1
00:00:04,104 --> 00:00:05,867
Good morning, cubicle monkeys.
2
00:00:07,407 --> 00:00:09,773
Here are the invitations
for the Welltopia banquet.
3
00:00:09,943 --> 00:00:11,843
Now, due to this frivolous
expenditure,
4
00:00:11,911 --> 00:00:14,106
I'm afraid we're gonna
have to go back to low-speed internet.
5
00:00:15,515 --> 00:00:17,676
Anybody has a problem
with that, they can email me.
6
00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:19,981
Or if you want
quicker results, you can write an email,
7
00:00:20,053 --> 00:00:22,214
print it up,
and walk it over to my office.
8
00:00:22,789 --> 00:00:25,383
Low-speed internet?
Pat, we do tons of charting online.
9
00:00:25,458 --> 00:00:27,585
You are not the only one
affected by this.
10
00:00:27,660 --> 00:00:28,752
I mean, it's gonna
take me forever
11
00:00:28,828 --> 00:00:31,160
to download my por...
12
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Excuse me. My pornography.
13
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Welltopia banquet?
14
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Yeah, it is turnt up!
15
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Open bar,
both alcohol and taco,
16
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and the best doctor/performer
in the valley doing his thang.
17
00:00:47,747 --> 00:00:49,977
Ken gets up on stage
and makes fun of people.
18
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It's called satire,
Damona.
19
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Yeah, Damona.
20
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He holds a mirror up
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to the daily foibles
of the medical profession.
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Okay, do near-sighted guy
giving a urine sample.
23
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Okay.
24
00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:07,995
He can't even
see the cup!
25
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Ripped & Corrected By mstoll
26
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Hey.
Where are the kids?
27
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Dave's upstairs. Molly's not home.
28
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Really? Just us?
29
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Bring it in.
30
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Wait.
31
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What's with your mouth?
What do you got planned there?
32
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You'll see.
33
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Congrats on still having
a spark and everything, but yuck.
34
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Okay, get this.
35
00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:45,260
I have to write an essay
on what I want my career to be.
36
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I'm about the journey,
not the destination.
37
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Look, it's a
school assignment. You got to do it.
38
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Yeah, everything in life
involves things
39
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- you don't want to do.
- Thank you.
40
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- Like in work.
- Yes.
41
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- Or in marriage.
- What?
42
00:02:00,353 --> 00:02:03,186
But I'm 16.
I don't know what my calling's gonna be.
43
00:02:03,590 --> 00:02:06,787
Speaking of calling, oh,
it's your homework assignment.
44
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Uh-huh. It says,
"You complete me."
45
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You are so not funny.
46
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Yes, he is.
47
00:02:15,235 --> 00:02:18,204
Your dad might be the funniest primary
care physician in the valley.
48
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You heard your mom.
Funniest person in the world.
49
00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:26,677
And if you're a fan
of my comedy, and I know I am...
50
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You're gonna love me
at this banquet.
51
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Ooh, fancy.
52
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"This year's guest of honor
is Welltopia's new head of plastic surgery,
53
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"Kevin O'Connell."
54
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- Oh.
- "Oh" what?
55
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No, it's just, I think this is the
Kevin O'Connell I dated in med school.
56
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Oh, yeah!
57
00:02:44,931 --> 00:02:47,991
You told me about him.
Kevin O'Irish.
58
00:02:48,067 --> 00:02:50,035
Kevin O'Pasty face.
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"Oi, Allison, you're a fine lass.
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"I'd like to take you down to the
cathedral and buy you some cockles."
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What?
62
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No, it's nothing.
63
00:03:01,281 --> 00:03:05,342
Oh, you're feeling weird
about seeing Kevin McPale, aren't you?
64
00:03:06,452 --> 00:03:08,215
Yeah, I kind of am.
65
00:03:08,321 --> 00:03:10,152
Oh, come on, it'll be fine.
66
00:03:10,223 --> 00:03:12,020
And I'm sure he'll be cool with it, too,
67
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as long as you keep him
away from the whiskey and women's skirts.
68
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You know, 'cause Irish guys
wear those plaid skirts.
69
00:03:18,064 --> 00:03:19,361
Or maybe it's the Scottish.
70
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Don't' worry,
I'll be warmed up by show time.
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00:03:30,276 --> 00:03:33,404
Oh, here's my invitation to the banquet in
case you want to take someone.
72
00:03:33,479 --> 00:03:34,468
Whoa, you're not going?
73
00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:37,042
No. Big parties make me nervous.
74
00:03:37,116 --> 00:03:39,175
I am not good at schmozing.
75
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Okay, well, you better get good at it.
76
00:03:41,854 --> 00:03:43,515
You want to specialize
in internal medicine, right?
77
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Yes. I'm all about
what's on the inside...
78
00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:47,821
Yep, don't need the back story.
79
00:03:49,262 --> 00:03:51,230
Listen, I'm trying
to help you out here.
80
00:03:51,297 --> 00:03:52,992
Your career
will never go anywhere
81
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:54,556
unless you learn
how to network.
82
00:03:54,767 --> 00:03:57,361
Okay, fine, I'll go.
83
00:03:58,304 --> 00:03:59,771
Why are you looking out
for me like this?
84
00:03:59,839 --> 00:04:00,897
Black guilt.
85
00:04:04,177 --> 00:04:06,509
Dr. Park, I have a patient
with hypertension...
86
00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:08,103
Ah-dada.
In the middle of something.
87
00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:10,706
So, after
the urine sample bit,
88
00:04:10,783 --> 00:04:13,274
you know, I think I should go right into
the Christopher walk-in clinic.
89
00:04:14,854 --> 00:04:17,254
"Yeah, you don't need
90
00:04:17,323 --> 00:04:19,314
"an appointment."
91
00:04:19,392 --> 00:04:20,518
Uncanny.
92
00:04:25,732 --> 00:04:27,495
Oh, my God.
93
00:04:27,567 --> 00:04:29,592
Oh, my God.
94
00:04:29,669 --> 00:04:31,569
Oh, my God.
95
00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:34,872
People, act like you've been there.
96
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:36,738
I have never been there.
97
00:04:38,044 --> 00:04:39,068
Can I help you?
98
00:04:39,145 --> 00:04:40,339
Oh, yeah,
I'm looking for Pat Hein.
99
00:04:40,413 --> 00:04:42,005
- And you are?
- Dr. Kevin O'Connell.
100
00:04:42,081 --> 00:04:43,514
Oh, my God!
101
00:04:53,493 --> 00:04:54,721
You're Kevin O'Connell?
102
00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:55,886
I am.
103
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:58,590
Oh. Funny story.
104
00:04:58,665 --> 00:05:01,896
I... I heard
about this other Dr. Kevin O'Connell,
105
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:02,957
but he's Irish.
106
00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:05,027
Well, I was adopted
by Irish parents.
107
00:05:05,672 --> 00:05:07,867
Yeah, but this guy
went to Cornell Med School.
108
00:05:07,940 --> 00:05:08,929
Oh, I went to Cornell.
109
00:05:09,008 --> 00:05:11,238
Yeah, but this guy dated my wife.
110
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:12,642
Allison Kurumada.
111
00:05:12,712 --> 00:05:14,236
No way! Alli?
112
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,111
Oh, she's awesome.
How's she doing?
113
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She's good.
114
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She's good.
Because remember,
115
00:05:25,358 --> 00:05:26,416
she was just saying
116
00:05:26,492 --> 00:05:29,689
that this is the happiest
she's been in her entire life.
117
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That's great.
118
00:05:32,932 --> 00:05:34,456
Excuse me.
119
00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:37,332
She dated him
and wound up with you?
120
00:05:38,738 --> 00:05:41,502
How does that poor woman
get out of bed in the morning?
121
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:44,040
I wouldn't know, Damona.
I get up earlier.
122
00:05:44,110 --> 00:05:45,668
I'm more of a morning person.
123
00:05:46,813 --> 00:05:48,212
Mmm-mmm.
124
00:05:48,648 --> 00:05:49,945
Dr. Kevin O'Connell,
125
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:53,452
I'm Dr. Julie Dobbs,
and I am a huge fan.
126
00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:54,645
Oh, cool, thanks.
127
00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:56,253
You've heard
of him before?
128
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No.
129
00:05:58,791 --> 00:05:59,985
So, um, I was wondering
130
00:06:00,059 --> 00:06:01,856
if you know anything
about hypertension.
131
00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:03,691
- I have this patient...
- Well, well, Julie,
132
00:06:03,830 --> 00:06:05,491
I'm your attending
and your mentor.
133
00:06:05,565 --> 00:06:06,657
You should be asking me.
134
00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:08,223
I did,
but you were busy
135
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:10,701
botching an imitation
of Christopher Walken.
136
00:06:12,805 --> 00:06:14,534
It's an impression.
137
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Uh, besides, Dr. O'Connell
is a plastic surgeon,
138
00:06:17,410 --> 00:06:19,878
so unless your patient
wants giant fake boobs,
139
00:06:19,946 --> 00:06:20,970
I think I can handle it.
140
00:06:21,347 --> 00:06:23,144
He's right.
141
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,478
I'd probably
give the dude breasts.
142
00:06:26,252 --> 00:06:28,618
Self-deprecation
is so attractive.
143
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:30,447
You don't
have to tell me.
144
00:06:30,523 --> 00:06:31,854
I'm all about
self-deprecating.
145
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Sometimes
it's attractive.
146
00:06:35,128 --> 00:06:37,596
Give him the max dosage
of captopril, 100 milligrams.
147
00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:39,798
If I may,
I just saw a study.
148
00:06:39,866 --> 00:06:42,801
The max dosage of captopril
is now 450 milligrams.
149
00:06:43,002 --> 00:06:45,334
Oh.
150
00:06:46,005 --> 00:06:49,168
450? Where'd you read that,
The Botox Herald?
151
00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:51,440
Uh, The New England
Journal of Medicine.
152
00:06:52,311 --> 00:06:53,801
Oh, the...
The 450 study.
153
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:56,212
Yeah. Um, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I read that one.
154
00:06:56,282 --> 00:06:57,340
Really?
155
00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:58,714
Because usually
when studies come,
156
00:06:58,785 --> 00:07:00,150
you do that thing where
you throw them in the trash
157
00:07:00,219 --> 00:07:01,777
and say,
"I already got the job."
158
00:07:04,624 --> 00:07:06,387
You know,
I read this one in bed,
159
00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:08,359
and I was not impressed.
160
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:12,694
So, I rolled over and vigorously made
love to my wife, who was awake.
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Right on.
Well, I'm gonna go find Pat.
162
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Just down the hall
to the left. I love you.
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00:07:19,405 --> 00:07:20,770
Third door
on the right.
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I don't know
why I just did that.
165
00:07:32,585 --> 00:07:33,711
You sure this is okay?
166
00:07:33,820 --> 00:07:35,583
Oh, yeah, she'll be
thrilled to see you.
167
00:07:36,255 --> 00:07:37,415
Hey, Allison.
168
00:07:37,490 --> 00:07:40,186
An old friend of yours
was at Welltopia today.
169
00:07:40,326 --> 00:07:41,452
Barb Rutledge?
170
00:07:41,527 --> 00:07:44,394
No! Why do you always
guess Barb Rutledge?
171
00:07:44,664 --> 00:07:47,064
I don't know.
We do bump into her a lot.
172
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:49,124
- Remember at Quiznos...
- Just get in here!
173
00:07:52,438 --> 00:07:53,837
Oh, my God. Kevin?
174
00:07:53,906 --> 00:07:54,895
Alli?
175
00:07:59,345 --> 00:08:00,778
You look great.
How have you been?
176
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:03,007
- I've been great.
- Oh!
177
00:08:06,085 --> 00:08:07,746
Who's the beefcake?
178
00:08:09,088 --> 00:08:12,922
This is Kevin O'Connell,
an old friend of your mom's.
179
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:15,517
Kevin, this is,
uh, Molly and Dave.
180
00:08:15,595 --> 00:08:18,462
Wait, this is
the guy you dated in medical school?
181
00:08:18,531 --> 00:08:20,362
Mom, mad respect.
182
00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:24,536
Wait, so he could've
been our dad?
183
00:08:24,770 --> 00:08:26,237
It doesn't work that way.
184
00:08:26,305 --> 00:08:28,637
If he was your dad,
you wouldn't be you.
185
00:08:28,708 --> 00:08:30,573
Yeah, I'd be hot me.
186
00:08:32,078 --> 00:08:33,204
Cute kid.
187
00:08:33,279 --> 00:08:34,974
Yeah, cute, not hot.
188
00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:39,548
Anyway, Kevin's in town
for the banquet,
189
00:08:39,619 --> 00:08:41,519
so I invited him over
for dinner.
190
00:08:41,587 --> 00:08:43,680
Oh, that's so sweet.
191
00:08:43,756 --> 00:08:45,087
I need to see you
in the kitchen.
192
00:08:45,157 --> 00:08:46,784
No, I need to see you
in the kitchen.
193
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:55,626
Wow.
194
00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:57,794
No, no, no.
You don't get to say wow.
195
00:08:57,870 --> 00:09:00,338
- I'm saying wow.
- Wow.
196
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:03,205
Why the hell
would you bring him here?
197
00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:04,573
Because I'm petty and dramatic.
198
00:09:05,645 --> 00:09:07,078
And I wanted to see
the look on your face
199
00:09:07,146 --> 00:09:09,876
when you got caught
in a big fat lie, and it did not disappoint.
200
00:09:11,717 --> 00:09:13,514
Why didn't you ever tell me
what this guy looked like?
201
00:09:13,586 --> 00:09:15,451
I don't know!
You never asked.
202
00:09:15,521 --> 00:09:18,012
I'm supposed to ask
if a guy named Kevin O'Connell
203
00:09:18,090 --> 00:09:20,285
happens to be the hottest
Korean guy in the world?
204
00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:22,885
I didn't tell you
because of this.
205
00:09:22,962 --> 00:09:25,829
I knew how you'd react,
and it wasn't worth it.
206
00:09:25,932 --> 00:09:29,390
Oh, oh. I'm not upset about him.
I'm upset about the lie.
207
00:09:30,102 --> 00:09:31,330
You're also upset about him.
208
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,736
Of course I'm upset about him!
209
00:09:33,806 --> 00:09:35,740
He's Korean Channing Tatum!
210
00:09:36,809 --> 00:09:38,504
Come on,
I'm sure you have an ex
211
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,011
who's more attractive than you let on.
212
00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:43,071
No! I didn't!
213
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:45,114
I lie to make myself better.
214
00:09:45,818 --> 00:09:48,378
Remember Karen,
the cute girl I dated in college?
215
00:09:48,454 --> 00:09:49,716
I totally made her up.
216
00:09:49,989 --> 00:09:51,616
But you said she dumped you.
217
00:09:52,058 --> 00:09:53,992
I wanted
to make it believable.
218
00:09:54,060 --> 00:09:56,460
Look, I admit
I was wrong not to tell you about Kevin,
219
00:09:56,529 --> 00:09:58,622
but it was 20 years ago, Ken.
220
00:09:58,698 --> 00:10:00,825
You need to put on
your big-boy pants and act like a grownup.
221
00:10:00,933 --> 00:10:03,026
This is not the time
222
00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:05,593
to mock my slight frame
and delicate features.
223
00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:10,332
Molly was just telling me
how she wants to be a doctor.
224
00:10:10,409 --> 00:10:12,400
You never said
you wanted to be a doctor.
225
00:10:12,478 --> 00:10:15,504
That was before. Kevin inspired me.
226
00:10:15,581 --> 00:10:17,105
He's a real role model.
227
00:10:19,018 --> 00:10:21,418
Dad, look.
Kevin helped me finish the DNA model
228
00:10:21,487 --> 00:10:22,715
I asked you
to help me with,
229
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:25,723
and you said,
"Not now, son. We'll do it later."
230
00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:27,088
And two years went by.
231
00:10:29,795 --> 00:10:31,353
Kevin, this is so embarrassing,
232
00:10:31,430 --> 00:10:33,261
but we're gonna have
to take a rain check on dinner.
233
00:10:33,332 --> 00:10:34,560
What?
234
00:10:36,268 --> 00:10:37,462
I hope everything's okay.
235
00:10:37,770 --> 00:10:40,261
Oh, yeah, it's just my friend,
236
00:10:40,339 --> 00:10:41,863
Barb Rutledge.
237
00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:44,568
We're throwing her
an intervention.
238
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,009
It's paint fumes.
239
00:10:46,512 --> 00:10:47,945
And pot.
240
00:10:49,682 --> 00:10:52,480
She's been huffing...
241
00:10:53,152 --> 00:10:54,915
And puffing.
242
00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:56,716
We're worried she might
blow her house down.
243
00:10:58,424 --> 00:11:00,449
Anyway,
we're really sorry.
244
00:11:00,526 --> 00:11:02,016
Uh, it's all good.
245
00:11:02,094 --> 00:11:04,153
You know, gives me a chance
to hit the gym, grab a workout.
246
00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:06,095
Yeah, that's clearly
what you need.
247
00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:08,732
Catch you guys
at the banquet tomorrow?
248
00:11:09,602 --> 00:11:10,660
It was good seeing
you again, Alli.
249
00:11:29,555 --> 00:11:31,682
Why is "comedy" in quotes?
250
00:11:32,491 --> 00:11:34,220
Yeah, that's what
everyone's looking at.
251
00:11:36,729 --> 00:11:38,424
Hey, you two look great.
252
00:11:38,497 --> 00:11:39,623
I feel great
253
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:42,463
for someone
who's been lied to for the past 20 years.
254
00:11:43,803 --> 00:11:46,033
Glad you found a tux
that fit a big, fat baby.
255
00:11:47,606 --> 00:11:50,200
Okay, your small talk
leaves something to be desired.
256
00:11:57,917 --> 00:11:59,145
Hi. Ooh!
257
00:12:00,352 --> 00:12:01,410
Wow.
258
00:12:01,654 --> 00:12:03,815
I told you
I'm terrible at networking.
259
00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:05,618
It's okay, I got you.
260
00:12:06,158 --> 00:12:07,785
Um, okay,
don't look now.
261
00:12:07,860 --> 00:12:10,090
11 o' clock, it's the chief
of internal medicine.
262
00:12:10,162 --> 00:12:12,892
Great.
I will be back in three hours.
263
00:12:12,965 --> 00:12:14,057
What? No.
264
00:12:14,133 --> 00:12:16,397
The blond by the bar.
265
00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:17,493
Talk to him.
266
00:12:18,137 --> 00:12:19,764
God, okay.
267
00:12:21,107 --> 00:12:22,506
Here I go.
268
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,543
Need four gin and tonics
for table six.
269
00:12:27,279 --> 00:12:29,804
Hi.
I'm Dr. Julie Dobbs.
270
00:12:29,882 --> 00:12:30,974
Austin.
271
00:12:31,550 --> 00:12:32,744
Can I get you something?
272
00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:36,054
Oh, that's so nice of you.
No, I'm fine.
273
00:12:36,122 --> 00:12:37,453
Augh.
274
00:12:39,024 --> 00:12:40,252
Um...
275
00:12:40,326 --> 00:12:44,353
So, uh, what do
you like to do when you're not at work?
276
00:12:45,064 --> 00:12:48,090
Um, I play bass
in a garage band.
277
00:12:48,167 --> 00:12:49,225
I like to snowboard.
278
00:12:49,301 --> 00:12:51,030
Oh! Me too.
279
00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:52,468
- Really?
- No.
280
00:12:53,906 --> 00:12:56,636
Okay,
I'm really not good at this whole thing.
281
00:12:56,709 --> 00:12:57,903
I just...
282
00:12:57,977 --> 00:12:59,535
Austin, I just wanted to say
283
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:01,637
that I would love to work
for you one day.
284
00:13:02,047 --> 00:13:03,173
- Really?
- Yeah.
285
00:13:03,249 --> 00:13:04,546
And if you let me,
286
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:07,848
you would see that no one works as
hard or wants it more than I do.
287
00:13:10,156 --> 00:13:11,180
Word.
288
00:13:11,257 --> 00:13:12,485
Thank you so much.
289
00:13:12,558 --> 00:13:14,219
No big. Peace.
290
00:13:14,927 --> 00:13:16,087
Peace.
291
00:13:18,731 --> 00:13:19,857
How did it go?
292
00:13:20,866 --> 00:13:22,493
Really well.
293
00:13:22,568 --> 00:13:23,592
For the first time,
294
00:13:23,669 --> 00:13:26,467
I feel like I took
a big step forward in my career, you know?
295
00:13:26,539 --> 00:13:28,200
Aww. See?
296
00:13:28,274 --> 00:13:29,332
Aww.
297
00:13:30,176 --> 00:13:31,234
So good.
298
00:13:31,710 --> 00:13:33,041
Come. Sit.
299
00:13:33,612 --> 00:13:35,307
Oh, there they are.
300
00:13:35,381 --> 00:13:37,178
Oh, Alli, how'd it go
with your friend Barb?
301
00:13:38,384 --> 00:13:39,908
Oh, she's fine.
302
00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:41,953
She's... in the army now.
303
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:44,680
Oh, cool.
304
00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:47,123
Uh, Ken, man,
I am pumped to see your skits tonight.
305
00:13:47,193 --> 00:13:48,660
Yeah, thanks, buddy.
306
00:13:49,228 --> 00:13:50,627
Will you excuse me?
307
00:13:53,966 --> 00:13:55,729
He just referred
to what I do as "skits".
308
00:13:56,035 --> 00:13:59,004
Oh, my God,
what a gorgeous idiot.
309
00:14:00,339 --> 00:14:03,831
They're not skits.
They're biting satirical commentary.
310
00:14:03,909 --> 00:14:05,103
He just crossed the line.
311
00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:06,872
Wait,
that crossed a line?
312
00:14:06,946 --> 00:14:09,710
Not that he
upstaged you at work or pleasured your wife.
313
00:14:11,083 --> 00:14:12,380
Who said
he pleasured her?
314
00:14:12,451 --> 00:14:13,748
Oh, yeah.
315
00:14:13,819 --> 00:14:15,912
Yeah, I'm sure
that must've been a pretty grim slog.
316
00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:23,753
Welcome, everyone.
Uh, just a quick announcement.
317
00:14:23,829 --> 00:14:28,027
Seems we've all gone a little
scan-happy with the new MRI machine.
318
00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:30,227
Remember,
that's very expensive to operate,
319
00:14:30,302 --> 00:14:32,327
so when it comes
to diagnosing patients,
320
00:14:32,404 --> 00:14:35,464
let's not discount the value
of good, old-fashioned...
321
00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:36,940
guesswork.
322
00:14:38,978 --> 00:14:41,970
Now, if you could all
feign interest in a brief video tribute
323
00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:45,244
to this year's honoree,
Dr. Kevin O'Connell.
324
00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:50,183
It just happens. It just...
325
00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:53,785
What are you doing?
326
00:14:53,859 --> 00:14:55,019
All of the old stuff is out.
327
00:14:55,094 --> 00:14:58,063
Tonight is Operation
Shred Kevin O'Connell,
328
00:14:58,130 --> 00:15:01,122
which is my way
of saying I'm gonna shred Kevin O'Connell.
329
00:15:02,501 --> 00:15:04,025
Now help me think
of his flaws.
330
00:15:05,971 --> 00:15:07,666
Oh, this is good.
331
00:15:08,073 --> 00:15:10,871
Do you happen to know
if he's punctual?
332
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:16,075
Because, you know,
if not, that can be mildly annoying.
333
00:15:17,816 --> 00:15:18,874
Oh, who am I kidding?
334
00:15:18,951 --> 00:15:21,112
No one would mind
waiting five minutes for that.
335
00:15:22,688 --> 00:15:23,712
Whose side are you on?
336
00:15:23,789 --> 00:15:25,279
Yours, always.
337
00:15:26,458 --> 00:15:29,052
Did he say something
about wanting me on his side?
338
00:15:30,129 --> 00:15:31,619
I can't stand that guy!
339
00:15:31,697 --> 00:15:34,860
He's not even a real doctor.
He's just a plastic surgeon.
340
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:39,030
His whole world
is just nips and noses, lips and butts.
341
00:15:39,538 --> 00:15:41,529
My work isn't about
restoring appearance.
342
00:15:42,007 --> 00:15:43,770
It's about restoring dignity.
343
00:15:44,910 --> 00:15:46,070
After the earthquake,
344
00:15:46,145 --> 00:15:49,137
Dr. O'Connell
rushed to Haiti to help the children.
345
00:15:49,982 --> 00:15:52,314
When a child sees a reflection
346
00:15:52,384 --> 00:15:54,249
and the physical scars
are healing,
347
00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,278
well, maybe then
348
00:15:57,356 --> 00:15:59,483
the emotional ones
can begin to heal, as well.
349
00:16:01,727 --> 00:16:04,059
You notice
how he's always rubbing his shoulder?
350
00:16:05,197 --> 00:16:06,562
Dude, you're ripped.
We get it.
351
00:16:07,499 --> 00:16:10,525
"Oh, look at me,
I have discernible shoulders.
352
00:16:10,602 --> 00:16:13,537
"When I put on a backpack,
it doesn't just slide off."
353
00:16:14,206 --> 00:16:16,174
Wait, is that why
you never wear a backpack?
354
00:16:16,241 --> 00:16:18,835
That and if it's too heavy,
I fall backwards, okay?
355
00:16:20,245 --> 00:16:22,611
But I can work with this.
He's shoulder-proud.
356
00:16:22,681 --> 00:16:23,841
Nobody likes that.
357
00:16:23,916 --> 00:16:27,215
"Shoulder... proud."
358
00:16:28,153 --> 00:16:31,122
As Dr. O'Connell ran
out of the crumbling building,
359
00:16:31,190 --> 00:16:33,522
carrying the two children
to safety,
360
00:16:33,592 --> 00:16:36,561
the roof collapsed,
shattering his shoulder.
361
00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:39,460
But not the puppy
cradled beneath it.
362
00:16:41,066 --> 00:16:42,931
You know,
shoulders can be replaced.
363
00:16:43,635 --> 00:16:45,034
Lives can't.
364
00:16:52,478 --> 00:16:53,706
Wow.
365
00:16:54,913 --> 00:16:56,972
Okay, hot crowd.
Hot crowd!
366
00:16:58,784 --> 00:17:00,081
- Whoo! Yeah.
- Go, go, go.
367
00:17:00,152 --> 00:17:01,585
Wow, there really
is just nothing there.
368
00:17:01,653 --> 00:17:02,881
Okay.
369
00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:06,787
Wow, that is
some inspiring stuff.
370
00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:10,161
Oh, I just...
I would not want to have to follow that.
371
00:17:11,730 --> 00:17:15,063
Up next,
the comedy stylings of Dr. Ken Park.
372
00:17:16,435 --> 00:17:18,096
Whoo!
373
00:17:20,739 --> 00:17:22,536
So, let's get into it.
374
00:17:22,608 --> 00:17:25,975
How about our honoree,
Dr. Snip and Tuck?
375
00:17:26,278 --> 00:17:27,336
Oh!
376
00:17:29,181 --> 00:17:30,239
Hey, nothing annoying
377
00:17:30,315 --> 00:17:32,510
about how he rubs
his shoulder so much.
378
00:17:32,584 --> 00:17:34,848
We get it, Kev,
you go to the gym.
379
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:36,581
I guess he needs
those strong shoulders
380
00:17:36,655 --> 00:17:38,486
to haul those giant bags
of boob juice
381
00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:39,888
into everyone's chest.
382
00:17:42,361 --> 00:17:43,555
Boob juice?
383
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:49,360
Um...
384
00:17:51,136 --> 00:17:52,797
Okay, who likes
impressions?
385
00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:56,001
Me too.
386
00:17:56,675 --> 00:17:58,370
Um, uh,
this is my impression
387
00:17:58,444 --> 00:18:01,140
of one of Dr. O'Connell's
patients at a funeral.
388
00:18:04,983 --> 00:18:07,747
"I so sad."
389
00:18:09,688 --> 00:18:12,020
Oh, because their skin is so
tight that all they can do is...
390
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,490
I got some others. Um...
391
00:18:14,793 --> 00:18:17,557
Uh, I mean,
there are pimps out there
392
00:18:17,629 --> 00:18:20,496
who haven't cut
as many faces as that guy, am I right?
393
00:18:26,171 --> 00:18:27,195
Come on.
394
00:18:27,272 --> 00:18:28,739
That guy's
raised more eyebrows
395
00:18:28,807 --> 00:18:31,503
than an interracial couple
in 1957!
396
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:36,204
Uh, you know, it's okay
to laugh, everyone.
397
00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:38,806
I don't mind.
Laughter is the best medicine.
398
00:18:42,254 --> 00:18:43,881
Of course
he's prescribing laughter.
399
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:45,583
Tomorrow
he'll charge you five grand
400
00:18:45,657 --> 00:18:47,852
to blast your own ass fat
into those laugh lines.
401
00:18:51,830 --> 00:18:53,821
Hey, do Mr. T-cell!
402
00:18:54,266 --> 00:18:55,961
Aw, it's kind of dated.
403
00:18:56,034 --> 00:18:58,059
I pity the fool who don't
respect my immune system!
404
00:19:00,672 --> 00:19:04,073
If your urine tastes
like lemonade concentrate,
405
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:06,373
you might be a diabetic.
406
00:19:08,213 --> 00:19:10,875
That's all my time.
See you next year!
407
00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:21,349
- Thanks.
- For what?
408
00:19:21,426 --> 00:19:22,620
Well, I was
dying up there.
409
00:19:22,694 --> 00:19:24,889
Even though
you were pissed at me, you laughed anyway.
410
00:19:24,963 --> 00:19:25,952
Bailed me out.
411
00:19:26,031 --> 00:19:28,465
I wasn't bailing you out.
You were funny.
412
00:19:28,534 --> 00:19:30,502
Look, I know
I was a jerk about Kevin.
413
00:19:30,569 --> 00:19:31,593
I'm sorry.
414
00:19:31,937 --> 00:19:34,030
Yeah, you really outdid yourself.
415
00:19:34,106 --> 00:19:35,368
I couldn't help it.
416
00:19:35,807 --> 00:19:37,274
Just thinking
about you with that guy
417
00:19:37,342 --> 00:19:40,106
made me feel like the lonely, insecure
doctor I was when we met.
418
00:19:41,113 --> 00:19:42,410
Well, I get that.
419
00:19:43,081 --> 00:19:45,515
I guess sometimes
I was jealous of Karen.
420
00:19:45,584 --> 00:19:47,916
You know,
before I found out she wasn't real.
421
00:19:48,820 --> 00:19:51,516
Ken, he has nothing on you.
422
00:19:51,590 --> 00:19:53,888
I mean, he is charming.
423
00:19:53,959 --> 00:19:55,290
Yeah, I don't see it.
424
00:19:57,429 --> 00:19:59,192
And attractive.
425
00:19:59,264 --> 00:20:01,061
It's a very specific look.
426
00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:03,463
But there was no spark.
427
00:20:03,535 --> 00:20:04,695
Dating a guy like Kevin
428
00:20:04,770 --> 00:20:07,170
made me realize
I didn't want someone perfect.
429
00:20:07,239 --> 00:20:08,706
I wanted you.
430
00:20:09,775 --> 00:20:13,211
Oh, babe, that is so close
to being a compliment.
431
00:20:14,846 --> 00:20:18,111
Besides, I could
never end up with someone like him.
432
00:20:18,183 --> 00:20:19,241
He's kind of pretentious.
433
00:20:19,318 --> 00:20:20,615
Kind of?
434
00:20:21,286 --> 00:20:24,551
"Look at me, I save lives
and can wear a backpack."
435
00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:28,615
"Look at me, I restore dignity
and can do a million sit-ups."
436
00:20:29,761 --> 00:20:30,819
"Look at me,
437
00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:33,228
"I suffer from
an embarrassing sexual dysfunction."
438
00:20:34,266 --> 00:20:35,528
- No?
- No.
439
00:20:43,575 --> 00:20:45,065
- Here's your dessert.
- Oh.
440
00:20:45,143 --> 00:20:46,269
And an application.
441
00:20:46,345 --> 00:20:47,505
What?
442
00:20:47,579 --> 00:20:49,911
Get it in quick,
you can work a bar mitzvah this Sunday.
443
00:20:50,349 --> 00:20:52,749
Oh, Julie,
you're such an idiot.
444
00:20:52,818 --> 00:20:54,251
Hey, cut that out.
445
00:20:54,319 --> 00:20:56,184
At least
you put yourself out there.
446
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:58,655
You shouldn't be upset.
You should be celebrating.
447
00:20:59,558 --> 00:21:01,719
You're right.
Thanks, Damona.
448
00:21:02,394 --> 00:21:04,453
Uh, waiter, two glasses
of champagne
449
00:21:04,529 --> 00:21:05,791
for me and my friend.
450
00:21:05,864 --> 00:21:06,888
Excuse me?
451
00:21:06,965 --> 00:21:08,899
I'm the chief
of thoracic surgery.
452
00:21:09,701 --> 00:21:10,793
Okay.
453
00:21:11,370 --> 00:21:13,099
Yeah, maybe you should fill this out.
454
00:21:13,171 --> 00:21:14,399
Yeah.
455
00:21:15,073 --> 00:21:16,233
I'm sorry to bug you guys.
456
00:21:16,308 --> 00:21:17,468
I've had a little too much to drink,
457
00:21:17,542 --> 00:21:20,010
and my judgment's kind of impaired.
458
00:21:20,078 --> 00:21:21,306
Can one of you guys
give me a ride home?
459
00:21:22,848 --> 00:21:23,872
- I'll do it!
- I got it!
460
00:21:23,949 --> 00:21:25,348
No, no, no, no! I got it!
461
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:33,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll