1
00:00:10,500 --> 00:00:12,450
Describe it to me again?

2
00:00:12,500 --> 00:00:14,450
It's the, erm... You know,

3
00:00:14,500 --> 00:00:17,450
it's the big chunky chain that the
mayor wears on special occasions.

4
00:00:17,500 --> 00:00:20,450
It lets everyone know he's the mayor.

5
00:00:20,500 --> 00:00:23,450
- And this is where he lost it?
- So he says.

6
00:00:23,500 --> 00:00:25,450
Why would he wear it here?

7
00:00:25,500 --> 00:00:27,450
Your guess is as good as mine.

8
00:00:27,500 --> 00:00:30,500
It's probably best not to
think too much about it.

9
00:01:02,500 --> 00:01:05,500
CAR MOTOR HUMS

10
00:01:10,500 --> 00:01:13,500
MOTOR TURNS OFF

11
00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:26,450
Do you think that's
what the mayor was doing?

12
00:01:26,500 --> 00:01:27,970
Which one?

13
00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:30,970
That one.

14
00:01:32,500 --> 00:01:33,970
Possibly.

15
00:01:34,500 --> 00:01:38,450
Maybe not exactly that but
certainly along those lines.

16
00:01:38,500 --> 00:01:41,450
Do you think he was wearing his
chain when he was doing it?

17
00:01:41,500 --> 00:01:43,170
I suppose so.

18
00:01:44,450 --> 00:01:45,450
What for?

19
00:01:45,500 --> 00:01:48,300
Probably gives him a sense of power.

20
00:01:51,500 --> 00:01:53,970
- Can we go home now?
- Yeah.

21
00:01:55,500 --> 00:01:58,500
Don't want to stick around here
any longer than we have to.

22
00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:11,040
She's going to catch her death.

23
00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:24,450
♪ Will you search through
the lonely earth for me?

24
00:02:24,500 --> 00:02:28,450
♪ Climb through the briar and bramble

25
00:02:28,500 --> 00:02:33,450
♪ I'll be your treasure

26
00:02:33,500 --> 00:02:38,450
♪ I'm waiting for you

27
00:02:38,500 --> 00:02:41,500
♪ I'm waiting for you. ♪

28
00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:17,450
Oh, Lance. Hello.

29
00:03:17,500 --> 00:03:20,450
Sophie! Hello.

30
00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:22,450
- What you up to?
- Just, er...

31
00:03:22,500 --> 00:03:24,570
Oh, I was just, erm...

32
00:03:25,500 --> 00:03:27,450
.. picking up a few things.

33
00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:28,450
Nice flowers.

34
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:32,450
Yeah, yeah, brighten the place up a bit.

35
00:03:32,500 --> 00:03:35,450
- What kind of...?
- Freesias, I think.

36
00:03:35,500 --> 00:03:37,450
And chocolates?

37
00:03:37,500 --> 00:03:40,450
Yeah, give myself a little treat.

38
00:03:40,500 --> 00:03:41,450
Why not?

39
00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:42,900
Exactly!

40
00:03:47,500 --> 00:03:49,900
Can you smell the early '90s?

41
00:03:50,500 --> 00:03:51,770
Nope.

42
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:55,450
Anyway, good to see you.

43
00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:57,170
Yeah, you too.

44
00:03:58,500 --> 00:04:00,570
Enjoy the chocolates.

45
00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:05,500
- Sorry?
- Chocolates.

46
00:04:07,500 --> 00:04:09,040
Yeah, yeah.

47
00:04:19,500 --> 00:04:21,450
PHONE VIBRATES

48
00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:23,570
Your phone's ringing.

49
00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:26,450
It's Sophie.

50
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:29,440
Can you answer it? I'm up to my elbows.

51
00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:31,450
Hi, Sophie, it's Becky.

52
00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:34,450
Yes, he's changing a nappy.

53
00:04:34,500 --> 00:04:35,970
All right.

54
00:04:37,450 --> 00:04:38,450
Hang on.

55
00:04:38,500 --> 00:04:40,450
Sophie's just bumped into Lance

56
00:04:40,500 --> 00:04:43,450
and she thinks something's
about to go down.

57
00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:45,770
- Like what?
- Like what?

58
00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:51,450
She saw him in the supermarket
buying all the materials

59
00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:53,450
required to make a romantic evening.

60
00:04:53,500 --> 00:04:56,450
Oh, God, he must have got the
instructions off the internet.

61
00:04:56,500 --> 00:04:58,450
I've got to wash my
hands. What was he buying?

62
00:04:58,500 --> 00:05:00,440
What was he buying?

63
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:02,450
Flowers, chocolates, aftershave.

64
00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:04,450
What kind?

65
00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:07,450
Freesias, Ferrero Rocher, Fahrenheit.

66
00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:08,450
Christ.

67
00:05:08,500 --> 00:05:12,450
Hello? You still got the
suspect in your sights?

68
00:05:12,500 --> 00:05:15,450
All right, follow at a discrete
distance and report back.

69
00:05:15,500 --> 00:05:18,450
Oh, and Sophie? Be safe.

70
00:05:18,500 --> 00:05:20,450
You are a bunch of kids.

71
00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:21,450
We're just concerned about him,

72
00:05:21,500 --> 00:05:23,450
we don't want him to
make a fool of himself.

73
00:05:23,500 --> 00:05:27,450
Mm, because you're an
expert in that field?

74
00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:29,450
Listen, tomorrow night, shall we go out?

75
00:05:29,500 --> 00:05:30,450
Just the two of us?

76
00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:33,450
Yeah, OK. What's brought this on?

77
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:36,450
Nothing's brought this on, I'm only
suggesting going to a restaurant.

78
00:05:36,500 --> 00:05:38,450
Cool. Who'll babysit?

79
00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:40,450
- Well, let's face it...
- Your mum?

80
00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:43,450
- She's free. - Course she is,
she doesn't have any friends.

81
00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:46,450
I meant she doesn't cost anything.

82
00:05:46,500 --> 00:05:47,450
Oh, yeah, sorry.

83
00:05:47,500 --> 00:05:49,450
She is his grandmother.

84
00:05:49,500 --> 00:05:51,450
I just wish we didn't have
to rely on her so much.

85
00:05:51,500 --> 00:05:53,450
Well, I think I've

86
00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:56,450
got a plan to deal with her.

87
00:05:56,500 --> 00:05:58,450
Murder? Really? OK.

88
00:05:58,500 --> 00:06:01,450
- Not murder. - I know someone.
I can make a phone call.

89
00:06:01,500 --> 00:06:03,040
Not murder!

90
00:06:50,500 --> 00:06:53,500
- Oh, look, it's Forrest Gump.
- Oh, yeah.

91
00:07:19,450 --> 00:07:20,450
Hello.

92
00:07:20,500 --> 00:07:22,450
We were just looking for something.

93
00:07:22,500 --> 00:07:24,450
Yeah, I... I... I lost something.

94
00:07:24,500 --> 00:07:27,450
- I don't think we'll ever find it, do you?
- No, no, I don't.

95
00:07:27,500 --> 00:07:30,450
- Was it valuable?
- What?

96
00:07:30,500 --> 00:07:31,450
The thing you lost.

97
00:07:31,500 --> 00:07:33,450
No, no, very cheap.

98
00:07:33,500 --> 00:07:36,450
Oh, well, we should just call it a
day. I think we're just going to

99
00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:38,700
- call it a day.
- Yeah.

100
00:07:42,500 --> 00:07:44,450
Who was that?

101
00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:47,500
Er, I don't know, but
they were spying on you.

102
00:07:49,500 --> 00:07:51,450
Oh. Hello.

103
00:07:51,500 --> 00:07:53,450
Hello.

104
00:07:53,500 --> 00:07:54,450
How are you?

105
00:07:54,500 --> 00:07:57,500
Yeah, not bad, good. Yourself?

106
00:07:58,500 --> 00:07:59,770
Good.

107
00:08:03,500 --> 00:08:05,450
Should we...?

108
00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:06,970
Yeah, OK.

109
00:08:26,500 --> 00:08:29,450
- 'It's quite reasonable.
- No, it's horrible.

110
00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:31,450
'It's not horrible, it can be... Imagine,

111
00:08:31,500 --> 00:08:33,970
'it looks like a white horse.'

112
00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:37,450
About 22, 23, blonde.

113
00:08:37,500 --> 00:08:39,450
Yeah, that's her. Did he see you?

114
00:08:39,500 --> 00:08:40,450
No, but she did. I'm shit at spying.

115
00:08:40,500 --> 00:08:42,450
Well, that's already been established.

116
00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:44,450
But he dumped the
chocolates and the flowers?

117
00:08:44,500 --> 00:08:48,450
Yep, but the smell of aftershave
was very much still in the air.

118
00:08:48,500 --> 00:08:50,450
It's amazing, isn't it?

119
00:08:50,500 --> 00:08:54,450
All the information at
our fingertips these days.

120
00:08:54,500 --> 00:08:57,450
Oh, it certainly is, Sheila.

121
00:08:57,500 --> 00:09:01,450
The things Terry gets
up to on his computer.

122
00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:04,450
- Do you know where he sent
an e-mail last week? - Where?

123
00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:07,450
- New Zealand.
- Yeah?

124
00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:08,450
Terry!

125
00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:12,450
- Please, Terry. Hugh's
cousin is a mechanic. - No.

126
00:09:12,500 --> 00:09:14,450
Terry, tell them where you sent

127
00:09:14,500 --> 00:09:17,450
an e-mail last week.

128
00:09:17,500 --> 00:09:19,450
- New Zealand.
- Told you.

129
00:09:19,500 --> 00:09:22,450
Yeah, easy, really.
Just a click of a button.

130
00:09:22,500 --> 00:09:24,450
Friends that we met in the
Peak District on holiday.

131
00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:27,450
Rory and Simone.

132
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:28,450
And have you heard back?

133
00:09:28,500 --> 00:09:29,900
Not yet.

134
00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:33,500
So, let us show you what we've turned up.

135
00:09:35,500 --> 00:09:37,450
DOOR CREAKS

136
00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:39,240
Sorry I'm late.

137
00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:44,500
Had to, er... do something.

138
00:09:46,450 --> 00:09:47,450
You smell nice.

139
00:09:47,500 --> 00:09:49,450
OK, so we're pretty sure

140
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:52,450
that this is the same
view of the round tower,

141
00:09:52,500 --> 00:09:54,450
because of this window here.

142
00:09:54,500 --> 00:09:57,450
And the photograph would have
been taken round about here,

143
00:09:57,500 --> 00:09:58,450
looking in this direction, pretty much

144
00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:01,450
- where we parked the cars the other day.
- So that's just farmland,

145
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:03,450
that's actually on our permission.
We haven't got to that field yet,

146
00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:05,450
but it's definitely on the same farm.

147
00:10:05,500 --> 00:10:08,500
No. No, you're in the wrong place.

148
00:10:09,500 --> 00:10:11,450
No, we're not. What do you mean?

149
00:10:11,500 --> 00:10:14,450
- Yeah, you're on the wrong side
of the church. - How do you know?

150
00:10:14,500 --> 00:10:16,450
Well, look at the motorbike.

151
00:10:16,500 --> 00:10:19,500
Numbers on the plate back to
front. Image has been reversed.

152
00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:24,450
Good God, you're right!

153
00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:25,450
Huh.

154
00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:28,450
Window should be on the
other side of the tower.

155
00:10:28,500 --> 00:10:29,450
Need to be here.

156
00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:33,450
But unfortunately, we don't have
permission to detect in that field.

157
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:35,450
- Oh, dear.
- What?

158
00:10:35,500 --> 00:10:38,450
Russell, did you ever get a chance

159
00:10:38,500 --> 00:10:41,450
to look for the mayor's chain of office?

160
00:10:41,500 --> 00:10:44,450
We tried, but we couldn't stomach
it. It's horrible up there.

161
00:10:44,500 --> 00:10:47,450
Well, I think you're going to
have to find the courage to go back

162
00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:49,450
because unless I'm very
much mistaken, this land...

163
00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:52,450
belongs to none other
than the mayor himself.

164
00:10:52,500 --> 00:10:54,450
So...

165
00:10:54,500 --> 00:10:58,450
Russell, Hugh, your mission is
to find the chain, return it

166
00:10:58,500 --> 00:11:01,450
and, in lieu of the
afore-promised donation,

167
00:11:01,500 --> 00:11:05,450
see if you can persuade the mayor
to let us detect on his farm.

168
00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:07,450
Do we have to? It is putrid up there.

169
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:10,450
Hugh saw some things up there
that such young eyes should never

170
00:11:10,500 --> 00:11:13,450
have to witness. He hasn't
spoken about it since.

171
00:11:13,500 --> 00:11:15,450
Oh, come on, man up, Russell.

172
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:16,450
You go!

173
00:11:16,500 --> 00:11:18,450
- Wouldn't be seen dead
in those woods. - Exactly.

174
00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:21,450
At least not until you
were properly decomposed.

175
00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:22,450
Russ!

176
00:11:22,500 --> 00:11:23,450
I wouldn't be surprised

177
00:11:23,500 --> 00:11:26,450
if both Hugh and me
have caught an infection.

178
00:11:26,500 --> 00:11:27,450
Wear protective clothing!

179
00:11:27,500 --> 00:11:32,450
Come on, chaps, steel yourselves,
this one's for the club.

180
00:11:32,500 --> 00:11:34,450
I mean,

181
00:11:34,500 --> 00:11:37,170
we could even pop round there now.

182
00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:40,450
We'll go in the morning.

183
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:41,640
Oh.

184
00:11:44,450 --> 00:11:45,450
What,

185
00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:50,450
where all the cars go and park
up after dark, and they go...?

