1 00:00:09,020 --> 00:00:13,032 ♪ It's the most wonderful time of the year ♪ 2 00:00:13,032 --> 00:00:15,000 ♪ Ding dong... ♪ 3 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:17,463 We've got to get to the cars, we're going to miss the train! 4 00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:20,096 I love your gingerbread house. Is that for little Scarlett? 5 00:00:20,096 --> 00:00:22,338 Her first Christmas and I'm going to miss it. 6 00:00:22,833 --> 00:00:26,032 It's very Hansel and Gretel. I hope she's not afraid of witches! 7 00:00:26,032 --> 00:00:28,263 Well, she seems to get on OK with my daughter-in-law. 8 00:00:29,689 --> 00:00:32,068 700 miles for gluhwein and frankfurters. 9 00:00:32,068 --> 00:00:34,052 You can get them on the market in Lynn 10 00:00:34,052 --> 00:00:36,088 and they speak English there. Sort of. 11 00:00:36,088 --> 00:00:38,012 We've still got 20 minutes. 12 00:00:38,012 --> 00:00:40,012 Lucky, considering we drove all the way 13 00:00:40,012 --> 00:00:42,072 from Cologne to Calais at 45mph. 14 00:00:42,072 --> 00:00:46,012 I was just being careful. We're targets with English number plates. 15 00:00:46,012 --> 00:00:49,035 I thought Joyce must have died and he'd slowed down out of respect. 16 00:00:51,008 --> 00:00:52,096 Oh, come on, Maureen. 17 00:00:52,096 --> 00:00:56,000 I had to get some duty free perfume before the shop closed. 18 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:58,020 You know, now we're in the European trade area, 19 00:00:58,020 --> 00:01:00,008 it's not really duty free any more. 20 00:01:00,008 --> 00:01:01,364 It's not really perfume, either. 21 00:01:01,470 --> 00:01:03,060 Oh, come on, hurry up. 22 00:01:03,060 --> 00:01:06,004 I hope there isn't a hold up, you know, a security alert 23 00:01:06,004 --> 00:01:07,044 or a fire in the tunnel. 24 00:01:07,044 --> 00:01:10,663 I get a bit claustrophobic in tunnels, my mouth gets very dry. 25 00:01:11,064 --> 00:01:13,032 How did you cope on the way over? 26 00:01:13,032 --> 00:01:14,080 Maybe we can all try it. 27 00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:15,971 I had a suck on Trevor's humbugs. 28 00:01:16,638 --> 00:01:18,073 Maybe not. 29 00:01:28,096 --> 00:01:31,028 ♪ Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 30 00:01:32,076 --> 00:01:36,068 ♪ Now if there's a smile on my face ♪ 31 00:01:36,068 --> 00:01:40,044 ♪ It's only there trying to fool the public ♪ 32 00:01:40,044 --> 00:01:44,000 ♪ But when it comes down to fooling you ♪ 33 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:48,012 ♪ Now, honey, that's quite a different subject ♪ 34 00:01:48,012 --> 00:01:51,024 ♪ But don't let my glad expression... ♪ 35 00:01:55,096 --> 00:01:57,805 Are we having Silent Night again? 36 00:01:57,936 --> 00:02:00,096 Oh, don't be such a misery, Joyce, it's Christmas! 37 00:02:00,096 --> 00:02:02,060 I don't know why you picked that up. 38 00:02:02,060 --> 00:02:05,044 There were lots of other gifts that weren't tacky. 39 00:02:05,044 --> 00:02:07,040 Did you find any? 40 00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:09,024 Oh, hurry up. 41 00:02:09,024 --> 00:02:11,008 There are plenty of trains after this one. 42 00:02:11,008 --> 00:02:13,044 No, there aren't. The French are on strike. 43 00:02:13,044 --> 00:02:15,060 There's only one more after this one. 44 00:02:15,060 --> 00:02:18,064 Bloody French. The sooner we fill this tunnel in, the better. 45 00:02:18,064 --> 00:02:20,345 Here we are. Departures, check-in... 46 00:02:20,592 --> 00:02:22,080 Let me just check something. 47 00:02:28,060 --> 00:02:31,016 Are we getting Le Shuttle or climbing Everest? 48 00:02:31,016 --> 00:02:33,040 You have to be ready for any eventuality. 49 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:37,028 All sorts of security risks there - fire, bombs, all sorts. 50 00:02:37,028 --> 00:02:39,497 Oh, I've got these inflatable neck pillows for everyone 51 00:02:39,682 --> 00:02:41,090 in case there's a delay in the tunnel. 52 00:02:41,092 --> 00:02:42,584 I feel a lot safer now. 53 00:02:42,756 --> 00:02:45,056 Can we get a move on? It's Scarlett's first Christmas 54 00:02:45,056 --> 00:02:47,060 and I'm not taking any chances. 55 00:02:47,060 --> 00:02:49,020 Oh, can I ask a question? 56 00:02:49,020 --> 00:02:51,056 You do know it's Scarlett's first Christmas? 57 00:02:51,056 --> 00:02:53,576 - I think you did mention it... - Could I ask something? 58 00:02:53,782 --> 00:02:55,080 For the last time, you're not going to miss it. 59 00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:58,076 Our train doesn't leave till 2.30. 2.30! 60 00:02:58,076 --> 00:03:00,024 Can I just ask a question? 61 00:03:00,024 --> 00:03:01,064 Yes, Trevor, what is it? 62 00:03:01,064 --> 00:03:04,056 Is that 2.30, French time or English time? 63 00:03:08,004 --> 00:03:11,004 The train scheduled to depart at 16 hours 16 64 00:03:11,004 --> 00:03:12,096 'will be the last departure today. 65 00:03:12,096 --> 00:03:14,088 'Please contact the Eurotunnel staff...' 66 00:03:14,088 --> 00:03:17,060 I knew this would happen. Knew it, knew it. 67 00:03:17,060 --> 00:03:20,076 Come on, Joyce, you're not being very Christmassy. 68 00:03:20,076 --> 00:03:22,088 We've got an hour till the next train. 69 00:03:26,052 --> 00:03:29,064 I told her we were cutting it fine coming back on Christmas Eve, 70 00:03:29,064 --> 00:03:32,056 but she wouldn't have it. - It's going to be fine. 71 00:03:32,056 --> 00:03:34,048 Oh, that's it, take her side. 72 00:03:34,048 --> 00:03:37,048 - I'm not taking her side. - I'm sorry I'm such a drag for you. 73 00:03:37,048 --> 00:03:40,056 I'm sure your life would be a lot easier if I was like Maureen. 74 00:03:40,056 --> 00:03:42,060 A bouncy little Christmas elf. 75 00:03:42,060 --> 00:03:45,080 Would you rather be spending Christmas with her? 76 00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:48,012 - No, I wouldn't. - You've always done it. 77 00:03:48,012 --> 00:03:51,076 She flutters her eyelashes at you and you start nodding like an idiot. 