Ah, Stephanie... I want you to work on this fast food campaign.
Make the gullible public think that it's exciting
that Whammy Burger only comes out with the Whammy Rib Sammy once a year.
- Whammy Rib Sammy's coming back? - Yeah.
- Yes! - And everyone else,
any ideas on how to make peanuts less scary?
Oh, what if we put it in a top hat and a monocle,
a tiny little cane, ah, dammit.
- Yep. - Wait, Dave, I was wondering
if I could take some time to help out my brother, Ray out.
He's a DJ.
Great! I love when we waste time and resources
doing unpaid work for family members.
- What was that, Dad? - Hmm?
You know what, yeah, you take some time
to do some work for your brother
to help him become a better iPod.
So, your brother's still doing the DJ thing, huh?
Yeah! Yeah, he just needs the right push.
Well, he is 40, your parents could start by pushing him out of their house.
(applause)
Where's my brother from the same mother?
Right here. Ready to give props to the man with the same pops.
Ray, the man who brings
so much shame, his mom went back to her maiden name.
Hey! Remember this from my parents basement?
You remember your parents' basement from this morning
when you left there because you still live there?
Remember that book you wrote that was really crappy
- because people don’t read crappy books? - Oh, that's handsome Ray bringing the heat.
Just like old times.
- Old, emotionally scarring times. - C'mon, we'll get a coffee.
Yeah, if you will excuse me, I have important work to do.
Yeah, you do. Hi.
Hi.
I'm the straight one.
Hi!
Straight one.
Mom? It's happening again.
♪ Come on, fill the lens ♪
♪ With all your friends ♪
♪ Oh now is forever ♪
♪ Come on, fill the lens ♪
♪ With all your friends ♪
Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
- This your chair? - Yeah.
- Top of the line. - Why don't you show him
the toilets, Nelson? He seems easily impressed.
They flush by themselves.
Welcome to the future.
It's not as bleak as most movies have predicted.
Look man, I actually brought you down here
for something really important.
I wanted to talk to you about your career.
You've been killing it at this DJ thing for years now.
With my PR skills and your real talent, we could take this thing
to the next step. There's a whole bunch of industry folks in town
for the "Turn the Tables," fest. I can get you a show.
OK.
Yes, I understand completely.
Stop shooting me! I am a man now!
♪
- What do you got there? - This? This is Puck Drop 16.
Just came out today. Waited in line till 3:00 AM to get it.
Don't even try to buy a copy, they're all sold out.
I won't. I already have Puck Drop 17.
Oh, cool!
How is that even possible?
I know a guy. Well, it's me.
The company has an amazing predictive algorithm.
Do you want to know who wins the next two Stanley Cups?
No, no, no, no!
- Is it the Leafs? - Do you even watch hockey?
So, what do you say, should I bring it over?
Is that a yes? Okay,
I'm gonna assume that's a yes. I'll bring it over at around 7.
Oh, Puck Drop 16.
I haven't seen any of these yet.
I'll have to binge watch the first 15.
- Gordon... - Don't tell me how it ends!
What are your doing tonight, Abby?
I'm supposed to work some private event for Nelson,
but I really don't want to. You got something better?
I was thinking, maybe we could play poker. My dad always used
to do it at the office, I thought it could be fun.
Yeah, that'll work. Hi,
Daisy. Do you mind covering my shift tonight?
I have got diarrhea. Thanks. Oh-oh, gotta go. Bye!
- Works every time. - Gordon, poker?
Never played before. Is there a lot of going and fishing involved?
Perfect. Now we just need one more.
Yo, Bryce, what are you doing tonight?
Obviously shaving my head. I look like a hippy. Why?
We're playing to play poker at DLPR.
- You in? - You're just like your father.
Never played myself, only watched from a distance.
- It certainly looks like fun. - So what's the buy in?
What did my dad have for a buy in?
They usually play for executive assistants.
The reason I spent 2 weeks in a balloon with Richard Branson.
- How about 50 bucks? - That sounds more reasonable.
Okay. I'm gonna need to borrow 48 bucks.
Yo-ho, I just filled my car with bropane!
What's up, bro? Listen, I got some great news.
I've been on the phone all day, and I got you a showcase tonight.
- Tonight? Wow, you work fast. - Yeah.
- So you're good to make it? - I kinda have a thing tonight.
Well, just move it.
Dave and Bryce already gave me the go ahead to have an all industry night
at Manion's. You are going to blow the roof off the joint.
Don't actually blow the roof off because Dave owns the place
and he said any roof damage would come out of my pay.
You know what?
I am to blow the roof off that place. Then for my encore,
I'll blow it right back on.
Wow, sounds like you really plan to blow.
You want another arm bar, or would you prefer one of these?
No, no.
It's not even real!
Ah man, another beauty goal!
Dave Lyons doesn't do garbage goals. And that's why you have to back-check.
You might want to try winning a face off.
- I'm trying, it's hard. - Really. I'm finding it
remarkably easy right now. And another one!
- There we go. - Jeeze!
- Hey, you want some more pizza? - Sure thing.
So, any other interests,
aside from being slaughtered at electronic versions
of our national sport?
Tell me, what do you think about these energy drinks?
Do they make you feel confident,
alert, jittery?
I don't know. All of the above?
What?
Any other interests?
Mountain biking, I guess. But only downhill.
Do you think that's typical of males 25 to 35?
Maybe some like to go uphill.
Ask around and get back to me on that.
This is crazy!
So,
where do you meet women, Beckett? Where does that happen?
At the grocery store,
the gym, the internet?
What's with all the random questions?
I'm just interested in you
and your life. Well, I'm sleepy.
What? The game's not even over.
Score's sixteen nothing, Beckett.
Why don't you keep playing and let me know how it turns out.
Alright.
- Hey, I had a blast. - This was fun. Look out.
Huh? Dammit!
So, what are we playing?
Wenches and Knaves, Milk Maids Dilemma?
OK, so... Texas Hold'em.
We raise the blinds every twenty minutes.
I don't know what any of that means, but I'm a fast learner.
- Really, Gordon? - Well, I'm learning to be a fast learner.
It's a slow process.
This is going to be easy money.
I almost feel guilty.
- (laughs) - (both): Almost.
♪
Thanks for coming.
My brother will be here any minute.
He's probably just hanging out with Drizzy.
My parents, Drew and Izzy.
Could I get a double whiskey.
And could you make that a double as well?
So, you want four whiskeys?
Yeah, at least.
Thanks again for helping me out tonight.
No, I love private events. It's all the fun of work
without the embarrassment of tips.
Your lucks about to end, Bryce.
- I'm all in. - Well, that sounds like fun.
I too am all in.
Pair of jacks.
I have two gentlemen callers.
- Two Kings? - Ooh, twinsies!
- You win again! - I do?
This is easier than I thought it was going to be.
Looks like I'll be shaving my head with premium blades.
Kitty is getting wet food tonight!
What the hell just happened?
We just got hustled
by Gordon and Bryce.
Nelson,
can you close up for me?
No!
I have diarrhea.
Fine! Fine!
Are you ready
for DJ Handsome Ray!?
Where is everyone?
I don't know.
Maybe they're out helping their inconsiderate brothers.
Really? Weird crowd.
You are three hours late!
After all I did to set this up for you, you didn't even show?
I did show,
which makes now show time!
Uwa uwa!
Uwa uwa! Uwa uwa!
You stop!
This is serious, Ray. I worked my ass off for you!
I have other stuff I should have been doing.
Then, do it.
You know, I thought you weren't famous
because nobody gave you a chance.
But you're not famous because you're just...
an ass!
Woah...
DJ Handsome Ray out.
Hey, and don't expect an encore.
Come on, fellows, smoke me!
Yeah, maybe I tore into him a little more than I should have,
- but three hours? Come on! - Maybe your mom
wouldn't let him leave the dinner table until he finished all his vegetables.
You know if I tell him you said that, he's going to smack you around later.
Then how about you don't tell him?
No, it was pretty good. He'll want to hear it.
Then he'll beat you. It'll be good on both ends.
I should go see if he's okay.
I didn't get to tell you about hanging out with Dave last night.
- I don't care. - (sighing)
Ah.
There it is.
Everything seems to be
in order here. Oh, hey, Bryce.
How's, huh,
something in your life?
What do you want?
Nothing. Just making conver-saysh.
Like I did last night at my apartment
with a certain Mr. Dave Lyons.
Was that supposed to be a name drop?
You do understand that we all work with him, right?
- The Dave Lyons? - Yes,
thank you, Gordon.
I mean, it was no big deal. We just hung out,
just a video game and sharing a little pizza pie.
Ha! Ha! Wow!
And how did you find the pizza?
Would you say it was poor, fair, good, great?
It was pizza. Although I have to admit,
it did taste better sharing it with Dave
as equals.
Don't be jealous.
When Dave was at your house, did he ask any questions
about your lifestyle, by any chance?
Yeah, you've had conversations before, right?
Ha! Ha! Never you mind.
I'm sure a "25 to 35 year-old male" like yourself
is just the sort of person Dave is looking to get to know.
You're being very smug right now,
but it doesn't bother me
because I have a friend
and his name is Dave!
They set up distractions everywhere to throw us off guard.
Wow! Really?
- I don't know, but they did something! - I think
they just lied about how much they've played.
We got suckered. It's part of the game.
You know what we should do? Watch, it's quite simple.
I think if we just... Ha! Ha!
We can set up another game at my place tonight.
Yes! And then they can't set up anything.
Unless they've already gotten to Beckett.
I think I'd feel more comfortable with this plan
if we focused less on this whole distraction thing.
Whose side are you on?
I'm on your side,
unless your side is the side that thinks that Gordon
is some kind of secret poker shark.
In which case I'm on the side that's making fun of your side behind your back.
We're not going to get hustled again. How about another 50 dollar buy in?
- Great. Can I borrow another 50 bucks? - Great! OK.
You go get Gordon and Bryce. I'm gonna go home and do nothing.
- Great! - See you.
What is up
with Bryce? Am I right?
Well, there goes my serenity.
- What's happening, Beckett? - It's Bryce,
he's just been so smug all day.
What is that about?
Smug is his default emotion anytime I'm not in the room.
This probably has something to do with last night.
What about last night? I thought we had fun.
We did! Well, you did. I was doing research for a new client.
Here, have a look.
- 25 to 35 year-old male magazine? - Yeah,
it's aimed at young men living in a post-feminist world.
You know, kind of a less creepy Maxim.
We'll probably go with a different slogan.
Hey... Ha!
So I was your test subject?
Exactly. You know, I mean, you're intelligent,
literate and just insecure enough to fit
the demographic. I just wanted to find out what your interests are.
I don't believe this.
Why didn't you just ask me?
I did. Last night in your apartment,
don't you remember? Yeah, the only reason I didn't tell you why
because I wanted unfiltered responses.
And besides, I mean, God,
this is kind of funny.
Ah. Yeah, funny.
Yeah. So, and how did the game end up?
You scored four more goals.
- The goal horn kept waking me up. - Sorry about that.
So, how would you characterize that meeting?
Poor, fair or completely humiliating?
Give it back!
Straight.
- Flush. - Sorcerer's Delight!
- Bryce, that's not even a thing. - But I have all the suits!
Fine, we'll play by your rules.
Oh, please!
We know what you're up to.
Oh, please!
We know what you're up to, too.
Playing cards!
You guys made a great decision.
Leather is the way to go. You don't have any kids at home,
so enjoy it while you can.
Boys, get these people the leather treatment.
- They're going home with the cow. - Excuse me, sir.
Can you tell me where the lamps are?
Yeah, they're...
Oh!
How did you find me here?
Drizzy ratted you out.
Well, Drew did, Izzy was napping.
- By the way, you forgot your lunch. - Thank you.
Hey, huh...
why didn't you tell me you worked at a furniture store?
Little brother, come here.
Sit on this incredibly plush
leopard skin chaise lounge.
Nice, really nice.
It's like sitting on a cloud!
Right, and you could be sitting on this cloud
in your living room tonight
with no payments for 24 months.
Wow,
you're good.
I know. You don't need you to tell me.
I was employee of the month 11 of the last 12 months.
- What happened to the twelfth month? - Kirby.
Look, I love DJing.
It's something I love to do, but...
selling furniture is my calling.
I respect that. I do,
but did you have to blow off the show?
I didn't want to. I got stuck here, I had to finish my shift.
They weren’t going for my "9:45pm madness" sale.
I just wanted you to be proud of me.
I am proud of you,
you dumb idiot.
Oh, don't cry.
Well, not on this at least, it's not been scotch guarded yet.
Unless you're taking it home tonight, then bawl away my friend.
Full house!
Oh... Well, I have a queen
and a five! The queen is head of the house
and the 5 has wolf power.
What?
And I have a pair
of Gordon Woolmer business cards.
What?
I didn't like my cards, so I switched them out.
- Gordon, you can't do that. - Well, you can call this number right here
to complain. I'm out of the office right now,
so leave a message and I'll get...
What the hell is going on here?
Do you guys seriously not know how to play?
We've been saying that for two days!
- So you weren't hustling us then? - I don't know.
Do I start taking my clothes off now?
- No! - So how did you beat us
- last time? - Beginner's luck. I guess it ran out.
I played online poker
for five hours today getting ready for this!
Well, it clearly paid off. Congratulations!
No! That is not how you lose at poker!
You have to get bitter and resentful!
At what? The fun memories?
Besides, we won last night, so it all pretty much evens out.
No, it doesn't! You're up five bucks overall somehow.
Terrific! Gordo, coffee? My treat.
Ho-ho, and I didn't even have to take my clothes off.
But I still could.
Yes, hello, Gordon Woolmer,
this is Stephanie Lyons calling.
I hate you!
Hey, Beckett. Let's go grab a drink.
Nah, I think I'll just stay home.
But I'll let my 25 to 35 year-old male friends
know you're looking to hang.
Oh, don't be like that.
Even though I was doing research, I wouldn't have
asked you if I didn't like you. So, how about that drink?
Well, thank you for that,
but you know, to be honest,
I didn't even have the greatest time.
I mean, sure, you're okay for someone outside of my age demographic.
No, I know you had an awesome time.
- No, no, I did not. - Yes, you did.
All right, OK, all right. Fair enough,
fair enough. I guess I'll have to find
someone less cool to come with me
to the magazine launch party.
I need to learn how to pick my spots.
Yes, free food, open bar,
tastefully dressed women. Banksy might be there.
Not that we'll ever know.
Banksy?
Maybe I was a little hasty. Ha!
- (elevator ringing) - Oh! Come on, my car's waiting.
Do you think I'll get to meet Banksy?
I have a feeling you're going to spend a lot of time with him.
Wait, are you Banksy?
Come on!
Listen up, everybody. Coming from
from 9 Hingston Avenue, from my parents basement.
I'm talking about 11 times,
that's right, 11 times employee of the month,
my big brother, Handsome Ray! Everybody, give it up!
♪
Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
♪
You go home and get Gordon and Bryce, and I'm gonna go home
- and do nothing! - Great, I'll see you.
(laughs)