186
00:11:50,500 --> 00:11:51,450
Exactly.

187
00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:55,450
Well, what was the mayor doing
up there in his chains of office?

188
00:11:55,500 --> 00:11:58,500
Well, maybe that's how he gets
his kicks. Takes all sorts.

189
00:11:59,500 --> 00:12:01,450
Terry likes to wear his...

190
00:12:01,500 --> 00:12:04,450
Lance doesn't need to...
Nobody needs to...

191
00:12:04,500 --> 00:12:05,450
Ah, here we are.

192
00:12:05,500 --> 00:12:06,450
I'll pay for these.

193
00:12:06,500 --> 00:12:09,450
Now, so we got a JD and C,

194
00:12:09,500 --> 00:12:11,450
G and slimline T, three pints of numbers

195
00:12:11,500 --> 00:12:13,900
and a Dubonnet and lemonade.

196
00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:17,450
- How much is that?
- 24.50.

197
00:12:17,500 --> 00:12:19,500
[Keep that.] Cheers.

198
00:12:21,500 --> 00:12:24,450
So, Sheila, do you want to get out
in the fields with a metal detector?

199
00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:29,500
Oh, gosh no, Peter, I couldn't
think of anything more tedious.

200
00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:36,450
Even so, you have a great
percentage of female club members.

201
00:12:36,500 --> 00:12:39,450
Well, I should say we've
probably got above average.

202
00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:43,450
And we also got two lesbians and an Asian.

203
00:12:43,500 --> 00:12:44,450
Very proud.

204
00:12:44,500 --> 00:12:48,450
Louise and Varde are also women,
Terry, they're not just lesbians.

205
00:12:48,500 --> 00:12:49,450
Yeah, but you know what I mean.

206
00:12:49,500 --> 00:12:52,450
We've got all the minorities covered.

207
00:12:52,500 --> 00:12:53,450
Are women a minority?

208
00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:56,450
You know what I mean.

209
00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:58,450
I don't know if we do, Terry.

210
00:12:58,500 --> 00:13:00,450
Oh, God, it's a minefield!

211
00:13:00,500 --> 00:13:03,450
I'm just going to shut up.

212
00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:04,450
Hey look, it's these guys.

213
00:13:04,500 --> 00:13:06,500
SOPHIE: Oh, shit.

214
00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:10,450
Ah, evening ladies.

215
00:13:10,500 --> 00:13:15,450
Ha, yes, your catchphrase. It's
really good, it's very amusing.

216
00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:17,450
Here they are, the Dirt Sharks.

217
00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:19,450
- The what?
- You heard me.

218
00:13:19,500 --> 00:13:23,450
Yes, we have reformed, we are
now known as The Dirt Sharks.

219
00:13:23,500 --> 00:13:25,450
Yuck.

220
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:27,450
I don't know why everyone has
such a problem with that name.

221
00:13:27,500 --> 00:13:31,450
It was unanimously chosen from
a very attractive shortlist.

222
00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:33,450
Mm, what were some of the others?

223
00:13:33,500 --> 00:13:34,450
Dirt Surfers.

224
00:13:34,500 --> 00:13:36,500
THEY LAUGH

225
00:13:38,450 --> 00:13:39,450
It's Peter, isn't it?

226
00:13:39,500 --> 00:13:40,450
That's right.

227
00:13:40,500 --> 00:13:45,450
We wondered if we might have a
word with you about your quest.

228
00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:46,450
Plane crash?

229
00:13:46,500 --> 00:13:47,450
Certainly.

230
00:13:47,500 --> 00:13:49,440
In private, please.

231
00:13:51,500 --> 00:13:54,450
These guys are all
helping to find the plane.

232
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:58,450
Any information you have is very
welcome and we'd all like to hear.

233
00:13:58,500 --> 00:14:01,450
You do realise that you'll
have to have a licence

234
00:14:01,500 --> 00:14:04,450
from the Ministry of Defence to dig
the site, even if you do find it,

235
00:14:04,500 --> 00:14:05,450
don't you?

236
00:14:05,500 --> 00:14:07,450
It's all in hand. Thank you.

237
00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:10,450
And you'll have to have a
Finds Liaison Officer present

238
00:14:10,500 --> 00:14:12,450
to record any items of value?

239
00:14:12,500 --> 00:14:15,450
Well, we're not expecting
to find any items of value.

240
00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:17,450
- Oh, aren't you?
- No.

241
00:14:17,500 --> 00:14:18,450
What are you getting at?

242
00:14:18,500 --> 00:14:22,450
According to the Protection
of Military Remains Act 1986,

243
00:14:22,500 --> 00:14:24,450
any crash site suspected of having...

244
00:14:24,500 --> 00:14:27,500
Everything is done by the
book. You don't need to worry.

