I'm fucked up.
- You are? - Yeah.
I'm fucked up now.
- Yeah. - Ugh! Oh, my God.
Oh, the room's dizzy. I'm so dizzy.
Are you having bad thoughts?
Yeah.
Ugh.
I want it to be over. 'Cause it just doesn't feel good.
- Edible weed is the best. - It's the best.
I'm gonna get really high.
I got my weed card just for you.
- You did? For this dinner? - Yeah.
I went to a shady weed place in the Valley.
And my guy was like, "Tell me your symptoms in two words or less."
And they have a list of what's okay symptoms and what's not.
I go, "Uh, headaches." Then I go, "And..." And he goes, "No."
- So, which dish is this? - This is our tomato bisque soup.
A tomato bisque soup. Which weed is in this one?
- OG Kush. - Okay.
- Are there any drugs... - That I haven't done?
Yeah, that you're almost scared to do?
Yeah, I'm scared to do Ayahuasca.
- I mean, I'm not really scared. - Yeah.
But I've read a lot about it, and it intrigues me.
I would be scared to shoot heroin.
But if it were legal, I would shoot heroin with a doctor,
giving me a safe amount, so I could just experience the intensity.
I like to experience every possible experience that I can have.
I just can't believe that weed isn't legal absolutely everywhere.
Especially when it makes people so friendly and nice.
- That's a good drug. - It is.
Can we get high and go to the beach?
"This is warm and feels great."
To me, that's my experience in Ecstasy when I'm at the beach.
You like it?
She once had sex with this guy when we were waiting tables.
You had to preface it with this.
This was my first time doing Ecstasy, and he had really rough skin,
and we made out for, like, ever. And then it got infected because...
That was disgusting, actually.
- I remember. - It was really disgusting.
You were walking around in shame. 'Cause then you come down...
There have been some highs where you get super horny, and there are some times...
Like, the last times I've done Molly, I'm not like...
You don't get touchy-feely. Molly's not as touchy...
Why are you laughing at me?
I just had a funny memory come back from the last time we did it.
- Not everybody knew we were doing it. - Right, right.
You got up and straddled me.
- And kissed my ear. - I did?
You're not touchy-feely at all.
And then, when you got off me, and a guy was like...
"What the fuck is going on here?"
I don't have, like, a favorite high.
Like, all highs, they're kind of equivalent.
Yeah, but the next day with weed is so much easier.
But you don't have the hangover.
I've seen you work out at 7:00 a.m. the next day after partying all night.
I am actually in a better mood after I've had a night of drinking.
Like, when I would go on a cleanse and not drink
for eight or ten days... It's awful.
That's true. There was that little period
where you were super healthy and it was like...
- I remember that. - Yeah!
They'd walk out and they'd say, "How's it going in there?"
"She's on a cleanse." "Oh, fuck!"
Synced & corrected by -robtor- www.addic7ed.com
I was really anti-drugs growing up, which is obviously ironic.
My parents didn't drink.
My dad, he rarely drank. My mom was a lightweight.
It was like, anybody who smoked pot, I was really judgmental.
It's like, "How can you do that? That's terrible."
And then I, you know, tried it and was like, "Oh, wait."
I remember we just couldn't stop laughing. Like, we couldn't...
Like, my cheeks were hurting, and that feeling to me...
It's my favorite feeling in the world. So I smoked a lot of pot.
I did a ton of acid in my senior year, and we'd just, like, dance all night long.
And for somebody like me who has no rhythm,
like, you need acid to dance. Like, I needed it.
Like, I took my SATs on acid,
which didn't turn out so well for me or my SAT score, but...
I remember thinking I was quicker, I was faster, I got it.
Like, I got... You know, I was funnier.
So, as a creative person,
are you a creative person who thinks that it's mind-expanding to do drugs?
Yes. I like drugs.
I think they're good for the imagination.
I think they're good for the thought process.
So, what do you think about sobriety?
- I think you said you don't... - Boring.
...trust people who are sober or something?
- No, I do. I mean... - That's a joke?
I have a lot of friends that are sober because of AA.
I think rehab sounds like a big black bummer.
I mean, I'm very aware that I, you know, drink too much.
People would say, "Oh, you drink too much."
For me, I don't feel a lot of guilt about that. I think that's fun.
I've always been attracted to being bad. Like, I like being bad. It's fun.
So you don't think you're glorifying alcohol or...
I glorify the lifestyle that I lead. I definitely glorify it.
I think it's... it's glorifiable.
Marijuana is so sexy right now.
This is a plant that's gonna make this country rich again.
Colorado has been raking in profits.
And investors have been piling into
the marijuana market in droves.
I think it's probably going to be the biggest growth business
over the next ten years.
Welcome to the future Amsterdam of the West.
My clientele is very upscale.
We are members of what we refer to as high society.
In fact, we just designed a 14-karat gold and pavé diamond vaporizer.
Singer-songwriter Willie Nelson
is getting in on the pot business, complete with his own brand.
You order an ounce, you can get a full Nelson.
Half ounce is a half Nelson.
Willie is 81 years old and he's, uh, still flying high,
- as they say. - Yeah.
- Hey, there! - Hey, how you doing?
- You look cute. - Thank you very much.
- Hi. Enjoying the rain. - How you doing?
- Hey, there, how are you? - Hey!
- This is Annie, my wife. - Nice to meet you.
This is a nice little pad you got yourself here.
How's your weed company?
Well, we're just kinda kicking it off, but it seems to be fairly, uh, popular.
Your publicist was telling me
that you guys have really good weed to go to sleep.
Yeah, well, I think there's some experts there, you know, trying to figure out,
"This weed does this, this weed does that."
I'm trying to help test as much as I can.
- Are you? - Yeah.
I think I read somewhere that you said it cured your addiction to alcohol,
or helped you with your addiction to alcohol and cigarettes.
I had been smoking a lot of cigarettes, and so I decided to quit.
And every time I wanted a cigarette, I'd take a hit off the weed.
Uh, I didn't get much done.
But I quit cigarettes.
- Have you ever done Ayahuasca? - No.
I'm going to Peru to do Ayahuasca.
It's supposed to be one of those transformative experiences,
where you can look outside yourself, and you kind of...
People say that it changes their life.
Oh, great. I'll go with you.
- Yeah, you could come. - Yeah.
Um, a lot of people smoke pot when they do Ayahuasca.
Do you have any Willie Reserve that I can try?
I mean, that's kind of...
- You're the curator. - We can test it.
That's one that's a potential.
So, these two... You're coming out now with a line of weed, right?
And we don't know what it is yet.
And so how many people do you have working at this company?
I don't know. There's, uh, you know, there's a few gals up in Colorado.
I call them the High Women.
- Did you do a lot of other drugs? - Well, I have, but I'm not now.
Did you do LSD? You must have done that, right?
I've tried it.
- Right. - But, no, I didn't like that.
Uh, it lasted too long.
I guess if it had lasted 40 minutes, it may have been okay.
- But 12 hours is too goddamn... - That is the problem with LSD.
You're like, "What the fuck? Still fucking high, like, a day later."
I ate too many cookies one time, and I thought I was dying.
I could feel the flesh falling off the bones.
Yeah, yeah, 'cause you get... every hour, you get higher.
And then you think, "It's not hitting me, it's not hitting me,"
and then you double-down and then you're... It's like a bath.
And has there ever been a pot you've smoked that you didn't like?
I've said this before. Pot's like sex.
Some's better than others, but it's all good.
- Like pizza? - Yeah. Sort of, yeah.
Do you think that this is gonna be your legacy, besides music,
that you've brought marijuana to the masses?
Oh, I think it might be one of the funny ones.
- It is good, right? - Yeah.
It's a cool way for people to remember you.
- Why not? Why not? - Yeah!
Do you get stoned before you go on stage?
- Probably, yes. I just did. - That's the right answer.
♪ Roll me up and smoke me when I die ♪
♪ And if anyone don't like it Just look 'em in the eye ♪
♪ I didn't come here, and I ain't leavin' So don't sit around and cry ♪
♪ Just roll me up and smoke me When I die ♪
So you're a neuroscientist, so what does that mean, exactly?
So I basically study the brain and its relationship to behavior.
I do things like FMRI, like neuroimaging.
So we can see in real time, different types of brain activation.
We also do experiments with drugs, so we give people different drugs
and see how it affects their brain and their behavior.
So, I took a 5-hour Energy drink with one thing of Adderall,
- which is five milligrams, I guess? - Okay.
- Is it five milligrams? - Yeah.
So why did you want to... What's your interest in drugs that...
'Cause I just think everybody abuses so many things.
I certainly have, you know.
I've abused so many drugs or sleeping pills or...
But I think it's important to just kinda demonstrate, like,
what's good for you, what's not good for you.
Not to mix certain things.
So, how are you feeling right now? Like, just physiologically, first.
I feel a little bit, like, high, like, I'm hyper-focusing.
Like, I'm like, blah.
If you put your hands out like this, are you shaking a little?
- Little bit. Yeah. - Yeah, you got a little jitter.
What's the thing about Adderall?
If you need it, you don't feel this effect.
So, a person who needs it,
it'll just help them focus a bit more when they're normally not able to focus.
- Right. - Whereas, if you're already able to focus,
it might actually be a cognitive enhancement for you.
So, when I... When you take...
I already forgot what I was going to say. Maybe I'm not that focused.
Yeah, that's interesting.
Yeah, what the fuck is that?
Maybe we can do some tests, just to see how it's affecting you.
- Let's do a memory test. - Okay.
- So, you're learning Spanish, right? - Yeah.
So, how old are you?
Yeah.
I'll try to combine them. Where is the ugly, stupid pharmacy?
You're very good at this. We need something harder for you.
Oh, shit!
- Are we allowing two bounces? - No, we're not.
Sometimes, I wear a tennis skirt when I play this.
No, you don't.
Yeah, you're not really challenged by this.
- Let's do a DUI test. - Okay.
- I've done this before. A-B-C-D-E-F-G... - Right, can you touch your nose?
Oh, I feel wobbly.
Left foot, blue.
Oh, fuck. My ass is in your face.
Left, purple.
You know what? Maybe, yeah, this isn't the drug for me.
Just wanna sort of look at what your focus is and your attention.
We're gonna have you draw a female.
This is her vagina.
And these are her boobies. Boom, boom.
So she's naked.
So, you know, you're not kind of a closed-off...
And we kind of know this about you, but you're not a closed-off person...
What are you talking about? Who knows that about me?
- And she's... - But she's happy.
She's happy, though.
I mean, if you looked like this, wouldn't you be excited?
Just with this drug, do you feel like you would take it again? Or like...
I don't feel like myself, so I feel a little bit like I don't...
I would not... I don't think I'll take it again,
and I don't feel like I need to be amped up like that.
Yeah, maybe you're more into the downers.
Yeah, maybe.
Well, we'll try some Ambien later.
- That'll be fun. - Yeah, we'll try Ambien later.
With alcohol, 'cause I wanna see what that is.
Yeah. Not that I would ever recommend that...
- No! Nor would I. - Yeah.
Do you have sex with your wife when you're high?
Yeah.
- Do you like sex on weed? - I do, I do.
- Me, too. - What makes it different?
You're gonna find out tonight.
When I'm stoned, I don't ever, like, wanna do anything sexual.
- Oh, man. - Yeah, I don't. You don't?
She's disappointed. She's spending the night.
"I guess I'm calling an Uber."
- On a rotary phone. - "Hello?"
- I'm pretty stoned. Are you? - I'm feeling pretty good.
- Yeah? - My eyelids are getting heavy.
- Yeah, are they? - Yeah, that's all right.
Okay, so what you have now is a braised lamb with gnocchi.
- That's an interesting cocktail. - Yes.
You know what?
After everyone finishes their food, can we wipe these off?
'Cause I'm building a patio in my backyard.
- I'm gonna need some stones. - Some stones just like this?
So if everyone would just wipe their plate.
I think the worst drug I've ever done... I did... I did crystal meth once.
Oh, my God! You did crystal meth?
- Because somebody told me it was coke... - White trash!
- So he told me it was coke. - But you smoke crystal meth.
Uh, no, a line.
- Oh, you snorted it? Okay. - Yeah.
And they were like, "It's coke," and I was like, "Okay."
And then I was like, "That burns," and they're like, "It's meth!"
And then I was like, "Ahh!"
All of a sudden, you lost three teeth.
It was the worst two days of my life. It was terrible.
Isn't it amazing that you can snort anything?
Like, people snort Adderall. They snort it.
- Some people snort heroin. - Ecstasy.
