1 00:00:07,549 --> 00:00:08,967 [theme song playing] 2 00:00:56,096 --> 00:00:57,681 [cell door slams] 3 00:01:12,424 --> 00:01:14,092 [cell door slams] 4 00:01:42,257 --> 00:01:43,883 [panting] 5 00:02:22,795 --> 00:02:24,339 - Morning, Suzanne. - Morning. 6 00:02:24,422 --> 00:02:26,257 Hope you have a good writing day. 7 00:02:26,341 --> 00:02:29,511 Hey, lady, that new chapter, che figata! 8 00:02:29,594 --> 00:02:32,597 I really love how Edwina outsmarted the orgasmator. 9 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:35,307 It's like a shout-out to Barbarella, but still totally new. 10 00:02:35,392 --> 00:02:38,019 - Yeah... meant to do that. - [sighs] 11 00:02:38,102 --> 00:02:40,480 She has a beautiful mind. 12 00:02:40,563 --> 00:02:42,774 Yeah, sick as fuck, but beautiful. 13 00:02:42,857 --> 00:02:45,735 Is it really possible to live on nothing but cum? 14 00:02:45,818 --> 00:02:48,154 Only if it's Admiral Rodcocker's cum. 15 00:02:48,237 --> 00:02:52,867 Oh, yeah, you know, and that dude has some extra protein. 16 00:02:52,950 --> 00:02:54,577 It's gonna be a long day for you, Rabbi. 17 00:02:54,661 --> 00:02:57,246 Got over 70 inmates keeping kosher now. 18 00:02:57,329 --> 00:02:58,956 Out of? 19 00:02:59,040 --> 00:03:01,208 - Two hundred-something. - Wow. 20 00:03:01,292 --> 00:03:02,293 Oy vey. 21 00:03:03,127 --> 00:03:06,338 You brought in a rent-a-rabbi. 22 00:03:06,423 --> 00:03:07,674 Well... 23 00:03:07,757 --> 00:03:10,635 technically, all rabbis are for rent, if you think about it. 24 00:03:10,718 --> 00:03:12,595 Weddings, bar mitzvahs. 25 00:03:12,679 --> 00:03:15,181 You know, this one just specializes in corporate inquiry. 26 00:03:15,264 --> 00:03:18,643 Corporate inquiry... truly God's work. 27 00:03:18,726 --> 00:03:19,811 Everything's cool, buddy. 28 00:03:19,894 --> 00:03:23,648 He's just gonna come in, sit down with the inmates who eat kosher, 29 00:03:23,731 --> 00:03:26,901 have a little convo... get to know them. 30 00:03:26,984 --> 00:03:29,403 Test whether they're Jewish or not. 31 00:03:29,487 --> 00:03:30,697 You're really obsessed with tests. 32 00:03:30,780 --> 00:03:35,452 I'm pretty sure we don't get to second-guess people's religious beliefs. 33 00:03:35,535 --> 00:03:37,495 Something about the Bill of Rights. 34 00:03:37,579 --> 00:03:38,830 Oh, that old thing. 35 00:03:40,372 --> 00:03:42,041 Kidding, you know. 36 00:03:42,124 --> 00:03:43,626 But also not, you know. 37 00:03:43,710 --> 00:03:48,423 I mean, there is some legal gray area, and I love me some gray area. 38 00:03:48,506 --> 00:03:51,509 Yeah, you're one giant gray area. 39 00:03:51,593 --> 00:03:54,011 Acting all chummy, all big brother, 40 00:03:54,095 --> 00:03:56,806 but actually, you're... 41 00:03:56,889 --> 00:03:57,974 Big Brother. 42 00:03:58,057 --> 00:04:01,978 You are really stuck on this hierarchy stuff, Joe. 43 00:04:02,061 --> 00:04:04,146 Someone must have really done a number on you. 44 00:04:04,230 --> 00:04:06,190 Yeah, she sure did. 45 00:04:06,273 --> 00:04:09,110 You're okay now, buddy. You're on the MCC team. 46 00:04:09,193 --> 00:04:11,988 I'm gonna be watching out for you. 47 00:04:12,071 --> 00:04:13,405 We'll all be watching. 48 00:04:13,490 --> 00:04:15,825 That's what Big Brother says. 49 00:04:25,710 --> 00:04:26,836 [inhales shakily] 50 00:04:29,338 --> 00:04:30,590 [sobs] 51 00:04:32,424 --> 00:04:33,593 [sniffles] 52 00:04:34,260 --> 00:04:37,221 Fuck, Norma. How do you do that? 53 00:04:37,304 --> 00:04:39,098 She always makes me cry, too. 54 00:04:39,181 --> 00:04:41,017 It's a miracle. 55 00:04:45,563 --> 00:04:48,357 Damn, there ain't enough Norma to go around. 56 00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:51,110 Hey, Club Waco, beat it. 57 00:04:51,193 --> 00:04:54,113 Yeah, I'll handle this. Thank you. 58 00:04:54,196 --> 00:04:55,573 The Charismatic Catholics 59 00:04:55,657 --> 00:04:58,576 need an extra half hour this morning to learn a new hymn, 60 00:04:58,660 --> 00:05:00,161 so if you could just move along... 61 00:05:00,244 --> 00:05:01,954 I don't know sign language. 62 00:05:02,038 --> 00:05:05,249 She's saying we signed up. We got a right to be here. 63 00:05:06,333 --> 00:05:10,004 I'm sorry, I'm not clear on what religion you're all practicing. 64 00:05:10,087 --> 00:05:13,841 It's a new faith, but we don't have a name yet. 65 00:05:13,925 --> 00:05:15,467 Christians were new once, too. 66 00:05:15,552 --> 00:05:18,179 And after hundreds of years of private worship, 67 00:05:18,262 --> 00:05:19,471 several great schisms, 68 00:05:19,556 --> 00:05:21,390 and thousands of people martyring themselves, 69 00:05:21,473 --> 00:05:24,686 it became a focused belief system... 70 00:05:24,769 --> 00:05:25,937 with a name. 71 00:05:26,020 --> 00:05:27,396 [Leanne] Hey! 72 00:05:29,106 --> 00:05:31,150 We got a belief system. 73 00:05:33,069 --> 00:05:35,196 We believe in kindness and acceptance. 74 00:05:36,739 --> 00:05:38,074 And... 75 00:05:38,783 --> 00:05:39,951 finding the peace within 76 00:05:40,034 --> 00:05:44,163 that can then radiate out into the world and create change. 77 00:05:44,246 --> 00:05:45,665 And through silent meditation, 78 00:05:45,748 --> 00:05:49,543 we address the roar of pain and loneliness and tame it. 79 00:05:50,544 --> 00:05:54,131 And through reflection, we can see nothingness... 80 00:05:54,215 --> 00:05:58,177 and in nothingness, we find clarity... we have faith. 81 00:06:02,473 --> 00:06:03,557 In what... 82 00:06:04,058 --> 00:06:05,977 Her? 83 00:06:06,060 --> 00:06:10,147 There's no body of the principles. They're too big to be contained. 84 00:06:10,231 --> 00:06:11,941 So, you're atheists. 85 00:06:12,024 --> 00:06:13,359 I ain't no fucking... 86 00:06:17,655 --> 00:06:20,199 I don't think you're ready to understand. 87 00:06:20,282 --> 00:06:23,202 Look, sitting around meditating doesn't make you a religion. 88 00:06:23,285 --> 00:06:25,162 It makes you a meditation club. 89 00:06:25,246 --> 00:06:28,415 Ooh. "Meditation Club." that's not a bad name for us. 90 00:06:28,499 --> 00:06:31,794 Okay, this one needs to be our first martyr. 91 00:06:31,878 --> 00:06:34,714 [Zeke] Look at this fucking thing. It's like a giant mouth. 92 00:06:34,797 --> 00:06:36,298 It's opening, it's closing. 93 00:06:36,382 --> 00:06:40,261 - You're fucked up, Zeke. - Yeah, no shit, Nancy Drew. 94 00:06:40,344 --> 00:06:42,263 I think it's, "No shit, Sherlock." 95 00:06:42,346 --> 00:06:46,517 Sherlock shits by the seashore. 96 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:47,644 The plastic's kinda melty. 97 00:06:47,727 --> 00:06:51,105 Peanut butter cups and meth, it's like Red Vines and Dr. Pepper. 98 00:06:51,188 --> 00:06:54,066 This is the fucking life. 99 00:06:54,150 --> 00:06:57,486 I don't know why anyone ever goes back. All those rules. 100 00:06:57,569 --> 00:07:00,865 I feel bad for the ones that don't even know that this is here. 101 00:07:00,948 --> 00:07:04,827 They think that's reality, but this is the real reality. 102 00:07:04,911 --> 00:07:06,913 Real reality. 103 00:07:06,996 --> 00:07:08,289 Real-eality. 104 00:07:08,372 --> 00:07:10,332 Plus, those fucking beards. 105 00:07:10,416 --> 00:07:13,544 - Hey, give me a bag. - 20 bucks. 106 00:07:13,628 --> 00:07:16,714 - I got 15. - That's nice. 107 00:07:16,798 --> 00:07:19,801 Hey, White Trash Federline, tell your girl to be more polite. 108 00:07:19,884 --> 00:07:21,969 - I'm a frequent flier. - Fuck off, Sam. 109 00:07:23,470 --> 00:07:25,932 Federline is White Trash Federline, you fucktard! 110 00:07:26,015 --> 00:07:27,141 [laughs] 111 00:07:34,023 --> 00:07:36,651 - It kind of looks like a mouth. - Totally. 112 00:07:36,734 --> 00:07:38,903 Like, the flames are the teeth. 113 00:07:38,986 --> 00:07:41,781 And the black part there, that's the door. 114 00:07:41,864 --> 00:07:44,408 - A door to where? - Hell, I guess. 115 00:07:44,491 --> 00:07:45,868 Isn't that where we're all going? 116 00:07:47,203 --> 00:07:52,166 Hey, everybody! I just put a roofie in my own drink. 117 00:09:26,260 --> 00:09:28,179 [speaking Pennsylvania Dutch] Mother, I'm back. 118 00:09:31,557 --> 00:09:32,558 [exhales] 119 00:09:39,231 --> 00:09:40,732 Gloria! 