245
00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:31,450
Thank you for your help.

246
00:14:31,500 --> 00:14:32,450
Goodnight.

247
00:14:32,500 --> 00:14:33,770
Night!

248
00:14:37,500 --> 00:14:39,370
COUGHING: Wankers.

249
00:14:40,450 --> 00:14:41,450
Those two give me the willies.

250
00:14:41,500 --> 00:14:42,450
Rival club?

251
00:14:42,500 --> 00:14:44,450
Sophie used to spy for them.

252
00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:46,450
Really? You didn't tell me about that.

253
00:14:46,500 --> 00:14:48,450
Yes, and they won't let me forget it.

254
00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:51,450
Their methods are... unsound.

255
00:14:51,500 --> 00:14:53,450
Night Hawks.

256
00:14:53,500 --> 00:14:55,450
You were a Night Hawk?

257
00:14:55,500 --> 00:14:57,450
No, I was duped.

258
00:14:57,500 --> 00:14:59,450
We rescued her from the dark side.

259
00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:03,450
That's hilarious. I knew there was
something I didn't trust about you.

260
00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:04,900
Shut up.

261
00:15:05,500 --> 00:15:07,450
They're getting on well.

262
00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:11,450
What, Sophie and Peter?
That'll never work.

263
00:15:11,500 --> 00:15:12,450
Why not?

264
00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:13,450
He's too old for her.

265
00:15:13,500 --> 00:15:14,450
Is he?

266
00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:17,450
I don't know, what's a
reasonable age difference?

267
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,450
Well, sometimes ten years.

268
00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:21,170
What about 20?

269
00:15:21,500 --> 00:15:23,450
- But he's not 20 years
older than her. - No, no.

270
00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:26,450
But... would 20 be too much?

271
00:15:26,500 --> 00:15:29,450
Yeah, probably. What
are you talking about?

272
00:15:29,500 --> 00:15:30,900
Nothing.

273
00:15:38,450 --> 00:15:39,450
You walking home?

274
00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:42,450
Erm, Peter's giving me a lift.

275
00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:44,450
You only live down the road.

276
00:15:44,500 --> 00:15:45,770
Yeah.

277
00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:52,450
Oh, it... Yeah, no... I know,
yeah. See you later then.

278
00:15:52,500 --> 00:15:54,970
- Yeah, see you.
- Bye, Andy.

279
00:16:22,500 --> 00:16:25,240
Better get this over and done with.

280
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:15,500
DETECTOR BEEPS

281
00:17:16,500 --> 00:17:17,770
Russ!

282
00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:26,570
- Urgh!
- What is it?

283
00:17:27,500 --> 00:17:28,770
Look.

284
00:17:29,500 --> 00:17:32,450
Oh, yeah.

285
00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:34,450
I've seen a few of those scattered about.

286
00:17:34,500 --> 00:17:37,450
All different colours.

287
00:17:37,500 --> 00:17:39,640
Has that one been used?

288
00:17:40,500 --> 00:17:43,450
It looks like it. It's got a knot in it.

289
00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:44,970
Oh, yeah.

290
00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:48,450
Well, I'm not touching it.

291
00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:50,170
Neither am I.

292
00:17:52,500 --> 00:17:54,770
Flick it off with a stick.

293
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:06,640
Can you get me a stick?

294
00:18:13,500 --> 00:18:16,450
It was in his hair.

295
00:18:16,500 --> 00:18:19,450
Seriously, it came out with
such force, it shot out

296
00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:23,450
the back of his nappy, up his back
and it was all matted in his hair.

297
00:18:23,500 --> 00:18:26,100
Had to tease it out with a comb.

298
00:18:27,500 --> 00:18:29,450
Is this really an after-dinner story?

299
00:18:29,500 --> 00:18:32,300
I've just had sticky toffee pudding.

300
00:18:35,450 --> 00:18:36,450
Do you want another drink?

301
00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:38,450
Er, maybe.

302
00:18:38,500 --> 00:18:40,700
Let's have another drink.

303
00:18:41,500 --> 00:18:44,450
Do you remember what we used
to talk about before Stan?

304
00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:46,450
You mean we didn't used to talk

305
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:47,450
about poo all the time?

306
00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:49,900
- HE CHUCKLES
- Hardly ever.

307
00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:54,450
We used to talk about the
future and what we wanted to do.

308
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:56,840
About our hopes and dreams.

309
00:18:58,500 --> 00:19:01,450
- Can I tell you what gay
Martin said about VSO? - Ah.

310
00:19:01,500 --> 00:19:04,450
Please, Andy, don't just
close your mind to this,

311
00:19:04,500 --> 00:19:06,450
and don't just clam up.

312
00:19:06,500 --> 00:19:09,450
If you are really against
this, I need to know why.

313
00:19:09,500 --> 00:19:11,450
I've told you, I think Stan's too young.

314
00:19:11,500 --> 00:19:14,450
How can we look after a
three-month-old baby in Africa?

315
00:19:14,500 --> 00:19:15,450
Africans manage it.

316
00:19:15,500 --> 00:19:16,450
You know what I mean.

317
00:19:16,500 --> 00:19:19,450
I'm so scared, Andy, that now
we've had a baby that's it,

318
00:19:19,500 --> 00:19:22,450
we're never going to do anything
brave or exciting ever again

319
00:19:22,500 --> 00:19:25,500
because we're too nervous
about changing anything.

320
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:30,170
I don't get to see enough of Stan.

321
00:19:32,500 --> 00:19:35,450
If we don't do this now,
we might never do it.

322
00:19:35,500 --> 00:19:39,450
We need to be brave, both of us.

323
00:19:39,500 --> 00:19:42,500
We both need to say,
"Fuck it, let's do this."

324
00:19:44,500 --> 00:19:46,500
- Yeah.
- Yeah?

325
00:19:47,500 --> 00:19:49,450
Something to finish off?

326
00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:52,450
Yes, please. I'd like a
Scotch, double, no ice.

327
00:19:52,500 --> 00:19:53,450
- Sir?
- Erm,

328
00:19:53,500 --> 00:19:56,450
just a decaffeinated
coffee, please, quite weak.

329
00:19:56,500 --> 00:20:00,500
Plenty of milk, but cold milk
so it's not too hot. Just tepid.

330
00:20:03,500 --> 00:20:06,500
- Would you like a marshmallow with it?
- Oh, yes, please.

331
00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:12,900
Let me show you what I found.

332
00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:23,450
Toutswemogala Hill in Botswana.

333
00:20:23,500 --> 00:20:26,450
They've been excavating an
Iron Age civilisation there

334
00:20:26,500 --> 00:20:27,450
for the past five years.

335
00:20:27,500 --> 00:20:29,450
They've just received
funding for a further year

336
00:20:29,500 --> 00:20:33,450
and are recruiting new graduates
as field archaeologists.

337
00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:34,970
And look.

338
00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:38,450
The nearest town is 50km away,
so they've begun building

339
00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:41,450
a village close to the
excavation site for the workers.

340
00:20:41,500 --> 00:20:43,450
And they've set up a
school for the children,

341
00:20:43,500 --> 00:20:46,500
and the school needs volunteers.

342
00:20:47,500 --> 00:20:48,770
Well?

343
00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:52,450
Yeah, it's... I dunno.

344
00:20:52,500 --> 00:20:55,450
Look at it, Andy, it's
almost too good to be true.

345
00:20:55,500 --> 00:20:57,450
Who'd look after Stan?

346
00:20:57,500 --> 00:20:59,450
We would. Both of us.

347
00:20:59,500 --> 00:21:01,450
Be difficult without your mum about.

348
00:21:01,500 --> 00:21:04,450
- You always moan when he goes to my mum's.
- She helps a lot.

349
00:21:04,500 --> 00:21:06,450
Oh, you are such a hypocrite!

350
00:21:06,500 --> 00:21:08,450
It's... it's not just that.

351
00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:10,450
I mean, wouldn't we be mad to
risk it while you've got a job

352
00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:13,500
and a steady income? It's
the only security we've got.

353
00:21:15,500 --> 00:21:17,450
I gave in my notice.

354
00:21:17,500 --> 00:21:19,450
What? When?

355
00:21:19,500 --> 00:21:23,450
When I went back to work, I gave
in my notice at the same time.

356
00:21:23,500 --> 00:21:26,500
I told them I was only going
to be there for one more term.

357
00:21:28,500 --> 00:21:30,450
When were you going to tell me?

358
00:21:30,500 --> 00:21:34,450
I... I didn't want to put
pressure on you finding a job.

359
00:21:34,500 --> 00:21:37,450
I was going to tell you
as soon as you got work.

360
00:21:37,500 --> 00:21:38,450
But the weeks and months

361
00:21:38,500 --> 00:21:41,500
are passing by and
you're still signing on.

362
00:21:43,500 --> 00:21:46,450
Oh, no, wait. Oh, we're too late.

363
00:21:46,500 --> 00:21:48,970
Applications closed yesterday.

364
00:21:49,500 --> 00:21:51,450
I know.

365
00:21:51,500 --> 00:21:52,450
I've already applied for you.

366
00:21:52,500 --> 00:21:54,450
You've got an interview on Tuesday.

367
00:21:54,500 --> 00:21:56,450
Jeez, any more revelations?

368
00:21:56,500 --> 00:21:58,450
Just go along and do the interview.

369
00:21:58,500 --> 00:22:00,450
It'll be good practice.

370
00:22:00,500 --> 00:22:03,370
And if you don't get it, nothing lost.

371
00:22:04,450 --> 00:22:05,450
And if I do?

372
00:22:05,500 --> 00:22:08,100
Then we'll discuss it some more.

373
00:22:08,500 --> 00:22:11,500
Please! Please be brave.

374
00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:18,450
- Madame, double scotch, no ice.
- Thank you.

375
00:22:18,500 --> 00:22:20,450
And for you sir,

376
00:22:20,500 --> 00:22:27,450
weak, mild, tepid, sweet,
decaffeinated coffee.

377
00:22:27,500 --> 00:22:29,570
- Enjoy.
- Thank you.

378
00:22:34,500 --> 00:22:38,450
What? You don't think I
should have the marshmallow?

379
00:22:38,500 --> 00:22:40,970
You think it'll keep me awake?

380
00:22:57,500 --> 00:22:59,450
Africa, Botswana?

381
00:22:59,500 --> 00:23:01,700
No, Botswana Upon Thames.

382
00:23:03,500 --> 00:23:05,450
Bloody hell.

383
00:23:05,500 --> 00:23:09,450
Ridiculous, right? You can't
take a baby to Botswana.

384
00:23:09,500 --> 00:23:11,450
- How long for?
- A year.

385
00:23:11,500 --> 00:23:15,450
It's completely the wrong time, we
need to wait until Stanley's older.

386
00:23:15,500 --> 00:23:17,370
Sounds brilliant.

387
00:23:17,500 --> 00:23:19,450
What? Not you as well.

388
00:23:19,500 --> 00:23:22,450
Well, sounds right up your strasse.

389
00:23:22,500 --> 00:23:24,450
Brushing the dirt with little brushes.

390
00:23:24,500 --> 00:23:27,450
Why wouldn't you want to go for that?

391
00:23:27,500 --> 00:23:30,100
You can't wait to get rid of me.

392
00:23:30,500 --> 00:23:32,450
Who would you go detecting with?

393
00:23:32,500 --> 00:23:34,450
Oh, don't worry about me.

394
00:23:34,500 --> 00:23:36,450
Anyway, I might not have quite

395
00:23:36,500 --> 00:23:39,500
so much time to go detecting from now on.

396
00:23:40,450 --> 00:23:41,450
Why's that?

397
00:23:41,500 --> 00:23:46,450
Oh, nothing. You know, just... things.

398
00:23:46,500 --> 00:23:48,570
Other things going on.

399
00:23:49,500 --> 00:23:51,500
Other people.

400
00:24:28,500 --> 00:24:32,500
Hey. You remember old McWiffen?

401
00:24:33,500 --> 00:24:35,450
He used to wear period
costumes when he was detecting.

402
00:24:35,500 --> 00:24:37,450
That's it.

403
00:24:37,500 --> 00:24:41,450
Swore he found more from the era
of the clothes he was wearing.

404
00:24:41,500 --> 00:24:46,500
Frock coat and periwig, he'd
find Georgian buckles and coins.

405
00:24:47,500 --> 00:24:50,500
Pops on a toga, Roman stuff.

406
00:24:51,500 --> 00:24:53,450
You didn't want to see
him when he was searching

407
00:24:53,500 --> 00:24:55,450
for prehistoric artefacts, though.

408
00:24:55,500 --> 00:24:57,450
Tiny strip of rabbit fur.

409
00:24:57,500 --> 00:24:59,640
And he was a big bloke.

410
00:25:01,450 --> 00:25:02,450
You see Celebrity Mastermind?

411
00:25:02,500 --> 00:25:05,450
Yeah, general knowledge
questions were a joke.

412
00:25:05,500 --> 00:25:07,450
Oh. I didn't, I was out.

413
00:25:07,500 --> 00:25:09,450
Like children's questions.

414
00:25:09,500 --> 00:25:12,450
Didn't see it. Went out with someone.

415
00:25:12,500 --> 00:25:14,450
General knowledge questions
on normal Mastermind

416
00:25:14,500 --> 00:25:15,450
are well difficult.

417
00:25:15,500 --> 00:25:16,450
Nobody you'd know.

418
00:25:16,500 --> 00:25:19,450
Why do celebrities get easier questions?

419
00:25:19,500 --> 00:25:21,450
Mm?

420
00:25:21,500 --> 00:25:24,450
Oh, for Christ's sake, mate, I
know you've been seeing someone.

