1 00:00:00,623 --> 00:00:03,025 [cell door slams] 2 00:00:03,334 --> 00:00:05,152 [theme song playing] 3 00:00:52,049 --> 00:00:54,004 [cell door slams] 4 00:01:08,408 --> 00:01:13,500 Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com. 5 00:01:14,815 --> 00:01:17,650 If I get the maple bacon, that's kinda Paleo, right? 6 00:01:17,651 --> 00:01:19,945 Only if you killed it yourself with a crossbow. 7 00:01:19,946 --> 00:01:22,197 You should try the red velvet. It's new. 8 00:01:22,198 --> 00:01:23,281 Oh, jeez. 9 00:01:23,282 --> 00:01:24,700 Do I look like an idiot to you? 10 00:01:24,701 --> 00:01:26,202 No. 11 00:01:26,203 --> 00:01:28,204 You think you can squeeze an extra dollar out of me 12 00:01:28,205 --> 00:01:30,874 because it's, like, "Ooh, trendy, it looks like its bleeding"? 13 00:01:30,875 --> 00:01:32,918 No, in your heart of hearts, you know as well as I do, 14 00:01:32,919 --> 00:01:35,045 red velvet is bullshit. 15 00:01:35,046 --> 00:01:37,633 It tastes like Play-Doh. It is not velvety. 16 00:01:37,634 --> 00:01:40,386 And the only thing that's good about it is the cream cheese frosting 17 00:01:40,387 --> 00:01:43,055 which is meant to live on top of carrot cake, like God intended. 18 00:01:43,056 --> 00:01:46,058 Okay, panda. We hear you. 19 00:01:46,059 --> 00:01:48,896 Red velvet isn't a thing. 20 00:01:48,897 --> 00:01:51,174 Red velvet can go to hell. 21 00:01:53,193 --> 00:01:56,972 You give me two Long Johns and a jelly. 22 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:06,958 [sighs] Well, I'll be fucked. 23 00:02:06,959 --> 00:02:08,126 What happened? 24 00:02:08,127 --> 00:02:09,987 Mind your own beeswax, Donuts. 25 00:02:13,258 --> 00:02:15,077 Oh, you kidding me? 26 00:02:15,512 --> 00:02:19,791 If I was a lesser person, I would say, "I told you so." 27 00:02:21,185 --> 00:02:23,628 [man speaking indistinctly on PA] 28 00:02:29,903 --> 00:02:32,030 All right, here we are. 29 00:02:32,031 --> 00:02:35,075 Welcome to Litchfield, two-point-nothing. 30 00:02:35,076 --> 00:02:37,995 So recently, we did go from, uh, public to private, 31 00:02:37,996 --> 00:02:39,997 which is quite a relief. 32 00:02:39,998 --> 00:02:44,670 God bless free market America of the United States. 33 00:02:44,671 --> 00:02:45,796 [inmate] "Free market"? 34 00:02:45,797 --> 00:02:48,800 Yeah, I worked the night shift at Sam's Club a while back 35 00:02:48,801 --> 00:02:50,093 and they used to lock us in. 36 00:02:50,094 --> 00:02:52,471 Well, it was probably for your own protection. [scoffs] 37 00:02:52,472 --> 00:02:53,931 Yeah, it didn't feel like that. 38 00:02:53,932 --> 00:02:56,350 Well, look... [scoffs] you kidding me? 39 00:02:56,351 --> 00:03:01,732 The government socialists are clearly so far up your butt crack about equality, 40 00:03:01,733 --> 00:03:06,678 when, in code, it's all about just giving the darker people free shit. 41 00:03:07,322 --> 00:03:11,409 It's all about private corporation because they really look after us. 42 00:03:11,410 --> 00:03:13,161 And you get religious freedom. 43 00:03:13,162 --> 00:03:16,916 - Yeah, I'm not that religious. - No? Well, that's too bad. 44 00:03:16,917 --> 00:03:20,044 'Cause if you were a Christian, you could tell everybody what to do, 45 00:03:20,045 --> 00:03:22,172 and then they do it so they don't hurt your feelings, 46 00:03:22,173 --> 00:03:23,883 because that's against the law. 47 00:03:23,884 --> 00:03:25,217 [snaps fingers] Come on. 48 00:03:25,218 --> 00:03:28,263 Okay, so this right here is Mr. Healy's office. 49 00:03:28,264 --> 00:03:29,681 He's one of the counselors. 50 00:03:29,682 --> 00:03:32,184 Now, some of the girls, they like the black one better, okay? 51 00:03:32,185 --> 00:03:33,352 But, listen... 52 00:03:33,353 --> 00:03:36,606 He brings snacks sometimes and he's kind of a silver fox. 53 00:03:36,607 --> 00:03:39,527 Down here, we've got visitation. Down here, okay? 54 00:03:39,528 --> 00:03:41,403 Your family is allowed to come and see you, 55 00:03:41,404 --> 00:03:44,265 but if they never do... 56 00:03:44,867 --> 00:03:48,203 that's probably just 'cause they're too busy. 57 00:03:48,204 --> 00:03:51,415 But they still care about you. For sure. 58 00:03:51,416 --> 00:03:53,042 For sure. 59 00:03:53,043 --> 00:03:55,587 This place is amazing. 60 00:03:55,588 --> 00:03:57,756 All right, this is still prison and all, right? 61 00:03:57,757 --> 00:03:59,634 There's no need to jump off the deep end. 62 00:03:59,635 --> 00:04:02,762 We got off the van, like, five minutes ago, 63 00:04:02,763 --> 00:04:04,346 and I haven't heard anybody screaming. 64 00:04:04,347 --> 00:04:05,891 And the walls are so clean. 65 00:04:05,892 --> 00:04:08,519 [Pennsatucky] Yeah, and we just got new mattresses, too. 66 00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:11,105 Yes. This here is Chang. 67 00:04:11,106 --> 00:04:12,315 Chang! 68 00:04:12,316 --> 00:04:15,611 So, she works in the commissary. She don't talk much. 69 00:04:15,612 --> 00:04:17,237 Ching Chong Chang! 70 00:04:17,238 --> 00:04:19,489 Fuck you, cracker. 71 00:04:19,490 --> 00:04:21,577 [laughs] She loves when I do that. 72 00:04:21,578 --> 00:04:23,437 [woman speaking indistinctly on PA] 73 00:04:26,792 --> 00:04:28,835 [Alex] How's life in the panty mill? 74 00:04:28,836 --> 00:04:31,963 Uh, yesterday, we learned everything about sewing, 75 00:04:31,964 --> 00:04:34,675 including how to serge with a rolled hem 76 00:04:34,676 --> 00:04:38,054 and use a zigzag stitch. 77 00:04:38,055 --> 00:04:42,042 I don't really know what any of it means, so today's gonna be awesome. 78 00:04:45,897 --> 00:04:48,148 What... [laughs] 79 00:04:48,149 --> 00:04:49,651 How's grounds crew treating you? 80 00:04:49,652 --> 00:04:52,195 The instructions are pretty clear. 81 00:04:52,196 --> 00:04:55,449 Dig. Rake. Schlep. 82 00:04:55,450 --> 00:04:56,533 [Piper] Uh-huh. 83 00:04:56,534 --> 00:04:58,703 [Alex scoffs] It's fine. And it's outside. 84 00:04:58,704 --> 00:05:02,374 Anything is better than being stuck down in that sweaty basement 85 00:05:02,375 --> 00:05:05,236 with the fucking puppets from The Dark Crystal. 86 00:05:06,338 --> 00:05:08,297 I'm thirsty just looking at her. 87 00:05:08,298 --> 00:05:10,968 [whispering] Well, you should see what she does with pepper. 88 00:05:10,969 --> 00:05:12,469 Hey, lesbians. 89 00:05:12,470 --> 00:05:15,373 My eyes squinty, but ears work fine. 90 00:05:15,724 --> 00:05:17,375 Let's go. 91 00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:19,978 I'm sorry. 92 00:05:19,979 --> 00:05:24,008 - I laugh when I see something super weird. - [hushed] Alex! Alex! 93 00:05:24,442 --> 00:05:27,304 [Alex] How did she get a whole box of salt? 94 00:05:29,658 --> 00:05:31,574 [woman speaking Mandarin] He should be here any minute now. 95 00:05:31,575 --> 00:05:32,827 [man] Is he bringing his checkbook? 96 00:05:32,828 --> 00:05:36,873 Between her plane ticket and bus fare to Beijing, I'm in for almost a grand. 97 00:05:36,874 --> 00:05:39,501 Flight reimbursement is included in the deal. 98 00:05:39,502 --> 00:05:42,171 What if I don't like him? 99 00:05:42,172 --> 00:05:44,465 Then you can go back to Hebei Province and grow potatoes. 100 00:05:44,466 --> 00:05:46,202 [knocking on door] 101 00:05:48,595 --> 00:05:50,747 Don't say anything stupid. 102 00:06:11,082 --> 00:06:12,708 Is this a joke? 103 00:06:12,709 --> 00:06:15,085 Welcome to our family, Mr. Sun. 104 00:06:15,086 --> 00:06:17,046 My sister and I are so pleased to meet you. 105 00:06:17,047 --> 00:06:19,215 You promised me a beautiful girl. 106 00:06:19,216 --> 00:06:21,258 I never actually said "beautiful." 107 00:06:21,259 --> 00:06:23,636 You said she had "pleasing attributes." 108 00:06:23,637 --> 00:06:26,139 And I'm sure she does. 109 00:06:26,140 --> 00:06:28,810 My sister's a good cook. And very thrifty. 110 00:06:28,811 --> 00:06:30,394 So am I. 111 00:06:30,395 --> 00:06:33,107 And I paid to find a wife, 112 00:06:33,108 --> 00:06:36,151 not a squatty peasant who still smells like sheep shit. 113 00:06:36,152 --> 00:06:39,054 Call me when you want to get serious. 114 00:06:39,782 --> 00:06:42,309 We had a deal! Son of a bitch. 115 00:06:44,329 --> 00:06:46,163 What do we do now? 116 00:06:46,164 --> 00:06:48,650 I don't want to go back to China. 117 00:06:49,084 --> 00:06:50,836 I can't take care of her. 118 00:06:50,837 --> 00:06:52,670 Do you have any idea how much she eats? 119 00:06:52,671 --> 00:06:55,216 Business has been terrible. 120 00:06:55,217 --> 00:06:58,219 You must know someone else who needs a wife. 121 00:06:58,220 --> 00:07:03,100 I'm only as good as the product. 122 00:07:03,101 --> 00:07:10,134 If you don't have the looks, you at least need charm. 123 00:07:11,193 --> 00:07:13,445 How about finding someone less picky? 124 00:07:13,446 --> 00:07:16,825 It's not like this guy was on the A-list. 125 00:07:16,826 --> 00:07:18,451 [sighs] 126 00:07:18,452 --> 00:07:20,103 What am I going to do? 127 00:07:21,039 --> 00:07:23,941 I could help you in the shop. 128 00:07:24,626 --> 00:07:26,778 You owe me eight hundred dollars. 129 00:07:28,214 --> 00:07:30,925 [indistinct chatter on TV] 130 00:07:30,926 --> 00:07:33,052 [reporter] That was the scene just a few minutes ago 131 00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:35,555 outside this Lower Manhattan courthouse, 132 00:07:35,556 --> 00:07:38,141 where culinary celebrity Judy King 133 00:07:38,142 --> 00:07:40,727 was arraigned on charges of tax evasion. According to authorities... 134 00:07:40,728 --> 00:07:43,480 I never liked this woman. 135 00:07:43,481 --> 00:07:47,427 She puts cream in her carbonara. It's vulgar. 136 00:07:49,488 --> 00:07:50,907 What are you writing? 137 00:07:50,908 --> 00:07:52,951 It's for drama workshop. 138 00:07:52,952 --> 00:07:56,789 It's about my emotionally manipulative asshat of a mother 139 00:07:56,790 --> 00:07:58,833 and all the times she betrayed me. 140 00:07:58,834 --> 00:08:00,626 I'm thinking at the end, 141 00:08:00,627 --> 00:08:02,921 I could run her over with a riding lawnmower. 142 00:08:02,922 --> 00:08:04,297 Shred the bitch. 143 00:08:04,298 --> 00:08:06,091 Oh, that's beautiful, honey. 144 00:08:06,092 --> 00:08:10,829 You can watch your cartoons later. It's the grown-ups' time now, honey. 145 00:08:13,267 --> 00:08:16,269 Hey, Red. I hear you got family in Queens. 146 00:08:16,270 --> 00:08:17,605 What about them? 147 00:08:17,606 --> 00:08:20,274 I was wondering if your husband could give my son a ride up here sometime? 148 00:08:20,275 --> 00:08:22,443 I'll trade you whatever. I've asked everyone, but... 149 00:08:22,444 --> 00:08:25,054 Dmitri won't be visiting anymore. 150 00:08:25,656 --> 00:08:28,684 Oh, shit. I'm sorry. 151 00:08:29,411 --> 00:08:31,997 He's a worthless mushroom of a man. 152 00:08:31,998 --> 00:08:33,414 I've known a few of those. 153 00:08:33,415 --> 00:08:35,584 Maybe we should give up and be gay. 154 00:08:35,585 --> 00:08:36,668 We got the haircuts. 155 00:08:36,669 --> 00:08:38,571 [laughs] 156 00:08:46,723 --> 00:08:50,018 There an angle in this place you ain't workin'? 157 00:08:50,019 --> 00:08:52,437 Watch and learn, Mendoza. 158 00:08:52,438 --> 00:08:53,522 [clicks tongue] 159 00:08:53,523 --> 00:08:55,383 [Red chuckles] 160 00:08:56,110 --> 00:08:57,818 [exclaims sharply] 161 00:08:57,819 --> 00:09:00,530 The food lady from the TV got arrested! 162 00:09:00,531 --> 00:09:03,492 - Wait, what? Oh, shit, is it Nigella? - Mmm-mmm. 163 00:09:03,493 --> 00:09:04,994 - The trashy one? - Mmm-mmm. 164 00:09:04,995 --> 00:09:06,453 - The snotty one? - Mmm-mmm. 165 00:09:06,454 --> 00:09:09,666 Ooh, it's the one with the plantation kinda vibe goin' on, but in a fun way? 166 00:09:09,667 --> 00:09:11,459 - Yes! - [laughs] 167 00:09:11,460 --> 00:09:14,713 - Yes! Had something to do with her taxes. - [Poussey] Yeah, Judy King! 168 00:09:14,714 --> 00:09:17,927 There was microphones everywhere. And they almost stuck one in her ear. 169 00:09:17,928 --> 00:09:19,594 Oh, Lord, if you're really out there, 170 00:09:19,595 --> 00:09:21,931 please, please, please let her come to Litchfield. 171 00:09:21,932 --> 00:09:24,309 Please, please, please. 172 00:09:24,310 --> 00:09:25,752 [Crazy Eyes] Um... 173 00:09:26,478 --> 00:09:28,046 [Poussey] What? 174 00:09:29,482 --> 00:09:32,193 I think your laundry might be alive. 175 00:09:32,194 --> 00:09:35,697 Nah, that's that furry alkie been stealing my jail juice! 176 00:09:35,698 --> 00:09:37,657 Yeah, I caught it this morning. 177 00:09:37,658 --> 00:09:40,244 I'll turn that punk into a hat. [laughs] 178 00:09:40,245 --> 00:09:41,412 What? 179 00:09:41,413 --> 00:09:45,149 Okay. We gonna have to talk. 180 00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:47,695 What? 181 00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:51,616 [sighs] 182 00:09:52,134 --> 00:09:54,302 So, stations one and two, 183 00:09:54,303 --> 00:09:58,099 you will be at the cutting tables this morning cutting patterns. 184 00:09:58,100 --> 00:10:00,767 And then everyone else can start assembling the pieces. 185 00:10:00,768 --> 00:10:04,147 We will switch out after lunch to avoid fatigue. 186 00:10:04,148 --> 00:10:06,191 [Anita laughs] 187 00:10:06,192 --> 00:10:09,737 Look sharp, ladies. It's up to us to help the lovers of the world get it on! 188 00:10:09,738 --> 00:10:11,390 [scatting] 189 00:10:12,951 --> 00:10:14,243 That's enough, DeMarco. 190 00:10:14,244 --> 00:10:17,246 Come on, Donaldson. Live a little, huh? 191 00:10:17,247 --> 00:10:19,165 Cut it out, okay? 192 00:10:19,166 --> 00:10:21,167 This shit's right up my alley. 193 00:10:21,168 --> 00:10:24,213 Sewed all my kids' clothes until high school. 194 00:10:24,214 --> 00:10:26,323 - [chuckles] - I bet they loved that. 195 00:10:28,718 --> 00:10:32,722 Man, somehow my khakis be feelin' extra khaki right now. 196 00:10:32,723 --> 00:10:36,060 Oh, come on, Gonzales. Looks are superficial. 197 00:10:36,061 --> 00:10:41,383 Everybody knows it's about talent, originality, a sense of humor... 198 00:10:42,777 --> 00:10:45,696 [both snickering] 199 00:10:45,697 --> 00:10:50,285 [snorting] What do you think it's like to be her in real life? 200 00:10:50,286 --> 00:10:53,122 Mmm, she eats pills and ice cream, and cries at night. 201 00:10:53,123 --> 00:10:56,192 And she cuts herself, but on her scalp so no one can see. 202 00:10:56,669 --> 00:10:58,461 So, it's still better than our lives. 203 00:10:58,462 --> 00:11:00,948 I would be her in a second. 204 00:11:06,513 --> 00:11:09,474 [sighs] White bitches, white bitches... All right, check it. 205 00:11:09,475 --> 00:11:12,602 How many pages you think it is before they put in a token blackie? 206 00:11:12,603 --> 00:11:16,649 And how dark is she, scale of one to Grace Jones? 207 00:11:16,650 --> 00:11:19,820 All right, 14 and four. 208 00:11:19,821 --> 00:11:22,781 All right, 14 and four. Let's find out. 209 00:11:22,782 --> 00:11:24,409 [exclaims] 210 00:11:24,410 --> 00:11:27,620 - So close. Here she is, page 11. - Oh, man! 211 00:11:27,621 --> 00:11:29,373 - Man, but that's not too bad. - Mmm-hmm. 212 00:11:29,374 --> 00:11:31,860 But she, like, a two. 213 00:11:31,918 --> 00:11:33,919 - The bitch got blue eyes. - Yeah, true. 214 00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:35,880 But, damn, look at her abs, though. 215 00:11:35,881 --> 00:11:37,216 I know, right? 216 00:11:37,217 --> 00:11:39,509 So I jump out the window. 217 00:11:39,510 --> 00:11:44,014 I fall two floors, I land on the awning, I slide off. 218 00:11:44,015 --> 00:11:49,105 I grab the delivery boy's bicycle, and I'm outta there. I'm gone. 219 00:11:49,106 --> 00:11:51,691 And that is how I pull off 220 00:11:51,692 --> 00:11:56,138 the biggest jewel heist in Chandler, Arizona. 221 00:11:56,530 --> 00:11:59,950 I gotta say, you are the cutest gunslinger I've ever met. 222 00:11:59,951 --> 00:12:02,077 [giggles] Thank you so much. 223 00:12:02,078 --> 00:12:03,622 And I do love guns. 224 00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:07,501 I mean, the old ones... and the newer ones. 225 00:12:07,502 --> 00:12:10,255 I'm saving up for a 1962 Remington 700. 226 00:12:10,256 --> 00:12:11,464 That's the year they came out. 227 00:12:11,465 --> 00:12:14,551 Push-feed action, 3.2-millisecond lock time. 228 00:12:14,552 --> 00:12:16,678 Ooh! Just hearing you talk about that 229 00:12:16,679 --> 00:12:18,598 makes me want to go out and shoot something. 230 00:12:18,599 --> 00:12:22,144 [groans] Now you're making me sad. 231 00:12:22,145 --> 00:12:25,130 You're never gonna be able to buy a gun again, are you? 232 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:26,649 What? 233 00:12:26,650 --> 00:12:32,138 As a convicted felon, you can't own a gun. 234 00:12:32,448 --> 00:12:33,933 Oh, right. 235 00:12:34,534 --> 00:12:36,226 Right! 236 00:12:36,578 --> 00:12:38,663 That is terrible, isn't it? 237 00:12:38,664 --> 00:12:41,875 I mean, that should be a fundamental right. 238 00:12:41,876 --> 00:12:44,085 Like freedom of speech, right? 239 00:12:44,086 --> 00:12:46,673 I mean, what is happening to our country? 240 00:12:46,674 --> 00:12:48,425 It's the fall of Rome. 241 00:12:48,426 --> 00:12:52,037 [scoffs] Don't even get me started on Rome. 242 00:12:53,598 --> 00:12:56,559 I've never written to an inmate before. I didn't know what to expect. 243 00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:58,978 But you're... great. 244 00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:01,591 [sighs] You're great, too. 245 00:13:01,732 --> 00:13:02,900 Can I come see you again? 246 00:13:02,901 --> 00:13:05,486 I think that would be fine. 247 00:13:05,487 --> 00:13:07,822 Did you think we weren't gonna find out? 248 00:13:07,823 --> 00:13:12,160 I never found out. Nobody said a damn word to me about an ad. 249 00:13:12,161 --> 00:13:14,206 All due respect, sir, but I am gonna have to call 250 00:13:14,207 --> 00:13:16,333 a massive amount of bullshit on that. 251 00:13:16,334 --> 00:13:21,255 My kid's got asthma, and out of pocket, her inhaler costs like $300 a month. 252 00:13:21,256 --> 00:13:22,840 I could get heroin for cheaper. 253 00:13:22,841 --> 00:13:24,968 - I understand. - Do you? 254 00:13:24,969 --> 00:13:28,054 'Cause it seems like the only job you saved around here was your own. 255 00:13:28,055 --> 00:13:30,891 You're still full-time. You still have health insurance. 256 00:13:30,892 --> 00:13:36,398 You think that's what this is about, huh? I got mine, now I'm gonna cut you loose? 257 00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:39,443 It doesn't not look like that, does it? 258 00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:43,264 I guess we can put the couch on Airbnb to pay for your wrist surgery. 259 00:13:43,866 --> 00:13:45,726 Listen to me. 260 00:13:46,661 --> 00:13:50,205 Even if I didn't give two shits about you clowns, 261 00:13:50,206 --> 00:13:52,125 which is not the case, 262 00:13:52,126 --> 00:13:54,961 I would still want to fix this just to get you off my jock. 263 00:13:54,962 --> 00:13:56,380 I promise you. 264 00:13:56,381 --> 00:14:00,660 I think that was his way of saying he cares what happens to us. 265 00:14:01,428 --> 00:14:02,637 Exactly. 266 00:14:02,638 --> 00:14:05,916 If you care about us, you should say it. 267 00:14:06,809 --> 00:14:08,184 Say you care about us. 268 00:14:08,185 --> 00:14:09,586 No. 269 00:14:10,105 --> 00:14:11,731 Say you love us. 270 00:14:11,732 --> 00:14:13,901 What? We're family in here. 271 00:14:13,902 --> 00:14:17,238 You love us and you're gonna turn this thing around. 272 00:14:17,239 --> 00:14:18,765 Say it. 273 00:14:19,073 --> 00:14:20,725 [mutters indistinctly] 274 00:14:22,453 --> 00:14:24,271 [sighs] 275 00:14:25,249 --> 00:14:26,791 I... 276 00:14:26,792 --> 00:14:28,042 I love you. 277 00:14:28,043 --> 00:14:30,070 [Ford] That's more like it. 278 00:14:36,762 --> 00:14:38,846 [indistinct chatter] 279 00:14:38,847 --> 00:14:42,059 Hi, I would like a kosher meal, please. 280 00:14:42,060 --> 00:14:43,561 We got beef, noodles and peas. 281 00:14:43,562 --> 00:14:45,271 It's a religious thing. 282 00:14:45,272 --> 00:14:49,592 Which means Uncle Sam says you gotta provide it when asked for. 283 00:14:49,860 --> 00:14:51,570 That's actually true. 284 00:14:51,571 --> 00:14:53,906 Well, we don't have it. 285 00:14:53,907 --> 00:14:56,200 Kosher's in extra deep freeze. 286 00:14:56,201 --> 00:14:59,455 Where it's been for months because nobody ever asked for it 287 00:14:59,456 --> 00:15:03,335 when they were eating tasty, nutritious Russian fusion. 288 00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:04,820 But now... 289 00:15:05,713 --> 00:15:08,115 this is what it's come to. 290 00:15:18,268 --> 00:15:20,713 Some tweaker wants kosher. 291 00:15:21,523 --> 00:15:25,235 We don't got enough to deal with around here, now we got Jews? 292 00:15:25,236 --> 00:15:27,321 La Red says it's in the back. 293 00:15:27,322 --> 00:15:29,015 [chuckles] 294 00:15:46,927 --> 00:15:49,663 This actually looks pretty good. 295 00:15:52,351 --> 00:15:54,878 No noodles. All peas. 296 00:15:58,065 --> 00:16:01,718 - You want cake? - Just peas. Two milk. 297 00:16:35,777 --> 00:16:38,655 Food is to be eaten in the cafeteria. 298 00:16:38,656 --> 00:16:40,657 Yeah, totally. I'm just running out real quick. 299 00:16:40,658 --> 00:16:42,452 - I'm gonna come right back. - Really? 300 00:16:42,453 --> 00:16:45,245 Or are you going to stash that cake in your locker for later 301 00:16:45,246 --> 00:16:48,500 and then pretend you don't know why there are roaches in B-Dorm? 302 00:16:48,501 --> 00:16:51,294 My dreams make me hungry. 303 00:16:51,295 --> 00:16:53,447 [sighs] 304 00:17:42,649 --> 00:17:44,300 [Brook groans] 305 00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:46,468 You know what sucks? 306 00:17:46,986 --> 00:17:50,072 Belonging to a race that doesn't commit enough low-value crimes 307 00:17:50,073 --> 00:17:52,408 to be relevant in a place like this. 308 00:17:52,409 --> 00:17:54,828 Where's my big, Asian prison family? 309 00:17:54,829 --> 00:17:56,747 You Scottish. 310 00:17:56,748 --> 00:17:58,624 [Brook] Not to white people I'm not. 311 00:17:58,625 --> 00:18:00,459 One drop of ethnic blood and bam! 312 00:18:00,460 --> 00:18:03,462 I'm basically made in China, like you and my toothbrush. 313 00:18:03,463 --> 00:18:05,324 You Scottish. 314 00:18:06,467 --> 00:18:08,995 - [sighing] - [microwave beeping] 315 00:18:24,363 --> 00:18:26,807 [indistinct conversations] 316 00:18:48,893 --> 00:18:50,227 [doorbell jingles] 317 00:18:50,228 --> 00:18:52,145 [speaking Mandarin] Seven million people in New York City 318 00:18:52,146 --> 00:18:54,273 and none of them in my shop. 319 00:18:54,274 --> 00:18:57,276 Maybe we could start doing foot massages or something. 320 00:18:57,277 --> 00:18:58,361 Shit, you're right. 321 00:18:58,362 --> 00:19:00,573 Just like the three actual massage places on this block. 322 00:19:00,574 --> 00:19:02,700 You're a marketing wizard. 323 00:19:02,701 --> 00:19:04,159 [doorbell jingles] 324 00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:08,582 Okay, we've got two boxes of dried sea cucumber and a box of deer antlers. 325 00:19:08,583 --> 00:19:10,942 Really nice this time, 326 00:19:11,461 --> 00:19:12,754 from New Zealand. 327 00:19:12,755 --> 00:19:14,338 And? 328 00:19:14,339 --> 00:19:16,449 Where's my special delivery? 329 00:19:21,849 --> 00:19:24,626 We had a little setback. 330 00:19:25,019 --> 00:19:28,188 That idiot Zhang Bo got himself busted. 331 00:19:28,189 --> 00:19:30,107 I need this stuff, Deng. 332 00:19:30,108 --> 00:19:32,192 You think I make money on fucking chrysanthemum tea? 333 00:19:32,193 --> 00:19:34,738 I have six people waiting on bear bile. 334 00:19:34,739 --> 00:19:38,660 The cops are all over the neighborhood, stopping anyone suspicious. 335 00:19:38,661 --> 00:19:41,578 Your gall bladders are sitting with 300 Gs worth of rhino horn 336 00:19:41,579 --> 00:19:44,166 in a storage unit in Flushing 337 00:19:44,167 --> 00:19:46,694 and we can't touch them. 338 00:19:47,712 --> 00:19:50,882 Look, this will blow over. We wait a few months... 339 00:19:50,883 --> 00:19:53,785 A few months? No. 340 00:20:00,227 --> 00:20:02,103 Take Mei. 341 00:20:02,104 --> 00:20:03,922 Have her carry it. 342 00:20:05,275 --> 00:20:06,608 [both laughing] 343 00:20:06,609 --> 00:20:08,319 This is no job for a woman. 344 00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:10,237 It's a job for this woman. 345 00:20:10,238 --> 00:20:12,783 The whole time we've been talking, she was standing right there. 346 00:20:12,784 --> 00:20:14,743 You never even looked at her. 347 00:20:14,744 --> 00:20:16,854 She's invisible. 348 00:20:17,456 --> 00:20:19,233 I can do it. 349 00:20:23,379 --> 00:20:25,448 [sewing machines whirring] 350 00:20:26,132 --> 00:20:28,033 [Black Cindy] Come on, man. God damn. 351 00:20:28,427 --> 00:20:29,953 Ugh. 352 00:20:30,512 --> 00:20:32,305 [groans] God damn it! 353 00:20:32,306 --> 00:20:34,391 [Flaca laughing] 354 00:20:34,392 --> 00:20:37,311 There's a one-legged chick out there that's gonna be real grateful for that. 355 00:20:37,312 --> 00:20:39,690 Man, ain't you plannin' on doing any sewin' while you here? 356 00:20:39,691 --> 00:20:42,843 I'll get to it. I'm like the Flash with this shit. 357 00:20:43,277 --> 00:20:45,697 What page you gotta get to before you see a Spanish girl? 358 00:20:45,698 --> 00:20:47,073 If you're talkin' about Latinas, 359 00:20:47,074 --> 00:20:50,077 there's, like, 20 different countries that all look different. 360 00:20:50,078 --> 00:20:52,830 See this blond chick? She could be Latina. 361 00:20:52,831 --> 00:20:54,206 - We don't know. - [Black Cindy] Let me see. 362 00:20:54,207 --> 00:20:57,735 - Nah, she probably ain't though. - No, probably not. 363 00:20:58,337 --> 00:21:01,048 Man, I gotta start running or something. 364 00:21:01,049 --> 00:21:03,425 Yeah, I ran all the time and boys just thought I was weird. 365 00:21:03,426 --> 00:21:06,096 It's all Photoshopped anyway. 366 00:21:06,097 --> 00:21:10,642 Special lighting, tape and shit. We're chasing an unachievable standard. 367 00:21:10,643 --> 00:21:12,353 I ain't chasin' nothin'. 368 00:21:12,354 --> 00:21:14,272 I'm a strong black woman, 369 00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:17,026 and we got a different standard of beauty in our community. 370 00:21:17,027 --> 00:21:18,944 - Not true. - Excuse me? 371 00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:21,990 - Beyoncé. - Uh-uh. Don't you say nothin' about Bey. 372 00:21:21,991 --> 00:21:26,036 She ain't out there with her nappy hair and her plus-size dashiki, okay? 373 00:21:26,037 --> 00:21:27,162 She playing a white girl game. 374 00:21:27,163 --> 00:21:28,247 And she winnin'. 375 00:21:28,248 --> 00:21:31,918 Winnin'! And you provin' my point exactly, Morticia. 376 00:21:31,919 --> 00:21:34,587 There are hella ways for black women to be beautiful. 377 00:21:34,588 --> 00:21:37,632 - A white girl, though... - Mmm-hmm. 378 00:21:37,633 --> 00:21:40,244 [whispering] They just gotta be skinny. 379 00:21:40,429 --> 00:21:41,930 [Frieda] Ouch! 380 00:21:41,931 --> 00:21:45,725 Jesus H! That's the third time. 381 00:21:45,726 --> 00:21:48,312 Did you ever wear anything like this, back in your day? 382 00:21:48,313 --> 00:21:50,440 - "In my day"? - Mmm-hmm. 383 00:21:50,441 --> 00:21:51,817 That's kind of insulting. 384 00:21:51,818 --> 00:21:53,427 Sorry. 385 00:21:54,153 --> 00:21:57,364 In my day, I wore fuck all. 386 00:21:57,365 --> 00:21:58,657 [chuckles] 387 00:21:58,658 --> 00:22:01,561 You've either got to do it, or not. 388 00:22:02,413 --> 00:22:04,706 "Get to the banging." 389 00:22:04,707 --> 00:22:06,400 - Mmm. - That's my philosophy. 390 00:22:07,419 --> 00:22:10,504 You know, I kinda like lingerie. 391 00:22:10,505 --> 00:22:13,592 I think it's less about seducing someone else 392 00:22:13,593 --> 00:22:17,263 and more about feeling sexy yourself. 393 00:22:17,264 --> 00:22:18,974 I mean, I know it's ridiculous. 394 00:22:18,975 --> 00:22:22,085 But when it's not being ridiculous, I think... 395 00:22:22,604 --> 00:22:25,507 I think it can make you feel... 396 00:22:27,234 --> 00:22:28,485 powerful. 397 00:22:28,486 --> 00:22:30,596 [Frieda and Stella laughing] 398 00:22:30,989 --> 00:22:32,072 What? 399 00:22:32,073 --> 00:22:33,616 You should hear yourself. 400 00:22:33,617 --> 00:22:35,201 It's like, "Help! I'm a skinny hot girl, 401 00:22:35,202 --> 00:22:38,204 but I need a little something extra to make me feel sexy." 402 00:22:38,205 --> 00:22:41,166 If you knew me, you would know I am definitely not the hot girl. 403 00:22:41,167 --> 00:22:42,667 "Help! 404 00:22:42,668 --> 00:22:47,382 The burden of my genetic perfection, it's so heavy and so unfair." 405 00:22:47,383 --> 00:22:50,761 Genes are genes and they do not take away from my God-given right 406 00:22:50,762 --> 00:22:53,680 to look in the mirror and feel shitty about my thighs. 407 00:22:53,681 --> 00:22:57,852 You're tall and blond, and your legs are up to your neck. 408 00:22:57,853 --> 00:23:00,339 Relax, enjoy it. 409 00:23:01,191 --> 00:23:04,027 I double majored in communications and comparative literature. 410 00:23:04,028 --> 00:23:05,637 Of course you did. 411 00:23:06,281 --> 00:23:09,491 Why are Betties always going on about how nerdy they really are? 412 00:23:09,492 --> 00:23:11,285 It's like, just fuckin' own it, you know? 413 00:23:11,286 --> 00:23:13,413 Like when rich people pretend they're not rich. 414 00:23:13,414 --> 00:23:14,705 [Stella] Exactly. 415 00:23:14,706 --> 00:23:19,003 Maybe it's because Betties get treated like they're... stupid. 416 00:23:19,004 --> 00:23:22,114 Well, then, don't be stupid. 417 00:23:23,217 --> 00:23:24,993 Women. 418 00:23:25,594 --> 00:23:27,971 And you don't consider yourself a member of that category? 419 00:23:27,972 --> 00:23:29,373 I do. 420 00:23:29,891 --> 00:23:33,420 But only because my options are limited. 421 00:23:39,611 --> 00:23:42,530 So I dive out the window. I fall two floors. 422 00:23:42,531 --> 00:23:44,908 I land splat on the awning. 423 00:23:44,909 --> 00:23:49,663 Jump down, grab the delivery guy's bicycle and scram. 424 00:23:49,664 --> 00:23:54,044 And that is how I became the most wanted arsonist 425 00:23:54,045 --> 00:23:56,130 in Winter Park, Florida. 426 00:23:56,131 --> 00:23:58,257 Shit, that is intense. 427 00:23:58,258 --> 00:24:02,637 Well, you know, life is intense. 428 00:24:02,638 --> 00:24:05,015 Sometimes you need an escape route. 429 00:24:05,016 --> 00:24:07,435 Well, I guess that's why we both love anime. 430 00:24:07,436 --> 00:24:10,313 Right! Who doesn't need a break from reality? 431 00:24:10,314 --> 00:24:13,942 My prison reality. Your suburban Connecticut reality. 432 00:24:13,943 --> 00:24:16,862 Oh, last year I got into such a huge fight at the Expo. 433 00:24:16,863 --> 00:24:18,156 Some dude's like, 434 00:24:18,157 --> 00:24:20,242 "If you got a horn on your head, you can't be Pegasus. 435 00:24:20,243 --> 00:24:21,576 Pegasus isn't a unicorn." 436 00:24:21,577 --> 00:24:23,871 And I'm like, "In Sailor Moon he is, bitch!" 437 00:24:23,872 --> 00:24:25,289 That shit got crazy. 438 00:24:25,290 --> 00:24:27,500 Oh, what a bitch! 439 00:24:27,501 --> 00:24:30,087 Yeah. What's your favorite anime? 440 00:24:30,088 --> 00:24:33,090 Oh, it's very obscure, you probably haven't heard of it. 441 00:24:33,091 --> 00:24:34,175 [chuckles] 442 00:24:34,176 --> 00:24:38,622 It's this animal-human hybrid thing. 443 00:24:39,140 --> 00:24:43,644 It's by an artist named Dayanara Diaz. It's really out there. 444 00:24:43,645 --> 00:24:45,588 I'll have to check it out. 445 00:24:46,565 --> 00:24:47,857 I like you, Lorna. 446 00:24:47,858 --> 00:24:50,402 And I like you, too, Ron. 447 00:24:50,403 --> 00:24:54,323 I'll be honest with you, the last girl I met in this prison pen pal thing 448 00:24:54,324 --> 00:24:58,311 turned out to be... a little heavier. 449 00:24:58,663 --> 00:25:01,040 And... I don't go for that. 450 00:25:01,041 --> 00:25:04,460 But you've got a normal BMI and a very symmetrical face. 451 00:25:04,461 --> 00:25:07,113 Oh, stop. 452 00:25:08,216 --> 00:25:11,510 [woman on PA] MCC appreciates your honest feedback. 453 00:25:11,511 --> 00:25:14,914 We strive for excellence. Thank you. 454 00:25:16,434 --> 00:25:18,394 [scoffs] 455 00:25:18,395 --> 00:25:21,522 So now you're ignoring me, hmm? 456 00:25:21,523 --> 00:25:24,425 My son used to do this when he was five. 457 00:25:26,696 --> 00:25:28,973 You tried to play me, Red. 458 00:25:30,201 --> 00:25:32,160 You were insincere, 459 00:25:32,161 --> 00:25:36,540 and you capitalized on my sensitivities. 460 00:25:36,541 --> 00:25:40,945 I want the kitchen back. What other choice did I have? 461 00:25:41,797 --> 00:25:43,506 You could've asked me nicely. 462 00:25:43,507 --> 00:25:46,094 Aw, and that would have worked? 463 00:25:46,095 --> 00:25:47,428 Possibly. 464 00:25:47,429 --> 00:25:50,081 I'm a person. We're people. 465 00:25:51,476 --> 00:25:54,545 No one in here is people. 466 00:25:55,271 --> 00:25:58,649 You think this is a normal relationship? 467 00:25:58,650 --> 00:26:00,568 Human to human? 468 00:26:00,569 --> 00:26:04,264 I take advantage, you get your feelings hurt. 469 00:26:05,700 --> 00:26:08,936 You forget that when you leave here tonight, 470 00:26:09,163 --> 00:26:11,789 you lock me in behind you. 471 00:26:11,790 --> 00:26:15,068 Hey, I don't make the rules. 472 00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:18,382 You take a woman's power away. 473 00:26:18,383 --> 00:26:22,636 Her work, her family, her currency. 474 00:26:22,637 --> 00:26:25,039 You leave her with one coin... 475 00:26:25,849 --> 00:26:27,892 the one she was born with. 476 00:26:27,893 --> 00:26:31,062 It may be tawdry and demeaning, 477 00:26:31,063 --> 00:26:34,842 but if she has to, she will spend it. 478 00:26:38,531 --> 00:26:40,324 [inhales] 479 00:26:40,325 --> 00:26:42,602 But you're right. 480 00:26:42,869 --> 00:26:45,772 Your feelings count, too. 481 00:26:58,180 --> 00:27:01,265 I mean, you couldn't give a guy a heads-up on this fiasco? 482 00:27:01,266 --> 00:27:05,127 I got COs up my ass like a lemon-juice enema. 483 00:27:05,646 --> 00:27:08,607 Oh, like your mom never did it to you? Come on. 484 00:27:08,608 --> 00:27:11,277 But I should have told you. 485 00:27:11,278 --> 00:27:14,030 One of those things. You know, you get the call from upstairs... 486 00:27:14,031 --> 00:27:17,033 I probably found out five minutes before you did. 487 00:27:17,034 --> 00:27:18,786 Yeah, well, it stinks. 488 00:27:18,787 --> 00:27:21,372 Yeah, well, I 100% get why these guys are upset. 489 00:27:21,373 --> 00:27:23,040 But, on the other hand, you know, 490 00:27:23,041 --> 00:27:25,752 keeping tabs on that many inmates takes a toll. 491 00:27:25,753 --> 00:27:29,882 These guys, uh, they start making mistakes, you know. 492 00:27:29,883 --> 00:27:32,552 Cutting hours gives these guys some down time. 493 00:27:32,553 --> 00:27:34,596 They rest up, they come in fresh... 494 00:27:34,597 --> 00:27:37,558 Yeah, to a job they no longer give two shits about 495 00:27:37,559 --> 00:27:40,686 'cause you cut their benefits and they're making bubkes. 496 00:27:40,687 --> 00:27:43,715 Good point, good point, you know, but... 497 00:27:45,067 --> 00:27:46,902 [exhales] Between you and me, 498 00:27:46,903 --> 00:27:49,864 I'm not too happy about this whole thing, either. I mean... 499 00:27:49,865 --> 00:27:52,743 You obviously know more about Litchfield than anybody. 500 00:27:52,744 --> 00:27:56,247 Who should be calling the shots? You or some fucking corporate bigwig? 501 00:27:56,248 --> 00:27:59,501 The ad says all you need to apply is a GED and no felonies. 502 00:27:59,502 --> 00:28:01,503 I mean, they really think that's all it takes? 503 00:28:01,504 --> 00:28:04,322 Although, Luschek, am I right? 504 00:28:05,509 --> 00:28:08,995 [sighs] Yeah, I don't know how that happened. 505 00:28:10,306 --> 00:28:14,310 I gotta tell you, Pearson, the last few years have been a rough ride. 506 00:28:14,311 --> 00:28:16,462 I've been through the shit. 507 00:28:17,063 --> 00:28:18,757 Can we get two more of these? 508 00:28:20,277 --> 00:28:21,360 [Pearson] I tell you what. 509 00:28:21,361 --> 00:28:26,283 The applications have been coming to me, which is crazy. 510 00:28:26,284 --> 00:28:29,744 You should be doing the hiring. You know exactly what you need. 511 00:28:29,745 --> 00:28:33,398 Who knows, maybe you'll find some hidden gems in there. 512 00:28:35,335 --> 00:28:37,128 I guess you never know. 513 00:28:37,129 --> 00:28:39,782 Yeah. That's the spirit. 514 00:28:43,262 --> 00:28:44,887 My neck is fuckin' killing me. 515 00:28:44,888 --> 00:28:47,498 Hell yeah. Sewing is no joke. 516 00:28:49,311 --> 00:28:52,939 Uh... Hey, what you got on your tray? 517 00:28:52,940 --> 00:28:56,443 Eggs and some kind of tomato sauce. 518 00:28:56,444 --> 00:28:59,530 I did not see no eggs up there. You see eggs? 519 00:28:59,531 --> 00:29:00,864 Mmm-mmm. I did not see eggs. 520 00:29:00,865 --> 00:29:02,491 It's kosher. You gotta ask for it. 521 00:29:02,492 --> 00:29:06,079 "Kosher"? Like some pickles, "kosher"? 522 00:29:06,080 --> 00:29:08,749 No, there's all these Jewish laws about food. 523 00:29:08,750 --> 00:29:11,627 Kosher means they obeyed all the laws. 524 00:29:11,628 --> 00:29:13,279 They make it special. 525 00:29:13,589 --> 00:29:15,424 Well, you don't look Jewish to me. 526 00:29:15,425 --> 00:29:18,093 I'm Lutheran. From Norway. 527 00:29:18,094 --> 00:29:21,806 But they're not allowed to ask you about that on account of the Holocaust, 528 00:29:21,807 --> 00:29:23,792 so I don't say shit. 529 00:29:24,435 --> 00:29:25,836 Ugh. 530 00:29:26,229 --> 00:29:28,356 Uh-uh. This changes everything. 531 00:29:28,357 --> 00:29:32,193 My back is in spasm and all of my fingers hurt. 532 00:29:32,194 --> 00:29:34,404 Wait, have you been cheating on me? 533 00:29:34,405 --> 00:29:37,516 I have been touching many panties. 534 00:29:38,201 --> 00:29:41,813 Which reminds me. I brought you a souvenir. 535 00:29:43,583 --> 00:29:45,208 Meet your new bunkie. 536 00:29:45,209 --> 00:29:48,295 She's damaged in all the right ways and has big naturals. 537 00:29:48,296 --> 00:29:49,756 I call her Lola. 538 00:29:49,757 --> 00:29:51,992 You get everything about me. 539 00:29:53,762 --> 00:29:55,554 Whoa! Hold up. 540 00:29:55,555 --> 00:29:57,848 These bras cost $90? 541 00:29:57,849 --> 00:30:00,018 I know, right? And I get 45 cents to make them. 542 00:30:00,019 --> 00:30:01,603 It's basically slave labor. 543 00:30:01,604 --> 00:30:03,146 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 544 00:30:03,147 --> 00:30:05,358 You do not get to say what's slavery, okay? 545 00:30:05,359 --> 00:30:07,234 - Mmm-mmm. - I get to say what's slavery. 546 00:30:07,235 --> 00:30:09,195 And PS, technically, 547 00:30:09,196 --> 00:30:11,239 - it's more like indentured servitude. - Mmm-hmm. 548 00:30:11,240 --> 00:30:13,199 [Black Cindy] Y'all don't know about that slave life. 549 00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:16,663 We makin' a dollar an hour. That's like 10 times what we got before. 550 00:30:16,664 --> 00:30:20,250 But the other jobs are about prison upkeep. 551 00:30:20,251 --> 00:30:23,071 The Whispers people are profiting from this. 552 00:30:23,547 --> 00:30:26,074 - I'm okay with that. - Mmm-hmm. Me too. 553 00:30:27,009 --> 00:30:28,468 Your oatmeal's getting cold. 554 00:30:28,469 --> 00:30:30,720 Do you know anything about birds? 555 00:30:30,721 --> 00:30:32,306 What, like birds in general? 556 00:30:32,307 --> 00:30:33,516 [Lorna] Anything. 557 00:30:33,517 --> 00:30:36,812 Well, owls eat whole mice and then throw up the bones. 558 00:30:36,813 --> 00:30:38,354 - [Piper] Mmm-hmm. - Big Bird is yellow, 559 00:30:38,355 --> 00:30:41,650 coq au vin is delicious, 560 00:30:41,651 --> 00:30:43,528 and you're being crazy right now. 561 00:30:43,529 --> 00:30:45,848 Oh, everybody needs a hobby. 562 00:30:46,323 --> 00:30:50,243 Morello, think about the kind of guys who write to women in prison. 563 00:30:50,244 --> 00:30:53,623 I mean, if you want a boyfriend, you might wanna fish in a different pool. 564 00:30:53,624 --> 00:30:56,793 No, no, no, no, no. It is not about that. 565 00:30:56,794 --> 00:30:59,004 It is a straight up moneymaking thing. 566 00:30:59,005 --> 00:31:01,048 You get one of these bozos on the hook, 567 00:31:01,049 --> 00:31:04,845 and they are just throwing money in your commissary, throwing it in. 568 00:31:04,846 --> 00:31:07,055 All right. Well, if that's all it is. 569 00:31:07,056 --> 00:31:08,432 But you don't have to do this. 570 00:31:08,433 --> 00:31:11,352 I mean, Chapman's hauling in so much bank now, 571 00:31:11,353 --> 00:31:13,630 she's gonna buy us all a pony. 572 00:32:11,633 --> 00:32:13,742 [people speaking Mandarin] 573 00:32:37,246 --> 00:32:38,982 [chuckles] 574 00:32:59,064 --> 00:33:00,465 [inmate] Uh-oh. 575 00:33:01,399 --> 00:33:03,150 Not cool. 576 00:33:03,151 --> 00:33:05,303 Throw it back. 577 00:33:08,366 --> 00:33:10,393 [Maureen] What a dick. 578 00:33:13,247 --> 00:33:14,372 [Fu chuckles] 579 00:33:14,373 --> 00:33:19,503 [speaking Mandarin] It's a dance, but you just walk backward. 580 00:33:19,504 --> 00:33:22,865 And your feet don't ever leave the ground. 581 00:33:26,303 --> 00:33:28,097 That's not a dance. 582 00:33:28,098 --> 00:33:30,224 - Says who? - Says me. 583 00:33:30,225 --> 00:33:32,127 Well, you're not in charge. 584 00:33:32,646 --> 00:33:36,299 Is this why you bought those penny-loafers? 585 00:33:38,318 --> 00:33:40,069 [sighs] 586 00:33:40,070 --> 00:33:42,514 Where the fuck is this guy? 587 00:33:43,158 --> 00:33:44,867 - Fu. - Hmm. 588 00:33:44,868 --> 00:33:47,077 Does this stuff really work? 589 00:33:47,078 --> 00:33:48,563 Which stuff? 590 00:33:48,956 --> 00:33:51,166 The stuff. For men. 591 00:33:51,167 --> 00:33:54,503 I've been with you guys for months now and it's like half the business: 592 00:33:54,504 --> 00:33:57,032 The penis soup, the snake blood... 593 00:33:58,175 --> 00:34:03,931 Maybe it's not whether it works, but whether you think it works. 594 00:34:03,932 --> 00:34:08,602 But it's like nobody in China can get a boner. 595 00:34:08,603 --> 00:34:10,104 That can't be true. 596 00:34:10,105 --> 00:34:14,884 It's more about feeling powerful. 597 00:34:16,530 --> 00:34:19,074 I have this American girlfriend. 598 00:34:19,075 --> 00:34:22,286 Taller than I am, with yellow hair, 599 00:34:22,287 --> 00:34:24,314 she smokes these thin cigarettes. 600 00:34:24,915 --> 00:34:26,899 Scares the shit out of me. 601 00:34:30,088 --> 00:34:32,073 Men are dumb. 602 00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:34,718 [vehicle approaching] 603 00:34:34,719 --> 00:34:35,844 Ah! Ni Kan. 604 00:34:35,845 --> 00:34:37,496 Finally. 605 00:34:51,571 --> 00:34:54,324 [speaking English] Hey, Park, I thought you died. 606 00:34:54,325 --> 00:34:56,644 Just get your shit, man. 607 00:34:59,288 --> 00:35:02,483 Big turtles. Venezuela. 608 00:35:05,546 --> 00:35:07,072 Okay. 609 00:35:14,515 --> 00:35:16,625 [Fu sighs] 610 00:35:22,441 --> 00:35:23,608 [speaking Mandarin] Fu. 611 00:35:23,609 --> 00:35:25,152 They're Ping-Pong balls. 612 00:35:25,153 --> 00:35:27,054 Huh? Shenme? 613 00:35:28,323 --> 00:35:30,225 [grunting] 614 00:35:36,917 --> 00:35:38,526 [metal scraping] 615 00:35:39,378 --> 00:35:40,987 [gun cocks] 616 00:35:44,843 --> 00:35:46,328 [Fu coughs] 617 00:35:50,266 --> 00:35:52,210 [speaking Mandarin] Fucking Koreans. 618 00:35:53,937 --> 00:35:58,591 You might have saved my life, Mei. 619 00:36:02,197 --> 00:36:04,474 I owe you. 620 00:36:05,325 --> 00:36:07,352 I know what I want. 621 00:36:08,932 --> 00:36:10,433 [woman speaking indistinctly on PA] 622 00:36:10,917 --> 00:36:16,089 So my new applicant pool is basically the cast of fucking Animal House. 623 00:36:16,090 --> 00:36:19,117 I'd cry for you, but I'm all out of Kleenex. 624 00:36:19,634 --> 00:36:22,596 I gotta play the game, okay? Look at what they send me. 625 00:36:22,597 --> 00:36:26,935 This guy's total work experience, seven months in a Radio Shack 626 00:36:26,936 --> 00:36:29,354 that he ended up leaving for "creative differences," 627 00:36:29,355 --> 00:36:32,383 which probably means he's got a Nazi tattoo. 628 00:36:33,110 --> 00:36:34,318 Look, this guy, 629 00:36:34,319 --> 00:36:37,404 he answered, "Have you ever been convicted of a felony?" 630 00:36:37,405 --> 00:36:39,157 with, "It's complicated." 631 00:36:39,158 --> 00:36:43,746 Hey, you know who has a ton of work experience and a clean record 632 00:36:43,747 --> 00:36:45,915 and who wants a job here? 633 00:36:45,916 --> 00:36:49,736 Fucking me. I even have a uniform and everything. 634 00:36:51,882 --> 00:36:54,092 - Let's get through this, Maxwell. - [sighs] 635 00:36:54,093 --> 00:36:56,177 I'm gonna show them that I'm a good pawn 636 00:36:56,178 --> 00:36:57,470 and that I'm willing to play ball. 637 00:36:57,471 --> 00:36:58,972 And then in a few months, I tell them, 638 00:36:58,973 --> 00:37:03,794 "Look, we tried it your way. Now, I need my guys full-time." 639 00:37:04,687 --> 00:37:06,839 I miss Fig. 640 00:37:08,401 --> 00:37:10,844 Right. Right. 641 00:37:11,906 --> 00:37:14,573 Send one of these jokers back to my office. 642 00:37:14,574 --> 00:37:15,658 Which one? 643 00:37:15,659 --> 00:37:17,394 Thrill me. 644 00:37:18,621 --> 00:37:20,747 [Healy] Hey! Hey, boss man. 645 00:37:20,748 --> 00:37:22,708 I got interviews, Healy. 646 00:37:22,709 --> 00:37:25,446 With those yahoos in the lobby? Yikes. 647 00:37:25,837 --> 00:37:27,924 I don't envy your job today. 648 00:37:27,925 --> 00:37:29,716 I've never felt closer to you. 649 00:37:29,717 --> 00:37:34,973 Hey, listen, I don't know what else these MCC goons got up their sleeve, 650 00:37:34,974 --> 00:37:37,850 but I want you to know I got full confidence in you. 651 00:37:37,851 --> 00:37:41,730 I know you're doing the best that you can. I can see that. 652 00:37:41,731 --> 00:37:42,899 Thank you. 653 00:37:42,900 --> 00:37:45,360 Us old-timers gotta stick together, okay? 654 00:37:45,361 --> 00:37:47,555 I got your back all the way. 655 00:37:49,951 --> 00:37:51,810 I appreciate that. 656 00:37:52,703 --> 00:37:54,705 Good luck, all right? 657 00:37:54,706 --> 00:37:58,443 Oh, hey, uh, do me a favor and sign this real quick for me. 658 00:38:03,132 --> 00:38:05,133 You want Reznikov back in the kitchen? 659 00:38:05,134 --> 00:38:07,386 She was running a whole black market outta there. 660 00:38:07,387 --> 00:38:08,637 Yeah, but that wasn't proven. 661 00:38:08,638 --> 00:38:10,264 And we got all new vendors in the kitchen now. 662 00:38:10,265 --> 00:38:14,019 And don't forget, we just lost Gonzales to the underwear people. 663 00:38:14,020 --> 00:38:15,687 [sighs] I don't know. I don't know, Healy. 664 00:38:15,688 --> 00:38:16,772 I'll keep an eye on her. 665 00:38:16,773 --> 00:38:20,026 She'll start off in the bottom, washing dishes, doing the onions. 666 00:38:20,027 --> 00:38:22,262 We got a lot bigger problems, here, man. 667 00:38:23,991 --> 00:38:25,491 [pen scribbles] 668 00:38:25,492 --> 00:38:28,245 Do not mistake my kindness for weakness, Counselor. 669 00:38:28,246 --> 00:38:29,412 [pen clacks] 670 00:38:29,413 --> 00:38:32,525 I'll keep that in mind. Side Boob! 671 00:38:39,592 --> 00:38:41,661 [sewing machines whirring] 672 00:38:53,691 --> 00:38:55,092 [Piper] Huh. 673 00:38:55,194 --> 00:38:56,929 Uh, Mr. Brand? 674 00:38:57,780 --> 00:39:02,785 You know, if you smush these patterns just a little bit closer together, 675 00:39:02,786 --> 00:39:07,207 you can actually get an extra Lacy Low-Rider Indiscretion bikini 676 00:39:07,208 --> 00:39:09,293 from the same piece of fabric. 677 00:39:09,294 --> 00:39:12,196 Thanks for your advice, inmate. 678 00:39:12,756 --> 00:39:14,783 It was really more of an observation. 679 00:39:15,051 --> 00:39:20,038 Let's just assume that Whispers Inc. knows how they want to make panties, okay? 680 00:39:23,186 --> 00:39:24,352 [Stella] See? 681 00:39:24,353 --> 00:39:28,424 Even C-minus-looking people can be stupid. [chuckles] 682 00:39:36,076 --> 00:39:37,409 You closin' up? 683 00:39:37,410 --> 00:39:38,869 I got time for one more. 684 00:39:38,870 --> 00:39:40,606 I need my neck shaved. 685 00:39:40,956 --> 00:39:43,458 No one ever wants anything fun around here. 686 00:39:43,459 --> 00:39:44,835 I'm guessing fun, to you, 687 00:39:44,836 --> 00:39:47,588 means a 2-foot poufy thing with a birdcage in it? 688 00:39:47,589 --> 00:39:51,843 And what would be so terrible about that? I mean, especially in a place like this. 689 00:39:51,844 --> 00:39:55,306 We could use some... some originality, some sass. 690 00:39:55,307 --> 00:39:58,167 Mmm-mmm. Not getting noticed is my main goal. 691 00:39:58,685 --> 00:40:01,896 [sighs] Sass is what lands you in Seg. 692 00:40:01,897 --> 00:40:03,648 [Sophia chuckles] I feel that. 693 00:40:03,649 --> 00:40:06,025 [laughing] Really? 'Cause you doin' the opposite. 694 00:40:06,026 --> 00:40:09,530 You got this whole thing going on, the hair, the makeup... 695 00:40:09,531 --> 00:40:13,452 I mean, who has the energy to go full MAC counter every day? 696 00:40:13,453 --> 00:40:18,541 Listen, after all I went through to be me, I'm not about to let shit slide. 697 00:40:18,542 --> 00:40:22,170 Yeah, but you all up in our face with it, like all blown out and shit. 698 00:40:22,171 --> 00:40:24,298 Look, if you wanted to look like a real woman, 699 00:40:24,299 --> 00:40:28,870 you would let your roots grow out and get some bags under your eyes. 700 00:40:29,847 --> 00:40:33,308 You know, historically, me and reality... 701 00:40:33,309 --> 00:40:34,852 not friends. 702 00:40:34,853 --> 00:40:36,646 Mmm. You got me there. 703 00:40:36,647 --> 00:40:40,234 This one time, I'm getting on the Metro-North to head home, 704 00:40:40,235 --> 00:40:41,693 and this mouth-breather, 705 00:40:41,694 --> 00:40:43,737 this mouth-breather comes right up behind me 706 00:40:43,738 --> 00:40:44,906 and smacks me on the ass. 707 00:40:44,907 --> 00:40:47,242 - And I'm thinking... - I'm sorry, could you go back a second 708 00:40:47,243 --> 00:40:49,812 to the part where you're on the Metro-North? 709 00:40:49,953 --> 00:40:51,038 What about it? 710 00:40:51,039 --> 00:40:53,457 - Where you live? - Yonkers. 711 00:40:53,458 --> 00:40:55,752 Childhood home of Mary J. Blige and Anthrax. 712 00:40:55,753 --> 00:40:59,631 [chuckles] You know that my son, you know, Benny, he's in the Bronx. 713 00:40:59,632 --> 00:41:00,757 Mmm-hmm. 714 00:41:00,758 --> 00:41:02,009 Yeah. 715 00:41:02,010 --> 00:41:04,094 You think that maybe, um... 716 00:41:04,095 --> 00:41:07,098 he could ride up here sometimes with your wife? 717 00:41:07,099 --> 00:41:08,267 You know, for visitation. 718 00:41:08,268 --> 00:41:11,087 'Cause he could take the bus to their house. 719 00:41:12,565 --> 00:41:14,382 I'll ask her. 720 00:41:14,650 --> 00:41:16,051 [chuckles] 721 00:41:17,069 --> 00:41:18,862 I'm feeling sassier already. 722 00:41:18,863 --> 00:41:21,099 - Mmm-hmm? - [chuckles] 723 00:41:21,450 --> 00:41:24,477 Glad you could come out for a real visit? 724 00:41:25,079 --> 00:41:26,939 Nice drive. 725 00:41:27,957 --> 00:41:32,236 First time in prison's always weird. You must feel like a starling. 726 00:41:32,963 --> 00:41:34,715 A what now? 727 00:41:34,716 --> 00:41:36,633 A common starling. 728 00:41:36,634 --> 00:41:38,885 You know, how they weren't native to America 729 00:41:38,886 --> 00:41:41,639 and then that guy Eugene brought them over, 730 00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:44,501 'cause he wanted it to be like Shakespeare's time. 731 00:41:46,020 --> 00:41:48,172 Right, sure. 732 00:41:50,024 --> 00:41:53,612 I think I saw a hermit thrush, yesterday. 733 00:41:53,613 --> 00:41:56,974 At least, I think it was a hermit thrush. It was all by itself. 734 00:41:57,493 --> 00:41:59,394 My uncle had a parakeet. 735 00:42:00,161 --> 00:42:03,815 Knew how to swear in Italian, but he shit all over the house. 736 00:42:07,296 --> 00:42:10,282 You're not that into birds, are you? 737 00:42:11,174 --> 00:42:15,203 Got nothing against them, but mostly I'm into Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. 738 00:42:15,847 --> 00:42:17,498 Like I wrote you. 739 00:42:17,766 --> 00:42:21,603 Oh, sure, Jiu-Jitsu. Everybody loves Jiu-Jitsu. 740 00:42:21,604 --> 00:42:23,338 It's delicious. 741 00:42:26,443 --> 00:42:28,319 You wanna tell me what's going on here? 742 00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:31,407 No, nothing, nothing. Nothing's going on. It was just a little misunderstanding... 743 00:42:31,408 --> 00:42:32,949 You think I'm some bird guy? 744 00:42:32,950 --> 00:42:34,702 - No. - What is this? Is this a scam? 745 00:42:34,703 --> 00:42:36,371 Trying to get money or something? 746 00:42:36,372 --> 00:42:37,664 No, no, no, no, no! It's not about money... 747 00:42:37,665 --> 00:42:39,040 I'm supposed to believe that? 748 00:42:39,041 --> 00:42:42,277 You're the top contract killer in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. 749 00:42:43,171 --> 00:42:45,005 Look... 750 00:42:45,006 --> 00:42:47,759 the only person that cared about me, 751 00:42:47,760 --> 00:42:50,746 they took her away to Max. 752 00:42:51,848 --> 00:42:53,959 And I'm so lonely. 753 00:42:54,059 --> 00:42:58,605 [voice breaking] And I thought, if I wrote to enough people, 754 00:42:58,606 --> 00:43:02,218 then maybe I would find somebody and, oh... [sobbing] 755 00:43:02,945 --> 00:43:06,223 I watched so much Discovery Channel. 756 00:43:07,199 --> 00:43:08,684 [sniffles] 757 00:43:10,829 --> 00:43:12,521 [man sighs] 758 00:43:15,543 --> 00:43:17,152 Hold up, hey. 759 00:43:17,962 --> 00:43:19,446 Hey. 760 00:43:22,301 --> 00:43:25,328 I don't care how many other guys you wrote. 761 00:43:25,847 --> 00:43:28,708 I'm just glad I get to meet you. 762 00:43:30,143 --> 00:43:31,669 [sighs] 763 00:43:32,938 --> 00:43:38,402 "I'm glad you confronted me about your feelings, Gina-bo-bina. 764 00:43:38,403 --> 00:43:43,492 I see now that the way I treated you was wrong." 765 00:43:43,493 --> 00:43:45,685 "Thank you, Mom. 766 00:43:45,912 --> 00:43:49,733 I feel so much better about our relationship. 767 00:43:50,334 --> 00:43:53,486 If you weren't dead, I'd hug you." 768 00:43:54,088 --> 00:43:58,409 "I think you forgot that anything is possible... 769 00:43:59,678 --> 00:44:02,164 in your imagination." 770 00:44:03,224 --> 00:44:05,001 You hug. You hug. 771 00:44:05,977 --> 00:44:07,461 Oh. 772 00:44:09,732 --> 00:44:11,900 [Rogers] Very nice, ladies. 773 00:44:11,901 --> 00:44:15,655 And a big hand to Gina who shared a piece of her life with us. 774 00:44:15,656 --> 00:44:17,573 [scattered applause] 775 00:44:17,574 --> 00:44:20,536 Dead is dead is gone forever. 776 00:44:20,537 --> 00:44:23,079 You don't say that you can still give hugs. 777 00:44:23,080 --> 00:44:24,941 It's irresponsible. 778 00:44:25,751 --> 00:44:26,834 Because you can't. 779 00:44:26,835 --> 00:44:29,672 You regularly talk to a mop. 780 00:44:29,673 --> 00:44:30,881 [inmate] Burn! 781 00:44:30,882 --> 00:44:32,533 [Rogers] Okay. 782 00:44:32,676 --> 00:44:34,160 Okay. 783 00:44:36,055 --> 00:44:37,873 [Gina whispers] You did great. 784 00:44:38,641 --> 00:44:40,334 Who's next? 785 00:44:43,229 --> 00:44:45,548 Come on... 786 00:44:46,024 --> 00:44:48,384 Anyone? 787 00:44:51,740 --> 00:44:53,350 [man grunting] 788 00:45:00,500 --> 00:45:02,235 Ahh! 789 00:45:08,719 --> 00:45:10,161 Ahh! 790 00:45:10,471 --> 00:45:12,080 [coughing] 791 00:45:16,811 --> 00:45:19,571 [Fu speaking Mandarin] This is the fuckwad who rejected you? 792 00:45:19,648 --> 00:45:23,676 It's not like I'm looking at God's gift here. 793 00:45:24,319 --> 00:45:25,971 Right? 794 00:45:27,198 --> 00:45:28,532 I remember you. 795 00:45:28,533 --> 00:45:32,896 What do you want us to do with him? 796 00:45:37,043 --> 00:45:39,754 [imitating Chang] "Cut out his gall bladder!" 797 00:45:39,755 --> 00:45:42,591 "Please, no! I was dummy. 798 00:45:42,592 --> 00:45:44,885 - I made big mistake. - [chuckles] 799 00:45:44,886 --> 00:45:48,973 You are strong and beautiful, like a horse. 800 00:45:48,974 --> 00:45:50,767 Please, forgive me." 801 00:45:50,768 --> 00:45:53,211 [laughing maniacally] 802 00:45:54,188 --> 00:45:56,465 "Too late for sorry, now. 803 00:45:57,316 --> 00:45:58,902 [stutters] 804 00:45:58,903 --> 00:46:00,887 Kill him!" 805 00:46:01,071 --> 00:46:06,518 [Angie] "I must die now for being the worst person. 806 00:46:06,745 --> 00:46:10,065 I accept your wisdom. 807 00:46:10,667 --> 00:46:12,401 Girl power." 808 00:46:14,838 --> 00:46:16,714 [gurgling] 809 00:46:16,715 --> 00:46:18,616 [imitates blood spurting] 810 00:46:19,969 --> 00:46:22,012 - [laughing] - [inmates exclaiming] 811 00:46:22,013 --> 00:46:25,308 "And now I eat his... " [sighs] 812 00:46:25,309 --> 00:46:28,311 Okay, I don't feel comfortable saying this. It's disgusting. 813 00:46:28,312 --> 00:46:30,313 Okay, okay. We can stop here. 814 00:46:30,314 --> 00:46:33,192 I did say to re-imagine old resentments, 815 00:46:33,193 --> 00:46:36,137 but I think you took this a little too far to be constructive. 816 00:46:36,989 --> 00:46:38,198 I liked it. 817 00:46:38,199 --> 00:46:40,309 [inmates murmuring] 818 00:46:48,837 --> 00:46:50,404 All fake. 819 00:46:50,922 --> 00:46:52,490 Showbiz. 820 00:46:52,925 --> 00:46:55,202 Yeah, see... 821 00:47:01,476 --> 00:47:03,478 Hey, Big Talkin' Missy. 822 00:47:03,479 --> 00:47:05,563 Out of the kitchen, into the sweatshop. 823 00:47:05,564 --> 00:47:07,398 Turns out your mobility ain't so upwards, huh? 824 00:47:07,399 --> 00:47:09,276 Fuck off, Ruiz. 825 00:47:09,277 --> 00:47:11,320 At least my hair doesn't smell like a deep fryer. 826 00:47:11,321 --> 00:47:12,571 [chuckles] 827 00:47:12,572 --> 00:47:15,725 Uh-uh. I'm gonna eat one of them kosher meals y'all got back there. 828 00:47:16,452 --> 00:47:17,577 You ain't even Jewish. 829 00:47:17,578 --> 00:47:20,064 You think you know my life? 830 00:47:20,708 --> 00:47:23,126 - Fine. - [Black Cindy] Yeah. 831 00:47:23,127 --> 00:47:25,154 Shabbat shalom, bitch. 832 00:47:26,006 --> 00:47:28,382 How much longer you gonna stay mad? 833 00:47:28,383 --> 00:47:31,970 Man, do you know how hard it is to get a squirrel into a laundry bag? 834 00:47:31,971 --> 00:47:33,513 [laughs] No. 835 00:47:33,514 --> 00:47:36,350 I took it a little too far, hooch jacking you. 836 00:47:36,351 --> 00:47:39,729 But you was pissin' and settin' traps like Elmer Fudd. 837 00:47:39,730 --> 00:47:42,507 Man, the shit was funny. [laughs] 838 00:47:45,569 --> 00:47:48,114 But also, I was worried about you. 839 00:47:48,115 --> 00:47:50,324 Well, you know, if I was worried about you, 840 00:47:50,325 --> 00:47:52,787 I'd have made you some goddamn soup or something. 841 00:47:52,788 --> 00:47:54,647 Excellent point. 842 00:47:55,165 --> 00:47:57,708 But you think you might want to cut down on the sauce, though? 843 00:47:57,709 --> 00:47:59,627 Like, just to make sure you can? 844 00:47:59,628 --> 00:48:02,213 - I ain't hurtin' nobody. - Um... [taps fork] 845 00:48:02,214 --> 00:48:05,092 Excuse me, Miss Poussey? This is your liver speakin'... 846 00:48:05,093 --> 00:48:07,995 It just makes me feel better, okay? 847 00:48:09,557 --> 00:48:12,085 It makes me feel like I can get through this. 848 00:48:15,022 --> 00:48:16,756 Come with me to AA. 849 00:48:17,066 --> 00:48:18,900 - [scoffs] - Come on, man. It'll be fun. 850 00:48:18,901 --> 00:48:21,070 You ain't even a addict! 851 00:48:21,071 --> 00:48:24,406 You just make up crazy stories about shit that ain't even happened. 852 00:48:24,407 --> 00:48:25,532 - So? - And then everybody 853 00:48:25,533 --> 00:48:27,786 gotta listen to you. It's your personal open mic night. 854 00:48:27,787 --> 00:48:31,999 Well, instead of poetry slam, it's like poetry slammer. 855 00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:33,125 No. 856 00:48:33,126 --> 00:48:36,128 [imitating Cinque] Come on, like, "Give us, us freestyle." 857 00:48:36,129 --> 00:48:38,841 Oh, you pullin' out the Amistad, now. Damn. 858 00:48:38,842 --> 00:48:40,368 [chuckles] 859 00:48:41,219 --> 00:48:42,595 [clears throat] 860 00:48:42,596 --> 00:48:46,040 I just feel like this place is beatin' me down. 861 00:48:48,394 --> 00:48:51,563 I don't need no audience to talk at. 862 00:48:51,564 --> 00:48:53,048 [chuckles] 863 00:48:54,485 --> 00:48:56,970 I need a girlfriend. 864 00:48:58,949 --> 00:49:01,017 Like, a real one. 865 00:49:01,493 --> 00:49:02,977 You know? 866 00:49:05,749 --> 00:49:07,275 Love. 867 00:49:11,088 --> 00:49:15,509 [woman on PA] MCC is looking to train you for your job on the outside. 868 00:49:15,510 --> 00:49:17,995 See human resources. 869 00:49:26,899 --> 00:49:28,466 No! 870 00:49:29,651 --> 00:49:31,386 [breathing heavily] 871 00:49:32,781 --> 00:49:35,157 O'Neill, I hired a new guard. 872 00:49:35,158 --> 00:49:36,784 First of many. 873 00:49:36,785 --> 00:49:40,396 And I'm gonna need you guys to show him the ropes. 874 00:49:42,082 --> 00:49:44,193 Help yourself. 875 00:49:48,174 --> 00:49:50,341 Red velvet is shit. 876 00:49:50,342 --> 00:49:52,328 [toilet flushes] 877 00:49:56,724 --> 00:49:58,559 You like Bo Derek. 878 00:49:58,560 --> 00:50:00,962 Tarzan, 1981. 879 00:50:02,565 --> 00:50:05,718 Please pretend that you didn't just see this. 880 00:50:07,696 --> 00:50:09,823 I don't see nothing. 881 00:50:09,824 --> 00:50:12,434 I just wanted to feel pretty. 882 00:50:20,878 --> 00:50:22,654 Chang? 883 00:50:25,092 --> 00:50:28,245 I'm... sorry about the other day. 884 00:50:29,973 --> 00:50:32,416 Thank you, lesbian. 885 00:50:40,276 --> 00:50:43,429 [speaking Mandarin] What do you want us to do with him? 886 00:50:49,829 --> 00:50:53,900 You will always be an ugly girl who no one wants. 887 00:50:54,418 --> 00:50:56,920 Whether I live 888 00:50:56,921 --> 00:50:58,881 or die, 889 00:50:58,882 --> 00:51:01,284 nothing will change that. 890 00:51:04,054 --> 00:51:05,830 He's right. 891 00:51:09,394 --> 00:51:11,170 Nothing will change. 892 00:51:12,564 --> 00:51:13,856 Mei! 893 00:51:13,857 --> 00:51:15,634 What should we do with him? 894 00:51:17,320 --> 00:51:19,431 Should we let him go? 895 00:51:22,326 --> 00:51:24,061 Nah. 896 00:51:25,413 --> 00:51:27,315 Cut out his gall bladder. 897 00:51:29,293 --> 00:51:30,584 [man yelling] No! 898 00:51:30,585 --> 00:51:33,071 - [knife plunges] - [man screaming] 899 00:51:56,783 --> 00:51:59,894 Ay, coño. Hey! Cuidado. 900 00:52:10,675 --> 00:52:12,494 I'm back. 901 00:52:13,636 --> 00:52:15,538 [punk rock playing]