And Ecstasy is really... People are really irresponsible with that.
Because I've been around people who do nine or ten pills a night of Molly.
And mix it with booze, which you're not supposed to do.
Well, you can mix it with booze.
I mean... I mean, I can.
There was one time, I said to you, "I have a really bad headache,"
and you were like, "Well, go into my purse."
And I found an extra-large Excedrin Migraine.
- I took two. - And?
I was in outer space. It was Vicodin.
Really?
I believe it. I believe it.
I've definitely given people drugs and encouraged them to do it.
Yeah.
My doctor gave me something, Percocet,
the other day for the last injury I had.
"I'll write you a bottle for..." And I go, "Please don't."
I go, "'Cause I'll do them recreationally. Just give me what I need."
And maybe two extra."
Oh, my face.
I'm gonna pontificate, but, like, when I'm high,
I feel a little more chatty than usual.
It's one of those things where there's, like, $4 billion spent
on drugs, or prescription drugs, every year.
And like...
I don't know, I can't finish my thought.
This is ridiculous right now.
Okay, so, I'm gonna take an Ambien, but I need a glass of water for it.
I wanna show people what happens when they drink and take Ambien.
So, I would never recommend taking Ambien and drinking.
Just for the record.
No, you wouldn't recommend taking Ambien and drinking.
This is not a recommendation from you. I want to show to people what happens
when you get fucked up and you take a sleeping pill and you stay awake.
- Yeah. - I think a lot of people abuse this,
and they drink a lot, excessively, and they go home.
And people say, "Don't combine sleeping pills with alcohol."
Obviously, that's a no-no, but I've done it.
And the last time I took Ambien, I was in a casino in Connecticut,
at a Blackjack table, in my robe, with my eye shades...
- No. - Yeah.
Smoking a cigarette, and then I doubled-down on 20.
- So, here we go again. - So, that was the last time I took it.
The problem is, when you start combining drugs,
like, if you combine a hypnotic drug with alcohols,
it has a synergistic effect,
'cause they're both things that are slowing down the nervous system.
And if you take them in combination... I mean, people can die
because it slows you down to the point of, like, where your respiration stops.
Right. So, I took one five-milligram.
I just took the second, so that's ten milligrams, and then...
Ten milligrams, and a couple... How much alcohol did you drink?
This is my second cocktail.
- So, let's see... - Okay. And it's just straight vodka.
So, all right. I have no idea.
Um, okay, okay. We're gonna do this.
Are you okay? You're good?
Why don't you speak a few sentences in Spanish,
read them, and then I'll tell you what they mean in English?
Okay.
- Um, I... eat... - Mmm-hmm.
- No idea what that means. - "I eat..."
Like, I definitely feel the weight of my brain is getting, like, weighty.
- It's getting... - Yeah, I feel heavy.
- I feel heavy. - Right now, just observing you,
your eyelids are kinda getting lower, and you're looking like,
you know, you have that kind of fucked-up look to you.
And it's like that is...
I like that look.
Yeah.
I'd like you to also do the ABCs.
- Okay. A-B-C-D... - And it has to be heel to...
And do the finger to the nose.
No, it's not working.
No, it's not working, it shouldn't fucking be working.
Right foot, green.
Hmm.
This could be a problem.
- Hold on. - Okay.
- Wait. - No, you can't take your hands off.
- Okay. All right. - You have to keep them where they were.
I can't do it.
I would like you to draw your mother.
- Okay. She had red, curly, curly hair. - Mmm.
These would be her feet.
And then, my dad would be, like, bigger head.
He's always reaching out to somebody.
He's probably trying to give her a bagel. Let's make that a bagel.
- I am a little girl. - Mmm.
Very confused about why my parents don't have a bank account.
And I'm going, "Where is the money?"
I have one sister who looked like that cartoon character, Cathy.
And then, Glen has another family, one, two, three, four, five.
Right. Was there a third one?
- My brother died. So... - Oh.
- Boom, boom, boom, boom. - Okay. He went out.
So, this looks like it's telling a lot about your situation growing up.
It just seems that you're getting a little bit deeper into your own...
- Psychosis? - Yeah.
Probably now, than you were, maybe before, like, on Adderall.
So, like, how are you feeling right now?
Yeah, you're pretty chill.
Chunk looks at me with judgment.
I don't know if you can see him, but he fucking looks at me.
Oh, my God. He does.
And he knows. Every moment, he's like, "Are you fucked up? What's your problem?"
If I am really fucked up, he is, like, so judgmental.
I wish he could do drugs, so he could understand what it's like to be judged.
Now I'm, like, very tired.
- Yeah, you wanna sleep. Yeah. - Yeah.
- Hold on. - All right, good night.
All right, anyway, see you first thing in the morning.
Okay, 'night.
- Good morning. - Good morning.
- How are you feeling? - Tired.
- Yeah. Did you sleep well, after... - No, I slept like shit.
I was on my Duolingo, playing that until, like, midnight.
And today, I'm tired, my eyes are tired. I'm not physically... Like, I'm not tired.
- I'm just mentally tired, right. - But you're mentally... Yeah.
Between the Adderall and then the Ambien, I woke up...
- I'm like, ugh, I'm annoyed. - Yeah.
So, it's like sleeping pills... That was bad. I don't like Ambien.
It was interesting when you took the Ambien,
what it did was really make you uninhibited and open you up.
So, when we did, for example, like, draw-a-person...
Oh, did we do the drawing test last night?
- Oh, you don't remember that? - No, I don't remember that.
Oh, that's interesting.
You got really into it. You drew your family.
- You don't remember this? Wow. - I have no recollection of that.
We can maybe just go over it, and talk about it.
- Yeah, show me, I'd like to see, too. - So...
- Oh, my God. - Do you remember this?
- What the fuck is that? - No?
That's my dad, my mom.
- Oh, that arrow was for my dead brother? - Yeah.
- That's so fucked up. - Yeah.
- Now it's... - It's coming back to you, right?
I mean, it's interesting to show that it has an amnesic effect.
- Yeah. - You can still pull up the memories,
it's not like they're completely repressed.
But it opens up these emotional centers
that, maybe, you're normally keeping suppressed.
So, if I took Ambien every single night, what would happen to my brain?
It really can dull you and numb you, and then you become dependent on these,
and you can't even function without them.
In the long run, you're better off learning other techniques
to try to get to sleep, rather than just popping a pill,
because it loses its effect, as well.
