1 00:00:00,732 --> 00:00:01,431 Back in the '80s, 2 00:00:01,433 --> 00:00:03,225 my mom was obsessed with Thanksgiving. 3 00:00:03,268 --> 00:00:05,333 When it came to her cooking, everything had to be perfect. 4 00:00:05,336 --> 00:00:08,120 She even made practice turkeys fore the big day. 5 00:00:08,171 --> 00:00:09,704 - Mmm! - I need feedback. 6 00:00:09,773 --> 00:00:10,672 That's good! 7 00:00:10,740 --> 00:00:12,340 - But not great. - What? 8 00:00:12,409 --> 00:00:13,875 I'm going again. 9 00:00:13,943 --> 00:00:15,877 To my mom, it was a time for family. 10 00:00:15,945 --> 00:00:17,645 For my dad, it was a hassle. 11 00:00:17,714 --> 00:00:19,947 Why do we got to schlep all the way here to go shopping 12 00:00:20,016 --> 00:00:21,582 when we got a perfectly good market 13 00:00:21,651 --> 00:00:23,017 a minute away from our house? 14 00:00:23,086 --> 00:00:24,585 Well, I thought this time of year, 15 00:00:24,654 --> 00:00:25,953 a change of scenery would... 16 00:00:26,022 --> 00:00:27,722 Oh, look! Murray, there's your father! 17 00:00:27,791 --> 00:00:29,624 What are the odds we'd run into him 18 00:00:29,693 --> 00:00:32,126 in a totally random grocery store? 19 00:00:32,195 --> 00:00:34,395 You got a bag boy to tip you off, didn't you? 20 00:00:34,464 --> 00:00:35,697 So, I have eyes everywhere. 21 00:00:35,765 --> 00:00:37,598 What? Does that make me some kind of villain? 22 00:00:37,667 --> 00:00:39,500 Bevy, every year you ask me to invite 23 00:00:39,569 --> 00:00:42,437 that spiteful, miserable man to Thanksgiving. 24 00:00:42,505 --> 00:00:43,771 You got to give it up. 25 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:45,406 You're right. 26 00:00:45,475 --> 00:00:46,974 He's your father, and I have no right to... 27 00:00:47,043 --> 00:00:49,277 Hi! Ben, look! It's your son... Murray! 28 00:00:49,345 --> 00:00:51,713 You remember Murray. 29 00:00:51,781 --> 00:00:53,715 Hi, Dad. How you doing? 30 00:00:53,783 --> 00:00:56,484 My foot's still got that thing. And I need eye surgery. 31 00:00:56,553 --> 00:00:57,752 Yeah, good stuff. 32 00:00:57,821 --> 00:01:00,288 So, any plans for the holiday, Ben? 33 00:01:00,356 --> 00:01:01,622 Yeah, I got it right here. 34 00:01:01,691 --> 00:01:02,924 This compartment is the stuffing. 35 00:01:02,992 --> 00:01:04,158 That's the sweet potatoes. 36 00:01:04,227 --> 00:01:05,560 That gray circle... that's the turkey. 37 00:01:05,628 --> 00:01:07,095 Come on, wouldn't a home-cooked meal 38 00:01:07,163 --> 00:01:08,730 be much better than that? 39 00:01:08,798 --> 00:01:11,199 That depends. You know what happened the last time I ate your cooking. 40 00:01:11,267 --> 00:01:12,967 That was right after we got married. 41 00:01:13,036 --> 00:01:14,502 That was ages ago. 42 00:01:14,571 --> 00:01:16,037 Your turkey was drier than the sun. 43 00:01:16,106 --> 00:01:17,505 It was like eating the inside of a vacuum bag 44 00:01:17,574 --> 00:01:20,208 filled with pencil shavings. 45 00:01:20,276 --> 00:01:21,743 I did not enjoy the meal. 46 00:01:21,811 --> 00:01:23,344 You? No. 47 00:01:23,413 --> 00:01:26,080 It was the first time I'd ever cooked Thanksgiving by myself. 48 00:01:26,149 --> 00:01:28,282 My kids were little. They were hanging all over me. 49 00:01:28,351 --> 00:01:31,919 I didn't even have a baster. I was baster-less! 50 00:01:31,988 --> 00:01:34,522 No baster could fix your food crimes. 51 00:01:34,591 --> 00:01:37,258 Sorry, pal. You deserve better. 52 00:01:37,327 --> 00:01:38,893 Nice seeing you, Dad. 53 00:01:38,962 --> 00:01:40,428 Eh, it was okay. 54 00:01:40,497 --> 00:01:42,296 This is not over. 55 00:01:42,365 --> 00:01:45,299 You invite that callous, hurtful man to Thanksgiving right now! 56 00:01:45,368 --> 00:01:48,803 See, I see why you're hocking me all the time to invite him. 57 00:01:48,872 --> 00:01:51,205 You just want to show my dad that you're a good cook. 58 00:01:51,274 --> 00:01:53,407 The best cook. 59 00:01:53,476 --> 00:01:55,443 And family is important and... stuff. 60 00:01:55,512 --> 00:01:56,744 Well, it's not gonna happen. 61 00:01:56,813 --> 00:01:59,847 It's bad enough you invite my moron brother every year. 62 00:01:59,916 --> 00:02:02,216 Oh, stop. Marvin's not that bad. 63 00:02:02,285 --> 00:02:04,519 Gobble, gobble! Hide your turkeys, ladies! 64 00:02:05,522 --> 00:02:06,754 You little muskrat! 65 00:02:06,823 --> 00:02:08,523 Pfb-pfb-pfb-pfb! Oh! 66 00:02:08,591 --> 00:02:10,358 Looking good, Uncle Marvin. 67 00:02:10,426 --> 00:02:11,659 I'm feeling good. I lost 10 pounds. 68 00:02:11,728 --> 00:02:13,795 I gained 6, lost 4, gained 2. 69 00:02:13,863 --> 00:02:15,396 Also, your voice is weird. 70 00:02:15,465 --> 00:02:17,799 It is. I... I'm hoping this isn't where it lands. 71 00:02:17,867 --> 00:02:20,168 That's the spirit. 72 00:02:20,236 --> 00:02:22,136 Mur-man! 73 00:02:22,205 --> 00:02:23,037 Ahh! 74 00:02:23,106 --> 00:02:24,772 Hey! 75 00:02:24,841 --> 00:02:26,007 What's with the, uh, pajamas? 76 00:02:26,075 --> 00:02:28,476 You mean these certified medical scrubs? 77 00:02:28,545 --> 00:02:31,179 As you know, I'm almost a fully licensed chiropractor. 