1
00:00:04,737 --> 00:00:07,372
I can't wait any longer.
Sweetheart!
2
00:00:07,373 --> 00:00:08,473
Mom.
3
00:00:08,474 --> 00:00:11,309
How is she? How is the baby?
4
00:00:11,310 --> 00:00:14,079
Fran, I am so sorry.
5
00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:15,613
I lost the baby?
6
00:00:15,614 --> 00:00:19,951
Well, let me explain. In
rare instances, the HGC levels
7
00:00:19,952 --> 00:00:24,156
can elevate to such a vast
concentration that it emulates...
8
00:00:24,157 --> 00:00:26,558
What the heck are
you talking about?
9
00:00:26,559 --> 00:00:30,028
A false positive. Turns out
you were never pregnant.
10
00:00:30,029 --> 00:00:31,629
What?
11
00:00:31,630 --> 00:00:34,899
My married daughter
isn't pregnant?
12
00:00:34,900 --> 00:00:38,336
How can you screw up like this?
13
00:00:38,337 --> 00:00:41,773
Screw up has
a negative connotation.
14
00:00:41,774 --> 00:00:45,677
We prefer to use the word,
"mishap."
15
00:00:45,678 --> 00:00:48,380
What was all that stomach
pain I was feeling?
16
00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:52,150
That was caused
by something you ate.
17
00:00:52,151 --> 00:00:55,954
Fran, I can't tell
you how sorry I am.
18
00:00:55,955 --> 00:00:58,890
Darling, everything is okay.
19
00:00:58,891 --> 00:01:01,793
The important thing
is you're all right.
20
00:01:01,794 --> 00:01:03,095
Yeah.
21
00:01:03,096 --> 00:01:07,099
But you, however...
22
00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:11,536
You are going to call
Myra Needleman herself
23
00:01:11,537 --> 00:01:15,773
and explain why
the "Hadassah Newsletter"
24
00:01:15,774 --> 00:01:18,410
suddenly has no headline.
25
00:01:25,751 --> 00:01:30,455
Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry.
Oh, you must be feeling...
26
00:01:30,456 --> 00:01:32,924
I can't even imagine
how you're feeling.
27
00:01:32,925 --> 00:01:34,726
Oh, it's okay.
It... you know.
28
00:01:34,727 --> 00:01:37,129
What are you going to do?
I guess it just...
29
00:01:37,130 --> 00:01:41,466
It wasn't meant to be. Um...
Look on the bright side.
30
00:01:41,467 --> 00:01:44,402
Now this'll give you time to
get used to the name Schlomo.
31
00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:50,041
Why don't you go pay the bill
and I'll get my things together,
32
00:01:50,042 --> 00:01:51,122
and then we'll go home?
33
00:01:56,982 --> 00:02:01,753
- You sure you're all right?
- I'm fine. I'm absolutely perfectly fine.
34
00:02:01,754 --> 00:02:02,754
All right.
35
00:02:12,365 --> 00:02:15,099
( Sighs )
36
00:02:19,572 --> 00:02:21,273
( cries )
37
00:02:31,483 --> 00:02:35,119
Honey, you forgot
to kiss me goodbye!
38
00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:37,721
Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart.
39
00:02:37,722 --> 00:02:41,792
Are you sure you're going to be all right?
You don't want me to stay with you here?
40
00:02:41,793 --> 00:02:43,761
I'm okay. You can go to work.
41
00:02:43,762 --> 00:02:46,764
- All right. Love you.
- Love you.
42
00:02:50,569 --> 00:02:54,472
Darling, you do realize
you're still holding on?
43
00:02:54,473 --> 00:02:56,941
Yes, I do.
44
00:02:56,942 --> 00:02:59,543
Sweetheart,
would you like to talk?
45
00:02:59,544 --> 00:03:02,347
Yes, I would.
46
00:03:02,348 --> 00:03:05,583
Do you mind if we
do it sitting down?
47
00:03:05,584 --> 00:03:07,024
Fran:
Okay.
48
00:03:11,556 --> 00:03:14,092
Now, darling, what's the matter?
49
00:03:14,093 --> 00:03:17,761
Oh, honey, I know that I was
really strong at the hospital,
50
00:03:17,762 --> 00:03:22,300
but, to tell you the truth, I
already started loving that baby.
51
00:03:22,301 --> 00:03:25,903
Oh, darling, I know. So did I.
But you know what they say.
52
00:03:25,904 --> 00:03:28,672
If at first you don't succeed,
try and try again.
53
00:03:28,673 --> 00:03:32,377
And again, and again, and
again, and again, and again.
54
00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:34,545
I love you so much right now.
55
00:03:34,546 --> 00:03:38,449
Come with me,
I want to show you something.
56
00:03:38,450 --> 00:03:40,885
Look at this.
57
00:03:40,886 --> 00:03:45,123
I already did
a little shopping...
58
00:03:45,124 --> 00:03:46,157
( giggles )
59
00:03:52,564 --> 00:03:53,931
What if it's a boy?
60
00:03:53,932 --> 00:03:58,136
Oh, well...
( giggles )
61
00:03:58,137 --> 00:04:00,071
Darling,
the child isn't even born yet
62
00:04:00,072 --> 00:04:03,007
and already you're pressuring
him to be a doctor.
63
00:04:03,008 --> 00:04:06,544
Well, they didn't have
little lawyer suits.
64
00:04:06,545 --> 00:04:09,780
- Darling, I love you so much.
- I love you.
65
00:04:09,781 --> 00:04:14,552
I can't wait to come home, climb
into bed, and start againing again.
66
00:04:14,553 --> 00:04:17,555
Mm-hmm. Oh, Ma, guess what?
67
00:04:17,556 --> 00:04:21,159
Maxwell and I decided that we're going
to try and make a baby right away.
68
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:24,695
- Oh, mazel tov.
- No jumping! No jumping!
69
00:04:24,696 --> 00:04:27,065
- Love you.
- I love you, son.
70
00:04:27,066 --> 00:04:31,702
Everything is going to be wonderful,
you'll have a baby before you know it!
71
00:04:31,703 --> 00:04:35,606
It's going to take forever.
72
00:04:35,607 --> 00:04:39,977
He's over 40 and his sperm
are practically in a coma.
73
00:04:41,746 --> 00:04:43,914
Ma, what are you saying?
74
00:04:43,915 --> 00:04:45,916
I'm saying his little fish
75
00:04:45,917 --> 00:04:49,420
are going to need a little
help swimming upstream.
76
00:04:52,124 --> 00:04:53,491
- Franny?
- What?
77
00:04:53,492 --> 00:04:57,962
I know someone with
the exact same problem.
78
00:04:57,963 --> 00:05:02,900
Just got married, thought she was
pregnant, found out she wasn't...
79
00:05:02,901 --> 00:05:05,836
Yetta, that's me.
80
00:05:05,837 --> 00:05:10,074
Oh. Well, then you tell it.
81
00:05:10,075 --> 00:05:13,111
You know something? When
my mother couldn't get pregnant,
82
00:05:13,112 --> 00:05:17,815
she went to am herbologist,
and then she had three of the...
83
00:05:17,816 --> 00:05:20,318
Of the dumbest kids
I have ever met.
84
00:05:23,088 --> 00:05:26,457
Yetta, you're talking about Val.
85
00:05:26,458 --> 00:05:27,758
Yeah.
86
00:05:27,759 --> 00:05:32,029
Oh, well, then, you tell it.
87
00:05:33,798 --> 00:05:37,668
You know, it might not be a bad
idea going to a herbologist.
88
00:05:37,669 --> 00:05:41,071
Your cousin Meryl went,
remember? Mr. Fu?
89
00:05:41,072 --> 00:05:43,474
Ma, you want me to put
my husband's little swimmers
90
00:05:43,475 --> 00:05:48,112
in the hands of a man whose office
is in a Chinese restaurant?
