1
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:06,199
Door!
2
00:00:09,376 --> 00:00:11,207
Door! Anybody hear that?
3
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:15,170
Mike, I was upstairs.
4
00:00:15,348 --> 00:00:17,077
Well, that's why I yelled.
5
00:00:21,454 --> 00:00:22,785
Hey, thank you.
6
00:00:23,456 --> 00:00:25,686
Oh. Not that you deserve this,
7
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:27,258
but I think
this is your present.
8
00:00:27,460 --> 00:00:29,257
Okay, I'm not even
gonna try to fake it.
9
00:00:29,429 --> 00:00:31,522
I forgot all about
whatever special day it is,
10
00:00:31,698 --> 00:00:34,690
but know this,
every day with you is a gift.
11
00:00:36,936 --> 00:00:38,426
No special day, but...
12
00:00:39,472 --> 00:00:40,769
I just wanted
to get you something.
13
00:00:40,940 --> 00:00:42,202
I know how you love the gadgets.
14
00:00:42,409 --> 00:00:44,434
Oh, is it one of those
new Dick Tracy phone watches?
15
00:00:44,644 --> 00:00:46,202
Me and Carl
have been dying to get 'em.
16
00:00:46,413 --> 00:00:48,711
Better. It's a step counter.
17
00:00:51,418 --> 00:00:52,885
Oh...
18
00:00:53,353 --> 00:00:54,411
Huh?
19
00:00:55,789 --> 00:00:57,950
You know how you're always
talking about taking more walks,
20
00:00:58,124 --> 00:00:59,751
and getting into better shape?
21
00:00:59,959 --> 00:01:01,483
Doesn't sound like me,
but go on.
22
00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:07,566
Well, with this you can track
every mile you walk every day.
23
00:01:07,867 --> 00:01:09,095
Ah, you mean, you can track
24
00:01:09,269 --> 00:01:11,635
every mile
I don't walk every day.
25
00:01:12,439 --> 00:01:14,430
No. No.
26
00:01:15,775 --> 00:01:19,438
I mean, I can,
but it's not why I'm getting it.
27
00:01:19,612 --> 00:01:20,977
I mean, I'm getting it
so we can do this together.
28
00:01:21,147 --> 00:01:22,136
Look.
29
00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:24,440
It's got a twinsie.
30
00:01:25,618 --> 00:01:27,643
Wow, that is so cute.
31
00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:29,652
I don't want to wear it.
32
00:01:31,524 --> 00:01:35,119
Well, listen, I know
I can't make you do
33
00:01:35,295 --> 00:01:37,263
anything you don't want to do.
34
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:39,159
Yes, you can.
35
00:01:39,332 --> 00:01:41,493
No. No, I can't.
36
00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:44,702
'Cause you are too smart
and too handsome
37
00:01:44,871 --> 00:01:46,839
and too powerful.
38
00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:49,138
Just give me it.
39
00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:01,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll
40
00:02:18,938 --> 00:02:24,501
Thirty-three, 34, 35,
36, 37, 38, 39, 40.
41
00:02:25,378 --> 00:02:27,608
All right, so it's 40 steps
from the car to here.
42
00:02:27,947 --> 00:02:29,744
What's your total for the day?
43
00:02:30,783 --> 00:02:31,943
Fifty-two.
44
00:02:34,854 --> 00:02:36,845
What?
How the hell did you only walk
45
00:02:37,023 --> 00:02:38,081
12 steps at the station house?
46
00:02:38,424 --> 00:02:40,949
Well, easy.
Our desk chairs have wheels.
47
00:02:43,029 --> 00:02:44,394
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
48
00:02:44,564 --> 00:02:45,553
Our freezer broke,
49
00:02:45,732 --> 00:02:47,131
so the soup of the day
is ice cream.
50
00:02:49,469 --> 00:02:51,061
Ah, just dry toast for me.
51
00:02:51,271 --> 00:02:52,260
Really?
52
00:02:52,472 --> 00:02:54,736
Well, I may not be getting
as many steps in as I want,
53
00:02:54,908 --> 00:02:56,375
but I am still trying
to watch what I eat.
54
00:02:56,943 --> 00:02:58,035
Oh, good for you.
55
00:02:58,211 --> 00:02:59,769
Uh, I, on the other hand,
ran six miles this morning,
56
00:02:59,946 --> 00:03:03,575
so I'm gonna have the BLT,
with pistachio gazpachio.
57
00:03:06,452 --> 00:03:07,476
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
58
00:03:07,654 --> 00:03:09,815
Now make sure that it's
wheat toast and not white.
59
00:03:10,223 --> 00:03:11,485
White bread is mostly sugar,
60
00:03:11,658 --> 00:03:13,489
which we all know is
basically poison.
61
00:03:13,793 --> 00:03:14,885
Got it. Hold the poison.
62
00:03:15,128 --> 00:03:16,390
Oh, hang on, hang on, hang on.
63
00:03:17,330 --> 00:03:19,890
I did read somewhere that butter
is now good for us again,
64
00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:21,896
so a little bit of butter,
65
00:03:23,102 --> 00:03:24,160
but no jelly.
66
00:03:24,437 --> 00:03:25,563
So just bread and butter?
67
00:03:25,738 --> 00:03:26,727
And bacon.
68
00:03:27,173 --> 00:03:28,162
Yeah.
69
00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:30,734
Because I need protein
for energy.
70
00:03:30,910 --> 00:03:33,276
And I should probably
have some vegetables.
71
00:03:33,513 --> 00:03:35,003
Perhaps lettuce and tomato?
72
00:03:37,183 --> 00:03:38,343
That could work.
73
00:03:39,919 --> 00:03:41,682
So one BLT
and one order of toast
74
00:03:41,854 --> 00:03:45,312
with bacon, lettuce and tomato.
75
00:03:47,026 --> 00:03:48,254
And butter.
76
00:03:52,532 --> 00:03:53,658
What?
77
00:03:53,933 --> 00:03:55,366
Have you noticed
how good your wife looks?
78
00:03:55,602 --> 00:03:56,626
Yeah, so?
79
00:03:56,836 --> 00:03:58,497
I thought you two were supposed
to be on the same program.
80
00:03:58,671 --> 00:04:00,832
Look, she's had a head start.
She's been walking for weeks.
81
00:04:01,007 --> 00:04:02,531
Besides, we're not gonna show
the same results
82
00:04:02,709 --> 00:04:03,835
due to my thick blood.
83
00:04:11,384 --> 00:04:12,976
- Your thick blood?
- Yeah.
84
00:04:13,152 --> 00:04:15,177
It doesn't flow through my veins
as quickly as other people,
85
00:04:15,388 --> 00:04:17,015
so calories don't burn off
at the same rate.
86
00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:19,215
I can't fight science.
87
00:04:20,493 --> 00:04:21,517
How do you think Molly feels
88
00:04:21,694 --> 00:04:22,888
when she's out there
stepping up her game
89
00:04:23,162 --> 00:04:24,652
and you're in here
buttering your bacon?
90
00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:28,995
I guess she would like it if
I showed a little more effort.
91
00:04:29,168 --> 00:04:30,795
That's right.
If you won't do it for yourself,
92
00:04:30,970 --> 00:04:32,301
do it for the ones you love.
93
00:04:33,406 --> 00:04:34,634
Samuel.
94
00:04:35,174 --> 00:04:37,165
You're always bellyaching about
being on your feet all day.
95
00:04:37,343 --> 00:04:38,571
See what kind of numbers
you throw up.
96
00:04:38,745 --> 00:04:39,973
I'll pick it up after work.
97
00:04:43,049 --> 00:04:44,073
Seriously?
98
00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:46,081
Like you said, it's for Molly.
99
00:04:51,190 --> 00:04:52,384
Nice walk, ladies.
100
00:04:52,592 --> 00:04:54,685
Ooh, two miles, 33 minutes.
101
00:04:54,894 --> 00:04:57,089
Let's see if we can get it
under 30 on the way home.
102
00:04:57,363 --> 00:04:59,354
I'm pretty sure I will
'cause I'm taking a cab.
103
00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:01,691
Oh, come on, you gotta admit,
104
00:05:01,868 --> 00:05:03,665
once you start moving,
it's kind of fun.
105
00:05:04,704 --> 00:05:06,729
Hey, marching band, at ease.
106
00:05:06,906 --> 00:05:07,895
In a second.
107
00:05:08,074 --> 00:05:09,063
I don't like sitting down
108
00:05:09,275 --> 00:05:11,175
until my numbers end
on an even number.
109
00:05:11,444 --> 00:05:13,105
And... Got it.
110
00:05:13,346 --> 00:05:14,438
Oh, wait, no, not got it.
111
00:05:14,914 --> 00:05:17,007
And, got it. No, I don't.
Okay, wait a minute.
112
00:05:18,885 --> 00:05:20,250
Got it, got it.
113
00:05:20,853 --> 00:05:21,911
Ooh!
114
00:05:22,422 --> 00:05:24,549
You don't think you are getting
just a little bit obsessive
115
00:05:24,724 --> 00:05:25,713
about that gadget?
116
00:05:25,892 --> 00:05:27,257
Yes, and that's
the beauty of it.
117
00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:29,425
I want to please it
and make it proud of me.
118
00:05:30,229 --> 00:05:31,856
I'm proud of you.
119
00:05:32,265 --> 00:05:33,755
Oh, see, that does nothing for me.
120
00:05:36,936 --> 00:05:37,925
You know, I was thinking
121
00:05:38,104 --> 00:05:40,072
maybe we could take one of
those walking vacations.
122
00:05:40,239 --> 00:05:41,934
Like hiking the hills of Tuscany
123
00:05:42,108 --> 00:05:43,803
or climbing Machu Picchu.
124
00:05:44,043 --> 00:05:45,067
"We" who?
125
00:05:45,244 --> 00:05:46,233
Me and Mike.
126
00:05:46,446 --> 00:05:47,538
Mike who?
127
00:05:48,247 --> 00:05:50,044
Mike, Mike. My husband.
128
00:05:50,249 --> 00:05:51,944
Sweetie, I don't wanna
pee on your parade,
129
00:05:52,218 --> 00:05:54,880
but I don't see him
as the climbing type.
130
00:05:55,054 --> 00:05:57,079
I see him more as
a burrowing creature.
131
00:05:58,491 --> 00:06:00,322
No, he's coming along,
132
00:06:00,493 --> 00:06:01,551
you know, at his own pace.
133
00:06:01,761 --> 00:06:03,626
He's just a little slower
'cause of his thick blood.
134
00:06:05,231 --> 00:06:06,425
Thick what?
135
00:06:06,766 --> 00:06:08,324
I don't know.
I mean, it's a whole thing.
136
00:06:08,501 --> 00:06:09,900
He'd have to explain it to you.
137
00:06:11,070 --> 00:06:12,799
Well, I think it's sweet
that you believe in him.
138
00:06:12,972 --> 00:06:14,337
- Thank you.
- Even though he's given you
139
00:06:14,507 --> 00:06:15,667
no reason to at all.
140
00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:18,241
Oh...
141
00:06:18,578 --> 00:06:19,909
Oh, the boss is buzzing.
142
00:06:20,079 --> 00:06:21,910
Okay, ladies, take those to go.
143
00:06:22,081 --> 00:06:23,275
We gotta get a move on.
144
00:06:23,549 --> 00:06:24,948
Ooh, she's in a mood.
145
00:06:30,156 --> 00:06:31,145
Vince, is Molly home?
146
00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:33,349
No, she's out walking with the girls.
147
00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:34,852
What do you know
about electronics?
148
00:06:35,027 --> 00:06:36,016
Let's put it this way.
149
00:06:36,295 --> 00:06:37,785
I pushed the wrong button
on the remote
150
00:06:38,097 --> 00:06:39,462
and been stuck watching
Law & Order
151
00:06:39,632 --> 00:06:41,793
with Spanish subtitles
for the last hour.
152
00:06:43,469 --> 00:06:44,663
Damn it.
153
00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:50,336
It's this damn step counter.
154
00:06:50,543 --> 00:06:52,033
I gotta figure out a way
to change the numbers.
155
00:06:52,278 --> 00:06:53,472
You're not gonna like
my suggestion,
156
00:06:53,646 --> 00:06:55,273
but how about walk?
157
00:06:56,849 --> 00:06:58,817
No, I need to
make the number lower.
158
00:06:59,051 --> 00:07:01,042
I put it on Samuel and
apparently he never sits down.
159
00:07:01,220 --> 00:07:03,279
The son-of-a-bitch
logged seven miles.
160
00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:06,885
That is not a believable number
for you, my friend.
161
00:07:09,328 --> 00:07:10,818
Don't you think I know that?
162
00:07:12,064 --> 00:07:13,827
No, that's why I gotta
roll back the mileage
163
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,160
before Molly sees it.
164
00:07:15,368 --> 00:07:18,394
Unless it's a '67 Buick
on your wrist, I can't help you.
165
00:07:21,474 --> 00:07:22,463
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
166
00:07:22,642 --> 00:07:23,870
Hey.
167
00:07:25,511 --> 00:07:28,036
There they are,
the street walkers.
168
00:07:29,849 --> 00:07:35,378
Guess who just walked
8,213, no, 14 steps?
169
00:07:37,256 --> 00:07:39,383
Wow, that is great.
I'm so proud of you.
170
00:07:39,592 --> 00:07:40,581
How'd you do today?
171
00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:41,749
With what?
172
00:07:42,995 --> 00:07:44,326
With your walking.
173
00:07:44,730 --> 00:07:48,325
Oh, that is a very good question
that has a very sad answer.
174
00:07:48,868 --> 00:07:51,996
I lost the damn counter
and I am sick about it.
175
00:07:53,105 --> 00:07:54,572
Oh, that's okay.
176
00:07:54,740 --> 00:07:55,832
And I was doing so good, too.
177
00:07:56,008 --> 00:07:58,476
It's true. He sure was sweating
when he came in here.
178
00:08:00,012 --> 00:08:01,639
You know what?
Just gimme your phone.
179
00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:03,304
Okay, why?
180
00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:04,675
Oh, you just go to the app
181
00:08:04,851 --> 00:08:06,375
and you hit a button
and it'll find your wristband.
182
00:08:06,552 --> 00:08:07,883
No, don't do that!
183
00:08:08,855 --> 00:08:10,152
Why not?
184
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:11,915
Well, because, I mean,
maybe whoever found it
185
00:08:12,091 --> 00:08:13,683
needs it more than me.
186
00:08:13,860 --> 00:08:15,589
Oh, God, that poor, poor man.
187
00:08:25,671 --> 00:08:27,400
The call's coming from
inside Vince.
188
00:08:29,609 --> 00:08:30,837
Sit up.
189
00:08:31,110 --> 00:08:33,340
Rule number one.
Never give a broad your phone.
190
00:08:34,780 --> 00:08:36,441
You walked seven miles?
191
00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:38,843
Mike, that is amazing.
192
00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:44,846
How did you find enough time
to walk that far?
193
00:08:49,629 --> 00:08:51,119
You know,
now that I think about it,
194
00:08:51,297 --> 00:08:52,525
this could have happened
195
00:08:52,732 --> 00:08:54,893
when I put it on Samuel
for a few minutes.
196
00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:57,433
I mean, who knows how much
he put on that thing.
197
00:08:57,870 --> 00:08:58,859
Seven miles?
198
00:08:59,038 --> 00:09:00,130
About seven miles, yeah.
199
00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:02,898
Mike.
200
00:09:03,075 --> 00:09:04,474
Come on, I was doing it for you.
201
00:09:04,844 --> 00:09:05,868
Aw!
202
00:09:06,779 --> 00:09:08,872
No, there is no "aww" here.
203
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:12,813
Mike, what is the big deal?
204
00:09:12,985 --> 00:09:14,043
The big deal is that
205
00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:16,279
I don't like that this thing
is tracking my every movement.
206
00:09:16,455 --> 00:09:17,945
I feel like I've been LoJacked.
207
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:21,051
Okay, come on,
just give it another shot.
208
00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:23,991
I promise it's fun.
I mean, look, come on.
209
00:09:25,865 --> 00:09:26,957
Huh? Huh?
210
00:09:27,767 --> 00:09:29,792
What's not fun about this?
211
00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:33,499
This is not fun to me.
212
00:09:33,906 --> 00:09:35,567
It's stupid.
You want to see fun?
213
00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:36,969
Watch this.
214
00:09:37,443 --> 00:09:38,637
Whoo-hoo!
215
00:09:40,846 --> 00:09:42,336
Okay, I tried.
216
00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:44,779
You just stay here
and sit on your ass.
217
00:09:45,184 --> 00:09:46,276
Ass.
218
00:09:46,852 --> 00:09:48,183
Molly, come on.
219
00:09:49,155 --> 00:09:50,782
Wanna call Samuel
to chase after her?
220
00:09:50,957 --> 00:09:52,117
Shut up!
221
00:09:57,296 --> 00:09:58,285
Hey.
222
00:09:58,598 --> 00:09:59,656
Hey.
223
00:09:59,832 --> 00:10:01,857
I thought
we should clear the air.
224
00:10:03,369 --> 00:10:04,631
I would like that.
225
00:10:04,804 --> 00:10:05,964
Okay.
226
00:10:06,539 --> 00:10:09,007
Do you know what this is?
227
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:10,871
A bowling ball.
228
00:10:12,011 --> 00:10:14,104
Not a bowling ball.
Your bowling ball.
229
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,305
That I brought you
three Christmases ago.
230
00:10:16,849 --> 00:10:19,477
The orange Lady Brunswick
that you never use.
231
00:10:19,885 --> 00:10:21,716
But did I get angry? Nope.
232
00:10:21,887 --> 00:10:24,048
I realized it wasn't your thing,
and I let it go.
233
00:10:25,224 --> 00:10:26,213
Let it go.
234
00:10:26,959 --> 00:10:29,689
I'm sorry, I just wanted us
to be healthy
235
00:10:29,862 --> 00:10:32,695
and thought I figured out a fun
way for us to do it together.
236
00:10:32,999 --> 00:10:35,524
Oh, I'm sorry. It's not as easy
for me as it is for you.
237
00:10:35,701 --> 00:10:36,690
You know that I have...
238
00:10:36,869 --> 00:10:38,700
If you say thick blood
one more time,
239
00:10:38,871 --> 00:10:41,203
I'm gonna splatter it
all over the floor.
240
00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:43,965
Yeah, well, good luck.
It runs like maple syrup.
241
00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:46,636
Look, I'm just saying
242
00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:48,541
I don't like exercising
as much as you do.
243
00:10:48,714 --> 00:10:50,807
Nobody likes exercising.
244
00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:52,575
They just like how they feel
when they're done.
245
00:10:52,752 --> 00:10:55,312
In other words,
when they're not exercising.
246
00:10:57,523 --> 00:11:00,583
Honey, I know how hard
it is to get started up again,
247
00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:02,919
but it is worth it.
Look at all these clothes.
248
00:11:03,095 --> 00:11:04,824
They're too big,
I'm getting rid of them.
249
00:11:05,097 --> 00:11:06,359
How exciting is that?
250
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,896
Yeah, but don't you think you
should hold on to some of those?
251
00:11:09,101 --> 00:11:10,090
Why?
252
00:11:10,269 --> 00:11:11,736
Well, you're doing good
with this walking thing now,
253
00:11:11,937 --> 00:11:13,029
but I mean,
you're gonna kick yourself
254
00:11:13,205 --> 00:11:14,570
when you need
these clothes again.
255
00:11:16,609 --> 00:11:17,667
Wow!
256
00:11:18,044 --> 00:11:20,069
Hey, listen, when they ask you
to coach little league
257
00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:22,407
or maybe be a motivational
speaker, just say, "No, thanks,"
258
00:11:22,581 --> 00:11:24,344
'cause you suck at it.
259
00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:27,110
Look, I'm just saying,
I've been there, okay?
260
00:11:27,286 --> 00:11:28,878
I lost a little weight,
got a little cocky,
261
00:11:29,055 --> 00:11:30,579
sold my clothes
at a garage sale.
262
00:11:30,756 --> 00:11:32,553
Six weeks later, I'm knocking
on the neighbor's door
263
00:11:32,725 --> 00:11:34,283
trying to get 'em back.
It's embarrassing.
264
00:11:34,460 --> 00:11:35,449
You know what's embarrassing?
265
00:11:35,661 --> 00:11:36,650
Knocking on their door again
266
00:11:36,829 --> 00:11:38,387
and asking for a place
to stay tonight.
267
00:11:38,564 --> 00:11:40,122
Well, I'm sorry
if the truth hurts.
268
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:42,129
Ow! Hey, that's got big buttons.
269
00:11:51,577 --> 00:11:52,566
I can't win with her.
270
00:11:52,745 --> 00:11:53,803
If I lie to her, she gets mad.
271
00:11:53,979 --> 00:11:56,641
If I tell her the truth, I get
a mouthful of brass buttons.
272
00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:58,372
That was a hideous blazer.
273
00:11:58,551 --> 00:11:59,540
I'm glad she got rid of it.
274
00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:03,778
I don't know what happened.
We had a formula for success.
275
00:12:03,956 --> 00:12:05,218
You know,
don't stand when you can sit.
276
00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:06,618
Don't sit when you can lay down.
277
00:12:06,792 --> 00:12:07,918
It is simple, but it works.
278
00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:10,585
Now suddenly,
that's not good enough for her.
279
00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:13,296
Exactly. She's trying to change
me into something I'm not.
280
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:15,331
How dare she? It's like
painting over the Mona Lisa.
281
00:12:17,503 --> 00:12:20,267
Hey, I'm the exact same guy
I was the day she met me.
282
00:12:20,439 --> 00:12:22,907
And if that's not good enough,
that's her problem, not mine.
283
00:12:23,142 --> 00:12:24,166
I don't know, man.
284
00:12:24,343 --> 00:12:25,674
It's starting to sound like
it's your problem.
285
00:12:26,612 --> 00:12:28,102
Hey, Molly is the one
who's changed.
286
00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:30,111
If anyone should feel betrayed,
it's me.
287
00:12:30,649 --> 00:12:32,082
'Cause she wants you
to walk more.
288
00:12:32,251 --> 00:12:34,151
Yeah, that's just how it starts.
289
00:12:34,353 --> 00:12:36,116
The next thing you know,
we're taking the stairs
290
00:12:36,322 --> 00:12:37,584
or maybe a five K for charity.
291
00:12:37,790 --> 00:12:40,020
If I don't take a stand now,
who knows where this will end?
292
00:12:41,727 --> 00:12:44,321
Um... With you living
a long and healthy life?
293
00:12:45,898 --> 00:12:48,162
Oh, she'd love that.
294
00:12:53,973 --> 00:12:55,998
Mmm. Is Molly stress baking?
295
00:12:56,175 --> 00:12:57,472
I'm not stress baking.
296
00:12:57,643 --> 00:12:59,201
- Are you stressed?
- Yes.
297
00:12:59,378 --> 00:13:00,470
Are you baking?
298
00:13:01,147 --> 00:13:02,171
Yes.
299
00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:04,514
You know, I try to get him
on the right track
300
00:13:04,717 --> 00:13:06,617
and all he does is
try to sabotage me.
301
00:13:06,819 --> 00:13:07,808
You know what it is?
302
00:13:07,987 --> 00:13:10,114
I'm doing well and
it scares the hell out of him.
303
00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:11,813
Men. They always try to
hold you down.
304
00:13:11,991 --> 00:13:13,151
And pull your hair.
305
00:13:16,562 --> 00:13:17,654
He can be happy if we just
306
00:13:17,830 --> 00:13:19,661
sat on the couch
for the rest of our lives.
307
00:13:19,832 --> 00:13:21,197
They're gonna find
two old skeletons
308
00:13:21,367 --> 00:13:22,959
with an old pizza box
between them.
309
00:13:23,369 --> 00:13:25,030
Wait a minute,
I'm good at these riddles.
310
00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:29,034
Was the pizza poisoned?
311
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,373
Yeah. Mystery solved.
312
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:38,648
You didn't really expect
him to start hopping to
313
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,877
once you got that stupid thing
on his wrist, did you?
314
00:13:41,053 --> 00:13:42,850
I mean, I didn't expect the guy
to start walking
315
00:13:43,022 --> 00:13:44,387
across America
like Forrest Gump,
316
00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:46,684
but I thought I'd get
one block out of him.
317
00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:50,956
Okay.
318
00:13:51,630 --> 00:13:52,619
Oh... Ooh...
319
00:13:52,998 --> 00:13:54,158
Here we go.
320
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:56,157
These turned out nice.
321
00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:57,324
They're beautiful.
322
00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:58,936
Nothing like
fresh-baked cookies.
323
00:13:59,104 --> 00:14:00,093
Yeah.
324
00:14:04,176 --> 00:14:06,804
I told you I wouldn't eat any.
325
00:14:17,256 --> 00:14:19,315
Look at this neighborhood.
326
00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:22,083
Remember when it was filled with
prostitutes and drug dealers?
327
00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:24,689
Mmm-hmm. Now it's filled with
bearded hipsters
328
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,058
making artisanal pickles.
329
00:14:26,899 --> 00:14:29,333
I hate hipsters
and I hate change.
330
00:14:30,102 --> 00:14:31,831
But you love artisanal pickles.
331
00:14:32,738 --> 00:14:33,864
I do.
332
00:14:35,341 --> 00:14:36,933
See? Not all change is bad.
333
00:14:37,343 --> 00:14:39,402
You know,
I never ask her to change.
334
00:14:39,578 --> 00:14:40,567
I like the woman I married.
335
00:14:40,746 --> 00:14:41,770
I love the woman I married.
336
00:14:41,947 --> 00:14:43,608
Hey, she's still the same woman.
337
00:14:44,583 --> 00:14:45,572
No, she's not.
338
00:14:45,751 --> 00:14:47,116
She's 10,000 steps ahead of me
339
00:14:47,286 --> 00:14:49,015
and getting further away
every day.
340
00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:53,024
I guess there's only
one thing to do.
341
00:14:53,192 --> 00:14:54,181
What's that?
342
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:55,384
Let her go.
343
00:14:55,861 --> 00:14:57,385
I mean, you said it yourself.
You're not gonna change,
344
00:14:57,563 --> 00:14:58,723
so you may as well
go back to the way you were
345
00:14:58,898 --> 00:14:59,887
before you met her.
346
00:15:00,299 --> 00:15:02,096
Just living
in your sad ass apartment,
347
00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:04,900
using towels for curtains,
and t-shirts for towels.
348
00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:09,131
God knows what you used
for toilet paper.
349
00:15:10,609 --> 00:15:11,598
Don't be ridiculous.
350
00:15:11,777 --> 00:15:13,108
I'm not the one
being ridiculous.
351
00:15:13,279 --> 00:15:14,473
Now, if you're not willing
to get off your ass
352
00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:16,706
and be a part of your marriage,
then you deserve to lose her.
353
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:18,912
That's enough. Pull over.
354
00:15:19,151 --> 00:15:20,379
I tell you this
for your own good.
355
00:15:20,552 --> 00:15:21,814
I said, "Pull over."
356
00:15:25,724 --> 00:15:26,884
Yeah, don't listen.
357
00:15:27,126 --> 00:15:28,150
But I got news for you, pal.
358
00:15:28,327 --> 00:15:30,056
It's not your blood
that's thick. It's your head.
359
00:15:41,373 --> 00:15:42,601
Where'd you get that cookie?
360
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:43,969
You know damn well
where I got it.
361
00:15:44,143 --> 00:15:45,303
Stay out of my shame.
362
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,213
Hey, is Mike down here?
363
00:15:49,481 --> 00:15:51,745
Nope. Just me and
the cookie monster.
364
00:15:52,584 --> 00:15:53,812
I called Carl and he said
365
00:15:53,986 --> 00:15:56,454
Mike got out of the car in the
middle of nowhere last night.
366
00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:57,611
Did you try his cell phone?
367
00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,087
It just goes
straight through to voicemail.
368
00:15:59,258 --> 00:16:00,418
This isn't like him.
369
00:16:00,592 --> 00:16:01,786
Okay, honey, just relax.
370
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,451
I'm sure he's fine.
371
00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:04,994
- Right, Vince?
- I don't know.
372
00:16:05,164 --> 00:16:07,564
Sometimes even the nicest guys
lead a double life.
373
00:16:07,766 --> 00:16:09,290
Remember that preacher
from Florida?
374
00:16:09,501 --> 00:16:10,900
Had three different families.
375
00:16:11,103 --> 00:16:12,764
One of the wives found out.
376
00:16:12,938 --> 00:16:14,565
Fed his gonads to a gator.
377
00:16:16,408 --> 00:16:19,172
Come on, Mike barely has
enough energy for one family.
378
00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:22,672
This is not helping.
379
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,008
Oh, God. Mike!
380
00:16:28,253 --> 00:16:29,618
Where have you been?
381
00:16:30,589 --> 00:16:32,420
I went for a little walk.
382
00:16:35,694 --> 00:16:37,821
25,000 steps?
383
00:16:38,464 --> 00:16:39,829
That's 13 miles.
384
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,125
Yeah, 11 intentional.
385
00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:42,358
Two 'cause I got lost.
386
00:16:44,136 --> 00:16:46,798
Your poor feet
must be killing you.
387
00:16:47,106 --> 00:16:49,597
Not at all.
I haven't felt them for hours.
388
00:16:51,610 --> 00:16:53,601
You didn't have
to do this for me.
389
00:16:53,779 --> 00:16:55,007
Oh, I did. I really did
390
00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:57,375
'cause I sure
as hell didn't do it for me.
391
00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:02,017
This may be the sweetest thing
anyone has ever done.
392
00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:04,883
And guess what? You and I
are going bowling tonight.
393
00:17:05,491 --> 00:17:07,288
- Tonight?
- No, maybe another night.
394
00:17:07,459 --> 00:17:09,017
Maybe another night.
395
00:17:09,328 --> 00:17:12,195
Oh, I'm just glad I got all this
walking over with.
396
00:17:13,332 --> 00:17:17,166
Yeah, it's never really over.
397
00:17:18,470 --> 00:17:20,461
All right, well,
since we're being honest,
398
00:17:20,639 --> 00:17:22,834
I'm probably gonna
keep fighting you on this.
399
00:17:23,108 --> 00:17:24,132
Oh...
400
00:17:24,410 --> 00:17:26,571
I love that you still think
you have a choice.
401
00:17:37,189 --> 00:17:39,089
We gotta start parking
farther away from Abe's.
402
00:17:39,258 --> 00:17:41,055
I'm never gonna hit
my goal today.
403
00:17:41,226 --> 00:17:42,250
Look at you.
404
00:17:42,428 --> 00:17:43,918
Hitting goals, parking far.
405
00:17:44,096 --> 00:17:45,859
You're giving that thick blood
a run for its money.
406
00:17:47,266 --> 00:17:49,291
I'm telling you, Carl,
once you start exercising,
407
00:17:49,468 --> 00:17:50,594
you feel those endorphins,
408
00:17:50,769 --> 00:17:51,758
you're not gonna wanna stop.
409
00:17:51,937 --> 00:17:53,905
Thank you. I'll think about
that sage advice
410
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:55,938
while I'm running my triathlon
this weekend.
411
00:17:56,542 --> 00:17:57,736
Just let me have this?
412
00:17:58,644 --> 00:18:00,578
Okay, I gotta get some steps in.
You want a warm up?
413
00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:01,735
- I would.
- All right.
414
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:03,211
As long as you're chasing
those endorphins,
415
00:18:03,382 --> 00:18:04,371
I'll take a Danish, too.
416
00:18:04,550 --> 00:18:05,539
One Danish, coming up.
417
00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:07,407
Uh... What's going on?
418
00:18:07,586 --> 00:18:09,213
Mike finally figured out
what his feet are for.
419
00:18:11,323 --> 00:18:13,188
Oh... Baby's first steps.
420
00:18:13,892 --> 00:18:15,018
All right, are those
going to table six?
421
00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:16,625
I'd be happy
to walk them over for you.
422
00:18:16,795 --> 00:18:17,784
Yes.
423
00:18:17,963 --> 00:18:18,952
All right, I got this.
424
00:18:19,131 --> 00:18:20,962
- Why don't you take a load off?
- Thank you.
425
00:18:21,133 --> 00:18:22,862
All right, I'll check on that
two-top in the corner, too.
426
00:18:23,035 --> 00:18:24,093
They're getting a little antsy.
427
00:18:24,269 --> 00:18:25,395
I think they're ready to order.
428
00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:31,038
So, what's good here?
429
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:37,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll