1
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:01,270
Nah... it's not happening.

2
00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:05,950
Want to try further up there?

3
00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:08,000
Go on, then.

4
00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:22,950
♪ Will you search the lonely earth for me?

5
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:26,000
♪ Climb through the briar and bramble

6
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:31,000
♪ I'll be your treasure

7
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:41,950
♪ I felt the touch of the kings
and the breath of the wind

8
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:44,950
♪ I knew the call of all the song birds

9
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:50,000
♪ They sang all the wrong words

10
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:54,000
♪ I'm waiting for you

11
00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:58,000
♪ I'm waiting for you

12
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:05,950
♪ Mmm-mmm

13
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:09,950
♪ Mmm-mmm

14
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:14,000
♪ Mmm-mmm... ♪

15
00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,670
You see University Challenge? Yeah.

16
00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:24,950
You see that way that idiot celebrated

17
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:26,950
when he got his starter for ten?

18
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,670
I know. Idiot.

19
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,950
What a helmet. Have some dignity.

20
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:32,950
Waving your arms around...

21
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:34,950
I hate the ones that have a sip of water

22
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,950
and frown like it was no big deal.

23
00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:38,950
Yeah.

24
00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:40,950
They're knobs as well.

25
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:46,950
What you want is a... humble smile
and a nod to your team mates,

26
00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:50,950
as if to say, "I know you
guys knew that one too."

27
00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:53,000
That's it. Spot on.

28
00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:05,870
What have you got?

29
00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:08,270
A bit off a trestle table.

30
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:11,070
You? Tufty Club badge.

31
00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:15,400
You know why, don't you? Why?

32
00:05:15,950 --> 00:05:16,950
Car-boot sales.

33
00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:19,950
Used to have them here every
weekend, a few years back.

34
00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:22,470
I found? 13.76 in loose change.

35
00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:27,000
This isn't metal detecting,
this is scavenging on landfill.

36
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:32,540
Lunch time.

37
00:05:46,950 --> 00:05:47,950
What did you do last night?

38
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:50,540
Ah... stayed in and had a French.

39
00:05:51,950 --> 00:05:52,950
French?

40
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:56,000
Yeah. What's that?

41
00:05:58,000 --> 00:05:59,950
A French takeaway.

42
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:03,600
That new restaurant in the
high street does takeaway.

43
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:06,950
What did you have?

44
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:11,000
Ah... onion soup, escargot,
boeuf bourguignon.

45
00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:14,950
Why don't you cook any more?

46
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,950
Can't be bothered.

47
00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:18,950
I used to enjoy your curries.

48
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,400
You were the only one who did.

49
00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:26,870
What do you think about internet dating?

50
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:29,950
I think you're already
married, mate, to Becky.

51
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:31,940
Not for me, for you.

52
00:06:32,950 --> 00:06:33,950
Shut up.

53
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:35,950
What? What's so ridiculous about that?

54
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,950
Loads of people do it these days. Shut up!

55
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,400
What is this, an intervention?

56
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:43,870
Ah. I'm quite happy as I am, thank you.

57
00:06:44,950 --> 00:06:45,950
Here...

58
00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:48,670
Who's that down by that camper van?

59
00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:53,270
Dunno.

60
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,340
Not from round here, though.

61
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:03,000
Come on, then!

62
00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:05,270
There.

63
00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:07,950
Can I feed him?

64
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,470
You want to? Yeah, go on, then.

65
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,950
There we go... Hello, Stanley!

66
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:15,950
Support his head. Yeah, I know.

67
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:18,950
Support his head. I am. I am.

68
00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:20,740
Hello, Stanley.

69
00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:27,000
Check it's not too hot by
putting a bit on your...

70
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:31,000
It's good.

71
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,540
Here we go.

72
00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:35,950
What?

73
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:36,950
That's...

74
00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:38,740
That milk you...

75
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,000
What?

76
00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:43,400
Nothing.

77
00:07:48,950 --> 00:07:49,950
God!

78
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:52,950
Why didn't you say anything?!

79
00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:54,950
I decided to spare him.

80
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:58,000
I'll never be able to
look him in the eye again!

81
00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:00,950
Bless Lance.

82
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:03,950
Is he all right? I worry about him.

83
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:05,950
It's hard to tell, but
he hasn't invited me round

84
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:07,950
to his flat for a curry in months

85
00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:09,950
and I spotted some rust on his car.

86
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:11,950
Is that significant? Hugely.

87
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:13,950
Does he ever talk about Maggie?

88
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:17,950
Occasionally. I don't think they've
been in touch since she left.

89
00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:20,950
Aw... did you have a nice day?

90
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,950
Did you go metal detecting
with Daddy and Uncle Lance?

91
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:24,950
Aw...

92
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,950
Did you find anything good? Nah.

93
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:28,950
Nah...

94
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:30,950
They never find anything!

95
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:31,950
I heard that.

96
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:34,000
Oops!

97
00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:37,950
Mum wants to take Stan
for the day tomorrow.

98
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:38,950
Oh, great(!)

99
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,950
You could... Call the agency
and see if they've got any work.

100
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:44,540
Yep... I'll do that first thing.

101
00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:51,950
Do you think your mum will stick to the routines
with the feeding times and naps and all that?

102
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:52,950
Oh... doubt it!

103
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,870
It doesn't matter for one day, does it?

104
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:57,950
Will she have a go at
me for not having a job?

105
00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,000
Mmm... probably.

106
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:02,950
She hates the fact that
you had to go back to work

107
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,950
and I'm at home with Stan.

108
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:06,950
She thinks it's degrading for a man.

109
00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:08,950
Oh, who cares what she thinks?

110
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,950
We didn't have a choice.

111
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:12,340
I know.

112
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,950
It won't be long now.

113
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,270
You'll get a job soon. Yep.

114
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,950
I thought I'd pass my exams and
magically become an archaeologist.

115
00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,950
It didn't occur to me that
no-one would give me a job.

116
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:27,950
Poor Daddy.

117
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:29,950
You know we love you, don't you?

118
00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:31,950
Yep. Although...

119
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:32,950
What?

120
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,950
Smells like at least one of you has
done a poo in your pants. Really?

121
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:36,950
Bad luck.

122
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,950
That's not fair, you knew!

123
00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:40,950
I didn't smell anything.

124
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:44,000
Bullshit. It's making my eyes water.

125
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:53,950
Lovely to see the finds table
with such a... nice scattering

126
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:56,070
of quality finds here.

127
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:59,950
Good range of buttons and buckles,

128
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:04,950
and... half a dozen Civil
War era musket balls.

129
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:06,950
Now, I know I've said this before,

130
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,950
but although they are common,

131
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:13,000
I find musket balls to be
irresistible nuggets of history...

132
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:17,950
.. albeit toxic history and all lead
items in your collection should be

133
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:22,000
stored safely and responsibly,
and out of the reach of children.

134
00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:25,950
Whose is the Roman phallus?

135
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,740
Oh, that's mine.

136
00:10:30,950 --> 00:10:31,950
Something funny about that? No.

137
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,950
Right.

138
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:34,950
Andy, Lance?

139
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:36,950
Anything from you on the
finds table this week?

140
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:38,950
Ah... not this week, Terry, no.

141
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,000
Tufty Club badge.

142
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:47,950
Now... the annual club
rally is fast approaching

143
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:49,950
and we still do not have
a site to hold it on.

144
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:53,100
Does nobody have a
permission that we can use?

145
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:57,950
Well, if the worst comes to the worst,
we've been given permission to detect

146
00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,950
on an old Edwardian rubbish
dump... out by Morden.

147
00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:04,950
An Edwardian rubbish dump?
That's still rubbish, mate.

148
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:05,950
It's disgusting.

149
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:09,950
How long does something have to be in the
ground before it becomes archaeology then,

150
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:10,950
Mrs Ancient History?

151
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:13,540
Well, at least 100 years, surely.

152
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:16,950
I'm with Sophie. The clue's
in the name -- rubbish dump.

153
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:20,950
Nonsense. The Edwardians threw
some fascinating stuff away.

154
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:22,950
They didn't throw away
gold, though, did they?

155
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,950
It's not all about gold, Sophie.

156
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:27,950
Nobody's going to want to come
to a rally where you're absolutely

157
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,950
guaranteed not to find any gold.

158
00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:33,000
She's right, Terry. It's just going
to be broken glass and china. Well...

159
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:37,000
Until somebody comes up with something
else, it's the best we've got.

160
00:11:38,950 --> 00:11:39,950
Now, Russell, Hugh,

161
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,950
how is your lost wedding
ring recovery service doing?

162
00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:45,950
Yeah, not bad, Terry.
One call out this week.

163
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:47,950
Old biddy, lost engagement ring.

164
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:49,950
But I'm not going to waste
my time telling you... Oh...

165
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:53,950
.. when you can read all about
it in the Essex Chronicle!

166
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:57,950
Two copies. One for the scrap
book, one for the notice board.

167
00:11:58,000 --> 00:11:59,740
Well done! Woo!

168
00:12:01,950 --> 00:12:02,950
And we were... Sit down!

169
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:06,000
And we were wondering whether
we can get a vehicle.

170
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:09,950
Pardon, a vehicle? That's right.

171
00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:11,950
What's wrong with the bus?

172
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:13,950
Well, we just think if we
had a DMDC vehicle, it would

173
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,950
present a more, you
know, professional image.

174
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:18,950
What kind of a vehicle?

175
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,070
Like the Ghostbusters.

176
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,400
We weren't going to say that.

177
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:27,950
No, not like the Ghostbusters, but
something with a logo on the side.

178
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:29,950
The Ghostbusters logo.

179
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:30,950
No, the DMDC logo.

180
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:32,950
Look...

181
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,950
I'm not denying that this club is
in a far healthier state than it

182
00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:37,950
was this time last year, Russell,

183
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:41,000
but I do not think the DMDC coffers
are going to stretch to a Cadillac.

184
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:44,950
Speaking of which,
Sheila's come up with a...

185
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,950
novel fund raising idea that I
said she could run up the flagpole,

186
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,950
see if anyone salutes it.

187
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:52,000
Sheila? Love? Yes.

188
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,950
I thought we could do...

189
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:56,950
a naked calendar.

190
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:59,270
Absolutely not. No. No way.

191
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:07,950
Terry could take photos of
you all out metal-detecting

192
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,950
with your finds pouches
covering your privates.

193
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:14,300
Sheila, shut the fuck up!
You're not hearing me.

194
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:20,600
Certainly not doing it...
Gerry... keep them covered!

195
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:29,950
Now, come on, come on.
Don't just dismiss it.

196
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:33,950
I mean... we've got nearly enough
members for each month of the year.

197
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,950
Well, perhaps some of you
could double up. Lance, Andy...

198
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,950
Well...

199
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:40,950
Russell, Hugh, you could
do one together perhaps.

200
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:42,950
Jesus Christ.

201
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:44,950
Well, you know, it could
be a good money-spinner.

202
00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:46,950
Really, Terry?

203
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:49,950
Who on earth is going to want
to buy a naked DMDC calendar?

204
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:52,000
I would.

205
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,950
Well, you know, these
things go viral, don't they?

206
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,950
I mean, you go on the local news,

207
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:58,950
then suddenly you're sending
them all over the world.

208
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:00,950
Oh, that's how it works is it?

209
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:03,950
Then they write a musical about you.

210
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,950
I don't want a musical written about me.

211
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:06,950
Let's have a show of hands.

212
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:10,000
Who thinks it's a good idea
to do a naked calendar?

213
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,740
It's not enough, darling. Never mind.

214
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,950
So, it's agreed then, we
won't be making a calendar.

215
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,950
I'd like to go further.

216
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:27,950
I'd like us to vow never to take our
clothes off in front of each other.

217
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,000
Yeah, I'm with him.

218
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:36,950
Hello. Are you the metal detectors?

219
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:38,950
Detectorists. Yes.

220
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,950
Welcome to the Dainbury
Metal Detecting Club.

221
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:44,070
What can we do you for?

222
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:49,950
I'm looking for the wreckage
or crash site of a plane,

223
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:53,950
a German plane that came down
somewhere around here in 1941.

224
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:55,950
I like it already.

225
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:56,950
What type of plane?

226
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,950
My grandfather was one of the crew members

227
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,950
and my grandmother was pregnant
with my dad at the time,

228
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:06,950
and she got a telegram with just the
words, "Missing, believed killed."

229
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:08,950
Oh, dear. That's very sad.

230
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:09,950
What type of plane?

231
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:14,950
Junkers JU88. It crashed
on the way back to France.

232
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:15,950
The only clue I could turn up

233
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:19,000
mentioned the village of... Henburystone.

234
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:21,950
Oh, that's where Andy and
Lance detect, isn't it?

235
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,740
Henburystone? The round tower church?

236
00:15:24,950 --> 00:15:25,950
Over that way, yeah.

237
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:27,950
Are you chaps no longer on Bishops Farm?

238
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,950
No, we searched out all the fields there.

239
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:31,950
Nothing there after all.

240
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,950
This new place never
turned up anything that

241
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,950
looked like plane wreckage, though. No.

242
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:38,950
You need to go through newspapers
from the time at the library,

243
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,950
see if you can find some
photos of the crash site.

244
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,600
I can help, it sounds interesting.

245
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:46,270
What?

246
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:51,950
Well, isn't this the girl who was
saying that Edwardian is still rubbish?

247
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:52,950
And your point is?

248
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:57,950
Well, by your reckoning, a World
War II bomber is merely litter.

249
00:15:58,000 --> 00:15:59,950
Shut up, Lance.

250
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:03,950
There are aerial photographs
online that show bomb craters.

251
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,950
Well, it might show up in one of those.

252
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:06,950
I can meet you at the library if you like.

253
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,950
See what we can find out. Excellent.

254
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:12,100
There you are then.
Crack team on the case.

255
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:16,950
I think you'll find we're a pretty
trustworthy bunch on the whole,

256
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:18,950
despite our quirks and foibles.

257
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:19,950
Quirks and...?

258
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:21,950
Foibles.

259
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:23,950
I don't know either of these.

260
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,340
Peculiar behavioural habits.

261
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,140
Oh.

262
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:32,000
Nothing serious, nothing sinister.

263
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:37,000
You've not joined a cult.

264
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:58,950
So, hands up who thinks Lance should
join an internet dating agency.

265
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:02,950
Here we go. I'm not joining
an internet dating agency.

266
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:05,950
It's not a subject for
public conversation.

267
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,950
I think it's a lovely idea, Lance.

268
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:12,950
You could meet somebody really nice.

269
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:13,950
Yeah. That's what I've been telling him.

270
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:16,950
There's all different
niche websites these days

271
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:19,600
catering for all different tastes.

272
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:22,950
Are you insinuating I've
got strange tastes, Russell?

273
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:25,070
Not you, other people.

274
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,600
Look, I don't want a relationship.

275
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:32,900
I'm actually going through a
period of voluntary chastity.

276
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,000
Sorry.

277
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:59,000
♪ You're the sun, you're the moon

278
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:04,000
♪ You're the light

279
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:08,000
♪ In the room

280
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:16,000
♪ You are my new age girl. ♪

281
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,270
Hello?

282
00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:37,950
Oh...

283
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:42,000
If it's about the fish tank,
I sold it this morning.

284
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,000
It's who?

285
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:49,270
Kate?

286
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:53,000
Yeah, it's... This is Lance. It's Lance...

287
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:56,000
Yeah.

288
00:18:56,950 --> 00:18:57,950
Yes, I did, yeah.

289
00:18:58,000 --> 00:18:59,950
I hadn't got round to replying yet.

290
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:03,950
I'm not very good with the e-mail.

291
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:05,950
Yeah.

292
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:08,070
Yeah, well, thank you.

293
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:10,340
Me too.

294
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:13,950
Well, yeah, we should meet.

295
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:16,470
I'm not very good on the phone.

296
00:19:16,950 --> 00:19:17,950
Er...

297
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:19,950
no.

298
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,070
How about for a coffee?

299
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:25,940
Tuesday sounds good.

300
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:27,270
Yeah.

301
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,000
OK, well, I'll look forward to...

302
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:34,270
.. it.

303
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:36,140
OK.

304
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:38,200
Bye.

305
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:52,950
As long as he doesn't have
too long a nap in the morning,

306
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:53,950
that's all I'm asking.

307
00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:55,950
She needs to wake him up after an hour,

308
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,950
otherwise everything goes out of
sync and we're back to square one.

309
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:00,950
All right, Gina Ford, chill out.

310
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,950
It's not Gina Ford actually. It's
my own unique blend of teachings

311
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:06,600
and I'm thinking of publishing it.

312
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:08,950
That will be a gripping read.

313
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:13,000
Do you think she sterilises
everything properly bec...? Hello?

314
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:16,950
Really, nothing at all?
Not even catering work?

315
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:19,270
It's been three weeks now.

316
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:21,540
OK, thanks.

317
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:24,950
Nothing? Really?

318
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:27,740
I haven't got any skills apparently.

319
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:32,000
I'll do some job searching while
Stan's at your mum's today.

320
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:38,000
Do you mind if I go out after
work with gay Martin? Sure.

321
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,950
He did some volunteer teaching
last year with the VSO. Oh, yeah?

322
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:47,000
He did six months in Colombia
-- it sounded amazing. Cool.

323
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:53,000
Well, it sounds like what we used to
talk about, about going to Africa.

324
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:55,950
What, you're not thinking we can do it?

325
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:59,950
Well, it'd be better than waiting
around for dead-end catering jobs,

326
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:00,950
wouldn't it?

327
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:03,270
Yeah, but not now. Why not?

328
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:07,500
Well, because we've got
Stan now, he's just a baby.

329
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,950
Well, I'd still like to hear about it.

330
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:11,950
Well, yes, you should.
It'd be interesting.

331
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:14,950
So, you don't mind if I'm a bit late?

332
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:16,950
Not if you're only with gay Martin.

333
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:18,800
Oh, he's not gay.

334
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,950
Isn't he? No! It's an ironic nickname

335
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,950
because he's the least homosexual
man you can possibly imagine.

336
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:28,000
He's gorgeous and Spanish.
All the women fancy him.

337
00:21:29,950 --> 00:21:30,950
Is he? Do they?

338
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:32,950
I don't.

339
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,670
No, of course.

340
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:36,600
But, yeah...

341
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:39,400
That's who I'm going out with.

342
00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:41,600
Right. Good.

343
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:10,950
Stanley!

344
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,000
It's Nana!

345
00:22:13,950 --> 00:22:14,950
Yeah!

346
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,070
Hello, Veronica. Andy.

347
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:20,400
How are you? Well, thank you.

348
00:22:20,950 --> 00:22:21,950
Working?

349
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:24,950
Er... Not really. Still
looking for a proper job.

350
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:28,000
Proper job, yeah. That's
probably a good idea.

351
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:33,950
And... what are you up to
today whilst my daughter works

352
00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:35,950
and I look after Stanley?

353
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:37,950
Metal-detecting.

354
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:40,670
I beg your pardon? Metal-detecting.

355
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:43,000
Very useful.

356
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,540
Who's that?

357
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,950
That's my friend, Lance.

358
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,800
What a silly car.

359
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:55,200
You ready to rumble? Hmm.

360
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:58,950
I've written a list with
feeding times on it and...

361
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:00,950
I don't need a list, I've
raised three of my own.

362
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:02,950
I know, but I'm trying
to stick to a routine.

363
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:05,950
We can work out our own routine,
thank you. We're quite capable.

364
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:09,950
It's just that quite a lot of work has gone
into this... Run along now and go and...

365
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:11,950
.. find some metal.

366
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:15,950
Do you want to keep hold of this,
just in case? No, thank you.

367
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:18,950
All right, well, I'll just leave
it there. And I've got my mobile,

368
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:21,950
Becky's got hers and I've put my
friend Lance's number down. Bye-bye.

369
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:24,270
His next feed is at 9:30...

370
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:33,950
Silly? What way silly?

371
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:35,950
A clown car is silly.

372
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:37,950
A Triumph TR7 is a classic.

373
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:39,950
It's just if he gets out of
sync, then all of that work's

374
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:41,950
out of the window. He'll
be up all night again.

375
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:43,950
Relax, mate. It'll be fine.

376
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:45,800
Stupid old trout.

377
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:48,950
Ah! Damn it, we've got to go back.

378
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:50,950
Why? What is it?

379
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:51,950
It's Clothy, he needs it.

380
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:53,950
Becky's mum will have
a piece of old flannel.

381
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:56,950
This isn't a piece of old
flannel, this is Clothy.

382
00:23:57,000 --> 00:24:01,000
He can do without Clothy for
one day. He's three months old.

383
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:04,270
Got to start toughening up.

384
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:39,950
Turns out he's not even gay.

385
00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:43,000
It's an ironic nickname
because he's so heterosexual.

386
00:24:43,950 --> 00:24:44,950
Shit.

387
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:48,000
Yeah. Gorgeous... Spanish. Yeah?

388
00:24:48,950 --> 00:24:49,950
I'm not worried.

389
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:51,950
Doesn't sound like it.

390
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:54,950
But, yeah, I've got to get a
job soon. It's ridiculous.

391
00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:59,000
43 years old and I can't
even provide for my family.

392
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:03,950
Are there any jobs going at the depot?

393
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:04,950
Only if you can drive a fork lift.

394
00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:06,950
I can't even drive a car.

395
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:09,000
No, then.

396
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:16,870
What have you got?

397
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,950
It's a Blankety Blank cheque book and pen.

398
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:24,340
Really?

399
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:27,600
With the pen?

400
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:32,000
Oh, no, actually... It's just
the cheque book. Oh, well.

401
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:35,140
You see? Car-boot sales.

402
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:38,070
What's the name on it?

403
00:25:38,950 --> 00:25:39,950
Les Dawson.

404
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:42,950
Pity. They're the most common. Eh?

405
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:46,950
Dawson did 123 episodes
including Christmas specials.

406
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:48,950
Wogan did 95.

407
00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:51,950
Surprisingly, the scarce ones
are the Lily Savage ones --

408
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:53,950
she only did 59 eps.

409
00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:56,950
All right, Rain Man. How
do you know this stuff?

410
00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:59,950
Lecture at this year's
TV Nostalgia convention.

411
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:00,950
You still go to those?

412
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:04,000
Nah, not after the last one. Shambles.

413
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:09,000
Yeah. Nostalgia conventions
aren't what they used to be.

414
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:11,950
Lee Majors is going to be at the next one.

415
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:12,950
The Six Million Dollar Man?

416
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:16,000
Apparently, he's only worth 100 grand now.

417
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:20,100
- That's why he...
- .. does the conventions.

418
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:00,950
You've been together eight months.

419
00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:02,950
I wanted to spend the
rest of my life with him.

420
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:04,000
I love you.