1
00:00:01,630 --> 00:00:04,828
I can't believe Metro News One is just
forwarding you all this fan mail now.
2
00:00:05,075 --> 00:00:06,760
I know. I quit like four months ago.
3
00:00:06,885 --> 00:00:08,892
You had more fans than I thought.
4
00:00:09,136 --> 00:00:11,652
And only about 60%
of them are prison inmates.
5
00:00:12,413 --> 00:00:14,233
What are these guys thinking?
6
00:00:14,442 --> 00:00:16,813
I am way past
my "dating prisoners" phase.
7
00:00:16,938 --> 00:00:19,508
It's like, hello,
I'm not 19 anymore.
8
00:00:21,508 --> 00:00:24,378
- Lottery Girl's on.
- I just feel sorry for these women.
9
00:00:24,505 --> 00:00:26,612
This is where broadcast careers
go to die.
10
00:00:27,050 --> 00:00:28,471
Check it out. I make it fun.
11
00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:30,415
I invented a little game.
12
00:00:31,047 --> 00:00:33,127
Tonight's Lotto numbers are...
13
00:00:35,673 --> 00:00:36,707
19...
14
00:00:37,033 --> 00:00:38,283
Age you moved to New York
15
00:00:38,408 --> 00:00:40,486
after a photographer "discovered"
you at a food court
16
00:00:40,612 --> 00:00:42,363
and said he'd get you
in Vogue magazine.
17
00:00:42,532 --> 00:00:43,284
53...
18
00:00:43,452 --> 00:00:45,240
Number of semi-nude pictures
he took of you
19
00:00:45,365 --> 00:00:48,016
before you realized he had
no connection to Vogue magazine.
20
00:00:48,718 --> 00:00:49,526
22...
21
00:00:49,695 --> 00:00:51,328
Age you claim you are.
22
00:00:51,613 --> 00:00:52,417
31...
23
00:00:52,811 --> 00:00:54,260
Age you actually are.
24
00:00:54,850 --> 00:00:55,767
45...
25
00:00:56,012 --> 00:00:58,401
Number of minutes it would take me
to get you into a cab,
26
00:00:58,527 --> 00:01:00,949
out of your dress,
and into my jacuzzi.
27
00:01:01,276 --> 00:01:03,098
And tonight's Super Big Ball is...
28
00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:05,832
What happens after
we get out of the jacuzzi.
29
00:01:05,958 --> 00:01:06,743
What up?
30
00:01:08,545 --> 00:01:10,935
Synchro: ShalimarFox, Arrow
31
00:01:21,870 --> 00:01:25,594
Kids, by the winter of 2009,
Robin had been unemployed for months.
32
00:01:26,246 --> 00:01:27,989
But there was a glimmer of hope.
33
00:01:28,115 --> 00:01:30,160
- Hey.
- How'd the audition go?
34
00:01:30,329 --> 00:01:32,766
Well, I went in there
feeling really good.
35
00:01:32,892 --> 00:01:35,395
I heard it was just me up
against two other girls.
36
00:01:35,564 --> 00:01:36,695
Listening.
37
00:01:43,847 --> 00:01:45,230
- Hi.
- Hi.
38
00:01:48,807 --> 00:01:49,723
And you are?
39
00:01:51,624 --> 00:01:53,744
You've obviously never spent
any time in Denver.
40
00:01:54,192 --> 00:01:56,108
Rochelle Harper, News Center 12.
41
00:01:56,521 --> 00:01:59,462
We were only the number-one
station in the Rockies for
42
00:01:59,588 --> 00:02:00,907
five straight years.
43
00:02:01,312 --> 00:02:03,882
I was an anchor here in town
at Metro News One.
44
00:02:05,008 --> 00:02:05,850
An anchor.
45
00:02:06,815 --> 00:02:09,244
You must have
a killer sign off phrase.
46
00:02:09,413 --> 00:02:10,165
Sorry?
47
00:02:10,334 --> 00:02:12,176
You gotta have
a killer sign off phrase.
48
00:02:12,470 --> 00:02:14,121
Like Walter Cronkite:
49
00:02:14,550 --> 00:02:16,394
"And that's the way it is."
50
00:02:17,008 --> 00:02:18,523
So what's yours?
