1 00:00:00,088 --> 00:00:03,362 Adult Adam: Back in the day, I was a ridiculously cute kid. 2 00:00:03,456 --> 00:00:06,123 Yes! I am literally the coolest man alive! 3 00:00:06,158 --> 00:00:07,958 I'm not bragging. It's just pure fact. 4 00:00:07,993 --> 00:00:09,626 My God, you're so cute! 5 00:00:09,662 --> 00:00:12,129 I just want to scrumple you up and eat you whole! 6 00:00:12,164 --> 00:00:14,465 But of course, no one stays a kid forever. 7 00:00:14,500 --> 00:00:15,966 Yeah. 8 00:00:16,001 --> 00:00:17,801 You sure about this? 9 00:00:17,837 --> 00:00:19,670 People are gonna know I'm covering up a zit. 10 00:00:19,705 --> 00:00:20,904 Don't worry, pal. 11 00:00:20,940 --> 00:00:23,101 I'll just tell everyone in school I pummeled your face. 12 00:00:23,109 --> 00:00:24,241 You're a good brother. 13 00:00:24,276 --> 00:00:25,743 The best. 14 00:00:25,778 --> 00:00:28,679 Here, you got a giant one forming on your forehead, too. 15 00:00:29,615 --> 00:00:33,152 Maybe I could hide the pimples, but the rest was hard to mask. 16 00:00:33,153 --> 00:00:34,452 Let's go! Hustle! 17 00:00:34,453 --> 00:00:36,587 This is called scooter ball, 18 00:00:36,622 --> 00:00:39,022 not "sit in the corner and talk to Kevin" ball. 19 00:00:39,058 --> 00:00:40,524 I began to smell different. 20 00:00:40,559 --> 00:00:42,493 Whoa, Goldfarb! 21 00:00:42,528 --> 00:00:43,594 Wheel it in! 22 00:00:43,629 --> 00:00:46,163 Time for a private huddle! 23 00:00:46,198 --> 00:00:48,198 I'm gonna put this delicately, kid. 24 00:00:48,234 --> 00:00:50,367 You smell like a gym sock's butt. 25 00:00:50,402 --> 00:00:51,702 Uh, thanks. 26 00:00:51,737 --> 00:00:53,871 - You smell like a garlic diaper. - Thanks? 27 00:00:53,906 --> 00:00:56,140 You smell like egg salad left in a humidifier. 28 00:00:56,165 --> 00:00:56,974 Thanks. 29 00:00:56,975 --> 00:00:59,276 I assume you don't notice since you live with that stink 24/7. 30 00:00:59,311 --> 00:01:00,744 Oh, no, I smell it. 31 00:01:00,780 --> 00:01:02,679 There's half a speed stick in my desk. 32 00:01:02,715 --> 00:01:04,948 It's yours now. Be liberal with it. 33 00:01:04,984 --> 00:01:06,617 Coach is on your team here. 34 00:01:06,685 --> 00:01:08,285 That's why I pulled you aside to avoid embarrassment. 35 00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:09,586 I guess I wish you would have 36 00:01:09,622 --> 00:01:11,889 pulled me aside just a little farther. 37 00:01:13,759 --> 00:01:16,160 I was eating like an animal and suddenly seeing 38 00:01:16,195 --> 00:01:18,395 every woman I came across in a new light. 39 00:01:18,630 --> 00:01:20,330 You seen my, uh, TV guide 40 00:01:20,366 --> 00:01:21,932 with Sally Jessy Raphael on the cover? 41 00:01:21,967 --> 00:01:24,234 - Mnh-mnh, nope. - Hmm. 42 00:01:26,205 --> 00:01:27,771 Every woman. 43 00:01:27,806 --> 00:01:29,873 Man, oh, man... those looks 44 00:01:29,908 --> 00:01:31,775 and emotional intelligence to boot? 45 00:01:31,810 --> 00:01:32,976 Whoa. 46 00:01:33,012 --> 00:01:35,479 But worst of all, it affected my favorite activity 47 00:01:35,514 --> 00:01:38,048 in the world... the annual school musical. 48 00:01:38,083 --> 00:01:39,516 Welcome, Mr. Goldberg. 49 00:01:39,551 --> 00:01:41,618 I have a feeling that this might be the year 50 00:01:41,653 --> 00:01:43,020 that you finally break out of the chorus. 51 00:01:43,055 --> 00:01:45,622 ["I can do that" plays] 52 00:01:45,657 --> 00:01:48,859 [Voice creaking] ♪ I'm watching sis go pitter pat ♪ 53 00:01:48,894 --> 00:01:51,828 ♪ Said, I can do that, I can do that ♪ 54 00:01:51,864 --> 00:01:53,697 Turns out, I could not do that. 55 00:01:53,732 --> 00:01:54,865 [Sighs] 56 00:01:54,900 --> 00:01:58,068 Well, you, um... you really... Really sang it. 57 00:01:58,103 --> 00:01:59,169 You sang it. 58 00:01:59,205 --> 00:02:01,538 I know in past years I was upset when you put me in the chorus. 59 00:02:01,573 --> 00:02:03,373 But I'm thinking this year, it feels right. 60 00:02:03,409 --> 00:02:05,375 Done. You're in the chorus. 61 00:02:05,411 --> 00:02:07,077 Oh, thank God. 62 00:02:07,112 --> 00:02:09,780 Chorus line, which is a lead! 63 00:02:09,815 --> 00:02:11,615 - But I'm in the chorus. - Line. 64 00:02:11,650 --> 00:02:12,616 Oh, thank God. 65 00:02:12,651 --> 00:02:14,584 Which means you have a big solo. 66 00:02:14,620 --> 00:02:16,053 - But I'm in the chorus. - Line. 67 00:02:16,188 --> 00:02:19,389 But did you not hear the sounds I just made? 68 00:02:19,425 --> 00:02:22,159 Adam, every boy your age sounds like you. 69 00:02:22,194 --> 00:02:24,327 And, honestly, I don't have that much to work with here, 70 00:02:24,363 --> 00:02:25,729 so I might as well just give the leads 71 00:02:25,764 --> 00:02:26,964 to the most enthusiastic kids. 72 00:02:26,999 --> 00:02:29,232 - Balls. - Yeah, balls. 73 00:02:29,268 --> 00:02:31,668 Okay, uh, let's take it from the top. 74 00:02:31,703 --> 00:02:32,557 Sing it with me. 75 00:02:32,582 --> 00:02:33,638 ["I can do that" plays] 76 00:02:33,639 --> 00:02:36,106 Both: ♪ I'm watching sis go pitter pat ♪ 77 00:02:36,141 --> 00:02:37,207 Try to stay in the key. 78 00:02:37,208 --> 00:02:39,509 ♪ I'm watching sis go pitter pat ♪ 79 00:02:39,578 --> 00:02:41,178 You're kind of all over the map. Okay. 80 00:02:41,213 --> 00:02:43,680 ♪ I'm watching sis go pitter pat ♪ 81 00:02:43,715 --> 00:02:44,915 ♪ I can do that ♪ 82 00:02:44,950 --> 00:02:46,216 You know, it's mostly a dance show, 83 00:02:46,285 --> 00:02:48,018 and you bring a lot of dance energy. 84 00:02:48,053 --> 00:02:49,987 You'll get it. Balls. 85 00:02:50,222 --> 00:02:52,189 ♪ I'm twisted up inside ♪ 86 00:02:52,224 --> 00:02:56,226 ♪ But nonetheless I feel the need to say ♪ 87 00:02:57,830 --> 00:02:59,629 ♪ I don't know the future ♪ 88 00:02:59,665 --> 00:03:03,533 ♪ But the past keeps getting clearer every day ♪ 89 00:03:03,569 --> 00:03:06,369 It was September 30, 1980-something, 90 00:03:06,405 --> 00:03:09,539 and my brother and his idiot posse, the JTP, 91 00:03:09,575 --> 00:03:11,541 were gearing up for the Homecoming Dance. 92 00:03:11,577 --> 00:03:13,043 What's happening? What is this? 93 00:03:13,112 --> 00:03:15,712 Homecoming's in four days, so it's time to give my boys 94 00:03:15,747 --> 00:03:18,415 a crash-course lesson on how to groove like Milli Vanilli. 95 00:03:18,450 --> 00:03:19,610 We all kind of told our dates 96 00:03:19,618 --> 00:03:21,218 that we could dance, so thank God for Barry. 97 00:03:21,253 --> 00:03:23,420 No. Thank God for Milli. 98 00:03:23,455 --> 00:03:25,122 Vanilli, not so much. 99 00:03:25,157 --> 00:03:27,124 Wait, wait. You choose Milli over Vanilli? 100 00:03:27,159 --> 00:03:28,458 He's got the body and the moves. 101 00:03:28,494 --> 00:03:30,961 Uh, if he's so great, then why isn't it Vanilli Milli? 102 00:03:30,996 --> 00:03:33,296 Milli proceeds Vanilli, so suck it. 103 00:03:33,332 --> 00:03:34,898 - You suck it. - You suck it! 104 00:03:34,933 --> 00:03:38,068 Wow, even you three boneheads found a date to the dance. 105 00:03:38,103 --> 00:03:39,669 Kind of makes you think, huh? 106 00:03:39,705 --> 00:03:41,571 Like maybe you need a date for once? 107 00:03:41,607 --> 00:03:43,073 What are you talking about? I date. 108 00:03:43,108 --> 00:03:45,175 No, you third-wheel me and Lainey. 109 00:03:45,210 --> 00:03:47,010 Look, the only reason why I haven't been on a date 110 00:03:47,045 --> 00:03:48,912 is because there's no one at our school worth dating. 111 00:03:48,947 --> 00:03:50,748 Well, if you want to go to homecoming with me, 112 00:03:50,782 --> 00:03:52,249 I'll totally drop my foxy lady. 113 00:03:52,284 --> 00:03:54,251 - Your foxy lady's your cousin. - Second-cousin. 114 00:03:54,286 --> 00:03:55,585 Totally different blood line. 115 00:03:55,621 --> 00:03:56,853 Probably not gonna do stuff, though. 116 00:03:56,889 --> 00:03:58,121 She looks just like me with a perm. 117 00:03:58,157 --> 00:03:59,789 Erica, you know I love you, but you're kind of 118 00:03:59,825 --> 00:04:01,124 closed off and way too picky. 119 00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:02,792 I mean, stay away from Geoff, obviously, 120 00:04:02,828 --> 00:04:04,027 but you got to give someone a chance. 121 00:04:04,062 --> 00:04:06,696 How is it my fault that every guy in our school 122 00:04:06,732 --> 00:04:09,032 - is an unbearable moron? - That's another thing... 123 00:04:09,067 --> 00:04:11,034 You've got to stop calling everyone a moron. 124 00:04:11,069 --> 00:04:13,537 Morons! You're being too loud! 125 00:04:13,572 --> 00:04:15,539 Find another house to stupid up. 126 00:04:15,574 --> 00:04:17,874 Oh. My. God. 127 00:04:17,910 --> 00:04:18,942 You're just like Dad! 128 00:04:18,977 --> 00:04:21,144 Way to go, Mur-man. 129 00:04:21,180 --> 00:04:23,647 Years of calling everyone on the planet a moron 130 00:04:23,682 --> 00:04:25,148 has poisoned your daughter's love life 131 00:04:25,184 --> 00:04:26,349 and left her cold and alone. 132 00:04:26,385 --> 00:04:28,351 So you're telling me that I've raised a daughter 133 00:04:28,387 --> 00:04:31,021 who doesn't want to date dumbass high-school boys? 134 00:04:31,056 --> 00:04:32,856 I think I've done my job. 135 00:04:32,891 --> 00:04:34,858 Come on. Let us help you find someone. 136 00:04:34,893 --> 00:04:36,660 Go on. Describe your perfect guy. 137 00:04:36,695 --> 00:04:39,496 Well, he'd be a mysterious handsome outsider 138 00:04:39,531 --> 00:04:41,998 with a trench coat, a sexy voice, 139 00:04:42,034 --> 00:04:43,466 and a thriving acting career 140 00:04:43,502 --> 00:04:45,669 where he plays the thinking girl's heartthrob. 141 00:04:45,704 --> 00:04:49,172 Dude, you're just describing Christian Slater. 142 00:04:49,208 --> 00:04:51,308 Seriously? You're a lost cause. 143 00:04:51,343 --> 00:04:52,842 Well, you asked. 144 00:04:52,878 --> 00:04:55,345 Look, if a guy like Christian Slater walks through that door, 145 00:04:55,380 --> 00:04:57,647 I promise you I will go with him to homecoming. 146 00:04:57,683 --> 00:04:59,149 Christian Slater, huh? 147 00:04:59,184 --> 00:05:01,251 You want the coolest guy in the world? You got him. 148 00:05:01,286 --> 00:05:02,752 What's that? 149 00:05:02,788 --> 00:05:04,854 Nothing, I just... Farted. 150 00:05:04,890 --> 00:05:07,023 I... I farted. 151 00:05:08,060 --> 00:05:09,326 I fart... I got to go. 152 00:05:09,361 --> 00:05:10,961 While Geoff was hatching a plan, 153 00:05:10,996 --> 00:05:13,263 I was out of options. 154 00:05:13,298 --> 00:05:15,999 [Gasps] There's my tiny snuggle angel. 155 00:05:16,034 --> 00:05:17,000 Stop it! 156 00:05:17,035 --> 00:05:20,403 I'm not tiny or snuggly or angel-y. 157 00:05:20,439 --> 00:05:21,838 Tough day at the office, kiddo? 158 00:05:21,873 --> 00:05:23,940 The worst. I got the lead in the musical. 159 00:05:23,976 --> 00:05:25,542 Schmoo, that's fantastic. 160 00:05:25,577 --> 00:05:26,676 That's all you've ever wanted. 161 00:05:26,712 --> 00:05:27,978 Not anymore. 162 00:05:28,013 --> 00:05:31,248 My face is breaking out, my pits are stinking, 163 00:05:31,283 --> 00:05:34,150 and my voice is very, very unpredictable. 164 00:05:34,186 --> 00:05:36,353 I finally get the part of a lifetime, 165 00:05:36,388 --> 00:05:38,455 and I'm gonna just humiliate myself. 166 00:05:38,490 --> 00:05:41,625 Ah, yes, the wondrous journey through puberty. 167 00:05:41,660 --> 00:05:43,493 It's not wondrous. It's awful. 168 00:05:43,528 --> 00:05:45,008 Well, you've come to the right place. 169 00:05:45,030 --> 00:05:46,329 Oh, no. 170 00:05:46,365 --> 00:05:48,932 It's my duty to help you out, baby bro. 171 00:05:48,967 --> 00:05:51,067 Only Big Tasty can guide you 172 00:05:51,103 --> 00:05:53,637 through what many call "the pubening." 173 00:05:53,672 --> 00:05:54,771 No one calls it that. 174 00:05:54,806 --> 00:05:56,539 First, stop washing your face. 175 00:05:56,575 --> 00:05:59,476 You'll go through a very shiny, greasy couple of months. 176 00:05:59,511 --> 00:06:01,678 But eventually, your natural oils reach a healthy balance. 177 00:06:01,713 --> 00:06:03,413 - Why does he do this? - I don't know. 178 00:06:03,448 --> 00:06:06,483 Second, always shave dry and against the grain, 179 00:06:06,518 --> 00:06:10,086 attacking the follicles in a jerky, zig-zag pattern. 180 00:06:10,122 --> 00:06:12,188 And third, never use deodorant. 181 00:06:12,224 --> 00:06:13,790 That's just something that big corporations 182 00:06:13,825 --> 00:06:15,058 made up to take your money. 183 00:06:15,093 --> 00:06:18,295 Simply apply a healthy layer of vaseline to the armpit 184 00:06:18,330 --> 00:06:19,496 and let it seal in the stink. 185 00:06:19,531 --> 00:06:21,164 - He's still going. - He means well. 186 00:06:21,199 --> 00:06:25,201 Think of me as a resource. I'm here for you, bro. 187 00:06:25,237 --> 00:06:28,772 Thank you, Boopie. So helpful. 188 00:06:28,807 --> 00:06:30,407 Forget everything you just heard. 189 00:06:30,442 --> 00:06:33,143 If anyone understands what you're going through, it's mama. 190 00:06:33,178 --> 00:06:36,713 No offense, Mom, but you have no idea how hard this is for me. 191 00:06:36,748 --> 00:06:38,682 Please, I've watched two children 192 00:06:38,717 --> 00:06:40,283 go through the pubening. [Chuckles] 193 00:06:40,319 --> 00:06:43,386 Heck, I even went through it myself at the tender age of 9. 194 00:06:43,422 --> 00:06:44,587 It wasn't ideal. 195 00:06:44,623 --> 00:06:46,189 They used to call me "Booberly." 196 00:06:46,224 --> 00:06:48,124 But this is just something all of us 197 00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:49,726 had to suffer through on our own. 198 00:06:49,761 --> 00:06:51,194 Now you will, too. 199 00:06:51,229 --> 00:06:54,531 Or... Completely skip over. 200 00:06:54,566 --> 00:06:55,765 Hmm? 201 00:06:55,801 --> 00:06:58,568 With my guidance, I'll take this horrible time 202 00:06:58,637 --> 00:07:01,604 and make it smooth, easy, and maybe a little bit fun. 203 00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:03,707 Are you actually saying you could save me from puberty? 204 00:07:03,742 --> 00:07:05,241 No! She can't. 205 00:07:05,277 --> 00:07:07,744 Yes, that is exactly what I'm saying. 206 00:07:07,779 --> 00:07:10,013 At this point, I got nothing to lose. 207 00:07:10,048 --> 00:07:12,082 Show me what you got, lady. 208 00:07:12,117 --> 00:07:13,350 While I put my faith in my mother, 209 00:07:13,385 --> 00:07:16,453 Geoff Schwartz put his in Christian Slater. 210 00:07:16,488 --> 00:07:18,722 [As Christian Slater] Greetings and salutations. 211 00:07:18,757 --> 00:07:20,557 Lovely home you got here. 212 00:07:20,592 --> 00:07:22,225 What's going on? Why are you talking like a jackass? 213 00:07:22,260 --> 00:07:23,860 [Normal voice] Erica said she wanted 214 00:07:23,929 --> 00:07:26,129 a Christian Slater, so here I am. 215 00:07:26,164 --> 00:07:27,764 I know it's a long shot, 216 00:07:27,799 --> 00:07:29,065 but I just think your daughter's amazing. 217 00:07:29,101 --> 00:07:31,101 And if you approve, I'd love to take her to homecoming. 218 00:07:31,136 --> 00:07:33,236 Erica! 219 00:07:33,271 --> 00:07:35,271 You've got a gentleman suitor. 220 00:07:35,307 --> 00:07:37,674 You're one of the good ones, Mr. G. 221 00:07:37,709 --> 00:07:39,829 - Erica: A gentleman what? - [Footsteps approaching] 222 00:07:40,212 --> 00:07:42,979 [As Christian Slater] Greetings and salutations. 223 00:07:43,014 --> 00:07:47,050 I was just skateboarding by, gleaming the cube and whatnot. 224 00:07:47,085 --> 00:07:48,918 Thought we could go grab a slushie. 225 00:07:48,954 --> 00:07:50,620 Oh, my God, are you trying to impress me 226 00:07:50,655 --> 00:07:52,055 by acting like Christian Slater? 227 00:07:52,090 --> 00:07:53,923 - Is it working? - No. 228 00:07:53,959 --> 00:07:55,560 And your clip-on earring just popped off. 229 00:07:55,594 --> 00:07:56,693 [Normal voice] Okay, look, I-I just... 230 00:07:56,728 --> 00:07:57,994 I think you're great, okay? 231 00:07:58,029 --> 00:07:59,629 I have since, like, second grade. 232 00:07:59,664 --> 00:08:01,731 Now, I know I made promises to my cousin, 233 00:08:01,767 --> 00:08:03,900 but maybe we could go to homecoming together? 234 00:08:03,935 --> 00:08:06,002 Oh, Geoff, this was sweet, 235 00:08:06,037 --> 00:08:08,405 but I have a pretty firm "no moron" policy. 236 00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:10,640 - Question... am I in that category? - For sure. 237 00:08:10,675 --> 00:08:13,743 Uh, so, um... Okay, so I'll put you down for a "maybe." 238 00:08:14,980 --> 00:08:18,448 God, what a putz. Am I right? 239 00:08:18,483 --> 00:08:20,550 At that moment, my dad realized that perhaps 240 00:08:20,585 --> 00:08:23,453 his judgmental nature may have rubbed off on his daughter. 241 00:08:23,488 --> 00:08:27,457 And he decided to do something about it. 242 00:08:27,492 --> 00:08:29,592 Wow, who knew so many interesting 243 00:08:29,628 --> 00:08:31,861 and attractive young men went to this school? 244 00:08:31,897 --> 00:08:33,196 They're okay, I guess. 245 00:08:33,231 --> 00:08:34,497 Yeah, lots of fellas who look like 246 00:08:34,533 --> 00:08:35,765 they'd be worth getting to know. 247 00:08:35,801 --> 00:08:37,567 I should put myself out there more. 248 00:08:37,602 --> 00:08:39,702 Oh, look at that one with the stylish scarf 249 00:08:39,738 --> 00:08:42,806 and the sketchbook... a poet and an artist, I bet. 250 00:08:42,841 --> 00:08:44,274 That's Dan. [Chuckles] 251 00:08:44,309 --> 00:08:46,476 He's shy, but I think I could crack open that nut. 252 00:08:46,511 --> 00:08:48,144 Hey, how about that hot shot? 253 00:08:48,180 --> 00:08:50,747 Is he a swimmer? He's built like a swimmer. 254 00:08:50,782 --> 00:08:52,615 Look at those shoulders. He swims, for sure. 255 00:08:52,651 --> 00:08:53,750 Will you shut up? 256 00:08:53,785 --> 00:08:55,118 I'm not even talking to you. 257 00:08:55,153 --> 00:08:57,153 Well, I certainly hope you're not talking to me. 258 00:08:57,189 --> 00:08:59,923 Hey, take it from someone who doesn't like people. 259 00:08:59,958 --> 00:09:02,992 If you close yourself off, you're gonna miss out on a lot. 260 00:09:03,028 --> 00:09:06,095 - So my dad wants me to date more? - It's homecoming! 261 00:09:06,131 --> 00:09:08,865 There's got to be a nice guy somewhere who deserves a chance. 262 00:09:08,900 --> 00:09:09,999 You're right! 263 00:09:10,035 --> 00:09:11,801 I'm gonna go ask Dan to sit with me at lunch, 264 00:09:11,837 --> 00:09:13,236 see what makes that guy tick. 265 00:09:13,271 --> 00:09:15,405 [Groans] Thanks, Dad. 266 00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:16,873 Yes, this is amazing! 267 00:09:16,942 --> 00:09:18,975 Your dad actually provided you with real wisdom for once. 268 00:09:19,010 --> 00:09:20,770 Chill, I didn't say I was going to the dance. 269 00:09:20,779 --> 00:09:23,880 I just said I would consider it if an idiot asked me. 270 00:09:23,915 --> 00:09:25,815 Got it. We'll play it cool and casually spread the word. 271 00:09:25,851 --> 00:09:28,084 Attention, entire school! 272 00:09:28,119 --> 00:09:31,020 This is Erica Goldberg, and she will go 273 00:09:31,056 --> 00:09:33,456 to homecoming with anyone willing to ask. 274 00:09:33,492 --> 00:09:35,425 Barry, sit your ass down right now. 275 00:09:35,460 --> 00:09:38,027 Uh, to clarify, she's not a desperate loser. 276 00:09:38,063 --> 00:09:41,025 She's just super closed-off, and the door's open a crack. [Chuckles] 277 00:09:41,026 --> 00:09:44,198 Which reminds me, Dan, we're hanging out after school. 278 00:09:44,199 --> 00:09:45,735 I-I have a dentist appointment, bro. 279 00:09:45,770 --> 00:09:47,437 Cancel it! We're building something here! 280 00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:50,139 Get down. 281 00:09:50,175 --> 00:09:51,541 Subtle. Thank you. 282 00:09:51,576 --> 00:09:53,676 Well, the good news is now we can just sit back and wait. 283 00:09:53,712 --> 00:09:55,313 Well, don't hold your breath. [Scoffs] 284 00:09:55,347 --> 00:09:57,280 [Smooth jazz plays] 285 00:09:59,885 --> 00:10:01,184 'Sup? 286 00:10:01,219 --> 00:10:02,318 Hi. 287 00:10:02,354 --> 00:10:03,386 I'm Johnny Atkins. 