1 00:00:00,921 --> 00:00:03,187 Back in the day, trick-or-treating was my jam. 2 00:00:03,211 --> 00:00:04,244 I'd spend months making 3 00:00:04,279 --> 00:00:05,411 the most epic Halloween costumes 4 00:00:05,447 --> 00:00:07,124 the '80s had ever seen. 5 00:00:07,149 --> 00:00:09,421 I was a master of tape and glue-gunning. 6 00:00:09,446 --> 00:00:11,751 My costumes were not only awesome, 7 00:00:11,786 --> 00:00:13,253 but they were also topical. 8 00:00:13,288 --> 00:00:15,288 I'm the coolest E.T. ever. 9 00:00:15,323 --> 00:00:17,824 And I'm Elliot, E.T.'s owner! 10 00:00:17,859 --> 00:00:20,026 ...until my mom turned them into couples costumes. 11 00:00:20,061 --> 00:00:21,828 Look out, Jenkintown. 12 00:00:21,896 --> 00:00:23,529 Here comes a Ghostbuster! 13 00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:24,897 It was embarrassing. 14 00:00:24,933 --> 00:00:27,467 And I'm his stay puft marshmallow mom. 15 00:00:27,502 --> 00:00:29,102 And every year, it got worse. 16 00:00:29,137 --> 00:00:32,338 Freeze, creep. I'm Robocop. 17 00:00:32,374 --> 00:00:37,277 And I'm Ed-209, Omnicorp's foray first foray into robotic policing. 18 00:00:37,312 --> 00:00:38,645 I'm Indy! 19 00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:39,879 ...and it got more frustrating. 20 00:00:39,914 --> 00:00:41,247 And I'm Mork. 21 00:00:41,283 --> 00:00:43,549 I thought you said you were going as Mindy. 22 00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:45,551 Why would I be going as Mindy? 23 00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:47,287 Well, I guess we're Mork and Indy. 24 00:00:48,542 --> 00:00:49,942 But not this year. 25 00:00:49,977 --> 00:00:52,645 My girl was in town, and she'd be the Ripley to my Alien. 26 00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:53,545 I love us. 27 00:00:53,581 --> 00:00:54,713 Me too. 28 00:00:54,749 --> 00:00:57,850 Which I why I want you to have this. 29 00:00:57,885 --> 00:00:59,618 Oh, my god. 30 00:00:59,654 --> 00:01:00,914 Our promise ring. 31 00:01:00,939 --> 00:01:02,554 I know you gave it back when you moved, 32 00:01:02,590 --> 00:01:05,090 but I think we've proved nothing can stand between us. 33 00:01:07,294 --> 00:01:08,060 Hey, Boopie. 34 00:01:08,129 --> 00:01:09,128 What the hell?! 35 00:01:09,163 --> 00:01:11,597 It's me. It's Mama. I'm the Predator. 36 00:01:13,234 --> 00:01:14,299 Stop it. 37 00:01:14,335 --> 00:01:16,201 The Predator doesn't talk with smooches. 38 00:01:16,237 --> 00:01:17,336 He clicks. 39 00:01:17,371 --> 00:01:20,439 Well, this predator kisses instead of kills. 40 00:01:20,474 --> 00:01:21,533 You're ruining the property. 41 00:01:21,611 --> 00:01:24,243 Or is Preda-mom making it better? 42 00:01:24,278 --> 00:01:26,779 I told you, this year, I'm doing a couples costume 43 00:01:26,814 --> 00:01:29,114 with the person I'm actually in a couple with. 44 00:01:29,150 --> 00:01:30,549 Hi, Mrs. Goldberg. 45 00:01:30,584 --> 00:01:32,217 Dana. Look. 46 00:01:32,253 --> 00:01:35,354 Your alien movie has nothing to do with my costume, 47 00:01:35,389 --> 00:01:37,122 at least not that I know of. 48 00:01:37,158 --> 00:01:38,457 God. 49 00:01:38,492 --> 00:01:39,391 What? 50 00:01:39,427 --> 00:01:41,060 Oh, my god. What is -- 51 00:01:41,095 --> 00:01:44,830 it's your favorite comic book, "alien versus predator"? 52 00:01:44,865 --> 00:01:46,832 Now, when did these two get to know each other? 53 00:01:46,867 --> 00:01:48,767 You said our costume was mom-proof. 54 00:01:48,803 --> 00:01:50,436 I forgot about the crossover. 55 00:01:50,471 --> 00:01:52,504 This is a very happy coincidence. 56 00:01:52,540 --> 00:01:54,339 We're gonna make quite the trio. 57 00:01:54,375 --> 00:01:57,376 No. You are not following us around tonight in that costume. 58 00:01:57,411 --> 00:01:59,511 You want me to follow you around without a costume? 59 00:01:59,547 --> 00:02:01,980 Come on. I'm gonna look crazy. 60 00:02:02,016 --> 00:02:04,416 I don't need my mom's help to go trick-or-treating. 61 00:02:04,452 --> 00:02:05,918 I'm going with Dana. 62 00:02:05,953 --> 00:02:06,819 Not you. 63 00:02:06,854 --> 00:02:08,921 Oh. Okay. 64 00:02:08,956 --> 00:02:11,990 I guess I'll just go. 65 00:02:12,026 --> 00:02:14,560 Have a good time without me. 66 00:02:14,595 --> 00:02:16,495 If you need me, just call my name... 67 00:02:16,530 --> 00:02:18,931 For anything. 68 00:02:18,966 --> 00:02:20,833 Or I could just stay if you want. 69 00:02:22,369 --> 00:02:23,469 Did someone call me? 70 00:02:23,504 --> 00:02:25,637 I thought I heard, "please don't go." 71 00:02:25,673 --> 00:02:27,628 No? 72 00:02:27,653 --> 00:02:29,186 Is there another way out of here? 73 00:02:29,211 --> 00:02:30,277 Nope. 74 00:02:32,580 --> 00:02:34,613 Call if you need me. 75 00:02:39,987 --> 00:02:42,454 Synced and corrected by Nest0r www.addic7ed.com 76 00:02:47,895 --> 00:02:50,654 It was October 31, 1980-something, 77 00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,438 and my siblings were hard at work 78 00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:54,340 strategizing how to beat Halloween. 79 00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:56,542 Okay, here's our path through Jenkintown. 80 00:02:56,577 --> 00:02:58,544 First, we hit Tom McFadden's Kegger, 81 00:02:58,579 --> 00:03:01,013 then we head north and hit these three parties. 82 00:03:01,048 --> 00:03:02,815 Ooh, are you planning a candy route? 83 00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:04,116 We should combine our data. 84 00:03:04,151 --> 00:03:05,238 - May I? - You may. 85 00:03:05,263 --> 00:03:05,784 Nerd punch! 86 00:03:05,820 --> 00:03:06,952 Ow! 87 00:03:06,988 --> 00:03:08,089 What was that for? 88 00:03:08,114 --> 00:03:10,990 Dude! Your girlfriend came across the ocean to be with you. 89 00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:12,191 Dana lives in Seattle. 90 00:03:12,226 --> 00:03:14,159 Exactly. Do you really think 91 00:03:14,195 --> 00:03:16,061 she wants to spend her one night in America 92 00:03:16,097 --> 00:03:17,997 collecting candy like a little toddler? 93 00:03:18,032 --> 00:03:19,732 But that's w-what we always do. 94 00:03:19,767 --> 00:03:21,934 It's what you did. You're adults now. 95 00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:24,937 Just listen to your deep, yet still high weird voice. 96 00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:26,438 Hurtful, but continue. 97 00:03:26,474 --> 00:03:29,341 It's Halloween, dude -- a night for romance. 98 00:03:29,377 --> 00:03:31,610 This holiday's all about girls getting scared 99 00:03:31,646 --> 00:03:34,013 and running to a big, strong man for protection. 100 00:03:34,048 --> 00:03:35,114 It's evolution. 101 00:03:35,149 --> 00:03:35,948 Idiot punch. 102 00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:36,782 Ow. 103 00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:38,050 But he's got a point. 104 00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:40,185 We do pretend to be scared to make it easy for boys 105 00:03:40,221 --> 00:03:41,420 because we feel bad for them. 106 00:03:41,455 --> 00:03:42,488 Wow. Okay. 107 00:03:42,548 --> 00:03:44,315 So I should take her someplace scary. 108 00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:45,848 Like JCPenney? 109 00:03:45,873 --> 00:03:46,692 - What? - What? 110 00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:49,495 They put a bunch of spider webs up in their mattress display. 111 00:03:49,530 --> 00:03:51,730 You know they're fake, but they make you think, 112 00:03:51,766 --> 00:03:53,666 "What if my bed had spiders?" 113 00:03:53,701 --> 00:03:54,974 Oh, my god, no. 114 00:03:54,999 --> 00:03:56,268 There's a frat at Villanova 115 00:03:56,293 --> 00:03:57,847 that runs an awesome haunted house. 116 00:03:57,872 --> 00:03:58,445 Take her there. 117 00:03:58,470 --> 00:04:01,006 What? You want me to pay money to get tortured 118 00:04:01,042 --> 00:04:02,241 when candy is free? 119 00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:03,242 Nut up, bro. 120 00:04:03,277 --> 00:04:05,144 It's just a stupid haunted house. 121 00:04:05,179 --> 00:04:06,211 You'll be fine. 122 00:04:06,247 --> 00:04:08,480 Hey. Ready to head out? 123 00:04:08,516 --> 00:04:10,382 Uh, yeah. Question. 124 00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:12,078 What would you rather do tonight -- 125 00:04:12,103 --> 00:04:14,086 get unlimited free nougaty candy... 126 00:04:14,121 --> 00:04:15,587 ...Or go to a haunted house? 127 00:04:15,623 --> 00:04:16,622 What? 128 00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:17,790 Or go to a haunted house? 129 00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:18,402 What? 130 00:04:18,427 --> 00:04:20,418 Free candy? 131 00:04:20,450 --> 00:04:23,529 Or go to a lame haunted house -- super-boring. 132 00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:25,330 A haunted house does sound cool, 133 00:04:25,366 --> 00:04:27,499 although, I might need you to protect me. 134 00:04:27,535 --> 00:04:28,300 Told you. 135 00:04:28,335 --> 00:04:29,968 Haunted house it is. 136 00:04:30,004 --> 00:04:32,438 Hopefully they have friendly ghosts like Casper. 137 00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:34,673 Actually, Casper weirds me out, too. 138 00:04:34,709 --> 00:04:35,474 Nerd punch! 139 00:04:35,509 --> 00:04:37,476 Ow! 140 00:04:37,511 --> 00:04:39,478 As I was facing my first grown-up Halloween, 141 00:04:39,547 --> 00:04:42,247 my mom was facing her first one alone. 142 00:04:42,283 --> 00:04:43,215 What are you up to? 143 00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:46,118 Hiding a deadly razor in some candy. 144 00:04:47,121 --> 00:04:47,886 Okay. 145 00:04:47,922 --> 00:04:49,021 Don't you judge me. 146 00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:50,823 I'm just creating a visual aid 147 00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:53,859 to show Adam the dangers of getting candy from strangers 148 00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:54,927 without his mother. 149 00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:57,763 See? This used to be fun-size. 150 00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,565 Now it's terror-size. 151 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:00,833 You know what's terrifying? 152 00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:03,102 The fact that you still want to go trick-or-treating 153 00:05:03,137 --> 00:05:06,371 in matching costumes with your almost-adult son. 154 00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:08,240 I don't want to. 155 00:05:08,275 --> 00:05:10,943 I have to for his safety. 156 00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:13,846 Halloween is a night where gangs of street toughs 157 00:05:13,881 --> 00:05:16,682 roam the sidewalks looking to rough up children 158 00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:17,983 and take their candy. 159 00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:19,218 Street toughs? 160 00:05:19,253 --> 00:05:20,486 In Jenkintown? 161 00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:21,920 They drive in. 162 00:05:21,956 --> 00:05:23,956 And don't even get me started on the kidnappers. 163 00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:25,758 They hitch a ride with the street toughs. 164 00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:26,859 So they're all carpooling. 165 00:05:26,894 --> 00:05:28,060 Maybe they're taking the bus. 166 00:05:28,095 --> 00:05:29,428 What kind of bus is this? 167 00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:31,363 The point is, I don't do this for me. 168 00:05:31,398 --> 00:05:33,098 Trick-or-treating is a nightmare, 169 00:05:33,134 --> 00:05:35,167 and I can't wait for Adam to give it up. 170 00:05:35,202 --> 00:05:36,869 Hey, ma, me and Dana decided 171 00:05:36,904 --> 00:05:38,904 to go to a haunted house this year. 172 00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:40,038 We'll be back by 9:00. 173 00:05:40,074 --> 00:05:42,074 But what about trick-or-treating? 174 00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:43,842 I have a visual aid to prove a point 175 00:05:43,878 --> 00:05:44,977 that now doesn't matter. 176 00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:46,145 Yeah, we're over it. 177 00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:49,047 But -- we always -- 178 00:05:50,117 --> 00:05:51,950 we Al-- we always -- 179 00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:53,986 candy. 180 00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:55,254 Just go. 181 00:05:57,291 --> 00:05:59,191 Well, there you go, Bevy. 182 00:05:59,226 --> 00:06:00,425 Nightmare's over. 183 00:06:00,461 --> 00:06:02,661 Yeah. This is just what I wanted. 184 00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:06,799 Maybe I'll make myself useful by dusting 185 00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:10,335 or by...Sitting in my room in the dark 186 00:06:10,371 --> 00:06:11,970 to save on electricity. 187 00:06:12,006 --> 00:06:13,772 I'll figure something out. 188 00:06:16,895 --> 00:06:17,840 Could I eat that? 189 00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:21,213 Well, that's never stopped me before. 190 00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:22,147 Moron! 191 00:06:22,183 --> 00:06:24,246 There's a razor in it. 192 00:06:24,271 --> 00:06:26,718 You win this round, old man. 193 00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:30,334 While my mom's Halloween was falling apart, 194 00:06:30,359 --> 00:06:32,524 mine was coming together. 195 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,626 Aww. I love this ring. 196 00:06:34,662 --> 00:06:35,828 I'll never take it off again. 197 00:06:35,863 --> 00:06:37,963 Besides being a beautiful symbol of our love, 198 00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:39,865 that bad boy really makes your eyes pop. 199 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:40,966 Aww. 200 00:06:42,970 --> 00:06:44,403 Whoa. 201 00:06:44,438 --> 00:06:46,271 I didn't think this was gonna be so scary. 202 00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:50,843 Don't worry, girl. Ad-rock's here to protect you. 203 00:06:50,878 --> 00:06:52,144 Yep, I was the man. 204 00:06:52,179 --> 00:06:53,679 In that moment, I couldn't believe 205 00:06:53,714 --> 00:06:55,547 I ever doubted Barry and Erica. 206 00:06:55,583 --> 00:06:58,550 And then a moment later, I remembered why I did. 207 00:07:01,722 --> 00:07:03,455 But since this was all for love, 208 00:07:03,490 --> 00:07:06,458 I knew I could handle some cobwebs and fog... 209 00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:09,428 ...but not a werewolf... 210 00:07:09,463 --> 00:07:11,363 ...Or a dude with a chainsaw. 211 00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:13,465 And so I used Dana as a human shield... 212 00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:15,434 Aah! Aaah! Balls, balls, balls, balls! Aaaah! 213 00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:18,203 ...and then ditched her and ran for my life. 214 00:07:19,506 --> 00:07:22,374 Oh. Hey. Lost you in there. Sup? 215 00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:23,675 Hopefully she didn't notice. 216 00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:25,143 You used me as a human shield. 217 00:07:25,179 --> 00:07:26,011 She noticed. 218 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:27,846 Babe, it -- it was just a goof. 219 00:07:27,882 --> 00:07:30,482 As you ran out, you screamed "kill her, not me!" 220 00:07:30,517 --> 00:07:33,218 You got to commit hard to the bit, right? 221 00:07:33,254 --> 00:07:34,353 Oh, god. 222 00:07:34,388 --> 00:07:35,988 My ring's gone. 223 00:07:36,023 --> 00:07:37,556 I must have lost it back there. 224 00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:39,057 You got to go get it for me. 225 00:07:39,093 --> 00:07:40,158 Um... 226 00:07:40,194 --> 00:07:42,094 Can I just get you a new one? 227 00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:43,695 I lied about it making your eyes pop. 228 00:07:43,731 --> 00:07:44,730 It makes them look gross. 229 00:07:45,733 --> 00:07:47,266 Whatever. 230 00:07:47,301 --> 00:07:48,667 Are you mad? 231 00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:49,835 No. 232 00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:51,870 I'm just tired. 233 00:07:51,906 --> 00:07:53,572 I actually think I'm gonna go. 234 00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:55,807 Happy Halloween. 235 00:07:58,312 --> 00:08:00,078 She's not tired, bro. 236 00:08:00,114 --> 00:08:02,447 It can taaaalk! 237 00:08:02,483 --> 00:08:04,483 While my Halloween had turned sour, 238 00:08:04,508 --> 00:08:06,485 pops was busy handing out sweets. 239 00:08:06,553 --> 00:08:08,453 Ooh! Look at you! 240 00:08:08,489 --> 00:08:12,324 It's spider-guy, strawberry flapjacks, and hey! 241 00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:13,926 It's Herman the frog. 242 00:08:13,961 --> 00:08:15,694 Wokkity! Wokkity! 243 00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:18,297 Everything you're saying is wrong. 244 00:08:18,365 --> 00:08:20,699 Enjoy! 245 00:08:21,869 --> 00:08:25,337 Oh, there she is. Happy Halloween, pumpkin! 246 00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:27,272 There will be no more happy Halloweens, 247 00:08:27,308 --> 00:08:29,675 not if I can't be out there with my little nub-nub. 248 00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:31,109 I assume that's Adam. 249 00:08:31,145 --> 00:08:32,678 Adam is my nub-nub, yes. 250 00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:34,179 I don't care for nub-nub. 251 00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:36,281 It -- it sounds wrong to the ear. 252 00:08:36,317 --> 00:08:38,016 It's just... Adam was the last one. 253 00:08:38,052 --> 00:08:39,851 Now what's the point to Halloween? 254 00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:40,686 Hey. 255 00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:42,020 You still got me. 256 00:08:42,056 --> 00:08:44,089 Come on, hand out some candy. 257 00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:46,325 Dad, have you been handing out this candy the whole time? 258 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:48,293 Yeah, why? 259 00:08:48,329 --> 00:08:50,929 Uh, where is my deadly candy bar? 260 00:08:50,965 --> 00:08:52,030 What's happening? 261 00:08:52,066 --> 00:08:53,765 Where's my deadly razor candy bar? 262 00:08:53,801 --> 00:08:54,967 What's happening? 263 00:08:55,002 --> 00:08:57,636 I jammed a lady razor into a delicious treat 264 00:08:57,671 --> 00:09:00,097 to show Adam any crazy person could do it. 265 00:09:00,122 --> 00:09:01,740 Why would you do that? 266 00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:03,175 You know what a safety nut I am! 267 00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:04,676 I did it for safety! 268 00:09:04,712 --> 00:09:06,979 That is the opposite of safety! 269 00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:08,180 I know! 270 00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:10,349 Oh, god. I got to go find it! 271 00:09:10,384 --> 00:09:12,484 I must save the children! 272 00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:14,386 And save them she would. 273 00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:15,887 Safety check! 274 00:09:15,923 --> 00:09:16,722 Give me your candy. 275 00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:17,556 No. 276 00:09:17,591 --> 00:09:19,091 I'm not asking, I'm taking. 277 00:09:19,126 --> 00:09:20,192 Give it. No! 278 00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:21,960 Give it! 279 00:09:21,996 --> 00:09:22,928 Young man! 280 00:09:22,963 --> 00:09:24,429 Young man. 281 00:09:24,465 --> 00:09:27,432 I'm not a street tough, I'm a concerned mama. 282 00:09:27,468 --> 00:09:28,800 I'm here for safety. 283 00:09:28,836 --> 00:09:30,669 Run towards safety. 284 00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:33,005 Run towards safety and away from the razors. 285 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:34,906 Spider-man, give me your candy! 286 00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:36,308 I'm saving lives. 287 00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:37,642 I'm saving lives! 288 00:09:39,048 --> 00:09:40,314 Halloween was in full swing, 289 00:09:40,349 --> 00:09:42,115 and the night would be more trick than treat. 290 00:09:42,844 --> 00:09:46,567 Yo! Guess who I am. 291 00:09:47,063 --> 00:09:47,895 Bruce Lee? 292 00:09:47,938 --> 00:09:49,137 What? No! 293 00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:50,272 I'm Chuck Norris! 294 00:09:50,307 --> 00:09:51,306 Oh, yeah. 295 00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:53,110 It's kind of hard to read. Can I fix it? 296 00:09:53,135 --> 00:09:54,047 Please do. 297 00:09:56,180 --> 00:09:57,680 Perfect. 298 00:09:57,715 --> 00:09:59,315 You're a good person. 299 00:09:59,350 --> 00:10:01,450 Thanks for nothing, jerks! 300 00:10:01,486 --> 00:10:04,415 You ruined my Halloween, you ruined my relationship, 301 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:06,455 and you ruined my underpants. 302 00:10:06,491 --> 00:10:09,191 I haven't actually checked yet, but I know what I'm in for! 303 00:10:09,227 --> 00:10:10,393 Can we do this later? 304 00:10:10,428 --> 00:10:11,894 Suck Norris and I have several parties to hit. 305 00:10:11,929 --> 00:10:12,662 What? 306 00:10:12,697 --> 00:10:14,163 No, you can't go. 307 00:10:14,198 --> 00:10:16,198 I took your stupid advice, and I freaked out 308 00:10:16,234 --> 00:10:18,401 in that haunted house like a scared little baby. 309 00:10:18,436 --> 00:10:21,037 Dude, it's not our fault you're a nervous, jumpy, wuss-bag. 310 00:10:21,072 --> 00:10:23,039 Dana dropped her promise ring in that haunted house. 311 00:10:23,074 --> 00:10:24,740 Barry, you got to go in there and get it. 312 00:10:24,776 --> 00:10:26,809 No way. We have six parties to hit. 313 00:10:26,844 --> 00:10:28,577 Come on, just help me. 314 00:10:28,613 --> 00:10:29,779 You're always bragging 315 00:10:29,814 --> 00:10:31,814 that you're literally not scared of anything on earth. 316 00:10:31,849 --> 00:10:33,616 Or stuff in the sky, like birds or meteors. 317 00:10:33,651 --> 00:10:34,684 And you've said many times 318 00:10:34,719 --> 00:10:36,252 that you have the strength of 10 men. 319 00:10:36,287 --> 00:10:38,054 And 44 medium-sized children. 320 00:10:38,089 --> 00:10:40,756 And you have claimed you're an unstoppable killing force. 321 00:10:40,792 --> 00:10:44,393 I did karate kick a jellyfish at the beach that one time. 322 00:10:44,429 --> 00:10:47,163 It stung pretty bad, but he floated away lifeless. 323 00:10:47,198 --> 00:10:49,165 My god! Just go and do it already. 324 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:50,399 Oh, fine. 325 00:10:50,435 --> 00:10:52,068 I guess this is my burden to bear 326 00:10:52,103 --> 00:10:54,804 since I'm the one born with extra testosterone and no fear. 327 00:10:54,839 --> 00:10:56,005 You'll really help me? 328 00:10:56,040 --> 00:11:00,242 Dude, if anyone can find that ring, it's this guy. 329 00:11:00,278 --> 00:11:01,977 As I was in search of my ring, 330 00:11:02,013 --> 00:11:04,180 my mom was hunting down her razor candy. 331 00:11:04,215 --> 00:11:07,516 I'm home! Come quick, I need your help. 332 00:11:12,390 --> 00:11:14,223 Holy crap! 333 00:11:14,258 --> 00:11:15,524 Did you take all that 334 00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:17,893 from the tiny hands of little children? 335 00:11:17,929 --> 00:11:19,628 And this. 336 00:11:20,865 --> 00:11:22,898 Bevy, the razor's not in there. 337 00:11:22,934 --> 00:11:24,734 But it might be in here. 338 00:11:26,571 --> 00:11:27,703 I threw it away! 339 00:11:27,739 --> 00:11:30,306 You power-walked out of here like a panther! 340 00:11:30,341 --> 00:11:31,707 We couldn't find you! 341 00:11:31,743 --> 00:11:35,044 Well, this is...Concerning. 342 00:11:35,079 --> 00:11:37,880 You -- you have another bag, don't you? 343 00:11:37,915 --> 00:11:38,881 She did. 344 00:11:42,420 --> 00:11:45,388 She also had three more in the car. 345 00:11:45,423 --> 00:11:47,957 Heavy. I got it. 346 00:11:47,992 --> 00:11:49,725 How far did you walk?! 347 00:11:49,761 --> 00:11:52,128 Well, I didn't know if that razor made it to the next town. 348 00:11:52,163 --> 00:11:53,562 I had to be sure. 349 00:11:54,799 --> 00:11:56,899 And all those kids she stole candy from 350 00:11:56,934 --> 00:11:59,034 were for sure gonna get their revenge... 351 00:11:59,070 --> 00:12:00,469 With a few dozen eggs. 352 00:12:00,505 --> 00:12:01,270 What are they doing? 353 00:12:01,305 --> 00:12:03,172 Egging our house! 354 00:12:03,207 --> 00:12:04,673 Which we deserve. 355 00:12:04,709 --> 00:12:06,642 This is gonna stain our aluminum siding! 356 00:12:06,677 --> 00:12:08,544 Again, well-deserved! 357 00:12:08,579 --> 00:12:10,646 Just give them the candy back. 358 00:12:12,116 --> 00:12:15,484 The only thing they're getting is a lecture. 359 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:17,286 My mom stormed into the dark night 360 00:12:17,321 --> 00:12:19,355 to defend our home against Kermit the frog 361 00:12:19,390 --> 00:12:20,856 and strawberry shortcake. 362 00:12:20,892 --> 00:12:24,460 This...Is a waste... Of groceries! 363 00:12:25,663 --> 00:12:27,630 But it became an Alien standoff -- 364 00:12:27,665 --> 00:12:31,734 Predator versus Alf. 365 00:12:31,769 --> 00:12:34,703 Look both ways when you cross the street! 366 00:12:36,340 --> 00:12:38,073 Turns out, years of power-walking 367 00:12:38,109 --> 00:12:39,542 made her a power-runner, 368 00:12:39,610 --> 00:12:41,277 and Alf's little legs were no match 369 00:12:41,312 --> 00:12:42,945 for my angry smother. 370 00:12:45,327 --> 00:12:48,136 Hey, Bar, we don't say this stuff much, 371 00:12:48,161 --> 00:12:51,001 but you're a good brother for going in there for me. 372 00:12:51,041 --> 00:12:52,040 Yeah, yeah. 373 00:12:52,075 --> 00:12:54,709 Thanks, I'm just gonna -- yeah, yeah. 374 00:12:54,745 --> 00:12:56,311 - Are you okay, man? - Of course I'm okay. 375 00:12:56,346 --> 00:12:57,946 Why wouldn't I be okay? I'm an adult. 376 00:12:57,981 --> 00:12:58,713 Aah! 377 00:12:58,749 --> 00:12:59,915 What was that? 378 00:12:59,950 --> 00:13:01,016 Are you okay, man?! 379 00:13:01,051 --> 00:13:03,418 Yeah! I just had the bravery shakes, god. 380 00:13:03,453 --> 00:13:05,020 What's happening with you right now? 381 00:13:05,055 --> 00:13:06,788 Look, I know for some reason 382 00:13:06,823 --> 00:13:09,457 you think I have extra testosterone and no fear. 383 00:13:09,493 --> 00:13:11,537 Yeah, 'cause you've said those exact words 384 00:13:11,562 --> 00:13:13,028 for the last 10 years. 385 00:13:13,063 --> 00:13:15,564 Right, but the truth is, 386 00:13:15,599 --> 00:13:18,200 I actually have a normal amount of testosterone 387 00:13:18,235 --> 00:13:20,468 and a tremendous amount of fear. 388 00:13:20,504 --> 00:13:22,003 Then why would you say it? 389 00:13:22,039 --> 00:13:24,472 I say it 'cause people finding out about my fear 390 00:13:24,508 --> 00:13:25,807 is my greatest fear. 391 00:13:26,710 --> 00:13:28,977 Fine! Erica, you go in. 392 00:13:29,012 --> 00:13:30,078 Pass. 393 00:13:30,113 --> 00:13:32,447 Seriously? You're scared of haunted houses, too? 394 00:13:32,482 --> 00:13:33,682 Hell, no. 395 00:13:33,717 --> 00:13:35,350 But there's a frat guy I made out with in there, 396 00:13:35,385 --> 00:13:38,453 and if I see him, I know I'll fall right back into it. 397 00:13:38,488 --> 00:13:40,651 And that's my greatest fear... 398 00:13:40,676 --> 00:13:42,624 Or at least something I would like to avoid. 399 00:13:42,659 --> 00:13:44,059 Come on! Safety in numbers! 400 00:13:44,094 --> 00:13:45,560 We just have to stick together. 401 00:13:45,596 --> 00:13:47,117 Okay, let's do this. 402 00:13:47,142 --> 00:13:48,308 But, wait! 403 00:13:48,333 --> 00:13:50,033 How's my hair? 404 00:13:52,211 --> 00:13:52,774 Good. 405 00:13:52,799 --> 00:13:54,302 Yeah. 406 00:13:54,337 --> 00:13:56,756 And with that, the three of faced our fears. 407 00:13:56,781 --> 00:14:01,174 The plan was simple -- stick together at all costs. 408 00:14:12,693 --> 00:14:14,159 Yo, pretty, pretty. 409 00:14:14,194 --> 00:14:15,394 Hey, Anton! 410 00:14:15,429 --> 00:14:16,795 Go, just go. Leave me. 411 00:14:16,830 --> 00:14:18,664 But what about sticking together? 412 00:14:18,699 --> 00:14:21,199 So, Anton, did you like, um, 413 00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:23,435 lose my number or something? 414 00:14:26,540 --> 00:14:28,674 The ring's got to be around here somewhere. 415 00:14:31,278 --> 00:14:32,678 My ankle! 416 00:14:32,713 --> 00:14:34,046 Adam, help me! 417 00:14:34,081 --> 00:14:35,647 I can't hear you through the fog! 418 00:14:35,683 --> 00:14:37,149 That's not how fog works! 419 00:14:37,184 --> 00:14:38,316 Goodbye, Barry! 420 00:14:38,352 --> 00:14:41,787 You were a terrible brother, but I love you! 421 00:14:41,822 --> 00:14:43,588 That night, I wasn't the only one 422 00:14:43,624 --> 00:14:45,290 facing an angry monster. 423 00:14:45,325 --> 00:14:47,592 Shame on you kids. 424 00:14:47,628 --> 00:14:51,730 Running around like hooligans in the night, egging my house. 425 00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:54,766 Your mothers have failed as mothers, 426 00:14:54,802 --> 00:14:57,769 and they are gonna be livid when I call them. 427 00:14:57,805 --> 00:14:59,037 Hello. 428 00:14:59,073 --> 00:15:01,239 May I give you another take on this situation? 429 00:15:01,275 --> 00:15:02,674 Not now. I'm on a roll. 430 00:15:02,710 --> 00:15:05,477 Has it occurred to you that these children's parents 431 00:15:05,512 --> 00:15:07,979 might think differently, given all the facts? 432 00:15:08,015 --> 00:15:09,247 It has not occurred to me 433 00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:11,216 and will continue to not occur to me. 434 00:15:11,251 --> 00:15:12,350 Well, it occurs to me 435 00:15:12,386 --> 00:15:14,052 you've become everything you fear on Halloween. 436 00:15:14,088 --> 00:15:15,654 Please. I have not. 437 00:15:15,689 --> 00:15:17,255 You hid a razor in a chocolate bar. 438 00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:18,490 To prove a point. 439 00:15:18,525 --> 00:15:21,560 You stole candy from children like a street tough. 440 00:15:21,595 --> 00:15:23,095 To protect them. 441 00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:26,198 And then there's the kidnappings. 442 00:15:26,233 --> 00:15:27,666 All I did was round them up 443 00:15:27,701 --> 00:15:29,501 and force them into my house and -- 444 00:15:29,536 --> 00:15:30,702 oh, my god, that is bad. 445 00:15:31,905 --> 00:15:33,605 Hiya, guys. 446 00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:36,441 On your way out, you'll each find a bag of candy 447 00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:38,310 that I put a $5 bill in, 448 00:15:38,345 --> 00:15:41,246 so maybe you shouldn't mention this to your parents. 449 00:15:41,281 --> 00:15:43,648 And by the way, have a happy Halloween. 450 00:15:43,684 --> 00:15:45,517 Your wife's nuts, dude. 451 00:15:45,552 --> 00:15:47,552 Oh, yeah. 452 00:15:50,057 --> 00:15:51,356 Kermit's right. 453 00:15:51,391 --> 00:15:53,125 I really did lose it tonight. 454 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,660 It's just Halloween. Who cares? 455 00:15:55,696 --> 00:15:58,964 Don't you understand what this night means to me? 456 00:16:00,434 --> 00:16:01,967 No matter how old Adam got, 457 00:16:02,002 --> 00:16:05,270 he was always so happy when we would go out and get candy. 458 00:16:05,305 --> 00:16:08,206 His smile, the excitement, 459 00:16:08,242 --> 00:16:11,243 his sweaty little hand reaching up to grab mine, 460 00:16:11,278 --> 00:16:16,448 and now his sweaty little hand is grabbing someone else's. 461 00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:18,450 He'll never need me again. 462 00:16:20,888 --> 00:16:22,888 You got anything savory? 463 00:16:24,958 --> 00:16:26,258 Please leave. 464 00:16:28,387 --> 00:16:29,787 That night my mom realized 465 00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:32,051 it was time to let go of her kids on Halloween, 466 00:16:32,076 --> 00:16:34,402 and my dad realized he could help her through it. 467 00:16:34,536 --> 00:16:35,501 Hey. 468 00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:37,503 Look at me. 469 00:16:37,539 --> 00:16:40,540 I'm an alien man just like you. Na-nu, na-nu. 470 00:16:40,575 --> 00:16:42,597 What are you doing? What is this? 471 00:16:42,622 --> 00:16:44,310 I thought, "well, if you're in a couples costume, 472 00:16:44,345 --> 00:16:46,594 you might as well be with someone 473 00:16:46,619 --> 00:16:48,548 you're in an actual couple with." 474 00:16:48,583 --> 00:16:51,462 You put together this stupid thing for me? 475 00:16:51,487 --> 00:16:54,971 Yeah, you know, I'm not one for sentimental crap. 476 00:16:54,996 --> 00:16:56,329 God! Son of a bitch! 477 00:16:56,364 --> 00:16:57,330 Just take it off. 478 00:16:57,364 --> 00:16:58,096 I can't! 479 00:16:58,132 --> 00:16:59,564 This is a child's helmet. 480 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:01,099 It's like sucking on my head. 481 00:17:01,135 --> 00:17:02,167 My head's in a vacuum. 482 00:17:02,202 --> 00:17:03,768 Why would you just jam it on? 483 00:17:03,804 --> 00:17:06,037 The more you pull it off, the more it clamps! 484 00:17:06,073 --> 00:17:07,439 Why would you do this?! 485 00:17:07,474 --> 00:17:08,573 I just thought, you know, 486 00:17:08,609 --> 00:17:10,742 you can't have Halloween with the kids anymore, 487 00:17:10,777 --> 00:17:12,611 and maybe you could have Halloween with me. 488 00:17:14,314 --> 00:17:16,148 That is so sweet. 489 00:17:16,183 --> 00:17:17,549 And I would love that. 490 00:17:17,584 --> 00:17:18,904 Mama, I need you! 491 00:17:18,929 --> 00:17:19,784 Move! 492 00:17:19,820 --> 00:17:21,219 Boopie, what's wrong?! 493 00:17:21,255 --> 00:17:21,964 It's Barry! 494 00:17:21,989 --> 00:17:23,305 He twisted his ankle in the haunted house. 495 00:17:23,341 --> 00:17:24,407 Oh, no. Where's Erica? 496 00:17:24,442 --> 00:17:26,642 She's in there, too, with a frat boy named Anton. 497 00:17:26,678 --> 00:17:28,644 Oh, hell, no! 498 00:17:30,815 --> 00:17:33,015 All right, so we'll put a pin in the couples costume. 499 00:17:33,051 --> 00:17:36,252 Maybe after Adam goes to college. 500 00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:50,199 Turns out, that night, 501 00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:53,469 the scariest thing in that haunted house was my mom. 502 00:17:53,504 --> 00:17:54,737 What the...? 503 00:17:54,772 --> 00:17:56,105 Move it! 504 00:17:56,140 --> 00:17:57,306 Out of my way! 505 00:17:57,342 --> 00:17:58,507 Back off, punk! 506 00:17:58,543 --> 00:18:00,376 Ohh! 507 00:18:00,411 --> 00:18:04,280 Mom kick! 508 00:18:04,315 --> 00:18:05,381 Mom slap! 509 00:18:05,416 --> 00:18:06,616 Xou! Out! 510 00:18:06,651 --> 00:18:09,185 Damn it! Call me? 511 00:18:09,220 --> 00:18:11,387 Do not call her! 512 00:18:13,157 --> 00:18:15,424 Dana's ring wasn't the only thing I found that night. 513 00:18:15,460 --> 00:18:17,360 I also discovered 514 00:18:17,394 --> 00:18:18,860 That my mom and I made quite the team. 515 00:18:18,897 --> 00:18:20,263 I found the ring. 516 00:18:20,298 --> 00:18:21,230 Then go. 517 00:18:21,266 --> 00:18:22,865 I'll stay and find your brother. 518 00:18:22,901 --> 00:18:24,667 Thanks, mama. 519 00:18:24,702 --> 00:18:26,836 You got it, my little alien. 520 00:18:28,773 --> 00:18:31,107 and even though that was our last couples costume, 521 00:18:31,142 --> 00:18:33,175 it turned out to be the best one ever. 522 00:18:35,446 --> 00:18:36,913 as much as my mom savored 523 00:18:36,948 --> 00:18:39,315 every single Halloween when I was little, 524 00:18:39,350 --> 00:18:41,684 this was the one she'd remember forever. 525 00:18:41,719 --> 00:18:43,719 Aah! My ankle. 526 00:18:43,755 --> 00:18:45,488 It's all right, love bug. 527 00:18:45,523 --> 00:18:46,989 You're safe now. 528 00:18:47,025 --> 00:18:49,225 You hear that, bar? Mom saved us. 529 00:18:49,260 --> 00:18:51,427 We are the luckiest kids in the world. 530 00:18:51,462 --> 00:18:52,828 You're grounded for a month. 531 00:18:52,864 --> 00:18:54,297 For sure. 532 00:19:04,309 --> 00:19:05,975 that's the thing about love. 533 00:19:06,010 --> 00:19:07,810 when you face your fears, 534 00:19:07,845 --> 00:19:09,002 you can finally take off your mask 535 00:19:09,058 --> 00:19:10,358 and show people who you really are. 536 00:19:17,908 --> 00:19:20,242 Sorry for using you as a human shield and all. 537 00:19:20,278 --> 00:19:23,579 Well, you went back in. 538 00:19:23,614 --> 00:19:25,281 It was so scary in there. 539 00:19:25,316 --> 00:19:28,217 It was, but losing you was even scarier. 540 00:19:28,252 --> 00:19:31,053 You know, Halloween isn't over. 541 00:19:31,088 --> 00:19:32,988 It -- it's not too late to get some candy. 542 00:19:33,024 --> 00:19:35,758 Candy sounds great. 543 00:19:35,793 --> 00:19:38,594 So my first Halloween ended the way it always did -- 544 00:19:38,629 --> 00:19:40,596 With me and Dana getting candy. 545 00:19:40,631 --> 00:19:42,607 and it couldn't have been more perfect. 546 00:19:42,632 --> 00:19:45,301 You gonna go keep him safe? 547 00:19:45,336 --> 00:19:49,805 Actually, I think he'll be all right without me. 548 00:19:52,009 --> 00:19:54,009 But watching from a distance can't hurt. 549 00:19:56,814 --> 00:19:59,281 Growing up, there's a lot to be afraid of, 550 00:19:59,317 --> 00:20:02,551 but when you know in your heart your family has your back, 551 00:20:02,586 --> 00:20:04,887 nothing in life is scary. 552 00:20:14,326 --> 00:20:16,493 Yo, man, this place is really crazy. 553 00:20:16,528 --> 00:20:20,063 I know. God, it looks scary in the dark. 554 00:20:20,099 --> 00:20:21,498 Oh, this is so creepy. 555 00:20:21,533 --> 00:20:22,833 Look at the cobwebs. 556 00:20:22,868 --> 00:20:23,867 Whoa. 557 00:20:23,902 --> 00:20:24,735 What's that? 558 00:20:24,770 --> 00:20:25,535 Oh. 559 00:20:25,571 --> 00:20:26,370 What was that?! 560 00:20:26,405 --> 00:20:27,170 Aah! 561 00:20:31,342 --> 00:20:34,382 Who wants waffles? 562 00:20:34,407 --> 00:20:36,831 Kids, come on down! 563 00:20:36,856 --> 00:20:38,280 Here you go, Murray. 564 00:20:38,991 --> 00:20:40,056 Oops. I almost forgot -- 565 00:20:40,092 --> 00:20:42,223 I need to get the kids' lunch money. 566 00:20:42,278 --> 00:20:44,961 Mom's got to stop wearing her old Halloween costume. 567 00:20:45,030 --> 00:20:46,129 She won't. 568 00:20:46,165 --> 00:20:48,536 Whoever's standing there, let go of my purse. 569 00:20:48,561 --> 00:20:50,100 Her new perm didn't settle right. 570 00:20:50,135 --> 00:20:52,768 She doesn't want anyone to see what's going on under there. 571 00:20:52,829 --> 00:20:55,395 Still getting the hang of this thing. 572 00:20:55,436 --> 00:20:56,447 Yeah, we should go. 573 00:20:56,483 --> 00:20:58,082 Help your mother. 574 00:20:58,118 --> 00:21:01,063 You have 30 seconds to comply.