1 00:00:06,516 --> 00:00:08,875 Oh, there's the happy new couple. 2 00:00:08,900 --> 00:00:10,218 How are things in paradise? 3 00:00:10,243 --> 00:00:11,820 Shalom... hi. 4 00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:16,304 Just curious, have you ever noticed how Danny is a little bitch? 5 00:00:17,085 --> 00:00:19,148 This morning we were in a coffee shop 6 00:00:19,173 --> 00:00:20,679 The guy spilled coffee all over me 7 00:00:20,704 --> 00:00:21,992 He did not apologize. 8 00:00:22,017 --> 00:00:26,484 Yes, I might have said that only guys with small penises drink peppermint lattes. 9 00:00:27,608 --> 00:00:30,906 But still, what do you think Tommy Tugnuts over here did? 10 00:00:31,620 --> 00:00:35,773 Nothing! Which is why we still haven't had sex in real life. 11 00:00:38,523 --> 00:00:40,375 Whoopsie. What's this? 12 00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:43,406 Oh, you know, it's a little detail you left out 13 00:00:45,497 --> 00:00:48,421 *** The bit doesn't work if you block it. Please... 14 00:00:50,564 --> 00:00:54,484 Turns out that the guy you bumped into 15 00:00:54,517 --> 00:00:58,132 definitely is a giant that came down on a beanstalk, 16 00:00:58,558 --> 00:01:04,976 and wanted to drink a medium-sized regular human sized cup of coffee. 17 00:01:12,304 --> 00:01:15,226 - Danny, Danny... - Hold on. 18 00:01:16,547 --> 00:01:18,843 Danny, you've got to protect your lady. 19 00:01:18,868 --> 00:01:21,875 I mean, come on. That's the first thing they 20 00:01:21,900 --> 00:01:25,132 teach you at man college. 21 00:01:26,110 --> 00:01:32,078 That's weird because I was a professor at man college. I don't remember you there. 22 00:01:32,103 --> 00:01:34,078 You must have have skipped my class. 23 00:01:34,103 --> 00:01:36,671 "Why chins are important." 24 00:01:40,818 --> 00:01:45,914 So this man college... 25 00:01:47,037 --> 00:01:49,531 What are the dorms like? 26 00:01:50,411 --> 00:01:52,740 At least I can step up from my Candy Cane 27 00:01:52,765 --> 00:01:54,880 hair when need be. Tell them about yesterday. 28 00:01:54,905 --> 00:01:57,146 I was standing in line for ice cream 29 00:01:57,171 --> 00:01:59,177 - and this person cut in front of me... - Yeah, and I was like "Hey Hey!" 30 00:01:59,201 --> 00:02:03,646 "What are you doing? Huh? You ugly idiot!" 31 00:02:03,671 --> 00:02:06,232 "Get to the back of the line." 32 00:02:06,257 --> 00:02:10,325 Except the kid wasn't cutting, he was just joining his mom in line. 33 00:02:11,990 --> 00:02:15,513 Babe, I'm sorry, is this my story or yours? 34 00:02:15,906 --> 00:02:19,224 I'm sorry, babe. Go ahead and tell them what the mom did. 35 00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,700 She tried to punch me in the face, but I dodged it. 36 00:02:24,784 --> 00:02:29,138 See, this is what I mean. This is what I need. I mean, not some guy who gets 37 00:02:29,163 --> 00:02:32,145 bullied by a soccer mom but, because that's 38 00:02:32,170 --> 00:02:35,060 sad but I need someone who can protect me 39 00:02:35,085 --> 00:02:38,958 when I mouth off because I have news for you, I like to mouth off, sweet pea. 40 00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:42,208 Not really news, Anderson Cooper. 41 00:02:42,990 --> 00:02:46,318 Ho, ho, ho. 42 00:02:50,351 --> 00:02:53,818 Oh, that's such a great sweater, Shelley. 