1
00:00:01,897 --> 00:00:05,218
I can't believe Metro News One is just
forwarding you all this fan mail now.
2
00:00:05,328 --> 00:00:06,977
I know.
I quit like four months ago.
3
00:00:07,077 --> 00:00:09,252
You had more fans than I thought.
4
00:00:09,352 --> 00:00:12,261
And only about 60% of them
are prison inmates.
5
00:00:12,613 --> 00:00:14,548
What are these guys thinking?
6
00:00:14,648 --> 00:00:16,953
I am way past
my "dating prisoners" phase.
7
00:00:17,053 --> 00:00:19,754
It's like, hello, I'm not 19 anymore.
8
00:00:21,662 --> 00:00:22,688
Lottery Girl's on.
9
00:00:22,797 --> 00:00:24,436
I just feel sorry for these women.
10
00:00:24,536 --> 00:00:27,063
This is where broadcast
careers go to die.
11
00:00:27,233 --> 00:00:30,655
Check it out. I make it fun.
I invented a little game.
12
00:00:31,158 --> 00:00:33,177
Tonight's Lotto numbers are...
13
00:00:35,898 --> 00:00:36,980
nineteen...
14
00:00:37,209 --> 00:00:39,804
Age you moved to New York
after a photographer "discovered" you
15
00:00:39,904 --> 00:00:42,288
at a food court and said
he'd get you in Vogue magazine.
16
00:00:42,388 --> 00:00:43,466
Fifty-three...
17
00:00:43,566 --> 00:00:45,513
Number of semi-nude pictures
he took of you
18
00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:48,381
before you realized he had
no connection to Vogue magazine.
19
00:00:48,756 --> 00:00:49,697
Twenty-two...
20
00:00:49,797 --> 00:00:51,300
Age you claim you are.
21
00:00:51,684 --> 00:00:52,667
Thirty-one...
22
00:00:52,837 --> 00:00:54,220
Age you actually are.
23
00:00:54,839 --> 00:00:55,914
Forty-five...
24
00:00:56,014 --> 00:00:58,520
Number of minutes it would take
me to get you into a cab,
25
00:00:58,620 --> 00:01:00,936
out of your dress,
and into my Jacuzzi.
26
00:01:01,266 --> 00:01:03,020
And the Super Big Ball is...
27
00:01:03,279 --> 00:01:05,819
What happens after we get out
of the Jacuzzi.
28
00:01:05,919 --> 00:01:06,957
What up?
29
00:01:21,765 --> 00:01:23,722
Kids, by the winter of 2009,
30
00:01:23,822 --> 00:01:25,975
Robin had been
unemployed for months.
31
00:01:26,075 --> 00:01:27,971
But there was a glimmer of hope.
32
00:01:28,619 --> 00:01:30,078
How'd the audition go?
33
00:01:30,178 --> 00:01:32,588
Well, I went in there
feeling really good.
34
00:01:32,758 --> 00:01:35,261
I heard it was just me
up against two other girls.
35
00:01:35,431 --> 00:01:36,470
Listening.
36
00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:49,701
And you are?
37
00:01:51,490 --> 00:01:53,811
You've obviously never spent
any time in Denver.
38
00:01:53,948 --> 00:01:56,048
Rochelle Harper,
News Center 12.
39
00:01:56,275 --> 00:01:59,205
We were only the number-one station
in the Rockies for
40
00:01:59,375 --> 00:02:00,833
five straight years.
41
00:02:01,048 --> 00:02:03,977
I was an anchor here in town
at Metro News One.
42
00:02:04,719 --> 00:02:05,749
An anchor.
43
00:02:06,148 --> 00:02:08,832
You must have a killer signoff phrase.
44
00:02:09,139 --> 00:02:10,008
I'm sorry?
45
00:02:10,108 --> 00:02:12,004
You gotta have a killer signoff phrase.
46
00:02:12,123 --> 00:02:13,865
Like Walter Cronkite.
47
00:02:14,238 --> 00:02:16,096
"And that's the way it is."
48
00:02:16,576 --> 00:02:17,740
So what's yours?
49
00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:21,101
Well, I would just always end
with a simple
50
00:02:21,201 --> 00:02:24,431
"From all of us here at Metro News One,
have a good evening."
51
00:02:28,966 --> 00:02:32,735
Mine is: "From all of us here
at Barney's apartment, get out."
52
00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:37,239
You didn't let those reporter bitches
psych you out, did you?
53
00:02:38,667 --> 00:02:41,826
...and the President's economic team
is hoping to have a proposal
54
00:02:41,926 --> 00:02:44,401
before Congress
by the end of the month.
55
00:02:44,872 --> 00:02:48,395
From all of us here at News Ten,
have a good evening.
56
00:02:52,433 --> 00:02:54,052
So, good night, New York.
57
00:02:54,493 --> 00:02:57,146
And may the road ahead
be lit with dreams
58
00:02:57,401 --> 00:02:58,705
and tomorrows.
59
00:03:00,063 --> 00:03:01,930
Which are lit with dreams...
60
00:03:02,386 --> 00:03:03,110
also.
61
00:03:05,322 --> 00:03:06,551
That's terrible.
62
00:03:06,906 --> 00:03:07,909
And bad...
63
00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:09,119
also.
64
00:03:10,026 --> 00:03:11,139
I wasn't done.
65
00:03:12,701 --> 00:03:14,148
Stand tall, New York.
66
00:03:14,640 --> 00:03:15,783
Trustworthy.
67
00:03:16,354 --> 00:03:17,386
Recycling.
68
00:03:19,118 --> 00:03:20,294
Wear a condom.
69
00:03:22,223 --> 00:03:23,675
Wear a condom?
70
00:03:24,688 --> 00:03:27,369
I'm not gonna be the new
Channel Ten anchor, am I?
71
00:03:27,469 --> 00:03:28,662
This just in.
72
00:03:31,343 --> 00:03:33,309
Maybe the problem is your résumé.
73
00:03:33,601 --> 00:03:35,581
See how mine is lean and mean?
74
00:03:35,682 --> 00:03:37,094
Yours is too cluttered.
75
00:03:37,209 --> 00:03:39,762
Like everything on your résumé
is so relevant?
76
00:03:39,877 --> 00:03:43,843
"Program Director,
88.1 Wesleyan University Radio"?
77
00:03:43,946 --> 00:03:45,765
- Oh, God.
- Dr. X?
78
00:03:45,935 --> 00:03:48,229
You're still bragging about Dr. X?
79
00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:50,629
- Who was Dr. X?
- Nobody knows.
80
00:03:50,799 --> 00:03:53,645
- He was this genius mystery D.J.
- It was Ted.
81
00:03:54,074 --> 00:03:56,183
His identity remains a secret
to this day.
82
00:03:56,283 --> 00:03:57,378
It was Ted.
83
00:03:57,478 --> 00:04:00,698
But this phantom of the airwaves changed
the very face of college radio.
84
00:04:00,866 --> 00:04:03,042
- It was Ted.
- And your show sucked.
85
00:04:03,930 --> 00:04:08,368
Dr. X here, shooting truth bullets
at you from an undisclosed location.
86
00:04:08,468 --> 00:04:11,517
Because if they knew where I was,
they'd shut me down.
87
00:04:11,617 --> 00:04:13,582
You're on the third floor
of the Student Center
88
00:04:13,682 --> 00:04:15,642
next to the game room, you tool.
89
00:04:15,742 --> 00:04:17,926
I've been getting a lot of letters
about my segment
90
00:04:18,026 --> 00:04:20,681
on how racist
the school's meal plan is.
91
00:04:20,781 --> 00:04:23,865
How are you getting letters
if no one knows where you are, douche?
92
00:04:23,985 --> 00:04:25,650
That's why I'm organizing a happening
93
00:04:25,750 --> 00:04:28,058
outside the dining hall,
Monday at midnight.
94
00:04:28,586 --> 00:04:30,853
It's high time the Food Service
puppet masters
95
00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:33,512
took ignorance and injustice
off the menu.
96
00:04:34,344 --> 00:04:36,715
Hey, Ted, we need
a fourth for foosball.
97
00:04:36,815 --> 00:04:38,345
What are you doing in here, anyway?
98
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:40,825
Dude, get out of here!
I'll be there in a second.
99
00:04:41,430 --> 00:04:43,980
So remember, dining hall,
monday, midnight.
100
00:04:44,100 --> 00:04:46,302
Another Dr. X happening.
101
00:04:46,626 --> 00:04:51,290
I'll be there, because X
marks the spot-ot-ot-ot-ot...
102
00:04:51,671 --> 00:04:55,569
If you think people liked your show,
they did not-ot-ot-ot...
103
00:04:55,794 --> 00:04:56,924
This is weird.
104
00:04:57,024 --> 00:04:58,964
Look what got mixed in
with your fan mail.
105
00:04:59,064 --> 00:04:59,798
What?
106
00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:02,363
It's from the
U.S. Department of Immigration.
107
00:05:03,850 --> 00:05:05,971
It's postmarked two months ago.
108
00:05:11,291 --> 00:05:12,978
- Oh, boy.
- What is it?
109
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,683
It's about my work visa.
110
00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:17,328
Unless I can find a job in the next...
111
00:05:18,031 --> 00:05:19,211
seven days,
112
00:05:19,463 --> 00:05:21,595
they're gonna send me back to Canada.
113
00:05:27,370 --> 00:05:29,740
I can't believe you might be
kicked out of the country.
114
00:05:29,840 --> 00:05:32,235
I know. My whole life is here.
115
00:05:32,590 --> 00:05:35,399
We won't let this happen. I mean,
one of us will help you find a job.
116
00:05:35,499 --> 00:05:37,914
I bet I can get you something
at my school.
117
00:05:39,751 --> 00:05:42,079
It doesn't work that way.
Robin only gets her work visa
118
00:05:42,179 --> 00:05:44,235
if she gets a job in her field.
119
00:05:44,613 --> 00:05:46,485
I mean, you know what,
I guess you could stay
120
00:05:46,585 --> 00:05:48,388
if you married a U.S. citizen.
121
00:05:48,753 --> 00:05:50,425
Yeah, that could work.
122
00:05:51,825 --> 00:05:55,270
They could never process that and make
it official in time. That won't work.
123
00:05:55,370 --> 00:05:56,449
I'm screwed.
124
00:05:56,549 --> 00:05:59,391
I've been sending out my reel
for three months, and nothing.
125
00:05:59,491 --> 00:06:02,493
Well, maybe there's something in your
reel that people aren't responding to.
126
00:06:02,593 --> 00:06:04,261
Let's take a look at it, right?
127
00:06:07,474 --> 00:06:08,873
That's a good question, Norm.
128
00:06:08,973 --> 00:06:11,389
The first thing is from
when I was a cub reporter
129
00:06:11,489 --> 00:06:13,323
for Channel 22 in Red Deer.
130
00:06:14,266 --> 00:06:15,292
In Alberta.
131
00:06:16,192 --> 00:06:17,212
In Canada.
132
00:06:20,386 --> 00:06:22,686
Well, the snow's coming down
pretty hard,
133
00:06:22,786 --> 00:06:26,117
but these intrepid fishermen
are still happy to be out competing
134
00:06:26,217 --> 00:06:29,103
in Lake Athabasca's
Bass Fishing Jamboree,
135
00:06:29,273 --> 00:06:31,163
an August 1st tradition.
136
00:06:31,777 --> 00:06:33,225
Back to you, Norm.
137
00:06:36,641 --> 00:06:37,375
What?
138
00:06:37,609 --> 00:06:40,478
That was my first job.
It shows where I came from.
139
00:06:40,608 --> 00:06:42,712
Unless a bear attacks you
in the next three seconds
140
00:06:42,812 --> 00:06:44,559
and you snap its neck
with your legs,
141
00:06:44,659 --> 00:06:46,739
that has no business being
on your reel.
142
00:06:47,506 --> 00:06:48,999
I get it,
I get it.
143
00:06:49,346 --> 00:06:51,573
Where you're from is part
of who you're selling.
144
00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:53,885
For instance, under "special skills"
on my résumé,
145
00:06:53,985 --> 00:06:55,874
I mention that back in Minnesota,
146
00:06:55,974 --> 00:06:58,375
I was the 1995 Nicollet County
Slam Dunk Champion.
147
00:06:58,547 --> 00:07:00,968
You put dunk champion
on your résumé?
148
00:07:01,068 --> 00:07:02,467
Yeah, why wouldn't you?
149
00:07:02,567 --> 00:07:05,036
A lot of companies have
basketball teams.
150
00:07:05,385 --> 00:07:06,675
It's good for them to know
151
00:07:06,775 --> 00:07:09,078
that Vanilla Thunder can still take
the rock to the hole.
152
00:07:09,189 --> 00:07:12,447
- They called you Vanilla Thunder?
- Yeah, Vanilla Thunder.
153
00:07:13,111 --> 00:07:15,789
The Ghost in the Post.
The Human Turnstile.
154
00:07:15,889 --> 00:07:17,933
I didn't...
play that much D.
155
00:07:18,604 --> 00:07:20,044
You can't still dunk.
156
00:07:20,155 --> 00:07:21,615
Of course I can.
157
00:07:21,980 --> 00:07:24,489
Well, I mean I could...
until... recently.
158
00:07:24,589 --> 00:07:26,149
Until the injury.
159
00:07:26,843 --> 00:07:28,828
It's called iliopsoas tendonitis.
160
00:07:28,998 --> 00:07:30,519
Yikes, that sounds bad.
161
00:07:30,644 --> 00:07:33,242
It's more commonly known
as dancer's hip.
162
00:07:37,431 --> 00:07:38,632
Dr. Goodman...
163
00:07:40,630 --> 00:07:41,576
Come on!
164
00:07:42,355 --> 00:07:44,926
Iliopsoas tendonitis.
That's what it's called.
165
00:07:45,026 --> 00:07:46,689
That's all it's called.
166
00:07:47,395 --> 00:07:49,265
Iliopsoas tendonitis.
167
00:07:49,365 --> 00:07:52,402
It's a basketball injury.
You know, it's no big whoop.
168
00:07:52,502 --> 00:07:55,432
Dancer's hip, Marshall has something
called dancer's hip.
169
00:07:56,476 --> 00:08:00,666
They only call it that, look, because
it's very common with ballet dancers.
170
00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:06,433
So, tell me, do any of the other
little girls in your class
171
00:08:06,533 --> 00:08:08,313
- have dancer's hip?
- Yeah, sure.
172
00:08:08,413 --> 00:08:10,072
I have more of a technical question.
173
00:08:10,172 --> 00:08:13,422
Is it easier to dance when
you don't have external genitalia?
174
00:08:13,633 --> 00:08:16,194
Good, don't build to that...
just go right for it.
175
00:08:16,294 --> 00:08:19,700
Guys, come on. Marshall didn't get
this injury from dancing.
176
00:08:19,870 --> 00:08:21,068
Thank you, Lily.
177
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:23,778
Clearly, the stirrups
were set a little too wide
178
00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:25,828
during his last trip to the gyno.
179
00:08:26,558 --> 00:08:28,847
Guys, I hate to cut you off
180
00:08:29,143 --> 00:08:31,468
before Marshall bursts
into tears, but,
181
00:08:32,007 --> 00:08:34,740
Robin, check this out.
What you need is an awesome
182
00:08:34,910 --> 00:08:35,659
video
183
00:08:35,829 --> 00:08:36,786
résumé.
184
00:08:37,299 --> 00:08:38,661
Like... mine.
185
00:08:38,985 --> 00:08:40,113
I present,
186
00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:44,900
Barneysvideoresume.com.
187
00:09:04,501 --> 00:09:06,912
You've achieved great success
in business,
188
00:09:07,012 --> 00:09:09,384
athletics and personal relationships
189
00:09:09,484 --> 00:09:12,257
and have been an inspiration
to many people.
190
00:09:12,529 --> 00:09:13,559
Is that you?
191
00:09:14,186 --> 00:09:15,999
Are you interviewing yourself?
192
00:09:16,583 --> 00:09:19,012
How can it be me?
That guy's British.
193
00:09:20,161 --> 00:09:23,243
What would you recommend
to your numerous admirers
194
00:09:23,413 --> 00:09:25,797
who want to reach
their highest potential?
195
00:09:25,897 --> 00:09:27,883
And a wee bit Scottish.
196
00:09:29,283 --> 00:09:31,556
The first thing you need
to know about success
197
00:09:31,662 --> 00:09:33,647
is that it doesn't
just come to you.
198
00:09:33,747 --> 00:09:36,896
Most people associate success
with money and power,
199
00:09:37,096 --> 00:09:39,312
but really
it's a state of mind.
200
00:09:42,009 --> 00:09:44,525
You had to be on a motorcycle
to say that?
201
00:09:44,981 --> 00:09:47,639
And when it comes to success
the only limit
202
00:09:47,936 --> 00:09:49,664
is that there are no limits.
203
00:09:50,042 --> 00:09:53,200
I didn't know you knew how to stand
near a horse, that's impressive.
204
00:09:53,300 --> 00:09:56,497
Barney, I don't get it. You don't do
a damn thing in any of these clips.
205
00:09:56,597 --> 00:09:57,501
Exactly.
206
00:09:57,601 --> 00:09:59,572
Because that's who
corporate American wants...
207
00:09:59,672 --> 00:10:02,136
people who seem
like bold risk takers,
208
00:10:02,236 --> 00:10:04,129
but never actually do anything.
209
00:10:04,229 --> 00:10:06,596
Actually doing things
gets you fired.
210
00:10:07,031 --> 00:10:09,958
In fact, I'm writing a book
on this very phenomenon.
211
00:10:10,058 --> 00:10:11,821
Really, you're writing a book?
212
00:10:11,921 --> 00:10:14,774
that would be doing some...
Are you even listening?!
213
00:10:15,652 --> 00:10:16,813
All my life,
214
00:10:16,983 --> 00:10:18,571
I have dared
to go
215
00:10:18,741 --> 00:10:20,387
past what is possible.
216
00:10:20,865 --> 00:10:22,787
To the impossible?
217
00:10:23,302 --> 00:10:24,955
Actually, past that...
218
00:10:25,502 --> 00:10:27,382
to the place where the possible
219
00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:30,337
and the impossible meet
to become...
220
00:10:31,724 --> 00:10:33,107
the possimpible.
221
00:10:34,490 --> 00:10:36,229
The possimpible?
Really?
222
00:10:36,329 --> 00:10:39,704
Inventing your own word shows
creativity and vision...
223
00:10:40,102 --> 00:10:41,385
"Visiativity."
224
00:10:43,667 --> 00:10:45,734
If I can leave you with one thought,
225
00:10:45,834 --> 00:10:46,867
it's this.
226
00:10:47,970 --> 00:10:48,926
Nothing...
227
00:10:49,379 --> 00:10:50,737
and everything...
228
00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:52,726
is possimpible.
229
00:10:56,076 --> 00:10:57,601
That guy's awesome
230
00:10:57,786 --> 00:10:59,171
Is that you agai...?
231
00:10:59,341 --> 00:11:01,832
Are you singing a song
about yourself?
232
00:11:01,941 --> 00:11:04,800
Absolutely not.
That would be lame.
233
00:11:05,709 --> 00:11:10,056
Stinson, Barney Stinson
singing this song
234
00:11:10,226 --> 00:11:11,874
That would be really lame
235
00:11:11,974 --> 00:11:15,920
One of the many admirers who
think that guy's awesome
236
00:11:16,384 --> 00:11:18,078
perfect and available
237
00:11:39,370 --> 00:11:41,928
That baby got me 11 job offers.
238
00:11:43,064 --> 00:11:43,982
No way.
239
00:11:44,316 --> 00:11:47,386
- That was ridiculous and insane.
- Insanulous.
240
00:11:49,690 --> 00:11:51,198
- Make me one.
- What?
241
00:11:51,298 --> 00:11:52,989
- Now you're talking.
- What?
242
00:11:53,089 --> 00:11:55,774
I'm about to be deported.
I'll try anything.
243
00:11:55,874 --> 00:11:57,215
We better get started.
244
00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:59,383
There's a lot to shoot,
and I don't think I can use
245
00:11:59,483 --> 00:12:01,202
any of the footage
I already have of you.
246
00:12:01,302 --> 00:12:03,404
What footage do you
already have of me?
247
00:12:03,746 --> 00:12:05,276
Let's just get started.
248
00:12:08,049 --> 00:12:11,769
Sweetie. Are you still upset
about the dancer's hip jokes?
249
00:12:14,102 --> 00:12:17,630
We were just kidding.
We all know it's a basketball injury.
250
00:12:18,086 --> 00:12:19,020
Totally.
251
00:12:22,184 --> 00:12:24,546
Lily, I have something
I need to tell you.
252
00:12:24,646 --> 00:12:25,707
What is it?
253
00:12:27,161 --> 00:12:29,067
I dance more than you know.
254
00:12:30,756 --> 00:12:31,539
What?
255
00:12:32,547 --> 00:12:33,555
I dance...
256
00:12:34,741 --> 00:12:36,201
more than you know.
257
00:12:38,759 --> 00:12:41,107
I don't know how to respond to that.
258
00:12:41,985 --> 00:12:42,718
So,
259
00:12:44,427 --> 00:12:47,000
what does being a reporter
mean to you?
260
00:12:47,761 --> 00:12:49,447
Well, ever since I was a little kid,
261
00:12:49,547 --> 00:12:50,977
- I always...
- Cut!
262
00:12:51,671 --> 00:12:53,822
You're getting bogged down
in specifics.
263
00:12:53,922 --> 00:12:56,591
I need you to just say vague,
264
00:12:56,850 --> 00:13:00,431
confident-sounding buzzwords,
like "synergy" and "dynamism."
265
00:13:00,690 --> 00:13:03,268
You can make up a word,
like... "linkativity."
266
00:13:03,919 --> 00:13:07,190
How will sounding like an idiot
get me hired anywhere?
267
00:13:07,294 --> 00:13:09,012
Okay, fine.
Don't do it.
268
00:13:09,379 --> 00:13:12,631
Anyway, I'm sure there are plenty of
exciting stories to cover back in Canada.
269
00:13:12,731 --> 00:13:16,007
I just read that the mayor of
Winnipeg's nephew went ice fishing
270
00:13:16,107 --> 00:13:18,171
and caught himself a 16-pound walleye.
271
00:13:18,288 --> 00:13:21,977
Reporting live from the worst place
in the world, I'm Robin Scherbatsky.
272
00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:23,780
Fine.
273
00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:24,966
Roll camera.
274
00:13:28,450 --> 00:13:30,527
- Connectitude.
- Love it.
275
00:13:31,304 --> 00:13:33,682
- Transformatation.
- Earn it!
276
00:13:33,942 --> 00:13:35,073
Linkativity.
277
00:13:36,525 --> 00:13:37,864
Linkativity's mine.
278
00:13:41,669 --> 00:13:43,903
So, how much dancing
are we talking about?
279
00:13:44,003 --> 00:13:44,941
I don't...
280
00:13:45,222 --> 00:13:46,878
I guess I'd say...
281
00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:48,938
medium.
282
00:13:49,900 --> 00:13:52,920
Why are you dancing so much,
and why don't I know about it?
283
00:13:53,039 --> 00:13:55,090
It's... something I do when I'm alone.
284
00:13:55,190 --> 00:13:57,391
You know, like if something
good happens, I get excited
285
00:13:57,491 --> 00:13:58,940
and I need to move, and I just...
286
00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:02,249
I don't know. I don't want
to even talk about this anymore.
287
00:14:02,855 --> 00:14:04,929
So that's how you injured your hip?
288
00:14:07,633 --> 00:14:10,007
Did you hear? They're giving us
a half day today.
289
00:14:10,107 --> 00:14:12,797
- We can leave at 2:00.
- Oh! Great!
290
00:14:13,293 --> 00:14:14,369
Thanks, Herm.
291
00:14:24,518 --> 00:14:26,145
These costumes are ridiculous.
292
00:14:26,245 --> 00:14:29,577
Plus, the Amazon Warrior Princess armor
gave me a rash.
293
00:14:29,977 --> 00:14:33,131
Cards on the table... you weren't
the first lady to wear that in here.
294
00:14:33,231 --> 00:14:35,462
But it conveyed power.
And so will this.
295
00:14:35,562 --> 00:14:37,295
What I need you to do now...
296
00:14:37,415 --> 00:14:39,446
is break these 15 bricks
with your forehead.
297
00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:42,374
What?! But you didn't do
a damn thing in your video.
298
00:14:42,474 --> 00:14:45,562
You just stood near a horse
and sat on a motorcycle.
299
00:14:45,683 --> 00:14:48,068
That's because I'm a man.
You're a woman.
300
00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:50,340
The assumption is that
you can't do anything.
301
00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:52,379
But you have to prove society wrong.
302
00:14:52,479 --> 00:14:55,435
I can't break 15 bricks
with my forehead.
303
00:14:57,493 --> 00:14:59,898
It's not 1950 anymore.
Yes, you can.
304
00:15:01,204 --> 00:15:03,037
- I'm out of here.
- What? Why?
305
00:15:03,137 --> 00:15:05,182
None of this is going to help me
get a job.
306
00:15:05,282 --> 00:15:07,704
I'm about to get kicked
out of the country.
307
00:15:09,055 --> 00:15:10,393
I know what I have to do.
308
00:15:13,862 --> 00:15:16,267
Is this where the Lottery Girl
auditions are?
309
00:15:16,367 --> 00:15:17,506
Right here.
310
00:15:21,334 --> 00:15:24,081
So kids, your Aunt Robin
had reached her low point.
311
00:15:24,194 --> 00:15:26,626
She was auditioning
to be the Lottery Girl.
312
00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:29,889
- And tonight's Lotto numbers are...
- Hold it.
313
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:32,322
Say the line before
you press the button.
314
00:15:32,422 --> 00:15:34,975
- It builds the suspense.
- It builds the suspense.
315
00:15:37,463 --> 00:15:39,695
And tonight's Lotto numbers are...
316
00:15:43,431 --> 00:15:45,068
- seventeen...
- Stop her.
317
00:15:45,168 --> 00:15:46,100
Hold it.
318
00:15:46,606 --> 00:15:48,215
Why did she say it like that?
319
00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:51,560
It's like she's not even happy
about the 17 coming up.
320
00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:55,084
- She seems mean.
- Yeah, she seems super-mean.
321
00:15:55,825 --> 00:15:58,404
Can you take another run
at "17" for us?
322
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,037
Seventeen.
323
00:16:01,826 --> 00:16:04,447
I don't even understand
what she's doing.
324
00:16:05,236 --> 00:16:06,885
Let me try something.
325
00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:09,653
Try being a little more wry.
326
00:16:10,762 --> 00:16:13,138
Wry?
About the number 17?
327
00:16:13,371 --> 00:16:15,388
Wry, with a little bit of a...
328
00:16:15,650 --> 00:16:17,346
- Twinkle.
- ...twinkle.
329
00:16:18,435 --> 00:16:19,595
Seventeen.
330
00:16:21,811 --> 00:16:23,066
That was great!
331
00:16:24,639 --> 00:16:26,083
I got you a light beer.
332
00:16:26,183 --> 00:16:29,052
I know how you dancers are
always counting calories.
333
00:16:29,152 --> 00:16:30,440
It's not funny, all right?
334
00:16:30,540 --> 00:16:33,032
The doctor says if it gets any worse,
I might need surgery.
335
00:16:33,146 --> 00:16:35,190
Vaginal rejuvenation surgery?
336
00:16:35,611 --> 00:16:38,742
You know who didn't do a lot of
operating on vaginas in college?
337
00:16:38,846 --> 00:16:41,412
- Dr. X.
- He did just fine!
338
00:16:41,582 --> 00:16:42,611
You know what?
339
00:16:42,711 --> 00:16:46,686
Both of you geniuses need to take
that weak-ass crap off your résumés.
340
00:16:46,805 --> 00:16:51,177
I mean, you are not Dr. X anymore,
and you cannot dunk anymore.
341
00:16:51,578 --> 00:16:52,488
Let it go.
342
00:16:52,588 --> 00:16:55,015
So Marshall and I are the only people
at this table with
343
00:16:55,115 --> 00:16:57,174
"weak-ass crap" on their résumés?
344
00:16:57,274 --> 00:16:58,870
What are you implying?
345
00:17:00,752 --> 00:17:05,690
I don't know! Does the date July 4,
1995 mean anything to you?
346
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:07,568
You son of a bitch.
347
00:17:12,238 --> 00:17:13,018
Time!
348
00:17:13,359 --> 00:17:15,660
And the new champion,
with 29 hot dogs,
349
00:17:15,779 --> 00:17:17,868
Lily "The Belly" Aldrin.
350
00:17:24,302 --> 00:17:26,878
How is that relevant
to teaching kindergarten?
351
00:17:26,978 --> 00:17:28,812
It teaches kids that...
352
00:17:29,141 --> 00:17:32,271
I can eat a lot of hot dogs
very quickly.
353
00:17:32,371 --> 00:17:34,201
But you can't do it anymore!
354
00:17:34,301 --> 00:17:36,622
You can't dunk anymore, Ladyhips!
355
00:17:36,792 --> 00:17:38,058
How dare you!
356
00:17:38,158 --> 00:17:40,172
- These hips can...
- Guys, guys!
357
00:17:41,029 --> 00:17:43,066
I didn't even get the Lotto Girl gig.
358
00:17:44,687 --> 00:17:46,496
I have to move back to Canada.
359
00:17:48,411 --> 00:17:49,851
I can't believe this.
360
00:17:52,217 --> 00:17:54,679
I remember the night
before I moved down here.
361
00:17:54,849 --> 00:17:57,147
They threw a going-away party for me.
362
00:17:57,317 --> 00:18:01,227
They gave me a camera so I could
take pictures and send them home.
363
00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:06,191
And everyone was so sure
I was gonna be such a big success.
364
00:18:08,749 --> 00:18:10,625
I'm really gonna miss you guys.
365
00:18:13,697 --> 00:18:14,839
What happened?
366
00:18:15,598 --> 00:18:17,738
Robin has to move back to Canada.
367
00:18:17,857 --> 00:18:19,426
Oh, my God.
How awful.
368
00:18:20,641 --> 00:18:23,352
I mean, for one thing it's gonna be
a really long commute.
369
00:18:23,452 --> 00:18:24,701
What do you mean?
370
00:18:25,039 --> 00:18:27,016
I finished your video résumé on my own.
371
00:18:27,116 --> 00:18:29,409
Messengered it to every station
in the city.
372
00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:32,479
A guy from Channel Eight called.
He loved you.
373
00:18:32,736 --> 00:18:34,914
He wanted you to come in and audition.
374
00:18:35,530 --> 00:18:38,793
I told him no. Robin Scherbatsky
doesn't audition.
375
00:18:38,893 --> 00:18:40,791
He gives you the job or nothing.
376
00:18:40,891 --> 00:18:42,260
So I got the job?!
377
00:18:42,565 --> 00:18:44,373
He cursed me out and hung up.
378
00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:49,564
But then Channel 12 called.
They also loved you.
379
00:18:49,775 --> 00:18:53,442
They offered you a job hosting
their new morning talk show.
380
00:18:53,612 --> 00:18:56,443
- Barney, that's amazing!
- I told them to shove it.
381
00:18:56,736 --> 00:18:59,359
Which only made them want you more.
382
00:18:59,529 --> 00:19:01,960
So, they jacked up their offer
by ten percent.
383
00:19:02,060 --> 00:19:03,667
Congratulations, Miss Scherbatsky.
384
00:19:03,767 --> 00:19:06,043
It looks like you're gonna have
to stay.
385
00:19:13,191 --> 00:19:15,882
- You're not about to dance, are you?
- No, I'm good.
386
00:19:15,982 --> 00:19:17,447
I'll do it later.
387
00:19:19,593 --> 00:19:21,386
How did you pull this off?
388
00:19:21,912 --> 00:19:23,974
I am the master of the possimpible.
389
00:19:24,428 --> 00:19:25,767
You really are.
390
00:19:26,478 --> 00:19:27,435
Thank you.
391
00:19:29,992 --> 00:19:33,195
So, thanks to your Uncle Barney,
we got to keep your Aunt Robin.
392
00:19:42,926 --> 00:19:46,138
And the rest of us decided
it was time to let some things go.
393
00:19:51,304 --> 00:19:53,164
Well, except for Lily.
394
00:19:53,814 --> 00:19:55,942
And... time!
395
00:19:56,204 --> 00:19:57,609
What's the count?
396
00:19:58,475 --> 00:19:59,848
Thirty-three!
397
00:20:15,170 --> 00:20:21,498
monday at midnight
398
00:20:31,187 --> 00:20:33,773
Why is no one coming
on my happening's.