1
00:00:02,888 --> 00:00:05,889
Good morning, cubicle monkeys.

2
00:00:05,925 --> 00:00:08,692
Here are the invitations
for the Welltopia banquet.

3
00:00:08,727 --> 00:00:10,427
Now, due to this frivolous expenditure,

4
00:00:10,462 --> 00:00:12,896
I'm afraid we're gonna have to
go back to low-speed Internet.

5
00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:16,433
Anybody has a problem with
that, they can e-mail me.

6
00:00:16,468 --> 00:00:18,735
Or if you want quicker results,
you can write an e-mail,

7
00:00:18,771 --> 00:00:21,104
print it up, and walk it over to my office.

8
00:00:21,140 --> 00:00:22,573
Low-speed Internet?

9
00:00:22,608 --> 00:00:24,308
Pat, we do tons of charting online.

10
00:00:24,343 --> 00:00:26,210
You are not the only one affected by this.

11
00:00:26,245 --> 00:00:27,711
I mean, it's gonna take me forever

12
00:00:27,746 --> 00:00:30,647
to download my por...

13
00:00:30,683 --> 00:00:31,882
Excuse me.

14
00:00:31,917 --> 00:00:33,917
My pornography.

15
00:00:33,953 --> 00:00:36,687
Welltopia banquet?

16
00:00:36,722 --> 00:00:39,590
Yeah, it is turnt up!

17
00:00:39,625 --> 00:00:42,226
Open bar, but with alcohol and taco,

18
00:00:42,261 --> 00:00:46,463
and the best doctor/performer
in The Valley doing his things.

19
00:00:46,498 --> 00:00:48,799
Ken gets up on stage
and makes fun of people.

20
00:00:48,834 --> 00:00:50,334
It's called satire, Damona.

21
00:00:50,369 --> 00:00:51,868
Yeah, Damona.

22
00:00:51,904 --> 00:00:53,036
He holds a mirror up

23
00:00:53,072 --> 00:00:55,205
to the daily foibles of
the medical profession.

24
00:00:55,241 --> 00:00:58,809
Okay, do near-sighted
guy giving a urine sample.

25
00:01:04,717 --> 00:01:07,017
He can't even see the cup!

26
00:01:15,361 --> 00:01:17,628
Hey. Where are the kids?

27
00:01:17,663 --> 00:01:19,830
Dave's upstairs. Molly's not home.

28
00:01:19,865 --> 00:01:21,365
Really? Just us?

29
00:01:22,568 --> 00:01:23,900
Bring it, yeah.

30
00:01:24,803 --> 00:01:26,203
Wait.

31
00:01:26,238 --> 00:01:28,338
What's with your mouth? What
do you got planned there?

32
00:01:28,374 --> 00:01:29,773
You'll see.

33
00:01:34,246 --> 00:01:37,514
Congrats on still having a
spark and everything, but yuck.

34
00:01:39,051 --> 00:01:40,317
Okay, get this.

35
00:01:40,352 --> 00:01:42,886
I have to write an essay on
what I want my career to be.

36
00:01:42,921 --> 00:01:46,256
I'm about the journey, not the destination.

37
00:01:46,292 --> 00:01:48,925
Look, it's a school assignment.

38
00:01:48,961 --> 00:01:50,360
You got to do it.

39
00:01:50,486 --> 00:01:51,418
Yeah, everything in life

40
00:01:51,463 --> 00:01:52,596
involves things you don't want to do.

41
00:01:52,631 --> 00:01:53,697
Thank you.

42
00:01:53,732 --> 00:01:54,965
- Like in work.
- Yes.

43
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:56,967
- Or in marriage.
- What?

44
00:01:57,002 --> 00:01:58,001
But I'm 16.

45
00:01:58,037 --> 00:02:00,404
I don't know what my calling's gonna be.

46
00:02:00,439 --> 00:02:03,707
Speaking of calling, oh,
it's your homework assignment.

47
00:02:03,742 --> 00:02:04,708
Uh-huh.

48
00:02:04,743 --> 00:02:07,344
It says, "you complete me."

49
00:02:07,379 --> 00:02:09,913
You are so not funny.

50
00:02:09,948 --> 00:02:11,815
Yes, he is.

51
00:02:11,850 --> 00:02:13,083
Your dad might be the funniest

52
00:02:13,118 --> 00:02:15,118
primary care physician in The Valley.

53
00:02:15,154 --> 00:02:18,388
You heard your mom.
Funniest person in the world.

54
00:02:19,558 --> 00:02:23,126
And if you're a fan of my
comedy... and I know I am...

55
00:02:23,162 --> 00:02:25,495
you're gonna love me at this banquet.

56
00:02:25,531 --> 00:02:27,764
Ooh, fancy.

57
00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:29,633
"This year's guest of honor is

58
00:02:29,668 --> 00:02:33,270
Welltopia's new head of plastic
surgery, Kevin O'Connell."

59
00:02:33,305 --> 00:02:34,905
- Oh.
- "Oh" what?

60
00:02:34,940 --> 00:02:37,774
No, it's just I think
this is the Kevin O'Connell

61
00:02:37,810 --> 00:02:39,109
I dated in med school.

62
00:02:39,144 --> 00:02:40,977
Oh, yeah!

63
00:02:41,013 --> 00:02:43,647
You told me about him. Kevin O'Irish.

64
00:02:43,682 --> 00:02:46,016
Kevin O'Pasty Face.

65
00:02:47,252 --> 00:02:49,553
"Oi, Allison, you're a fine lass.

66
00:02:49,588 --> 00:02:51,688
I'd like to take you down to the cathedral

67
00:02:51,724 --> 00:02:53,156
and buy you some cockles."

68
00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:55,959
What?

69
00:02:55,994 --> 00:02:56,993
No, it's nothing.

70
00:02:57,029 --> 00:02:58,829
Oh, you're feeling weird

71
00:02:58,864 --> 00:03:01,098
about seeing Kevin McPale, aren't you?

72
00:03:01,133 --> 00:03:03,700
Yeah, I kind of am.

73
00:03:03,736 --> 00:03:05,035
Oh, come on, it'll be fine.

74
00:03:05,070 --> 00:03:06,837
And I'm sure he'll be cool with it, too,

75
00:03:06,872 --> 00:03:08,205
as long as you keep him away

76
00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:09,873
from the whiskey and women's skirts.

77
00:03:11,143 --> 00:03:13,310
You know, 'cause Irish guys
wear those plaid skirts.

78
00:03:13,345 --> 00:03:14,611
Or maybe it's the Scottish.

79
00:03:14,646 --> 00:03:16,880
Don't' worry, I'll be
warmed up by showtime.

80
00:03:23,856 --> 00:03:26,189
Oh, here's my invitation to the banquet

81
00:03:26,225 --> 00:03:28,258
in case you want to take someone.

82
00:03:28,293 --> 00:03:29,393
Whoa, you're not going?

83
00:03:29,428 --> 00:03:32,229
No. Big parties make me nervous.

84
00:03:32,264 --> 00:03:34,898
I am not good at schmozing.

85
00:03:34,933 --> 00:03:36,400
Okay, well, you better get good at it.

86
00:03:36,435 --> 00:03:38,335
You want to specialize in
internal medicine, right?

87
00:03:38,370 --> 00:03:41,204
Yes. I'm all about what's on the inside...

88
00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:42,472
yep, don't need the back story.

89
00:03:43,809 --> 00:03:45,776
Listen, I'm trying to help you out here.

90
00:03:45,811 --> 00:03:47,511
Your career will never go anywhere

91
00:03:47,546 --> 00:03:49,179
unless you learn how to network.

92
00:03:50,516 --> 00:03:51,815
Okay, fine, I'll go.

93
00:03:51,850 --> 00:03:54,451
Why are you looking out for me like this?

94
00:03:54,486 --> 00:03:55,519
Black guilt.

95
00:03:58,056 --> 00:04:00,724
Dr. Park, I have a patient
with hypertension...

96
00:04:00,759 --> 00:04:02,526
Ah-da-da. In the middle of something.

97
00:04:02,561 --> 00:04:05,028
So, after the urine sample bit,

98
00:04:05,063 --> 00:04:06,463
you know, I think I should go right into

99
00:04:06,498 --> 00:04:07,664
the Christopher Walk-in clinic.

100
00:04:07,699 --> 00:04:11,401
"Yeah, you don't need

101
00:04:11,437 --> 00:04:13,937
an... Appointment."

102
00:04:13,972 --> 00:04:16,239
Uncanny.

103
00:04:20,179 --> 00:04:21,845
Oh, my god.

104
00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:23,947
Oh, my god.

105
00:04:23,982 --> 00:04:25,949
Oh, my god.

106
00:04:27,686 --> 00:04:29,252
People, act like you've been there.

107
00:04:29,288 --> 00:04:31,087
I have never been there.

108
00:04:32,391 --> 00:04:33,356
Can I help you?

109
00:04:33,392 --> 00:04:34,758
Oh, yeah, I'm looking for Pat Hein.

110
00:04:34,793 --> 00:04:36,460
- And you are?
- Dr. Kevin O'Connell.

111
00:04:36,495 --> 00:04:38,327
Oh, my god!

112
00:04:40,090 --> 00:04:42,264
Synced and corrected by Nest0r
www.addic7ed.com

113
00:04:45,036 --> 00:04:46,903
You're Kevin O'Connell?

114
00:04:46,938 --> 00:04:47,937
I am.

115
00:04:47,972 --> 00:04:50,540
Oh.  Funny story.

116
00:04:50,575 --> 00:04:53,609
I-I heard about this
other Dr. Kevin O'Connell,

117
00:04:53,645 --> 00:04:54,911
but he's Irish.

118
00:04:54,946 --> 00:04:57,113
Well, I was adopted by Irish parents.

119
00:04:57,148 --> 00:04:59,649
Yeah, but this guy went
to Cornell Med School.

120
00:04:59,684 --> 00:05:00,717
Oh, I went to Cornell.