43 00:02:53,857 --> 00:02:55,224 Is that black Santa? 44 00:02:55,249 --> 00:02:58,810 I believe you mean "real Santa" 45 00:03:01,025 --> 00:03:03,130 Anyway, I got you guys some gifts. 46 00:03:03,993 --> 00:03:06,568 You got us Christmas sweaters? 47 00:03:06,824 --> 00:03:09,669 Oh, mine's Jewish. 48 00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:14,669 This would go great with my big old, circumcised penis. 49 00:03:16,130 --> 00:03:19,513 Hey, mine has a picture of me on it. 50 00:03:21,026 --> 00:03:25,818 Danny, that's Jesus, son of God. 51 00:03:26,169 --> 00:03:29,833 You're a 34-year-old man who says "cute" a lot. 52 00:03:30,466 --> 00:03:36,529 That's true, but people mix us up because we both coined terms: 53 00:03:36,554 --> 00:03:39,614 His was "forever and ever"! 54 00:03:47,297 --> 00:03:50,098 Yeah, you're an idiot. 55 00:03:50,984 --> 00:03:54,169 Anyway, I just thought this would get us in the Christmas spirit. 56 00:03:54,194 --> 00:03:58,325 - This bar isn't even decorated. - We're going out of town and I 57 00:03:58,350 --> 00:04:00,044 decided to close the bar for a couple of days. 58 00:04:00,069 --> 00:04:02,685 Yeah, Shel, I thought you were going to Disney-world. 59 00:04:02,710 --> 00:04:04,607 Oh yeah, he was going to go to Disney-world but 60 00:04:04,632 --> 00:04:08,560 he changed his mind when he discovered they charge $12 for churros. 61 00:04:09,576 --> 00:04:12,450 Mm-hmm, if I get stoned I'm going to lose all my money. 62 00:04:14,265 --> 00:04:17,400 Before you leave for Christmas Eve, I thought maybe 63 00:04:17,425 --> 00:04:19,591 we could have a party upstairs in my room. 64 00:04:19,942 --> 00:04:22,974 It would really mean a lot to me if we can spend it together, because you guys are 65 00:04:22,999 --> 00:04:26,232 - kind of my family. - Awww! 66 00:04:26,257 --> 00:04:28,841 - Of course, we'll be there, Shel. - I'm in. 67 00:04:28,866 --> 00:04:32,919 I have a long history of doing whatever handsome black men tells me to do. 68 00:04:35,206 --> 00:04:40,060 I'm in. We can go caroling and we can do the song we're working on. 69 00:04:40,085 --> 00:04:45,138 - One, two, three... - ♪ On the first day of Christmas ♪ 70 00:04:45,163 --> 00:04:47,286 ♪ my true love gave to me ♪ 71 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:52,974 Oh, oh, oh, oh, You just made me hate being white. 72 00:04:57,164 --> 00:05:00,551 Besides, if anyone will be doing any singing around here 73 00:05:00,576 --> 00:05:02,755 it's going to be me. Remember the gospel choir you 74 00:05:02,780 --> 00:05:06,185 brought in singing "Hallelujah." Well guess what? 75 00:05:08,596 --> 00:05:12,536 I said it the holy way, "Hallelujah." Okay? But guess what? 76 00:05:12,561 --> 00:05:17,583 They told me and these are their words, not mine, 77 00:05:17,608 --> 00:05:20,255 they said god said that I'm more talented than you. 78 00:05:22,666 --> 00:05:26,966 God also made John Travolta's hairpiece so sometimes he gets things wrong. 79 00:05:28,593 --> 00:05:30,678 By the way, it will be a cold day in hell when 80 00:05:30,703 --> 00:05:32,786 someone thinks you're a better singer than me. 81 00:05:32,811 --> 00:05:35,779 Oh really? You know what? It's a good thing we got these 82 00:05:35,804 --> 00:05:38,630 sweaters because it's about to get chilly up in here. 83 00:05:38,655 --> 00:05:44,341 - Choir! - ♪ Hallelujah ♪ 84 00:05:44,366 --> 00:05:49,248 ♪ hallelujah hallelujah ♪ 85 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:55,443 -- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -- -- www.addic7ed.com -- 86 00:05:55,467 --> 00:06:01,302 _ 87 00:07:20,183 --> 00:07:23,769 So did you two actually make out last week? 88 00:07:24,849 --> 00:07:26,957 Whatever. He said something really sweet. 