78 00:02:31,247 --> 00:02:33,748 Ah. Good. Another one of your half-baked schemes. 79 00:02:33,817 --> 00:02:34,816 Schemes? What schemes? 80 00:02:34,884 --> 00:02:37,051 First, you were breeding alpacas. 81 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:39,420 Then you were selling alpaca wool. 82 00:02:39,489 --> 00:02:41,789 Then came alpaca burgers. 83 00:02:41,858 --> 00:02:43,691 What the hell was I supposed to do with a dozen dead alpacas?! 84 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:45,059 Regardless... 85 00:02:45,128 --> 00:02:47,628 Those were all obvious steps to chiropractology. 86 00:02:47,697 --> 00:02:49,497 I don't know if that's the official title. 87 00:02:49,566 --> 00:02:51,165 They reveal that to us at graduation. 88 00:02:51,234 --> 00:02:52,533 That's something to look forward to. 89 00:02:52,602 --> 00:02:54,001 See that? Negativity. 90 00:02:54,070 --> 00:02:55,803 I could take away all of your stress 91 00:02:55,872 --> 00:02:58,606 just with a single... "Tktk!"... crack of your cervical spine. 92 00:02:58,675 --> 00:02:59,640 No. 93 00:02:59,709 --> 00:03:01,442 - Come on. Come on! Come on! - Aah! No! 94 00:03:01,511 --> 00:03:03,110 I'm serious. Stay away from me. 95 00:03:03,179 --> 00:03:04,412 - Hey, come over here. Come on. - No, no, no, no. 96 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:05,379 - Don't struggle. Come on. - No. No! 97 00:03:05,448 --> 00:03:06,147 I don't want to break anything. 98 00:03:06,216 --> 00:03:07,181 - Unh! - Get off me! 99 00:03:07,250 --> 00:03:08,883 This feels dangerous and unsafe! 100 00:03:08,952 --> 00:03:10,218 It is if you fight it! 101 00:03:10,286 --> 00:03:12,653 Oh, I hate Thanksgiving! I hate it so much! 102 00:03:12,722 --> 00:03:15,022 - I'm a healer! Let me heal you! - Make it stop! 103 00:03:28,104 --> 00:03:30,104 It was November 20th, 1980-something, 104 00:03:30,173 --> 00:03:33,074 and pops was ready to pass down a Thanksgiving tradition. 105 00:03:33,142 --> 00:03:35,743 Erica, guess what. I got something for you. 106 00:03:35,812 --> 00:03:37,311 - A car? - No. 107 00:03:37,380 --> 00:03:39,013 - Did you get me a car? - No. 108 00:03:39,082 --> 00:03:40,715 Did anyone get a car? 109 00:03:40,783 --> 00:03:43,251 No. What is it with you kids and wanting a car? 110 00:03:43,319 --> 00:03:45,853 It's kind of like, we don't have a car, 111 00:03:45,922 --> 00:03:46,988 but we want one. 112 00:03:47,056 --> 00:03:47,922 Like a car. 113 00:03:47,991 --> 00:03:49,590 Look, this is even better. 114 00:03:49,659 --> 00:03:52,894 I want you to take over the Thanksgiving toast. 115 00:03:52,962 --> 00:03:56,063 My grandfather passed it down to me, and now I pick you. 116 00:03:56,132 --> 00:03:59,734 Ha! You have to keep a lame-ass family tradition alive. 117 00:03:59,802 --> 00:04:02,169 You see, that's why I'm picking your sister... 118 00:04:02,238 --> 00:04:04,605 'cause she's the heart and soul of this family, 119 00:04:04,674 --> 00:04:06,574 who'll keep this tradition alive. 120 00:04:06,643 --> 00:04:07,742 Lies! 121 00:04:07,810 --> 00:04:08,876 I'm the heart, soul, 122 00:04:08,945 --> 00:04:11,045 and deadly fists of this family, not her! 123 00:04:11,114 --> 00:04:12,580 - I want to do it! - You're right, kiddo. 124 00:04:12,649 --> 00:04:14,749 If you really want to be toastmaster general, 125 00:04:14,817 --> 00:04:16,284 then you deserve a fair shot. 126 00:04:16,352 --> 00:04:17,985 You're so dead. 127 00:04:18,054 --> 00:04:20,288 Saying words good is my specialness. 128 00:04:20,356 --> 00:04:21,756 To life! 129 00:04:22,692 --> 00:04:24,125 You're clearly picking me. 130 00:04:24,193 --> 00:04:25,259 I'm picking you. 131 00:04:25,328 --> 00:04:26,327 To life. 132 00:04:27,363 --> 00:04:28,996 Dad, I... I know you're swamped 133 00:04:29,065 --> 00:04:30,998 watching your big football contest. 134 00:04:31,067 --> 00:04:32,066 Go, blue team. 135 00:04:32,135 --> 00:04:33,567 I actually like the green team. 136 00:04:33,636 --> 00:04:34,702 Fun stuff. 137 00:04:34,771 --> 00:04:36,504 Listen, I don't want to waste your time, 138 00:04:36,572 --> 00:04:37,939 but I thought you should know 139 00:04:38,007 --> 00:04:42,043 that I might be working on my best video project yet. 140 00:04:42,111 --> 00:04:43,611 W... what's happening? 141 00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:45,880 I just need six more hours of therapeutic massage 142 00:04:45,949 --> 00:04:47,815 under my belt before I'm board-certified. 143 00:04:47,884 --> 00:04:49,617 This isn't a good time. 144 00:04:49,686 --> 00:04:50,651 Gotcha. 145 00:04:51,821 --> 00:04:53,988 Anyway, now that I'm getting older 146 00:04:54,057 --> 00:04:55,189 and growing as an artist, 147 00:04:55,258 --> 00:04:57,992 I'm venturing away from robot movies 148 00:04:58,061 --> 00:05:01,796 and fart-based comedy skits to more serious work, 149 00:05:01,864 --> 00:05:04,131 with real emotional impact. 150 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:05,633 This still isn't a good time. 151 00:05:05,702 --> 00:05:06,634 The moment felt right. 152 00:05:06,703 --> 00:05:08,002 It's not. 153 00:05:08,071 --> 00:05:09,036 Roger that. 154 00:05:09,105 --> 00:05:10,571 ♪ Beep, bap, bee-bap, boop ♪ 155 00:05:10,640 --> 00:05:12,707 Point is, I need a better wide-angle lens 156 00:05:12,775 --> 00:05:15,609 to fully realize my vision, but they're quite pricy. 157 00:05:15,678 --> 00:05:18,379 My vision is I won't have any children asking me for money. 158 00:05:19,849 --> 00:05:21,048 Go away! 159 00:05:21,117 --> 00:05:22,783 Okay, okay, but this counts as an hour. 160 00:05:22,852 --> 00:05:24,785 I'm gonna go get the paperwork for you to sign. 161 00:05:24,854 --> 00:05:27,989 Look, all I want you to do is watch what I have already. 162 00:05:28,057 --> 00:05:29,390 I think you'll see what I mean. 163 00:05:29,459 --> 00:05:32,093 That year, I discovered the song "Cat's in the Cradle." 164 00:05:32,161 --> 00:05:34,095 Like any teenage kid, the catchy chorus 165 00:05:34,163 --> 00:05:37,431 and "my dad is a jerk" lyrics spoke to me. 166 00:05:37,500 --> 00:05:40,701 ♪ and the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon ♪ 167 00:05:43,439 --> 00:05:46,607 What I didn't realize... it spoke to my dad even more. 168 00:05:46,676 --> 00:05:49,510 ♪ But we'll get together then ♪ 169 00:05:49,579 --> 00:05:52,279 ♪ you know we'll have a good time then ♪ 170 00:05:52,348 --> 00:05:54,281 Oh. That song. 171 00:05:55,518 --> 00:05:57,985 Always manages to hit you hard, you know? 172 00:05:58,054 --> 00:06:00,121 I guess. I... it's only halfway done. 173 00:06:03,359 --> 00:06:04,392 You finish it. 174 00:06:05,661 --> 00:06:06,794 Wait. For real? 175 00:06:06,863 --> 00:06:08,529 Yeah. Before I change my mind. 176 00:06:08,598 --> 00:06:11,198 Turns out "Cat's in the Cradle" made my dad feel things, 177 00:06:11,267 --> 00:06:14,235 and like any good son, I'd use this to manipulate him. 178 00:06:14,303 --> 00:06:17,772 Hey, Dad, they just released a new Dungeons & Dragons module. 179 00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:19,173 Can you drive me to the hobby shop tonight? 180 00:06:19,242 --> 00:06:21,342 I understand none of that, but I feel good saying no. 181 00:06:21,411 --> 00:06:22,676 I'm off to work. 182 00:06:22,745 --> 00:06:25,579 Okay, but when you coming home, Dad? I don't know when. 183 00:06:25,648 --> 00:06:28,916 All I did was subliminally remind him of the song. 184 00:06:28,985 --> 00:06:30,317 We'll get together then. 185 00:06:30,386 --> 00:06:32,119 Damn. 186 00:06:32,188 --> 00:06:33,621 Let's just go now. 187 00:06:33,689 --> 00:06:35,289 As I was working over my old man, 188 00:06:35,358 --> 00:06:37,491 Barry was working out new toast. 189 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:38,793 "F" is for family. 190 00:06:38,861 --> 00:06:40,995 "A" is for how awesome this family is. 191 00:06:41,064 --> 00:06:42,430 "M" is for "mmm, turkey." 192 00:06:42,498 --> 00:06:44,665 "I" is for my eyes that get to see you all. 193 00:06:44,734 --> 00:06:46,400 "L" is for LL Cool J, 194 00:06:46,469 --> 00:06:48,702 who probably also celebrates Thanksgiving. 195 00:06:48,771 --> 00:06:49,870 "Y"? 196 00:06:49,939 --> 00:06:52,506 Because he's American, like us. 197 00:06:52,575 --> 00:06:53,340 Family! 198 00:06:54,710 --> 00:06:56,744 I mean, you got charm. 199 00:06:56,813 --> 00:06:58,512 Uh, but what you don't have is a good speech, 200 00:06:58,581 --> 00:07:00,514 or charm. I just said that to cushion the blow. 201 00:07:00,583 --> 00:07:02,683 Damn it. What am I supposed to do? 202 00:07:02,752 --> 00:07:04,485 Erica's so smart and emotional 203 00:07:04,554 --> 00:07:07,521 and has these female hormones that make her feel stuff. 204 00:07:07,590 --> 00:07:09,056 How do I compete with that? 205 00:07:09,125 --> 00:07:11,158 Well the first thing you got to do 206 00:07:11,227 --> 00:07:12,793 is lie down and let your Uncle Marvin 207 00:07:12,862 --> 00:07:14,728 crackle your spine bones and your neck tendons 208 00:07:14,797 --> 00:07:15,696 to release toxins. 209 00:07:15,765 --> 00:07:16,864 - Okay. - Okay? 210 00:07:16,933 --> 00:07:18,199 - Okay! - Okay! 211 00:07:20,169 --> 00:07:21,068 Right there? 212 00:07:21,137 --> 00:07:22,670 Yeah. Facedown. There you go. 213 00:07:22,738 --> 00:07:24,472 Got to get a good stretch on here. 214 00:07:24,540 --> 00:07:26,006 This flank. 215 00:07:26,075 --> 00:07:26,974 Hey! 216 00:07:27,043 --> 00:07:28,142 Aah! Ohh! 217 00:07:28,211 --> 00:07:29,610 That... that hurts my body. 218 00:07:29,679 --> 00:07:30,644 That means it's working. 219 00:07:30,713 --> 00:07:31,979 As for your speech, 220 00:07:32,048 --> 00:07:33,447 there's one thing that I learned in back-cracking school, 221 00:07:33,516 --> 00:07:35,249 - and that's how to captivate a client. - Go on. 222 00:07:35,318 --> 00:07:36,650 You see, in the manual, it says 223 00:07:36,719 --> 00:07:39,053 that constant talk and distraction helps them ignore 224 00:07:39,122 --> 00:07:41,989 the searing pain that is spinal alignment. 225 00:07:42,058 --> 00:07:43,090 That makes sense. 226 00:07:43,159 --> 00:07:45,526 It's not just about using your words. 