121
00:05:00,752 --> 00:05:03,186
Yeah, but this guy dated my wife.

122
00:05:03,221 --> 00:05:04,520
Allison Kurumada.

123
00:05:04,556 --> 00:05:05,521
No way! Alli?!

124
00:05:05,557 --> 00:05:07,957
Oh, she's awesome. How's she doing?

125
00:05:12,464 --> 00:05:13,896
She's good.

126
00:05:13,932 --> 00:05:16,032
She's good.

127
00:05:16,067 --> 00:05:18,234
Because remember, she was just saying

128
00:05:18,269 --> 00:05:21,471
that this is the happiest
she's been in her entire life.

129
00:05:22,273 --> 00:05:23,940
That's great.

130
00:05:23,975 --> 00:05:26,609
Excuse me.

131
00:05:26,644 --> 00:05:29,746
She dated him and wound up with you?

132
00:05:29,781 --> 00:05:33,816
How does that poor woman get
out of bed in the morning?

133
00:05:33,852 --> 00:05:36,018
I wouldn't know, Damona. I get up earlier.

134
00:05:36,054 --> 00:05:37,653
I'm more of a morning person.

135
00:05:37,689 --> 00:05:40,022
Mnh-mnh-mnh.

136
00:05:40,058 --> 00:05:41,758
Dr. Kevin O'Connell,

137
00:05:41,793 --> 00:05:45,261
I'm Dr. Julie Dobbs, and I am a huge fan.

138
00:05:45,296 --> 00:05:46,462
Oh, cool, thanks.

139
00:05:46,498 --> 00:05:48,297
You've heard of him before?

140
00:05:48,333 --> 00:05:50,266
No.

141
00:05:50,301 --> 00:05:52,101
So, um, I was wondering

142
00:05:52,137 --> 00:05:53,803
if you know anything about hypertension.

143
00:05:53,838 --> 00:05:55,638
- I have this patient...
- Well... well, Julie,

144
00:05:55,673 --> 00:05:57,373
I'm your attending and your mentor.

145
00:05:57,409 --> 00:05:58,541
You should be asking me.

146
00:05:58,576 --> 00:06:00,109
I did, but you were busy

147
00:06:00,145 --> 00:06:02,512
botching an imitation
of Christopher Walken.

148
00:06:04,149 --> 00:06:06,048
It's an impression.

149
00:06:06,084 --> 00:06:08,985
Uh, besides, Dr. O'Connell
is a plastic surgeon,

150
00:06:09,020 --> 00:06:11,788
so unless your patient
wants giant fake boobs,

151
00:06:11,823 --> 00:06:13,222
I think I can handle it.

152
00:06:13,258 --> 00:06:14,624
He's right.

153
00:06:14,659 --> 00:06:16,459
I'd probably give the dude breasts.

154
00:06:17,862 --> 00:06:20,997
Self-deprecation is so attractive.

155
00:06:21,032 --> 00:06:23,733
You don't have to tell me.
I'm all about self-deprecating.

156
00:06:23,768 --> 00:06:25,334
Sometimes it's attractive.

157
00:06:26,805 --> 00:06:29,672
Give him the max dosage of
captopril, 100 milligrams.

158
00:06:29,707 --> 00:06:31,674
If I may, I just saw a study.

159
00:06:31,709 --> 00:06:34,710
The max dosage of captopril
is now 450 milligrams.

160
00:06:34,746 --> 00:06:37,046
Oh.

161
00:06:37,081 --> 00:06:41,083
450? Where'd you read
that, the Botox Herald?

162
00:06:41,119 --> 00:06:42,985
Uh, the New England Journal of Medicine.

163
00:06:43,021 --> 00:06:45,288
Oh, the... the 450 study.

164
00:06:45,323 --> 00:06:47,623
Yeah. Um, yeah, yeah,
yeah. I read that one.

165
00:06:47,659 --> 00:06:48,758
Really?

166
00:06:48,793 --> 00:06:50,059
Because usually when studies come,

167
00:06:50,094 --> 00:06:51,928
you do that thing where
you throw them in the trash

168
00:06:51,963 --> 00:06:53,229
and say, "I already got the job."

169
00:06:55,333 --> 00:06:57,733
You know, I read this one in bed,

170
00:06:57,769 --> 00:06:59,368
and I was not impressed.

171
00:06:59,404 --> 00:07:02,438
So, I rolled over and
vigorously made love to my wife,

172
00:07:02,474 --> 00:07:03,940
who was awake.

173
00:07:05,410 --> 00:07:07,176
Right on. Well, I'm gonna go find Pat.

174
00:07:07,212 --> 00:07:10,079
Just down the hall to the left. I love you.

175
00:07:10,114 --> 00:07:11,447
Third door on the right.

176
00:07:14,152 --> 00:07:16,252
I don't know why I just did that.

177
00:07:22,427 --> 00:07:23,960
Sure this is okay?

178
00:07:23,995 --> 00:07:25,995
Oh, yeah, she'll be thrilled to see you.

179
00:07:26,030 --> 00:07:27,763
Hey, Allison.