91
00:05:48,113 --> 00:05:51,115
It's Cantonese.
92
00:05:51,116 --> 00:05:54,485
And it's behind the restaurant.
93
00:05:54,486 --> 00:05:58,523
Meanwhile, he gave Meryl
a bunch of roots and crap.
94
00:05:59,791 --> 00:06:02,593
And bam, she got pregnant.
95
00:06:02,594 --> 00:06:04,629
All right,
I'll talk to Max about it.
96
00:06:04,630 --> 00:06:07,431
- No!
- Why?
97
00:06:07,432 --> 00:06:09,600
He'll lose confidence,
he'll feel emasculated,
98
00:06:09,601 --> 00:06:12,336
and then he'll never want
to have sex with you again.
99
00:06:12,337 --> 00:06:13,504
And then he'll...
100
00:06:13,505 --> 00:06:15,873
And then you'll
have her marriage.
101
00:06:24,082 --> 00:06:28,452
- Oh! Wow!
- Oh! Wow!
102
00:06:28,453 --> 00:06:31,322
Would you look
at all this stuff?
103
00:06:31,323 --> 00:06:33,991
Yeah. Ooh,
I wonder what this is for?
104
00:06:33,992 --> 00:06:38,095
Oh, this is very good for the brain.
Makes you smart. 50 cents a bottle.
105
00:06:38,096 --> 00:06:41,799
And how much for two bottles?
106
00:06:44,836 --> 00:06:46,571
You'd better take the large.
107
00:06:47,906 --> 00:06:50,107
Thank you.
108
00:06:50,108 --> 00:06:54,978
Hi, Mr. Fu. I'm Fran and, you know, we're
having a little trouble conceiving.
109
00:06:54,979 --> 00:06:57,548
Say no more!
110
00:06:57,549 --> 00:07:00,284
This is an ancient
Chinese mushroom root.
111
00:07:00,285 --> 00:07:04,255
You put it in a shake, and
he takes one every 24 hours.
112
00:07:04,256 --> 00:07:06,824
But how many times a day?
113
00:07:17,902 --> 00:07:20,204
So this stuff is really
gonna make
114
00:07:20,205 --> 00:07:23,374
his little soldiers swim faster?
115
00:07:23,375 --> 00:07:25,276
Just ask Mrs. Fu.
116
00:07:25,277 --> 00:07:30,080
Oh, congratulations, Mrs. Fu.
117
00:07:30,081 --> 00:07:32,316
So the shake got you pregnant?
118
00:07:32,317 --> 00:07:35,786
No, unfortunately
I also had to use Mr. Fu.
119
00:07:35,787 --> 00:07:39,923
( laughs )
120
00:07:39,924 --> 00:07:44,428
And if you need a little extra help,
eat these special almond cookies.
121
00:07:44,429 --> 00:07:47,331
It'll make the two of you
really hot for each other.
122
00:07:47,332 --> 00:07:50,100
Oh.
123
00:07:50,101 --> 00:07:54,071
Well, that's very thoughtful,
but, to tell you the truth,
124
00:07:54,072 --> 00:07:58,075
my husband and I don't need
any help in that department.
125
00:07:58,076 --> 00:08:00,244
Why would a woman
under 30 need any help?
126
00:08:00,245 --> 00:08:02,445
You know what, you'd
better give me three dozen.
127
00:08:04,483 --> 00:08:06,584
Just give me the whole box.
128
00:08:09,888 --> 00:08:13,023
Val, I find these
instructions so confusing.
129
00:08:13,024 --> 00:08:17,695
No, it's easy, Fran. Look, here's the
protein shake that'll help Max's swimmers.
130
00:08:17,696 --> 00:08:22,266
And if he's not in the mood, here are the
cookies that'll help make him frisky.
131
00:08:22,267 --> 00:08:26,737
Val, I'm the cookie
that'll make him frisky.
132
00:08:26,738 --> 00:08:30,608
Meanwhile, I think it is high time
that the Western Medical community
133
00:08:30,609 --> 00:08:33,076
recognized the value
in ancient Chinese medicine.
134
00:08:33,077 --> 00:08:37,080
Val, those smart pills are
really beginning to kick in.
135
00:08:37,081 --> 00:08:39,917
Isn't it prodigious?
136
00:08:42,086 --> 00:08:45,255
Oh, well,
now you're just showing off.
137
00:08:45,256 --> 00:08:48,158
Fran, do you have some time
to help me with my homework?
138
00:08:48,159 --> 00:08:52,363
Sure, honey. I always have time
for you. What's the subject?
139
00:08:52,364 --> 00:08:53,698
Honors Algebra two.
140
00:08:53,699 --> 00:08:57,301
Oh, look, sweetie,
your square root's all off.
141
00:08:57,302 --> 00:08:59,637
Fran, look,
her square root's all off.
142
00:08:59,638 --> 00:09:04,342
Oh. Oh, yes. I see.
143
00:09:04,343 --> 00:09:08,312
Valerie, why don't you take young
Gracie upstairs and, you know,
144
00:09:08,313 --> 00:09:11,649
do whatever to make
it more prodigious?
145
00:09:15,687 --> 00:09:17,921
What's that, Nanny Fine?
Slimfast?
146
00:09:17,922 --> 00:09:24,328
No. Swim fast.
147
00:09:24,329 --> 00:09:27,331
Why would a woman go to
such lengths to have a baby?
148
00:09:27,332 --> 00:09:30,468
You know, in fact, I was thinking
about having one of those operations,
149
00:09:30,469 --> 00:09:33,136
but then I thought,
what if I marry a wealthy man
150
00:09:33,137 --> 00:09:35,072
who insists I produce an heir.
151
00:09:35,073 --> 00:09:39,577
Oh, stop deluding yourself.
Go ahead and have the vasectomy.
152
00:09:41,079 --> 00:09:44,749
Oh, now, I have
such a good comeback.
153
00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:49,620
But don't you have to go
wash your boss' underwear?
154
00:09:49,621 --> 00:09:54,091
Mm. You know, Nanny Fine may
not know how to work an oven,
155
00:09:54,092 --> 00:09:56,059
but she knows how
to get good takeout.
156
00:09:56,060 --> 00:09:58,396
These cookies are delicious.
157
00:10:03,101 --> 00:10:05,021
They are pretty good,
aren't they?
158
00:10:10,609 --> 00:10:14,011
In fact, they're not bad at all.
159
00:10:15,980 --> 00:10:19,316
Niles, is that a new
apron you're wearing?
160
00:10:27,225 --> 00:10:29,693
Have you guys seen mom or dad
in the past couple of days?
161
00:10:29,694 --> 00:10:31,574
Yeah, what have they been doing?
162
00:10:36,334 --> 00:10:39,470
Hey, Niles, do you know what
mom and dad have been up to?
163
00:10:39,471 --> 00:10:43,607
Um... they're trying
to coproduce a new project.
164
00:10:46,511 --> 00:10:49,980
How? Dad's going to let
Fran handle his business?
165
00:10:58,490 --> 00:10:59,790
Eat your eggs.
166
00:11:04,429 --> 00:11:05,763
How are you, baby?
167
00:11:10,068 --> 00:11:13,303
Hi, dumpling.
168
00:11:13,304 --> 00:11:16,340
Mm, you smell good.
What is that?
169
00:11:16,341 --> 00:11:17,808
Lemon Bowl Fresh.
170
00:11:21,713 --> 00:11:25,349
You're wearing those extra-wide
shoulder pads today, aren't you?
171
00:11:26,751 --> 00:11:28,586
I'm not wearing any.
172
00:11:30,989 --> 00:11:34,091
Better.
173
00:11:34,092 --> 00:11:37,695
Should we worry about this?
174
00:11:37,696 --> 00:11:40,731
Let them experiment.
I hope it's just a phase.
175
00:12:04,088 --> 00:12:06,891
- Niles!
- What!
176
00:12:06,892 --> 00:12:09,760
Niles, quick! Quick! Throw
this pregnancy test away quick.
177
00:12:09,761 --> 00:12:12,963
Quick as you can.
Well, I could have done that.
178
00:12:12,964 --> 00:12:14,865
I meant throw it away outside.
179
00:12:14,866 --> 00:12:18,002
Well you could
have done that, too.
180
00:12:18,003 --> 00:12:19,737
It was another negative.
181
00:12:19,738 --> 00:12:22,506
I'm going to try and hold off this
bad news as long as possible.
182
00:12:22,507 --> 00:12:24,041
The poor thing will fall apart.
183
00:12:24,042 --> 00:12:26,109
Yeah, yeah.
184
00:12:26,110 --> 00:12:28,278
Maxwell, as long as I
have you here, there's
185
00:12:28,290 --> 00:12:30,180
some business we need
to take care of.
186
00:12:30,181 --> 00:12:31,615
It seems that...
187
00:12:31,616 --> 00:12:33,918
( laughs )
188
00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:36,453
Stop it.
189
00:12:36,454 --> 00:12:40,123
It seems Andrew Lloyd Webber was slated
to do "Hollywood Squares" this week.
190
00:12:40,124 --> 00:12:44,361
Oh, that is so typical of the man!
Oh, he's all commercial.
191
00:12:44,362 --> 00:12:46,864
Honestly, he'd sell out
at the drop of a hat.
192
00:12:46,865 --> 00:12:50,000
And he has the gall to call
himself a man of the theater?
193
00:12:50,001 --> 00:12:52,402
Well, they couldn't get him
and they want you instead.
194
00:12:52,403 --> 00:12:54,337
Oh, I'm going to do
"Hollywood Squares"?
195
00:12:54,338 --> 00:12:58,341
Fran:
Honey! Honey!
196
00:12:58,342 --> 00:13:00,978
Have you seen my pregnancy test?
197
00:13:00,979 --> 00:13:04,114
Sweetheart, guess who's
going to meet nine celebrities
198
00:13:04,115 --> 00:13:06,349
and I'm going to let
her bring her camera?
199
00:13:06,350 --> 00:13:07,751
What are you talking about?
200
00:13:07,752 --> 00:13:09,486
I'm going to do
"Hollywood Squares."
201
00:13:09,487 --> 00:13:12,590
Oh, "Hollywood Squares"!
I love "Hollywood Squares"!
202
00:13:12,591 --> 00:13:16,026
Oh, honey, that's so exciting!
Have you seen my pregnancy test?
203
00:13:16,027 --> 00:13:18,195
Uh, Whoopi Goldberg's
going to be on the show.
204
00:13:18,196 --> 00:13:20,798
And... I know. Why don't
you invite your mother?
205
00:13:20,799 --> 00:13:22,633
You're inviting my mother too?
206
00:13:22,634 --> 00:13:26,103
Oh, the test was negative,
wasn't it?
207
00:13:26,104 --> 00:13:29,640
Oh, darling, darling,
I'm so sorry.
208
00:13:29,641 --> 00:13:32,509
Oh. I don't understand this.
Why aren't we getting pregnant?
209
00:13:32,510 --> 00:13:36,113
I mean, we keep trying
again and again and again.
210
00:13:36,114 --> 00:13:38,849
Darling, I know. I know.
211
00:13:38,850 --> 00:13:41,485
Look, look,
I'm tired, you're tired,
212
00:13:41,486 --> 00:13:43,887
what do you say we
just rest for a while
213
00:13:43,888 --> 00:13:46,123
and wait a bit until
we try again? Hmm?
214
00:13:46,124 --> 00:13:50,327
What do you say I go and make the
arrangements for "Hollywood Squares,"
215
00:13:50,328 --> 00:13:53,497
and then I'll take
my beautiful wife out
216
00:13:53,498 --> 00:13:56,233
for a lovely, romantic dinner?
217
00:13:56,234 --> 00:13:59,870
Oh, that's so sweet!
I love you.
218
00:14:05,309 --> 00:14:09,780
We're not going to wait. We're going
to try again right now, aren't we?
219
00:14:09,781 --> 00:14:11,749
- Yeah...
- Yeah.
220
00:14:18,690 --> 00:14:19,690
( Sighs )
221
00:14:19,691 --> 00:14:21,358
Fran, don't be so depressed.
222
00:14:21,359 --> 00:14:23,961
Dr. Reynolds said there's nothing
wrong with you or Maxwell.
223
00:14:23,962 --> 00:14:27,431
Well then why'd she subscribe
those stupid hormones for me?
224
00:14:27,432 --> 00:14:30,367
Darling, taking hormones
is a natural thing.
225
00:14:30,368 --> 00:14:34,571
Your Aunt Addy and your
Uncle Artie both took them.
226
00:14:36,074 --> 00:14:39,776
Mum, that's because
Aunt Addy was Uncle Artie.
227
00:14:41,679 --> 00:14:45,682
Shh! She's collecting
two Social Security checks.
228
00:14:47,085 --> 00:14:48,652
- All right.
- You know,
229
00:14:48,653 --> 00:14:51,555
I never understood
why people buy toilet water.
230
00:14:51,556 --> 00:14:54,892
You ever smelled
the water in a toilet?
231
00:14:54,893 --> 00:14:57,027
It's not that great.
232
00:14:57,028 --> 00:15:00,030
What's the matter, Val? You
stopped taking your smart pills?
233
00:15:00,031 --> 00:15:02,299
I had to.
It gave me terrible gas.
234
00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:05,870
What is the use of being brilliant
when nobody wants to come near you?
235
00:15:07,505 --> 00:15:11,475
Man: Mrs. Fran Sheffield,
your hormones are ready.
236
00:15:11,476 --> 00:15:14,411
Oh, shh! Does everybody
have to know my business?
237
00:15:14,412 --> 00:15:17,348
It's not like when you had
that nauseous-making rash.
238
00:15:17,349 --> 00:15:19,316
Stop it!
239
00:15:19,317 --> 00:15:22,486
Just give me my prescription, and I'll
take an ovulation kit please, in here.
240
00:15:22,487 --> 00:15:24,154
Are you a mess.
241
00:15:24,155 --> 00:15:27,124
I'm glad I didn't ask you out
like your mother wanted me to.
242
00:15:27,125 --> 00:15:29,693
( Gasps )
Ma!
243
00:15:29,694 --> 00:15:34,365
Well, you weren't married
and, ah, that was really it.
244
00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:38,102
Well, Val, we've got to hurry up
245
00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:41,105
because Maxwell's expecting me
back at the house in an hour.
246
00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:44,474
You know, the one good thing
that has come out of all of this
247
00:15:44,475 --> 00:15:47,411
is that it's made me
and Max inseparable,
248
00:15:47,412 --> 00:15:49,446
if you know what I mean?
249
00:15:49,447 --> 00:15:51,949
And remember,
until you're ovulating,
250
00:15:51,950 --> 00:15:54,851
you and your husband
cannot have any sex.
251
00:16:08,033 --> 00:16:12,269
Well, so far I think
abstaining is going quite well.
252
00:16:12,270 --> 00:16:15,339
Darling, it's been five minutes.
253
00:16:15,340 --> 00:16:16,807
Would you like
to watch television?
254
00:16:16,808 --> 00:16:19,143
No, then we'll just
have to go downstairs.
255
00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:20,844
No, we've got one right up here.
256
00:16:20,845 --> 00:16:22,079
Really?
257
00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:24,548
Yes, we just haven't had
occasion to use it.
258
00:16:24,549 --> 00:16:28,185
- Why don't we just try talking?
- Oh, right, that's a good idea.
259
00:16:38,863 --> 00:16:41,999
Oh, sweetheart, what's wrong?
260
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:46,070
Oh, maybe sex is the only
thing we have in common.
261
00:16:46,071 --> 00:16:48,505
Now, darling,
don't be ridiculous.
262
00:16:48,506 --> 00:16:51,375
We have lots of things
in common.
263
00:16:51,376 --> 00:16:53,344
I don't think we do.
264
00:16:53,345 --> 00:16:58,115
Oh, yes, yes, of course we do.
265
00:16:58,116 --> 00:17:00,284
All right, darling,
we should stop this.
266
00:17:00,285 --> 00:17:02,453
Oh, I know.
267
00:17:02,454 --> 00:17:05,856
No, darling, really.
268
00:17:05,857 --> 00:17:08,058
I know, I know.
269
00:17:08,059 --> 00:17:10,627
All right, I'm serious now.
Stop.
270
00:17:10,628 --> 00:17:12,229
Right, you know what?
271
00:17:12,230 --> 00:17:14,865
Why don't we just count to three
272
00:17:14,866 --> 00:17:17,601
and then we'll pull apart?
273
00:17:17,602 --> 00:17:21,638
All right. On three or count
to three and then pull apart?
274
00:17:21,639 --> 00:17:23,407
I know, we'll make it easy.
275
00:17:23,408 --> 00:17:25,209
Let's just count to 300.
276
00:17:27,812 --> 00:17:30,914
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I don't want to do anything
277
00:17:30,915 --> 00:17:33,550
that's going to jeopardize
us making a baby.
278
00:17:33,551 --> 00:17:36,453
Darling, this is ridiculous.
It can't be as hard as all that.
279
00:17:36,454 --> 00:17:40,491
I mean you abstained for five years.
How on earth did you manage that?
280
00:17:40,492 --> 00:17:42,493
More M&M's, sweetheart?
281
00:17:50,502 --> 00:17:54,304
And, in our center square,
as always, Whoopi Goldberg!
282
00:18:03,448 --> 00:18:05,649
- Yetta!
- Mom! Are you nuts!
283
00:18:05,650 --> 00:18:07,817
Why are you dressed like that?
284
00:18:07,818 --> 00:18:12,656
I didn't know what to wear to this thing
so I put on what I wore to the last one.
285
00:18:17,662 --> 00:18:19,663
This is so exciting.
286
00:18:19,664 --> 00:18:23,867
I can't believe I'm this close to
Whoop Goldberg and Howie Mandel!
287
00:18:23,868 --> 00:18:25,969
Now, Fran,
don't take this the wrong way,
288
00:18:25,970 --> 00:18:30,074
but why is your husband up there
with all those famous people?
289
00:18:30,075 --> 00:18:33,510
Val, a lot of people
know who Max is.
290
00:18:33,511 --> 00:18:37,347
I'll take... ah... That guy who
replaced Andrew Lloyd Webber.
291
00:18:37,348 --> 00:18:40,084
Okay, Maxwell Sheffield,
famous Broadway producer,
292
00:18:40,085 --> 00:18:43,987
four shows on Broadway, Tony
Award winner, recently knighted,
293
00:18:43,988 --> 00:18:45,922
what have you got
to say for yourself?
294
00:18:45,923 --> 00:18:49,693
Actually, Tom, that's
Andrew Lloyd Webber's bio.
295
00:18:51,729 --> 00:18:54,698
Sorry. All right, here's
your question, Maxwell.
296
00:18:54,699 --> 00:18:59,035
In England, what do you get when
you ask a waitress for a banger?
297
00:18:59,036 --> 00:19:01,505
( Chuckles )
Well, Tom, I get a...
298
00:19:01,506 --> 00:19:04,841
I'll tell you what I got. I got
six months of penicillin shots.
299
00:19:06,711 --> 00:19:08,812
Thank you, Martin.
300
00:19:08,813 --> 00:19:11,648
Just wait for the laughter to die
down before I give my answer.
301
00:19:14,452 --> 00:19:18,555
Well, Tom, when I ask for a
banger, I get a slap in the face.
302
00:19:18,556 --> 00:19:22,192
( laughs )
303
00:19:22,193 --> 00:19:24,528
( clears throat )
304
00:19:24,529 --> 00:19:27,063
Sausage?
305
00:19:27,064 --> 00:19:29,199
Buy a vowel.
306
00:19:32,069 --> 00:19:34,070
- I agree.
- Sausage is right. Yes.
307
00:19:34,071 --> 00:19:37,741
X gets the square.
308
00:19:37,742 --> 00:19:39,809
I'll take Howie Mandel to block.
309
00:19:39,810 --> 00:19:42,012
All right, that's it,
I want a new square.
310
00:19:42,013 --> 00:19:45,882
Brad Pitt wouldn't get
picked in this box.
311
00:19:45,883 --> 00:19:47,817
I want to be on top of Whoopi.
312
00:19:47,818 --> 00:19:50,654
Honey, if you was
Brad Pitt, you would be.
313
00:19:52,823 --> 00:19:55,925
All right. All right now, Howie,
in the story of Hanukkah,
314
00:19:55,926 --> 00:19:59,563
what miraculously
lasted for eight days?
315
00:19:59,564 --> 00:20:00,564
Esther's husband.
316
00:20:05,503 --> 00:20:07,103
Where is Fran already?
317
00:20:07,104 --> 00:20:10,674
She went to the bathroom
to take her ovulation test.
318
00:20:10,675 --> 00:20:11,975
Now?
319
00:20:11,976 --> 00:20:16,112
Yes. She has to take it
the exact same time every day.
320
00:20:16,113 --> 00:20:19,115
Ma! Val! Val! I'm ovulating.
321
00:20:19,116 --> 00:20:23,187
Now is the perfect time for me to be
with Maxwell. What am I going to do?
322
00:20:23,188 --> 00:20:26,323
Well, what can you do? He's
in the middle of a TV show.
323
00:20:26,324 --> 00:20:28,525
- I know, I know.
- All right. All right, relax, Fran.
324
00:20:28,526 --> 00:20:30,927
You know, you've gone
without sex for this long.
325
00:20:30,928 --> 00:20:33,230
Is another month really
going to kill you?
326
00:20:37,702 --> 00:20:39,803
'Scuse me.
What are you doing?
327
00:20:39,804 --> 00:20:43,139
Oh, Miss Whoopi Goldberg.
I'm so sorry, I just...
328
00:20:43,140 --> 00:20:45,975
I have to have sex right now.
329
00:20:45,976 --> 00:20:48,412
You know, usually they
ask for my autograph.
330
00:20:48,413 --> 00:20:52,115
What is this?
331
00:20:52,116 --> 00:20:54,084
Honey. Honey, honey,
332
00:20:54,085 --> 00:20:57,053
my temperature's right.
It's time!
333
00:21:07,932 --> 00:21:09,099
( Clears throat )
334
00:21:09,100 --> 00:21:11,201
I think that one took.
335
00:21:15,774 --> 00:21:19,310
( Sniffs ) Is that Lemon
Bowl Fresh I smell again?
336
00:21:19,311 --> 00:21:20,844
Yes.
337
00:21:20,845 --> 00:21:23,814
Well, it's disgusting.
It smells like a men's room.
338
00:21:23,815 --> 00:21:27,250
And you'd know.
339
00:21:27,251 --> 00:21:30,387
I don't know what I found attractive
about you the last few days,
340
00:21:30,388 --> 00:21:32,823
but you are totally
back to repulsive.
341
00:21:32,824 --> 00:21:33,824
Ditto.
342
00:21:50,107 --> 00:21:54,778
Would you be interested
in taking a Jacuzzi?
343
00:22:03,988 --> 00:22:05,989
( Jazz music playing )