120 00:09:42,568 --> 00:09:44,028 Grab a knife. 121 00:09:44,111 --> 00:09:46,447 It's almost time to milk the shit sacks. 122 00:09:46,530 --> 00:09:48,449 Terrific. 123 00:09:48,532 --> 00:09:52,829 Beautiful card I have for you. A beauty, a doll. 124 00:09:52,912 --> 00:09:54,621 [clicks tongue] You're welcome. 125 00:09:55,247 --> 00:09:57,249 - I don't need it. - I thought you'd need that. 126 00:09:57,333 --> 00:09:58,334 [Blanca] Mmm-mmm. 127 00:09:59,335 --> 00:10:01,753 [Sophia] Gloria. Gloria Mendoza. 128 00:10:02,379 --> 00:10:04,882 I'm sorry, but I'm done for real this time. 129 00:10:04,966 --> 00:10:06,008 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 130 00:10:06,092 --> 00:10:08,010 - I thought you and I were cool. - We are not cool. 131 00:10:08,094 --> 00:10:11,347 Michael was arrested. He spent the night in holding. 132 00:10:11,430 --> 00:10:13,515 What? What happened? 133 00:10:13,599 --> 00:10:16,643 He and your son beat the crap out of some kid. 134 00:10:16,727 --> 00:10:18,104 The boy might lose an eye. 135 00:10:18,187 --> 00:10:21,482 - Was Benny arrested, too? - I don't know. 136 00:10:21,565 --> 00:10:22,900 But I raised a sweet little boy, 137 00:10:22,984 --> 00:10:25,862 who cried when he found out there was no Easter Bunny. 138 00:10:25,945 --> 00:10:28,614 And now suddenly, he's a thug. 139 00:10:28,697 --> 00:10:30,616 You saying this is on my boy? 140 00:10:30,699 --> 00:10:33,660 I'm saying he can find his own ride from now on. 141 00:10:34,954 --> 00:10:36,538 I knew I was right. 142 00:10:36,622 --> 00:10:39,500 Hmm, why I always gotta have these conversations 143 00:10:39,583 --> 00:10:42,128 with sharp objects in my hand? 144 00:10:42,211 --> 00:10:43,712 You need to get out of here, 145 00:10:43,795 --> 00:10:45,756 before you add another 100 years to my sentence. 146 00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:49,760 [chuckles] So, you gonna cut me, huh? 147 00:10:49,844 --> 00:10:51,345 I wonder where Benny gets it. 148 00:10:51,428 --> 00:10:52,638 Oh, man, you know what? 149 00:10:52,721 --> 00:10:56,058 Your son is fucking 15 years old, and there is no fucking Easter Bunny. 150 00:10:56,142 --> 00:10:59,061 And if you think that my son killed the fake-ass rabbit, 151 00:10:59,145 --> 00:11:01,272 then you're living in a fucking fantasy. 152 00:11:01,355 --> 00:11:02,899 Who needs a knife? 153 00:11:02,982 --> 00:11:05,567 She'll die from eating today's lunch. 154 00:11:05,651 --> 00:11:07,278 [Blanca speaking Spanish] 155 00:11:07,361 --> 00:11:08,404 Gin. 156 00:11:08,487 --> 00:11:10,406 [speaking Russian] 157 00:11:10,990 --> 00:11:13,034 [Coates] Looks like a nice one. 158 00:11:13,117 --> 00:11:14,451 Huh? 159 00:11:14,535 --> 00:11:16,287 The sun's coming out, I mean. 160 00:11:16,370 --> 00:11:19,623 And I got a shitload of red velvets back at the shop about to go stale. 161 00:11:19,706 --> 00:11:21,208 Oh, yeah? So what? 162 00:11:21,292 --> 00:11:22,501 I know, I know. 163 00:11:22,584 --> 00:11:24,586 A lot of red velvet haters out there all of a sudden. 164 00:11:24,670 --> 00:11:27,464 Some serious backlash. 165 00:11:27,548 --> 00:11:31,468 But I know some hungry ducks who might enjoy 'em. 166 00:11:32,344 --> 00:11:34,346 One hungry duck in particular. 167 00:11:36,473 --> 00:11:39,351 - I mean you. - Yeah, I got it. 168 00:11:39,435 --> 00:11:40,644 I got it. 169 00:11:41,895 --> 00:11:43,897 - What's up your ass? - Nothing. 170 00:11:44,815 --> 00:11:46,400 Nothing whatsoever, Officer Coates. 171 00:11:46,483 --> 00:11:50,404 I'm just standing here, doing my job, being a professional prisoner. 172 00:11:51,030 --> 00:11:54,951 So, I suggest you do your job and guard me professional-like. 173 00:11:58,329 --> 00:11:59,413 [exhales into hand] 174 00:11:59,496 --> 00:12:00,831 [man speaking indistinctly on walkie-talkie] 175 00:12:02,333 --> 00:12:04,918 - Yo, what'd I miss? - Yo, they're saying Judy's going down. 176 00:12:05,002 --> 00:12:06,587 [Taystee] Yeah, she is. 177 00:12:06,670 --> 00:12:09,548 I've heard that she steals her recipes. 178 00:12:09,631 --> 00:12:11,633 I've heard she has a husband and a lover, 179 00:12:11,717 --> 00:12:13,802 and they all live in the same house. 180 00:12:13,885 --> 00:12:15,262 [gasps] She cheats on Bill? 181 00:12:15,346 --> 00:12:17,723 Well, is it cheating if they all live together? 182 00:12:17,806 --> 00:12:20,392 Wait, do they all sleep in the same bed? Like, the three of them? 183 00:12:20,476 --> 00:12:21,643 See, I don't believe it. 184 00:12:21,727 --> 00:12:24,230 If that lady were getting it on the regular with two dudes, 185 00:12:24,313 --> 00:12:27,441 she would not be sweating a rosemary garnish. 186 00:12:27,524 --> 00:12:28,817 - [chuckles] - You never know. 187 00:12:28,900 --> 00:12:30,861 Yo, right on time! 188 00:12:31,778 --> 00:12:34,073 Um, actually, I'm here for them. 189 00:12:35,449 --> 00:12:38,119 First, she joins the Church o' Crazy Eyes, now this? 190 00:12:38,202 --> 00:12:39,911 Whatever makes her happy. 191 00:12:39,996 --> 00:12:40,997 - God bless. - Mmm. 192 00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:42,581 Or Norma bless, I guess. 193 00:12:42,664 --> 00:12:44,708 [Leanne] So, as I was saying... 194 00:12:44,791 --> 00:12:46,710 we need to come up with a list of commandments 195 00:12:46,793 --> 00:12:48,045 so that they know we're for real. 196 00:12:48,129 --> 00:12:50,547 Thou shalt not snort thy neighbor's heroin. 197 00:12:50,631 --> 00:12:52,674 "Covet." It's "covet." 198 00:12:52,758 --> 00:12:55,052 You can do what you want with it. I'm gonna snort it. 199 00:12:55,136 --> 00:12:57,763 I'm serious, you guys. We need to set the rules. 200 00:12:57,846 --> 00:13:00,224 [Brook] For me, it's less about, like, rules, 201 00:13:00,307 --> 00:13:02,393 and more what happens when I look at Norma. 202 00:13:02,476 --> 00:13:04,020 Oh, yeah, what's that about? 203 00:13:04,103 --> 00:13:06,480 I mean, it's, um... it's, like, less than magic, 204 00:13:06,563 --> 00:13:07,939 but more than a hug. 205 00:13:08,024 --> 00:13:09,733 [Brook] The way I see it... 206 00:13:10,526 --> 00:13:13,320 it's the armor you put on every day. 207 00:13:13,404 --> 00:13:15,531 The armor that... 208 00:13:15,614 --> 00:13:18,909 that it takes to get through every day. 209 00:13:20,452 --> 00:13:24,581 It gets heavier and heavier as you live your life, you know? 210 00:13:24,665 --> 00:13:26,917 Especially in here. 211 00:13:27,751 --> 00:13:29,336 But when you look at Norma... 212 00:13:30,462 --> 00:13:32,548 you can take that armor off... 213 00:13:33,924 --> 00:13:35,884 because it's safe. 214 00:13:37,053 --> 00:13:38,887 You're safe. 215 00:13:38,970 --> 00:13:42,474 And... you're crying... 216 00:13:42,558 --> 00:13:47,188 because it feels... so good to take that armor off. 217 00:13:48,939 --> 00:13:51,817 And you realize how tall you can be without it... 218 00:13:53,319 --> 00:13:54,653 how light. 219 00:13:55,946 --> 00:13:58,699 Yeah... yeah, what she said. 220 00:13:58,782 --> 00:14:02,953 I mean, maybe what's so special about this... whatever... 221 00:14:04,121 --> 00:14:07,416 is that there aren't any rules... 222 00:14:07,499 --> 00:14:08,500 - Yeah. - You know? 223 00:14:08,584 --> 00:14:11,044 I've always had trouble with organized religion, anyway. 224 00:14:11,128 --> 00:14:14,548 And honestly, I think the more this becomes a capital "R" religion, 225 00:14:14,631 --> 00:14:16,467 the less time we seem to get with Norma. 226 00:14:16,550 --> 00:14:18,760 Yeah, and we're all here to be with Norma, right? 227 00:14:18,844 --> 00:14:20,929 That's fine, but we still need to deal with 228 00:14:21,012 --> 00:14:23,057 the rest of the world and how they see us. 229 00:14:23,140 --> 00:14:25,726 And when you come in late and you call it a fucking club, 230 00:14:25,809 --> 00:14:28,229 you make us all look like a joke. 231 00:14:28,312 --> 00:14:30,981 We need to know who we are, or they'll think we're a joke. 232 00:14:31,607 --> 00:14:33,900 I know who I am. 233 00:14:33,984 --> 00:14:35,944 I'm someone who's sometimes late. 234 00:14:36,027 --> 00:14:40,366 Look, Soso, I know not committing is, like, your thing. 