180
00:07:27,799 --> 00:07:30,466
An old friend of yours
was at Welltopia today.

181
00:07:30,502 --> 00:07:31,601
Barb Rutledge?!

182
00:07:31,636 --> 00:07:34,470
No! Why do you always guess Barb Rutledge?

183
00:07:34,506 --> 00:07:36,906
I don't know. I do bump into her a lot.

184
00:07:36,941 --> 00:07:39,041
- Remember at Quiznos...
- Just get in here!

185
00:07:41,546 --> 00:07:43,679
Oh, my god. Kevin?

186
00:07:43,715 --> 00:07:44,580
Alli?

187
00:07:48,553 --> 00:07:50,486
You look great. How have you been?

188
00:07:50,522 --> 00:07:51,554
I've been great.

189
00:07:51,589 --> 00:07:52,755
Oh!

190
00:07:54,893 --> 00:07:57,560
Who's the beefcake?

191
00:07:57,595 --> 00:08:02,231
This is Kevin O'Connell,
an old friend of your mom's.

192
00:08:02,267 --> 00:08:04,767
Kevin, this is, uh, Molly and Dave.

193
00:08:04,802 --> 00:08:07,637
Wait, this is the guy you
dated in medical school?

194
00:08:07,672 --> 00:08:10,439
Mom, mad respect.

195
00:08:11,776 --> 00:08:13,709
Wait, so he could've been our dad?

196
00:08:13,745 --> 00:08:15,211
It doesn't work that way.

197
00:08:15,246 --> 00:08:17,680
If he was your dad, you wouldn't be you.

198
00:08:20,151 --> 00:08:22,018
Cute kid.

199
00:08:22,053 --> 00:08:23,819
Yeah, cute, not hot.

200
00:08:25,790 --> 00:08:28,190
Anyway Kevin is in town for the banquet,

201
00:08:28,226 --> 00:08:30,226
so I invited him over for dinner.

202
00:08:30,261 --> 00:08:32,228
Oh, that's so sweet.

203
00:08:32,263 --> 00:08:33,596
I Ne to see you in the Ken.

204
00:08:33,631 --> 00:08:35,498
No, I need to see you in the kitchen.

205
00:08:41,806 --> 00:08:43,940
Wow.

206
00:08:43,975 --> 00:08:46,042
No, no, no. You don't get to say wow.

207
00:08:46,077 --> 00:08:49,145
I'm saying wow.  Wow.

208
00:08:49,180 --> 00:08:51,280
Why the hell would you bring him here?

209
00:08:51,316 --> 00:08:52,715
Because I'm petty and dramatic.

210
00:08:53,618 --> 00:08:55,384
And I wanted to see the look on your face

211
00:08:55,420 --> 00:08:57,053
when you got caught in a big fat lie,

212
00:08:57,088 --> 00:08:58,154
and it did not disappoint.

213
00:08:59,290 --> 00:09:01,490
Why didn't you ever tell me
what this guy looked like?

214
00:09:01,526 --> 00:09:03,392
I don't know! You never asked.

215
00:09:03,428 --> 00:09:05,895
I'm supposed to ask if a
guy named Kevin O'Connell

216
00:09:05,930 --> 00:09:08,164
happens to be the hottest
Korean guy in the world?

217
00:09:08,199 --> 00:09:10,533
I didn't tell you because of this.

218
00:09:10,568 --> 00:09:13,603
I knew how you'd react,
and it wasn't worth it.

219
00:09:13,638 --> 00:09:15,705
Oh, oh. I'm not upset about him.

220
00:09:15,740 --> 00:09:17,139
I'm upset about the lie.

221
00:09:17,175 --> 00:09:18,941
You're also upset about him.

222
00:09:18,977 --> 00:09:20,910
Of course I'm upset about him!

223
00:09:20,945 --> 00:09:24,080
He's Korean Channing Tatum!

224
00:09:24,115 --> 00:09:25,648
Come on, I'm sure you have an ex

225
00:09:25,683 --> 00:09:27,450
who's more attractive than you let on.

226
00:09:27,485 --> 00:09:30,386
No! I didn't!

227
00:09:30,421 --> 00:09:32,388
I lie to make myself better.

228
00:09:33,191 --> 00:09:35,758
Remember Karen, the cute
girl I dated in college?

229
00:09:35,793 --> 00:09:36,959
I totally made her up.

230
00:09:36,995 --> 00:09:38,794
But you said she dumped you.

231
00:09:38,830 --> 00:09:41,063
I wanted to make it believable.

232
00:09:41,179 --> 00:09:43,946
Look, I admit I was wrong
not to tell you about Kevin,

233
00:09:43,981 --> 00:09:45,681
but it was 20 years ago, Ken.

234
00:09:45,717 --> 00:09:48,017
You need to put on your big-boy
pants and act like a grown-up.

235
00:09:48,052 --> 00:09:49,919
This is not the time

236
00:09:49,954 --> 00:09:53,355
to mock my slight frame
and delicate features.

237
00:09:54,923 --> 00:09:56,690
Molly was just telling me
how she wants to be a doctor.

238
00:09:56,725 --> 00:09:58,725
You never said you wanted to be a doctor.

239
00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:01,628
That was before. Kevin inspired me.

240
00:10:01,663 --> 00:10:03,463
He's a real role model.

241
00:10:04,967 --> 00:10:05,999
Dad, look.

242
00:10:06,034 --> 00:10:07,634
Kevin helped me finish the DNA model

243
00:10:07,669 --> 00:10:09,202
I asked you to help me with,

244
00:10:09,238 --> 00:10:11,638
and you said, "not now,
son. We'll do it later."

245
00:10:11,673 --> 00:10:13,873
And two years went by.

246
00:10:15,577 --> 00:10:17,143
Kevin, this is so embarrassing,

247
00:10:17,179 --> 00:10:19,179
but we're gonna have to
take a rain check on dinner.

248
00:10:19,214 --> 00:10:20,413
What?

249
00:10:20,449 --> 00:10:23,383
Oh, no. I hope everything's okay.

250
00:10:23,418 --> 00:10:27,354
Oh, yeah, it's just my
friend, Barb Rutledge.

251
00:10:27,389 --> 00:10:30,457
We're throwing her an intervention.

252
00:10:30,492 --> 00:10:32,559
It's paint fumes.

253
00:10:32,594 --> 00:10:35,161
And pot.

254
00:10:35,197 --> 00:10:38,765
She's been huffing...

255
00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:40,700
And puffing.

256
00:10:40,736 --> 00:10:42,602
We're worried she might
blow her house down.

257
00:10:44,072 --> 00:10:46,139
Anyway, we're really sorry.

258
00:10:46,174 --> 00:10:47,707
Uh, it's all good.

259
00:10:47,743 --> 00:10:49,943
You know, gives me a chance
to hit the gym, grab a workout.

260
00:10:49,978 --> 00:10:51,978
Yeah, that's clearly what you need.

261
00:10:52,014 --> 00:10:54,514
Catch you guys at the banquet tomorrow?

262
00:10:55,417 --> 00:10:57,884
Good seeing you again, Alli.

263
00:11:13,530 --> 00:11:15,664
Why is "comedy" in quotes?

264
00:11:15,699 --> 00:11:18,133
Yeah, that's what everyone's looking at.

265
00:11:20,337 --> 00:11:22,270
Hey, you two look great.

266
00:11:22,306 --> 00:11:23,572
I feel great

267
00:11:23,607 --> 00:11:26,207
for someone who's been lied
to for the past 20 years.

268
00:11:26,243 --> 00:11:29,611
Glad you found a tux
that fit a big, fat baby.

269
00:11:30,914 --> 00:11:33,748
Okay, your small talk leaves
something to be desired.

270
00:11:40,524 --> 00:11:43,158
Hi. Ooh!

271
00:11:43,193 --> 00:11:44,559
Wow.

272
00:11:44,595 --> 00:11:46,962
I told you I'm terrible at networking.

273
00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:48,763
It's okay, I got you.

274
00:11:48,799 --> 00:11:50,799
Um, okay, don't look now.

275
00:11:50,834 --> 00:11:53,034
11:00... it's the chief
of internal medicine.

276
00:11:53,070 --> 00:11:55,504
Great. I will be back in three hours.

277
00:11:55,539 --> 00:11:56,938
What? No.

278
00:11:56,974 --> 00:11:59,174
The blond by the bar.

279
00:11:59,209 --> 00:12:00,275
Talk to him.

280
00:12:00,310 --> 00:12:02,477
God, okay.

281
00:12:02,512 --> 00:12:04,980
Here I go.

282
00:12:05,015 --> 00:12:08,984
Need four gin and tonics for table six.

283
00:12:09,019 --> 00:12:12,187
Hi. I'm Dr. Julie Dobbs.

284
00:12:12,222 --> 00:12:15,023
Austin. Can I get you something?

285
00:12:15,058 --> 00:12:18,193
Oh, that's so nice of you. No, I'm fine.

286
00:12:18,228 --> 00:12:19,661
Augh.

287
00:12:21,131 --> 00:12:26,401
Um... So, uh, what do you like
to do when you're not at work?

288
00:12:26,436 --> 00:12:29,337
Um, I play bass in a garage band.

289
00:12:29,373 --> 00:12:31,139
I like to snowboard.

290
00:12:31,174 --> 00:12:32,874
Oh! Me too.

291
00:12:32,909 --> 00:12:35,076
- Really?
- No.

292
00:12:35,112 --> 00:12:38,513
Okay, I'm really not
good at this whole thing.

293
00:12:38,548 --> 00:12:41,082
I just... Austin, I just wanted to say

294
00:12:41,118 --> 00:12:43,251
that I would love to work for you one day.

295
00:12:43,286 --> 00:12:45,020
- Really?
- Yeah.

296
00:12:45,055 --> 00:12:46,655
And if you let me, you would see

297
00:12:46,690 --> 00:12:49,224
that no one works as hard
or wants it more than I do.

298
00:12:50,961 --> 00:12:51,993
Word.

299
00:12:52,029 --> 00:12:53,695
Thank you so much.

300
00:12:53,730 --> 00:12:55,430
No big. Peace.

301
00:12:55,465 --> 00:12:56,931
Peace.

302
00:12:59,202 --> 00:13:01,169
How did it go?

303
00:13:01,204 --> 00:13:02,170
Really well.

304
00:13:02,205 --> 00:13:03,638
For the first time,

305
00:13:03,674 --> 00:13:07,409
I feel like I took a big step
forward in my career, you know?

306
00:13:07,444 --> 00:13:08,877
Aww. See?

307
00:13:08,912 --> 00:13:10,645
Aww.

308
00:13:10,681 --> 00:13:12,113
So good.

309
00:13:12,149 --> 00:13:14,182
Come. Sit.

310
00:13:14,217 --> 00:13:15,917
Oh, there they are.

311
00:13:15,952 --> 00:13:17,919
Oh, Alli, how'd it go
with your friend Barb?

312
00:13:17,954 --> 00:13:20,321
Oh, she's fine.

313
00:13:20,357 --> 00:13:24,059
She's... In the army now.

314
00:13:24,094 --> 00:13:25,226
Oh, cool.

315
00:13:25,262 --> 00:13:27,529
Uh, Ken, man, I am pumped
to see your skits tonight.

316
00:13:27,564 --> 00:13:29,297
Yeah, thanks, buddy.

317
00:13:29,332 --> 00:13:30,999
Will you excuse me?

318
00:13:33,770 --> 00:13:35,904
He just referred to what I do as "skits."

319
00:13:35,939 --> 00:13:39,174
Oh, my god, what a gorgeous idiot.

320
00:13:40,310 --> 00:13:41,476
They're not skits.

321
00:13:41,511 --> 00:13:43,778
They're biting satirical commentary.

322
00:13:43,814 --> 00:13:44,979
He just crossed the line.

323
00:13:45,015 --> 00:13:46,648
Wait, that crossed a line?

324
00:13:46,683 --> 00:13:49,617
Not that he upstaged you at
work or pleasured your wife.

325
00:13:49,653 --> 00:13:52,120
Who said he pleasured her?

326
00:13:52,155 --> 00:13:53,488
Oh, yeah.

327
00:13:53,523 --> 00:13:55,590
Yeah, I'm sure that must've
been a pretty grim slog.

328
00:14:00,397 --> 00:14:03,231
Welcome, everyone. Uh,
just a quick announcement.

329
00:14:03,266 --> 00:14:05,567
Seems we've all gone a little scan happy

330
00:14:05,602 --> 00:14:07,168
with the new MRI machine.

331
00:14:07,204 --> 00:14:09,370
Remember, that's very expensive to operate,

332
00:14:09,406 --> 00:14:11,473
so when it comes to diagnosing patients,

333
00:14:11,508 --> 00:14:16,044
let's not discount the value
of good old-fashioned guesswork.

334
00:14:17,914 --> 00:14:19,748
Now, if you could all feign interest

335
00:14:19,783 --> 00:14:20,949
in a brief video tribute

336
00:14:20,984 --> 00:14:24,052
to this year's honoree,
Dr. Kevin O'Connell.

337
00:14:26,857 --> 00:14:30,125
It just happens. It just...

338
00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:32,393
What are you doing?

339
00:14:32,429 --> 00:14:33,995
All of the old stuff is out.

340
00:14:34,030 --> 00:14:36,498
Tonight is operation shred Kevin O'Connell,

341
00:14:36,533 --> 00:14:40,001
which is my way of saying I'm
gonna shred Kevin O'Connell.

342
00:14:40,036 --> 00:14:42,370
Now help me think of his flaws.

343
00:14:44,141 --> 00:14:46,007
Oh, this is good.

344
00:14:46,042 --> 00:14:49,110
Do you happen to know if he's punctual?

345
00:14:49,146 --> 00:14:54,215
Because, you know, if not,
that can be mildly annoying.

346
00:14:55,685 --> 00:14:56,851
Oh, who am I kidding?

347
00:14:56,887 --> 00:14:59,154
No one would mind waiting
five minutes for that.

348
00:14:59,189 --> 00:15:01,623
Whose side are you on?

349
00:15:01,658 --> 00:15:03,391
Yours, always.

350
00:15:04,694 --> 00:15:06,961
Did he say something about
wanting me on his side?

351
00:15:06,997 --> 00:15:09,264
I can't stand that guy!

352
00:15:09,332 --> 00:15:12,500
He's not even a real doctor.
He's just a plastic surgeon.

353
00:15:12,536 --> 00:15:16,638
His whole world is just nips
and noses, lips and butts.

354
00:15:16,673 --> 00:15:19,040
My work isn't about restoring appearance.

355
00:15:19,075 --> 00:15:21,609
It's about restoring dignity.

356
00:15:21,645 --> 00:15:23,311
After the earthquake,

357
00:15:23,346 --> 00:15:26,281
Dr. O'Connell rushed to
Haiti to help the children.

358
00:15:26,316 --> 00:15:28,616
When a child sees a reflection

359
00:15:28,652 --> 00:15:31,786
and the physical scars are healing,

360
00:15:31,822 --> 00:15:34,222
well, maybe then

361
00:15:34,257 --> 00:15:36,424
the emotional ones can
begin to heal, as well.

362
00:15:38,528 --> 00:15:40,595
You notice how he's always
rubbing his shoulder?

363
00:15:41,698 --> 00:15:44,199
Dude, you're ripped. We get it.

364
00:15:44,234 --> 00:15:47,302
"Oh, look at me, I have
discernible shoulders.

365
00:15:47,337 --> 00:15:50,205
When I put on a backpack,
it doesn't just slide off."

366
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:52,707
Wait, is that why you
never wear a backpack?

367
00:15:52,742 --> 00:15:55,410
That and if it's too heavy,
I fall backwards, okay?

368
00:15:56,479 --> 00:15:59,147
But I can work with
this. He's shoulder proud.

369
00:15:59,182 --> 00:16:00,248
Nobody likes that.

370
00:16:01,651 --> 00:16:04,419
"Shoulder... Proud."

371
00:16:04,454 --> 00:16:07,322
As Dr. O'Connell ran out
of the crumbling building,

372
00:16:07,357 --> 00:16:09,757
carrying the two children to safety,

373
00:16:09,793 --> 00:16:12,827
the roof collapsed,
shattering his shoulder.

374
00:16:12,863 --> 00:16:15,430
But not the puppy cradled beneath it.

375
00:16:17,033 --> 00:16:19,267
You know, shoulders can be replaced.

376
00:16:19,302 --> 00:16:21,369
Lives can't.

377
00:16:28,311 --> 00:16:29,344
Wow.

378
00:16:30,547 --> 00:16:32,480
Okay, hot crowd. Hot crowd!

379
00:16:33,984 --> 00:16:35,183
- Whoo!
- Go, go, go.

380
00:16:35,218 --> 00:16:36,217
Yeah.

381
00:16:36,253 --> 00:16:37,785
Wow, there really is just nothing there.

382
00:16:37,821 --> 00:16:39,020
Okay.

383
00:16:39,055 --> 00:16:42,223
Wow, that is some inspiring stuff.

384
00:16:42,248 --> 00:16:46,817
Oh, I just... I would not
want to have to follow that.

385
00:16:46,863 --> 00:16:50,431
Up next, the comedy
styling of Dr. Ken Park.

386
00:16:51,835 --> 00:16:53,368
Whoo!

387
00:16:56,039 --> 00:16:57,772
So, let's get into it.

388
00:16:57,807 --> 00:17:01,009
How about our honoree, Dr. Snip and Tuck?

389
00:17:01,044 --> 00:17:03,311
Oh!

390
00:17:03,346 --> 00:17:07,415
Hey, nothing annoying about how
he rubs his shoulder so much.

391
00:17:07,450 --> 00:17:09,250
We get it, Kev, you go to the gym.

392
00:17:09,286 --> 00:17:11,219
I guess he needs those strong shoulders

393
00:17:11,254 --> 00:17:13,187
to haul those giant bags of boob juice

394
00:17:13,223 --> 00:17:14,555
into everyone's chest.

395
00:17:15,992 --> 00:17:18,192
Boob juice?

396
00:17:22,299 --> 00:17:25,166
Um...

397
00:17:25,201 --> 00:17:27,235
Okay, who likes impressions?

398
00:17:28,705 --> 00:17:30,605
Me too.

399
00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:32,607
Um, uh, this is my impression

400
00:17:32,642 --> 00:17:35,877
of one of Dr. O'Connell's
patients at a funeral.

401
00:17:39,082 --> 00:17:42,016
"I so sad."

402
00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:44,953
Oh, because their skin is so tight

403
00:17:44,988 --> 00:17:46,054
that all they can do is...

404
00:17:46,089 --> 00:17:48,389
I got some others. Um...

405
00:17:48,425 --> 00:17:51,526
Uh, I mean, there are pimps out there

406
00:17:51,561 --> 00:17:54,395
who haven't cut as many
faces as that guy, am I right?

407
00:17:59,369 --> 00:18:00,335
Come on.

408
00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:02,470
That guy's raised more eyebrows

409
00:18:02,505 --> 00:18:05,173
than an interracial couple in 1957!

410
00:18:07,911 --> 00:18:10,078
Uh, you know, it's okay to laugh, everyone.

411
00:18:10,113 --> 00:18:12,280
I don't mind. Laughter
is the best medicine.

412
00:18:15,418 --> 00:18:17,218
Of course he's prescribing laughter.

413
00:18:17,253 --> 00:18:19,120
Tomorrow, he'll charge you 5 grand

414
00:18:19,155 --> 00:18:21,689
to blast your own ass fat
into those laugh lines.

415
00:18:25,095 --> 00:18:27,028
Hey, do Mr. T-cell!

416
00:18:27,063 --> 00:18:29,097
Aw, it's kind of dated.

417
00:18:29,132 --> 00:18:31,165
I pity the fool who don't
respect my immune system!

418
00:18:33,703 --> 00:18:36,938
If your urine tastes
like lemonade concentrate,

419
00:18:36,973 --> 00:18:39,474
you might be a diabetic.

420
00:18:40,710 --> 00:18:43,745
That's all my time. See you next year!

421
00:18:52,188 --> 00:18:53,221
Thanks.

422
00:18:53,256 --> 00:18:54,222
For what?

423
00:18:54,257 --> 00:18:55,556
Well, I was dying up there.

424
00:18:55,592 --> 00:18:57,158
Even though you were pissed
at me, you laughed anyway.

425
00:18:57,193 --> 00:18:58,292
Bailed me out.

426
00:18:58,328 --> 00:19:01,029
I wasn't bailing you out. You were funny.

427
00:19:01,064 --> 00:19:03,164
Look, I know I was a jerk about Kevin.

428
00:19:03,199 --> 00:19:04,132
I'm sorry.

429
00:19:04,167 --> 00:19:06,501
Yeah, you really outdid yourself.

430
00:19:06,536 --> 00:19:07,468
I couldn't help it.

431
00:19:07,504 --> 00:19:09,404
Just thinking about you with that guy

432
00:19:09,439 --> 00:19:10,538
made me feel like

433
00:19:10,573 --> 00:19:12,573
the lonely, insecure
doctor I was when we met.

434
00:19:12,609 --> 00:19:14,909
Well, I get that.

435
00:19:14,944 --> 00:19:17,612
I guess sometimes I was jealous of Karen.

436
00:19:17,647 --> 00:19:20,548
You know, before I found
out she wasn't real.

437
00:19:20,583 --> 00:19:23,484
Ken, he has nothing on you.

438
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:26,087
I mean, he is charming.

439
00:19:26,122 --> 00:19:27,455
Yeah, I don't see it.

440
00:19:29,492 --> 00:19:31,359
And attractive.

441
00:19:31,394 --> 00:19:33,294
It's a very specific look.

442
00:19:33,329 --> 00:19:34,996
But there was no spark.

443
00:19:35,031 --> 00:19:36,664
Dating a guy like Kevin

444
00:19:36,699 --> 00:19:39,700
made me realize I didn't
want someone perfect.

445
00:19:39,736 --> 00:19:40,835
I wanted you.

446
00:19:40,870 --> 00:19:45,306
Oh, babe, that is so close
to being a compliment.

447
00:19:46,843 --> 00:19:49,911
Besides, I could never end
up with someone like him.

448
00:19:49,946 --> 00:19:51,412
He's kind of pretentious.

449
00:19:51,448 --> 00:19:52,647
Kind of?

450
00:19:52,682 --> 00:19:56,717
"Look at me, I save lives
and can wear a backpack."

451
00:19:56,753 --> 00:20:00,788
"Look at me, I restore dignity
and can do a million sit-ups."

452
00:20:02,125 --> 00:20:03,257
"Look at me,

453
00:20:03,293 --> 00:20:05,393
I suffer from an embarrassing
sexual dysfunction."

454
00:20:05,428 --> 00:20:06,661
No?

455
00:20:13,552 --> 00:20:15,352
- Here's your dessert.
- Wuw !

456
00:20:15,388 --> 00:20:17,654
- And an application.
- What?

457
00:20:17,690 --> 00:20:20,157
Get it in quick, you can work
a Bar Mitzvah this Sunday.

458
00:20:20,192 --> 00:20:22,960
Oh, Julie, you're such an idiot.

459
00:20:22,995 --> 00:20:24,128
Hey, cut that out.

460
00:20:24,163 --> 00:20:26,397
At least you put yourself out there.

461
00:20:26,432 --> 00:20:28,999
You shouldn't be upset.
You should be celebrating.

462
00:20:29,035 --> 00:20:32,336
You're right. Thanks, Damona.

463
00:20:32,371 --> 00:20:35,939
Uh, waiter, two glasses of
champagne for me and my friend.

464
00:20:35,975 --> 00:20:36,974
Excuse me?

465
00:20:37,009 --> 00:20:39,143
I'm the chief of thoracic surgery.

466
00:20:39,178 --> 00:20:41,311
Okay.

467
00:20:41,347 --> 00:20:43,247
Yeah, maybe you should fill this out.

468
00:20:43,282 --> 00:20:44,715
Yeah.

469
00:20:44,750 --> 00:20:46,150
I'm sorry to bug you guys.

470
00:20:46,185 --> 00:20:48,018
I've had a little too much to drink,

471
00:20:48,054 --> 00:20:49,853
and my judgment's kind of impaired.

472
00:20:49,889 --> 00:20:51,588
Can one of you guys give me a ride home?

473
00:20:53,059 --> 00:20:54,191
- I'll do it!
- I got it!

474
00:20:54,226 --> 00:20:55,592
No, no, no, no! I got it!

475
00:20:59,288 --> 00:21:06,936
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