227 00:07:45,595 --> 00:07:47,294 It's also... about flash! 228 00:07:47,363 --> 00:07:49,563 Ah! 229 00:07:49,632 --> 00:07:51,599 Flash! You're right. 230 00:07:51,667 --> 00:07:53,601 That's what I need to add to my toast! 231 00:07:53,669 --> 00:07:54,668 Exactly. 232 00:07:54,737 --> 00:07:56,670 Now, just get up there 233 00:07:56,739 --> 00:07:57,738 and show them what you got, kid. 234 00:07:59,909 --> 00:08:00,908 I'm good. 235 00:08:02,979 --> 00:08:04,545 You look good. 236 00:08:04,614 --> 00:08:07,915 ... get away with murder... so to speak. 237 00:08:07,984 --> 00:08:10,518 Right now, I could walk over... 238 00:08:10,586 --> 00:08:12,253 Well, what's going on in here? 239 00:08:12,321 --> 00:08:14,655 Just watching "Alf" and playing "Cat's Cradle"... 240 00:08:14,724 --> 00:08:16,123 No relation to the song. 241 00:08:16,192 --> 00:08:17,525 You know the song, right, Dad? 242 00:08:17,593 --> 00:08:19,193 Oof. That song. 243 00:08:19,262 --> 00:08:22,196 You know what would push this father/son moment over the top? 244 00:08:22,265 --> 00:08:23,797 You whip us up a malt to share. 245 00:08:23,866 --> 00:08:26,200 That's a great idea, pal. 246 00:08:28,070 --> 00:08:29,036 What's going on? 247 00:08:29,105 --> 00:08:31,438 Just some father/son bonding time. 248 00:08:31,507 --> 00:08:32,840 Tell me what you've done to him, 249 00:08:32,909 --> 00:08:34,942 or I'll make you go outside and play catch with your dad 250 00:08:35,011 --> 00:08:37,611 - on the lawn in front of the entire neighborhood. - No. 251 00:08:37,680 --> 00:08:39,880 And not with one of those soft Nerf balls, either. 252 00:08:39,949 --> 00:08:41,815 Not the hard, white ones with the sewing on them. 253 00:08:41,884 --> 00:08:43,884 That's right... baseballs. 254 00:08:43,953 --> 00:08:45,252 Okay, okay! 255 00:08:45,321 --> 00:08:47,655 Truth is, "Cat's in the Cradle" makes Dad bend to my will 256 00:08:47,723 --> 00:08:49,123 'cause the words make him sad. 257 00:08:49,192 --> 00:08:51,358 How selfish can you be?! 258 00:08:51,427 --> 00:08:53,027 I'm sorry. I'll stop. 259 00:08:53,095 --> 00:08:54,562 You most certainly will. 260 00:08:55,865 --> 00:08:57,831 After you use your evil to help me. 261 00:08:57,900 --> 00:08:59,200 - Seriously? - Play the song. 262 00:08:59,268 --> 00:09:01,202 Get him to invite Pop-Pop to Thanksgiving 263 00:09:01,270 --> 00:09:03,504 so he can finally see what an amazing cook I am. 264 00:09:03,573 --> 00:09:06,674 Isn't your thing, like, way more selfish than mine? 265 00:09:06,742 --> 00:09:08,475 Oh, yes. 266 00:09:08,544 --> 00:09:11,378 Now that man will eat my food and his words. 267 00:09:12,682 --> 00:09:15,182 And also... family's important and stuff. 268 00:09:15,251 --> 00:09:16,850 There's a lesson in there. Figure it out. 269 00:09:16,919 --> 00:09:18,619 Gobble, gobble. 270 00:09:21,232 --> 00:09:22,562 It was almost dinnertime, 271 00:09:22,701 --> 00:09:25,260 and even though I manipulated Dad into inviting Pop-Pop, 272 00:09:25,309 --> 00:09:27,295 the old grouch was a no-show. 273 00:09:27,304 --> 00:09:30,005 Do we have to wait for Pop-Pop? I'm starving. 274 00:09:30,073 --> 00:09:31,206 Just give me a scoop. 275 00:09:31,275 --> 00:09:33,475 Hey! Don't ruin the presentation. 276 00:09:33,543 --> 00:09:35,944 Half of eating is done with the eyes. 277 00:09:36,013 --> 00:09:37,212 Murray, where's your father? 278 00:09:37,281 --> 00:09:38,747 He'll be here any minute. 279 00:09:38,815 --> 00:09:40,849 Still waiting on Dad, eh? 280 00:09:41,885 --> 00:09:43,118 That's weird. 281 00:09:43,186 --> 00:09:45,053 I thought you called him, Murray. 282 00:09:46,423 --> 00:09:48,590 Okay, you're really laughing it up, 283 00:09:48,659 --> 00:09:50,525 which tells me you've done something idiotic 284 00:09:50,594 --> 00:09:51,926 and you want me to hear about it. 285 00:09:51,995 --> 00:09:52,894 Go ahead. 286 00:09:52,963 --> 00:09:54,229 After you called our father 287 00:09:54,298 --> 00:09:56,765 to invite him to Thanksgiving, I called him back, 288 00:09:56,833 --> 00:09:59,167 and I said that I was going to pick him up, 289 00:09:59,236 --> 00:10:00,735 but I never did. 290 00:10:00,804 --> 00:10:03,805 You know, even for you, this is incredibly stupid. 291 00:10:03,874 --> 00:10:05,206 Uh, it's brilliant, 292 00:10:05,275 --> 00:10:07,075 and you have your son Adam to thank for it, 293 00:10:07,144 --> 00:10:09,778 'cause he keeps on playing that "Cat's in the Cradle" song. 294 00:10:09,846 --> 00:10:11,146 And, uh, everyone knows 295 00:10:11,214 --> 00:10:12,881 that it's the greatest revenge song ever written. 296 00:10:12,949 --> 00:10:14,683 How do you get revenge from that song? 297 00:10:14,751 --> 00:10:15,884 Hello? 298 00:10:15,952 --> 00:10:17,786 It's about a boy who gets shafted by his dad, 299 00:10:17,854 --> 00:10:19,054 just like we were. 300 00:10:19,122 --> 00:10:20,488 And then he grows up, 301 00:10:20,557 --> 00:10:22,324 and his dad calls him to hang out, 302 00:10:22,392 --> 00:10:23,658 and then the boy is just like 303 00:10:23,727 --> 00:10:25,727 "ha! I've been waiting for this moment. 304 00:10:25,796 --> 00:10:27,762 I have my own life now. 305 00:10:27,831 --> 00:10:29,364 So suck it, old man!" Click! 306 00:10:29,433 --> 00:10:30,699 That's not what it's about! 307 00:10:30,767 --> 00:10:33,368 It's about spending time with your kid. 308 00:10:33,437 --> 00:10:34,803 Pfft! What you talkin' 'bout, Murray? 309 00:10:34,871 --> 00:10:36,538 It's right there in the lyrics. 310 00:10:36,606 --> 00:10:38,973 ♪ The cat eats the baby with the silver spoon ♪ 311 00:10:39,042 --> 00:10:40,408 Those aren't the words! 312 00:10:40,477 --> 00:10:42,811 It didn't eat a baby. No baby got eaten. 313 00:10:42,879 --> 00:10:44,979 - The cat eats the baby... - No baby gets eaten. 314 00:10:45,048 --> 00:10:46,948 ... with the silver spoo... would you wake up? 315 00:10:47,017 --> 00:10:49,451 A cat cannot use a spoon. 316 00:10:49,519 --> 00:10:50,752 It's got paws. 317 00:10:50,821 --> 00:10:55,590 A cat can very easily just pick up a spoon like so 318 00:10:55,659 --> 00:10:56,725 and... pthf! 319 00:10:57,794 --> 00:10:59,227 Hey. Whoa! Stop! 320 00:10:59,296 --> 00:11:01,429 Wh... i... it's dinnertime. Where are you going?! 321 00:11:01,498 --> 00:11:02,831 To get my father. 322 00:11:02,899 --> 00:11:04,933 You're gonna ruin my ruthless revenge plot against Dad! 323 00:11:05,001 --> 00:11:06,768 - What kind of Thanksgiving is this?! - Hey... 324 00:11:06,837 --> 00:11:08,470 What we didn't know... 325 00:11:08,538 --> 00:11:10,805 ... was Thanksgiving was about to get awesome. 326 00:11:10,874 --> 00:11:13,408 Why don't we just hear a toast while we're waiting? 327 00:11:13,477 --> 00:11:15,110 Erica, show us what you got. 328 00:11:15,178 --> 00:11:17,045 Thank you, Pops. 329 00:11:18,615 --> 00:11:21,883 Well, I'm just gonna speak from the heart and say... 330 00:11:21,952 --> 00:11:24,686 Ladies and gentlemen-men-men-men, 331 00:11:24,755 --> 00:11:26,588 are you prepared for the ultimate 332 00:11:26,656 --> 00:11:30,291 Thanksgiving extravaganza of love-love-love-love? 333 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:32,527 And with that, Barry appeared from the smoke 334 00:11:32,596 --> 00:11:34,162 to take Thanksgiving to a new level. 335 00:11:34,231 --> 00:11:35,897 What the heck is this? 336 00:11:35,966 --> 00:11:38,199 An idiot giving a Thanksgiving toast. 337 00:11:38,268 --> 00:11:41,202 Y'all's about to get touched, ninja pilgrim-style. 338 00:11:41,271 --> 00:11:42,871 Turkeyyy-yah! 339 00:11:42,939 --> 00:11:44,172 It was educational. 340 00:11:44,241 --> 00:11:47,542 And so that's when Chris Colombo married Pocahontas 341 00:11:47,611 --> 00:11:50,779 and they feasted upon corn, or maize, 342 00:11:50,847 --> 00:11:53,381 named after its "a-maize-ing" taste when buttered. 343 00:11:53,450 --> 00:11:55,116 It had music. 344 00:11:56,620 --> 00:11:58,583 - It was packed with metaphors and symbolism. - _ 345 00:11:58,584 --> 00:12:01,061 _ 346 00:12:01,157 --> 00:12:02,891 It had pyrotechnics... 347 00:12:02,959 --> 00:12:05,326 and breaks for hydration. 348 00:12:05,395 --> 00:12:07,328 It had emotional pandering... 349 00:12:07,397 --> 00:12:09,230 Look at us... love. 350 00:12:09,299 --> 00:12:10,331 He leaps from half-court! 351 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:12,534 ... and a cinematic climax. 352 00:12:12,602 --> 00:12:14,202 3 points for family! 353 00:12:14,271 --> 00:12:16,037 The nuclear weapons are disarmed! 354 00:12:16,106 --> 00:12:18,740 The Goldbergs saved the world! 355 00:12:18,809 --> 00:12:20,675 In conclusion, Thanksgiving! 356 00:12:20,744 --> 00:12:23,812 And it... was... awesome! 357 00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:27,048 Wait! You actually enjoyed that confusing pile of garbage? 358 00:12:27,117 --> 00:12:29,250 It was a real experience. 359 00:12:29,319 --> 00:12:31,119 I feel like I just went to Atlantic City. 360 00:12:31,188 --> 00:12:33,455 I liked the part where you showed the baby pictures. 361 00:12:33,523 --> 00:12:34,823 But it made no sense! 362 00:12:34,891 --> 00:12:37,292 How can a slam dunk disarm nuclear weapons? 363 00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:39,894 Can't wait to hear what you got in store, Erica. 364 00:12:39,963 --> 00:12:41,029 Uh... 365 00:12:41,097 --> 00:12:42,564 I think we should space them out a bit. 366 00:12:42,632 --> 00:12:44,599 No! Please. 367 00:12:44,668 --> 00:12:45,633 Talk from the heart. 368 00:12:45,702 --> 00:12:47,235 Uh... we should wait on Pop-Pop 369 00:12:47,304 --> 00:12:50,205 because that is the right thing to do. 370 00:12:50,273 --> 00:12:51,706 So I'll be upstairs. 371 00:12:51,775 --> 00:12:53,041 Not writing a speech. 372 00:12:53,109 --> 00:12:55,343 Just, uh, waiting for them to show up, so I'll be g... gone. 373 00:12:55,412 --> 00:12:58,279 As Erica retreated, Pop-Pop was on the warpath. 374 00:12:58,348 --> 00:12:59,981 I can't believe you people... 375 00:13:00,050 --> 00:13:02,083 making me wait outside nearly seven minutes 376 00:13:02,152 --> 00:13:03,318 in the dead of Fall. 377 00:13:03,386 --> 00:13:05,019 It was just a little mix-up, Dad. 378 00:13:05,088 --> 00:13:06,321 Marvin will apologize. 379 00:13:06,389 --> 00:13:07,755 You want me to apologize to him, 380 00:13:07,824 --> 00:13:09,624 the man who picked me up from soccer practice at midnight? 381 00:13:09,693 --> 00:13:11,092 - I had a thing. - That's it! 382 00:13:11,161 --> 00:13:12,961 I'm not stepping one foot in that house as long as he's here! 383 00:13:13,029 --> 00:13:14,829 Good. Now I got something to be thankful for. 384 00:13:14,898 --> 00:13:16,197 Mnyh! 385 00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:19,701 Hey! What are you doing dropping the pants? 386 00:13:19,769 --> 00:13:20,668 That's my thing. 387 00:13:20,737 --> 00:13:21,836 I'm the one that invented 388 00:13:21,905 --> 00:13:23,404 dropping your slacks at the door. 389 00:13:23,473 --> 00:13:25,073 It's Thanksgiving. Pull up your pants. 390 00:13:25,141 --> 00:13:26,241 How you doing, Ben? 391 00:13:26,309 --> 00:13:27,375 You think you're better than me? 392 00:13:28,778 --> 00:13:30,645 Speaking of better, try my turkey, Ben. Taste. 393 00:13:30,714 --> 00:13:32,614 No, no, no. I learned my lesson a long time ago. 394 00:13:32,682 --> 00:13:34,782 Here. Heat this up. I'm starving. 395 00:13:34,851 --> 00:13:37,318 Come on. You can't have Thanksgiving from a box. 396 00:13:37,387 --> 00:13:38,386 Just take a taste, Ben. 397 00:13:38,455 --> 00:13:39,621 I'm not kidding you. 398 00:13:39,689 --> 00:13:41,289 Take a damn taste. 399 00:13:41,358 --> 00:13:43,258 I'll take a taste! I'm eating out here! 400 00:13:43,326 --> 00:13:45,159 Everyone, just calm down. 401 00:13:45,228 --> 00:13:46,628 Adam, uh, why don't you 402 00:13:46,696 --> 00:13:48,796 just play your "Cat's in the Cradle" video? 403 00:13:48,865 --> 00:13:51,466 Oh, hey! Son of a bitch. I love that song. 404 00:13:51,535 --> 00:13:53,501 - That's got that nice message in it. - That right? 405 00:13:53,570 --> 00:13:55,203 Yeah, there's this needy brat 406 00:13:55,272 --> 00:13:57,372 who's been pestering his dad for years. 407 00:13:57,440 --> 00:13:59,374 His dad just wants to be left alone. 408 00:13:59,442 --> 00:14:01,943 All right, so, now, years later, they're on the phone, 409 00:14:02,012 --> 00:14:05,079 but his son now... oh, he's finally into his own crap. 410 00:14:05,148 --> 00:14:06,581 So his father hangs up the phone 411 00:14:06,650 --> 00:14:08,616 because now he's got what he's always wanted... 412 00:14:08,685 --> 00:14:09,851 to be left the hell alone. 413 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:11,886 It's a revenge song! 414 00:14:11,955 --> 00:14:13,555 The son wins in the end! 415 00:14:13,623 --> 00:14:14,989 No one wins! 416 00:14:15,058 --> 00:14:17,258 It's about the struggle to not let time slip away. 417 00:14:17,327 --> 00:14:18,526 No one thinks that! 418 00:14:18,595 --> 00:14:20,695 Adam. Do your Jedi mind trick. 419 00:14:20,764 --> 00:14:22,597 Play the video and make people listen to you. 420 00:14:22,666 --> 00:14:25,633 That's why you've been playing that damn song all the time?! 421 00:14:25,702 --> 00:14:26,701 Oh, balls. 422 00:14:26,770 --> 00:14:28,069 You were screwing with my mind?! 423 00:14:28,138 --> 00:14:30,271 Mom was the one that tricked you into inviting Pop-Pop 424 00:14:30,340 --> 00:14:31,940 so she could force-feed him turkey. 425 00:14:32,008 --> 00:14:32,874 - What?! - What?! 426 00:14:32,943 --> 00:14:34,275 What?! I can't hear! 427 00:14:34,344 --> 00:14:36,544 I'm outside here! Speak louder! 428 00:14:36,613 --> 00:14:39,026 Who's ready for a high-octane, 429 00:14:39,027 --> 00:14:41,122 tear-jerkin' Thanksgiving toast? 430 00:14:41,384 --> 00:14:42,650 Oh, boy. This is real bad timing. 431 00:14:42,719 --> 00:14:43,851 Watch out, Russia. 432 00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:45,420 It's the American baseball team, 433 00:14:45,488 --> 00:14:46,955 and they're hitting home runs for family. 434 00:14:47,924 --> 00:14:49,657 Oh! My decorative gourds! 435 00:14:49,726 --> 00:14:51,926 Dude! You're stealing my whole speech! 436 00:14:51,995 --> 00:14:52,994 No, it's different! 437 00:14:53,063 --> 00:14:54,462 You did basketball. I'm doing baseball. 438 00:14:54,531 --> 00:14:55,263 What?! 439 00:14:55,332 --> 00:14:56,664 Doesn't matter. I win. 440 00:14:56,733 --> 00:14:58,766 I forgot what it was for, but I beat you. 441 00:14:58,835 --> 00:15:01,135 You don't even know what this is about?! 442 00:15:01,204 --> 00:15:03,338 I dislike you so much! 443 00:15:03,406 --> 00:15:04,572 Stop it! Stop it! 444 00:15:04,641 --> 00:15:05,640 - Everybody stop it! - Barry! 445 00:15:05,709 --> 00:15:07,909 Stop it! It's thanks-[Bleep]-giving! 446 00:15:07,978 --> 00:15:10,678 I don't care what it is! I want these crazy people out of my house! 447 00:15:10,747 --> 00:15:12,380 No! I'm so close! 448 00:15:12,449 --> 00:15:13,982 Ben, try my yams. 449 00:15:14,050 --> 00:15:14,983 I learned my lesson. No. 450 00:15:15,051 --> 00:15:16,784 No yams! I'm taking out the leaf! 451 00:15:16,853 --> 00:15:18,152 No! Not the leaf! 452 00:15:18,221 --> 00:15:19,287 What's happening?! 453 00:15:20,223 --> 00:15:21,789 Aaaaah! 454 00:15:21,858 --> 00:15:23,257 I feel so left out! 455 00:15:24,223 --> 00:15:25,858 Oh, my back! 456 00:15:26,627 --> 00:15:27,592 It was a Thanksgiving stalemate. 457 00:15:27,661 --> 00:15:28,927 Dad wanted everyone out, 458 00:15:28,996 --> 00:15:30,896 and Marvin was refusing to come in. 459 00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:32,864 What are you still doing here? 460 00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:34,599 Thanksgiving's over. Go home. 461 00:15:34,668 --> 00:15:36,201 No. We can still save this thing. 462 00:15:36,270 --> 00:15:38,236 Barry, help me set the table around your father. 463 00:15:38,305 --> 00:15:39,337 I can't move! 464 00:15:39,406 --> 00:15:41,106 I sold 80-pound vacuums door to door 465 00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:42,240 with a shattered pelvis. 466 00:15:42,309 --> 00:15:43,241 Suck it up! 467 00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:44,709 Marvin, get inside. 468 00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:46,711 Murray threw his back out, and we need your magic hands. 469 00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:48,780 Yes, I can see how you might think, 470 00:15:48,849 --> 00:15:51,650 based on my consistent claim that I'm a chiropractor, 471 00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:54,886 how I might be of some service in this particular situation. 472 00:15:54,955 --> 00:15:55,954 You can't help? 473 00:15:56,023 --> 00:15:57,355 What kind of a male nurse are you? 474 00:15:57,424 --> 00:15:58,957 I am a chiropractor, damn it. 475 00:15:59,026 --> 00:16:00,158 At least, I will be 476 00:16:00,227 --> 00:16:01,826 once the school is recognized by the state. 477 00:16:01,895 --> 00:16:03,795 There's no way that man's touching me! 478 00:16:03,864 --> 00:16:05,730 Okay, that's enough. I have something to say. 479 00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:08,099 Again, it's very bad timing. 480 00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:11,369 Look, maybe we're a garbage family, 481 00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:13,905 and maybe we don't always get along. 482 00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:17,208 But, you know, maybe that's okay. 483 00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:19,878 Maybe that's a good thing. 484 00:16:19,947 --> 00:16:22,747 I mean, Barry's one of the biggest idiots of all time, 485 00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:25,250 but he gave the best toast this family's ever seen. 486 00:16:25,319 --> 00:16:26,051 Yes! 487 00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:27,319 Ignoring the first part. 488 00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:30,255 And if this utter dope can pull that off, 489 00:16:30,324 --> 00:16:31,957 well, then I'm sure my dopey uncle 490 00:16:32,025 --> 00:16:33,692 has learned enough at back school 491 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:35,026 that he can fix my dad. 492 00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:39,397 No! Do not get inspired by her speech! 493 00:16:39,466 --> 00:16:42,067 'Cause the fact is it's Thanksgiving! 494 00:16:42,135 --> 00:16:44,235 And if a family can't believe in each other 495 00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:46,738 on a day like today... 496 00:16:46,807 --> 00:16:48,139 Well, then, when can we? 497 00:16:48,208 --> 00:16:51,543 Sure, it was insulting, but also deeply moving. 498 00:16:51,612 --> 00:16:54,412 That night, Erica proved that she could toast with the best of them. 499 00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:55,814 What is happening? 500 00:16:58,318 --> 00:17:00,685 Your faith in me is all the training I need. 501 00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:02,387 No! 502 00:17:02,456 --> 00:17:03,588 You can do it, Marvy. 503 00:17:03,657 --> 00:17:04,356 No! 504 00:17:04,424 --> 00:17:05,624 It's all you, Uncle Marv. 505 00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:06,391 No! 506 00:17:06,460 --> 00:17:08,493 Give it a shot, Marv! 507 00:17:08,562 --> 00:17:09,694 I'm a little drunk. 508 00:17:09,763 --> 00:17:10,729 I'm going in! 509 00:17:10,797 --> 00:17:11,596 Don't go in! 510 00:17:11,665 --> 00:17:13,698 What are you doing?! 511 00:17:13,767 --> 00:17:15,634 Flash! 512 00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:26,678 How you feel? 513 00:17:29,650 --> 00:17:31,650 - I actually feel better. - Yeah? 514 00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:33,284 Look... he's standing straighter! 515 00:17:33,353 --> 00:17:35,987 I told you I'm a god! 516 00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:37,622 Marvin saved Thanksgiving! 517 00:17:37,691 --> 00:17:39,891 Marvin. Marvin! 518 00:17:41,361 --> 00:17:42,713 Even though Marvin took all the credit, 519 00:17:42,730 --> 00:17:45,263 my mom still got the moment she always dreamed of. 520 00:17:45,332 --> 00:17:47,265 Damn it, Marvin! You're... you're hogging the yams! 521 00:17:47,334 --> 00:17:48,533 Ah, buh, buh, buh! 522 00:17:48,682 --> 00:17:52,016 Look at my old man loving your food. 523 00:17:52,085 --> 00:17:53,685 Guess you finally got what you wanted. 