119
00:05:58,417 --> 00:05:59,418
No.

120
00:06:01,152 --> 00:06:03,659
Why don't we just say that
if you did answer, we forgot,

121
00:06:03,784 --> 00:06:05,317
so we're asking again.

122
00:06:06,198 --> 00:06:08,097
I have been working.

123
00:06:09,709 --> 00:06:12,706
And I've been tending
to my personal affairs.

124
00:06:18,684 --> 00:06:21,145
Mia, I don't know if I mentioned.

125
00:06:21,755 --> 00:06:25,510
One of my sisters as well, you
know, one of them is deceased,

126
00:06:25,676 --> 00:06:27,288
and the other is...

127
00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:32,661
mentally retarded.

128
00:06:33,434 --> 00:06:35,303
Panty raid.

129
00:06:36,737 --> 00:06:38,565
When I say drink, you say now.

130
00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:40,191
- Drink.
- Now

131
00:06:40,357 --> 00:06:42,065
When I say drink, you say now.

132
00:06:42,190 --> 00:06:44,237
- Drink.
- Now.

133
00:06:46,410 --> 00:06:47,615
What are you guys doing?

134
00:06:47,781 --> 00:06:49,659
We gotta go.
The wedding starts in like 40 minutes.

135
00:06:50,928 --> 00:06:52,537
We batted the time.

136
00:06:52,703 --> 00:06:54,752
We lied to you cause
we knew you'd be late.

137
00:06:54,877 --> 00:06:56,624
So we lied to you about the time.

138
00:06:58,644 --> 00:07:00,879
You don't need perfect
people to make a perfect team.

139
00:07:01,226 --> 00:07:03,542
You need people whose
flaws feed into each other.

140
00:07:03,667 --> 00:07:06,208
It's...
What do you call it?

141
00:07:06,774 --> 00:07:08,081
- Co-dependence.
- Synergy.

142
00:07:08,206 --> 00:07:10,411
For instance, there might be
something Britta hates doing,

143
00:07:10,536 --> 00:07:11,685
but Annie loves doing.

144
00:07:11,810 --> 00:07:13,674
Or there might be something
that Annie hates doing,

145
00:07:13,799 --> 00:07:17,852
but she does it anyways, because what
she really loves is to feel useful.

146
00:07:17,977 --> 00:07:20,362
You literally just
defined co-dependence.

147
00:07:20,487 --> 00:07:21,887
Here's to synergy.

148
00:07:23,517 --> 00:07:25,320
Oh, look at you.
You little helper.

149
00:07:26,579 --> 00:07:30,742
Do you Garrett take Jack Nicholson
to be your lawfully wedded wife?

150
00:07:32,831 --> 00:07:34,579
I do.

151
00:07:35,331 --> 00:07:37,842
I do, Johnny.

152
00:07:39,231 --> 00:07:40,668
We invented a new game.

153
00:07:41,077 --> 00:07:43,046
Celebrity Garrett marriage.

154
00:07:43,513 --> 00:07:46,257
Christian Slater to be
your lawfully wedded wife.

155
00:07:46,423 --> 00:07:48,385
I do.

156
00:07:49,525 --> 00:07:50,887
I do.

157
00:07:52,096 --> 00:07:54,182
- There's only Nicholson.
- Well, listen to him.

158
00:07:54,456 --> 00:07:56,267
We were genius to
pad the time margin.

159
00:07:56,597 --> 00:07:59,020
Because now we have, like, three
more hours to play the game.

160
00:07:59,707 --> 00:08:01,816
Do you, Garrett,

161
00:08:01,941 --> 00:08:05,170
take Aubrey Plaza to be your wife?

162
00:08:05,688 --> 00:08:07,391
I do.

163
00:08:07,516 --> 00:08:08,959
I do.

164
00:08:10,059 --> 00:08:10,922
Wait.

165
00:08:11,047 --> 00:08:13,939
What do you mean, three more hours?
How is that even possible?

166
00:08:16,690 --> 00:08:18,728
What time is the wedding?

167
00:08:18,853 --> 00:08:20,584
Wait, what time is it now?

168
00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:22,127
We're late.

169
00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:29,884
- Gather everyone to the car.
- What?

