1 00:00:04,160 --> 00:00:08,390 OK, can we welcome to his first regional management meeting -- 2 00:00:08,440 --> 00:00:10,870 - Greg Holder. - Hello. 3 00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:12,750 Greg's taking over the Nechells branch. 4 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:14,870 For my sins, yeah. 5 00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:18,110 Perhaps I killed in a former life. 6 00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:19,790 That's very funny. 7 00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:22,310 - (Is he wearing a wedding ring?) - (Oh, I'll have a look.) 8 00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:24,750 Actually, Greg, you should swap numbers with Trish, 9 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:26,510 I'm twinning job centres. 10 00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:29,750 Brownall and Nechells are gonna be sisters. 11 00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:32,430 Well, I've always wanted a sister. 12 00:00:32,480 --> 00:00:35,590 Hey er... could I borrow your jeggings, sis? I've got a hot date. 13 00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:37,270 No, you cannot! 14 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:41,110 I lent you my ra-ra skirt last weekend and it came back absolutely covered in stains! 15 00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:43,550 That's good. 16 00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:45,230 (Well?) 17 00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:47,110 (I can't see, he keeps moving his hands.) 18 00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:50,470 OK, phones off and on the table, everyone, please. 19 00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:52,990 Margaret, the blinds. 20 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:55,430 So, I don't need to remind you 21 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:57,990 that what happens in the room stays in the room. 22 00:00:58,040 --> 00:00:59,990 - (Did you see it?) - It's too dark. 23 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:03,430 Now, we all know job centres do not have leader boards 24 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:05,110 for getting people off benefits, 25 00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:07,270 but the job centre at the top of the leader board 26 00:01:07,320 --> 00:01:10,120 for getting people off benefits is... 27 00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:13,600 - .. Brownall. - Oh! 28 00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:18,830 (Oh, buggeration.) 29 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:22,550 ♪ All day, you gotta make it work 30 00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:24,510 ♪ No pay, you gotta make it work 31 00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:26,550 ♪ Some day, you gotta make this work 32 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:28,600 ♪ Work ♪ 33 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:38,070 So, sister from another mister, how are you settling in? 34 00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:40,790 Good, good, yeah. Just could do with some sisterly advice. 35 00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:43,150 - Hope you don't mind me popping in. - Oh, no, pop away! 36 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:45,790 - Happy to be popped into. - Great! 37 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:48,670 I am available and open to you 24/7. 38 00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:52,110 Married to the job. Not to a person. Well, not any more. 39 00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:54,070 Are you attached? 40 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:56,230 - Me? Er... no, no. - Oh. 41 00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:59,110 D-I-V-O-R-C-E? As the song goes. 42 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:02,190 Er... no. D-E-A-D. 43 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:03,910 C-A-N-C-E-R? 44 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:06,350 C-A-R 45 00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:09,670 A-C-C-I... 46 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:12,830 - Car accident. - Oh. - Yeah. 47 00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:17,310 So, Trish. Your figures for getting customers off benefits 48 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:19,790 - are absolutely increds. - Thank you. 49 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:23,150 And there's little old me languishing at the bottom of the league table. 50 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:26,230 It's pretty obvious that I'm the trampy stepsister in this family. 51 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:28,870 Yes, you are! Staying out all night drinking cider, 52 00:02:28,920 --> 00:02:31,710 getting fingered by Dwayne on his moped. 53 00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:33,550 You'll be pregnant in a year, missy! 54 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:35,600 Or dead! 55 00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:42,710 But erm... No, seriously, Greg, it's not all about stats. 56 00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:44,990 I hate all this league table stuff. 57 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:49,110 What is that tune you're playing? Because it's music to my ears. 58 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:50,950 Our work should be about the people. 59 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:54,510 I think... Heck, no, I passionately believe, 60 00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:57,790 that the happier people are, the more motivated they'll become. 61 00:02:57,840 --> 00:03:01,870 That is exactly what I passionately believe, too. 62 00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:04,470 If jobseekers were happier and less stressed... 63 00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:06,790 .. they'd stand a better chance of finding a job... 64 00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:09,790 .. because job centres would destressify them. 65 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:11,830 - Destressify? - Yeah. 66 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:14,990 God, that's good. I'm gonna write that down. 67 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:16,750 Destressify. 68 00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:19,470 You know, gosh, Trish, I wonder... 69 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:21,390 - No, it's crazy. - No, no, no, no, no! 70 00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:24,510 Greg, go on. I love crazy. 71 00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:26,190 Alrighty then. 72 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:30,630 I wonder if you and I... could make Brownall and Nechells 73 00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:35,670 into relaxed jobseeker-focused motivation hubs. 74 00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:40,470 Oh, Greg, that is absolutely not crazy 75 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:42,190 and I still love it. 76 00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:44,710 - Really? - Really. 77 00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:48,110 - But I've... I've got an Angela. - Yeah, I know the one. 78 00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:49,790 She's very efficient, 79 00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:52,710 she gets three times more people off benefits than anyone else, 80 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:56,990 but she's what a lesser person would call a sour-faced bitch. 81 00:03:57,040 --> 00:03:58,910 She'll totally poo-poo our plans. 82 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:02,510 Well, you could... get her out of your hair for a bit? 83 00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:05,430 Send her off to do some peer-to-peer training. 84 00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:07,390 Palm her off on other job centres? 85 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:09,110 By the time she gets back... 86 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:11,030 .. it'll be a brand new Brownall. 87 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:13,430 Jinx! Jinx again! 88 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:15,480 You see! 89 00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:18,750 Karl... 90 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,350 - I don't want you to go. - What, and I do? 91 00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:23,870 Trish is making me go on a road trip with Angela. 92 00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:28,230 You never know, you might bond. Like... Thelma and Louise. 93 00:04:28,280 --> 00:04:30,270 They killed themselves. 94 00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:32,320 Bagsy the front. 95 00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:35,190 Look! Aren't these fab? 96 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:37,510 The printers have done such a great job. 97 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:39,470 Thanks for going, Natalie. 98 00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:42,030 - Yeah, she's really looking forward to it. - Yeah. 99 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:43,750 Now, you've got a very busy schedule. 100 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:48,150 It would appear London can't wait to meet Angela, ha! 101 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:51,310 Bon voyage! Enjoy London, Angela. 102 00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:54,300 I won't. I find Londoners cold and rude. 103 00:04:57,280 --> 00:04:59,820 So, quick huddle, team Brownall. 104 00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:02,270 OK? 105 00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:05,030 This is Greg Holder, manager of Nechells branch... 106 00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:06,710 Hi, guys. 107 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:09,430 And we are starting a revolution... 108 00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:13,830 .. with this... 109 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:16,230 - as our weapon. - A box? 110 00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:18,590 It's a customer feedback box, Karl. 111 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:21,430 This is the beginning of a new Brownall. 112 00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:25,150 We are going to destressify jobseekers... 113 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,910 I love that word. 114 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:29,430 .. by not putting any pressure on them to find work. 115 00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:32,510 They will then write comments about you guys... 116 00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:37,390 - The destressifyists. - Yeah, on these feedback forms. 117 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:40,550 Now, think of them like... like mini reviews. 118 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:44,510 And then deposit them in here. 119 00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:48,470 Keep them happy, happy, happy, so they write positive things 120 00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:52,830 and prove that destressification is the way forward. 121 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:54,550 Unless they haven't looked for work? 122 00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:56,270 Even if they haven't looked for work. 123 00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:59,510 - We're forgetting all about figures, targets and league tables. - Yeah. 124 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:02,350 Trish, we won't have anything to do... 125 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:04,870 and I think that is an amazing idea. 126 00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:07,800 Looking for a job is a bit like... 127 00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:11,550 .. like looking for love. 128 00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:16,390 It's only when you stop searching that the perfect one just... 129 00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:19,030 It falls right into your lap. 130 00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:22,430 Er... Greg's right. 131 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:26,030 Relaxed jobseekers will find their own way to work. 132 00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:31,320 Genius. The jobseekers will be destressed, not distressed. 133 00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:35,710 Destressed not distressed, I love that! 134 00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:38,150 I feel completely destressificated. 135 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:40,870 - Where do you want these, Trish? - Oh er... waiting area. 136 00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:42,550 First part of the plan -- 137 00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:45,510 relaxing bean bags instead of uncomfortable chairs. 138 00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:47,350 I can't see where I'm going. 139 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:50,700 That's because you're the size of a Borrower. 140 00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:01,540 Do you think nine's enough? 141 00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:05,550 You're not nervous, are you, Angela? 142 00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:08,070 No... but I'm not doing it. 143 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:09,750 Why not? 144 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:12,600 I haven't had enough time to prepare. 145 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:16,350 - You are nervous. - I'm not. 146 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:18,790 If a jobseeker told you they didn't go to an interview 147 00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:21,070 because they didn't have enough time to prepare, 148 00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:23,110 - would you let them off? - Absolutely not. - Why? 149 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:26,030 - Because it's an excuse. - Exactly... 150 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:32,240 .. and Angela Bromford does not accept excuses. 151 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:36,150 Never, ever pretend to be me. 152 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:37,830 So, if you're not nervous 153 00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:40,670 and you don't accept lack of preparation as an excuse, 154 00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:42,710 - I should let the audience in. - Wait! 155 00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:45,350 Angela, they're waiting. 156 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:48,710 - Tell me I'm special. - What? 157 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:51,910 I need to feel special. 158 00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:54,710 Oh, you are special, Angela. 159 00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:58,710 You are very, very special. 160 00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:00,760 OK. 161 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,960 Hello, Brentford. 162 00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:16,750 You look relaxed. Sticky yum yum? 163 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:18,430 Oh, I shouldn't. 164 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:22,390 Catch your breath and fill out a customer feedback form. 165 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:26,920 Don't be afraid to use the word 'destressified', OK? 166 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:51,030 - I think that went well. - Well? I smashed it. 167 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:54,470 - Don't know about smashed it. - Did you not hear that applause? 168 00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:56,990 My people love me. 169 00:08:57,040 --> 00:09:00,030 Are you not gonna stay and help me pack up? 170 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:02,080 I'm the talent. 171 00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:13,350 Are you wearing perfume? 172 00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:16,720 French mint and... jasmine blossom. 173 00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:20,710 It's Natalie's. I miss her smell. 174 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:24,950 Oh, man up, Karl! She's only been gone five minutes. 175 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:29,070 I can understand you wearing her knickers but... her perfume? 176 00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:31,120 That's just weird. 177 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:36,270 What are you talking about? What paper jam? 178 00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:39,190 There's no paper there to be jammed, you idiot. 179 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:42,470 If you were a person I would kill you in your sleep. 180 00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:44,670 Bad time? 181 00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:47,350 Oh! Greg, hi! 182 00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:49,150 No, no. I'm fine. 183 00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:51,510 I've bought your erm... jobseekers a gift. 184 00:09:51,560 --> 00:09:53,190 Aw. 185 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:56,870 The gift of destressification. Shall I...? 186 00:09:56,920 --> 00:10:00,870 Oh er... yeah. Yes, that's fine. 187 00:10:00,920 --> 00:10:04,110 Oh! Ooh! 188 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:11,830 How's that? Sensual? 189 00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:13,830 Yeah, yeah. No, actually, yeah, it's fine. 190 00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:16,680 It's lovely. Really relaxing, thanks. 191 00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:21,790 You know erm... my late wife, Lorna. She loved these. 192 00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:24,710 - Did she? - Yeah, yeah, she'd lie in my lap and then I'd -- 193 00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:27,310 I didn't know your wife Lorna, but... 194 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:31,630 I imagine that she would want you to be happy now. Move on. 195 00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:37,350 Not forget ALL about her, but... maybe find a new love. 196 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:40,870 Do you want to do me now? 197 00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:42,830 Sorry? 198 00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:45,420 Oh! Yeah, yeah, of course, yeah. 199 00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:49,640 - I'm ready. - OK, erm... 200 00:10:50,380 --> 00:10:52,730 So, we'll just start with a few details. 201 00:10:52,780 --> 00:10:55,370 OK, sure, that's fine. Fire away. 202 00:10:55,420 --> 00:10:58,290 OK. Er... can I have your first name, please? 203 00:10:58,340 --> 00:11:00,770 Eoghan. 204 00:11:00,820 --> 00:11:03,010 - On? - No, it's Eoghan. 205 00:11:03,060 --> 00:11:05,250 Orn? Sorry, could you spell that for me, please. 206 00:11:05,300 --> 00:11:07,250 - E. - A? - No, E. 207 00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:09,250 E. Right, yep, sorry. 208 00:11:09,300 --> 00:11:12,570 O, G. 209 00:11:12,620 --> 00:11:16,210 - J? - No. G, like George. 210 00:11:16,260 --> 00:11:18,970 - Judge? - No, George, like George Best. 211 00:11:19,020 --> 00:11:20,690 - George Best? - Aye. 212 00:11:20,740 --> 00:11:24,130 - I. - No, come here. 213 00:11:24,180 --> 00:11:28,170 E-O-G-H-A-N. 214 00:11:28,220 --> 00:11:32,130 - Eoghan. - Oh, right... 215 00:11:32,180 --> 00:11:34,250 OK. Sorry, that's my fault. 216 00:11:34,300 --> 00:11:38,690 - And er... can I take your surname? - McGeoghegan. 217 00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:40,370 - What? - Everything all right? 218 00:11:40,420 --> 00:11:42,210 Er... yeah, I'm just having some er... 219 00:11:42,260 --> 00:11:44,250 communication issues with this gentleman. 220 00:11:44,300 --> 00:11:46,050 For God's sake, I'm speaking English. 221 00:11:46,100 --> 00:11:47,730 Oh, I see what the problem is here. 222 00:11:47,780 --> 00:11:50,050 - (He is so drunk.) - No, no, Ash -- 223 00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:52,410 Trust me, Karl, I've done a module on this. 224 00:11:52,460 --> 00:11:55,890 We can't help you until you want to help yourself, OK? 225 00:11:55,940 --> 00:11:59,770 So I'm gonna give you the number for an alcoholic support group. 226 00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:03,530 Yous pair are a disgrace. This is not the end of this. 227 00:12:03,580 --> 00:12:05,890 God, you could really smell it on him, couldn't you? 228 00:12:05,940 --> 00:12:08,010 Oh, no, no. I think that's Natalie's perfume. 229 00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:09,690 And he's not drunk, Ash, 230 00:12:09,740 --> 00:12:13,450 he's just Irish. With a very strong accent. 231 00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:16,290 Oh, my God, I've just been horribly racist. 232 00:12:16,340 --> 00:12:19,140 I'll have your feckin' jobs for this. 233 00:12:22,820 --> 00:12:25,210 Ah-h-h-h-h-h. 234 00:12:25,260 --> 00:12:26,890 Ah-h-h-h-h-h. 235 00:12:26,940 --> 00:12:29,850 Mummy made me mash my mini muffins. 236 00:12:29,900 --> 00:12:32,530 Mummy made me mash my -- 237 00:12:32,580 --> 00:12:35,250 Oh, for God's sake, Angela. You must be warmed up by now. 238 00:12:35,300 --> 00:12:38,240 Never interrupt me when I'm in the zone. 239 00:12:39,940 --> 00:12:42,730 Drink. 240 00:12:44,460 --> 00:12:46,090 Morning, Miss Bromford. 241 00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:49,540 I'm sorry, they only had plain flavour crisps. 242 00:12:51,820 --> 00:12:55,210 (Ask him if he got my rider.) 243 00:12:55,260 --> 00:12:57,730 Miss Bromford says did you get her rider? 244 00:12:57,780 --> 00:13:00,580 Yes, but these were all I could find. 245 00:13:04,580 --> 00:13:08,940 Get me a Cheese and Onion Grab Bag, or I walk. 246 00:13:13,980 --> 00:13:16,250 We're finished. We're absolutely finished. 247 00:13:16,300 --> 00:13:18,490 Mm-hm. He was proper angry. 248 00:13:18,540 --> 00:13:21,810 And insulted and humiliated, and the victim of a racist attack. 249 00:13:21,860 --> 00:13:23,490 What are we gonna do? 250 00:13:23,540 --> 00:13:25,210 We need to get that complaint back. 251 00:13:25,260 --> 00:13:26,890 I could lose my job over this. 252 00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:29,330 I'm still on my three-month probation period, Karl. 253 00:13:29,380 --> 00:13:31,690 All right. Well, look, we'll just get the form back. 254 00:13:31,740 --> 00:13:33,370 Just calm down. 255 00:13:33,420 --> 00:13:35,890 I can't, it's too late. My panic disorder's kicking in. 256 00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:37,770 I'm nauseous, my heartbeat's erratic, 257 00:13:37,820 --> 00:13:40,450 - I'm absolutely dripping with sweat. - Well, what can I do? 258 00:13:40,500 --> 00:13:42,290 I need to breathe, help me relax. 259 00:13:42,340 --> 00:13:45,450 I need to imagine I'm on a beach. 260 00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:49,570 All right er... you are... You are on a beach. 261 00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:54,010 - Erm... it's a beautiful sandy -- - No, I don't like sand. 262 00:13:54,060 --> 00:13:57,290 OK, er... it's a beautiful stony beach. 263 00:13:57,340 --> 00:14:00,570 Er... the waves gently lapping at your feet. 264 00:14:00,620 --> 00:14:02,930 - It's too cold, Karl. - No, no, no. It's nice. 265 00:14:02,980 --> 00:14:05,090 - Are there jellyfish? - No. No jellyfish. 266 00:14:05,140 --> 00:14:08,450 - The tide's coming in. - No. Ash, it's miles out. 267 00:14:08,500 --> 00:14:10,410 No, no, no, no. It's definitely coming in. 268 00:14:10,460 --> 00:14:12,650 I'm cut off, I can't swim! 269 00:14:12,700 --> 00:14:14,330 I'm going under. 270 00:14:14,380 --> 00:14:16,010 I'm drowning, Karl! 271 00:14:16,060 --> 00:14:19,530 Call the coastguard, call the coastguard! 272 00:14:32,780 --> 00:14:35,890 Oh... No, no, no, not now. Tomorrow's the big day. 273 00:14:35,940 --> 00:14:39,210 Stop telling me there's a paper jam when you ruddy well know there isn't. 274 00:14:43,540 --> 00:14:45,540 Shh! 275 00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:52,330 Come on, Trish. Be brave, stay calm. 276 00:14:52,380 --> 00:14:54,520 Blend with the shadows. 277 00:15:06,020 --> 00:15:08,690 Not tonight, thank you. This job centre's closed! 278 00:15:08,740 --> 00:15:10,410 Wait! Trish, Trish, Trish, it's us. 279 00:15:10,460 --> 00:15:12,400 - What? - It's us! 280 00:15:15,740 --> 00:15:18,010 Oh, bearded Jesus. Karl, I'm so sorry! 281 00:15:18,060 --> 00:15:21,130 I've brain damaged him, I've destroyed his beautiful mind. 282 00:15:23,780 --> 00:15:27,130 Hang on. What are you doing here? 283 00:15:27,180 --> 00:15:30,290 We're having an affair. 284 00:15:30,340 --> 00:15:34,130 No, we're not! Ash, just tell her the truth. 285 00:15:34,180 --> 00:15:37,050 We were racist to a man and he put a complaint in the feedback box. 286 00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:39,970 - We're just trying to get it back. - Please don't sack me. 287 00:15:40,020 --> 00:15:42,890 We're going to have to get it back out. 288 00:15:46,460 --> 00:15:49,250 Right, let's find this complaint, shall we? 289 00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:50,970 "The new bean bags are so comfy, 290 00:15:51,020 --> 00:15:53,090 I fell asleep and missed my signing on time. 291 00:15:53,140 --> 00:15:56,010 The advisor didn't even care! Brilliant." Oh, good God. 292 00:15:56,060 --> 00:15:59,610 "ove not being pressured to get a job, I'm gonna stay unemployed forever 293 00:15:59,660 --> 00:16:02,770 - "The psychologist kept looking down my top..." -- - Oh, I'll take that. 294 00:16:02,820 --> 00:16:04,570 No, no, no! They're missing the point. 295 00:16:04,620 --> 00:16:08,090 The jobseekers are meant to be happy and destressed so they want to get a job. 296 00:16:08,140 --> 00:16:10,010 Yeah... none of them are saying that. 297 00:16:10,060 --> 00:16:12,730 I can't let Greg see these, we need to get rid of these forms. 298 00:16:12,780 --> 00:16:15,130 Erm... No, we could say there's been a break-in. 299 00:16:15,180 --> 00:16:17,250 Well, there was a break-in, we broke in. 300 00:16:17,300 --> 00:16:19,290 Yeah. When Greg comes in tomorrow, 301 00:16:19,340 --> 00:16:22,050 we'll say that the forms were stolen in a robbery. 302 00:16:22,100 --> 00:16:24,570 - Good idea, great idea. - It needs to look realistic. 303 00:16:24,620 --> 00:16:27,330 Well, intruders don't just take stuff, they destroy stuff. 304 00:16:27,380 --> 00:16:29,010 That's what they do. 305 00:16:29,060 --> 00:16:32,960 Yeah, they'd kick over that welcome desk for a start. 306 00:16:37,740 --> 00:16:40,210 That felt amazing! 307 00:16:40,260 --> 00:16:43,980 Come on. Let's trash this mother! 308 00:16:46,100 --> 00:16:48,050 Come on! 309 00:16:48,100 --> 00:16:50,040 I have made a mess! 310 00:16:54,740 --> 00:16:57,410 How'd you like that, huh? You still got a paper jam? 311 00:16:57,460 --> 00:16:59,090 Oh, you have? 312 00:16:59,140 --> 00:17:01,610 Oh, let me help you with that. 313 00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:08,490 You know what? 314 00:17:08,540 --> 00:17:12,530 Actually, we could have just written new feedback forms. 315 00:17:12,580 --> 00:17:14,210 Oh, yeah. 316 00:17:14,260 --> 00:17:17,980 Yes, that er... That would have been the better option. 317 00:17:26,140 --> 00:17:27,930 Trish, have you seen this? 318 00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:30,770 Oh, no... Er... we must have been broken into. 319 00:17:30,820 --> 00:17:32,450 Dirty scumbags. 320 00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:34,650 Erm... shall I fetch you the hoover? 321 00:17:34,700 --> 00:17:38,330 We need this cleared up before the managers' meeting. 322 00:17:38,380 --> 00:17:40,210 Oh, no, we must have been broken into. 323 00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:41,890 I'll call the police. 324 00:17:41,940 --> 00:17:43,690 We don't need to call the police, Paul. 325 00:17:43,740 --> 00:17:46,290 It's only a ruddy photocopier and some bean bag balls. 326 00:17:46,340 --> 00:17:48,970 Oh, no! We must have been broken into. 327 00:17:49,020 --> 00:17:50,770 - What's happened to you? - Huh? 328 00:17:50,820 --> 00:17:53,220 Oh... I walked into a door. 329 00:17:55,780 --> 00:17:57,410 What the hell? 330 00:17:57,460 --> 00:17:59,090 We've been broken into. 331 00:17:59,140 --> 00:18:00,770 The little bastards. 332 00:18:00,820 --> 00:18:05,370 Come on, Natalie. We've got a very important managers' meeting to set up. Follow me, please. 333 00:18:05,420 --> 00:18:07,050 I'm so glad you're back. 334 00:18:07,100 --> 00:18:09,250 Oh, what happened to your face? 335 00:18:09,300 --> 00:18:11,290 Are you wearing my perfume? 336 00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:14,330 And your knickers. 337 00:18:14,380 --> 00:18:16,050 How was London, Angela? 338 00:18:16,100 --> 00:18:19,500 There is a human poo under my desk. 339 00:18:21,820 --> 00:18:23,820 (It's what they do.) 340 00:18:27,300 --> 00:18:30,770 So, we come once again to our off-flow league table 341 00:18:30,820 --> 00:18:32,730 that absolutely does not exist. 342 00:18:32,780 --> 00:18:35,490 Phones on the table. Margaret, the blinds. 343 00:18:35,540 --> 00:18:40,050 Actually, Nigel, I'd like to erm... say a few words. 344 00:18:40,100 --> 00:18:43,500 - Can't it wait? - No, Nigel... this can't wait. 345 00:18:52,180 --> 00:18:57,460 Every second that goes by, a jobseeker loses hope. 346 00:19:02,260 --> 00:19:04,090 Imagine that. 347 00:19:04,140 --> 00:19:10,530 Every time I click my fingers one of our jobseekers just loses hope. 348 00:19:10,580 --> 00:19:12,580 Poof! 349 00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:15,610 But what if it didn't have to be like that? 350 00:19:15,660 --> 00:19:17,450 What if there was another way? A new way. 351 00:19:17,500 --> 00:19:19,130 Trish, we don't have time for this. 352 00:19:19,180 --> 00:19:22,010 To get a job, you need to be happy and confident. 353 00:19:22,060 --> 00:19:24,810 But we're not going to inspire confidence in our jobseekers 354 00:19:24,860 --> 00:19:26,730 by treating them like cattle. 355 00:19:26,780 --> 00:19:28,690 Natalie, hand out the manifesto, please. 356 00:19:28,740 --> 00:19:34,130 This... is the new way. The way of destressification. 357 00:19:34,180 --> 00:19:36,850 Hot drinks for everyone, soothing music. 358 00:19:36,900 --> 00:19:38,850 - Comfy seating. - Yes! 359 00:19:38,900 --> 00:19:42,850 Greg and I have bean bags instead of chairs. 360 00:19:42,900 --> 00:19:44,900 No, he hasn't. 361 00:19:46,580 --> 00:19:48,930 No. 362 00:19:48,980 --> 00:19:51,690 I've taken all the seats out of my centre 363 00:19:51,740 --> 00:19:55,210 so the jobseekers have to stand. Keeps them on their toes. 364 00:19:55,260 --> 00:19:57,850 And he keeps the doors open. It's freezing. 365 00:19:57,900 --> 00:20:01,810 Nobody likes being in my job centre... 366 00:20:01,860 --> 00:20:03,490 which is exactly how it should be. 367 00:20:03,540 --> 00:20:07,170 It's all about numbers, Trish. And yours have nosedived. 368 00:20:07,220 --> 00:20:09,970 Whereas, Greg's hardcore approach 369 00:20:10,020 --> 00:20:12,450 means he's got the top spot in his first month in post. 370 00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:14,450 - Great work, Greg. - Thank you. 371 00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:18,850 You've gone from top to bottom, Trish. What happened? 372 00:20:18,900 --> 00:20:21,410 Erm... 373 00:20:21,460 --> 00:20:23,730 Sorry, Nigel... 374 00:20:23,780 --> 00:20:26,460 I was briefly radicalised. 375 00:20:33,060 --> 00:20:36,930 Every time I click my fingers, 376 00:20:36,980 --> 00:20:39,570 another job centre plummets down the league table. 377 00:20:39,620 --> 00:20:42,290 You, sir, are a massive shit. 378 00:20:42,340 --> 00:20:44,330 Oh, don't be like that, sis. 379 00:20:44,380 --> 00:20:47,170 You only wanted Angela out of the way so my numbers would drop. 380 00:20:47,220 --> 00:20:48,860 Correct. 381 00:20:49,020 --> 00:20:52,010 Can't believe you fell for it. And you was easy to get on board, 382 00:20:52,060 --> 00:20:54,690 I had to have sex with Denise from Kingstanding. 383 00:20:54,740 --> 00:20:57,890 And are we going to get our destressifier tattoos finished? 384 00:20:57,940 --> 00:21:00,610 Jog on, Tina. It's not even a word. 385 00:21:01,860 --> 00:21:03,970 You played us like cheap fiddles. 386 00:21:04,020 --> 00:21:07,170 My very own lady orchestra. 387 00:21:07,220 --> 00:21:10,730 I'd still be happy to pluck your strings, though, Trish. 388 00:21:10,780 --> 00:21:15,850 No, Greg. You groomed me and that is not attractive. 389 00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:17,900 Leave, please. 390 00:21:18,500 --> 00:21:20,970 Can we go for drinks? 391 00:21:21,020 --> 00:21:22,650 I need to get ginned. 392 00:21:22,700 --> 00:21:24,650 Actually, Trish, I just wanna go home. 393 00:21:24,700 --> 00:21:28,010 I feel like my head has been hit with a bin. 394 00:21:28,060 --> 00:21:30,090 Well, a drink might help. 395 00:21:30,140 --> 00:21:32,770 - Actually, Trish, we haven't seen each other in a week. - Hm. 396 00:21:32,820 --> 00:21:34,450 Fine, fine, it's fine! 397 00:21:34,500 --> 00:21:36,130 Go home and do intercourse. 398 00:21:36,180 --> 00:21:39,460 I've got nine luxury bean bags to return, anyway. 399 00:21:41,100 --> 00:21:42,770 Can I have another yum yum? 400 00:21:42,820 --> 00:21:44,490 No, you cannot! 401 00:21:44,540 --> 00:21:46,210 Get a job!