1
00:00:00,910 --> 00:00:02,918
I know it. You know it.

2
00:00:03,144 --> 00:00:05,777
Even the guy with the bad haircut knows it.

3
00:00:06,339 --> 00:00:08,925
America is the best country in the world!

4
00:00:09,667 --> 00:00:11,925
Yeah.

5
00:00:13,941 --> 00:00:15,671
What the hell are all you doing?

6
00:00:15,839 --> 00:00:18,641
It's a game that I created called
"State of the Union".

7
00:00:18,666 --> 00:00:24,441
Okay? I play Barack O'Biden
and I say stuff, okay?

8
00:00:24,466 --> 00:00:26,550
If they agree with it and they like it,
they stand up and they clap.

9
00:00:26,575 --> 00:00:29,746
If they don't like it, then they sit
there and have total bitch face.

10
00:00:32,105 --> 00:00:36,826
So, uh, from now on there will be free
Jalapeno poppers.

11
00:00:40,095 --> 00:00:44,636
Okay. From now on,
clothing will be optional.

12
00:00:47,141 --> 00:00:51,269
And on Tuesdays, I'm going
to host Broadway karaoke here.

13
00:00:53,517 --> 00:00:56,410
Oh, man that's a lot of bitch faces.

14
00:00:56,828 --> 00:00:59,503
- You will never be a good President
- Whatever.

15
00:00:59,528 --> 00:01:00,878
What is all this? Aren't you supposed to be

16
00:01:00,903 --> 00:01:03,378
helping Brett with his citizenship test.

17
00:01:12,621 --> 00:01:16,800
We are. And don't worry
guys, that's my last poster.

18
00:01:18,292 --> 00:01:19,845
I am so proud of you.

19
00:01:19,870 --> 00:01:21,537
You think you're ready to be an American?

20
00:01:21,562 --> 00:01:23,621
I don't know. You tell me.

21
00:01:24,612 --> 00:01:27,566
Yo, what's up bro, you want
to go watch some football?

22
00:01:27,591 --> 00:01:30,705
Not the lame international kind.
The awesome American kind.

23
00:01:30,730 --> 00:01:32,644
With concoctions!

24
00:01:34,948 --> 00:01:36,386
'Murica!

25
00:01:37,953 --> 00:01:39,873
Some of these questions
are actually pretty hard.

26
00:01:39,980 --> 00:01:45,707
- Where does Congress meet?
- That's... coffee shops?

27
00:01:46,517 --> 00:01:50,488
No, that's terrifying. The answer is Congress.

28
00:01:53,462 --> 00:01:55,980
Capitol. The Capitol.
You're right, you're right.

29
00:01:56,503 --> 00:01:58,675
Don't worry, along with my lucky

30
00:01:58,700 --> 00:02:01,792
sweater and Burski helping me, I'm fine.

31
00:02:01,817 --> 00:02:06,688
- My nan knitted me this sweater.
- Oh, your nan must hate you.

32
00:02:08,149 --> 00:02:10,519
My grandma knitted me a hate sweater once.

33
00:02:10,544 --> 00:02:14,394
Heh, heh. Joke's on her, though, I
had that bitch buried in it.

34
00:02:17,425 --> 00:02:21,207
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --

35
00:02:21,231 --> 00:02:24,519
_

36
00:03:54,581 --> 00:03:57,018
- Happy birthday!
- Happy birthday!

37
00:03:57,471 --> 00:03:58,915
Whooo!

38
00:03:58,940 --> 00:04:01,667
- Does somebody like balloons?
- Oh!

39
00:04:04,625 --> 00:04:08,073
Well, it wouldn't be a Detroit birthday
party without a stabbing.

40
00:04:09,651 --> 00:04:11,854
I'm not doing my birthday this year. Okay?

41
00:04:11,879 --> 00:04:15,729
- No party, no cake, no presents.
- But you love your birthday.

42
00:04:15,904 --> 00:04:20,276
Every year we get you a big cake, and
watch you eat one bite every ten minutes.

43
00:04:20,300 --> 00:04:22,415
And then... heh, heh, every time you walk

44
00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:24,573
over you say, this is my last bite.

45
00:04:25,604 --> 00:04:29,808
Until the last time you when you come over
and you go, who ate my damn cake?

46
00:04:30,846 --> 00:04:32,721
But you know it was you!

47
00:04:34,581 --> 00:04:38,127
I know. I don't know why I'm so bummed.

48
00:04:38,333 --> 00:04:40,690
Come on. What did mom do this time?

49
00:04:41,066 --> 00:04:44,409
She sent me a stupid card
saying how sad it must be that

50
00:04:44,434 --> 00:04:47,167
I'm 37 and I don't have kids yet.

51
00:04:47,488 --> 00:04:49,471
That doesn't sound that bad.

52
00:04:50,086 --> 00:04:54,028
She started the card by saying,

53
00:04:54,053 --> 00:04:57,620
something about dear Leslie and
my grand kiddies.

54
00:05:00,198 --> 00:05:02,892
- What are you doing?
- I'm torturing mom by texting

55
00:05:02,917 --> 00:05:05,539
her and telling her that you
have an even shorter haircut

56
00:05:05,564 --> 00:05:07,440
than you got the first time...

57
00:05:08,104 --> 00:05:10,596
And then we're going to
wait till she calls crying.

58
00:05:11,346 --> 00:05:14,698
- Hey it's for you.
- Thank you.

59
00:05:14,723 --> 00:05:19,276
Hi, Mom. Yeah, it's a flattop
and the girl I'm dating loves it

60
00:05:21,776 --> 00:05:25,940
All right. My opportunity. If I
can get Leslie the perfect gift.

61
00:05:25,965 --> 00:05:28,667
We've been in limbo for so long and
I could get her out of this funk.

62
00:05:29,034 --> 00:05:31,542
I figure that's a good opportunity
for a first date, you know?

63
00:05:31,848 --> 00:05:33,940
That's way better than your other plan.

64
00:05:34,074 --> 00:05:36,791
- Go ahead, tell them.
- It's nothing crazy.

65
00:05:36,963 --> 00:05:39,963
She gets in an accident, she's
in a coma for a few years.

66
00:05:39,988 --> 00:05:43,273
Sure you guys give up on her
but not me, I'm there night after

67
00:05:43,298 --> 00:05:46,440
night and I'm holding her hand
until she wakes up and she's

68
00:05:46,465 --> 00:05:48,073
scared and confused and I'm there.

69
00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:52,370
And I lean in and I
whisper, I'm your husband.

70
00:05:53,955 --> 00:05:59,087
Okay, I guess, you all hope
that you know, Leslie gets hit by

71
00:05:59,112 --> 00:06:04,737
a bus, but, in case she doesn't,
what is that perfect birthday gift?

72
00:06:06,237 --> 00:06:09,768
Danny, help me out. You're my best bud, you
know what she'd want for her birthday.

73
00:06:09,793 --> 00:06:12,018
Oh, you're 0 for 2 on that sentence.

74
00:06:13,216 --> 00:06:16,681
But dude I'm not getting
involved in my sister's sex life, okay?

75
00:06:16,705 --> 00:06:19,157
Burski, we've got your back. Look if,

76
00:06:19,182 --> 00:06:21,479
If you want to get Leslie a
present maybe you just

77
00:06:21,504 --> 00:06:24,384
get her a gift that you make
yourself like for instance, me,

78
00:06:24,409 --> 00:06:26,573
This morning I wrote a song for Justin.

79
00:06:26,598 --> 00:06:29,229
Babe, let me hear it.

80
00:06:34,136 --> 00:06:38,213
♪ Justin, dear, you're so sweet ♪

81
00:06:38,238 --> 00:06:42,448
♪ Except in bed with those cold feet ♪

82
00:06:43,088 --> 00:06:46,510
♪ I also don't love when
you're on the phone ♪

83
00:06:46,535 --> 00:06:51,176
♪ and you call to me
in that chipper tone ♪

84
00:06:51,201 --> 00:06:54,346
♪ you're like hey babe can you
talk to my mom for a second ♪

85
00:06:54,371 --> 00:06:56,385
♪ and I'm like look I'm in the
bathroom right now and plus I ♪

86
00:06:56,410 --> 00:06:58,745
♪ never met her in person and you
put me on the phone like that ♪

87
00:06:58,777 --> 00:07:01,142
♪ makes me feel really really awkward ♪

88
00:07:08,551 --> 00:07:11,127
Will you play that for my mom?
I'm going to call her.

89
00:07:11,151 --> 00:07:14,385
Justin! No! No!

90
00:07:19,776 --> 00:07:21,494
Ohhh!

91
00:07:22,003 --> 00:07:26,596
- Hold me.
- Uh, hey Justin, Brett’s got

92
00:07:26,621 --> 00:07:28,987
something he wants to hug you about.

93
00:07:30,375 --> 00:07:33,487
- What's wrong with him?
- Brett lost his good-luck sweater.

94
00:07:33,773 --> 00:07:37,369
Yeah, we've been making posters.

95
00:07:39,283 --> 00:07:40,994
How's this one?

96
00:07:43,460 --> 00:07:46,276
Shelly, that's just a picture
of a girl with a big butt.

97
00:07:46,301 --> 00:07:48,854
You said draw what we're looking for.

98
00:07:50,631 --> 00:07:53,432
A sweater, huh? Huh,

99
00:07:53,457 --> 00:07:57,276
is there any forensic evidence?

100
00:07:57,933 --> 00:07:59,338
What?

101
00:08:00,020 --> 00:08:03,088
Danny's been watching reruns
of "CSI: Miami" and now he's

102
00:08:03,113 --> 00:08:05,353
obsessed with David Caruso.

103
00:08:06,732 --> 00:08:13,088
Sweaters are supposed to keep you warm.
But this case, is ice cold.

104
00:08:17,582 --> 00:08:21,783
Look, I know it sounds... I
know it sounds stupid, but I

105
00:08:21,808 --> 00:08:23,916
feel like that sweater can get
me through anything and,

106
00:08:24,331 --> 00:08:26,119
my citizenship test is tomorrow.

107
00:08:26,144 --> 00:08:29,563
And I just really want to pass
it, because I guess I've always

108
00:08:29,588 --> 00:08:33,549
just felt like an outsider, and
if I pass it, then I'll finally

109
00:08:33,574 --> 00:08:34,744
feel like I belong.

110
00:08:36,595 --> 00:08:38,838
That was so cute. You know what?

111
00:08:39,565 --> 00:08:41,214
We're going to get you that sweater back.

112
00:08:41,239 --> 00:08:42,999
Yeah, where's the last place
you remember seeing it?

113
00:08:43,024 --> 00:08:47,151
Okay. Uhhhh, the only
place I went was the gym.

114
00:08:47,176 --> 00:08:49,033
Oh. Wait but didn't you go to the

115
00:08:49,058 --> 00:08:53,002
pizza place right after for
a post-gym... celebration?

116
00:08:53,027 --> 00:08:58,158
Haha, hush now, Candace. I
guess we should check there, yeah,

117
00:08:58,183 --> 00:09:01,307
- anyway, just in case.
- This may be the only pizza

118
00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:06,221
place in town where the crust
is stuffed with, sweaters!

119
00:09:07,599 --> 00:09:10,963
- That doesn't even make sense...
- Aaaarrrggghhh!

120
00:09:12,358 --> 00:09:16,326
- Come on, let's go.
- All right. Go time.

121
00:09:16,351 --> 00:09:19,662
Please help me figure out what
the perfect birthday gift is for Leslie.

122
00:09:19,687 --> 00:09:21,738
- Yeah.
- No, hold on, please wait.

123
00:09:21,763 --> 00:09:26,849
Oh, my... trust the master.
Let's go!

124
00:09:28,174 --> 00:09:31,412
Birthday girl in the
house! It's your birthday!

125
00:09:31,437 --> 00:09:37,170
Happy, happy, what,
what. Your birthday-day.

126
00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:42,420
- So speaking of presents, what you after?
- No presents.

127
00:09:45,216 --> 00:09:49,873
If it makes you feel any better,
I know what I want for my birthday.

128
00:09:50,966 --> 00:09:52,302
Right here.

129
00:10:09,716 --> 00:10:12,787
Please tip. My name is Relentless.

130
00:10:13,214 --> 00:10:16,302
Uh, yeah, excuse me. Uh...

131
00:10:16,335 --> 00:10:22,099
Mr. Lentless, uh, listen, turns
out that you found my buddy's

132
00:10:22,124 --> 00:10:24,865
sweater, so he needs it back
so he can be an American.

133
00:10:25,088 --> 00:10:26,779
No, dude, I'm not doing that.

134
00:10:26,804 --> 00:10:31,402
Okay, well, Brett, we tried, looks
like you're going back to Britain.

135
00:10:33,097 --> 00:10:37,418
Obviously you're a great dancer.
And I don't want to toot my own

136
00:10:37,443 --> 00:10:41,808
horn, but "beep, beep"!
Been known to stomp a few yards.

137
00:10:43,717 --> 00:10:48,089
Anyway. Do you think you can help us
out, one dancer to another?

138
00:10:48,702 --> 00:10:51,121
Sorry, dude. Finders keepers.

139
00:10:52,199 --> 00:10:57,238
According to the ancient laws of battle
that does make us "losers weepers".

140
00:10:57,609 --> 00:10:59,043
You know what dude? All right, look.

141
00:10:59,068 --> 00:11:01,832
How about this? Our crew is going
to dance battle with your crew,

142
00:11:01,857 --> 00:11:03,972
tomorrow at the bar at 12 o'clock, okay?

143
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:06,797
If we win we get the sweater
back, if you win you

144
00:11:06,822 --> 00:11:09,676
get to keep it and Justin’s
going to throw in $100.

145
00:11:09,701 --> 00:11:11,207
Make it $500.

146
00:11:11,317 --> 00:11:13,293
- Whoa! What is happening.
- Thanks Justin.

147
00:11:13,317 --> 00:11:15,472
- You're on.
- Whoo!

148
00:11:15,497 --> 00:11:17,761
- Are you insane?
- No, no, no, it's going to be fine.

149
00:11:17,786 --> 00:11:19,496
Let's go Google "dancing"

150
00:11:30,465 --> 00:11:32,383
- Where's your crew?
- Hey, what's up?

151
00:11:32,408 --> 00:11:35,855
My crew is actually stretching
to avoid injury. Duh!

152
00:11:36,339 --> 00:11:37,597
But game on!

153
00:11:37,622 --> 00:11:40,128
Hey, crew, come on out here. Game time.

154
00:11:40,307 --> 00:11:42,636
Say hello to Danny’s Boyz.

155
00:11:44,893 --> 00:11:48,863
Actually, Haha, we have girls on the crew,

156
00:11:48,888 --> 00:11:52,168
so I say we call our-self
"Justin’s Boys and Girls".

157
00:11:55,082 --> 00:12:00,712
If uh, you could go and find a fair
judge to help us do this dance battle.

158
00:12:00,737 --> 00:12:02,877
Uh, excuse me, stranger.

159
00:12:12,525 --> 00:12:14,289
Yes, my son?

160
00:12:15,465 --> 00:12:18,711
I was working on a sermon
on honesty and fairness.

161
00:12:20,204 --> 00:12:22,531
Well, wondered if you
can't take time out of

162
00:12:22,556 --> 00:12:24,391
your busy day to judge
our dance battle, huh?

163
00:12:24,416 --> 00:12:27,625
Hm, no, let me pray on it.

164
00:12:33,859 --> 00:12:35,718
Boss says it's okay!

165
00:12:39,802 --> 00:12:41,445
All right. We'll dance.

166
00:12:41,470 --> 00:12:43,672
Let's... do this.

167
00:13:07,350 --> 00:13:10,180
Show us what you got! B-word.

168
00:13:18,499 --> 00:13:20,633
Do I have to do anything else?

169
00:13:21,331 --> 00:13:23,531
No, no, no.
You won.

170
00:13:39,602 --> 00:13:42,516
I think our dance number was very classy.

171
00:13:43,532 --> 00:13:46,719
How do you think that we did one to ten?

172
00:13:46,841 --> 00:13:49,164
Well, if I'm going to rate
you one to ten I might as well

173
00:13:49,189 --> 00:13:52,079
say you were all very, very white.

174
00:13:54,661 --> 00:13:56,844
Brett, you got 20 minutes till the test.

175
00:13:56,869 --> 00:13:58,654
Oh, what's the point? I'm going to fail.

176
00:13:58,679 --> 00:14:00,883
And then Donald Trump is going
to become president and throw me

177
00:14:00,916 --> 00:14:02,993
over his giant wall into Mexico.

178
00:14:06,745 --> 00:14:08,805
Listen, man, I know you're
upset about the sweater.

179
00:14:08,829 --> 00:14:10,462
But remember when you told me if a

180
00:14:10,487 --> 00:14:13,790
really handsome, attractive guy
with really great hair, tenderly

181
00:14:13,815 --> 00:14:15,680
touches your face you could do anything?

182
00:14:15,833 --> 00:14:18,798
Well I want you to know, that
you don't need that to happen.

183
00:14:18,823 --> 00:14:21,929
- You can do it all yourself.
- Look, Danny, I'm not that

184
00:14:21,954 --> 00:14:24,766
easily manipulated. Okay?

185
00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:32,102
But by god you are right,
sir! I can do this on my own.

186
00:14:32,127 --> 00:14:35,376
Thank you, Danny. 'Murica!

187
00:14:39,769 --> 00:14:42,657
That was... that was cool.
Maybe you could help me out

188
00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:44,368
getting your sister a birthday gift.

189
00:14:44,393 --> 00:14:46,602
I'm willing to pretty much
spend every penny I have, too.

190
00:14:46,627 --> 00:14:53,227
Sorry, but unfortunately for you,
a penny saved is a penny burned!

191
00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:58,665
Okay, fine.

192
00:14:59,070 --> 00:15:04,694
Danny, I know that you
and I aren't... put your...

193
00:15:04,719 --> 00:15:06,704
Sorry. I know that you and...

194
00:15:06,729 --> 00:15:08,407
we're not the closest in this
group and that's fine.

195
00:15:08,432 --> 00:15:11,282
Truth is I always figured if I actually
really needed you for something,

196
00:15:11,307 --> 00:15:14,118
which I do, that you would come
through for me like a friend.

197
00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:17,243
I was, I was wrong.

198
00:15:17,922 --> 00:15:21,985
Barnski, wait. What's
the deal with Barnski?

199
00:15:22,923 --> 00:15:25,133
Burski. Maybe he's a little pissed

200
00:15:25,158 --> 00:15:27,774
because to help Brett,
you formed a dance crew.

201
00:15:33,673 --> 00:15:36,180
Stop it. What is that?

202
00:15:36,205 --> 00:15:37,548
It's not going to work on me, all right?

203
00:15:37,573 --> 00:15:40,282
Candace get over here tell
him what I said last night.

204
00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:43,899
Yeah, it's totally normal for a grown
man to cry at the end of a movie...

205
00:15:43,924 --> 00:15:46,797
No, no, not, not that.

206
00:15:46,822 --> 00:15:48,493
- The other thing.
- Oh yeah, it's totally normal for a

207
00:15:48,518 --> 00:15:50,360
grown man to cry at the
beginning of a movie...

208
00:15:50,385 --> 00:15:53,469
You know what? We're
going to cut you off, sweetie.

209
00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:56,204
I love you but I'm going to take it. Okay.

210
00:15:56,782 --> 00:15:59,610
Look, it's possible that Burski

211
00:15:59,635 --> 00:16:01,798
could be the best thing that
could ever happen to Leslie,

212
00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:04,453
if he gets a chance. You know?

213
00:16:05,031 --> 00:16:05,985
Help him.

214
00:16:12,011 --> 00:16:16,204
You don't deserve to be part
of this dance crew.

215
00:16:17,516 --> 00:16:19,383
Your uniform, sir.

216
00:16:36,251 --> 00:16:40,985
Introducing my new American friend, Brett!

217
00:16:49,523 --> 00:16:51,682
Way to go, citizen.

218
00:16:52,070 --> 00:16:55,383
What are you going to do first?
Get diabetes or buy a gun?

219
00:16:56,977 --> 00:16:59,106
I know! I'm so excited.

220
00:16:59,477 --> 00:17:03,461
Look, I know it sounds corny,
but this is the best country.

221
00:17:03,975 --> 00:17:07,336
I know it's a great country.
Even though they don't nominate

222
00:17:07,361 --> 00:17:09,531
any black people for an Oscar.

223
00:17:13,943 --> 00:17:16,327
Hey, congrats man but I
hope you're not the only

224
00:17:16,352 --> 00:17:18,469
person with a success
story today, because I

225
00:17:18,494 --> 00:17:20,984
found a birthday gift for Leslie.

226
00:17:21,009 --> 00:17:22,086
Oh. Oh, my gosh!

227
00:17:22,111 --> 00:17:26,672
Is this a cashmere scarf?
Oh, it's so... wealthy.

228
00:17:27,578 --> 00:17:31,172
Oh, look at me.
I'm so rich! Oh.

229
00:17:32,624 --> 00:17:35,621
Cocktails. Caviar.

230
00:17:35,646 --> 00:17:38,023
Health insurance.

231
00:17:40,804 --> 00:17:42,804
That's a great gift Bursk.

232
00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:45,788
- She's going to love it.
- No, Leslie is going to hate it

233
00:17:47,273 --> 00:17:50,789
She is man. I mean every... Look,
her ex-husband used to get her

234
00:17:50,814 --> 00:17:54,289
something expensive every time
he used to do something crappy to her.

235
00:17:54,314 --> 00:17:56,078
Honestly, if you just get
her an expensive gift

236
00:17:56,103 --> 00:17:58,104
it's going to remind her
of those crappy times.

237
00:17:58,502 --> 00:18:02,797
Look, if you really want to get
on my sister's good side,

238
00:18:04,437 --> 00:18:06,750
give her this candy necklace.

239
00:18:11,039 --> 00:18:12,739
I'm just supposed to trust you on that?

240
00:18:13,029 --> 00:18:16,117
I guess you got to decide on
whether or not you believe I'm your friend.

241
00:18:26,569 --> 00:18:31,233
Uh, hey, Les, I know you
asked for us not to

242
00:18:31,258 --> 00:18:33,014
do this, but I know
you've been a little down

243
00:18:33,039 --> 00:18:35,719
and I kind of wanted to
get you a birthday gift.

244
00:18:40,078 --> 00:18:44,929
- I hope you like it.
- You got me a candy necklace?

245
00:18:46,391 --> 00:18:48,344
I love it!

246
00:18:54,681 --> 00:18:57,196
When I was a kid and I
would get bummed out like

247
00:18:57,221 --> 00:18:59,133
when my mom was being
lame or when our dog died

248
00:18:59,158 --> 00:19:02,211
I used to bike down to Market
Street and I would buy one of

249
00:19:02,236 --> 00:19:05,742
these because who can stay bummed out
when you can eat what you're wearing?

250
00:19:07,570 --> 00:19:09,344
Thanks, Bursk.

251
00:19:09,563 --> 00:19:14,148
Hey. Do you want to take me
out for a belated birthday dinner?

252
00:19:14,953 --> 00:19:16,406
Yeah.

253
00:19:21,353 --> 00:19:27,516
I, um, I have to stop by somewhere to pawn
off this cashmere scarf first, though.

254
00:19:29,609 --> 00:19:32,555
Technically, this would
be our first date, yes?

255
00:19:33,695 --> 00:19:35,586
Sure. Why not?

256
00:19:43,178 --> 00:19:44,854
Hey, man, you better
not turn this into a

257
00:19:44,879 --> 00:19:46,716
long moment about
friendship where you start

258
00:19:46,741 --> 00:19:48,000
talking on and on, okay?

259
00:19:48,633 --> 00:19:49,774
I won't.

260
00:19:50,055 --> 00:19:53,642
Because after what I just saw you do I
don't think I could find the words.

261
00:19:55,758 --> 00:19:59,813
- ♪ Oh say can you see ♪
- But I will say this...

262
00:19:59,838 --> 00:20:03,459
- God bless Danny Burton.
- ♪ by the dawn's early light ♪

263
00:20:03,484 --> 00:20:08,221
- God bless these United States of America.
- ♪ What so proudly we hailed ♪

264
00:20:08,246 --> 00:20:13,959
And if we get another season, god bless
the National Broadcast Company!

265
00:20:17,953 --> 00:20:23,375
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --