1
00:00:00,921 --> 00:00:03,187
Back in the day,
trick-or-treating was my jam.

2
00:00:03,211 --> 00:00:04,244
I'd spend months making

3
00:00:04,279 --> 00:00:05,411
the most epic Halloween costumes

4
00:00:05,447 --> 00:00:07,124
the '80s had ever seen.

5
00:00:07,149 --> 00:00:09,421
I was a master of tape and glue-gunning.

6
00:00:09,446 --> 00:00:11,751
My costumes were not only awesome,

7
00:00:11,786 --> 00:00:13,253
but they were also topical.

8
00:00:13,288 --> 00:00:15,288
I'm the coolest E.T. ever.

9
00:00:15,323 --> 00:00:17,824
And I'm Elliot, E.T.'s owner!

10
00:00:17,859 --> 00:00:20,026
...until my mom turned them
into couples costumes.

11
00:00:20,061 --> 00:00:21,828
Look out, Jenkintown.

12
00:00:21,896 --> 00:00:23,529
Here comes a Ghostbuster!

13
00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:24,897
It was embarrassing.

14
00:00:24,933 --> 00:00:27,467
And I'm his stay puft marshmallow mom.

15
00:00:27,502 --> 00:00:29,102
And every year, it got worse.

16
00:00:29,137 --> 00:00:32,338
Freeze, creep. I'm Robocop.

17
00:00:32,374 --> 00:00:37,277
And I'm Ed-209, Omnicorp's foray
first foray into robotic policing.

18
00:00:37,312 --> 00:00:38,645
I'm Indy!

19
00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:39,879
...and it got more frustrating.

20
00:00:39,914 --> 00:00:41,247
And I'm Mork.

21
00:00:41,283 --> 00:00:43,549
I thought you said you were going as Mindy.

22
00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:45,551
Why would I be going as Mindy?

23
00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:47,287
Well, I guess we're Mork and Indy.

24
00:00:48,189 --> 00:00:49,589
But not this year.

25
00:00:49,624 --> 00:00:52,292
My girl was in town, and she'd
be the Ripley to my Alien.

26
00:00:52,327 --> 00:00:53,192
I love us.

27
00:00:53,228 --> 00:00:54,360
Me too.

28
00:00:54,396 --> 00:00:57,497
Which I why I want you to have this.

29
00:00:57,532 --> 00:00:59,265
Oh, my god.

30
00:00:59,301 --> 00:01:00,561
Our promise ring.

31
00:01:00,586 --> 00:01:02,201
I know you gave it back when you moved,

32
00:01:02,237 --> 00:01:04,737
but I think we've proved
nothing can stand between us.

33
00:01:06,941 --> 00:01:07,707
Hey, Boopie.

34
00:01:07,776 --> 00:01:08,775
What the hell?!

35
00:01:08,810 --> 00:01:11,244
It's me. It's Mama. I'm the Predator.

36
00:01:12,881 --> 00:01:13,946
Stop it.

37
00:01:13,982 --> 00:01:15,848
The Predator doesn't talk with smooches.

38
00:01:15,884 --> 00:01:16,983
He clicks.

39
00:01:17,018 --> 00:01:20,086
Well, this predator
kisses instead of kills.

40
00:01:20,121 --> 00:01:21,180
You're ruining the property.

41
00:01:21,258 --> 00:01:23,890
Or is Preda-mom making it better?

42
00:01:23,925 --> 00:01:26,426
I told you, this year, I'm
doing a couples costume

43
00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:28,761
with the person I'm
actually in a couple with.

44
00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:30,196
Hi, Mrs. Goldberg.

45
00:01:30,231 --> 00:01:31,864
Dana. Look.

46
00:01:31,900 --> 00:01:35,001
Your alien movie has nothing
to do with my costume,

47
00:01:35,036 --> 00:01:36,769
at least not that I know of.

48
00:01:36,805 --> 00:01:38,104
God.

49
00:01:38,139 --> 00:01:39,038
What?

50
00:01:39,074 --> 00:01:40,707
Oh, my god. What is --

51
00:01:40,742 --> 00:01:44,477
it's your favorite comic book,
"alien versus predator"?

52
00:01:44,512 --> 00:01:46,479
Now, when did these two
get to know each other?

53
00:01:46,514 --> 00:01:48,414
You said our costume was mom-proof.

54
00:01:48,450 --> 00:01:50,083
I forgot about the crossover.

55
00:01:50,118 --> 00:01:52,151
This is a very happy coincidence.

56
00:01:52,187 --> 00:01:53,986
We're gonna make quite the trio.

57
00:01:54,022 --> 00:01:57,023
No. You are not following us
around tonight in that costume.

58
00:01:57,058 --> 00:01:59,158
You want me to follow you
around without a costume?

59
00:01:59,194 --> 00:02:01,627
Come on. I'm gonna look crazy.

60
00:02:01,663 --> 00:02:04,063
I don't need my mom's help
to go trick-or-treating.

61
00:02:04,099 --> 00:02:05,565
I'm going with Dana.

62
00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:06,466
Not you.

63
00:02:06,501 --> 00:02:08,568
Oh. Okay.

64
00:02:08,603 --> 00:02:11,637
I guess I'll just go.

65
00:02:11,673 --> 00:02:14,207
Have a good time without me.

66
00:02:14,242 --> 00:02:16,142
If you need me, just call my name...

67
00:02:16,177 --> 00:02:18,578
For anything.

68
00:02:18,613 --> 00:02:20,480
Or I could just stay if you want.

69
00:02:22,016 --> 00:02:23,116
Did someone call me?

70
00:02:23,151 --> 00:02:25,284
I thought I heard, "please don't go."

71
00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:27,553
No?

72
00:02:27,589 --> 00:02:29,122
Is there another way out of here?

73
00:02:29,157 --> 00:02:30,223
Nope.

74
00:02:32,227 --> 00:02:34,260
Call if you need me.

75
00:02:39,634 --> 00:02:42,101
Synced and corrected by Nest0r
www.addic7ed.com

76
00:02:47,542 --> 00:02:50,443
It was October 31, 1980-something,

77
00:02:50,478 --> 00:02:52,245
and my siblings were hard at work

78
00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:54,147
strategizing how to beat Halloween.

79
00:02:54,182 --> 00:02:56,349
Okay, here's our path through Jenkintown.

80
00:02:56,384 --> 00:02:58,351
First, we hit Tom McFadden's Kegger,

81
00:02:58,386 --> 00:03:00,820
then we head north and
hit these three parties.

82
00:03:00,855 --> 00:03:02,622
Ooh, are you planning a candy route?

83
00:03:02,657 --> 00:03:03,923
We should combine our data.

84
00:03:03,958 --> 00:03:04,791
- May I?
- You may.

85
00:03:04,826 --> 00:03:05,591
Nerd punch!

86
00:03:05,627 --> 00:03:06,759
Ow!

87
00:03:06,795 --> 00:03:08,194
What was that for?

88
00:03:08,229 --> 00:03:10,797
Dude! Your girlfriend came
across the ocean to be with you.

89
00:03:10,832 --> 00:03:11,998
Dana lives in Seattle.

90
00:03:12,033 --> 00:03:13,966
Exactly. Do you really think

91
00:03:14,002 --> 00:03:15,868
she wants to spend her one night in America

92
00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:17,804
collecting candy like a little toddler?

93
00:03:17,839 --> 00:03:19,539
But that's w-what we always do.

94
00:03:19,574 --> 00:03:21,741
It's what you did. You're adults now.

95
00:03:21,776 --> 00:03:24,744
Just listen to your deep,
yet still high weird voice.

96
00:03:24,779 --> 00:03:26,245
Hurtful, but continue.

97
00:03:26,281 --> 00:03:29,148
It's Halloween, dude --
a night for romance.

98
00:03:29,184 --> 00:03:31,417
This holiday's all about
girls getting scared

99
00:03:31,453 --> 00:03:33,820
and running to a big,
strong man for protection.

100
00:03:33,855 --> 00:03:34,921
It's evolution.

101
00:03:34,956 --> 00:03:35,755
Idiot punch.

102
00:03:35,790 --> 00:03:36,589
Ow.

103
00:03:36,624 --> 00:03:37,857
But he's got a point.

104
00:03:37,892 --> 00:03:39,992
We do pretend to be scared
to make it easy for boys

105
00:03:40,028 --> 00:03:41,227
because we feel bad for them.

106
00:03:41,262 --> 00:03:42,295
Wow. Okay.

107
00:03:42,355 --> 00:03:44,122
So I should take her someplace scary.

108
00:03:44,165 --> 00:03:45,655
Like JCPenney?

109
00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:46,499
- What?
- What?

110
00:03:46,534 --> 00:03:49,302
They put a bunch of spider webs
up in their mattress display.

111
00:03:49,337 --> 00:03:51,537
You know they're fake,
but they make you think,

112
00:03:51,573 --> 00:03:53,473
"What if my bed had spiders?"

113
00:03:53,508 --> 00:03:54,273
Oh, my god, no.

114
00:03:54,309 --> 00:03:55,475
There's a frat at Villanova

115
00:03:55,510 --> 00:03:57,143
that runs an awesome haunted house.

116
00:03:57,178 --> 00:03:58,252
Take her there.

117
00:03:58,277 --> 00:04:00,813
What? You want me to pay
money to get tortured

118
00:04:00,849 --> 00:04:02,048
when candy is free?

119
00:04:02,083 --> 00:04:03,049
Nut up, bro.

120
00:04:03,084 --> 00:04:04,951
It's just a stupid haunted house.

121
00:04:04,986 --> 00:04:06,018
You'll be fine.

122
00:04:06,054 --> 00:04:08,287
Hey. Ready to head out?

123
00:04:08,323 --> 00:04:10,189
Uh, yeah. Question.

124
00:04:10,225 --> 00:04:12,024
What would you rather do tonight --

125
00:04:12,060 --> 00:04:13,893
get unlimited free nougaty candy...

126
00:04:13,928 --> 00:04:15,394
...Or go to a haunted house?

127
00:04:15,430 --> 00:04:16,429
What?

128
00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:17,597
Or go to a haunted house?

129
00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:18,209
What?

130
00:04:18,234 --> 00:04:20,225
Free candy?

131
00:04:20,257 --> 00:04:23,336
Or go to a lame haunted house --
super-boring.

132
00:04:23,371 --> 00:04:25,137
A haunted house does sound cool,

133
00:04:25,173 --> 00:04:27,306
although, I might need you to protect me.

134
00:04:27,342 --> 00:04:28,107
Told you.

135
00:04:28,142 --> 00:04:29,775
Haunted house it is.

136
00:04:29,811 --> 00:04:32,245
Hopefully they have friendly
ghosts like Casper.

137
00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:34,480
Actually, Casper weirds me out, too.

138
00:04:34,516 --> 00:04:35,281
Nerd punch!

139
00:04:35,316 --> 00:04:37,283
Ow!

140
00:04:37,318 --> 00:04:39,285
As I was facing my first
grown-up Halloween,

141
00:04:39,354 --> 00:04:42,054
my mom was facing her first one alone.

142
00:04:42,090 --> 00:04:43,022
What are you up to?

143
00:04:43,057 --> 00:04:45,925
Hiding a deadly razor in some candy.

144
00:04:46,928 --> 00:04:47,693
Okay.

145
00:04:47,729 --> 00:04:48,828
Don't you judge me.

146
00:04:48,863 --> 00:04:50,630
I'm just creating a visual aid

147
00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:53,666
to show Adam the dangers of
getting candy from strangers

148
00:04:53,701 --> 00:04:54,734
without his mother.

149
00:04:54,769 --> 00:04:57,570
See? This used to be fun-size.

150
00:04:57,605 --> 00:04:59,372
Now it's terror-size.

151
00:04:59,407 --> 00:05:00,640
You know what's terrifying?

152
00:05:00,675 --> 00:05:02,909
The fact that you still want
to go trick-or-treating

153
00:05:02,944 --> 00:05:06,178
in matching costumes with
your almost-adult son.

154
00:05:06,214 --> 00:05:08,047
I don't want to.

155
00:05:08,082 --> 00:05:10,750
I have to for his safety.

156
00:05:10,785 --> 00:05:13,653
Halloween is a night where
gangs of street toughs

157
00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:16,489
roam the sidewalks looking
to rough up children

158
00:05:16,524 --> 00:05:17,790
and take their candy.

159
00:05:17,825 --> 00:05:19,025
Street toughs?

160
00:05:19,060 --> 00:05:20,293
In Jenkintown?

161
00:05:20,328 --> 00:05:21,727
They drive in.

162
00:05:21,763 --> 00:05:23,763
And don't even get me
started on the kidnappers.

163
00:05:23,798 --> 00:05:25,565
They hitch a ride with the street toughs.

164
00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:26,666
So they're all carpooling.

165
00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:27,867
Maybe they're taking the bus.

166
00:05:27,902 --> 00:05:29,235
What kind of bus is this?

167
00:05:29,270 --> 00:05:31,170
The point is, I don't do this for me.

168
00:05:31,205 --> 00:05:32,905
Trick-or-treating is a nightmare,

169
00:05:32,941 --> 00:05:34,974
and I can't wait for Adam to give it up.

170
00:05:35,009 --> 00:05:36,676
Hey, ma, me and Dana decided

171
00:05:36,711 --> 00:05:38,711
to go to a haunted house this year.

172
00:05:38,746 --> 00:05:39,845
We'll be back by 9:00.

173
00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:41,881
But what about trick-or-treating?

174
00:05:41,916 --> 00:05:43,649
I have a visual aid to prove a point

175
00:05:43,685 --> 00:05:44,784
that now doesn't matter.

176
00:05:44,819 --> 00:05:45,952
Yeah, we're over it.

177
00:05:45,987 --> 00:05:48,854
But -- we always --

178
00:05:49,924 --> 00:05:51,757
we Al-- we always --

179
00:05:52,660 --> 00:05:53,793
candy.

180
00:05:53,828 --> 00:05:55,061
Just go.

181
00:05:57,098 --> 00:05:58,998
Well, there you go, Bevy.

182
00:05:59,033 --> 00:06:00,232
Nightmare's over.

183
00:06:00,268 --> 00:06:02,468
Yeah. This is just what I wanted.

184
00:06:04,272 --> 00:06:06,606
Maybe I'll make myself useful by dusting

185
00:06:06,641 --> 00:06:10,142
or by...Sitting in my room in the dark

186
00:06:10,178 --> 00:06:11,777
to save on electricity.

187
00:06:11,813 --> 00:06:13,579
I'll figure something out.

188
00:06:16,702 --> 00:06:17,647
Could I eat that?

189
00:06:19,554 --> 00:06:21,020
Well, that's never stopped me before.

190
00:06:21,055 --> 00:06:21,954
Moron!

191
00:06:21,990 --> 00:06:24,053
There's a razor in it.

192
00:06:24,078 --> 00:06:26,525
You win this round, old man.

193
00:06:28,062 --> 00:06:30,141
While my mom's Halloween was falling apart,

194
00:06:30,166 --> 00:06:32,331
mine was coming together.

195
00:06:32,367 --> 00:06:34,433
Aww. I love this ring.

196
00:06:34,469 --> 00:06:35,635
I'll never take it off again.

197
00:06:35,670 --> 00:06:37,770
Besides being a beautiful
symbol of our love,

198
00:06:37,805 --> 00:06:39,672
that bad boy really makes your eyes pop.

199
00:06:39,707 --> 00:06:40,773
Aww.

200
00:06:42,777 --> 00:06:44,210
Whoa.

201
00:06:44,245 --> 00:06:46,078
I didn't think this was gonna be so scary.

202
00:06:47,615 --> 00:06:50,650
Don't worry, girl. Ad-rock's
here to protect you.

203
00:06:50,685 --> 00:06:51,951
Yep, I was the man.

204
00:06:51,986 --> 00:06:53,486
In that moment, I couldn't believe

205
00:06:53,521 --> 00:06:55,354
I ever doubted Barry and Erica.

206
00:06:55,390 --> 00:06:58,357
And then a moment later,
I remembered why I did.

207
00:07:01,529 --> 00:07:03,262
But since this was all for love,

208
00:07:03,297 --> 00:07:06,265
I knew I could handle
some cobwebs and fog...

209
00:07:07,902 --> 00:07:09,235
...but not a werewolf...

210
00:07:09,270 --> 00:07:11,170
...Or a dude with a chainsaw.

211
00:07:11,205 --> 00:07:13,272
And so I used Dana as a human shield...

212
00:07:13,307 --> 00:07:15,241
Aah! Aaah! Balls, balls,
balls, balls! Aaaah!

213
00:07:15,276 --> 00:07:18,010
...and then ditched her
and ran for my life.

214
00:07:19,313 --> 00:07:22,181
Oh. Hey. Lost you in there. Sup?

215
00:07:22,216 --> 00:07:23,482
Hopefully she didn't notice.

216
00:07:23,518 --> 00:07:24,950
You used me as a human shield.

217
00:07:24,986 --> 00:07:25,818
She noticed.

218
00:07:25,887 --> 00:07:27,653
Babe, it -- it was just a goof.

219
00:07:27,689 --> 00:07:30,289
As you ran out, you screamed
"kill her, not me!"

220
00:07:30,324 --> 00:07:33,025
You got to commit hard to the bit, right?

221
00:07:33,061 --> 00:07:34,160
Oh, god.

222
00:07:34,195 --> 00:07:35,795
My ring's gone.

223
00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:37,363
I must have lost it back there.

224
00:07:37,398 --> 00:07:38,864
You got to go get it for me.

225
00:07:38,900 --> 00:07:39,965
Um...

226
00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:41,901
Can I just get you a new one?

227
00:07:41,936 --> 00:07:43,502
I lied about it making your eyes pop.

228
00:07:43,538 --> 00:07:44,537
It makes them look gross.

229
00:07:45,540 --> 00:07:47,073
Whatever.

230
00:07:47,108 --> 00:07:48,474
Are you mad?

231
00:07:48,509 --> 00:07:49,642
No.

232
00:07:49,677 --> 00:07:51,677
I'm just tired.

233
00:07:51,713 --> 00:07:53,379
I actually think I'm gonna go.

234
00:07:53,414 --> 00:07:55,614
Happy Halloween.

235
00:07:58,119 --> 00:07:59,885
She's not tired, bro.

236
00:07:59,921 --> 00:08:02,254
It can taaaalk!

237
00:08:02,290 --> 00:08:04,290
While my Halloween had turned sour,

238
00:08:04,358 --> 00:08:06,292
pops was busy handing out sweets.

239
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:08,260
Ooh! Look at you!

240
00:08:08,296 --> 00:08:12,131
It's spider-guy, strawberry
flapjacks, and hey!

241
00:08:12,166 --> 00:08:13,733
It's Herman the frog.

242
00:08:13,768 --> 00:08:15,501
Wokkity! Wokkity!

243
00:08:15,536 --> 00:08:18,104
Everything you're saying is wrong.

244
00:08:18,172 --> 00:08:20,506
Enjoy!

245
00:08:21,676 --> 00:08:25,144
Oh, there she is. Happy Halloween, pumpkin!

246
00:08:25,179 --> 00:08:27,079
There will be no more happy Halloweens,

247
00:08:27,115 --> 00:08:29,482
not if I can't be out there
with my little nub-nub.

248
00:08:29,517 --> 00:08:30,916
I assume that's Adam.

249
00:08:30,952 --> 00:08:32,485
Adam is my nub-nub, yes.

250
00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:33,986
I don't care for nub-nub.

251
00:08:34,021 --> 00:08:36,088
It -- it sounds wrong to the ear.

252
00:08:36,124 --> 00:08:37,823
It's just... Adam was the last one.

253
00:08:37,859 --> 00:08:39,658
Now what's the point to Halloween?

254
00:08:39,694 --> 00:08:40,493
Hey.

255
00:08:40,528 --> 00:08:41,827
You still got me.

256
00:08:41,863 --> 00:08:43,896
Come on, hand out some candy.

257
00:08:43,931 --> 00:08:46,132
Dad, have you been handing out
this candy the whole time?

258
00:08:46,167 --> 00:08:48,100
Yeah, why?

259
00:08:48,136 --> 00:08:50,736
Uh, where is my deadly candy bar?

260
00:08:50,772 --> 00:08:51,837
What's happening?

261
00:08:51,873 --> 00:08:53,572
Where's my deadly razor candy bar?

262
00:08:53,608 --> 00:08:54,774
What's happening?

263
00:08:54,809 --> 00:08:57,443
I jammed a lady razor
into a delicious treat

264
00:08:57,478 --> 00:08:59,904
to show Adam any crazy person could do it.

265
00:08:59,929 --> 00:09:01,547
Why would you do that?

266
00:09:01,582 --> 00:09:02,982
You know what a safety nut I am!

267
00:09:03,017 --> 00:09:04,483
I did it for safety!

268
00:09:04,519 --> 00:09:06,786
That is the opposite of safety!

269
00:09:06,821 --> 00:09:07,987
I know!

270
00:09:08,022 --> 00:09:10,156
Oh, god. I got to go find it!

271
00:09:10,191 --> 00:09:12,291
I must save the children!

272
00:09:12,326 --> 00:09:14,193
And save them she would.

273
00:09:14,228 --> 00:09:15,694
Safety check!

274
00:09:15,730 --> 00:09:16,529
Give me your candy.

275
00:09:16,564 --> 00:09:17,363
No.

276
00:09:17,398 --> 00:09:18,898
I'm not asking, I'm taking.

277
00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:19,999
Give it. No!

278
00:09:20,034 --> 00:09:21,767
Give it!

279
00:09:21,803 --> 00:09:22,735
Young man!

280
00:09:22,770 --> 00:09:24,236
Young man.

281
00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:27,239
I'm not a street tough,
I'm a concerned mama.

282
00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:28,607
I'm here for safety.

283
00:09:28,643 --> 00:09:30,476
Run towards safety.

284
00:09:30,511 --> 00:09:32,812
Run towards safety and
away from the razors.

285
00:09:32,847 --> 00:09:34,713
Spider-man, give me your candy!

286
00:09:34,749 --> 00:09:36,115
I'm saving lives.

287
00:09:36,150 --> 00:09:37,449
I'm saving lives!

288
00:09:38,855 --> 00:09:40,121
Halloween was in full swing,

289
00:09:40,156 --> 00:09:41,922
and the night would be
more trick than treat.

290
00:09:42,651 --> 00:09:45,393
Yo! Guess who I am.

291
00:09:46,870 --> 00:09:47,702
Bruce Lee?

292
00:09:47,745 --> 00:09:48,944
What? No!

293
00:09:48,979 --> 00:09:50,079
I'm Chuck Norris!

294
00:09:50,114 --> 00:09:51,113
Oh, yeah.

295
00:09:51,148 --> 00:09:52,917
It's kind of hard to read. Can I fix it?

296
00:09:52,942 --> 00:09:53,854
Please do.

297
00:09:55,987 --> 00:09:57,487
Perfect.

298
00:09:57,522 --> 00:09:59,122
You're a good person.

299
00:09:59,157 --> 00:10:01,257
Thanks for nothing, jerks!

300
00:10:01,293 --> 00:10:04,027
You ruined my Halloween, you
ruined my relationship,

301
00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:06,262
and you ruined my underpants.

302
00:10:06,298 --> 00:10:08,998
I haven't actually checked yet,
but I know what I'm in for!

303
00:10:09,034 --> 00:10:10,200
Can we do this later?

304
00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:11,701
Suck Norris and I have
several parties to hit.

305
00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:12,469
What?

306
00:10:12,504 --> 00:10:13,970
No, you can't go.

307
00:10:14,005 --> 00:10:16,005
I took your stupid advice,
and I freaked out

308
00:10:16,041 --> 00:10:18,208
in that haunted house like
a scared little baby.

309
00:10:18,243 --> 00:10:20,844
Dude, it's not our fault you're
a nervous, jumpy, wuss-bag.

310
00:10:20,879 --> 00:10:22,846
Dana dropped her promise
ring in that haunted house.

311
00:10:22,881 --> 00:10:24,547
Barry, you got to go in there and get it.

312
00:10:24,583 --> 00:10:26,616
No way. We have six parties to hit.

313
00:10:26,651 --> 00:10:28,384
Come on, just help me.

314
00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:29,586
You're always bragging

315
00:10:29,621 --> 00:10:31,621
that you're literally not
scared of anything on earth.

316
00:10:31,656 --> 00:10:33,423
Or stuff in the sky, like birds or meteors.

317
00:10:33,458 --> 00:10:34,491
And you've said many times

318
00:10:34,526 --> 00:10:36,059
that you have the strength of 10 men.

319
00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:37,861
And 44 medium-sized children.

320
00:10:37,896 --> 00:10:40,563
And you have claimed you're
an unstoppable killing force.

321
00:10:40,599 --> 00:10:44,200
I did karate kick a jellyfish
at the beach that one time.

322
00:10:44,236 --> 00:10:46,970
It stung pretty bad, but
he floated away lifeless.

323
00:10:47,005 --> 00:10:48,972
My god! Just go and do it already.

324
00:10:49,007 --> 00:10:50,206
Oh, fine.

325
00:10:50,242 --> 00:10:51,875
I guess this is my burden to bear

326
00:10:51,910 --> 00:10:54,611
since I'm the one born with
extra testosterone and no fear.

327
00:10:54,646 --> 00:10:55,812
You'll really help me?

328
00:10:55,847 --> 00:11:00,049
Dude, if anyone can find
that ring, it's this guy.

329
00:11:00,085 --> 00:11:01,784
As I was in search of my ring,

330
00:11:01,820 --> 00:11:03,987
my mom was hunting down her razor candy.

331
00:11:04,022 --> 00:11:07,323
I'm home! Come quick, I need your help.

332
00:11:12,197 --> 00:11:14,030
Holy crap!

333
00:11:14,065 --> 00:11:15,331
Did you take all that

334
00:11:15,367 --> 00:11:17,700
from the tiny hands of little children?

335
00:11:17,736 --> 00:11:19,435
And this.

336
00:11:20,672 --> 00:11:22,705
Bevy, the razor's not in there.

337
00:11:22,741 --> 00:11:24,541
But it might be in here.

338
00:11:26,378 --> 00:11:27,510
I threw it away!

339
00:11:27,546 --> 00:11:30,113
You power-walked out of
here like a panther!

340
00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:31,514
We couldn't find you!

341
00:11:31,550 --> 00:11:34,851
Well, this is...Concerning.

342
00:11:34,886 --> 00:11:37,687
You -- you have another bag, don't you?

343
00:11:37,722 --> 00:11:38,688
She did.

344
00:11:42,227 --> 00:11:45,195
She also had three more in the car.

345
00:11:45,230 --> 00:11:47,764
Heavy. I got it.

346
00:11:47,799 --> 00:11:49,532
How far did you walk?!

347
00:11:49,568 --> 00:11:51,935
Well, I didn't know if that
razor made it to the next town.

348
00:11:51,970 --> 00:11:53,369
I had to be sure.

349
00:11:54,606 --> 00:11:56,706
And all those kids she stole candy from

350
00:11:56,741 --> 00:11:58,841
were for sure gonna get their revenge...

351
00:11:58,877 --> 00:12:00,276
With a few dozen eggs.

352
00:12:00,312 --> 00:12:01,077
What are they doing?

353
00:12:01,112 --> 00:12:02,979
Egging our house!

354
00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:04,480
Which we deserve.

355
00:12:04,516 --> 00:12:06,449
This is gonna stain our aluminum siding!

356
00:12:06,484 --> 00:12:08,351
Again, well-deserved!

357
00:12:08,386 --> 00:12:10,453
Just give them the candy back.

358
00:12:11,923 --> 00:12:15,291
The only thing they're
getting is a lecture.

359
00:12:15,327 --> 00:12:17,093
My mom stormed into the dark night

360
00:12:17,128 --> 00:12:19,162
to defend our home against Kermit the frog

361
00:12:19,197 --> 00:12:20,663
and strawberry shortcake.

362
00:12:20,699 --> 00:12:24,267
This...Is a waste... Of groceries!

363
00:12:25,470 --> 00:12:27,437
But it became an Alien standoff --

364
00:12:27,472 --> 00:12:31,541
Predator versus Alf.

365
00:12:31,576 --> 00:12:34,510
Look both ways when you cross the street!

366
00:12:36,147 --> 00:12:37,880
Turns out, years of power-walking

367
00:12:37,916 --> 00:12:39,349
made her a power-runner,

368
00:12:39,417 --> 00:12:41,084
and Alf's little legs were no match

369
00:12:41,119 --> 00:12:42,752
for my angry smother.

370
00:12:43,655 --> 00:12:47,023
Hey, Bar, we don't say this stuff much,

371
00:12:47,092 --> 00:12:50,093
but you're a good brother
for going in there for me.

372
00:12:50,128 --> 00:12:51,127
Yeah, yeah.

373
00:12:51,162 --> 00:12:53,796
Thanks, I'm just gonna --
yeah, yeah.

374
00:12:53,832 --> 00:12:55,398
- Are you okay, man?
- Of course I'm okay.

375
00:12:55,433 --> 00:12:57,033
Why wouldn't I be okay? I'm an adult.

376
00:12:57,068 --> 00:12:57,800
Aah!

377
00:12:57,836 --> 00:12:59,002
What was that?

378
00:12:59,037 --> 00:13:00,103
Are you okay, man?!

379
00:13:00,138 --> 00:13:02,505
Yeah! I just had the bravery shakes, god.

380
00:13:02,540 --> 00:13:04,107
What's happening with you right now?

381
00:13:04,142 --> 00:13:05,875
Look, I know for some reason

382
00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:08,544
you think I have extra
testosterone and no fear.

383
00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:10,580
Yeah, 'cause you've said those exact words

384
00:13:10,649 --> 00:13:12,115
for the last 10 years.

385
00:13:12,150 --> 00:13:14,651
Right, but the truth is,

386
00:13:14,686 --> 00:13:17,287
I actually have a normal
amount of testosterone

387
00:13:17,322 --> 00:13:19,555
and a tremendous amount of fear.

388
00:13:19,591 --> 00:13:21,090
Then why would you say it?

389
00:13:21,126 --> 00:13:23,559
I say it 'cause people
finding out about my fear

390
00:13:23,595 --> 00:13:24,894
is my greatest fear.

391
00:13:25,797 --> 00:13:28,064
Fine! Erica, you go in.

392
00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:29,165
Pass.

393
00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:31,534
Seriously? You're scared
of haunted houses, too?

394
00:13:31,569 --> 00:13:32,769
Hell, no.

395
00:13:32,804 --> 00:13:34,437
But there's a frat guy I
made out with in there,

396
00:13:34,472 --> 00:13:37,540
and if I see him, I know I'll
fall right back into it.

397
00:13:37,575 --> 00:13:39,842
And that's my greatest fear...

398
00:13:39,878 --> 00:13:41,711
Or at least something I
would like to avoid.

399
00:13:41,746 --> 00:13:43,146
Come on! Safety in numbers!

400
00:13:43,181 --> 00:13:44,647
We just have to stick together.

401
00:13:44,683 --> 00:13:46,449
Okay, let's do this.

402
00:13:46,484 --> 00:13:47,684
But, wait!

403
00:13:47,719 --> 00:13:49,419
How's my hair?

404
00:13:51,589 --> 00:13:52,355
Good.

405
00:13:52,390 --> 00:13:53,690
Yeah.

406
00:13:53,725 --> 00:13:56,693
And with that, the three
of faced our fears.

407
00:13:56,728 --> 00:14:00,930
The plan was simple --
stick together at all costs.

408
00:14:12,377 --> 00:14:13,843
Yo, pretty, pretty.

409
00:14:13,878 --> 00:14:15,078
Hey, Anton!

410
00:14:15,113 --> 00:14:16,479
Go, just go. Leave me.

411
00:14:16,514 --> 00:14:18,348
But what about sticking together?

412
00:14:18,383 --> 00:14:20,883
So, Anton, did you like, um,

413
00:14:20,919 --> 00:14:23,119
lose my number or something?

414
00:14:26,224 --> 00:14:28,358
The ring's got to be around here somewhere.

415
00:14:30,962 --> 00:14:32,362
My ankle!

416
00:14:32,397 --> 00:14:33,730
Adam, help me!

417
00:14:33,765 --> 00:14:35,331
I can't hear you through the fog!

418
00:14:35,367 --> 00:14:36,833
That's not how fog works!

419
00:14:36,868 --> 00:14:38,000
Goodbye, Barry!

420
00:14:38,036 --> 00:14:41,471
You were a terrible
brother, but I love you!

421
00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:43,272
That night, I wasn't the only one

422
00:14:43,308 --> 00:14:44,974
facing an angry monster.

423
00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:47,276
Shame on you kids.

424
00:14:47,312 --> 00:14:51,414
Running around like hooligans
in the night, egging my house.

425
00:14:51,449 --> 00:14:54,450
Your mothers have failed as mothers,

426
00:14:54,486 --> 00:14:57,453
and they are gonna be
livid when I call them.

427
00:14:57,489 --> 00:14:58,721
Hello.

428
00:14:58,757 --> 00:15:00,923
May I give you another
take on this situation?

429
00:15:00,959 --> 00:15:02,358
Not now. I'm on a roll.

430
00:15:02,394 --> 00:15:05,161
Has it occurred to you that
these children's parents

431
00:15:05,196 --> 00:15:07,663
might think differently,
given all the facts?

432
00:15:07,699 --> 00:15:08,931
It has not occurred to me

433
00:15:08,967 --> 00:15:10,900
and will continue to not occur to me.

434
00:15:10,935 --> 00:15:12,034
Well, it occurs to me

435
00:15:12,070 --> 00:15:13,736
you've become everything
you fear on Halloween.

436
00:15:13,772 --> 00:15:15,338
Please. I have not.

437
00:15:15,373 --> 00:15:16,939
You hid a razor in a chocolate bar.

438
00:15:16,975 --> 00:15:18,174
To prove a point.

439
00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:21,244
You stole candy from children
like a street tough.

440
00:15:21,279 --> 00:15:22,779
To protect them.

441
00:15:22,814 --> 00:15:25,882
And then there's the kidnappings.

442
00:15:25,917 --> 00:15:27,350
All I did was round them up

443
00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:29,185
and force them into my house and --

444
00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:30,386
oh, my god, that is bad.

445
00:15:31,589 --> 00:15:33,289
Hiya, guys.

446
00:15:33,324 --> 00:15:36,125
On your way out, you'll
each find a bag of candy

447
00:15:36,161 --> 00:15:37,994
that I put a $5 bill in,

448
00:15:38,029 --> 00:15:40,930
so maybe you shouldn't mention
this to your parents.

449
00:15:40,965 --> 00:15:43,332
And by the way, have a happy Halloween.

450
00:15:43,368 --> 00:15:45,201
Your wife's nuts, dude.

451
00:15:45,236 --> 00:15:47,236
Oh, yeah.

452
00:15:49,741 --> 00:15:51,040
Kermit's right.

453
00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:52,809
I really did lose it tonight.

454
00:15:52,844 --> 00:15:55,344
It's just Halloween. Who cares?

455
00:15:55,380 --> 00:15:58,648
Don't you understand what
this night means to me?

456
00:16:00,118 --> 00:16:01,651
No matter how old Adam got,

457
00:16:01,686 --> 00:16:04,954
he was always so happy when we
would go out and get candy.

458
00:16:04,989 --> 00:16:07,890
His smile, the excitement,

459
00:16:07,926 --> 00:16:10,927
his sweaty little hand
reaching up to grab mine,

460
00:16:10,962 --> 00:16:16,132
and now his sweaty little hand
is grabbing someone else's.

461
00:16:16,201 --> 00:16:18,134
He'll never need me again.

462
00:16:20,572 --> 00:16:22,572
You got anything savory?

463
00:16:24,642 --> 00:16:25,942
Please leave.

464
00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:29,471
That night my mom realized

465
00:16:29,506 --> 00:16:31,735
it was time to let go of
her kids on Halloween,

466
00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:34,086
and my dad realized he
could help her through it.

467
00:16:34,220 --> 00:16:35,185
Hey.

468
00:16:35,221 --> 00:16:37,187
Look at me.

469
00:16:37,223 --> 00:16:40,224
I'm an alien man just like you.
Na-nu, na-nu.

470
00:16:40,259 --> 00:16:41,592
What are you doing? What is this?

471
00:16:41,627 --> 00:16:43,994
I thought, "well, if you're
in a couples costume,

472
00:16:44,029 --> 00:16:45,762
you might as well be with someone

473
00:16:45,798 --> 00:16:48,232
you're in an actual couple with."

474
00:16:48,267 --> 00:16:50,634
You put together this stupid thing for me?

475
00:16:50,669 --> 00:16:54,071
Yeah, you know, I'm not
one for sentimental crap.

476
00:16:54,106 --> 00:16:55,439
God! Son of a bitch!

477
00:16:55,474 --> 00:16:56,440
Just take it off.

478
00:16:56,475 --> 00:16:57,207
I can't!

479
00:16:57,243 --> 00:16:58,675
This is a child's helmet.

480
00:16:58,711 --> 00:17:00,210
It's like sucking on my head.

481
00:17:00,246 --> 00:17:01,278
My head's in a vacuum.

482
00:17:01,313 --> 00:17:02,879
Why would you just jam it on?

483
00:17:02,915 --> 00:17:05,148
The more you pull it
off, the more it clamps!

484
00:17:05,184 --> 00:17:06,550
Why would you do this?!

485
00:17:06,585 --> 00:17:07,684
I just thought, you know,

486
00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:09,853
you can't have Halloween
with the kids anymore,

487
00:17:09,888 --> 00:17:11,722
and maybe you could have Halloween with me.

488
00:17:13,425 --> 00:17:15,259
That is so sweet.

489
00:17:15,294 --> 00:17:16,660
And I would love that.

490
00:17:16,695 --> 00:17:18,095
Mama, I need you!

491
00:17:18,130 --> 00:17:18,895
Move!

492
00:17:18,931 --> 00:17:20,330
Boopie, what's wrong?!

493
00:17:20,366 --> 00:17:21,331
It's Barry!

494
00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:22,733
He twisted his ankle in the haunted house.

495
00:17:22,768 --> 00:17:23,834
Oh, no. Where's Erica?

496
00:17:23,869 --> 00:17:26,069
She's in there, too, with
a frat boy named Anton.

497
00:17:26,105 --> 00:17:28,071
Oh, hell, no!

498
00:17:30,242 --> 00:17:32,442
All right, so we'll put a
pin in the couples costume.

499
00:17:32,478 --> 00:17:35,679
Maybe after Adam goes to college.

500
00:17:48,227 --> 00:17:49,626
Turns out, that night,

501
00:17:49,662 --> 00:17:52,896
the scariest thing in that
haunted house was my mom.

502
00:17:52,931 --> 00:17:54,164
What the...?

503
00:17:54,199 --> 00:17:55,532
Move it!

504
00:17:55,567 --> 00:17:56,733
Out of my way!

505
00:17:56,769 --> 00:17:57,934
Back off, punk!

506
00:17:57,970 --> 00:17:59,803
Ohh!

507
00:17:59,838 --> 00:18:03,707
Mom kick!

508
00:18:03,742 --> 00:18:04,808
Mom slap!

509
00:18:04,843 --> 00:18:06,043
You! Out!

510
00:18:06,078 --> 00:18:08,612
Damn it! Call me?

511
00:18:08,647 --> 00:18:10,814
Do not call her!

512
00:18:12,584 --> 00:18:14,851
Dana's ring wasn't the only thing I found that night.

513
00:18:14,887 --> 00:18:16,787
I also discovered

514
00:18:16,822 --> 00:18:18,288
That my mom and I made quite the team.

515
00:18:18,324 --> 00:18:19,690
I found the ring.

516
00:18:19,725 --> 00:18:20,657
Then go.

517
00:18:20,693 --> 00:18:22,292
I'll stay and find your brother.

518
00:18:22,328 --> 00:18:24,094
Thanks, mama.

519
00:18:24,129 --> 00:18:26,263
You got it, my little alien.

520
00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:30,534
and even though that was our last couples costume,

521
00:18:30,569 --> 00:18:32,602
it turned out to be the best one ever.

522
00:18:36,375 --> 00:18:38,742
every single Halloween when I was little,

523
00:18:38,777 --> 00:18:41,111
this was the one she'd remember forever.

524
00:18:41,146 --> 00:18:43,146
Aah! My ankle.

525
00:18:43,182 --> 00:18:44,915
It's all right, love bug.

526
00:18:44,950 --> 00:18:46,416
You're safe now.

527
00:18:46,452 --> 00:18:48,652
You hear that, bar? Mom saved us.

528
00:18:48,687 --> 00:18:50,854
We are the luckiest kids in the world.

529
00:18:50,889 --> 00:18:52,255
You're grounded for a month.

530
00:18:52,291 --> 00:18:53,724
For sure.

531
00:19:03,736 --> 00:19:05,402
that's the thing about love.

532
00:19:05,437 --> 00:19:07,237
when you face your fears,

533
00:19:07,272 --> 00:19:09,239
you can finally take off your mask

534
00:19:09,274 --> 00:19:10,574
and show people who you really are.

535
00:19:17,015 --> 00:19:19,349
Sorry for using you as a
human shield and all.

536
00:19:19,385 --> 00:19:22,686
Well, you went back in.

537
00:19:22,721 --> 00:19:24,388
It was so scary in there.

538
00:19:24,423 --> 00:19:27,324
It was, but losing you was even scarier.

539
00:19:27,359 --> 00:19:30,160
You know, Halloween isn't over.

540
00:19:30,195 --> 00:19:32,095
It -- it's not too late to get some candy.

541
00:19:32,131 --> 00:19:34,865
Candy sounds great.

542
00:19:34,900 --> 00:19:37,701
So my first Halloween ended the way it always did --

543
00:19:37,736 --> 00:19:39,703
With me and Dana getting candy.

544
00:19:39,738 --> 00:19:42,072
and it couldn't have been more perfect.

545
00:19:42,107 --> 00:19:44,408
You gonna go keep him safe?

546
00:19:44,443 --> 00:19:48,912
Actually, I think he'll be all right without me.

547
00:19:51,116 --> 00:19:53,116
But watching from a distance can't hurt.

548
00:19:55,921 --> 00:19:58,388
Growing up, there's a lot to be afraid of,

549
00:19:58,424 --> 00:20:01,658
but when you know in your heart
your family has your back,

550
00:20:01,693 --> 00:20:03,994
nothing in life is scary.

551
00:20:13,505 --> 00:20:15,672
Yo, man, this place is really crazy.

552
00:20:15,707 --> 00:20:19,242
I know. God, it
looks scary in the dark.

553
00:20:19,278 --> 00:20:20,677
Oh, this is so creepy.

554
00:20:20,712 --> 00:20:22,012
Look at the cobwebs.

555
00:20:22,047 --> 00:20:23,046
Whoa.

556
00:20:23,081 --> 00:20:23,914
What's that?

557
00:20:23,949 --> 00:20:24,714
Oh.

558
00:20:24,750 --> 00:20:25,549
What was that?!

559
00:20:25,584 --> 00:20:26,349
Aah!

560
00:20:30,521 --> 00:20:33,689
Who wants waffles?

561
00:20:33,724 --> 00:20:36,169
Kids, come on down!

562
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:37,459
Here you go, Murray.

563
00:20:38,796 --> 00:20:39,861
Oops. I almost forgot --

564
00:20:39,897 --> 00:20:42,028
I need to get the kids' lunch money.

565
00:20:42,083 --> 00:20:44,766
Mom's got to stop wearing
her old Halloween costume.

566
00:20:44,835 --> 00:20:45,934
She won't.

567
00:20:45,970 --> 00:20:48,341
Whoever's standing there,
let go of my purse.

568
00:20:48,366 --> 00:20:49,905
Her new perm didn't settle right.

569
00:20:49,940 --> 00:20:51,807
She doesn't want anyone to see
what's going on under there.

570
00:20:52,483 --> 00:20:55,110
Still getting the hang of this thing.

571
00:20:55,145 --> 00:20:57,145
Yeah, we should go.

572
00:20:57,181 --> 00:20:58,780
Help your mother.

573
00:20:58,816 --> 00:21:00,427
You have 30 seconds to comply.

574
00:21:00,451 --> 00:21:04,343
Synced and corrected by Nest0r
www.addic7ed.com