89 00:07:26,982 --> 00:07:30,800 You know how emotional I get. I totally lose it if I even hear 90 00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:34,332 - the title of that Adele song. - Hello. 91 00:07:39,029 --> 00:07:44,133 Please don't. Tell him that it was no big deal 92 00:07:44,425 --> 00:07:46,082 Look, it was just one of those good 93 00:07:46,107 --> 00:07:49,386 moments between good friends. It's not going to go anywhere 94 00:07:49,411 --> 00:07:53,652 and I assure you, this was not a prepared statement that I was asked to memorize. 95 00:07:56,812 --> 00:07:59,316 I'm so pissed at you right now! 96 00:07:59,380 --> 00:08:03,160 Does anyone want to know why I'm carrying a box full of puppies? 97 00:08:04,395 --> 00:08:07,378 The reason is unimportant. But I'm going to lay down and 98 00:08:07,403 --> 00:08:09,933 you're going to pour those puppies on top of me! 99 00:08:21,222 --> 00:08:23,410 Apparently those are all Mo's children, 100 00:08:23,435 --> 00:08:25,058 which, you know, I think would be impossible 101 00:08:25,083 --> 00:08:28,277 - because I always keep him on the leash unless I'm in the dog park. - Uh! 102 00:08:29,221 --> 00:08:33,839 Take it from a girl with a 4-year-old son, you can get pregnant at the dog park. 103 00:08:36,862 --> 00:08:38,769 Okay. 104 00:08:39,454 --> 00:08:44,527 Anyway, nine weeks ago I think back what was going on then? 105 00:08:44,552 --> 00:08:47,160 Oh, yeah, Justin was watching Mo for the weekend! 106 00:08:47,447 --> 00:08:52,214 - and now we have grand puppies. - Tell me a joke. 107 00:08:52,239 --> 00:08:55,261 What's brown and sticky? What? 108 00:08:55,286 --> 00:08:59,417 A stick? Oh, you're bad at comedy. 109 00:09:03,929 --> 00:09:10,175 Mo is my family. How would you like it if I took your mom out and I got her pregnant. 110 00:09:12,168 --> 00:09:15,277 Actually, I would love that. Beverly is very depressed and 111 00:09:15,302 --> 00:09:17,878 alone and I've always wanted siblings. You know that. 112 00:09:18,946 --> 00:09:20,667 Still, I remember watching Mo. 113 00:09:20,692 --> 00:09:24,003 I never left took my eye off him except when I let Danny watch him. 114 00:09:24,028 --> 00:09:27,707 No. No, no, no.All I did was exactly what you 115 00:09:27,732 --> 00:09:29,800 told me. I fed him, let him out to do his 116 00:09:29,825 --> 00:09:33,269 business and now I realize do his business doesn't mean have sex 117 00:09:36,463 --> 00:09:38,406 Alright, well thanks to you I now have Mo's 118 00:09:38,431 --> 00:09:40,261 baby mama saying I'm financially responsible 119 00:09:40,286 --> 00:09:43,066 No, you don't have to give Vince anything alright 120 00:09:43,439 --> 00:09:46,371 Who even says that we know for sure 121 00:09:46,396 --> 00:09:50,300 - that Mo is the real father? - That would be me. 122 00:09:51,695 --> 00:09:58,988 Yeah yeah, I mean, I agree with Vince. 123 00:10:02,074 --> 00:10:03,691 I agree with Vince. 124 00:10:03,716 --> 00:10:06,761 Which is the next investigation for us to follow? 125 00:10:07,500 --> 00:10:12,230 Is it the "Mysterious Mystery of Danny's Missing Balls"? 126 00:10:13,296 --> 00:10:16,785 Whatever, dude, she got pregnant in a dog park 127 00:10:27,676 --> 00:10:30,941 Guys, I cannot believe it's Christmas Eve. 128 00:10:30,966 --> 00:10:34,660 Especially because it still feels like it's exactly December 11th. 129 00:10:39,011 --> 00:10:41,902 You guys, Vince just said I need 130 00:10:41,927 --> 00:10:46,574 to pay $1200 in puppy support. How am I supposed to pay for that? 131 00:10:47,051 --> 00:10:52,574 I have an idea. How does Justin feel about sharing you? 132 00:11:00,694 --> 00:11:03,589 You're the scariest woman I've ever met. 133 00:11:12,675 --> 00:11:15,035 Hey, what's up? 134 00:11:15,060 --> 00:11:17,066 So we've got plans to help Candace. 135 00:11:23,455 --> 00:11:27,269 Does it include terrorizing children at the mall? 136 00:11:27,634 --> 00:11:29,293 Why are you wearing the costumes? 137 00:11:29,324 --> 00:11:34,814 Hello? Lady, we three are in costume, okay? 138 00:11:34,839 --> 00:11:37,579 Justin is not, okay? 139 00:11:37,611 --> 00:11:40,001 This is just the time of year that he reverts back to his 140 00:11:40,026 --> 00:11:43,360 natural form and goes up north to build toys for kids. 141 00:11:47,446 --> 00:11:51,587 No, I am not an elf! Elves aren't even real. 142 00:11:52,021 --> 00:11:56,345 That's exactly what a real elf would say to try to throw us off the trail. 143 00:11:58,027 --> 00:12:00,939 Now you go build me an Xbox. 144 00:12:03,902 --> 00:12:06,094 Listen. Listen... 145 00:12:06,119 --> 00:12:08,368 Listen, dude, here's the plan. 146 00:12:08,393 --> 00:12:10,431 We'll all go caroling at Vince's house. 147 00:12:10,456 --> 00:12:13,407 Now, Justin and I will take care of the singing, okay? 148 00:12:13,432 --> 00:12:15,939 You have to admit that you can't sing, please. 149 00:12:15,964 --> 00:12:21,603 Okay, fine then, but Brett can and I'm amazing at lip syncing. Watch this. 150 00:12:22,547 --> 00:12:27,798 ♪ Fall on your knees and ♪ 151 00:12:27,823 --> 00:12:42,368 ♪ hear the angels voices ♪ ♪ oh night divine ♪ 152 00:12:42,393 --> 00:12:50,798 ♪ oh night when Christ was born ♪ 153 00:12:52,987 --> 00:12:57,626 So, look, that's obviously going to work out, okay? So now, when we're distracting 154 00:12:57,651 --> 00:13:00,946 Vince, we'll have Burski sneak into his house and he's all 155 00:13:00,971 --> 00:13:06,587 sneaky and he'll grab one of the dogs and that's very violent to 156 00:13:06,612 --> 00:13:09,501 kick them. We'll get the DNA of the dogs 157 00:13:09,526 --> 00:13:12,696 and then... I've got it from here and then we'll find out if 158 00:13:12,721 --> 00:13:15,423 Mo is really the father. It's the perfect plan, dude. 159 00:13:15,448 --> 00:13:18,040 Okay, guys. I'll get you guys later. 160 00:13:22,337 --> 00:13:24,712 I thought maybe I could have a good luck kiss. 161 00:13:25,619 --> 00:13:28,806 Okay. The thing is everyone kind of 162 00:13:28,831 --> 00:13:30,431 wants us to be in a relationship. 163 00:13:30,456 --> 00:13:32,665 People are even calling us "Lursky". 164 00:13:34,931 --> 00:13:39,095 - What people? - My parents. 165 00:13:44,686 --> 00:13:47,892 And I have no one. Yay! 166 00:13:51,336 --> 00:13:53,485 I'm going to go get ready for the Christmas party. 167 00:13:53,518 --> 00:13:56,439 - Are you bringing your son? - No, he'll spend it with his dad, 168 00:13:56,464 --> 00:13:59,446 so I usually spend it drinking and crying. 169 00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:03,439 Oh, my god. Me, too. 170 00:14:10,129 --> 00:14:13,564 You know, guys, I feel like this silly plan could actually work 171 00:14:13,589 --> 00:14:16,493 with Vince and his gang caroling. 172 00:14:17,094 --> 00:14:19,360 Wait a minute, like his gang of friends? 173 00:14:19,385 --> 00:14:21,415 No. His prison gang. 174 00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:25,228 He runs a halfway house for guys who just got out of jail. 175 00:14:31,501 --> 00:14:36,118 What, you think it could be great. 176 00:14:46,103 --> 00:14:48,712 What are you doing? Save yourselves. 177 00:14:48,737 --> 00:14:52,915 Tell everyone I was brave! Hey, guys. 178 00:14:53,349 --> 00:14:56,524 You want to see how we do things in the north pole? 179 00:14:58,559 --> 00:15:03,767 Hold on, guys. Let me do one-on-one first. 180 00:15:03,792 --> 00:15:07,806 Ha! Oh no! They're using my head as a battering ram! 181 00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:14,719 You know what? It turns out that Vince and the 182 00:15:14,744 --> 00:15:16,993 gang are actually pretty cool dudes. 183 00:15:17,018 --> 00:15:18,954 I am just glad that you're defending your friends. 184 00:15:18,979 --> 00:15:22,595 It kind of makes me want to start a street fight so you'll protect me. 185 00:15:23,808 --> 00:15:25,985 I'm getting hot just thinking about it. 186 00:15:29,798 --> 00:15:31,948 Danny, she's so scary. 187 00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:34,993 I know. I love it. 188 00:15:36,743 --> 00:15:40,539 Vince, did you bring the mama dog? Okay. 189 00:15:40,564 --> 00:15:45,345 Oh, my god. She must have had a nice personality, yeah? 190 00:15:48,649 --> 00:15:51,749 Turns out Mo likes Dem ugly bitches. 191 00:15:54,030 --> 00:15:59,124 Anyway, in my hand I have the results to the do it yourself doggie pregnancy test. 192 00:15:59,754 --> 00:16:01,991 I think you should announce it like Maury Povich. 193 00:16:02,016 --> 00:16:04,679 Yeah, okay 194 00:16:04,919 --> 00:16:11,046 So, Vince here believes that Mo is the father of these six puppies. 195 00:16:13,687 --> 00:16:17,483 Yeah, but Candace says that a dog like Mo would 196 00:16:17,515 --> 00:16:19,873 never be running around with a tramp like this. 197 00:16:23,038 --> 00:16:25,038 That's right! 198 00:16:25,701 --> 00:16:27,522 That's enough! That's enough! 199 00:16:27,547 --> 00:16:31,351 Here are the results. In the case of mo and the 200 00:16:31,472 --> 00:16:33,405 bastard puppies... 201 00:16:34,147 --> 00:16:37,694 Mo, you are not the father! 202 00:16:48,898 --> 00:16:55,069 Guys, guys, guys, please, it's Christmas. We'll help you out, Vince. 203 00:16:55,094 --> 00:16:57,093 We'll help you find a home at a local shelter. 204 00:16:57,117 --> 00:16:58,340 Would be nice. 205 00:16:58,341 --> 00:17:01,452 Hey, ride or die. Aztecs forever, dude. 206 00:17:02,709 --> 00:17:10,194 See you Rooster, Big Tiny, Killer Mike, Scooby Dooby 207 00:17:10,219 --> 00:17:14,155 Forrest Whitaker. Glenn. 208 00:17:16,291 --> 00:17:19,265 All right, so we wrapped that up just in time to get the hell 209 00:17:19,290 --> 00:17:20,843 out of here. On the way to the airport, who 210 00:17:20,868 --> 00:17:24,390 - wants a ride. - Happy holidays, everybody. 211 00:17:24,415 --> 00:17:27,991 I love how things work out perfectly on Christmas. 212 00:17:36,272 --> 00:17:39,038 Well, it looks like it's just you and me. 213 00:17:51,765 --> 00:17:54,226 Well, merry Christmas to me. 214 00:17:58,328 --> 00:18:00,272 Merry Christmas! 215 00:18:04,949 --> 00:18:11,116 You're okay! This means I don't have to damn you all to hell! 216 00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:15,311 We all decided to change our plans. 217 00:18:15,336 --> 00:18:18,209 *** 218 00:18:19,297 --> 00:18:24,318 My Christmas wish came true. I just wanted us all to be happy like this. 219 00:18:24,343 --> 00:18:28,530 It reminds me, I want to hear everyone's Christmas wish. 220 00:18:28,624 --> 00:18:31,476 My wish is that someone would stop pretending like that kiss 221 00:18:31,501 --> 00:18:34,054 didn't mean something when it so obviously did mean something. 222 00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:39,280 Okay, well, my wish is that you could understand that 223 00:18:39,305 --> 00:18:42,686 sometimes a woman needs time to process things especially in the 224 00:18:42,711 --> 00:18:45,921 holidays when she's overwhelmed by her job, her mom, 225 00:18:45,946 --> 00:18:50,007 her rent, her workout schedule Adele, Brett, refill! 226 00:18:57,429 --> 00:19:00,719 So yeah, maybe that kiss meant something to 227 00:19:00,744 --> 00:19:04,406 somebody, but that somebody isn't sure what yet. 228 00:19:05,832 --> 00:19:09,022 Hear that, guys? She isn't sure. 229 00:19:11,609 --> 00:19:13,311 My Christmas wish is 230 00:19:13,336 --> 00:19:15,968 obviously that everyone stops making wishes. 231 00:19:16,247 --> 00:19:17,991 Okay. All right. 232 00:19:18,469 --> 00:19:23,179 If I really had to give my Christmas wish my wish would be 233 00:19:23,819 --> 00:19:25,913 we could keep doing this for a long time. 234 00:19:25,938 --> 00:19:28,866 I really love you guys and it means a lot to me. 235 00:19:29,242 --> 00:19:32,413 Yep, I'm with Danny, you know. I never thought I would have a 236 00:19:32,438 --> 00:19:34,804 job where I get to hang out with my friends every day. 237 00:19:34,829 --> 00:19:38,390 I hear you, man. Winter, summer, fall, spring. 238 00:19:38,698 --> 00:19:42,046 I just get to do this for a few more seasons. 239 00:19:47,610 --> 00:19:51,763 But I will say my father once told me that a house is a 240 00:19:51,788 --> 00:19:55,022 house, but a family makes a home. So thank you for the home. 241 00:19:58,538 --> 00:20:00,468 What about you, Shel? 242 00:20:01,164 --> 00:20:03,132 It just seems like the world is a dark place 243 00:20:03,157 --> 00:20:07,249 lately and everywhere you look people are kind of scared you know? 244 00:20:07,686 --> 00:20:09,819 I think I have three Christmas wishes 245 00:20:10,131 --> 00:20:13,280 The first is just to hold on to hope, no matter what. 246 00:20:14,044 --> 00:20:17,976 The second will be just a little bit more love in this world. 247 00:20:18,710 --> 00:20:22,718 And the third would be for that Star Wars movie not to suck. 248 00:20:29,376 --> 00:20:32,757 You guys are my best friends. I love you. 249 00:20:32,782 --> 00:20:38,485 Merry Christmas. I love you. 250 00:20:39,612 --> 00:20:42,202 Oh, my god, you guys are such bitches. 251 00:20:47,717 --> 00:20:53,335 -- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -- -- www.addic7ed.com --