1
00:00:15,230 --> 00:00:18,900
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
2
00:00:18,900 --> 00:00:20,530
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
3
00:00:20,540 --> 00:00:22,339
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
4
00:00:22,340 --> 00:00:25,879
♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
5
00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:27,509
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
6
00:00:27,510 --> 00:00:29,179
♪ People spouting,
"howdy, neighbor!" ♪
7
00:00:29,180 --> 00:00:32,749
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
8
00:00:32,750 --> 00:00:35,319
♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪
9
00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:40,320
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
10
00:00:48,700 --> 00:00:50,199
Morning, Randy.
11
00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:51,040
Morning, Ger.
12
00:00:51,041 --> 00:00:52,960
Just another day
in paradise, huh?
13
00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:54,805
Yeah, look at all these
new restaurants
14
00:00:54,806 --> 00:00:56,530
the Whole Foods has brought in.
15
00:00:56,540 --> 00:00:59,209
Let's try out that one there.
16
00:00:59,210 --> 00:01:01,039
Hi.
Two of us, please.
17
00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:03,640
Yeah, sorry, guys.
We got about a 30-minute wait.
18
00:01:03,650 --> 00:01:04,749
Oh, uh, excuse me.
19
00:01:06,220 --> 00:01:10,119
Yes, sir. Give me a second.
I'll have a table right away.
20
00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:12,149
Whoa.
What'd you say to him?
21
00:01:12,150 --> 00:01:14,419
I just told him who I am.
22
00:01:14,420 --> 00:01:15,619
Who are you?
23
00:01:15,620 --> 00:01:16,680
I'm a Yelp reviewer.
24
00:01:16,690 --> 00:01:18,420
I usually keep it
on the down-low
25
00:01:18,430 --> 00:01:20,059
so they don't kiss my ass
too much.
26
00:01:20,060 --> 00:01:21,720
Right over here, sir.
27
00:01:21,730 --> 00:01:24,469
All right, guys,
welcome to Vernacular.
28
00:01:24,470 --> 00:01:25,400
Thanks.
29
00:01:25,401 --> 00:01:27,899
Uh, did they mention to you
that I am a Yelper?
30
00:01:27,900 --> 00:01:30,030
Yes, we've been alerted, sir.
31
00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:30,680
Great.
32
00:01:30,681 --> 00:01:33,470
Could you have them turn
the lights up a little, please?
33
00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:36,979
Oh, look at it, Gerald...
all the new families moving in.
34
00:01:36,980 --> 00:01:41,520
Our little town is all grown up.
35
00:01:42,450 --> 00:01:44,689
Where's that other taco plate?
We need it now!
36
00:01:44,690 --> 00:01:46,859
I'm a little overwhelmed.
37
00:01:46,860 --> 00:01:47,690
I know, but we put everything
38
00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:49,959
into moving here
and starting this business,
39
00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:51,329
and we have to be impressive.
40
00:01:51,330 --> 00:01:53,829
David, you must help your mama
however you can.
41
00:01:53,830 --> 00:01:56,129
We're not going back
to that miserable place.
42
00:01:56,130 --> 00:01:58,190
I don't want to go back, either.
43
00:01:58,200 --> 00:01:58,970
Okay, done.
Great!
44
00:01:58,971 --> 00:02:01,839
We really have to impress
this customer.
45
00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:03,339
He's a local food critic.
46
00:02:03,340 --> 00:02:04,809
Another one?
47
00:02:06,980 --> 00:02:08,839
Mmm. Hmm. Mm-hmm.
48
00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:09,900
Okay, here you go, amigo...
49
00:02:09,910 --> 00:02:12,140
another taco plate
and the taquitos.
50
00:02:12,150 --> 00:02:12,650
Oh, thank you.
51
00:02:12,651 --> 00:02:15,085
And did I mention I am
a food critic for Yelp?
52
00:02:15,086 --> 00:02:16,840
Yes, you mentioned that
several times.
53
00:02:16,850 --> 00:02:18,880
Okay, I just didn't want you
caught off guard.
54
00:02:18,890 --> 00:02:21,419
I was thinking of giving
this place five stars.
55
00:02:21,420 --> 00:02:21,820
Really?
56
00:02:21,821 --> 00:02:25,890
Yeah, but I'm kind of teetering
on five stars or one star.
57
00:02:25,900 --> 00:02:27,829
Oh, no, no.
No one star, please.
58
00:02:27,830 --> 00:02:28,400
What can we do to...
59
00:02:28,401 --> 00:02:30,399
I mean, I could probably
be persuaded
60
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:31,669
with some free desserts.
61
00:02:31,670 --> 00:02:32,300
Let me get that for you.
62
00:02:32,301 --> 00:02:33,960
Great. And could you turn down
the music a bit?
63
00:02:33,970 --> 00:02:35,639
This pagan shit hurts my ears.
64
00:02:35,640 --> 00:02:37,039
Of course.
65
00:02:38,770 --> 00:02:40,770
Oh, hey. Hey, busboy.
66
00:02:40,780 --> 00:02:42,050
Busboy! Busboy!
Por favor!
67
00:02:42,051 --> 00:02:44,970
Busboy!
My name is David.
68
00:02:44,980 --> 00:02:45,780
Excuse me?
69
00:02:45,781 --> 00:02:47,510
I said my name is David.
70
00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:50,519
Uh, it's actually pronounced
"Day-vid," okay?
71
00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:51,989
Well, I'm "Da-veed."
72
00:02:51,990 --> 00:02:53,919
It's David, dude.
Look it up.
73
00:02:53,920 --> 00:02:54,850
What's going on?
74
00:02:54,860 --> 00:02:56,959
Do not argue, son.
We need him.
75
00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:58,359
There you are...
a few free desserts.
76
00:02:58,360 --> 00:03:00,899
Oh, excuse me.
More customers.
77
00:03:00,900 --> 00:03:02,929
Hi.
Two of us for lunch, please.
78
00:03:02,930 --> 00:03:03,820
Yes.
Right away.
79
00:03:03,830 --> 00:03:05,629
Oh, and, uh,
I just wanted to mention
80
00:03:05,630 --> 00:03:07,699
that my wife and I
are Yelp reviewers,
81
00:03:07,700 --> 00:03:09,500
so, uh, your best table, please.
82
00:03:09,510 --> 00:03:10,839
Oh, geez.
You guys, too, huh?
83
00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:14,009
Okay, um, I'll get you set up
right over here, okay?
84
00:03:14,010 --> 00:03:15,609
Mm-hmm.
85
00:03:15,610 --> 00:03:18,509
Hmm.
This place seems nice.
86
00:03:18,510 --> 00:03:20,110
I guess we'll see.
87
00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:22,949
I guess we'll see, won't we?
88
00:03:22,950 --> 00:03:23,640
Oh, God.
89
00:03:23,650 --> 00:03:25,810
Now everyone thinks
they're a food critic.
90
00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:32,420
Did you get them? Did you get them?
Did you get them? Huh?
91
00:03:32,430 --> 00:03:33,559
Here you go.
92
00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:33,890
Whoa.
93
00:03:33,900 --> 00:03:36,099
Crispy risotto bites
from Olive Garden.
94
00:03:36,100 --> 00:03:37,070
How do you do it, Eric?
95
00:03:37,071 --> 00:03:38,869
I'm a restaurant critic,
Butters.
96
00:03:38,870 --> 00:03:40,239
I get whatever I want.
97
00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:41,210
Geez.
98
00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:42,560
So, the cafeteria's
back that way,
99
00:03:42,570 --> 00:03:44,669
and most of the classrooms
are this way down the...
100
00:03:44,670 --> 00:03:46,670
Ew! What's the busboy
doing here?
101
00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:48,209
David is new to our school.
102
00:03:48,210 --> 00:03:48,950
Oh, cool.
103
00:03:48,940 --> 00:03:50,570
Are you gonna clean
the tables here, too?
104
00:03:50,580 --> 00:03:53,449
How do you get to school?
Do you ride your tiny bicicleta?
105
00:03:53,450 --> 00:03:54,979
Huh?
Shut up.
106
00:03:54,980 --> 00:03:55,610
Look, amigo, I'm sorry
107
00:03:55,620 --> 00:03:56,719
I only gave your parents'
restaurant two stars,
108
00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:57,919
but it could've been worse.
109
00:03:57,920 --> 00:03:59,419
Why'd you only give them
two stars?
110
00:03:59,420 --> 00:04:01,519
I'm sorry, but the food
totally messed my stomach up.
111
00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:03,580
The morning after I ate it,
I went to the bathroom,
112
00:04:03,590 --> 00:04:05,750
and my poop was all solid...
like, no water at all.
113
00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:06,990
It's not supposed
to have water, you...
114
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:08,599
It was like this one,
solid piece
115
00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:09,999
that I had to push
out my asshole.
116
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,869
It was like being raped
from the inside.
117
00:04:11,870 --> 00:04:12,840
Your parents' restaurant
118
00:04:12,841 --> 00:04:14,369
just wasn't up to my standards,
"Day-vid."
119
00:04:14,370 --> 00:04:16,139
"Da-veed."
"Day-vid."
120
00:04:16,140 --> 00:04:16,940
"Da-veed."
121
00:04:16,941 --> 00:04:18,369
"Day-vid."
"Da-veed."
122
00:04:18,370 --> 00:04:19,600
"Day-vid." "Day-vid."
"Day-vid." "Day-vid."
123
00:04:19,610 --> 00:04:23,710
I can update this to a one-star
review in two seconds, dude.
124
00:04:26,510 --> 00:04:29,340
Oh, God, I love being
a restaurant critic.
125
00:04:31,750 --> 00:04:33,710
And yet, there was more.
126
00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:37,150
For in this crisp time
when autumn begins to fade,
127
00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:39,329
the chef brines chicken
in habañero
128
00:04:39,330 --> 00:04:42,829
and even adds habañero powder
to the crust.
129
00:04:42,830 --> 00:04:44,990
But the heat is restrained.
130
00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:47,869
You experience the fruity,
delicious flavor of this
131
00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:49,909
without any spicy pain.
132
00:04:49,910 --> 00:04:51,969
I don't need anymore pain.
133
00:04:51,970 --> 00:04:53,900
Hell, does anyone?
134
00:04:53,910 --> 00:04:56,279
Gerald, we're going to the park.
135
00:04:56,280 --> 00:04:58,079
You want to come along?
136
00:04:58,080 --> 00:04:58,880
Sorry, honey.
137
00:04:58,881 --> 00:05:00,940
This review for Applebee's
has turned into a 50-pager.
138
00:05:00,950 --> 00:05:03,889
Then I have a polish
on Ruby Tuesday's.
139
00:05:03,890 --> 00:05:05,919
Why don't you take a break
from Yelping, Gerald?
140
00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:07,580
You seem a little overwhelmed.
141
00:05:07,590 --> 00:05:08,989
I am overwhelmed.
142
00:05:08,990 --> 00:05:11,950
Sometimes, I don't know
what I've gotten myself into.
143
00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:14,999
But now everyone relies
on my Yelp reviews,
144
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,299
and I-I don't want
to let anyone down.
145
00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:19,339
Well, there's chicken in
the fridge if you get hungry.
146
00:05:19,340 --> 00:05:23,439
Thanks, but I-I got Yelp a new
place in Shi Tpa Town tonight.
147
00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:25,539
God, I'm so damn tired.
148
00:05:25,540 --> 00:05:27,400
Okay, have fun.
149
00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:30,010
Ha.
"Fun," she says.
150
00:05:30,980 --> 00:05:31,950
In finality, I would say
151
00:05:31,951 --> 00:05:34,119
my experience at Applebee's
was sublime
152
00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:37,419
and my treatment near that of
a gladiator most decorated.
153
00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:39,019
But the street parking
wasn't that great.
154
00:05:39,020 --> 00:05:41,420
Two-and-a-half stars.
155
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:45,150
Yes.
156
00:05:45,160 --> 00:05:45,960
Come on, Liza.
157
00:05:45,961 --> 00:05:48,960
I'll introduce you to the girls.
158
00:05:51,130 --> 00:05:52,560
Well, aren't you
eating lunch, Eric?
159
00:05:52,570 --> 00:05:54,269
I am a food critic,
Butters, okay?
160
00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:56,469
I can't just eat cafeteria food.
161
00:05:56,470 --> 00:05:58,000
Okay, here you are, sir!
162
00:05:58,010 --> 00:05:59,209
There's orange peel chicken,
163
00:05:59,210 --> 00:06:01,479
some city beef,
and a city egg roll!
164
00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:02,849
Are you joking?
165
00:06:02,850 --> 00:06:04,049
Well, you are a little late.
166
00:06:04,050 --> 00:06:06,279
Like, I don't know,
maybe only-one-star late.
167
00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:08,010
Oh, no.
No one star, please.
168
00:06:08,020 --> 00:06:09,749
You Yelpers are killing me.
169
00:06:09,750 --> 00:06:11,880
Okay, you no pay.
You no pay. Please.
170
00:06:11,890 --> 00:06:13,819
Sounds good.
Now get the fuck out of here.
171
00:06:13,820 --> 00:06:14,220
Yes, yes!
172
00:06:14,221 --> 00:06:16,050
I'll get the fuck out!
Thank you!
173
00:06:16,060 --> 00:06:18,259
Wow. Well, you're pretty
important, Eric.
174
00:06:18,260 --> 00:06:20,599
He's not important at all.
175
00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:21,000
Yeah, no.
176
00:06:21,001 --> 00:06:23,199
No, no, you're right, Kyle.
I'm not important.
177
00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:25,340
Oh, hey, David,
I was just wondering.
178
00:06:25,330 --> 00:06:26,990
Um, how do you get to school?
179
00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:31,000
Do you ride
your tiny bicicleta? Eh?
180
00:06:31,010 --> 00:06:32,180
- Stop it.
- What?
181
00:06:32,170 --> 00:06:33,070
I just want to hear him say,
182
00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:37,010
"Si, me ride me tiny bicicleta
to school."
183
00:06:37,010 --> 00:06:40,240
Si, me ride me tiny
bicicleta to school.
184
00:06:40,250 --> 00:06:41,550
That's awesome.
185
00:06:41,550 --> 00:06:42,720
I'm gonna go out to recess.
186
00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:44,290
Will you bus this for me,
David? Thanks.
187
00:06:44,290 --> 00:06:47,690
Ah, don't.
Dude... Dude, don't.
188
00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:53,000
Sir, it's midnight.
189
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:54,130
Go home.
Get some sleep.
190
00:06:54,130 --> 00:06:57,640
There's no time to sleep when
the city's counting on me.
191
00:06:57,630 --> 00:06:58,960
More Yelp reviews, sir?
192
00:06:58,970 --> 00:07:00,870
I had a bad experience
at Red Lobster,
193
00:07:00,870 --> 00:07:03,670
and if the people don't
know about it, they could, too.
194
00:07:03,670 --> 00:07:05,830
Folks deserve to know
where to eat, Mitch.
195
00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:08,040
But does anyone
even thank you for it?
196
00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:09,170
I don't need them to.
197
00:07:09,180 --> 00:07:11,980
I know they need me,
and that's enough.
198
00:07:11,980 --> 00:07:13,850
God bless you, sir.
199
00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:16,050
I know.
200
00:07:20,890 --> 00:07:22,990
Welcome to Whistlin' Willy's.
201
00:07:22,990 --> 00:07:25,050
Y'all enjoying your pizza?
202
00:07:25,060 --> 00:07:26,030
Look here, my good man.
203
00:07:26,030 --> 00:07:27,300
We've been waiting
over 15 minutes
204
00:07:27,300 --> 00:07:29,630
for you to sing
"Happy Birthday" to our son.
205
00:07:29,630 --> 00:07:30,890
Unfortunately for you,
206
00:07:30,900 --> 00:07:33,970
we are both restaurant critics,
and so is our son.
207
00:07:33,970 --> 00:07:35,040
One star.
208
00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:38,140
Excuse me! Emergency!
Over here! Emergency!
209
00:07:38,140 --> 00:07:39,840
I would like a table
inside the area
210
00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:41,670
with all the little
plastic balls, please.
211
00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:44,010
And make it snappy.
I am a food critic for Yelp.
212
00:07:44,010 --> 00:07:46,640
That does it!
I've had enough!
213
00:07:46,650 --> 00:07:50,120
All you Yelp reviewers
get the hell out of here!
214
00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:52,990
I don't care what happens
to my business!
215
00:07:52,990 --> 00:07:55,360
I ain't kissing your asses
no more!
216
00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:57,830
Go on.
217
00:07:57,830 --> 00:08:01,070
Every Yelper,
get the fuck out of here!
218
00:08:01,060 --> 00:08:01,690
Careful now, Bill.
219
00:08:01,700 --> 00:08:03,330
You don't want
a one-star review.
220
00:08:03,330 --> 00:08:06,030
You're not a food critic,
Dennis!
221
00:08:06,030 --> 00:08:07,290
You're a fuckin' mechanic!
222
00:08:07,300 --> 00:08:09,060
Now get the fuck out!
Go on!
223
00:08:09,070 --> 00:08:14,100
All you Yelping sons of bitches
get the fuck out of here!
224
00:08:14,110 --> 00:08:16,310
You're gonna regret this,
Whistlin' Willy.
225
00:08:16,310 --> 00:08:18,240
You can't treat Yelpers
this way.
226
00:08:18,250 --> 00:08:20,380
You get the...
get the fuck out!
227
00:08:20,380 --> 00:08:22,310
Ow!
228
00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:25,390
Well, good for you.
229
00:08:25,390 --> 00:08:27,320
You, too, you son of a bitch.
230
00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:28,880
Whoa! Hey!
231
00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:36,400
It's over! It's over!
232
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:39,000
You see paper?!
It's over!
233
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:42,860
Whistlin' Willy!
He stand up to the Yelpers!
234
00:08:42,870 --> 00:08:45,070
We don't have to kiss
their asses anymore!
235
00:08:45,070 --> 00:08:46,970
Look!
Everybody doing the same!
236
00:08:47,410 --> 00:08:49,080
It's over! It's over!
237
00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:50,920
Hey, Skeeter, you hear the news?
238
00:08:50,910 --> 00:08:53,270
It's a miracle.
239
00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:56,180
It's a miracle!
240
00:08:56,180 --> 00:08:59,080
What the fuck?
241
00:08:59,090 --> 00:09:01,230
Uh, dude, somebody spilled shit
on the floor.
242
00:09:01,220 --> 00:09:03,880
Hey, David,
somebody spilled something here.
243
00:09:03,890 --> 00:09:05,790
Could you clean this up,
por favor?
244
00:09:05,790 --> 00:09:06,420
David?
245
00:09:06,430 --> 00:09:09,270
Over here.
There's some shit on the floor.
246
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:11,860
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
What's going on, man?
247
00:09:11,870 --> 00:09:12,440
You haven't heard?
248
00:09:12,430 --> 00:09:15,060
Nobody gives a fuck what
Yelp reviewers think anymore.
249
00:09:15,070 --> 00:09:15,810
What are you talking about?
250
00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:18,300
I'm the most influential critic
in this town.
251
00:09:18,310 --> 00:09:19,410
Okay, David, forget the spill.
252
00:09:19,410 --> 00:09:21,550
Just give me one little,
"My name is David.
253
00:09:21,540 --> 00:09:23,340
Me ride me bicicleta
to school."
254
00:09:23,350 --> 00:09:26,650
My name is "Da-veed."
255
00:09:26,650 --> 00:09:27,720
Ha!
256
00:09:28,950 --> 00:09:30,750
Okay, I'm...
I'm updating my review.
257
00:09:30,750 --> 00:09:32,950
I'm about to do it.
258
00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:36,690
You better say,
"I ride me bicicleta to school!"
259
00:09:36,690 --> 00:09:39,550
One star.
260
00:09:39,560 --> 00:09:42,420
No... no stars?
261
00:09:42,430 --> 00:09:44,220
No stars?
262
00:09:44,230 --> 00:09:47,230
You can't just treat me
like I'm nothing.
263
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:49,970
I still know
I'm worth something.
264
00:09:49,970 --> 00:09:52,170
Come on, guys.
265
00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:55,500
Oh, yeah.
Y-you guys stay at school.
266
00:09:55,510 --> 00:09:58,850
That's cool.
Y-you guys stay here.
267
00:10:36,350 --> 00:10:37,210
Oh, hey, Eric.
268
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:38,290
It's all over, Butters.
269
00:10:38,290 --> 00:10:41,090
Everything I've worked
so hard to achieve.
270
00:10:41,090 --> 00:10:42,590
All these hack wannabe
food critics
271
00:10:42,590 --> 00:10:44,450
have made my profession a joke.
272
00:10:44,460 --> 00:10:45,430
Aw, I'm sorry, bud.
273
00:10:45,430 --> 00:10:47,100
All these people
trying to be like me,
274
00:10:47,100 --> 00:10:49,900
and they don't even write about
poop consistency the next day.
275
00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:52,900
Well, Eric, you should be proud
that people want to be like you.
276
00:10:52,900 --> 00:10:54,960
I mean, you really
started something.
277
00:10:54,970 --> 00:10:55,670
I guess.
278
00:10:55,670 --> 00:10:56,560
Well if these people
look up to you,
279
00:10:56,570 --> 00:10:58,900
maybe... maybe you can sort of
set the record straight
280
00:10:58,910 --> 00:11:01,550
and show them the way
it's supposed to be done.
281
00:11:01,540 --> 00:11:02,800
You're right, Butters.
282
00:11:02,810 --> 00:11:05,410
Maybe I can actually use
all these people somehow
283
00:11:05,410 --> 00:11:08,340
to make real food critics
respected again.
284
00:11:13,290 --> 00:11:15,160
Harrison Yates,
what's gotten into you?
285
00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:17,230
That's it, Maggie.
I'm hanging it up.
286
00:11:17,230 --> 00:11:20,360
If people are gonna be trying
all the new restaurants in town,
287
00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:23,690
they'll have to do it
without my reviews.
288
00:11:23,700 --> 00:11:24,900
What are you talking about?
289
00:11:24,900 --> 00:11:27,600
You said that protecting people
from bad dining experiences
290
00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:28,760
was what kept you going.
291
00:11:28,770 --> 00:11:31,680
The restaurants put up signs
saying I can't come in.
292
00:11:31,670 --> 00:11:33,930
I don't know why
they singled me out,
293
00:11:33,940 --> 00:11:38,570
but it's like people
don't need me.
294
00:11:38,580 --> 00:11:40,520
Well, I'll be damned.
295
00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:41,190
What is it?
296
00:11:41,180 --> 00:11:43,310
Somebody's put a note
in the mailbox
297
00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:47,620
asking me to come
and talk to them.
298
00:11:47,620 --> 00:11:49,920
They do need me.
299
00:11:49,930 --> 00:11:51,160
I need to get going.
300
00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:52,600
You want me to come along?
301
00:11:52,590 --> 00:11:54,220
No. They're just
asking for me.
302
00:11:54,230 --> 00:11:59,000
I guess maybe I do have
a town to protect.
303
00:12:02,370 --> 00:12:04,680
Oh, are you having
a party, sweetheart?
304
00:12:04,670 --> 00:12:05,630
Not a party, mom.
305
00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:07,380
I've invited all
the poser food critics
306
00:12:07,380 --> 00:12:08,450
over for a meeting.
307
00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:09,270
Oh, how fun.
308
00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:10,580
It's not fun.
It's serious.
309
00:12:10,580 --> 00:12:12,050
These people think
they can do what I do,
310
00:12:12,050 --> 00:12:13,880
but they need to be made
to understand the reality.
311
00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:15,710
When the Yelpers get here,
I need you to get lost, okay?
312
00:12:16,620 --> 00:12:17,790
Okay, that's them,
that's them. Go!
313
00:12:17,790 --> 00:12:19,860
Get lost, mom!
314
00:12:21,020 --> 00:12:22,220
Hello! Hi!
315
00:12:22,220 --> 00:12:23,580
My name is.
316
00:12:23,590 --> 00:12:24,850
I'm here for the meeting.
317
00:12:24,860 --> 00:12:26,500
Is this the right place?
318
00:12:30,130 --> 00:12:30,760
Mom!
319
00:12:30,770 --> 00:12:32,170
I'm going, honey.
320
00:12:32,170 --> 00:12:34,400
Mom, there's like
a billion people here!
321
00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:34,930
Oh, yes, sweetie.
322
00:12:34,940 --> 00:12:37,010
I think quite a few people
are Yelp reviewers.
323
00:12:37,010 --> 00:12:38,910
Oh, this many people
have nothing better to do
324
00:12:38,910 --> 00:12:39,610
than write reviews on Yelp?
325
00:12:39,610 --> 00:12:42,080
I guess so, honey.
Do you need more lemonade?
326
00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:44,050
Mom, there's a fucking
billion people here.
327
00:12:46,750 --> 00:12:49,650
Uh, thank you all for coming.
328
00:12:49,650 --> 00:12:51,310
My name is Eric,
and as you know,
329
00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:52,860
us Yelpers are being
scrutinized.
330
00:12:52,850 --> 00:12:56,050
Can't you
speak a little louder?!
331
00:12:56,060 --> 00:12:59,300
Yes, us Yelp critics
are being scrutinized!
332
00:12:59,290 --> 00:13:00,620
That's right!
Yeah!
333
00:13:00,630 --> 00:13:04,170
Now, you see the problem is that
when there's too many reviewers,
334
00:13:04,170 --> 00:13:07,100
people no longer know
who is the real food critic.
335
00:13:07,100 --> 00:13:10,260
It's great that you all
want to be critics,
336
00:13:10,270 --> 00:13:14,600
but we all know who the real
food analyst of the town is.
337
00:13:14,610 --> 00:13:15,680
That's right!
338
00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:16,250
Yeah!
339
00:13:16,850 --> 00:13:17,980
Ha. Oh, thanks.
340
00:13:17,980 --> 00:13:22,050
Okay, so, as long as there
is one clear leader,
341
00:13:22,050 --> 00:13:24,820
then the rest of you
can just follow.
342
00:13:24,820 --> 00:13:27,720
And with this many people
all following one captain,
343
00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:30,180
we can fight to get
our power back!
344
00:13:30,190 --> 00:13:32,050
Poweeeer back!
345
00:13:32,060 --> 00:13:35,030
So now rise up,
and fight for your leader!
346
00:13:35,030 --> 00:13:36,100
Fight together,
347
00:13:36,100 --> 00:13:38,800
and show the restaurants that
our food critic does matter!
348
00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:40,900
Yeah, let's go!
349
00:13:40,900 --> 00:13:42,730
All right, follow me!
350
00:13:42,740 --> 00:13:46,310
This way, everyone!
351
00:14:00,020 --> 00:14:03,060
Another local business
is closing its doors tonight
352
00:14:03,060 --> 00:14:05,300
after being taken down
by Yelp reviewers.
353
00:14:05,290 --> 00:14:07,590
Whistlin' Willy's,
a child favorite in town,
354
00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:10,530
was destroyed and its owner
stripped and beheaded.
355
00:14:10,530 --> 00:14:12,760
The following video is graphic.
356
00:14:12,770 --> 00:14:15,540
No, please!
No, no, no, no, no!
357
00:14:16,770 --> 00:14:20,230
Aww!
358
00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:31,990
♪ Said leave this one alone ♪
359
00:14:31,990 --> 00:14:34,520
♪ She could tell right away ♪
360
00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:37,020
♪ That I was bad to the bone ♪
361
00:14:37,030 --> 00:14:39,430
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-bad ♪
362
00:14:39,430 --> 00:14:41,430
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-bad ♪
363
00:14:41,430 --> 00:14:45,970
We all loved Whistlin' Willy's.
364
00:14:46,870 --> 00:14:48,110
It didn't do well with Yelpers.
365
00:14:48,100 --> 00:14:49,800
You assholes destroyed
the best place in town
366
00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:51,230
because they wouldn't
kiss your asses!
367
00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:53,280
Oh, come on, admit it.
The food sucked.
368
00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:54,810
Nobody went for
the fucking food!
369
00:14:54,810 --> 00:14:55,950
Look, I'm sorry guys,
370
00:14:55,940 --> 00:14:58,310
but Whistlin' Willy failed
to recognize the influence
371
00:14:58,310 --> 00:15:00,270
someone like me
has on their business.
372
00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:03,580
Now I just have one question
for you, David.
373
00:15:04,990 --> 00:15:07,160
Do you ride
374
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:12,700
your teeny, tiny bicicleta
to school?
375
00:15:12,690 --> 00:15:17,360
Sí. Me ride mi teeny
bicicleta to school.
376
00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:20,940
You're done.
377
00:15:20,940 --> 00:15:22,070
Yeah, I'm done!
378
00:15:22,070 --> 00:15:24,540
I'm now the leader
of thousands of people!
379
00:15:24,540 --> 00:15:26,180
They all hang on my every word,
380
00:15:26,170 --> 00:15:28,670
and I'm gonna use my power
to finally get
381
00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:30,880
what this town really needs.
382
00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:33,050
♪♪
383
00:15:33,250 --> 00:15:37,290
I found the waitstaff
at Red Lobster to be rude
384
00:15:37,290 --> 00:15:39,660
and barely even acknowledging
who I was
385
00:15:39,650 --> 00:15:41,620
or what I meant to this city.
386
00:15:41,620 --> 00:15:44,080
Gerald, I'm taking Ike
to clown school.
387
00:15:44,090 --> 00:15:45,090
You care to join us?
388
00:15:45,090 --> 00:15:46,150
I can't, honey.
389
00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:48,890
I'm now the leader
of thousands of people.
390
00:15:48,900 --> 00:15:50,900
They all hang on my every word.
391
00:15:50,900 --> 00:15:53,070
And I'm going to use my power
392
00:15:53,070 --> 00:15:56,040
to finally get what this town
really needs.
393
00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:58,680
♪♪
394
00:15:59,410 --> 00:16:02,050
♪♪
395
00:16:09,380 --> 00:16:10,610
For the fifth day in a row,
396
00:16:10,620 --> 00:16:14,120
historic Shi Tpa Town is
under siege by Yelp reviewers.
397
00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:17,420
The restaurants are still
refusing to be intimidated,
398
00:16:17,430 --> 00:16:18,760
and the Yelp reviewers are...
399
00:16:20,230 --> 00:16:23,070
...and the Yelp reviewers
are preparing for all-out war.
400
00:16:23,060 --> 00:16:26,730
The angry Yelp reviewers
are demanding special treatment
401
00:16:26,740 --> 00:16:27,900
at all city restaurants.
402
00:16:27,900 --> 00:16:29,460
They claim that
as local food critics,
403
00:16:29,470 --> 00:16:33,030
they deserve respect and that
all who oppose them will suffer.
404
00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:34,900
The online restaurant critics
are getting ready
405
00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:36,680
to bring businesses
to their knees,
406
00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:39,150
and some are already
closing their doors.
407
00:16:39,150 --> 00:16:41,950
One local restaurant worker
actually called out
408
00:16:41,950 --> 00:16:42,950
the Yelp critics' leader!
409
00:16:42,950 --> 00:16:44,750
I guess you win, huh, big shot?
410
00:16:44,750 --> 00:16:47,710
If you really are
any kind of important anybody,
411
00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:49,750
then get your bullshit
food-critic ass
412
00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:51,930
to the south of town
and face me,
413
00:16:51,930 --> 00:16:53,230
because you aren't
a food critic,
414
00:16:53,230 --> 00:16:53,900
and you aren't important!
415
00:16:53,900 --> 00:16:58,600
And unless you're chicken,
I'll see you south of town.
416
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,040
Where you going, sir?
417
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:00,540
You heard him.
418
00:17:00,540 --> 00:17:02,740
Little Mexican kid
called me out.
419
00:17:02,740 --> 00:17:06,040
He wants to fight me,
that's fine.
420
00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:07,070
You need backup, sir?
421
00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:09,050
No. He's just
calling me out.
422
00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:10,240
God bless you, sir...
423
00:17:10,250 --> 00:17:12,680
I know!
424
00:17:14,980 --> 00:17:17,380
David! Dude, wait!
425
00:17:17,390 --> 00:17:19,390
Dude, you don't wanna do this.
426
00:17:19,390 --> 00:17:21,260
You don't know what
Cartman's capable of.
427
00:17:21,260 --> 00:17:23,930
Where I come from, we settle
things with our fists.
428
00:17:23,930 --> 00:17:25,960
But this isn't Mexico.
429
00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:28,070
I'm not from Mexico, dude!
430
00:17:28,060 --> 00:17:29,020
I'm from Idaho!
431
00:17:29,030 --> 00:17:31,870
I'm gonna show this prick
how we do things in Boise.
432
00:17:31,870 --> 00:17:34,200
Oh, hello, David!
433
00:17:35,140 --> 00:17:37,710
All right, you've got your army.
434
00:17:37,710 --> 00:17:39,080
You've got your followers.
435
00:17:39,070 --> 00:17:40,430
If you're such a great leader,
436
00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:43,070
then just tell the city
what you want, fat ass!
437
00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:44,450
Don't call me fat, son.
438
00:17:44,450 --> 00:17:46,150
I'm doing this because
they've...
439
00:17:46,150 --> 00:17:49,820
What I want is to be able
to lead these fine people
440
00:17:49,820 --> 00:17:51,220
with the respect
and the dignity...
441
00:17:51,220 --> 00:17:53,390
I didn't ask to be the leader.
I was appointed!
442
00:17:53,390 --> 00:17:56,090
You see, I'm extremely important
to this town,
443
00:17:56,090 --> 00:17:56,980
and I'm not going to be...
444
00:17:56,990 --> 00:17:58,850
My journey as this
town's food...
445
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:05,000
You've made these people
feel unwanted,
446
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:06,840
and now they look to me
for answers.
447
00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:09,610
Now here I stand,
vulnerable, afraid,
448
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:11,830
and yet willing to do
what the people of this...
449
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,640
And so we said to hell with it!
450
00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:17,940
And we took the challenge to
go from the town's food critics
451
00:18:17,950 --> 00:18:19,980
to the town's spiritual leaders.
452
00:18:19,980 --> 00:18:20,770
What do we want?
453
00:18:20,780 --> 00:18:22,980
People would say,
"Oh, you're just a food blogger.
454
00:18:22,980 --> 00:18:25,310
You're just a tiny voice
in the crowd."
455
00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:29,130
Well, now my voice is heard,
and I will...
456
00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:31,930
...wanted special privileges,
457
00:18:31,930 --> 00:18:33,960
but these people think
I should have them.
458
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:34,750
Right, guys?
459
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:36,320
Maybe I don't deserve
special treatment,
460
00:18:36,330 --> 00:18:39,690
but how else can I be
the elite food critic they want?
461
00:18:43,970 --> 00:18:46,530
Every person here thinks
this is about them.
462
00:18:46,540 --> 00:18:48,470
I think I know what to do.
463
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:50,510
Yeah. Me, too.
464
00:18:50,510 --> 00:18:54,640
And for all your service
to this community,
465
00:18:54,650 --> 00:18:58,050
we want to once and for all
declare you
466
00:18:58,050 --> 00:19:00,180
our most elite food critic.
467
00:19:00,190 --> 00:19:05,400
To distinguish you, we present
to you the golden badge.
468
00:19:05,390 --> 00:19:08,720
Wearing this badge means
you will always get
469
00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:12,040
the special treatment
that you deserve.
470
00:19:19,010 --> 00:19:19,540
Thank you, Mayor.
471
00:19:19,540 --> 00:19:23,100
It's a big responsibility,
but I suppose I have to accept.
472
00:19:23,110 --> 00:19:25,440
I will do my best
to serve this town.
473
00:19:25,450 --> 00:19:27,880
We know you will.
474
00:19:30,050 --> 00:19:32,560
Okay, bring in the next one.
475
00:19:33,390 --> 00:19:36,630
Mr. Davis, you have proven
yourself a leader.
476
00:19:36,620 --> 00:19:39,490
And for all your service
to this community,
477
00:19:39,490 --> 00:19:42,320
we want to once and for all
declare you
478
00:19:42,330 --> 00:19:44,830
our most elite food critic.
479
00:19:44,830 --> 00:19:48,400
To distinguish you,
we present the golden badge.
480
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:49,030
Wow!
481
00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:50,040
Wearing this badge
482
00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:51,470
means you will always get
483
00:19:51,470 --> 00:19:53,600
the special treatment
you deserve.
484
00:19:57,610 --> 00:19:59,410
All right, we got
all the restaurants
485
00:19:59,410 --> 00:20:02,740
to agree to let the Yelpers in
and to make them feel special.
486
00:20:02,750 --> 00:20:04,620
How did you do it, son?
487
00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:06,760
Ah, yes.
The steak, please.
488
00:20:06,750 --> 00:20:08,220
I'm the, uh, Yelp elite.
489
00:20:08,220 --> 00:20:11,520
All right, we got a Yelper.
Give it that special attention.
490
00:20:11,530 --> 00:20:14,360
You got it!
491
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:19,870
♪ So you're one of Yelper's
special blessed ♪
492
00:20:19,870 --> 00:20:24,310
♪ You demand a restaurant's
very best ♪
493
00:20:25,340 --> 00:20:27,440
♪ Well, they're gonna
treat you special ♪
494
00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:29,440
♪ I'm telling you, chum ♪
495
00:20:31,250 --> 00:20:34,280
♪ Now get yourself ready
for some boogers and cum! ♪
496
00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:34,910
♪ Boogers and cum! ♪
497
00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:37,250
♪ Boogers and cum! ♪
♪ That's
called a Yelper special! ♪
498
00:20:37,250 --> 00:20:37,880
♪ Boogers and cum! ♪
499
00:20:37,890 --> 00:20:39,320
♪ Boogers and cum! ♪
♪ Say,
what's that on your pretzel? ♪
500
00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:41,630
♪ Your online critiques
are real useful to some ♪
501
00:20:41,620 --> 00:20:45,220
♪ Now have a good time eating
boogers and cum! ♪
502
00:20:45,230 --> 00:20:45,860
♪ Boogers and cum! ♪
503
00:20:45,860 --> 00:20:48,130
♪ Boogers and cum! ♪
♪ Someone farted on your salad ♪
504
00:20:48,130 --> 00:20:48,770
♪ Boogers and cum! ♪
505
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:50,190
♪ Boogers and cum! ♪
♪ But your
decor critiques are valid ♪
506
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,500
♪ You think you're special,
like you're A number one ♪
507
00:20:52,500 --> 00:20:55,970
♪ Well, there's a whole lot of
special in boogers and cum! ♪
508
00:20:55,970 --> 00:20:56,610
♪ Boogers and cum! ♪
509
00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:59,270
♪ Boogers and cum! ♪
♪ How about
some feces with your flounder? ♪
510
00:20:59,270 --> 00:20:59,900
♪ Boogers and cum! ♪
511
00:20:59,910 --> 00:21:01,410
♪ Boogers and cum! ♪
♪ You like
that queefy quarter-pounder? ♪
512
00:21:01,410 --> 00:21:03,950
What's that spice that feels
tangy on my tongue?
513
00:21:03,950 --> 00:21:05,320
Oh, that's a yuzu pepper...
514
00:21:05,310 --> 00:21:07,840
along with
some boogers and cum.
515
00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:08,690
Here you are, sir.
516
00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:10,840
Thank you, David.
That's good service.
517
00:21:10,850 --> 00:21:12,710
I will bring you food
every day, my friend.
518
00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:14,960
Hmm, is that
a jalapeño cream sauce?
519
00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:17,360
Yes. My father made it
just for you.
520
00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:20,260
Hmm.
It's tart, but savory.
521
00:21:20,260 --> 00:21:20,890
♪ Boogers and cum! ♪
522
00:21:20,900 --> 00:21:22,930
♪ Boogers and cum! ♪
♪ Bein' a food critic's easy! ♪
523
00:21:22,930 --> 00:21:23,570
♪ Boogers and cum! ♪
524
00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:24,920
♪ Boogers and cum! ♪
♪ Oh,
you feel a little queasy? ♪
525
00:21:24,930 --> 00:21:28,030
♪ Do you need a diagnosis?
Well, the doctor's got one ♪
526
00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:31,310
Your stomach seems to be
filled with boogers and cum.
527
00:21:31,310 --> 00:21:31,940
♪ Boogers and cum! ♪
528
00:21:31,940 --> 00:21:33,940
♪ Boogers and cum! ♪
♪ Piss in your potatoes! ♪
529
00:21:33,940 --> 00:21:34,570
♪ Boogers and cum! ♪
530
00:21:34,580 --> 00:21:36,680
♪ Boogers and cum! ♪
♪ Some
guy shit on your tomatoes ♪
531
00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:39,250
♪ All right, fancy food critic,
looks like you've won ♪
532
00:21:39,250 --> 00:21:41,420
♪ Now please enjoy all the ♪
533
00:21:41,420 --> 00:21:44,950
♪ Bo-o-o-o-gers ♪
534
00:21:44,950 --> 00:21:49,320
♪ Bo-o-o-o-gers ♪
535
00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:54,890
♪ And cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum! ♪
536
00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:56,330
Da-vid.
537
00:21:56,330 --> 00:21:56,790
Dav-id.
538
00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:57,730
Da-vid.
539
00:21:57,730 --> 00:21:58,560
Dav-id.
540
00:21:58,570 --> 00:21:59,000
Da-viiid.
541
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:00,570
Dav-id, Dav-id,
Dav-id, Dav-id!
542
00:22:00,570 --> 00:22:02,170
I can update this
to a one-star review
543
00:22:02,170 --> 00:22:04,710
in two seconds, dude.
544
00:22:07,470 --> 00:22:10,540
Oh, God, I love being
a restaurant critic.