1
00:00:00,088 --> 00:00:03,362
Back in the day, I was
a ridiculously cute kid.
2
00:00:03,456 --> 00:00:06,123
Yes! I am literally the coolest man alive!
3
00:00:06,158 --> 00:00:07,958
I'm not bragging. It's just pure fact.
4
00:00:07,993 --> 00:00:09,626
My God, you're so cute!
5
00:00:09,662 --> 00:00:12,129
I just want to scrumple
you up and eat you whole!
6
00:00:12,164 --> 00:00:14,465
But of course, no one stays a kid forever.
7
00:00:14,500 --> 00:00:15,966
Yeah.
8
00:00:16,001 --> 00:00:17,801
You sure about this?
9
00:00:17,837 --> 00:00:19,670
People are gonna know
I'm covering up a zit.
10
00:00:19,705 --> 00:00:20,904
Don't worry, pal.
11
00:00:20,940 --> 00:00:23,101
I'll just tell everyone in
school I pummeled your face.
12
00:00:23,109 --> 00:00:24,241
You're a good brother.
13
00:00:24,276 --> 00:00:25,743
The best.
14
00:00:25,778 --> 00:00:28,679
Here, you got a giant one
forming on your forehead, too.
15
00:00:29,615 --> 00:00:33,152
Maybe I could hide the pimples,
but the rest was hard to mask.
16
00:00:33,153 --> 00:00:34,452
Let's go! Hustle!
17
00:00:34,453 --> 00:00:36,587
This is called scooter ball,
18
00:00:36,622 --> 00:00:39,022
not "sit in the corner
and talk to Kevin" ball.
19
00:00:39,058 --> 00:00:40,524
I began to smell different.
20
00:00:40,559 --> 00:00:42,493
Whoa, Goldfarb!
21
00:00:42,528 --> 00:00:43,594
Wheel it in!
22
00:00:43,629 --> 00:00:46,163
Time for a private huddle!
23
00:00:46,198 --> 00:00:48,198
I'm gonna put this delicately, kid.
24
00:00:48,234 --> 00:00:50,367
You smell like a gym sock's butt.
25
00:00:50,402 --> 00:00:51,702
Uh, thanks.
26
00:00:51,737 --> 00:00:53,871
- You smell like a garlic diaper.
- Thanks?
27
00:00:53,906 --> 00:00:56,140
You smell like egg salad
left in a humidifier.
28
00:00:56,165 --> 00:00:56,974
Thanks.
29
00:00:56,975 --> 00:00:59,276
I assume you don't notice since
you live with that stink 24/7.
30
00:00:59,311 --> 00:01:00,744
Oh, no, I smell it.
31
00:01:00,780 --> 00:01:02,679
There's half a speed stick in my desk.
32
00:01:02,715 --> 00:01:04,948
It's yours now. Be liberal with it.
33
00:01:04,984 --> 00:01:06,617
Coach is on your team here.
34
00:01:06,685 --> 00:01:08,285
That's why I pulled you
aside to avoid embarrassment.
35
00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:09,586
I guess I wish you would have
36
00:01:09,622 --> 00:01:11,889
pulled me aside just a little farther.
37
00:01:13,759 --> 00:01:16,160
I was eating like an
animal and suddenly seeing
38
00:01:16,195 --> 00:01:18,395
every woman I came across in a new light.
39
00:01:18,630 --> 00:01:20,330
You seen my, TV guide
40
00:01:20,366 --> 00:01:21,932
with Sally Jessy Raphael on the cover?
41
00:01:21,967 --> 00:01:24,234
- Mnh-mnh, nope.
- Hmm.
42
00:01:26,205 --> 00:01:27,771
Every woman.
43
00:01:27,806 --> 00:01:29,873
Man, oh, man... those looks
44
00:01:29,908 --> 00:01:31,775
and emotional intelligence to boot?
45
00:01:33,012 --> 00:01:35,479
But worst of all, it
affected my favorite activity
46
00:01:35,514 --> 00:01:38,048
in the world... the annual school musical.
47
00:01:38,083 --> 00:01:39,516
Welcome, Mr. Goldberg.
48
00:01:39,551 --> 00:01:41,618
I have a feeling that
this might be the year
49
00:01:41,653 --> 00:01:43,020
that you finally break out of the chorus.
50
00:01:45,657 --> 00:01:48,859
♪ I'm watching sis go pitter pat ♪
51
00:01:48,894 --> 00:01:51,828
♪ Said, I can do that, I can do that ♪
52
00:01:51,864 --> 00:01:53,697
Turns out, I could not do that.
53
00:01:54,900 --> 00:01:58,068
Well, you... you
really... Really sang it.
54
00:01:58,103 --> 00:01:59,169
You sang it.
55
00:01:59,205 --> 00:02:01,538
I know in past years I was upset
when you put me in the chorus.
56
00:02:01,573 --> 00:02:03,373
But I'm thinking this
year, it feels right.
57
00:02:03,409 --> 00:02:05,375
Done. You're in the chorus.
58
00:02:05,411 --> 00:02:07,077
Oh, thank God.
59
00:02:07,112 --> 00:02:09,780
Chorus line, which is a lead!
60
00:02:09,815 --> 00:02:11,615
- But I'm in the chorus.
- Line.
61
00:02:11,650 --> 00:02:12,616
Oh, thank God.
62
00:02:12,651 --> 00:02:14,584
Which means you have a big solo.
63
00:02:14,620 --> 00:02:16,053
- But I'm in the chorus.
- Line.
64
00:02:16,188 --> 00:02:19,389
But did you not hear
the sounds I just made?
65
00:02:19,425 --> 00:02:22,159
Adam, every boy your
age sounds like you.
66
00:02:22,194 --> 00:02:24,327
And, honestly, I don't have
that much to work with here,
67
00:02:24,363 --> 00:02:25,729
so I might as well just give the leads
68
00:02:25,764 --> 00:02:26,964
to the most enthusiastic kids.
69
00:02:26,999 --> 00:02:29,232
- Balls.
- Yeah, balls.
70
00:02:29,268 --> 00:02:31,668
Okay, let's take it from the top.
71
00:02:31,703 --> 00:02:32,557
Sing it with me.
72
00:02:33,639 --> 00:02:36,106
♪ I'm watching sis go pitter pat ♪
73
00:02:36,141 --> 00:02:37,207
Try to stay in the key.
74
00:02:37,208 --> 00:02:39,509
♪ I'm watching sis go pitter pat ♪
75
00:02:39,578 --> 00:02:41,178
You're kind of all over the map. Okay.
76
00:02:41,213 --> 00:02:43,680
♪ I'm watching sis go pitter pat ♪
77
00:02:43,715 --> 00:02:44,915
♪ I can do that ♪
78
00:02:44,950 --> 00:02:46,216
You know, it's mostly a dance show,
79
00:02:46,285 --> 00:02:48,018
and you bring a lot of dance energy.
80
00:02:48,053 --> 00:02:49,987
You'll get it. Balls.
81
00:03:03,569 --> 00:03:06,369
It was September 30, 1980-something,
82
00:03:06,405 --> 00:03:09,539
and my brother and his
idiot posse, the JTP,
83
00:03:09,575 --> 00:03:11,541
were gearing up for the Homecoming Dance.
84
00:03:11,577 --> 00:03:13,043
What's happening? What is this?
85
00:03:13,112 --> 00:03:15,712
Homecoming's in four days,
so it's time to give my boys
86
00:03:15,747 --> 00:03:18,415
a crash-course lesson on how
to groove like Milli Vanilli.
87
00:03:18,450 --> 00:03:19,610
We all kind of told our dates
88
00:03:19,618 --> 00:03:21,218
that we could dance,
so thank God for Barry.
89
00:03:21,253 --> 00:03:23,420
No. Thank God for Milli.
90
00:03:23,455 --> 00:03:25,122
Vanilli, not so much.
91
00:03:25,157 --> 00:03:27,124
Wait, wait. You choose Milli over Vanilli?
92
00:03:27,159 --> 00:03:28,458
He's got the body and the moves.
93
00:03:28,494 --> 00:03:30,961
If he's so great, then
why isn't it Vanilli Milli?
94
00:03:30,996 --> 00:03:33,296
Milli proceeds Vanilli, so suck it.
95
00:03:33,332 --> 00:03:34,898
- You suck it.
- You suck it!
96
00:03:34,933 --> 00:03:38,068
Wow, even you three boneheads
found a date to the dance.
97
00:03:38,103 --> 00:03:39,669
Kind of makes you think, huh?
98
00:03:39,705 --> 00:03:41,571
Like maybe you need a date for once?
99
00:03:41,607 --> 00:03:43,073
What are you talking about? I date.
100
00:03:43,108 --> 00:03:45,175
No, you third-wheel me and Lainey.
101
00:03:45,210 --> 00:03:47,010
Look, the only reason why
I haven't been on a date
102
00:03:47,045 --> 00:03:48,912
is because there's no one
at our school worth dating.
103
00:03:48,947 --> 00:03:50,748
Well, if you want to go
to homecoming with me,
104
00:03:50,782 --> 00:03:52,249
I'll totally drop my foxy lady.
105
00:03:52,284 --> 00:03:54,251
- Your foxy lady's your
cousin. - Second-cousin.
106
00:03:54,286 --> 00:03:55,585
Totally different blood line.
107
00:03:55,621 --> 00:03:56,853
Probably not gonna do stuff, though.
108
00:03:56,889 --> 00:03:58,121
She looks just like me with a perm.
109
00:03:58,157 --> 00:03:59,789
Erica, you know I love
you, but you're kind of
110
00:03:59,825 --> 00:04:01,124
closed off and way too picky.
111
00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:02,792
I mean, stay away from Geoff, obviously,
112
00:04:02,828 --> 00:04:04,027
but you got to give someone a chance.
113
00:04:04,062 --> 00:04:06,696
How is it my fault that
every guy in our school
114
00:04:06,732 --> 00:04:09,032
- is an unbearable moron?
- That's another thing...
115
00:04:09,067 --> 00:04:11,034
You've got to stop
calling everyone a moron.
116
00:04:11,069 --> 00:04:13,537
Morons! You're being too loud!
117
00:04:13,572 --> 00:04:15,539
Find another house to stupid up.
118
00:04:15,574 --> 00:04:17,874
Oh. My. God.
119
00:04:17,910 --> 00:04:18,942
You're just like Dad!
120
00:04:18,977 --> 00:04:21,144
Way to go, mur-man.
121
00:04:21,180 --> 00:04:23,647
Years of calling everyone
on the planet a moron
122
00:04:23,682 --> 00:04:25,148
has poisoned your daughter's love life
123
00:04:25,184 --> 00:04:26,349
and left her cold and alone.
124
00:04:26,385 --> 00:04:28,351
So you're telling me that
I've raised a daughter
125
00:04:28,387 --> 00:04:31,021
who doesn't want to date
dumbass high-school boys?
126
00:04:31,056 --> 00:04:32,856
I think I've done my job.
127
00:04:32,891 --> 00:04:34,858
Come on. Let us help you find someone.
128
00:04:34,893 --> 00:04:36,660
Go on. Describe your perfect guy.
129
00:04:36,695 --> 00:04:39,496
Well, he'd be a mysterious
handsome outsider
130
00:04:39,531 --> 00:04:41,998
with a trench coat, a sexy voice,
131
00:04:42,034 --> 00:04:43,466
and a thriving acting career
132
00:04:43,502 --> 00:04:45,669
where he plays the
thinking girl's heartthrob.
133
00:04:45,704 --> 00:04:49,172
Dude, you're just
describing Christian Slater.
134
00:04:49,208 --> 00:04:51,308
Seriously? You're a lost cause.
135
00:04:51,343 --> 00:04:52,842
Well, you asked.
136
00:04:52,878 --> 00:04:55,345
Look, if a guy like Christian
Slater walks through that door,
137
00:04:55,380 --> 00:04:57,647
I promise you I will go
with him to homecoming.
138
00:04:57,683 --> 00:04:59,149
Christian Slater, huh?
139
00:04:59,184 --> 00:05:01,251
You want the coolest guy
in the world? You got him.
140
00:05:01,286 --> 00:05:02,752
What's that?
141
00:05:02,788 --> 00:05:04,854
Nothing, I just... Farted.
142
00:05:04,890 --> 00:05:07,023
I... I farted.
143
00:05:08,060 --> 00:05:09,326
I fart... I got to go.
144
00:05:09,361 --> 00:05:10,961
While Geoff was hatching a plan,
145
00:05:10,996 --> 00:05:13,263
I was out of options.
146
00:05:13,298 --> 00:05:15,999
There's my tiny snuggle angel.
147
00:05:16,034 --> 00:05:17,000
Stop it!
148
00:05:17,035 --> 00:05:20,403
I'm not tiny or snuggly or angel-y.
149
00:05:20,439 --> 00:05:21,838
Tough day at the office, kiddo?
150
00:05:21,873 --> 00:05:23,940
The worst. I got the lead in the musical.
151
00:05:23,976 --> 00:05:25,542
Schmoo, that's fantastic.
152
00:05:25,577 --> 00:05:26,676
That's all you've ever wanted.
153
00:05:26,712 --> 00:05:27,978
Not anymore.
154
00:05:28,013 --> 00:05:31,248
My face is breaking out,
my pits are stinking,
155
00:05:31,283 --> 00:05:34,150
and my voice is very, very unpredictable.
156
00:05:34,186 --> 00:05:36,353
I finally get the part of a lifetime,
157
00:05:36,388 --> 00:05:38,455
and I'm gonna just humiliate myself.
158
00:05:38,490 --> 00:05:41,625
Ah, yes, the wondrous
journey through puberty.
159
00:05:41,660 --> 00:05:43,493
It's not wondrous. It's awful.
160
00:05:43,528 --> 00:05:45,008
Well, you've come to the right place.
161
00:05:45,030 --> 00:05:46,329
Oh, no.
162
00:05:46,365 --> 00:05:48,932
It's my duty to help you out, baby bro.
163
00:05:48,967 --> 00:05:51,067
Only Big Tasty can guide you
164
00:05:51,103 --> 00:05:53,637
through what many call "the pubening."
165
00:05:53,672 --> 00:05:54,771
No one calls it that.
166
00:05:54,806 --> 00:05:56,539
First, stop washing your face.
167
00:05:56,575 --> 00:05:59,476
You'll go through a very
shiny, greasy couple of months.
168
00:05:59,511 --> 00:06:01,678
But eventually, your natural
oils reach a healthy balance.
169
00:06:01,713 --> 00:06:03,413
- Why does he do this?
- I don't know.
170
00:06:03,448 --> 00:06:06,483
Second, always shave dry
and against the grain,
171
00:06:06,518 --> 00:06:10,086
attacking the follicles in
a jerky, zig-zag pattern.
172
00:06:10,122 --> 00:06:12,188
And third, never use deodorant.
173
00:06:12,224 --> 00:06:13,790
That's just something that big corporations
174
00:06:13,825 --> 00:06:15,058
made up to take your money.
175
00:06:15,093 --> 00:06:18,295
Simply apply a healthy layer
of vaseline to the armpit
176
00:06:18,330 --> 00:06:19,496
and let it seal in the stink.
177
00:06:19,531 --> 00:06:21,164
- He's still going.
- He means well.
178
00:06:21,199 --> 00:06:25,201
Think of me as a resource.
I'm here for you, bro.
179
00:06:25,237 --> 00:06:28,772
Thank you, Boopie. So helpful.
180
00:06:28,807 --> 00:06:30,407
Forget everything you just heard.
181
00:06:30,442 --> 00:06:33,143
If anyone understands what
you're going through, it's mama.
182
00:06:33,178 --> 00:06:36,713
No offense, Mom, but you have
no idea how hard this is for me.
183
00:06:36,748 --> 00:06:38,682
Please, I've watched two children
184
00:06:38,717 --> 00:06:40,283
go through the pubening.
185
00:06:40,319 --> 00:06:43,386
Heck, I even went through it
myself at the tender age of 9.
186
00:06:43,422 --> 00:06:44,587
It wasn't ideal.
187
00:06:44,623 --> 00:06:46,189
They used to call me "Booberly."
188
00:06:46,224 --> 00:06:48,124
But this is just something all of us
189
00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:49,726
had to suffer through on our own.
190
00:06:49,761 --> 00:06:51,194
Now you will, too.
191
00:06:51,229 --> 00:06:54,531
Or... Completely skip over.
192
00:06:55,801 --> 00:06:58,568
With my guidance, I'll
take this horrible time
193
00:06:58,637 --> 00:07:01,604
and make it smooth, easy,
and maybe a little bit fun.
194
00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:03,707
Are you actually saying you
could save me from puberty?
195
00:07:03,742 --> 00:07:05,241
No! She can't.
196
00:07:05,277 --> 00:07:07,744
Yes, that is exactly what I'm saying.
197
00:07:07,779 --> 00:07:10,013
At this point, I got nothing to lose.
198
00:07:10,048 --> 00:07:12,082
Show me what you got, lady.
199
00:07:12,117 --> 00:07:13,350
While I put my faith in my mother,
200
00:07:13,385 --> 00:07:16,453
Geoff Schwartz put his in Christian Slater.
201
00:07:16,488 --> 00:07:18,722
Greetings and salutations.
202
00:07:18,757 --> 00:07:20,557
Lovely home you got here.
203
00:07:20,592 --> 00:07:22,225
What's going on? Why are
you talking like a jackass?
204
00:07:22,260 --> 00:07:23,860
Erica said she wanted
205
00:07:23,929 --> 00:07:26,129
a Christian Slater, so here I am.
206
00:07:26,164 --> 00:07:27,764
I know it's a long shot,
207
00:07:27,799 --> 00:07:29,065
but I just think your daughter's amazing.
208
00:07:29,101 --> 00:07:31,101
And if you approve, I'd love
to take her to homecoming.
209
00:07:31,136 --> 00:07:33,236
Erica!
210
00:07:33,271 --> 00:07:35,271
You've got a gentleman suitor.
211
00:07:35,307 --> 00:07:37,674
You're one of the good ones, Mr. G.
212
00:07:37,709 --> 00:07:39,829
A gentleman what?
213
00:07:40,212 --> 00:07:42,979
Greetings and salutations.
214
00:07:43,014 --> 00:07:47,050
I was just skateboarding by,
gleaming the cube and whatnot.
215
00:07:47,085 --> 00:07:48,918
Thought we could go grab a slushie.
216
00:07:48,954 --> 00:07:50,620
Oh, my God, are you trying to impress me
217
00:07:50,655 --> 00:07:52,055
by acting like Christian Slater?
218
00:07:52,090 --> 00:07:53,923
- Is it working?
- No.
219
00:07:53,959 --> 00:07:55,560
And your clip-on earring just popped off.
220
00:07:55,594 --> 00:07:56,693
Okay, look, I-I just...
221
00:07:56,728 --> 00:07:57,994
I think you're great, okay?
222
00:07:58,029 --> 00:07:59,629
I have since, like, second grade.
223
00:07:59,664 --> 00:08:01,731
Now, I know I made promises to my cousin,
224
00:08:01,767 --> 00:08:03,900
but maybe we could go
to homecoming together?
225
00:08:03,935 --> 00:08:06,002
Oh, Geoff, this was sweet,
226
00:08:06,037 --> 00:08:08,405
but I have a pretty firm "no moron" policy.
227
00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:10,640
- Question... am I in that category?
- For sure.
228
00:08:10,675 --> 00:08:13,743
So... Okay, so I'll put
you down for a "maybe."
229
00:08:14,980 --> 00:08:18,448
God, what a putz. Am I right?
230
00:08:18,483 --> 00:08:20,550
At that moment, my dad
realized that perhaps
231
00:08:20,585 --> 00:08:23,453
his judgmental nature may
have rubbed off on his daughter.
232
00:08:23,488 --> 00:08:27,457
And he decided to do something about it.
233
00:08:27,492 --> 00:08:29,592
Wow, who knew so many interesting
234
00:08:29,628 --> 00:08:31,861
and attractive young
men went to this school?
235
00:08:31,897 --> 00:08:33,196
They're okay, I guess.
236
00:08:33,231 --> 00:08:34,497
Yeah, lots of fellas who look like
237
00:08:34,533 --> 00:08:35,765
they'd be worth getting to know.
238
00:08:35,801 --> 00:08:37,567
I should put myself out there more.
239
00:08:37,602 --> 00:08:39,702
Oh, look at that one with the stylish scarf
240
00:08:39,738 --> 00:08:42,806
and the sketchbook... a
poet and an artist, I bet.
241
00:08:42,841 --> 00:08:44,274
That's Dan.
242
00:08:44,309 --> 00:08:46,476
He's shy, but I think I
could crack open that nut.
243
00:08:46,511 --> 00:08:48,144
Hey, how about that hot shot?
244
00:08:48,180 --> 00:08:50,747
Is he a swimmer? He's built like a swimmer.
245
00:08:50,782 --> 00:08:52,615
Look at those shoulders.
He swims, for sure.
246
00:08:52,651 --> 00:08:53,750
Will you shut up?
247
00:08:53,785 --> 00:08:55,118
I'm not even talking to you.
248
00:08:55,153 --> 00:08:57,153
Well, I certainly hope
you're not talking to me.
249
00:08:57,189 --> 00:08:59,923
Hey, take it from someone
who doesn't like people.
250
00:08:59,958 --> 00:09:02,992
If you close yourself off,
you're gonna miss out on a lot.
251
00:09:03,028 --> 00:09:06,095
- So my dad wants me to date more?
- It's homecoming!
252
00:09:06,131 --> 00:09:08,865
There's got to be a nice guy
somewhere who deserves a chance.
253
00:09:08,900 --> 00:09:09,999
You're right!
254
00:09:10,035 --> 00:09:11,801
I'm gonna go ask Dan
to sit with me at lunch,
255
00:09:11,837 --> 00:09:13,236
see what makes that guy tick.
256
00:09:13,271 --> 00:09:15,405
Thanks, Dad.
257
00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:16,873
Yes, this is amazing!
258
00:09:16,942 --> 00:09:18,975
Your dad actually provided
you with real wisdom for once.
259
00:09:19,010 --> 00:09:20,770
Chill, I didn't say I
was going to the dance.
260
00:09:20,779 --> 00:09:23,880
I just said I would consider
it if an idiot asked me.
261
00:09:23,915 --> 00:09:25,815
Got it. We'll play it cool
and casually spread the word.
262
00:09:25,851 --> 00:09:28,084
Attention, entire school!
263
00:09:28,119 --> 00:09:31,020
This is Erica Goldberg, and she will go
264
00:09:31,056 --> 00:09:33,456
to homecoming with anyone willing to ask.
265
00:09:33,492 --> 00:09:35,425
Barry, sit your ass down right now.
266
00:09:35,460 --> 00:09:38,027
To clarify, she's not a desperate loser.
267
00:09:38,063 --> 00:09:41,025
She's just super closed-off,
and the door's open a crack.
268
00:09:41,026 --> 00:09:44,198
Which reminds me, Dan, we're
hanging out after school.
269
00:09:44,199 --> 00:09:45,735
I-I have a dentist appointment, bro.
270
00:09:45,770 --> 00:09:47,437
Cancel it! We're building something here!
271
00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:50,139
Get down.
272
00:09:50,175 --> 00:09:51,541
Subtle. Thank you.
273
00:09:51,576 --> 00:09:53,676
Well, the good news is now
we can just sit back and wait.
274
00:09:53,712 --> 00:09:55,313
Well, don't hold your breath.
275
00:09:59,885 --> 00:10:01,184
'Sup?
276
00:10:01,219 --> 00:10:02,318
Hi.
277
00:10:02,354 --> 00:10:03,386
I'm Johnny Atkins.
278
00:10:03,421 --> 00:10:04,654
Heard you needed a date to homecoming.
279
00:10:04,689 --> 00:10:05,788
Sure, I guess.
280
00:10:05,824 --> 00:10:06,923
You ever been out with a first chair
281
00:10:06,958 --> 00:10:08,992
- in the school band before?
- No.
282
00:10:09,027 --> 00:10:10,760
Well, it's everything you ever imagined.
283
00:10:10,795 --> 00:10:13,196
I'll phone you... saxophone you.
284
00:10:13,231 --> 00:10:15,198
We're gonna have fun.
285
00:10:18,403 --> 00:10:20,537
Dude's confident, I'll give him that.
286
00:10:20,572 --> 00:10:21,812
You've got a date to the dance.
287
00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:23,406
Everybody's happy, and it all worked out.
288
00:10:23,441 --> 00:10:24,774
What did I miss?
289
00:10:24,809 --> 00:10:26,743
We met a first chair in the school band.
290
00:10:26,778 --> 00:10:28,344
While Erica landed a date,
291
00:10:28,380 --> 00:10:30,914
I landed a seat at the
Gimbels makeup counter.
292
00:10:30,949 --> 00:10:33,716
What kind of sorcery is this?
293
00:10:33,752 --> 00:10:37,253
My giant zits are gone!
294
00:10:37,289 --> 00:10:39,722
Mama made you a promise.
295
00:10:39,758 --> 00:10:43,159
Now your adorable punim is
ready to light up that stage.
296
00:10:43,194 --> 00:10:45,495
Just one problem... my singing voice.
297
00:10:45,530 --> 00:10:47,163
My mom couldn't fix that.
298
00:10:47,198 --> 00:10:50,300
That is, until some news
broke that shook the country.
299
00:10:50,335 --> 00:10:51,968
They've become international stars.
300
00:10:52,003 --> 00:10:53,803
But behind the braids and break-dancing,
301
00:10:53,838 --> 00:10:55,638
it's been discovered that Milli Vanilli
302
00:10:55,674 --> 00:10:58,641
neither sang on their
albums nor at their concerts.
303
00:10:58,677 --> 00:11:01,311
That's unreal. They fooled everyone.
304
00:11:01,346 --> 00:11:04,647
Yes, they really did.
305
00:11:04,716 --> 00:11:06,783
And maybe you can fool everyone, too.
306
00:11:06,818 --> 00:11:08,585
What are you talking about?
307
00:11:08,620 --> 00:11:11,120
Say that again only just mouth the words.
308
00:11:11,156 --> 00:11:13,156
What are you talking about?
309
00:11:14,392 --> 00:11:16,159
Did that look as good as it felt?
310
00:11:16,194 --> 00:11:17,327
Better!
311
00:11:17,362 --> 00:11:19,329
Problem solved, love bug!
312
00:11:19,364 --> 00:11:22,131
We're gonna Milli Vanilli
the f*** out of that musical.
313
00:11:23,842 --> 00:11:24,775
My dad suggested that Erica
314
00:11:24,810 --> 00:11:26,043
take a chance on someone.
315
00:11:26,078 --> 00:11:29,347
Unfortunately, that someone was this dude.
316
00:11:29,350 --> 00:11:31,114
Yo. Is Erica here?
317
00:11:31,182 --> 00:11:33,883
Yo. She's upstairs. Who are you?
318
00:11:33,918 --> 00:11:37,820
Johnny Atkins. Yeah.
319
00:11:37,855 --> 00:11:39,388
That Johnny Atkins.
320
00:11:39,423 --> 00:11:41,857
I'm her dad.
321
00:11:41,926 --> 00:11:43,292
Yeah, that dad.
322
00:11:43,327 --> 00:11:44,260
Mind if I just head up?
323
00:11:44,295 --> 00:11:45,728
Actually, I do.
324
00:11:48,065 --> 00:11:50,633
Zang! Atkins likes.
325
00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:52,268
All right, can I talk to you
326
00:11:52,303 --> 00:11:53,769
in the other room away from this person?
327
00:11:53,804 --> 00:11:55,938
Sure. Oh.
328
00:11:59,911 --> 00:12:01,343
Who the hell is that?
329
00:12:01,379 --> 00:12:02,811
It's my date to the dance on Saturday.
330
00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:03,779
He wanted to hang.
331
00:12:03,814 --> 00:12:05,614
That kid's your date? He's a moron.
332
00:12:05,650 --> 00:12:07,783
Well, you're the guy who told
me to give the morons a chance.
333
00:12:07,818 --> 00:12:09,552
- But I meant other morons.
- What other morons?
334
00:12:09,587 --> 00:12:11,720
Nice morons! Morons like that Geoff kid.
335
00:12:11,756 --> 00:12:13,622
Schwartz? He's a moron.
336
00:12:13,658 --> 00:12:15,858
They're all morons! That's what I'm saying.
337
00:12:15,893 --> 00:12:18,561
But any other moron is
better than that moron.
338
00:12:18,596 --> 00:12:19,695
This is ridiculous.
339
00:12:19,730 --> 00:12:20,963
I took your advice,
340
00:12:20,998 --> 00:12:23,198
but you don't get to
actually choose who I date.
341
00:12:23,234 --> 00:12:26,001
My dad's plans for Erica
may have fallen apart.
342
00:12:26,037 --> 00:12:27,970
But my mom's plan for me only needed
343
00:12:28,005 --> 00:12:30,573
to get past one person for it to succeed.
344
00:12:30,608 --> 00:12:33,142
Susan, I really appreciate you agreeing
345
00:12:33,177 --> 00:12:34,610
to see me on such short notice.
346
00:12:34,645 --> 00:12:35,678
Technically, I didn't agree.
347
00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:37,313
You just barged in during third period
348
00:12:37,348 --> 00:12:38,547
and yelled "class dismissed."
349
00:12:38,583 --> 00:12:40,649
Point is, I understand
you're putting together
350
00:12:40,685 --> 00:12:42,284
a cast for this year's musical,
351
00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:45,387
and it's presented some challenges.
352
00:12:45,423 --> 00:12:47,790
It's a real suck show.
You're gonna be great.
353
00:12:47,825 --> 00:12:49,825
I won't be, but that's sweet to say.
354
00:12:49,860 --> 00:12:52,428
Well, what if I had a way
to solve your problems,
355
00:12:52,463 --> 00:12:55,064
a way to make this your biggest hit yet?
356
00:12:55,099 --> 00:12:57,199
Mrs. Goldberg, we have been
through this in the past.
357
00:12:57,234 --> 00:12:58,500
You can't be in the musical.
358
00:12:58,536 --> 00:13:01,437
No, no, I... I've come to accept that.
359
00:13:01,472 --> 00:13:04,206
I'm talking about a
different approach entirely.
360
00:13:04,241 --> 00:13:06,575
Have you heard of this
Milli Vanilli scandal?
361
00:13:06,611 --> 00:13:08,544
Big fan. It hit me hard.
362
00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:09,845
Oh, I'm sorry.
363
00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:12,781
But what if someone could do the same thing
364
00:13:12,817 --> 00:13:15,584
only without making the
same sloppy mistakes?
365
00:13:15,620 --> 00:13:16,552
Are you actually suggesting
366
00:13:16,587 --> 00:13:18,954
that Adam lip-sync his songs in the show?
367
00:13:18,990 --> 00:13:21,056
God, I guess hearing it out loud,
368
00:13:21,092 --> 00:13:22,992
it really does sound insane, even for me.
369
00:13:23,027 --> 00:13:25,294
- Screw it. I'm in.
- Really?
370
00:13:25,329 --> 00:13:27,296
I'll get all the kids to do it.
I mean, what choice do I have?
371
00:13:27,331 --> 00:13:29,031
None. Yay.
372
00:13:29,066 --> 00:13:30,432
- Yay.
- Yay!
373
00:13:31,502 --> 00:13:34,269
- Mouth it.
- Yay!
374
00:13:37,274 --> 00:13:38,440
Hey, Johnny.
375
00:13:41,178 --> 00:13:44,213
- Yo, looking forward to Saturday night.
- Me too.
376
00:13:44,248 --> 00:13:45,369
So I'll pick up Carla first,
377
00:13:45,383 --> 00:13:46,849
be at your place around 7:00, cool?
378
00:13:46,884 --> 00:13:48,283
Cool.
379
00:13:48,319 --> 00:13:49,618
Wait, what?
380
00:13:49,654 --> 00:13:51,553
Yeah, I'm also giving
her a ride to the dance.
381
00:13:51,589 --> 00:13:53,756
And she can hang out with
us. And dance with us.
382
00:13:53,791 --> 00:13:56,692
Are you taking both of us to the dance?
383
00:13:56,727 --> 00:13:58,994
Classic Johnny Atkins, am I right?
384
00:13:59,030 --> 00:14:00,195
How could you not see this coming?
385
00:14:00,231 --> 00:14:02,197
Because I have no idea who you are,
386
00:14:02,233 --> 00:14:04,366
other than an oddly confident band geek.
387
00:14:04,402 --> 00:14:05,501
Shows what you know.
388
00:14:05,536 --> 00:14:07,970
Band geek in front, rock God in the back.
389
00:14:08,005 --> 00:14:10,239
Are you seriously okay with this?
390
00:14:10,274 --> 00:14:12,875
No, but I really feel like I can fix him.
391
00:14:12,910 --> 00:14:15,244
But she can't, so what do you say?
392
00:14:15,279 --> 00:14:17,379
What do you think she
says? Hit the bricks, bro.
393
00:14:17,415 --> 00:14:19,214
Dude, I will punch you in the eyeball.
394
00:14:19,250 --> 00:14:20,449
Erica, help me. He's serious.
395
00:14:20,484 --> 00:14:21,950
You know what, Johnny?
396
00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:23,886
That's a firm "no" to your creepy offer.
397
00:14:23,921 --> 00:14:25,187
Your loss.
398
00:14:25,222 --> 00:14:27,723
Hey, Debbie Gordon, you got
a date to homecoming yet?
399
00:14:29,527 --> 00:14:31,794
Oh, man, that was so sweet of me, huh?
400
00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:33,929
So if it's looking like you're
free Saturday night, then...
401
00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:35,531
I'm not going to the dance, Geoff...
402
00:14:35,566 --> 00:14:37,633
not with anybody.
403
00:14:40,371 --> 00:14:43,272
♪ I stuff her shoes with extra socks ♪
404
00:14:43,307 --> 00:14:45,574
♪ run seven blocks ♪
405
00:14:45,609 --> 00:14:47,543
♪ in nothing flat ♪
406
00:14:47,578 --> 00:14:49,812
♪ and I can do that ♪
407
00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:50,979
♪ I can do that ♪
408
00:14:52,750 --> 00:14:54,850
This is incredible.
409
00:14:54,885 --> 00:14:57,019
My grandson's a superstar.
410
00:15:01,525 --> 00:15:04,626
♪ I'm watching sis go pitter pat ♪
411
00:15:04,662 --> 00:15:06,261
♪ said, I can do that ♪
412
00:15:06,297 --> 00:15:07,896
♪ that, that, that ♪
413
00:15:07,932 --> 00:15:09,131
♪ that, that, that, that,
that, that, that, that ♪
414
00:15:09,166 --> 00:15:11,567
My God, he's repeating himself.
415
00:15:11,602 --> 00:15:13,702
You can do what? What can you do?
416
00:15:13,738 --> 00:15:14,937
Finish the thought.
417
00:15:14,972 --> 00:15:17,473
Dad, he's fine. Just
working out some kinks.
418
00:15:17,508 --> 00:15:21,210
Wait, so you actually
weren't doing anything?
419
00:15:21,245 --> 00:15:24,213
"Not doing anything?" Didn't you see this?
420
00:15:25,916 --> 00:15:27,282
Bevy, you can't let him go
421
00:15:27,318 --> 00:15:29,084
through with this cockamamie scheme.
422
00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:31,019
Well, actually, it was my idea.
423
00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:32,488
Oh, God. Why?
424
00:15:32,523 --> 00:15:35,858
Pops, I can't go onstage and
completely embarrass myself.
425
00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:37,192
Just do your best!
426
00:15:37,228 --> 00:15:39,328
You're the same great kid you always were.
427
00:15:39,363 --> 00:15:42,498
Listen to me. Do I sound like the same kid?
428
00:15:42,533 --> 00:15:44,700
Do I look like the same kid?
429
00:15:44,735 --> 00:15:47,202
No. I'm not him.
430
00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:50,539
I'm... Whatever this is.
431
00:15:50,574 --> 00:15:53,175
And if mom can make it
better, I'm gonna let her.
432
00:15:56,881 --> 00:15:58,213
Don't give me that look.
433
00:15:58,249 --> 00:16:01,116
As his mother, it is my
job to make this all better.
434
00:16:01,152 --> 00:16:02,184
But you can't.
435
00:16:02,219 --> 00:16:04,386
All you're doing is making it worse.
436
00:16:04,421 --> 00:16:06,388
You're turning him into someone he's not.
437
00:16:08,926 --> 00:16:12,728
I forgot my foundation,
rouge, and powder puff.
438
00:16:12,763 --> 00:16:14,830
Good day to you, sir.
439
00:16:17,364 --> 00:16:18,563
The biggest night of my middle-school
440
00:16:18,599 --> 00:16:20,690
theater career had
arrived, and the only one
441
00:16:20,691 --> 00:16:22,157
more nervous than me was my smother.
442
00:16:22,592 --> 00:16:24,192
Okay, let's warm up.
443
00:16:24,227 --> 00:16:26,594
I have the recording of
the New York City boys choir
444
00:16:26,629 --> 00:16:29,497
doing scales, so show me what you got.
445
00:16:29,532 --> 00:16:33,000
♪ Do, re, mi, fa, sol, la, ti, do ♪
446
00:16:33,036 --> 00:16:34,936
Oh, very good, very
good. Move those lips.
447
00:16:34,971 --> 00:16:38,673
- No sounds!
- ♪ Ti, la, sol, fa, mi, re, do ♪
448
00:16:38,708 --> 00:16:39,941
Watching
us Milli Vanilli our way
449
00:16:39,976 --> 00:16:41,709
through the warm-up scales,
450
00:16:41,745 --> 00:16:43,378
- my mom realized pops was right.
- ♪ Do, re, me, fa, sol, ti ♪
451
00:16:43,413 --> 00:16:45,847
- ♪ do, ti, la... ♪
- Okay, Susan.
452
00:16:45,882 --> 00:16:48,349
- We need to talk.
- Sorry, show starts in five.
453
00:16:48,385 --> 00:16:51,186
No, you can't do this.
It's wrong, and you know it.
454
00:16:51,221 --> 00:16:52,187
What are you talking about?
455
00:16:52,222 --> 00:16:53,321
This whole thing was all your idea.
456
00:16:53,356 --> 00:16:54,956
Those people out there... they want to see
457
00:16:54,991 --> 00:16:57,559
"A Chorus Line," not "A Chorus Lie."
458
00:16:57,594 --> 00:16:59,327
I'm so confused by your moral high ground.
459
00:16:59,362 --> 00:17:00,628
Again, this was all you.
460
00:17:00,664 --> 00:17:02,263
Mom, it's fine.
461
00:17:02,299 --> 00:17:03,731
This recording is gonna blow
462
00:17:03,767 --> 00:17:05,767
the freaking roof off this place.
463
00:17:05,802 --> 00:17:09,671
And so are you with your own voices.
464
00:17:09,706 --> 00:17:12,607
Yes, they are creaking and cracking.
465
00:17:12,642 --> 00:17:15,877
And, yes, your foreheads
are very shiny, all right?
466
00:17:15,912 --> 00:17:18,413
And you take insanely long showers,
467
00:17:18,448 --> 00:17:19,681
but it doesn't matter
468
00:17:19,716 --> 00:17:22,784
because you're all just as
amazing as you always were.
469
00:17:22,819 --> 00:17:24,986
I don't feel amazing.
470
00:17:25,021 --> 00:17:26,854
You? What's your problem?
471
00:17:26,890 --> 00:17:28,323
Oh, you heard my voice.
472
00:17:28,358 --> 00:17:29,857
Who cares?
473
00:17:29,893 --> 00:17:32,427
I got bacne, dude. Crazy bacne.
474
00:17:32,462 --> 00:17:35,029
So? I sweat constantly for no reason.
475
00:17:35,065 --> 00:17:37,732
I-I'm sweating right now, and
it's like 50 degrees in here.
476
00:17:37,767 --> 00:17:39,701
I've got a weird thing
for Sally Jessy Raphael.
477
00:17:39,736 --> 00:17:43,271
See? None of you are alone.
478
00:17:43,306 --> 00:17:45,039
You're all going through something
479
00:17:45,075 --> 00:17:47,308
that everybody has to suffer through.
480
00:17:47,344 --> 00:17:49,344
Come on. Who's with me?
481
00:17:49,379 --> 00:17:50,645
Screw it.
482
00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:52,413
Let's go out there and give them
483
00:17:52,449 --> 00:17:56,117
the best worst musical
the school has ever seen.
484
00:17:56,152 --> 00:17:57,752
And so we sang it.
485
00:17:57,787 --> 00:17:59,554
We really sang it.
486
00:17:59,589 --> 00:18:03,491
And it wasn't pretty,
but it was definitely us.
487
00:18:03,526 --> 00:18:10,331
♪ Kiss today goodbye ♪
488
00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:15,203
♪ The sweetness and the sorrow ♪
489
00:18:17,407 --> 00:18:19,674
♪ Wish me luck ♪
490
00:18:19,709 --> 00:18:29,250
♪ The same to yo-u-u-u-u ♪
491
00:18:29,286 --> 00:18:32,654
Sure, growing up is hard
and awkward and embarrassing.
492
00:18:32,689 --> 00:18:34,756
But if you're lucky, you
just mind find the courage
493
00:18:34,791 --> 00:18:37,191
to sing your way through it...
494
00:18:37,227 --> 00:18:43,665
♪ What I did for love ♪
495
00:18:45,435 --> 00:18:47,035
...or have someone talk you through it
496
00:18:47,070 --> 00:18:50,538
- when you least expect it.
- Hey, peanut.
497
00:18:50,573 --> 00:18:53,975
I, heard about the kid with the hair.
498
00:18:54,010 --> 00:18:56,744
So, you're not going to the dance?
499
00:18:56,780 --> 00:18:58,713
Honestly, I hate dances.
500
00:18:58,748 --> 00:19:00,188
And the nice thing about being alone
501
00:19:00,216 --> 00:19:01,649
is that there's no one here bothering me,
502
00:19:01,685 --> 00:19:02,950
acting like a moron.
503
00:19:04,387 --> 00:19:06,321
Oh, my God, Barry's right.
504
00:19:06,356 --> 00:19:08,456
God, I'm just like you.
505
00:19:08,491 --> 00:19:09,524
Sorry.
506
00:19:09,559 --> 00:19:11,326
I get it.
507
00:19:11,361 --> 00:19:12,960
But there's hope.
508
00:19:12,996 --> 00:19:15,563
- Why?
- Well, things work out.
509
00:19:15,598 --> 00:19:17,532
I met your mom.
510
00:19:17,567 --> 00:19:20,902
She sees the best in
everybody, even a grump like me.
511
00:19:20,937 --> 00:19:26,474
All I'm saying is just
give people a chance.
512
00:19:26,543 --> 00:19:29,944
Don't be a moron.
513
00:19:29,979 --> 00:19:33,081
'Cause as hard as it is to grow up,
514
00:19:33,116 --> 00:19:36,184
it's even harder to go through it alone.
515
00:19:36,219 --> 00:19:39,020
And when you open up and
put yourself out there,
516
00:19:39,055 --> 00:19:40,688
you'll be surprised where it leads.
517
00:19:40,724 --> 00:19:42,690
Erica, hi!
518
00:19:42,726 --> 00:19:44,992
Greetings and salutations.
519
00:19:45,028 --> 00:19:46,027
You busy?
520
00:19:46,062 --> 00:19:47,662
Uh... Not really.
521
00:19:47,697 --> 00:19:49,630
I was just waiting for
my cousin to call back.
522
00:19:49,666 --> 00:19:51,499
I thought maybe we could still
make the end of the dance.
523
00:19:51,534 --> 00:19:55,002
Well, I was thinking maybe
we could hang out instead.
524
00:19:55,038 --> 00:19:56,170
No way.
525
00:19:56,206 --> 00:19:57,271
- As friends.
- Yeah, no.
526
00:19:57,307 --> 00:19:59,440
Let's not put a label
on it. Let's... mm-hmm.
527
00:19:59,476 --> 00:20:03,378
So, what do you say we go grab a slushie?
528
00:20:05,515 --> 00:20:07,949
Check this out.
529
00:20:07,984 --> 00:20:09,117
Gleaming the cube.
530
00:20:09,152 --> 00:20:11,719
- What does that even mean?
- No one knows.
531
00:20:14,257 --> 00:20:16,624
Oh, my God, Geoff, are you okay?
532
00:20:17,749 --> 00:20:20,580
No, not a new one. It's
photo day at school.
533
00:20:20,581 --> 00:20:22,881
- You came to the right place.
- No, get out!
534
00:20:22,916 --> 00:20:24,950
I don't want any of your terrible advice.
535
00:20:25,185 --> 00:20:26,651
Dude, I'm a pimple pro.
536
00:20:26,687 --> 00:20:28,453
You got to pop that thing immediately.
537
00:20:28,488 --> 00:20:30,622
Everyone says not to pop it.
538
00:20:30,657 --> 00:20:32,624
Look at this flawless skin.
539
00:20:32,659 --> 00:20:34,959
It's like baby Italian marble.
540
00:20:34,995 --> 00:20:38,563
Would you rather have a
pizza face or a Barry face?
541
00:20:38,599 --> 00:20:40,498
Fine. I'll just pop the thing.
542
00:20:40,534 --> 00:20:42,102
Oh, I got to get this on film.
543
00:20:43,737 --> 00:20:44,703
Come on.
544
00:20:44,771 --> 00:20:46,004
Let's get a close-up of that zit.
545
00:20:46,039 --> 00:20:47,739
Hey, why are you covering it?
546
00:20:47,774 --> 00:20:49,241
Don't feel so embarrassed.
547
00:20:49,276 --> 00:20:51,309
Let me see that zit.
Come on... for memories.
548
00:20:51,345 --> 00:20:53,645
Let's get a close-up of that zit.
549
00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:55,313
He's covering his mouth
550
00:20:55,349 --> 00:20:57,983
'cause he doesn't want
anyone to see his zit.
551
00:21:00,494 --> 00:21:05,494
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com