78 00:03:51,076 --> 00:03:53,008 Don't be ridiculous. 79 00:03:53,008 --> 00:03:55,080 Do you think we should set up camp? Grab some seats? 80 00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:57,020 Good idea! 81 00:03:57,020 --> 00:03:58,028 There's some. 82 00:04:13,012 --> 00:04:15,020 Why did you let them get there first? 83 00:04:15,020 --> 00:04:17,012 Well, they're Germans - that's what they do. 84 00:04:17,012 --> 00:04:18,064 Takes them five minutes to move in 85 00:04:18,064 --> 00:04:20,032 and five years for us to get them out. 86 00:04:20,032 --> 00:04:21,088 Have you booked us on the next train? 87 00:04:21,088 --> 00:04:24,028 There's no need to, you just get straight on the next one. 88 00:04:24,028 --> 00:04:26,016 As long as you've got flexitickets. 89 00:04:26,016 --> 00:04:29,088 - What? - You know, a flexiticket. Otherwise you have to queue. 90 00:04:29,088 --> 00:04:31,096 Sometimes you have to wait there for hours. 91 00:04:31,096 --> 00:04:33,084 Have we got flexitickets? 92 00:04:33,084 --> 00:04:35,020 Yeah. 93 00:04:35,020 --> 00:04:37,076 - You sure? - Course I'm sure. 94 00:04:37,076 --> 00:04:39,080 So we can just drive straight on the next train? 95 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:42,024 - Straight on. - Oh, that's a relief. - I know. 96 00:04:42,024 --> 00:04:44,056 - It's a good system, isn't it? - It's a brilliant system. 97 00:04:44,056 --> 00:04:47,064 - Keeps the traffic flowing. - Yeah, a constant flow of traffic. 98 00:04:47,064 --> 00:04:49,060 - I've got them, OK? - OK! 99 00:04:49,060 --> 00:04:51,044 It's just, you know what you're like, 100 00:04:51,044 --> 00:04:52,076 you don't always get it right. 101 00:04:52,076 --> 00:04:54,076 Well, I have this time. 102 00:04:54,076 --> 00:04:57,028 Sorry. It's all right, it's Christmas, everyone's tense. 103 00:04:57,028 --> 00:04:58,060 Just going to the loo. 104 00:05:01,020 --> 00:05:03,072 - Trevor, can you get me a flexiticket? - I thought you had one. 105 00:05:03,072 --> 00:05:05,064 No. Well, you told Joyce you've got one. 106 00:05:05,064 --> 00:05:07,048 Just get online and get us on the next train. 107 00:05:07,048 --> 00:05:09,000 Are you sure you haven't got one? 108 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:11,088 Because normally you get them automatically when you book online. 109 00:05:11,088 --> 00:05:14,032 - We haven't got flexitickets, OK? - I don't understand. 110 00:05:14,032 --> 00:05:17,237 Oh, unless you did yours through a discount deal with vouchers. 111 00:05:19,044 --> 00:05:22,056 All right, I'll see if I can get on... Oh, no. 112 00:05:22,056 --> 00:05:25,052 - Wi-Fi's down. - Trevor... 113 00:05:25,052 --> 00:05:27,024 You're doing it again. 114 00:05:29,004 --> 00:05:30,068 I feel a bit woozy. 115 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:33,048 Oh, thank you. 116 00:05:34,690 --> 00:05:36,056 Probably need something to eat. 117 00:05:36,056 --> 00:05:38,004 It's just nerves, Carol. 118 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:41,040 I hope there isn't an incident. Remember that fire they had? 119 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:43,088 That was 20 years ago, Carol. You'll be fine. 120 00:05:43,088 --> 00:05:46,052 I told you I'm claustrophobic as well, didn't I? 121 00:05:46,052 --> 00:05:48,032 It doesn't have to be a small space... 122 00:05:48,032 --> 00:05:50,000 it's just knowing you can't get out. 123 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:52,056 I had an attack at Linton Zoo once. 124 00:05:52,056 --> 00:05:55,004 Trevor bought me a day feeding the animals. 125 00:05:55,004 --> 00:05:56,088 As soon as they closed the door on me 126 00:05:56,088 --> 00:05:59,020 in that tapir enclosure - bang! 127 00:05:59,020 --> 00:06:00,080 I went to pieces. 128 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:03,076 To this day, I can't be around tapirs. 129 00:06:03,076 --> 00:06:05,028 How do you manage? 130 00:06:06,036 --> 00:06:08,032 John, have you got the yellow bag? 131 00:06:08,032 --> 00:06:10,088 - What yellow bag? - The one with all the passports in. 132 00:06:10,088 --> 00:06:12,080 - You mean the brown bag. - It used to be yellow. 133 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:14,024 - It's actually brown now. - Yeah. 134 00:06:14,024 --> 00:06:15,096 So why don't you call it the brown bag? 135 00:06:15,096 --> 00:06:17,008 I don't know, it's just always been the yellow bag. 136 00:06:17,242 --> 00:06:20,036 - Even though it's brown. - Have you got it or not? 137 00:06:20,036 --> 00:06:21,561 No. 138 00:06:22,076 --> 00:06:24,096 Joyce, have you seen a yellow bag? 139 00:06:24,096 --> 00:06:26,080 - It's brown actually. - Oh, shut up, John. 140 00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:30,008 It's got all our passports in it and we'll be stuck here. 141 00:06:30,008 --> 00:06:33,064 Oh, no! Oh, that's a disaster. 142 00:06:33,064 --> 00:06:37,064 Oh, well, it's been a lovely holiday, see you when you get back. 143 00:06:38,076 --> 00:06:40,080 Your passports are in it, too. 144 00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:43,040 Oh, no, ours are in Alan's bag. I put them in there. 145 00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:47,016 We thought they'd be better all in one place, didn't we, Al? 146 00:06:47,016 --> 00:06:50,088 It's fine, it's fine, it'll be in the shop, I'll just go and get it. 147 00:06:54,004 --> 00:06:55,072 Oh, Wi-Fi's back. 148 00:06:57,032 --> 00:06:59,000 Alan's got a non-flexible booking. 149 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:02,032 I'm just trying to get the booking website up. 150 00:07:02,032 --> 00:07:03,068 I don't think that's it. 151 00:07:03,068 --> 00:07:06,056 Oh, Carol's been choosing her Christmas present. 152 00:07:06,056 --> 00:07:08,024 Maureen's getting a foot spa. 153 00:07:08,024 --> 00:07:10,084 I decided against it in the end. If you look at the prices, 154 00:07:10,084 --> 00:07:13,080 you'll notice that the less material you get, the more money you pay. 155 00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:14,435 Doesn't make economic sense. 156 00:07:14,597 --> 00:07:17,078 Well, that's what I told Carol. She understood completely. 157 00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:19,040 You're both on the same wavelength. 158 00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:22,020 Now my battery's dying. 159 00:07:22,020 --> 00:07:24,008 I think mine's charging up. 160 00:07:26,048 --> 00:07:27,084 I can't get it. 161 00:07:27,084 --> 00:07:31,028 How long before we're in the tunnel? Have we missed any announcements? 162 00:07:31,028 --> 00:07:32,048 I'm getting a bit panicky. 163 00:07:32,048 --> 00:07:34,004 You'll be fine, Carol. 164 00:07:34,004 --> 00:07:35,044 Maybe we could get the next one. 165 00:07:35,044 --> 00:07:37,012 There isn't a next one. 166 00:07:37,012 --> 00:07:38,044 What if it gets stuck? 167 00:07:38,044 --> 00:07:41,056 Carol, we're getting on that train, pull yourself together. 168 00:07:41,056 --> 00:07:42,072 Get further in. 169 00:07:42,072 --> 00:07:45,000 I can't get further in. 170 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:47,076 You can. You're half in, you might as well go all the way. 171 00:07:47,076 --> 00:07:50,024 I don't know why we couldn't just leave the bags in the car. 172 00:07:50,024 --> 00:07:52,032 You can't leave anything tempting in the car. 173 00:07:52,032 --> 00:07:54,048 There's all these migrants in Calais. 174 00:07:54,048 --> 00:07:56,044 - You know Tina? - Tina with the two boyfriends? 175 00:07:56,044 --> 00:07:58,000 No, Tina with the squint. 176 00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:01,000 Well, she was in the queue for check-in last year, 177 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:02,076 she got out of the car to stretch her legs, 178 00:08:02,076 --> 00:08:05,036 got back in, only found out when she got home 179 00:08:05,036 --> 00:08:08,088 there was a man hiding in the footwell behind her seat. 180 00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:10,368 Must have got in while she was stretching her legs. 181 00:08:10,554 --> 00:08:12,084 She must have been terrified. 182 00:08:12,084 --> 00:08:14,056 Well, at first, yeah. 183 00:08:14,056 --> 00:08:16,012 Then she warmed to him. 184 00:08:16,012 --> 00:08:17,060 I think they're still together. 185 00:08:17,060 --> 00:08:18,076 She's living with him? 186 00:08:18,076 --> 00:08:21,004 Well, she doesn't get many tugs on the line, Maureen, 187 00:08:21,004 --> 00:08:22,024 not with her eye. 188 00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:25,088 - I've got it! - Well done, Joyce. 189 00:08:27,016 --> 00:08:28,060 Now I can't get out. 190 00:08:28,060 --> 00:08:30,012 C'est ferme. 191 00:08:30,012 --> 00:08:32,076 - You what, love? - Je suis desolée, mais le magasin est fermé. 192 00:08:32,076 --> 00:08:35,024 - Vous pouvez pas prendre ça. - What's she saying? 193 00:08:35,024 --> 00:08:37,008 She says it's closed. 194 00:08:37,008 --> 00:08:40,048 We know that. Can you give me a hand? 195 00:08:40,048 --> 00:08:42,088 No, it's ours. The bag's ours. 196 00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:46,032 C'est à nous, la baguette. 197 00:08:46,032 --> 00:08:48,048 Oh, I didn't know you spoke French. 198 00:08:48,048 --> 00:08:51,048 I picked up a bit when I was doing some bikini modelling at a car 199 00:08:51,048 --> 00:08:54,076 show in Boulogne, just after we joined the EEC. 200 00:08:54,076 --> 00:08:57,068 That was when we still thought Europe could be sexy. 201 00:08:57,068 --> 00:08:59,000 What car was it? 202 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:00,084 Princess. Obviously! 203 00:09:02,012 --> 00:09:04,048 - When you are ready! - Oh! 204 00:09:07,048 --> 00:09:09,048 - Hurry up. - It's still not connecting. 205 00:09:09,048 --> 00:09:11,060 - Use your tablet. - Battery's flat. 206 00:09:11,060 --> 00:09:13,076 - It's a brown bag, not a yellow bag. - What? 207 00:09:13,076 --> 00:09:15,080 Anyway, how am I supposed to know where it is? 208 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:18,000 I just carry the bags, I don't know what's in them. 209 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:19,020 Christmas, eh? 210 00:09:19,020 --> 00:09:21,076 That's just two weeks of being dragged around to relatives 211 00:09:21,076 --> 00:09:23,130 and parties you wouldn't think twice about visiting 212 00:09:23,249 --> 00:09:26,040 - any other time of the year. - Still, onwards and upwards. 213 00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:28,060 And you spend your whole time being told off 214 00:09:28,060 --> 00:09:31,024 - cos you're not joining in or being Christmassy enough. - Yep. 215 00:09:31,024 --> 00:09:33,043 Listening to them moan about how much cooking they have to do, 216 00:09:33,204 --> 00:09:36,070 and if you try and help, they tell you to get out of the kitchen. 217 00:09:36,072 --> 00:09:39,096 Ah, it's not for us, is it, Christmas? It's for women. 218 00:09:39,096 --> 00:09:42,064 - Women and bloody Germans. - That's a bit racist. 219 00:09:42,064 --> 00:09:45,088 - What? - I don't believe in judging people by their colour or creed. 220 00:09:45,088 --> 00:09:47,072 That was very much part of my manifesto 221 00:09:47,072 --> 00:09:50,016 when I stood for the town council elections. 222 00:09:50,016 --> 00:09:52,056 - Creed? Who says creed? - Trevor. 223 00:09:52,056 --> 00:09:54,064 We live in a more tolerant day and age. 224 00:09:54,064 --> 00:09:56,036 Can we get on? The tickets? 225 00:09:56,036 --> 00:09:59,020 I like Germans. They're very nice people. 226 00:09:59,020 --> 00:10:01,092 My dad liked them as well which is unusual for his generation. 227 00:10:01,092 --> 00:10:03,016 Did he have German friends? 228 00:10:03,016 --> 00:10:06,036 No, they bombed his house. The council moved him into a nicer one. 229 00:10:06,036 --> 00:10:07,056 I'm not racist, am I? 230 00:10:07,056 --> 00:10:10,056 What, just because you judge people based on stereotypical, national 231 00:10:10,056 --> 00:10:12,012 characteristics? No. Thank you. 232 00:10:12,012 --> 00:10:14,092 - How else could you judge people you don't know? - Exactly. 233 00:10:14,092 --> 00:10:17,096 I like German culture, Trevor - we've just had a holiday there. 234 00:10:17,096 --> 00:10:23,016 In fact, I bought some German culture in a market in Cologne. 235 00:10:23,016 --> 00:10:24,673 Now who's crude and tasteless? 236 00:10:26,068 --> 00:10:28,036 Comedy Christmas stocking fillers. 237 00:10:28,036 --> 00:10:30,096 - Comedy Christmas stocking fillers? - For the lads in the club. 238 00:10:30,096 --> 00:10:32,056 Where's the funny bit? 239 00:10:33,088 --> 00:10:36,088 'Ho, ho, ho! Frohe Weihnachten, baby!' 240 00:10:36,088 --> 00:10:38,052 Ah, OK. 241 00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:46,052 Right, are we ready? 242 00:10:46,052 --> 00:10:48,076 - I just need the loo. - Course you do. 243 00:10:51,016 --> 00:10:52,024 This is no good. 244 00:10:52,024 --> 00:10:53,080 Tell me about it. 245 00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:55,092 Why does she leave everything to the last minute? 246 00:10:55,092 --> 00:10:58,032 It's too stressful. It puts you on edge, doesn't it? 247 00:10:58,032 --> 00:11:00,052 Palpitations... Exactly. 248 00:11:00,052 --> 00:11:02,088 - ..shortness of breath... - Little bit of that. 249 00:11:02,088 --> 00:11:04,064 - ..can't get any air... - Definitely. 250 00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:06,020 I think it's a panic attack. 251 00:11:06,020 --> 00:11:08,032 Oh, don't say that - that's all I need. 252 00:11:09,072 --> 00:11:11,012 Oh, right. 253 00:11:12,020 --> 00:11:15,008 They remind me of someone, and I can't think who. 254 00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,032 It's driving me nuts. 255 00:11:16,032 --> 00:11:18,064 Oh, yeah, it's going to keep me awake all night. 256 00:11:18,064 --> 00:11:21,040 Oh, no, what's going to keep me awake all night is trying to sleep 257 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:23,044 on these seats when we've missed our train. 258 00:11:23,044 --> 00:11:26,052 This isn't going to work. I need to charge up the tablet. 259 00:11:26,052 --> 00:11:28,020 There are sockets over there. 260 00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:30,028 - They're leaving. - Quick, get it. Go! 261 00:11:32,084 --> 00:11:34,096 - We were going to grab that. - We have it. 262 00:11:34,096 --> 00:11:37,008 - But you've already got a table. - All right, John. 263 00:11:37,008 --> 00:11:39,068 - How many tables do they want? - I'm sorry, we have a lot of stuff. 264 00:11:39,068 --> 00:11:42,072 We've all got a lot of stuff. We don't spread it over half of Europe. 265 00:11:42,072 --> 00:11:45,000 - Don't say that, John. - They've invaded our table! 266 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,032 Or that. 267 00:11:46,032 --> 00:11:49,016 Why can't that be the German table, this be the English table, 268 00:11:49,016 --> 00:11:51,020 and we can live together in peace and harmony. 269 00:11:51,020 --> 00:11:53,064 Das macht nichts. Wir brauchen keinen tisch. 270 00:11:53,064 --> 00:11:55,092 - Wir waren aber schon hier. - What did they say? 271 00:11:55,092 --> 00:11:58,036 It's fine, you have it. 272 00:11:58,036 --> 00:11:59,088 Danke. 273 00:11:59,088 --> 00:12:01,016 You need it for your tablet. 274 00:12:01,016 --> 00:12:03,044 I'll go to the flexi-lounge and book the tickets. 275 00:12:03,044 --> 00:12:05,092 So, we're just going to let them win, are we? 276 00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:07,064 They haven't 'won'. 277 00:12:07,064 --> 00:12:10,048 Why does everything that involves Germans have to be about wars? 278 00:12:10,048 --> 00:12:11,080 - It doesn't. - Doesn't it? 279 00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:14,052 No, some of it's about football. 280 00:12:14,052 --> 00:12:17,020 - You're not ashamed of us, are you? - Yes, I am, actually. 281 00:12:17,020 --> 00:12:19,077 I mean, you come over to Europe and you act as though you own the place 282 00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:21,076 and think everybody here's an idiot. 283 00:12:21,076 --> 00:12:25,008 Germany is our European partner, John. You're stuck in the past. 284 00:12:28,004 --> 00:12:30,012 - Well done. - It's not me, it's them. 285 00:12:30,012 --> 00:12:32,028 They're just very organised. 286 00:12:32,028 --> 00:12:35,084 I know who they remind me of, the Germans. 287 00:12:35,084 --> 00:12:38,012 Three couples, similar ages. 288 00:12:38,012 --> 00:12:40,072 One's wearing glasses, and he's got a bumbag, 289 00:12:40,072 --> 00:12:43,068 another one a bit miserable and a normal one. 290 00:12:43,068 --> 00:12:45,040 - You're not miserable. - No, you are. 291 00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:46,092 I'm the normal one. 292 00:12:46,092 --> 00:12:48,044 And their wives - look at them. 293 00:12:48,044 --> 00:12:50,036 Maureen, Carol, Joyce. 294 00:12:50,036 --> 00:12:51,096 Spooky, eh? 295 00:12:51,096 --> 00:12:56,008 Ooh, look at that! You and Joyce together in Germany too. 296 00:12:56,008 --> 00:12:57,072 No escape. 297 00:12:57,072 --> 00:12:58,084 I need a drink. 298 00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:14,036 ♪ They've got cars big as bars ♪ 299 00:13:14,036 --> 00:13:16,012 ♪ They've got rivers of gold ♪ 300 00:13:16,012 --> 00:13:19,020 ♪ But the wind goes right through you It's no place for the old ♪ 301 00:13:19,020 --> 00:13:20,064 ♪ When he first took my hand... ♪ 302 00:13:20,064 --> 00:13:23,008 Just breathe slowly. 303 00:13:23,008 --> 00:13:26,020 That's the thing with panic attacks, you've got to breathe slowly, 304 00:13:26,020 --> 00:13:27,084 it's the only way to beat it. 305 00:13:27,084 --> 00:13:29,064 I tried that, Joyce, it doesn't work. 306 00:13:29,064 --> 00:13:32,052 - Breathe quickly then. - I'm sorry, Joyce, I know you want to get back. 307 00:13:32,052 --> 00:13:35,068 Look, I always keep a magic pill in the bottom of my bag, 308 00:13:35,068 --> 00:13:38,012 - for emergencies. - You have claustrophobia? 309 00:13:38,012 --> 00:13:39,080 No, I have Alan. 310 00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:51,000 - Bonjour. - Hello. 311 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:53,064 Oh! Erm, would you mind if I sat there? 312 00:13:53,064 --> 00:13:55,020 - No, it's fine. - Thank you. 313 00:14:00,036 --> 00:14:03,056 That's very kind of you. Thank you very much. 314 00:14:03,056 --> 00:14:06,020 It's very nice to sample different culture. 315 00:14:06,020 --> 00:14:09,060 Not the usual booze cruise, 'Brits abroad' fare. 316 00:14:13,084 --> 00:14:16,032 Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean to touch you. 317 00:14:16,032 --> 00:14:17,068 I didn't mean to touch her. 318 00:14:17,068 --> 00:14:20,056 I know that boundaries are very important to you guys. 319 00:14:20,056 --> 00:14:22,056 No worries. 320 00:14:23,084 --> 00:14:26,000 Whoops! You don't want to look at that. 321 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,080 That's my wife's Christmas list. 322 00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:29,056 Lucky you don't have to bother with it. 323 00:14:29,056 --> 00:14:31,024 Christmas that is, not underwear. 324 00:14:31,024 --> 00:14:33,028 I mean not that you haven't got underwear. 325 00:14:33,028 --> 00:14:34,076 I'm sure you have. 326 00:14:34,076 --> 00:14:36,032 I hope you have. 327 00:14:44,048 --> 00:14:47,076 'We are experiencing a high volume of calls at the moment.' 328 00:14:47,076 --> 00:14:50,080 That's because people want to buy tickets and you are the ticket line. 329 00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:53,008 - Trevor's wrong, you know. - Oh, hang on, I'm through. 330 00:14:53,008 --> 00:14:54,390 English people behave in an English way, 331 00:14:54,391 --> 00:14:56,189 German people behave in a German way. 332 00:14:56,436 --> 00:14:58,056 Buy tickets. 333 00:14:58,056 --> 00:15:01,000 It's in your genes and your culture, isn't it? 334 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,052 Buy tickets. 335 00:15:03,052 --> 00:15:05,048 Buy... Buy tickets! 336 00:15:05,048 --> 00:15:06,570 I know we're all European now, 337 00:15:06,866 --> 00:15:08,191 but we're always going to have our differences. 338 00:15:08,366 --> 00:15:12,024 It does correspond to one of the options! Don't... 339 00:15:12,024 --> 00:15:14,024 Didn't understand me, wouldn't let me finish. 340 00:15:14,024 --> 00:15:16,048 It's the computerized ticket line version of Joyce. 341 00:15:16,048 --> 00:15:19,032 We're always going to be on opposite sides of the divide, aren't we? 342 00:15:19,032 --> 00:15:21,048 Will you stop banging on about the Germans. 343 00:15:21,048 --> 00:15:24,052 We're in the shuttle terminal, not the bloody Somme! 344 00:15:26,060 --> 00:15:29,084 I'm sorry about the table. Maybe we can still be friends, ja? 345 00:15:31,036 --> 00:15:33,032 German chocolate. 346 00:15:33,032 --> 00:15:35,092 - You've got to give him something in return. - We've got no food. 347 00:15:35,092 --> 00:15:37,044 - Give him a drink. - Schnapps. 348 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:40,012 You like football? 349 00:15:58,008 --> 00:16:01,028 Come on, Maureen, we're going to miss the train. 350 00:16:01,028 --> 00:16:04,004 Yeah, come on, Maur. Don't want to miss it. 351 00:16:04,004 --> 00:16:06,068 - You all right, love? - Yeah, she's fine, come on. 352 00:16:06,068 --> 00:16:10,048 OK, come on. First, let me go to the loo. 353 00:16:12,084 --> 00:16:14,096 - What's up with Carol? - What do you mean? 354 00:16:14,096 --> 00:16:16,064 She seems a bit wobbly. 355 00:16:16,064 --> 00:16:18,008 She looks all right to me. 356 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:23,068 She's had some medication. 357 00:16:23,068 --> 00:16:25,000 What sort of medication? 358 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:28,088 Just a travel sickness pill. They do have side effects, don't they? 359 00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:31,036 They can make your mouth go all dry and that. 360 00:16:32,060 --> 00:16:35,000 They don't usually make you slam into walls, though. 361 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:38,040 Yeah, well there's different kinds of travel pills. 362 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:39,068 What's she taken? 363 00:16:39,068 --> 00:16:41,084 - Erm, Tramadol. - You gave her a Tramadol? 364 00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:43,040 No. I gave her two. 365 00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:45,052 You drugged her to try and get her on the train? 366 00:16:45,052 --> 00:16:47,096 She was having a panic attack, what was I supposed to do? 367 00:16:47,096 --> 00:16:49,048 She was suffering. 368 00:16:49,048 --> 00:16:50,056 Oh, my God. 369 00:16:50,056 --> 00:16:54,044 I did it to help her, because I care about her, Maureen. 370 00:16:54,044 --> 00:16:58,004 That's the difference between us - when my friends need drugs, 371 00:16:58,004 --> 00:17:00,072 I'm willing to step up to the plate and deliver. 372 00:17:00,072 --> 00:17:03,774 She looks like a gazelle that's been shot with a tranquillizer. 373 00:17:03,774 --> 00:17:05,086 They don't normally do that to me. 374 00:17:05,088 --> 00:17:08,056 They do if you've been drinking. 375 00:17:08,056 --> 00:17:10,004 Oh, my God, she's had it! 376 00:17:11,024 --> 00:17:12,092 I need a Valium, have you got any left? 377 00:17:12,092 --> 00:17:14,012 One. Can I have it? 378 00:17:14,012 --> 00:17:15,052 - No. - Why not? 379 00:17:15,052 --> 00:17:17,068 I gave it to Carol. 380 00:17:17,068 --> 00:17:22,004 ♪ Are you hanging up your stocking on your wall? ♪ 381 00:17:22,004 --> 00:17:25,000 - You must have known what would happen. - Must I? 382 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:28,044 Do any of us know what's going to happen when we take these things? 383 00:17:28,044 --> 00:17:31,068 I mean you read the labels on the packet but you can still get 384 00:17:31,068 --> 00:17:36,076 a random reaction. I mean, we're all just experimenting, really. 385 00:17:36,076 --> 00:17:37,088 She's not in there. 386 00:17:39,068 --> 00:17:42,016 We're going to miss it. 387 00:17:42,016 --> 00:17:45,056 That gingerbread house I bought for Scarlett's going to go to waste. 388 00:17:45,056 --> 00:17:48,016 - What about Carol? - She doesn't like gingerbread. 389 00:17:48,016 --> 00:17:49,084 What are we going to do about her? 390 00:17:49,084 --> 00:17:51,072 I don't know! 391 00:17:51,072 --> 00:17:54,020 - Oh, it's Carol. - Where is she? 392 00:17:54,020 --> 00:17:57,076 "Gon find lift back Germny - plenty lorries here. 393 00:17:57,076 --> 00:18:00,024 "Don wait for me. Smiley face." 394 00:18:00,024 --> 00:18:02,048 ♪ Everybody's having fun... ♪ 395 00:18:03,076 --> 00:18:06,016 So, are you visiting family in England? 396 00:18:06,016 --> 00:18:09,040 Oh, no, no. We just ride on our bikes. Vroom-vroom! Ja! 397 00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:14,008 We ride around Europe, we go where we like. 398 00:18:14,008 --> 00:18:15,052 What about your family? 399 00:18:15,052 --> 00:18:19,088 Oh, they do their own thing, we do our own thing. 400 00:18:19,088 --> 00:18:22,036 Your Christmas is probably the same, ja? 401 00:18:22,036 --> 00:18:25,020 Pretty much. Apart from the motorbikes. 402 00:18:25,020 --> 00:18:27,004 - And everything else. - Noch ein? 403 00:18:28,072 --> 00:18:30,056 Are we going to pick sides? 404 00:18:30,056 --> 00:18:33,028 - OK. Who's picking? - Me and you. - OK. 405 00:18:34,060 --> 00:18:37,012 - I feel guilty. - What for? 406 00:18:37,012 --> 00:18:38,020 I don't know. 407 00:18:38,020 --> 00:18:39,068 - You pick first. - OK. 408 00:18:39,068 --> 00:18:41,056 Are we actually going to play football? 409 00:18:41,056 --> 00:18:43,076 - It's only a kickabout, Al. - I don't want a kickabout. 410 00:18:43,076 --> 00:18:44,988 Alan, they've just offered us the hand of friendship, 411 00:18:45,220 --> 00:18:47,080 we can't throw it back in their face. 412 00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:49,084 OK, well, I think it's best if we stick together. 413 00:18:49,084 --> 00:18:52,020 - Don't want the language issue getting in the way. - Sure. 414 00:18:52,020 --> 00:18:54,056 - Just makes sense to have English versus German. - Right. 415 00:18:54,056 --> 00:18:57,032 More fun that way. Doesn't matter who wins and who loses, does it? 416 00:18:57,032 --> 00:18:59,044 - Course not. - Who will you choose? - Him. 417 00:19:03,088 --> 00:19:07,092 It's some kind of misunderstanding. It's a cultural thing. 418 00:19:07,092 --> 00:19:10,024 I'm sure it is, sir, but the lady made a complaint. 419 00:19:10,024 --> 00:19:11,064 You touched her with your legs. 420 00:19:11,064 --> 00:19:13,080 I do understand about cultural differences - 421 00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:17,076 I'm not your loutish average Brit abroad - I am a town councillor. 422 00:19:17,076 --> 00:19:20,088 Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't realise you were a VIP. 423 00:19:20,088 --> 00:19:23,036 That's quite all right, you weren't to know... 424 00:19:23,036 --> 00:19:25,048 You're being sarcastic, aren't you? 425 00:19:25,048 --> 00:19:27,024 No, don't take my tablet! 426 00:19:27,024 --> 00:19:29,831 Why not, sir, you got something on there you don't want anybody to see? 427 00:19:35,092 --> 00:19:37,048 Where are we going? 428 00:19:37,048 --> 00:19:40,076 The freight area. She's looking for lorries - she'll come here. 429 00:19:40,076 --> 00:19:42,060 - I can't do this. - Yes, you can. 430 00:19:42,060 --> 00:19:45,028 - I can't! - Think of Scarlett's gingerbread house. 431 00:19:45,028 --> 00:19:46,084 You're right, I can do it. 432 00:19:46,084 --> 00:19:48,064 Think of Sue's roast turkey dinner. 433 00:19:48,064 --> 00:19:49,080 I can't do it. 434 00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:52,064 Go back to Scarlett's gingerbread house. 435 00:19:52,064 --> 00:19:53,068 There she is. 436 00:20:27,036 --> 00:20:29,088 When you get to England, you'll find a lot of English people 437 00:20:29,088 --> 00:20:31,080 have preconceived ideas about Germans. 438 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:33,064 Even today? That's crazy. 439 00:20:33,064 --> 00:20:36,020 I know, but you can't all be good at taking penalties. 440 00:20:39,084 --> 00:20:41,088 You want a ride? 441 00:20:41,088 --> 00:20:43,068 Are you all right? 442 00:20:43,068 --> 00:20:45,084 She's just asked me if I want to go for a ride. 443 00:20:45,084 --> 00:20:47,016 Playing it cool, eh? 444 00:20:47,016 --> 00:20:49,072 - Well, go on. We've got ten minutes. - What about the tickets? 445 00:20:49,072 --> 00:20:52,056 Trevor's got the tickets. He'd have called if there was a problem. 446 00:20:52,056 --> 00:20:53,084 Tell her you're coming. 447 00:20:53,084 --> 00:20:56,048 When else are you going to get a chance to ride on a motorbike? 448 00:20:56,048 --> 00:20:57,096 - Ja? - OK. 449 00:21:01,020 --> 00:21:02,076 No, you're all right, love. 450 00:21:04,072 --> 00:21:06,263 - Hi. - Hi, Carol. 451 00:21:07,008 --> 00:21:09,000 I haven't found the bar yet. 452 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,004 My teeth feel big. 453 00:21:11,004 --> 00:21:12,028 Do they look big? 454 00:21:12,028 --> 00:21:16,000 We've been looking everywhere for you. The train's leaving soon. 455 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:17,016 I'm not coming back. 456 00:21:17,016 --> 00:21:19,020 What do you mean, you're not coming back? 457 00:21:19,020 --> 00:21:22,004 Don't be silly. Come on down, we'll catch you. 458 00:21:22,004 --> 00:21:24,048 - It's Trevor. - What about him? 459 00:21:24,048 --> 00:21:27,016 I don't want to spend another Christmas with him. 460 00:21:27,016 --> 00:21:29,012 - He's boring. - Oh, God. 461 00:21:29,012 --> 00:21:31,008 What? She's having a flashback. 462 00:21:31,008 --> 00:21:32,072 - Not any more. - What? 463 00:21:32,072 --> 00:21:36,052 Trevor used to be boring, but now you like him again, remember? 464 00:21:36,052 --> 00:21:41,004 - No. - Yeah, you sorted it out. It was a communication problem. 465 00:21:41,004 --> 00:21:44,032 - A what? - A communication prob... Oh, I'm not doing this. 466 00:21:44,032 --> 00:21:46,096 Come on, Carol, we've only got a few minutes. 467 00:21:46,096 --> 00:21:48,056 Ooh-oh! 468 00:21:48,056 --> 00:21:50,064 My God, she's pulled! 469 00:21:50,064 --> 00:21:52,020 What are you doing? 470 00:21:52,020 --> 00:21:55,052 Oh, it's all right, we're her friends. We've come to get her. 471 00:21:55,052 --> 00:21:57,016 They're not my friends. 472 00:21:57,016 --> 00:21:58,092 - I don't think she wants to go. - She does. 473 00:21:58,092 --> 00:22:01,044 She wants to go to Germany. I'm going to Poznan. 474 00:22:01,044 --> 00:22:03,040 I said I'd give her a lift as far as Dresden. 475 00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:05,020 She lives in Norfolk. 476 00:22:05,020 --> 00:22:08,056 I've been to Norfolk, she's better off in Dresden. 477 00:22:08,056 --> 00:22:10,076 How are you going to get back, love? 478 00:22:10,076 --> 00:22:12,032 I'll find another lorry. 479 00:22:12,032 --> 00:22:15,020 See? People don't understand how easy it is to travel around Europe 480 00:22:15,020 --> 00:22:17,024 with truckers. We're the knights of the road. 481 00:22:17,024 --> 00:22:19,048 They're an international brotherhood. 482 00:22:19,048 --> 00:22:21,056 That's exactly right, that, Carol. 483 00:22:23,048 --> 00:22:26,036 We can't leave her here with a lorry driver. 484 00:22:26,036 --> 00:22:28,076 Hey, don't judge a book by its cover, love. 485 00:22:31,008 --> 00:22:33,040 Maybe we should wait till she's feeling better. 486 00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:36,092 We're not waiting, Maureen, she's absolutely fine. 487 00:22:36,092 --> 00:22:39,080 Cup of tea and a croissant, she'll be right as rain. 488 00:22:47,036 --> 00:22:49,016 So, what do we do now? 489 00:22:49,016 --> 00:22:51,072 We've had a lot of people coming through with illegal stuff - 490 00:22:51,072 --> 00:22:53,088 drugs, obscene material. 491 00:22:53,088 --> 00:22:55,036 I completely understand. 492 00:22:55,036 --> 00:22:56,072 It's a routine thing. 493 00:22:56,072 --> 00:22:58,048 It's only because security were called, 494 00:22:58,048 --> 00:23:00,024 we're just going through the motions. 495 00:23:00,024 --> 00:23:04,008 OK. Erm, that thing out there with the lady - 496 00:23:04,008 --> 00:23:06,076 I think that's a cultural issue... 497 00:23:06,076 --> 00:23:10,016 I'm sure. ..because I'm not that kind of person at all. 498 00:23:10,016 --> 00:23:12,060 - Can we look in the bag, please? - Of course. 499 00:23:12,060 --> 00:23:15,096 There's not much in there - just a few travel essentials 500 00:23:15,096 --> 00:23:18,004 and, oh, some presents for the kids. 501 00:23:22,072 --> 00:23:26,040 'Ho, ho, ho! Frohe Weihnachten, baby!' 502 00:23:27,088 --> 00:23:32,000 Did I mention that I've got a flexiticket? 503 00:23:34,048 --> 00:23:37,068 ♪ Raindrops keep falling on my head ♪ 504 00:23:38,088 --> 00:23:44,064 ♪ And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed ♪ 505 00:23:44,064 --> 00:23:47,012 ♪ Nothing seems to fit ♪ 506 00:23:47,012 --> 00:23:51,004 ♪ Those raindrops keep falling on my head ♪ 507 00:23:51,004 --> 00:23:53,040 ♪ They keep falling ♪ 508 00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:56,076 ♪ So I just did me some talk... ♪ 509 00:24:01,048 --> 00:24:02,084 Well, that's comfy. 510 00:24:02,084 --> 00:24:04,000 Which way is it? 511 00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:06,032 I don't know, Maureen, I've lost track. 512 00:24:06,032 --> 00:24:08,044 Track! 513 00:24:09,056 --> 00:24:11,084 Well, I think it's quite exciting. 514 00:24:11,084 --> 00:24:14,084 If I was home with Mum, we'd be making bread sauce 515 00:24:14,084 --> 00:24:17,004 and she'd be telling me all about her feet. 516 00:24:18,028 --> 00:24:21,088 ♪ I said I didn't like the way he got things done... ♪ 517 00:24:24,052 --> 00:24:26,044 So, what do you think? You like the ride? 518 00:24:26,044 --> 00:24:28,000 Yeah, great fun, thanks. 519 00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:29,052 When you get back to England, 520 00:24:29,052 --> 00:24:32,024 maybe you and your wife should think about getting a motorbike? 521 00:24:32,024 --> 00:24:35,040 Very cool! Like Alain Delon and Marianne Faithfull. 522 00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:37,068 Or Wallace and Gromit. 523 00:24:39,076 --> 00:24:41,088 Hello, my little bratwurst. 524 00:24:41,088 --> 00:24:43,072 Why aren't you ready? 525 00:24:43,072 --> 00:24:46,028 - We were just... - Waiting for Trevor. - Waiting for Trevor. 526 00:24:46,028 --> 00:24:48,088 - Why are you waiting for Trevor? - Why are we waiting for Trevor? 527 00:24:48,088 --> 00:24:51,012 - He's gone to get the tickets. - Exactly. - What tickets? 528 00:24:51,012 --> 00:24:53,044 - Oh, no, not the tickets... - The flexitickets. 529 00:24:53,044 --> 00:24:55,012 - No, no, not the tickets. - Why not? 530 00:24:55,012 --> 00:24:57,064 - I thought we already had flexitickets. - OK. 531 00:24:57,064 --> 00:24:59,064 - I thought we did have them. - Alan... 532 00:24:59,064 --> 00:25:02,064 It was the small print, you know what these print-out tickets are like. 533 00:25:02,064 --> 00:25:04,052 - Have you been sorting it? - Of course! 534 00:25:04,052 --> 00:25:07,072 We've been literally pounding away on the internet trying to get it sorted. 535 00:25:07,072 --> 00:25:09,080 Alan, here's the selfie of us on the bike. 536 00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:12,044 Whizz me your e-mail address, I send it for you. 537 00:25:12,044 --> 00:25:15,024 Well, aren't you going to whizz her your e-mail address? 538 00:25:15,024 --> 00:25:18,096 I couldn't get through on the phone. How could you be so irresponsible? 539 00:25:18,096 --> 00:25:20,044 What's up with Carol? 540 00:25:20,044 --> 00:25:23,008 Don't interrupt, John, I'm talking to Alan. 541 00:25:23,008 --> 00:25:24,084 Do you know what? It's fine. 542 00:25:24,084 --> 00:25:27,004 You couldn't be bothered to take care of something 543 00:25:27,004 --> 00:25:29,080 that was so simple, but so important. 544 00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:32,068 Hey, come on, it's OK, Trevor's on his way back 545 00:25:32,068 --> 00:25:35,028 and we've got a few minutes to spare. 546 00:25:35,028 --> 00:25:37,000 Or not. 547 00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:40,040 You got everything? Er, yes, yes. Erm... 548 00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:42,064 Thanks, thanks very much for your help. 549 00:25:42,064 --> 00:25:44,096 - Right, take care, now. - Thanks, you too. 550 00:25:44,096 --> 00:25:48,020 - Keep yourself to yourself, eh? - Yeah, yep, yeah. You too. 551 00:25:50,056 --> 00:25:53,004 - What's that about? - Just a mix-up. 552 00:25:53,004 --> 00:25:56,000 - Have you got the tickets? - Sorry, no, I couldn't get online. 553 00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:57,048 That was part of the mix-up. 554 00:25:57,048 --> 00:25:58,084 You should have stayed here. 555 00:25:58,084 --> 00:26:00,088 We got on brilliant with the Germans in the end. 556 00:26:00,088 --> 00:26:02,096 - Yeah! - Oh, hi. Hi-i-i... You OK? 557 00:26:02,096 --> 00:26:05,020 We would like to announce that 558 00:26:05,020 --> 00:26:07,048 'the final departure of the day is now boarding...' 559 00:26:07,048 --> 00:26:08,064 I'm fine. 560 00:26:10,016 --> 00:26:11,060 What are you going to do? 561 00:26:11,060 --> 00:26:13,028 You lot just get on the train. 562 00:26:13,028 --> 00:26:16,024 Yeah, we'll get a hotel and come back tomorrow. 563 00:26:16,024 --> 00:26:19,048 Come on, Alan, let's see if we can find somewhere to stay. 564 00:26:21,096 --> 00:26:24,068 You're right. I'm not as keen to get back as you are. 565 00:26:24,068 --> 00:26:28,004 It's all right, Alan, you don't have to apologise, 566 00:26:28,004 --> 00:26:29,092 - it just gets boring, doesn't it? - Listen... 567 00:26:29,092 --> 00:26:31,092 I'll try and make the rest of Christmas 568 00:26:31,092 --> 00:26:34,004 as painless as possible for you. 569 00:26:34,004 --> 00:26:36,028 How I'm going to do that, I don't know, 570 00:26:36,028 --> 00:26:38,036 starting off in a dive hotel in Calais. 571 00:26:38,036 --> 00:26:40,024 Listen, the reason I'm not so keen 572 00:26:40,024 --> 00:26:42,096 is because we always spend time with other people at Christmas. 573 00:26:42,096 --> 00:26:44,080 Yeah, that's what people do at Christmas. 574 00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:47,008 But I always thought we were a bit different. 575 00:26:47,008 --> 00:26:48,088 You know what I mean, don't you? 576 00:26:48,088 --> 00:26:51,008 First date we ever went on together? 577 00:26:51,008 --> 00:26:53,072 To see The Discreet Charm Of The Bourgeoisie. 578 00:26:53,072 --> 00:26:55,048 December 23rd. 579 00:26:55,048 --> 00:26:57,072 I remember standing outside the cinema, 580 00:26:57,072 --> 00:27:00,068 watching you walk across the road from the station. 581 00:27:00,068 --> 00:27:04,080 It was minus six. I'd been waiting there for over an hour 582 00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:07,068 but I told you I'd only been there for five minutes. 583 00:27:09,008 --> 00:27:10,044 That's Christmas, Joyce. 584 00:27:14,028 --> 00:27:17,056 Every now and again, you pull one out of the bag, don't you? 585 00:27:22,012 --> 00:27:25,016 I thought the film was Confessions Of A Window Cleaner? 586 00:27:25,016 --> 00:27:28,036 Yeah, I know, but it doesn't sound as romantic, does it? 587 00:27:28,036 --> 00:27:32,000 This is the final call for the 16.16 departure... 588 00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:34,040 Not like the Germans to be last on. 589 00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:37,076 That's lazy stereotyping, Maureen. They're just people, same as us. 590 00:27:37,076 --> 00:27:39,056 Just joking. Course they are. 591 00:27:40,068 --> 00:27:42,000 Just a bit tartier. 592 00:27:43,060 --> 00:27:45,020 - Right, ready? - Yeah. 593 00:27:45,020 --> 00:27:46,092 Carol still nervous about the trip? 594 00:27:46,092 --> 00:27:48,088 No, I think she's a bit calmer now. 595 00:27:50,052 --> 00:27:54,076 Well... You go. I'm sure there's a train tomorrow that we can get. 596 00:27:58,028 --> 00:27:59,044 What are you doing? 597 00:27:59,044 --> 00:28:00,088 We're staying with you. 598 00:28:00,088 --> 00:28:02,092 You don't want to do that. 599 00:28:02,092 --> 00:28:04,024 Oh, yes, we do. 600 00:28:04,024 --> 00:28:06,040 Can't spend Christmas on your own, you two. 601 00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:08,000 Oh, yes, we can... 602 00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:09,072 Trevor'll book us all a hotel. 603 00:28:09,072 --> 00:28:10,096 Five-star only, Trev. 604 00:28:15,064 --> 00:28:17,012 Merry Christmas, Joyce! 605 00:28:18,020 --> 00:28:20,032 Anyone hungry? 606 00:28:20,032 --> 00:28:21,056 Not that hungry. 607 00:28:21,056 --> 00:28:23,016 I'm thirsty. 608 00:28:23,016 --> 00:28:26,076 ♪ Wish I was at home for Christmas ♪ 609 00:28:28,004 --> 00:28:30,048 ♪ Wish I could be dancing now ♪ 610 00:28:30,048 --> 00:28:32,092 ♪ In the arms of the girl I love ♪ 611 00:28:32,092 --> 00:28:35,024 ♪ Mary Bradley waits at home ♪ 612 00:28:35,024 --> 00:28:37,068 ♪ She's been waiting two years' long ♪ 613 00:28:41,028 --> 00:28:45,000 ♪ Wish I was at home for Christmas. ♪