170
00:08:30,050 --> 00:08:31,858
- Yeah, we'll drive together.
- We are not driving together.

171
00:08:31,983 --> 00:08:33,969
- It's already been settled.
- Nothing was settled.

172
00:08:36,321 --> 00:08:37,322
What?

173
00:08:37,835 --> 00:08:39,666
They left me home alone.

174
00:08:39,791 --> 00:08:42,218
I'm home alone.

175
00:08:42,343 --> 00:08:43,693
Well, not really.

176
00:08:46,713 --> 00:08:49,832
What the hell you doing?
C'mon, let's go, go.

177
00:08:49,957 --> 00:08:51,333
Okay geez.

178
00:08:53,593 --> 00:08:54,980
Abed, you too.
Come on.

179
00:08:55,105 --> 00:08:56,077
Oh, yeah.

180
00:08:59,461 --> 00:09:03,209
We are here to witness
the union of Garrett and Stacy

181
00:09:03,375 --> 00:09:07,922
in the eyes of, well in the eyes
of whatever power you choose.

182
00:09:08,088 --> 00:09:11,885
Personally, I find the notion of
choosing to be needlessly limited.

183
00:09:12,158 --> 00:09:15,093
What if I'm capable of
total contradiction?

184
00:09:15,218 --> 00:09:18,609
What if science and religion
were mine

185
00:09:18,734 --> 00:09:21,282
to wield as I choose?

186
00:09:21,407 --> 00:09:22,707
What if I'm God?

187
00:09:23,478 --> 00:09:27,077
What if I'm God?

188
00:09:29,996 --> 00:09:31,749
It is likely that I am not,

189
00:09:31,874 --> 00:09:35,225
but I think it's totally out of line

190
00:09:35,350 --> 00:09:37,528
to take that possibility off
of the table.

191
00:09:37,653 --> 00:09:39,941
Now, I understand
that vows have been written.

192
00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:45,627
Stacy, when I first saw you,
looking at you made me feel good.

193
00:09:46,008 --> 00:09:48,463
Touching you, felt better
and knowing you

194
00:09:48,629 --> 00:09:52,506
made me realize that without you,
I am incomplete.

195
00:09:53,466 --> 00:09:55,386
I know I look pretty complete.

196
00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:58,848
Somebody over there laughed
at that the wrong way.

197
00:09:59,717 --> 00:10:02,310
You are my body and my soul.

198
00:10:02,476 --> 00:10:04,395
You are my favorite video game.

199
00:10:04,875 --> 00:10:06,189
Come on.
Guys, guys guys.

200
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:09,813
Everybody's looking at us.

201
00:10:11,442 --> 00:10:13,337
Your was louder than what I said.

202
00:10:18,736 --> 00:10:21,992
Welcome!
Everyone back there, you're welcome.

203
00:10:22,117 --> 00:10:23,373
Please join us.

204
00:10:23,911 --> 00:10:25,616
Any of those people could be God.

205
00:10:35,278 --> 00:10:37,136
Garrett, since we met

206
00:10:37,302 --> 00:10:38,795
you have felt so familiar.

207
00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:41,428
I love making sandwiches with you.

208
00:10:41,553 --> 00:10:43,768
I love folding towels with you.

209
00:10:43,934 --> 00:10:46,980
I love giving you your pain killers,
at the end of the day.

210
00:10:49,168 --> 00:10:51,457
Well that, those aren't really vows.

211
00:10:51,582 --> 00:10:54,423
That's a list of things
you love about me, yeah.

212
00:10:54,548 --> 00:10:55,905
- I'm so sorry.
- It's okay.

213
00:10:56,071 --> 00:11:00,410
Garrett, do you take Stacy to
be your lawfully wedded wife.

214
00:11:00,576 --> 00:11:01,661
I do.

215
00:11:02,149 --> 00:11:05,785
Stacy, do you take Garrett to
be your lawfully wedded husband,

216
00:11:05,910 --> 00:11:09,328
to have and to hold and to honor.

217
00:11:09,453 --> 00:11:10,985
Yes I do.

218
00:11:17,823 --> 00:11:21,413
Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. and Mrs. Garrett Lambert,

219
00:11:21,538 --> 00:11:23,460
Garrett you may kiss Mrs. Garrett.

220
00:11:35,569 --> 00:11:37,019
Where the party at?

221
00:11:40,781 --> 00:11:42,744
Okay, let's endure this.

222
00:11:42,910 --> 00:11:44,245
Are we mailing today, or what?

223
00:11:44,411 --> 00:11:46,706
Who would have thought Barrett's wedding
would be the best day of our lives.

224
00:11:46,872 --> 00:11:49,208
Definitely not Garrett,
since his name's not Barrett.

225
00:11:49,374 --> 00:11:51,336
Whoopsie.
We say a wrong a name.

226
00:11:51,502 --> 00:11:53,375
- Racist.
- Oh, no. You a racist.

227
00:11:53,500 --> 00:11:54,964
That guy's a racist.

228
00:11:55,353 --> 00:11:57,508
From here to there is racist.

229
00:12:02,398 --> 00:12:04,584
- Having a good time?
- Oh, yes.

230
00:12:04,709 --> 00:12:06,976
- Are you Garrett's mom?
- I sure am.

231
00:12:08,217 --> 00:12:12,046
I think you guys could maybe
take a step back,

232
00:12:12,171 --> 00:12:13,758
gain a little perspective,

233
00:12:13,883 --> 00:12:17,904
so you don't wreck the whole night
for some really wonderful people.

234
00:12:19,078 --> 00:12:22,880
You came to a wedding in the
middle of the vows through a bush.

235
00:12:24,230 --> 00:12:28,159
I'm not Dr. Phil, but,
I don't want my son to kill himself,

236
00:12:28,284 --> 00:12:29,791
so, do what you gotta do!

237
00:12:37,695 --> 00:12:38,633
Holy crap.

238
00:12:38,799 --> 00:12:41,705
- What have we done?
- Okay, we just got checked.

239
00:12:41,830 --> 00:12:43,346
And it was pretty deserved.

240
00:12:43,512 --> 00:12:46,224
But, we're not just gonna stand here
and lick our wounds either.

241
00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:47,590
Jeff is right.

242
00:12:47,715 --> 00:12:50,783
And that chipper passive
aggressive lady, she's right, too.

243
00:12:50,908 --> 00:12:52,980
So, let's spread out and...

244
00:12:53,146 --> 00:12:57,610
Be the best wedding guests,
anyone has ever seen!

245
00:12:57,776 --> 00:13:00,238
Yes, I'm not gonna over think it,
I'm just gonna try it.

246
00:13:02,147 --> 00:13:03,655
Hey.
Mazel tov.

247
00:13:03,780 --> 00:13:07,011
So, a stranger walked over
to our very proud group

248
00:13:07,136 --> 00:13:09,736
and smashed our pride into pieces
with a hammer,

249
00:13:09,861 --> 00:13:12,166
which definitely felt
like a disaster.

250
00:13:12,332 --> 00:13:15,738
Then, I started to pick up the pieces
of our pride,

251
00:13:15,863 --> 00:13:17,452
and weirdly enough,

252
00:13:17,577 --> 00:13:21,592
the first piece I picked up
was my own pride,

253
00:13:21,758 --> 00:13:22,556
all of it.

254
00:13:22,681 --> 00:13:25,388
It's almost like groups
and people in groups,

255
00:13:25,554 --> 00:13:27,520
can never be complete
at the same time.

256
00:13:28,265 --> 00:13:29,729
Does that make any sense?

257
00:13:30,622 --> 00:13:34,195
No? Well, that's your problem.

258
00:13:35,537 --> 00:13:36,733
I love you, Abed.

259
00:13:37,029 --> 00:13:38,735
Do I know how to be
a good wedding guest?

260
00:13:39,139 --> 00:13:39,999
Yes, I do.

261
00:13:40,124 --> 00:13:42,029
A little too well,
that's the problem.

262
00:13:42,466 --> 00:13:46,868
My name is Elroy Patashnik,
and from 2006 to 2009,

263
00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:49,203
I was addicted to
encouraging white people.

264
00:13:49,556 --> 00:13:50,557
All right!

265
00:13:51,297 --> 00:13:53,344
Now there's a man
who knows his meatballs.

266
00:13:53,672 --> 00:13:55,293
It started as simple survival.

267
00:13:55,589 --> 00:13:56,993
The tech industry in the 90s,

268
00:13:57,118 --> 00:14:00,339
this face, this voice, they're either
gonna help you or hold you back.

269
00:14:00,505 --> 00:14:04,093
So, you tap the gas,
because well, why tap the brake?

270
00:14:04,259 --> 00:14:08,055
Oh, you know,
you know what you're doing.

271
00:14:08,221 --> 00:14:11,416
This man knows exactly
what he's doing.

272
00:14:11,977 --> 00:14:13,895
I learned the cheat code.

273
00:14:14,220 --> 00:14:17,434
White people like encouragement.
It really doesn't matter what for.

274
00:14:17,559 --> 00:14:20,401
Now, that's a container for liquid.
I never felt like a sellout.

275
00:14:20,567 --> 00:14:23,852
I never laugh at anything unfunny,
never said anything untrue.

276
00:14:23,977 --> 00:14:28,534
The thing is,
and this will sound racist,

277
00:14:28,700 --> 00:14:32,438
white people are very discouraged,
and very discouraging to each other.

278
00:14:32,563 --> 00:14:35,373
Sweetie, you, you're getting meatball
juice everywhere but your plate.

279
00:14:35,498 --> 00:14:38,038
I think I'm going better than
you are, with your asparagus.

280
00:14:38,163 --> 00:14:40,645
Oh, now that's the way
to handle meatballs.

281
00:14:41,605 --> 00:14:42,905
And look at you.

282
00:14:43,222 --> 00:14:44,949
Working that asparagus.

283
00:14:45,074 --> 00:14:49,347
So, the day you start telling them,
hey, just do what you're doing!

284
00:14:49,773 --> 00:14:50,670
I love you.

285
00:14:50,795 --> 00:14:51,761
I love you.

286
00:14:51,886 --> 00:14:53,686
You feel like a superhero.

287
00:14:54,142 --> 00:14:56,249
But, what's the danger?
Why'd I stop?

288
00:14:57,076 --> 00:15:00,764
You know, same as anything
else that makes you feel good.

289
00:15:01,493 --> 00:15:03,152
If you don't put a lid on it.

290
00:15:03,410 --> 00:15:06,741
Oh, look at these pants.

291
00:15:07,864 --> 00:15:10,708
He should keep on wearing,

292
00:15:10,833 --> 00:15:15,832
keep on wearing his pants.

293
00:15:16,982 --> 00:15:18,417
There's no lid.

294
00:15:18,829 --> 00:15:21,769
Stacy has a 90 year old meemaw here.

295
00:15:21,894 --> 00:15:23,650
I pushed her around the dance floor.

296
00:15:23,775 --> 00:15:26,092
- I think she liked it.
- No, that's Polly.

297
00:15:26,433 --> 00:15:29,643
No, Great Aunt Polly
is Garrett's side.

298
00:15:29,768 --> 00:15:31,119
I haven't met her.

299
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:34,063
Oh my God, do you think she saw me
pushing meemaw,

300
00:15:34,188 --> 00:15:36,133
and now she's wondering
what's wrong with her?

301
00:15:36,258 --> 00:15:37,311
I'll be right back.

302
00:15:37,477 --> 00:15:40,124
The world will still need you
after you finish your cake.

303
00:15:41,066 --> 00:15:42,108
Am I that bad?

304
00:15:42,424 --> 00:15:44,124
We have the same dragon.

305
00:15:44,548 --> 00:15:46,965
Eventually you will slay it,
or train it,

306
00:15:47,090 --> 00:15:48,718
or dissolve in its stomach.

307
00:15:48,843 --> 00:15:51,409
Its name is Helping Others.

308
00:15:51,575 --> 00:15:53,360
If I train it,
can I give it a cooler name?

309
00:15:53,485 --> 00:15:55,605
If you train it, you
can do anything you want.

310
00:15:55,730 --> 00:15:57,197
If you slay it, I don't know.

311
00:15:57,322 --> 00:15:59,839
I guess you get a new dragon
named Yourself.

312
00:15:59,964 --> 00:16:01,696
And then you'd be Jeff Winger.

313
00:16:01,821 --> 00:16:04,364
Yeah, that guy needs help!

314
00:16:09,916 --> 00:16:11,507
What would you name your dragon?

315
00:16:11,632 --> 00:16:13,931
I think we need
a list of dragon names.

316
00:16:14,097 --> 00:16:15,141
Yeah!

317
00:16:15,307 --> 00:16:17,465
And then we need
to get you away from Jeff.

318
00:16:17,590 --> 00:16:21,143
Is what I wanted to say,
but how is that my business?

319
00:16:23,629 --> 00:16:26,805
You don't show these to people
when you finish them?

320
00:16:26,930 --> 00:16:27,814
No.

321
00:16:27,939 --> 00:16:28,989
Okay, good.

322
00:16:32,915 --> 00:16:34,892
So then why do you make them, again?

323
00:16:35,017 --> 00:16:36,122
It relaxes me.

324
00:16:36,247 --> 00:16:38,372
It's like knitting
with less discipline.

325
00:16:38,538 --> 00:16:39,882
Princess Firebreath.

326
00:16:40,007 --> 00:16:41,008
Sir Pent.

327
00:16:41,133 --> 00:16:42,848
Doctor Rachel Spinetail.

328
00:16:42,973 --> 00:16:44,245
Holly Hotbreath.

329
00:16:44,781 --> 00:16:45,712
Jimmy Talon.

330
00:16:45,837 --> 00:16:46,936
Christian Scale.

331
00:16:47,061 --> 00:16:48,976
I got into a bit of a
celebrity pun barrel here.

332
00:16:49,101 --> 00:16:50,036
Carson Scaley.

333
00:16:50,161 --> 00:16:51,106
Jude Claw.

334
00:16:51,231 --> 00:16:52,631
Ariana Puffington.

335
00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:56,136
Hi. Are these your biggest ice cubes?

336
00:16:56,261 --> 00:16:57,725
No, you're boisterous!

337
00:16:57,891 --> 00:16:59,122
Where's my brother!?

338
00:16:59,247 --> 00:17:01,022
I've gotta thing to say
about my friend Garrett!

339
00:17:01,147 --> 00:17:02,813
There has been a plot twist

340
00:17:02,979 --> 00:17:05,775
in the story of our comeback
as wedding guests.

341
00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:09,827
Garrett's older brother Bones has
relapsed during his weekend pass

342
00:17:09,952 --> 00:17:12,972
ans will be unable to do
the best man toast.

343
00:17:13,097 --> 00:17:14,325
You got him?

344
00:17:14,491 --> 00:17:16,966
So, I took Garrett's mom's side

345
00:17:17,091 --> 00:17:21,248
and told her after our behavior today,
it was the least I could do for them.

346
00:17:21,566 --> 00:17:24,710
And I'm not gonna Winger speech it,
this is a thing of substance.

347
00:17:25,460 --> 00:17:28,172
We pooled all the inside info
based on all the mingling,

348
00:17:28,498 --> 00:17:31,676
and this toast is rocket
fueled selflessness.

349
00:17:31,842 --> 00:17:35,536
And this wedding is gonna regret the day
it thought we'd make it about us.

350
00:17:35,661 --> 00:17:38,427
Because we're about to be
the first guests in history

351
00:17:38,552 --> 00:17:41,509
to out-toast the entire fucking
wedding party.

352
00:17:41,634 --> 00:17:43,084
God, I love my job!

353
00:17:43,477 --> 00:17:44,751
Wait, this isn't my job.

354
00:17:44,876 --> 00:17:46,273
God, I love myself!

355
00:17:46,439 --> 00:17:48,651
That was Stacy's

356
00:17:49,061 --> 00:17:51,821
first time!

357
00:17:53,566 --> 00:17:56,299
But it's not gonna be her last time,
right Garrett?

358
00:17:57,993 --> 00:18:00,284
So many classic toast errors.

359
00:18:00,409 --> 00:18:02,026
A fire hydrant could follow this.

360
00:18:02,614 --> 00:18:06,288
I love you so much,
and please, keep painting.

361
00:18:06,413 --> 00:18:08,420
Don't let Garrett, don't paint.

362
00:18:08,545 --> 00:18:11,162
Don't let Garrett keep
you from painting.

363
00:18:11,287 --> 00:18:12,447
Okay, I'm done.

364
00:18:12,572 --> 00:18:15,177
Okay, Stacy's friend Andi everybody.

365
00:18:15,343 --> 00:18:17,179
Next up we have
a replacement best man,

366
00:18:17,345 --> 00:18:20,665
Garrett's friend from Greendale
College, Jeffrey Winger.

367
00:18:20,790 --> 00:18:23,811
There's a lot of things
I can say about this couple.

368
00:18:23,977 --> 00:18:26,272
They're both in my class
at Greendale,

369
00:18:26,438 --> 00:18:29,358
and like all my students,
I give them till about June.

370
00:18:31,776 --> 00:18:33,529
No, you guys'll be fine forever,

371
00:18:33,695 --> 00:18:36,365
as long as Stacy
never lets Andi babysit.

372
00:18:37,961 --> 00:18:39,326
Or go near a child.

373
00:18:39,849 --> 00:18:42,935
Or be in the same town
as a pair of scissors.

374
00:18:44,045 --> 00:18:45,624
This girl's a wreck.

375
00:18:47,250 --> 00:18:48,878
He's being too mean.

376
00:18:49,044 --> 00:18:51,547
No, he's reading the room.
Andi was a bummer, they needed this.

377
00:18:51,672 --> 00:18:53,886
Life's about two people
merging their lives,

378
00:18:54,011 --> 00:18:58,846
but that means two families
are leaving here tonight as one.

379
00:18:59,012 --> 00:19:00,406
That's a big deal.

380
00:19:00,531 --> 00:19:03,559
Now my friends and I
came here tonight as outsiders,

381
00:19:04,137 --> 00:19:05,728
but thanks to some good advice,

382
00:19:05,894 --> 00:19:10,691
we spent the night learning about
these two clans of outsiders.

383
00:19:11,861 --> 00:19:15,112
We learned that Garrett's
uncle Tony is a photographer.

384
00:19:15,419 --> 00:19:18,449
But Uncle Tony, did you know
that Stacy's friend Lawrence makes

385
00:19:18,615 --> 00:19:19,726
and sells frames?

386
00:19:19,851 --> 00:19:22,286
Yeah, look each other up,
get some business going.

387
00:19:22,411 --> 00:19:26,086
Oh, and Garrett's neighbor
Dawn loves vintage cars.

388
00:19:26,211 --> 00:19:30,596
Stacy's chiropractor Susan
brought her dad, and guess what?

389
00:19:30,721 --> 00:19:33,756
Her dad worked in an automobile factory
in the 60s.

390
00:19:33,922 --> 00:19:36,759
Yeah, I know, these are
the kind of things you learn

391
00:19:36,925 --> 00:19:39,053
being the biggest jerks at a wedding.

392
00:19:39,470 --> 00:19:41,388
Here's another golden
nugget in the gravel.

393
00:19:41,554 --> 00:19:43,896
Some of you have worked
the dance floor

394
00:19:44,021 --> 00:19:48,270
with Garrett's divine great aunt Polly,
90 years young.

395
00:19:49,214 --> 00:19:52,811
And some of you chatted
with Stacy's meemaw,

396
00:19:52,936 --> 00:19:55,402
also 90 years young.

397
00:19:57,445 --> 00:20:00,991
Now, I don't know
if they've even met before tonight,

398
00:20:01,157 --> 00:20:04,343
but we did learn that both of them

399
00:20:04,468 --> 00:20:07,706
were born in the same town.

400
00:20:08,025 --> 00:20:09,776
Sheridan, Wyoming.

401
00:20:09,901 --> 00:20:13,587
Now Garrett and Stacy, would you mind
getting them both out here?

402
00:20:13,712 --> 00:20:14,547
All right.

403
00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:15,575
Yeah!

404
00:20:15,700 --> 00:20:17,832
I know Aunt Polly's here.

405
00:20:17,957 --> 00:20:19,677
Isn't she beautiful?

406
00:20:22,028 --> 00:20:25,432
Okay.
Who has got eyes on meemaw?

407
00:20:27,582 --> 00:20:28,832
This is meemaw.

408
00:20:29,753 --> 00:20:32,148
Oh, this is meemaw!

409
00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:34,233
Okay, I feel like an idiot.

410
00:20:34,399 --> 00:20:35,696
I'm so, so sorry.

411
00:20:35,821 --> 00:20:37,514
Garrett, where's Aunt Polly?

412
00:20:40,909 --> 00:20:41,910
Okay.

413
00:20:43,442 --> 00:20:46,159
Now I don't feel as stupid

414
00:20:46,284 --> 00:20:49,165
because either someone here is lying,

415
00:20:49,331 --> 00:20:52,126
or this family's a lot closer
than we thought.

416
00:21:00,988 --> 00:21:02,242
And now,

417
00:21:02,367 --> 00:21:06,348
this is a man that know
how to marry his cousin.

418
00:21:22,604 --> 00:21:24,992
None of this would have happened
if I wasn't always trying to help.

419
00:21:25,158 --> 00:21:26,663
Actually,
none of this would've happened

420
00:21:26,788 --> 00:21:28,200
if I hadn't tried helping you
with your helpfulness.

421
00:21:28,325 --> 00:21:30,135
Oh, don't torture
yourself with that logic.

422
00:21:30,260 --> 00:21:32,333
None of us would have met
if Hitler hadn't been born.

423
00:21:32,499 --> 00:21:35,122
Also none of Britta's arguments
would have a default analogy.

424
00:21:35,247 --> 00:21:36,295
Excuse me?

425
00:21:36,461 --> 00:21:37,838
He's saying you go to
the Hitler well a lot.

426
00:21:38,004 --> 00:21:39,402
What are you, Hitler, Hitler?

427
00:21:39,527 --> 00:21:42,865
Britta, we're all the worst right now,
take a day off.

428
00:21:42,990 --> 00:21:44,275
I did.

429
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:47,518
Between us ruining the ceremony
and ruining the reception

430
00:21:47,643 --> 00:21:50,454
when we were all just individual people,
I wasn't the worst.

431
00:21:50,579 --> 00:21:52,228
I'm only the worst with you guys.

432
00:21:52,394 --> 00:21:53,437
- Well, me too.
- Me too.

433
00:21:53,603 --> 00:21:56,776
I was a good dean before you guys.
You can't disprove it.

434
00:21:56,901 --> 00:21:58,317
I relapsed because of you guys.

435
00:21:58,664 --> 00:22:01,070
Oh it's not a big deal.
White people problems.

436
00:22:01,405 --> 00:22:03,978
I like this group.
I'm at my best when I'm with you guys.

437
00:22:04,103 --> 00:22:07,104
Well, that clinches it.
Separate cabs.

438
00:22:08,181 --> 00:22:09,182
Hi!

439
00:22:09,619 --> 00:22:13,165
For those still with us, we won't
be cutting the cake or dancing.

440
00:22:13,331 --> 00:22:15,251
And I believe there was a guy
in a Homer Simpson costume

441
00:22:15,417 --> 00:22:16,918
that was gonna surprise me.

442
00:22:17,043 --> 00:22:18,579
That won't be necessary!

443
00:22:19,816 --> 00:22:22,383
Drive safe, and thank you for coming.

444
00:22:22,751 --> 00:22:24,162
What are you going to do?

445
00:22:24,287 --> 00:22:25,288
Chang!

446
00:22:25,975 --> 00:22:27,179
We're going home.

447
00:22:27,345 --> 00:22:29,515
- Are you gonna stay married?
- Chang!

448
00:22:29,681 --> 00:22:31,370
We consulted with a lawyer,

449
00:22:31,495 --> 00:22:34,603
and it is legal in this state
to marry your cousin.

450
00:22:34,769 --> 00:22:38,287
But after talking to our family,
we feel an annulment is warranted.

451
00:22:38,412 --> 00:22:40,317
- What no, screw that.
- Chang. No.

452
00:22:40,483 --> 00:22:42,446
- Chang, get back here.
- Hey, screw you guys.

453
00:22:42,571 --> 00:22:44,145
No, this family is so screwed up,

454
00:22:44,270 --> 00:22:46,031
you thought you were
two different families.

455
00:22:46,197 --> 00:22:48,730
Now that you know you're not,
you can't wait to leave,

456
00:22:48,855 --> 00:22:50,331
and you want this guy to do what?

457
00:22:50,456 --> 00:22:51,661
Forget he's in love?

458
00:22:51,786 --> 00:22:52,829
For you?

459
00:22:52,954 --> 00:22:55,111
You want him to take
one for this crappy team?

460
00:22:55,236 --> 00:22:56,323
Let him finish.

461
00:22:56,448 --> 00:22:58,982
- They were letting me finish, sir.
- I know, I was being sarcastic.

462
00:22:59,107 --> 00:23:00,240
Okay, you know?

463
00:23:06,384 --> 00:23:09,221
Garrett, who loves you here
more than Stacy?

464
00:23:10,768 --> 00:23:11,598
Nobody.

465
00:23:11,764 --> 00:23:15,177
Stacy, is it your fault
Garrett's your cousin?

466
00:23:15,302 --> 00:23:16,103
No.

467
00:23:16,391 --> 00:23:18,814
Is anyone here going to
make less fun of these two

468
00:23:18,939 --> 00:23:21,859
or be better friends to them
no matter what they do?

469
00:23:23,705 --> 00:23:26,238
It's you against the world,
and you will not win.

470
00:23:26,404 --> 00:23:29,279
But, you get to make your moves.

471
00:23:29,404 --> 00:23:30,405
Not them.

472
00:23:37,404 --> 00:23:38,208
Stacy...

473
00:23:41,541 --> 00:23:44,228
will you be my legally
incestuous wife?

474
00:23:44,923 --> 00:23:47,890
Everyone stay and eat cake,
or go to hell.

475
00:23:55,097 --> 00:23:56,698
This is about me.

476
00:23:57,769 --> 00:23:59,989
I didn't think I could do it,
but I did.

477
00:24:04,317 --> 00:24:05,397
Smile.

478
00:24:05,522 --> 00:24:06,787
Garrett, look up.

479
00:24:17,677 --> 00:24:18,877
So much Jenny.

480
00:24:25,014 --> 00:24:27,345
Wow, what an episode of Community.

481
00:24:27,470 --> 00:24:31,181
Hi, I'm Briggs Haddon credited
author of this weeks episode.

482
00:24:31,306 --> 00:24:34,451
You might have noticed
an emphasis on the topic of incest,

483
00:24:34,576 --> 00:24:35,841
well that's no accident.

484
00:24:35,966 --> 00:24:39,249
For the past two years, when not serving
as writer's assistant on Community,

485
00:24:39,374 --> 00:24:41,380
I've been researching incest
on the internet.

486
00:24:41,505 --> 00:24:43,107
What I found, surprised me.

487
00:24:43,273 --> 00:24:45,204
Did you know that first cousins can
have children

488
00:24:45,329 --> 00:24:47,877
without great risk of birth defect
or genetic disease?

489
00:24:48,002 --> 00:24:51,182
That's a quote directly
from the New York Times, April 4, 2002.

490
00:24:51,307 --> 00:24:53,146
But despite this scientific fact,

491
00:24:53,271 --> 00:24:56,735
state laws on incest remain
inconsistent and woefully outdated.

492
00:24:56,860 --> 00:24:59,582
I mean, I can make love to
my cousin in Nebraska,

493
00:24:59,707 --> 00:25:01,499
but if I take her on a date
in South Dakota,

494
00:25:01,624 --> 00:25:03,168
I'm looking at 15 years prison time.

495
00:25:03,334 --> 00:25:06,454
I told the Community writers,
attention must be paid.

496
00:25:06,579 --> 00:25:08,966
They said they'd allow me to
address it on one condition.

497
00:25:09,245 --> 00:25:13,095
At the end of the episode, I must
appear and identify myself as a writer.

498
00:25:13,261 --> 00:25:16,154
Look, I'm not trying to tell you
how to feel about incest,

499
00:25:16,279 --> 00:25:19,769
I'm just letting you know, there's
more to it than you've been told.

500
00:25:20,237 --> 00:25:21,561
I'm Briggs Haddon,

501
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and I wrote the Community season six,
incest episode.

502
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Good night.

503
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