524 00:17:53,754 --> 00:17:54,886 Raised a moron. 525 00:17:54,955 --> 00:17:56,287 Yeah. It's great. 526 00:17:56,356 --> 00:17:58,757 But look at them all there. 527 00:18:00,794 --> 00:18:02,527 Family and stuff. 528 00:18:02,596 --> 00:18:04,763 Yeah. Family and stuff. 529 00:18:04,831 --> 00:18:07,031 It turned out to be our best Thanksgiving ever. 530 00:18:07,100 --> 00:18:09,534 And even though Barry and Erica battled over the best speech, 531 00:18:09,603 --> 00:18:13,238 in the end, Pops reclaimed the crown. 532 00:18:13,306 --> 00:18:15,206 I'd like to make a little toast. 533 00:18:15,275 --> 00:18:19,844 Normally, this holiday makes me think of the love of my life... 534 00:18:19,913 --> 00:18:21,780 my wife, Irene. 535 00:18:21,848 --> 00:18:24,949 But as I look around this table tonight, 536 00:18:25,018 --> 00:18:29,320 I realize we shouldn't dwell on the loves we've lost. 537 00:18:29,389 --> 00:18:32,357 'Cause there's more than enough love right here. 538 00:18:35,195 --> 00:18:36,294 Cheers. 539 00:18:36,363 --> 00:18:37,328 Hear, hear. 540 00:18:38,632 --> 00:18:39,931 Thinks he's better than us, that bastard. 541 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:42,634 If anyone would like a spinal adjustment, 542 00:18:42,702 --> 00:18:44,369 meet me on the couch when this is over. 543 00:18:44,437 --> 00:18:46,638 ♪ I said, "not today, I got a lot to do" ♪ 544 00:18:46,706 --> 00:18:48,606 ♪ he said, "that's okay" ♪ 545 00:18:48,675 --> 00:18:51,509 ♪ and then he walked away, but his smile never dimmed ♪ 546 00:18:51,578 --> 00:18:53,044 I don't get it. 547 00:18:53,113 --> 00:18:54,245 How on earth can you think 548 00:18:54,314 --> 00:18:56,047 this song's about being a lousy father? 549 00:18:56,116 --> 00:18:57,882 Just a theory. 550 00:18:57,951 --> 00:18:59,751 Well... 551 00:18:59,820 --> 00:19:01,152 I watch you with your kids. 552 00:19:01,221 --> 00:19:02,720 You're, um... 553 00:19:02,789 --> 00:19:03,922 not like me. 554 00:19:05,525 --> 00:19:07,826 You're a good father to them. 555 00:19:07,894 --> 00:19:08,860 Even to the weird one. 556 00:19:11,731 --> 00:19:14,098 I don't know which one that is, but thank you. 557 00:19:22,108 --> 00:19:25,009 ♪ Well, he came from college just the other day ♪ 558 00:19:25,078 --> 00:19:26,644 ♪ so much like a man, I just... ♪ 559 00:19:26,713 --> 00:19:28,346 Hey. The... the video over? 560 00:19:28,415 --> 00:19:29,914 I... I got nervous, so I left. 561 00:19:29,983 --> 00:19:33,117 Yeah. I... it, uh, played well. 562 00:19:33,186 --> 00:19:37,021 Noticed my name on the end there. 563 00:19:37,090 --> 00:19:38,323 Since when am I your producer? 564 00:19:38,391 --> 00:19:39,924 Since you paid for the lens. 565 00:19:39,993 --> 00:19:42,794 I couldn't have done it without you. 566 00:19:42,863 --> 00:19:44,596 Any of it. 567 00:19:44,664 --> 00:19:46,464 ♪ Little boy blue and the man in the moon ♪ 568 00:19:46,533 --> 00:19:48,700 So... 569 00:19:48,768 --> 00:19:49,567 Yeah. 570 00:19:49,636 --> 00:19:51,135 Yeah. 571 00:19:51,204 --> 00:19:53,471 ♪ But we'll get together then, Dad ♪ 572 00:19:53,540 --> 00:19:54,539 You okay? 573 00:19:54,608 --> 00:19:57,208 Yeah. I'm good. 574 00:20:02,349 --> 00:20:05,617 ♪ And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon ♪ 575 00:20:08,855 --> 00:20:12,223 ♪ and the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon ♪ 576 00:20:12,292 --> 00:20:15,326 ♪ little boy blue and the man in the moon ♪ 577 00:20:15,395 --> 00:20:18,329 ♪ when you comin' home, Son? I don't know when ♪ 578 00:20:18,398 --> 00:20:20,832 ♪ but we'll get together then, Dad ♪ 579 00:20:21,526 --> 00:20:24,024 A few guys from the water polo team 580 00:20:24,093 --> 00:20:25,292 - invited me on a ski trip. - No. 581 00:20:25,361 --> 00:20:27,128 Would you just hear me out before you say no? 582 00:20:27,196 --> 00:20:28,262 I already said no. 583 00:20:28,331 --> 00:20:29,330 Well, I wrote a little song 584 00:20:29,399 --> 00:20:30,765 about father/daughter relationships 585 00:20:30,833 --> 00:20:32,099 that just may make you realize 586 00:20:32,168 --> 00:20:33,968 that our time together is fleeting. 587 00:20:35,338 --> 00:20:38,272 ♪ A butterfly emerges from a cocoon ♪ 588 00:20:39,909 --> 00:20:43,411 ♪ a dad and daughter gaze at the moon ♪ 589 00:20:45,081 --> 00:20:47,081 ♪ fathers and daughters and fathers of daughters ♪ 590 00:20:47,150 --> 00:20:50,251 ♪ and the man in the moon is neglecting his daughter... ♪ 591 00:20:50,319 --> 00:20:51,552 Wow! 592 00:20:51,621 --> 00:20:55,222 That song made me realize how precious our time is. 593 00:20:55,291 --> 00:20:56,457 So I can go on the ski trip? 594 00:20:56,526 --> 00:20:59,126 No. I want you by my side all weekend. 595 00:20:59,195 --> 00:21:00,661 This really backfired on me, huh? 596 00:21:00,662 --> 00:21:03,680 - synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -