1
00:00:03,169 --> 00:00:04,636
Oh. Come here. Come here,
come here, come here.
2
00:00:04,704 --> 00:00:05,728
You got to see this.
3
00:00:05,805 --> 00:00:07,932
I'm about to give
Captain Holt his gift.
4
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,135
Oh! Did he lift his
"no gift" policy?
5
00:00:10,210 --> 00:00:11,507
No, he didn't.
6
00:00:11,578 --> 00:00:13,512
But I figured out
a way to buy him something
7
00:00:13,646 --> 00:00:15,580
and trick him
into accepting it.
8
00:00:15,648 --> 00:00:16,672
You are bad.
9
00:00:16,816 --> 00:00:17,874
I know, right?
10
00:00:17,951 --> 00:00:19,350
Wait. You're making fun of me.
11
00:00:19,419 --> 00:00:20,852
Mmm-hmm.
Well, I don't care.
12
00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:22,547
He would never
open a gift, right?
13
00:00:22,622 --> 00:00:25,250
But what if his gift
didn't look like a gift?
14
00:00:25,325 --> 00:00:27,088
He would open it?
Exactly!
15
00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:29,287
I left it in
a cardboard box on his desk.
16
00:00:29,362 --> 00:00:31,557
There's no card,
just the words, "Open now,"
17
00:00:31,631 --> 00:00:33,155
which I wrote
with my wrong hand
18
00:00:33,233 --> 00:00:35,895
so he wouldn't
recognize my handwriting.
19
00:00:35,969 --> 00:00:37,061
Captain.
Santiago.
20
00:00:37,137 --> 00:00:38,229
Peralta.
Sir.
21
00:00:38,304 --> 00:00:39,498
So just to recap,
22
00:00:39,572 --> 00:00:41,938
you left an unmarked package
on a police captain's desk
23
00:00:42,008 --> 00:00:43,942
on a random Monday,
with a suspicious message
24
00:00:44,010 --> 00:00:46,706
written on it that looked like it
was scrawled by a crazy person.
25
00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:48,179
Bomb! There's a bomb!
26
00:00:48,248 --> 00:00:50,216
Everyone out!
Let's go, let's go!
27
00:00:50,283 --> 00:00:51,580
This is not a drill!
28
00:00:51,651 --> 00:00:52,982
Let's go!
29
00:00:53,853 --> 00:00:56,048
Great gift, babe.
30
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:06,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll
31
00:01:17,477 --> 00:01:19,172
Ho, ho, ho, Jake.
32
00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:21,509
Special delivery
from Santa's elf.
33
00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:22,843
Merry Christmas.
34
00:01:25,618 --> 00:01:26,642
Heart Attack soda.
35
00:01:26,719 --> 00:01:28,186
Holy crap!
I love this stuff!
36
00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:30,279
You know, technically,
it's just carbonated fudge.
37
00:01:30,356 --> 00:01:31,482
I know.
I thought they banned it.
38
00:01:31,558 --> 00:01:33,958
Not in Syria. They use it to
induce labor in goats.
39
00:01:34,727 --> 00:01:36,991
And your real
present arrives tomorrow.
40
00:01:37,063 --> 00:01:39,190
There's more?
Charles, this is too much.
41
00:01:39,265 --> 00:01:40,289
Nonsense!
42
00:01:40,366 --> 00:01:42,357
It was just a lot of
time and a lot of money.
43
00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:43,424
Oh.
44
00:01:45,238 --> 00:01:46,728
Gina! I screwed up.
45
00:01:46,806 --> 00:01:48,000
I forgot to get
Charles anything.
46
00:01:48,074 --> 00:01:50,008
Oh, well, I always knew
he would die of sadness.
47
00:01:50,076 --> 00:01:51,202
I'm such a selfish jerk.
48
00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:53,768
I was just so focused on Amy's
gift that I completely spaced.
49
00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:55,405
His present to me
was so personal.
50
00:01:55,482 --> 00:01:57,416
All right, think.
What does Charles love?
51
00:01:57,484 --> 00:01:59,850
Gross food, tan pants,
MasterChef Junior.
52
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:01,181
Ooh. I could call up
one of those kids
53
00:02:01,254 --> 00:02:02,551
and offer them
a free trip to New York.
54
00:02:02,622 --> 00:02:04,647
I wouldn't do that.
Right, 'cause I'm a stranger,
55
00:02:04,724 --> 00:02:06,055
and I shouldn't be
luring them out of state.
56
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,753
Good call.
Jake, just go to Goodwin's.
57
00:02:07,827 --> 00:02:09,522
They're open late,
and they have everything.
58
00:02:09,596 --> 00:02:11,461
Right. Smart.
Please come with me.
59
00:02:11,531 --> 00:02:12,691
Please, I need help
picking something out.
60
00:02:12,765 --> 00:02:13,925
Please, Gina?
61
00:02:14,901 --> 00:02:16,562
I'll take a pic of Terry
in the locker room for you.
62
00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:19,833
No towel, with his
foot up on the bench.
63
00:02:19,906 --> 00:02:21,874
Towel on,
still wet from the shower.
64
00:02:21,941 --> 00:02:22,965
I'm in.
65
00:02:23,042 --> 00:02:24,031
Hey, guys. What's up?
66
00:02:24,110 --> 00:02:26,101
Nothing.
Nothing.
67
00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:30,475
Hey, Diaz, are we still on for
the Polar Bear Swim tonight?
68
00:02:30,550 --> 00:02:33,144
It's either that or go caroling
with my family, so, yeah.
69
00:02:33,219 --> 00:02:34,550
I'd rather walk into
the freezing ocean.
70
00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:36,646
Wait, what? You guys are
doing the polar swim?
71
00:02:36,723 --> 00:02:37,815
Why didn't you ask me?
72
00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:38,915
Oh, we didn't think
you'd be interested.
73
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,118
Yeah, you're always cold.
74
00:02:40,193 --> 00:02:43,026
You brought a blanket
to a Mets game in mid-July.
75
00:02:43,096 --> 00:02:46,293
This one thinks
July 18th is mid-July.
76
00:02:48,268 --> 00:02:50,736
You guys think I'm some kind
of wimp, but I'm not.
77
00:02:50,803 --> 00:02:53,067
I am tough, and I'm strong,
78
00:02:53,139 --> 00:02:55,107
and I love to splash
around in chilly water.
79
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:58,770
It's not chilly, it's as cold
as the waters of Cocytus,
80
00:02:58,845 --> 00:02:59,971
the frozen lake of hell.
81
00:03:00,046 --> 00:03:01,479
I'll see you there.
82
00:03:01,548 --> 00:03:02,913
I can't wait
to dunk my junk.
83
00:03:06,819 --> 00:03:08,286
Okay, gang. I'm out.
84
00:03:08,354 --> 00:03:09,685
I'll be back on the 27th.
85
00:03:09,756 --> 00:03:11,781
I've got two
days of family time.
86
00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:13,758
Do not attempt
to contact me.
87
00:03:13,826 --> 00:03:15,555
I do not want
a repeat of last year
88
00:03:15,628 --> 00:03:18,324
when Scully called me 50 times
on Christmas morning.
89
00:03:18,398 --> 00:03:20,025
No. I called you once.
90
00:03:20,099 --> 00:03:21,361
My butt called
the other 49.
91
00:03:21,434 --> 00:03:23,629
Yeah, well, my brother-in-law,
Zeke, was real judge-y
92
00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:25,398
about how much my
phone was buzzing.
93
00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:34,176
Somebody's got a lot
of business to tend to.
94
00:03:34,247 --> 00:03:36,738
Who are you?
Barbara Corcoran?
95
00:03:36,816 --> 00:03:38,807
He didn't even make me
one of the good Sharks.
96
00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:39,874
I'm clearly Lori.
97
00:03:40,153 --> 00:03:41,518
Nobody call me.
98
00:03:42,855 --> 00:03:44,049
Gina.
99
00:03:44,357 --> 00:03:47,383
It's our first annual
Boyle-Linetti Christmas.
100
00:03:47,460 --> 00:03:49,621
Are you excited about
going to town on Daddy's nog?
101
00:03:49,696 --> 00:03:52,062
Christmas is canceled.
Charles ruined it.
102
00:03:52,131 --> 00:03:53,120
I'm gonna be a little late.
103
00:03:53,199 --> 00:03:54,632
I got to help Jake
do some shopping.
104
00:03:54,701 --> 00:03:56,601
Oh. Last-minute gifts.
105
00:03:56,669 --> 00:03:58,432
Ooh. Who didn't
make the cut?
106
00:03:58,504 --> 00:04:01,302
Tell me, Jake, who's the poor
sack at the bottom of your list?
107
00:04:02,141 --> 00:04:05,633
Actually, Amy.
108
00:04:05,712 --> 00:04:06,804
Amy?
Yeah.
109
00:04:06,879 --> 00:04:08,972
Uff. That's bad.
110
00:04:09,415 --> 00:04:11,178
Just give
her whatever you got me.
111
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:12,377
Really?
112
00:04:12,452 --> 00:04:15,046
But then I wouldn't
have a gift for you.
113
00:04:15,121 --> 00:04:16,145
Would you be
cool with that?
114
00:04:16,222 --> 00:04:17,712
No, that would
eviscerate me.
115
00:04:18,391 --> 00:04:20,586
I'll get my coat. I'm gonna help
you find something for her.
116
00:04:20,660 --> 00:04:21,854
Oh, that's not necessary.
117
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:23,020
Jake.
118
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:24,961
Also not necessary
to touch my face.
119
00:04:25,031 --> 00:04:26,931
It's Christmas.
A time for friendship.
120
00:04:27,734 --> 00:04:28,860
Damn it. All right.
121
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:30,095
I guess you'll just
have to distract him
122
00:04:30,169 --> 00:04:31,568
when we get to the store.
On it.
123
00:04:31,638 --> 00:04:33,105
I'll take him to
housewares and I'll ask him
124
00:04:33,172 --> 00:04:35,436
the difference between
a skillet and a frying pan.
125
00:04:35,508 --> 00:04:37,373
That'll buy you six hours.
Perfect.
126
00:04:37,443 --> 00:04:39,070
Gina,
you just saved Christmas.
127
00:04:39,145 --> 00:04:41,409
It's what I do.
128
00:04:41,481 --> 00:04:43,813
Every damn year.
129
00:04:43,883 --> 00:04:44,907
Good night.
Good night.
130
00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:48,651
Wait! No, no, no,
no, no! Don't lock the door!
131
00:04:48,721 --> 00:04:49,949
I just need to
buy one thing.
132
00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:51,581
I'll be so fast,
I won't even pay!
133
00:04:51,858 --> 00:04:52,916
How did that not work?
134
00:04:52,992 --> 00:04:55,051
Hey, there's still people in there.
They're not closed.
135
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,596
First time at a retail
store, Oliver Twist?
136
00:04:57,664 --> 00:04:59,859
They lock the doors,
but if you're still inside,
137
00:04:59,932 --> 00:05:01,866
you get an extra 15
minutes to finish up.
138
00:05:01,934 --> 00:05:04,835
Oh. Perfect, so we should just try and
sneak in an entrance through the back.
139
00:05:04,904 --> 00:05:06,963
Boyle, you'll have to stay here.
It's too dangerous.
140
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:08,530
No way I let you
take that risk alone.
141
00:05:08,608 --> 00:05:09,700
Damn it, you are loyal.
142
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,132
Shall we?
143
00:05:21,220 --> 00:05:22,244
Whereas, with the skillet,
144
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:25,348
the approach to fish skin
is completely different.
145
00:05:25,425 --> 00:05:28,485
Uh-huh. And your spatula technique
is completely intuitive.
146
00:05:28,561 --> 00:05:30,256
Please, tell me more.
Okay. I got it.
147
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:31,456
They're closing. Let's go.
148
00:05:31,531 --> 00:05:32,862
Let's take a peep
at that purchase.
149
00:05:32,932 --> 00:05:34,991
Cologne?
Uh, it's perfume.
150
00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:36,399
For a lady. Woman.
151
00:05:36,469 --> 00:05:37,697
It's called
"Canyon Stank."
152
00:05:37,770 --> 00:05:39,704
It's got a man
riding a burro on it.
153
00:05:39,772 --> 00:05:42,605
Oh! Does it? I didn't notice. I
just like the way it smelled.
154
00:05:42,675 --> 00:05:45,303
I wear this cologne, Jake.
I'm a Stank man.
155
00:05:45,378 --> 00:05:48,108
Um, I don't know,
maybe just subconsciously
156
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:49,739
I wanted Amy to
smell more like you.
157
00:05:50,316 --> 00:05:53,615
Okay, little creepy, bud.
Coming on real strong.
158
00:05:53,686 --> 00:05:56,154
Wow, the tables
have really turned.
159
00:05:57,724 --> 00:05:59,351
Shut up! Keep walking!
160
00:05:59,425 --> 00:06:01,222
Shoot!
The store is being robbed!
161
00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:02,522
Come here.
162
00:06:06,432 --> 00:06:09,196
All right, just slowly back up.
There's a door behind us.
163
00:06:09,268 --> 00:06:11,327
We just have to get outside
and call the Nine-Nine.
164
00:06:11,404 --> 00:06:12,803
Go.
165
00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:15,397
Just head for the vault.
We're good.
166
00:06:24,617 --> 00:06:26,244
- Lock 'em up!
- They're sealing the exits.
167
00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:27,308
Oh, my God.
168
00:06:28,855 --> 00:06:30,982
It's real-life Die Hard.
169
00:06:32,358 --> 00:06:35,122
I mean, "Oh, no! Crime."
170
00:06:42,168 --> 00:06:43,965
They've taken all
the security guards.
171
00:06:44,036 --> 00:06:45,628
I left my gun in my locker.
Are you carrying?
172
00:06:45,705 --> 00:06:47,104
No, mine's at work.
173
00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:49,198
Boyle Christmas charades
can get pretty competitive
174
00:06:49,275 --> 00:06:50,936
and it's best not to
have firearms around.
175
00:06:51,010 --> 00:06:54,036
We don't need guns.
I have a lighter, okay?
176
00:06:54,113 --> 00:06:56,604
We get some hairspray,
make some flamethrowers.
177
00:06:56,682 --> 00:06:58,274
Let's fry these bitches.
178
00:06:58,351 --> 00:06:59,841
No one is
frying any bitches.
179
00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:01,386
Charles, did you
call this into dispatch?
180
00:07:01,454 --> 00:07:03,786
Yes, but I can't get in touch
with anyone from the Nine-Nine.
181
00:07:03,856 --> 00:07:06,290
Right. Amy, Rosa, and Holt are
having the time of their lives
182
00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:08,486
splashing around in the
freezing, filthy ocean.
183
00:07:08,561 --> 00:07:09,789
I'll try Terry.
184
00:07:09,862 --> 00:07:11,523
Thank you for
this amazing year.
185
00:07:11,631 --> 00:07:13,428
Thank you for
the food in front of us.
186
00:07:13,499 --> 00:07:17,595
And my family,
which is my number-one priority.
187
00:07:18,771 --> 00:07:20,602
Much more than... Phones.
188
00:07:20,673 --> 00:07:22,163
Just take the call,
Barbara Corcoran.
189
00:07:23,409 --> 00:07:24,637
This better be
an emergency.
190
00:07:24,710 --> 00:07:26,007
There better be
a gun to your head.
191
00:07:26,078 --> 00:07:28,512
Charles, Gina, and I
are in a hostage situation.
192
00:07:28,581 --> 00:07:31,175
Oh God, I shouldn't
have said the gun thing.
193
00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:32,740
Terry regrets the way
he answered the phone.
194
00:07:32,819 --> 00:07:34,753
We're at Goodwin's.
There are multiple gunmen.
195
00:07:34,821 --> 00:07:35,913
They've blocked
all the exits,
196
00:07:35,988 --> 00:07:37,353
they've taken
the security guards hostage,
197
00:07:37,423 --> 00:07:38,913
and we're looking
for a place to hide.
198
00:07:38,991 --> 00:07:40,015
It's awesome.
199
00:07:40,092 --> 00:07:41,081
Awesome?
200
00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:42,388
Awesomely serious.
201
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,362
I am not enjoying this,
no matter how much it is
202
00:07:44,430 --> 00:07:46,557
100% my favorite
movie come to life.
203
00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:48,463
The important thing
is keep Gina safe.
204
00:07:48,534 --> 00:07:50,399
You have a civilian with you.
I'm on the way.
205
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,233
Cool.
Also bring a pic of yourself
206
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:53,465
in a towel coming
out of the shower.
207
00:07:53,539 --> 00:07:55,063
Can't explain why, okay?
Gotta go, bye.
208
00:07:56,909 --> 00:07:59,377
There's a serious situation going
down they need my help with.
209
00:07:59,445 --> 00:08:02,937
Did one of your detectives lose his
head up his own butt?
210
00:08:03,015 --> 00:08:04,846
You don't even
have a job, Zeke!
211
00:08:04,917 --> 00:08:07,147
You know what, I'm not supposed
to be bringing this up,
212
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:08,209
but I'm bringing it up!
213
00:08:08,287 --> 00:08:10,949
I'm sick of hearing
you "got things brewing."
214
00:08:11,023 --> 00:08:14,584
You ask me, the only thing you
got brewing is a pot of BS!
215
00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:17,288
Kids, I love you.
Sharon, you are perfect.
216
00:08:17,363 --> 00:08:18,921
Zeke, get a job!
217
00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:29,406
Okay, we should
be safe in here.
218
00:08:29,475 --> 00:08:30,908
This place
looks good.
219
00:08:30,977 --> 00:08:32,342
Good? It's great!
220
00:08:32,411 --> 00:08:33,435
Santa's chair.
221
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:34,741
All right,
ESU's on their way.
222
00:08:34,814 --> 00:08:36,873
Our top priority is
keeping Gina safe.
223
00:08:36,949 --> 00:08:37,973
Keeping me safe?
224
00:08:38,050 --> 00:08:39,711
I'm gonna help you
take these guys down.
225
00:08:41,454 --> 00:08:43,581
No, you're not doing anything like that.
You're not a cop.
226
00:08:43,656 --> 00:08:45,248
I've watched what
you do for six years.
227
00:08:45,324 --> 00:08:46,586
It's not that difficult.
228
00:08:46,659 --> 00:08:48,490
"NYPD. You're under arrest."
229
00:08:48,561 --> 00:08:51,155
That was
clearly an impression of Charles.
230
00:08:51,230 --> 00:08:53,892
But stay here with him
while I do some recon.
231
00:08:54,233 --> 00:08:55,928
Wait, shouldn't we
all stick together?
232
00:08:56,002 --> 00:08:57,731
Someone has to assess
the situation, Boyle.
233
00:08:57,803 --> 00:08:59,828
Plus, we're trapped,
on Christmas,
234
00:08:59,906 --> 00:09:02,466
with a bunch of bad guys
who are very likely German.
235
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:04,237
This is my
John McClane moment.
236
00:09:04,310 --> 00:09:07,177
Okay. You're gonna
need a tank top.
237
00:09:07,246 --> 00:09:08,907
You can have mine.
No need.
238
00:09:08,981 --> 00:09:10,346
I snagged this
on the way here.
239
00:09:10,416 --> 00:09:11,747
"Baby Grrl?"
240
00:09:11,817 --> 00:09:12,977
Yeah, they didn't
have the best selection.
241
00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:14,041
I'll probably
just skip the tank.
242
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:15,678
Yeah.
I will return.
243
00:09:15,955 --> 00:09:17,183
Okay. Gina.
244
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:22,088
You all right?
You look pretty cold.
245
00:09:22,161 --> 00:09:24,391
I'm not. I'm actually hot.
246
00:09:24,463 --> 00:09:27,023
Hot, and ready to get this
super-fun thing over with.
247
00:09:27,099 --> 00:09:28,327
First, a toast.
248
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:29,561
Great.
Let's drag this out.
249
00:09:29,635 --> 00:09:30,829
To the sea.
250
00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:32,063
To the sea!
Hear, hear!
251
00:09:32,138 --> 00:09:33,230
I wasn't done.
252
00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:35,069
Chill, Amy, let him
finish his ocean toast.
253
00:09:35,141 --> 00:09:36,403
Thank you, Rosa.
254
00:09:36,475 --> 00:09:38,739
I'm reminded of
a beloved Christmas carol
255
00:09:38,811 --> 00:09:40,711
by English poet
Christina Rossetti.
256
00:09:40,947 --> 00:09:44,644
"In the bleak mid-winter,
frosty wind made moan,
257
00:09:44,717 --> 00:09:48,175
"Earth stood hard as iron,
water like a stone."
258
00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:50,085
Moan, stone, phone.
We get it.
259
00:09:50,156 --> 00:09:51,714
Down the hatch.
Let's get this over with.
260
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:55,583
Whee!
261
00:10:00,866 --> 00:10:02,629
No!
262
00:10:03,135 --> 00:10:04,466
Oh, my God!
263
00:10:09,208 --> 00:10:11,642
Excuse me, Sergeant Jeffords
with the Nine-Nine.
264
00:10:11,711 --> 00:10:13,576
I've got two detectives
and a civilian in there.
265
00:10:13,646 --> 00:10:15,807
- Who's in charge?
- I am, ding-dong.
266
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:18,648
The Vulture?
267
00:10:18,718 --> 00:10:20,015
That's right.
It's me.
268
00:10:20,086 --> 00:10:21,075
In the flesh.
269
00:10:21,854 --> 00:10:22,843
Happy Kwanzaa.
270
00:10:23,422 --> 00:10:24,855
Oh, man.
You can't say that.
271
00:10:24,924 --> 00:10:25,913
Mmm.
272
00:10:31,430 --> 00:10:33,159
All right, let's see
what we're dealing with.
273
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:38,536
I'll call you... Klaus.
274
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:48,041
You will be Gunter.
275
00:10:48,114 --> 00:10:49,945
With the little
dots over the "U."
276
00:10:56,555 --> 00:10:57,988
Jurgen.
277
00:10:58,057 --> 00:10:59,752
Hey, Matt.
Are you in position?
278
00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:00,814
I'm here.
279
00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:04,495
Oh, great,
the bad guy's name is Matt.
280
00:11:05,031 --> 00:11:06,589
Hey, sorry that
took so long.
281
00:11:06,932 --> 00:11:08,365
Gina, you doing okay?
You scared?
282
00:11:08,434 --> 00:11:10,493
I'm scared you won't let me
make a flamethrower
283
00:11:10,569 --> 00:11:11,593
and use it
to throw flame.
284
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:12,933
You're right.
I will not do that.
285
00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:14,370
You're gonna stay
here and keep hiding.
286
00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:15,907
Boyle and I are
gonna handle this.
287
00:11:15,975 --> 00:11:17,670
Here's the situation.
Twelve terrorists,
288
00:11:17,743 --> 00:11:19,404
one cop.
Just the way he likes it.
289
00:11:19,478 --> 00:11:20,467
Who's he?
Me!
290
00:11:20,546 --> 00:11:21,535
Why are you
calling yourself "He"?
291
00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:23,275
Because that's the tagline
from the Die Hard poster,
292
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:24,782
and also my high
school yearbook quote.
293
00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:27,110
I knew I recognized it.
Next time, lead with that.
294
00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:29,177
Right. Sorry. Also,
there aren't 12 of them.
295
00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:31,155
There are seven, and they're not
terrorists, they're robbers.
296
00:11:31,223 --> 00:11:33,054
They brought drilling equipment
to break into the safe.
297
00:11:33,125 --> 00:11:36,253
Okay, so it's really seven
robbers, two cops, and one Gina.
298
00:11:36,328 --> 00:11:37,761
Yes. Exactly.
Yeah.
299
00:11:37,830 --> 00:11:38,922
Where's Gina?
300
00:11:38,998 --> 00:11:40,022
Gina?
301
00:11:41,233 --> 00:11:43,030
There she is.
She went for the hairspray.
302
00:11:43,102 --> 00:11:44,569
She is incorrigible.
303
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,764
Who are you? Come here.
No!
304
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:50,331
No, no, no, no.
Jake, they're taking Gina.
305
00:11:50,409 --> 00:11:52,240
Yeah, I know.
We're looking at the same thing.
306
00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:56,307
What? They got Gina?
307
00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:58,179
- I told you to watch her!
- I know.
308
00:11:58,250 --> 00:12:00,810
I am so sorry, but I promise
you, we will get her back.
309
00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:01,978
Oh, this is bad.
310
00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:03,487
I got to report
this to the Vulture.
311
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:04,545
He's in charge.
312
00:12:04,623 --> 00:12:05,817
Oh! The Vulture?
313
00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:08,553
I thought he was on his massage
tour of Southeast Asia.
314
00:12:08,627 --> 00:12:09,753
He's leaving tomorrow.
315
00:12:09,829 --> 00:12:11,353
That's why he wants
this over quickly.
316
00:12:11,430 --> 00:12:13,022
He wants to storm the building.
No!
317
00:12:13,099 --> 00:12:15,567
No, no, no.
That is a bad idea.
318
00:12:15,634 --> 00:12:16,692
Look, we still
haven't figured out
319
00:12:16,769 --> 00:12:18,703
where they're holding Gina
and the rest of the hostages.
320
00:12:18,771 --> 00:12:20,238
If you guys come
busting in here,
321
00:12:20,306 --> 00:12:21,705
things could go
sideways real fast.
322
00:12:21,774 --> 00:12:23,401
That's what I told him,
but then he just
323
00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:24,807
repeated it back to
me in a lady's voice.
324
00:12:24,877 --> 00:12:25,866
Listen to me, Sarge.
325
00:12:25,945 --> 00:12:27,708
Boyle and I can take these
guys out one by one
326
00:12:27,780 --> 00:12:28,872
and no one will get hurt.
327
00:12:28,948 --> 00:12:30,609
Just ask the Vulture
to give me some more time.
328
00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:31,809
He'll be reasonable.
329
00:12:31,884 --> 00:12:33,112
What am I talking about?
It's the Vulture.
330
00:12:33,185 --> 00:12:35,813
Tell him Tila Tequila's doing
a free show in Central Park.
331
00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:37,749
Then how come Tila
just posted a selfie
332
00:12:37,823 --> 00:12:39,791
from the Kid Rock
show in Daytona, bro?
333
00:12:39,859 --> 00:12:42,589
Yeah, I follow her.
You know what? I know what's going on here.
334
00:12:42,661 --> 00:12:45,528
Jake wants to go solo, and he's
trying to steal my thunder.
335
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:48,123
He's inside and he has
eyes on the situation.
336
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:50,532
Look, I'm in command here.
Look around you.
337
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,537
I control all of this.
338
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,937
You see that guy behind you?
That sniper?
339
00:12:55,374 --> 00:12:56,898
He'll shoot
whoever I tell him to.
340
00:12:56,976 --> 00:12:57,965
Even you.
341
00:12:58,244 --> 00:12:59,575
No, I won't.
Fine.
342
00:12:59,645 --> 00:13:02,478
Then, he'll sit on any
rooftop I tell him to.
343
00:13:02,548 --> 00:13:04,778
Hey,
go sit on that rooftop, guy.
344
00:13:04,850 --> 00:13:06,909
Look, just give
Jake a chance.
345
00:13:06,986 --> 00:13:09,113
If he fails, then you
can storm the building.
346
00:13:09,188 --> 00:13:10,917
I'll give him a chance to sit
on his little white butt
347
00:13:10,990 --> 00:13:12,548
and wait for me
to come rescue him.
348
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,456
You tell him
that I'm Liam Neeson
349
00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:16,017
and he's my hot,
dumb daughter.
350
00:13:17,096 --> 00:13:18,620
All right, we're
outnumbered and unarmed.
351
00:13:18,697 --> 00:13:20,164
If we're gonna get Gina back,
we need weapons.
352
00:13:20,232 --> 00:13:21,790
This place sells hammers,
wrenches...
353
00:13:21,867 --> 00:13:23,061
Do they sell plants?
354
00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:25,603
Because some of that
potting soil is very toxic
355
00:13:25,671 --> 00:13:26,899
if ingested in
large quantities.
356
00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:29,133
So you want to feed the
bad guys a lot of soil?
357
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:30,798
Force-feed 'em.
358
00:13:30,876 --> 00:13:33,470
Okay, that's a good option that
I will definitely consider.
359
00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:35,776
Now, let's go out there
and gear our asses up.
360
00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:37,479
Quietly.
Quietly.
361
00:14:03,375 --> 00:14:04,364
"Ho-ho-ho?"
362
00:14:22,161 --> 00:14:23,150
Hey, Matt.
363
00:14:25,764 --> 00:14:28,062
That'll teach you to have
a dumb, normal name.
364
00:14:28,834 --> 00:14:30,961
All right, where are you
holding the hostages?
365
00:14:31,036 --> 00:14:32,128
I'll bet you'd
like to know, eh?
366
00:14:32,204 --> 00:14:34,138
Canadian? No!
367
00:14:34,206 --> 00:14:36,265
You're so clearly
supposed to be German.
368
00:14:36,342 --> 00:14:38,207
- Are any of you German?
- Mmm-mmm.
369
00:14:38,277 --> 00:14:39,505
Russian?
Mmm-mmm.
370
00:14:39,578 --> 00:14:40,806
North Korean?
Mmm-mmm.
371
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,006
Greek?
Mmm-mmm.
372
00:14:42,081 --> 00:14:43,412
I don't trust
the way the Greeks dance.
373
00:14:43,482 --> 00:14:44,506
No one does.
374
00:14:44,583 --> 00:14:45,607
You there?
375
00:14:47,386 --> 00:14:50,822
Uh, yeah, I was oot,
but now I'm back, eh?
376
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:52,517
Meet me in
the service corridor.
377
00:14:52,591 --> 00:14:54,957
We've got
a situation with the hostages.
378
00:14:55,027 --> 00:14:58,360
Okey dokey,
sorry to hear aboot that.
379
00:14:58,430 --> 00:14:59,488
Service corridor.
380
00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:01,430
That was great, Jake.
Thanks.
381
00:15:02,768 --> 00:15:05,362
Peralta just texted. He knows
where the hostages are.
382
00:15:05,437 --> 00:15:06,961
He wants
15 more minutes.
383
00:15:07,039 --> 00:15:08,336
And I want my
lesbian neighbors
384
00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:09,704
to be way
hotter than they are,
385
00:15:09,775 --> 00:15:12,243
but we can't always
get what we want, right?
386
00:15:12,311 --> 00:15:13,972
I'm ordering that raid. Hey!
387
00:15:14,046 --> 00:15:16,014
Give that back to me.
Are you serious?
388
00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:17,639
I will end your career.
389
00:15:17,716 --> 00:15:19,240
You'll be out there
working as a model
390
00:15:19,318 --> 00:15:21,343
because, well,
you know, you're shredded,
391
00:15:21,420 --> 00:15:22,444
and I respect that.
392
00:15:22,521 --> 00:15:23,783
Give me that walkie-talkie,
now.
393
00:15:23,856 --> 00:15:25,847
Those are my
people in there!
394
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:28,450
You are not gonna
give that order!
395
00:15:28,994 --> 00:15:30,393
Stand down.
No.
396
00:15:30,462 --> 00:15:32,123
Stand down or
I'm gonna make you.
397
00:15:32,197 --> 00:15:35,098
Hey, you turds,
get off the roof and help me!
398
00:15:35,167 --> 00:15:36,998
Get off the roof!
399
00:15:37,069 --> 00:15:39,367
I can't do it. I'm a wimp,
just like you said.
400
00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:41,167
I didn't say that, and I
don't care if you go in.
401
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:42,605
Be honest.
You're judging me.
402
00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:43,937
I'm really not.
403
00:15:44,009 --> 00:15:45,135
I am, a bit.
404
00:15:45,978 --> 00:15:47,240
No lies on Christmas.
405
00:15:48,113 --> 00:15:49,740
Diaz, shall we?
406
00:15:56,922 --> 00:15:57,911
What?
407
00:15:57,990 --> 00:15:58,979
Oh!
408
00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:01,448
Guys!
409
00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:05,793
Captain? Rosa?
Please hear me from land!
410
00:16:05,864 --> 00:16:08,458
Oh, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
411
00:16:08,534 --> 00:16:11,128
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, my God!
412
00:16:11,203 --> 00:16:13,637
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
413
00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:15,503
Welcome to the frozen...
414
00:16:15,574 --> 00:16:17,098
Shut your dumb
poem mouth!
415
00:16:17,176 --> 00:16:18,700
I'm so sorry.
No, I'm not!
416
00:16:18,777 --> 00:16:20,972
We have a crisis.
We have to go. Let's go.
417
00:16:21,046 --> 00:16:23,776
Cold, cold, cold, cold,
cold, cold, cold.
418
00:16:32,358 --> 00:16:34,223
How are we gonna get past them
without a gunfight?
419
00:16:34,293 --> 00:16:36,284
I'll tell you how
John McClane would do it.
420
00:16:36,362 --> 00:16:37,556
The vents.
421
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:40,094
Blast the AC,
they get chilly,
422
00:16:40,165 --> 00:16:41,564
they leave to
find sweaters.
423
00:16:41,633 --> 00:16:42,861
No, we're gonna
climb through them.
424
00:16:42,935 --> 00:16:45,062
Even better.
Classic use of vents.
425
00:16:46,638 --> 00:16:47,662
Yeah.
426
00:16:52,211 --> 00:16:53,235
I think we're good.
427
00:16:56,515 --> 00:16:58,073
I don't think
we're good anymore.
428
00:16:58,550 --> 00:17:00,575
Who's there?
Dave, is that you?
429
00:17:00,652 --> 00:17:02,017
What are we gonna do?
They know we're here.
430
00:17:02,388 --> 00:17:04,913
No, they know I'm here.
431
00:17:06,225 --> 00:17:08,750
Quick, hide.
Go, go, go, go.
432
00:17:10,729 --> 00:17:13,562
Hey, hosers.
It's me, Dave, eh?
433
00:17:13,632 --> 00:17:14,997
Didn't work.
434
00:17:17,069 --> 00:17:19,629
Jake. Jake! Jake!
435
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:21,172
Are you okay?
436
00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:22,639
Oh, my head hurts.
437
00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:25,040
Probably from
being conked on it.
438
00:17:26,111 --> 00:17:27,373
How are you?
439
00:17:27,446 --> 00:17:28,640
I'm tied up. I'm scared.
440
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:32,115
This guy hasn't stopped
farting for the last hour.
441
00:17:32,184 --> 00:17:33,981
I keep
telling you, it's not me.
442
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:37,181
Ramon, do you really want
your last words to be a lie?
443
00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:39,448
Those aren't gonna be your
last words, Ramon, all right?
444
00:17:39,525 --> 00:17:41,049
We're all
gonna be fine.
445
00:17:41,126 --> 00:17:43,356
They're gonna drill into the safe,
take the money, and then go.
446
00:17:43,429 --> 00:17:44,896
They don't need to
drill into the safe.
447
00:17:44,963 --> 00:17:46,555
They had my ID.
They already have all the cash.
448
00:17:46,632 --> 00:17:47,997
What?
449
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:50,228
Then why'd they bring
all that heavy-duty equipment?
450
00:17:50,302 --> 00:17:52,566
So you're a cop.
451
00:17:53,672 --> 00:17:55,264
I hate cops.
452
00:17:55,340 --> 00:17:57,365
They gave me this.
Nice!
453
00:17:57,443 --> 00:18:00,503
Finally, a good bad guy.
This dude gets it.
454
00:18:00,579 --> 00:18:01,603
Now I'm
gonna kill you.
455
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:04,148
Okay, you took it a little too far.
Maybe scale it back a skosh.
456
00:18:04,216 --> 00:18:05,581
All set down here.
457
00:18:06,718 --> 00:18:08,447
Okay, start loading out.
458
00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:10,954
I just have one piece of
business to take care of.
459
00:18:11,023 --> 00:18:13,583
You know, killing a man
is not as easy as it sounds.
460
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:15,788
I've killed 10 men.
461
00:18:15,861 --> 00:18:17,260
And that's such a nice,
round number.
462
00:18:17,329 --> 00:18:18,660
Wouldn't you agree?
I mean, imagine.
463
00:18:18,730 --> 00:18:22,826
"I've killed 11 people."
It just sounds so cumbersome.
464
00:18:27,573 --> 00:18:29,939
Yippie kayak, other buckets!
465
00:18:30,008 --> 00:18:31,669
Boyle! You did it!
466
00:18:31,743 --> 00:18:33,768
And you completely botched
the catchphrase.
467
00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:34,938
I'm pretty sure
it was right.
468
00:18:35,013 --> 00:18:36,173
No, but you did great.
469
00:18:39,651 --> 00:18:40,743
All right.
470
00:18:40,819 --> 00:18:41,911
Look, we have to
stop the other robbers.
471
00:18:41,987 --> 00:18:43,249
They're escaping
with the merch.
472
00:18:43,322 --> 00:18:44,812
How? Terry's got
the place surrounded.
473
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,093
The drill.
It's not for the safe.
474
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:49,627
They're using it to
tunnel out of here.
475
00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:50,957
And those farts
Gina kept smelling?
476
00:18:51,029 --> 00:18:52,394
Uh-huh.
They were Ramon.
477
00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:53,761
No, it was sewage.
478
00:18:53,832 --> 00:18:55,231
And Ramon.
479
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:57,268
We have to tell Terry they're
escaping through the sewers.
480
00:18:57,703 --> 00:18:59,261
What's a brother got
to do to get a wet wipe?
481
00:18:59,338 --> 00:19:00,362
Don't say that.
482
00:19:02,841 --> 00:19:04,866
Merry Christmas.
Ho-ho-ho!
483
00:19:04,943 --> 00:19:06,103
I'm starving.
484
00:19:06,178 --> 00:19:07,770
"I'm starving"?
We had a thing going!
485
00:19:11,583 --> 00:19:14,017
Jake! I'm so
glad you're okay.
486
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:17,288
Why? You were really worried about me?
Mmm-hmm.
487
00:19:17,356 --> 00:19:20,120
Also your face is so warm, and
I think I have hypothermia.
488
00:19:23,028 --> 00:19:24,393
Sergeant,
we need to talk.
489
00:19:25,097 --> 00:19:27,531
I'm not in trouble for what
I did to the Vulture, am I?
490
00:19:27,599 --> 00:19:29,567
You think people will believe he
threw himself in the garbage?
491
00:19:29,635 --> 00:19:30,727
No.
492
00:19:30,802 --> 00:19:32,463
But this was
a high-pressure situation,
493
00:19:32,538 --> 00:19:34,062
and you rose
to the occasion.
494
00:19:34,139 --> 00:19:35,470
You may have
saved lives tonight.
495
00:19:35,541 --> 00:19:36,769
The squad is my family,
496
00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:38,742
and I'll always
protect my family.
497
00:19:38,810 --> 00:19:39,834
Except for Zeke.
498
00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:41,607
That deadbeat giant
can fend for himself.
499
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,171
There's a lieutenant's
exam coming up,
500
00:19:44,249 --> 00:19:45,648
and I think you
should take it.
501
00:19:45,717 --> 00:19:47,617
It's the next step
to becoming a captain.
502
00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:49,984
I didn't do anything.
It was all Jake and Charles.
503
00:19:50,055 --> 00:19:51,852
Mmm. Spoken
like a true captain.
504
00:19:53,058 --> 00:19:54,082
Also, you are
in trouble.
505
00:19:54,159 --> 00:19:55,592
You're suspended
one week.
506
00:19:55,661 --> 00:19:57,754
But you've got
a bright future.
507
00:19:58,597 --> 00:20:00,155
But I'll need
your badge and gun.
508
00:20:00,465 --> 00:20:02,228
Hey, buddy.
509
00:20:02,301 --> 00:20:04,132
I couldn't find the cologne
you wanted to give Amy,
510
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:06,933
but I did get
a Canyon Stank giftset.
511
00:20:07,005 --> 00:20:10,065
It's all three Stanks,
plus the body spray.
512
00:20:10,142 --> 00:20:11,404
Oh, wow.
Thanks, Charles.
513
00:20:11,476 --> 00:20:12,636
Yeah.
514
00:20:13,512 --> 00:20:16,572
Look,
I didn't forget Amy's gift.
515
00:20:16,648 --> 00:20:17,945
I forgot yours.
516
00:20:18,817 --> 00:20:20,409
The Canyon Stank
was for you.
517
00:20:20,485 --> 00:20:22,715
What? Why didn't
you just tell me?
518
00:20:23,422 --> 00:20:25,913
Oh, because it would have crushed
my heart and ruined our friendship.
519
00:20:25,991 --> 00:20:27,151
Good call.
520
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,421
Look, it sucks,
and I was selfish.
521
00:20:29,494 --> 00:20:31,519
I should have gotten you something better.
You did.
522
00:20:31,597 --> 00:20:33,758
You surrendered
yourself to keep me safe.
523
00:20:33,832 --> 00:20:36,926
Not only that, you sacrificed
your John McClane moment.
524
00:20:37,002 --> 00:20:39,527
It should have been you saying,
"Yippie kayak, other buckets!"
525
00:20:39,605 --> 00:20:41,630
I know you have the
moral high ground right now,
526
00:20:41,707 --> 00:20:42,867
but it still
makes me so angry.
527
00:20:43,742 --> 00:20:46,210
Anyways,
Merry Christmas, buddy.
528
00:20:46,445 --> 00:20:47,537
You, too, buddy.
529
00:20:50,716 --> 00:20:51,978
Gina!
530
00:20:55,554 --> 00:20:56,543
Hey.
531
00:20:57,189 --> 00:20:58,178
Hey!
532
00:20:58,590 --> 00:20:59,614
Hey!
533
00:21:03,762 --> 00:21:06,788
It works!
The flamethrower works!
534
00:21:06,865 --> 00:21:08,059
Yeah!
No, Gina, no!
535
00:21:08,133 --> 00:21:09,293
Gina, no!
536
00:21:09,368 --> 00:21:10,835
Somebody take her down!
537
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:18,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll