1 00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:08,870 Mm... 2 00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:11,110 Mm-hm. Whoops! 3 00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:15,240 - Karl, seriously, not again. - Sorry. I can't help it. I saw some bra strap. 4 00:00:16,240 --> 00:00:17,950 Well, make it go down. We're at work. 5 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:20,750 It's an erection, Natalie. It doesn't listen to reason. 6 00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:23,270 - Morning. - Morning. - Morning. 7 00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:26,630 - It won't go away. - Er, tap it on the end. 8 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:27,910 What? 9 00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:30,430 People stir their tea with that. 10 00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:32,670 Er, no jacket, Trish? 11 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:35,320 Oh, no. Just some new shoulder pads. 12 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:37,990 Oh, Karl, can you help me with this? 13 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:39,560 Yeah. 14 00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:43,150 You all right there, Karl? 15 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:45,510 - No. Very stiff. - Oh, ridiculously stiff. 16 00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:47,830 I mean, what do you do if you've got arthritis? 17 00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:51,880 Don't yank it too hard, Karl. You'll make a big milky mess. 18 00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:54,670 Right. Come on, you two. Choppity-chop! People to sign on. 19 00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:56,710 - Er... - Now please. 20 00:00:56,760 --> 00:01:00,110 Er, Trish, do you remember when you had that ear infection? 21 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:03,510 I think I might be coming down with one. What are the symptoms again? 22 00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:05,950 Oh, weeping pus everywhere. 23 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:10,150 It was like a kind of a waxy fondue just dribbling from my ear. 24 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:13,600 I woke up every morning with crusty pillows. Mm. 25 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:18,270 - And we're done. - Mm. 26 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:22,310 ♪ Another day, you're gonna make it work 27 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:24,630 ♪ Another day, you're gonna make it work 28 00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:27,550 ♪ Some day, you're gonna make this work ♪ 29 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:34,350 Where's the evidence that you've been actively seeking employment? 30 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:37,700 It's there. You've just dropped tuna all over it. 31 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:42,280 They're not going to accept it. It's covered in brine. 32 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:49,910 (MEOWS) 33 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:51,550 It's only me. 34 00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:53,600 Here you are. Brunch. 35 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:56,310 - (MEOWS) - Pardon? 36 00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:57,950 (MEOWS AGAIN) 37 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:00,000 Oh, I love you, too. 38 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:04,710 Trish, can you... 39 00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:07,040 - Oh. More milk? - Mm. 40 00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:11,910 Oh. I'm trying to combat osteoporosis. 41 00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:15,670 I've got unusually small bones. I'm mean, I'm built like a blue tit. 42 00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:17,270 Sorry. I'm lost. 43 00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:19,550 Oh. I'm entering the menopause, Natalie. 44 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:21,430 There are no more eggs in my basket. 45 00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:24,870 Mother Nature is just giving up on me. The bitch is leaving me high 46 00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:26,790 and quite literally dry. 47 00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:29,270 Oh, here. I brought these in for you. 48 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:31,590 There's tampons, towels, 49 00:02:31,640 --> 00:02:33,110 panty liners. 50 00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:34,630 Even a moon cup. 51 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:37,710 - OK. - Don't worry. It's been through the dishwasher. 52 00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:39,750 I've got no need for it now. 53 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:42,310 Unless it's not the menopause. 54 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:45,190 - What? - Well, you couldn't be pregnant, could you? 55 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:47,230 No. No. 56 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:49,280 No, no, no, no. 57 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:52,990 Actually, yes. 58 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:56,790 - Yes. Shit. Yes. I could be. - Oh, my God. Who have you had sex with? 59 00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:59,150 - A chap I met online. - A dating website? 60 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:03,470 eBay. I went round to pick up a Welsh dresser and he answered the door in a robe. 61 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:06,910 - At two in the afternoon. You know what that means. - Depression? 62 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:08,670 No. Sex. 63 00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:10,710 Although he did cry afterwards. 64 00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:13,750 - Did you give him a bad rating? - Well, yes. 65 00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:17,590 The listing said 'as new', but when I got it home, one of the doors fell off. 66 00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:19,230 Oh, God, Natalie. 67 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:22,020 I could be pregnant by a rogue trader. 68 00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:28,230 I'm sending you on unpaid work experience. 69 00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:30,030 I'm 56. 70 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:33,510 This is the company that has just made me redundant. 