1
00:00:01,875 --> 00:00:05,410
Ugh. You know, we could
never serve this where I work.

2
00:00:05,412 --> 00:00:07,512
It's over roasted and totally acidic.

3
00:00:07,514 --> 00:00:09,247
Jodi, it's an AA meeting.

4
00:00:09,249 --> 00:00:11,983
The only thing this coffee
needs to be is not vodka.

5
00:00:16,923 --> 00:00:19,557
You do know you two aren't
fooling anyone, right?

6
00:00:19,559 --> 00:00:20,759
What are you talking about?

7
00:00:20,761 --> 00:00:23,328
Mom, everyone knows you
and Steve are dating.

8
00:00:23,330 --> 00:00:25,656
- No, they don't.
- Yeah, they do.

9
00:00:26,266 --> 00:00:29,634
See? Why are you even
bothering keeping it a secret?

10
00:00:29,636 --> 00:00:32,103
I don't like people gossiping
about my personal life.

11
00:00:32,105 --> 00:00:34,023
You gossip about other people all the time.

12
00:00:34,048 --> 00:00:36,640
I don't gossip, I deliver the news.

13
00:00:39,257 --> 00:00:41,379
How come you're not
sitting with your boyfriend?

14
00:00:41,992 --> 00:00:44,015
He's not my boyfriend.

15
00:00:44,017 --> 00:00:46,351
Oh, no. Did you break up?

16
00:00:47,543 --> 00:00:49,276
We were never together.

17
00:00:49,380 --> 00:00:50,992
Told you it wouldn't last.

18
00:00:52,112 --> 00:00:54,479
This, right here... this is gossip.

19
00:00:59,433 --> 00:01:01,599
Well, you guys promised
me that if I stayed sober,

20
00:01:01,601 --> 00:01:03,664
all the stuff in my life
would work itself out,

21
00:01:03,689 --> 00:01:07,289
and, amazingly enough,
it's finally happening.

22
00:01:07,441 --> 00:01:09,574
My law practice is starting to pick up.

23
00:01:09,576 --> 00:01:12,195
Appreciate all the DUI cases
I get around here.

24
00:01:16,216 --> 00:01:18,183
And best of all,

25
00:01:18,185 --> 00:01:20,093
I'm actually starting to date.

26
00:01:21,101 --> 00:01:23,488
Knock it off.

27
00:01:23,490 --> 00:01:26,658
I started seeing this woman
who's just... incredible.

28
00:01:26,660 --> 00:01:29,679
She's, uh, sexy and smart,

29
00:01:29,704 --> 00:01:31,304
sophisticated,

30
00:01:31,398 --> 00:01:33,064
got a heart of gold...

31
00:01:33,066 --> 00:01:35,117
Uh-oh. He's cheating on you.

32
00:01:45,742 --> 00:01:49,345
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --

33
00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:01,119
- Hey.
- Hey.

34
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:02,921
- What are you doing here?
- Hiding.

35
00:02:03,250 --> 00:02:04,455
From Gregory?

36
00:02:04,457 --> 00:02:06,796
His mother. She's staying
with us for a couple of weeks.

37
00:02:06,821 --> 00:02:08,793
Oh. Lucky you.

38
00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:10,194
When did she get into town?

39
00:02:10,196 --> 00:02:12,257
Three hours ago.

40
00:02:12,789 --> 00:02:14,906
Aw... poor baby.

41
00:02:14,931 --> 00:02:16,531
You can hide here as long as you want.

42
00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:18,470
Thanks. Where's Grandma?

43
00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:21,073
- She's on a date.
- Oh, with that lawyer guy?

44
00:02:21,075 --> 00:02:23,275
- How do you know?
- Everybody knows.

45
00:02:24,957 --> 00:02:26,924
Listen, I kind of need your help.

46
00:02:26,981 --> 00:02:28,113
Anything, of course.

47
00:02:28,185 --> 00:02:29,718
Oh...

48
00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:33,151
Oh, it's Jill. Just give me one second.

49
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,023
Hi, Jill, what's up?

50
00:02:36,304 --> 00:02:37,589
Okay, I'm kind of in
the middle of something

51
00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:39,484
with my daughter right now... can I...

52
00:02:40,133 --> 00:02:42,023
Did not slow her down at all.

53
00:02:43,394 --> 00:02:44,726
Okay, can I call you back later?

54
00:02:44,751 --> 00:02:46,151
Great. Great, thanks.

55
00:02:47,265 --> 00:02:48,570
What do you need?

56
00:02:48,687 --> 00:02:52,170
So... Gregory's Mom would really
like to meet you and Grandma.

57
00:02:52,710 --> 00:02:54,648
Oh, honey, I am so sorry.

58
00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:58,844
Yeah, I was hoping I could
put it off. No offense.

59
00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:01,093
None taken. I'd try to hide us, too.

60
00:03:02,253 --> 00:03:05,821
So I was thinking maybe on Sun...

61
00:03:05,971 --> 00:03:08,608
Oh, I'm sorry, I gotta take this.

62
00:03:09,078 --> 00:03:10,437
Hey, Jodi, what's up?

63
00:03:10,925 --> 00:03:13,140
Girl I'm sponsoring in AA.

64
00:03:14,128 --> 00:03:15,453
Uh-huh.

65
00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:17,963
Well, he is your boss.

66
00:03:17,965 --> 00:03:19,264
Uh, he's allowed to tell you

67
00:03:19,266 --> 00:03:22,034
to not to make personal
phone calls at work.

68
00:03:23,037 --> 00:03:25,164
Is that him yelling at you right now?

69
00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:28,140
Okay, why don't you call
me when you're on a break

70
00:03:28,142 --> 00:03:30,359
or you've been fired. Okay, thanks, bye.

71
00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:33,570
Wow, so people actually
call you for advice?

72
00:03:33,595 --> 00:03:35,695
Well, drunks and drug addicts call me.

73
00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:37,710
Nobody with good judgment.

74
00:03:38,585 --> 00:03:41,789
- So, uh, your future mother-in-law.
- Yeah.

75
00:03:41,814 --> 00:03:43,789
I was thinking we could all
go out for dinner Sunday night.

76
00:03:43,791 --> 00:03:46,191
She can meet you, hate you,
we can all be home by 9:00.

77
00:03:46,437 --> 00:03:48,527
First of all, she is not going to hate us,

78
00:03:48,529 --> 00:03:50,228
we'll be on our best behavior.

79
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:51,964
You'll swear we're other people.

80
00:03:52,984 --> 00:03:54,242
And secondly,

81
00:03:54,445 --> 00:03:55,901
I think we should do it here.

82
00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:56,935
Why?

83
00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:59,638
It's a family dinner, we
should pretend to be one.

84
00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:01,106
I guess.

85
00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:05,811
Come on, it couldn't be worse than
the first time I met Baxter's Mom.

86
00:04:05,813 --> 00:04:08,480
I know, I was just talking
about it in therapy.

87
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:12,226
You were so drunk, how
do you even remember it?

88
00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:15,757
Easy. They send you a
copy of the police report.

89
00:04:20,507 --> 00:04:22,661
Did someone order a large pizza

90
00:04:22,741 --> 00:04:24,788
with a side of me?

91
00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:27,766
This is a nice surprise.

92
00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:30,135
It's about to get a whole lot nicer.

93
00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:32,771
You just need to decide,
which do you want first?

94
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,573
Keeping in mind the pizza will get cold

95
00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:36,937
but this will stay hot forever.

96
00:04:37,211 --> 00:04:38,744
Oh, I want you.

97
00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:40,479
That's the right answer, but I'm starving,

98
00:04:40,481 --> 00:04:42,080
so we're gonna start with pizza.

99
00:04:42,916 --> 00:04:45,917
Can I tell you a secret fantasy I have?

100
00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:47,753
Ooh, if it's me, pizza and another girl,

101
00:04:47,755 --> 00:04:49,187
I get to pick the girl.

102
00:04:50,024 --> 00:04:51,656
Actually, I'd love for us

103
00:04:51,658 --> 00:04:54,359
to go out to lunch or dinner sometime,

104
00:04:54,361 --> 00:04:55,694
like a regular couple.

105
00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:56,795
Then what?

106
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:57,867
That's it.

107
00:04:58,042 --> 00:05:00,608
We'd have lunch or dinner.

108
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:03,201
Huh.

109
00:05:03,203 --> 00:05:05,771
That's not even one shade of Grey.

110
00:05:05,773 --> 00:05:07,739
You know, Steve, I kind of like

111
00:05:07,741 --> 00:05:09,508
what we got going on here,
let's not mess with it.

112
00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:11,710
Yeah, I-I like it too, it's just, uh,

113
00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:15,147
sometimes it feels, like you
don't want to be seen with me.

114
00:05:15,149 --> 00:05:17,215
What are you talking
about? That is so not true.

115
00:05:17,217 --> 00:05:19,751
Look, I know we agreed to keep it discreet,

116
00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:21,820
but at a certain point, I got to wonder

117
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,789
are-are we boyfriend and girlfriend

118
00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:26,058
or just quickies and takeout?

119
00:05:26,060 --> 00:05:28,703
Well, you say quickies and
takeout like it's a bad thing.

120
00:05:29,163 --> 00:05:31,196
I'm not asking you to marry
me, I'm just asking for us

121
00:05:31,198 --> 00:05:32,656
to go out to dinner sometime.

122
00:05:32,681 --> 00:05:35,033
Maybe... see a movie?

123
00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:37,140
Take a romantic walk in the park.

124
00:05:40,070 --> 00:05:42,107
Why do I always have to be the guy?

125
00:05:43,243 --> 00:05:45,710
Hey, just because I have feelings

126
00:05:45,712 --> 00:05:47,045
doesn't mean I'm not a man.

127
00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:49,881
Eh, it kind of does.

128
00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:52,684
Do yourself a favor, save
your feelings for your diary.

129
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,304
It's not a diary.

130
00:05:54,618 --> 00:05:55,917
It's a journal.

131
00:05:56,585 --> 00:05:58,824
That is not helping your case.

132
00:05:58,826 --> 00:06:00,459
Yeah, well, my sponsor
told me I needed a way

133
00:06:00,461 --> 00:06:02,327
- to safely express my emotions.
- Wow.

134
00:06:02,329 --> 00:06:04,859
And the mood is killed.

135
00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:08,804
- I'll call you later.
- Okay.

136
00:06:10,766 --> 00:06:12,015
Bye...

137
00:06:22,460 --> 00:06:23,664
Well...

138
00:06:24,218 --> 00:06:28,366
Opening up my heart to her, was a mistake.

139
00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:34,392
You looking forward to meeting
Violet's future mother-in-law?

140
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:35,937
Actually, I am.

141
00:06:36,263 --> 00:06:38,425
Great thing about being
sober for a while is,

142
00:06:38,450 --> 00:06:39,965
I've got more confidence now.

143
00:06:39,967 --> 00:06:41,333
Well, you should.

144
00:06:41,335 --> 00:06:43,999
Yeah. I don't mean to be cocky but,

145
00:06:44,319 --> 00:06:46,210
I kind of have a sparkle.

146
00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:48,140
A sparkle?

147
00:06:48,142 --> 00:06:50,578
Maybe it's a twinkle, could be a twinkle.

148
00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:52,811
So what are you gonna cook for her?

149
00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:55,480
Oh. Jill again.

150
00:06:55,482 --> 00:06:57,054
Problems with her ex.

151
00:06:57,835 --> 00:07:00,552
Anyway, I'm making a
traditional Jewish dinner:

152
00:07:00,554 --> 00:07:02,703
Flanken, kreplach, and kugel.

153
00:07:02,728 --> 00:07:03,906
Oh, my.

154
00:07:05,359 --> 00:07:06,791
What is it?

155
00:07:06,793 --> 00:07:09,671
The first thing that came up when
I Googled “Jewish dinner.”

156
00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:12,964
Jill again?

157
00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:13,882
Jodi.

158
00:07:14,009 --> 00:07:15,275
I love her, but, man,

159
00:07:15,402 --> 00:07:18,015
ex-meth heads are so chatty.

160
00:07:18,665 --> 00:07:20,304
And they are terrible spellers.

161
00:07:21,341 --> 00:07:23,441
Why don't you just turn your phone off?

162
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,944
I can't do that. I'm her
sponsor, she needs me.

163
00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:28,680
I get it, but you still
need to set boundaries.

164
00:07:28,682 --> 00:07:30,582
Easy to say, hard to do.

165
00:07:30,584 --> 00:07:32,284
Not really.

166
00:07:32,286 --> 00:07:33,976
Call me, I'll show you.

167
00:07:36,172 --> 00:07:37,226
Okay.

168
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:46,531
So what else is going on? How's work?

169
00:07:47,195 --> 00:07:49,367
Wait, aren't you gonna answer it?

170
00:07:49,703 --> 00:07:51,914
No, 'cause I'm visiting
with my friend Christy

171
00:07:51,939 --> 00:07:54,265
and I'm gonna give her all my attention.

172
00:07:54,741 --> 00:07:57,008
But, what if phone Christy needs you?

173
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:59,144
What if she's in some kind of crisis?

174
00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:01,195
She's always in some kind of crisis.

175
00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:04,742
Hang on, voice mail.

176
00:08:05,062 --> 00:08:07,529
Hi, Marjorie, I just want you to know

177
00:08:07,554 --> 00:08:10,968
you hurt my feelings and
I'm borderline suicidal.

178
00:08:11,558 --> 00:08:14,890
See, that's an example of the
kind of thing that can wait.

179
00:08:19,766 --> 00:08:21,233
I don't know what to do.

180
00:08:21,235 --> 00:08:23,735
Steve is pushing for
us to be a real couple.

181
00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:26,804
You know, dinners, movies,
holding hands and stuff.

182
00:08:26,974 --> 00:08:29,226
He's a monster, dump him.

183
00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:31,409
You don't get it.

184
00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:33,945
We start doing all that and I'm locked in.

185
00:08:33,947 --> 00:08:35,981
- Yeah, so?
- So what if somebody better

186
00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:38,781
comes along while I'm having
a dorky walk in the park?

187
00:08:39,086 --> 00:08:41,953
Mom, from the bottom of my heart,

188
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:43,421
I just got to tell you...

189
00:08:43,423 --> 00:08:45,281
Your problems are stupid.

190
00:08:47,753 --> 00:08:49,203
That's my kugel.

191
00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:53,198
Hey, I listen to your problems.

192
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,100
Last night you jabbered on for a half hour

193
00:08:55,102 --> 00:08:56,868
on the length of your bangs.

194
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:59,601
Had to. Marjorie wasn't picking up.

195
00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:02,890
She's right, I do make everything a crisis.

196
00:09:04,511 --> 00:09:06,711
How do you tell the
difference between the kugel

197
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:07,912
and the flanken?

198
00:09:07,914 --> 00:09:10,328
- You put the kreplach between 'em.
- Ah.

199
00:09:13,500 --> 00:09:16,054
Oh, Steve, you're driving me crazy.

200
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:17,644
Just turn off your phone.

201
00:09:17,669 --> 00:09:19,078
You can do that?

202
00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:21,893
I did. It's called setting boundaries.

203
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:24,896
All right, phone off.

204
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:28,199
Mom, we're here.

205
00:09:28,201 --> 00:09:29,901
Coming. Now remember,

206
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:32,604
we're nice people and we love each other.

207
00:09:32,606 --> 00:09:34,273
I'll give it a shot.

208
00:09:36,648 --> 00:09:38,510
Welcome to our home.

209
00:09:38,512 --> 00:09:40,712
Where nice people love each other.

210
00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:44,316
Christy, Bonnie, this
is my mother, Phyllis.

211
00:09:44,507 --> 00:09:45,601
- Hello, how do you do?
- Hi.

212
00:09:45,626 --> 00:09:46,475
Nice to meet you.

213
00:09:46,500 --> 00:09:48,586
Nice to meet you. So you're the mother?

214
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:51,171
What, you had Violet when you were 16?

215
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,460
No, 17.

216
00:09:56,570 --> 00:09:58,132
And a half.

217
00:09:58,641 --> 00:10:00,808
I had her when I was 16.

218
00:10:02,169 --> 00:10:03,835
All right.

219
00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:08,250
When I was 16, I was at
summer camp rowing a canoe.

220
00:10:09,819 --> 00:10:11,385
Great story, Ma.

221
00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:14,195
Thank you so much for having us over.

222
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:15,413
Our pleasure.

223
00:10:15,415 --> 00:10:17,349
And I brought a nice bottle of wine.

224
00:10:17,351 --> 00:10:19,284
Oh. Thank you.

225
00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:21,252
You do know we don't drink, right?

226
00:10:21,254 --> 00:10:23,188
Oh, yeah, I know. It's for me.

227
00:10:25,054 --> 00:10:26,468
Open it now.

228
00:10:37,180 --> 00:10:39,514
Well, no one was more surprised than I was

229
00:10:39,516 --> 00:10:41,115
when these two got engaged.

230
00:10:41,117 --> 00:10:43,151
I mean, Gregory hasn't
had a girlfriend since...

231
00:10:43,153 --> 00:10:45,835
What was her name? The one with the teeth.

232
00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:49,406
I don't know, Ma. They all had teeth.

233
00:10:49,893 --> 00:10:52,093
Rachel. Rachel Levine.

234
00:10:52,095 --> 00:10:54,295
I liked her. You ever hear from her?

235
00:10:54,297 --> 00:10:57,198
No. I-I don't hear from
any of my ex-girlfriends.

236
00:10:58,268 --> 00:10:59,333
“Ex-girlfriends.”

237
00:10:59,335 --> 00:11:01,369
Listen to Tom Jones over here.

238
00:11:03,006 --> 00:11:04,859
Don't you worry, Violet.

239
00:11:04,884 --> 00:11:06,284
There was only the one.

240
00:11:06,443 --> 00:11:09,510
So, what is this I'm eating?

241
00:11:09,890 --> 00:11:11,250
It's flanken.

242
00:11:11,275 --> 00:11:13,492
No, it's not.

243
00:11:14,767 --> 00:11:17,234
But it was sweet of you to try.

244
00:11:17,487 --> 00:11:20,121
Would you like some
more wine, Mrs. Munchnik?

245
00:11:20,123 --> 00:11:21,889
Oh, thank you. And, please, Bonnie,

246
00:11:21,891 --> 00:11:24,445
we're only a few years apart...
call me Phyllis.

247
00:11:34,270 --> 00:11:36,704
- So, do you miss the booze?
- Oy.

248
00:11:36,706 --> 00:11:39,974
What? I'm curious.
I've never met an alcoholic.

249
00:11:39,976 --> 00:11:41,209
What about Uncle Artie?

250
00:11:41,211 --> 00:11:42,510
Zsz-zsz-zsz.

251
00:11:43,713 --> 00:11:45,713
My brother Arthur was not an alcoholic.

252
00:11:45,715 --> 00:11:48,349
He just didn't know when to stop drinking.

253
00:11:49,698 --> 00:11:50,831
Isn't that essentially...

254
00:11:50,856 --> 00:11:51,921
Zsz-zsz-zsz.

255
00:11:55,789 --> 00:11:57,558
Excuse me.

256
00:11:57,560 --> 00:11:59,994
Look at that tiny tush. I hate her.

257
00:12:00,476 --> 00:12:03,097
Hey. I gotta stay here for a couple days.

258
00:12:03,429 --> 00:12:04,766
Um...

259
00:12:04,768 --> 00:12:06,467
Yeah, we have guests.

260
00:12:06,469 --> 00:12:09,296
Sorry. I texted you, like, 1,000
times but you didn't answer.

261
00:12:09,321 --> 00:12:10,554
Who is this person?

262
00:12:10,579 --> 00:12:12,023
Hi, I'm Jodi.

263
00:12:12,048 --> 00:12:13,915
Ah. You're Violet's friend?

264
00:12:13,940 --> 00:12:15,473
No, Christy's my sponsor.

265
00:12:15,712 --> 00:12:17,171
I'm lost.

266
00:12:18,281 --> 00:12:20,581
I'm helping her stay sober.

267
00:12:22,751 --> 00:12:23,950
Why do you need to crash here?

268
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,867
'Cause my sister's a bitch.

269
00:12:27,590 --> 00:12:30,023
- What happened?
- Mom, can you do this another time?

270
00:12:30,048 --> 00:12:31,648
Hang on, Vi. What happened?

271
00:12:32,078 --> 00:12:34,362
I-I guess I borrowed her car
without telling her first,

272
00:12:34,364 --> 00:12:35,984
and she totally freaked out on me.

273
00:12:36,012 --> 00:12:38,279
Oh, this is an easy one... you're wrong.

274
00:12:38,501 --> 00:12:41,769
Go make amends to your sister
and get your ass to a meeting.

275
00:12:41,771 --> 00:12:44,138
- But she was really mean to me.
- Go!

276
00:12:47,844 --> 00:12:50,531
Believe it or not, I am
so proud of that girl.

277
00:12:54,202 --> 00:12:56,069
So, Christy, I have to ask,

278
00:12:56,119 --> 00:12:59,187
what inspired you to go back
to school to become a lawyer?

279
00:12:59,389 --> 00:13:01,622
Well, actually, it was
something I've wanted to do

280
00:13:01,624 --> 00:13:03,057
since I was a kid.

281
00:13:03,059 --> 00:13:06,679
I saw this one get hauled off by
the police a bunch of times, and...

282
00:13:07,630 --> 00:13:09,497
I wanted to help her.

283
00:13:11,101 --> 00:13:13,843
You couldn't just say you
read a book about Lincoln?

284
00:13:15,657 --> 00:13:19,215
You know, that's interesting. I got
into psychology to help my mother.

285
00:13:20,992 --> 00:13:22,758
As you can see, it didn't work.

286
00:13:25,782 --> 00:13:27,315
Cute.

287
00:13:28,384 --> 00:13:31,519
I thought it was to understand
your obsession with boobies.

288
00:13:33,356 --> 00:13:36,123
I had to breastfeed him till he was four.

289
00:13:36,125 --> 00:13:37,507
Ma...

290
00:13:37,544 --> 00:13:40,478
Yeah, you want to zetz with the
big boys, that's what happens.

291
00:13:43,757 --> 00:13:45,733
So, we gonna talk about the age difference

292
00:13:45,735 --> 00:13:47,117
with these two or what?

293
00:13:47,142 --> 00:13:49,142
Please let's go back to boobies.

294
00:13:50,390 --> 00:13:53,708
Christy, tell me that you're not concerned.

295
00:13:54,242 --> 00:13:56,177
Well, I-I was at first,

296
00:13:56,179 --> 00:13:57,845
but they both seem

297
00:13:57,847 --> 00:13:59,580
happy together, and...

298
00:13:59,582 --> 00:14:01,682
isn't that what's important?

299
00:14:01,684 --> 00:14:04,148
Hmm. Thank you, Mary Poppins.

300
00:14:07,492 --> 00:14:09,090
How 'bout you?

301
00:14:09,617 --> 00:14:11,195
Well, Phyl...

302
00:14:13,596 --> 00:14:16,230
Who am I to judge? I'm
a middle-aged woman.

303
00:14:16,232 --> 00:14:17,965
What does that got to do with anything?

304
00:14:17,967 --> 00:14:20,523
I just wanted you to know I'm
a lot younger than you are.

305
00:14:24,173 --> 00:14:25,506
Why don't I get that.

306
00:14:25,508 --> 00:14:28,175
Now, that's a zetz.

307
00:14:31,514 --> 00:14:32,206
What are you doing here?

308
00:14:32,231 --> 00:14:34,081
You wouldn't answer your phone,
you don't return my texts.

309
00:14:34,083 --> 00:14:35,216
I want to know what's going on.

310
00:14:35,218 --> 00:14:36,851
What's going on is we've got company.

311
00:14:36,853 --> 00:14:38,019
I'll talk to you tomorrow.

312
00:14:38,021 --> 00:14:39,398
- No!
- No?!

313
00:14:39,423 --> 00:14:42,590
I demand to be heard!
I am not your secret sex toy!

314
00:14:44,961 --> 00:14:46,994
Do something.

315
00:14:46,996 --> 00:14:50,097
Mom, you mind taking your
dumb-ass life outside?

316
00:14:50,099 --> 00:14:52,300
Sure. Move.

317
00:14:52,302 --> 00:14:55,202
Can you imagine what they
were like when they drank?

318
00:14:55,204 --> 00:14:56,805
Mom, please...

319
00:14:57,204 --> 00:14:58,572
I'm tired of letting
you call all the shots.

320
00:14:58,574 --> 00:15:00,234
Now, are we in a real relationship or not?

321
00:15:00,259 --> 00:15:03,773
Wow. I've never seen this
forceful side of you before.

322
00:15:03,825 --> 00:15:04,857
Well, sometimes a man's got...

323
00:15:04,882 --> 00:15:06,248
- Well, I don't like it!
- Okay.

324
00:15:08,017 --> 00:15:10,172
Is Christy here? I need to talk to Christy.

325
00:15:10,197 --> 00:15:11,752
Yeah. She's inside. What's going on?

326
00:15:11,754 --> 00:15:13,054
My ex-husband is having a baby

327
00:15:13,056 --> 00:15:14,588
with his skanky anesthesiologist,

328
00:15:14,590 --> 00:15:16,857
which is crazy, because he never
wanted to have a baby with me.

329
00:15:16,859 --> 00:15:21,460
I mean, why wouldn't anybody
want to have a baby with me?!

330
00:15:23,595 --> 00:15:26,563
So you can't even take a Xanax?

331
00:15:27,578 --> 00:15:28,636
No.

332
00:15:28,638 --> 00:15:31,593
We face our difficulties
with dignity and grace.

333
00:15:32,386 --> 00:15:34,070
Christy, I need you.

334
00:15:35,364 --> 00:15:37,297
My husband knocked up his whore.

335
00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:48,856
Everybody, this is Jill.

336
00:15:48,858 --> 00:15:49,703
Jill, this is...

337
00:15:49,728 --> 00:15:50,858
Don't care.

338
00:15:50,860 --> 00:15:52,393
Why don't you answer your phone?

339
00:15:52,395 --> 00:15:53,710
Let's talk in the kitchen.

340
00:15:53,735 --> 00:15:55,078
Mom, can't you do this later?

341
00:15:55,103 --> 00:15:56,671
Just need five minutes.

342
00:15:56,766 --> 00:15:59,335
I would've been a wonderful mother!

343
00:16:01,871 --> 00:16:03,492
Maybe six minutes.

344
00:16:04,474 --> 00:16:05,840
Maybe we should go.

345
00:16:05,842 --> 00:16:08,809
Are you kidding? This is
like dinner and a show.

346
00:16:08,811 --> 00:16:10,578
You'll regret this, Bonnie Plunkett!

347
00:16:10,580 --> 00:16:12,113
You're gonna miss my lovin'!

348
00:16:12,115 --> 00:16:14,195
Act two.

349
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:18,519
Whew...

350
00:16:18,521 --> 00:16:20,218
Sorry about that.

351
00:16:20,243 --> 00:16:21,421
Is everything okay?

352
00:16:21,445 --> 00:16:24,012
Not really. I had to end it with him.

353
00:16:24,037 --> 00:16:26,796
All because he didn't want
to be your secret sex toy.

354
00:16:27,874 --> 00:16:29,195
Oh, for God's sakes.

355
00:16:29,599 --> 00:16:31,899
What? They say these things out loud.

356
00:16:31,901 --> 00:16:33,567
I shouldn't listen?

357
00:16:35,492 --> 00:16:36,692
It wasn't him.

358
00:16:36,717 --> 00:16:38,664
It's just hard for me to make a commitment.

359
00:16:38,785 --> 00:16:40,485
Yeah? Why is that?

360
00:16:40,777 --> 00:16:42,736
Well, I don't know if Violet told you but,

361
00:16:42,761 --> 00:16:44,445
the love of my life died last year.

362
00:16:44,470 --> 00:16:46,290
Oh, I'm sorry. No.

363
00:16:46,315 --> 00:16:47,757
How did he die?

364
00:16:47,782 --> 00:16:50,584
- We were in bed together...
- Mom! Now!

365
00:16:51,788 --> 00:16:53,806
I'm sorry. Two more minutes.

366
00:16:53,831 --> 00:16:56,090
Oh, forget it. Let's just get out of here.

367
00:16:56,092 --> 00:16:57,539
Violet, please, I'm trying.

368
00:16:57,564 --> 00:16:58,993
Yeah, you're always trying.

369
00:16:58,995 --> 00:17:00,594
I asked you for one normal family dinner

370
00:17:00,596 --> 00:17:01,662
and you couldn't do it.

371
00:17:01,664 --> 00:17:03,364
Hey, friends come to me for help.

372
00:17:03,366 --> 00:17:05,007
I am not gonna turn them away.

373
00:17:05,032 --> 00:17:06,953
- Yeah, but I'm...
- There's no buts.

374
00:17:06,978 --> 00:17:08,936
People were there for
me when I needed them.

375
00:17:08,938 --> 00:17:10,271
Now it's my turn.

376
00:17:10,273 --> 00:17:11,872
Great. And as always,

377
00:17:11,874 --> 00:17:13,407
it doesn't matter what I need.

378
00:17:13,409 --> 00:17:14,281
Let's go.

379
00:17:14,306 --> 00:17:16,410
Wait, may I say something?

380
00:17:16,412 --> 00:17:17,945
Say it in the car.

381
00:17:19,582 --> 00:17:21,382
When I came here tonight,

382
00:17:21,384 --> 00:17:23,184
I didn't know what to expect.

383
00:17:23,186 --> 00:17:26,253
I mean, alcoholics, drug addicts,

384
00:17:26,255 --> 00:17:28,771
felons, gentiles...

385
00:17:31,928 --> 00:17:33,194
But, Christy,

386
00:17:33,196 --> 00:17:35,196
what-what you're doing
with the tattoo girl

387
00:17:35,198 --> 00:17:38,521
and that basket case in the kitchen...

388
00:17:39,669 --> 00:17:41,402
it's a mitzvah.

389
00:17:41,661 --> 00:17:44,038
A whatzvah?

390
00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:47,108
A mitzvah. It means “a good deed.”

391
00:17:47,110 --> 00:17:50,067
Huh. I thought it was that big cracker.

392
00:17:54,636 --> 00:17:56,747
That's-that-that's matzoh.

393
00:17:57,997 --> 00:17:59,496
Say the other one again.

394
00:17:59,655 --> 00:18:00,988
Mitzvah.

395
00:18:01,731 --> 00:18:04,058
Violet, your mother helps people.

396
00:18:04,060 --> 00:18:05,146
What's better than that?

397
00:18:05,171 --> 00:18:06,716
I don't know. She could help me.

398
00:18:06,887 --> 00:18:08,887
Aw. What do you need help with?

399
00:18:09,132 --> 00:18:11,097
You're beautiful, you're young,

400
00:18:11,122 --> 00:18:13,901
you're intelligent,
you're gonna marry my son,

401
00:18:13,903 --> 00:18:16,278
have ten nice years with him.

402
00:18:20,942 --> 00:18:22,091
Ten?

403
00:18:22,116 --> 00:18:23,749
Yeah. The over-under's six.

404
00:18:24,783 --> 00:18:26,816
The bottom line is you
should be very grateful

405
00:18:26,841 --> 00:18:29,575
that this wonderful woman is your mother.

406
00:18:30,388 --> 00:18:32,239
Thank you, Phyllis.

407
00:18:32,503 --> 00:18:34,569
You're very welcome, dear.

408
00:18:34,790 --> 00:18:37,653
This really is the most
adorable little tushy.

409
00:18:40,897 --> 00:18:43,161
What the hell am I eating?

410
00:18:44,198 --> 00:18:46,426
I've been asking that all night long.

411
00:18:56,998 --> 00:18:58,697
So, go figure... ever since the dinner,

412
00:18:58,699 --> 00:19:01,544
we can't stop talking like
we're in Fiddler on the Roof!

413
00:19:03,104 --> 00:19:05,504
Enough already with that verkakte story.

414
00:19:05,506 --> 00:19:07,630
You're breaking my kishkes.

415
00:19:08,950 --> 00:19:10,276
Oy.

416
00:19:10,278 --> 00:19:11,644
See? It's contagious.

417
00:19:11,646 --> 00:19:13,312
No, Steve just walked in.

418
00:19:15,510 --> 00:19:17,185
With a shiksa.

419
00:19:19,849 --> 00:19:22,855
I'm such a schmuck.

420
00:19:24,622 --> 00:19:28,794
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --