1 00:00:18,693 --> 00:00:20,860 Thank you, Stan. You're too kind. 2 00:00:23,531 --> 00:00:26,700 Stan, has anyone ever told you 3 00:00:26,701 --> 00:00:29,402 that you bear an uncanny resemblance 4 00:00:29,403 --> 00:00:31,821 in profile to the Duke of Windsor? 5 00:00:31,822 --> 00:00:33,740 No, I haven't heard that, Mr. Blunt. 6 00:00:33,741 --> 00:00:36,743 Oh, I'm surprised. You have his mouth. 7 00:00:36,744 --> 00:00:40,463 - Have you ever studied that era, Stan? - No. 8 00:00:40,464 --> 00:00:43,383 Wally Simpson was perhaps 9 00:00:43,384 --> 00:00:46,052 the greatest woman of the 20th century. 10 00:00:46,053 --> 00:00:47,587 Why is that, Mr. Blunt? 11 00:00:47,588 --> 00:00:50,423 Because she was an American divorcée 12 00:00:50,424 --> 00:00:52,759 who almost became Queen of England. 13 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:56,429 Nearly brought down the whole fucking House of Windsor by herself. 14 00:00:56,430 --> 00:00:58,431 Well, I did not know that. 15 00:00:58,432 --> 00:01:01,067 Edward, the Duke of Windsor, 16 00:01:01,068 --> 00:01:04,321 he gave up his throne for her. 17 00:01:04,322 --> 00:01:06,606 She was strong. 18 00:01:06,607 --> 00:01:08,692 He was weak. 19 00:01:08,693 --> 00:01:09,693 Total mess. 20 00:01:09,694 --> 00:01:14,748 That was a fascinating and dangerous time. 21 00:01:14,749 --> 00:01:18,702 They were very friendly with Jimmy Donahue, the Woolworth heir. 22 00:01:18,703 --> 00:01:22,622 Jimmy was a somewhat erratic homosexual. 23 00:01:24,792 --> 00:01:27,544 One time in New York, 24 00:01:27,545 --> 00:01:30,046 Jimmy was shaving the... 25 00:01:30,047 --> 00:01:32,632 sex organs of a soldier 26 00:01:32,633 --> 00:01:35,218 and by mistake he lopped off his balls. 27 00:01:35,219 --> 00:01:38,722 Left the poor fellow like an orphan by the Brooklyn Bridge. 28 00:01:38,723 --> 00:01:41,725 A soldier? Oh, I don't like to hear that. 29 00:01:41,726 --> 00:01:43,026 My father served. 30 00:01:43,027 --> 00:01:44,894 Oh, yes. Poor, poor lad. 31 00:01:44,895 --> 00:01:46,563 But he made it to a hospital 32 00:01:46,564 --> 00:01:47,897 and it cost Jimmy's mother 33 00:01:47,898 --> 00:01:49,733 a quarter of a million dollars, 34 00:01:49,734 --> 00:01:52,869 which is not enough for having lost your testicles. 35 00:01:52,870 --> 00:01:55,288 But in those days it was. 36 00:01:55,289 --> 00:01:57,374 Well, it was the Depression. 37 00:01:57,375 --> 00:01:59,709 Quite. Supposedly, though, 38 00:01:59,710 --> 00:02:02,462 Jimmy could be very charming. 39 00:02:02,463 --> 00:02:04,631 Unless you were a soldier. 40 00:02:08,636 --> 00:02:11,721 Mr. Blunt. I saw your show tonight. 41 00:02:11,722 --> 00:02:13,423 Thank you. 42 00:02:13,424 --> 00:02:15,724 You may be the only one who did. 43 00:02:20,348 --> 00:02:22,765 - Are you all right? - I'm fine! 44 00:02:24,268 --> 00:02:27,103 I just need to adjust my mask. 45 00:02:27,104 --> 00:02:28,938 It keeps on slipping. 46 00:02:31,889 --> 00:02:33,522 All better now. 47 00:02:40,117 --> 00:02:42,752 Stan, where's Harry? 48 00:02:42,753 --> 00:02:45,421 I don't know, Mr. Blunt. 49 00:02:48,125 --> 00:02:52,262 Mr. Blunt. Why don't you stay and have a cup of coffee? 50 00:02:52,263 --> 00:02:55,181 Mr. Daniel Craig and Mr. Jeffrey Katzenberg 51 00:02:55,182 --> 00:02:56,716 are just finishing their dessert. 52 00:02:56,717 --> 00:02:59,936 Oh, dear Jeffrey. One of the good guys. 53 00:02:59,937 --> 00:03:03,890 Give him my regards, but I'm going home to beddy-byes. 54 00:03:03,891 --> 00:03:05,892 Would you like Stan to call you a car? 55 00:03:05,893 --> 00:03:08,361 I am concerned. 56 00:03:08,362 --> 00:03:10,563 I'm okay, Phil. 57 00:03:10,564 --> 00:03:14,617 Don't forget, I am Walter Blunt. 58 00:03:14,618 --> 00:03:17,619 Right here, right now. 59 00:03:32,053 --> 00:03:34,003 ♪ I see right through it ♪ 60 00:03:34,004 --> 00:03:36,589 ♪ I go by Duke and it's a pleasure to meet you ♪ 61 00:03:36,590 --> 00:03:38,892 ♪ You're digging what I got 'cause I gave you a preview ♪ 62 00:03:38,893 --> 00:03:40,810 ♪ You're not on my level, I can make you my equal ♪ 63 00:03:40,811 --> 00:03:42,762 ♪ She say I'm willing to learn ♪ 64 00:03:42,763 --> 00:03:44,264 ♪ I'm able to teach you ♪ ♪ Get the number ♪ 65 00:03:44,265 --> 00:03:45,682 ♪ And I know how to reach you ♪ 66 00:03:45,683 --> 00:03:47,767 ♪ Miss Cindy, she's a sexy little thing ♪ 67 00:03:47,768 --> 00:03:49,986 ♪ Miss Cindy, she's a sexy little thing ♪ 68 00:03:49,987 --> 00:03:52,572 ♪ Miss Cindy, you're a sexy little thing ♪ 69 00:03:52,573 --> 00:03:55,023 ♪ Miss Cindy, you're a sexy little thing... ♪ 70 00:03:59,780 --> 00:04:02,866 Get the fuck off of me. Fucking loser. 71 00:04:02,867 --> 00:04:04,950 Go snort some coke, you fucking idiot. 72 00:04:07,788 --> 00:04:09,756 Excuse me, miss. 73 00:04:09,757 --> 00:04:12,459 Is everything all right? 74 00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:15,128 - Yeah, you want a date? - I beg your pardon? 75 00:04:15,129 --> 00:04:17,046 Lower the shitty-ass music. 76 00:04:18,382 --> 00:04:19,883 I said do you want a date? 77 00:04:19,884 --> 00:04:24,637 Are you a lady of the night? A courtesan? 78 00:04:24,638 --> 00:04:26,389 Look, I don't know what you're talking about, okay? 79 00:04:26,390 --> 00:04:28,057 I'm a goddess and I'm a fucking model. 80 00:04:28,058 --> 00:04:30,226 Now do you want to go on a date with me or not? 81 00:04:30,227 --> 00:04:33,562 Sure, I'd like to go on a date. 82 00:04:39,370 --> 00:04:41,538 - Hi. - Hi. 83 00:04:41,539 --> 00:04:44,623 Just go down a few blocks. I know a good spot. 84 00:05:03,427 --> 00:05:04,928 Would you like some whiskey? 85 00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:07,897 Or marijuana chocolate? I have both. 86 00:05:07,898 --> 00:05:11,684 Slow down, baby. Look, we should probably talk business first. 87 00:05:11,685 --> 00:05:14,687 Do you know what type of girl I am? 88 00:05:14,688 --> 00:05:18,358 Well, you said you were a goddess and a model. 89 00:05:18,359 --> 00:05:20,276 I'm a transsexual. 90 00:05:20,277 --> 00:05:22,278 Do you know what that means? 91 00:05:22,279 --> 00:05:26,282 Oh, yes. I was at the US Open in '77 92 00:05:26,283 --> 00:05:27,867 when Renée Richards made her debut. 93 00:05:27,868 --> 00:05:31,788 But I would never have guessed that of you, 94 00:05:31,789 --> 00:05:34,174 which I hope you don't mind me saying. 95 00:05:34,175 --> 00:05:35,792 No, it's okay. 96 00:05:35,793 --> 00:05:40,713 Most people just assume I'm a biological girl, 97 00:05:40,714 --> 00:05:42,215 - or whatever that means. - Ah. 98 00:05:42,216 --> 00:05:46,052 And does that mean that you have an intact penis? 99 00:05:46,053 --> 00:05:49,137 Why don't we just say I have a nine-inch clit? 100 00:05:50,641 --> 00:05:52,475 Does that bother you? 101 00:05:52,476 --> 00:05:54,060 No. 102 00:05:54,061 --> 00:05:55,778 I'm English. 103 00:05:55,779 --> 00:05:59,532 Okay, so what do you want to do? 104 00:05:59,533 --> 00:06:04,237 Um, might I nurse on your breast? 105 00:06:04,238 --> 00:06:07,323 Things have not been going well for me at work 106 00:06:07,324 --> 00:06:10,710 and at home and... 107 00:06:10,711 --> 00:06:13,796 to suckle would be a great comfort. 108 00:06:13,797 --> 00:06:16,666 You just want to kiss on my titties? 109 00:06:16,667 --> 00:06:19,051 Yes. That would be lovely. 110 00:06:26,677 --> 00:06:28,478 See there? 111 00:06:28,479 --> 00:06:30,263 No implants. 112 00:06:30,264 --> 00:06:32,765 Just au naturel. 113 00:06:32,766 --> 00:06:35,818 Titties grown from hormones 114 00:06:35,819 --> 00:06:38,354 and healthy eating. 115 00:06:38,355 --> 00:06:41,690 The world has changed so much. 116 00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:45,611 - May I? - Sure. 117 00:06:46,614 --> 00:06:49,532 Oh. Lord, the seat belt. 118 00:06:49,533 --> 00:06:51,366 Oh. 119 00:06:55,372 --> 00:06:57,624 Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't ask. 120 00:06:57,625 --> 00:06:59,208 What's your name, my dear? 121 00:06:59,209 --> 00:07:01,044 Gisele. 122 00:07:01,045 --> 00:07:03,763 I know we've only just met, Gisele, 123 00:07:03,764 --> 00:07:07,717 but I like you very much. 124 00:07:07,718 --> 00:07:10,302 Thank you for being kind to me. 125 00:07:11,805 --> 00:07:13,605 I like you, too. 126 00:07:24,034 --> 00:07:26,202 This is the LAPD! 127 00:07:26,203 --> 00:07:28,905 Oh, no. Walter, I got to make a run for it. 128 00:07:28,906 --> 00:07:30,573 I can't get arrested. My mom will freak out. 129 00:07:30,574 --> 00:07:32,375 No Gisele! 130 00:07:33,794 --> 00:07:35,712 Hey! Come here! 131 00:07:35,713 --> 00:07:38,247 Put your hands on the car. 132 00:07:38,248 --> 00:07:39,916 Hey, you're being too rough. 133 00:07:39,917 --> 00:07:42,085 We have a celebrity and a prostitute resisting arrest. 134 00:07:42,086 --> 00:07:44,804 - You're hurting my arm. - Let her go, Officer. 135 00:07:44,805 --> 00:07:45,922 Stand down, sir. 136 00:07:45,923 --> 00:07:47,724 - Put your hands on the car. - Ow! 137 00:07:47,725 --> 00:07:49,091 - Hey. - Don't fucking touch me. 138 00:07:51,595 --> 00:07:54,430 Oh, shit. 139 00:07:54,431 --> 00:07:56,432 Run, Gisele. Save yourself. 140 00:07:57,601 --> 00:07:59,402 Is he all right, Officer? 141 00:07:59,403 --> 00:08:01,270 On the ground now! 142 00:08:16,453 --> 00:08:18,254 Get off the car, Mr. Blunt. 143 00:08:18,255 --> 00:08:20,623 No! Everyone go away! 144 00:08:20,624 --> 00:08:22,342 Mr. Blunt, you have to get off of that car. 145 00:08:22,343 --> 00:08:23,626 You are in serious trouble. 146 00:08:23,627 --> 00:08:25,044 I will not get down. 147 00:08:25,045 --> 00:08:27,764 I need Harry! 148 00:08:27,765 --> 00:08:30,099 Sweetheart, just get down. They'll shoot you. 149 00:08:30,100 --> 00:08:33,720 Gisele, I'm so sorry you had to witness this. 150 00:08:33,721 --> 00:08:35,772 We did nothing wrong. 151 00:08:35,773 --> 00:08:37,724 I know, baby. Just please get down. 152 00:08:37,725 --> 00:08:39,275 It is time to get down from the car, Mr. Blunt. 153 00:08:39,276 --> 00:08:41,694 Whoa! Hey, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, who's that? 154 00:08:41,695 --> 00:08:43,445 Hands up! Hands up! 155 00:08:45,115 --> 00:08:47,150 Major. 156 00:08:47,151 --> 00:08:50,987 You seem to have found yourself in a spot of bother. 157 00:08:50,988 --> 00:08:54,290 Harry, there you are. Where have you been? 158 00:08:54,291 --> 00:08:56,376 I was passed out on the backseat, sir. 159 00:08:56,377 --> 00:09:00,129 But you better get down from there. You're surrounded. 160 00:09:00,130 --> 00:09:02,999 It's the Falklands all over again, Harry. 161 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,584 By land, by sea. 162 00:09:04,585 --> 00:09:07,670 Mr. Blunt, get down from the car. 163 00:09:07,671 --> 00:09:09,305 I don't feel well, Harry. 164 00:09:09,306 --> 00:09:11,507 I ate some chocolate marijuana 165 00:09:11,508 --> 00:09:13,176 and it's starting to kick in. 166 00:09:13,177 --> 00:09:16,062 My feet are vibrating and my thoughts are odd. 167 00:09:16,063 --> 00:09:19,265 I have told you edibles are dangerous, Major. 168 00:09:19,266 --> 00:09:22,735 You have to think of them as time-release vitamins. 169 00:09:22,736 --> 00:09:24,320 Take very little. 170 00:09:24,321 --> 00:09:25,855 "O Gertrude, Gertrude," 171 00:09:25,856 --> 00:09:29,075 when sorrows come, they come not single spies, 172 00:09:29,076 --> 00:09:32,278 - "but in battalions!" - Mr. Blunt! 173 00:09:32,279 --> 00:09:34,363 This is not the audience for "Hamlet," Major. 174 00:09:34,364 --> 00:09:36,749 It's not? 175 00:09:36,750 --> 00:09:39,751 ♪ 176 00:09:50,764 --> 00:09:52,882 Is it true that you sent a policeman to the hospital? 177 00:09:52,883 --> 00:09:54,934 What will this mean to your career? 178 00:09:54,935 --> 00:09:56,886 Do you have the prostitute's phone number? 179 00:09:56,887 --> 00:09:59,105 Have you spoken to any of your wives? 180 00:09:59,106 --> 00:10:03,025 I have not spoken to any of my ex-wives. 181 00:10:03,026 --> 00:10:04,777 This is the benefit of divorce. 182 00:10:04,778 --> 00:10:07,563 When you've been arrested, you're not expected to call. 183 00:10:07,564 --> 00:10:11,033 Mr. Blunt, how old was the prostitute? 184 00:10:11,034 --> 00:10:13,034 Are you an American citizen? 185 00:10:31,221 --> 00:10:32,588 Harry. 186 00:10:32,589 --> 00:10:35,758 You just have to face them, Major. 187 00:10:35,759 --> 00:10:38,894 Rally the troops and all that. 188 00:10:44,401 --> 00:10:45,935 Thank you, Harry. 189 00:10:45,936 --> 00:10:48,237 God, my bloody head is killing me. 190 00:10:48,238 --> 00:10:50,072 Do your best, Major. 191 00:10:50,073 --> 00:10:53,442 I'll be in your office consulting with our commanding officer. 192 00:11:23,524 --> 00:11:27,527 I haven't dared look at my phone. How bad is it? 193 00:11:27,528 --> 00:11:29,562 It's a shitstorm, Walter. 194 00:11:29,563 --> 00:11:31,447 You fucked yourself real good. 195 00:11:31,448 --> 00:11:33,733 You're getting slammed from every direction. 196 00:11:33,734 --> 00:11:37,453 "New York Times," O'Reilly, Anderson Cooper. 197 00:11:37,454 --> 00:11:38,988 Martin? 198 00:11:38,989 --> 00:11:40,573 Here's the full quote 199 00:11:40,574 --> 00:11:42,458 from O'Reilly's radio show this morning. 200 00:11:42,459 --> 00:11:45,628 "This Brit who had the audacity to come to the US" 201 00:11:45,629 --> 00:11:48,297 preaching to us about the death penalty and immigration, 202 00:11:48,298 --> 00:11:50,800 flouting his credentials as a former Royal Marine 203 00:11:50,801 --> 00:11:53,052 "wounded in the Falklands is a..." 204 00:11:53,053 --> 00:11:55,137 Did he say Falklands sarcastically? 205 00:11:55,138 --> 00:11:56,589 Uh... 206 00:11:56,590 --> 00:12:00,643 his tone was, um, dismissive. 207 00:12:00,644 --> 00:12:03,479 Go on. 208 00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:04,931 Going on. 209 00:12:04,932 --> 00:12:07,984 "...is a moral imbecile and a sexual degenerate." 210 00:12:07,985 --> 00:12:10,820 God. 211 00:12:10,821 --> 00:12:12,905 What did Anderson Cooper say? 212 00:12:12,906 --> 00:12:15,575 He's always been a nice lad. 213 00:12:15,576 --> 00:12:17,193 Read it, Shelly. 214 00:12:17,194 --> 00:12:19,612 Anderson Cooper did a four-part tweet. 215 00:12:19,613 --> 00:12:22,531 "Walter Blunt's sexuality is not the issue here." 216 00:12:22,532 --> 00:12:25,368 The issues are drunk driving, the assault of a Los Angeles policeman, 217 00:12:25,369 --> 00:12:28,037 and most horribly, the corruption of a minor 218 00:12:28,038 --> 00:12:30,373 "forced into prostitution." 219 00:12:30,374 --> 00:12:32,091 Gisele was a minor? 220 00:12:32,092 --> 00:12:34,710 Well, no, but that's out there now. I mean, she's actually 21. 221 00:12:34,711 --> 00:12:35,878 Which means, and this is positive, 222 00:12:35,879 --> 00:12:37,597 she started puberty years ago. 223 00:12:37,598 --> 00:12:39,432 I started puberty when I was 11, which was a nightmare. 224 00:12:39,433 --> 00:12:40,883 I was in a little yellow school skirt... 225 00:12:40,884 --> 00:12:44,270 So, Gisele is 21. That's wonderful. 226 00:12:44,271 --> 00:12:47,273 That's nearly a 50-year age difference, Walter. 227 00:12:47,274 --> 00:12:50,559 With a prostitute. What the hell were you thinking? 228 00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:53,062 Can I just be relieved for one moment 229 00:12:53,063 --> 00:12:54,779 that she's not 16? 230 00:12:57,618 --> 00:13:00,569 I'm... I'm so sorry, everyone. 231 00:13:00,570 --> 00:13:02,705 I'm exhausted. 232 00:13:02,706 --> 00:13:06,292 Jail was ghastly. 233 00:13:06,293 --> 00:13:09,412 And, as you all know, I don't like to share a loo. 234 00:13:09,413 --> 00:13:12,581 We understand. We all have bathroom issues. 235 00:13:12,582 --> 00:13:16,719 Yeah, I don't even like to share a loo with myself. 236 00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:18,254 But I have to. 237 00:13:18,255 --> 00:13:21,724 Right, what's the situation internally? 238 00:13:21,725 --> 00:13:23,843 Well, Gardner said they're either looking to cancel the show, 239 00:13:23,844 --> 00:13:27,430 which with our ratings they'd be looking to do anyway, the bastards, 240 00:13:27,431 --> 00:13:28,931 or suspend you. 241 00:13:28,932 --> 00:13:31,767 But what about tonight? We can broadcast tonight? 242 00:13:31,768 --> 00:13:33,602 You have a meeting with Gardner in 20 minutes, 243 00:13:33,603 --> 00:13:36,439 but he's probably just gonna yell at you and fire you. 244 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:40,609 Jim, do you think you could not be pessimistic just for five minutes? 245 00:13:40,610 --> 00:13:41,777 I'll try. 246 00:13:41,778 --> 00:13:43,746 So, I'm gonna shower, 247 00:13:43,747 --> 00:13:45,865 change my clothes, face Gardner, 248 00:13:45,866 --> 00:13:48,784 and we are going to turn this around. 249 00:13:48,785 --> 00:13:50,920 Walter, I'm really worried. 250 00:13:50,921 --> 00:13:53,039 I think this might be the end. 251 00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:56,592 Look, I know I have let you all down. 252 00:13:56,593 --> 00:14:00,346 But please don't quit on me. 253 00:14:00,347 --> 00:14:02,097 Not yet. 254 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:05,550 I need you. 255 00:14:15,112 --> 00:14:17,196 Oh, Major. 256 00:14:17,197 --> 00:14:19,815 Just 10 more lashes, Harry. 257 00:14:19,816 --> 00:14:22,868 My hangover is nearly gone. 258 00:14:22,869 --> 00:14:25,537 And don't forget the dialog. 259 00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:28,623 Come on. 260 00:14:30,077 --> 00:14:32,795 You've been unclean, Major! 261 00:14:33,964 --> 00:14:36,716 Very unclean! 262 00:14:36,717 --> 00:14:38,718 A naughty... 263 00:14:38,719 --> 00:14:40,720 ...naughty... 264 00:14:40,721 --> 00:14:42,922 ...boy! 265 00:14:47,594 --> 00:14:50,813 "O Gertrude, Gertrude, when sorrows come" 266 00:14:50,814 --> 00:14:53,816 they come not single spies, 267 00:14:53,817 --> 00:14:55,568 "but in battalions!" 268 00:14:55,569 --> 00:14:56,685 Mr. Blunt... 269 00:14:56,686 --> 00:14:58,687 On top of everything else you pulled last night, 270 00:14:58,688 --> 00:15:01,741 you managed to stand on the roof of your vintage Jag. 271 00:15:01,742 --> 00:15:02,942 How high were you? 272 00:15:02,943 --> 00:15:05,244 I know it looks bad, Bob. 273 00:15:05,245 --> 00:15:09,532 But I beg you, let me on the air tonight. 274 00:15:09,533 --> 00:15:12,918 Let me plead my case to the American people. 275 00:15:12,919 --> 00:15:14,620 No. Why should I? 276 00:15:14,621 --> 00:15:19,258 Because I have given you the last five years of my life. 277 00:15:19,259 --> 00:15:20,760 I don't care, Walter. 278 00:15:20,761 --> 00:15:22,711 You are facing felony charges. 279 00:15:22,712 --> 00:15:25,047 Your ratings have been shit for months 280 00:15:25,048 --> 00:15:26,382 and your frontal lobes have turned to raisins. 281 00:15:26,383 --> 00:15:27,883 All that's left is your accent. 282 00:15:27,884 --> 00:15:29,435 Just because a man's ratings slip 283 00:15:29,436 --> 00:15:32,605 doesn't mean his frontal lobes are dissolving. 284 00:15:32,606 --> 00:15:34,440 What if I... 285 00:15:34,441 --> 00:15:37,026 What if I had a priest absolve me on air? 286 00:15:37,027 --> 00:15:38,778 - Are you still drunk? - Rabbi? 287 00:15:38,779 --> 00:15:41,564 Seriously? You are the face of this network. 288 00:15:41,565 --> 00:15:43,282 I'm going to take your billboard down. 289 00:15:43,283 --> 00:15:45,034 No! No. 290 00:15:45,035 --> 00:15:48,620 Bob, how about... 291 00:15:51,124 --> 00:15:56,078 what if I gave you my Jaguar 292 00:15:56,079 --> 00:16:00,749 in exchange for one more broadcast? 293 00:16:00,750 --> 00:16:03,551 I've seen the way you look at her in the parking lot. 294 00:16:10,594 --> 00:16:13,095 Gardner is letting me on the air. 295 00:16:13,096 --> 00:16:15,764 Bullshit. I don't believe you. 296 00:16:15,765 --> 00:16:17,766 Why? He's a perfectly reasonable man. 297 00:16:17,767 --> 00:16:21,403 We had a good talk. But they need me to see a shrink 298 00:16:21,404 --> 00:16:23,355 for insurance reasons. 299 00:16:23,356 --> 00:16:26,075 If you want, I know how to mislead therapists. 300 00:16:26,076 --> 00:16:27,359 My dad's a Gestaltian. 301 00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:29,361 That won't be an issue, Jim. 302 00:16:29,362 --> 00:16:31,864 They think my frontal lobes are shot, 303 00:16:31,865 --> 00:16:33,449 which is ludicrous! 304 00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:35,751 I mean, only yesterday I did the "Times" crossword. 305 00:16:35,752 --> 00:16:37,620 And it was a Thursday. 306 00:16:37,621 --> 00:16:40,122 Walter, I'm afraid I've got some more bad news. 307 00:16:40,123 --> 00:16:42,625 The cop that you kicked has ruptured testicles. 308 00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:44,793 - Does that mean he can't have children? - I don't know. 309 00:16:44,794 --> 00:16:46,846 What happens to testes when they've been shattered? 310 00:16:46,847 --> 00:16:48,464 Do you think it's like cracking an egg? 311 00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:50,766 It's weird 'cause eggs are quite like testicles. 312 00:16:50,767 --> 00:16:52,801 Somebody Google ruptured testicles. 313 00:16:52,802 --> 00:16:54,186 - I'm on it. - I'm on it. 314 00:16:54,187 --> 00:16:56,472 Okay, tonight's program. 315 00:16:56,473 --> 00:16:58,774 I think we have to address what happened. 316 00:16:58,775 --> 00:17:01,527 I think we should get Barbara Walters to interview me. 317 00:17:01,528 --> 00:17:03,362 I cry easily. She'll love that. 318 00:17:03,363 --> 00:17:05,648 - She'll never do it. - Charlie Rose. 319 00:17:05,649 --> 00:17:07,867 You snubbed him at the White House Correspondents' Dinner 320 00:17:07,868 --> 00:17:09,535 and he sent an emotional email. 321 00:17:09,536 --> 00:17:12,705 Oh, God, yes. You're right. David Frost. 322 00:17:12,706 --> 00:17:14,573 - Dead. - Shit. 323 00:17:14,574 --> 00:17:18,294 Walter, ruptured testicles can cause infertility. 324 00:17:18,295 --> 00:17:20,713 God. 325 00:17:20,714 --> 00:17:23,582 They'll say I castrated a policeman. 326 00:17:23,583 --> 00:17:27,218 Walter, do you want to spoon? 327 00:17:28,638 --> 00:17:32,508 Yes. That would be very reassuring. Thank you, Rosalie. 328 00:17:32,509 --> 00:17:35,394 Walter, could I spoon with you this time? 329 00:17:35,395 --> 00:17:37,146 I mean, I am a senior producer. 330 00:17:37,147 --> 00:17:38,731 It would be inappropriate. 331 00:17:38,732 --> 00:17:42,351 Rosalie has been with me for 20 years. 332 00:17:42,352 --> 00:17:43,651 Course. Sorry. 333 00:17:46,606 --> 00:17:48,857 But what are we going to do? 334 00:17:48,858 --> 00:17:53,078 If only we could get Oprah to make all this go away. 335 00:17:53,079 --> 00:17:57,700 Walter, I believe in you absolutely, 336 00:17:57,701 --> 00:18:01,620 but you're just gonna have to go out there on your own. 337 00:18:01,621 --> 00:18:04,622 Let me stimulate your intellect. 338 00:18:05,926 --> 00:18:08,543 I've got it! 339 00:18:09,596 --> 00:18:12,381 I don't have to be alone out there. 340 00:18:12,382 --> 00:18:15,301 I'll have Walter Blunt with me. 341 00:18:15,302 --> 00:18:17,052 I'll do a self interview. 342 00:18:17,053 --> 00:18:19,471 I will get the exclusive on my own scandal. 343 00:18:19,472 --> 00:18:20,773 - Oh! - Yes, Martin? 344 00:18:20,774 --> 00:18:23,525 Will you talk to yourself like a ventriloquist? 345 00:18:23,526 --> 00:18:25,561 You know, with your hand inside a little Walter? 346 00:18:25,562 --> 00:18:28,030 No, Martin. We'll split the screen, 347 00:18:28,031 --> 00:18:29,865 we'll tape the questions beforehand. 348 00:18:29,866 --> 00:18:32,451 Major, the network psychiatrist is in your office. 349 00:18:32,452 --> 00:18:34,286 Wants to see you. He's on the clock. 350 00:18:34,287 --> 00:18:37,072 Damn it. Start preparing the questions. 351 00:18:37,073 --> 00:18:40,708 And someone make sure that my lawyer has sprung Gisele. 352 00:18:44,414 --> 00:18:47,249 Walter. Walter, are you sure you want to do 353 00:18:47,250 --> 00:18:49,718 this whole self-interrogation thing? 354 00:18:49,719 --> 00:18:53,422 I think it just might make you seem a little crazy. 355 00:18:53,423 --> 00:18:56,558 No, no, I see it as a vision. 356 00:18:56,559 --> 00:18:59,728 - My two selves talking like a Buñuel movie. - Mmm. 357 00:18:59,729 --> 00:19:01,930 No, my biggest concern is fatigue. 358 00:19:01,931 --> 00:19:04,516 I'm totally fucked. 359 00:19:04,517 --> 00:19:05,934 Here. 360 00:19:05,935 --> 00:19:07,603 Take these. 361 00:19:07,604 --> 00:19:09,605 - It's Provigil. - What's Provigil? 362 00:19:09,606 --> 00:19:12,775 It's a kind of speed. It's very effective. 363 00:19:12,776 --> 00:19:14,910 I used to be wildly addicted. 364 00:19:14,911 --> 00:19:17,613 But, um, I'm better now. Sort of. 365 00:19:17,614 --> 00:19:20,749 Oh, well, thank you. I've always enjoyed uppers. 366 00:19:20,750 --> 00:19:22,700 All right. 367 00:19:25,255 --> 00:19:27,622 - Sorry. - That's no problem. 368 00:19:29,509 --> 00:19:31,293 Do you always bring your own couch, Doctor? 369 00:19:31,294 --> 00:19:33,594 Yes. I'm a Freudian. 370 00:19:36,633 --> 00:19:39,802 So, what's going on? What happened last night? 371 00:19:39,803 --> 00:19:43,272 To be frank, I'm drinking more than I should. 372 00:19:43,273 --> 00:19:46,641 Recently divorced for the fourth time. 373 00:19:47,977 --> 00:19:49,945 There are custody issues. 374 00:19:49,946 --> 00:19:51,697 We have a five-year-old boy. 375 00:19:51,698 --> 00:19:53,782 And how old is your ex-wife? 376 00:19:53,783 --> 00:19:55,451 She's 35. 377 00:19:55,452 --> 00:19:57,368 That's very nice. 378 00:19:58,788 --> 00:20:00,572 And what else may have contributed 379 00:20:00,573 --> 00:20:02,708 to last night's behavior? 380 00:20:02,709 --> 00:20:05,377 Uh, I think, um... 381 00:20:05,378 --> 00:20:07,129 oh, I'm sorry. 382 00:20:07,130 --> 00:20:10,716 I'm feeling a bit woozy, Doctor. 383 00:20:10,717 --> 00:20:14,053 Probably stress. Or oral anxiety. 384 00:20:14,054 --> 00:20:16,255 - Oral anxiety? - Could be. 385 00:20:16,256 --> 00:20:17,806 What were you going to say? 386 00:20:17,807 --> 00:20:20,392 It's just that... 387 00:20:20,393 --> 00:20:23,762 I'm very, very frightened I will lose my show 388 00:20:23,763 --> 00:20:26,765 because I think I will be one of those people 389 00:20:26,766 --> 00:20:30,769 who just drops dead when his work is taken away from him. 390 00:20:30,770 --> 00:20:33,605 Like Joe Paterno at Penn State. 391 00:20:33,606 --> 00:20:34,606 Uh-huh. 392 00:20:34,607 --> 00:20:39,194 And I feel my life slipping away from me 393 00:20:39,195 --> 00:20:41,947 like a cat that doesn't want to be held. 394 00:20:41,948 --> 00:20:44,249 A cat? Not a dog? 395 00:20:44,250 --> 00:20:46,585 No, a cat. 396 00:20:46,586 --> 00:20:50,422 Seem to be running out of dreams for myself. 397 00:20:50,423 --> 00:20:52,707 I'm so... 398 00:20:54,427 --> 00:20:56,628 So tired. 399 00:20:56,629 --> 00:20:58,714 Sleepy. 400 00:20:58,715 --> 00:21:00,965 ♪ 401 00:21:19,736 --> 00:21:21,737 Major? Major? 402 00:21:21,738 --> 00:21:23,739 Wake up. Major, you've got to get up. 403 00:21:23,740 --> 00:21:26,625 It's been an hour. You've slept enough. 404 00:21:30,213 --> 00:21:31,879 What's going on? 405 00:21:33,383 --> 00:21:36,418 I was having the most vivid dream 406 00:21:36,419 --> 00:21:39,471 about Burt Lancaster's "Trapeze." 407 00:21:39,472 --> 00:21:41,423 Oh, I love that movie. 408 00:21:41,424 --> 00:21:43,342 Drink this, Major. 409 00:21:43,343 --> 00:21:44,676 What happened to me? 410 00:21:44,677 --> 00:21:47,596 I'm so sorry, Walter. I really... I screwed up. 411 00:21:47,597 --> 00:21:50,933 I gave you three Ambien and not three Provigil. 412 00:21:50,934 --> 00:21:52,351 I went for the wrong pocket. 413 00:21:52,352 --> 00:21:54,269 Usually I keep my Ambien in my right 414 00:21:54,270 --> 00:21:57,773 - and my Provigil in my left. - Three Ambien? 415 00:21:57,774 --> 00:21:59,691 Hey, look, it's nothing to worry about. 416 00:21:59,692 --> 00:22:01,410 It's not a lethal dose. 417 00:22:01,411 --> 00:22:02,611 And, you know, I let the network know 418 00:22:02,612 --> 00:22:05,080 that you're fit enough to broadcast. 419 00:22:05,081 --> 00:22:06,448 Doctor, thank you. 420 00:22:06,449 --> 00:22:08,534 Walter, you need to go into the studio 421 00:22:08,535 --> 00:22:10,752 and tape your questions right now. 422 00:22:10,753 --> 00:22:11,953 Oh, Jesus Christ. 423 00:22:22,298 --> 00:22:23,681 Showtime! 424 00:22:37,697 --> 00:22:39,815 These questions are too timid. 425 00:22:39,816 --> 00:22:42,818 I'm going to improvise my interrogation. 426 00:22:42,819 --> 00:22:45,654 - Thanks, Sam. - No need for the prompter. 427 00:22:45,655 --> 00:22:47,739 Oh, shit. He's going rogue. 428 00:22:47,740 --> 00:22:49,625 Okay, thank you, darling. Why don't we record 429 00:22:49,626 --> 00:22:51,577 my emotional responses first? 430 00:22:51,578 --> 00:22:53,879 Then they can play when I'm talking live. 431 00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:56,081 - Bill, are you ready? - Yes, Mr. Blunt. 432 00:22:56,082 --> 00:22:57,666 ♪ 433 00:22:57,667 --> 00:22:59,800 Anger at self. 434 00:23:01,671 --> 00:23:04,806 Disgust with self. 435 00:23:04,807 --> 00:23:05,923 Empathy. 436 00:23:08,394 --> 00:23:09,760 Coquettish. 437 00:23:11,264 --> 00:23:12,597 Mild shock. 438 00:23:28,248 --> 00:23:29,781 What happened? 439 00:23:29,782 --> 00:23:32,618 You passed out again from the Ambien, Major. 440 00:23:32,619 --> 00:23:35,420 Oh. But I have to tape my questions. 441 00:23:35,421 --> 00:23:37,039 - You did. - I did? 442 00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:38,457 Yes, you don't remember? 443 00:23:38,458 --> 00:23:41,426 You were very, very hard on yourself. 444 00:23:41,427 --> 00:23:43,712 I was? 445 00:23:43,713 --> 00:23:46,882 Ah. I must have been in an Ambien blackout. 446 00:23:46,883 --> 00:23:49,601 The doctor thought you might need this to wake up. 447 00:23:49,602 --> 00:23:51,887 Oh, what's that? Cocaine? 448 00:23:51,888 --> 00:23:53,472 Yes. 449 00:23:53,473 --> 00:23:56,692 My God. He really is a Freudian, isn't he? 450 00:23:56,693 --> 00:23:59,778 Harry, we have to make another appointment. 451 00:23:59,779 --> 00:24:03,532 Look how young and fit we were. 452 00:24:03,533 --> 00:24:05,450 Yes. 453 00:24:05,451 --> 00:24:08,786 Then all the youth of England were on fire. 454 00:24:11,958 --> 00:24:15,243 I'll... I'll test this for you, Major. 455 00:24:15,244 --> 00:24:17,412 Mm-hmm. Yeah. 456 00:24:21,634 --> 00:24:26,305 The ratio of cocaine to speed is just right, Major. 457 00:24:26,306 --> 00:24:28,590 Have at it. 458 00:24:28,591 --> 00:24:30,591 Thank you, Harry. 459 00:24:32,011 --> 00:24:35,730 What would I do without you, Harry? 460 00:24:36,683 --> 00:24:39,266 What would I do without you, Major? 461 00:24:53,249 --> 00:24:56,618 Please, sir, can I have some more? 462 00:24:59,872 --> 00:25:02,340 ♪ 463 00:25:12,635 --> 00:25:17,222 Good evening. Welcome to Blunt Talk. 464 00:25:17,223 --> 00:25:19,107 I am Walter Blunt. 465 00:25:19,108 --> 00:25:24,062 Tonight we have an unprecedented broadcast. 466 00:25:25,365 --> 00:25:27,032 Why is he sniffing like that? 467 00:25:27,033 --> 00:25:29,735 I'm sure you're all aware of last night's incident 468 00:25:29,736 --> 00:25:32,904 when I was arrested on a number of charges 469 00:25:32,905 --> 00:25:36,708 including soliciting and drunk driving. 470 00:25:36,709 --> 00:25:39,211 I'm sure you all have questions. 471 00:25:39,212 --> 00:25:43,632 Lets see if I can give you some answers. 472 00:25:43,633 --> 00:25:46,585 Tonight, Walter Blunt will be interviewed by 473 00:25:46,586 --> 00:25:49,004 Walter Blunt. 474 00:25:49,005 --> 00:25:50,889 ♪ 475 00:25:50,890 --> 00:25:53,308 - Good evening, Walter. - Good evening. 476 00:25:53,309 --> 00:25:54,726 Hit the first question, Jim. 477 00:25:54,727 --> 00:25:57,479 - My first question... - This is crazy. 478 00:25:57,480 --> 00:26:00,766 Was the beautiful young woman with whom you were arrested a minor? 479 00:26:00,767 --> 00:26:02,651 Absolutely not. 480 00:26:02,652 --> 00:26:05,237 No, that is a spurious and slanderous rumor. 481 00:26:05,238 --> 00:26:07,572 She is 21 years of age. 482 00:26:07,573 --> 00:26:09,858 She can vote, she can drink, she can drive. 483 00:26:09,859 --> 00:26:13,695 She can... well, she can do many things. 484 00:26:13,696 --> 00:26:15,747 Do you think it would be fair to say 485 00:26:15,748 --> 00:26:19,868 that you have been sexually out of control all your life? 486 00:26:19,869 --> 00:26:22,704 Well, I... You see... 487 00:26:22,705 --> 00:26:26,425 I have been sexually out of control all of my life. 488 00:26:26,426 --> 00:26:29,544 - Why?! - I don't know. 489 00:26:29,545 --> 00:26:31,263 - Why?! - I... 490 00:26:31,264 --> 00:26:33,715 I don't even know what sex means anymore. 491 00:26:33,716 --> 00:26:35,717 - Why?! - I've lost my way. You know that. 492 00:26:35,718 --> 00:26:37,219 - Why?! - Please, stop. 493 00:26:37,220 --> 00:26:40,055 Stop making him say why. Throw him a softball. 494 00:26:40,056 --> 00:26:41,389 Sorry. 495 00:26:41,390 --> 00:26:44,726 You shattered the testicles of a police officer. 496 00:26:44,727 --> 00:26:45,777 How did this happen? 497 00:26:45,778 --> 00:26:48,363 You see, I believed I was under attack. 498 00:26:48,364 --> 00:26:53,068 But I will give that officer half a million dollars 499 00:26:53,069 --> 00:26:55,570 in compensation for his injuries. 500 00:26:55,571 --> 00:26:59,458 Now, in the '30s, the Woolworth family gave a quarter of a million dollars 501 00:26:59,459 --> 00:27:02,377 to a soldier for a set of lost testicles. 502 00:27:02,378 --> 00:27:05,747 What the hell is he talking about? Next question. 503 00:27:05,748 --> 00:27:07,415 ...but half a million seems fair. 504 00:27:07,416 --> 00:27:10,085 How should you be punished for what you've done? 505 00:27:10,086 --> 00:27:13,922 Isn't drunk driving the equivalent of attempted murder? 506 00:27:13,923 --> 00:27:16,424 - Murder? - Answer the question. 507 00:27:16,425 --> 00:27:19,845 Whatever punishment they determine, I will accept. 508 00:27:19,846 --> 00:27:22,430 But I want to say this to the American people... 509 00:27:22,431 --> 00:27:25,734 - Walter! - No, Mr. Blunt, I will not be bullied by you. 510 00:27:25,735 --> 00:27:29,688 After the Falklands War in which I lost men, 511 00:27:29,689 --> 00:27:34,276 I vowed never to stop fighting for what is right. 512 00:27:34,277 --> 00:27:37,696 And it is for this reason that I joined the Fourth Estate. 513 00:27:37,697 --> 00:27:38,947 I became a journalist. 514 00:27:38,948 --> 00:27:42,951 Yes, I know I faltered because of ego 515 00:27:42,952 --> 00:27:45,620 and possibly oral anxiety, 516 00:27:45,621 --> 00:27:50,125 but I am not ready to leave the battlefield 517 00:27:50,126 --> 00:27:55,013 because I am no lion in his winter. 518 00:27:55,014 --> 00:27:58,717 I am an eagle in the spring. 519 00:27:58,718 --> 00:28:01,386 Yes, a bald eagle if you like. 520 00:28:01,387 --> 00:28:04,689 And so I ask you, the American people, 521 00:28:04,690 --> 00:28:07,025 to forgive me. 522 00:28:07,026 --> 00:28:09,861 And to allow me to keep fighting for you 523 00:28:09,862 --> 00:28:14,065 and to wield the most powerful weapon there is. 524 00:28:14,066 --> 00:28:15,616 The truth. 525 00:28:16,986 --> 00:28:19,204 Oh, my God! 526 00:28:21,657 --> 00:28:23,575 Out the way. 527 00:28:23,576 --> 00:28:27,045 Major. Major. 528 00:28:27,046 --> 00:28:28,662 Major? 529 00:28:30,716 --> 00:28:33,418 Don't leave me! 530 00:28:33,419 --> 00:28:35,420 ♪ 531 00:28:35,421 --> 00:28:37,054 Major! 532 00:28:37,055 --> 00:28:38,723 Sync and correction by solfieri - www.addic7ed.com 533 00:28:38,724 --> 00:28:43,477 ♪ When I awoke I felt the call to go ♪ 534 00:28:45,948 --> 00:28:51,318 ♪ Those places that I never thought I'd go ♪ 535 00:28:54,056 --> 00:28:59,360 ♪ I spent the time to see which way to walk ♪ 536 00:29:02,398 --> 00:29:07,201 ♪ But now that road just crumbles as I talk ♪ 537 00:29:09,805 --> 00:29:13,074 ♪ So don't let the ones ♪ 538 00:29:13,075 --> 00:29:16,111 ♪ That want to steal your dreams ♪ 539 00:29:16,112 --> 00:29:19,614 ♪ They'll steal your dreams away ♪ 540 00:29:19,615 --> 00:29:23,651 ♪ Just laugh and let it go ♪ 541 00:29:26,489 --> 00:29:32,127 ♪ Don't let the ones that want to steal your dreams ♪ 542 00:29:32,128 --> 00:29:35,730 ♪ They'll steal your dreams away ♪ 543 00:29:35,731 --> 00:29:39,266 ♪ Just laugh and let it go ♪ 544 00:29:42,471 --> 00:29:48,143 ♪ Don't let the ones that want to steal your dreams ♪ 545 00:29:48,144 --> 00:29:51,780 ♪ They'll steal your dreams away ♪ 546 00:29:51,781 --> 00:29:56,050 ♪ Just laugh and let it go ♪