- If I Could Turn Back Time! - Single ladies!
- No, come on, not even close. - Happy Birthday!
- Groove Is In the Heart! - Lady In Red.
Oh, you fools!
- Happy Birthday! - Started From The Bottom.
Yes! Beckett is on the board first!
- That's uncanny. - It's how he dances to it at home.
- That's not fair. - Except he's naked.
Oh, you earned it.
Alright, what tomfoolery is this?
- Shuffle Hustle. - I put my phone on shuffle
and you have to guess what song I'm dancing to.
It's all the rage at meetings where Dave's 20 minutes late.
That sounds preposterous. But what the hell, I'm in.
Then, let's do it!
- Dancing Queen. - Take Me Home Country Road.
- You Are My Sunshine! - Uh...
- Dave! - Uh...
Oh! Getting crafty I see.
Silent Night?
Sound of Silence? Like a Rock?
- Sitting on the Dock of the Bay? - Ah, it's good to see everyone at work...
or wherever Bryce thinks this is.
Shall we get started?
Alright. Nelson and Beckett,
I want you working on the Trackbit launch.
Yeah...
And Gordon, Groundpin Petroleum needs a polite way
- to say "10-mile oil spill". - Oh...
"Charcoal slip-and-slide for ducks?"
- Technically, that is a start. - OK...
Stephanie, we have an emergency crisis meeting
with an old sorority sister of yours.
Really? Sigma Sigma Delta Phi?
Go, Panthers!
Oh, sweetheart, don't do that.
And, sir, this came to you from Manion's.
Oh, my tab. Yeah, I was entertaining some clients.
- What's the damage? - $250,000.
- That seems steep. - You bought the bar.
Oh...
Oh, that is quite reasonable.
Oh, you know what? I never did get those chicken fingers.
- Get them to take $14 off that. - Yes, sir.
Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
- Chelsea Winters is our client? - Mm-hmm!
Seriously, Dad, I got to tell you, we have a long history together.
She is one of the most manipulative, cold-hearted...
- Hello! - Hey, Chelsea!
Hi, I'm Chelsea Winters.
Yeah. It's me, Stephanie.
Stephanie Lyons. We were sorority sisters.
Ah, you must be from before my time.
No, no, we were in the same pledge class.
Really? Aren't you like 40?
No.
Don't you remember Halloween when you fed me
all these tequila shots and I threw up in a pumpkin?
It's how I got the name Yak-o-lantern.
Tuition well spent.
Aww, Hun, it's awkward
that it's so significant for you and so meaningless to me.
And moving along,
Ms. Winters yoga-wear company, Manic Mantra,
is in need of some issue management.
Yeah... Long story short,
we accidently offended people by naming our yoga-pant brand:
- "Blue Whale". - Well,
perhaps those people are unaware of the nobility of that great
and endangered marine mammal.
There's no nobility in watching those porkers
do a downward dog in my brand.
Hmm...
I think I may have detected the crux of our problem.
Listen, obviously, nobody likes fat people
but I didn't come up with the name,
I just okayed it. So, sue me.
That might actually happen.
Well, whatever you tell me, I am here to listen.
I wanna say... Stanley?
So this is the Trackbit, huh?
- Uh-huh. - What does this little guy do?
It measures all physical activity. How many steps
you take, elevation, even early 90's dance moves. Check it.
Ooh! Ooh! Running man!
My running man just took 5 steps.
And your dignity. Here, let me try.
Ho! Ho! There it is! There it is! Ah!
Oh, look at that! Mine just took 7 steps.
No big surprise though.
What? That you're an inefficient dancer?
That my sick bod racks up high scores.
Please, you can't compete with perfection,
- son. - Oh yeah?
Bet: Whoever has the highest score by tomorrow night
will be declared the most "athletic-i-est" athlete in the world!
The Olympic Committee may not sanction that title,
nor the English language for that matter, but I do. Deal.
Hey, that handshake bumped me up 4 steps.
- I guess it is kind of cheating. - Huh! Is that right?
- I'll reset mine to zero. - Yeah. No, for sure. Me too.
You know, Bryce, my uncle runs a bar in Timmins.
Who knows? Maybe alcohol is in my blood.
It was last night when you bought the place.
- Yeah. - Sir, I just want to say
how much I appreciate you making me general manager at Manion's.
I'm pretty sure you gave yourself that title.
Still, I vow to help transform this place
from a watering hole of the great unwashed
into something befitting of Dave Lyons.
- But I like the bar as it is. - Hey, Dave!
Oh! And I hired Abby to be bartender.
I mean, she's here all the time anyway and I like her sass.
Well, for 9 bucks an hour, I'll throw in
some sarcasm for free.
See? Sass.
Yes, she's delightful.
But doesn't the hiring of underlings fall under
the duties of the general manager?
Oh, questioning Dave's authority?
Now, that is sass.
I don't like when you do it.
But I want you to work closely with Abby during
- this transition period, OK? - Yes, sir.
You know one thing I would change? The nachos.
I mean, they could be better, maybe cheesier.
Ohhh... I've got it! Add more cheese.
Sass.
We're on it, sir.
OK, Abby,
let's get one thing straight,
only I know what that man wants.
I'm pretty sure he just wants more cheese.
I'll go sass the cook into action.
No, no, no. Allow me. If anyone's going to sass
that cook, it should be the general manager.
OK.
Well, the cook quit.
Where do we keep the cheese?
OK, Chelsea, rule number one for a PR crisis:
apologies are never enough.
No probs. I'll write a big, fat, check.
Get it?
Or... you could offer free yoga classes for women
who are struggling with their weight. Something like that.
Oh, come on! I'm not holding a carb-gun to their heads
forcing them to eat Party Mix for breakfast!
Hey!
There is nothing wrong with Party Mix.
Wait a minute.
Just give me that!
Manic Mantra has yoga mats,
headbands, towels, all in "Blue Whale"?
You're shopping while we're trying
to manage my crisis?
No, I'm trying to show you that "Blue Whale"
is just a colour. It has nothing to do with size.
Case closed. Teamwork!
OK, I'm gonna work on the press release,
and you go home, and don't say anything to anyone.
I'll go pretend to meditate.
Hashtag namaste. Hashtag blessed!
New and improved nachos hot off the grill
with extra cheese for the big cheese.
Alright.
Well...
- So, what do you think? - Uh...
- they're good. - Great! See you tomorrow.
No, no, no! Abby, you will soon learn,
when you work for Dave Lyons, good is not good enough.
Also, you still have 4 hours left on your shift.
How have we failed you, sir?
Oh, I don't know. I mean, I guess some of the chips
- are a little bit flimsy. - I knew it.
I knew those feeble chips were not structurally sound.
So? Scoop it up with your hands.
Nonsense, Abby!
- I will be right back. - Ha! Ha! Ha!
So, he's like in love with you or something, right?
I try not to entertain those notions.
What are you doing?
Writing my novel while I work out.
I call it writer-robics.
Give it a rest, Beck, you're never gonna beat me.
Oh yeah?
I walked home. "21,000."
Oh yeah? I walked home too.
46,000.
- How is that possible? - I took a long way.
Thank you. Hey, good luck in Boston!
You might as well give up now. I mean, the bet's already over.
I'm not quitting. This is my Rocky moment.
You know Rocky loses, right?
Beckett, Beckett, Beckett, you are truly
a beautiful but stupid prince...
- 2, 3, 4. - Get off me!
Those don't count.
- Afternoon, everybody. - Gord!
- What's shaking, Gordon? - My grandma.
They cut off her heat.
Well, do you like them or do you love them?
I know that look. It says:
the structural integrity of every chip is solid,
and the cheese content is now sufficient,
but the core temperature of the nacho mound remains an issue.
Was I that much of an open book?
I will not bother you again, sir,
until I have achieved nacho perfection.
I'll take those.
- Gord! - No!
Only when I enter!
So, was your day as productive as mine?
Yes, it was.
Why do you have shopping bags?
You were supposed to be at home, alone, doing nothing.
I was...
but then I caught myself in the mirror and I was like,
How dare you deny the world that hair?
Get out there, girl, don't waste this blow-out on your cat."
How come my phone is buzzing
- with Chelsea Winters alerts? - Oh yeah, on my way back
from buying a crocheted half-top and micro shorts,
I may have been interviewed by a reporter.
Oh, God! What did you say?
"In the case of our yoga pants, no, they are not supposed
- to look like they're..." - They're stuffed with lard."
Ha, ha! I like that one.
Oh, my God, this is a train wreck!
Can you even handle how cute this top is?
Chelsea, you might lose your business.
Oh, my God! You're doing a terrible job!
Wha...?
And it is with complete and utter contrition
that I stand here today
to apologize.
OK, stop! You just shrugged. Did you feel that?
I don't know!
Did you not read the newspaper today?
Manic Mantra is down 12 points!
Oh God! It can't get any worse!
You're also the editorial cartoon.
Is that me coming out of a blue whale's blowhole?
That is not a blowhole.
Oh. Everyone hates me.
This is the part where you say, "I don't hate you, Chels."
- I don't hate you, Chels. - Thank you.
What I don't understand is
why someone who has so much can be so mean?
When you grow up as a fat kid like I was,
- you develop thick skin. - What?!
I was a major "chubster" most of my life.
That's why I never learned how to swim.
There was never one hour that I hadn't just eaten.
- You were overweight? - Mm-hmm.
Then why would you say all those terrible things?
I guess, when I'm making fun of fat people,
I'm really making fun of myself.
Maybe I feel like I deserve it.
You don't deserve it. Nobody does.
Thanks. You know, it's nice to know
when I lose everything, I'll still have a friend.
This is when you say I'm not gonna lose everything.
Right. You're not going to lose everything,
Oh, thank God! I was poor in my mind
for like 5 seconds. I was in a dollar store using a coupon.
OK, listen. If you tell the whole world
the story that you just told me, they might not only forgive you,
but they might actually like you.
I know I do.
Stan-the-Man comes through again.
Tsk!
That's not my name or my gender, but that's OK.
- Ah! - Dude, you're late.
Yeah 'cause I took the stairs. 5 times!
After my Zumba class.
I almost died.
You're not gonna do the thing where you...
Yeah, it's real classy.
Oh, look at that. Over 100,000.
Top that.
- 175,000. Topped. - What?!
Alright. Either you had a heavy date with your hand
- all morning or you're cheating. - How dare you!
No-oh! Whoa! Whoa! No! No, no, no!
I'm totally crushing a bet right now.
You know, just for that, I'm gonna hand you your ass
wrapped in a big, red bow.
Oh, is that so? Well, this fight
is far from over, Apollo Creed, 'cause Wreck-it Beckett
never stops moving. I'm moving right now.
I can do this all day.
Maybe not this day,
but probably a different day.
I'll tell you what, let's make it interesting.
The loser, you, has to wear something embarrassing
as chosen by the winner, me.
Deal. When you lose, I'll probably make you
wear something like a shiny, blue shirt
matched with a woolly, striped tie.
Ah! Too late.
Afternoon, everybody.
Gordon!
World's gone to hell, Dave.
Bryce, what was so important
that you phoned, texted and faxed me?
And why do we still have a fax?
We have prepared some nachos
that I think you will find more than satisfactory.
Alright. Well, let's get to business.
Too crunchy.
Too squishy. Too crunchy, too squishy.
Not nachos.
Abby!
It's simple.
All I want are nachos that are cheesy but not too cheesy,
crunchy but not too crunchy, and definitely not squishy!
Just get it done!
Couldn't have bought a basketball team like a normal, rich white guy, huh?
That apology was so moving.
When you started to cry, I teared up too.
Really? That means so much.
- What's your method? - My method?
Yeah, to make yourself cry.
Pluck a nose hair? Think of a dead pet?
Remember bad, chunky highlights?
- You were faking it? - I'm so sorry.
Can you ever forgive me?
You are unbelievable.
I know, right?
Chelsea! How can you have no sympathy?
You used to be overweight!
Oh my God, I was never actually fat.
Wake up, that's just something I had to say.
Is anything you say true?
I knew you were gonna be weird about this.
I'm so happy I didn't tell you before.
You are a terrible person!
Look at this picture.
There's lineups around the block
for Manic Mantras everywhere. We're like an Apple store.
I'm gonna celebrate
by eating a whole cake.
Kidding! Skinny for life!
You're never gonna get away with this.
People are gonna find old photos of you and know
- that you're lying. - No one will find anything.
That's what I pay you for.
Sisters for life. Bye!
- Dave! - That used to be me.
Well, I can already tell those aren't it.
No problem, sir. Back to the drawing board.
No! No more drawing boards!
You have lost 2 cooks; you have used 17 types of cheese;
and for the love of God, Bryce is wearing a hairnet
and he doesn't have any hair.
I will wear this hairnet to my grave if I must!
- Shut your bald face! - Alright, enough!
Do you know what you've done?
You've managed to make me hate nachos.
Do you have any idea how much I loved nachos?
Well, I, for one, will not sit idly by
while you two make a mockery of something I hold dear.
Did we just lose our jobs over nachos?
Because I already spent my first 4 paychecks.
Sweet, naive Abby.
This was never about the nachos.
This was about Dave making irrational demands
that only he himself will ever meet.
Then, why put you through all of this?
Because he loves me.
Aha!
Ah...
So, you didn't take the stairs this time.
Oh, but I did. I took
the CN Tower stairs. That's not happening.
Ha!
Oh, 247,365.
- What you got, sucker? - Let me check.
What the hell is that?
Is that your Trackbit on a squirrel?
Yeah. I got Kenny the intern to Skype me in.
I thought he was gonna be, like, hard to catch,
but apparently I'm like one with the animals..
Guess what!
You lose!
Because you cheated.
Oh no, no, no! The bet was
whoever has the highest score wins.
And right now, my squirrel is beating your ass.
Wait. Why are you stopping, little buddy?
- I think he's... - Oh! Looks like he's
trying to pry open the Trackbit like...
like it's a little nut.
Better watch out for that reset button.
- NO! - Restart to zero!
I am officially the most "athletic-i-est" athlete
in the world! Whoo!
Fine, I have to wear something humiliating.
But you know what? I got to say it was pretty fun competing.
I mean, watching you compete.
Wait.
That's how we launch Trackbit.
With office competitions.
Cross-country Track Bets.
Oh yeah! I love it! You're a genius. Up top!
- You OK? - Yeah, I'm...
Uh oh!
Someone's into the Pity Party Mix.
- What's going on? - I screwed up.
I made the whole world believe that Chelsea Winters
was a changed person, but turns out she's not a changed person,
she's still a monster with perfect hair.
Oh, like Julia Roberts.
Does it ever bug you that we have to help terrible people?
Yeah, it does. But your clients don't reflect you.
I don't know why people can't just be nice.
Well, if the world was full of Stephanie Lyons,
we'd be out of a job.
Not you, you'd have all of the jobs.
It's a world full of Stephanie Lyons.
- Sounds like a pretty nice world. - Yeah.
Come on. Buy you a drink.
Ugh! Thanks.
- Hmm... Hey, Beckett? - Yeah?
- You stink, dude. - Sure it's not you?
No, still you.
Yeah, that's me.
- Better be good. - Here!
- Oh my God! They're amazing. - Of course, they are.
They taste like how I used to feel on Christmas morning.
I feel like I could cry.
I'm allergic to all of this.
Hey, Nelson,
would you grab us some beer?
Love to!
Ha! Ha! Ha!
Work it, girlfriend!
First date?
Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
We have coverage, from this... of this from
- when I was still acting, right? - Yeah.