1
00:00:00,479 --> 00:00:02,579
Hey, buddy, I think
your Stumptown addiction's
2
00:00:02,580 --> 00:00:03,645
getting out of control.
3
00:00:03,679 --> 00:00:05,613
That mug is the size of my head.
4
00:00:05,614 --> 00:00:07,017
I need to stay sharp,
5
00:00:07,018 --> 00:00:08,525
so I can finish prepping for my interview.
6
00:00:08,526 --> 00:00:11,234
The Picky Spoon is a very influential blog.
7
00:00:11,235 --> 00:00:13,435
Oh, honey, it's just an interview.
8
00:00:13,436 --> 00:00:15,705
Come on, it's a blip on the radar.
9
00:00:15,706 --> 00:00:17,276
You know what else is a blip on the radar?
10
00:00:17,277 --> 00:00:19,379
A ship right before
some laid-back captain sinks it.
11
00:00:19,380 --> 00:00:20,613
I think you're giving this article
12
00:00:20,614 --> 00:00:22,114
a little too much credit, buddy.
13
00:00:22,115 --> 00:00:23,715
And I don't think you're giving it enough.
14
00:00:23,716 --> 00:00:24,815
Look, I know you haven't
had time to pay attention
15
00:00:24,816 --> 00:00:26,049
to anything but each other lately,
16
00:00:26,050 --> 00:00:27,481
but this is a big moment in my career.
17
00:00:27,482 --> 00:00:28,983
Please just try and take it seriously.
18
00:00:28,984 --> 00:00:30,654
Okay, we will take it seriously,
19
00:00:30,655 --> 00:00:31,657
if you take this toast seriously.
20
00:00:31,658 --> 00:00:32,957
Thank you.
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00:00:34,658 --> 00:00:37,229
Oh, my gosh, I'm so glad
that this interview is tomorrow.
22
00:00:37,230 --> 00:00:38,833
A few more days of this
and he'd wind up with an...
23
00:00:38,834 --> 00:00:40,670
Ear infection. I know.
24
00:00:40,671 --> 00:00:42,238
I just wish he'd stop
obsessing about his career
25
00:00:42,239 --> 00:00:43,340
so much and start...
26
00:00:43,341 --> 00:00:45,008
Playing nude Twister in the desert.
27
00:00:46,308 --> 00:00:48,973
Wow, that was random yet so specific.
28
00:00:48,974 --> 00:00:50,338
Oh, I'm sorry, my friends keep sending me
29
00:00:50,339 --> 00:00:52,073
these crazy pics from Burning Man.
30
00:00:53,676 --> 00:00:56,985
Oh, my gosh, somebody just spun
right boob red.
31
00:00:56,986 --> 00:00:59,418
Wow, that's actually happening.
32
00:00:59,419 --> 00:01:00,784
What's... what's Burning Man?
33
00:01:00,785 --> 00:01:02,621
Oh, it's like this big party
34
00:01:02,622 --> 00:01:03,823
out in the Mojave Desert.
35
00:01:03,824 --> 00:01:05,923
It's like this weeklong drug binge
36
00:01:05,924 --> 00:01:08,761
and dust orgy
with sculptures and body paint.
37
00:01:08,762 --> 00:01:10,598
I go every year.
38
00:01:10,599 --> 00:01:13,102
- Why didn't you go this year?
- Oh, I don't know.
39
00:01:13,103 --> 00:01:15,138
I just didn't really think
it was your scene.
40
00:01:15,139 --> 00:01:17,273
Oh, well, that doesn't mean
it can't be your scene.
41
00:01:17,274 --> 00:01:20,105
I'm totally cool with you
doing fun, young-people stuff
42
00:01:20,106 --> 00:01:22,306
without me, but I prefer
you skip the orgies.
43
00:01:22,307 --> 00:01:25,311
Burning Man without orgies
is like toast without bread.
44
00:01:27,147 --> 00:01:30,780
But, you know, I've been there, done that.
45
00:01:30,781 --> 00:01:33,647
- I want to be here doing that.
- Are you sure?
46
00:01:33,648 --> 00:01:35,313
I mean, I don't want you
to look back on your 20s
47
00:01:35,314 --> 00:01:37,380
and regret missing out
on fun stuff because of me.
48
00:01:37,381 --> 00:01:39,449
Hey, I'm not missing out on anything.
49
00:01:39,450 --> 00:01:41,319
I'm right where I want to be,
50
00:01:41,320 --> 00:01:43,454
and we know how to get plenty wild.
51
00:01:43,455 --> 00:01:45,957
In fact, tonight,
52
00:01:45,958 --> 00:01:48,625
I think we should do a 5,000-piece puzzle.
53
00:01:48,626 --> 00:01:52,395
- Sounds pretty wild.
- Mm-hmm.
54
00:01:52,396 --> 00:01:55,063
Ooh.
55
00:01:55,064 --> 00:01:57,965
Oh, wow. That does not go there.
56
00:02:01,466 --> 00:02:04,236
I got us a doozy of a puzzle...
57
00:02:04,237 --> 00:02:06,706
Meadow scene, lots of flowers.
58
00:02:06,707 --> 00:02:08,307
Actually, no puzzles tonight.
59
00:02:08,308 --> 00:02:10,043
Tonight we're gonna do something different.
60
00:02:10,044 --> 00:02:12,013
Tonight we're gonna do drugs...
61
00:02:12,014 --> 00:02:15,050
Edible gummy bear drugs.
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00:02:15,051 --> 00:02:16,317
♪ Hey! ♪
63
00:02:16,318 --> 00:02:18,821
♪ Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ♪
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00:02:18,822 --> 00:02:23,995
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
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00:02:23,996 --> 00:02:27,034
And there was an arts
and crafts store next door,
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00:02:27,035 --> 00:02:28,868
and I got us some body paints.
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00:02:28,869 --> 00:02:30,703
What has gotten into you?
68
00:02:30,704 --> 00:02:33,040
I know that you said that you
were fine missing Burning Man,
69
00:02:33,041 --> 00:02:35,846
but I saw the way
you looked at those pictures.
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00:02:35,847 --> 00:02:37,481
I don't know, I thought maybe we could do
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00:02:37,482 --> 00:02:40,217
a drug binge, dust orgy of our own,
72
00:02:40,218 --> 00:02:41,452
minus the dust, of course,
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00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:42,887
because my allergies are terrible.
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00:02:42,888 --> 00:02:44,787
You do not have to do drugs for me.
75
00:02:44,788 --> 00:02:47,056
No, it's not just for you. It's for me too.
76
00:02:47,057 --> 00:02:49,394
See, I spent my 20s raising Nate,
77
00:02:49,395 --> 00:02:51,629
so I never got a chance
to be irresponsible.
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00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:54,296
Now's my time, so shut up, paint my boob,
79
00:02:54,297 --> 00:02:55,798
and do legal drugs with me.
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00:02:55,799 --> 00:02:58,235
Well, it would be my honor
to right boob red you,
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00:02:58,236 --> 00:02:59,570
but we can't tonight.
82
00:02:59,571 --> 00:03:00,904
All right, the blogger's coming tomorrow,
83
00:03:00,905 --> 00:03:02,837
and edibles last, like, six to eight hours.
84
00:03:02,838 --> 00:03:05,474
I had no idea. That's a commitment.
85
00:03:05,475 --> 00:03:06,875
Just because we can't
get high tonight doesn't mean
86
00:03:06,876 --> 00:03:08,875
we can't find somewhere
to put those paints.
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00:03:08,876 --> 00:03:10,708
Ooh.
88
00:03:13,312 --> 00:03:15,380
Ooh, gummy bears.
89
00:03:19,521 --> 00:03:22,524
"Restaurateur of Tomorrow
is not just a title.
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00:03:22,525 --> 00:03:24,357
"It's a responsibility,
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00:03:24,358 --> 00:03:27,492
"which is why I intend to write
the next great oeuvre
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00:03:27,493 --> 00:03:29,195
in Portland's culinary symphony."
93
00:03:29,196 --> 00:03:31,533
Jimmy, come on, I still got a ton of prep
94
00:03:31,534 --> 00:03:32,835
before the blogger gets here.
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00:03:32,836 --> 00:03:33,870
Just a sec.
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00:03:33,871 --> 00:03:36,341
"To me, food is like music,
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00:03:36,342 --> 00:03:38,443
every ingredient a note."
98
00:03:38,444 --> 00:03:40,544
Just doing some man shaping
for the big day.
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00:03:40,545 --> 00:03:42,878
It's manscaping, and if this blogger sees
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00:03:42,879 --> 00:03:44,546
your pubic hair, you're fired.
101
00:03:44,547 --> 00:03:46,283
It's not for her. It's for me.
102
00:03:46,284 --> 00:03:48,788
Gives me swagger on my dagger.
103
00:03:48,789 --> 00:03:50,123
I am good to go.
104
00:03:52,325 --> 00:03:54,561
Oh, my God!
105
00:03:54,562 --> 00:03:56,698
What? Is it my khaki suit?
106
00:03:56,699 --> 00:03:58,264
I look like Al Roker, don't I?
107
00:03:58,265 --> 00:04:00,631
No, you look great.
I-I-I just forgot to, uh...
108
00:04:00,632 --> 00:04:02,403
Pu... ahhh...
109
00:04:02,404 --> 00:04:04,438
Nate ate our drugs!
110
00:04:04,439 --> 00:04:06,271
I'm sorry. What did you say?
111
00:04:06,272 --> 00:04:09,671
Nate ate our drugs.
112
00:04:11,139 --> 00:04:13,504
Are you sure you feel okay, buddy?
113
00:04:13,506 --> 00:04:15,441
Yeah, for the 37th time, yes.
114
00:04:15,442 --> 00:04:17,741
Good, good. That's good.
115
00:04:17,743 --> 00:04:19,513
And you don't feel like listening to Phish
116
00:04:19,515 --> 00:04:21,083
or the Grateful Dead?
117
00:04:21,084 --> 00:04:22,651
Why would I feel like
listening to stoner music?
118
00:04:22,652 --> 00:04:24,887
No, no reason. I just thought
it might ease your nerves,
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00:04:24,888 --> 00:04:27,056
you know, "Free your mind,
and the rest will follow."
120
00:04:27,057 --> 00:04:28,558
My nerves are fine.
121
00:04:28,559 --> 00:04:29,659
I just need to commit
these cards to memory,
122
00:04:29,660 --> 00:04:30,660
so I can ace this interview.
123
00:04:30,661 --> 00:04:33,497
Hey, honey, how are you?
124
00:04:33,498 --> 00:04:35,232
What are you doing here?
125
00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:37,733
Well, I heard you
when you said that you wanted us
126
00:04:37,734 --> 00:04:40,337
to take this more seriously,
so I thought I'd just pop by
127
00:04:40,338 --> 00:04:42,239
and see if there's anything you needed.
128
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:43,506
Well, thank you, but all
the effort's a little late.
129
00:04:43,507 --> 00:04:44,773
I just need to focus.
130
00:04:44,774 --> 00:04:46,439
Okay, honey, have fun focusing.
131
00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:47,975
Oh, my God.
132
00:04:47,976 --> 00:04:49,611
My baby's on drugs,
and it's all your fault.
133
00:04:49,612 --> 00:04:52,014
Don't blame yourself, okay?
134
00:04:52,015 --> 00:04:53,350
Did you just say it was my fault?
135
00:04:53,351 --> 00:04:55,153
Yes, you are clearly a bad influence on me.
136
00:04:55,154 --> 00:04:56,487
I'm a bad influence?
137
00:04:56,488 --> 00:04:57,922
You're the one who wanted to see
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00:04:57,923 --> 00:04:59,256
what it felt like to be irresponsible.
139
00:04:59,257 --> 00:05:00,790
Yes, well, now I know,
140
00:05:00,791 --> 00:05:02,492
and it's way less fun
than I thought it would be.
141
00:05:02,493 --> 00:05:04,428
Okay, just take a deep breath, okay?
142
00:05:04,429 --> 00:05:06,331
Everything's gonna be fine.
This is a blessing in disguise.
143
00:05:06,332 --> 00:05:07,666
I mean, the last time Nate got high...
144
00:05:07,667 --> 00:05:08,667
Nate gets high?
145
00:05:08,668 --> 00:05:10,635
Once in a while.
146
00:05:10,636 --> 00:05:12,435
Actually, just once, a while ago.
147
00:05:12,436 --> 00:05:13,669
I went to visit him in college,
148
00:05:13,670 --> 00:05:15,338
and I've never seen him so cool.
149
00:05:15,339 --> 00:05:17,439
All right, he made out
with this super-hot girl
150
00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:18,973
who ended up taking his virginity.
151
00:05:18,974 --> 00:05:21,107
He danced. All right, Nate never dances.
152
00:05:21,108 --> 00:05:23,542
And he learned how to juggle
all in one magical night.
153
00:05:23,543 --> 00:05:25,442
Okay, well, I'm really glad
that he waited until college
154
00:05:25,443 --> 00:05:27,608
to lose his virginity... He's a good boy...
155
00:05:27,609 --> 00:05:31,381
But we cannot let him
do this interview stoned.
156
00:05:31,382 --> 00:05:33,817
- We have to tell him.
- You're right.
157
00:05:33,818 --> 00:05:36,553
Besides, just because
pot made him cool in college
158
00:05:36,554 --> 00:05:38,291
doesn't mean it's gonna happen again.
159
00:05:38,292 --> 00:05:41,329
Honey, Nate, Jimmy and I...
160
00:05:41,330 --> 00:05:44,132
Don't move. Don't breathe.
161
00:05:47,537 --> 00:05:50,510
Nailed it. See? Told you guys.
162
00:05:50,511 --> 00:05:52,378
All I needed was a little focus.
163
00:05:52,379 --> 00:05:54,581
As cool as gazpacho.
164
00:05:58,086 --> 00:05:59,685
Okay, on second thought,
165
00:05:59,686 --> 00:06:00,918
maybe what he doesn't know won't hurt him.
166
00:06:00,919 --> 00:06:01,920
Yeah.
167
00:06:05,693 --> 00:06:08,093
See, I told you everything
was gonna be fine.
168
00:06:08,094 --> 00:06:10,430
The Incredible Edible Nate
can handle this interview
169
00:06:10,431 --> 00:06:11,933
a lot better than normal Nate.
170
00:06:11,934 --> 00:06:13,268
I mean, look how calm he is.
171
00:06:13,269 --> 00:06:14,934
I didn't know he could draw.
172
00:06:14,935 --> 00:06:16,735
Yeah, pot opens up his right brain.
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00:06:16,736 --> 00:06:18,736
Okay, if things go off the rails,
174
00:06:18,737 --> 00:06:20,205
we're gonna need a plan B.
175
00:06:20,206 --> 00:06:22,106
Like the pill?
176
00:06:22,107 --> 00:06:24,238
Boss man, blogger just confirmed
a reservation,
177
00:06:24,239 --> 00:06:27,373
and chef's tasting menu is set.
178
00:06:27,374 --> 00:06:31,041
"Heirloom tomato gazpacho with microgreens,
179
00:06:31,042 --> 00:06:32,608
"handmade pici carbonara
180
00:06:32,609 --> 00:06:34,675
with heritage raised
Red Wattle pork belly."
181
00:06:34,676 --> 00:06:36,509
Mm-hmm.
182
00:06:36,510 --> 00:06:39,446
"Wood grilled lamb chops
with wild ramps and mint pesto."
183
00:06:39,447 --> 00:06:41,580
I want to eat that.
184
00:06:41,581 --> 00:06:43,348
Well, you can.
185
00:06:43,349 --> 00:06:44,749
I might.
186
00:06:44,750 --> 00:06:46,717
Okay, well,
187
00:06:46,718 --> 00:06:48,751
we're only about ten minutes
behind on the schedule
188
00:06:48,752 --> 00:06:52,189
that you texted, emailed,
Snapchatted, and faxed me abou...
189
00:06:52,190 --> 00:06:57,027
Shh. Sam, all that stress
is gonna stress you out.
190
00:06:57,028 --> 00:07:02,297
Daddy, thank you for investing in my dream.
191
00:07:02,298 --> 00:07:04,766
- You're welcome.
- Why didn't you bring a pizza?
192
00:07:04,767 --> 00:07:06,366
You always bring a pizza.
193
00:07:06,367 --> 00:07:08,633
I brought you something
much better than pizza.
194
00:07:08,634 --> 00:07:10,803
I brought you motivation.
195
00:07:10,804 --> 00:07:12,874
If this article goes well,
196
00:07:12,875 --> 00:07:16,473
I have an investor who wants
to finance a second restaurant.
197
00:07:16,474 --> 00:07:18,276
- Really?
- Yeah.
198
00:07:18,277 --> 00:07:23,115
Wait, can we call it "Food. Yeah"?
199
00:07:23,116 --> 00:07:24,449
No, of course not,
200
00:07:24,450 --> 00:07:25,883
but don't get ahead of yourself.
201
00:07:25,884 --> 00:07:27,615
We have to impress this blogger first.
202
00:07:27,616 --> 00:07:29,213
She has over 5 million followers,
203
00:07:29,214 --> 00:07:31,614
but if she likes you,
my investor will like you,
204
00:07:31,615 --> 00:07:34,317
and if she doesn't like you,
well, your dream dies.
205
00:07:34,318 --> 00:07:36,887
You know what I just realized?
206
00:07:36,888 --> 00:07:38,990
What your failure as a parent is.
207
00:07:38,991 --> 00:07:40,825
You say you want to motivate me,
208
00:07:40,826 --> 00:07:44,065
but all you do is
make me afraid of failing,
209
00:07:44,066 --> 00:07:45,834
which makes me fail.
210
00:07:45,835 --> 00:07:48,134
If it wasn't for you,
I would've been the model,
211
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:50,770
Model U.N. U.N.
212
00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:52,107
Hey, are you okay?
213
00:07:52,108 --> 00:07:54,777
Yeah, I'm fine, because today,
214
00:07:54,778 --> 00:07:56,112
I'm like Taylor Swift.
215
00:07:56,113 --> 00:07:58,248
I'm fearless, and to prove it,
216
00:07:58,249 --> 00:08:01,854
when the blogger asks me
about the origin of the menu,
217
00:08:01,855 --> 00:08:04,124
I'm not gonna tell her
where the food comes from.
218
00:08:04,125 --> 00:08:08,200
I am gonna tell her where
the whole world comes from.
219
00:08:10,970 --> 00:08:12,870
I will not be defeated.
220
00:08:12,871 --> 00:08:15,135
This sheep has got mutton on me.
221
00:08:15,136 --> 00:08:17,373
Oh, well, if you'll excuse me,
222
00:08:17,374 --> 00:08:20,011
I got to go see a chef about a lamb chop.
223
00:08:23,547 --> 00:08:26,284
Why is Nate acting like a lunatic?
224
00:08:26,285 --> 00:08:27,954
I...
225
00:08:27,955 --> 00:08:29,322
Oops.
226
00:08:29,323 --> 00:08:30,991
Okay, Tweedledee and Tweedledumbass,
227
00:08:30,992 --> 00:08:32,225
you better tell me right now.
228
00:08:32,226 --> 00:08:34,627
Now how much lamb could a lamb chop chop
229
00:08:34,628 --> 00:08:36,163
if a lamb chop could chop lamb?
230
00:08:36,164 --> 00:08:38,833
Somebody changed the temperature
on the sous vide.
231
00:08:38,834 --> 00:08:40,734
- These are ruined.
- Oh, Chef, relax.
232
00:08:40,735 --> 00:08:43,403
Oh, my God. This is delicious.
233
00:08:43,404 --> 00:08:45,472
I can't stop eating it.
Why can't I stop eating it?
234
00:08:45,473 --> 00:08:47,340
Because even my bowel movements
are solid gold.
235
00:08:47,341 --> 00:08:48,674
Mmm.
236
00:08:48,675 --> 00:08:50,175
But these are as limp as my sausage
237
00:08:50,176 --> 00:08:52,510
with too much wine and not enough cocaine.
238
00:08:52,511 --> 00:08:55,214
I can't serve a lamb chop if
the lamb doesn't stay chopped.
239
00:08:55,215 --> 00:08:56,417
Chef, calm down.
240
00:08:56,418 --> 00:08:57,919
- You calm down.
- I am calm.
241
00:08:57,920 --> 00:08:59,319
I know.
242
00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:00,519
- What's wrong with you?
- Nothing.
243
00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:02,388
I just know how we can fix this.
244
00:09:02,389 --> 00:09:05,059
We use the tenderness
in the lamb to our advantage.
245
00:09:05,060 --> 00:09:08,093
We'll mash some potatoes,
and we make a lamb Parmentier
246
00:09:08,094 --> 00:09:09,261
with a wild ramp reduction.
247
00:09:09,262 --> 00:09:10,930
- A pot pie?
- Mm-hmm.
248
00:09:10,931 --> 00:09:12,498
You want me to serve a fricking pot pie?
249
00:09:12,499 --> 00:09:14,434
Mm-hmm.
250
00:09:16,371 --> 00:09:18,240
You are a genius!
251
00:09:18,241 --> 00:09:20,075
It's simple. It's rustic.
252
00:09:20,076 --> 00:09:21,947
Oh, if I didn't have ED,
253
00:09:21,948 --> 00:09:23,950
I'd bend you over this counter
and do you right here right now.
254
00:09:23,951 --> 00:09:26,387
All right, back to work, my fillet minions.
255
00:09:26,388 --> 00:09:28,624
Yes, Chef.
256
00:09:28,625 --> 00:09:31,528
You're really keeping it cool
under pressure today, boss man.
257
00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:33,932
I thought you were gonna
be a basket case, but...
258
00:09:46,877 --> 00:09:48,942
♪ Can't tell the story ♪
259
00:09:48,943 --> 00:09:50,844
♪ From the cover of a book ♪
260
00:09:50,845 --> 00:09:53,315
♪ Don't you hurry ♪
261
00:09:53,316 --> 00:09:56,622
♪ Just take a second look
and you'll know why ♪
262
00:09:56,623 --> 00:09:59,160
♪ Got the love in my eye ♪
263
00:09:59,161 --> 00:10:02,295
♪ Baby, don't you walk on by ♪
264
00:10:02,296 --> 00:10:04,762
♪ There's no tomorrow ♪
265
00:10:04,763 --> 00:10:08,234
♪ I got a cure you can borrow ♪
266
00:10:08,235 --> 00:10:10,803
♪ So just stand next to me ♪
267
00:10:10,804 --> 00:10:13,740
♪ Baby, right by my side ♪
268
00:10:13,741 --> 00:10:15,910
♪ If you get to know me ♪
269
00:10:15,911 --> 00:10:17,778
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, know me ♪
270
00:10:17,779 --> 00:10:19,744
♪ You're gonna love me ♪
271
00:10:19,745 --> 00:10:21,580
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, love me ♪
272
00:10:21,581 --> 00:10:23,682
♪ When you get to know me ♪
273
00:10:23,683 --> 00:10:25,484
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, know me ♪
274
00:10:25,485 --> 00:10:27,653
♪ You know you're gonna love me ♪
275
00:10:27,654 --> 00:10:29,021
♪ Gonna love ♪
276
00:10:29,022 --> 00:10:31,857
♪ You're gonna love me ♪
277
00:10:31,858 --> 00:10:35,758
♪ Ba ooh Ba Ba, Ba ooh Ba Ba ♪
278
00:10:35,759 --> 00:10:39,161
♪ Ba ooh Ba Ba ooh ah ♪
279
00:10:39,162 --> 00:10:42,263
♪ You're gonna love me ♪
280
00:10:42,264 --> 00:10:43,830
Oh, my God.
281
00:10:43,831 --> 00:10:45,199
I'm high!
282
00:10:51,478 --> 00:10:54,145
Who gave me drugs?
283
00:10:54,147 --> 00:10:56,214
Oh, he's on drugs.
284
00:10:56,215 --> 00:10:57,482
Our son is on drugs?
285
00:10:57,483 --> 00:11:00,228
No, honey, no one gave you drugs.
286
00:11:00,255 --> 00:11:04,193
See, I bought some totally
legal pot gummy bears,
287
00:11:04,194 --> 00:11:06,364
and when you came to the house
earlier today,
288
00:11:06,365 --> 00:11:08,635
you accidentally ate them.
289
00:11:08,636 --> 00:11:11,205
Not now, Mom, I'm trying
to figure out who gave me drugs.
290
00:11:11,206 --> 00:11:13,710
How could you not tell me
our son is on drugs
291
00:11:13,711 --> 00:11:15,045
and that it's your fault?
292
00:11:15,046 --> 00:11:17,481
I had the situation under control.
293
00:11:17,482 --> 00:11:20,051
Did you? Because it seems
to me that Spicoli over there
294
00:11:20,052 --> 00:11:22,453
has officially turned you
into a reckless teenager
295
00:11:22,454 --> 00:11:24,822
If you hadn't knocked me up
when I was an actual teenager,
296
00:11:24,823 --> 00:11:26,290
maybe I could have gotten
some of that reckless behavior
297
00:11:26,291 --> 00:11:27,957
out of my system.
298
00:11:27,958 --> 00:11:29,926
I'm sorry, I don't understand
the Spicoli reference.
299
00:11:29,927 --> 00:11:30,927
No, that's because you're a child.
300
00:11:30,928 --> 00:11:32,629
I'm not a child!
301
00:11:32,630 --> 00:11:34,298
When was the last time you heard
an actual adult say that?
302
00:11:34,299 --> 00:11:35,600
Five seconds ago when I said it.
303
00:11:35,601 --> 00:11:36,934
Guys, stop arguing.
304
00:11:36,935 --> 00:11:38,602
This is a really important day for me.
305
00:11:38,603 --> 00:11:40,736
I'm trying to figure out...
306
00:11:40,737 --> 00:11:42,404
What am I trying to figure out again?
307
00:11:42,405 --> 00:11:44,808
- Who gave you drugs.
- Somebody gave me drugs?
308
00:11:44,809 --> 00:11:46,010
Relax, buddy, all right?
309
00:11:46,011 --> 00:11:47,344
Everything is gonna be fine.
310
00:11:47,345 --> 00:11:49,078
The only reason you're freaking out
311
00:11:49,079 --> 00:11:51,080
is because you think
it's a bad thing to be on drugs.
312
00:11:51,081 --> 00:11:53,151
- Yeah.
- But what if it's a good thing?
313
00:11:53,152 --> 00:11:55,456
Remember that magical night
you got high in college?
314
00:11:55,457 --> 00:11:57,258
You mean the night I managed
to puke on a girl's face
315
00:11:57,259 --> 00:11:59,359
in the 19 seconds it took me
to lose my virginity?
316
00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:01,264
Strong showing, boss man.
317
00:12:01,265 --> 00:12:03,098
I forgot about the puke part,
but that's probably because
318
00:12:03,099 --> 00:12:05,101
I chose to focus on the good part,
319
00:12:05,102 --> 00:12:07,205
which was you finally
losing your virginity.
320
00:12:07,206 --> 00:12:09,141
- Yay.
- Oh, I think I'm gonna puke.
321
00:12:09,142 --> 00:12:11,475
- Oh, no, honey.
- Oh, I hate pukey.
322
00:12:11,476 --> 00:12:13,143
- Mommy, why is this happening?
- Oh, baby.
323
00:12:13,144 --> 00:12:15,044
Really great work, Lydia.
324
00:12:15,045 --> 00:12:17,546
Biggest day of our son's life,
and he's gonna blow it
325
00:12:17,547 --> 00:12:19,048
because you decided to blow that.
326
00:12:19,049 --> 00:12:21,184
You're not helping, Harrison. Honey?
327
00:12:21,185 --> 00:12:23,152
Huh?
328
00:12:23,153 --> 00:12:24,287
You are not gonna blow it,
329
00:12:24,288 --> 00:12:26,155
and you are not going to puke.
330
00:12:26,156 --> 00:12:28,356
You are going to be just fine.
331
00:12:28,357 --> 00:12:29,622
And you remember to tell him that
332
00:12:29,623 --> 00:12:31,358
when the blogger ruins his career.
333
00:12:31,359 --> 00:12:33,061
Okay, I will, because his career
334
00:12:33,062 --> 00:12:34,829
is not the most important thing
in his life.
335
00:12:34,830 --> 00:12:36,198
Yes, it is.
336
00:12:36,199 --> 00:12:38,133
And you think this is a good thing?
337
00:12:38,134 --> 00:12:39,969
He is constantly stressed out.
338
00:12:39,970 --> 00:12:42,140
If you didn't send him
to Montessori school,
339
00:12:42,141 --> 00:12:44,479
he'd be able to handle
a little stress in his life.
340
00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:45,680
And maybe if you didn't terrify him
341
00:12:45,681 --> 00:12:47,348
his first day of kindergarten,
342
00:12:47,349 --> 00:12:49,050
I wouldn't have had to send him
to a Montessori school.
343
00:12:49,051 --> 00:12:50,384
I never terrified him.
344
00:12:50,385 --> 00:12:52,018
You told him kindergarten was death.
345
00:12:52,019 --> 00:12:53,920
Well, in today's job market, it is.
346
00:12:53,921 --> 00:12:55,254
- Oh, my God.
- Why are you guys yelling?
347
00:12:55,255 --> 00:12:58,260
Because your mother gave you drugs.
348
00:12:58,261 --> 00:12:59,661
You gave me drugs?
349
00:12:59,662 --> 00:13:01,363
Is anybody worried about his hearing?
350
00:13:01,364 --> 00:13:04,468
- The blogger is here.
- No, I can't go out there.
351
00:13:04,469 --> 00:13:05,767
I'm on drugs.
352
00:13:05,768 --> 00:13:07,402
Do you want some cocaine,
help you sober up?
353
00:13:07,403 --> 00:13:09,405
More drugs is not the answer!
354
00:13:09,406 --> 00:13:10,673
Really depends on the question.
355
00:13:10,674 --> 00:13:12,775
The question is, "Who gave me drugs?"
356
00:13:12,776 --> 00:13:14,277
All right, that's it, you know what?
357
00:13:14,278 --> 00:13:16,112
I will go out there.
I will do the interview for him.
358
00:13:16,113 --> 00:13:18,015
No, this is not gonna be like the time
359
00:13:18,016 --> 00:13:19,616
you played Mordechai for him
in the Purim play.
360
00:13:19,617 --> 00:13:21,353
I was a very convincing Mordechai.
361
00:13:21,354 --> 00:13:23,690
Okay, look, the blogger is here,
and she wants to see Nate.
362
00:13:23,691 --> 00:13:25,726
We just need to give her as little of Nate
363
00:13:25,727 --> 00:13:27,628
as we can to make her happy.
364
00:13:27,629 --> 00:13:29,228
So, like, two fingers.
365
00:13:29,229 --> 00:13:31,129
- Wait, I have an idea.
- What?
366
00:13:31,130 --> 00:13:32,931
Never mind. Nate doesn't have a twin.
367
00:13:32,932 --> 00:13:34,132
- I hope you are happy.
- I'm not.
368
00:13:34,133 --> 00:13:35,266
Because our son is...
369
00:13:35,267 --> 00:13:36,434
Hey, where are you going, buddy?
370
00:13:36,435 --> 00:13:38,071
I'm gonna do this on my own.
371
00:13:38,072 --> 00:13:39,807
You guys are useless.
372
00:13:39,808 --> 00:13:41,376
I got this.
373
00:13:41,377 --> 00:13:43,578
I just need to focus.
374
00:13:46,582 --> 00:13:49,950
♪ ♪
375
00:13:49,951 --> 00:13:52,316
Which one of you was I talking to?
376
00:13:57,586 --> 00:13:58,920
Okay, something's not right.
377
00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:00,621
Someone should go check on him.
378
00:14:00,622 --> 00:14:02,390
I'll go say there's a question
in the kitchen.
379
00:14:02,391 --> 00:14:03,923
I don't want to say I told you so.
380
00:14:03,924 --> 00:14:05,591
I get it, okay?
381
00:14:05,592 --> 00:14:07,558
I drugged our son,
and now we're all paying for it.
382
00:14:07,559 --> 00:14:08,992
Hey, guys?
383
00:14:08,993 --> 00:14:11,494
But you know
who's paying for it most? Nate.
384
00:14:11,495 --> 00:14:14,396
And like it or not,
we are all in this together,
385
00:14:14,397 --> 00:14:16,131
'cause we all love Nate more than anything.
386
00:14:16,132 --> 00:14:17,666
Uh, guys.
387
00:14:17,667 --> 00:14:19,434
So the best thing that we can do
is just band together
388
00:14:19,435 --> 00:14:21,801
and stop the bickering, stop the blaming,
389
00:14:21,802 --> 00:14:23,734
and stop the drugs and just...
390
00:14:23,735 --> 00:14:24,900
- Guys!
- What?
391
00:14:24,901 --> 00:14:28,235
- Nate's gone.
- What?
392
00:14:28,236 --> 00:14:29,971
Oh, no, it's just like last time.
393
00:14:29,972 --> 00:14:31,572
I forgot.
394
00:14:31,573 --> 00:14:33,908
At the end of the night,
he did a Highrish Good-bye.
395
00:14:33,909 --> 00:14:36,078
I didn't see him for days.
396
00:14:36,079 --> 00:14:38,086
I think now is a good time
for "I told you so."
397
00:14:38,088 --> 00:14:39,087
Yeah?
398
00:14:40,704 --> 00:14:42,502
Oh, how could we let this happen?
399
00:14:42,504 --> 00:14:43,870
We took our eyes off him for a second.
400
00:14:43,871 --> 00:14:45,339
The same thing happened
in the grocery store
401
00:14:45,340 --> 00:14:46,875
- when he was four, remember?
- Oh, yeah.
402
00:14:46,876 --> 00:14:49,911
- We found him color-coordinating the olive bar.
- Yeah.
403
00:14:49,912 --> 00:14:51,278
Gosh, he could always see
so many shades of green.
404
00:14:51,279 --> 00:14:53,212
Yeah. We just have to split up
and look for him
405
00:14:53,213 --> 00:14:54,614
- like we did back then.
- Yeah.
406
00:14:54,615 --> 00:14:56,550
We just have to think, where could he be?
407
00:14:56,551 --> 00:15:00,086
He could be sleeping on the sidewalk
while a hobo steals his jacket.
408
00:15:00,088 --> 00:15:01,922
- Oh, great.
- Oh, my God.
409
00:15:01,923 --> 00:15:04,993
Now how are we gonna get him through the
restaurant without the blogger noticing?
410
00:15:04,994 --> 00:15:06,861
- Why don't we just wake him up?
- No, we can't wake Nate up.
411
00:15:06,862 --> 00:15:09,297
When he passes out, he's like a dead man.
412
00:15:09,298 --> 00:15:12,068
Wait a minute. I think I know
what we're gonna do.
413
00:15:12,069 --> 00:15:14,469
We are gonna walk Nate
right through the front door.
414
00:15:14,470 --> 00:15:16,269
- How are we gonna do that?
- Simple.
415
00:15:16,270 --> 00:15:18,106
Lydia, you're gonna go sit with
the blogger and distract her.
416
00:15:18,107 --> 00:15:20,141
Chef, you're gonna cook the heck
out of some delicious meal.
417
00:15:20,142 --> 00:15:21,807
Sam, you are gonna run the food,
418
00:15:21,808 --> 00:15:24,375
and, Jimmy, you and I are gonna
use our physical strength
419
00:15:24,376 --> 00:15:26,078
to animate Nate's lifeless body.
420
00:15:26,079 --> 00:15:28,047
That does not sound simple,
but it does sound awesome.
421
00:15:28,048 --> 00:15:29,780
- Do you think it will work?
- Trust me.
422
00:15:29,781 --> 00:15:32,284
- I've done it before, twice.
- I trust you, Mr. M.
423
00:15:32,285 --> 00:15:33,620
- You do?
- Yeah.
424
00:15:33,621 --> 00:15:35,487
I mean, this plan is classic Jimmy.
425
00:15:35,488 --> 00:15:37,820
I mean, if you hadn't have said
it, I would have thought I did.
426
00:15:37,821 --> 00:15:39,625
Hey, maybe we're more alike than you think.
427
00:15:39,626 --> 00:15:41,093
Definitely not. Okay.
428
00:15:41,094 --> 00:15:42,560
I'm gonna need two brooms, four shoelaces,
429
00:15:42,561 --> 00:15:45,162
a pair of sunglasses,
and a teal windbreaker.
430
00:15:45,163 --> 00:15:47,333
- Nobody has a teal windbreaker.
- I'll live without that.
431
00:15:47,334 --> 00:15:49,503
Fillet Minions, it's go time.
432
00:15:52,507 --> 00:15:55,443
♪ Come on, come on ♪
433
00:15:55,444 --> 00:15:59,082
♪ ♪
434
00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:00,950
♪ She said don't worry ♪
435
00:16:00,951 --> 00:16:05,490
♪ Forget tomorrow, let's enjoy the day ♪
436
00:16:05,491 --> 00:16:06,792
♪ ♪
437
00:16:06,793 --> 00:16:08,527
Hi. I'm Lydia Marlowe.
438
00:16:08,528 --> 00:16:10,162
♪ No need to hurry ♪
439
00:16:10,163 --> 00:16:12,967
♪ Relax your mind, and let's slip away ♪
440
00:16:12,968 --> 00:16:16,841
♪ ♪
441
00:16:16,842 --> 00:16:18,677
♪ The skies are blue ♪
442
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:20,813
♪ The trade wind
is blowing through the trees ♪
443
00:16:20,814 --> 00:16:22,548
Here we go.
444
00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:24,650
20 bucks, 20 bucks? 100. 108.
445
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:26,218
There you go, sir. Thank you.
446
00:16:26,219 --> 00:16:27,551
♪ It's just me and you ♪ - Thank you.
447
00:16:27,552 --> 00:16:29,686
Can I... can we... One, two, three. Up.
448
00:16:29,687 --> 00:16:31,221
Okay, come on, jacket time.
449
00:16:31,222 --> 00:16:32,722
- Put it on, put it on.
- Jacket's going on.
450
00:16:32,723 --> 00:16:34,156
♪ Ohh, yeah ♪
451
00:16:34,157 --> 00:16:35,890
♪ One more time ♪
452
00:16:35,891 --> 00:16:38,627
♪ We got all night,
gonna feel all right, yeah ♪
453
00:16:38,628 --> 00:16:39,693
♪ One more time ♪
454
00:16:39,694 --> 00:16:41,059
Do I know you?
455
00:16:41,060 --> 00:16:43,059
Maybe in another life, kid.
456
00:16:43,060 --> 00:16:44,863
Let's go.
457
00:16:44,864 --> 00:16:46,662
♪ Keep it going strong
till the break of dawn ♪
458
00:16:46,663 --> 00:16:51,501
♪ Yeah, one more time, oh ♪
459
00:16:51,502 --> 00:16:55,977
♪ One more time, yeah ♪
460
00:16:55,978 --> 00:16:57,480
♪ ♪
461
00:16:57,481 --> 00:16:58,480
♪ Oh, yeah, man ♪
462
00:16:58,481 --> 00:17:01,416
♪ Yeah, one more day ♪
463
00:17:01,417 --> 00:17:04,890
♪ Dance the night away ♪
464
00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:06,659
♪ The drinks were flowing ♪
465
00:17:06,660 --> 00:17:10,867
♪ There's a sweet smell
blowing through the air ♪
466
00:17:10,868 --> 00:17:13,369
♪ ♪
467
00:17:13,370 --> 00:17:15,439
That looks really good.
468
00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:19,375
♪ Starlight is shining through your hair ♪
469
00:17:19,376 --> 00:17:20,709
♪ ♪
470
00:17:20,710 --> 00:17:22,111
So this is the lamb parmentier...
471
00:17:22,112 --> 00:17:25,080
♪ One more time, ah, yeah ♪
472
00:17:25,081 --> 00:17:28,416
♪ Ah, yeah, one more time ♪
473
00:17:28,417 --> 00:17:30,917
- Thank you so much.
- Bye.
474
00:17:32,086 --> 00:17:33,717
Bye.
475
00:17:33,718 --> 00:17:35,018
Oh.
476
00:17:38,325 --> 00:17:40,059
- That was a little weird.
- A little bit.
477
00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:43,063
I'm gonna go check on Nate.
478
00:17:43,064 --> 00:17:45,065
That was way crazier than anything
479
00:17:45,066 --> 00:17:46,430
I've ever done at Burning Man.
480
00:17:46,431 --> 00:17:48,865
You think drugs are crazy,
try being a parent.
481
00:17:48,866 --> 00:17:50,033
Best high there is.
482
00:17:50,034 --> 00:17:51,868
You see, you didn't need pot
483
00:17:51,869 --> 00:17:53,770
to get you high in your 20s.
484
00:17:53,771 --> 00:17:55,237
You had Nate.
485
00:17:55,238 --> 00:17:57,740
As much as I hate to admit it,
you're right.
486
00:17:57,741 --> 00:17:59,308
My friends may have got to
go to Lilith Fair,
487
00:17:59,309 --> 00:18:02,411
but I got to watch my little boy grow up.
488
00:18:02,412 --> 00:18:03,979
We still make a pretty good team.
489
00:18:03,980 --> 00:18:05,982
Yeah.
490
00:18:05,983 --> 00:18:08,416
That's because we all want
what's best for our special boy.
491
00:18:11,118 --> 00:18:13,586
- We're not there yet, are we?
- Mm-mm.
492
00:18:13,587 --> 00:18:15,655
Okay.
493
00:18:18,825 --> 00:18:22,226
Hey, there he is.
494
00:18:22,227 --> 00:18:24,061
What time is it?
495
00:18:24,062 --> 00:18:25,596
Uh, it's midnight.
496
00:18:25,597 --> 00:18:28,300
Oh! How is it midnight?
497
00:18:28,301 --> 00:18:30,400
Oh, what happened?
498
00:18:30,401 --> 00:18:31,768
Somebody gave you drugs.
499
00:18:31,769 --> 00:18:33,902
- Somebody gave me drugs?
- I know.
500
00:18:33,903 --> 00:18:35,505
Wait, how did it go with the blogger?
501
00:18:35,506 --> 00:18:36,806
It went fine.
502
00:18:36,807 --> 00:18:40,577
So you don't remember anything?
503
00:18:40,578 --> 00:18:42,648
I don't... I remember...
504
00:18:42,649 --> 00:18:46,016
hugging my dad, eating some lamb.
505
00:18:46,017 --> 00:18:48,819
And then...
506
00:18:52,794 --> 00:18:56,297
I do... it's...
It's pretty foggy after that.
507
00:18:58,468 --> 00:19:02,304
Why? What... happened next?
508
00:19:02,305 --> 00:19:05,476
Nope, that's... pretty much it.
509
00:19:12,146 --> 00:19:13,646
I can't believe you guys
510
00:19:13,647 --> 00:19:15,615
put drugs in an adorable, rustic Mason jar.
511
00:19:15,616 --> 00:19:18,186
I blame Pinterest and myself.
512
00:19:18,187 --> 00:19:19,990
Oh, I got it. Oh.
513
00:19:19,991 --> 00:19:21,191
Here it is.
514
00:19:22,559 --> 00:19:24,693
- Yeah, you read.
- All right.
515
00:19:24,694 --> 00:19:26,897
"Lincoln serves up an inspired
menu of farm-fresh fare
516
00:19:26,898 --> 00:19:29,333
"with a casual elegance
from the pici carbonara
517
00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:31,033
to the lamb 'Parmitier'"...
518
00:19:31,034 --> 00:19:33,537
- Parmentier.
- Pot pie.
519
00:19:33,538 --> 00:19:35,140
"The meal danced across my palate
520
00:19:35,141 --> 00:19:36,677
with a symphony of flavors"...
521
00:19:36,678 --> 00:19:39,680
"Which is fitting because,
according to his mother,
522
00:19:39,681 --> 00:19:41,315
"the owner Nathaniel Marlowe's approach
523
00:19:41,316 --> 00:19:42,852
"stems from his philosophy
524
00:19:42,853 --> 00:19:44,656
that food is like music,
every ingredient a note."
525
00:19:44,657 --> 00:19:46,758
- You read my cards.
- Yeah, I did. I did.
526
00:19:46,759 --> 00:19:48,494
"Each player on the staff is a member
527
00:19:48,495 --> 00:19:52,366
"of the talented orchestra that
brings this symphony to life,
528
00:19:52,367 --> 00:19:54,237
"making Lincoln feel sophisticated
529
00:19:54,238 --> 00:19:56,672
"while still keeping Portland weird.
530
00:19:56,673 --> 00:19:58,040
"And speaking of weird,
531
00:19:58,041 --> 00:19:59,610
"if you get a chance to meet the owner,
532
00:19:59,611 --> 00:20:01,043
don't be surprised if he's..."
533
00:20:01,044 --> 00:20:03,044
"Baked as a cake."
534
00:20:03,046 --> 00:20:05,046
sync and correction by solfieri -
www.addic7ed.com