51
00:02:18,955 --> 00:02:21,536
Well, I would just
always end with a simple
52
00:02:21,661 --> 00:02:24,541
"From all of us here at Metro News One,
have a good evening."
53
00:02:29,210 --> 00:02:30,049
Mine is:
54
00:02:30,174 --> 00:02:33,205
"From all of us here
at Barney's apartment, get out."
55
00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:37,729
You didn't let those reporter bitches
psych you out, did you?
56
00:02:38,777 --> 00:02:40,745
... and the President's
economic team
57
00:02:40,913 --> 00:02:43,357
is hoping to have a proposal
before Congress
58
00:02:43,652 --> 00:02:45,035
by the end of the month.
59
00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:48,743
From all of us here at News Ten,
have a good evening.
60
00:02:52,935 --> 00:02:54,569
So, good night, New York.
61
00:02:55,005 --> 00:02:57,721
And may the road ahead
be lit with dreams
62
00:02:57,939 --> 00:02:59,262
and tomorrows.
63
00:03:00,537 --> 00:03:02,322
Which are lit with dreams...
64
00:03:02,879 --> 00:03:03,884
also.
65
00:03:05,837 --> 00:03:07,119
That's terrible.
66
00:03:07,467 --> 00:03:08,481
And bad...
67
00:03:08,963 --> 00:03:09,967
also.
68
00:03:10,735 --> 00:03:11,702
I wasn't done.
69
00:03:13,225 --> 00:03:14,717
Stand tall, New York.
70
00:03:15,261 --> 00:03:16,493
Trust worthy.
71
00:03:16,928 --> 00:03:18,085
Recycling.
72
00:03:19,744 --> 00:03:20,958
Wear a condom.
73
00:03:22,832 --> 00:03:24,391
Wear a condom?
74
00:03:25,380 --> 00:03:27,538
I'm not gonna be the new
Channel Ten anchor, am I?
75
00:03:28,110 --> 00:03:29,191
This just in.
76
00:03:31,950 --> 00:03:33,933
Maybe the problem is your résumé.
77
00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:37,465
See how mine is lean and mean?
Yours is too cluttered.
78
00:03:37,754 --> 00:03:40,061
Oh, like everything
on your résumé is so relevant?
79
00:03:40,687 --> 00:03:44,670
"Program Director,
88.1 Wesleyan University Radio"?
80
00:03:44,838 --> 00:03:46,676
- Oh, God.
- Dr. X?
81
00:03:46,802 --> 00:03:48,943
You're still bragging about Dr. X?
82
00:03:49,068 --> 00:03:51,308
- Who was Dr. X?
- Nobody knows.
83
00:03:51,554 --> 00:03:54,515
- He was this genius mystery D.J.
- It was Ted.
84
00:03:54,684 --> 00:03:56,842
His identity
remains a secret to this day.
85
00:03:56,967 --> 00:03:57,865
It was Ted.
86
00:03:58,221 --> 00:04:01,553
But this phantom of the airwaves
changed the very face of college radio.
87
00:04:01,721 --> 00:04:03,563
- It was Ted.
- And your show sucked.
88
00:04:04,821 --> 00:04:08,786
Dr. X here, shooting truth bullets
at you from an undisclosed location.
89
00:04:09,326 --> 00:04:12,414
Because if they knew where I was,
they'd shut me down.
90
00:04:12,540 --> 00:04:14,600
You're on the third floor
of the Student Center
91
00:04:14,726 --> 00:04:16,737
next to the game room, you tool.
92
00:04:16,863 --> 00:04:18,865
I've been getting a lot of letters
about my segment
93
00:04:18,991 --> 00:04:21,408
on how racist
the school's meal plan is.
94
00:04:21,683 --> 00:04:24,599
How are you getting letters if no one
knows where you are, douche?
95
00:04:24,886 --> 00:04:26,659
That's why
I'm organizing a happening
96
00:04:26,784 --> 00:04:29,032
outside the dining hall,
Monday at midnight.
97
00:04:29,467 --> 00:04:31,839
It's high time the Food Service
puppet masters
98
00:04:32,007 --> 00:04:34,484
took ignorance
and injustice off the menu.
99
00:04:35,284 --> 00:04:36,949
Ted, we need a fourth for foosball.
100
00:04:37,871 --> 00:04:40,314
- What are you doing in here, anyway?
- Dude, get out of here!
