1
00:00:01,079 --> 00:00:03,138
Hi, Karl.

2
00:00:03,119 --> 00:00:05,178
Only me.

3
00:00:05,559 --> 00:00:07,254
Karl?

4
00:00:08,759 --> 00:00:10,500
Oh, my God!

5
00:00:11,359 --> 00:00:13,817
Can you hear me?
Karl? Wake up!

6
00:00:15,679 --> 00:00:18,216
(GROANS) Sorry, this is weird.

7
00:00:18,199 --> 00:00:20,497
Mm? No, no, it was good.

8
00:00:20,479 --> 00:00:23,096
This is your sexual fantasy?
You look dead.

9
00:00:23,079 --> 00:00:28,461
I'm concussed. When mouth-to-mouth doesn't work
you revive me in the only way you can think of.

10
00:00:28,439 --> 00:00:30,498
By sitting on your face?
Mm-hm.

11
00:00:30,479 --> 00:00:33,619
You know a doctor wouldn't do that.
But you're not a doctor, 
you're a member of the public.

12
00:00:33,599 --> 00:00:39,060
But a member of the public wouldn't do it either.
Look, I find amateur first aid sexy.

13
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:41,178
(SIGHS) This is rediculous.

14
00:00:41,159 --> 00:00:44,732
Look, Natalie, you offered. If you
don't want to do it... No, no.

15
00:00:44,719 --> 00:00:47,575
Sorry, sorry.
So, you wake up and...?

16
00:00:47,559 --> 00:00:50,540
And then,
to thank you for saving my life,

17
00:00:50,519 --> 00:00:52,658
I have sex with you.

18
00:00:52,639 --> 00:00:54,255
Uh!

19
00:00:54,239 --> 00:00:58,142
OK. Can we just change it so that
I'm not straddling a corpse?

20
00:00:58,119 --> 00:01:01,020
OK, I'll think of something else.
Give me a minute.

21
00:01:04,479 --> 00:01:06,095
(CLATTERING)

22
00:01:06,079 --> 00:01:08,935
Uh...arh! Help, help, come quick.

23
00:01:09,639 --> 00:01:14,293
Oh, thank God. I slipped and I somehow
managed to trap my wang in a drawer.

24
00:01:14,279 --> 00:01:16,338
Quick, get the margarine.

25
00:01:18,359 --> 00:01:20,373
# One day you're gonna make it work

26
00:01:20,359 --> 00:01:22,214
# No pay, you're gonna make it work

27
00:01:22,199 --> 00:01:24,258
# Some day we're gonna make this work

28
00:01:24,239 --> 00:01:26,333
♪ Work ♪

29
00:01:30,639 --> 00:01:35,179
I'm doing a fire drill. Angela,
we haven't got time to do a fire drill.
We're v busy.

30
00:01:35,279 --> 00:01:38,533
Have you got time to burn to death?
Why don't we do a mock fire drill?

31
00:01:38,519 --> 00:01:41,011
That's what a fire drill is.
No, but a mock of the mock.

32
00:01:40,999 --> 00:01:46,540
What, like a mock mock? Yeah, a mock mock.
We'll run through it in here,
then no-one needs to go outside.

33
00:01:46,519 --> 00:01:48,578
I love that, Natalie.

34
00:01:49,119 --> 00:01:52,134
OK, everyone,
quick staff huddle, please.

35
00:01:52,479 --> 00:01:55,779
We're going to do a run-through of
what to do in a fire drill.

36
00:01:55,999 --> 00:02:00,300
Ugh! But it's drizzling.
We're not going outside we're just going to
pretend.

37
00:02:00,279 --> 00:02:02,498
Let's set the scene with a bit of improv.

38
00:02:02,479 --> 00:02:07,053
Paul and Janette, imagine you're near the doors.
Everyone else, you're at your desks.

39
00:02:07,039 --> 00:02:09,781
Oh, technically, Trish, I don't use
a desk. Mm.

40
00:02:09,759 --> 00:02:14,731
We could imagine Ash is talking to me. That could work.
I do stand at Karl's desk and talk to him.

41
00:02:14,719 --> 00:02:18,656
Perfect. So you're all working away,
it's just a normal afternoon.

42
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:23,133
What time? If it's between three and four
there's a good chance I'll be on the toilet.

43
00:02:23,119 --> 00:02:26,020
OK, it's 11 in the morning.
That's when Janette goes.

44
00:02:25,999 --> 00:02:29,333
No-one's on the toilet, everyone's
at their stations.

45
00:02:29,319 --> 00:02:32,220
Apart from - Apart from Ash who is
talking to Karl.

46
00:02:32,359 --> 00:02:36,057
OK? And then suddenly the fire alarm
goes off.

47
00:02:36,039 --> 00:02:38,098
Natalie.
(IMITATES FIRE ALARM)

48
00:02:38,079 --> 00:02:41,617
Sorry, Trish, actually loud noises
give me nose bleeds. Fine.

49
00:02:41,599 --> 00:02:45,217
Make the noise of a fire alarm
quietly so Ash doesn't haemorrhage.

50
00:02:45,199 --> 00:02:49,215
(SOFTLY) Woo-poo... Paul and Janette,
you get the jobseekers out of the front

51
00:02:49,199 --> 00:02:52,533
and we all go out the back to the
fire assembly point.

52
00:02:52,519 --> 00:02:54,817
Where's that?
lt's in the car park.

53
00:02:54,799 --> 00:02:57,814
Yeah, but for argument's sake let's
say it's this hole punch.

54
00:02:57,799 --> 00:03:00,382
Everyone, evacuate to the hole
punch, please.

55
00:03:00,359 --> 00:03:02,771
Woo-poo - Stop,
you're giving me tinnitus.

56
00:03:02,759 --> 00:03:06,218
Now we're outside, Angela blows her
whistle to get your attention.

57
00:03:06,199 --> 00:03:10,739
Don't bother, we know what a whistle sounds like.
She does a roll call to check everyone's here.

58
00:03:10,719 --> 00:03:13,097
Don't bother Angela,
we know everyone's here.

59
00:03:13,079 --> 00:03:15,013
This is a farce.

60
00:03:15,679 --> 00:03:17,693
Everyone still alive?

61
00:03:17,679 --> 00:03:19,738
Good. Great work, team Brownall.

62
00:03:19,719 --> 00:03:23,098
OK, Natalie, I wonder if we could...
Yeah.

63
00:03:23,079 --> 00:03:24,820
(FIRE ALARM CLANGS)

64
00:03:24,799 --> 00:03:27,780
For frig's sake. Angela!

65
00:03:27,759 --> 00:03:32,492
Come on, through the kitchen and into the car park.
Let's get this over and done with.

66
00:03:33,599 --> 00:03:37,695
Karl, the centre's going to be empty
for ten minutes, maybe we could -

67
00:03:37,679 --> 00:03:39,738
Catch up on some photocopying?

68
00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:42,654
I'm joking.
You want to have sex at work?

69
00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:44,619
Yeah. lt's the last one on my list.

70
00:03:44,599 --> 00:03:46,454
Come on! what?

71
00:03:46,439 --> 00:03:49,056
(SMOKE ALARM BEEPS)
Mike and the Mechanics!

72
00:03:49,039 --> 00:03:52,816
The bloody sink's on fire. Put it
out, the whole place'll go up.

73
00:03:52,799 --> 00:03:55,177
Stand back, everybody, I've got
this. Wait.

74
00:03:55,159 --> 00:03:57,253
Is that the right kind of
extinguisher?

75
00:03:57,239 --> 00:03:59,697
Depends what's burning?
lt's Trish's scarf.

76
00:03:59,679 --> 00:04:02,853
How did that happen? This has got
water in it, can I use that? No.

77
00:04:02,839 --> 00:04:06,218
You can't put water on a burning
pashmina. It'll take your face off.

78
00:04:06,199 --> 00:04:09,055
Calm down, Janette, you're thinking
of a chip pan.

79
00:04:10,799 --> 00:04:12,619
That's never happened to me before.

80
00:04:12,599 --> 00:04:14,772
(SMOKE AND FIRE ALARMS CONTINUE)

81
00:04:14,759 --> 00:04:19,811
Ah, what, so your fantasy is to have
sex in Trish's office? '

82
00:04:19,799 --> 00:04:23,941
The boss's office. Mm.
Come on, we've done your fantasy. No, we haven't.

83
00:04:23,919 --> 00:04:28,413
OK, we tried but we couldn't because it was
about as sexy as going to the dentist.

84
00:04:28,399 --> 00:04:31,460
Alright, well, So what happens
in your sexual fantasy then?

85
00:04:31,439 --> 00:04:34,295
Well, you're the boss... Mm.

86
00:04:34,279 --> 00:04:36,737
..and I've been late three times...
(TUTS)

87
00:04:36,719 --> 00:04:40,098
..and I need to be reprimanded. What
do you want, a verbal warning?

88
00:04:40,079 --> 00:04:42,138
No. Mm?

89
00:04:43,199 --> 00:04:46,658
I want you to spank me on the bottom
with a shatterproof ruler.

90
00:04:50,559 --> 00:04:52,573
Nah, I'm not feeling it.

91
00:04:53,039 --> 00:04:56,851
Are you serious? Yeah, I'm not up
for it. lt's just ridiculous.

92
00:04:56,839 --> 00:05:01,811
Don't be childish. I just think sex
in the manager's office is...weird.

93
00:05:01,799 --> 00:05:05,736
This from the man who probably knocks
one out over Holby City. I told you.

94
00:05:05,719 --> 00:05:10,611
I like AMATEUR first aid. Oh, l'm sorry, St
John's Ambulance. Either way it's not normal.

95
00:05:10,599 --> 00:05:14,058
What, and this is? Getting jiggy
with it on Trish's Filofax?

96
00:05:14,039 --> 00:05:18,294
It's more normal than having
sex with someone in a coma.
I do that every night anyway.

97
00:05:21,679 --> 00:05:23,898
Yeah? Well,
you won't be doing it tonight.

98
00:05:23,879 --> 00:05:26,132
Yeah? Well, good.

99
00:05:26,119 --> 00:05:27,701
Good. Good.

100
00:05:27,679 --> 00:05:29,738
Well, that was abuse.

101
00:05:30,759 --> 00:05:32,978
I need some kind of fire blanket.

102
00:05:32,959 --> 00:05:35,018
Smother it with this.

103
00:05:36,079 --> 00:05:37,934
(SIGHS OF RELIEF)

104
00:05:37,919 --> 00:05:39,296
(ALL GASP)

105
00:05:39,279 --> 00:05:41,941
Bloody hell, Trish,
that's not fire retarded.

106
00:05:42,079 --> 00:05:44,855
She means retardant.
You're meant to dampen it first.

107
00:05:44,839 --> 00:05:48,139
With what? I can't get to the taps,
can I? There's a fire in the way. '

108
00:05:48,119 --> 00:05:49,894
I don't know. Milk?

109
00:05:49,879 --> 00:05:51,938
Milk? Not milk, milk burns.

110
00:05:51,919 --> 00:05:54,456
All right yoghurt then. You're
thinking of thrush.

111
00:05:54,439 --> 00:05:58,296
We need to evacuate. No. If my centre's
going down, I'm going down with her.

112
00:05:58,279 --> 00:06:00,338
I'm calling the fire brigade.

113
00:06:01,399 --> 00:06:03,413
Oh! Ugh!

114
00:06:03,399 --> 00:06:06,380
What's going on? 
There's a shitting fire in the sink!

115
00:06:07,079 --> 00:06:09,093
Well, But it out then. No! No!

116
00:06:17,359 --> 00:06:22,217
What have you done? We were dealing
with an emergency situation

117
00:06:22,199 --> 00:06:26,454
and your anorak was deployed in a
crucial role to tackle the blaze.

118
00:06:26,439 --> 00:06:28,817
That was my new coat.
(FAINT COUGHING)

119
00:06:34,079 --> 00:06:37,379
Angela, what are you doing in a
cupboard?

120
00:06:37,359 --> 00:06:39,737
Proving you don't
know what you're doing

121
00:06:39,719 --> 00:06:41,335
By hiding in a cupboard?

122
00:06:41,319 --> 00:06:43,777
I'm a confused member of the public.

123
00:06:43,759 --> 00:06:46,854
Didn't you hear the alarm?
I'm deaf and confused.

124
00:06:46,839 --> 00:06:49,012
And now I'm dead.

125
00:06:55,439 --> 00:06:58,613
You are disrespecting my authority
as fire warden.

126
00:06:58,599 --> 00:07:00,693
How did the fire start, Angela?

127
00:07:00,679 --> 00:07:02,693
The fire was a
result of poor training.

128
00:07:02,679 --> 00:07:07,173
No, literally, how did Trish's scarf
set fire to itself in the staff room?

129
00:07:07,159 --> 00:07:10,857
Polyester. Highly flammable.
lt's actually 20% silk. lt's Jaeger.

130
00:07:12,879 --> 00:07:16,990
Doesn't matter. So Trish's scarf
just floated off the coat stand

131
00:07:16,990 --> 00:07:18,101
and spontaneously
combusted in the sink?

132
00:07:18,079 --> 00:07:22,511
Are you accusing me of arson?
No. Yes.

133
00:07:23,121 --> 00:07:26,127
That's slander.
OK, Angela, what do you want?

134
00:07:26,489 --> 00:07:30,069
Proper fire drills. Fine, fine,
we'll do proper drills.

135
00:07:30,069 --> 00:07:33,419
And a deputy fire warden who answers
only to me. You can have Janette.

136
00:07:33,419 --> 00:07:36,462
And a £1,000 budget for new fire
safety equipment.

137
00:07:37,297 --> 00:07:38,092
Come on, Angela, you're being
ridiculous.

138
00:07:38,079 --> 00:07:42,175
If you don't take our safety
seriously I will call a strike.

139
00:07:42,159 --> 00:07:44,935
Whoa there, horsey.
There's no need to be hasty.

140
00:07:44,919 --> 00:07:49,095
No-one wants a strike. Then give me
£1,000 for new fire safety equipment.

141
00:07:49,839 --> 00:07:52,934
I think you'll find Trish and I are
pretty tough cookies.

142
00:07:52,919 --> 00:07:56,492
We're not just gonna roll over the
moment someone threatens a strike.

143
00:07:58,319 --> 00:08:01,971
Karl is modelling this season's most
advanced in fire safety equipment.

144
00:08:01,959 --> 00:08:04,940
(MUFFLED) Can I take this off?
Sorry, I can't understand you.

145
00:08:04,919 --> 00:08:07,900
Can I take this off now? No.
But I can't breathe. Good.

146
00:08:08,279 --> 00:08:11,101
Sorry, I can't wear that mask.
I get claustrophobic.

147
00:08:11,079 --> 00:08:14,379
I once had a panic attack in a pair
of swimming goggles.

148
00:08:14,959 --> 00:08:18,691
Now, obviously all this equipment
didn't come cheap

149
00:08:18,679 --> 00:08:21,262
so we will have
to make some cutbacks.

150
00:08:21,239 --> 00:08:26,052
The centre's monthly charitable donation to
the local hospice has had to be cancelled.

151
00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:29,691
Can't be helped. It also means we won't
be having a staff Christmas party this year.

152
00:08:29,679 --> 00:08:31,738
ALL: What? You can't cancel the -

153
00:08:31,719 --> 00:08:36,020
You can't cancel the Christmas party.
That's the best thing about working here.

154
00:08:35,999 --> 00:08:39,617
We'll have our own party in the staff room.
I'll bring in some mince pies.

155
00:08:39,599 --> 00:08:43,661
No way. We have a full festive
buffet and disco. lt's tradition.

156
00:08:44,559 --> 00:08:50,419
Angela, you're fire warden. Can you explain why this
equipment is more important than a Christmas party ?

157
00:08:50,399 --> 00:08:51,901
No.

158
00:08:51,879 --> 00:08:55,099
Christmas is the most
magical time of the year.

159
00:08:55,079 --> 00:08:57,491
Oh, for crying out loud. You see?

160
00:08:57,879 --> 00:09:02,453
This is another example of
management not taking us seriously.

161
00:09:04,999 --> 00:09:07,934
Karl, as a grown up, I'm sure you
can see that health and safety

162
00:09:07,919 --> 00:09:10,661
is far more important
than a staff Christmas party.

163
00:09:12,919 --> 00:09:15,138
What do we want?
ALL: A Christmas party.

164
00:09:15,119 --> 00:09:16,939
When do we want it?
ALL: December.

165
00:09:16,919 --> 00:09:18,978
What do we want?
A Christmas party.

166
00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:20,814
When do we want it?
December.

167
00:09:20,799 --> 00:09:25,020
Tell you what, Natalie, why don't you
let me do the negotiating from now on?

168
00:09:24,999 --> 00:09:28,993
What do we want? A Christmas party.
When do we want it? December.

169
00:09:28,993 --> 00:09:34,128
Karl, stop being a tit. You're doing this because I said
your sexual fantasy was ridiculous - which it is.

170
00:09:34,128 --> 00:09:40,053
No, not true. I'm doing this because having a staff
Christmas party is a fundamental human right.

171
00:09:40,053 --> 00:09:45,853
I'm pretty sure it's not. I'm doing' it because I want
to wear a novelty - jumper and a little paper hat.

172
00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:49,246
I want to pull crackers and share
shit jokes with my co-workers.

173
00:09:49,246 --> 00:09:51,499
ALL: Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah,yeah, yeah.

174
00:09:51,499 --> 00:09:54,882
I'm doing this because I don't want
fire blankets, no.

175
00:09:54,799 --> 00:09:57,416
I want pigs in blankets. ALL: Yeah!
Yeah, yeah.

176
00:09:57,399 --> 00:10:03,054
I'm doing this because if management won't let us
have our turkey and stuffing, then stuff them.

177
00:10:03,039 --> 00:10:05,098
ALL: Yeah! JANETTE: Stuff 'em.

178
00:10:05,079 --> 00:10:07,093
Yeah, that's right, Karl.

179
00:10:07,079 --> 00:10:08,615
I am angry!

180
00:10:08,599 --> 00:10:11,182
And I do not eat
meat or celebrate Christmas.

181
00:10:11,159 --> 00:10:14,538
What do we want? ALL: A Christmas
party! When do we want it? December!

182
00:10:14,519 --> 00:10:16,339
What do we want? A Christmas party.

183
00:10:16,319 --> 00:10:19,300
Unfortunately,
due to industrial action,

184
00:10:19,279 --> 00:10:21,816
we are experiencing some delays

185
00:10:21,799 --> 00:10:24,655
so please bear with us, OK?

186
00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:29,936
Why is Karl being unreasonable? Has
something happened between you two?

187
00:10:29,919 --> 00:10:32,854
Have you had a lovers' tiff?
lt's nothing. Romantic spat?

188
00:10:32,839 --> 00:10:35,695
I don't want to talk about it.
Erotic feud? Trish.

189
00:10:35,679 --> 00:10:40,173
What the merry frig are we going to do then?
We'll have to sign everyone on.

190
00:10:40,159 --> 00:10:42,139
Oh, I suppose you're right.

191
00:10:42,119 --> 00:10:44,577
Come on, Trish,
back to the coal face.

192
00:10:48,719 --> 00:10:51,017
What have you done to find work?
MAN: Excuse me.

193
00:10:50,999 --> 00:10:54,981
Hold that thought. So just follow
the instructions.

194
00:10:54,959 --> 00:10:56,654
Excuse me - Be right with you.

195
00:10:57,079 --> 00:10:59,776
I'll be right back, OK?
Can I just have a second?

196
00:10:59,759 --> 00:11:02,740
Just a sec. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

197
00:11:02,719 --> 00:11:05,256
Listen, I need to have a chat - 
Hang on. No, no!

198
00:11:05,439 --> 00:11:09,012
I'm not going to Let you two women
keep palming me off. Oh, sounds rude.

199
00:11:10,639 --> 00:11:15,452
Sorry. OK, I know a lot of you have
been waiting a long time so, new plan,

200
00:11:15,439 --> 00:11:18,101
we're going to sign you all on
together. OK? Great.

201
00:11:18,079 --> 00:11:21,811
Now, who remembers
how to do the hokey cokey?

202
00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:36,814
It is five and twenty past the hour
and I have a king's thirst.

203
00:11:37,799 --> 00:11:39,813
Who's for a flagon of ale?

204
00:11:39,799 --> 00:11:41,858
Oh, this is fun. Thank you.

205
00:11:41,839 --> 00:11:43,694
Isn't it just?

206
00:11:43,679 --> 00:11:46,421
Getting paid for hanging around
doing nothing.

207
00:11:46,399 --> 00:11:48,936
Don't you do that every day? Cheek.

208
00:11:48,919 --> 00:11:50,978
Anyway, we're not getting paid.

209
00:11:50,959 --> 00:11:54,338
What? You don't get paid if you're
on strike, Paul.

210
00:11:54,319 --> 00:11:56,378
Bloddy hell.

211
00:11:57,879 --> 00:12:01,497
What are you lot striking about?
They cancelled our Christmas party.

212
00:12:02,239 --> 00:12:05,095
(MUTTERS) Wankers.
I know, it's a disgrace.

213
00:12:05,599 --> 00:12:07,454
He's talking about us, Janette.

214
00:12:07,439 --> 00:12:09,259
(THUNDER RUMBLES) KARL: Oh.

215
00:12:10,239 --> 00:12:12,253
Has anyone got a spare cagoule?

216
00:12:12,559 --> 00:12:14,891
Perhaps we should go in. What?

217
00:12:15,399 --> 00:12:17,572
And let them win? Never.

218
00:12:17,559 --> 00:12:21,701
Do you want her to call you a quitter?
lt's about to rain and I'm terrified of storms.

219
00:12:22,399 --> 00:12:25,380
We are not going anywhere.

220
00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:29,021
I don't want to get struck by
lightning, not again.

221
00:12:30,239 --> 00:12:31,741
OK, so...

222
00:12:31,719 --> 00:12:36,020
# Put your left leg in if you've been
looking for work in the last two weeks

223
00:12:37,439 --> 00:12:41,455
# And shake it all about if you've
managed to get an interview...

224
00:12:42,599 --> 00:12:44,613
Good.

225
00:12:46,479 --> 00:12:49,813
Natalie, I think this might be
slightly degrading. No, it's fun.

226
00:12:49,799 --> 00:12:52,177
Are we still supposed to be shaking?
Um...

227
00:12:52,159 --> 00:12:55,379
Let's give them their ruddy party so
they come back to work.

228
00:12:55,359 --> 00:12:58,613
I'll get another credit card or
something. And let them win?

229
00:12:58,599 --> 00:13:02,775
Never. We will not be held to ransom over
a tray of sausage rolls and a mobile disco.

230
00:13:02,759 --> 00:13:05,615
We need to show them that these
ladies are not for turning.

231
00:13:05,599 --> 00:13:07,419
# And turn around

232
00:13:07,399 --> 00:13:10,972
♪ If you're here to talk about
Disability Living Allowance... ♪

233
00:13:10,959 --> 00:13:12,734
No? No-one for that one.

234
00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:15,573
(THUNDERCLAP)

235
00:13:30,759 --> 00:13:34,297
Excuse me. I'm from the Evening News,
can you tell me a bit about this Strike?

236
00:13:34,279 --> 00:13:37,499
No, I'm not talking to the press
about this. That's a shame.

237
00:13:39,359 --> 00:13:42,374
I thought you and I could go for a
quiet drink and a chat.

238
00:13:43,559 --> 00:13:46,733
On the other hand I do quite like
drinking and chatting.

239
00:13:46,719 --> 00:13:49,017
You'd really be helping me out.

240
00:13:48,999 --> 00:13:50,979
And helping people out.

241
00:13:51,319 --> 00:13:53,333
Shall we?

242
00:13:54,879 --> 00:13:56,893
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

243
00:13:57,759 --> 00:14:01,218
See, I told you. Stand firm and show
them who's boss.

244
00:14:06,639 --> 00:14:08,175
(LOW CONVERSATION)

245
00:14:12,399 --> 00:14:14,413
OK, here's our offer.

246
00:14:14,399 --> 00:14:18,893
We will send back four fire extinguishers,
three fire blankets and a gas mask

247
00:14:18,879 --> 00:14:22,417
and you can have a mini disco,
a pay bar and a cold buffet.

248
00:14:22,399 --> 00:14:26,302
No chance. A cold buffet basically
means salad and dips.

249
00:14:26,279 --> 00:14:30,853
Hummus makes me gag. At the very
least we want warm sausage rolls.

250
00:14:30,839 --> 00:14:32,933
Preferably hot.

251
00:14:35,239 --> 00:14:39,301
You can have hot sausage rolls but we
lose the collapsible escape ladder. No.

252
00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:42,852
The escape Ladder is crucial should
we need to evacuate via a window.

253
00:14:42,839 --> 00:14:45,979
Which side are you on? My own.
We're on the ground floor.

254
00:14:45,959 --> 00:14:48,894
We don't need a ladder to get out.
What about Janette?

255
00:14:48,879 --> 00:14:50,699
Oh, good point.

256
00:14:50,679 --> 00:14:55,094
Leave this with me, I'm going to use
something called reverse psychology.

257
00:14:56,279 --> 00:14:58,293
(CLEARS THROAT)

258
00:14:58,679 --> 00:15:00,693
I tell you what, forget it.

259
00:15:00,679 --> 00:15:04,217
We don't even want a Christmas
party. Cancel it.

260
00:15:04,199 --> 00:15:06,497
Oh. Fine, let's do that.

261
00:15:06,759 --> 00:15:08,773
(BOTH CHUCKLE) OK.

262
00:15:09,559 --> 00:15:13,132
OK, that backfired.
I'm handing back over to you.

263
00:15:13,679 --> 00:15:16,421
All right, we'll keep the ladder.

264
00:15:16,399 --> 00:15:19,141
I'll get my brother-in-law to do the
disco - at cost -

265
00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:22,054
but we want a hot buffet and a
hundred quid behind the bar.

266
00:15:22,319 --> 00:15:24,333
50 quid behind the bar.
75.

267
00:15:25,799 --> 00:15:27,813
BOTH: Deal.

268
00:15:28,799 --> 00:15:30,972
Angela, are you happy with that?

269
00:15:30,959 --> 00:15:32,495
No.

270
00:15:32,479 --> 00:15:34,937
Well, tough tits.

271
00:15:36,039 --> 00:15:38,053
Back to work, everyone, please.

272
00:15:38,039 --> 00:15:40,098
What about Karl?
Where is Karl?

273
00:15:44,959 --> 00:15:47,178
I think what you're doing is so brave.

274
00:15:47,999 --> 00:15:52,095
Well, I think, if you believe in something
you've got to stand up and fight

275
00:15:52,079 --> 00:15:54,138
for your right...

276
00:15:54,359 --> 00:15:57,613
to have a Christmas party.
So are you the rebel in the office?

277
00:15:57,599 --> 00:16:00,216
Oh, yeah, I'm always mucking about,
me.

278
00:16:00,199 --> 00:16:02,258
I'm a bit of a maverick. In fact,

279
00:16:03,239 --> 00:16:05,253
that's what they call me - Maverick.

280
00:16:05,239 --> 00:16:07,059
Maverick? Really?

281
00:16:07,039 --> 00:16:09,417
Like in Top Gun? Mm-hm. Yep.

282
00:16:09,399 --> 00:16:11,379
Top Fun more like.

283
00:16:11,359 --> 00:16:14,056
Cor, I am such a card.

284
00:16:14,039 --> 00:16:16,861
I bet you are. Tell me some of the
stuff you get up to.

285
00:16:16,839 --> 00:16:18,898
Er, well,

286
00:16:19,399 --> 00:16:22,300
sometimes we come to the pub after
work and have, like,

287
00:16:22,279 --> 00:16:27,171
three pints of quite strong lager
and no tea, just crisps.

288
00:16:27,159 --> 00:16:29,093
(SNORTS WITH LAUGHTER)

289
00:16:29,079 --> 00:16:30,535
OK.

290
00:16:30,519 --> 00:16:32,578
Anything else naughty? Um...

291
00:16:35,439 --> 00:16:38,261
Yeah.
I had sex in the manager's office.

292
00:16:38,239 --> 00:16:40,378
Really? What, with the manager?

293
00:16:40,359 --> 00:16:43,818
Oh, no, no, no, no,
the deputy manager.

294
00:16:43,799 --> 00:16:46,131
But it was on the manager's desk.

295
00:16:46,999 --> 00:16:51,254
I, er...l spanked her on the bottom
with a shatterproof ruler.

296
00:16:51,239 --> 00:16:52,980
That is naughty.

297
00:16:52,959 --> 00:16:55,257
Mm. Is she your girlfriend?

298
00:16:57,599 --> 00:16:59,613
Nah, nothing serious.

299
00:17:01,279 --> 00:17:03,498
You need another drink. Mm.

300
00:17:03,479 --> 00:17:06,972
Listen, I've got a bottle of vodka
at my flat.

301
00:17:07,599 --> 00:17:11,331
Why don't you come back and I'll...
get you out of those damp clothes?

302
00:17:14,519 --> 00:17:16,533
Mmm...no.

303
00:17:17,559 --> 00:17:19,573
No, I can't, sorry.

304
00:17:19,559 --> 00:17:22,142
Thank you for the beer
and the flirting

305
00:17:22,119 --> 00:17:26,261
but...I've just realised I've been a
complete dickhead.

306
00:17:34,559 --> 00:17:37,460
(RINGING TONE) VOICEMAIL: 
This is Karl. I can't -

307
00:17:37,439 --> 00:17:39,134
(MOBILE OFF)

308
00:17:45,399 --> 00:17:47,254
Natalie! (HEAVY THUD)

309
00:17:47,239 --> 00:17:48,582
Shit.

310
00:17:51,559 --> 00:17:53,573
Oh, my God, Karl!

311
00:17:53,919 --> 00:17:56,581
Are you all right?
Karl? Wake up.

312
00:17:56,559 --> 00:17:58,334
Are you all right? Karl?

313
00:17:58,319 --> 00:18:00,333
Oh, my God. Wake up.

314
00:18:00,319 --> 00:18:02,697
This is the bit where
you sit on my face.

315
00:18:02,679 --> 00:18:04,693
Oh, you twat! Mm.

316
00:18:04,679 --> 00:18:06,738
Correct.

317
00:18:08,159 --> 00:18:11,060
I'm sorry for that stupid strike.

318
00:18:11,599 --> 00:18:13,613
And for denting your Corsa.

319
00:18:14,159 --> 00:18:15,615
It's all right.

320
00:18:15,599 --> 00:18:17,977
Sorry I said your
sexual fantasy was weird.

321
00:18:19,919 --> 00:18:22,456
Have you been drinking?
Mm-hm. Correct again.

322
00:18:22,439 --> 00:18:26,171
I've had three pints of quite strong
lager and no tea, just crisps.

323
00:18:26,879 --> 00:18:29,541
We should get you
checked out at the hospital.

324
00:18:29,519 --> 00:18:32,898
How many times?
I like AMATEUR first aid.

325
00:18:32,879 --> 00:18:36,179
OK, come back to mine and I'll put
you in a sling or something.

326
00:18:36,159 --> 00:18:38,218
Thank you, kind nurse.

327
00:18:38,479 --> 00:18:42,495
Ooh. I also think I may have badly
bruised my todger.

328
00:18:42,479 --> 00:18:44,618
Don't push it. I don't think I can.

329
00:18:46,719 --> 00:18:52,499
RADIO PRESENTER: lt's a Lovely day in Birmingham but
traffic is at a standstill on the Aston Expressway.

330
00:18:55,959 --> 00:18:59,896
Angela, why are you still here?
We've reached an agreement.
You might have.

331
00:18:59,879 --> 00:19:02,462
You never come to the Christmas
party anyway.

332
00:19:06,119 --> 00:19:07,894
Scab.

333
00:19:09,159 --> 00:19:12,732
Here they are, the sex-mad staff of
Brownall job Centre.

334
00:19:12,959 --> 00:19:15,451
I just hope you wiped
everything down after.

335
00:19:15,679 --> 00:19:17,454
What are you talking about?

336
00:19:17,439 --> 00:19:20,261
So you had a drink with a journalist
yesterday afternoon, Karl?

337
00:19:20,879 --> 00:19:23,257
Huh? What? No.

338
00:19:23,239 --> 00:19:26,971
She secretly filmed the whole thing.
'I had sex in the manager's office.'

339
00:19:26,959 --> 00:19:30,532
'With the manager?' 'No, no, no, the
deputy manager.

340
00:19:30,519 --> 00:19:32,578
But it was on the manager's desk.

341
00:19:32,559 --> 00:19:36,336
I spanked her on the bottom with a
shatterproof ruler.' Karl!

342
00:19:36,319 --> 00:19:38,617
Uh? 'Is she your girlfriend?

343
00:19:39,799 --> 00:19:41,654
'Nah, nothing serious.'

344
00:19:44,159 --> 00:19:46,093
'Nothing serious'?

345
00:19:46,079 --> 00:19:48,093
I can explain. Can you?

346
00:19:48,079 --> 00:19:51,379
No. So not only have the papers run
a story about the strike,

347
00:19:51,359 --> 00:19:55,057
they've also run a story about how
our staff are more likely to be...

348
00:19:55,039 --> 00:19:57,576
'on the job,
than finding you a job'.

349
00:19:57,559 --> 00:20:00,460
It's all over the Internet.
You're trendy on Twitter.

350
00:20:00,439 --> 00:20:03,818
The comments are brilliant though.
'Filling holes not roles.'

351
00:20:03,799 --> 00:20:06,700
I'd have gone with
'friends with benefits'.

352
00:20:06,679 --> 00:20:08,818
'Blow job centre'. All right,
Janette.

353
00:20:08,799 --> 00:20:12,372
I mean, is it true?
Did you have sex on my desk?

354
00:20:12,359 --> 00:20:15,374
No, we definitely did not, did we,
Karl?

355
00:20:16,239 --> 00:20:18,936
No. Then why did you tell the
journalist you did?

356
00:20:21,599 --> 00:20:24,193
I was showing off.
Why were you showing off?

357
00:20:24,193 --> 00:20:25,219
Yeah, why?

358
00:20:27,519 --> 00:20:29,817
Because I thought she was -
Thought she was what?

359
00:20:29,799 --> 00:20:31,858
Speak up. Come on.

360
00:20:33,999 --> 00:20:37,537
Because I thought she was fit.
Because you thought she was fit.

361
00:20:37,759 --> 00:20:41,536
Head office have agreed not to sack
you but you must both attend

362
00:20:41,519 --> 00:20:46,013
a week-long occupational therapy course
which deals with sexual addiction -

363
00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:48,459
which the centre has to pay for,

364
00:20:48,439 --> 00:20:52,091
which means we have to cancel the
Christmas party again. Well done, Karl.

365
00:20:52,079 --> 00:20:55,379
(ALL GROAN)
Oh, you have ruined my Christmas.

366
00:21:05,239 --> 00:21:07,981
I think I'll just stand out here
with you for a bit.

367
00:21:11,039 --> 00:21:14,100
Excuse me.
Can you help me cross the road, please?

368
00:21:14,079 --> 00:21:16,138
Piss off.

369
00:21:20,559 --> 00:21:24,177
What do we want? Health and safety.
When do we want it? Now.