1 00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:37,970 The next award is for the funniest program on television, 2 00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:40,974 and of course it's a very difficult category, really, to define, 3 00:00:40,974 --> 00:00:42,976 because we all find different things funny. 4 00:00:42,976 --> 00:00:45,202 One gentleman in this building has the job 5 00:00:45,203 --> 00:00:47,480 of deciding what will make all of us laugh. 6 00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:51,484 He's the BBC television's director of programs, Michael Grade. 7 00:00:51,484 --> 00:00:53,486 - (FANFARE) - (APPLAUSE) 8 00:00:58,491 --> 00:01:01,994 Thanks, you're fantastic. 9 00:01:01,995 --> 00:01:03,997 It is a difficult job. 10 00:01:03,997 --> 00:01:05,999 How do you decide what's funny? What amuses you? 11 00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:09,002 I ring Sue Pollard and ask her. 12 00:01:09,002 --> 00:01:10,262 You never know, the audience-- 13 00:01:10,263 --> 00:01:12,505 You just wait for the audience to tell you what's funny. 14 00:01:12,505 --> 00:01:15,007 They write to you, they watch it or they switch it off. 15 00:01:15,008 --> 00:01:17,510 You soon know very quickly if a comedy show isn't funny. 16 00:01:17,510 --> 00:01:19,512 Yeah, you've got an interesting selection here. 17 00:01:19,512 --> 00:01:22,014 I wonder whether there’s a personal favourite in this one. 18 00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:24,017 I'll read you the nominations and 19 00:01:24,017 --> 00:01:27,520 I will try and give them equal emphasis 'cause they're all wonderful shows. 20 00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:30,489 The first nomination for the funniest television program 21 00:01:30,490 --> 00:01:32,024 is "Last Of The Summer Wine." 22 00:01:32,025 --> 00:01:35,528 The second nomination is "Bread." 23 00:01:35,528 --> 00:01:38,030 The third nomination is "'Allo, 'Allo!" 24 00:01:38,031 --> 00:01:40,533 and the fourth, "Only Fools And Horses." 25 00:01:40,533 --> 00:01:42,034 Right-oh then, in you get. 26 00:01:42,035 --> 00:01:45,038 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 27 00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:53,046 - I don't ride. - I told you, she's pretty. 28 00:01:53,046 --> 00:01:55,048 Hang on, hang on. 29 00:01:56,549 --> 00:01:58,551 That feels a bit flimsy. 30 00:01:58,551 --> 00:02:00,553 It's lightweight, not flimsy. 31 00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:11,064 Prayers. 32 00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:14,067 I don't see why we have to have prayers. 33 00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:17,070 We have prayers because we're thanking god for what we are about to receive. 34 00:02:17,070 --> 00:02:19,072 But we earned the money to buy the food. 35 00:02:19,072 --> 00:02:22,575 I went to the market to fetch it, you cooked it. 36 00:02:22,575 --> 00:02:25,077 What’s god got to do with it? 37 00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:27,080 Close your eyes, Jack. 38 00:02:29,582 --> 00:02:32,084 We thank thee, oh, god, for giving us the skill 39 00:02:32,085 --> 00:02:35,088 to earn the money to buy the food, 40 00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:40,593 for giving our Jack the strength to carry it from the market, 41 00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:45,098 for giving me the will to cook it 42 00:02:45,098 --> 00:02:49,102 and for giving us all a gob to eat it. 43 00:02:49,102 --> 00:02:52,105 There's nothing unusual going on in the village. 44 00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:56,609 My braces. 45 00:02:57,610 --> 00:03:00,112 Aah-ah! 46 00:03:00,113 --> 00:03:02,615 (GERMAN ACCENT) Why did this man give you his braces? 47 00:03:06,119 --> 00:03:08,621 It's a secret society, colonel. 48 00:03:08,621 --> 00:03:11,624 Yes it is, it is "The Grand Order of the-- of the--" 49 00:03:11,624 --> 00:03:14,126 - "of the Night-Owls." - "--of the Night-Owls," that is right, yes. 50 00:03:14,127 --> 00:03:16,629 "The Grand Order of the Night-Owls." 51 00:03:16,629 --> 00:03:18,631 I am the Grand Master. 52 00:03:18,631 --> 00:03:20,633 He is the big 'oot. 53 00:03:20,633 --> 00:03:23,636 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 54 00:03:23,636 --> 00:03:27,139 Excusez-moi, monsieur, je ne suis pas Française, mais Allemande. 55 00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:28,641 Who? 56 00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:30,643 - Allemagne, Deutschland-- - Who is he? 57 00:03:30,643 --> 00:03:33,145 - Germany, ya? - She's German. 58 00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:35,148 - Oh, it's all right. - Panic over, Mike, 59 00:03:35,148 --> 00:03:37,650 - Rambo's cracked it. She's German. - 'Ere 'ere 'ere. 60 00:03:37,650 --> 00:03:39,652 - What? - I can speak a bit of German. 61 00:03:39,652 --> 00:03:42,154 - Can you? - Yeah, I was over there at the start of the war. 62 00:03:42,155 --> 00:03:45,158 Yeah, come on. Sit down. Sit down. Come over here. 63 00:03:45,158 --> 00:03:46,659 What-- Sit down, now listen to me 64 00:03:46,659 --> 00:03:48,661 I want you to ask her what her name is, you know, 65 00:03:48,661 --> 00:03:51,163 where she lives, her address and all that sort of thing. 66 00:03:51,164 --> 00:03:53,166 Right, leave this to me. 67 00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:55,668 Vat iz your name? 68 00:03:55,668 --> 00:03:58,170 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 69 00:03:58,171 --> 00:04:03,176 - All right. - And... the winner is, 70 00:04:03,176 --> 00:04:06,679 winner of the funniest television program award is "'Allo, 'Allo!" 71 00:04:06,679 --> 00:04:08,180 (AUDIENCE APPLAUSES) 72 00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:11,684 And here to collect it all the way from France, Renée. 73 00:04:11,684 --> 00:04:14,687 Well, actually... 74 00:04:14,687 --> 00:04:17,189 I mean, this would not be a prestigious award's occasion 75 00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:20,693 if we didn’t have that immortal phrase, unfortunately-- 76 00:04:20,693 --> 00:04:23,195 Excuse me, hello? Mr. Edwards? 77 00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:25,198 Uh, excuse me, I'm sorry, uh-- 78 00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:28,201 I'm sorry about this. I did not know I was supposed to be up there-- 79 00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:38,711 Thank you very much. Thank you, oh-- Oh, well, 80 00:04:38,711 --> 00:04:42,214 - many congratulations. - Thank you very much indeed. Thank you, uh... 81 00:04:42,215 --> 00:04:44,217 Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, 82 00:04:44,217 --> 00:04:48,221 well, as we say in France, "flippy necks." 83 00:04:48,221 --> 00:04:50,223 You are probably wondering what I am doing 84 00:04:50,223 --> 00:04:53,226 in the middle of this exhibition of dining room furniture. 85 00:04:53,226 --> 00:04:55,728 Well, I will tell you, but... 86 00:04:55,728 --> 00:04:58,230 Listen very carefully, I shall say this only once, 87 00:04:58,231 --> 00:05:02,735 I was asked by the BBC, that is the Beasty Boys Club. 88 00:05:02,735 --> 00:05:06,238 to arrange the catering for this glittering occasion 89 00:05:06,239 --> 00:05:09,742 and I was just about to put the plates with the sausage rolls 90 00:05:09,742 --> 00:05:12,745 that actually contains some meat onto a table over there 91 00:05:12,745 --> 00:05:15,247 when sir Grade made his announcement. 92 00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:18,251 Right, it's mister Grade. 93 00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:20,253 But now he has that mrs. Thatcher on super store, 94 00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:22,255 how long can it be before?... 95 00:05:29,262 --> 00:05:31,764 Anyway, you could have knocked me up with a feather. 96 00:05:31,764 --> 00:05:34,767 So-- on behalf of everybody-- 97 00:05:34,767 --> 00:05:37,269 On behalf of everybody in and around 98 00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:39,272 my little café in wartime France, 99 00:05:39,272 --> 00:05:41,774 I say a very great many thanks 100 00:05:41,774 --> 00:05:43,776 to the young viewers who have voted us, 101 00:05:43,776 --> 00:05:46,278 "the funniest comedy series on television." 102 00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:50,783 for the very first time this SOS star award has been given to us. 103 00:05:50,783 --> 00:05:54,286 The BBC have a long tradition of making laughable programs. 104 00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:56,289 - (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) - And... 105 00:05:56,289 --> 00:05:58,791 and I hope, I hope, that when you see our new series 106 00:05:58,791 --> 00:06:00,292 which starts in the autumn, 107 00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:03,796 that you will feel that your thanking us has not been misplaced, 108 00:06:03,796 --> 00:06:06,298 so I will make sure that everybody in the café see this. 109 00:06:06,299 --> 00:06:09,302 If Herr Flick has any idea of stealing it to sell after the war, 110 00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:11,804 I will hide it inside a knockwurst sausage 111 00:06:11,804 --> 00:06:16,308 close to the portrait of the Fallen Madonna with the big-- you know what. 112 00:06:16,309 --> 00:06:18,311 And so once again a very big thank you 113 00:06:18,311 --> 00:06:22,815 and as you say in England, "up your bottoms!" thank you. 114 00:06:22,815 --> 00:06:24,316 (VOICES OVERLAPPING) 115 00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:26,819 See you later. 116 00:06:26,819 --> 00:06:28,821 Gorden Kaye.