71 00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:37,270 - The placement matches your skillset. - Of course it does. It's my old job. 72 00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:39,920 You'll know what you're doing, then. 73 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:46,270 - (MEOWS) - I thought he'd never go. 74 00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:48,310 - (MEOWS) - Yes, he was. 75 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:51,360 But there's no need for language like that. 76 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:55,550 Had enough already, Nat? It's only half nine. 77 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:57,590 I'm just popping out for five minutes. 78 00:03:57,640 --> 00:04:00,070 - Where are you going? - Wouldn't you like to know? 79 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:03,670 - Yeah. So where are you going? - I'm not telling you. - Got another fella? 80 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:07,710 - Are you getting me a present? - Maybe. - Is that maybe you've got another fella? 81 00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:10,070 - Or maybe getting Karl a present? - What is it? 82 00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:13,390 - I'm not getting you a present. - Is it a cordless power drill? 83 00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:15,710 Why would I buy Karl a cordless power drill? 84 00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:18,510 Get him one of them funny oven gloves that looks like a claw. 85 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:20,230 No. No man wants one of them. 86 00:04:20,280 --> 00:04:24,030 - Eh! I bought you one of them last Christmas. - You were my Secret Santa? 87 00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:28,470 - Honestly, Janette, next year, I'll just have the fiver. - It's not socks, is it? 88 00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:31,120 I'm not getting you a present, Karl. 89 00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:35,720 She is so getting me a present. 90 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:42,990 - Oh, how much do I owe you? - Eight pounds. 91 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:46,590 - Eight pounds? They always get you when you're vulnerable. - I know. 92 00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:49,950 - Thrush cream is a tenner. - Well, take it from the petty cash. 93 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:53,200 OK. Er... It's one line if you're not pregnant. 94 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:55,070 And if you are? 95 00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:57,060 Skull and crossbones! 96 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:00,870 No. It's two lines if you are. 97 00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:04,830 I can't be a mother, Natalie. I haven't got a maternal bone in my body. 98 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:06,470 I make children cry. 99 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:10,710 - No, you don't. - It's my hair. Children and the elderly find it disconcerting. 100 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:12,310 It's the static. 101 00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:14,510 Well, your own child would see beyond that. 102 00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:17,830 You can't underestimate the bond between mother and baby. 103 00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:21,910 I can. I can't bear the thought of something growing inside me like a... 104 00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:26,350 like a tapeworm, feeding off me for nine months and then I'm expected to love it. 105 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:29,950 - You can't love a tapeworm, Natalie. - But it would be your tapeworm. - No. 106 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:34,870 - You need to know. - I don't want to. - You have to. - You do it. - That doesn't make sense. - I know! I'm hysterical! 107 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:36,910 OK. Erm... OK. 108 00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:39,990 I'll just hang onto it for now. Shall I? 109 00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:41,640 Yeah. 110 00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:09,680 - What are you doing? - Oh. Finding my present. 111 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:12,480 Oh. Nice. 112 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:16,070 - You've changed. - Want some? 113 00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:17,750 Smells like Cherry Bakewells. 114 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:19,510 No, I do not. 115 00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:24,260 - Natalie says your hands show the first signs of ageing. - Go on then. 116 00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:28,870 Oh, now that is very hydrating. 117 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:31,920 Just one of the perks of having a girlfriend. 118 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:35,230 Is that the result of another? 119 00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:37,430 Is that what I think it is? 120 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:41,280 - Congratulations. I'll get the cigars. - No, no, no, no. 121 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:46,230 - This isn't planned. - Either way, you've got her locked in for the next 18 years. 122 00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:47,950 A smart move for a lad with your face. 123 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,150 We've only been going out three months. 124 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:53,670 I don't know anything about it. I don't even know her bra size. 125 00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:55,550 32C. 126 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:57,400 It's a gift. 127 00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,670 Pss-pss! Come on. 128 00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:03,320 Where are you? 129 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:06,350 Oh, don't be like this. 130 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:08,000 Pss-pss-pss! 131 00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:11,440 What? 132 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,710 Get down, Natalie! 133 00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:19,750 There's a mouse on the floor! 134 00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:23,110 - I can see its tail. Kill it, Karl! - Maybe I should get Janette. 