235 00:14:40,449 --> 00:14:44,411 You couldn't commit to saving the world. You couldn't commit to eating pussy. 236 00:14:44,495 --> 00:14:46,497 You couldn't even commit to being 100% Asian. 237 00:14:46,580 --> 00:14:50,167 So, why don't you go off and not commit somewhere else? 238 00:14:50,251 --> 00:14:52,544 Nobody wants you here, anyways. 239 00:14:57,091 --> 00:14:59,801 Okay, y'all are illegally congregating here. 240 00:14:59,885 --> 00:15:01,470 This ain't the meeting house. 241 00:15:01,553 --> 00:15:04,806 And for a gang who likes quiet time, y'all are hella noisy. 242 00:15:04,890 --> 00:15:07,976 So, either get out, or I'm calling the po-pos. 243 00:15:08,059 --> 00:15:09,978 [whispering] This is Judy time. 244 00:15:10,061 --> 00:15:11,688 [Janae] Turn that shit up. 245 00:15:12,689 --> 00:15:15,484 That's right, P. Come to the light. 246 00:15:15,567 --> 00:15:17,236 I deeply regret 247 00:15:17,319 --> 00:15:20,489 some of the financial choices I have made in the recent past. 248 00:15:20,572 --> 00:15:23,575 I was not fully aware of the decisions that my advisers were... 249 00:15:23,659 --> 00:15:26,953 - Is it cool if I stay and watch, too? - Get your ass up, now! 250 00:15:27,037 --> 00:15:28,122 I couldn't stand the heat, 251 00:15:28,205 --> 00:15:30,582 but I'm afraid I didn't get out of the kitchen in time 252 00:15:30,666 --> 00:15:34,711 to recognize the misappropriation that was taking place. 253 00:15:34,795 --> 00:15:36,505 I guess I had my head in the oven. 254 00:15:36,588 --> 00:15:40,176 Uh, well, no... Um... Maybe that was a poor choice. 255 00:15:40,259 --> 00:15:42,428 We're getting kicked out of everywhere. We need to get legit. 256 00:15:42,511 --> 00:15:45,055 There was a vein in your neck that was like... [roars] 257 00:15:45,139 --> 00:15:46,932 It was rad. 258 00:15:47,015 --> 00:15:49,100 Yeah, but weren't you kind of hard on hippie chick? 259 00:15:49,185 --> 00:15:50,686 Some people aren't cut out for believing. 260 00:15:51,895 --> 00:15:54,981 [speaking Pennsylvania Dutch] I baptize you, my sister, 261 00:15:55,065 --> 00:15:57,984 Leanne Lemmle Taylor, 262 00:15:59,236 --> 00:16:02,489 in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. 263 00:16:02,573 --> 00:16:07,244 You must strengthen the church and not tear it down. 264 00:16:07,328 --> 00:16:10,622 Be strong against the world's ways. 265 00:16:23,844 --> 00:16:26,054 [speaking English] If it's all right, can I say a few quick words? 266 00:16:29,266 --> 00:16:30,476 And I mean quick. 267 00:16:30,559 --> 00:16:32,936 I know today is about way more than me. 268 00:16:34,271 --> 00:16:36,773 I only wanted to say I'm glad that, as Amish, 269 00:16:36,857 --> 00:16:39,318 we get to choose our baptism. 270 00:16:40,361 --> 00:16:42,613 I didn't know what I wanted until a couple of months ago, 271 00:16:42,696 --> 00:16:46,700 and I wanna thank my parents for having me back with open arms. 272 00:16:49,703 --> 00:16:52,789 I had a good time in the English world, I'm not gonna lie. 273 00:16:52,873 --> 00:16:55,876 - I mean, who doesn't like zippers, right? - [scattered laughter] 274 00:16:55,959 --> 00:16:58,212 [speaking Pennsylvania Dutch] Wrap it up, Leanne. 275 00:16:58,295 --> 00:17:01,131 [speaking English] Sorry, Dad. Anyway... 276 00:17:02,966 --> 00:17:06,094 it was fun for a while, but the fun just started to seem like 277 00:17:06,177 --> 00:17:08,680 everyone was covering up the empty feelings. 278 00:17:10,224 --> 00:17:13,435 [speaking Pennsylvania Dutch] They talk about us like we're in prison. 279 00:17:14,561 --> 00:17:17,648 But this is where I feel free. 280 00:17:25,196 --> 00:17:29,410 Sorry I have a big mouth. 281 00:17:29,493 --> 00:17:34,998 Don't be sorry. I'd rather have you than a hundred quiet girls. 282 00:17:35,081 --> 00:17:37,167 [female police detective] Leanne Taylor? 283 00:17:46,051 --> 00:17:48,929 [Black Cindy] Damn, Suzanne. Didn't you get the memo? 284 00:17:49,012 --> 00:17:51,598 We chosen now. We ain't got to eat that shit. 285 00:17:51,682 --> 00:17:52,808 It's chicken fajitas. 286 00:17:52,891 --> 00:17:56,270 See, that's how they get you, with the power of suggestion. 287 00:17:56,353 --> 00:17:57,979 - Mmm-hmm. - Like, now they be calling yogurt 288 00:17:58,063 --> 00:18:00,982 "key lime pie" or "chocolate cheesecake." 289 00:18:01,066 --> 00:18:03,569 So, you think, "Hmm, cheesecake," 290 00:18:03,652 --> 00:18:06,322 when it's the same gnarly curds it always was. 291 00:18:06,405 --> 00:18:07,489 [singsong voice] Wow. 292 00:18:07,573 --> 00:18:10,367 I want you all to know I had nothing to do with what you're eating. 293 00:18:10,451 --> 00:18:12,286 It came out of a bag. 294 00:18:12,369 --> 00:18:15,163 It is in no way a reflection of what I do. 295 00:18:15,246 --> 00:18:16,957 - Okay. - Okay. 296 00:18:18,249 --> 00:18:21,211 See, even she ain't owning it. 297 00:18:21,295 --> 00:18:24,548 Hey, Suzanne. How's that new chapter coming? 298 00:18:24,631 --> 00:18:28,009 Here, have my strawberry Jell-O. Fruit is brain food. 299 00:18:28,093 --> 00:18:29,177 Thanks. 300 00:18:29,260 --> 00:18:32,556 - Is, uh, this seat taken? - Yeah, we saving it for Elijah. 301 00:18:32,639 --> 00:18:34,182 Man, you gonna own that rabbi. 302 00:18:34,265 --> 00:18:36,727 Suzanne, tell us about your process. 303 00:18:37,894 --> 00:18:40,230 I think of shit and write it down. 304 00:18:40,314 --> 00:18:42,316 - Wow. - So pure. 305 00:18:43,066 --> 00:18:45,193 I got a question. 306 00:18:45,276 --> 00:18:49,239 If Edwina is really a robo-doll in the end... 307 00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:54,285 why doesn't she get rusty when Lily Sprinkle pees on her? 308 00:18:54,370 --> 00:18:56,497 She's made of pee-proof metal. 309 00:18:56,580 --> 00:18:59,541 Why does Sunflower have to be so mean? 310 00:18:59,625 --> 00:19:02,293 Oh, 'cause she's the one you love to hate. 311 00:19:02,378 --> 00:19:04,796 You should have her time hump with Lily Sprinkle. 312 00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:06,465 [Annie] Yeah. [Maureen] Do it for the lesbians. 313 00:19:06,548 --> 00:19:08,299 Sounds like she's done enough for the lesbians. 314 00:19:08,384 --> 00:19:10,677 What has she done for not-the-lesbians? 315 00:19:10,761 --> 00:19:12,929 [Babs] Um, only the best chapter. 316 00:19:13,013 --> 00:19:14,014 Which one? 317 00:19:14,097 --> 00:19:17,058 When Admiral Rodcocker gets his clothes vaporized 318 00:19:17,142 --> 00:19:19,436 and you find out he gots two penises. 319 00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:20,604 Oh, yeah. 320 00:19:20,687 --> 00:19:23,774 And he gives her a shocker made of penis instead of fingers. 321 00:19:23,857 --> 00:19:25,025 I mean, who thinks of that? 322 00:19:25,108 --> 00:19:26,902 - Damn, I gotta read that shit. - [clicks tongue] 323 00:19:26,985 --> 00:19:28,319 - What? - That's it! 324 00:19:28,404 --> 00:19:31,156 This... this book tour is over. 325 00:19:31,239 --> 00:19:33,033 I can do one last question. 326 00:19:33,992 --> 00:19:35,911 Did you have an inspiration for Admiral Rodcocker? 327 00:19:39,498 --> 00:19:42,042 - [Crazy Eyes clicks tongue] - [gasps] I knew it. 328 00:19:42,125 --> 00:19:43,835 - [Frieda scoffs] - [gasps] 329 00:19:43,919 --> 00:19:47,338 I never thought I'd have a thing for bald dudes, but damn. 330 00:19:47,423 --> 00:19:48,632 [laughs] 331 00:19:48,715 --> 00:19:50,801 The fuck kind of multi-culti shit we got going on here? 332 00:19:50,884 --> 00:19:52,719 Can't a black woman sit with her peoples? 333 00:19:52,803 --> 00:19:57,558 No, see, the universiality of my work unites all the races. 334 00:20:00,060 --> 00:20:01,102 [groaning] 335 00:20:01,186 --> 00:20:05,273 I was hoping for those little stale pieces of bread today. 336 00:20:05,356 --> 00:20:07,192 No such luck. 337 00:20:09,570 --> 00:20:10,612 Hey, Whitehill. 338 00:20:12,030 --> 00:20:15,116 You wanna have lunch with our sad little band of misfits? 339 00:20:15,826 --> 00:20:16,868 Sure. 340 00:20:18,119 --> 00:20:19,162 Sure. 341 00:20:20,997 --> 00:20:22,332 Sure. 342 00:20:23,333 --> 00:20:27,378 Everybody, this is Lolly. Lolly, everybody. 343 00:20:27,463 --> 00:20:32,426 - You're new? - Litchfield newbie, prison regular. 344 00:20:32,509 --> 00:20:35,011 Don't worry, it's not so bad. 345 00:20:35,095 --> 00:20:37,681 Not so bad? This place is the best! 346 00:20:37,764 --> 00:20:39,433 How is it? 347 00:20:39,516 --> 00:20:42,519 - Oh, that tastes like brown. - [groans] 348 00:20:42,603 --> 00:20:46,982 FYI, ladies, I didn't make the food. This is all out of my control. 349 00:20:47,065 --> 00:20:49,901 Yes, thank you, Red. You're making that very clear. 350 00:20:49,985 --> 00:20:52,904 - Good, as long as you understand. - Mmm. 351 00:20:55,031 --> 00:20:59,495 So... what's your deal, Lolly? What are you in for? 352 00:20:59,578 --> 00:21:03,749 - I did something I shouldn't have. - Okay, specific. 353 00:21:03,832 --> 00:21:05,250 Where are you from? 354 00:21:05,751 --> 00:21:07,002 Here and there. 355 00:21:07,085 --> 00:21:08,712 - [Lorna] How much time you got? - Depends. 356 00:21:08,795 --> 00:21:10,672 Depends? 357 00:21:10,756 --> 00:21:12,841 On how well I do here. 358 00:21:14,968 --> 00:21:19,848 Well, try and think of your time here as a mandala. 359 00:21:20,849 --> 00:21:26,062 The Tibetan monks make intricate designs out of dyed sand, 360 00:21:26,146 --> 00:21:29,566 and when they're done... whoosh... 361 00:21:29,650 --> 00:21:31,192 they're cleared away. 362 00:21:33,654 --> 00:21:35,656 I gotta go take a quiz. 363 00:21:35,739 --> 00:21:37,533 A quiz? 364 00:21:39,367 --> 00:21:43,413 - Okay, bye. What the fuck? - What a twat. 365 00:21:43,497 --> 00:21:45,499 She is nutty as a nut bar. 366 00:21:45,582 --> 00:21:48,001 It makes me glad I got both my feet on the ground. 367 00:21:48,084 --> 00:21:49,670 [scoffs] 368 00:21:49,753 --> 00:21:52,380 - I mean, I tried, right? - Yeah. 369 00:21:52,463 --> 00:21:54,049 Tell Piper I play well with others. 370 00:21:54,132 --> 00:21:55,383 Tell Piper what? 371 00:21:55,466 --> 00:21:59,262 Oh, nothing, schnookums. Just facing my fears head-on. 372 00:21:59,345 --> 00:22:01,264 Did you just call me "schnookums"? 373 00:22:01,347 --> 00:22:03,016 I did, but it was in between quotes. 374 00:22:03,099 --> 00:22:05,561 I didn't hear any quotes, love muffin. 375 00:22:06,269 --> 00:22:07,771 Now you're just being smutty. 376 00:22:07,854 --> 00:22:10,732 Cal's coming tomorrow to give us the lowdown on our first shipment. 377 00:22:10,816 --> 00:22:13,193 - I'm pretty excited. - That's great. 378 00:22:18,990 --> 00:22:21,785 Also, I killed a guard with my bare hands. 379 00:22:23,078 --> 00:22:25,538 Cal... Panties... Exciting. 380 00:22:28,374 --> 00:22:30,669 My bats mitzvah was sick! 381 00:22:30,752 --> 00:22:33,046 All the black Jews was there. 382 00:22:33,129 --> 00:22:34,881 Lenny Kravitz... 383 00:22:36,675 --> 00:22:38,509 [speaking gibberish] 384 00:22:44,641 --> 00:22:48,561 For a long time, "kosher" meant hot dogs to me. 385 00:22:48,645 --> 00:22:50,188 Really, really good hot dogs. 386 00:22:50,271 --> 00:22:54,067 But now, it just means so much more. 387 00:22:54,150 --> 00:22:58,529 Now, it means broccoli... green beans. 388 00:22:58,614 --> 00:23:00,699 You know what I hate? 389 00:23:00,782 --> 00:23:02,575 Shrimps. 390 00:23:02,659 --> 00:23:04,577 Damn, dirty shrimps. 391 00:23:04,661 --> 00:23:06,788 Don't even talk to me about shrimps! 392 00:23:06,872 --> 00:23:09,666 I call my mother a lot, like, every day. 393 00:23:09,750 --> 00:23:11,752 And I love a bargain. 394 00:23:11,835 --> 00:23:13,879 "Who hath believed our report... 395 00:23:13,962 --> 00:23:16,923 and to whom is the arm of the Lord revealed?" 396 00:23:17,007 --> 00:23:18,634 Isaiah 53, verse one. 397 00:23:18,717 --> 00:23:20,260 [speaking gibberish] 398 00:23:22,428 --> 00:23:24,180 [singing] 399 00:23:27,308 --> 00:23:28,852 [mumbling] 400 00:23:30,145 --> 00:23:33,273 Latinas are halfway Jew already. 401 00:23:33,356 --> 00:23:35,441 I mean, the hora and the conga line? 402 00:23:35,525 --> 00:23:37,527 Basically the same thing. 403 00:23:37,610 --> 00:23:42,407 There was a big book where I wrote down all the people I wish was dead... 404 00:23:42,490 --> 00:23:44,910 who... 405 00:23:44,993 --> 00:23:49,956 You know, so God comes and kills them and not my... me. 406 00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:51,041 And may I say, 407 00:23:51,124 --> 00:23:56,212 I think y'all are doing a wonderful job controlling the media. 408 00:23:56,296 --> 00:23:59,132 I mean, we... we are doing a wonderful job. 409 00:24:00,633 --> 00:24:03,469 [Rabbi Tatelbaum] Now, Miss Hayes, were you raised Jewish? 410 00:24:03,553 --> 00:24:06,765 Mmm-hmm. Born and bred, on my mama's side. 411 00:24:06,848 --> 00:24:09,851 And that's the side that make it all legit, see? 412 00:24:09,935 --> 00:24:11,311 Jewish smarts. 413 00:24:11,394 --> 00:24:13,521 - And you kept kosher growing up? - Mmm-hmm. 414 00:24:13,604 --> 00:24:15,356 Let me lay it all out for you. 415 00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:16,482 The whole brood of Hayes, 416 00:24:16,566 --> 00:24:19,319 we lived under the Cyclone on Coney Island, right? 417 00:24:19,402 --> 00:24:21,154 Brooklyn in the house. A-yo! 418 00:24:21,822 --> 00:24:24,240 And, uh, oh, I was always a nervous kid growing up, 419 00:24:24,324 --> 00:24:27,618 always worrying about the universe expanding, 420 00:24:27,703 --> 00:24:29,955 and... and so, my parents took me to a shrink, 421 00:24:30,038 --> 00:24:33,834 and the shrink was like, "Cindy, quit your worrying. 422 00:24:33,917 --> 00:24:36,586 The universe be chilling for another billion years." 423 00:24:36,669 --> 00:24:39,130 But I couldn't stop worrying and cooking lobsters 424 00:24:39,214 --> 00:24:41,717 and hanging with women in suspenders. 425 00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:43,760 I see you're familiar with Annie Hall. 426 00:24:43,844 --> 00:24:46,262 - Annie who? - I see. 427 00:24:48,264 --> 00:24:51,142 Okay, okay, okay. Anyway... anyway... 428 00:24:51,226 --> 00:24:53,979 So, my father... 429 00:24:54,062 --> 00:24:56,314 my father died pretty young. 430 00:24:56,397 --> 00:24:57,565 It was a sad story. 431 00:24:57,648 --> 00:25:00,193 And after he died, I went to yeshiva school. 432 00:25:00,276 --> 00:25:02,112 Now, I knew I had to dress like a dude and all, 433 00:25:02,195 --> 00:25:05,741 but that didn't matter, 'cause what I really wanted to study was the, um... 434 00:25:05,824 --> 00:25:07,909 What's that word that begin with a "T"? 435 00:25:07,993 --> 00:25:09,119 - The Talmud. - Next. 436 00:25:09,202 --> 00:25:10,829 - The Torah. - Mmm, yeah, that. 437 00:25:10,912 --> 00:25:12,372 And whenever I felt alone, 438 00:25:12,455 --> 00:25:14,624 I would sing up to my papa in heaven, 439 00:25:14,707 --> 00:25:18,378 and I would be like, "Papa... do you feel me?" 440 00:25:19,587 --> 00:25:22,632 And he would be like, "Cindy, girl... 441 00:25:22,715 --> 00:25:27,345 even though I'm in heaven, I still feel you." 442 00:25:27,428 --> 00:25:31,099 Jews don't have an official conception of the afterlife. 443 00:25:32,558 --> 00:25:33,935 Oh. 444 00:25:34,019 --> 00:25:35,896 I remember that now. 445 00:25:35,979 --> 00:25:39,357 The focus, instead, is to fulfill our duties to God here on Earth. 446 00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:42,318 Right! That's how we do it. 447 00:25:42,402 --> 00:25:45,405 [chuckles] Miss Hayes, while I am heartened 448 00:25:45,488 --> 00:25:48,699 that you appreciate the works of Woody Allen and Barbra Streisand, 449 00:25:48,784 --> 00:25:53,704 I think you've confused cultural Judaism with committed Jewish belief. 450 00:25:53,789 --> 00:25:56,958 Also, I hear Mandy Patinkin can be difficult to work with. 451 00:25:58,251 --> 00:26:00,045 So, do I pass? 452 00:26:02,213 --> 00:26:04,757 And I call and I call, and no one answers. 453 00:26:04,841 --> 00:26:06,176 I don't know what's going on. 454 00:26:06,259 --> 00:26:08,929 And now, I can't see him. 455 00:26:09,012 --> 00:26:10,346 Can't somebody else drive him? 456 00:26:10,430 --> 00:26:11,722 I asked this whole goddamn prison. 457 00:26:11,807 --> 00:26:14,434 Ain't nobody else with a car that far up the river. 458 00:26:14,517 --> 00:26:15,518 [scoffs] 459 00:26:16,978 --> 00:26:20,231 Who does this tranny bitch think she is, messing with your visitations? 460 00:26:20,315 --> 00:26:22,567 Tranny's got nothing to do with it. 461 00:26:22,650 --> 00:26:25,153 It's just two mothers going at it for their kids. 462 00:26:25,236 --> 00:26:27,906 So, maybe it's better for Benny if I don't win this one. 463 00:26:27,989 --> 00:26:29,740 You're not thinking of apologizing? 464 00:26:29,825 --> 00:26:32,243 Maybe just smooth things out is all. 465 00:26:32,327 --> 00:26:34,704 She fucked with you being able to see your kid, mama. 466 00:26:34,787 --> 00:26:36,289 She should apologize to you. 467 00:26:36,372 --> 00:26:39,250 Benny's a mouthy little fucker. What if he did start this? 468 00:26:40,335 --> 00:26:42,337 Even if Benny was a bad influence, 469 00:26:42,420 --> 00:26:45,173 she thinks that's why her kid's fucked in the head? 470 00:26:45,256 --> 00:26:47,717 He's got two mommies. One of them got a pee-pee. 471 00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:49,344 She don't have a dick, Aleida. 472 00:26:49,427 --> 00:26:52,430 I've seen it, you've seen it. She got a perky little cooch. 473 00:26:52,513 --> 00:26:55,266 - Ugh! You're gonna make me throw up. - [chuckles] 474 00:26:55,350 --> 00:26:57,685 There it is. There's my puke. 475 00:26:57,768 --> 00:26:58,979 I had nothing to do with it. 476 00:26:59,062 --> 00:27:00,939 [both] We know. 477 00:27:01,022 --> 00:27:03,774 As I was saying, we gotta think of this as the first test, 478 00:27:03,859 --> 00:27:05,735 like the Jews wandering the desert, 479 00:27:05,818 --> 00:27:07,487 or the early Christians, wherever they wandered. 480 00:27:07,570 --> 00:27:08,779 The desert, I think. 481 00:27:08,864 --> 00:27:11,241 Everybody was in the desert for a while. 482 00:27:11,324 --> 00:27:13,076 [Frieda growls] 483 00:27:13,159 --> 00:27:15,620 Her hand is on my half again. 484 00:27:15,703 --> 00:27:16,829 Sorry. 485 00:27:16,913 --> 00:27:18,539 I need my space. 486 00:27:18,623 --> 00:27:21,459 And for the record, your timing sucks. 487 00:27:21,542 --> 00:27:24,670 That Rodcocker just fell into the orgasmator. 488 00:27:24,754 --> 00:27:26,006 Hey, no spoilers. 489 00:27:26,089 --> 00:27:28,799 I gotta hand this over to Valdez in 30 minutes. 490 00:27:28,884 --> 00:27:31,761 The world's gonna keep shitting on us until we make ourselves official. 491 00:27:31,844 --> 00:27:34,555 - Official how? - Maybe if we all got the same haircut. 492 00:27:34,639 --> 00:27:36,933 Only if all y'all get my haircut. 493 00:27:37,017 --> 00:27:40,395 No, or something with our clothes, like an armband with a symbol. 494 00:27:40,478 --> 00:27:41,604 Like a swastika? 495 00:27:42,147 --> 00:27:44,190 Not an armband, but something else that... 496 00:27:44,274 --> 00:27:48,069 Something else for excluding people, like how you excluded Brook. 497 00:27:48,987 --> 00:27:50,488 Soso left on her own. 498 00:27:50,571 --> 00:27:54,534 Yeah, after you scared her away with your rules and regulations and loudness. 499 00:27:54,617 --> 00:27:57,537 If she doesn't get what we stand for, she's better off gone. 500 00:28:09,299 --> 00:28:10,633 [female police detective] Hold still, Leanne. 501 00:28:12,928 --> 00:28:15,555 They're gonna know. They're gonna wonder why I'm back. 502 00:28:15,638 --> 00:28:18,641 - Amish kids come back all the time. - Not once they're baptized. 503 00:28:18,724 --> 00:28:20,185 They don't have to know you're baptized. 504 00:28:20,268 --> 00:28:23,521 They'll see it on my face... that I'm with God. 505 00:28:23,604 --> 00:28:26,441 I don't wanna disrespect your beliefs, but that sounds like a bunch of crap. 506 00:28:26,524 --> 00:28:28,109 Hey, easy. 507 00:28:28,193 --> 00:28:30,653 They think not wearing buttons makes them closer to God. 508 00:28:30,736 --> 00:28:32,948 Leanne, all you have to do is hang out for a couple hours, 509 00:28:33,031 --> 00:28:34,324 score some meth, like the good old days. 510 00:28:34,407 --> 00:28:36,451 Talk into the mic, Leanne. 511 00:28:36,534 --> 00:28:38,703 Testing, testing. Whatever, whatever. 512 00:28:38,786 --> 00:28:41,081 Levels are good. I think we're ready. 513 00:28:41,164 --> 00:28:42,290 [exhales] 514 00:28:42,373 --> 00:28:44,875 Please, all I want is to go home and be with my family. 515 00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:46,211 Yeah, well, you kind of limited your choices 516 00:28:46,294 --> 00:28:48,671 when you left a bag of drugs lying around with your ID in it. 517 00:28:48,754 --> 00:28:50,840 I'd say you're getting a pretty sweet deal. 518 00:28:50,924 --> 00:28:52,133 All you have to do is this one small thing, 519 00:28:52,217 --> 00:28:53,718 and it all goes away. 520 00:28:53,801 --> 00:28:57,263 "One small thing." You mean fuck over my friends? 521 00:28:57,347 --> 00:28:59,724 Your friends, the Rumspringa drug cartel. 522 00:28:59,807 --> 00:29:01,517 [male DEA agent] Aren't you helping them in the long run? 523 00:29:02,185 --> 00:29:05,146 Maybe when they go to prison, it'll turn them around... 524 00:29:05,230 --> 00:29:07,023 they'll find God, like you did. 525 00:29:07,107 --> 00:29:08,399 [scoffs] 526 00:29:08,483 --> 00:29:10,318 No, they won't. 527 00:29:11,152 --> 00:29:13,529 [speaking Pennsylvania Dutch] They like Hell too much. 528 00:29:20,703 --> 00:29:22,413 We figured you got busted. 529 00:29:22,497 --> 00:29:27,085 What, me? Never. I just took a vacation to Bonnet City. 530 00:29:27,168 --> 00:29:28,836 Oh, man, you went back? 531 00:29:28,919 --> 00:29:30,671 I had to see my parents. 532 00:29:30,755 --> 00:29:33,967 My dad was sick... with cancer. 533 00:29:34,050 --> 00:29:35,885 Oh, fuck, that sucks. 534 00:29:35,969 --> 00:29:37,262 Did they try to get you to stay? 535 00:29:37,345 --> 00:29:39,514 Are you kidding? They, like, begged. 536 00:29:39,597 --> 00:29:43,726 They tried that shit with me, too. Offered me a new pony cart. [scoffs] 537 00:29:45,478 --> 00:29:48,106 Anyway, I told them I missed it too much here. 538 00:29:48,648 --> 00:29:52,068 Yeah, you know, it's important to know where you make sense. 539 00:29:52,152 --> 00:29:54,737 Otherwise, you're not really living, you know? 540 00:29:59,284 --> 00:30:00,951 Speaking of living... 541 00:30:01,869 --> 00:30:05,540 do you wanna hook me up with some crank? 542 00:30:05,623 --> 00:30:07,125 [woman speaking indistinctly on PA] 543 00:30:08,168 --> 00:30:09,835 Hey, boss lady. 544 00:30:09,919 --> 00:30:11,171 Hey. 545 00:30:11,254 --> 00:30:12,255 Um... 546 00:30:13,256 --> 00:30:14,465 You look comfortable. 547 00:30:14,549 --> 00:30:17,093 I like to air-dry. Sensitive skin. 548 00:30:17,177 --> 00:30:19,054 And these towels are the fucking worst. 549 00:30:19,137 --> 00:30:20,930 Oh, yeah, they're the worst. 550 00:30:21,014 --> 00:30:23,016 How does it feel being a magnate? 551 00:30:23,099 --> 00:30:24,684 No, I'm not really... 552 00:30:25,768 --> 00:30:29,147 Today's panty smuggler, tomorrow's Fortune 500. 553 00:30:29,230 --> 00:30:30,940 Sisters are doing it for themselves. 554 00:30:32,317 --> 00:30:33,943 You're too young to know that song. 555 00:30:34,027 --> 00:30:36,612 - What song? - Never mind. 556 00:30:37,738 --> 00:30:41,826 - So, how's your first shipment doing? - We'll know soon. 557 00:30:41,909 --> 00:30:42,993 You must be psyched. 558 00:30:43,078 --> 00:30:44,162 [sighs] 559 00:30:44,245 --> 00:30:45,746 It's really nice how supportive you are. 560 00:30:45,830 --> 00:30:47,040 Whatever. 561 00:30:47,123 --> 00:30:49,792 I was thinking, and I... I think you'd actually be 562 00:30:49,875 --> 00:30:54,214 a really great... person to ask about this. 563 00:30:54,297 --> 00:30:56,257 I'm thinking the spicy chicken packets 564 00:30:56,341 --> 00:30:59,260 might be worth more than the regular chicken packets, 565 00:30:59,344 --> 00:31:02,763 because they are certainly proving to be the most popular. 566 00:31:02,847 --> 00:31:03,848 [Stella] Mmm. 567 00:31:04,765 --> 00:31:07,727 - Sounds like quite a pickle. - Mmm-hmm, yes. 568 00:31:07,810 --> 00:31:10,396 I'm sure you'll figure out what you want. 569 00:31:11,397 --> 00:31:13,399 I have every confidence in you. 570 00:31:15,401 --> 00:31:18,488 All right, who stole my towel? 571 00:31:23,784 --> 00:31:26,871 - Ugh, how much longer? - We got about a half hour left. 572 00:31:26,954 --> 00:31:28,206 - [groans] - Oh! 573 00:31:28,289 --> 00:31:29,290 Ah! 574 00:31:30,916 --> 00:31:32,460 Crap! Crap! Crap! 575 00:31:32,543 --> 00:31:33,919 - Ow! - You cut yourself? 576 00:31:34,003 --> 00:31:35,296 No, but I broke that window. 577 00:31:35,380 --> 00:31:36,797 [Lea] Somebody should go report this. 578 00:31:36,881 --> 00:31:38,341 - I'll do it. - I will! 579 00:31:43,513 --> 00:31:44,514 [sighs] 580 00:31:49,059 --> 00:31:50,645 You sure you're okay? 581 00:31:50,728 --> 00:31:52,563 I said I was. 582 00:31:54,399 --> 00:31:56,942 Great, I'll get the rake. 583 00:31:58,486 --> 00:32:03,491 [Lolly singing] ♪ But the cat came back the very next day ♪ 584 00:32:03,574 --> 00:32:07,578 ♪ The cat came back He just couldn't stay away ♪ 585 00:32:07,662 --> 00:32:10,456 ♪ Away, away, away ♪ 586 00:32:10,540 --> 00:32:13,168 Um, where did that big piece go? 587 00:32:13,876 --> 00:32:17,547 Big piece of... What big piece? 588 00:32:17,630 --> 00:32:20,049 I told that hot bald guard. He said to leave it. 589 00:32:20,133 --> 00:32:21,884 Maintenance will deal with it in the morning. 590 00:32:21,967 --> 00:32:25,471 Oop! Sorry, Maintenance. That's the way the cookie crumbles! 591 00:32:29,184 --> 00:32:30,726 Did Norma send you? 592 00:32:30,810 --> 00:32:34,230 No, my heart just changed with the power of your love. 593 00:32:35,481 --> 00:32:36,816 Yes, Norma sent me. 594 00:32:38,943 --> 00:32:40,236 Okay. 595 00:32:41,862 --> 00:32:44,532 Can I sit or something? Isn't that what people do? 596 00:32:45,491 --> 00:32:46,492 Yeah. 597 00:32:57,753 --> 00:32:59,714 So... 598 00:32:59,797 --> 00:33:02,342 I'm not that great at apologies. 599 00:33:02,883 --> 00:33:05,345 "I'm sorry" is usually a strong opener. 600 00:33:05,428 --> 00:33:07,680 Let me work up to it. 601 00:33:08,473 --> 00:33:12,101 So, I don't know why I take structure so serious, but I guess I do. 602 00:33:12,185 --> 00:33:15,813 And... I think it might have something to do with 603 00:33:15,896 --> 00:33:18,399 being raised in a church that people like to shit on a lot. 604 00:33:18,483 --> 00:33:20,443 Oh, my God, what church? 605 00:33:20,526 --> 00:33:22,152 [Leanne] It doesn't matter. 606 00:33:23,153 --> 00:33:27,116 The point is... is that it was hard sometimes... 607 00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:28,909 a lot of the time. 608 00:33:28,993 --> 00:33:31,579 But if you knew who you were and what you believed, 609 00:33:31,662 --> 00:33:33,289 then it didn't matter if they called you names 610 00:33:33,373 --> 00:33:35,333 or made fun of your buggy or whatever. 611 00:33:35,416 --> 00:33:38,669 You knew you were better than them because you belonged. 612 00:33:38,753 --> 00:33:41,964 And when I stopped having that... 613 00:33:44,967 --> 00:33:48,263 Anyway, when I started doing the Norma meetings... 614 00:33:48,346 --> 00:33:50,515 it finally felt like I belonged to something again, 615 00:33:50,598 --> 00:33:51,891 even if it was small, 616 00:33:51,974 --> 00:33:53,893 and I didn't want people to shit on it. 617 00:33:53,976 --> 00:33:57,647 So, when you came in acting like the rules were nothing, I got a little... 618 00:33:58,731 --> 00:34:01,317 carried away, maybe. 619 00:34:01,401 --> 00:34:04,111 [sighs] Wait, your buggy... 620 00:34:05,321 --> 00:34:06,989 Do you mean you're, like... 621 00:34:09,992 --> 00:34:12,370 So, you, like, wore a bonnet? 622 00:34:12,453 --> 00:34:13,954 Yeah. 623 00:34:14,038 --> 00:34:18,709 [chuckles] I'm sorry, it's, like, um... just, like, you in a... 624 00:34:18,793 --> 00:34:20,127 in a bonnet! [laughs] 625 00:34:20,210 --> 00:34:22,212 Did you hear this? Did you... 626 00:34:22,297 --> 00:34:25,591 You churn butter. You Harrison Ford in Witness. 627 00:34:25,675 --> 00:34:28,386 - That movie has a lot of inaccuracies. - [laughs] 628 00:34:28,469 --> 00:34:30,388 Uh, you a total weirdo. 629 00:34:32,014 --> 00:34:34,725 Oh, no! Oh, my God! I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Leanne. I didn't... 630 00:34:34,809 --> 00:34:37,144 Keep my name out of your fucking mouth, you fucking half-breed. 631 00:34:38,145 --> 00:34:39,897 Hope you enjoy hell. 632 00:34:41,649 --> 00:34:44,944 Yeah, she no good at apologies. 633 00:35:09,134 --> 00:35:11,596 I thought you might be hungry. 634 00:35:11,679 --> 00:35:12,972 What if someone sees? 635 00:35:13,055 --> 00:35:15,641 The elders are already out of line. 636 00:35:15,725 --> 00:35:18,853 Shunning is for guiding people back to the church. 637 00:35:18,936 --> 00:35:20,855 But you didn't turn your back on the church. 638 00:35:21,564 --> 00:35:23,858 I did worse. 639 00:35:23,941 --> 00:35:26,486 I sent their kids to jail. 640 00:35:37,079 --> 00:35:39,374 [man speaking Pennsylvania Dutch] How could you be so careless? 641 00:35:39,457 --> 00:35:41,125 [woman] Our daughter was hungry. 642 00:35:41,208 --> 00:35:43,252 [man] As if things aren't bad enough. 643 00:35:44,420 --> 00:35:46,714 Our business is suffering. 644 00:35:47,673 --> 00:35:49,967 No one wants their sons working for me. 645 00:35:51,511 --> 00:35:53,804 We'll be broke if it goes on like this. 646 00:35:57,350 --> 00:35:59,184 [woman] Time will heal the wound. 647 00:35:59,268 --> 00:36:01,812 We have to be patient and forbearing. 648 00:36:05,232 --> 00:36:06,901 She's our daughter. 649 00:36:07,985 --> 00:36:09,654 [man breathing heavily] 650 00:36:12,657 --> 00:36:14,575 [woman speaking indistinctly on walkie-talkie] 651 00:36:16,911 --> 00:36:17,995 [knock on door] 652 00:36:20,873 --> 00:36:22,958 - Hey. - Hey. 653 00:36:23,042 --> 00:36:26,796 I didn't want you to think I'm some kind of bitch or nothing from before. 654 00:36:26,879 --> 00:36:28,881 Oh, that? I wasn't worried about that. 655 00:36:29,715 --> 00:36:31,133 Yeah, you were. 656 00:36:31,216 --> 00:36:33,218 Yeah, I kind of shit my pants, actually. 657 00:36:33,302 --> 00:36:35,930 I mean... not literally. 658 00:36:37,890 --> 00:36:41,477 You know, everybody around here has a big mouth, 659 00:36:41,561 --> 00:36:43,688 and especially the beanbags. 660 00:36:43,771 --> 00:36:45,690 And if they find out that we're becoming all friendly, 661 00:36:45,773 --> 00:36:50,277 then our happy lake times are gone, just like that... okay? 662 00:36:52,237 --> 00:36:54,824 So, we have to maintain boundaries. 663 00:36:54,907 --> 00:36:57,076 Inmate, step out of the bubble. 664 00:36:57,159 --> 00:36:59,328 Yes, sir, Mr. Donuts, sir. 665 00:36:59,412 --> 00:37:00,455 That's Mr. Coates to you. 666 00:37:00,538 --> 00:37:03,666 - [whispers] Officer Coates. - That's Officer Coates to you! 667 00:37:04,291 --> 00:37:07,587 You got potential. All right, Officer Coates. 668 00:37:07,670 --> 00:37:11,173 - Good night, sir. - Good night... inmate. 669 00:37:22,017 --> 00:37:23,769 [Maria] You're not on the list. 670 00:37:23,853 --> 00:37:26,772 - What's that supposed to be, anyway? - The bag said "Irish stew." 671 00:37:26,856 --> 00:37:28,774 Looks like the fajitas. 672 00:37:29,274 --> 00:37:31,110 One kosher meal, please. 673 00:37:31,193 --> 00:37:33,821 - Your name isn't on the list. - You didn't even look at the list. 674 00:37:33,904 --> 00:37:36,406 It's a short list. Do you want this or not? 675 00:37:36,491 --> 00:37:39,201 Yeah, hit me. 676 00:37:39,284 --> 00:37:41,787 - Let me guess. - Not on the list. 677 00:37:41,871 --> 00:37:44,457 Man, I told that rabbi I was Drake's cousin, 678 00:37:44,540 --> 00:37:46,584 worked the whole Black-Jewish mafia thing. 679 00:37:46,667 --> 00:37:48,377 But I guess he ain't never heard of Drake. 680 00:37:48,461 --> 00:37:50,880 Well, fool, you're, like, fifty shades darker than Drake. 681 00:37:50,963 --> 00:37:52,339 Fifty Shades of Drake. 682 00:37:52,422 --> 00:37:53,423 - [laughs] - Mmm. 683 00:37:53,508 --> 00:37:55,468 - Yeah. - That's right, girl. 684 00:37:55,551 --> 00:37:57,470 Somebody must've passed that test. 685 00:37:57,553 --> 00:37:59,597 [Maritza] One kosher meal coming right up. 686 00:38:02,224 --> 00:38:05,227 The Abrahamic religions are pretty much all the same, 687 00:38:05,310 --> 00:38:07,855 - till you get to Jesus. - [Black Cindy scoffs] 688 00:38:07,938 --> 00:38:10,232 Yo, Red, you eat this shit? 689 00:38:12,359 --> 00:38:15,112 People of the cafeteria, in case you haven't heard, 690 00:38:15,195 --> 00:38:17,740 I didn't cook it. 691 00:38:17,823 --> 00:38:19,950 I punch in, I punch out. 692 00:38:20,034 --> 00:38:22,327 I play Sudoku, I scratch my ass. 693 00:38:22,411 --> 00:38:24,288 If I had e-mail, I would check it. 694 00:38:24,371 --> 00:38:29,209 But the food you eat does not have even a piece of my soul in it. 695 00:38:29,293 --> 00:38:30,335 That is all. 696 00:38:33,756 --> 00:38:37,134 - Only one thing left to do now. - What's that? 697 00:38:37,217 --> 00:38:38,636 Convert for real. 698 00:38:38,719 --> 00:38:40,763 Where my dreidel at? 699 00:38:45,643 --> 00:38:47,186 Writer's block? 700 00:38:48,103 --> 00:38:51,566 It's like I can see the words, but I can't make them obey me. 701 00:38:51,649 --> 00:38:54,902 That's okay. Fran Lebowitz hasn't written anything for 30 years, 702 00:38:54,985 --> 00:38:56,486 and people still think she's great. 703 00:38:56,571 --> 00:38:59,532 - Yeah, as great as Gena Showalter? - I don't know who that is. 704 00:38:59,615 --> 00:39:00,908 Hey, I was wondering, um, 705 00:39:00,991 --> 00:39:05,495 you know when Sunflower takes both Rodcocks at once, 706 00:39:05,580 --> 00:39:08,624 and she says, "I can feel you in my eyeballs"? 707 00:39:08,708 --> 00:39:11,961 I'm wondering, is that, you know, poetry... 708 00:39:12,044 --> 00:39:14,839 or can she literally feel his penises in her eyeballs? 709 00:39:14,922 --> 00:39:17,967 I like to let the words speak for themselves. 710 00:39:18,050 --> 00:39:21,220 Because I personally, I really identify with Sunflower, 711 00:39:21,303 --> 00:39:23,556 and it seems like she might be polymorphously perverse. 712 00:39:23,639 --> 00:39:25,474 - You know what that is? - Yes. 713 00:39:26,767 --> 00:39:27,768 No. 714 00:39:27,852 --> 00:39:30,896 Well, Freud describes it as a time before age five 715 00:39:30,980 --> 00:39:34,524 when any part of your body can be aroused by almost anything. 716 00:39:34,609 --> 00:39:38,403 - [snorts] - Like, your elbow... your kneecap... 717 00:39:39,404 --> 00:39:40,740 your eyeballs. 718 00:39:42,241 --> 00:39:44,409 I remember feeling like I was the only one. 719 00:39:44,493 --> 00:39:48,080 So, if Sunflower or... 720 00:39:48,163 --> 00:39:51,751 anyone... felt that way... 721 00:39:51,834 --> 00:39:55,713 I'd want them to know that... they aren't alone. 722 00:39:59,508 --> 00:40:01,927 Suzanne, you forgot your... 723 00:40:05,848 --> 00:40:08,726 I'm scared to ask. How did it go with Gerber? 724 00:40:08,809 --> 00:40:10,352 [whispers] Who's Gerber? 725 00:40:10,435 --> 00:40:12,897 Baby face... our corruptible young man. 726 00:40:12,980 --> 00:40:14,982 Oh, yeah! [chuckles] 727 00:40:15,065 --> 00:40:18,027 We met at a dog park near his house. 728 00:40:18,110 --> 00:40:20,613 You know, he dyed his dog to look like a tiger. 729 00:40:20,696 --> 00:40:22,156 But you got the goods? 730 00:40:23,699 --> 00:40:26,702 Oh, my God, you don't know yet. Of course you don't know. 731 00:40:26,786 --> 00:40:29,163 Oh, no, Cal... What happened? 732 00:40:29,246 --> 00:40:32,207 [whispers] Pipes... we sold out overnight. 733 00:40:34,334 --> 00:40:36,837 [whispers] Shut up. 734 00:40:36,921 --> 00:40:39,214 - Yes. - All 20 pairs? 735 00:40:39,298 --> 00:40:41,842 Frankly, I think we're selling ourselves a little short at 50 bucks a pop. 736 00:40:41,926 --> 00:40:45,137 I think we should shoot for the moon, and go for, like, 75, maybe. 737 00:40:45,220 --> 00:40:46,639 And the more we can get... 738 00:40:46,722 --> 00:40:49,099 Well, that means that I'll have to recruit more panty girls. 739 00:40:49,892 --> 00:40:51,811 Seriously, that's what you call them? 740 00:40:51,894 --> 00:40:53,312 This whole thing is like Christmas. 741 00:40:53,395 --> 00:40:55,480 - What is on your arm? - Oh. 742 00:40:56,398 --> 00:40:58,984 Oh, yeah, uh, there are reviews up on the site. 743 00:40:59,068 --> 00:41:00,569 Already? 744 00:41:00,653 --> 00:41:02,738 World Wide Web, man. It's some fast shit. 745 00:41:02,822 --> 00:41:04,281 I hear it's the latest thing. 746 00:41:04,364 --> 00:41:06,616 - I wrote down the good ones to tell you. - Okay. 747 00:41:06,701 --> 00:41:07,702 [clears throat] 748 00:41:08,953 --> 00:41:11,121 "Great service, lovely scent." 749 00:41:11,205 --> 00:41:12,790 Aw. 750 00:41:12,873 --> 00:41:14,792 "Prison bitches are the ripest." 751 00:41:15,793 --> 00:41:17,419 That's a good one, I think. 752 00:41:17,502 --> 00:41:18,503 What do you mean, "That's a good one"? 753 00:41:18,587 --> 00:41:20,422 Does that mean that there are bad ones? 754 00:41:20,505 --> 00:41:22,883 Uh, there are a couple, but I'm not going to tell you. 755 00:41:22,967 --> 00:41:24,969 All people ever remember are the bad ones. 756 00:41:25,052 --> 00:41:26,386 I'm in prison, Cal. 757 00:41:26,470 --> 00:41:28,305 I've got some pretty thick skin these days. 758 00:41:28,388 --> 00:41:30,265 People think the packaging could be better. 759 00:41:30,349 --> 00:41:31,684 That's bullshit. 760 00:41:31,767 --> 00:41:32,768 [shushing] 761 00:41:33,643 --> 00:41:36,521 I mean, you try packaging things with stolen kitchen supplies. 762 00:41:36,605 --> 00:41:37,606 [softly] I know. 763 00:41:38,273 --> 00:41:40,567 But maybe they're right. 764 00:41:40,650 --> 00:41:42,903 Maybe you should repackage them when you get them, 765 00:41:42,987 --> 00:41:45,197 and then you can ship them. 766 00:41:45,280 --> 00:41:47,825 Oh, man, I feel awful that they look bad. 767 00:41:47,908 --> 00:41:49,284 Anyways, moving on, 768 00:41:49,368 --> 00:41:53,247 people are already asking for some very weird stuff... 769 00:41:53,330 --> 00:41:56,625 - Huh. - Like murder panties. 770 00:41:56,709 --> 00:41:58,668 Now, I assume that is when the murderers wear them 771 00:41:58,753 --> 00:42:00,170 and not the victims. 772 00:42:00,254 --> 00:42:03,883 One guy really wants Samoan girls with really big feet. 773 00:42:03,966 --> 00:42:06,093 - I don't know any Samoan girls. - Oh, it doesn't matter. 774 00:42:06,176 --> 00:42:07,344 They don't have to know that. 775 00:42:07,427 --> 00:42:09,596 You can be anyone that you say you are, 776 00:42:09,679 --> 00:42:10,680 but you gotta be careful. 777 00:42:10,765 --> 00:42:13,225 You can't go saying that you're some black lady serial killer 778 00:42:13,308 --> 00:42:15,060 who specializes in killing bald men 779 00:42:15,144 --> 00:42:17,562 with blows from a poison-tipped sai kata, 780 00:42:17,646 --> 00:42:21,650 and then the customer finds a blond pube in there. Uh-uh. 781 00:42:21,734 --> 00:42:23,693 You gotta maintain the fantasy. 782 00:42:23,778 --> 00:42:25,612 Good point. 783 00:42:25,695 --> 00:42:27,614 You frighten me, but... 784 00:42:28,532 --> 00:42:29,909 good point. 785 00:42:30,659 --> 00:42:33,703 Did your mom let you have it? I sure hope so. 786 00:42:33,788 --> 00:42:35,039 I'm grounded for two months. 787 00:42:35,122 --> 00:42:37,875 Well, you deserve it... but you're still my little boy. 788 00:42:37,958 --> 00:42:39,084 - Whatever. - [woman weeping] 789 00:42:39,168 --> 00:42:41,461 It was worth it to teach that little bitch Laronne a lesson. 790 00:42:41,545 --> 00:42:43,839 What lesson? What did he do to you? 791 00:42:43,923 --> 00:42:47,384 - Looking at me funny. - What do you mean "funny"? 792 00:42:47,467 --> 00:42:51,180 Probably fagging out on me. I had to school that shit-stabber. 793 00:42:51,263 --> 00:42:54,683 Baby, don't play tough... and watch your mouth. 794 00:42:54,767 --> 00:42:56,811 I know you only did it to impress that Benny. 795 00:42:56,894 --> 00:42:59,729 Benny? Benny ran away like a little wuss. 796 00:42:59,814 --> 00:43:01,356 He did? 797 00:43:01,440 --> 00:43:03,650 I should stomp his bitch ass next. 798 00:43:03,733 --> 00:43:05,903 I don't know who's the bigger pussy, him or Laronne. 799 00:43:10,074 --> 00:43:12,367 [Coates] Come on, guys, look at the pretty colors. 800 00:43:13,577 --> 00:43:16,205 [Pennsatucky] You're that one. [Coates] Which one? 801 00:43:16,288 --> 00:43:19,374 That Downsy one that keeps missing all the crumbs. 802 00:43:19,458 --> 00:43:21,085 Oh, yeah? Well, you're the brown one over there 803 00:43:21,168 --> 00:43:23,253 that keeps swimming around in circles. 804 00:43:23,337 --> 00:43:27,091 I'm not a stupid brown duck. I'm a hot green duck. 805 00:43:27,174 --> 00:43:30,552 The green ducks are males, dummy. You wanna be a man duck? 806 00:43:30,635 --> 00:43:33,097 It's a man's world. 807 00:43:33,180 --> 00:43:35,349 Name like Doggett, maybe you're not a duck. 808 00:43:35,432 --> 00:43:36,766 You're a dog. 809 00:43:36,851 --> 00:43:39,812 Well, I can swim good. I can fetch even better. 810 00:43:39,895 --> 00:43:41,105 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 811 00:43:41,188 --> 00:43:42,189 Let's see about that. 812 00:43:42,272 --> 00:43:44,691 - What? - Fetch! 813 00:43:44,774 --> 00:43:46,735 - Fetch, Doggett, fetch. - [scoffs] 814 00:43:46,819 --> 00:43:47,820 [barks] 815 00:43:47,903 --> 00:43:48,904 [pants] 816 00:43:50,906 --> 00:43:52,491 Good girl. 817 00:43:54,618 --> 00:43:57,037 - Good Doggett. - [chuckles] 818 00:43:58,622 --> 00:44:00,374 Fetch with your mouth this time. 819 00:44:05,129 --> 00:44:07,297 - Go on. - Okay. 820 00:44:07,381 --> 00:44:08,798 Fetch. 821 00:44:08,883 --> 00:44:10,092 [panting] 822 00:44:11,426 --> 00:44:13,095 [barking] 823 00:44:15,180 --> 00:44:16,640 What's the matter, girl? 824 00:44:16,723 --> 00:44:18,808 It's all wet here and muddy. 825 00:44:18,893 --> 00:44:19,977 Uh-uh-uh. 826 00:44:20,060 --> 00:44:23,397 Sorry, I only understand dog talk. 827 00:44:23,480 --> 00:44:25,690 You're a dog playing fetch with a dog? 828 00:44:25,774 --> 00:44:27,860 That doesn't make any sense. 829 00:44:27,943 --> 00:44:30,529 I said, "Fetch," inmate! 830 00:44:39,829 --> 00:44:40,830 Good girl. 831 00:44:40,915 --> 00:44:42,791 [coughs] 832 00:44:42,875 --> 00:44:44,501 Good Doggett. 833 00:44:44,584 --> 00:44:46,086 [roars] 834 00:44:46,170 --> 00:44:47,212 [chuckles] 835 00:44:53,885 --> 00:44:55,054 Hey! 836 00:45:00,767 --> 00:45:03,103 It's okay. There's no one around. 837 00:45:05,940 --> 00:45:09,193 Fuck, I like you so much. [chuckles] 838 00:45:09,276 --> 00:45:10,360 Okay. 839 00:45:10,444 --> 00:45:15,532 I... like... you... so... much. 840 00:45:15,615 --> 00:45:16,616 Okay. 841 00:45:18,910 --> 00:45:20,037 Right. 842 00:45:22,164 --> 00:45:23,832 Boundaries. 843 00:45:29,629 --> 00:45:30,965 I know it sounds rough, 844 00:45:31,048 --> 00:45:33,800 but sometimes you gotta cut people loose. 845 00:45:35,177 --> 00:45:37,054 Sometimes people don't belong, 846 00:45:37,137 --> 00:45:40,015 and the most important thing is the unity of the group. 847 00:45:41,391 --> 00:45:45,562 Yeah, I told her there was a place for her and you wanted her back, but... 848 00:45:46,771 --> 00:45:48,940 she didn't seem into it. 849 00:45:51,818 --> 00:45:53,153 It's like you always say... 850 00:45:56,365 --> 00:45:59,534 Sometimes the kindest thing is to let people go. 851 00:46:24,018 --> 00:46:25,227 [sighs] 852 00:46:28,605 --> 00:46:30,399 [snoring] 853 00:47:10,105 --> 00:47:13,567 So, is that, like, a... Chinese thing, or... 854 00:47:30,292 --> 00:47:31,418 You want this book? 855 00:47:31,501 --> 00:47:33,753 I don't cook Italian much, but what this woman does with butter... 856 00:47:33,837 --> 00:47:36,506 What'll I use it for, a doorstop? 857 00:47:36,590 --> 00:47:37,591 [sighs] 858 00:47:40,427 --> 00:47:43,847 Hey, pity party... you need to let this shit go. 859 00:47:43,930 --> 00:47:46,641 You're right, the food tastes like crap, 860 00:47:46,725 --> 00:47:49,978 and I get 1,000 different visions of hell when I put it in my mouth, 861 00:47:50,061 --> 00:47:51,438 but your face is not one of them. 862 00:47:51,521 --> 00:47:54,441 We get it, you didn't cook it. 863 00:47:54,524 --> 00:47:55,525 Stop apologizing. 864 00:47:55,609 --> 00:47:58,320 The more you apologize... the worse it tastes. 865 00:47:59,488 --> 00:48:03,492 You gotta move... the fuck... on. 866 00:48:07,912 --> 00:48:09,581 Thanks. 867 00:48:09,664 --> 00:48:11,166 I needed that. 868 00:48:15,920 --> 00:48:17,005 [sighs] 869 00:48:21,926 --> 00:48:23,928 Can I help you? 870 00:48:26,014 --> 00:48:28,683 No... never mind. 871 00:49:26,450 --> 00:49:27,992 [Stella] Holy shit! 872 00:49:28,785 --> 00:49:30,620 - This is major. - [Piper] Right? 873 00:49:31,288 --> 00:49:35,584 I mean, there was one bad review, but it's... not like I care. 874 00:49:35,667 --> 00:49:38,086 Although, they were... kind of right. 875 00:49:38,712 --> 00:49:41,840 Say you expand to 16 panty girls 876 00:49:41,923 --> 00:49:44,092 and you go down to two days per pair of panties, 877 00:49:44,175 --> 00:49:45,927 that's 48 pairs of panties per week. 878 00:49:46,010 --> 00:49:48,472 Times that by $75 each, 879 00:49:48,555 --> 00:49:52,309 and you have a gross amount... of... [chuckles] 880 00:49:52,392 --> 00:49:53,393 Holy fuck! 881 00:49:53,477 --> 00:49:54,644 What? 882 00:49:54,728 --> 00:49:56,771 $3,600 a week. 883 00:49:57,647 --> 00:49:58,648 Wow. 884 00:49:59,649 --> 00:50:00,734 But two days per panty, 885 00:50:00,817 --> 00:50:03,152 wouldn't that be more than three pairs per week? 886 00:50:03,237 --> 00:50:06,656 Yeah, but you should give them a day off... 887 00:50:07,991 --> 00:50:10,159 - for the Sabbath. - Oh. 888 00:50:10,244 --> 00:50:13,037 Look at you. You're a good Christian girl. 889 00:50:13,121 --> 00:50:15,540 - Actually, I'm Buddhist. - Of course you are. 890 00:50:16,625 --> 00:50:18,960 Maybe they'll give you a special Buddha meal. 891 00:50:19,043 --> 00:50:20,044 Ew, no, they're gross. 892 00:50:20,128 --> 00:50:22,339 It's some sort of gluten shit instead of meat. 893 00:50:22,422 --> 00:50:25,133 But now that they're cracking down on the fake Jews, 894 00:50:25,216 --> 00:50:26,843 I'm thinking of going halal. 895 00:50:26,926 --> 00:50:27,927 [speaks Arabic] 896 00:50:28,887 --> 00:50:31,139 You really know how to work a system. 897 00:50:31,222 --> 00:50:33,267 I'm a hard worker. 898 00:50:34,100 --> 00:50:35,184 Mmm. 899 00:50:36,270 --> 00:50:39,648 So, what did Alex say when you told her the good news? 900 00:50:39,731 --> 00:50:41,525 Oh, but I haven't told her. 901 00:50:41,608 --> 00:50:44,152 She's been busy. 902 00:50:44,235 --> 00:50:46,363 And by "busy," I mean psychologically unstable. 903 00:50:47,155 --> 00:50:50,492 And by "psychologically unstable," I mean annoying. 904 00:50:51,535 --> 00:50:54,579 Well... I'm honored that you told me first. 905 00:50:54,663 --> 00:50:57,248 - Sixteen girls. - Mmm-hmm. 906 00:50:58,333 --> 00:51:00,585 I have to make sure we find girls we can trust. 907 00:51:00,669 --> 00:51:02,504 Yeah. 908 00:51:02,587 --> 00:51:06,591 Girls that we know will be into it. 909 00:51:06,675 --> 00:51:09,469 - "It" being panties? - Yeah. 910 00:51:10,929 --> 00:51:14,140 - That won't be hard. - It won't? 911 00:51:14,223 --> 00:51:16,310 No, it's like, um... 912 00:51:16,393 --> 00:51:19,688 it's like sussing out whether somebody's into you or not. 913 00:51:19,771 --> 00:51:23,149 When you know it, you know it... you know? 914 00:51:23,692 --> 00:51:25,944 On the other hand, sometimes you can... 915 00:51:27,821 --> 00:51:29,739 suspect... 916 00:51:29,823 --> 00:51:35,036 but you're not... totally sure-sure. 917 00:51:35,119 --> 00:51:39,123 And so, you're left... sitting in that expectation... 918 00:51:40,375 --> 00:51:44,504 waiting for someone to... break the suspense. 919 00:51:56,224 --> 00:51:59,310 Did that clear things up? 920 00:52:02,063 --> 00:52:03,064 No. 921 00:52:05,024 --> 00:52:07,902 In fact, that just made everything a lot more fucking confusing. 922 00:52:08,778 --> 00:52:10,447 [softly] Uh... 923 00:52:10,530 --> 00:52:11,865 Sorry. 924 00:52:11,948 --> 00:52:13,575 It's not your fault. 925 00:52:16,119 --> 00:52:17,621 Yeah, it is. 926 00:52:17,704 --> 00:52:19,831 Okay, yeah. 927 00:52:21,082 --> 00:52:22,834 Yeah, it kind of is. 928 00:52:24,836 --> 00:52:26,880 [R&B song playing]