1 00:01:19,093 --> 00:01:21,460 Thank you, Stan. You're too kind. 2 00:01:24,430 --> 00:01:27,210 Stan, has anyone ever told you 3 00:01:27,226 --> 00:01:30,000 that you bear an uncanny resemblance 4 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:32,420 in profile to the Duke of Windsor? 5 00:01:32,786 --> 00:01:34,473 No, I haven't heard that, Mr. Blunt. 6 00:01:34,553 --> 00:01:37,340 Oh, I'm surprised. You have his mouth. 7 00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:41,360 - Have you ever studied that era, Stan? - No. 8 00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:43,980 Wally Simpson was perhaps 9 00:01:43,980 --> 00:01:46,650 the greatest woman of the 20th century. 10 00:01:46,886 --> 00:01:47,970 Why is that, Mr. Blunt? 11 00:01:47,980 --> 00:01:50,820 Because she was an American divorcée 12 00:01:50,820 --> 00:01:53,150 who almost became Queen of England. 13 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:56,820 Nearly brought down the whole fucking House of Windsor by herself. 14 00:01:56,830 --> 00:01:58,830 Well, I did not know that. 15 00:01:58,830 --> 00:02:01,460 Edward, the Duke of Windsor, 16 00:02:01,460 --> 00:02:04,720 he gave up his throne for her. 17 00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:07,000 She was strong. 18 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:09,090 He was weak. 19 00:02:09,090 --> 00:02:10,090 Total mess. 20 00:02:10,090 --> 00:02:15,140 That was a fascinating and dangerous time. 21 00:02:15,140 --> 00:02:19,100 They were very friendly with Jimmy Donahue, the Woolworth heir. 22 00:02:19,100 --> 00:02:23,020 Jimmy was a somewhat erratic homosexual. 23 00:02:25,190 --> 00:02:27,940 One time in New York, 24 00:02:27,940 --> 00:02:30,440 Jimmy was shaving the... 25 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:33,030 sex organs of a soldier 26 00:02:33,030 --> 00:02:35,610 and by mistake he lopped off his balls. 27 00:02:35,610 --> 00:02:39,120 Left the poor fellow like an orphan by the Brooklyn Bridge. 28 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:42,120 A soldier? Oh, I don't like to hear that. 29 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:43,420 My father served. 30 00:02:43,420 --> 00:02:45,290 Oh, yes. Poor, poor lad. 31 00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:46,960 But he made it to a hospital 32 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:48,290 and it cost Jimmy's mother 33 00:02:48,290 --> 00:02:50,130 a quarter of a million dollars, 34 00:02:50,130 --> 00:02:53,260 which is not enough for having lost your testicles. 35 00:02:53,270 --> 00:02:55,680 But in those days it was. 36 00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:57,770 Well, it was the Depression. 37 00:02:57,770 --> 00:03:00,100 Quite. Supposedly, though, 38 00:03:00,110 --> 00:03:02,860 Jimmy could be very charming. 39 00:03:02,860 --> 00:03:05,030 Unless you were a soldier. 40 00:03:09,030 --> 00:03:12,120 Mr. Blunt. I saw your show tonight. 41 00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:13,820 Thank you. 42 00:03:13,820 --> 00:03:16,120 You may be the only one who did. 43 00:03:20,740 --> 00:03:23,160 - Are you all right? - I'm fine! 44 00:03:24,660 --> 00:03:27,500 I just need to adjust my mask. 45 00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:29,330 It keeps on slipping. 46 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:33,920 All better now. 47 00:03:40,510 --> 00:03:43,150 Stan, where's Harry? 48 00:03:43,150 --> 00:03:45,820 I don't know, Mr. Blunt. 49 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:52,660 Mr. Blunt. Why don't you stay and have a cup of coffee? 50 00:03:52,660 --> 00:03:55,580 Mr. Daniel Craig and Mr. Jeffrey Katzenberg 51 00:03:55,580 --> 00:03:57,110 are just finishing their dessert. 52 00:03:57,110 --> 00:04:00,330 Oh, dear Jeffrey. One of the good guys. 53 00:04:00,330 --> 00:04:04,290 Give him my regards, but I'm going home to beddy-byes. 54 00:04:04,290 --> 00:04:06,290 Would you like Stan to call you a car? 55 00:04:06,290 --> 00:04:08,760 I am concerned. 56 00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:10,960 I'm okay, Phil. 57 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:15,010 Don't forget, I am Walter Blunt. 58 00:04:15,010 --> 00:04:18,010 Right here, right now. 59 00:04:32,450 --> 00:04:34,400 ♪ I see right through it ♪ 60 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:36,980 ♪ I go by Duke and it's a pleasure to meet you ♪ 61 00:04:36,990 --> 00:04:39,290 ♪ You're digging what I got 'cause I gave you a preview ♪ 62 00:04:39,290 --> 00:04:41,210 ♪ You're not on my level, I can make you my equal ♪ 63 00:04:41,210 --> 00:04:43,160 ♪ She say I'm willing to learn ♪ 64 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:44,660 ♪ I'm able to teach you ♪ ♪ Get the number ♪ 65 00:04:44,660 --> 00:04:46,080 ♪ And I know how to reach you ♪ 66 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:50,380 ♪ Miss Cindy, she's a sexy little thing ♪ 67 00:04:50,380 --> 00:04:52,970 ♪ Miss Cindy, you're a sexy little thing ♪ 68 00:04:52,970 --> 00:04:55,420 ♪ Miss Cindy, you're a sexy little thing... ♪ 69 00:05:00,180 --> 00:05:03,260 Get the fuck off of me. Fucking loser. 70 00:05:03,260 --> 00:05:05,350 Go snort some coke, you fucking idiot. 71 00:05:08,180 --> 00:05:10,150 Excuse me, miss. 72 00:05:10,150 --> 00:05:12,850 Is everything all right? 73 00:05:12,860 --> 00:05:15,520 - Yeah, you want a date? - I beg your pardon? 74 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:17,440 Lower the shitty-ass music. 75 00:05:18,780 --> 00:05:20,280 I said do you want a date? 76 00:05:20,280 --> 00:05:25,030 Are you a lady of the night? A courtesan? 77 00:05:25,030 --> 00:05:26,780 Look, I don't know what you're talking about, okay? 78 00:05:26,790 --> 00:05:28,450 I'm a goddess and I'm a fucking model. 79 00:05:28,450 --> 00:05:30,620 Now do you want to go on a date with me or not? 80 00:05:30,620 --> 00:05:33,960 Sure, I'd like to go on a date. 81 00:05:39,770 --> 00:05:41,930 - Hi. - Hi. 82 00:05:41,930 --> 00:05:45,020 Just go down a few blocks. I know a good spot. 83 00:06:03,820 --> 00:06:05,320 Would you like some whiskey? 84 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:08,290 Or marijuana chocolate? I have both. 85 00:06:08,290 --> 00:06:12,080 Slow down, baby. Look, we should probably talk business first. 86 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:15,080 Do you know what type of girl I am? 87 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:18,750 Well, you said you were a goddess and a model. 88 00:06:18,750 --> 00:06:20,670 I'm a transsexual. 89 00:06:20,670 --> 00:06:22,670 Do you know what that means? 90 00:06:22,670 --> 00:06:26,680 Oh, yes. I was at the US Open in '77 91 00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:28,260 when Renée Richards made her debut. 92 00:06:28,260 --> 00:06:32,180 But I would never have guessed that of you, 93 00:06:32,180 --> 00:06:34,570 which I hope you don't mind me saying. 94 00:06:34,570 --> 00:06:36,190 No, it's okay. 95 00:06:36,190 --> 00:06:41,110 Most people just assume I'm a biological girl, 96 00:06:41,110 --> 00:06:42,610 - or whatever that means. - Ah. 97 00:06:42,610 --> 00:06:46,450 And does that mean that you have an intact penis? 98 00:06:46,450 --> 00:06:49,530 Why don't we just say I have a nine-inch clit? 99 00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:52,870 Does that bother you? 100 00:06:52,870 --> 00:06:54,460 No. 101 00:06:54,460 --> 00:06:56,170 I'm English. 102 00:06:56,170 --> 00:06:59,930 Okay, so what do you want to do? 103 00:06:59,930 --> 00:07:04,630 Um, might I nurse on your breast? 104 00:07:04,630 --> 00:07:07,720 Things have not been going well for me at work 105 00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:11,110 and at home and... 106 00:07:11,110 --> 00:07:14,190 to suckle would be a great comfort. 107 00:07:14,190 --> 00:07:17,060 You just want to kiss on my titties? 108 00:07:17,060 --> 00:07:19,450 Yes. That would be lovely. 109 00:07:27,070 --> 00:07:28,870 See there? 110 00:07:28,870 --> 00:07:30,660 No implants. 111 00:07:30,660 --> 00:07:33,160 Just au naturel. 112 00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:36,210 Titties grown from hormones 113 00:07:36,210 --> 00:07:38,750 and healthy eating. 114 00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:42,090 The world has changed so much. 115 00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:46,010 - May I? - Sure. 116 00:07:47,010 --> 00:07:49,930 Oh. Lord, the seat belt. 117 00:07:49,930 --> 00:07:51,760 Oh. 118 00:07:55,770 --> 00:07:58,020 Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't ask. 119 00:07:58,020 --> 00:07:59,600 What's your name, my dear? 120 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:01,440 Gisele. 121 00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:04,160 I know we've only just met, Gisele, 122 00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:08,110 but I like you very much. 123 00:08:08,110 --> 00:08:10,700 Thank you for being kind to me. 124 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,000 I like you, too. 125 00:08:24,430 --> 00:08:26,600 This is the LAPD! 126 00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:29,300 Oh, no. Walter, I got to make a run for it. 127 00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:30,970 I can't get arrested. My mom will freak out. 128 00:08:30,970 --> 00:08:32,770 No Gisele! 129 00:08:34,190 --> 00:08:36,110 Hey! Come here! 130 00:08:36,110 --> 00:08:38,640 Put your hands on the car. 131 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:40,310 Hey, you're being too rough. 132 00:08:40,310 --> 00:08:42,480 We have a celebrity and a prostitute resisting arrest. 133 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,200 - You're hurting my arm. - Let her go, Officer. 134 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:46,320 Stand down, sir. 135 00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:48,120 - Put your hands on the car. - Ow! 136 00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:49,490 - Hey. - Don't fucking touch me. 137 00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:54,830 Oh, shit. 138 00:08:54,830 --> 00:08:56,830 Run, Gisele. Save yourself. 139 00:08:58,000 --> 00:08:59,800 Is he all right, Officer? 140 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:01,670 On the ground now! 141 00:09:16,850 --> 00:09:18,650 Get off the car, Mr. Blunt. 142 00:09:18,650 --> 00:09:21,020 No! Everyone go away! 143 00:09:21,020 --> 00:09:22,740 Mr. Blunt, you have to get off of that car. 144 00:09:22,740 --> 00:09:24,020 You are in serious trouble. 145 00:09:24,020 --> 00:09:25,440 I will not get down. 146 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:28,160 I need Harry! 147 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:30,490 Sweetheart, just get down. They'll shoot you. 148 00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:34,120 Gisele, I'm so sorry you had to witness this. 149 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:36,170 We did nothing wrong. 150 00:09:36,170 --> 00:09:38,120 I know, baby. Just please get down. 151 00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:39,670 It is time to get down from the car, Mr. Blunt. 152 00:09:39,670 --> 00:09:42,090 Whoa! Hey, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, who's that? 153 00:09:42,090 --> 00:09:43,840 Hands up! Hands up! 154 00:09:45,510 --> 00:09:47,550 Major. 155 00:09:47,550 --> 00:09:51,380 You seem to have found yourself in a spot of bother. 156 00:09:51,380 --> 00:09:54,690 Harry, there you are. Where have you been? 157 00:09:54,690 --> 00:09:56,770 I was passed out on the backseat, sir. 158 00:09:56,770 --> 00:10:00,520 But you better get down from there. You're surrounded. 159 00:10:00,530 --> 00:10:03,390 It's the Falklands all over again, Harry. 160 00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:04,980 By land, by sea. 161 00:10:04,980 --> 00:10:08,070 Mr. Blunt, get down from the car. 162 00:10:08,070 --> 00:10:09,700 I don't feel well, Harry. 163 00:10:09,700 --> 00:10:11,900 I ate some chocolate marijuana 164 00:10:11,900 --> 00:10:13,570 and it's starting to kick in. 165 00:10:13,570 --> 00:10:16,460 My feet are vibrating and my thoughts are odd. 166 00:10:16,460 --> 00:10:19,660 I have told you edibles are dangerous, Major. 167 00:10:19,660 --> 00:10:23,130 You have to think of them as time-release vitamins. 168 00:10:23,130 --> 00:10:24,720 Take very little. 169 00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:26,250 "O Gertrude, Gertrude," 170 00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:29,470 when sorrows come, they come not single spies, 171 00:10:29,470 --> 00:10:32,670 - "but in battalions!" - Mr. Blunt! 172 00:10:32,670 --> 00:10:34,760 This is not the audience for "Hamlet," Major. 173 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:37,140 It's not? 174 00:10:37,150 --> 00:10:40,150 ♪ 175 00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:53,280 Is it true that you sent a policeman to the hospital? 176 00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:55,330 What will this mean to your career? 177 00:10:55,330 --> 00:10:57,280 Do you have the prostitute's phone number? 178 00:10:57,280 --> 00:10:59,500 Have you spoken to any of your wives? 179 00:10:59,500 --> 00:11:03,420 I have not spoken to any of my ex-wives. 180 00:11:03,420 --> 00:11:05,170 This is the benefit of divorce. 181 00:11:05,170 --> 00:11:07,960 When you've been arrested, you're not expected to call. 182 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:11,430 Mr. Blunt, how old was the prostitute? 183 00:11:11,430 --> 00:11:13,430 Are you an American citizen? 184 00:11:31,620 --> 00:11:32,980 Harry. 185 00:11:32,980 --> 00:11:36,150 You just have to face them, Major. 186 00:11:36,150 --> 00:11:39,290 Rally the troops and all that. 187 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:46,330 Thank you, Harry. 188 00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:48,630 God, my bloody head is killing me. 189 00:11:48,630 --> 00:11:50,470 Do your best, Major. 190 00:11:50,470 --> 00:11:53,840 I'll be in your office consulting with our commanding officer. 191 00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:27,920 I haven't dared look at my phone. How bad is it? 192 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:29,960 It's a shitstorm, Walter. 193 00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:31,840 You fucked yourself real good. 194 00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:34,130 You're getting slammed from every direction. 195 00:12:34,130 --> 00:12:37,850 "New York Times," O'Reilly, Anderson Cooper. 196 00:12:37,850 --> 00:12:39,380 Martin? 197 00:12:39,380 --> 00:12:40,970 Here's the full quote 198 00:12:40,970 --> 00:12:42,850 from O'Reilly's radio show this morning. 199 00:12:42,850 --> 00:12:46,020 "This Brit who had the audacity to come to the US" 200 00:12:46,020 --> 00:12:48,690 preaching to us about the death penalty and immigration, 201 00:12:48,690 --> 00:12:51,200 flouting his credentials as a former Royal Marine 202 00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:53,450 "wounded in the Falklands is a..." 203 00:12:53,450 --> 00:12:55,530 Did he say Falklands sarcastically? 204 00:12:55,530 --> 00:12:56,980 Uh... 205 00:12:56,990 --> 00:13:01,040 his tone was, um, dismissive. 206 00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:03,870 Go on. 207 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:05,330 Going on. 208 00:13:05,330 --> 00:13:08,380 "...is a moral imbecile and a sexual degenerate." 209 00:13:08,380 --> 00:13:11,220 God. 210 00:13:11,220 --> 00:13:13,300 What did Anderson Cooper say? 211 00:13:13,300 --> 00:13:15,970 He's always been a nice lad. 212 00:13:15,970 --> 00:13:17,590 Read it, Shelly. 213 00:13:17,590 --> 00:13:20,010 Anderson Cooper did a four-part tweet. 214 00:13:20,010 --> 00:13:22,930 "Walter Blunt's sexuality is not the issue here." 215 00:13:22,930 --> 00:13:25,760 The issues are drunk driving, the assault of a Los Angeles policeman, 216 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:28,430 and most horribly, the corruption of a minor 217 00:13:28,430 --> 00:13:30,770 "forced into prostitution." 218 00:13:30,770 --> 00:13:32,490 Gisele was a minor? 219 00:13:32,490 --> 00:13:35,110 Well, no, but that's out there now. I mean, she's actually 21. 220 00:13:35,110 --> 00:13:36,270 Which means, and this is positive, 221 00:13:36,270 --> 00:13:37,990 she started puberty years ago. 222 00:13:37,990 --> 00:13:39,830 I started puberty when I was 11, which was a nightmare. 223 00:13:39,830 --> 00:13:41,280 I was in a little yellow school skirt... 224 00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:44,670 So, Gisele is 21. That's wonderful. 225 00:13:44,670 --> 00:13:47,670 That's nearly a 50-year age difference, Walter. 226 00:13:47,670 --> 00:13:50,950 With a prostitute. What the hell were you thinking? 227 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:53,460 Can I just be relieved for one moment 228 00:13:53,460 --> 00:13:55,170 that she's not 16? 229 00:13:58,010 --> 00:14:00,960 I'm... I'm so sorry, everyone. 230 00:14:00,970 --> 00:14:03,100 I'm exhausted. 231 00:14:03,100 --> 00:14:06,690 Jail was ghastly. 232 00:14:06,690 --> 00:14:09,810 And, as you all know, I don't like to share a loo. 233 00:14:09,810 --> 00:14:12,980 We understand. We all have bathroom issues. 234 00:14:12,980 --> 00:14:17,110 Yeah, I don't even like to share a loo with myself. 235 00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:18,650 But I have to. 236 00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:22,120 Right, what's the situation internally? 237 00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:24,240 Well, Gardner said they're either looking to cancel the show, 238 00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:27,830 which with our ratings they'd be looking to do anyway, the bastards, 239 00:14:27,830 --> 00:14:29,330 or suspend you. 240 00:14:29,330 --> 00:14:32,160 But what about tonight? We can broadcast tonight? 241 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:34,000 You have a meeting with Gardner in 20 minutes, 242 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:36,830 but he's probably just gonna yell at you and fire you. 243 00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:41,000 Jim, do you think you could not be pessimistic just for five minutes? 244 00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:42,170 I'll try. 245 00:14:42,170 --> 00:14:44,140 So, I'm gonna shower, 246 00:14:44,140 --> 00:14:46,260 change my clothes, face Gardner, 247 00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:49,180 and we are going to turn this around. 248 00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:51,320 Walter, I'm really worried. 249 00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:53,430 I think this might be the end. 250 00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:56,990 Look, I know I have let you all down. 251 00:14:56,990 --> 00:15:00,740 But please don't quit on me. 252 00:15:00,740 --> 00:15:02,490 Not yet. 253 00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:05,950 I need you. 254 00:15:15,510 --> 00:15:17,590 Oh, Major. 255 00:15:17,590 --> 00:15:20,210 Just 10 more lashes, Harry. 256 00:15:20,210 --> 00:15:23,260 My hangover is nearly gone. 257 00:15:23,260 --> 00:15:25,930 And don't forget the dialog. 258 00:15:27,140 --> 00:15:29,020 Come on. 259 00:15:30,470 --> 00:15:33,190 You've been unclean, Major! 260 00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:37,110 Very unclean! 261 00:15:37,110 --> 00:15:39,110 A naughty... 262 00:15:39,110 --> 00:15:41,120 ...naughty... 263 00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:43,320 ...boy! 264 00:15:47,990 --> 00:15:51,210 "O Gertrude, Gertrude, when sorrows come" 265 00:15:51,210 --> 00:15:54,210 they come not single spies, 266 00:15:54,210 --> 00:15:55,960 "but in battalions!" 267 00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:57,080 Mr. Blunt... 268 00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:59,080 On top of everything else you pulled last night, 269 00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:02,140 you managed to stand on the roof of your vintage Jag. 270 00:16:02,140 --> 00:16:03,340 How high were you? 271 00:16:03,340 --> 00:16:05,640 I know it looks bad, Bob. 272 00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:09,930 But I beg you, let me on the air tonight. 273 00:16:09,930 --> 00:16:13,310 Let me plead my case to the American people. 274 00:16:13,310 --> 00:16:15,020 No. Why should I? 275 00:16:15,020 --> 00:16:19,650 Because I have given you the last five years of my life. 276 00:16:19,650 --> 00:16:21,160 I don't care, Walter. 277 00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:23,110 You are facing felony charges. 278 00:16:23,110 --> 00:16:25,440 Your ratings have been shit for months 279 00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:26,780 and your frontal lobes have turned to raisins. 280 00:16:26,780 --> 00:16:28,280 All that's left is your accent. 281 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:29,830 Just because a man's ratings slip 282 00:16:29,830 --> 00:16:33,000 doesn't mean his frontal lobes are dissolving. 283 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:34,840 What if I... 284 00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:37,420 What if I had a priest absolve me on air? 285 00:16:37,420 --> 00:16:39,170 - Are you still drunk? - Rabbi? 286 00:16:39,170 --> 00:16:41,960 Seriously? You are the face of this network. 287 00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:43,680 I'm going to take your billboard down. 288 00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:45,430 No! No. 289 00:16:45,430 --> 00:16:49,020 Bob, how about... 290 00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:56,470 what if I gave you my Jaguar 291 00:16:56,470 --> 00:17:01,140 in exchange for one more broadcast? 292 00:17:01,150 --> 00:17:03,950 I've seen the way you look at her in the parking lot. 293 00:17:10,990 --> 00:17:13,490 Gardner is letting me on the air. 294 00:17:13,490 --> 00:17:16,160 Bullshit. I don't believe you. 295 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,160 Why? He's a perfectly reasonable man. 296 00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:21,800 We had a good talk. But they need me to see a shrink 297 00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:23,750 for insurance reasons. 298 00:17:23,750 --> 00:17:26,470 If you want, I know how to mislead therapists. 299 00:17:26,470 --> 00:17:27,750 My dad's a Gestaltian. 300 00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:29,760 That won't be an issue, Jim. 301 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:32,260 They think my frontal lobes are shot, 302 00:17:32,260 --> 00:17:33,840 which is ludicrous! 303 00:17:33,850 --> 00:17:36,150 I mean, only yesterday I did the "Times" crossword. 304 00:17:36,150 --> 00:17:38,020 And it was a Thursday. 305 00:17:38,020 --> 00:17:40,520 Walter, I'm afraid I've got some more bad news. 306 00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:43,020 The cop that you kicked has ruptured testicles. 307 00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:45,190 - Does that mean he can't have children? - I don't know. 308 00:17:45,190 --> 00:17:47,240 What happens to testes when they've been shattered? 309 00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:48,860 Do you think it's like cracking an egg? 310 00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:51,160 It's weird 'cause eggs are quite like testicles. 311 00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:53,200 Somebody Google ruptured testicles. 312 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:54,580 - I'm on it. - I'm on it. 313 00:17:54,580 --> 00:17:56,870 Okay, tonight's program. 314 00:17:56,870 --> 00:17:59,170 I think we have to address what happened. 315 00:17:59,170 --> 00:18:01,920 I think we should get Barbara Walters to interview me. 316 00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:03,760 I cry easily. She'll love that. 317 00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:06,040 - She'll never do it. - Charlie Rose. 318 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:08,260 You snubbed him at the White House Correspondents' Dinner 319 00:18:08,260 --> 00:18:09,930 and he sent an emotional email. 320 00:18:09,930 --> 00:18:13,100 Oh, God, yes. You're right. David Frost. 321 00:18:13,100 --> 00:18:14,970 - Dead. - Shit. 322 00:18:14,970 --> 00:18:18,690 Walter, ruptured testicles can cause infertility. 323 00:18:18,690 --> 00:18:21,110 God. 324 00:18:21,110 --> 00:18:23,980 They'll say I castrated a policeman. 325 00:18:23,980 --> 00:18:27,610 Walter, do you want to spoon? 326 00:18:29,030 --> 00:18:32,900 Yes. That would be very reassuring. Thank you, Rosalie. 327 00:18:32,900 --> 00:18:35,790 Walter, could I spoon with you this time? 328 00:18:35,790 --> 00:18:37,540 I mean, I am a senior producer. 329 00:18:37,540 --> 00:18:39,130 It would be inappropriate. 330 00:18:39,130 --> 00:18:42,750 Rosalie has been with me for 20 years. 331 00:18:42,750 --> 00:18:44,050 Course. Sorry. 332 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,250 But what are we going to do? 333 00:18:49,250 --> 00:18:53,470 If only we could get Oprah to make all this go away. 334 00:18:53,470 --> 00:18:58,100 Walter, I believe in you absolutely, 335 00:18:58,100 --> 00:19:02,020 but you're just gonna have to go out there on your own. 336 00:19:02,020 --> 00:19:05,020 Let me stimulate your intellect. 337 00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:08,940 I've got it! 338 00:19:09,990 --> 00:19:12,780 I don't have to be alone out there. 339 00:19:12,780 --> 00:19:15,700 I'll have Walter Blunt with me. 340 00:19:15,700 --> 00:19:17,450 I'll do a self interview. 341 00:19:17,450 --> 00:19:19,870 I will get the exclusive on my own scandal. 342 00:19:19,870 --> 00:19:21,170 - Oh! - Yes, Martin? 343 00:19:21,170 --> 00:19:23,920 Will you talk to yourself like a ventriloquist? 344 00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:25,960 You know, with your hand inside a little Walter? 345 00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:28,430 No, Martin. We'll split the screen, 346 00:19:28,430 --> 00:19:30,260 we'll tape the questions beforehand. 347 00:19:30,260 --> 00:19:32,850 Major, the network psychiatrist is in your office. 348 00:19:32,850 --> 00:19:34,680 Wants to see you. He's on the clock. 349 00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:37,470 Damn it. Start preparing the questions. 350 00:19:37,470 --> 00:19:41,100 And someone make sure that my lawyer has sprung Gisele. 351 00:19:44,810 --> 00:19:47,640 Walter. Walter, are you sure you want to do 352 00:19:47,650 --> 00:19:50,110 this whole self-interrogation thing? 353 00:19:50,110 --> 00:19:53,820 I think it just might make you seem a little crazy. 354 00:19:53,820 --> 00:19:56,950 No, no, I see it as a vision. 355 00:19:56,950 --> 00:20:00,120 - My two selves talking like a Buñuel movie. - Mmm. 356 00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:02,330 No, my biggest concern is fatigue. 357 00:20:02,330 --> 00:20:04,910 I'm totally fucked. 358 00:20:04,910 --> 00:20:06,330 Here. 359 00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:08,000 Take these. 360 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,000 - It's Provigil. - What's Provigil? 361 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:13,170 It's a kind of speed. It's very effective. 362 00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:15,310 I used to be wildly addicted. 363 00:20:15,310 --> 00:20:18,010 But, um, I'm better now. Sort of. 364 00:20:18,010 --> 00:20:21,140 Oh, well, thank you. I've always enjoyed uppers. 365 00:20:21,150 --> 00:20:23,100 All right. 366 00:20:25,650 --> 00:20:28,020 - Sorry. - That's no problem. 367 00:20:29,900 --> 00:20:31,690 Do you always bring your own couch, Doctor? 368 00:20:31,690 --> 00:20:33,990 Yes. I'm a Freudian. 369 00:20:37,030 --> 00:20:40,200 So, what's going on? What happened last night? 370 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:43,670 To be frank, I'm drinking more than I should. 371 00:20:43,670 --> 00:20:47,040 Recently divorced for the fourth time. 372 00:20:48,370 --> 00:20:50,340 There are custody issues. 373 00:20:50,340 --> 00:20:52,090 We have a five-year-old boy. 374 00:20:52,090 --> 00:20:54,180 And how old is your ex-wife? 375 00:20:54,180 --> 00:20:55,850 She's 35. 376 00:20:55,850 --> 00:20:57,760 That's very nice. 377 00:20:59,180 --> 00:21:00,970 And what else may have contributed 378 00:21:00,970 --> 00:21:03,100 to last night's behavior? 379 00:21:03,100 --> 00:21:05,770 Uh, I think, um... 380 00:21:05,770 --> 00:21:07,520 oh, I'm sorry. 381 00:21:07,530 --> 00:21:11,110 I'm feeling a bit woozy, Doctor. 382 00:21:11,110 --> 00:21:14,450 Probably stress. Or oral anxiety. 383 00:21:14,450 --> 00:21:16,650 - Oral anxiety? - Could be. 384 00:21:16,650 --> 00:21:18,200 What were you going to say? 385 00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:20,790 It's just that... 386 00:21:20,790 --> 00:21:24,160 I'm very, very frightened I will lose my show 387 00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:27,160 because I think I will be one of those people 388 00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:31,160 who just drops dead when his work is taken away from him. 389 00:21:31,170 --> 00:21:34,000 Like Joe Paterno at Penn State. 390 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:35,000 Uh-huh. 391 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:39,590 And I feel my life slipping away from me 392 00:21:39,590 --> 00:21:42,340 like a cat that doesn't want to be held. 393 00:21:42,340 --> 00:21:44,640 A cat? Not a dog? 394 00:21:44,650 --> 00:21:46,980 No, a cat. 395 00:21:46,980 --> 00:21:50,820 Seem to be running out of dreams for myself. 396 00:21:50,820 --> 00:21:53,100 I'm so... 397 00:21:54,820 --> 00:21:57,020 So tired. 398 00:21:57,020 --> 00:21:59,110 Sleepy. 399 00:21:59,110 --> 00:22:01,360 ♪ 400 00:22:20,130 --> 00:22:22,130 Major? Major? 401 00:22:22,130 --> 00:22:24,130 Wake up. Major, you've got to get up. 402 00:22:24,140 --> 00:22:27,020 It's been an hour. You've slept enough. 403 00:22:30,610 --> 00:22:32,270 What's going on? 404 00:22:33,780 --> 00:22:36,810 I was having the most vivid dream 405 00:22:36,810 --> 00:22:39,870 about Burt Lancaster's "Trapeze." 406 00:22:39,870 --> 00:22:41,820 Oh, I love that movie. 407 00:22:41,820 --> 00:22:43,740 Drink this, Major. 408 00:22:43,740 --> 00:22:45,070 What happened to me? 409 00:22:45,070 --> 00:22:47,990 I'm so sorry, Walter. I really... I screwed up. 410 00:22:47,990 --> 00:22:51,330 I gave you three Ambien and not three Provigil. 411 00:22:51,330 --> 00:22:52,750 I went for the wrong pocket. 412 00:22:52,750 --> 00:22:54,660 Usually I keep my Ambien in my right 413 00:22:54,670 --> 00:22:58,170 - and my Provigil in my left. - Three Ambien? 414 00:22:58,170 --> 00:23:00,090 Hey, look, it's nothing to worry about. 415 00:23:00,090 --> 00:23:01,810 It's not a lethal dose. 416 00:23:01,810 --> 00:23:03,010 And, you know, I let the network know 417 00:23:03,010 --> 00:23:05,480 that you're fit enough to broadcast. 418 00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:06,840 Doctor, thank you. 419 00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:08,930 Walter, you need to go into the studio 420 00:23:08,930 --> 00:23:11,150 and tape your questions right now. 421 00:23:11,150 --> 00:23:12,350 Oh, Jesus Christ. 422 00:23:22,690 --> 00:23:24,080 Showtime! 423 00:23:38,090 --> 00:23:40,210 These questions are too timid. 424 00:23:40,210 --> 00:23:43,210 I'm going to improvise my interrogation. 425 00:23:43,210 --> 00:23:46,050 - Thanks, Sam. - No need for the prompter. 426 00:23:46,050 --> 00:23:48,130 Oh, shit. He's going rogue. 427 00:23:48,140 --> 00:23:50,020 Okay, thank you, darling. Why don't we record 428 00:23:50,020 --> 00:23:51,970 my emotional responses first? 429 00:23:51,970 --> 00:23:54,270 Then they can play when I'm talking live. 430 00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:56,480 - Bill, are you ready? - Yes, Mr. Blunt. 431 00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:58,060 ♪ 432 00:23:58,060 --> 00:24:00,200 Anger at self. 433 00:24:02,070 --> 00:24:05,200 Disgust with self. 434 00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:06,320 Empathy. 435 00:24:08,790 --> 00:24:10,160 Coquettish. 436 00:24:11,660 --> 00:24:12,990 Mild shock. 437 00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:30,180 What happened? 438 00:24:30,180 --> 00:24:33,010 You passed out again from the Ambien, Major. 439 00:24:33,010 --> 00:24:35,820 Oh. But I have to tape my questions. 440 00:24:35,820 --> 00:24:37,430 - You did. - I did? 441 00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:38,850 Yes, you don't remember? 442 00:24:38,850 --> 00:24:41,820 You were very, very hard on yourself. 443 00:24:41,820 --> 00:24:44,110 I was? 444 00:24:44,110 --> 00:24:47,280 Ah. I must have been in an Ambien blackout. 445 00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:50,000 The doctor thought you might need this to wake up. 446 00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:52,280 Oh, what's that? Cocaine? 447 00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:53,870 Yes. 448 00:24:53,870 --> 00:24:57,090 My God. He really is a Freudian, isn't he? 449 00:24:57,090 --> 00:25:00,170 Harry, we have to make another appointment. 450 00:25:00,170 --> 00:25:03,930 Look how young and fit we were. 451 00:25:03,930 --> 00:25:05,850 Yes. 452 00:25:05,850 --> 00:25:09,180 Then all the youth of England were on fire. 453 00:25:12,350 --> 00:25:15,640 I'll... I'll test this for you, Major. 454 00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:17,810 Mm-hmm. Yeah. 455 00:25:22,030 --> 00:25:26,700 The ratio of cocaine to speed is just right, Major. 456 00:25:26,700 --> 00:25:28,990 Have at it. 457 00:25:28,990 --> 00:25:30,990 Thank you, Harry. 458 00:25:32,410 --> 00:25:36,130 What would I do without you, Harry? 459 00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:39,660 What would I do without you, Major? 460 00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:57,010 Please, sir, can I have some more? 461 00:26:00,270 --> 00:26:02,740 ♪ 462 00:26:13,030 --> 00:26:17,620 Good evening. Welcome to Blunt Talk. 463 00:26:17,620 --> 00:26:19,500 I am Walter Blunt. 464 00:26:19,500 --> 00:26:24,460 Tonight we have an unprecedented broadcast. 465 00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:27,430 Why is he sniffing like that? 466 00:26:27,430 --> 00:26:30,130 I'm sure you're all aware of last night's incident 467 00:26:30,130 --> 00:26:33,300 when I was arrested on a number of charges 468 00:26:33,300 --> 00:26:37,100 including soliciting and drunk driving. 469 00:26:37,100 --> 00:26:39,610 I'm sure you all have questions. 470 00:26:39,610 --> 00:26:44,030 Lets see if I can give you some answers. 471 00:26:44,030 --> 00:26:46,980 Tonight, Walter Blunt will be interviewed by 472 00:26:46,980 --> 00:26:49,400 Walter Blunt. 473 00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:51,280 ♪ 474 00:26:51,290 --> 00:26:53,700 - Good evening, Walter. - Good evening. 475 00:26:53,700 --> 00:26:55,120 Hit the first question, Jim. 476 00:26:55,120 --> 00:26:57,870 - My first question... - This is crazy. 477 00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:01,160 Was the beautiful young woman with whom you were arrested a minor? 478 00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:03,050 Absolutely not. 479 00:27:03,050 --> 00:27:05,630 No, that is a spurious and slanderous rumor. 480 00:27:05,630 --> 00:27:07,970 She is 21 years of age. 481 00:27:07,970 --> 00:27:10,250 She can vote, she can drink, she can drive. 482 00:27:10,250 --> 00:27:14,090 She can... well, she can do many things. 483 00:27:14,090 --> 00:27:16,140 Do you think it would be fair to say 484 00:27:16,140 --> 00:27:20,260 that you have been sexually out of control all your life? 485 00:27:20,260 --> 00:27:23,100 Well, I... You see... 486 00:27:23,100 --> 00:27:26,820 I have been sexually out of control all of my life. 487 00:27:26,820 --> 00:27:29,940 - Why?! - I don't know. 488 00:27:29,940 --> 00:27:31,660 - Why?! - I... 489 00:27:31,660 --> 00:27:34,110 I don't even know what sex means anymore. 490 00:27:34,110 --> 00:27:36,110 - Why?! - I've lost my way. You know that. 491 00:27:36,110 --> 00:27:37,610 - Why?! - Please, stop. 492 00:27:37,620 --> 00:27:40,450 Stop making him say why. Throw him a softball. 493 00:27:40,450 --> 00:27:41,780 Sorry. 494 00:27:41,790 --> 00:27:45,120 You shattered the testicles of a police officer. 495 00:27:45,120 --> 00:27:46,170 How did this happen? 496 00:27:46,170 --> 00:27:48,760 You see, I believed I was under attack. 497 00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:53,460 But I will give that officer half a million dollars 498 00:27:53,460 --> 00:27:55,970 in compensation for his injuries. 499 00:27:55,970 --> 00:27:59,850 Now, in the '30s, the Woolworth family gave a quarter of a million dollars 500 00:27:59,850 --> 00:28:02,770 to a soldier for a set of lost testicles. 501 00:28:02,770 --> 00:28:06,140 What the hell is he talking about? Next question. 502 00:28:06,140 --> 00:28:07,810 ...but half a million seems fair. 503 00:28:07,810 --> 00:28:10,480 How should you be punished for what you've done? 504 00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:14,320 Isn't drunk driving the equivalent of attempted murder? 505 00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:16,820 - Murder? - Answer the question. 506 00:28:16,820 --> 00:28:20,240 Whatever punishment they determine, I will accept. 507 00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:22,830 But I want to say this to the American people... 508 00:28:22,830 --> 00:28:26,130 - Walter! - No, Mr. Blunt, I will not be bullied by you. 509 00:28:26,130 --> 00:28:30,080 After the Falklands War in which I lost men, 510 00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:34,670 I vowed never to stop fighting for what is right. 511 00:28:34,670 --> 00:28:38,090 And it is for this reason that I joined the Fourth Estate. 512 00:28:38,090 --> 00:28:39,340 I became a journalist. 513 00:28:39,340 --> 00:28:43,350 Yes, I know I faltered because of ego 514 00:28:43,350 --> 00:28:46,020 and possibly oral anxiety, 515 00:28:46,020 --> 00:28:50,520 but I am not ready to leave the battlefield 516 00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:55,410 because I am no lion in his winter. 517 00:28:55,410 --> 00:28:59,110 I am an eagle in the spring. 518 00:28:59,110 --> 00:29:01,780 Yes, a bald eagle if you like. 519 00:29:01,780 --> 00:29:05,080 And so I ask you, the American people, 520 00:29:05,090 --> 00:29:07,420 to forgive me. 521 00:29:07,420 --> 00:29:10,260 And to allow me to keep fighting for you 522 00:29:10,260 --> 00:29:14,460 and to wield the most powerful weapon there is. 523 00:29:14,460 --> 00:29:16,010 The truth. 524 00:29:17,380 --> 00:29:19,600 Oh, my God! 525 00:29:22,050 --> 00:29:23,970 Out the way. 526 00:29:23,970 --> 00:29:27,440 Major. Major. 527 00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:29,060 Major? 528 00:29:31,110 --> 00:29:33,810 Don't leave me! 529 00:29:33,810 --> 00:29:35,820 ♪ 530 00:29:35,820 --> 00:29:37,450 Major! 531 00:29:37,450 --> 00:29:39,120 Sync and correction by solfieri - www.addic7ed.com 532 00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:43,870 ♪ When I awoke I felt the call to go ♪ 533 00:29:46,340 --> 00:29:51,710 ♪ Those places that I never thought I'd go ♪ 534 00:29:54,450 --> 00:29:59,760 ♪ I spent the time to see which way to walk ♪ 535 00:30:02,790 --> 00:30:07,600 ♪ But now that road just crumbles as I talk ♪ 536 00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:13,470 ♪ So don't let the ones ♪ 537 00:30:13,470 --> 00:30:16,510 ♪ That want to steal your dreams ♪ 538 00:30:16,510 --> 00:30:20,010 ♪ They'll steal your dreams away ♪ 539 00:30:20,010 --> 00:30:24,050 ♪ Just laugh and let it go ♪ 540 00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:32,520 ♪ Don't let the ones that want to steal your dreams ♪ 541 00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:36,130 ♪ They'll steal your dreams away ♪ 542 00:30:36,130 --> 00:30:39,660 ♪ Just laugh and let it go ♪ 543 00:30:42,870 --> 00:30:48,540 ♪ Don't let the ones that want to steal your dreams ♪ 544 00:30:48,540 --> 00:30:52,180 ♪ They'll steal your dreams away ♪ 545 00:30:52,180 --> 00:30:56,450 ♪ Just laugh and let it go ♪