288 00:10:03,421 --> 00:10:04,654 Heard you needed a date to homecoming. 289 00:10:04,689 --> 00:10:05,788 Sure, I guess. 290 00:10:05,824 --> 00:10:06,923 You ever been out with a first chair 291 00:10:06,958 --> 00:10:08,992 - in the school band before? - No. 292 00:10:09,027 --> 00:10:10,760 Well, it's everything you ever imagined. 293 00:10:10,795 --> 00:10:13,196 I'll phone you... saxophone you. 294 00:10:13,231 --> 00:10:15,198 We're gonna have fun. 295 00:10:15,233 --> 00:10:18,368 [Saxophone plays] 296 00:10:18,403 --> 00:10:20,537 Dude's confident, I'll give him that. 297 00:10:20,572 --> 00:10:21,812 You've got a date to the dance. 298 00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:23,406 Everybody's happy, and it all worked out. 299 00:10:23,441 --> 00:10:24,774 What did I miss? 300 00:10:24,809 --> 00:10:26,743 We met a first chair in the school band. 301 00:10:26,778 --> 00:10:28,344 While Erica landed a date, 302 00:10:28,380 --> 00:10:30,914 I landed a seat at the Gimbels makeup counter. 303 00:10:30,949 --> 00:10:33,716 What kind of sorcery is this? 304 00:10:33,752 --> 00:10:37,253 My giant zits are gone! 305 00:10:37,289 --> 00:10:39,722 Mama made you a promise. 306 00:10:39,758 --> 00:10:43,159 Now your adorable punim is ready to light up that stage. 307 00:10:43,194 --> 00:10:45,495 Just one problem... my singing voice. 308 00:10:45,530 --> 00:10:47,163 My mom couldn't fix that. 309 00:10:47,198 --> 00:10:50,300 That is, until some news broke that shook the country. 310 00:10:50,335 --> 00:10:51,968 They've become international stars. 311 00:10:52,003 --> 00:10:53,803 But behind the braids and break-dancing, 312 00:10:53,838 --> 00:10:55,638 it's been discovered that Milli Vanilli 313 00:10:55,674 --> 00:10:58,641 neither sang on their albums nor at their concerts. 314 00:10:58,677 --> 00:11:01,311 That's unreal. They fooled everyone. 315 00:11:01,346 --> 00:11:04,647 Yes, they really did. 316 00:11:04,716 --> 00:11:06,783 And maybe you can fool everyone, too. 317 00:11:06,818 --> 00:11:08,585 What are you talking about? 318 00:11:08,620 --> 00:11:11,120 Say that again only just mouth the words. 319 00:11:11,156 --> 00:11:13,156 What are you talking about? 320 00:11:14,392 --> 00:11:16,159 Did that look as good as it felt? 321 00:11:16,194 --> 00:11:17,327 Better! [Gasps] 322 00:11:17,362 --> 00:11:19,329 Problem solved, love bug! 323 00:11:19,364 --> 00:11:22,131 We're gonna Milli Vanilli the [Bleep] out of that musical. 324 00:11:23,842 --> 00:11:24,775 My dad suggested that Erica 325 00:11:24,810 --> 00:11:26,043 take a chance on someone. 326 00:11:26,078 --> 00:11:29,347 Unfortunately, that someone was this dude. 327 00:11:29,350 --> 00:11:31,114 Yo. Is Erica here? 328 00:11:31,182 --> 00:11:33,883 Yo. She's upstairs. Who are you? 329 00:11:33,918 --> 00:11:37,820 Johnny Atkins. Yeah. 330 00:11:37,855 --> 00:11:39,388 That Johnny Atkins. 331 00:11:39,423 --> 00:11:41,857 I'm her dad. 332 00:11:41,926 --> 00:11:43,292 Yeah, that dad. 333 00:11:43,327 --> 00:11:44,260 Mind if I just head up? 334 00:11:44,295 --> 00:11:45,728 Actually, I do. 335 00:11:48,065 --> 00:11:50,633 Zang! Atkins likes. 336 00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:52,268 All right, can I talk to you 337 00:11:52,303 --> 00:11:53,769 in the other room away from this person? 338 00:11:53,804 --> 00:11:55,938 Sure. Oh. 339 00:11:59,911 --> 00:12:01,343 Who the hell is that? 340 00:12:01,379 --> 00:12:02,811 It's my date to the dance on Saturday. 341 00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:03,779 He wanted to hang. 342 00:12:03,814 --> 00:12:05,614 That kid's your date? He's a moron. 343 00:12:05,650 --> 00:12:07,783 Well, you're the guy who told me to give the morons a chance. 344 00:12:07,818 --> 00:12:09,552 - But I meant other morons. - What other morons? 345 00:12:09,587 --> 00:12:11,720 Nice morons! Morons like that Geoff kid. 346 00:12:11,756 --> 00:12:13,622 Schwartz? He's a moron. 347 00:12:13,658 --> 00:12:15,858 They're all morons! That's what I'm saying. 348 00:12:15,893 --> 00:12:18,561 But any other moron is better than that moron. 349 00:12:18,596 --> 00:12:19,695 This is ridiculous. 350 00:12:19,730 --> 00:12:20,963 I took your advice, 351 00:12:20,998 --> 00:12:23,198 but you don't get to actually choose who I date. 352 00:12:23,234 --> 00:12:26,001 - My dad's plans for Erica may have fallen apart. - [Sighs] 353 00:12:26,037 --> 00:12:27,970 But my mom's plan for me only needed 354 00:12:28,005 --> 00:12:30,573 to get past one person for it to succeed. 355 00:12:30,608 --> 00:12:33,142 Susan, I really appreciate you agreeing 356 00:12:33,177 --> 00:12:34,610 to see me on such short notice. 357 00:12:34,645 --> 00:12:35,678 Technically, I didn't agree. 358 00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:37,313 You just barged in during third period 359 00:12:37,348 --> 00:12:38,547 and yelled "class dismissed." 360 00:12:38,583 --> 00:12:40,649 Point is, I understand you're putting together 361 00:12:40,685 --> 00:12:42,284 a cast for this year's musical, 362 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:45,387 and it's presented some challenges. 363 00:12:45,423 --> 00:12:47,790 It's a real suck show. Uh, you're gonna be great. 364 00:12:47,825 --> 00:12:49,825 I won't be, but that's sweet to say. 365 00:12:49,860 --> 00:12:52,428 Well, what if I had a way to solve your problems, 366 00:12:52,463 --> 00:12:55,064 a way to make this your biggest hit yet? 367 00:12:55,099 --> 00:12:57,199 Mrs. Goldberg, we have been through this in the past. 368 00:12:57,234 --> 00:12:58,500 You can't be in the musical. 369 00:12:58,536 --> 00:13:01,437 No, no, I... I've come to accept that. 370 00:13:01,472 --> 00:13:04,206 I'm talking about a different approach entirely. 371 00:13:04,241 --> 00:13:06,575 Have you heard of this Milli Vanilli scandal? 372 00:13:06,611 --> 00:13:08,544 [Voice breaking] Big fan. It hit me hard. 373 00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:09,845 Oh, I'm sorry. 374 00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:12,781 But what if someone could do the same thing 375 00:13:12,817 --> 00:13:15,584 only without making the same sloppy mistakes? 376 00:13:15,620 --> 00:13:16,552 Are you actually suggesting 377 00:13:16,587 --> 00:13:18,954 that Adam lip-sync his songs in the show? 378 00:13:18,990 --> 00:13:21,056 God, I guess hearing it out loud, 379 00:13:21,092 --> 00:13:22,992 it really does sound insane, even for me. 380 00:13:23,027 --> 00:13:25,294 - Screw it. I'm in. - Really? 381 00:13:25,329 --> 00:13:27,296 I'll get all the kids to do it. I mean, what choice do I have? 382 00:13:27,331 --> 00:13:29,031 None. Yay. 383 00:13:29,066 --> 00:13:30,432 - Yay. - [Voice cracking] Yay! 384 00:13:31,502 --> 00:13:34,269 - Mouth it. - Yay! 385 00:13:34,305 --> 00:13:37,239 - [Saxophone plays] - [Chuckles] 386 00:13:37,274 --> 00:13:38,440 Hey, Johnny. 387 00:13:41,178 --> 00:13:44,213 - Yo, looking forward to Saturday night. - Me too. 388 00:13:44,248 --> 00:13:45,369 So I'll pick up Carla first, 389 00:13:45,383 --> 00:13:46,849 be at your place around 7:00, cool? 390 00:13:46,884 --> 00:13:48,283 Cool. [Chuckles] 391 00:13:48,319 --> 00:13:49,618 Wait, what? 392 00:13:49,654 --> 00:13:51,553 Yeah, I'm also giving her a ride to the dance. 393 00:13:51,589 --> 00:13:53,756 And she can hang out with us. And dance with us. 394 00:13:53,791 --> 00:13:56,692 Are you taking both of us to the dance? 395 00:13:56,727 --> 00:13:58,994 Classic Johnny Atkins, am I right? 396 00:13:59,030 --> 00:14:00,195 How could you not see this coming? 397 00:14:00,231 --> 00:14:02,197 Because I have no idea who you are, 398 00:14:02,233 --> 00:14:04,366 other than an oddly confident band geek. 399 00:14:04,402 --> 00:14:05,501 Shows what you know. 400 00:14:05,536 --> 00:14:07,970 Band geek in front, rock God in the back. 401 00:14:08,005 --> 00:14:10,239 Are you seriously okay with this? 402 00:14:10,274 --> 00:14:12,875 No, but I really feel like I can fix him. 403 00:14:12,910 --> 00:14:15,244 But she can't, so what do you say? 404 00:14:15,279 --> 00:14:17,379 What do you think she says? Hit the bricks, bro. 405 00:14:17,415 --> 00:14:19,214 Dude, I will punch you in the eyeball. 406 00:14:19,250 --> 00:14:20,449 Erica, help me. He's serious. 407 00:14:20,484 --> 00:14:21,950 [Sighs] You know what, Johnny? 408 00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:23,886 That's a firm "no" to your creepy offer. 409 00:14:23,921 --> 00:14:25,187 Your loss. 410 00:14:25,222 --> 00:14:27,723 Hey, Debbie Gordon, you got a date to homecoming yet? 411 00:14:27,758 --> 00:14:29,491 [Saxophone plays] 412 00:14:29,527 --> 00:14:31,794 Oh, man, that was so sweet of me, huh? 413 00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:33,929 So if it's looking like you're free Saturday night, then... 414 00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:35,531 I'm not going to the dance, Geoff... 415 00:14:35,566 --> 00:14:37,633 not with anybody. 416 00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:40,335 ♪ 417 00:14:40,371 --> 00:14:43,272 ♪ I stuff her shoes with extra socks ♪ 418 00:14:43,307 --> 00:14:45,574 ♪ run seven blocks ♪ 419 00:14:45,609 --> 00:14:47,543 ♪ in nothing flat ♪ 420 00:14:47,578 --> 00:14:49,812 ♪ and I can do that ♪ 421 00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:50,979 ♪ I can do that ♪ 422 00:14:52,750 --> 00:14:54,850 This is incredible. 423 00:14:54,885 --> 00:14:57,019 My grandson's a superstar. 424 00:15:01,525 --> 00:15:04,626 ♪ I'm watching sis go pitter pat ♪ 425 00:15:04,662 --> 00:15:06,261 ♪ said, I can do that ♪ 426 00:15:06,297 --> 00:15:07,896 ♪ that, that, that ♪ 427 00:15:07,932 --> 00:15:09,131 ♪ that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that ♪ 428 00:15:09,166 --> 00:15:11,567 My God, he's repeating himself. 429 00:15:11,602 --> 00:15:13,702 You can do what? What can you do? 430 00:15:13,738 --> 00:15:14,937 Finish the thought. 431 00:15:14,972 --> 00:15:17,473 Dad, he's fine. Just working out some kinks. 432 00:15:17,508 --> 00:15:21,210 Wait, so you actually weren't doing anything? 433 00:15:21,245 --> 00:15:24,213 "Not doing anything?" Didn't you see this? 434 00:15:25,916 --> 00:15:27,282 Bevy, you can't let him go 435 00:15:27,318 --> 00:15:29,084 through with this cockamamie scheme. 436 00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:31,019 Well, actually, it was my idea. 437 00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:32,488 Oh, God. Why? 438 00:15:32,523 --> 00:15:35,858 Pops, I can't go onstage and completely embarrass myself. 439 00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:37,192 Just do your best! 440 00:15:37,228 --> 00:15:39,328 You're the same great kid you always were. 441 00:15:39,363 --> 00:15:42,498 Listen to me. Do I sound like the same kid? 442 00:15:42,533 --> 00:15:44,700 Do I look like the same kid? 443 00:15:44,735 --> 00:15:47,202 No. I'm not him. 444 00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:50,539 I'm... Whatever this is. 445 00:15:50,574 --> 00:15:53,175 And if mom can make it better, I'm gonna let her. 446 00:15:55,212 --> 00:15:56,845 [Footsteps depart] 447 00:15:56,881 --> 00:15:58,213 Don't give me that look. 448 00:15:58,249 --> 00:16:01,116 As his mother, it is my job to make this all better. 449 00:16:01,152 --> 00:16:02,184 But you can't. 450 00:16:02,219 --> 00:16:04,386 All you're doing is making it worse. 451 00:16:04,421 --> 00:16:06,388 You're turning him into someone he's not. 452 00:16:06,423 --> 00:16:08,891 [Footsteps approaching] 453 00:16:08,926 --> 00:16:12,728 I forgot my foundation, rouge, and powder puff. 454 00:16:12,763 --> 00:16:14,830 Good day to you, sir. 455 00:16:17,364 --> 00:16:18,563 Adam: The biggest night of my middle-school 456 00:16:18,599 --> 00:16:20,690 theater career had arrived, and the only one 457 00:16:20,691 --> 00:16:22,157 more nervous than me was my smother. 458 00:16:22,592 --> 00:16:24,192 Okay, let's warm up. 459 00:16:24,227 --> 00:16:26,594 I have the recording of the New York City boys choir 460 00:16:26,629 --> 00:16:29,497 doing scales, so show me what you got. 461 00:16:29,532 --> 00:16:33,000 ♪ Do, re, mi, fa, sol, la, ti, do ♪ 462 00:16:33,036 --> 00:16:34,936 Oh, very good, very good. Move those lips. 463 00:16:34,971 --> 00:16:38,673 - No sounds! - ♪ Ti, la, sol, fa, mi, re, do ♪ 464 00:16:38,708 --> 00:16:39,941 Adult Adam: Watching us Milli Vanilli our way 465 00:16:39,976 --> 00:16:41,709 through the warm-up scales, 466 00:16:41,745 --> 00:16:43,378 - my mom realized pops was right. - ♪ Do, re, me, fa, sol, ti ♪ 467 00:16:43,413 --> 00:16:45,847 - ♪ do, ti, la... ♪ - Okay, Susan. 468 00:16:45,882 --> 00:16:48,349 - We need to talk. - Sorry, show starts in five. 469 00:16:48,385 --> 00:16:51,186 No, you can't do this. It's wrong, and you know it. 470 00:16:51,221 --> 00:16:52,187 What are you talking about? 471 00:16:52,222 --> 00:16:53,321 This whole thing was all your idea. 472 00:16:53,356 --> 00:16:54,956 Those people out there... they want to see 473 00:16:54,991 --> 00:16:57,559 "A Chorus Line," not "A Chorus Lie." 474 00:16:57,594 --> 00:16:59,327 I'm so confused by your moral high ground. 475 00:16:59,362 --> 00:17:00,628 Again, this was all you. 476 00:17:00,664 --> 00:17:02,263 Mom, it's fine. 477 00:17:02,299 --> 00:17:03,731 This recording is gonna blow 478 00:17:03,767 --> 00:17:05,767 the freaking roof off this place. 479 00:17:05,802 --> 00:17:09,671 And so are you with your own voices. 480 00:17:09,706 --> 00:17:12,607 Yes, they are creaking and cracking. 481 00:17:12,642 --> 00:17:15,877 And, yes, your foreheads are very shiny, all right? 482 00:17:15,912 --> 00:17:18,413 And you take insanely long showers, 483 00:17:18,448 --> 00:17:19,681 but it doesn't matter 484 00:17:19,716 --> 00:17:22,784 because you're all just as amazing as you always were. 485 00:17:22,819 --> 00:17:24,986 I don't feel amazing. 486 00:17:25,021 --> 00:17:26,854 You? What's your problem? 487 00:17:26,890 --> 00:17:28,323 Oh, you heard my voice. 488 00:17:28,358 --> 00:17:29,857 Who cares? 489 00:17:29,893 --> 00:17:32,427 I got bacne, dude. Crazy bacne. 490 00:17:32,462 --> 00:17:35,029 So? I sweat constantly for no reason. 491 00:17:35,065 --> 00:17:37,732 I-I'm sweating right now, and it's like 50 degrees in here. 492 00:17:37,767 --> 00:17:39,701 I've got a weird thing for Sally Jessy Raphael. 493 00:17:39,736 --> 00:17:43,271 See? None of you are alone. 494 00:17:43,306 --> 00:17:45,039 You're all going through something 495 00:17:45,075 --> 00:17:47,308 that everybody has to suffer through. 496 00:17:47,344 --> 00:17:49,344 Come on. Who's with me? 497 00:17:49,379 --> 00:17:50,645 Screw it. 498 00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:52,413 Let's go out there and give them 499 00:17:52,449 --> 00:17:56,117 the best worst musical the school has ever seen. 500 00:17:56,152 --> 00:17:57,752 Adult Adam: And so we sang it. 501 00:17:57,787 --> 00:17:59,554 We really sang it. 502 00:17:59,589 --> 00:18:03,491 And it wasn't pretty, but it was definitely us. 503 00:18:03,526 --> 00:18:10,331 [Voice creaking] ♪ Kiss today goodbye ♪ 504 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:15,203 ♪ The sweetness and the sorrow ♪ 505 00:18:17,407 --> 00:18:19,674 All: ♪ Wish me luck ♪ 506 00:18:19,709 --> 00:18:29,250 ♪ The same to yo-u-u-u-u ♪ 507 00:18:29,286 --> 00:18:32,654 Sure, growing up is hard and awkward and embarrassing. 508 00:18:32,689 --> 00:18:34,756 But if you're lucky, you just mind find the courage 509 00:18:34,791 --> 00:18:37,191 to sing your way through it... 510 00:18:37,227 --> 00:18:43,665 [Voices cracking] ♪ What I did for love ♪ 511 00:18:45,435 --> 00:18:47,035 ...or have someone talk you through it 512 00:18:47,070 --> 00:18:50,538 - when you least expect it. - Hey, peanut. 513 00:18:50,573 --> 00:18:53,975 I, uh, heard about the kid with the hair. 514 00:18:54,010 --> 00:18:56,744 So, uh, you're not going to the dance, huh? 515 00:18:56,780 --> 00:18:58,713 Honestly, I hate dances. 516 00:18:58,748 --> 00:19:00,188 And the nice thing about being alone 517 00:19:00,216 --> 00:19:01,649 is that there's no one here bothering me, 518 00:19:01,685 --> 00:19:02,950 acting like a moron. 519 00:19:04,387 --> 00:19:06,321 Oh, my God, Barry's right. 520 00:19:06,356 --> 00:19:08,456 God, I'm just like you. 521 00:19:08,491 --> 00:19:09,524 Sorry. 522 00:19:09,559 --> 00:19:11,326 I get it. 523 00:19:11,361 --> 00:19:12,960 But there's hope. 524 00:19:12,996 --> 00:19:15,563 - Why? - Well, things work out. 525 00:19:15,598 --> 00:19:17,532 I met your mom. 526 00:19:17,567 --> 00:19:20,902 She sees the best in everybody, even a grump like me. 527 00:19:20,937 --> 00:19:26,474 All I'm saying is just give people a chance. 528 00:19:26,543 --> 00:19:29,944 Don't be a moron. 529 00:19:29,979 --> 00:19:33,081 'Cause as hard as it is to grow up, 530 00:19:33,116 --> 00:19:36,184 it's even harder to go through it alone. 531 00:19:36,219 --> 00:19:39,020 And when you open up and put yourself out there, 532 00:19:39,055 --> 00:19:40,688 you'll be surprised where it leads. 533 00:19:40,724 --> 00:19:42,690 Erica, hi! 534 00:19:42,726 --> 00:19:44,992 [As Christian Slater] Greetings and salutations. 535 00:19:45,028 --> 00:19:46,027 [Normal voice] You busy? 536 00:19:46,062 --> 00:19:47,662 Uh... Not really. 537 00:19:47,697 --> 00:19:49,630 I was just waiting for my cousin to call back. 538 00:19:49,666 --> 00:19:51,499 I thought maybe we could still make the end of the dance. 539 00:19:51,534 --> 00:19:55,002 Well, I was thinking maybe we could hang out instead. 540 00:19:55,038 --> 00:19:56,170 No way. 541 00:19:56,206 --> 00:19:57,271 - As friends. - Yeah, no. 542 00:19:57,307 --> 00:19:59,440 Let's not put a label on it. Let's... mm-hmm. 543 00:19:59,476 --> 00:20:03,378 So, what do you say we go grab a slushie? 544 00:20:03,413 --> 00:20:05,480 [Chuckles] 545 00:20:05,515 --> 00:20:07,949 - ♪ Won't forget, can't regret... ♪ - Mm, check this out. 546 00:20:07,984 --> 00:20:09,117 Gleaming the cube. 547 00:20:09,152 --> 00:20:11,719 - What does that even mean? - No one knows. 548 00:20:11,755 --> 00:20:14,222 - [Grunts] - [Laughs] 549 00:20:14,257 --> 00:20:16,624 Oh, my God, Geoff, are you okay? 550 00:20:17,749 --> 00:20:20,580 No, not a new one. It's photo day at school. 551 00:20:20,581 --> 00:20:22,881 - You came to the right place. - No, get out! 552 00:20:22,916 --> 00:20:24,950 I don't want any of your terrible advice. 553 00:20:25,185 --> 00:20:26,651 Dude, I'm a pimple pro. 554 00:20:26,687 --> 00:20:28,453 You got to pop that thing immediately. 555 00:20:28,488 --> 00:20:30,622 Everyone says not to pop it. 556 00:20:30,657 --> 00:20:32,624 Look at this flawless skin. 557 00:20:32,659 --> 00:20:34,959 It's like baby Italian marble. 558 00:20:34,995 --> 00:20:38,563 Would you rather have a pizza face or a Barry face? 559 00:20:38,599 --> 00:20:40,498 Fine. I'll just pop the thing. 560 00:20:40,534 --> 00:20:42,102 Oh, I got to get this on film. 561 00:20:43,737 --> 00:20:44,703 Come on. 562 00:20:44,771 --> 00:20:46,004 Let's get a close-up of that zit. 563 00:20:46,039 --> 00:20:47,739 Hey, why are you covering it? 564 00:20:47,774 --> 00:20:49,241 Don't feel so embarrassed. 565 00:20:49,276 --> 00:20:51,309 Let me see that zit. Come on... for memories. 566 00:20:51,345 --> 00:20:53,645 Let's get a close-up of that zit. 567 00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:55,313 He's covering his mouth 568 00:20:55,349 --> 00:20:57,983 'cause he doesn't want anyone to see his zit. 569 00:20:58,018 --> 00:20:59,369 - [Laughs] - [Bell dings] 570 00:21:00,494 --> 00:21:05,494 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com