101
00:04:40,440 --> 00:04:41,730
I'll be there in a second.
102
00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:44,924
So remember, dining hall,
Monday, midnight.
103
00:04:45,049 --> 00:04:47,204
Another Dr. X happening.
104
00:04:47,610 --> 00:04:50,945
I'll be there, because X
marks the spot-ot-ot-ot-ot...
105
00:04:52,702 --> 00:04:56,219
If you think people liked your show,
they did not-ot-ot-ot...
106
00:04:56,970 --> 00:04:59,948
This is weird. Look
what got mixed in with your fan mail.
107
00:05:00,116 --> 00:05:01,576
- What?
- It's from the U.S.
108
00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:03,173
Department of Immigration.
109
00:05:04,953 --> 00:05:07,123
It's postmarked two months ago.
110
00:05:12,425 --> 00:05:14,148
- Oh, boy.
- What is it?
111
00:05:14,317 --> 00:05:15,809
It's about my work visa.
112
00:05:15,935 --> 00:05:18,214
Unless I can find
a job in the next...
113
00:05:19,187 --> 00:05:22,023
seven days, they're gonna
send me back to Canada.
114
00:05:28,539 --> 00:05:30,768
I can't believe you might be
kicked out of the country.
115
00:05:30,893 --> 00:05:33,363
I know. My whole life is here.
116
00:05:33,488 --> 00:05:36,476
No. We won't let this happen.
One of us will help you find a job.
117
00:05:36,645 --> 00:05:39,095
Yeah, I bet I can get you
something at my school.
118
00:05:39,220 --> 00:05:40,543
No, guys...
119
00:05:41,038 --> 00:05:42,120
It doesn't work.
120
00:05:42,246 --> 00:05:44,728
Robin only gets her work visa
if she gets a job in her field.
121
00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:49,166
You know what, I guess you could stay
if you married a U.S. citizen.
122
00:05:50,021 --> 00:05:51,800
Yeah, that could work.
123
00:05:52,423 --> 00:05:55,162
Oh, no. They could never process that
and make it official in time.
124
00:05:55,288 --> 00:05:56,595
That won't work.
125
00:05:56,721 --> 00:05:57,912
I'm screwed.
126
00:05:58,037 --> 00:06:00,186
I've been sending out my reel
for 3 months, and nothing.
127
00:06:00,801 --> 00:06:03,704
Maybe there's something in your reel
that people aren't responding to.
128
00:06:03,873 --> 00:06:05,507
Let's take a look at it, right?
129
00:06:08,872 --> 00:06:10,327
That's a good question, Norm.
130
00:06:10,452 --> 00:06:12,508
The first thing is from
when I was a cub reporter
131
00:06:12,634 --> 00:06:14,921
for Channel 22 in Red Deer.
132
00:06:15,638 --> 00:06:16,861
In Alberta.
133
00:06:17,541 --> 00:06:18,409
In Canada.
134
00:06:21,871 --> 00:06:24,125
Well, the snow's coming down
pretty hard,
135
00:06:24,250 --> 00:06:27,557
but these intrepid fishermen
are still happy to be out competing
136
00:06:27,683 --> 00:06:30,639
in Lake Athabasca's
Bass Fishing Jamboree,
137
00:06:30,765 --> 00:06:32,731
an August 1st tradition.
138
00:06:33,264 --> 00:06:34,703
Back to you, Norm.
139
00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:40,245
What? That was my first job.
140
00:06:40,495 --> 00:06:41,993
It shows where I came from.
141
00:06:42,118 --> 00:06:44,350
Unless a bear attacks you
in the next three seconds
142
00:06:44,475 --> 00:06:47,837
and you snap its neck with your legs,
that has no business being on your reel.
143
00:06:47,963 --> 00:06:50,521
No, no, I get it, I get it.
144
00:06:50,893 --> 00:06:53,085
Where you're from
is part of who you're selling.
145
00:06:53,211 --> 00:06:54,899
For instance, under "special skills"
146
00:06:55,024 --> 00:06:56,493
on my résumé, I mention that
147
00:06:56,618 --> 00:07:00,005
back in Minnesota, I was the 1995
Nicollet County Slam Dunk Champion.
148
00:07:00,174 --> 00:07:02,477
You put dunk champion
on your résumé?
149
00:07:02,645 --> 00:07:03,991
Yeah, why wouldn't you?
150
00:07:04,116 --> 00:07:06,763
A lot of companies
have basketball teams.
151
00:07:06,888 --> 00:07:08,792
It's good for them
to know that VanillaThunder
152
00:07:08,918 --> 00:07:10,520
can still take the rock to the hole.
153
00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:13,494
- They called you Vanilla Thunder?
- Yeah, Vanilla Thunder.
154
00:07:14,822 --> 00:07:17,254
The Ghost in the Post.
The Human Turnstile.
155
00:07:17,514 --> 00:07:19,491
I didn't...
I didn't play that much D.
156
00:07:20,186 --> 00:07:21,411
You can't still dunk.
157
00:07:21,829 --> 00:07:23,372
Of course I can.
158
00:07:23,647 --> 00:07:24,905
Well, I mean I could...
159
00:07:25,030 --> 00:07:27,653
- until... until recently.
- Until the injury.
160
00:07:28,536 --> 00:07:30,334
It's called iliopsoas tendonitis.
161
00:07:30,582 --> 00:07:32,292
Oh, Yikes. That sounds bad.
162
00:07:32,417 --> 00:07:34,523
It's more commonly known
as dancer's hip.
163
00:07:39,242 --> 00:07:40,391
Dr. Goodman...
164
00:07:42,268 --> 00:07:43,272
Oh, come on!
165
00:07:44,354 --> 00:07:47,718
Iliopsoas tendonitis. That's what
it's called. That's all it's called.
166
00:07:49,163 --> 00:07:52,602
Iliopsoas tendonitis.
It's a basketball injury.
167
00:07:52,727 --> 00:07:54,227
You know, it's no big whoop.
168
00:07:54,352 --> 00:07:57,312
Dancer's hip, Marshall has something
called dancer's hip.
169
00:07:57,480 --> 00:07:59,364
OK, no, no.
They only call it that, look
170
00:07:59,533 --> 00:08:02,136
because it's very common
with ballet dancers.
171
00:08:04,811 --> 00:08:07,565
So, tell me,
do any of the other little girls
172
00:08:07,690 --> 00:08:09,502
in your class have dancer's hip?
173
00:08:09,772 --> 00:08:11,997
- Yeah, sure.
- I have more of a technical question.
174
00:08:12,123 --> 00:08:15,325
Is it easier to dance when
you don't have external genitalia?
175
00:08:15,601 --> 00:08:17,781
Good, don't build to that,
just go right for it.
176
00:08:18,232 --> 00:08:21,519
Guys, come on. Marshall
didn't get this injury from dancing.
177
00:08:21,787 --> 00:08:23,036
Thank you, Lily.
178
00:08:23,161 --> 00:08:25,828
Clearly, the stirrups were set
a little too wide
179
00:08:25,954 --> 00:08:28,144
during his last trip to the gyno.
180
00:08:28,502 --> 00:08:30,845
Guys, I hate to cut you off
181
00:08:31,182 --> 00:08:34,885
before Marshall bursts into tears,
but, Robin, check this out.
182
00:08:35,011 --> 00:08:38,614
What you need
is an awesome video résumé.
183
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:42,160
Like mine.
I present:
184
00:08:43,727 --> 00:08:46,973
Barneysvideoresume.com.
185
00:09:04,309 --> 00:09:05,206
Hello.
186
00:09:05,331 --> 00:09:09,070
Barney Stinson, you've achieved
great success in business,
187
00:09:09,195 --> 00:09:11,583
athletics and personal relationships
188
00:09:11,709 --> 00:09:13,846
and have been an inspiration
to many people.
189
00:09:14,713 --> 00:09:15,777
Is that you?
190
00:09:16,376 --> 00:09:18,160
Are you interviewing yourself?
191
00:09:18,784 --> 00:09:21,308
How can it be me?
That guy's British.
192
00:09:22,311 --> 00:09:25,460
What would you recommend
to your numerous admirers
193
00:09:25,586 --> 00:09:27,935
who want to reach
their highest potential?
194
00:09:28,060 --> 00:09:29,722
And a wee bit Scottish.
195
00:09:31,531 --> 00:09:33,807
The first thing you need to know
about success
196
00:09:33,932 --> 00:09:35,670
is that it doesn't just come to you.
197
00:09:36,041 --> 00:09:39,032
Most people associate success
with money and power,
198
00:09:39,372 --> 00:09:41,778
but really it's a state of mind.
199
00:09:44,288 --> 00:09:46,353
You had to be
on a motorcycle to say that?
200
00:09:47,457 --> 00:09:51,295
And when it comes to success the only
limit is that there are no limits.
201
00:09:52,636 --> 00:09:55,402
I didn't know you knew how to stand
near a horse; that's impressive.
202
00:09:55,687 --> 00:09:58,796
Barney, I don't get it. You don't do
a damn thing in any of these clips.
203
00:09:58,922 --> 00:10:01,584
Exactly. Because that's who
corporate American wants...
204
00:10:01,812 --> 00:10:04,485
people who seem
like bold risk takers,
205
00:10:04,611 --> 00:10:06,401
but never actually do anything.
206
00:10:06,622 --> 00:10:09,074
Actually doing things
gets you fired.
207
00:10:09,452 --> 00:10:12,365
In fact, I'm writing a book
on this very phenomenon.
208
00:10:12,537 --> 00:10:13,708
Really?
209
00:10:13,878 --> 00:10:16,388
No, that would be doing some...
Are you even listening?
210
00:10:18,127 --> 00:10:20,916
All my life, I have dared to go
211
00:10:21,181 --> 00:10:22,871
past what is possible.
212
00:10:23,328 --> 00:10:25,266
To the impossible?
213
00:10:25,777 --> 00:10:27,478
Actually, past that...
214
00:10:27,997 --> 00:10:31,872
to the place where the possible
and the impossible meet
215
00:10:31,998 --> 00:10:32,893
to become...
216
00:10:34,252 --> 00:10:35,470
the possimpible.
217
00:10:37,377 --> 00:10:38,776
The possimpible?
Really?
218
00:10:38,902 --> 00:10:41,936
Inventing your own word shows
creativity and vision...
219
00:10:42,667 --> 00:10:44,035
"Vizha-tivity."
220
00:10:46,247 --> 00:10:49,481
If I can leave you
with one thought, it's this:
221
00:10:50,515 --> 00:10:51,520
Nothing...
222
00:10:51,958 --> 00:10:53,245
and everything...
223
00:10:54,047 --> 00:10:55,388
is possimpible.
224
00:10:58,719 --> 00:11:00,247
That guy's awesome
225
00:11:00,416 --> 00:11:01,694
Is that you agai...?
226
00:11:02,006 --> 00:11:04,310
Are you singing a song
about yourself?
227
00:11:04,575 --> 00:11:07,160
Absolutely not.
That would be lame.
228
00:11:08,082 --> 00:11:10,552
Stinson, Barney Stinson
229
00:11:10,744 --> 00:11:12,769
singing this song
230
00:11:12,894 --> 00:11:14,449
That would be really lame
231
00:11:14,617 --> 00:11:18,635
One of the many admirers
who think that guy's awesome
232
00:11:19,157 --> 00:11:20,564
Perfect and available
233
00:11:20,865 --> 00:11:23,831
Awesome, awesome, awesome,
awesome, awesome, awesome...
234
00:11:24,296 --> 00:11:26,848
Awesome, awesome
235
00:11:42,181 --> 00:11:44,526
That baby got me 11 job offers.
236
00:11:45,902 --> 00:11:46,872
No way.
237
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,145
Barney, that was
ridiculous and insane.
238
00:11:49,283 --> 00:11:50,450
Insane-ulous.
239
00:11:52,403 --> 00:11:53,993
- Make me one.
- What?
240
00:11:54,181 --> 00:11:57,303
- Yes, now you're talking.
- What? I'm about to be deported.
241
00:11:57,471 --> 00:12:00,150
- I'll try anything.
- Okay, we better get started.
242
00:12:00,334 --> 00:12:03,538
There's a lot to shoot, I can't use any
of the footage I already have of you.
243
00:12:03,663 --> 00:12:06,028
What footage do you
already have of me?
244
00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:08,204
Let's just get started.
245
00:12:10,776 --> 00:12:14,393
Sweetie. Are you still upset about
the dancer's hip jokes?
246
00:12:17,230 --> 00:12:20,341
We were just kidding.
We all know it's a basketball injury.
247
00:12:20,512 --> 00:12:21,843
Yeah, totally.
248
00:12:25,580 --> 00:12:28,385
- I have something I need to tell you.
- What is it?
249
00:12:30,197 --> 00:12:32,102
I dance more than you know.
250
00:12:33,704 --> 00:12:34,459
What?
251
00:12:35,575 --> 00:12:36,613
I dance...
252
00:12:37,770 --> 00:12:39,118
more than you know.
253
00:12:41,837 --> 00:12:44,125
I don't know how to respond to that.
254
00:12:47,466 --> 00:12:50,069
What does being
a reporter mean to you?
255
00:12:50,943 --> 00:12:53,664
- Well, ever since I was a little kid...
- Cut!
256
00:12:54,768 --> 00:12:56,906
You're getting bogged down
in specifics.
257
00:12:57,031 --> 00:12:59,847
I need you to just say vague,
258
00:12:59,972 --> 00:13:03,238
confident-sounding buzzwords,
like "synergy" and "dynamism".
259
00:13:03,832 --> 00:13:06,529
You can make up a word, like...
"linkativity."
260
00:13:07,085 --> 00:13:10,108
How will sounding like an idiot
get me hired anywhere?
261
00:13:10,468 --> 00:13:11,993
Okay, fine.
Don't do it.
262
00:13:12,633 --> 00:13:15,804
Anyway, there are plenty of exciting
stories to cover back in Canada.
263
00:13:15,929 --> 00:13:18,443
I just read that
the mayor of Winnipeg's nephew
264
00:13:18,568 --> 00:13:21,331
went ice fishing and caught
himself a 16-pound walleye.
265
00:13:21,457 --> 00:13:25,068
Reporting live from the worst place
in the world, I'm Robin Scherbatsky.
266
00:13:26,422 --> 00:13:27,855
Fine. Roll camera.
267
00:13:31,734 --> 00:13:33,776
- Connectitude.
- Love it.
268
00:13:34,587 --> 00:13:36,080
Transformatation.
269
00:13:36,276 --> 00:13:37,085
Earn it!
270
00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:38,300
Linkativity.
271
00:13:39,536 --> 00:13:41,225
Yeah, linkativity's mine.
272
00:13:45,011 --> 00:13:47,558
So, how much dancing
are we talking about?
273
00:13:47,728 --> 00:13:49,190
I don't... I guess
274
00:13:49,563 --> 00:13:50,568
I'd say...
275
00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:52,456
medium.
276
00:13:53,385 --> 00:13:55,853
Why are you dancing so much,
and why don't I know about it?
277
00:13:56,466 --> 00:13:59,819
It's something I do when I'm alone.
Like if something good happens,
278
00:13:59,944 --> 00:14:01,865
I get excited and I need
to move, and I just...
279
00:14:01,991 --> 00:14:04,271
I don't know. I don't want
to even talk about this anymore.
280
00:14:06,287 --> 00:14:08,252
So that's how you injured your hip?
281
00:14:10,364 --> 00:14:13,256
Hey, did you hear?
They're giving us a half day today.
282
00:14:13,381 --> 00:14:14,805
We can leave at 2:00.
283
00:14:15,759 --> 00:14:17,461
Great!
Thanks, Herm.
284
00:14:28,023 --> 00:14:29,616
These costumes are ridiculous.
285
00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:32,924
Plus, the Amazon Warrior
Princess armor gave me a rash.
286
00:14:33,534 --> 00:14:36,674
Cards on the table. You weren't
the first lady to wear that in here.
287
00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:39,041
But it conveyed power.
And so will this.
288
00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:40,857
What I need you to do now...
289
00:14:40,982 --> 00:14:42,950
is break these 15 bricks
with your forehead.
290
00:14:43,076 --> 00:14:43,833
What?
291
00:14:43,959 --> 00:14:45,904
But you didn't do a damn thing
in your video.
292
00:14:46,029 --> 00:14:49,083
You just stood near a horse
and sat on a motorcycle.
293
00:14:49,356 --> 00:14:50,802
That's because I'm a man.
294
00:14:50,928 --> 00:14:53,578
You're a woman. The assumption
is that you can't do anything.
295
00:14:54,006 --> 00:14:55,965
But you have to prove society wrong.
296
00:14:56,134 --> 00:14:59,148
I can't break 15 bricks
with my forehead.
297
00:15:01,168 --> 00:15:03,631
It's not 1950 anymore.
Yes, you can.
298
00:15:04,882 --> 00:15:06,857
- I'm out of here.
- What? Why?
299
00:15:07,026 --> 00:15:08,886
None of this is going to help me
get a job.
300
00:15:09,012 --> 00:15:11,452
I'm about to get kicked out
of the country.
301
00:15:12,778 --> 00:15:14,104
I know what I have to do.
302
00:15:17,698 --> 00:15:19,830
Is this where the Lottery Girl
auditions are?
303
00:15:19,956 --> 00:15:21,385
Yeah, right here.
304
00:15:25,110 --> 00:15:27,382
So, your Aunt Robin
had reached her low point.
305
00:15:27,909 --> 00:15:30,357
She was auditioning to be
the Lottery Girl.
306
00:15:30,879 --> 00:15:33,038
And tonight's Lotto numbers are...
307
00:15:33,208 --> 00:15:35,875
Hold it. Say the line
before you press the button.
308
00:15:36,141 --> 00:15:38,584
- It builds the suspense.
- It builds the suspense.
309
00:15:41,282 --> 00:15:43,393
And tonight's Lotto numbers are...
310
00:15:47,403 --> 00:15:48,329
seventeen...
311
00:15:48,502 --> 00:15:49,959
- Stop her.
- Hold it.
312
00:15:50,424 --> 00:15:52,147
Why did she say it like that?
313
00:15:52,272 --> 00:15:55,072
It's like she's not even happy
about the 17 coming up.
314
00:15:55,980 --> 00:15:57,168
She seems mean.
315
00:15:57,293 --> 00:15:58,983
Yeah, she seems super-mean.
316
00:15:59,743 --> 00:16:01,733
Can you take
another run at "17" for us?
317
00:16:03,915 --> 00:16:04,749
Seventeen.
318
00:16:05,821 --> 00:16:07,968
I don't even understand
what she's doing.
319
00:16:09,226 --> 00:16:10,650
Let me try something.
320
00:16:11,261 --> 00:16:13,685
Try being a little more wry.
321
00:16:14,748 --> 00:16:17,191
Wry?
About the number 17?
322
00:16:17,387 --> 00:16:19,297
Wry, with a little bit of a...
323
00:16:19,711 --> 00:16:21,226
- Twinkle.
- ... twinkle.
324
00:16:22,472 --> 00:16:23,642
Seventeen.
325
00:16:25,889 --> 00:16:27,077
That was great!
326
00:16:28,812 --> 00:16:32,825
I got you a light beer. I know how you
dancers are always counting calories.
327
00:16:33,258 --> 00:16:35,030
It's not funny, all right?
The doctor says
328
00:16:35,155 --> 00:16:37,165
if it gets any worse,
I might need surgery.
329
00:16:37,290 --> 00:16:39,289
Vaginal rejuvenation surgery?
330
00:16:39,646 --> 00:16:42,551
You know who didn't do a lot of
operating on vaginas in college?
331
00:16:42,677 --> 00:16:43,707
- Who?
- Dr. X.
332
00:16:44,022 --> 00:16:45,635
He did just fine!
333
00:16:45,804 --> 00:16:47,490
You know what?
Both of you geniuses
334
00:16:47,615 --> 00:16:50,848
need to take that weak-ass
crap off your résumés.
335
00:16:50,975 --> 00:16:53,506
I mean, you are not Dr. X anymore,
336
00:16:53,632 --> 00:16:55,371
and you cannot dunk anymore.
337
00:16:55,915 --> 00:16:56,755
Let it go.
338
00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:59,014
So Marshall and I are the only
people at this table
339
00:16:59,140 --> 00:17:01,134
with "weak-ass crap" on their résumés.
340
00:17:01,303 --> 00:17:02,600
What are you implying?
341
00:17:04,907 --> 00:17:05,832
I don't know!
342
00:17:05,957 --> 00:17:09,971
Does the date July 4, 1995
mean anything to you?
343
00:17:10,141 --> 00:17:11,677
You son of a bitch.
344
00:17:16,507 --> 00:17:17,535
Time!
345
00:17:17,661 --> 00:17:19,922
And the new champion,
with 29 hot dogs,
346
00:17:20,048 --> 00:17:22,594
Lily "The Belly" Aldrin.
347
00:17:28,611 --> 00:17:31,086
How is that relevant
to teaching kindergarten?
348
00:17:31,255 --> 00:17:33,001
It teaches kids that...
349
00:17:33,395 --> 00:17:36,628
I can eat a lot of
hot dogs very quickly.
350
00:17:36,755 --> 00:17:38,507
Yeah, but you can't do it anymore!
351
00:17:38,633 --> 00:17:40,794
You can't dunk anymore, Ladyhips!
352
00:17:41,208 --> 00:17:43,108
How dare you!
These hips can...
353
00:17:43,278 --> 00:17:44,472
Guys, guys!
354
00:17:45,414 --> 00:17:47,297
I didn't even get
the Lotto Girl gig.
355
00:17:49,081 --> 00:17:50,942
I have to move back to Canada.
356
00:17:52,824 --> 00:17:54,083
I can't believe this.
357
00:17:56,625 --> 00:17:58,566
I remember the night
before I moved down here.
358
00:17:59,266 --> 00:18:00,912
They threw
a going-away party for me.
359
00:18:01,739 --> 00:18:05,143
They gave me a camera so I could
take pictures and send them home.
360
00:18:07,013 --> 00:18:10,579
And everyone was so sure
I was gonna be such a big success.
361
00:18:13,247 --> 00:18:15,214
I'm really gonna miss you guys.
362
00:18:18,252 --> 00:18:19,337
What happened?
363
00:18:20,134 --> 00:18:22,066
Robin has to move back to Canada.
364
00:18:22,395 --> 00:18:23,823
Oh, my God. How awful.
365
00:18:25,251 --> 00:18:27,721
I mean, for one thing
it's gonna be a really long commute.
366
00:18:28,062 --> 00:18:29,556
What do you mean?
367
00:18:29,682 --> 00:18:31,627
I finished your video resume
on my own.
368
00:18:31,752 --> 00:18:33,921
Messengered it to every station
in the city.
369
00:18:34,075 --> 00:18:35,958
A guy from Channel Eight called.
370
00:18:36,084 --> 00:18:37,213
He loved you.
371
00:18:37,339 --> 00:18:39,159
He wanted you to come in
and audition.
372
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:40,163
My God!
373
00:18:40,332 --> 00:18:41,293
I told him no.
374
00:18:41,419 --> 00:18:43,493
Robin Scherbatsky doesn't audition.
375
00:18:43,618 --> 00:18:45,440
He gives you the job or nothing.
376
00:18:45,612 --> 00:18:48,290
- So I got the job?
- No. He cursed me out and hung up.
377
00:18:50,401 --> 00:18:52,219
But then Channel 12 called.
378
00:18:52,345 --> 00:18:54,292
They also loved you.
379
00:18:54,417 --> 00:18:57,672
They offered you a job hosting
their new morning talk show.
380
00:18:58,310 --> 00:19:00,563
- Barney, that's amazing!
- I told them to shove it.
381
00:19:00,732 --> 00:19:03,938
- Dude!
- Which only made them want you more.
382
00:19:04,255 --> 00:19:06,699
So, they jacked up their offer
by ten percent.
383
00:19:06,825 --> 00:19:08,231
Congratulations.
384
00:19:08,357 --> 00:19:10,701
It looks like
you're gonna have to stay.
385
00:19:18,011 --> 00:19:20,662
- You're not about to dance, are you?
- I'm good.
386
00:19:20,787 --> 00:19:21,882
I'll do it later.
387
00:19:24,610 --> 00:19:26,271
How did you pull this off?
388
00:19:26,726 --> 00:19:28,840
I am the master of the possimpible.
389
00:19:29,336 --> 00:19:30,542
You really are.
390
00:19:31,247 --> 00:19:32,108
Thank you.
391
00:19:34,917 --> 00:19:38,056
So, thanks to your Uncle Barney,
we got to keep your Aunt Robin.
392
00:19:47,776 --> 00:19:51,168
And the rest of us decided
it was time to let some things go.
393
00:19:56,196 --> 00:19:57,625
Well, except for Lily.
394
00:19:57,750 --> 00:20:00,929
You got this.
And... time!
395
00:20:01,097 --> 00:20:02,578
What's the count?
396
00:20:03,451 --> 00:20:04,487
Thirty-three!
397
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:38,964
Why is no one coming
to my Happenings?