If you start abusing things, and taking them all the time,
you're always gonna need more and more.
- Hi. - Nice meeting you.
Oh, wow. This is really a lab.
- It is for real. - Yeah.
We're there. We're doing some research here.
So, what are you trying to accomplish here?
Are you trying to come up with cures for addiction?
- Yeah, well, that's the main goal. - Did you use drugs?
When I was young, I had a problem, yeah, for sure.
- Oh, you did? You had a problem? - Yeah. Yeah.
So you don't like to party anymore?
- No, that's over. Those days are over. - Oh, okay. Yeah.
- I'm still an addict, though. - You're an addict?
I smoke cigarettes. I've been smoking cigarette for 20 years.
That's the easiest one to kick.
I mean, even I kicked it until a couple nights ago.
It is so not. Oh, that's such a lie.
- No, it is. It is. - Could you tell me your secret, then?
Well, French people love to smoke. So do Asian people, by the way.
Take a good look at them.
So, tell me how this works.
So you get cocaine, and you inject it into the rats.
Now, are you getting good cocaine?
Like, high-end cocaine? Or are you getting street shit?
We get 99%. You're never gonna get better cocaine than that.
- Really? - Yeah. And actually, we don't...
- Where do you get it from? - Straight from the DEA.
They give you the best, the highest grade of cocaine?
Yeah, you wanna have pure, that's what you're doing.
But that's taking away cocaine from
all the other people in the world that wanna use it...
- I think we should give even more to rats. - ...to give to rats.
- Actually, we don't give them to rats... - That's pretty fucked up.
- ...the rats take it themselves. - Oh, wow. Okay.
We have a little button that they push and then they get the drug.
If they don't want it, they don't have to push the lever.
- But they always want it. Mmm-hmm. - Exactly.
- What's the most addictive drugs? - I would say nicotine and heroin.
When you look at the stats in human, and when you look at the data in the rats,
it's the same thing.
- Do you ever test alcohol on rats? - Yes.
Monday, Wednesday, Friday, they are allowed to party for 24 hour.
- Really? That's a great schedule. - Yes, that's what we do.
We're actually doing, right now, a study on heroin dependence.
- That's the rat brain that we use. - A rat's brain?
That's a rat brain. So, what we do is we put an electrode right there,
in the middle of the brain, and when we activate that electrode,
- the rat stops seeking heroin. - Okay.
Rats that have been highly dependent on heroin...
- Immediately, they stop seeking heroin? - Immediately.
And so, when is this gonna come out onto the market?
Well, it has to be published first.
- Yeah, right. - Okay?
Yeah, medicine's a real kick in the pants.
And then it takes about five to ten years.
What happens when you do damage to your brain...
'Cause I've partied a lot, you know? Obviously, you can tell by my face.
But when you have done a lot of damage to your brain, is it reversible?
Most of the damage, I would believe, are reversible.
Even if you lost some neurons, other can compensate for that.
So, do you think there are people that can abuse drugs that aren't addicts?
- I'm just asking for a friend. - Yeah. Oh, for sure.
In theory, you can take it as long as it's spaced out in time.
So, if you're gonna do Molly, what's the optimal time to space it out?
No more than once. And then you stop it.
- You do one time, ever in your life? - And then you stop it.
Okay. As long as I can drink, I'm fine. That's all I really need.
Depends on how much you drink, though.
Well, yeah, but I'm fine. I'm waking up every day,
getting my shit together, you know what I mean?
Well, I've heard many people say that, though.
Yeah, well, maybe if it goes...
Because that's usually what you say until you get to the point where it's too late.
- And then I'm dead. - Exactly.
That's what happened to my brother-in-law.
Yeah, but I don't drink an excessive amount.
- Last night, I had... - That's exactly what he was saying.
- Yeah, but I'm not... I don't. I drink. - That's the key.
I mean, sometimes I do. When it's a holiday.
It's very difficult to know when it's too much.
- Yeah, that's true. - You know how many people die
- of addiction in the U.S.? - How many?
The Civil War, World War I, World War II combined.
500,000 a year.
- 500,000 people a year die... - 500,000 a year.
Do you think you're gonna remember this tomorrow?
You remember with pot, right?
- Yeah, you remember everything with pot. - Yeah.
I mean, I've never done weed to this extent,
so I can't base this on a previous experience.
But you've been drunk, and not remember what you did.
Yeah, I have a couple babies out there in the world.
- Why're you laughing? - Who's laughing now?
I don't feel like I've ever blocked out anything.
- On anything? - On alcohol, I have.
Well, on booze, of course, but no, not on Ecstasy.
Or pot. I feel like I always remember.
I think.
- Oh, God. - What's the most scared you've...
Have you ever been scared, where you've been like,
"I think I just did too much of that."
Has there ever been one of those times where you scared yourself a little bit?
There have been nights where I've been like,
"Oh, my God, I can't believe I'm alive," but I really, generally, like...
- You know when you're overdoing it. - Yeah.
For me, I feel the toughest time in my life
was when I was taking, um, sleeping pills all the time...
- 'cause I was completely reliant on them. - Mmm-hmm.
We waitressed together when she... How old were... I was 20 when I met you?
- Twenty? Okay. - Yeah, 19, 20, yeah.
When we were doing all that coke, did you think we had a problem?
- No. No. - Did you think we were...
- You didn't? - Well, because it was on the weekends,
and it was recreational, like, "I don't care."
- Did you think you had a problem? - Did you...
Yeah, that's a better question.
I've never really thought I've had a drug problem,
but I know other people have thought I've had a drug problem.
- Did you ever think I had a drug problem? - Yeah.
- You did? - Yeah.
- You did? - Yeah, yeah.
- Really? - Yeah.
- When? At work? - Oh, man, we're getting...
- We're getting down and dirty. - Uh... yeah.
There was a point in time there where I thought you did.
- Really? - Uh-huh.
I was confronted by people who wanted to talk to me about...
- They wanted to do an intervention? - They did.
- And I was like... - Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
I'm glad that didn't happen.
Can you imagine people having an...
You walking into that room, like...
- "Fuck all of you." - "Fuck you."
- "Get out." - Yeah, that would be...
"Get out."
I've done a lot of drugs, but I've never been, like...
- "I have a problem." - "I have a problem." No.
Isn't the person with the problem the last to know?
Exactly.
It's usually not the drug addict that's like...
You're not scheduling your own intervention.
"You guys. Guess what?"
"I don't know if any of you noticed, I'm fucked up a lot of the time."
First of all, how many years have you been sober?
- I just had my 20-year birthday. Mmm-hmm. - Twenty years sober.
And how many years have you been married?
- Thirty-seven. - Okay.
That's what keeps a long marriage together.
Seriously.
If you could arrange for that kind of setup, and be like,
"Listen, for the first 17 years, I'm not gonna be completely available,"
then it would probably last a lot longer.
But in all reality, when I got married, I was normal.
- Okay. - I wasn't an addict at that point.
Are you blaming Irving for being an addict?
Yes.
So, you've been to rehab how many times?
- I've been in rehab five times. Mmm-hmm. - Five times.
Nobody would ever think that
someone who had to go to rehab five times would ever succeed.
What was the first time for?
Uh, cocaine. My using always centered around my weight.
- Mmm-hmm. - The first year of my marriage,
I found out I was pregnant, and gained 80 pounds.
I know.
I'm so glad I didn't know you then.
How did you gain 80 pounds? That's like 18 babies.
Yeah, and right after I had the baby, uh...
started using cocaine at a much more advanced pace.
But Irving wasn't doing cocaine.
Irving never, ever liked drugs of any sort,
and he really didn't drink.
And it rapidly became a huge problem in my marriage.
He decided the only way to... get through to me would be to move out.
And... he did.
I basically said, "No problem, fine, good-bye,"
- because I was in the cloud. - Mmm-hmm.
I had no real understanding of what was going on.
And was able to take care of my kids to some degree,
but their school...
obviously, could tell that I wasn't...
- Functioning? - Functioning normally.
So, they knew you had a drug problem?
When I volunteered to drive on a field trip...
and the, uh, school administrator said,
"I'm sorry, Shelli, we can't allow you to drive kids."
My life was out of control.
I woke up on the floor of my sister's living room.
I'd been up for 48 hours.
Uh, the kids were with Irving...
and I had what is called "a moment of clarity."
And I said, "I wanna go to rehab today."
And that was the biggest turning point in my life.
That was the moment I realized that I couldn't do it on my own.
And that life, as I had been leading it, was not good.
Public enemy number one in the United States is drug abuse.
It is necessary to wage a new, all-out offensive.
Nixon announced the War on Drugs
when I was put in charge of the narcotic enforcement effort
for the Los Angeles Police Department.
Forty years ago today, this country started a war.
Police! Get on the ground!
Okay, okay. Okay.
We have imprisoned 43 million people for non-violent drug offenses.
We've fractured communities. We divided families.
Today, the federal drug control budget's
more than 17 times higher than 1971.
But drug use hasn't gone down, it's gone up.
Each year, I failed. I didn't stop the flow of drugs,
I didn't have anything to do with reducing addiction.
The Global Commission on Drug Policy
claims the War on Drugs has failed.
Many groups call for decriminalizing drugs and putting more emphasis on treatment.
The answer is, treat drug addiction as a health problem,
not a criminal justice problem.
In the last 40 years, we spent $1.3 trillion on this drug war.
We have accomplished nothing.
This is it. This is the Nickel, this is 5th Street,
downtown Los Angeles, Skid Row.
- And that's... - That's the police station.
- It's like the West Bank wall. - It's like a third world country.
So you can just pretty much just buy drugs anywhere, right?
Anywhere you want, right out in the open like a trade bazaar in Morocco.
All right, so tell me about yourself.
You are a reformed heroin addict/junkie.
That's about it. That's what they say.
I always wanted to be a drug addict. I like Jack Kerouac.
My father was gone. He killed himself when I was 15.
Did you say you always wanted to be a drug addict?
Yeah, I just want to be outside the law and outside society.
I saw this old blues musician and I knew he knew...
- How to do heroin? - How to get it.
- Did you shoot it for the first time, or... - He shot me up.
And he kind of mentored me in drug addiction.
- I mean, I was a... - Sounds quite like a great guy.
I'm not saying there's a right or wrong about this.
- I'm just saying how it is. - No, I mean, anybody...
If you want to get fucked up, you can find somebody to help you get fucked up.
'Cause you shoot heroin and then you feel what?
What does it feel like?
It feels like being in your mother's womb. It feels safe.
That's why it's so insidious,
because, for $20, you can go from a chaotic, hopeless, helpless state
into a state of bliss.
- And how long does that bliss last? - Couple hours.
- And did you OD? - Many times.
I went all the way, to the point when I got down here,
I didn't care whether I lived or died every day.
So how many times did you go to rehab?
- Twenty-four times. - Twenty-four times?
Well, most people would say, "This 24th time isn't gonna be a charm."
It was not.
- Was your... - The LA County Jail was the charm.
- Oh, really? - Yeah.
- So you got arrested for what? Stealing? - Many...
Yes, cars.
- And you had to detox in jail? - Yes.
- And how was that? - That was very unpleasant.
You know, you're so trapped in self-pity and self-delusion...
- right? - Yeah.
That something has to shatter it. Reality has to shatter through.
I lived so selfishly at the expense of everybody who loved me,
uh, that I wanted to turn it around
and, kind of, live with the care and concern for the well-being of others.
- So now what do you do? What do you have... - I chase the people like me around.
- Are you a sponsor to a lot people? - Yeah, but I work with courts...
You seem sponsor-ish.
Yeah, I am, like, good at helping drug addicts get sober
with a grain of salt and with a more flexible attitude about it.
Okay, so how did you get into pills, because you have a son, right?
- I have a son, yeah. He's now 11. - Okay. Uh-huh.
Basically, what happened was I got into a very, very bad relationship.
- Oh, really? - Yeah, a couple of trips to the hospital.
Black eye, I mean, the whole...
- Oh, my God. - Yeah.
Yeah, a lot of domestic violence.
And so, being with him,
my drinking began to escalate because I was self-medicating
and I went to a doctor, like, a "Dr. Feelgood."
- Oh, okay. - Yeah.
And he prescribed, uh, Fioricet.
- Fioricet? - Yeah.
- So you started mixing that with alcohol. - Yeah.
And what kind of alcohol? Hard alcohol, wine?
No, I'm a lightweight, I'm...
- Coors Light? - No.
No, white wine.
It would be a really hard thing to have to give up. For me.
- Yes. - So, like,
what do you focus on and how do you replace that?
I don't know yet.
What made you realize you were addicted?
One day, I decided to just flush all of the pills.
- I was like, "That's it." - Mmm-hmm.
And within a couple of weeks, I was suicidal.
I took a handful of pain pills and muscle relaxants.
Immediately went, "Fuck."
And I called, um, the EMTs.
The last thing I remember was writing a good-bye letter.
Do you feel like you've ruined your life?
In many ways, yeah. Yeah.
I'm getting all... Yeah.
I lost my home, I lost my career...
I lost custody of my son.
- Do you get to see your son? - Once a month for two days.
Yeah, you really have to get your act together.
- I mean, you have no choice now. - No, I don't have a choice
because it's progressed to where it's life or death for me.
Anytime I felt like I was abusing something,
I've managed, at some point,
whether it was at that moment or a month later,
to just extricate it from my life and say,
"This is not something I'm gonna do for a long period of time."
If you did identify that you had a problem,
you would seek help?
- I don't know. - You don't know?
I don't know what I would do. I guess if I had a problem...
- I mean, I have no idea. - Mmm-hmm.
You know, there are not a lot of mornings where I wake up and I wish
I hadn't drank that much. You know, "Oh, God, I wish I hadn't."
I don't put myself into situations like that.
I'm sure I sound like somebody completely in denial,
but when I have to work,
I get home at a reasonable hour. I'm always...
People always make fun of me at how early I leave when I have to work
and when I don't have to work, I don't regret having too much fun.
Mmm-hmm. So, when you think of the obvious alcoholic,
somebody whose drinking
gets in the way of their social or occupational functioning...
What I'm hearing from you is that that doesn't happen with you.
But some people talk about the functional alcoholic, who doesn't...
Yeah, if I was an alcoholic, I'd be that one.
- Uh-huh. So the... - Like highly functioning alcoholics.
Okay, the person who gets to work
even though they're sort of hungover anyway.
- Uh-huh. - Uh-huh.
Has that ever happened to you?
- Yeah. - Yeah?
- Totally. I could probably be that. - Because it feels good?
Because you're medicating the pain of the world?
- What's it about? - No, I don't feel like I'm in pain.
I just feel like anything that's not your regular state of being
- is mind-expanding, I think. - Mmm-hmm.
I mean, going to a different part of the world that you've never been in
is the same kind of feeling, I think.
That's why I want to do Ayahuasca because it would be great
- to have a super spiritual experience. - Mmm-hmm.
Though also people, like, you know, shit their pants and vomit
and if I have to do that on camera, it's, like, great.
- But I will. - Some people see it as a religion.
Yeah, well, good for them.
- Is that too excessive for you? - Yeah, I'm not really religious.
- Okay. - You know, religious.
I'm working on a very deep level.
I'll get into an altered state without ingesting anything.
So here we go.
To the winds of the south.
Great serpent, come to us, Mother.
Hold us in this healing space. Right here, right now.
- Okay, what are you noticing? - A lot of spinning.
- It kind of feels headachy right now. - Yeah.
Okay, how does your body feel?
I'm seeing a lot of trees right now.
So that'll clear. The stone's taking that energy.
Let's sit on the couch.
- We'll talk a little and see... - Yeah, why don't you tell me what you do?
We use these ancient techniques to reach altered states of consciousness.
Okay, and how does one get into shamanry?
Well, basically, you're born with the gifts.
There's always been one person in the village,
since the beginning of humanity, who just has the ability to see things,
to use the tools to help improve the quality of life of the villagers.
- That's me. - And where's your... This is your village?
- Uh, yup, Malibu, Los Angeles. - Okay, great.
But, you know, meditation, it's not just mindful,
- it's more action, it's more movement. - Yeah?
It's poetry, dance, music, symbolism.
- Are we gonna... be dancing? - It's a much more powerful way of...
- No, we don't have to dance. - Okay, good.
I'm not a great dancer. Just no rhythm.
- I'm Jewish, so I just can't do anything. - Okay.
- Sing, dance, nothing. - Yeah. Yeah.
- All right, let's get started. - You ready?
- Do I need to take my clothes off? - No, no, you're okay.
- Unless you really want to. - Just checking.
I always like to take my clothes off.
- But I won't. - Yeah, I know that.
So, what's going on in your life? What do we want to work on?
Well, a couple of my friends and I are gonna go do Ayahuasca.
Okay.
- I want to have a really good experience. - Yeah.
- It can be intense. - Yeah, yeah.
And it can feel like it's ripping your guts out.
- Do you vomit every time you do it? - Not much anymore,
- but when I did more... - What about diarrhea? Is that a thing?
- That's a thing. - Yeah.
- Yeah, so, be prepared. - Yeah.
Like, snakes, I feel, are gonna come into it
- because I'm very fearful of snakes. - Yeah.
When you do Ayahuasca, it opens up every channel in your brain
- that you may not want open. - Open.
So it takes a kind of discipline
to direct it from this horrible path to back over here.
- So you want to go in with a plan. - Okay.
Now what we're gonna do is something
that's kind of like a mental boot camp, right?
- Okay. - So you feel safe when you're vulnerable.
So lay down. This'll be under your knees.
Okay.
Sometimes, as the energy is leaving, it can trigger the altered state
like you get on a hallucinogen or any other kind of, you know...
Okay.
We'll just see what's... I don't wanna...
- All right. - ...get too far ahead of myself,
but we'll see what's going on there.
What's this one?
This is the root chakra, the connection to The Earth.
You don't have to do anything to make that happen.
- Okay, good. - Yeah. And...
- I wouldn't know what to do. - I'm gonna sit behind you here.
What is that fire water you're spitting out?
- Cleansing plants like Sage and cedar... - Okay.
...and frankincense and myrrh...
and Bacardi 151 to keep it sterile. Strong alcohol.
- Oh, that's fun. - Yeah.
Are you noticing, if anything, Chelsea, in your body or...
What are you noticing?
Well, a significant amount of energy was stored here
because of a loss in the past life
or you lost your connection to home.
So we're clearing that, so that you're always home no matter where you are.
Okay.
I mean, I don't really necessarily disbelieve in this stuff,
but it's just never been for me.
I'd like to be spiritual. I mean, I don't...
You know, I don't know about being this spiritual.
I mean, this is a little bit... It takes up a lot of time.
But I want to be the best version of myself that I can be.
I think you have to live in Topanga Canyon for a long period of time
to get high off of meditating.
There's a whole school of people who say
every time they're praying deeply...
Like the Dalai Lama talks...
They talk about him hallucinating to the point...
They meditate to the point of getting high.
It's like the same... Why are you looking at me like that?
Am I not making any sense right now?
- You're making sense, yeah. - I follow.
It's like the same high as a heroin junkie could have.
But I don't meditate. That's why I have to do so many drugs.
- How many joints have we had? - Maybe three, four.
Each?
Wow. I don't think I've finished a whole joint before
and I've just had four.
All right, well...
Let go, let God.
Oh, good, more food.
A panic attack and a bowl for me in about 45 minutes.
I'm doing this for my family!
I think we should ask them for regular food
because I want to keep eating.
- I know! I'm so hungry. - I mean, I could eat all night long.
Hand me those tortillas and we'll make a wrap.
Anybody want a wrap for lunch?
Hand me those tortillas.
I'll make you a wrap, some Turkey.
A little sun-dried tomato.
Anyway, this pot is very low in dosage.
- Are you higher than you usually are? - Yeah.
Good luck in Peru.
You're going together?
Are you ever nervous about doing Ayahuasca?
- You got to be a little nervous. - No.
You said you had wanted to do it before, right?
Yeah, we were signed up to do it,
- and then, uh, Brooke got pregnant, so... - Oh, really?
I have a feeling it's not gonna even affect me at all.
Like, some people say they never felt anything.
How fast till it works?
- Till you shit your pants. - That's how you can tell?
They say, after... I don't know... Fast.
You'll shit your pants and you'll vomit 'cause you're weak.
You better start working out. Kettlebells.
It'll probably go through me pretty quick.
I will... I'll probably vomit. I don't see myself shitting my pants.
I mean, if that happens, it happens.
My friend just got back from Peru, doing Ayahuasca.
And she said it was the most amazing experience of her life.
And ironically, she was a big stoner and hasn't touched it since she got back.
That's what they say. It helps with addiction.
- Like, no joke. - Yeah.
And she's happier than I've ever seen her.
- Are you gonna take it seriously? - Yes, I'm...
- Like it's a spiritual journey? - Yeah, of course.
That's not my motivation.
My motivation is just to experience it, you know.
What if you come back and what happens to you
is what happens to other people where you're, like,
"Oh, I don't wanna do any other drugs anymore"?
That'd be great. I shouldn't probably do drugs anymore.
I mean, I am 40.
Just say no, hmm?
Ayahuasca is an Amazonian psychedelic brew
which literally translates as "vine of the soul."
It is made up of two different plants.
Dimethyltryptamine, better known as DMT, is a hallucinogenic
that's traditionally used during shamanic rituals in the Amazon.
It has extraordinary healing powers.
And this is the most potent psychedelic that is known.
Many millions of people around the world are drinking Ayahuasca
because they have mental, emotional or physical disorders
that have not responded to anything else.
Have you guys been to Peru?
- I've never been. - I've never been to Peru.
- Do you have snake anti-venom? - Yes.
- Let me tell you something, okay? - All right.
I will be on your fucking back when there is any chance of...
I'm not... There's not...
I'm not gonna get bitten by a snake because I can't even...
I don't even want to see a snake.
- Have you done Ayahuasca? - No.
- What are you waiting for? - Um...
Mmm.
- But it's more of a medicine than a drug. - Yes.
Actually I heard that in the past, the shaman was, was suppose to take there...
But he doesn't take it now?
Now, he just, kind of, like, smokes a cig and watches you?
All depends on the shaman.
That will be pretty great, if he had a Capri and, like, a glass of wine.
Thank you.
Hola!
- Hi, how are you? - Thank you.
Are you nervous at all?
No, you don't get nervous with stuff like this.
You really don't... Right?
I'm not really nervous.
I've understood that I'm gonna throw up, and I'm gonna vomit, and that's all right.
- It's part of the thing. - Yeah.
It's not a reflection of me as a person.
Even though it totally is.
- You guys are very nervous, though. - I think my fear is...
And you're fucking making me nervous.
- Are we making you more nervous? - No, you're not.
- My fears, right now, are superficial. - Mmm-hmm.
I think it's funny that this guy in the forest
is gonna give us a shot of something that promises transcendence and awareness.
That seems too good to be true.
I'd love to be able to conquer, sort of, my fears about being a parent and...
feeling adequate, just as a human.
I mean, that would be nice.
If I could request anything,
it would be able to look at everything in my life without being in it.
As aware as I can become is good, you know?
Sometimes, you're just so in your own life
that you don't get to look at yourself beyond... outside of yourself.
And that, to me, is always compelling,
to be able to see your life and the people around you
without being so immersed in it.
I would love for it to be life-changing.
That would be great.
Can he take us through what we're gonna be doing tomorrow?
Around 7:00, 8:00, we can start the ceremony.
We'll all go to the Maloca.
Maloca is the special hut that they make for Ayahuasca ceremonies.
Does he do it with us tomorrow?
Uh, yes, the shamans usually drink with everyone else.
Tomorrow, the day we do the ceremony, please eat very little food.
Can we have a drink tonight? Can you ask him?
He says you can have a drink tonight, but not tomorrow.
- That changes my whole night. - I've gone, like, two weeks.
- I haven't had a beer in two weeks. - Tell him it's fucking hot here.
Muy caliente.
He is encouraging you to, uh, be very aware of your own body
as well as the bodies of the people you're taking Ayahuasca with.
But no sex, right?
No sex.
Even in the tushie?
- Do you want me to ask him? - Sure.
No. No, señorita.
So, can you tell us what do you do if we're having a bad experience
or we're having very dark kind of hallucinations,
what he does?
So, he'll actually approach you,
and he's got a little, uh, implement that he'll put on your head
to bring down the visions.
So, you shouldn't go into a ceremony in fear.
You should go in with, uh, concentration and think of your desires as well.
- Okay. - Yeah.
Uh, so Don Maximo is asking if you guys are ready.
Salud, señores.
- Salud. - Salud.
L'Chaim.
You feel high?
- What do you... - Yeah, I'm flying.
What do you feel like?
Like I'm in outer space.
- Really? - Well, we are.
- Ugh, I'm fucked up. - I don't know,
'cause I was feeling buzzing and then it just went out the window.
I'm fucked up now.
Ugh, I'm sweaty.
Oh, my God.
Oh, the room's dizzy. I'm so dizzy.
- Yeah. - Whoa.
- You okay? - Shit. Hold on.
- You okay? - I feel like I had, like, too much.
It's just the initial. You'll be okay. Just breathe it in.
- And then you'll be all right, Dan. - Yeah.
- Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm fucked up.
- You are? - Yeah. Do you feel fucked up?
- No. - Really?
- But enjoy yourself. - I'm jealous.
Oh, I'm envious.
Maybe a Cessna.
Maybe a twin engine.
I'm not sure.
I have the distinct feeling
that I took twice as much as I should have.
- Why do you think that? - 'Cause it just doesn't feel good.
Like, I want it to be over. That way.
Oh, I'm sorry.
- It's fine, it's not... - Are you having bad thoughts?
- Yeah. - Oh!
Shaman's taking a shadoobie.
- This is... - This is just him getting high.
He's like, "Yeah, now it's hitting me."
What a charade.
It's just like...
- Yes. - Thinking about...
And that's amazing. That's good, that's good.
What if I...
Are you okay?
It's intense. It's intense.
It's really intense.
You want to take it off?
Yeah.
Thank you.
Here, I'll lie next to you. I'm gonna lie down with you.
Yeah.
I was, like, in my childhood, the backyard of my childhood home,
and then, like, I went in, and then, like, went into my bedroom.
Hmm.
It was like I saw myself as a kid.
Oh, my God.
I feel like I could eat dinner now, at this point.
I need a drink.
Well...
- I felt nothing. And now... - And you felt nothing the whole time.
I felt buzzed. Like, I felt, like, giggly, buzzed.
But, like, it was a very familiar feeling.
Like, I wanted to get up and start, like, kind of, moving around.
But I was like, that's kind of fucked up if you guys were in so much pain.
So I'm like... Yeah, just fucking dancing in a rave by myself.
I kept having the feeling I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
I couldn't get off my mat. I was just so sick to my stomach.
It colored the entire experience with, like, a kind of a sickly feeling.
Yeah.
You know, there were rules like don't eat pork,
don't have sex, don't drink,
and, like, I woke up this morning wanting to, like, eat a plate of bacon,
and, like, masturbate and have a beer.
I wanted to negate everything as soon as possible.
If that's gonna make how I felt go away completely,
I couldn't do it soon enough.
But I think it's interesting that our experiences,
though different in tone, were similar...
- in a way. It was all... - Well...
Both of us having early, early childhood memories.
And also yearning for your families,
and like, "I wanna be with my family, I wanna be with my family."
Yeah, yeah.
It helped so much when you came over and you were next to me.
Then I was able to just chill out.
I don't think we were supposed to be interacting with each other.
Yeah, but he left us no choice because everybody was freaking out.
- And I felt like... I mean... - Yeah.
So now, I guess, it will be me and him tonight.
And you guys... I said I wanna do a different room, though, 'cause...
- Yeah, you're changing it up. - That room seems feculent to me
- after everybody shat and pissed in it. - Yeah.
It's better for me to be, like, alone,
so that I can concentrate, 'cause I'm so easily distracted.
But will you concentrate on his chanting?
I think we just need to lock you in a room.
I'm gonna take the same amount, with less distractions.
We're gonna have half the camera crew in there, lights down.
I didn't come to this godforsaken country to not get high on Ayahuasca.
- It's more than yesterday already. - He's saying, "Everything."
That's the whole dose you have to take.
Oh, oopsie.
Thank you, I think.
I wanted to have the experience that I was reading about.
And I did.
I thought, "Okay, where do I want this to take place?"
And I wanted it to take place in my childhood summerhouse
in Martha's Vineyard on the bay.
Then it was almost like a phantasmagoria of different happy times on the bay
with my sister, sailing or kayaking, and we would capsize.
And then I realized, "Oh, you're so harsh on your sister."
I'm a bully to her.
"She has to be stronger."
And why doesn't she want to travel and leave the country?
"Why did she want to stay in New Jersey? Why doesn't she want to move?"
And then I was like, "Stop it. She's not like you."
That's me. That's all my stuff.
I have to be nicer to my sister.
Like, I have to be more accepting of the fact that we're just different.
She could be gone any minute, so don't judge so much.
It's been a long time since I've had that kind of feeling,
where it's a new feeling.
It was right. It was exactly right.
Now that I'm 40, I have so many great, beautiful memories.
I've definitely grown up this year.
I'm more mature than I think I've ever been in my life.
I understand that there are people who have addiction issues,
and I'm sure there are many people in my life who think I have a problem.
But the only opinion I'm concerned about is really my own.
I'm really happy, and I love everything I get to do.
Why would I take any of that away from myself?
Synced & corrected by -robtor- www.addic7ed.com.
You've never been in your room, high, talking to yourself,
and then started laughing
because you were just, flat-out, fucking talking to yourself?
No, I've talked to myself and started laughing
because I was like, "God, I'm really funny."
It's just so weird to me that rats test things for humans.
Would you ever consider testing it on different animals?
- What about fish? I mean... - Some people do fish.
- Some people do flies, too. - Snakes? What about snakes?
- What about snakes? They're not... - Yeah.
That'd be such a good thing to do to snakes,
after everything they've done.
Would you take a drug that was tested on a fish?
Okay, that's evasive.
So, I would take a little vial of cocaine, and I'd just go...
It tasted awful.
People put it in their assholes.
People put cocaine in their assholes to get high.
- Did you know about that? - No, I didn't know that.
Well, you're lucky you quit before that came on the scene.
I was dating this drug dealer when I was, like, in high school.
He was going to sell or something, and we were in a car.
We got pulled over by the police.
I got so scared, and I said to the officer,
"Are we allowed to tell on somebody else if they have the heroin?"
You're all like, "Not it."
And I go, "It was him." And I told on my boyfriend. I did.
Right foot, red.
No, red.
Yeah, I think that's pretty good. I think you're doing okay.
It's not the best I've seen.
- What's the best you've seen? - It could be better.
'Cause you're gonna have Indica, Sativa.
You're gonna have all different variety, right?
Will you help me test it?
- I would love to help you test it. - Yeah.
I can have a whole focus group at my house at all times.
There you go, there you go.
Tonight was a bust.
Nothing happened.
Oh!