421
00:25:24,500 --> 00:25:26,450
I saw you, and Sophie saw you.

422
00:25:26,500 --> 00:25:29,450
When? In a cafe when you said you
were going to be at the DIY shop

423
00:25:29,500 --> 00:25:32,450
- and in the park.
- So you've seen her?

424
00:25:32,500 --> 00:25:34,450
Yes, mate, so stop being
so fucking mysterious.

425
00:25:34,500 --> 00:25:36,840
She's beautiful, isn't she?

426
00:25:37,500 --> 00:25:39,450
I haven't seen her close
up, I dunno, is she?

427
00:25:39,500 --> 00:25:41,450
Yeah.

428
00:25:41,500 --> 00:25:43,840
- What's her name?
- Kate.

429
00:25:44,500 --> 00:25:46,450
How many times have you seen her?

430
00:25:46,500 --> 00:25:48,100
Three times.

431
00:25:48,500 --> 00:25:50,440
And how old is she?

432
00:25:51,500 --> 00:25:52,640
22.

433
00:25:55,450 --> 00:25:56,450
What?

434
00:25:56,500 --> 00:25:59,450
What do you mean, "What?" You know what.

435
00:25:59,500 --> 00:26:00,450
Isn't she a bit young for you?

436
00:26:00,500 --> 00:26:02,450
Nope.

437
00:26:02,500 --> 00:26:04,450
She's exactly the right age.

438
00:26:04,500 --> 00:26:07,450
Argh! Stop speaking in riddles,
tell me what's going on!

439
00:26:07,500 --> 00:26:09,450
YELLING: She's my daughter!

440
00:26:09,500 --> 00:26:11,500
Right, thank you!

441
00:26:16,500 --> 00:26:19,500
She's... No, no, no! I just need to...

442
00:26:20,500 --> 00:26:22,450
.. process.

443
00:26:22,500 --> 00:26:23,450
Your daughter?

444
00:26:23,500 --> 00:26:25,450
Yeah.

445
00:26:25,500 --> 00:26:26,450
That you knew about?

446
00:26:26,500 --> 00:26:27,450
Yes.

447
00:26:27,500 --> 00:26:30,450
And that you didn't tell me about?

448
00:26:30,500 --> 00:26:31,450
Why should I have done?

449
00:26:31,500 --> 00:26:34,450
No reason, it's just a little thing.

450
00:26:34,500 --> 00:26:36,450
I only met her last week.

451
00:26:36,500 --> 00:26:39,450
She looks just like her mother.

452
00:26:39,500 --> 00:26:41,370
Who's her mother?

453
00:26:41,500 --> 00:26:44,240
I only knew her a couple of months.

454
00:26:45,500 --> 00:26:48,170
She was about the age Kate is now.

455
00:26:49,500 --> 00:26:52,440
I fell for her -- hook, line and sinker.

456
00:26:53,500 --> 00:26:55,170
Summer fling.

457
00:26:55,500 --> 00:26:58,450
Met a girl, spent the summer with her.

458
00:26:58,500 --> 00:27:02,450
- Tell me more, tell me more, was
it love at first sight? - Mate!

459
00:27:02,500 --> 00:27:04,450
- Trying to open up here.
- Sorry.

460
00:27:04,500 --> 00:27:06,500
Anyway...

461
00:27:07,500 --> 00:27:12,450
Come to the end of the summer,
she found out she was pregnant.

462
00:27:12,500 --> 00:27:15,450
Furious. Sawed my bed in half.

463
00:27:15,500 --> 00:27:16,450
Sawed it in half?

464
00:27:16,500 --> 00:27:18,500
Chainsaw.

465
00:27:22,450 --> 00:27:23,450
Lengthways?

466
00:27:23,500 --> 00:27:24,840
Across.

467
00:27:25,500 --> 00:27:29,450
Disappeared back to Ireland,
I never saw her again.

468
00:27:29,500 --> 00:27:31,450
And what? Kate found you?

469
00:27:31,500 --> 00:27:34,500
Yeah, she e-mailed me last month.

470
00:27:35,500 --> 00:27:37,700
I always hoped she would.

471
00:27:38,500 --> 00:27:41,500
Mate, it's a brave new world.

472
00:27:43,500 --> 00:27:45,450
It's time to confront past mistakes.

473
00:27:45,500 --> 00:27:48,500
And I think you should take that job.

474
00:27:57,500 --> 00:28:01,450
So did the council come and
pick that up then? The bed.

475
00:28:01,500 --> 00:28:04,500
I dismantled it in the
end. Take it up the dump.

476
00:28:07,500 --> 00:28:09,500
Took three trips.

477
00:28:48,500 --> 00:28:51,500
♪ These streets are yours
You can keep them... ♪