135 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:25,760 - Oh, for God's sake! - All right. 136 00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:27,710 All right. 137 00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:29,870 God. 138 00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:31,310 Eurgh. 139 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:33,350 No. It's not a mouse. It's... 140 00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:36,070 It's half a mouse. Something has eaten its head. 141 00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:37,720 Oh, God! 142 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:41,590 Oh, its insides are on the outside. 143 00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:43,230 Is it dead? 144 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:45,480 I can see its lungs. 145 00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:49,160 Come here. 146 00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,040 Karl... 147 00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:58,110 I know what you're gonna say. 148 00:07:58,160 --> 00:08:01,350 - We need to get rid of it. - Get rid of it? 149 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:04,390 - Yeah. - Oh, Jesus Christ, we haven't even discussed this. 150 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:06,870 - What is there to discuss? - I might want to keep it. 151 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:10,160 It's half a dead mouse. What do you want to do? Turn it into a keyring? 152 00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:13,910 Ah. 153 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:16,030 I'd better get Janette. 154 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:22,430 - Where is Janette? - Natalie broken the news yet? 155 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:25,590 - (SIGHS) No. She hasn't mentioned it. - (SUCKS TEETH) 156 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:28,030 - What does that mean? - Nothing. Just breathing. 157 00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:33,350 - That wasn't just breathing. That was breathing with intent. - It's a bit odd she hasn't mentioned it. 158 00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:35,950 Maybe she thinks you're not dad material. 159 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:37,790 Who is not dad material? 160 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:40,150 - Karl's Natalie is up the duff. - Sssh! 161 00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:44,990 - She never is! - Janette, can you go to the kitchen, please, and deal with the dead mouse? 162 00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:47,030 Oh, congratulations to you both! 163 00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:49,310 Sssh! Natalie doesn't know yet. 164 00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:51,630 She doesn't know she's pregnant? 165 00:08:51,680 --> 00:08:55,230 Uh, no. She doesn't know that I know she's pregnant. 166 00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:58,350 - Well, how did you find out? - He found a test in her drawer. 167 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:00,270 And she hasn't told him? 168 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:02,990 - (SUCKS TEETH) - Will you two stop breathing? 169 00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:05,110 She'll tell you in her own time, love. 170 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:08,070 Or maybe she is after someone who is a bit better at... 171 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:09,750 Well, just better. 172 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,590 Yeah, someone better. 173 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:13,270 Someone who can be a good dad. 174 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:16,670 Someone who can handle the responsibility of parenthood. 175 00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:18,550 I can handle the responsibility. 176 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:21,800 Karl, love, you can't even handle a dead mouse. 177 00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:26,320 This is fresh. 178 00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:30,980 If you're hungry, there's biscuits in the drawer. 179 00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:35,430 Angela, what are you doing? 180 00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:37,230 I've lost my Muff. 181 00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:39,270 - Your Muff? - My Muff. 182 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:42,950 My cat. I've had to bring her to work, because she's pregnant. 183 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:46,870 You can't bring a cat to work. You're not Postman Pat! 184 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,310 - (MEOWS) - There you are! 185 00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:51,350 Aw! 186 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:53,390 Never leave me again. 187 00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:55,230 You need the toilet? 188 00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:57,670 Are the kittens pressing on your bladder? 189 00:09:57,720 --> 00:09:59,310 Shove it outside. 190 00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:01,350 SHE is not going outside. 191 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:03,390 SHE is a pedigree. 192 00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:05,230 Come on, Muff. 193 00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:09,510 Angela, you do know that Muff is another name for... 194 00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:11,440 You know. 195 00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:14,510 Your fanny. 196 00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:16,160 Yes. 197 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:25,390 Oh, sweet. 198 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:27,030 (SNIFFS) 199 00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:29,270 Oh, God. Not again. 200 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:31,310 Shit. Cry. Shit. Cry. 201 00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:33,640 Change the record, Martin. 202 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:40,600 Erm... Actually, Karl, we might be hearing the pitter-patter of more tiny feet soon. 203 00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:43,140 I know. 204 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:46,190 Oh. What, Natalie told you? 205 00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:48,440 Mm. Well, sort of. 206 00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:52,910 - What do you think about it? - Well, I don't know. It's such a shock. 207 00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:56,950 - I'd be worried about it growing up without a father. - Why would you say that? 208 00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:59,910 I will be there for that baby 110%. 209 00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,510 Really? 210 00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:03,960 Karl, that's... That's amazing. 211 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:06,910 What, you'd help bring the baby up? 212 00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:08,950 Yeah, of course I would. 213 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:12,070 No child should grow up without a father. 214 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:14,310 What about the living arrangements? 215 00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:16,360 We'd move in together. 216 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:19,480 I suppose. 217 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:22,620 I don't know what to say. 218 00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:25,080 Karl Lyndhurst. 219 00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:33,280 You are a... a beautiful person. 220 00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:43,670 Why can't you go? 221 00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:46,460 Oh, of course. Your fear of open water. 222 00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:49,590 Here you are. Try this. 223 00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:55,840 Them kittens will be here soon. 224 00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:59,190 Nearly there. Good girl. 225 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:01,880 Get it all out. 226 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:06,870 Are you all right in there, Angela? 227 00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:08,800 Fine. 228 00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:13,870 (TOILET FLUSHES) 229 00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:16,120 I've got a bashful bladder. 230 00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:19,710 Good luck. 231 00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:23,440 I don't need luck. I'm weeing on a stick, not taking a driving test. 232 00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:30,750 So there's no way I can go to the job interview this afternoon. 233 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:32,400 Obvs. 234 00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:37,280 - Is he yours? - No. I did swaps for a pair of trainers. 235 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:39,590 Joke. He's my Uncle Martin. 236 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:42,590 Oh. You mean, he's your Uncle Martin's baby. 237 00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:45,510 No. He's my Uncle Martin. He's my nan's baby. 238 00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:47,920 - Your nan's? - She's fit. 239 00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:51,630 So what do babies eat? 240 00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:53,670 - Chips and curry sauce. - Really? 241 00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:55,630 No. He's a baby. He drinks milk. 242 00:12:55,680 --> 00:12:58,870 Well, I'm not stupid. I know babies drink milk. 243 00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:00,590 But what do they eat? 244 00:13:00,640 --> 00:13:02,190 Tit. 245 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:04,320 All right. Just asking. 246 00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:23,550 It's one line. It's negative. 247 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:26,510 - OK. Well, that's good. At least you know. - Oh, it's fine. 248 00:13:26,560 --> 00:13:29,030 To be honest, it's... a relief, Natalie. 249 00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:31,350 I'm the CSOM of a very busy job centre. 250 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:34,710 I can't go gallivanting round, you know, having children. 251 00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:36,350 (SOBS) 252 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:38,000 Oh, God. 253 00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:41,560 I really want a baby. 254 00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:45,390 (SOBS) 255 00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:49,990 I didn't even think I wanted one until I thought I could have one. 256 00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:53,040 And then suddenly I just really wanted one. 257 00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:55,310 I'm like that with pudding. 258 00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:57,230 (SNIFFS) 259 00:13:57,280 --> 00:13:59,270 Oh... (SNIFFS) 260 00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:03,200 Oh, sorry, I've left a little... a little snail trail on your jacket. 261 00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:08,750 - Oh. I'll get you some tissues. - Yeah. 262 00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:11,830 You know... 263 00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:14,880 having kids isn't all it's cracked up to be. 264 00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:18,440 When my sister had hers, it literally split her in half. 265 00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:24,120 But... 266 00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:30,270 But when the stitches healed, she was straight back to normal. 267 00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:32,310 Better than normal. 268 00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:35,120 Neater. If anything, she said. 269 00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:42,070 Trish, there's two lines. 270 00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:44,070 What? 271 00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:46,110 There's two lines in the box. 272 00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:48,760 You can't have left it long enough. 273 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:51,710 Trish, you're pregnant. 274 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:53,750 Oh, my God. Really? 275 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:55,790 (GIGGLES) Oh, gosh. 276 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:58,180 I think I'm a bit dehydrated. 277 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,910 Oh, Bryony. 278 00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:15,950 He's beautiful. 279 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:17,990 A pleasure to meet you, sir. 280 00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:20,030 Oh. Forward. 281 00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:23,470 - A firm handshake. - Bryony, why don't you go to your interview? 282 00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:25,510 Let me baby-sit. 283 00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:27,910 I'm not leaving Baby Uncle Martin with you. 284 00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:30,950 - Well, leave him with me. - I can't leave him with strangers. 285 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:34,510 You've been coming here every fortnight for the last six years. 286 00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:37,470 - I see you more than I see my own family. - Fine. Have him. 287 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:41,390 His stuff is all in there. He needs changing cos he's done two shits. 288 00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:42,920 See you! 289 00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:47,150 - Sure you're all right with him? - Oh, I'm fine. 290 00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:49,190 Bryony has left me in charge. 291 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:51,390 Why don't I just take him for a bit? 292 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:54,590 - Cos he wants to stay with me. - I want to look after him. - Karl? 293 00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:59,560 - Come on. - For heaven's sake, Karl. We can't have a tug-off over a baby! 294 00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:05,110 I mean... I'm not complaining. 295 00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:07,150 It's a great job. A good salary. 296 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,190 A generous pension. 297 00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:11,310 You should consider it. 298 00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:14,310 Aw! Are you tired? 299 00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:17,430 Yeah. I know what you mean. I don't sleep like I used to. 300 00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:19,270 Not since the divorce. 301 00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:22,830 A little management tip for you, Martin. Never marry a fireman. 302 00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:27,470 Unless of course you fall in love with one. You can marry who you like, these days. Men and women. 303 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:31,830 Women and women. Men and men. A chap in America married his horse! 304 00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:35,350 Oh, no, no, no. Oh, dear. What's wrong? Got a headache? 305 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:36,990 Gout? 306 00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:38,550 Are you hungry? 307 00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:41,470 I don't know if I've got anything for you. 308 00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:45,520 OK. Come on then. 309 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:57,470 Could I have him for a bit now, please? 310 00:16:57,520 --> 00:16:59,110 Erm... Yeah. 311 00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:00,910 Er... That's fine. 312 00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:03,960 You can take him. I'm very busy anyway, so... 313 00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:08,950 All the best, then, Martin. 314 00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,200 It was lovely to meet you. 315 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,710 How is the job hunting going? 316 00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:24,190 Well, I've heard nothing from Claire's Accessories, so I'm assuming that's a no. 317 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:27,390 - Looks just like you. - Hm? Oh, no, it's... 318 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:29,230 not my baby -- don't ask. 319 00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:31,110 Really? You're a natural. 320 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:34,030 - Am I? - I've got six kids, mate, I know what I'm talking about. 321 00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:37,070 That's why I need a job. Get me out of the bloody house. 322 00:17:37,120 --> 00:17:39,110 - (MARTIN CRIES) - Oh! 323 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:41,150 Oh, don't cry, Baby Martin. 324 00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:42,670 Don't cry. 325 00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:44,120 Oh, yeah. 326 00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:54,760 - What are you doing? - Recreating the womb. 327 00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:57,310 It comforts the baby and aids restfulness. 328 00:17:57,360 --> 00:17:59,430 - Karl, you're being -- - Responsible? 329 00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:02,790 Yeah. Like any real male would be if he had a precious child to care for. 330 00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:06,140 - I didn't think you were that into kids. - What? 331 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,590 I love them. 332 00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:10,630 I'd have a kid today if I could. 333 00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:13,670 Oh, well, you know, in nine months, that would be fine. 334 00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:15,520 - Really? - Yeah. 335 00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:20,230 I'm ready to be a father. I'm ready to be a father... right now! 336 00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:23,630 Bring it on! Let's have loads. Three? Four? Five? 337 00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:25,710 - Why stop at five? - All right. Ten! 338 00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:27,990 One a year for the next ten years. 339 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,830 - You'll be pregnant for a decade! - Great (!) 340 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:32,870 We'll have a house like Fagin's den. 341 00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:34,920 Just cleaner. 342 00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:40,820 Look, it's got a little penguin on it. 343 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:43,190 You don't want that, do you, Martin? 344 00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:46,150 You want a real animal. Like a wolf or a komodo dragon. 345 00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:47,910 Not a flightless bird. 346 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,990 It's not for him. It's for Natalie's little 'un. 347 00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:52,750 Just popping out to the doctor's. 348 00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:54,470 (MOUTHS) 349 00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:56,510 I'm positively blooming, Janette. 350 00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:58,550 Oh, that's very nice. Very smart. 351 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:01,350 Is that yours, Martin? You didn't mention it. 352 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:03,230 No. It's for Natalie. 353 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:06,470 - I've already said it won't fit her. - It's not for Natalie. 354 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,750 It's for Karl and Natalie's baby. 355 00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:10,740 What? Natalie Mason? 356 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:13,310 (SIGHS) 357 00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:16,230 OK, Karl, oh, I can't believe I'm saying this. 358 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:20,150 Honestly, it's fine. I've been expecting it all day. 359 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:22,190 I'll never get used to doing this. 360 00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:25,230 - I've done it with everyone I've been out with. - Really? 361 00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:27,030 Oh, my God. 362 00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:28,870 This isn't gonna work. 363 00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:30,510 What? 364 00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:32,550 What isn't gonna work? 365 00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:35,870 Yeah, I know I wasn't amazing with Baby Uncle Martin, 366 00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:38,390 but, you know, I didn't drop him. 367 00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:41,830 Natalie Mason, you pregnancy-stealing bitch! 368 00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:45,190 - What? - You didn't think to mention it? - She didn't tell me, either. 369 00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:47,870 Oh, and you'll be so much better at being pregnant than me. 370 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:51,910 So much younger, so much fitter. You'll snap straight back into shape after the birth, 371 00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:53,950 because your fandango is made of elastic. 372 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,340 I hope you get stretch marks! 373 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:01,550 What the hell was that about? I'm not pregnant! 374 00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:05,110 - You're not pregnant? - No. - Well, then, why are you dumping me? 375 00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:08,590 - You were pretending to be a womb! - Because I thought you were pregnant. 376 00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:12,830 - Why does everyone think I'm pregnant? - I found a pregnancy test in your drawer. 377 00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:15,670 - What were you doing in my drawer? - Looking for my present. 378 00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:17,990 (GROANS) I didn't buy you a fucking present! 379 00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:21,160 We need hot water and paper towels! Angela's cat is having kittens! 380 00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:25,000 (MEOWS) 381 00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:30,190 Remember your breathing. Yeah? 382 00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:31,830 Get ready to push. 383 00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:33,750 Oh, here comes another. 384 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,750 (ANGELA BREATHES RAPIDLY) 385 00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:40,990 What's going on? Why is there a cat shitting wet hamsters in my Baby Uncle Martin's pram? 386 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:42,750 Her contractions started. 387 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:45,470 I needed to put Muff somewhere she felt safe. 388 00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:47,110 Muff? 389 00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:50,760 Piss off! Have you got a dog called Bell-End, as well? 390 00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:55,310 Trish, are you OK? Where have you been? 391 00:20:55,360 --> 00:20:58,230 The doctor's. For a proper pregnancy test. 392 00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:00,790 - So you're pregnant? - No. I'm not. 393 00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:04,120 Again. False positives happen all the time. Apparently. 394 00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:07,430 Sorry I... 395 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:09,470 called you a... bitch, Natalie. 396 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:13,000 - My hormones are all over the place. - But you're not pregnant. 397 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:15,790 Well, then, I'm just sorry. 398 00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:18,350 Just so you know, I'm not pregnant, either. 399 00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:20,430 It was all a big misunderstanding. 400 00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:23,870 I loved being pregnant. I mean, even though I wasn't. 401 00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:26,230 So Trish is on a mission. A Trish Mission. 402 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:27,880 A trish-ion! 403 00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:31,990 I have to be a mother, Natalie. I feel the need. 404 00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:34,030 The need to breed. 405 00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:37,200 - (KITTENS MEOW) - Why are there cats in my job centre? 406 00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:45,350 - Taking them home, Angela? - No. 407 00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:48,600 - Where are you taking them? - The canal. They're mongrels. 408 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:52,790 Muff was violated by a dirty tom. 409 00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:56,840 As I live and breathe, Angela Bromford, put that box of kittens down now. 410 00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:03,630 Fine. 411 00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:05,670 Have 'em. 412 00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:07,860 Just don't let them mate. 413 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:17,710 - Come on, Muff. - (MEOWS)